A Psychologist's Thoughts On Love and Marriage-Orion Taraban, Psy.D. (Part 1)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.พ. 2024
- Part 1 of a Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Orion Taraban, psychologist in the San Francisco Bay area. Orion's TH-cam channel is / @psychacks . Here’s a link to part 2:
• A Psychologist's Thoug...
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After reading many of these ridiculous comments under this video shows me that many of you fantasyland idealists didn’t hear this part -> 43:49 “The knowledge that we’re looking for is awareness for how reality actually works. Not how we want it to work…not how we think it should work…not how our society tells us it’s supposed to look, but how it actually works. Because if we can understand the principles and the laws by which reality operates, we can flow with those currents, and we won’t be vulnerable when we’re out on the open sea” - Orion This is as real as it gets…
Because we should devolve into our base desires (though Orion here hardly gets even that correct) and accept that we should manipulate each other into relationships- long term or otherwise? That's ridiculous. You've given the President Snow argument from the Hunger Games-- that's how ridiculous it is-- that's how much of a stereotypical douche this guy is. He's using the argument of a YA villain.
@soft white underbelly. What exactly drew you to this Orion guy? Interviewing him for over two hours, trying to defend him etc. How is he any different from the manosphere guys?
“ridiculous comments”
“fantasyland idealists”
@TheDisgruntledCubicleWorker
I don’t know you. I have no desire to contend with you. I can relate to the temptation of choosing cynicism, believing it will provide protection. I have compassion for you so I will tell you what you need to hear instead of what you might want to hear…
The glass half-empty mindset you are adopting will eventually yield more fear, confusion, doubt, isolation, mistrust, distress, anger, bitterness, and a dark blindness that causes even the most intelligent people to reject the very things that provide nourishment, growth, safety, and peace.
Whether you think that truly marvelous people exist in your future or you think your doom is almost inevitable, either way you’re right.
How you choose to look at that glass of water will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“Your world” will change when you decide to exercise the courage necessary to take full ownership and responsibility for “your world.”
In your world view. As people have pointed out to me, there are other realities where this point of view seems horribly paranoid and self defeating.
sounds like you’re mad that the SWU audience isn’t a bunch of incels that didn’t grow up with a father so hang on to your every word.
I have women friends who've fallen terribly ill with cancer - lost their breasts, endured the ravages of multiple rounds of chemo, etc - and their husbands stayed with them and loved them through their grave illness. If the only thing keeping a man around a particular woman is that she's sexy and puts out, what a miserable, shallow existence. It's not just about money, status, or sex. Real relationships are much more complicated.
It’s still transactional. That man is getting some value from that woman and those values can change with time. Same for women.
That said, no healthy man is starting a relationship with a woman if sex isn’t involved. No healthy woman is starting a relationship with a lazy and ineffective man.
I agree! I think most long term relationships and marriages eventually get to the point where it’s not about “you” or “me”, but rather about “us”. Our society is too self centered to understand that.
I think he was talking more about getting their foot in the door after which they can integrate themselves with his life and feelings (like deeper than sexual) will develop. I think another thing tho that he didn't mention is there are so many less places to naturally meet men. So of course sex is the main tool to attract them bc it's what you can easily show on a dating app.
@@caleb5688 True. I’m so glad I don’t have to date now. Seems exhausting. I’ve been married 16 years…
Thats not what he said lol.
I've been single for a couple years now and I have to say I am happier than I have ever been.
It wasn't until I became really happy with being single that I met the healthy and kind, loving man that became my partner.
We are not built to be alone . I hope you find someone to be with in the future. I enjoy spooning just imagine someone behind you showing affection ❤️💯.IT FEELS GOOOD
Amen
I have been for many years and can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again.
Do you have sex?
His ability to articulate the facts of life so well are astounding.
What I gather from this presentation is that Orion places great value on the fulfillment of lust for the men and greed for the women. I don't that as reality but rather a superficial and delusional social paradigm. While it sounds practical to compete in this CULTure, it has little to offer a life of peace, long term happiness, and purity. "The most practical thing to do in the world is to be spiritually-minded." The spiritual masters and teachers guide those who are moved and attracted to their love and wisdom, which is so often unconventional and requires courage and determination. There is a choice to be made and the experiences of the consequences of making.
Young people today are NOT "spiritually minded"; and as time goes on it becomes harder and harder to raise a child that is "spiritually minded".
@@victoriapowell6318 That is only your perception. Besides, young people tend to be more narcissistic and superficial in general, but as they get older, they mature and change their view of the world and their values. I also changed, others I know became better people too. Negative isn't good for the mind.
@@ciobalina7445 Fair enough, anyone can change. But people rack up issues in their youth that compromises their ability to be in a relationship down the line irrespective of you changing.
I met my husband over 20 yrs ago when he was a dish washer. We fell in love and the rest is history. There have been times when I was the breadwinner and other times when he is. (Now I stay home with our baby son and he works) I'm thankful I never gave a rat's ass about any of these games. We work hard together and lean on eachother for friendship and guidance. Thank God for good men!!
good for you, congrats. Todays dating scene, is nothing like it was 20 years ago or even 10 years ago
I believe it is u guys who would be best to give advice. What would be ur biggest tip on finding a good partner in life?
Same with us. We’ve been married almost a decade & got married after 9 months of knowing each other.
I’ve always made more $ and hubby has done more childcare 🤷🏻♀️.
Hubby is GORGEOUS ( now in a career and also a personal trainer & CrossFit coach on the side) - and for me: physical attraction has always the leading factor.
@@kinfe567: for me it was “find them at church”
@@kinfe567 The only thing that keeps a man is a man who wants to be kept. There's no theory.
Keep in mind that psychologists don't usually get people in their practice who are good at relationships.
Doctors don't get many healthy people in. Don't take a doctor's advice. /s
A better description title of the video should be "A psychologist's thoughts on toxic people in relationships."
@Carried 98True 😂😂
Statistically, most are not
@@BillyAltDel Excellent comment.
I'm a 28 years old woman. I couldn't finish watching the interview. I've been trying to finish it for some days but it's so unsettling. Up to a point where I felt like commenting and I never comment... shocking and disturbing.
Same, made me feel gross and triggered. Next interview
I managed to make it through. Genuinely repulsed by how formulaic and transactional this guy views things. Breaking things down into archetypes like this is profoundly toxic and really gross. You didn't miss much.
As a woman, what do I want? From a personal, individual perspective: kindness, fidelity, loyalty, sincerity, and also a touch of humour and adventure, plus stability, trustworthiness...and integrity. There you go! (One woman speaking :) (Found a man who by God's grace reunites these qualities, plus others.😊)
Very happy for you. If you don't mind me asking, what does your husband want?
@@PhantomFilmmaker-jd9ho The same things, I would say...thank you for asking! - and playfulness, I would add!😇
Didn´t you forget respect?
@@maritaz7577 That's so fundamental that it seemed obvious...but yes, definitely respect must be there! 🙏
Heard the same thing from other women... who either ended up cheating or getting rid of the guy because "he was boring".
As a father of four kids this interview made me sad. I feel sorry for the current generation and the future that lies ahead of them. At least as far as relationships are concerned. Our society is plummeting.
Beyond help. It can't continue to exist in any form recognizable within several years.
It's definitely like how he describes in general, but UNDOUBTEDLY not how it needs to be, as he claims. There's plenty of good ppl still, it's just harder to find.
No one needs to sell themselves as someone they're not to get a relationship. And if they do, it'll never be based in love.
Sad analysis this man has and it's sadder that Mark is agreeing and propagating. Sounds like he's got some issues he's trying to normalize himself.
