I'm 72 and have been single 22 years now [without even a date]. I've had the freedom to move around and change jobs before retiring. My daughter asked just the other day if I was happy as I have no friends. I said "I have You Tube and can go to England, France, Germany, Greece, anywhere in the world daily. I can explore any subject. When I want a pet, I can watch dogs and cats. And I can go to Facebook and check on the family. My house is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have enough to live on if I don't go hog wild spending and don't need diamonds and furs. I am happy. I have enough. And that is enough.
Me too. I moved to a country that I don't speak the language. It's nice not knowing what people around me are saying. Also the stray cats and dogs in the neighborhood come to my house to visit. So I'm happier than I have ever been.
Amazing. Seriously, thank you for sharing. Is this a mindset you can identify as being something you worked to get to? If so, could you expand on that at all? I consider it a personal journey but also understand everyone is different and some people may be naturally more in tune.
Most people don’t actually have “friends”, they have “people with whom to go out and have fun”. A friend is someone who loves and cares about you - they will help you emotionally, financially, psychologically whenever they can. They will lift you up when you are down and they will be like family. Anything other than that is not friendship. However, nowadays people call anyone a friend, even those people who are one step away from being an enemy.
That includes family. If they don't care about you, support you, be there unconditionally then you are better off without them. Because the rejection is worse.
They should also be able to celebrate with and be happy for you, not try to bring you down. A friend who can’t celebrate everything from your rental or home purchase-“Gee, I didn’t know you made so much money”-or for your baby “She’s awfully slow learning”-because they’re miserable with their own lives isn’t a friend. The quoted material is from actual “friends”. I’m enjoying the unjudged companionship of my two cats as I post this.
As a physically disabled person and also an introvert who has only one close friend, I think that it is possible to be (almost) friendless and happy. For me, most of human interactions are emotionally draining anyway, and I'd rather have one true friend than keep on dealing with toxic people.
I faded away out of my last friend's life recently. I have things to do so I don't feel lonely, even though I haven't spoken with anyone beyond greetings / short small talks for a couple of months. Not seldom my daily count of words is equal to zero. Probably such situations are far more common than people think they are. And as long as you have goals, it isn't something to fret about.
Haven't had a friend in about 8 years, and it is so nice. No drama, no stress, no having to worry about someone being boo hoo because I had to cancel plans or can't go out one night. Happy as a clam 🙂
Fully agreed : as JP Sartre aptly puts it “ Hell is other people”: far better in the company of urself it’s a better choice provided/ subject to be a true friend of oneself..!!
I thought the same for about 26 Years but then i relized completle without others is also not a good way to live. The trick is to look for real Friends and not People to only have "fun" with.
Pretty sure there's people out there you socialize with regularly see you as their friend. Sucks to be them when the person you think is your friend turns out doesn't even see you in the same way.
I’m 40 single and no kids. I used to feel Lonely before the pandemic. Opposite to most people 2020 was the best year of my life I learned to live, travel, and go anywhere by myself. I love to live and be alone. The best feeling is when I meditate and I live a simple life. I don’t even need to worry or think too much my life is better than never. I still meeting people when I go out. Even though I find people with similar interests and lifestyles I still prefer to be alone most of the time. I used to crave deep conversations now I don’t really care I can accept any type of conversation and I know even if I don’t agree with it. I know that I will go back home and I will just let it go. Sometimes I just need a little more freedom to travel around the world that will increase my quality of life but even if it that doesn’t happen. I’m living my best life alone and happy. Happy solitude everyone
Even in my 20's, I would go to movies by myself. Eat in cafes by myself. Go shopping by myself, which was a particularly great experience; I truly hate shopping with other women. Never had any issues with it, didn't see the attraction of "having to be friends with lots of people" to be happy. I actually wasn't happy in large groups. Or even small groups. The less the better. Happiest when doing some creative endeavour, uninterrupted by others' demands, frankly.
My life improved dramatically when I gave up trying to have friends. The "friends" I had in the past were immature, toxic, and a bad influence on me. I have no friends right now and am much happier, fulfilled, and more peaceful than I use to be. I would happily accept any new friends who share the same values and interests as me, but I don't feel the need to seek them out. My parents think its unhealthy that I don't have friends, but they've seen my life before and can't explain why it's so much better now. When you're around friends often you're much more likely to get swept up in their egos and dysfunctional patterns, but when you're alone often you're able to grow and evolve into a more natural and better human being more efficiently.
yeah having friends had negatives effects on me such as loss of self confidence and esteem. now i feel a lot better and my mental health has improved a lot
Very insightful, wise and you impressed me as well as surprised me with your comment. There is a vibe to your comment that doesn't come from the use of elaborate words nor is there a strong opinion delivered with ur example of your experience. There is a calm quiet power you have delivered with how you worded your experience that leaves no doubt that being without friends is definitely conducive to a more fulfilling experience. Your comment impressed me....a lot of thinks interest me or make a really good point that I agree with however ur words felt as if they were art. Thank you for sharing!! I'm fascinated because I've never experienced this sensation. Your parents must be happily confused LOL
I have lived alone for over 40 years and have never minded being on my own. I'm glad I came across this video. I find that most people only want to be your friend if they can get something out of you. I have found that when I have allowed someone in, I have ended up paying for it. I no longer trust anyone. When I have trusted, I have been let down or stolen from. It's just not worth it. I like the phrase Social Minimalist. I can chat to people in the shops or on the bus or whenever I go somewhere that other people gather, safe in the knowledge that, that is as far as the interaction will go. I don't need to know their names or where they came from because I will probably never see them again.
I thought I was the only one who felt like this,....I love being alone, but I do have lots of animals as I live on a homestead. I too, just like small talk with nothing else attached, not even a name. Like in the movie " Fight Club " ,.... They are called "Single Serving Friends"! 😂🤠👍👍😎
I have lived exactly like that my whole life and im 71! even when i was a kid i was alone! back then it made me sad because i wanted friends but as time when on i got used to it so used it i wouldnt have it any other way!
I'm 71 and I remember the last line of the movie 'Stand By Me'; 'You never have friends again like you had when you were 12'. As the years go by it just becomes increasingly difficult to trust people. Sad to say.
At the end of the day you need to give people a chance to fail or you will end up 71 years old and will still think that finding friends and loved ones to be difficult. Thank you for your comment it really gave me something to think about. :)
You are absolutely right. I am 67 and for over ten years now I haven't bothered with what people call friends. I find morals are a thing of the past and everyone seems to want stuff more than people, with loyalty and kindness being a thing of the past.
It's so true. The only thing I miss about being a kid is the idea of having bonds. I always felt no person could truly love, be it friends, family, or partners .
I love my solitude, wouldn't trade it for all the "friends" in the world. When I am alone, my life is simple, orderly, low maintenance and peaceful; as soon as other people get involved with their opinions and expectations, that's when the drama and the problems start. It's amazing to me how emotionally needy and codependent many people are - I just don't have the bandwidth for all of that and I certainly don't need or even want validation from other people.
That is so true! There is nothing better than a simple life. Romantic love and friendships and even family can be a really powerful source of happy moments, but when they get involved, all the feelings, emotions and expectations get involved as well, and sooner or later those will result in drama and problems. That's inevitable. When you cherish your solitude and your own company, and when you don't have expectations and needs to live up to other than the ones you set for yourself, life becomes much easier and more peaceful. I truly believe one can live a fulfilling life in solitude.
I don't dislike people but they can be troublesome. I think many people want to be with others to avoid themselves. The simple life has a lot going for it. Good Luck Danielle.
For those out there who feel like they have no friends, who feel rejected by the world, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with you. It just means that the universe wants you to be your own bestest friend
So compelling and absolutely true. For ages 40 and up we all grew up with large circles of friends, companions, etc. and with that becoming almost obsolete we feel lost. So we enter a new chapter and reinvent the wheel sorta speak. At then end of the day only 'me; cares about me.
During the Depression the elderly I once worked for said they got rid of the people who claimed they were friends but were only around to leach food or 'borrow' things they never returned. So they kicked them out of their lives, became happier learning to mend, grow a garden, fix things & only keep in their lives people who bartered for goods & services. Books were their friends, flowers were their friends & some animals became their friends. I don't trust anyone who just has to be with others all the time. It's like they never grew up. That's the beauty of adulthood. You know you are one when being alone feels wonderful!
As strange as this may sound, I love solitude and my peaceful life but I'd probably enjoy having friends from the comment's list on this page. It's being among like minded people.
Some of the most relaxing and peaceful times I’ve had were by myself. Cleaning my little home and cooking something I want and listening to Lofi music while reading something, drawing, or writing.
Im a social minimalist in its true nature and have been this way since I can remember, I always thought the philosphy on "needing" a social group or friends were outdated because there simply proves to be more cons than pros in todays society. I tried to go with the flow and it only solidified my previous findings,Im simply more fulfilled, confident,productive and happy without them. The day I chose to fully go without friends without shame I felt a weight lift off of me. So yes,this is all true and has been for decades now.
Same. I'm happy to see the evolution of how we socialize highlighted here. I started purging friends over the pandemic because it seemed a good time for most of us to see what was and wasn't working in our lives. For me, all but one friendship had reached it's expiration date. I have never felt better.
After over 35 years I have never been to a high school reunion. I figured that anybody I haven't tried to keep in touch with or get in touch with, are not worth my time
I don't have friends, but I'm so happy. I occupy my time with reading books, work, jogging, travel, meditation and of course music and films. If you're desperate for social or social status; you can be happy without them. Trust me.
Thank you for sharing! I agree wholeheartedly. You can be happy without friends, but society and media describes it as a fate worse than death… no wonder so many people are afraid to be alone.
Absolutely. Sounds like you too have tapped into a frequency. What films have you seen lately? Do you like Ennio Morricone? Hans Zimmer? Jerry Goldsmith? John Barry?
I didn't think I could be socially isolated without mental "issues" until I discovered directed-attention meditation. Cabin fever is caused by an unconstrained, undisciplined mind.
I'm in my 50s and I have one adult child and no friends. I divorced my husband 5 years ago. I'm very content with my life. I get to do what I want, when I want and where I want. I have a home, a great relationship with my adult child and tons and tons of books on my Kindle. At my age I do not want drama and BS from other people. This is the happiest I've been in decades 🙂
Exactly! The only drama I want in my life is when I'm reading a good book, chuckling about the plot and the dramas of the fictional characters, which led me to try and write a story, or maybe a novel!
I lost 99% of my friends after getting sober, 1 stayed by me every step of the way & has been my only hope to remain happy. It’s unbelievably lonely but not impossible, learning day by day & constantly interacting with customers and coworkers helps tremendously too
My mother told me that if we are lucky we have one "true friend" in our lifetime.....two friends if we are extremely fortunate.....everyone else will simply be "associates".
This is true. I have two solid friends, and every time I started to hang out with new people or classmates, I can't consider them as friends, only as acquaintance. These 2 solid friends of mine really raised the standards lol
Thanks for the new term! I’m now going to call myself a “social minimalist” instead of a “loner.” At age 71, I’m ecstatic that I can glory in my solitude. The fewer the people in it, the more satisfying my life is.
I LOVE that term, " social minimalist!" My home is more on the minimalist side. But now realizing that I'm also a social minimalist! 😁 It truly has me feeling at peace!
I am a clinical psychologist and I am going to show this to my class! Past research has always pointed to the benefits of friends and because of this most psychologists push this narrative to their clients as a way to alleviate loneliness and other forms of mental difficulties. However by doing so we are setting these individuals up to feel marginalized by society when in fact they are following their innate authentic self tendencies which in turn will bring that individual to true peace and contentment. Always be an individual and be true to the REAL you! ❤️ Thank you ever so much for this video 😁
So many friends are fake or poor quality ( toxic) w/ hellish agendas.. There are sooo many true narcissist who run in certain circles who are social climbers & status chasing ; there was this one so called good friend who's agenda was my husband ; I hope they are happy & I hope all the deception in her filthy heart brought her satisfaction ; although I doubt it due to covert narcissist are never happy .😃. One good thing is the satisfaction & peace i have from 'no contact ' .Best !
hey Debra, you are asking the right questions. I have experienced this fixation on having to need a social life in psychology as well. This is not always the case though. Perhaps also look into existential therapy th-cam.com/video/nhqc5MD6qV0/w-d-xo.html
It was about a decade ago that I decided to step away from a large segement of my social circle. This accounted for more than half of my friendships and almost all of my firends from my early years. I realized they were keeeping me from growing into someone different than I was in those early years. They still expected to hang out with that guy and, well, I didn't really like being that guy any longer. It really has allowed me to feel more comfortable in my own skin and to grow into someone better. I feel more creative, less hostile and just generally happier when I look in the mirror. It's a journey to get where I want to be but now it feels like I'm free to take the steps I want to take to get there. Just as my parents always saw me as their little boy, those friends always saw me as the teenage or early-20's me and kept putting me back in that box. When the relationships started to degrade due to the constant fights against these restrictions I finally took the leap and freed myself from their expectations. I haven't made new friendships to replace those I let go. I'm more of an acquaintance kind of guy now and people can accept or reject me on my own terms. That's fine.
I really needed this video today along with everyone's comments on the topic, they are incredibly validating and comforting. I have always valued my solitude and peace and always knew that I needed it as a self care method. People try to throw it in your face that you don't have friends, implying there's something wrong with you, for me, it's about self preservation and self care as I have yet to meet a friend who is as easy going as I am. So I actually do have one friend at least... Me! 💜
I've always feel that way too! At least, the only human. I love dogs. And books. One person said that I was self-centered. Perhaps they thought I should try and make others happier. Did not this person know that happiness comes from within? Nicole Kidman got it right. Way back when Nicole was still married to Tom Cruise, I read an article about their marriage which, it seemed, was having problems. The couple were bickering on their cell phones and one of the techies heard some of what they said. "You're supposed to make me happy!" complained Tom said to his {soon to be ex} wife. "No, YOU have to make yourself happy!" (It's been so much time that I don't remember word for word, and the magazine is probably thrown away, but I do remember that Nicole's reply was short and to the point). But she was right!
