A couple of weeks ago I offered to go to Narc Counseling with him. I told him that this was a Must before I would consider moving into his home. (Out of State) He seemed ok with it, but then turned the tables. He told me that I was the Covert narc.., and then went No Contact. Yes, he went too far this time. He knows it. I'm so grateful to you and others that have made these video's for us!! You may have saved my life.
I did the same thing with my ex-narc. She actually agreed to talk to a therapist and then flipped it around the next morning. Then, complained how much I hurt her for accusing her of being a narcasist...then, 3 days later admitted to being a narcasist lol...then, she was still upset about me calling her out for being a narcasist 😂😂😂 I told her that it doesn't make sense for her to be mad at me for calling her out and then send me a text message saying how thankful she was for me pointing out that she had narcasistic qualities. She lives in another state as well...thank goodness!!! Best wishes🙂
Did I go too far this time? Well, YA! You did! A year ago - January 2016 (A few months before our official 19th anniversary) - the narcissist asked me why I was with him and I answered: "Because I love you." About a month later, after he accused me of causing a laundry flood which precipitated (literally! - the floors were ruined) renovations, I asked him why he was with me. Answer? "Because you're too stupid to leave." Well, he went too far this time! Ever since then, I've been working to complete the renovations on the house, in time to list it for sale in the hot market of July. That fell through for various reasons, so I gave him some time to prove that he was going to therapy with a GOOD therapist (who wouldn't be snowed by his narcissistic charm). When that failed (he didn't NEED therapy! - HE said), I re-listed in December, and we just sold the house. I will be leaving in a month or thereabouts. "Did I go too far this time?" "Well, YA! You DID!"
i remember the eyes..vacant...and you talk and he doesn't listen..and then the slightly parted lips..like he was registering some level of awareness.but then it was over.. the day I left he punched the wall, wishing it was my face,..and all the horrible things that came out of his mouth...this was the awakening of reality for me.. after 10 years of trying..what a ridiculous fool I was.. 7 months later..still recovering.. slowly..and not looking back..
it has been a journey.. he has now set up shop with the new 'love of his life".. I wonder how many can someone have in a lifetime? By my count it is three for him.. mentally I know this was the only decision I had.
needed to hear that reaffirmation today. I have been so so good. You don't look back..and then you hear something from someone..it was intended as making you feel better..and you realize..he just snapped his fingers..replaced you so easily. I put in so much time and effort and what a waste. I know that self actualization and emotional growth is hard. I chose this..I chose to do this work.. this is just part of the growth process..
wow brave soul. I commend you. Inspiration to me. Me 10 months last relationship 2 years I knew I was getting better sooner but not soon enough. I am now in the initial stages of healing very painful process and it keeps playing back in your head over and over again like a broken record. I was right my gut instincts but I was willing to make this work no matter what cause I saw potential as this man was raised by poor father figures he had a poor image or respect for women. He saw his own mother being beaten and grew up to think it's normal. They say look at how a man treats his mom that's how he will treat you and he treats her very poorly no respect and I correct him right there and there and his mom only encourages it him talking to her like that saying it's ok we talk to each other like this how not normal. Kra Kra
I remember triangulation and when that didn't work, crocodile tears. Some people just need marionettes. Being a puppeteer is such a rush for them, because underneath it all, they're powerless, needy people. Always remember, these are the world's neediest people. Their victims are actually usually more self-sufficient than them. That's the final irony---that the real weakling in the pair was the abuser. They can't stand that. Abusers are weaklings who can't stand their own weakness and dependency. Narcs are dependent, dependent, dependent, dependent. DEPENDENT. No one needs a big baby.
you got that right and again to feel better about their own guilt of being needy they say it's us. all the name calling they throw are way is what they are feeling. They are such a emotional roller coaster and drag us with them. Outside they are all macho muscles but skin deep a hurting little puppy. I called mine marshmallow lol
hoover, I get that, Narc went to far...Narc even said "I hope I didnt lose you" I said "thats interesting, why would you say that?" Narc had no answer...said he was sorry, he made a mistake and was soooo sorry...please give him one more chance, please...I will make it up to you I promise...I will come cook dinner for you saturday night and I have a gift for you...ok I took the chance, and it went fine for a couple days...he left some personal items at my house and he wanted to pick them up after church sunday night...told him "no I am busy I am not able to do that, what about Tues night?" Narc said "No, I will buy new and btw I do not want to go forward with you anymore, goodbye and good luck"....ok I am fine with that....Narc would not leave it alone! so Narc wanted me to drop his shit off at his house..or Narc would drive over to pick up....I said" NO, I will drop in mail" so Narc comes back with "all of my stuff, I want it all back" I was feed up at this point, so I answered "Go to Hell, Asswipe" and I blocked Narc from my cell, text and voice mail and email, twitter and FB...that was one month ago and I never look back...guess Narc went to far and his shit went into my Trash! I kept Narc's toothbrush, I clean my toilet with it and I feel good about that!
@@Tinkerginamama This is youtube, I've never admitted this before. But back in college I had the MEANEST narc roommate who made up lies about me, made my life hell, and messed physically with my stuff. So on impulse, the day I left, I peed in his mouthwash. It takes a lot of people a lot of time to go through a bottle. It felt really satisfying picturing him gargling before work, before a date, before..... It was sterile, no harm no foul?
Georgia Byrd omg that is hilarious. Ok I’ll admit my bad too. I used my Narc fathers toothbrush to clean the toilets. Haha 😂 I do regret it because I’m such a huge person on integrity but it was years ago. Lol
Never doubt that they know what they are doing. You perfectly describe the cycles of abuse. From extreme moments of abuse, then back to an extreme display of faked affection through the exploitation of private moments. Idealization, denigration, abusive discard, and on and on and on....'own your shit' YES. As you say, they give you the proof.
From what i could observe, If you don't play the "let's pretend everything is ok" game, they will become nasty 1. Because you are desobedient 2. Because you are making them responsible for their unperfect behaviour and pointing out their true self (narcissistic rage and wound) they feel they are losing the game, and how dare you... 3. Because they know you might leave them this time and therefore they have to discard YOU before you discard them....
I'm amazed with the accuracy. I am exiting a 7-year relationship with a narcissist who had serious Hang Ups that started from his childhood. It is so amazing to get validation in therapy so just listening to the videos. I hope God blesses you. My soul had been burning for 7 years single mother raise two kids beautiful grandchildren. I want from one bad situation to meeting him. This guy person was and is a narcissistic and chauvinistic Soul only God could help him. I took care of my household and his clean cooked wash dishes folding his clothes I didn't ask for trips didn't ask for purses I didn't ask to get my hair done nails done I did all that myself. I wash my car myself service on my car dealing with dealerships and also auto mechanics. He did not back me up at all I was only for him and his usage. I was just there to support and listen to him. Anything he did as far as restaurants or bought food it'll be thrown in my face. If he bought food I would have to put it away cook it and wash dishes. He would get up and only make himself coffee and will use the excuse that I like mine's weak so he didn't fix me any because he likes his strong and bold. Logically strong coffee can be make weaker if you would like. I would make him breakfast and I wouldn't be hungry he would say thank you but he would sit right down on his lazy ass I get dessert yes dessert after breakfast after lunch after dinner get on his phone and abused Facebook and run his mouth to his friends loudly about football sports and everybody else's business and what they were doing and how they should do it . He would not help at all clean up. I will pour my heart out to him when I was depressed ask for advice support tell him what I was lacking from him he would throw it in my face what I wasn't doing for him he would run his mouth and brag about everybody and try to gather all these male friends and Entourage for his audience. When we stop talking he would do all the hanging out playing dominoes at his house he'll entertain his friends buy food for them won't ask anything of them but with me he would continue to throw it in my face what he did for me. This guy is so Twisted. He the relationship was still sleeping with his ex tried to play it off like it was an act of something that I caused . And the only reason why he got busted it because his phone butt dialed me and I answered on I heard the two having sex he and and even the after talk going out to eat, or what she hungry after that he was straight at her house Kickin It. I kept calling him back he turned his phone off.that night he really tried to lie his way out of it but he only went silent and blank face. He never apologize only use the excuse that it was my fault because it was new in a relationship and also was my fault because he got mad and was up thinking about going back to her so it was really twisted vulnerable even though I knew that lost the love I knew he didn't respect women nor myself but being an empath I felt they were some hope but there's no hope for people such as a narcissist I see no wrong in there doing they're going to always try to rectify and justify. Then I would never trust this man ever 100% and I would never put a hundred and 10% and feel safe with him I only thought I could do it, thought because of my feelings but I was in love with a mirage. 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected as 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected as 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected as far 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected honesty and marriage and that I would not be in a relationship that was going to go nowhere The first year was okay there after it unraveled he had me where he wanted me. He bought a house and said it was for me I didn't help choose that home he searched for a home and bought it I knew after the fact I never moved into the first two years when my lease was up he will come up with excuses that we had to talk. I would not bring it back up so I would renew my lease and then he was okay with that he got his way out. So 2 years I would pack my stuff up for weekends and days at a time weeks at a time and stay there during the day that was there weeks at a time taking care of his house. I was his listener he would cut me conversations when I cried out for help he was switching back to himself his needs and that he's going through the same thing and pretty much that I should just shut up I would hear his stories about childhood past present future over and over again I could tell him back his stories like the back of my hand that's how much he talked. I had some personal stuff there and clothes but I was like a bag lady with no Direction or as if I had no place to live. He'd check his mail maybe once every two to three weeks I would go through his mail sorted out he still wouldn't go through it. I never had a key to his home only the code to the garage to get in the back, if he left the door unlocked. He 48 years old was always in need men around him and be the loud mouth. He had to be the outcasts shine..... he loved attention but did not give attention he supplemented giving as far as what money he can give to somebody. Also let them borrow or do favors for them he felt gratitude and gloating throwing it in your face or letting everybody know what he did that's just a small fraction... Miss permission to heal..... bless you for your videos and your counseling it's helping my heart heal
What if we never give the narcissist the pleasure of upsetting us? I eat very healthy at work and look younger than my years, and have a figure many younger girls would kill for, but my narc boss insinuated one day that I'm one of those persons that vomit after they eat. I know he would say anything to make me look bad because his girlfriend is fat, old and ugly, so I just tell him a comment like: "You keep telling yourself that!" with a smile. He says hurtful things to try to get a reaction or to hurt me, or make me feel bad for my hard work to look good, not sure and don't care, but I'll never give him the satisfaction of hurting me or make me feel bad about myself.
Call him out. Say something like 'wow, now that's just an insulting and hateful comment to make at me; are you feeling alright??' He'll say whatever. And then you can elaborate with, oh cuz it seems like you're harboring some kind of deep seated resentment or jealousy against me with insults like that.
It really boggles my mind how I've experienced everything that you speak about in your videos. It's like you peeked into the relationship I had with my narc; but obviously, this just speaks to the predictability of all narcs.