@mikemcleod7816 There is a remedy for this, its called suffering. Either you experience it in time and it doesn't destroy you or you are put in circumstances beyond your control. Suffering will bring you closer to God and realize what is important and what is not. I feel the world is headed for a great deal of suffering if we stay on this present trajectory of global tyranny.
you live blissfully ignorant. Which is why you could feel sorry for those that woke up.
As a person in their 20’s, it’s really not as bleak and transactional as he makes it out to be. I think his insights come from observing people with dysfunctional relationship patterns, i.e. the ones who seek psychological help.
This is a great example of why getting GOOD help with mental health is so difficult.
😂
That part 😂
Dayum 😅😅😅
Haha. Idiotic viewpoints
lol
How could one single person say so many wrong things in such a short period of time. The close mindedness is actually terrifying.
"closed-minded"
@@prestonbane4176 closed-mindedness *
You don’t seem like the most intelligent person around.. everything he said is right on the money-platonic and romantic relationships- this is how women behave and their motivations for doing so
He's not close minded. Those are the patterns he observed from his clients. 😂
You might feel him as close minded from your perspective but men who face those issues agree with his perspective
I am definitely not his target audience. I listened to 5 minutes and felt physically ill. His information directly contradicts the principles that my healthy and happy marriage and family were built on. I am still wildly attracted to my husband after 11 years and deeply respect him. None of this life we have together is based on these ideas or principles.
same
What luck you have found. Never leave each other. I say the same thing to my happily married friends. You don't want to be out here with us.
It is f'in sickening.
I'm a younger male and I agree. This video's advice and outlook is based on a very narrow view of things. In fact, this man has created something of a narrative to "save" men and women from. Grift territory.
you are the exception
Last year I went through a phase of listening to this guy, and while he makes some logical points, the biggest effect his words had on me was making me feel suspicious towards my loving, supportive wife. His perspective encouraged me to resent working to provide our family with the stability we need in order to grow.
At the end of the day, it’s your own choice whether you reside in the worldview Dr Taraban spins. Remember that he has a target audience, and maybe you’re not it. If you have high goals and morals, don’t be swayed by anyone who leads you toward bitterness
Yeah I used to listen to him too, I learnt to take the good and leave the bad
truth comes at a cost, but not nearly as high as attempting to hide form it
What do you mean with „high goals and morals?“. I am genuinely curious. What is it that he says that leaves someone with less of a goof moral code in your oppinion?
Just because you understand that part of the reason your wife loves you is because you provide a good life for her and the kids, doesn’t mean that you have to resent her for it. She was born a woman, she was hardwired to see the world that way, it’s not her fault.
“ don’t be swayed by anyone who leads you toward bitterness “ wise words.
As a man I can say I'm not looking for a woman who puts out right away. I learned early on once sex is involved you can skip over a lot of warning signs. Sex is important after a deep connection is reached. Sex early on feels cheap to me.
She can look like a movie star and "turn my brain to goo" but if she isn't empathetic and kind her value tanks.
As a conservative woman, I am pleased to hear that because this video gave the impression that you almost have to out slut other women to be in with a chance to have a man.
Finally someone with common sense. Great comment.
THANK YOU!
Fellow guy here. Couldn't agree more. I also think sex is sacred. I'm not religious but do have a moral compass. It's the way we are able to exist. It shouldn't be taken lightly. We are not animals. A woman will ONLY earn her place in my bed if she can show me who she truly is first.
@@elainer8288 that’s not common sense. Hes explaining his values. Hook up culture is real.
I think more than anything, this guy loves to hear the sound of his own voice.
It's an interview about complex topics, did you expect one word answers? 🙄🙄🙄
To those discouraged by this, just know that this isn’t the reality for a lot people. I myself have been in multiple relationships far from what he is describing. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 6 years. We met in high school and he didn’t have anything to “offer” me at the time, we just enjoyed spending time together. Financially we contribute equally, he is sweet to me in front of his friends, we waited for each other for 3 years when we did long distance, etc. There’s hope out there!
Duh it was high school lol
@@anon7684 Yeah, she's clearly settling! LOL
I'm happy for you. This is not the reality for most people. Long distance is hard, especially for young adults.
There’s always an exception to the rule
Using ones own experiences as a counter argument in a discussion that addresses society as a whole is not a strong tactic. Especially regarding the dating world. I say this in full confidence because my marriage is clearly different from everyone else's in my life. If I were to tell everyone younger that every marriage will be like mind, the vast majority will come back to me years later with hate and anger in their eyes
I dated a man who followed all of this therapist’s teachings. He was financially successful, acted confident, and never “gave in” when I was upset. We had amazing sex, I cooked for him, and let him lead the relationship. I ultimately left him because I was so miserable and lonely. His demands on me were exhausting, I felt like I had to constantly “perform” for him and could never have an off day. When I tried to express this to him he didn’t care and wouldn’t change. One day I asked myself “why am I breaking myself to please a man who would never do the same for me?” If I married him sure, I’d have a nice house and nice things… but I’d basically be a live-in bang maid. And the moment I couldn’t fulfill that role… I’d be out. There was no love in that relationship. Ladies, don’t fall victim to this sad worldview. It will only hurt you in the end.
There's a lot of women out there who view men similarly. The moment he loses his source of income and cant provide everything you listed, he's out. He feels the same way you do in that he has to perform a role. What SHOULD be the arrangement of a relationship between a man and a woman?
@@Chrono826 I agree that many women see relationships as a meal ticket, and that's just as sad! The best relationships I've seen seem to be based on mutual admiration and support. Both members admire things about their partners (their intellect, kindness, adventurous spirit) both enjoy spending quality time with one another, and both feel fulfilled when they can support their partner in times of need (example: my mom was the breadwinner of the family while my dad finished school. My dad cared for my mom after her heart attack). I think the best way to find love for both men AND women is to seek out someone who you really admire, and who makes you feel good about yourself when you're around them :)
@@mothmustardseed1858 The problem with that is women by nature are hypergamous. When a man admires a woman it's seen as putting her on a pedestal, she loses respect and admiration for him, and begins to feel like she can do better. It's never been a easier time to dispose of a relationship for a new one. How do you suppose a man admires a woman without putting her on a pedestal? You haven't experienced that as a man.
@@Chrono826 I'm sorry you've experienced women treating you badly when you treated them well. But you can appreciate and praise traits in your partner without "putting them on a pedestal" and thereby devaluing yourself. That's what it means to show someone you love them. Sure, women don't want a partner who caters to their every whim and has no boundaries, but we like feeling appreciated and wanted. When a man I care about shows affection toward me, it makes my heart light up and makes me want to be around him more
@@mothmustardseed1858 Thanks. I appreciate it. I know I'm not alone when I say that men are frustrated with it all. Not saying you do it, but a lot of these women play games with their own and men's emotions in an attempt to get what they think they want right now and it's forcing us men to react and treat them more harshly in response in the long term. I struggle with how exactly women SHOULD be treated when all my life I was told men and women are equal and they deserve respect up until the bill comes or there's some benefit they can get out of something.
As a psychologist myself, I'll just say that if any of you want to be in a fulfilling relationship, listen to everything this guy is saying... but don't forget that the purpose of your relationship is to rise above all that. He's talking about the game, not the winnings.
Sorry not going to be nasty slut to attract a man. If a man needs that to gain interest, then I guess I’m not attracted to men anymore.
💯%!!!