I hear you. Ive had issues with people demanding my time, and sometimes I just dont want to meet up, or go to the event. Its nothing against them , its just Im not into catching up,. Id prefer to sit at home and read.. immersed in my poo lof thoughts and creativity. This is becoming more the case as the years go by..
I am an empath/highly sensitive person. I live alone and prefer it more than absorbing others feeling and drama. Being around others physically and mentally drain me.
i also found out that im a HSP. it's very hard to for me as well to make and even maintain friendships. most people abandon me just because they think im too “senstive” or “innocent”. it feels very sad sometimes and most nights i literally cry myself to sleep.
I'm a social minimalist and it's easy to be and it's so much productive, all you have to do is to stop craving for validation and shift your attention & focus to yourself( more specifically to your growth)
I have NO friends. It is what it is. It’s wasn’t really a conscious choice, it just happened that way over the decades. I’m 50 now and friends are pretty much optional to me. Far from a requirement. Honestly most people are more trouble than they are worth. I’m done trying. I don’t care if people like me anymore. I prefer solitary pursuits anyway.
I need my hobbies more than I need friends. I smile to my neighbours, I say hello to my bartenders, I crack casual jokes with the waiter at the restaurants I frequent. But, I don't really see the NEED for friends.
Absolutely ! No girlfriend= no stress today. In my 40s Been living alone in a small country town for 2 years and absolutely loving it. Social minimalism is the key to happiness. Only a few close friends is great. Got the cat the birds, bees bugs, butterfly s sheep flies, hedgehogs, stouts possums lizards, trees, sky. The river and so on. Animals can make the best friends. If you feel alone when your alone your in bad company. Love your videos man makes a lot of sense.also the punchline at the end there was very witty. Thanks.!
I’ve found this indeed to be the case. Toxicity is rampant throughout our society and it’s become unreasonably difficult to meet individuals with mere integrity-which is a baseline minimum in my book.
Good to see someone actually sharing my views of society. It's not that I don't want to socialize, or find a partner. Its that with the current state of the world and the sickness that has infected society it is simply not worth playing all the mental gymnastics and mistrusting those who claim to be your friends. Personally I have a few friends I can hang around with, with most of my other friends being online, and thats good enough for me
" baseline minimum in my book " 🤣 alright Sir , what other Code of integrity rules are in your book of Laws 😅 I hope my subjective amusement did not slip out of your book 🥺
I feel so validated watching your videos. I say this all the time. Close connections with humans have always left me feeling less than and overly giving. I lose myself in pleasing others. I'm so much more at peace alone. That conversation with the cashier is truly enough for me. I prefer a deep connection to the natural word.
Me too. Idk how many time I feel so invalidated by those so called friends of mine, those I've spent a lot of resources, time, efforts etc,,,, always keep pointing me how I so different with them and won't accept different pov. So tiring and excruciatingly painful
I am not against friendship but I want to have good quality and deep relationships which are strong, sensitive, loving and full of compassion. The fake plastic relations which people offer, full of toxic dynamics , narcissism and shaming are not even a little appealing. Sure, call me a weirdo - whatever - I'd rather love myself in my solitude than despise myself in your company
@@ini9558 Took me 48 years to understand what and how to be selfish is. All those years of benevolently having sex with girls I felt such pity for; It never occurred to me to enjoy it for MYSELF. Of course, now, that I'm hip to knowing women want to be objectified , guess what? They want to be pleasured. FML. I give up. Thank God the advent of feminism invented pornography. Now I get off on other idiots having to screw chicks so I don't have to deal with them. God exists! (and it ain't on Tinder!)
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone. " Robin Williams
Definitely a video thought up by introverts. Philosophers tend to be introverts so it’s not surprising. Social isolation cultivates true strength, clarity, and independence.
Dee, I agree. Yet, being a contrarian myself, I find that the echo-chamber amplification effect of all these comments reminds me of the things that friends can do that we cannot do for ourselves. Like provide a second opinion from another point of view. Having appreciation and acknowledgement from another is a special feeling.
I thought you were going somewhere a bit different with your comment... I agree these videos seem to be thought up and created by introverts. However, I don't believe the solitude brings about the attributes you mentioned for everyone or even all introverts.
The social pressure to have a large group of friends is much worse than the actual lack of many friends. Be aware what people call friends are no real friends most of the time.
So well said! Thank you! It’s so true, the social pressure to have large groups of friends is maybe the real problem. It creates losers. It creates a struggle to get and sustain friends - just because the society means you need them.
@@sigrid3553 not really. It's not just the society but also because you've been conditioned to be with people and sometimes, you have a certain level of extroversion that requires you to interact with people. It's actually quite hard to get out of that even if you don't need It as much.
@@w花b that's totally not true. many people are usually born introverted, very shy and reserved. no one is conditioned to extroversion. we all are born alone and will also die alone.
to me the worst thing about not having friends was that i imagined other people looked down on me for not having friends. once i learned that they didn't care and that it didn't matter if they did, i was much happier 😁
@@barbaraibiel I'm like that, but in my case, it's because I always thought they notice when I'm alone--when I'm usually not talking with someone. Maybe it's society making us think not having friends is something to look down upon. 🤷 (Hopefully this makes sense XD)
@@barbaraibiel when you sitting alone in a table of school or When you visit somewhere alone like restaurant, cinema etc.. But by the time you get used to it
I realized not too long ago that I've been far happier and mentally healthier without "besties" than I ever was with them. When I ended my last friendship I realized that I was emotionally exhausted. It was because I was tired of being expected to act like their mother, have no boundaries, and be expected to act as a lay therapist because they refused to see a real therapist. It was simply too many expectations for one person to handle. Am I open to the possibility of meeting and making new friends? Of course! But, I no longer let this cultural expectation make me feel incomplete or wrong.
I love this. I love being alone in my house, doing the things I love doing, such as meditating, praying, doing yoga, working out in my small workout room, reading, singing! taking care of my four rescued dogs 🐶💕, cooking my healthy meals and having a spa day once a week. I do feel energized when I go out shopping for groceries or when I go to a coffee shop and just have a small conversation with random people; it gives me energy. Thank you for this video. I kept wondering if my family was right when they often tell me that I need friends. I used to have a couple of friends that turned out to be not so good friends. They were mostly toxic.. I feel much better now that I don’t see them. So thank you again for this video 💜.
R'amen! I'm finally learning to enjoy my own solitude. I always lived with family and when my dad passed on, I got the house. But it never felt like MINE. I had always lived under someone else's thumb and rules, well into adulthood, too. So, I got a smaller house to live in on this land (the other was falling apart, anyway), made it crazy and colorful, and now I'm making an edible garden in the back. I've got so much to do and I feel so much better doing these things for myself. Actually sleep better, am losing weight, and have far less stress, even when things are at their most dire. I get my interactions when I go to work, and right now, that's about all I need.
All the posts here are refreshing and supportive. At the same time I completely resonate with your response. I also live alone with my small Yorkie and two lazy cats. Happy to be on my own and enjoy meditation, often three times in a day, cooking for me and some frozen meals for my daughter who lives across town,reading, writing short stories and poetry, colouring, doodling, utube and keeping my small garden nice and tidy. I walk my ten thousand steps on most days, the solitude in this time is precious to me. I love to shift things around my home, it brings in new energy. I do have a friend, at the same time, there are no guarantees in life. I think it is important that if someone moves away or a friend no longer works for me, that I don’t fall over. It’s not such a healthy behaviour to become too attached to anything.
I’m an introvert and have been alone for 8 years. I live a solitary life but I’m never lonely, and I enjoy being able to do what I like when I like. I have lots of interests and hobbies and I’m never bored. The only thing missing in my life is a pet but I’m not allowed to have one in my flat so I watch cats and dogs on TH-cam 😊
Spot on !!! I can relate to you 100%, It’s hard for most people ( extroverts ) to understand that been alone never means been “ Lonely” I stopped many years ago trying to explain that to most people. Now I simply answer when asked : I have other plans which means, I just want to go home and have peace. All the best
@@franzjosefmueller-alban509 Yes, it’s common for people to mix-up ‘solitary’ with ‘lonely’ isn’t it. They are very different, I think being solitary and comfortable on your own is a state of being, but feeling lonely is an uncomfortable emotion. I feel very sorry for anyone who is lonely, it must be a sad experience.
@@ExLibris-Alys , totally right man… hard to explain but I really enjoy my own company, not that I do not “ socialize “ with small talks with people at my office or random people I meet on the street but, most of the times is just my necessity to fill my social needs. Going home to my solitude is the best part of my day. All the best
@@CRM-114 thank you. I come from a huge enmeshed family so it took awhile to accept the disdain for my solitude. But I think I've nicely carved out a reputation for being aloof. I'm good with that.
The world is full of people that I can't get along with Only a handful of people might be real friends But for me they're hard to find So I'll stay alone than have toxic energy around me
you just disclosed "why ppl rant on the internet" no irl friends results in random ppl squabbling over random issues that almost don't even matter to them , it's all just a leverage to fill that loneliness void , either through violent talk or objective change of arguments which just makes it all relative , we no longer need friends to increase survivability , but the socializing instinct remained there
@@john_ipu8721 Thank you for engaging. I had 100s of family and friends on my, now deleted, social media accounts. They squabbled, were contrary and ranted to no end while very much enmeshed with their kids, spouses, family and a host of "irl" friends. It was one of the reasons I deleted my social media accounts -- too much unfiltered noise and opinions about things I had no interest. I don't believe they were lonely as much as projecting or perhaps distracting from a host of unresolved issues within themselves. There's a huge difference between alone and loneliness, and much of it can be differentiated by the level of compassion we have for ourselves. Some may rant online just to create chaos while others to seek external validation. A great number of introverts and loners have abandoned external validation to the degree that people in "irl" [toxic/dysfunctional] friendships thrive on. Just my two cents. I hope you have a peaceful weekend. 😊
A timely reminder. I used Covid to end the last of my toxic friendships and have been socially celibate for 18 months, talking only to my husband and brother who lives two hours away. I've recently become more open to friendship and sought it out, only to find I'm very particular now and don't have much patience for the inorganic experience of finding and courting strangers. Better to tolerate the uncertainty and recognize a good friend if one materializes, without forcing it.
Most people who present themselves as ‘friends’ end up taking and judging. I’ve became a person that will cut you off the moment I feel any negativity, family included. Best decision I ever made was to put me first and trust how I feel. No good intentioned friends/family will make you feel bad about yourself or only call for you to make them feel better about themselves. You deserve to be loved, listened to, and uplifted just as much as you do that for others. This was good! Thank you!! It’s SO peaceful being alone. My partner and I are literally the only people we can tolerate beyond what’s necessary, and we still take breaks from each other lol
Finally! A video that confirms what I always suspected, that we don't need friends to be happy. Even though it's hard to say "I don't have friends" and they don't look at you like a creep.
Well I’ve had friends that I forgave no matter what when it was time to forgive me they made it a big deal as find fault I found fault as well but I told myself I will never turn back I’d rather be alone the rest of my life. Also not having friends help you keep your shit to yourself
Being alone brings me joy and peace. I am closer to the divine spirit, I love my life and myself more. I never feel lonely being connected to myself. Loneliness comes from being disconnected to yourself. As the world spirals down to toxicity I have purposely watched my interaction with people very carefully. This has brought much peace to my life.
Quality of friends > Quantity of friends. Being an introvert I always lived my life with this philosophy. My mother thinks that there is something wrong with me since I'm not socializing with people, like her who is an extrovert. She thinks not socializing is some kind of a flaw. I no longer try to explain her anything.
Extroverts will not understand the way we introverts thinking, ever, since their source of energy come from other person contact (which is draining us, because we know people pretending to be nice behind their mask when come to socializing), my mother also an extrovert and she find me weirdo too
I am just outgoing enough that I can get along with most. This said, surface level interactions, such as workplace connections, are not the same thing as having even just one true friend who one can be real with. No masks, no conformity, just being real and authentic. I finally have such a friend, and because she and her sons are like me (we all have fairly high levels of psychic ability), I consider her boys as not just friends, but like brothers. I even told her that if it came down to it, I would take the boys in as my own, just so they wouldn't have to be around their shitty fathers.
I can relate to your story. Mom said I needed to be more like my sisters. Wish she could have embraced my personality back then. It has taken a lifetime to come to terms with self acceptance
Nothing wrong with socializing with others. Asking how their life is, their achievements or failure, so we can learn from the story of their life and they also have someone who truly listens to them, in my opinion that is a good deed. Trying to be friends with everyone by putting on a fake "mask" is the real problem.
@@frog6054 It is not that introverts don't want to socialize. It is that we prefer quality over quantity. Just because you have a bunch of people in your contacts list doesn't mean you are true and abiding friends with whom you can be truly real and authentic. Extroverts, I have found, don't seem to want to always truly listen. They are there for the social talk, the gossip, and that's pretty much it. No deep conversation, no philosophical thinking. I need friends who will delve into the deep end, not wade around in the shallows. The latter is draining for me, to say nothing of boring. 😴
I think the idea of being a social minimalist is a like putting the cart before the horse. The goal shouldn't be having minimal friends, it should be having the friendships that actually add to our lives, as a bi-product, that may or may not mean you minimal friends. Studies have shown that the deeper relationships we have, the happier we are, and I'm a strong believer in this. The main problem is people try to be friends with everyone, and so they play a fake character in front of people so that they'll like them more. Instead, be authentic and unapologetically you, you'll have less relationships, but the ones you do have will be much deeper and meaningful.