Oh yeah! Ten years ago, not knowing anything about narcs but just knowing I was suffocating in my marriage, I arranged to leave in a way that he didn't realize I was actually leaving permanently. I didn't even hate him at that time, I just felt disappointment and knew this was going to hurt him. When he found out the truth he went NUTS. It was just like you say! - So contrite, writing poems, begging and crying for me to remember my vows (15 years with this soul killer was enough THANK you) - and when I still refused to return, he got SO nasty in a way I had never seen before, calling me awful names and accusing me of things I'd never done, I mean really brutal. I was shocked and devastated, thinking I'd actually felt sorry for him, and here he was threatening me and the children and simply going psychotic. Thank you, Mr. Deranged Narc, for showing me who you REALLY were. Yep, you WENT TOO FAR.
it's the nature of the beast they cant help it very sad and now where is he gone ghost on me again after I ended it on text and told him to take his stuff like he told me to take mine. he text back says relax and chill the f up I say I don't think so he says ok
Thank you for describing this to me. This just happened to me. He went to far and is now acting contrite. But it's to late the relationship is severed. I'm just waiting to see him turn nastier than ever. It's probably going to be difficult and hurtful but I need the confirmation. It's hard to just up and leave on a dime, after 37 years.
Joy Allen Please get out asap, or make a plan to exit. Don't tell him about your plan. Don't tell him anything. Just exit! You may be saving your own life. I'm don't mean to upset you, just want to give you a heads up. Take care. Women's shelter.. Be safe!
Joy Allen Positive energy sent to you! You clearly are strong enough, you will come out better on the other side. I've been in this mess for 4 years and recently had a child with the narc. I thought he was a womanizer but research more I know he's a narc. I have been confronting him and calling out his behavior. He is losing it, running out the house, coming back in, running up the stairs, -not saying a word. Scary but a part of me still hold out faith that if he is aware of his pathology that he will make steps to correct them -if not for himself for his son. I'm also, co dependent and I realize I could be wrong and will have to deal with the consequences either way.
When I left my Narc and after the first few weeks of his angry, blaming hoovering. I went no contact. I saw a counsellor that specialises in domestic violence. She knew what I was going through. She helped me understand the Narcs behaviour and my role in it. I thought letting my feelings out was a bad thing. I thought if I just keep them bottled up, I could pretend I was ok. She told me to sit with my feelings and allow them to come and go. I spent a good year crying in private and journelling about my feelings. I did it at every opportunity I got. I felt so sad that it was over. I felt angry that things couldn't be the way I wanted. I was angry that he couldn't see how his behaviour was effecting me. I guess that's the grieving process. I thought the pain would never end. But, eventually I started to feel better. I looked back in my journal and was stunned to see what I had been through. It looked like someone else had written it. Don't expect leaving to be easy. Especially when they start being Mr Nice Guy again. It's so hard to not to fall for it. But, dig deep for that strength that we all have and use it to move you forward to something so much better.
TashaBabi16 A friend gave me some advice when I first left my Narc...'a leopard never changes his spots'. Her words still ring in my ears 15 years later. I've just left my Narc for the 5th time in 20 years. Staying out for good this time. I hope it doesn't take you that long to find out my friends words are true. Stay safe X
I like the way you present your narc experience-based analysis; very personal yet objective and little to no religious references. Keep up the good work
I listen to a lot of narc videos but I particularly like this lady cuz her personality is so witty and upbeat and entertaining. She makes it fun to learn about this, which takes so much of the sting out of the predicament I find myself in.
Yep, their arrogance is their biggest weakness if you learn to use it as your defense. They will fall for the same thing over and over and over--even worse than myself, the victim. Anything you tell them that they want to hear will be accepted. I believed in my husband because I am trustworthy, and assumed him to be. He believes things only based on how it feels to him. If you boost him up, compliment him, encourage him to do something by saying he is so good at it, or whatever the particular narc sees in himself, or wants to see, he will jump through hoops. I swear I could tell mine he should run for president and he's be excited. It's weird, but useful in certain situations to protect yourself by diverting the narc to look at himself--his favorite thing.
Thank you for granting me the permission to exist. You gave me back my life. I died already when i accepted everything my narc wants me to do. I totally forget myself because i thought i was being Godly by being a loving, patient, caring, understanding, and submissive wife. Now i decided to sever the cord that connects us. I want to live.....
In the workplace I have found N.P.D. co-workers that said"I Don't like HAPPY people" My reply... Nothing! I let my ACTIONS SPEAK... I am " the happiest person " TO these co-workers I can Possibly be. OVER COME EVIL BY DOING GOOD!!!
The entire notion of wives needing to be submissive is a profound enabling and reinforcement of male narcissism. I wonder about the 'pastors' who teach this idea. What are they like at home?
Another good topic in the "evolution" of man's experiences with a narc. Thank you for assembleing together! Is, indeed, once close to be healed, fun to watch how they contrive and how they check in your reaction of their going too far. Maybe, is narcissistic from my part, too, to let it enfold and watch it, but: If I do good remember, they are the ones initiating it. Right? And, I know: "the only way of winning from a toxic person is not to play". Yet, they, even if you don't wanna play, they are able to start it and holding it (in that far their "pride"/arrogance doesn't hold them back) Once, in my life I wanted to know (consciously) how their game is going. Other times before I didn't know where to look for - was completely unaware. Learned my lessons bit by bit, now. It takes you lots of energy to find out but at in the end, you'll know. And once you do, is easy to cut it off from the start. It also helps man to define its own boundaries, which it makes myself proud. Great feeling! 😊 Least but not last: I still hope they (the narcs) by going too far and having the lost, will finally learn to feel?! Their sinking too far will make them (ever) rise from ashes as the phoenix?! Wish them (& us) that! That feeling of freeing themself and humanity from crippleing is priceless! Have a great weekend! 💞
Again, you've taught me so much about what a true evil little insecure idiot I've been since i hit puberty. Not only that, but you've really helped me to identify the behaviours I've ingested from my environment i was raised in so that way i can deprogram that junk from my thought life, then my actions. Not only do i thank you, but I'm sure all the people i surround myself with after i get better (if that's even possible, because this stuffs so deeply embedded). For real though, my life since puberty has been adopting all of the negative traits of those i was raised around that were abusive, because i seen that (seemingly) it got them desirable results to be completely abusive, inconsiderate and rude and i felt so weak from that abuse that i endured as a child that i never wanted to go through anything like that again so i became the abuser. By how you control your speech, the way you CHOOSE to phrase things and your general mannerisms you show me a healthy way to speak to people and get my point across without projection of my issues. I wish i had you for a therapist when i was a kid, because you really could of helped me nip this stuff in the bud before it developed so much. I pray for you, i don't know you, but i really respect you for putting such holistic info out there and being able to teach somebody as screwed up and stubborn as i am by showing me what an intelligent adult should sound like. When i was growing up this was a template i wasn't shown. A lot of us simply weren't and really are just lost and hurt. Of course, not all, but some of us are and i think if more of my type heard you they'd appreciate it greatly as well. This is not an attempt to love bomb i promise, i just have never had anybody explain what's wrong with me and my environment so well that my arrogant wall of ego can't protect the traumatized child behind it from hearing reason. Also, you really help my walk with Christ by showing me how to be loving. Some of us really just don't understand what seems to be basic for a lot of people, because we've never been presented with it and by the time we were it was so foreign that we didn't get it. For real, God bless you.
Sorry for the book, but i wanted to express a big feeling of relief from knowing that not only do i know how to fix my life now, but also that somebody gets what it's like in my head.
Yes! "Own your $hit!" is the frustration of dealing with the narc's game-playing, and they are not able to own it because I guess they don't even have any to own. This explains their parasitism.
I find when my narcissistic mom is somewhat nice to me one time , I'm am certain the very next conversation is evil for whatever reason. Then the next is nice , then evil once again and so on. So I try to only answer the phone every other call. That too pisses her off. I guess in her eyes I'm suppose to sit right next to the phone to wait for her abuse. I have learned to laugh at her quite often
Raquel L, isn't it time you didn't answer her calls and went NO CONTACT? Do you wanna go through the rest of this very short life having to put up with her jealousy and hatred?
OMG...once again you've reminded me of something that I already knew but didn't know I knew! I knew when it was happening that my ex was just 'raising the bar' but I didn't act on it. This is the second or third time lately that I've realized in all caps that I need to stop second-guessing myself and let me listen to whatever it is I'm saying. As far as narcs knowing exactly what they're doing and doing it anyway...sheesh. I've been thinking about this for a long time, too. Why would a person, how could a person deliberately, knowingly set out to destroy another person??? I guess I just have trouble believing that anybody is that totally evil and cruel. Unfortunately, I've gotten too much evidence for the fact that they do, indeed, know exactly what they're doing...so sooner or later, I'll just have to admit that they're simply 'evil idiots'...lol. Thanks for all of your videos and all the things you remind me of that I knew but didn't know I knew... :) L&L
I've had so many - "I knew, but didn't know I knew". I knew I was onto something, but how do I ask someone, who would believe me, .... I've learnt my lesson that I JUST KNEW .......and not to second guess myself and seek out proof.... Then I got the second part/ stage, now that I KNOW;, WHAT do I do about it, how do I restore the balance of power.??? These videos have helped me heaps.
When you can leave without pain or shedding a tear; you will have restored YOUR power. Ever hear the phrase "He who cares least, has all the power? I've also heard it shortened to 'He who cares least, wins'
M Fisher they want to destroy you and love what they do because you are just another toy for them,they don't want you to be happy. Sorry for my bad English
You are simply AMAZING!! I thought I knew what I was doing when I remarried my NARC wife (divorced 7 years). With a minor in Psychology I did recognize what I was getting into, but still had no idea how to really deal with it this time around. Thanks for all of the fantastic advice.
I cannot believe you just said that about them knowing when you're just done and them feeling the broken connection. I have been saying that the only reason that he didn't try harder to get me back this last time was he knew I was done. You're a smart woman.
Stephanie Farlow , My Narcissist hasn't been making any effort to get me back, after I decided to re-list the house in December. We live in the same house, but rarely talk or interact. He's made no effort to get me back, except just before we signed to accept the offer on the house. "Do you think there's any chance we can get together, after this is all done?" (Sale of the house) Answer: "No. You lie. You cheat." He: "Yeah, I lie. But I haven't had any sexual affairs. Only emotional ones." (Like lying isn't bad enough!) Question in my mind: "So emotional affairs with several women is not 'SEXUAL?!' (He thinks unless there is direct sexual intimacy, he's NOT cheating! WRONG! DEAL BREAKERS! - lying AND cheating.)
They use us as an Emotional Crutch and when they have fed their Ego enough it's time to go ghost and leave you wondering I figured mine out a while ago beating him at his own game.They are so immature when it comes to relationships clueless dumb idiots .
How true this is. I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and am just now realizing he is a narc. This channel explains everything I’ve been through all these years.
Yup and I have found walking a prefect balance called... feed them only scraps and crumbs... very little pieces of me. And... here's the best part- I change up my behavior to suit me and my needs only now. I give or don't give much attention to them at all... all depends on my mood now. I took control, period. And they never know? what to expect from me? anymore? I'm unbalanced with them on purpose. I had to. They gave me no choice. Most times I live in my own world like they don't even exist at all. Like huh??? playing stupid works wonders with narcs. Just say so crazy dumb shit? too, HA! Like only when your alone with them. So they think your stupid. Then around others look normal. They talk about how crazy you are? People think and know they are nuts cause your normal. I run their games- on them. They talk horrible about you, as well. So give them ammo. But it's not accurate, like it's the opposite so... they look like the crazy they are. You tell them you hate chocolate, but you really love chocolate. Once you know who and what they are, feed them the opposite of what and who you really are. They stay off balance concerning get YOU. They think- they are pushing your bottons and getting to you but... your laughing inside! This is easier with work than home narcs. But I'm currently using it on the home narcs and it working. I have little to no contact while in the house. So when I'm not in the same space I'm not working on anything. But if I walk into the room they are in, I'm on point. So they push... you to the edge... just come back in a slick way and out smart them. But always best to dump them ASAP if ya can. This world has enough of them to keep cycling out towards us. No need to give or keep giving ANY energy to the ones we don't have to, ya know?