I’m no psychologist but the demoralised society we live in takes away from the end game these days due to women holding the keys to sex and handing it out so easily because they want sex and trying to have their cake and eat it too and by proxy lowering their value. In disrespecting themselves they disrespect their man and the value they hold they hold. No man wants a women who’s been ridden like a train and their behaviours determine how they respect a man and the relationship, status and lifestyle he offers for procreation with a woman.
There is no winning in that game. Too much adversity with no rewards but more pain. Not motivating.
There are no winnings, just institutionalization for those who seek it 😂
The winnings are exponentially great for women bc even if a marriage ends they get a cut of the trappings they didn’t have before getting married. The winnings for men are exponentially poor bc they’re stuck with a woman who will lose her physical desirability with each passing year and major hormonal event (having kids, menopause) and who now has a legal claim to the trappings he’s worked hard to build. In the past this was offset by a wife who was loyal and kept peace in the home. Now this is nonexistent. Thankfully men are catching onto this in large numbers and the decline in marriage rates reflect this. This has a negative net impact on women bc now they face things like - single motherhood, developing a career to be financially self sufficient and build wealth for retirement. The marriage rates declining puts women at a huge disadvantage in life…
I’m a recently single after 30 years of marriage. This video made me very afraid of what’s expected for me to have a relationship in this era. I’m extremely grateful I scrolled through the comments, to see I’m not crazy.
Can people go watch Dr. Ramani on recovery of Narcissistic abuse please 😅
I follow her 😊. He sounds like a narc.
@@kendra9688 that's exactly what I thought, in the first 10 minutes.
Team Ramani 😊
I've been married for 26 years, never cheated and am totally happy. I did this by consciously NOT following this kind of advice. I pursued my wife for a year before the relationship got sexual. Before, I lived by this advice and all I got were a chain of damaged women. Find a woman with a strong sense of self worth and boundaries and develop them yourself. The approach he's talking about brought me 20 years of misery. It's cynical, transactional and, unhealthy.
Times have changed in the last 26 years.
@@gustavosoto4607 Um..I dunno. This stuff is not new. Lots of women used the good doctor's strategy quite aggressively in the 70's, 80's and 90's. I experienced many of them personally. Easy early sex that overtime became pleas for commitment and family. Most women found the men they laid down for almost never went to the next step. And many of those men that did, felt trapped, leading to unhappy marriages and divorces. After a number of lather - rinse - repeat cycles, many of these women became very disillusioned and hard -or- impossible basket cases.
And before you say that it was harder to have sex in those times; it wasn't. It's harder now. Now, you have to complete an evaluation process on social media or an app. Back then, it was a conversation, face to face, in a grocery line or in the park or over a drink. Maybe there wasn't a 'sexual marketplace' but there was plenty of sex in stock.
The real point is, if you want honesty and trust, you have to give it. There are still people out there who don't see human interactions as a market. The human race is fucked if everything is reduced to a trading mentality.
Your story is yours. It won't work for everyone else. The rest of us would have to look into your world and see if it's anything the rest of us would even want. Probably the high majority of men would not want your life. To the rest of us looking into your life could possible look like misery. But that's ok. If it makes you happy then continue. Your happiness isn't everyone else's happiness.
It's worked great for me! I subscribed to his channel around six months ago and applied his three techniques on "getting any man you want." The results have been amazing-my boyfriend is deeply in love with me, and I believe a proposal might be on the horizon. Thanks to Dr. O!
This. Amen.
What I’ve learned from this video and the comments is that women definitely don’t like being generalized.
No one likes that.
😂😂😂
Honestly no one does!
True that! And the fact that you have the ability to observe that and take note (i.e., empathy) means you are light years ahead of 99% of the men in the comments. 🩷
It’s funny you say this because the woman that Mark had on last week had a bunch of angry men in the comments, and I couldn’t figure it out. She was completely on the men’s side the whole time EXCEPT for her thoughts on porn. She was singing their praises and they still couldn’t get past the porn part.
Thank god for all the reasonable comments below. Listening to this guy was making me think I was off my rocker because nothing he said made the slightest bit of sense even though he spoke with confidence. I think he is speaking to and about extremely shallow folk (who, admittedly, might be the majority). I read the pinned comment, and I still think what this guy says is the furthest thing from reality for a great number of people.
Im realising that people have little to no concept of what love actually is. And this guy seems to be one of them.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Well I guess it's hard for females to acknowledge the harsh truth. It's quite convenient and self comforting to hide behind self lying talking points
He is not talking about love.... he is talking about relationship and contractual marriage. Although those things can exist together, they don't need each other to exist. Many can love without a transactional relationship, and the transactional relationship can have zero love. Orion has another video where he defines love in the same way that you do, except using Shel Silversteins Giving Tree instead of first Corinthians 13. So I agree with you that people call a great many things Love that are not actually love. I love you can mean... please dont leave me.... forgive me.... dont get mad at me.....say you love me too....make me happpy.... give me what i want..... all of them are not real love.
Perhaps one of the best is the take by CS Lewis. "The value of True love can never be wasted for it was never based on reciprocity."
I think you can understand where he's coming from if you watch his video "love has nothing to do with relationships"
Nice poem, now let’s talk about the divorce rate.
If I actually believed relationships were like the way he describes them, I would rather live and die alone.
It's true for the most part. There are major consessions to be made in any successful relationship.
It's modern life bro. Marry abroad, or stay single. American relationships are phuuuucked
@@michaelweyenberg6238 It in fact is mostly not true. This talk is not about concessions. It’s a hellscape of zero sum game theory and transactional emotional sexwork. He’s simply smart enough to play and profit from playing the role of the red pill intelligentsia high priest who gins up and riles up the base of bitter, fearful and jaded men to maximize billable hours with this populist dystopic blackpill nonsense.
@@michaelweyenberg6238 It in fact is mostly not true. This talk is not about concessions. It’s a hellscape of zero sum game theory and transactional emotional sexwork.
@@michaelweyenberg6238 He’s simply smart enough to play and profit from playing the role of the red pill intelligentsia high priest who gins up and riles up the base of bitter, fearful and jaded men to maximize billable hours with this populist dystopic blackpill nonsense.
I think the divorce attorney was giving better relationship and psychological advice than this guy.
I agree!
You mean James Sexton?
Yes!!! I am 9 minutes in and it looks like pure sexual manipulation.
u not wrong
Amen
Take this guys advice with a "grain of salt". He's a psychologist used to dealing with the more socially challenged members of our society.
He's a psychologist, which is not the same as being a therapist.
For all we know, he doesn't deal with any people in real life.
Technically, he's speaking theory.
He is basically describing and recommending that all women should behave like a typical female narcissist. That’s why it works so well for them…
The title of the video is " a psychologist thoughts about love " i didn't hear him talk about love throughout the video not even once , all he was saying is women should be sexy and available, men should be rich and successful
Nobody is loving nobody here , they are here for either sex or money
great comment
sounds like you only listened to 10 mins got angry and went back to tik tok.
@@Laughing_Individual i finished the entire video , and i'm still not convinced by what he is saying + i don't have tik tok
A woman shouldn't be a slut to get a man she wants that's actually kinda humiliating
Because in the end that's what most relationships come down to. It's been studied over and over and over again and always reaches the same conclusion. Love is just a male fantasy
What hasn't been studied is how men will feel about women after equality becomes a reality. It take a thousand years for a new language and the original language to become unintelligible to each other. It will be a long time before men view woman as equals.@@sleeper9638
Women want to feel safe .. but I’m old and I think it boils down to feeling safe with a person who has your best interest at heart ..
social media wretched our perceptions
I'm old too, and so happy to have grown up in the times that I did. No social media 😊
No they don't, 80% of divorces are initiated by women, the most common reasons being "I'm bored".