I think this might be where confusion and conflict arise with the use of the word minimalism. Many view minimal as in the least amount which sounds very negative, rather than focusing only in what is essential. This is the different between the least amount to eat to avoid starvation versus the least amount to feel full. What do I need to feel contentment? Not what others say I should want, especially when they are basing that on what others say they should want and so on. Friendship, or deep connection might be with a spider, or a human friend, or a volunteer organization, or your pets, your garden, yourself. The importance is a deep fulfilling connection whatever that form might take.
I think you have an oversimplified idea of minimalism. The goal is to find contentment in only what's essential and makes you happy. For some of us, that looks less than societal standards. But taking away can actually add value to sanity. We aren't one size fit all.
Absolutely you can be happy without friends. My life is so much simpler now that I stay alone and at home. I have autism and ADHD and have always struggled with both people and social occasions. I have my pets, my son lives with me (though I don't often see him) and I speak to my other children (who are adults and live far away from me) once or twice every couple of weeks (all my kids are neurodivergent as well so need their space too). This suits the amount of social energy I have. I am happier than I have ever been now that I have given up the enforced social expectations about how important it is to be social and popular.
I have two furry friends. There are a few people I enjoy on the job, and I have my small family. There are events like book discussions in the local library if I want social interaction. Took me 55 years to realize that’s all I really need to be happy.
I have always lived in my head. Music (pianist), reading all the time, being a lawyer, tax, that I did by myself. Studied Russia as a young kid. About 25 yrs ago I met a Russian musician, who needed help getting his citizenship. My husband was a male mirror image of me. We were happily alone together. My husband died 20 yrs ago, but my Russian American remains a close friend. So my early endeavors came together with my now American pianist friend. The reading we do is musical scores. I am 77, and started down this road at age 5, learning the notes on my mother's piano. How blessed I am. 😊
Belonging is a hangover from our primal days, a hormone response to perceived threat, that is hard wired into out brains, it is an anachronism. Also, I suspect the majority of the people pushing the idea that you need friends are extroverts, who, by their nature, will be more vocal about this. Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing, nor are they the same to different people, where one persons alone is another's lonely, and one persons friendship circle is the loneliest place for some.
@@rogerm3708 I agree, the situations where it is required are very extreme, and even then to belong just means having a group that is willing to help you over the problem you face. In most modern democracies this should be the State, unfortunately now it is so often left to NGO and volunteer organisations
Tribalism runs deep. Yet, the individual can survive and thrive. Tribalism has some benefits but what one needs to forfeit is not worth it in my experrience.
That last line. I've adjusted so well to lockdown conditions. It's been an amazing period of healing, growth and creativity. Grateful for my hermit like ways and also that I am not agoraphobic. When I get out I usually have nice interactions...often at my local grocers. Last time I was out I anticipated helping people, my awareness that someone couldn't pull apart the carts or reach an object on a high shelf brought joy as I approached them , all ready to lend a hand. At one store cashiers recognize me and have commented on how I bring good energy to them (raising the vibe). I enjoy these interactions more than trying to maintain and invest in relationships with those who do not enjoy their lives but also don't take steps to change anything. Never been a gossiper tho I like to hear people's stories and counsel when the time is right. Thanks for this video, it was timely.
Same here. Its not that i dont have friends. I do. But im highly intuitive, creative male and an introvert. In order to create and get things done, I need a lot of alone time as socializing, talking excessively and group think can get draining very fast and/or weaken my will and resolve. So i have impersonal friends. People at grocery stores I frequent that kind of thing. I rarely if ever socialize with them unless its coincidental. But that works for me. I do a lot of walking on the beach and in nature and ive met a few non human friends which will open to you once i stopped buying the lie that only other humans could be relatable. Remember that birds, dogs, cats, and many others can be our friends as well.
@@dominusbalial835 Same. Or more like: they did, but in a positive way. A lot of things suddenly became possible to do online therefore saving me a lot of time and hassle. Best time of my life really.
As 2021 comes to a close, I am alone, I have 'lost' connection with the people I was so attached to a year ago. Turning 40 has also made me start evaluating and dialling up what I have as friends. I can go for days these days without calling or being called. I actually get jittery around people nowadays. I filter a lot of things and people. I'd rather spend the day alone when free than hang out with people I don't connect with. And no, I don't fear loneliness.
Same. It's that lack of connection/understanding that really gets to me. It's so exhausting and depressing that it's just easier to be alone. In my 60s now, and I don't care at all that I have no friends. I have the odd acquaintance, mostly due to on the job interactions, and I love chatting to people I meet up the street, but nothing more than that. Trying to navigate and maintain family relationships is enough work without adding a heap more people into the mix 😀
I'm just about to turn 40 myself, and I feel in this same boat. I have become an "accidental ghost" over the years. IThe last time I had a bunch of friends was college, and that was because of classes or clubs together. But beyond those clubs, we didn't really keep in touch very long if at all. And as things changed and new folks came in, I started to feel like nobody would notice if I was even there, so I just let myself fade out. Took months before one of them contacted me on FB just to catch up briefly. That's how a lot of my "friendships" have gone over the years. I just let myself fade away because it was easier than showing up somewhere and you don't fit in anymore or you don't know anybody and they're not interested in knowing you. It became a great prep tool for when I started working and taking more responsibility. I learned that "friends from work" are just co-workers, and if you change jobs, maybe 1 in 10 will still talk to you for a few months before fading away, too. I've got neighbors I help and 1 "bestie" I talk to occasionally, but her life is so busy and she lives across the country, so we don't chat much. And honestly, we don't have much in common anymore. We're good ears for each other, though, and I think that's the biggest tie holding us together. Its one small lifeline, but it works. Day to day, though? It's exhausting being around people. I think the instant gratification of social media has made it worse, because instead of being patient waiting for replies, people get bent out of shape not having their text responded to within a few minutes or their message, whatever. Friendship is tinged with this odd desperation now, and it's wearying.
My problem is when somebody calls me, or texts me, and I don't feel like responding to them. I feel very guilty. I might get back to them, but I'd rather certain people to just get the message and leave me alone. It sounds selfish, but that's how I feel.
It’s a incredible video! I have been living without a friend for decade, before I thought maybe something wrong with me, after I watched this video I am totally relieved. Having toxic friends is much worse than no friends.
The worst part of being friendless is the fear of letting other people know. Because what kind of immoral socially inept weirdo do you have to be in order to end up all alone? Being friendless in a society that cherishes having hoards of friends is a recipe for being looked down on, attacked and humuliated. If being solitary was percieved as neutral or attractive, my mind would be in a much better place, even if in the future I couldn't manage to make any friends at all.
lol just observe other people around you sometimes they dont have friends either especially homeless people they dont have anyone trust me there are a lot of people on Earth that dont have friends
If you're unfortunate enough to meet someone and they ask how many friends you have, just lie and say 'Loads' or 'Too many!'. I'm 58, and never been asked by my very few friends what other friends I have. Just enjoy life, and don't worry about what other people may or may not think about you. 99% of the people are only thinking about themselves, not you.
Being happy with yourself, meaning staying authentic to your core beliefs (which can shift when presented with new information), your own goals and keeping your integrity, will be the foundation of all other relationships. I'm nearly 42 and I believe that I have finally grasped this concept. No other humans are necessary but, as C.S. Lewis stated, they add value to survival (when they genuinely care about you).
Watching this is extremely refreshing .. I’ve never been able to have a healthy friendship with anyone .. simply because I was always weird .. and when I did attempt to conform to “my friends” way of doing things, it made things weirder .. I’ve spent several years now without friends questioning if I’m the issue when in truth I’m more at peace without friends .. and oddly enough that brang me closer to myself .. having no friends is something that should be normalized .. there’s nothing wrong with it.. especially if it brings healing and growth to the individual. I love your channel and content .. thank you so much 💕
Discovering l was Neuro-diverse in my forties was life changing!! All those weird neurotypical people suddenly made more sense!! It wasn't me who was different anymore. In fact l most definitely had a superpower all along. 🎵🎶"Whose laughing now!"🎶🎵
Society tells us that if we don't have friends there is something wrong with us but that is just another one of the stupid rules we have been told we have to play by. Not all of us want to be social, that doesn't make us weird it just means we are different from people who want to have lots of friends. People are individuals, we have different needs and wants but society has these generic rules that are supposed to be one size fits all and if we don't play by the rules then we are made to feel bad about it. Its time to move forward and to start standing up for and loving who we are
@@indigoblue4791haha, as another ND person I loved your 'weird NT' statement. They are weird aren't they? I don't get them and I'm not trying to anymore. They think we are weird, we think they are weird and that's fine as people are people and we are all unique. ND people need to start loving their ND-ness and accepting and loving who they are, we don't need to pretend to be NT anymore
Wow, so pleased that I came across this great video. I've been alone most of my life, it's never really bothered me. Most people just drain you with their problems and let you down with the drop of a hat. Whilst lots of people around me were panicking during the pandemic I actually thrived. It was so lovely and quiet everywhere and the atmosphere began to feel cleaner. When out and about I have lots of chats with various people but always enjoy the peace and quiet of my cosy home. Love and blessings to you all. ❤🌹❤
~ My day-to-day living didn’t change when the pandemic hit, so I knew I’d be just fine. I like cooking, especially knowing that my techniques are sterile, so I don’t eat out anyway. Like you, I enjoy chatting with people while I’m out shopping, but always enjoy returning home, to my safe place. 🌷😊🌷
I felt the same during the pandemic and people spoke softly as they were muffled by masks. I loved the quiet of less traffic, noise and less talking. And my solitude.
I can see why! The peace and quiet. Social distancing; what a relief! Less people trying to get into my bubble. The only fly in my ointment was that I didn't get to work from home.
“With fewer wants I’m nearer the Gods” .. been living alone & minimalistic 10yrs now, practical living & enjoying it. friends I can count on one hand tho I have cut ties with a few other people. I prefer the less is best approach & same goes for both people around me and material things 🥂!! Great topic once again 👌🏻.
We are increasingly disconnected with others and ourselves, and we see depression and anxiety increasing in our societies. I think having friends who accept use as we are supports our mental health.
What is there to question? FOLLOW YOUR BLISS... if having more friends makes one more blissful, follow it, and if having less friends makes one more blissful, follow it. Some will like lots, some will like none and others may need the balance of both. Follow the heart and dont use the mind to find the answer.
I respectfully submit that one should always go with their GUT, over both their brain AND their heart, although I DO agree that the heart comes BEFORE the brain in the hierarchy of trusted advisor body organs! ✌️
Thank you for pointing out the difference between 'friendship' and 'social interaction'!!! I am a loner but love interacting with strangers! I thought there might be something 'wrong' or odd with that.... You have validated my world and I am grateful!
The challenge with a term like "friend" is that it can be taken in so many ways. Often we impose a very heavy load on ourselves when we berate ourselves for not having friends. It's not that we don't know a few people, but no one that we think reaches the definition of "friend". What I have found is that my social needs are relatively simple, outside of my wife and children. I like saying hello to people and being acquainted with lots of people, but I really don't like deep relationships and I'm happy to see my closest friends only every few weeks. It's OK to not need a lot of people in your life.
Man, I wish I saw this in my teens.... I've always flitted from one group to another at uni (didn't like the shackles of commitment) and once I adopted a dog, realised that work/study times satiated all human interaction needs, and I much preferred my free time, in the countryside, with my dog.
Completely agree with Robin Williams that it's better to be alone than surrounded by people who make you feel alone, but cultivating good friends is something we should aim for, if we can. If our lives are too "busy" and "hectic" to "waste time" on forming friendships, then god help us. Society will cease to function if everyone lives alone avoiding close interaction with others. I have few close friends but I'd be lost without them. 🧡
Think again about being “lost without them.” It may hurt for a while, but unless you’re weaker than you sound, you’d recover. It’s likely you’ll be tested on this exact thing. Peace.
@@danielsnyder2288 I agree today's society sucks, but the point is: ANY society or civilization will cease to exist if humans don't cultivate connections between each other. The human race has done a lot of bad, but also a lot of great and wonderful things. So it would be a bummer if we willfully destroyed the civilizations we've spent millennia striving toward.
I've found through my struggles in life that to not have friends is not always a curse and having them is not always a blessing. Knowing where you stand in the world at different times is the true value in social interaction. In that, you learn how trust should be applied in your life. Understanding trust in an in depth manner allows you to choose when to permit another, a friend, to walk beside you. It also permits you to learn to have inner strength when the time to walk alone comes, because you know where you should hold your trust in that moment.
Before my 2nd child I had a ton of friends! I could count on hundreds of people to show up for my bday party and always had someone to hang out with. I also had constant obligations, a responsibility to keep up with what everyone was going through, and drama drama drama. When I became pregnant with my second child in my mid-thirties, I desperately wanted a change. As harsh as it was, I cut off all contact with virtually everyone at once. I shut down my social media and stopped responding to texts. I'm sure people worried for a bit, but after a few months everyone stopped reaching out and they're all perfectly fine without me. All my time goes to my kids, my spiritual path, my home, and my self. Sometimes I get a bit bored and consider maybe going on a date or having lunch with a friend. But then I think about all the obligation that goes into maintaining relationships like that and just thinking about it is exhausting. I'm much happier now, and much more at peace. There's no where to be, nothing to juggle, and no calls to return. I can breathe.
A lonely guy, almost 40, my cave, my drawings, my computer and my motorcycle are my best friends. The times i go out for work or obligations and i see people on the streets, their behavior, their acting, their masks, their hypocrisy, their stupidity, their simpleness, not everyone but most of em, is at those times of being out there on society, the times when i stop and remember why i like and enjoy being alone and that theres no turning back from it. One can find reasons or personal goals to wield when the feeling of loneliness seems to be fueling ones depression, but when people is involved your inner peace might be in the hands of others and just out of your hands to be achieved, never let your inner peace be in the hands of someone else, family being an exception, cause responsibility is part of being true with yourself...that's just some of what all this years of being alone had teach me...