I've come to the same conclusion, work their own SHIT on them, give them a taste of their own medicine, they hate it, (I hate it too,) but they gave me no choice...just keep them off balance, feed them lies, (like they have with us) but I treat my real friends with love and respect. They are teaching us what & where we need to toughen up in ourselves, they point out way, we just have to follow the path to our stronger & wiser self.
this was fantastic, thank you so much. I actually used "own your shit" yesterday with a situation I'm currently dealing with. the person freaked out, picked up her stuff and left the office. I rarely use four letter words in the office, but this situation has been escalating for a long time. it certainly was effective!
You need to stop feeling like your the victim in the relationship the way it sounds like you are the aggressive in making he feel like it's he but it's leaving him out there when all he wants is for you to spend time with him an telling everyone private matters about him GOD will punish you really bad and your a child of God what is this world coming too in the bible it says take the speck out of your eyes before you take the speck out of your brothers
Why Valerie it's the truth some people need too tear the truth and your the type of people the full people head with bullsbit too make them feel like the victims you guys some sick up
Thank God I'm not in love with a narc. Love my dog. But, a Mom is hard to deal with. Today is my birthday. Reached out today wasn't a good birthday present to give myself. All these videos the training goes right out of your mind I call it Narc Amnesia NarcNesia. You forget everything then end up having to recalibrate. I'm very glad to find this video specifically.📲🕯💡🌞my sanity is gifted back. Thank you for that. Know these videos can take time to make then share. The work is appreciated. She's definitely someone I wish I could directly partner with as I form my marketplace. The networks. She is on my DreamTeam list.♡
My narc ex bf took things way too far over a year before I broke up with him. I almost broke up with him one day after he called me horrible names in an argument, and he, at that point, changed his tune and apologized and begged for me back. In arguments after that he would use it against me, as a reason not to trust me. When I finally broke up with him for real, after 3 years of him scraping every ounce of love I had for him out of my heart from the inside, i went home and ate homemade macncheese with my family and everything was suddenly better than it had been in a long time. He, on the other hand, was in turmoil for weeks, emailing me through school email where i couldn't block him, trying to make me feel guilty and make out like I did something wrong in one email, and in the next apologizing and begging. It was the most pathetic thing I'd ever seen.
Please don't stop sharing your knowledge PTE, I've being leaving a comment on also every video of yours because for years I've been trying to figure out what the heck was going on in my relationship and as soon as you start talking about a certain subject, I am blown away because not only are you completely accurate about the narcissist, but you are just as accurate about what I've been doing, thinking, and feeling as the co-dependent in the relationship.
Thanks so much for your work! I love your unique analysis and descriptions of narcissists, you are so on point 👍. Maybe it's because I'm well into my healing and recovery, but you make me chuckle so much😁 when hit those points of truth. Your channel is helping me see them so crystal clear now and like you, I'm starting to be fasinated by them and how predicable they really are.
Thank you! I appreciate this topic being addressed more than you can ever imagine! It's become even more difficult for me to sever the ties with him since he "took it tooo far" a year ago in September! 😔 What he did should have completely woken me up to the reality of his manipulative abusive narsasistic behavior... But instead I continue fighting to sever the ties as he is now "trying" to be "overly nice" and although deep in my heart I know the truth, I constantly struggle with feeling that I am "the bad guy" for not being receptive to his "so called kindness".. for not trusting his "love and compassion" towards me... for not wanting to accept his "help". I continually doubt myself as I often "wish to believe" that he has changed but knowing that he in fact has not changed.. That it only "appears that way" sometimes... I am constantly praying for the strength to completely break free from this cyclical abuse. I pray that we all find ourselves free from this seemingly never ending struggle and painful existence... Thank you so very much for sharing your insightful videos... May God bless you and keep you in his Devine Love...! 😇 Peace Love and Light 🌞💕🙏
After the last blow up and temper tantrum and chance I gave my narc...that was it, and I merely told her I simply needed a break and she freaked out...like a normal person woulda been fine with that but oh man she couldn’t stand it that I had changed and broken the pattern...she “needed” to see me...calling my husband calling family members she hasn’t spoken to in years to get to me 🙄 so pathetic....oh and then came the txts “I don’t deserve this” “your making me so heartbroken” “I’m dieing inside” hahaha...I’m like well then do something about it 👌 I’m not responsible for your happiness! 😂 and this is all you fault.
My Narc went too far when she told me that I couldn't even mention my faith around her. That I could believe anything I wanted too but bringing it up in any way, shape or form around her was forbidden. I said in no uncertain terms that this arrangement didn't work for me, that I wasn't ashamed of my faith, and I wasn't going to hide it from anyone. Keep in mind I never pushed it on her or tried to convert her or anything like that. I would just reference it sometimes in conversation. Anyway when I said it didn't work for me she immediately turned the whole situation around and accused me of not allowing HER to have her own belief system...Wait a minute, wasn't she the one who just put limits on my speach?...lol These people are nuts. When she realized she couldn't bully me and I confronted her with the truth she shut down, gave me the silent treatment and even went so far as to block me on social media..haha. So even though she trampled most of my boundaries she eventually found one she couldn't cross and she went too far. This was before I knew she was a narcissist/ psychopath or whatever she is. Only since I've learned about these disorders does everything make sense.
I know it's been 6 years, but may I say, sister, your expression is gold! "...like very humble and kind of looking at yoou, and looking at the... Stop it'" 😂👏
I think this is the phase that I am in with my narc former significant other: I don't contact her at all which may have confused her. She texts me to check how I respond. I no longer offer any info at all, do not suggest that we get together, nor do I mention this we even had a serious romantic involvement. It will be interesting to see whether she actually breaks down and goes beyond just texting " hello how are you?" This is all after a period of horrible abuse and neglect..
Yes we are divorcing had our first day of Court today. He kept staring at me I noticed my Covert Narc Spouse he was trying to get my attention. I saw this from the Corner of my eye. I turned my chair so my back was to him at all times. Yes I Acted like he wasn't there. My Attorney said, " he is a liar& I'm blocking you from him & protecting you". Yes my Attorney doesn't like him at all. Told me "after I win this for you... I'm getting drunk"! No kidding my Attorney said this... lol! I am going with him after this my Narc kept lying and trying to hurt me today. The Judge looked at me with a sad look worried about me. The stare.
Mine actually told me that he was not a good man and that I deserve better. Well that's about the only thing he's gotten right about me. I do deserve better.
First thing I thought when I saw the tiitle of this video was wow a response to similar statement "Did I go too far?" from the person seating as president of this great nation just over the past weekend. I was in total shock to see you made this video months ago! You very much know about Narc Logic. Amazing to say the least. More than ever Thank you for your always on point videos and your lovely, calming, soothing and very reassuring voice :)
Lol. I just checked NHusband's Facebook after I moved him to another bedroom and bathroom of the house Sunday. He knows Spring and Easter Sunday are my favorite seasons. in true Narc fashion he made a major purchase on Saturday ( which violated our "agreed" family budget) i believe he thought I wouldnt react because of his " Holy timing" I am not proud of my unholy reaction. I stayed home on Easter Sunday. He went to church TWICE on Sunday. . He Is posting serious "Christian" memes. Beware of the " Christians Narc "
I fell for the love bomb and then actually moved in with her, i knew i wasn't ready it was only a year after a 20 year relationship divorce. Soon as I signed the lease she switched. She said things to me that was unbelievable anyone would say, yea she went too far multiple times, but i promised i wouldn't leave until lease was up because she has a kid and would have ended up on the streets. I spent months trying to figure out what was going on then one day she called ME a narcissist. So being a person that trys to self improve. I then looked into it and wow it made so much sense, she is a major narc. Evil it would seem. And I am still here cause lease ends in dec, its oct now. Well funny thing it she is nice again and doing what anyone would expect your partner to do. I just laugh now cause I know she is just trying to manipulate me into signing another lease. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Anyway. Its thanks to your channel. You taught me a lot and if i wasn't so distressed from my divorce I don't think I would have fallen got her games. She is a guilt trip GODDESS. And i felt bad for her son because we bonded. But I am done and now feel so much better knowing soon I will be me again. Thank you, I subbed.
oh my god my catchphrase was "you took it entirely too far." For about a year or two. I don't know how I was living like that. Oh god and the whole will you still participate thing...just damn.
Thank you for your videos.... it's an inspiration to have somewhere to turn to when your World falls apart because you don't know who to believe are you can't believe. One day I hope to try to repay what I've learned online and come to terms with his going on in my life
folks really do give narcs a wide berth when they do this, even though it makes everyone uncomfortable. i believe it's because the narc is working their position to its greatest logical extension, and they are checking the security of said position. makes it hard to find a good excuse to question their behavior.
This is absolutely true. I absolutely feel he has added me to triangulation I was never a knowing part of. I believe one of those in that triangle is "playing to win"... Which gets him off. No matter what he ever says to anyone else, he's never doubted how I feel and it's real and it's not a game. When games were present to my knowledge, I was out. That was our "dance". I will not do nonsense. He knew that. He would rather die than another man touch me. He plays behind the scenes. He blew his wad by being shitty to me with his "road dog" last year. He did the same with me and blowing his web of lies recently. He also gave "time" for me to put all of his "things he told on himself" together. He's played behind the scenes five years post break up. He hoovered and love bombed under others profiles and phone numbers... all to create a story that is fiction at best. He went way too far. All I've wanted is him to own his shit so I can move on... not an emotion thing. He never will. I held on to that hope until he completely blew my mind. Yeah. They can go way too far... They actually did a long time ago.
The Narc I have loved for over a year told me this week "he'd kill me after I married him and steal my cash". After I said no more, he called ME crazy and said he was JUST kidding. YEA, he went too far....I already have an ex husband who wants me dead, now this fool too? I don't sleep well at night. And people wonder why I'm an alcoholic?? Hmmm....scared for my life maybe?? When will I find love??
Dear Kristin, in my view, you are NOT an 'alcoholic!!' You, (like me,) occasionally imbibe with booze, in order to block out the pain. Look for the love you so richly deserve within yourself. So will I. Take a nice walk, out in the country, take some snacks, etc. Look at nature, birds, the sea, anything you get a sense of peace and freedom from. By all means have an occasional drinky, but hopefully not every day ! Never put yourself down because you are worth as much as any saint. As I write this, I realise I am giving myself the same advice, exactly. ! Please let me know how you are getting on. x
Hi just wanted to let u know your the only narc teacher I watch love your confidence and attitude these people are demons love your Theorys I'm really into the study of people
I have what I feel is a good example of have I gone to far this time I had told my ex that I was kind of worried about dementia and with the gaslighting that I was experiencing at the time she had done some research on it and really start to say on the sligh things about early onset it got to the point where I was trembling in fear during a argument and she said this is why you shouldn't mess with me then shortly after that she went on with yhday as if nothing ever happened I never really got over that it was so cold blooded it stuck in my head and now I'm raising our three children on my own thank u for doing these videos they truly help
This title made me laugh! The last character disturbed individual that tried to entangle me, actually said these words on several different occasions in conversations with me. He said it in mid-sentance, in text, in person, on phone. He said "I went too far" almost as a command to himself, like thoughts and points to remember, but he wasn't insightful enough to keep tabs in his head, he would just blurt it out.