I’m so sick of seeing these stupid in depth ridiculous videos explaining how to essentially manipulate women… LIKE HELLO BROS THATS NOT WHAT WE WANT-
All these damn Andrew Tates completely confusing the shit out of young and old men…
Womens needs are way more basic than what any of these fools say.
Just be a good person, have emotional depth, and just like you said BE SAFE TO BE AROUND.
but no they’d rather manipulate us and use all these ridiculous tactics that simply won’t work long term… it might work for a few nights but it will always end painfully.
I’m so sick of this toxic advice just being EVERYWHERE you look especially if you’re a young man. 🤦♀️
TRUST.
@@Dshlit well think about it, with more context that could be a valid reason
This should be titled "Relationships 101 for the narcissistic manchild"
Or the gold digging Barbie doll?
😂Yes
BINGO
How is it for the narcissistic manchild? Then you are calling EVERYONE narcissistic man child’s huh?
Cuz he simply explaining the conclusions he has came to after speaking to thousands of clients about their relationships and their love lives. There is a sprinkle of his on opinion here and there but the majority of this interview is him sharing the facts of what the men and women in this world are like and how they interact.
Most of you are not seeing the big picture. This interview is not only about him. It is about humanity in our current state of being. There was no lie in this interview. For if he was lying, then all his clients must have just been fake and he was never a psychiatrist?
Come on yall.. this is not a time to be in our feelings. We have to be realistic and accepting of the truth of our world. Only then can we try to make changes because now we have a basis to work from. But if we cannot accept the truth, how are we going to even begin to work on fixing our flaws? I don’t think many of y’all understand this.
Look, you really can have the relationship you want. If what this guy is describing is the kind of relationship you want, you can have that, for sure. But if manipulating a partner into a mutually exploitive relationship sounds like a nightmare scenario, please know that if you're honest about what you want, you can find the person who wants the same things as you. And then you work together to build a life. There are no quick tricks, though.
As a trauma therapist of 30+ years I've found that many people have a very skewed understanding of what love really means. Men don't "fall in love" with strippers and prostitutes like a drug...they may become consumed by lust, endorphins, and adrenaline highs, but love? No. Neither do all men fall into this stereotype. I've worked with countless men and women who qualify various trauma responses, compulsions or addictions as "love," because they don't have a frame of reference for what they're really experiencing. Regardless of one's spiritual faith (or lack thereof), 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible perfectly encapsulates the definition of authentic love, both for oneself and others.
why'd you have to tack a bible reference 🤮 onto an otherwise good comment...
@@craigslist6988 lol I knew someone would say that! Truth is truth...and in all my years of searching it's the only single passage I've found that describes the concept of love perfectly. Trust me, I've searched elsewhere. 😉
Well said. A woman may be able to have sex with whomever she wants, but she can not have a healthy relationship with whomever she wants.
Is he too old to know about Tinder? How many Tinder hook ups lead to loving, faithful, long term relationships?
@craigslist6988 because the biblical explanation of love is accurate, whether a person is a Christian or not. There are universal truths found in religious theology and philosophy and you don't have to be a believer of that faith to recognize that. And people are allowed to be themselves in their comments. Don't be a douche trying to control others. Take what resonates with you, and leave what doesn't. That's what all people do throughout life. Nobody asked for your judgement (hence your abusive emoji).
He is basing this off the people he sees. There is a whole other base of people who simply fall in love, get married, and stay married.
There is also a massive base of men who dont have access to women, unless they pay sex workers. Many average or below average men are invisible to women
And then they suffer silently lol.
@@macdeeb
Some probably, not the happy ones though. Those are the ones I'm referring to.
The few people that I know that stayed married for 50 + years, it was always some years of pain were they felt like they weren’t going to make it.
It’s never simple.
@@SystemChannel
Of course it's not simple. Of course it's not roses and hearts daily. Neither is single life.
Married 48 years this March 17th. I know from experience.
Not what I was expecting from a psychologist, to put it mildly! Once I started following this guy’s train of thought, I realized he reminded me of those private equity guys who crunched the numbers and bought up properties and turned them into short term rentals. It ruined neighborhoods and housing became unaffordable - but hey, the investors made bank. And now everyone points fingers at the Boomers who managed to buy their homes, somehow missing the true culprit. It’s a fascinating look into this guy’s psyche, but yikes! I kept expecting him to start pushing crypto or NFTs!
The analogy he made about militirism and subordination was really concerning....
Blew me away with analysis but spot on
He described the kind of men that I find disgusting.
I'm not even sure what kind of man he is describing. He's complaining that porn is ruining men's standards, but then advising women to get a man by acting like an exclusive pornstar. So...is porn bad or not? He needs to make up his mind. This what makes the incel ideology so toxic to both genders - it is awful to women because it sees them as sex objects, but it is even more awful to men because it tells them that they are gross animals who society needs to revolve around because they are incapable of being anything other than gross animals
@@DSS712 he describes the mentality of a weak man, of a man who is not honorable, who has no dignity, who falls in love with borderlines and prostitutes because they have low boundaries when it comes to giving seggs and then lies to himself that they did it cuz they couldn’t resist him to protect his own ego. I don’t care how much money a man has, this is the nature of a low quality man.
He's talking about the game of seduction. Some people remain at this phase without ever really experiencing shared vulnerability. Someone might get past this stage and allow the vulnerability of attachment while their partner won't. For the relationship to bond past this, both partners have to be willing to care, be vulnerable and invest in mutual love. If people remain in seduction, it becomes manipulation in the long term. If you care about and love someone, you stop playing and don't want to manipulate. What you want is to know the person, care for their vulnerable side while encouraging their strengths. It takes courage and respect to balance this together. Those who don't feel it can get there are never letting themselves feel vulnerable so all they know is manipulation. This is the reality. If you add the multiple dysfunctional homes many grew up in, it makes it difficult to find someone who can get past the manipulation stage. This first stage of flirting is manipulation to show what we think will be most appreciated. This is normal at the beginning. What isn't normal is to remain there to try to get what you want and thinking of who's going to be next when this no longer works or isn't exciting enough compared to what's next. This is about never intending to invest below the surface. Any couple I've seen worth calling a couple were both invested in much more than the superficial. I've had 2 such experiences and have had a chance to compare to other ones that were not. This speaker has seen those who are counting on the transactional part only of the exchange to maintain a relationship. Without genuine self investment or shared vulnerability, the fragile original attraction will end and the relationship doesn't continue. Think about anything you may have done and invested of yourself into that brought strong feelings of joy, accomplishment or sadness and pain in your life. I can assure you that strength the feeling of joy or sadness experienced were directly related to how much you invested yourself in it. It's the same for love. The depth at which you offer of yourself and receive from the other person is the real investment. Unfortunately, some will try to make you believe they are invested but truly won't really offer much. Those are the narcissists and sociopaths of our society. They are master manipulators. It's a sport where they absolutely want to win by bringing the other person to give all they can while making them believe it's a fair exchange. If you're the slightest bit naive about these people, you get caught in their game. They are void of emotion and vulnerability because of the dysfunctional environment they come from. One way investment doesn't work.... ever.
thank you for your words
thank you
Damn. The truth shall set you free!
this should have more likes
I appreciate your thoughtful comment. Thanks for taking the time to write it. Sure, the formula he lays out might be OK for some, and if it is, sweet! As long as consent is involved, I say live and let live. With regard to this video, I did find myself chuckling/laughing at the over-the-top simplistic, black & white, stereotypical ideas for the best way to snag and keep a partner/spouse. Most of us humans are way too complicated, way too nuanced for this formula to work towards an *actual* fulfilling, enriched partnership. Anyhoo, that’s just my two cents, and you know what they say about opinions…😉
This is honestly the most TERRIBLE advice I have ever heard
why?