I use to be a social butterfly in my 20 and early 30s. As I’m in my mid 40s, I have no friends at all. I work and come home. My mind is clear and I feel much at peace with myself. I find myself much more interested in the world we live in now. Social life added nothing but chaos and financial burden to me. Maybe it’s bc I didn’t have the right type of friends? I don’t know. But I sure am happier now .
I love how your videos can reset my unhelpful inner dialogue that reminds me that I haven't achieved generally accepted goals. That it's perfectly fine to learn and grow in a way that is natural to me.
Been friendless all my life, just never understood that 'frens' are like vapour. Most people run from true, deep & loving friendship. They are shallow, mindless, uneducated, (in the true meaning of the word) & will sell you out. Past 2 years proves me right.
"We can only truly be ourselves in solitude." I swear, Schopenhauer has always been my spirit animal. Love a guy who isn't afraid to quote a pessimist.
Don't let the news, television or other forms of "media" fool you. There's thousands of "normal", decent and warm people out there and around you. Just don't allow tyrants to put sand in your eyes and alter your reality.
Rampant consumerism materialistic values and a narcissistic culture mean it’s better to be careful around most people in my humble opinion. That includes family too quite often.
I can't thank you enough for this video. It is like a breath of fresh air. I have always felt that it is far better to be alone than in the company of toxic people. I feel drained after most social interactions so I have restricted them. This video is truly liberating
Hi there, no worry , Introverts feel the same as you. I can speak of a lot people like us dealing with the same issues when we are young but, the older you get the more we realize that been alone is not been lonely. And YES, socializing really drain us because my guess is that you are an INF , introvert & empathetic so you “ absorb “ others feelings . Have you ever done the MBTI test ? It helped me a lot . Best regards y si hablas Español, te deseo un excelente día .
@@franzjosefmueller-alban509 Thanks for your kind words. I have never done that test, I am going to look for it. Sii, hablo español, muchas gracias por tus palabras.
@@normaquesada7307, Hola encantado. Yo me pase la mayoría de mi vida seguro ( convencido ) de que me habían cambiado unos cuantos cables al nacer, y aunque no lo creas, muchos de nosotros nos ha pasado lo mismo… hace un par de años hice el test y mi vida cambio … como si me abrieron mi corazón, cerebro y alma y me describían con punto y coma … fue chocante leer la descripción de mi tipo de personalidad… y ahora que lo veo, todo en mi vida finalmente tomo sentido sabes ? Así que animate y descubre que tipo de personalidad tienes, te a a ayudar un montón en aceptarte como eres … Ser introvertido en estos tiempos es muy difícil con el auge de las redes sociales y el aparente egocentrismo que parece acompañar a este fenómeno . Ahora lo veo totalmente normal no querer en realidad “ socializar “ cuando muchos años atrás siempre me sentía como culpable sabes ? Yo nunca me aburro conmigo mismo y mi mente siempre se pasa pensando en todo y sobre todo ja ja ja Saludos desde Alemania aunque soy latino con mucho orgullo
I have always wondered, if I am good person who does not use people and all of you claim to be the same way, then why can't we find each other?? It doesn't add up. Every woman I encounter feels entitled to a man chasing her and paying for her but at least online, every women claims she is not like that. Okay then why can't I find women like that in real life? People are lying to themselves! You are like that! Every woman claims she is not like that but then they are exactly like that.
I've intuitively known this my whole life but when my husband, who is struggling with toxic friends asked me what the alternative was; being alone? I had no words other than yes. I wish I had this video to articulate what my feelings about friendships are. Perfectly said ❤️
Once I decided to focus on improving my life and pushing myself to make progress I had no friends. It hasn't mattered enough to me to waste time on people again. I enjoy living a positive drama free existence where I'm not being used by people at their convenience only to have them be no where to be found when I need anything. I talk to coworkers, that's about all the interaction I need.
My sister was my best and only friend in the world. Someone I could trust, laugh and share inside jokes with, cry with and give advice to. She died unexpectedly 8 months ago and I have been thinking about being friendless now. I know how truly lucky I was to have her as a best friend for 38 years and I feel I can be content if I never find another girlfriend for the rest of my days. Honestly noone could ever replace her. I have my husband and kids and I feel at peace with those who remain. I love you Erin thank you for being my other half for most of my life and for being my sunshine on a rainy day.
I m sorry for ur loss. Although I can never understand that feeling of losing a sibling as i m a single child, but I can surely say that losing someone whom u considered as ur "other half" is truly heartbreaking. I had my girlfriend and the only best friend i had in this whole wide world, who left me because of my one grave mistake. And as soon as she left me, my other friends (we had so many mutuals) followed suit. I m now completely alone, except for my parents. Even i considered my girlfriend as my "other half". I hope u heal from ur loss, Rachel. God is with u 🙏. Sending love and warmth from India.
Friendship, as depicted in the media, is often unrealistic: How often can you meet a group of friends ready to share every thing like in FRIENDS or Sex and the City? Can people with totaly different background and personnalities truly become friends like in movies and series? Or where can you find friends ready to sacrifice themselves for you like in animes ? Now I think I am a social minimalist , but not by choice: I had friends in the past, but I always felt lonely because I yearn for people who I can connect with on a deeper level, to talk about important topics, not just to fool around and gossip. But maybe because of my low EQ, I didn't know how to make friends or how to be a good friend. I think I expected too much from my friends, and often felt disappointed or betrayed. For now I gave up finding friends because I indeed found other ways to fulfill 90% of my social needs. However I still wish to find someone I can spend time with, because I think virtual relationship doesn't bring the same kind of warmth and spontaneity than physical one. Also I believe in the buddhist notion of interdependence.
Trust me, buddhism saves lives. I couldnt afford for a therapist to deal with my 5 yr depressive disorder, the only thing tht was free as well as freakin helpful was buddhism.
Well, my guess is that you are an introverted, intuitive and empathetic person… and by the way, there is not really something like “low EQ” since 99.9% of the people are born with the same intelligence, most don’t really want or will develop that… my feeling ? You are a high intelectual person because I also hate to have a conversation about meaningless / superficial matters … so we are on the same page here. I struggled my entire life with this same problem until I found out about the MBTI test … wow, it changed my life . I am an INFJ so now I understand my self much better . Best regards
I think the best scenario is to have friends that are mature, wise, intelligent, helpful, loving, friendly, people that have healthy aspirations in life, not needy, not toxic. Spending time DOING things with friends (and not just sitting around, talking) - is the best way, too. Be it some outdoor activities or building things.
Friendships are very time consuming and yield little. Most end up toxic due to comparison, politics, dominance hierachies, one upmanship, control patterns, jealousy, their political viewpoints shoved down your throat, wealth and success comparisons, successful relationship comparisons, health comparisons etc. If you are a parent the comparisons extend to your kids and how well yours are doing against theirs. Pure ego in the end. Cut yourself loose and stick with lighter weight acquaintances. That way you get to enjoy company with no strings.
I haven't had friends in years. I'm told it's unhealthy and could be damaging but it's so hard. It's really draining and just not worth it to me. I'm happy with my boyfriend and family. It's really reassuring seeing people in the comments with the same mindset. Makes me feel better about everyone telling me it's not right or unhealthy.
Thank you for this! This is one of those videos that caused a lot of pieces of the puzzle to begin falling into place. I am an introvert and prefer to be mostly by myself with only brief social interactions. I've found that a short interchange daily is enough to provide some sort of a feeling of connection, but that's all I want usually. If the quality of the interchange is high (balanced, thoughtful and nourishing) then I'll stay engaged. Otherwise, I just terminate the interaction. This has caused a lot of thought (and some distress) as I have not understood what is happening. This video explained these concepts to me beautifully, and yes, this is me.
Quality over Quantity. Not getting your sense of self worth from other people’s approval is essential. I have one friend and a wife. Both are extremely deep relationships in every way. I also consider myself friendly and open minded, even sociable. But the only thing I’m looking for in relationships is true depth. It's a rare opportunity to forge deep relationships. But I'm always open to it!
I have three best friends, three dogs who are not toxic, give me unconditional love and so much joy when times are hard and when times are good. They have shown me what true love is.. without conditions!
I was very bullied in school. It gave me selective mutism(inability to speak in certain situations). I never socialized growing up, never had a single friend. I made my best friend in college, but now we're at different colleges. I can speak now but struggle sometimes. After years of chronic depression and failures, I finally gave up. I'm not trying to make any friends anymore. In college, I live completely alone. I alone talk to others at work or in class. I do get along well and talk a lot to one co worker but that's it, I never hang out with him or anything. I've never known what it's like to be in a social group and hang out with them regularly. I don't care anymore either. I just give up and I'm never trying again. I have my family home, and that's all I need. I only get to see them every few weeks now but that's okay.
I am friendly therfore people tend to want to be my friend but over the years i noticed that the majority always need help with something and are seldom available when you really need them. I am also the kind of person that puts myself aside to help others, so i realized that it wasn't healthy for me to have friends. So now i avoid people as much as possible and when i do have to interact, I try to keep it short and to the point.
I have no close friends. I have two good friendships but none I see as close. My relationship with my partner and my birds are enough, as well as the passing contacts online. Being around people drains me mentally and I prefer to stay at home. My partner works long hours and to be honest it's a perfect balance. I love being around him but even his presence drains me.
I like my friends but something where really lost as time passed i dont even know what exactly, they seem more distant not in a physical way necessarily but emotional.
i can confidently declare myself a social minimalist! And I love it! I only have around me people who are worth being around me and who are raising my vibration! All the toxic ones are now gone!
You have people who want to be around you. You must have family. Some of us have people who don’t want to want to be around us. We are really nice people. We for some reason just don’t fit in with anyone unless they don’t fit in with anyone either, and those are hard to find. As I hope you know, this was tongue and cheek. 🤗
I've only ever had one friend that I felt it was necessary to be friends with - vital, even. When he died I learned how wrong I was, that no individual social interaction is vital. Yet social interaction itself is still vital - while it's possible to live without it, we do crave it and it does benefit us. Despite that, I strongly believe in social minimalism. It teaches us to value the connections we do have.
I think we all have been so scarred and shocked by people's self-absorbed behaviour and sometimes blatant attacks ( usually sugar-coated). That we slowly detach ourselves and one does become use to the solitude. At the moment I have one friend that actually call, remembers my birthday, ask me how my day is going, making plans as well to meet up etc. While over the years I realised that when I don't call/visit/wish then there is nothing. So I removed myself from these spaces and people as well as any expectations and my energy field feels so much cleaner, no resentments or going home feeling angry and frustrated because you've been bullied in get-togethers, but so subtly you didn't know how the respond. I have no crazy excitements in my life but I definitely also don't have the constant little jabs or no reciprocation from so-called friends. Stop crossing oceans for people who will not jump a puddle for you
This was my experience exactly.I always had to go to them . They would call seek me out make a date and never show up. I finally told them to not contact me again and I would still get texts so blocked them
I have a few friends and they know that I don't like to go out that much, so we get together every couple of months or so and that seems to make our time together much better.
I had to cure myself of negative self-talk around going places solo, sitting by myself at restaurants, and not having texts blowing up my phone inviting me to do things. I asked myself one key question: When I see someone alone in a park, restaurant, or doing wherever, do I say to myself that they're pathetic losers? The answer was no. Sometimes I even admire them for being independent, for going their own way. Then why am I saying horrible things about myself to myself? That was my "duh" moment.
After reading the comments, I would like to say thank you because I was getting depressed due to not having any friends and feeling like I'm missing out on life. I need to learn how to live with myself.
I think we all need at least one person we can talk to and be ourselves with knowing that person appreciates us as we are and the relationship will not go south. I’ve spread myself too thin and have had too many relationships go bad as a result. I’m tired of dealing with people. So I think minimalism in relationships is preferable for me now.
Same here Jennifer. My friends had either been a bad influence on me or toxic. It's been 5 months since my friends left me along with my girlfriend. I m trying to learn to live by myself!! Sending love and warmth from India ❤️!
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I'm 72 and have been single 22 years now [without even a date]. I've had the freedom to move around and change jobs before retiring. My daughter asked just the other day if I was happy as I have no friends. I said "I have You Tube and can go to England, France, Germany, Greece, anywhere in the world daily. I can explore any subject. When I want a pet, I can watch dogs and cats. And I can go to Facebook and check on the family. My house is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have enough to live on if I don't go hog wild spending and don't need diamonds and furs. I am happy. I have enough. And that is enough.
I totally agree with you
Your comment has made me happy feelings. I don’t feel so bad about not having any friends. 😊
Me too. I moved to a country that I don't speak the language. It's nice not knowing what people around me are saying. Also the stray cats and dogs in the neighborhood come to my house to visit. So I'm happier than I have ever been.
You have it all right. A simple single life is the best.
Amazing. Seriously, thank you for sharing. Is this a mindset you can identify as being something you worked to get to? If so, could you expand on that at all? I consider it a personal journey but also understand everyone is different and some people may be naturally more in tune.
Most people don’t actually have “friends”, they have “people with whom to go out and have fun”. A friend is someone who loves and cares about you - they will help you emotionally, financially, psychologically whenever they can. They will lift you up when you are down and they will be like family. Anything other than that is not friendship. However, nowadays people call anyone a friend, even those people who are one step away from being an enemy.
This is true.
spot on!
That includes family. If they don't care about you, support you, be there unconditionally then you are better off without them. Because the rejection is worse.
They should also be able to celebrate with and be happy for you, not try to bring you down. A friend who can’t celebrate everything from your rental or home purchase-“Gee, I didn’t know you made so much money”-or for your baby “She’s awfully slow learning”-because they’re miserable with their own lives isn’t a friend. The quoted material is from actual “friends”. I’m enjoying the unjudged companionship of my two cats as I post this.