Own Your Shit! I love it. It shouldn't be a problem for them to put their shoulders back, chin up and own that shit. We all know that's never going to happen though. 😊 thanks for insight 💐
It seems death is very nice and peaceful compared to life with the narcissist. Life loses its excitement, possibilities, opportunities to be replaced with constant stress, pain, panic and anxiety.
I’m in the middle of a divorce with my narcissist wife. I’m off 3 different anti depressants and my blood pressure has returned to normal. We did fighting and rage almost everyday for 8 months. We have since separated for 7 1/2 months. I finally woke up about a month ago and saw the light. I no longer want to be separated but yet abused since Jan 10 this year. These people are sick, they could careless about you or your relationship. After 16 years it’s time to pack up and go. She has spread lies to everyone we know about me. It’s now just me. I’m better off alone by myself than a lifetime of hell. I broke every rule I had since day one for her. These people are the fakest. It’s disgusting.
- Fuel Loss - (The Ultimate Fear) My narc boss, said that he would sooner cut the contract with the corresponding company than lose me... Take that one in for a moment. Ive been there for 7 1/2 years... I do need to start looking elsewhere, though. :( - Re-Wording Former Threat - My boss made veiled threats of getting rid of me, via "Word Salad", and the next time he brought the subject up, I could see by the tone and the way that he put his words together, that he was afraid of having gone to far the time prior too, and in his silent manner, later on, stated the same thing and tried to give a re-assurance that he didnt mean it. And thereafter invited to his Christmas party... (Fuel Loss - The Ultimate Fear)
After 1.5 years of not speaking to a narc, I received this text message: "Hey, I'd like to be friends again. Would you like to be friends again?" I didn't respond. Three days later I got this text: "I totally understand if you want time to think about it. Please take as much time as you need. I can wait. but could you reply and let me know if you got this text? It's been such a long time- this might not even be your current number." I didn't respond, but what do you think would have been the best response?
The best respond is -- NO RESPONDS. He is trying to rope / butter you in with small conversation, then with meeting you over coffee, acting all sweet and all, then you won't be able to get RID of them....they stick around like glue, they can't take NO for a answer. They use romance and love and their declaration of their love for you to soften you up, ACTIONS speak louder, but don't fall for it if they buy you gifts...good luck.
wait 15 years. Those emails will continue to appear every few years. I promise. Even if/when they find someone new. Meanwhile be happy, content with life, love being single. It's the best revenge! (fake it if you have to)
You provided the best response (nothing) and hopefully you see the trojan horse tactics being used. soon as you give in BOOM and it'll be much worse than before with new levels of disrespect
I'm in this phase since late November. I haven't initiated any contact since Nov 22. For 5 years we talked a few times a week. I always wondered why after a fight, she would never bring it up when she called. She gauge my emotional state and proceed as if nothing had happened. Sometimes she would say that it was normal not to address the elephant in the room.
Yep it (N) went too far by lying to me that there was an emergency so I drop everything and call it. I told it I felt like my trust was betrayed, and gaslighted me saying “I feel bad for calling you now”. NOT THE POINT! So it put me on a pedestal, and when I fell down, it suddenly didn’t want to talk at me on the phone for hours? Pathetic!
He discarded me over Christmas and New Year's and just went ghost. Wouldn't reply to texts or calls. Fast forward a month and he tried to hoover me back. I said enough is enough I don't want you back. And went to collect my stuff. He said he couldn't believe I would be so heartless and if I can toss him aside 'just like that' and forget all the good times we had then I must be a stronger person than him, because he's so broken. Cue his crocodile tears.
Urgh, yes. When they come crawling back, it is disgusting to me. Lately I had a coworker attack me with a smear in a meeting. I've known her for years. I came out of the fog just recently realized my mum, most of my relationships, friends and of course my workplace has narcs. Anyhow, when this colleague spew out her shit the thousands time I saw her pathology. So I put her on silent treatment. After a week she fawn me "I want to tell you something about me"😵 wtf? I don't want to hear it and off she goes. Can't forget the extremely weird look on her face.👾 Took her another two weeks with offering stuff like "we go grap ice, do you want some?" omg, the stupid high voice and fake smile. It is so obvious that it is more painful to ignore her meanwhile than being codep😉, cause once a week she is crawling around me. When does this stop?
this is exactly what happened with one of my relatives recently. the whole time line. alas this time I have in fact gone. She doesn't know it yet but I have gone. And there's no going back. oh well.
So sorry, that was a lot of blah blah blah and typos. But they drive us nutz! Sometimes we just need to vent. This is one of my favorite channels. Just the right balance in personable and yet also informational as well. Thx so so much for all ya do here. : )
Hi Im a new sub love your direct to the point videos very clear and easy to understand . Just wanted to share a story about a friend dont know if he is jealous or a narc or both i hope neither but i have my doubts. My friend likes to show me videos of odd interesting things and i also like them but when he showed me this video when a person hurt themselves really bad i very nicely told him that i dont like watching people or animals getting hurt I thought that was quite self explanatory why i didnt like those type of videos, well since that first time he has tried to show me many more times and i keep telling him the same thing, then he is very persistent and says things like ok just look at the last bit or I'll pause it just before that hits him and things like that. Anyway i never really could understand why he was so determined for me to watch these videos until about a week ago when he tried again I was a bit more assertive and flat out refused to watch it and told him I was sick of telling him that and he kind of under his breath said "I dont know why you hate watching those videos" to me he was telling the truth like he wasnt meant to say that out loud the way he said it I have not heard him talk that way before, so I'm quite sure all this time he was testing me to see if I really dont like videos of people hurting themselves because he cant comprehend why that is. Would love to hear your thought on this , your time and experience would really be appreciated and of great benefit. Thank you so much for your videos it is great great relief knowing there are people like yourself out there thank you
Would like more explanation on hoovering. My husband will who usually is not attentive to me will seek me out to check up on me. He doesn't have a particular purpose ie: like, oh there you are, i miss you. More like he is suspicious and is wanting to catch me in the act of doing something wrong. It's a very uncomfortable and degrading feeling when it happens. Is this what you would call 'hoovering'?
omg, i can think back and have a comment for each of your videos. When i left my ex he promised to go to counseling, offered marriage, and offered to stay with his mother until i sort myself out. when i refused he begin writing me letter with fictional affairs, he told me how many times i said he was rotten and he took it like a champ but it was me the lying, conning, manipulation, evil snake. Every word what all the things i'd called him for such a long time. He threatened to call the police to get his engagement ring back before he even asked. He wrote me a letter telling me the make believe man's name he even created a place where he lived. I thought he was going insane and later after i broke no contact for about the 3rd time he admitted that his imagination was getting wild and made it up just to see would i confess because he says I'll lie until the end. He would wait until i was asleep and go into my phone. Now we'd dated over 4 years he took 2 numbers and said i spend all my time calling other men. I had to speak on that when he confronted me with the first number and was told it was my daughter's house number, he then said o no that was the wrong number it was such and such i proved it was my cousin, he said i know it was a number you just lying. I then told him next he'd be asking me about the 800#'s next just reaching for any o thing. He knew i was loyal and he enjoyed the benefit but despised me for having an ounce of decency.
Yes he went too far! Held a loaded gun to my head. It is ludicrous that his mom tells me he still loves me! What the???? She is mad that I called the police. Unreal!
My brother finally went too far. I blocked his calls, and totally ignored him. My partner was crucial in keeping me resolute about not contacting him. He finally died of a heat attack a couple of months later, and I was finally free! I know it sounds horrible, but I just couldn't continue and keep what has left of both myself and my parters money. (Not to mention the few shreds of dignity I still had...) I wish it could have been different, but I'm 57, and he was 52 when he died. Enough is enough. Thank god I have a really loving partner, who stuck by me thick and thin.
A colleague at work, who I'm still trying to decide if he is a Narc or just a d*ck, stood me up for lunch yesterday after agreeing two days earlier to go to lunch together. When I didn't see him I left a note on his desk to let him know that I had come looking for him and then I went for lunch. When I came back, there was a message for me on my online work messaging system from him, saying he'd gone out to put money in the meter for his car and grabbed lunch on the way back. No, I'm sorry I forgot. No, Iet's arrange again I promise I won't forget this time. No acknowledgement of what he actually did TO me or a move to compensate for it, the lost time and the lost opportunity (I could have gone to lunch with someone else). Just a series of activities, as if what he did instead that lunchtime had anything to do with me. So you went to put money in a meter, and you grabbed lunch on the way back, and? He'd definitely gone too far. And I wasn't going to give him any more chances to mess me around (they always start out, really good, and then go to-tally flaky). Today, I come back from lunch with someone else which I'd pre-arranged, to find a message from him, Do you want to go to lunch? This was around lunchtime because I didn't see it before I left. So he would have sent it at some point after I'd already gone out. I saw also that he tried to call me on my work phone. So, not only did he do what he did, he actually thought he could get away with asking me to lunch,the very next day, with no prior invitation. So he'd stood up me up on an actual arranged lunch, and then thought rather than try to make up for it, he was going to be even worse, and ask me at lunchtime when he felt like it, he obviously didn't think he'd gone too far. I meannnnnnn.
My ex narc never laid a hand on me until after our divorce was final. He has attacked 3 times since and almost killed me. I now live 11 hours from my hometown, kids and gbabys just to feel safe. Is this normal narcissist behavior or something else.
being stuck in this cycle with someone is a very sad experience, even in hindsight.
A couple of weeks ago I offered to go to Narc Counseling with him. I told him that this was a Must before I would consider moving into his home. (Out of State) He seemed ok with it, but then turned the tables. He told me that I was the Covert narc.., and then went No Contact. Yes, he went too far this time. He knows it. I'm so grateful to you and others that have made these video's for us!! You may have saved my life.
I did the same thing with my ex-narc. She actually agreed to talk to a therapist and then flipped it around the next morning. Then, complained how much I hurt her for accusing her of being a narcasist...then, 3 days later admitted to being a narcasist lol...then, she was still upset about me calling her out for being a narcasist 😂😂😂 I told her that it doesn't make sense for her to be mad at me for calling her out and then send me a text message saying how thankful she was for me pointing out that she had narcasistic qualities. She lives in another state as well...thank goodness!!! Best wishes🙂
Did I go too far this time? Well, YA! You did!
A year ago - January 2016 (A few months before our official 19th anniversary) - the narcissist asked me why I was with him and I answered: "Because I love you." About a month later, after he accused me of causing a laundry flood which precipitated (literally! - the floors were ruined) renovations, I asked him why he was with me. Answer? "Because you're too stupid to leave."
Well, he went too far this time! Ever since then, I've been working to complete the renovations on the house, in time to list it for sale in the hot market of July. That fell through for various reasons, so I gave him some time to prove that he was going to therapy with a GOOD therapist (who wouldn't be snowed by his narcissistic charm). When that failed (he didn't NEED therapy! - HE said), I re-listed in December, and we just sold the house. I will be leaving in a month or thereabouts.
"Did I go too far this time?"
"Well, YA! You DID!"
They never miss you, they want to position you again. I never understood their dependance until I see that they need you in their dollhouse.
Heart as Stone Cold Cold Heart it's all about them.