Yeah why, it seems factual from what I’ve seen.
"I used to be an actor" and still are.
Anybody ever heard of love or mutual respect or emotional connection and empathy?
As a psychologist that deals with a lot of people's issues, he points out a lot of the unhealthy needs in both men and women, which are all true but there are healthy or general needs as well (he drops them here and there). What I can get out of this is the importance to be aware of these things so that you can manage it within in yourself. But also when life happens people's hurt side comes out and it also helps to understand and be patient and navigate through the unhealthy tendencies that can come out in your partner.
Real needs aren't actually healthy or unhealthy, they just are. Desires can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the situation, but can usually be broken down into legitimate needs and interpretive associations.
He didn't address men being partners to women at all, just being providers. Low value women only want a provider. A woman that can provide for herself and others and that is attractive as well isn't just looking for a provider.
@@Sara-world
1. You'll notice this video is just a part 1, and the guy has a channel with hours of content.
2. Becoming a man has to start somewhere, just like women's choosiness has to start somewhere, and the capacity to provide is on top of the list for a reason.
3. Partnering comes after attraction, it makes sense not to put the cart before the horse.
4. Women's wants don't just exist in a vacuum. A man isn't looking for a provider, even if he's poor and the bottom of the barrel, so pricing yourself out of that exchange doesn't get you much.
My points could be presented in a more sensible order, but only because they follow the order of concerns in your comment.
@Sara-world what you deem attractive probably doesn’t even interest the average guy. Stuff like having a career and being a functioning adult.
@@xandercorp6175 Good point about needs neither being healthy or unhealthy. I would even take it a step further and say that the healthiness of a need or a desire is determined by the action or response we have towards them.
I was broke and homeless when I started dating my would be wife in 2015. She graduated from college that same year and the only income we had was the allowance her dad gave her.
I later join the military and got injured in 2020. I had 6 medical procedures done and I ended hating myself. She loved me through it all.
Long story short; we are still married with 2 kids and we are not broke.
God has been faithful.
That's a great story I wonder if the roles were reversed you would do the same for her as she did for you.
From your name it seems you're a Muslim so it makes sense that your wife must have feminine and stuck by you. A western woman would have divorced you right away and taken half ur sh1t
Yeah he would, but you would never for anyone. My asumption ;) @@violenceandperfume
Does government compensate you for your injuries and so on?
Or are you employed now? I ask those questions because you said you aren't broke anymore.
A woman supporting a man is not the norm. Nor should it be.
When you rob a man of taking on a masculine role in the relationship then it breaks down and unfortunately respect is typically lost.
I would say ya'lls situation is not successful for 90% of couples
Who wants to wait decades for men who absolutely aren’t waiting for them? That level of loyalty will never be reciprocated by a man, but that analogy was definitely written by one. You have to deserve it to get it.
This guy's beliefs exemplify why therapists, need therapists.
As a women this message makes me feel terrible! I asked my husband if this was true and he said it is an extreme and primal view. He said he fell in love with me because of my heart and my morals. He said he wanted a quality woman.
Every man falls in love for all the other reasons. This man is speaking about seeking out a mate and courting at a primal level. A man won't fall in love because of sex but attraction is important and understanding how to use it to get the most ideal mate is precisely what this guy is speaking about.
You shouldn’t expect an objective and honest answer from your husband on such a question/topic, naturally he’s going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear ( if that happens to be the truth then good for you)
...men/husbands definitely never lie to women.
@@dekev7503you’re right!
your husband is good at lying
“ If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you “.
George Bernard Shaw
Where was the truth?
And if they don’t kill you, they’ll just ask snarky questions, like “where was the truth?”.
@@LateNightCable There might have been some men's truth in there but, as you can tell by the comments, a lot of the women disagreed. I didn't see it as a snarky question.
ha ha ha ha soooooooooooooooooo true..especially today
Hmm.. thought that was Oscar Wilde. Who knows?
I'm halfway through this interview, and realizing that I understand even less about people than I think I do (which is saying something as I have never even landed a first date at 31). Much of what he is describing is the polar opposite of how I want to be: it's stunning actually.
I’m going to send this to my therapist…. I’m confident my ex went to this therapist to validate his abuse.
I’m not here to gauge whether I think he’s right or wrong, but I can tell you he loves the sound of his own voice.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He’s here to talk though. 😂
How is it any different from any of SWU other videos? It's always: Mark asks a question or two, and the interviewee talks for 95% of the time...
@@tizodd6 I think it’s his tone and how it comes across lol
@@tiffanyapril5458 I had no issue with his tone. Maybe he was just stating truths you don't like to hear?
I've been single for like 5 years and after hearing this I'm not sure I'll ever want to put this amount of stress on myself.
If you don't want all of these problems of selfish, dramatic and unconscious women, you should not use dating apps.
If you're a woman who is tired of getting used and lied to, of putting forth effort to receive nothing in return...
stop it. "Settle" for someone on your level, actually below your level because women dramatically overestimate their attractiveness.
You are certainly free to "never settle". But you will never settle. Your life will be incomplete, frustrated and full of prostitution and no love.
@@SubvertTheState Woman are not victims
Single life is sooo much more peaceful.
I been single for 5 years tooo and I can’t find anything good out there
@@lizkim1546 enjoy your ride while it lasts.
Don't take dating advice from someone who's single and doesn't desire a partner to live with. Instead, consider someone like Matthew Hussey. He specializes in bringing men and women together and he's in a committed relationship himself, showing he knows what he's talking about.
I dated this guy for a bit (quite a surprise to see him on a channel I follow). For context, his target client base are young lost men (so that’s the population where his observations are coming from, not universal truths as he’d like to believe). He teaches them to play games, for example, telling them to ignore women they like, because that will get them more attention (that was apparently his own experience in getting women to show initial interest).
He has a particular view of the world, not sure how much it extrapolates to emotionally healthy people. Don’t lose faith in the entire world due to this man’s philosophies (it’s very Jordan Peterson, who he admires). It was already unfortunate that he was teaching his vulnerable young clients this, but now it’s worse to see that he has a broader reach due to multiple videos of him on this channel. And yes he has been quite single for many years, despite him trying hard to find something long-term
Jordan Peterson is not that dysfunctional. I think JP is very genuine.
Jordan Peterson is in favor of marriage and family oriented.
Tabaran sounds very bitter man, devalues women, not a genuine person. His worldview is totally miserable.
From the first minutes of this video I could already tell that this guy is single. I could read right through him, so thanks for confirming it. I assume he has some trauma which is very deeply rooted and he never addressed it or dissociated from it. That would explain his toxic perspective on human interactions. I would expect him to work on himself, especially since he is a psychologist, and then give advice to other people.
Thank you comment section you saved my precious time.
It’s just women complaining about him pointing out female nature?
Echo chamber of other women just like you- not sure how relieving that can be.. but knowing women they like being lied to as long as it protects their feelings
If all men think the same as this one, it's the end of the world! Putting the whole emphasis on sex and body usage, and materialism it's just an empty sad way to view relationships and make women to not even consider getting in one ever again. So so sad!😔
wow it's like you didnt pay attention to anything that was said and boiled it down to the most brain dead take you could think of
Makes me want to be a lesbian 😮😊
I've watched his channel and have literally never gotten that from any of his content.