It’s just fake friends nowadays
As a physically disabled person and also an introvert who has only one close friend, I think that it is possible to be (almost) friendless and happy. For me, most of human interactions are emotionally draining anyway, and I'd rather have one true friend than keep on dealing with toxic people.
Less friends the better. Less snakes slithering.
Achievement unlocked : you got a new friend 💖
Same here except I have zero friends.
1 dollar is better than 100 pennies 🤗
I faded away out of my last friend's life recently. I have things to do so I don't feel lonely, even though I haven't spoken with anyone beyond greetings / short small talks for a couple of months. Not seldom my daily count of words is equal to zero.
Probably such situations are far more common than people think they are. And as long as you have goals, it isn't something to fret about.
Haven't had a friend in about 8 years, and it is so nice. No drama, no stress, no having to worry about someone being boo hoo because I had to cancel plans or can't go out one night. Happy as a clam 🙂
yes!
Fully agreed : as JP Sartre aptly puts it “ Hell is other people”: far better in the company of urself it’s a better choice provided/ subject to be a true friend of oneself..!!
I thought the same for about 26 Years but then i relized completle without others is also not a good way to live. The trick is to look for real Friends and not People to only have "fun" with.
Pretty sure there's people out there you socialize with regularly see you as their friend. Sucks to be them when the person you think is your friend turns out doesn't even see you in the same way.
@@soulassassin0g I don't leave the house, so there is no "out there."
Have a nice weekend. Stay safe
I’m 40 single and no kids. I used to feel
Lonely before the pandemic. Opposite to most people 2020 was the best year of my life I learned to live, travel, and go anywhere by myself. I love to live and be alone. The best feeling is when I meditate and I live a simple life. I don’t even need to worry or think too much my life is better than never. I still meeting people when I go out. Even though I find people with similar interests and lifestyles I still prefer to be alone most of the time. I used to crave deep conversations now I don’t really care I can accept any type of conversation and I know even if I don’t agree with it. I know that I will go back home and I will just let it go. Sometimes I just need a little more freedom to travel around the world that will increase my quality of life but even if it that doesn’t happen. I’m living my best life alone and happy. Happy solitude everyone
Lovely
🎉well done.😊
i can see my future in you❤ thank you for ur presence.
I'm 21 and I couldn't agree more
Even in my 20's, I would go to movies by myself. Eat in cafes by myself. Go shopping by myself, which was a particularly great experience; I truly hate shopping with other women. Never had any issues with it, didn't see the attraction of "having to be friends with lots of people" to be happy. I actually wasn't happy in large groups. Or even small groups. The less the better. Happiest when doing some creative endeavour, uninterrupted by others' demands, frankly.
“My goal is no longer to get more done, but rather to have less to do.”
― Francine Jay
That's beautiful.
Brilliant!
That's good.
Amen to that 🙏🏻
Yes!
My life improved dramatically when I gave up trying to have friends. The "friends" I had in the past were immature, toxic, and a bad influence on me. I have no friends right now and am much happier, fulfilled, and more peaceful than I use to be. I would happily accept any new friends who share the same values and interests as me, but I don't feel the need to seek them out. My parents think its unhealthy that I don't have friends, but they've seen my life before and can't explain why it's so much better now. When you're around friends often you're much more likely to get swept up in their egos and dysfunctional patterns, but when you're alone often you're able to grow and evolve into a more natural and better human being more efficiently.
yeah having friends had negatives effects on me such as loss of self confidence and esteem. now i feel a lot better and my mental health has improved a lot
Very insightful, wise and you impressed me as well as surprised me with your comment. There is a vibe to your comment that doesn't come from the use of elaborate words nor is there a strong opinion delivered with ur example of your experience. There is a calm quiet power you have delivered with how you worded your experience that leaves no doubt that being without friends is definitely conducive to a more fulfilling experience. Your comment impressed me....a lot of thinks interest me or make a really good point that I agree with however ur words felt as if they were art. Thank you for sharing!! I'm fascinated because I've never experienced this sensation. Your parents must be happily confused LOL
It’s better to have true friends than to have fake friends. So no friends> Fake friends for sure
Ironically (or not) the people we would want to be around don't need any friends either; quite a paradox of sorts, but it's good.
@@jodisherland5335 maybe you and op must become friends lol
"It's better to be alone than to wish you were."
- I don't know who said this but this helped me maintain social minimalism.
Yes!!
Reminds me of how, "I'd rather be alone than with bad company."
Cheers!
@@jessitabonita Did you realize that you are alone because you are a bad company?
I like i dont need frends posts, on sad im lonely videos....
I like this…👊🏽
Better no friends than bad friends. I’m rarely lonely…and never bored…when I’m alone.
I have lived alone for over 40 years and have never minded being on my own. I'm glad I came across this video. I find that most people only want to be your friend if they can get something out of you. I have found that when I have allowed someone in, I have ended up paying for it. I no longer trust anyone. When I have trusted, I have been let down or stolen from. It's just not worth it. I like the phrase Social Minimalist. I can chat to people in the shops or on the bus or whenever I go somewhere that other people gather, safe in the knowledge that, that is as far as the interaction will go. I don't need to know their names or where they came from because I will probably never see them again.
I thought I was the only one who felt like this,....I love being alone, but I do have lots of animals as I live on a homestead. I too, just like small talk with nothing else attached, not even a name. Like in the movie " Fight Club " ,.... They are called "Single Serving Friends"! 😂🤠👍👍😎
My god it’s like I wrote this
I have lived exactly like that my whole life and im 71! even when i was a kid i was alone! back then it made me sad because i wanted friends but as time when on i got used to it so used it i wouldnt have it any other way!
"Before you decide your depressed or have low self-esteem, consider the possibility that you are surrounded by assholes"- Sigmund Freud
Funny...good one
I wish I could double like this
Sigmund Freud used words like A- hole?😂
@@mahirbaksh8712 You got me a$$hole; he used the word German word for fool.
@@Computron64 : Actually I heard that Jim Carrey said this!
I'm 71 and I remember the last line of the movie 'Stand By Me'; 'You never have friends again like you had when you were 12'. As the years go by it just becomes increasingly difficult to trust people. Sad to say.
At the end of the day you need to give people a chance to fail or you will end up 71 years old and will still think that finding friends and loved ones to be difficult. Thank you for your comment it really gave me something to think about. :)
You are absolutely right. I am 67 and for over ten years now I haven't bothered with what people call friends. I find morals are a thing of the past and everyone seems to want stuff more than people, with loyalty and kindness being a thing of the past.
@@brendaprice665 I've always wondered if genuine kindness were ever a thing. Anyone I've ever met were covert malicious.
It's so true. The only thing I miss about being a kid is the idea of having bonds. I always felt no person could truly love, be it friends, family, or partners .
Dreyfuss. Classic.
I love my solitude, wouldn't trade it for all the "friends" in the world. When I am alone, my life is simple, orderly, low maintenance and peaceful; as soon as other people get involved with their opinions and expectations, that's when the drama and the problems start. It's amazing to me how emotionally needy and codependent many people are - I just don't have the bandwidth for all of that and I certainly don't need or even want validation from other people.
That is so true! There is nothing better than a simple life. Romantic love and friendships and even family can be a really powerful source of happy moments, but when they get involved, all the feelings, emotions and expectations get involved as well, and sooner or later those will result in drama and problems. That's inevitable. When you cherish your solitude and your own company, and when you don't have expectations and needs to live up to other than the ones you set for yourself, life becomes much easier and more peaceful. I truly believe one can live a fulfilling life in solitude.
I love my solitude.
Beautifully said…
So much better being alone and happy
I don't dislike people but they can be troublesome. I think many people want to be with others to avoid themselves. The simple life has a lot going for it. Good Luck Danielle.
For those out there who feel like they have no friends, who feel rejected by the world, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with you. It just means that the universe wants you to be your own bestest friend
that's a nice way to put it
So compelling and absolutely true. For ages 40 and up we all grew up with large circles of friends, companions, etc. and with that becoming almost obsolete we feel lost. So we enter a new chapter and reinvent the wheel sorta speak. At then end of the day only 'me; cares about me.
Thankyou for this wonderful and encouraging comment , I was feeling emotionally drained and your comment made me feel better.
It's unlikely that the universe itself has it's own will
I was rejected by the world ling ago. But, I rejected it back. How unfortunate that the only world that I have at my disposal is this one
During the Depression the elderly I once worked for said they got rid of the people who claimed they were friends but were only around to leach food or 'borrow' things they never returned. So they kicked them out of their lives, became happier learning to mend, grow a garden, fix things & only keep in their lives people who bartered for goods & services. Books were their friends, flowers were their friends & some animals became their friends. I don't trust anyone who just has to be with others all the time. It's like they never grew up. That's the beauty of adulthood. You know you are one when being alone feels wonderful!
Solitude, walks on the beach, soothing ambient music, have become My Life.
Simple, peaceful, content.
Likewise 😊
As strange as this may sound, I love solitude and my peaceful life but I'd probably enjoy having friends from the comment's list on this page. It's being among like minded people.
Same. Plus audiobooks and gardening over here.
Solitude can become addictive. Even when among good friends I quickly yearn to be alone again.
Some of the most relaxing and peaceful times I’ve had were by myself. Cleaning my little home and cooking something I want and listening to Lofi music while reading something, drawing, or writing.
Im a social minimalist in its true nature and have been this way since I can remember, I always thought the philosphy on "needing" a social group or friends were outdated because there simply proves to be more cons than pros in todays society. I tried to go with the flow and it only solidified my previous findings,Im simply more fulfilled, confident,productive and happy without them. The day I chose to fully go without friends without shame I felt a weight lift off of me. So yes,this is all true and has been for decades now.
Same. I'm happy to see the evolution of how we socialize highlighted here. I started purging friends over the pandemic because it seemed a good time for most of us to see what was and wasn't working in our lives. For me, all but one friendship had reached it's expiration date. I have never felt better.
Same
Same
I feel the same way.
After over 35 years I have never been to a high school reunion. I figured that anybody I haven't tried to keep in touch with or get in touch with, are not worth my time
I don't have friends, but I'm so happy. I occupy my time with reading books, work, jogging, travel, meditation and of course music and films.
If you're desperate for social or social status; you can be happy without them. Trust me.
Thank you for sharing! I agree wholeheartedly. You can be happy without friends, but society and media describes it as a fate worse than death… no wonder so many people are afraid to be alone.
One friend can be beneficial in so many aspects Dari. If you want to chat with me
Absolutely. Sounds like you too have tapped into a frequency. What films have you seen lately? Do you like Ennio Morricone? Hans Zimmer? Jerry Goldsmith? John Barry?
I didn't think I could be socially isolated without mental "issues" until I discovered directed-attention meditation. Cabin fever is caused by an unconstrained, undisciplined mind.
@@tbobtbob330 Could you please extrapolate on "directed-attention meditation"?
I'm in my 50s and I have one adult child and no friends. I divorced my husband 5 years ago. I'm very content with my life. I get to do what I want, when I want and where I want. I have a home, a great relationship with my adult child and tons and tons of books on my Kindle. At my age I do not want drama and BS from other people. This is the happiest I've been in decades 🙂
Exactly! The only drama I want in my life is when I'm reading a good book, chuckling about the plot and the dramas of the fictional characters, which led me to try and write a story, or maybe a novel!
I lost 99% of my friends after getting sober, 1 stayed by me every step of the way & has been my only hope to remain happy. It’s unbelievably lonely but not impossible, learning day by day & constantly interacting with customers and coworkers helps tremendously too
Hope it gets better!
@@gargadisnutsinyomouth wild you just commented this, I just lost her 8 hrs ago. Solodolo now
I noticed that people who end up in addiction have a need for much more community and socializing. I’m so sorry that you are lonely.
My mother told me that if we are lucky we have one "true friend" in our lifetime.....two friends if we are extremely fortunate.....everyone else will simply be "associates".
Deep!! Your mom gave very valable wisdom!
I chat wif people online to feel less lonely.
My grandmother told me the same!
This is true. I have two solid friends, and every time I started to hang out with new people or classmates, I can't consider them as friends, only as acquaintance. These 2 solid friends of mine really raised the standards lol
YOOOO WTF my mom said the EXACT SAME THING!
Thanks for the new term! I’m now going to call myself a “social minimalist” instead of a “loner.” At age 71, I’m ecstatic that I can glory in my solitude. The fewer the people in it, the more satisfying my life is.
Well said, Kathy!
very poggers!
Agree!
I LOVE that term,
" social minimalist!"
My home is more on the minimalist side.
But now realizing that I'm also a social minimalist! 😁
It truly has me feeling at peace!
Well said . Lucky if we have 1 friend.But partners or friends can br great but if we don't have them then be happy anyway. Being alone is not lonely.
I am a clinical psychologist and I am going to show this to my class! Past research has always pointed to the benefits of friends and because of this most psychologists push this narrative to their clients as a way to alleviate loneliness and other forms of mental difficulties. However by doing so we are setting these individuals up to feel marginalized by society when in fact they are following their innate authentic self tendencies which in turn will bring that individual to true peace and contentment. Always be an individual and be true to the REAL you! ❤️ Thank you ever so much for this video 😁
So many friends are fake or poor quality ( toxic) w/ hellish agendas.. There are sooo many true narcissist who run in certain circles who are social climbers & status chasing ; there was this one so called good friend who's agenda was my husband ; I hope they are happy & I hope
all the deception in her filthy heart brought her satisfaction ; although I doubt it due to covert narcissist are never happy .😃. One good thing is the satisfaction & peace i have from 'no contact ' .Best !