They want to position you. Thats a good way of putting it. My sister is missing her playtoy. Such an evil witch!
i remember the eyes..vacant...and you talk and he doesn't listen..and then the slightly parted lips..like he was registering some level of awareness.but then it was over.. the day I left he punched the wall, wishing it was my face,..and all the horrible things that came out of his mouth...this was the awakening of reality for me.. after 10 years of trying..what a ridiculous fool I was.. 7 months later..still recovering.. slowly..and not looking back..
it has been a journey.. he has now set up shop with the new 'love of his life".. I wonder how many can someone have in a lifetime? By my count it is three for him.. mentally I know this was the only decision I had.
needed to hear that reaffirmation today. I have been so so good. You don't look back..and then you hear something from someone..it was intended as making you feel better..and you realize..he just snapped his fingers..replaced you so easily. I put in so much time and effort and what a waste. I know that self actualization and emotional growth is hard. I chose this..I chose to do this work.. this is just part of the growth process..
thank you for your kindness and your thoughts today. Thank you for your positive energies!
thank you!
wow brave soul. I commend you. Inspiration to me. Me 10 months last relationship 2 years I knew I was getting better sooner but not soon enough. I am now in the initial stages of healing very painful process and it keeps playing back in your head over and over again like a broken record. I was right my gut instincts but I was willing to make this work no matter what cause I saw potential as this man was raised by poor father figures he had a poor image or respect for women. He saw his own mother being beaten and grew up to think it's normal. They say look at how a man treats his mom that's how he will treat you and he treats her very poorly no respect and I correct him right there and there and his mom only encourages it him talking to her like that saying it's ok we talk to each other like this how not normal. Kra Kra
I remember triangulation and when that didn't work, crocodile tears.
Some people just need marionettes. Being a puppeteer is such a rush for them, because underneath it all, they're powerless, needy people. Always remember, these are the world's neediest people. Their victims are actually usually more self-sufficient than them. That's the final irony---that the real weakling in the pair was the abuser. They can't stand that.
Abusers are weaklings who can't stand their own weakness and dependency. Narcs are dependent, dependent, dependent, dependent. DEPENDENT. No one needs a big baby.
you got that right and again to feel better about their own guilt of being needy they say it's us. all the name calling they throw are way is what they are feeling. They are such a emotional roller coaster and drag us with them. Outside they are all macho muscles but skin deep a hurting little puppy. I called mine marshmallow lol
Lisa Rochwarg I love this. Too true.
Yea honestly. They try to project this air of superiority but their need to obsess and destroy is the exact opposite of what someone strong would do.
"They need you more than you will ever need them." Oh! So. True.
hoover, I get that, Narc went to far...Narc even said "I hope I didnt lose you" I said "thats interesting, why would you say that?" Narc had no answer...said he was sorry, he made a mistake and was soooo sorry...please give him one more chance, please...I will make it up to you I promise...I will come cook dinner for you saturday night and I have a gift for you...ok I took the chance, and it went fine for a couple days...he left some personal items at my house and he wanted to pick them up after church sunday night...told him "no I am busy I am not able to do that, what about Tues night?" Narc said "No, I will buy new and btw I do not want to go forward with you anymore, goodbye and good luck"....ok I am fine with that....Narc would not leave it alone! so Narc wanted me to drop his shit off at his house..or Narc would drive over to pick up....I said" NO, I will drop in mail" so Narc comes back with "all of my stuff, I want it all back" I was feed up at this point, so I answered "Go to Hell, Asswipe" and I blocked Narc from my cell, text and voice mail and email, twitter and FB...that was one month ago and I never look back...guess Narc went to far and his shit went into my Trash! I kept Narc's toothbrush, I clean my toilet with it and I feel good about that!
Cathy Ann 👏 👏 👏
Cathy Ann HAHAHAHHA THAT WAS FUNNY! I love the toothbrush part. Omg awesome!!!
Cathy Ann good one and like the toothbrush thing that's the icing on the cake
@@Tinkerginamama This is youtube, I've never admitted this before. But back in college I had the MEANEST narc roommate who made up lies about me, made my life hell, and messed physically with my stuff.
So on impulse, the day I left, I peed in his mouthwash. It takes a lot of people a lot of time to go through a bottle. It felt really satisfying picturing him gargling before work, before a date, before..... It was sterile, no harm no foul?
Georgia Byrd omg that is hilarious. Ok I’ll admit my bad too. I used my Narc fathers toothbrush to clean the toilets. Haha 😂 I do regret it because I’m such a huge person on integrity but it was years ago. Lol
You have no idea how much of a blessing your channel has been to me. To say that I'm enlightened would be an understatement...
Never doubt that they know what they are doing. You perfectly describe the cycles of abuse. From extreme moments of abuse, then back to an extreme display of faked affection through the exploitation of private moments. Idealization, denigration, abusive discard, and on and on and on....'own your shit' YES. As you say, they give you the proof.
You SO got their number. LOVE it. Great channel. (And, if I may, beautiful voice and diction).
From what i could observe, If you don't play the "let's pretend everything is ok" game, they will become nasty 1. Because you are desobedient 2. Because you are making them responsible for their unperfect behaviour and pointing out their true self (narcissistic rage and wound) they feel they are losing the game, and how dare you... 3. Because they know you might leave them this time and therefore they have to discard YOU before you discard them....
I'm amazed with the accuracy. I am exiting a 7-year relationship with a narcissist who had serious Hang Ups that started from his childhood. It is so amazing to get validation in therapy so just listening to the videos. I hope God blesses you. My soul had been burning for 7 years single mother raise two kids beautiful grandchildren. I want from one bad situation to meeting him. This guy person was and is a narcissistic and chauvinistic Soul only God could help him. I took care of my household and his clean cooked wash dishes folding his clothes I didn't ask for trips didn't ask for purses I didn't ask to get my hair done nails done I did all that myself. I wash my car myself service on my car dealing with dealerships and also auto mechanics. He did not back me up at all I was only for him and his usage. I was just there to support and listen to him. Anything he did as far as restaurants or bought food it'll be thrown in my face. If he bought food I would have to put it away cook it and wash dishes. He would get up and only make himself coffee and will use the excuse that I like mine's weak so he didn't fix me any because he likes his strong and bold. Logically strong coffee can be make weaker if you would like. I would make him breakfast and I wouldn't be hungry he would say thank you but he would sit right down on his lazy ass I get dessert yes dessert after breakfast after lunch after dinner get on his phone and abused Facebook and run his mouth to his friends loudly about football sports and everybody else's business and what they were doing and how they should do it . He would not help at all clean up. I will pour my heart out to him when I was depressed ask for advice support tell him what I was lacking from him he would throw it in my face what I wasn't doing for him he would run his mouth and brag about everybody and try to gather all these male friends and Entourage for his audience. When we stop talking he would do all the hanging out playing dominoes at his house he'll entertain his friends buy food for them won't ask anything of them but with me he would continue to throw it in my face what he did for me. This guy is so Twisted. He the relationship was still sleeping with his ex tried to play it off like it was an act of something that I caused . And the only reason why he got busted it because his phone butt dialed me and I answered on I heard the two having sex he and and even the after talk going out to eat, or what she hungry after that he was straight at her house Kickin It. I kept calling him back he turned his phone off.that night he really tried to lie his way out of it but he only went silent and blank face. He never apologize only use the excuse that it was my fault because it was new in a relationship and also was my fault because he got mad and was up thinking about going back to her so it was really twisted vulnerable even though I knew that lost the love I knew he didn't respect women nor myself but being an empath I felt they were some hope but there's no hope for people such as a narcissist I see no wrong in there doing they're going to always try to rectify and justify. Then I would never trust this man ever 100% and I would never put a hundred and 10% and feel safe with him I only thought I could do it, thought because of my feelings but I was in love with a mirage. 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected as 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected as 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected as far 3-month single exiting my feelings from a previous relationship I set boundaries with him and told him what I expected everything I expected honesty and marriage and that I would not be in a relationship that was going to go nowhere The first year was okay there after it unraveled he had me where he wanted me. He bought a house and said it was for me I didn't help choose that home he searched for a home and bought it I knew after the fact I never moved into the first two years when my lease was up he will come up with excuses that we had to talk. I would not bring it back up so I would renew my lease and then he was okay with that he got his way out. So 2 years I would pack my stuff up for weekends and days at a time weeks at a time and stay there during the day that was there weeks at a time taking care of his house. I was his listener he would cut me conversations when I cried out for help he was switching back to himself his needs and that he's going through the same thing and pretty much that I should just shut up I would hear his stories about childhood past present future over and over again I could tell him back his stories like the back of my hand that's how much he talked. I had some personal stuff there and clothes but I was like a bag lady with no Direction or as if I had no place to live. He'd check his mail maybe once every two to three weeks I would go through his mail sorted out he still wouldn't go through it. I never had a key to his home only the code to the garage to get in the back, if he left the door unlocked. He 48 years old was always in need men around him and be the loud mouth. He had to be the outcasts shine..... he loved attention but did not give attention he supplemented giving as far as what money he can give to somebody. Also let them borrow or do favors for them he felt gratitude and gloating throwing it in your face or letting everybody know what he did that's just a small fraction... Miss permission to heal..... bless you for your videos and your counseling it's helping my heart heal
What if we never give the narcissist the pleasure of upsetting us? I eat very healthy at work and look younger than my years, and have a figure many younger girls would kill for, but my narc boss insinuated one day that I'm one of those persons that vomit after they eat. I know he would say anything to make me look bad because his girlfriend is fat, old and ugly, so I just tell him a comment like: "You keep telling yourself that!" with a smile. He says hurtful things to try to get a reaction or to hurt me, or make me feel bad for my hard work to look good, not sure and don't care, but I'll never give him the satisfaction of hurting me or make me feel bad about myself.
Good story, happened to me too
Call him out. Say something like 'wow, now that's just an insulting and hateful comment to make at me; are you feeling alright??' He'll say whatever. And then you can elaborate with, oh cuz it seems like you're harboring some kind of deep seated resentment or jealousy against me with insults like that.
It really boggles my mind how I've experienced everything that you speak about in your videos. It's like you peeked into the relationship I had with my narc; but obviously, this just speaks to the predictability of all narcs.
Oh yeah! Ten years ago, not knowing anything about narcs but just knowing I was suffocating in my marriage, I arranged to leave in a way that he didn't realize I was actually leaving permanently. I didn't even hate him at that time, I just felt disappointment and knew this was going to hurt him. When he found out the truth he went NUTS. It was just like you say! - So contrite, writing poems, begging and crying for me to remember my vows (15 years with this soul killer was enough THANK you) - and when I still refused to return, he got SO nasty in a way I had never seen before, calling me awful names and accusing me of things I'd never done, I mean really brutal. I was shocked and devastated, thinking I'd actually felt sorry for him, and here he was threatening me and the children and simply going psychotic. Thank you, Mr. Deranged Narc, for showing me who you REALLY were. Yep, you WENT TOO FAR.
It's deliberate. They know exactly what they're doing. They're evil being to say the least.
it's the nature of the beast they cant help it very sad and now where is he gone ghost on me again after I ended it on text and told him to take his stuff like he told me to take mine. he text back says relax and chill the f up I say I don't think so he says ok
Thank you for describing this to me. This just happened to me. He went to far and is now acting contrite. But it's to late the relationship is severed. I'm just waiting to see him turn nastier than ever. It's probably going to be difficult and hurtful but I need the confirmation. It's hard to just up and leave on a dime, after 37 years.
Joy Allen Please get out asap, or make a plan to exit. Don't tell him about your plan. Don't tell him anything. Just exit! You may be saving your own life. I'm don't mean to upset you, just want to give you a heads up. Take care. Women's shelter.. Be safe!