@@thedailyjules_I disagree
Thank you for saying this
I’m legitimately happy in my 8 years of marriage because I’ve owned up to all my crap and got a support group behind me. Now I can love my wife and finally have a good life. This guy boils it down to sex. That mindset is why men give up so easily. This teaching is the problem.
I have been single since 2018. And I am the happiest I’ve been for quite some time now. Other people cannot ‘ make you happy’. You have to do the work yourself to make yourself a better human being.
Completely agree. All the best to you.
Completely agree!
Yes! I've been single since 2019 and it's the same! I tend to feel lonlier when I'm in a romantic relationship. When I'm not, I can build up my friendships more and spend more time on the hobbies that feed my soul.
Single for 15 years been raised with two older sisters and mum bought us up.
I'm happier then ever after years of wanting a relationship now I'm good being free and able to do as I please
Why risk that fishing or hunting. Things happen naturally normally feels more real
We are wired for connection
I've listened to about 25 minutes of this and all I can say is it's rather sad. Despite what he his saying, there are indeed humans in this world who attempt to love unselfishly and who understand that genuine love is not rooted in lust or games. There are indeed relationships that include sex but also are built on friendship, honesty, and genuine caring etc. While I don't doubt that a lot of people fall into the category of what he is describing, I also know there are many who do not and thank goodness for that.
You've hit the problem with his message right on the head. These strategies and theories may work for "love" that's based strictly on ego satisfaction (which I do not doubt is the majority) but they fall flat when talking about a real mature, vulnerable, consistent, stable relationship. Someone who would otherwise love you just as you are will quickly run away when they notice you modifying your behavior for the sake of maintaining power over them. I've watched a decent amount of his content and I find it abhorrent that his general message to men is that romantic love is not real and that all dating is based on transactional games.
OMG you nailed it. This is so fucking shallow I can't believe it. Disgusting, soulless nonsense.
Every adult relationship of any kind is transactional to a large degree...you’re living in the world of Disney and Hollywood romcoms...time to grow up and face reality. Unconditional love is for animals and children.
You have to consider what love has been defined as in our culture and what people actually do are VERY different things. When I love without lust or games, I find that my partner is only present for their benefit i.e. for lust and games
@@vettie"real. Mature love is extremely hard to find. You said it yourself. This is why am purple pill there needs to be a balance in society between the red and blue pills (left and right) liberals and conservatives. This is what really benefit societies in the end. However today we just see extremes. Liberal Progressives and woke are taking things too far too fast.
Toxic Feminism is also destroying society. Modern women only want transactional relationship.
They don't want equality. Only benefits not responsibilities.
Positions of power. Not blue collar work or trades.
90% of women want the top 10% of men. The remaining are almost invisible.
Hypergamy and divorce just because of boredom are at an all time high.
So yeah there's no maturity. Just all transactions.
This is why men are going MGTOW or becoming passport Bros in record numbers
"Successful men are men that other people want things from."
This resonates with me as someone who is moderately successful in life. I rented out my house and moved abroad. It's truly eye opening how little the satellite "friends" are quick to leave you out of conversations, travel plans or even text you to say hello when you have nothing to provide for them anymore.
When I listen to this guy I can just tell he has never had a real relationship or he is single now
Its fascinating how most people who are involved in dating/relationships today will readily admit that dating and relationships are absolutely terrible (at least in America), and they have far more failed relationships than successful ones, but somehow they are still completely convinced that they know what it takes to have a successful relationship (often saying some stupid pop-psych BS like 'communication is key!').
The cognitive dissonance is absolutely astounding.
It’s one thing to proclaim that one is an expert, when one is not, but…do we not learn from mistakes?
It CAN be the same in business. You have a bunch of them fail to take off. You learn from them.
After a bunch of failed relationships, especially if there are patterns you can sort out, you can say “I did this and it led to this. I do not suggest that. I did this instead, and this happened multiple times.”
I can tell you, I have been rejected by way more women than I’ve been in relationships. Some of those times, there may have been lessons I didn’t figure out, or even no lesson, but sometimes I did. I would not have been in relationships if it were not partially from the “mistakes” I made.
I’m no expert, but anyone who has repeated this process on a larger scale than me is sure to have some great advice
A “specialist” in human behavior using the Ken & Barbie analogy… groan.
I thought that analogy was spot on. @@rdw2457
"A man might simp.. powerfully"
I don't know why that statement was so funny to me, but I chuckled out loud.
Did we check this “doctor’s” credentials? 😄
The title of the video says he has a PsyD degree, which means he's an actual psychologist. I saw in another interview (I think it was on "Whatever") that he earned this degree in 2016.
Right??? Was he a pimp before a psychologist???? Cause damnnn....🥴🥴🥴
Steps
1) instantly put out in a demoralizing and humiliating way and be prepared to do this for a very long time before he even "catches feelings"
2) keep up #1 and add now becoming a servant
3) never complain or have needs of your own (aka don't be a "problem")
So easy and fun--Ain't love grand 🤩
🤣🤣🤣🤣 💯
The type of women who do this are mentally ill (borderlines) or are in the seggs work industry. And guess what happens when she feels slighted by a man 😂 she’s gonna take her revenge
go to sleep.
If you look at relationships transactionally… all you’re gonna get is a transaction
There are no continuing human relationships that do not have a benefit for both parties long term.
We once had a concept where one party benefited. That was called slavery.
Everything is a transaction, welcome to adulthood peter pan.
Well said
@@Matthew-nm1siI don’t agree I believe they are exchanges not always a transaction
And if you look at a relationship as an investment you will end up used and alone
social media like tiktok and instagram ruined the dating world
The dating pool has piss in it😂
@@bluedogjackiepoo and floating turds and empty burger king cups...nasty af
Lack of religion/old values did it. It never use to be cool to knock up a high schooler or to have a side hustle. Most people would have called that a low life man. Now culture says that's cool. People are afraid to work on one relationship so they have fun escape all over. Nothing serious but fun.
@@tjjones-xj7kq You're right about the shallows but religion is not going to solve that, on the contrary it has produced a ton of harm over the centuries. What society needs is a good dose of eugenics, not more organized religion. This way you get rid of the shallows.
@@roses6564 I was following you there for a bit and then you took a hard turn!
His definition of "asshole" is very interesting. I would define it as someone who hurts and cheats on other people.
Mad Respect to Dr. Taraben--he's truly one of a kind.
He dilutes very hard truths into a soft, non-abrasive format that cannot be logically argued against.
People still try, though.
I agree.. but if you listened to all the women in this comment section…😂😂😂 idk why they get so dang triggered with anything and everything- especially if it pains women in an unflattering light
*distills
@@n3rd66
If you don't think reality has to be "watered down" for some, we perceive things differently, lol.
The sanity I gain in staying celibate more than makes up for the absence of intimacy and human touch in my life.
* involuntary celibate
@@jcvelez915*self report
No it doesn't. Stop lying to yourself.
@@ivangotyokes I'm here to defend get off they back ur da liarrrr u dnt believe in peace? U get peace when ur alone n thts when u grow ...like ur personality n traits not ur c0ck growing bc sometimes sex is put on a back burner for more important life matters
....here here! After decades of too much promiscuity, going 10 yrs w no bf whatsoever ...time is an illusion😂
He sounds like he is describing narc personalities types of people in dating world. Good luck peeps !!!
Most women behavior are narcisist brother
Totally
Yes, probably because he's one himself!
with the rise of tiktok and other social media. american thinking through these social media apps is spreading even in 3rd world countries. this is probably why a lot of women living in cities are getting into hookup culture.