I'm honored 🙏😀
@Debra - great comment! 😊🧡
hey Debra, you are asking the right questions. I have experienced this fixation on having to need a social life in psychology as well. This is not always the case though. Perhaps also look into existential therapy th-cam.com/video/nhqc5MD6qV0/w-d-xo.html
Yes! We all have different needs, some need an active social circle; some need space.
It was about a decade ago that I decided to step away from a large segement of my social circle. This accounted for more than half of my friendships and almost all of my firends from my early years. I realized they were keeeping me from growing into someone different than I was in those early years. They still expected to hang out with that guy and, well, I didn't really like being that guy any longer.
It really has allowed me to feel more comfortable in my own skin and to grow into someone better. I feel more creative, less hostile and just generally happier when I look in the mirror. It's a journey to get where I want to be but now it feels like I'm free to take the steps I want to take to get there.
Just as my parents always saw me as their little boy, those friends always saw me as the teenage or early-20's me and kept putting me back in that box. When the relationships started to degrade due to the constant fights against these restrictions I finally took the leap and freed myself from their expectations.
I haven't made new friendships to replace those I let go. I'm more of an acquaintance kind of guy now and people can accept or reject me on my own terms. That's fine.
I really needed this video today along with everyone's comments on the topic, they are incredibly validating and comforting. I have always valued my solitude and peace and always knew that I needed it as a self care method. People try to throw it in your face that you don't have friends, implying there's something wrong with you, for me, it's about self preservation and self care as I have yet to meet a friend who is as easy going as I am. So I actually do have one friend at least... Me! 💜
So sweet, yes I agree , Someone once said, You are the greatest love of my life!!!!
and take comfort in knowing that there are so many people out in the world just like you! like me!
I've always feel that way too! At least, the only human. I love dogs. And books. One person said that I was self-centered. Perhaps they thought I should try and make others happier. Did not this person know that happiness comes from within?
Nicole Kidman got it right. Way back when Nicole was still married to Tom Cruise, I read an article about their marriage which, it seemed, was having problems. The couple were bickering on their cell phones and one of the techies heard some of what they said.
"You're supposed to make me happy!" complained Tom said to his {soon to be ex} wife.
"No, YOU have to make yourself happy!" (It's been so much time that I don't remember word for word, and the magazine is probably thrown away, but I do remember that Nicole's reply was short and to the point). But she was right!
I hear you. Ive had issues with people demanding my time, and sometimes I just dont want to meet up, or go to the event. Its nothing against them , its just Im not into catching up,. Id prefer to sit at home and read.. immersed in my poo lof thoughts and creativity. This is becoming more the case as the years go by..
I am an empath/highly sensitive person. I live alone and prefer it more than absorbing others feeling and drama. Being around others physically and mentally drain me.
Same here dear same
And me as well ❤
i also found out that im a HSP. it's very hard to for me as well to make and even maintain friendships. most people abandon me just because they think im too “senstive” or “innocent”. it feels very sad sometimes and most nights i literally cry myself to sleep.
Agreed…👊🏽 It’s exhausting for me, to be in social settings. I prefer to stay home, in my safe, quiet place…♥️
Same
I'm a social minimalist and it's easy to be and it's so much productive, all you have to do is to stop craving for validation and shift your attention & focus to yourself( more specifically to your growth)
If you run a restaurant, you need good reviews ( external validation) for restaurants to continue
Thank you sir.
well stated
I have NO friends. It is what it is. It’s wasn’t really a conscious choice, it just happened that way over the decades. I’m 50 now and friends are pretty much optional to me. Far from a requirement. Honestly most people are more trouble than they are worth. I’m done trying. I don’t care if people like me anymore. I prefer solitary pursuits anyway.
Amen to that.
I prefer that too but I'm 18 years old and I don't want to die without lovely memories(might be cheesy but it's what I want)
Good luck with ur life
More friends just means more drama
Same here
Ik heb alleen maar slechte ervaringen met vrienden ieder zoekt zijn eigen voldoening en als ze die niet meer bij jou vinden laten ze je vallen
I need my hobbies more than I need friends.
I smile to my neighbours, I say hello to my bartenders, I crack casual jokes with the waiter at the restaurants I frequent. But, I don't really see the NEED for friends.
Absolutely ! No girlfriend= no stress today. In my 40s Been living alone in a small country town for 2 years and absolutely loving it. Social minimalism is the key to happiness. Only a few close friends is great. Got the cat the birds, bees bugs, butterfly s sheep flies, hedgehogs, stouts possums lizards, trees, sky. The river and so on. Animals can make the best friends. If you feel alone when your alone your in bad company. Love your videos man makes a lot of sense.also the punchline at the end there was very witty. Thanks.!
I’ve found this indeed to be the case. Toxicity is rampant throughout our society and it’s become unreasonably difficult to meet individuals with mere integrity-which is a baseline minimum in my book.
Good to see someone actually sharing my views of society. It's not that I don't want to socialize, or find a partner. Its that with the current state of the world and the sickness that has infected society it is simply not worth playing all the mental gymnastics and mistrusting those who claim to be your friends. Personally I have a few friends I can hang around with, with most of my other friends being online, and thats good enough for me
"Toxicity"
" baseline minimum in my book " 🤣 alright Sir , what other Code of integrity rules are in your book of Laws 😅 I hope my subjective amusement did not slip out of your book 🥺
@@john_ipu8721 that's an interesting way to say you have no integrity
I am really feeling this, too. Society seems to be eroding, I feel safer tucked away in my apartment.
I feel so validated watching your videos. I say this all the time. Close connections with humans have always left me feeling less than and overly giving. I lose myself in pleasing others. I'm so much more at peace alone. That conversation with the cashier is truly enough for me. I prefer a deep connection to the natural word.
I am exactly the same way. My perfect day is hiking solo, while looking for wild mushrooms.
I hope the cashier doesn't get overwhelmed by the hordes of lonely ppl nowadays 😂
Me too. Idk how many time I feel so invalidated by those so called friends of mine, those I've spent a lot of resources, time, efforts etc,,,, always keep pointing me how I so different with them and won't accept different pov. So tiring and excruciatingly painful
@@john_ipu8721 not lonely, bud. Just happier alone. I promise it's a quick exchange. The cashier will live to see another day. Lol 😆
"That conversation with the cashier is truly enough for me." lol, same here! i´m with you brother/sister.
I am not against friendship but I want to have good quality and deep relationships which are strong, sensitive, loving and full of compassion. The fake plastic relations which people offer, full of toxic dynamics , narcissism and shaming are not even a little appealing. Sure, call me a weirdo - whatever - I'd rather love myself in my solitude than despise myself in your company
Your choice of words reflects you're a free-thinker and a very sensitive human being,
I can tell.....
Hell yeah
Yeah... same here. It's called "Solipsism". I highly recommend it.
@@Bluzian74 who's selfish here?
@@ini9558 Took me 48 years to understand what and how to be selfish is. All those years of benevolently having sex with girls I felt such pity for; It never occurred to me to enjoy it for MYSELF. Of course, now, that I'm hip to knowing women want to be objectified , guess what? They want to be pleasured. FML. I give up. Thank God the advent of feminism invented pornography. Now I get off on other idiots having to screw chicks so I don't have to deal with them. God exists! (and it ain't on Tinder!)
The less friends I have the happier I am. There's nothing quite like solitude :)
I stopped having friends when I retired four years ago.
👍🏽
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone. " Robin Williams
Definitely a video thought up by introverts. Philosophers tend to be introverts so it’s not surprising. Social isolation cultivates true strength, clarity, and independence.
Dee, I agree. Yet, being a contrarian myself, I find that the echo-chamber amplification effect of all these comments reminds me of the things that friends can do that we cannot do for ourselves. Like provide a second opinion from another point of view. Having appreciation and acknowledgement from another is a special feeling.
I thought you were going somewhere a bit different with your comment... I agree these videos seem to be thought up and created by introverts. However, I don't believe the solitude brings about the attributes you mentioned for everyone or even all introverts.
Social isolation cultivates absolutly not true strenght clarity and independence
@@paulbcote Definitely true, but it doesn’t always have to come from friends though.
The social pressure to have a large group of friends is much worse than the actual lack of many friends. Be aware what people call friends are no real friends most of the time.
So well said! Thank you! It’s so true, the social pressure to have large groups of friends is maybe the real problem. It creates losers. It creates a struggle to get and sustain friends - just because the society means you need them.
@@sigrid3553 not really. It's not just the society but also because you've been conditioned to be with people and sometimes, you have a certain level of extroversion that requires you to interact with people. It's actually quite hard to get out of that even if you don't need It as much.
Best comment:)
So accurate!
@@w花b that's totally not true. many people are usually born introverted, very shy and reserved. no one is conditioned to extroversion. we all are born alone and will also die alone.
to me the worst thing about not having friends was that i imagined other people looked down on me for not having friends.
once i learned that they didn't care and that it didn't matter if they did, i was much happier 😁
How did these other people know that you had no friends? Did you tell them?
@@barbaraibiel I'm like that, but in my case, it's because I always thought they notice when I'm alone--when I'm usually not talking with someone. Maybe it's society making us think not having friends is something to look down upon. 🤷 (Hopefully this makes sense XD)
@@lolol9474 People always see me alone, but I don't know how they can come to the conclusion that I am always alone. They don't see me everywhere.
Same here
@@barbaraibiel when you sitting alone in a table of school or
When you visit somewhere alone like restaurant, cinema etc..
But by the time you get used to it
I realized not too long ago that I've been far happier and mentally healthier without "besties" than I ever was with them. When I ended my last friendship I realized that I was emotionally exhausted. It was because I was tired of being expected to act like their mother, have no boundaries, and be expected to act as a lay therapist because they refused to see a real therapist. It was simply too many expectations for one person to handle. Am I open to the possibility of meeting and making new friends? Of course! But, I no longer let this cultural expectation make me feel incomplete or wrong.
Is your friend sorry?
I love this. I love being alone in my house, doing the things I love doing, such as meditating, praying, doing yoga, working out in my small workout room, reading, singing! taking care of my four rescued dogs 🐶💕, cooking my healthy meals and having a spa day once a week.
I do feel energized when I go out shopping for groceries or when I go to a coffee shop and just have a small conversation with random people; it gives me energy.
Thank you for this video. I kept wondering if my family was right when they often tell me that I need friends. I used to have a couple of friends that turned out to be not so good friends. They were mostly toxic.. I feel much better now that I don’t see them.
So thank you again for this video 💜.
R'amen! I'm finally learning to enjoy my own solitude. I always lived with family and when my dad passed on, I got the house. But it never felt like MINE. I had always lived under someone else's thumb and rules, well into adulthood, too. So, I got a smaller house to live in on this land (the other was falling apart, anyway), made it crazy and colorful, and now I'm making an edible garden in the back. I've got so much to do and I feel so much better doing these things for myself. Actually sleep better, am losing weight, and have far less stress, even when things are at their most dire. I get my interactions when I go to work, and right now, that's about all I need.
Good for you!!🔆
All the posts here are refreshing and supportive. At the same time I completely resonate with your response. I also live alone with my small Yorkie and two lazy cats. Happy to be on my own and enjoy meditation, often three times in a day, cooking for me and some frozen meals for my daughter who lives across town,reading, writing short stories and poetry, colouring, doodling, utube and keeping my small garden nice and tidy. I walk my ten thousand steps on most days, the solitude in this time is precious to me. I love to shift things around my home, it brings in new energy. I do have a friend, at the same time, there are no guarantees in life. I think it is important that if someone moves away or a friend no longer works for me, that I don’t fall over. It’s not such a healthy behaviour to become too attached to anything.
Your life sounds good to me. If it works for you, then it works. For others, it wouldnt work, but, as the Stoics would say, thats ok too.
I’m an introvert and have been alone for 8 years. I live a solitary life but I’m never lonely, and I enjoy being able to do what I like when I like. I have lots of interests and hobbies and I’m never bored. The only thing missing in my life is a pet but I’m not allowed to have one in my flat so I watch cats and dogs on TH-cam 😊
Strangs that it is not allowed to have a cat in your flat a dog can make noise but a cat is no problem for your neighbors
Spot on !!! I can relate to you 100%, It’s hard for most people ( extroverts ) to understand that been alone never means been “ Lonely” I stopped many years ago trying to explain that to most people. Now I simply answer when asked : I have other plans which means, I just want to go home and have peace.
All the best
@@franzjosefmueller-alban509 Yes, it’s common for people to mix-up ‘solitary’ with ‘lonely’ isn’t it. They are very different, I think being solitary and comfortable on your own is a state of being, but feeling lonely is an uncomfortable emotion. I feel very sorry for anyone who is lonely, it must be a sad experience.
@@franzjosefmueller-alban509 Great, I do the same! 👍 I have plans, I say ( to spend the evening alone…). Why not?
@@ExLibris-Alys , totally right man… hard to explain but I really enjoy my own company, not that I do not “ socialize “ with small talks with people at my office or random people I meet on the street but, most of the times is just my necessity to fill my social needs. Going home to my solitude is the best part of my day.
All the best
Engaging YT comment sections fulfills my social needs. I'm a social minimalist and I stopped feeling guilty about that.
@@CRM-114 thank you. I come from a huge enmeshed family so it took awhile to accept the disdain for my solitude. But I think I've nicely carved out a reputation for being aloof. I'm good with that.
The world is full of people that I can't get along with
Only a handful of people might be real friends
But for me they're hard to find
So I'll stay alone than have toxic energy around me
holy shit same thing goes with me as well. i felt fulfilled while writing this reply
you just disclosed "why ppl rant on the internet" no irl friends results in random ppl squabbling over random issues that almost don't even matter to them , it's all just a leverage to fill that loneliness void , either through violent talk or objective change of arguments which just makes it all relative , we no longer need friends to increase survivability , but the socializing instinct remained there
@@john_ipu8721 Thank you for engaging.