Joy Allen are you ok, how did it work out for you?
Joy Allen Positive energy sent to you! You clearly are strong enough, you will come out better on the other side. I've been in this mess for 4 years and recently had a child with the narc. I thought he was a womanizer but research more I know he's a narc. I have been confronting him and calling out his behavior. He is losing it, running out the house, coming back in, running up the stairs, -not saying a word. Scary but a part of me still hold out faith that if he is aware of his pathology that he will make steps to correct them -if not for himself for his son. I'm also, co dependent and I realize I could be wrong and will have to deal with the consequences either way.
When I left my Narc and after the first few weeks of his angry, blaming hoovering. I went no contact. I saw a counsellor that specialises in domestic violence. She knew what I was going through. She helped me understand the Narcs behaviour and my role in it. I thought letting my feelings out was a bad thing. I thought if I just keep them bottled up, I could pretend I was ok. She told me to sit with my feelings and allow them to come and go. I spent a good year crying in private and journelling about my feelings. I did it at every opportunity I got. I felt so sad that it was over. I felt angry that things couldn't be the way I wanted. I was angry that he couldn't see how his behaviour was effecting me. I guess that's the grieving process. I thought the pain would never end. But, eventually I started to feel better. I looked back in my journal and was stunned to see what I had been through. It looked like someone else had written it.
Don't expect leaving to be easy. Especially when they start being Mr Nice Guy again. It's so hard to not to fall for it. But, dig deep for that strength that we all have and use it to move you forward to something so much better.
TashaBabi16 A friend gave me some advice when I first left my Narc...'a leopard never changes his spots'. Her words still ring in my ears 15 years later. I've just left my Narc for the 5th time in 20 years. Staying out for good this time. I hope it doesn't take you that long to find out my friends words are true. Stay safe X
My ex never pondered this. She loved hitting below the belt. There was no limit. She eventually kicked me down the steps without a hint of remorse.
I like the way you present your narc experience-based analysis; very personal yet objective and little to no religious references. Keep up the good work
I listen to a lot of narc videos but I particularly like this lady cuz her personality is so witty and upbeat and entertaining. She makes it fun to learn about this, which takes so much of the sting out of the predicament I find myself in.
Yep, their arrogance is their biggest weakness if you learn to use it as your defense. They will fall for the same thing over and over and over--even worse than myself, the victim. Anything you tell them that they want to hear will be accepted.
I believed in my husband because I am trustworthy, and assumed him to be. He believes things only based on how it feels to him. If you boost him up, compliment him, encourage him to do something by saying he is so good at it, or whatever the particular narc sees in himself, or wants to see, he will jump through hoops. I swear I could tell mine he should run for president and he's be excited. It's weird, but useful in certain situations to protect yourself by diverting the narc to look at himself--his favorite thing.
Thank you for granting me the permission to exist. You gave me back my life. I died already when i accepted everything my narc wants me to do. I totally forget myself because i thought i was being Godly by being a loving, patient, caring, understanding, and submissive wife. Now i decided to sever the cord that connects us. I want to live.....
Amen
In the workplace I have found
N.P.D. co-workers that said"I
Don't like HAPPY people"
My reply...
Nothing!
I let my ACTIONS SPEAK...
I am " the happiest person "
TO these co-workers I can
Possibly be. OVER COME
EVIL BY DOING GOOD!!!
The entire notion of wives needing to be submissive is a profound enabling and reinforcement of male narcissism. I wonder about the 'pastors' who teach this idea. What are they like at home?
When it's a loved one, it's very hard😥💔
When it's our nut case mothers or parents
You surely mean.
Another good topic in the "evolution" of man's experiences with a narc.
Thank you for assembleing together!
Is, indeed, once close to be healed, fun to watch how they contrive and how they check in your reaction of their going too far. Maybe, is narcissistic from my part, too, to let it enfold and watch it, but: If I do good remember, they are the ones initiating it. Right?
And, I know:
"the only way of winning from a toxic person is not to play".
Yet, they, even if you don't wanna play, they are able to start it and holding it (in that far their "pride"/arrogance doesn't hold them back)
Once, in my life I wanted to know (consciously) how their game is going. Other times before I didn't know where to look for - was completely unaware. Learned my lessons bit by bit, now.
It takes you lots of energy to find out but at in the end, you'll know. And once you do, is easy to cut it off from the start.
It also helps man to define its own boundaries, which it makes myself proud. Great feeling! 😊
Least but not last: I still hope they (the narcs) by going too far and having the lost, will finally learn to feel?!
Their sinking too far will make them (ever) rise from ashes as the phoenix?!
Wish them (& us) that!
That feeling of freeing themself and humanity from crippleing is priceless!
Have a great weekend! 💞
Again, you've taught me so much about what a true evil little insecure idiot I've been since i hit puberty. Not only that, but you've really helped me to identify the behaviours I've ingested from my environment i was raised in so that way i can deprogram that junk from my thought life, then my actions. Not only do i thank you, but I'm sure all the people i surround myself with after i get better (if that's even possible, because this stuffs so deeply embedded). For real though, my life since puberty has been adopting all of the negative traits of those i was raised around that were abusive, because i seen that (seemingly) it got them desirable results to be completely abusive, inconsiderate and rude and i felt so weak from that abuse that i endured as a child that i never wanted to go through anything like that again so i became the abuser. By how you control your speech, the way you CHOOSE to phrase things and your general mannerisms you show me a healthy way to speak to people and get my point across without projection of my issues. I wish i had you for a therapist when i was a kid, because you really could of helped me nip this stuff in the bud before it developed so much. I pray for you, i don't know you, but i really respect you for putting such holistic info out there and being able to teach somebody as screwed up and stubborn as i am by showing me what an intelligent adult should sound like. When i was growing up this was a template i wasn't shown. A lot of us simply weren't and really are just lost and hurt. Of course, not all, but some of us are and i think if more of my type heard you they'd appreciate it greatly as well. This is not an attempt to love bomb i promise, i just have never had anybody explain what's wrong with me and my environment so well that my arrogant wall of ego can't protect the traumatized child behind it from hearing reason. Also, you really help my walk with Christ by showing me how to be loving. Some of us really just don't understand what seems to be basic for a lot of people, because we've never been presented with it and by the time we were it was so foreign that we didn't get it. For real, God bless you.
Sorry for the book, but i wanted to express a big feeling of relief from knowing that not only do i know how to fix my life now, but also that somebody gets what it's like in my head.
Yes! "Own your $hit!" is the frustration of dealing with the narc's game-playing, and they are not able to own it because I guess they don't even have any to own. This explains their parasitism.
I find when my narcissistic mom is somewhat nice to me one time , I'm am certain the very next conversation is evil for whatever reason. Then the next is nice , then evil once again and so on. So I try to only answer the phone every other call. That too pisses her off. I guess in her eyes I'm suppose to sit right next to the phone to wait for her abuse. I have learned to laugh at her quite often
Raquel L, isn't it time you didn't answer her calls and went NO CONTACT? Do you wanna go through the rest of this very short life having to put up with her jealousy and hatred?
Right. They take your kindness for weakness.
OMG...once again you've reminded me of something that I already knew but didn't know I knew! I knew when it was happening that my ex was just 'raising the bar' but
I didn't act on it. This is the second or third time lately that I've realized in all caps that I need to stop second-guessing myself and let me listen to whatever it is I'm saying.
As far as narcs knowing exactly what they're doing and doing it anyway...sheesh. I've been thinking about this for a long time, too. Why would a person, how could a person deliberately, knowingly set out to destroy another person??? I guess I just have trouble believing that anybody is that totally evil and cruel. Unfortunately, I've gotten too much evidence for the fact that they do, indeed, know exactly what they're doing...so sooner or later, I'll just have to admit that they're simply 'evil idiots'...lol. Thanks for all of your videos and all the things you remind me of that I knew but didn't know I knew... :) L&L
I've had so many - "I knew, but didn't know I knew".
I knew I was onto something, but how do I ask someone, who would believe me, .... I've learnt my lesson that I JUST KNEW .......and not to second guess myself and seek out proof.... Then I got the second part/ stage, now that I KNOW;, WHAT do I do about it, how do I restore the balance of power.??? These videos have helped me heaps.
When you can leave without pain or shedding a tear; you will have restored YOUR power.
Ever hear the phrase "He who cares least, has all the power? I've also heard it shortened to 'He who cares least, wins'
Ego
M Fisher they want to destroy you and love what they do because you are just another toy for them,they don't want you to be happy.
Sorry for my bad English
Thank you for your patience to explain all the aspects of the subject.
You are simply AMAZING!! I thought I knew what I was doing when I remarried my NARC wife (divorced 7 years). With a minor in Psychology I did recognize what I was getting into, but still had no idea how to really deal with it this time around. Thanks for all of the fantastic advice.
I cannot believe you just said that about them knowing when you're just done and them feeling the broken connection. I have been saying that the only reason that he didn't try harder to get me back this last time was he knew I was done. You're a smart woman.
Stephanie Farlow , My Narcissist hasn't been making any effort to get me back, after I decided to re-list the house in December. We live in the same house, but rarely talk or interact. He's made no effort to get me back, except just before we signed to accept the offer on the house. "Do you think there's any chance we can get together, after this is all done?" (Sale of the house)
Answer: "No. You lie. You cheat."
He: "Yeah, I lie. But I haven't had any sexual affairs. Only emotional ones." (Like lying isn't bad enough!)
Question in my mind: "So emotional affairs with several women is not 'SEXUAL?!' (He thinks unless there is direct sexual intimacy, he's NOT cheating! WRONG! DEAL BREAKERS! - lying AND cheating.)
They use us as an Emotional Crutch and when they have fed their Ego enough it's time to go ghost and leave you wondering I figured mine out a while ago beating him at his own game.They are so immature when it comes to relationships clueless dumb idiots .
How true this is. I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and am just now realizing he is a narc. This channel explains everything I’ve been through all these years.
Lavender Frog I go through the same thing been married 15 years!
Yup and I have found walking a prefect balance called... feed them only scraps and crumbs... very little pieces of me. And... here's the best part- I change up my behavior to suit me and my needs only now. I give or don't give much attention to them at all... all depends on my mood now. I took control, period. And they never know? what to expect from me? anymore? I'm unbalanced with them on purpose. I had to. They gave me no choice. Most times I live in my own world like they don't even exist at all. Like huh??? playing stupid works wonders with narcs. Just say so crazy dumb shit? too, HA! Like only when your alone with them. So they think your stupid. Then around others look normal. They talk about how crazy you are? People think and know they are nuts cause your normal. I run their games- on them. They talk horrible about you, as well. So give them ammo. But it's not accurate, like it's the opposite so... they look like the crazy they are. You tell them you hate chocolate, but you really love chocolate. Once you know who and what they are, feed them the opposite of what and who you really are. They stay off balance concerning get YOU.
They think- they are pushing your bottons and getting to you but... your laughing inside! This is easier with work than home narcs. But I'm currently using it on the home narcs and it working. I have little to no contact while in the house. So when I'm not in the same space I'm not working on anything. But if I walk into the room they are in, I'm on point. So they push... you to the edge... just come back in a slick way and out smart them. But always best to dump them ASAP if ya can. This world has enough of them to keep cycling out towards us. No need to give or keep giving ANY energy to the ones we don't have to, ya know?