You sound like a TH-cam commenter and not a professional anything! Good luck
What's great about this is it reveals a lot about his perspective on life and humans, and those who want to follow his nuggets of wisdom must have a desire to live a type of life that he speaks about. Mark also reveals himself in elevating this type of speaker, and backing him as speaking facts. That's ok too - it is his platform - and he resonated with this speaker and created a part 2. That's just one aspect of Mark. I watched this as a portrait of Orion. I am glad to know humans like him exist, and I am glad to know from the comments here that there are other humans that exist that resonate with Orion. I do not want to deny his reality. For me there is a blessing here, I also get to nourish my mind with other humans that resonate with me, Orion does not. I know people he speaks of exist, I also know that people exist who are entirely dissimilar to him, and dissimilar to those who view what he speaks about as 'helpful'. I align with people who don't follow his world view nor aspire to do so. His portrait content is helpful to the extent that he confirms people seek him out for his advice and so aspire to achieve what he peddles. Personally for me most of his content has red flags all over it, and I doubt his part two content will persuade me to paint them green. So let me conclude by saying thank you Orion for being a great teacher, and consolidating for me what a red flag sounds like and in behaviour looks like. I have no need to diminish you or elevate myself. As a post script - the portrait of Caroline, through all of her life experiences - shows me how kindness can remain in a human, that has every reason to have not a drop of it left to give - and yet there is Caroline demonstrating her kindness for me to learn from and resonate with- thank you Caroline for being a great teacher.
I like this perspective!
I appreciate your post. I would say that both you and Orion get to resonate with like minded individuals. Absolutely he is talking to those that don't have what they want and are in the market place searching. Not the ones that are settled. This is only for those that want more then they have and are hoping to transact for it in the marketplace. The message, messenger, and buyer are all in cahoots. They may achieve the best possible transactional relationship possible. Relationship and Love have no relation to each other. True love is never wasted for its value is not based on reciprocity. If your in a relationship for love then your doing it wrong. Love is not about what you get.... its about what you give with no expectation for a return. Love only requires one participant. Relationship requires two transacting value. Two totally different things.
I dont understand how women deny their own nature?
Do you truly just not see it? Or do you avoid it and lie to protect your feelings?
Seriously, I don’t get it??
Women ask why they aren’t respected- to put it bluntly: many women lack logic and reasoning, self awareness, or any sort of accountability. Behavior reminds me of big toddler
I say that meaning no offense- just seems so obvious to me as a man.. I don’t understand how women either don’t see it or deny it? Maybe it’s a blind spot?
He only provides his perspective a few times, and he's clear when he does. Otherwise he is basing his claims on the science in his field and his professional experience.
@@Beaver.17 and science in fields is ever changing, and in this field rarely absolute. That's what makes life widely fascinating. We do of course have our own experiences through which we can navigate the world.
I came here purely for the comment section. I have listened to this dude before. I find him generally to be toxic.
I feel relieved to find similar comments here that i would not find on the echo chamber of his channel.
His advice is based on his misogyny, and on red pill thinking- not on any valid psychology data.
Healthy relationships have boundries and self respect with intimacy being a part of and not the center piece of the relationship.
Guess you never had that one woman blow your brains out.
20 min in and a common saying comes to mind;
"Anybody who speaks in absolutes is an absolute fool". 😔
💯💯💯
I agree
I couldn't do 20 minutes 🤣
His example with guys asking politely for sex and 100% of the women said no backs his claims. I personally don't let stats dictate my dating decisions or how I move through the world but a lot of people do.
@@MrCenterOfTheWorld Stats from decades ago no less...
A hierarchy? Seriously? So women are automatically subordinates? Fuck that.
He's making me very happy I'm single. Lol... All those head games and drama I have no time for ...life is too short.
This interview has turned me into a lesbian.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😅😅
Good luck fighting over who is gonna foot the dining out bill
Lol
@@jrieder4255thank you
He perpetuates game playing and manipulation, rather than a more genuine search for love and connection. Literally all that is wrong with society, personified. He's basically a pick up artist teacher for both sexes, using his degree to upsell his "expertise".
All women play games.
@@chipsteve All humans must play games, at least in the original stages of a relationship. There's no way around it.
@@roses6564 highly masculine men don't need to play games. They just go for what they want like a wild assertive beast. It's anti masculinity to do passive aggressive manipulative stuff.
@@chipsteve This is true. Then it's only the woman left to play the "hard to get" game, because how else. No Means Yes, Yes means A**l ... the works (rofl).
Have you never heard of ”tinder”?🙄
I am not an intellectual but I do know Orion doesn’t like women and should not be allowed to spout the rubbish he is sharing. Thank you.
They lost me towards the end talking about why women love “assholes”. First, we don’t. Second, a man who fights back against bad or manipulative behavior in a woman is what I would consider a well-balanced person with a backbone. I’ve been in two very long-term relationships and I love that they would state when I was behaving badly. It helps me to grow as a person and that most definitely is not being an asshole…it’s being a confident person who sticks up for themselves. An asshole is a narcissist or someone who is dishonest or uncaring. And it goes both ways. The key is having someone who lovingly tells you when you’re off base or not behaving well.
I'm watching this video for all of 2 minutes and already I am thinking "When relationships go bad,this is the guy every man wishes he was buddies with"
"they're all crazy you just got to find one that's worth the crazy"
@@Prometheus669 Oh! 🤣
@@Prometheus669good look
The influence men have on each other is stronger than tungsten steel.
@@jomae647 its not gay if you kiss my neck bro
The title of this video should've been "A Psychologist's Perspective On Attraction According To Motives". This is all I heard from him so far.
Is he even a real psychologist tho?🫠🤣
I see you're a female. As a guy, everything he said is 100% accurate; if you're not trying to be part of the 56% divorce rate, that is
“According to motives”
Yes the guy was simply saying what motivates men and women on a primal level to seek each other out! Just to get the ball rolling so to speak .
Good observation. The guy is mostly A TH-cam personality. His channel is mostly a scam directed almost enterally at the incel community. "How bad woman are, etc.
Omg! Seriously I can't even! Glad to see others agree!
People are attracted to confidence. You improve your confidence by improving yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. SIMPLE.
When Orion says “man” he should be saying “male”….they are worlds apart! Sex before marriage does not promote respect, specifically self-respect. Yes, women can disrespect men. So, why is it not disrespect toward women to expect mind-blowing sex to open the gate? Orion said it best when he stated that the man will eventually ask the woman how many other men they have had this type of sex with…hence the wisdom of virginity & chaste courtship…so there be no weird accusations when times get tough -- and there will be tough challenges in all relationships/marriages.
What we have here, is a NPD that also is a psychologist. This is the type of person that when you go to your first therapy appointment, you walk out at the end and never go back. To think people like this are actually considered to be “help”. He is so enshrined into the patriarch mindset that is deteriorating more each and every day. I would also guess that’s he’s right leaning and of the Jordan Peterson mindset. A dying people. Things are changing. Either move with the times, or be buried in the change itself.
Peterson is bigger than ever. I go on job interviews for software engineering and the program managers know about Peterson. Sorry to burst your bubble.
you said it!
@@123lowpBecause he appeals to frustrated young men that can’t get laid. For instance, engineers.
@@fvr12345 ouch
@@fvr12345he appeals to men in general because HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH
I dont understand how women deny their own nature?
Do you truly just not see it? Or do you avoid it and lie to protect your feelings?
Seriously, I don’t get it??
Women ask why they aren’t respected- to put it bluntly: many women lack logic and reasoning, self awareness, or any sort of accountability. Behavior reminds me of big toddler
I say that meaning no offense- just seems so obvious to me as a man.. I don’t understand how women either don’t see it or deny it? Maybe it’s a blind spot?