I had 100s of family and friends on my, now deleted, social media accounts. They squabbled, were contrary and ranted to no end while very much enmeshed with their kids, spouses, family and a host of "irl" friends. It was one of the reasons I deleted my social media accounts -- too much unfiltered noise and opinions about things I had no interest.
I don't believe they were lonely as much as projecting or perhaps distracting from a host of unresolved issues within themselves. There's a huge difference between alone and loneliness, and much of it can be differentiated by the level of compassion we have for ourselves. Some may rant online just to create chaos while others to seek external validation. A great number of introverts and loners have abandoned external validation to the degree that people in "irl" [toxic/dysfunctional] friendships thrive on.
Just my two cents. I hope you have a peaceful weekend. 😊
A timely reminder. I used Covid to end the last of my toxic friendships and have been socially celibate for 18 months, talking only to my husband and brother who lives two hours away. I've recently become more open to friendship and sought it out, only to find I'm very particular now and don't have much patience for the inorganic experience of finding and courting strangers. Better to tolerate the uncertainty and recognize a good friend if one materializes, without forcing it.
Most people who present themselves as ‘friends’ end up taking and judging. I’ve became a person that will cut you off the moment I feel any negativity, family included. Best decision I ever made was to put me first and trust how I feel. No good intentioned friends/family will make you feel bad about yourself or only call for you to make them feel better about themselves. You deserve to be loved, listened to, and uplifted just as much as you do that for others.
This was good! Thank you!!
It’s SO peaceful being alone. My partner and I are literally the only people we can tolerate beyond what’s necessary, and we still take breaks from each other lol
Finally! A video that confirms what I always suspected, that we don't need friends to be happy. Even though it's hard to say "I don't have friends" and they don't look at you like a creep.
Well I’ve had friends that I forgave no matter what when it was time to forgive me they made it a big deal as find fault I found fault as well but I told myself I will never turn back I’d rather be alone the rest of my life. Also not having friends help you keep your shit to yourself
I said that in the last stage of a series of job interviews and they reject me because of that....
Being alone brings me joy and peace. I am closer to the divine spirit, I love my life and myself more. I never feel lonely being connected to myself. Loneliness comes from being disconnected to yourself. As the world spirals down to toxicity I have purposely watched my interaction with people very carefully. This has brought much peace to my life.
How ? Can you please let your experience share
@@belalenayat5099 "If you need a true friend, God is sufficient" Master Nursi
Quality of friends > Quantity of friends.
Being an introvert I always lived my life with this philosophy. My mother thinks that there is something wrong with me since I'm not socializing with people, like her who is an extrovert. She thinks not socializing is some kind of a flaw. I no longer try to explain her anything.
Extroverts will not understand the way we introverts thinking, ever, since their source of energy come from other person contact (which is draining us, because we know people pretending to be nice behind their mask when come to socializing), my mother also an extrovert and she find me weirdo too
I am just outgoing enough that I can get along with most. This said, surface level interactions, such as workplace connections, are not the same thing as having even just one true friend who one can be real with. No masks, no conformity, just being real and authentic. I finally have such a friend, and because she and her sons are like me (we all have fairly high levels of psychic ability), I consider her boys as not just friends, but like brothers. I even told her that if it came down to it, I would take the boys in as my own, just so they wouldn't have to be around their shitty fathers.
I can relate to your story. Mom said I needed to be more like my sisters. Wish she could have embraced my personality back then. It has taken a lifetime to come to terms with self acceptance
Nothing wrong with socializing with others. Asking how their life is, their achievements or failure, so we can learn from the story of their life and they also have someone who truly listens to them, in my opinion that is a good deed. Trying to be friends with everyone by putting on a fake "mask" is the real problem.
@@frog6054 It is not that introverts don't want to socialize. It is that we prefer quality over quantity. Just because you have a bunch of people in your contacts list doesn't mean you are true and abiding friends with whom you can be truly real and authentic.
Extroverts, I have found, don't seem to want to always truly listen. They are there for the social talk, the gossip, and that's pretty much it. No deep conversation, no philosophical thinking. I need friends who will delve into the deep end, not wade around in the shallows. The latter is draining for me, to say nothing of boring. 😴
I think the idea of being a social minimalist is a like putting the cart before the horse.
The goal shouldn't be having minimal friends, it should be having the friendships that actually add to our lives, as a bi-product, that may or may not mean you minimal friends.
Studies have shown that the deeper relationships we have, the happier we are, and I'm a strong believer in this.
The main problem is people try to be friends with everyone, and so they play a fake character in front of people so that they'll like them more.
Instead, be authentic and unapologetically you, you'll have less relationships, but the ones you do have will be much deeper and meaningful.
Friends are over rated. I can't stand being around other people.
never be in company you wouldn't want to die in.
I think this might be where confusion and conflict arise with the use of the word minimalism. Many view minimal as in the least amount which sounds very negative, rather than focusing only in what is essential. This is the different between the least amount to eat to avoid starvation versus the least amount to feel full.
What do I need to feel contentment? Not what others say I should want, especially when they are basing that on what others say they should want and so on.
Friendship, or deep connection might be with a spider, or a human friend, or a volunteer organization, or your pets, your garden, yourself. The importance is a deep fulfilling connection whatever that form might take.
I think you have an oversimplified idea of minimalism. The goal is to find contentment in only what's essential and makes you happy. For some of us, that looks less than societal standards. But taking away can actually add value to sanity. We aren't one size fit all.
I think you hit the mark instead, it's not about quantity but quality. Quality friends I have made the difference at times
Absolutely you can be happy without friends. My life is so much simpler now that I stay alone and at home. I have autism and ADHD and have always struggled with both people and social occasions. I have my pets, my son lives with me (though I don't often see him) and I speak to my other children (who are adults and live far away from me) once or twice every couple of weeks (all my kids are neurodivergent as well so need their space too). This suits the amount of social energy I have. I am happier than I have ever been now that I have given up the enforced social expectations about how important it is to be social and popular.
I have two furry friends. There are a few people I enjoy on the job, and I have my small family. There are events like book discussions in the local library if I want social interaction. Took me 55 years to realize that’s all I really need to be happy.
Master Nursi's writings are also great. I can recommend it. They are not fictional though.
I have always lived in my head. Music (pianist), reading all the time, being a lawyer, tax, that I did by myself. Studied Russia as a young kid. About 25 yrs ago I met a Russian musician, who needed help getting his citizenship. My husband was a male mirror image of me. We were happily alone together. My husband died 20 yrs ago, but my Russian American remains a close friend. So my early endeavors came together with my now American pianist friend. The reading we do is musical scores. I am 77, and started down this road at age 5, learning the notes on my mother's piano. How blessed I am. 😊
"furry friends" 💀
@@ignorepls That's it exactly.
Belonging is a hangover from our primal days, a hormone response to perceived threat, that is hard wired into out brains, it is an anachronism.
Also, I suspect the majority of the people pushing the idea that you need friends are extroverts, who, by their nature, will be more vocal about this.
Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing, nor are they the same to different people, where one persons alone is another's lonely, and one persons friendship circle is the loneliest place for some.
Many people can be lonely with many people around them.
Patently untrue
Belonging is required sometimes for survival, other then that in most instances it's a hindrance
@@rogerm3708 I agree, the situations where it is required are very extreme, and even then to belong just means having a group that is willing to help you over the problem you face. In most modern democracies this should be the State, unfortunately now it is so often left to NGO and volunteer organisations
Tribalism runs deep. Yet, the individual can survive and thrive. Tribalism has some benefits but what one needs to forfeit is not worth it in my experrience.
That last line. I've adjusted so well to lockdown conditions. It's been an amazing period of healing, growth and creativity. Grateful for my hermit like ways and also that I am not agoraphobic. When I get out I usually have nice interactions...often at my local grocers. Last time I was out I anticipated helping people, my awareness that someone couldn't pull apart the carts or reach an object on a high shelf brought joy as I approached them , all ready to lend a hand. At one store cashiers recognize me and have commented on how I bring good energy to them (raising the vibe). I enjoy these interactions more than trying to maintain and invest in relationships with those who do not enjoy their lives but also don't take steps to change anything. Never been a gossiper tho I like to hear people's stories and counsel when the time is right. Thanks for this video, it was timely.
Same here. Its not that i dont have friends. I do. But im highly intuitive, creative male and an introvert. In order to create and get things done, I need a lot of alone time as socializing, talking excessively and group think can get draining very fast and/or weaken my will and resolve.
So i have impersonal friends. People at grocery stores I frequent that kind of thing. I rarely if ever socialize with them unless its coincidental. But that works for me. I do a lot of walking on the beach and in nature and ive met a few non human friends which will open to you once i stopped buying the lie that only other humans could be relatable.
Remember that birds, dogs, cats, and many others can be our friends as well.
Second everything you said here. 🙏
The lockdowns didn't even change how I lived
@@dominusbalial835 Same. Or more like: they did, but in a positive way. A lot of things suddenly became possible to do online therefore saving me a lot of time and hassle. Best time of my life really.
As 2021 comes to a close, I am alone, I have 'lost' connection with the people I was so attached to a year ago. Turning 40 has also made me start evaluating and dialling up what I have as friends. I can go for days these days without calling or being called. I actually get jittery around people nowadays. I filter a lot of things and people. I'd rather spend the day alone when free than hang out with people I don't connect with. And no, I don't fear loneliness.
same, people aggravate me more than fuel me.
Same. It's that lack of connection/understanding that really gets to me. It's so exhausting and depressing that it's just easier to be alone. In my 60s now, and I don't care at all that I have no friends. I have the odd acquaintance, mostly due to on the job interactions, and I love chatting to people I meet up the street, but nothing more than that. Trying to navigate and maintain family relationships is enough work without adding a heap more people into the mix 😀
I'm just about to turn 40 myself, and I feel in this same boat. I have become an "accidental ghost" over the years. IThe last time I had a bunch of friends was college, and that was because of classes or clubs together. But beyond those clubs, we didn't really keep in touch very long if at all. And as things changed and new folks came in, I started to feel like nobody would notice if I was even there, so I just let myself fade out. Took months before one of them contacted me on FB just to catch up briefly. That's how a lot of my "friendships" have gone over the years. I just let myself fade away because it was easier than showing up somewhere and you don't fit in anymore or you don't know anybody and they're not interested in knowing you. It became a great prep tool for when I started working and taking more responsibility. I learned that "friends from work" are just co-workers, and if you change jobs, maybe 1 in 10 will still talk to you for a few months before fading away, too.
I've got neighbors I help and 1 "bestie" I talk to occasionally, but her life is so busy and she lives across the country, so we don't chat much. And honestly, we don't have much in common anymore. We're good ears for each other, though, and I think that's the biggest tie holding us together. Its one small lifeline, but it works. Day to day, though? It's exhausting being around people. I think the instant gratification of social media has made it worse, because instead of being patient waiting for replies, people get bent out of shape not having their text responded to within a few minutes or their message, whatever. Friendship is tinged with this odd desperation now, and it's wearying.
My problem is when somebody calls me, or texts me, and I don't feel like responding to them. I feel very guilty. I might get back to them, but I'd rather certain people to just get the message and leave me alone. It sounds selfish, but that's how I feel.
@@COSMICCFREQUENCY144In my experience, it's shallow people who do that to me, which is why I've never especially been a people person.
It’s a incredible video! I have been living without a friend for decade, before I thought maybe something wrong with me, after I watched this video I am totally relieved. Having toxic friends is much worse than no friends.
The worst part of being friendless is the fear of letting other people know. Because what kind of immoral socially inept weirdo do you have to be in order to end up all alone?
Being friendless in a society that cherishes having hoards of friends is a recipe for being looked down on, attacked and humuliated.
If being solitary was percieved as neutral or attractive, my mind would be in a much better place, even if in the future I couldn't manage to make any friends at all.
Embrace who you are. Extrovert or introvert it doesn't matter. We're all different
If you have no friends who are you going to tell this too. It’s all good don’t worry about it just enjoy your time alone😊
Watch this video and read the comments again. You’re almost there!
lol just observe other people around you sometimes they dont have friends either especially homeless people they dont have anyone trust me there are a lot of people on Earth that dont have friends
If you're unfortunate enough to meet someone and they ask how many friends you have, just lie and say 'Loads' or 'Too many!'.
I'm 58, and never been asked by my very few friends what other friends I have.
Just enjoy life, and don't worry about what other people may or may not think about you. 99% of the people are only thinking about themselves, not you.
To be honest, I don't have anyone in real life who brings such value as this guy here with his youtube channel.
Being happy with yourself, meaning staying authentic to your core beliefs (which can shift when presented with new information), your own goals and keeping your integrity, will be the foundation of all other relationships. I'm nearly 42 and I believe that I have finally grasped this concept. No other humans are necessary but, as C.S. Lewis stated, they add value to survival (when they genuinely care about you).
I used to be happy alone but when I started trying to fit in and make friends I started losing myself and I became depressed
When you try to fit in you stop loving yourself.
you should have first written something of yours on that Whiteboard before letting others do it for you
but if u were happy alone then why did u start trying to fit in? somethings not adding up
Watching this is extremely refreshing .. I’ve never been able to have a healthy friendship with anyone .. simply because I was always weird .. and when I did attempt to conform to “my friends” way of doing things, it made things weirder .. I’ve spent several years now without friends questioning if I’m the issue when in truth I’m more at peace without friends .. and oddly enough that brang me closer to myself .. having no friends is something that should be normalized .. there’s nothing wrong with it.. especially if it brings healing and growth to the individual. I love your channel and content .. thank you so much 💕
Discovering l was Neuro-diverse in my forties was life changing!!
All those weird neurotypical people suddenly made more sense!!
It wasn't me who was different anymore. In fact l most definitely had a superpower all along.