I've come to the same conclusion, work their own SHIT on them, give them a taste of their own medicine, they hate it, (I hate it too,) but they gave me no choice...just keep them off balance, feed them lies, (like they have with us) but I treat my real friends with love and respect.
They are teaching us what & where we need to toughen up in ourselves, they point out way, we just have to follow the path to our stronger & wiser self.
I love that she doesn't "sell herself"she gets right to the point.
this was fantastic, thank you so much. I actually used "own your shit" yesterday with a situation I'm currently dealing with. the person freaked out, picked up her stuff and left the office. I rarely use four letter words in the office, but this situation has been escalating for a long time. it certainly was effective!
You need to stop feeling like your the victim in the relationship the way it sounds like you are the aggressive in making he feel like it's he but it's leaving him out there when all he wants is for you to spend time with him an telling everyone private matters about him GOD will punish you really bad and your a child of God what is this world coming too in the bible it says take the speck out of your eyes before you take the speck out of your brothers
Havair Alvin Haviar, please shut up
Why Valerie it's the truth some people need too tear the truth and your the type of people the full people head with bullsbit too make them feel like the victims you guys some sick up
Thank God I'm not in love with a narc. Love my dog. But, a Mom is hard to deal with. Today is my birthday. Reached out today wasn't a good birthday present to give myself.
All these videos the training goes right out of your mind I call it Narc Amnesia NarcNesia. You forget everything then end up having to recalibrate. I'm very glad to find this video specifically.📲🕯💡🌞my sanity is gifted back.
Thank you for that. Know these videos can take time to make then share. The work is appreciated. She's definitely someone I wish I could directly partner with as I form my marketplace. The networks. She is on my DreamTeam list.♡
My narc ex bf took things way too far over a year before I broke up with him. I almost broke up with him one day after he called me horrible names in an argument, and he, at that point, changed his tune and apologized and begged for me back. In arguments after that he would use it against me, as a reason not to trust me. When I finally broke up with him for real, after 3 years of him scraping every ounce of love I had for him out of my heart from the inside, i went home and ate homemade macncheese with my family and everything was suddenly better than it had been in a long time. He, on the other hand, was in turmoil for weeks, emailing me through school email where i couldn't block him, trying to make me feel guilty and make out like I did something wrong in one email, and in the next apologizing and begging. It was the most pathetic thing I'd ever seen.
Please don't stop sharing your knowledge PTE, I've being leaving a comment on also every video of yours because for years I've been trying to figure out what the heck was going on in my relationship and as soon as you start talking about a certain subject, I am blown away because not only are you completely accurate about the narcissist, but you are just as accurate about what I've been doing, thinking, and feeling as the co-dependent in the relationship.
Thanks so much for your work! I love your unique analysis and descriptions of narcissists, you are so on point 👍. Maybe it's because I'm well into my healing and recovery, but you make me chuckle so much😁 when hit those points of truth. Your channel is helping me see them so crystal clear now and like you, I'm starting to be fasinated by them and how predicable they really are.
I'm loving your channel. You hit it right on the nail.
Thank you! I appreciate this topic being addressed more than you can ever imagine! It's become even more difficult for me to sever the ties with him since he "took it tooo far" a year ago in September! 😔 What he did should have completely woken me up to the reality of his manipulative abusive narsasistic behavior... But instead I continue fighting to sever the ties as he is now "trying" to be "overly nice" and although deep in my heart I know the truth, I constantly struggle with feeling that I am "the bad guy" for not being receptive to his "so called kindness".. for not trusting his "love and compassion" towards me... for not wanting to accept his "help". I continually doubt myself as I often "wish to believe" that he has changed but knowing that he in fact has not changed.. That it only "appears that way" sometimes... I am constantly praying for the strength to completely break free from this cyclical abuse. I pray that we all find ourselves free from this seemingly never ending struggle and painful existence... Thank you so very much for sharing your insightful videos... May God bless you and keep you in his Devine Love...! 😇
Peace Love and Light 🌞💕🙏
I love your videos!! This is my favorite video about narcissistic people!!! I have listened to it many times!❤️
After the last blow up and temper tantrum and chance I gave my narc...that was it, and I merely told her I simply needed a break and she freaked out...like a normal person woulda been fine with that but oh man she couldn’t stand it that I had changed and broken the pattern...she “needed” to see me...calling my husband calling family members she hasn’t spoken to in years to get to me 🙄 so pathetic....oh and then came the txts “I don’t deserve this” “your making me so heartbroken” “I’m dieing inside” hahaha...I’m like well then do something about it 👌 I’m not responsible for your happiness! 😂 and this is all you fault.
My Narc went too far when she told me that I couldn't even mention my faith around her. That I could believe anything I wanted too but bringing it up in any way, shape or form around her was forbidden. I said in no uncertain terms that this arrangement didn't work for me, that I wasn't ashamed of my faith, and I wasn't going to hide it from anyone. Keep in mind I never pushed it on her or tried to convert her or anything like that. I would just reference it sometimes in conversation. Anyway when I said it didn't work for me she immediately turned the whole situation around and accused me of not allowing HER to have her own belief system...Wait a minute, wasn't she the one who just put limits on my speach?...lol These people are nuts. When she realized she couldn't bully me and I confronted her with the truth she shut down, gave me the silent treatment and even went so far as to block me on social media..haha. So even though she trampled most of my boundaries she eventually found one she couldn't cross and she went too far. This was before I knew she was a narcissist/ psychopath or whatever she is. Only since I've learned about these disorders does everything make sense.
Skinny Moose demons don't like to talk about faith
Bingo..it's gone way to far..
I know it's been 6 years, but may I say, sister, your expression is gold! "...like very humble and kind of looking at yoou, and looking at the... Stop it'" 😂👏
I think this is the phase that I am in with my narc former significant other: I don't contact her at all which may have confused her. She texts me to check how I respond. I no longer offer any info at all, do not suggest that we get together, nor do I mention this we even had a serious romantic involvement. It will be interesting to see whether she actually breaks down and goes beyond just texting " hello how are you?" This is all after a period of horrible abuse and neglect..
Yes we are divorcing had our first day of Court today. He kept staring at me I noticed my Covert Narc Spouse he was trying to get my attention. I saw this from the Corner of my eye. I turned my
chair so my back was to him at all times. Yes I Acted like he wasn't there. My Attorney said, " he is a liar& I'm blocking you from him & protecting you". Yes my Attorney
doesn't like him at all. Told me "after I win this for you... I'm getting drunk"! No kidding my Attorney said this... lol! I am going with him after this my Narc kept lying
and trying to hurt me today. The Judge looked at me with a sad look worried about me. The stare.
Mine actually told me that he was not a good man and that I deserve better. Well that's about the only thing he's gotten right about me. I do deserve better.
First thing I thought when I saw the tiitle of this video was wow a response to similar statement "Did I go too far?" from the person seating as president of this great nation just over the past weekend. I was in total shock to see you made this video months ago! You very much know about Narc Logic. Amazing to say the least. More than ever Thank you for your always on point videos and your lovely, calming, soothing and very reassuring voice :)
Lol. I just checked NHusband's Facebook after I moved him to another bedroom and bathroom of the house Sunday.
He knows Spring and Easter Sunday are my favorite seasons. in true Narc fashion he made a major purchase on Saturday ( which violated our "agreed" family budget) i believe he thought I wouldnt react because of his " Holy timing" I am not proud of my unholy reaction. I stayed home on Easter Sunday. He went to church TWICE on Sunday.
. He Is posting serious "Christian" memes.
Beware of the " Christians Narc "
I fell for the love bomb and then actually moved in with her, i knew i wasn't ready it was only a year after a 20 year relationship divorce. Soon as I signed the lease she switched. She said things to me that was unbelievable anyone would say, yea she went too far multiple times, but i promised i wouldn't leave until lease was up because she has a kid and would have ended up on the streets. I spent months trying to figure out what was going on then one day she called ME a narcissist. So being a person that trys to self improve. I then looked into it and wow it made so much sense, she is a major narc. Evil it would seem. And I am still here cause lease ends in dec, its oct now. Well funny thing it she is nice again and doing what anyone would expect your partner to do. I just laugh now cause I know she is just trying to manipulate me into signing another lease. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Anyway. Its thanks to your channel. You taught me a lot and if i wasn't so distressed from my divorce I don't think I would have fallen got her games. She is a guilt trip GODDESS. And i felt bad for her son because we bonded. But I am done and now feel so much better knowing soon I will be me again. Thank you, I subbed.
oh my god my catchphrase was "you took it entirely too far." For about a year or two. I don't know how I was living like that. Oh god and the whole will you still participate thing...just damn.
10:16 TRUTH. That's when they really go nuts.
Thank you for your videos.... it's an inspiration to have somewhere to turn to when your World falls apart because you don't know who to believe are you can't believe. One day I hope to try to repay what I've learned online and come to terms with his going on in my life
keep doing the workplace narc stuff, everyone else does parents and partners.
FirstHalfMoon 1734 I'm feeling like you!
Yes, more workplace👍😘
folks really do give narcs a wide berth when they do this, even though it makes everyone uncomfortable. i believe it's because the narc is working their position to its greatest logical extension, and they are checking the security of said position. makes it hard to find a good excuse to question their behavior.
Wow. The test of "have I gone too far" by checking whether you'll still do "that thing".... Spot on. That's my mother.
This is absolutely true. I absolutely feel he has added me to triangulation I was never a knowing part of. I believe one of those in that triangle is "playing to win"... Which gets him off. No matter what he ever says to anyone else, he's never doubted how I feel and it's real and it's not a game. When games were present to my knowledge, I was out. That was our "dance". I will not do nonsense. He knew that. He would rather die than another man touch me. He plays behind the scenes. He blew his wad by being shitty to me with his "road dog" last year. He did the same with me and blowing his web of lies recently. He also gave "time" for me to put all of his "things he told on himself" together. He's played behind the scenes five years post break up. He hoovered and love bombed under others profiles and phone numbers... all to create a story that is fiction at best. He went way too far. All I've wanted is him to own his shit so I can move on... not an emotion thing. He never will. I held on to that hope until he completely blew my mind. Yeah. They can go way too far... They actually did a long time ago.
The Narc I have loved for over a year told me this week "he'd kill me after I married him and steal my cash". After I said no more, he called ME crazy and said he was JUST kidding. YEA, he went too far....I already have an ex husband who wants me dead, now this fool too? I don't sleep well at night. And people wonder why I'm an alcoholic?? Hmmm....scared for my life maybe??
When will I find love??
K Warrior check out Shera7 she will teach how to play the game
Dear Kristin, in my view, you are NOT an 'alcoholic!!' You, (like me,) occasionally imbibe with booze, in order to block out the pain. Look for the love you so richly deserve within yourself. So will I. Take a nice walk, out in the country, take some snacks, etc. Look at nature, birds, the sea, anything you get a sense of peace and freedom from. By all means have an occasional drinky, but hopefully not every day ! Never put yourself down because you are worth as much as any saint. As I write this, I realise I am giving myself the same advice, exactly. ! Please let me know how you are getting on. x
You will find love when you love yourself
Hi just wanted to let u know your the only narc teacher I watch love your confidence and attitude these people are demons love your Theorys I'm really into the study of people
I have what I feel is a good example of have I gone to far this time I had told my ex that I was kind of worried about dementia and with the gaslighting that I was experiencing at the time she had done some research on it and really start to say on the sligh things about early onset it got to the point where I was trembling in fear during a argument and she said this is why you shouldn't mess with me then shortly after that she went on with yhday as if nothing ever happened I never really got over that it was so cold blooded it stuck in my head and now I'm raising our three children on my own thank u for doing these videos they truly help
Mike Palandri Wow Mike that's terrible. You will live a long happy life and you know it❤
lmao,esp the part about being contrite... i love your channel. you have a very soothing voice
This title made me laugh! The last character disturbed individual that tried to entangle me, actually said these words on several different occasions in conversations with me. He said it in mid-sentance, in text, in person, on phone. He said "I went too far" almost as a command to himself, like thoughts and points to remember, but he wasn't insightful enough to keep tabs in his head, he would just blurt it out.