I realized all that years ago & said no way. And I have been happily single & sexless ever since & I never looked back.
This guy should be banned for life. No men want the way he described. If you fuck a man in a slutty way. He’ll put you as a slut only. Not someone they wanna marry. And they will chose to be with a women when they find a wife behaviours
Women want to feel loved and seen. Men want to be respected. It’s as simple as that y’all.
Giving a man mind blowing sex will not make him love you ,want to marry , or commit. I agree I think the divorce attorney had better advice on “Love”.
I can tell you my dating scene changed when I started treating women like I was looking for a friend first, not a fuck-buddy. I understand this dude relays the nature of the scene well, women have choice, men don’t, women used to stay for security now they don’t need you for that etc etc but he’s missing 80% of daily life with another human. If you can’t be friends with your wife, it’s gonna feel weird in 5 years and one of you will want divorce more than the other. If not you’ll both grow in life together, day by day. As friends.
he is self-absorbed, such think mostly of themselves in relationship, and in today's age, it is bad deal for other party.
He is not missing it. He covered the incentives people have to get involved with each other. Compatibility is a second order aspect of any relationship. First comes attraction and he did a splendid job at laying out the things most of us really want from each other, doing it with no holds barred, which is why some people feel uncomfortable. He unapologetically explains the transaction that stands at the ground of any relationship, something people really rather not acknowledge as it exposes a not so flattering side of them.
Too many people just have not integrated the awareness of their nature into their personality.
@@nikeisagreekgoddess4135 I agree with his picture, but it renders relationship as permanent transactional battle.
@@michamichalak6200 You are giving it the negative connotation with "battle". It isn't. In fact he has provided extremely high quality essays going over how struggling against your partner in a relationship is not a good choice.
There's something about "transaction" that people really dislike when applied to these subjects and it is unfounded if you make the effort to understand how desire and attraction work, plus how critical these two are for any relationship to even begin to make sense.
@@michamichalak6200 any relationship is inherently transactional whether you like it or not. Dunno why you people are so averse to reality.
I’m a therapist and for those who don’t know there is a difference between a therapist and Psychologist- in that therapists have to live and work in the gray area of lives whereas Psychologists tend to be consistently black and white. Like this man here.
That being said, I do a lot of couples work and yes, in the beginning of relationships it can seem very transactional, and he’s correct about these things on a VERY basic level.
Especially with sex. And i am not surprised he’s talking about ego.
Love, however, encompasses much more than that and it’s extremely complex.
Truly it’s possible to have a long lasting relationship but it takes communication, safety, comfort, abd shared values.
And sex. What does a woman bring to the table over what another man can provide let alone a dog? Nagging? Criticism? Giving him a list of things to do for said sex?
Nah therapists are very new age, idealistic and wish washy. It’s a very feminine, coddling practice that doesn’t help anyone especially men. Therapists shouldn’t be talking about love like we live in a Disney fairy tale, stick to the reality, the biological and primal drives that dictate our actions and interactions with others.
He's single so he is like a guy with 20 years experience in a field but it is actually 20 times 1 year experience.
@@Steelhorsecowboy i am living for this explanation and now my head hurts a little less thank you
imma go back and listen again but now that i think of it, homie didn't mention love ONCE lollllllllll, they should rename the title!
To the women watching this video, you don't have to do this. I'm in a 5-year happy relationship, and we didn't have sex until six months after we started dating. There are men out there who want a loving relationship more than anything else. Also, to this doctor, I don't respect you. You could be doing so many positive things with your background in psychology, and instead, you're peddling red pill bullshit.
your perspective of women getting in the door is how the world works but i am interested in women that love the lord and will wait for marriage. i guess thats not common anymore
Thank you for a refreshing Christian male perspective. “Screw a man stupid” is pretty much all the insight this dude has.
I guess this psychologist is addressing the very shallow nature of our culture and relationships. I’d never consult him for deep meaningful issues.
agree 100%!
He is unmarried and bitter. If men want to end up like him, follow his advice
I have been following him for a while and he used to focus in his channel on interesting phenomenon within psychology - he had a great video on why time speeds up as you grow older and how to slow it down. But he was getting way more views on his relationship talks - so he gave his viewership what they wanted and started spewing a lot of manosphere redpill type stuff. Some of what I agree with but wish he would go back to his earlier works on other aspects of psychology other than always ruminating about courtship and dating and all of that - more to life 😂
Yup and Mark is eating it up😂
I thought the same thing, this is so black and white, there is some truth to some parts of it, we are not all this rigid on our feelings.
Wow! Truly impressive video. I can't believe you were able to make a video from the 1950s look so current.
Biological psychology only changes so much. A lot of the trouble we are in today is from pretending these psychological realities magically went away. Unfortunately with enough wisdom we start to get it in our thirties
😂😂😂
🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂 Hilarious!!! Love it!
Hahaha
Given the statistic of 25% of women now having an STD I would be very leary of one just wanting sex right off the bat regardless if I found her attractive or not. Especially not knowing anything about her real personallity or past.
If she’s a nasty, slutty whore in the bedroom then you can infer she learned all of it from somewhere and many many someones….
I've watched a bunch of Orion's videos and have fairly extensive psychological knowledge. This guy is half right, and half of truth is the most dangerous lie. I don't know about his motivations, but I'm sure he believes what he says, because it looks like he uses his knowledge to gain popularity on platforms with his content. He focuses mainly on what in psychology is called "extricate values" - material gains, gratification, symbols of staus. These values make people depressed and deteriorates societies. We need extricate values, but putting those at no. 1 builds up distrust, manipulation, anti social behaviour, transactionalism, and self-devaluation. Don't get fooled, read real (and diffirent) psychology books and papers instead of confirming your self-defeating biases on TH-cam.
"Fairly extensive"
@@anon7684 yes, it means "vast". google it.
Both parties have to be in a healthy mental state for a relationship to work. I was independent, living on my own, ready to date and settle down. I met my husband, and he fit the bill, but once we settled his true colors came out. I learned through the years that he's a very angry person, with a lot of trauma. (And it stems from his family, who just shoves problems under the rug.) I spent 5 years trying not to rock the boat, trying to help him, and it was useless. Our marriage was dead by 2 years, and I left. Only then did he start doing the work on himself, to work on our marriage. What did I learn from this? You can't help someone who can't help themselves, even if it's your partner. If one of you is not in a healthy mental state, there is nothing you can do to achieve a healthy relationship. And that realization is heartbreaking.
.... who's healthy minded these days?
Same here
Thank you for telling us that. I agree with you.
Just sounding knowledgeable doesn't mean your view of reality defines everyone else's. You leave out friendship.
A young, immature man can't handle a woman's negative emotions - no life experience and ignorant.
I’d break my self respect playing games with my body in hope of love in return. I’d rather love myself.
I don’t agree with a lot of what he said. But you know what, fair play, it’s his opinion, it’s what he has seen during his practice. People should relax with the personal attacks on him 😂
Well, psychology and even medicine is slippery. It is very easy to see what you want to see when you don’t adress critically and proactively your own biases (and we all have them). I think that he’s projecting the way HE sees relationshipa onto his patients.
17:45 if you reverse what he is saying… guys need to be scared.. because unless the woman has good traits within her she might just be a loose cannon that knows how to screw you in more than one way.
I've found it to be super accurate based on my experiences. At least 20 mins in.
Honestly I agree with and really love most of what he has to say, but props to you for being able to disagree without shitting on him, respectful disagreement and conversation seems to be an increasingly rare ability these days
@@BeautiHackswell the reverse doesn’t work because men and women have different roles in the relationship.