You are AMAZING! I love listening to your vids. You put everything SO perfectly! Thank you. 💜
It's no laughing matter when the narcissist wrecks your career and then proceeds to destroy your life and then everything you are.
Own Your Shit! I love it. It shouldn't be a problem for them to put their shoulders back, chin up and own that shit. We all know that's never going to happen though. 😊 thanks for insight 💐
Love your channel you are so on point about these people.
congratulations! you deserve your success
It seems death is very nice and peaceful compared to life with the narcissist. Life loses its excitement, possibilities, opportunities to be replaced with constant stress, pain, panic and anxiety.
I’m in the middle of a divorce with my narcissist wife. I’m off 3 different anti depressants and my blood pressure has returned to normal. We did fighting and rage almost everyday for 8 months. We have since separated for 7 1/2 months. I finally woke up about a month ago and saw the light. I no longer want to be separated but yet abused since Jan 10 this year. These people are sick, they could careless about you or your relationship. After 16 years it’s time to pack up and go. She has spread lies to everyone we know about me. It’s now just me. I’m better off alone by myself than a lifetime of hell. I broke every rule I had since day one for her. These people are the fakest. It’s disgusting.
- Fuel Loss - (The Ultimate Fear)
My narc boss, said that he would sooner cut the contract with the corresponding company than lose me... Take that one in for a moment. Ive been there for 7 1/2 years... I do need to start looking elsewhere, though. :(
- Re-Wording Former Threat -
My boss made veiled threats of getting rid of me, via "Word Salad", and the next time he brought the subject up, I could see by the tone and the way that he put his words together, that he was afraid of having gone to far the time prior too, and in his silent manner, later on, stated the same thing and tried to give a re-assurance that he didnt mean it. And thereafter invited to his Christmas party... (Fuel Loss - The Ultimate Fear)
Thank you so much for your helpful videos. You have such an articulate, soothing speaking voice
After 1.5 years of not speaking to a narc, I received this text message:
"Hey, I'd like to be friends again. Would you like to be friends again?"
I didn't respond. Three days later I got this text:
"I totally understand if you want time to think about it. Please take as much time as you need. I can wait. but could you reply and let me know if you got this text? It's been such a long time- this might not even be your current number."
I didn't respond, but what do you think would have been the best response?
robstar1a
Delete the message and pretend you never got it!
The best respond is -- NO RESPONDS. He is trying to rope / butter you in with small conversation, then with meeting you over coffee, acting all sweet and all, then you won't be able to get RID of them....they stick around like glue, they can't take NO for a answer. They use romance and love and their declaration of their love for you to soften you up, ACTIONS speak louder, but don't fall for it if they buy you gifts...good luck.
wait 15 years. Those emails will continue to appear every few years. I promise. Even if/when they find someone new.
Meanwhile be happy, content with life, love being single. It's the best revenge! (fake it if you have to)
You provided the best response (nothing) and hopefully you see the trojan horse tactics being used. soon as you give in BOOM and it'll be much worse than before with new levels of disrespect
Lol, that's insane!!
I'm in this phase since late November. I haven't initiated any contact since Nov 22. For 5 years we talked a few times a week. I always wondered why after a fight, she would never bring it up when she called. She gauge my emotional state and proceed as if nothing had happened. Sometimes she would say that it was normal not to address the elephant in the room.
They also like to check in during the ramped up abuse to see if you've had enough. It just strengthened my resolve
This hit the nail on the head
Hahaha your videos crack me up. Makes this circumstance easier to cope with. Thanks for all the info
Yep it (N) went too far by lying to me that there was an emergency so I drop everything and call it. I told it I felt like my trust was betrayed, and gaslighted me saying “I feel bad for calling you now”. NOT THE POINT! So it put me on a pedestal, and when I fell down, it suddenly didn’t want to talk at me on the phone for hours? Pathetic!
Common place world of narcissist,our ignorant society!😢
Right there with you! I prefer Voldemort to that evil woman teacher dressed all in pink who tortures Harry with a smile....
He discarded me over Christmas and New Year's and just went ghost. Wouldn't reply to texts or calls.
Fast forward a month and he tried to hoover me back. I said enough is enough I don't want you back. And went to collect my stuff.
He said he couldn't believe I would be so heartless and if I can toss him aside 'just like that' and forget all the good times we had then I must be a stronger person than him, because he's so broken.
Cue his crocodile tears.
Urgh, yes. When they come crawling back, it is disgusting to me. Lately I had a coworker attack me with a smear in a meeting. I've known her for years. I came out of the fog just recently realized my mum, most of my relationships, friends and of course my workplace has narcs. Anyhow, when this colleague spew out her shit the thousands time I saw her pathology. So I put her on silent treatment. After a week she fawn me "I want to tell you something about me"😵 wtf? I don't want to hear it and off she goes. Can't forget the extremely weird look on her face.👾 Took her another two weeks with offering stuff like "we go grap ice, do you want some?" omg, the stupid high voice and fake smile. It is so obvious that it is more painful to ignore her meanwhile than being codep😉, cause once a week she is crawling around me. When does this stop?
this is exactly what happened with one of my relatives recently. the whole time line. alas this time I have in fact gone. She doesn't know it yet but I have gone. And there's no going back. oh well.
So sorry, that was a lot of blah blah blah and typos. But they drive us nutz! Sometimes we just need to vent. This is one of my favorite channels. Just the right balance in personable and yet also informational as well.
Thx so so much for all ya do here. : )
Sister you have help me so ,words can neva explain how grateful I am to you,thank u so much.
Hi Im a new sub love your direct to the point videos very clear and easy to understand . Just wanted to share a story about a friend dont know if he is jealous or a narc or both i hope neither but i have my doubts. My friend likes to show me videos of odd interesting things and i also like them but when he showed me this video when a person hurt themselves really bad i very nicely told him that i dont like watching people or animals getting hurt I thought that was quite self explanatory why i didnt like those type of videos, well since that first time he has tried to show me many more times and i keep telling him the same thing, then he is very persistent and says things like ok just look at the last bit or I'll pause it just before that hits him and things like that. Anyway i never really could understand why he was so determined for me to watch these videos until about a week ago when he tried again I was a bit more assertive and flat out refused to watch it and told him I was sick of telling him that and he kind of under his breath said "I dont know why you hate watching those videos" to me he was telling the truth like he wasnt meant to say that out loud the way he said it I have not heard him talk that way before, so I'm quite sure all this time he was testing me to see if I really dont like videos of people hurting themselves because he cant comprehend why that is. Would love to hear your thought on this , your time and experience would really be appreciated and of great benefit.
Thank you so much for your videos it is great great relief knowing there are people like yourself out there thank you
I literally just got hoovered via email while listening to this lol
Would like more explanation on hoovering. My husband will who usually is not attentive to me will seek me out to check up on me. He doesn't have a particular purpose ie: like, oh there you are, i miss you. More like he is suspicious and is wanting to catch me in the act of doing something wrong. It's a very uncomfortable and degrading feeling when it happens.
Is this what you would call 'hoovering'?
No, that is simply controlling his "object"...you.
omg, i can think back and have a comment for each of your videos. When i left my ex he promised to go to counseling, offered marriage, and offered to stay with his mother until i sort myself out. when i refused he begin writing me letter with fictional affairs, he told me how many times i said he was rotten and he took it like a champ but it was me the lying, conning, manipulation, evil snake. Every word what all the things i'd called him for such a long time. He threatened to call the police to get his engagement ring back before he even asked. He wrote me a letter telling me the make believe man's name he even created a place where he lived. I thought he was going insane and later after i broke no contact for about the 3rd time he admitted that his imagination was getting wild and made it up just to see would i confess because he says I'll lie until the end. He would wait until i was asleep and go into my phone. Now we'd dated over 4 years he took 2 numbers and said i spend all my time calling other men. I had to speak on that when he confronted me with the first number and was told it was my daughter's house number, he then said o no that was the wrong number it was such and such i proved it was my cousin, he said i know it was a number you just lying. I then told him next he'd be asking me about the 800#'s next just reaching for any o thing. He knew i was loyal and he enjoyed the benefit but despised me for having an ounce of decency.
Happy71052 actually it sounds more like he was projecting
Or, they have someone waiting in the wings, to replace you with. This woman is your savior! Send her strength and run the other way!
I was studing out of a book untill i found ur channel. everything you say is Right on Truth.
I've seen that look so many times. When he came back I slammed the door and not looked back. Yes. You went that far.
Yes he went too far! Held a loaded gun to my head. It is ludicrous that his mom tells me he still loves me! What the???? She is mad that I called the police. Unreal!
I’ve been playing with my narcissist. It’s great to turn the tables. They’re totally confused.... they don’t know how to react.
They went too far this time. Yup. No going back now.
My brother finally went too far. I blocked his calls, and totally ignored him. My partner was crucial in keeping me resolute about not contacting him. He finally died of a heat attack a couple of months later, and I was finally free! I know it sounds horrible, but I just couldn't continue and keep what has left of both myself and my parters money. (Not to mention the few shreds of dignity I still had...)
I wish it could have been different, but I'm 57, and he was 52 when he died. Enough is enough. Thank god I have a really loving partner, who stuck by me thick and thin.
A colleague at work, who I'm still trying to decide if he is a Narc or just a d*ck, stood me up for lunch yesterday after agreeing two days earlier to go to lunch together. When I didn't see him I left a note on his desk to let him know that I had come looking for him and then I went for lunch. When I came back, there was a message for me on my online work messaging system from him, saying he'd gone out to put money in the meter for his car and grabbed lunch on the way back. No, I'm sorry I forgot. No, Iet's arrange again I promise I won't forget this time. No acknowledgement of what he actually did TO me or a move to compensate for it, the lost time and the lost opportunity (I could have gone to lunch with someone else). Just a series of activities, as if what he did instead that lunchtime had anything to do with me. So you went to put money in a meter, and you grabbed lunch on the way back, and? He'd definitely gone too far. And I wasn't going to give him any more chances to mess me around (they always start out, really good, and then go to-tally flaky). Today, I come back from lunch with someone else which I'd pre-arranged, to find a message from him, Do you want to go to lunch? This was around lunchtime because I didn't see it before I left. So he would have sent it at some point after I'd already gone out. I saw also that he tried to call me on my work phone. So, not only did he do what he did, he actually thought he could get away with asking me to lunch,the very next day, with no prior invitation. So he'd stood up me up on an actual arranged lunch, and then thought rather than try to make up for it, he was going to be even worse, and ask me at lunchtime when he felt like it, he obviously didn't think he'd gone too far. I meannnnnnn.
My ex narc never laid a hand on me until after our divorce was final. He has attacked 3 times since and almost killed me. I now live 11 hours from my hometown, kids and gbabys just to feel safe. Is this normal narcissist behavior or something else.