🎵🎶"Whose laughing now!"🎶🎵
Society tells us that if we don't have friends there is something wrong with us but that is just another one of the stupid rules we have been told we have to play by. Not all of us want to be social, that doesn't make us weird it just means we are different from people who want to have lots of friends. People are individuals, we have different needs and wants but society has these generic rules that are supposed to be one size fits all and if we don't play by the rules then we are made to feel bad about it. Its time to move forward and to start standing up for and loving who we are
@@indigoblue4791haha, as another ND person I loved your 'weird NT' statement. They are weird aren't they? I don't get them and I'm not trying to anymore. They think we are weird, we think they are weird and that's fine as people are people and we are all unique. ND people need to start loving their ND-ness and accepting and loving who they are, we don't need to pretend to be NT anymore
Wow, so pleased that I came across this great video. I've been alone most of my life, it's never really bothered me. Most people just drain you with their problems and let you down with the drop of a hat. Whilst lots of people around me were panicking during the pandemic I actually thrived. It was so lovely and quiet everywhere and the atmosphere began to feel cleaner. When out and about I have lots of chats with various people but always enjoy the peace and quiet of my cosy home. Love and blessings to you all. ❤🌹❤
~ My day-to-day living didn’t change when the pandemic hit, so I knew I’d be just fine. I like cooking, especially knowing that my techniques are sterile, so I don’t eat out anyway. Like you, I enjoy chatting with people while I’m out shopping, but always enjoy returning home, to my safe place. 🌷😊🌷
The pandemic was a great time for people like me too. It was an enlightening period. I learned a lot of things about life.
I felt the same during the pandemic and people spoke softly as they were muffled by masks. I loved the quiet of less traffic, noise and less talking. And my solitude.
I can see why! The peace and quiet. Social distancing; what a relief! Less people trying to get into my bubble. The only fly in my ointment was that I didn't get to work from home.
“With fewer wants I’m nearer the Gods” .. been living alone & minimalistic 10yrs now, practical living & enjoying it. friends I can count on one hand tho I have cut ties with a few other people. I prefer the less is best approach & same goes for both people around me and material things 🥂!! Great topic once again 👌🏻.
This is a great quote thanks for sharing!
"If you need a true friend, God is sufficient" Master Nursi
We are increasingly disconnected with others and ourselves, and we see depression and anxiety increasing in our societies. I think having friends who accept use as we are supports our mental health.
The problem is to find the people you describe.
What is there to question? FOLLOW YOUR BLISS... if having more friends makes one more blissful, follow it, and if having less friends makes one more blissful, follow it. Some will like lots, some will like none and others may need the balance of both. Follow the heart and dont use the mind to find the answer.
This is the BEST response to this discussion.
I respectfully submit that one should always go with their GUT, over both their brain AND their heart, although I DO agree that the heart comes BEFORE the brain in the hierarchy of trusted advisor body organs! ✌️
Thank you for pointing out the difference between 'friendship' and 'social interaction'!!! I am a loner but love interacting with strangers! I thought there might be something 'wrong' or odd with that.... You have validated my world and I am grateful!
Same here! I love talking to random people at parks, stores, the library. There are so many nice people out there. Be blessed! :)
The challenge with a term like "friend" is that it can be taken in so many ways. Often we impose a very heavy load on ourselves when we berate ourselves for not having friends. It's not that we don't know a few people, but no one that we think reaches the definition of "friend". What I have found is that my social needs are relatively simple, outside of my wife and children. I like saying hello to people and being acquainted with lots of people, but I really don't like deep relationships and I'm happy to see my closest friends only every few weeks. It's OK to not need a lot of people in your life.
Man, I wish I saw this in my teens.... I've always flitted from one group to another at uni (didn't like the shackles of commitment) and once I adopted a dog, realised that work/study times satiated all human interaction needs, and I much preferred my free time, in the countryside, with my dog.
May be having friendship is good but having no friends sets you free.
Really really free..❤
Like someone left the gate open and let the puppy out? I get that.
Completely agree with Robin Williams that it's better to be alone than surrounded by people who make you feel alone, but cultivating good friends is something we should aim for, if we can. If our lives are too "busy" and "hectic" to "waste time" on forming friendships, then god help us. Society will cease to function if everyone lives alone avoiding close interaction with others. I have few close friends but I'd be lost without them. 🧡
I feel this way right now.
Somber, yes, but I'm aware of it and aim to act to improve it by shifting my everyday mindset
I wouldn't take advice from a man that has topped himself.
Think again about being “lost without them.” It may hurt for a while, but unless you’re weaker than you sound, you’d recover. It’s likely you’ll be tested on this exact thing. Peace.
Today's society may need to cease, I don't see that as a bad thing
@@danielsnyder2288 I agree today's society sucks, but the point is: ANY society or civilization will cease to exist if humans don't cultivate connections between each other. The human race has done a lot of bad, but also a lot of great and wonderful things. So it would be a bummer if we willfully destroyed the civilizations we've spent millennia striving toward.
I've found through my struggles in life that to not have friends is not always a curse and having them is not always a blessing. Knowing where you stand in the world at different times is the true value in social interaction. In that, you learn how trust should be applied in your life.
Understanding trust in an in depth manner allows you to choose when to permit another, a friend, to walk beside you. It also permits you to learn to have inner strength when the time to walk alone comes, because you know where you should hold your trust in that moment.
Before my 2nd child I had a ton of friends! I could count on hundreds of people to show up for my bday party and always had someone to hang out with. I also had constant obligations, a responsibility to keep up with what everyone was going through, and drama drama drama. When I became pregnant with my second child in my mid-thirties, I desperately wanted a change. As harsh as it was, I cut off all contact with virtually everyone at once. I shut down my social media and stopped responding to texts. I'm sure people worried for a bit, but after a few months everyone stopped reaching out and they're all perfectly fine without me. All my time goes to my kids, my spiritual path, my home, and my self. Sometimes I get a bit bored and consider maybe going on a date or having lunch with a friend. But then I think about all the obligation that goes into maintaining relationships like that and just thinking about it is exhausting. I'm much happier now, and much more at peace. There's no where to be, nothing to juggle, and no calls to return. I can breathe.
you speak my mind
A lonely guy, almost 40, my cave, my drawings, my computer and my motorcycle are my best friends. The times i go out for work or obligations and i see people on the streets, their behavior, their acting, their masks, their hypocrisy, their stupidity, their simpleness, not everyone but most of em, is at those times of being out there on society, the times when i stop and remember why i like and enjoy being alone and that theres no turning back from it. One can find reasons or personal goals to wield when the feeling of loneliness seems to be fueling ones depression, but when people is involved your inner peace might be in the hands of others and just out of your hands to be achieved, never let your inner peace be in the hands of someone else, family being an exception, cause responsibility is part of being true with yourself...that's just some of what all this years of being alone had teach me...
I use to be a social butterfly in my 20 and early 30s. As I’m in my mid 40s, I have no friends at all. I work and come home. My mind is clear and I feel much at peace with myself. I find myself much more interested in the world we live in now. Social life added nothing but chaos and financial burden to me. Maybe it’s bc I didn’t have the right type of friends? I don’t know. But I sure am happier now .
I love how your videos can reset my unhelpful inner dialogue that reminds me that I haven't achieved generally accepted goals. That it's perfectly fine to learn and grow in a way that is natural to me.
Nothing to achieve my friend. You’re perfect as you are🙏🏽
@@sentientpower Great answer! 👏👏👏 You are perfectly right.
Been friendless all my life, just never understood that 'frens' are like vapour.
Most people run from true, deep & loving friendship. They are shallow, mindless, uneducated, (in the true meaning of the word) & will sell you out.
Past 2 years proves me right.
"We can only truly be ourselves in solitude."
I swear, Schopenhauer has always been my spirit animal.
Love a guy who isn't afraid to quote a pessimist.
I guess Schopenhauer is a pessimist, but for me, he's my favorite philosopher. That one book of his, "Wisdom of Life"?, I've probably read 50 times.
When the vast majority of the population is insane or evil, it becomes a necessity to isolate oneself.
Yep.
Don't let the news, television or other forms of "media" fool you. There's thousands of "normal", decent and warm people out there and around you. Just don't allow tyrants to put sand in your eyes and alter your reality.
zombie wave will attack , barricade 😂 Task at Hand : survive
Rampant consumerism materialistic values and a narcissistic culture mean it’s better to be careful around most people in my humble opinion. That includes family too quite often.
Its not. We are medically intrusty. Thats all
I can't thank you enough for this video. It is like a breath of fresh air. I have always felt that it is far better to be alone than in the company of toxic people. I feel drained after most social interactions so I have restricted them. This video is truly liberating
Wordless 😭
Hi there, no worry , Introverts feel the same as you. I can speak of a lot people like us dealing with the same issues when we are young but, the older you get the more we realize that been alone is not been lonely. And YES, socializing really drain us because my guess is that you are an INF , introvert & empathetic so you “ absorb “ others feelings . Have you ever done the MBTI test ? It helped me a lot .
Best regards y si hablas Español, te deseo un excelente día .
@@franzjosefmueller-alban509 Thanks for your kind words. I have never done that test, I am going to look for it. Sii, hablo español, muchas gracias por tus palabras.
@@normaquesada7307, Hola encantado. Yo me pase la mayoría de mi vida seguro ( convencido ) de que me habían cambiado unos cuantos cables al nacer, y aunque no lo creas, muchos de nosotros nos ha pasado lo mismo… hace un par de años hice el test y mi vida cambio … como si me abrieron mi corazón, cerebro y alma y me describían con punto y coma … fue chocante leer la descripción de mi tipo de personalidad… y ahora que lo veo, todo en mi vida finalmente tomo sentido sabes ? Así que animate y descubre que tipo de personalidad tienes, te a a ayudar un montón en aceptarte como eres …
Ser introvertido en estos tiempos es muy difícil con el auge de las redes sociales y el aparente egocentrismo que parece acompañar a este fenómeno . Ahora lo veo totalmente normal no querer en realidad “ socializar “ cuando muchos años atrás siempre me sentía como culpable sabes ? Yo nunca me aburro conmigo mismo y mi mente siempre se pasa pensando en todo y sobre todo ja ja ja
Saludos desde Alemania aunque soy latino con mucho orgullo
I have always wondered, if I am good person who does not use people and all of you claim to be the same way, then why can't we find each other??
It doesn't add up. Every woman I encounter feels entitled to a man chasing her and paying for her but at least online, every women claims she is not like that. Okay then why can't I find women like that in real life?
People are lying to themselves! You are like that! Every woman claims she is not like that but then they are exactly like that.
I've intuitively known this my whole life but when my husband, who is struggling with toxic friends asked me what the alternative was; being alone? I had no words other than yes. I wish I had this video to articulate what my feelings about friendships are. Perfectly said ❤️
Once I decided to focus on improving my life and pushing myself to make progress I had no friends. It hasn't mattered enough to me to waste time on people again. I enjoy living a positive drama free existence where I'm not being used by people at their convenience only to have them be no where to be found when I need anything. I talk to coworkers, that's about all the interaction I need.
My sister was my best and only friend in the world. Someone I could trust, laugh and share inside jokes with, cry with and give advice to. She died unexpectedly 8 months ago and I have been thinking about being friendless now. I know how truly lucky I was to have her as a best friend for 38 years and I feel I can be content if I never find another girlfriend for the rest of my days. Honestly noone could ever replace her. I have my husband and kids and I feel at peace with those who remain. I love you Erin thank you for being my other half for most of my life and for being my sunshine on a rainy day.
I m sorry for ur loss. Although I can never understand that feeling of losing a sibling as i m a single child, but I can surely say that losing someone whom u considered as ur "other half" is truly heartbreaking. I had my girlfriend and the only best friend i had in this whole wide world, who left me because of my one grave mistake. And as soon as she left me, my other friends (we had so many mutuals) followed suit. I m now completely alone, except for my parents. Even i considered my girlfriend as my "other half".
I hope u heal from ur loss, Rachel. God is with u 🙏. Sending love and warmth from India.
Friendship, as depicted in the media, is often unrealistic: How often can you meet a group of friends ready to share every thing like in FRIENDS or Sex and the City? Can people with totaly different background and personnalities truly become friends like in movies and series? Or where can you find friends ready to sacrifice themselves for you like in animes ? Now I think I am a social minimalist , but not by choice:
I had friends in the past, but I always felt lonely because I yearn for people who I can connect with on a deeper level, to talk about important topics, not just to fool around and gossip. But maybe because of my low EQ, I didn't know how to make friends or how to be a good friend. I think I expected too much from my friends, and often felt disappointed or betrayed.
For now I gave up finding friends because I indeed found other ways to fulfill 90% of my social needs. However I still wish to find someone I can spend time with, because I think virtual relationship doesn't bring the same kind of warmth and spontaneity than physical one. Also I believe in the buddhist notion of interdependence.
Same
Find your friends in places like this. And keep them here. No strings. Cheap. Less bullshit.
Trust me, buddhism saves lives. I couldnt afford for a therapist to deal with my 5 yr depressive disorder, the only thing tht was free as well as freakin helpful was buddhism.
Same here
Well, my guess is that you are an introverted, intuitive and empathetic person… and by the way, there is not really something like “low EQ” since 99.9% of the people are born with the same intelligence, most don’t really want or will develop that… my feeling ? You are a high intelectual person because I also hate to have a conversation about meaningless / superficial matters … so we are on the same page here. I struggled my entire life with this same problem until I found out about the MBTI test … wow, it changed my life . I am an INFJ so now I understand my self much better .
Best regards
I think the best scenario is to have friends that are mature, wise, intelligent, helpful, loving, friendly, people that have healthy aspirations in life, not needy, not toxic. Spending time DOING things with friends (and not just sitting around, talking) - is the best way, too. Be it some outdoor activities or building things.
not needy ... is very important. A fellow introvert who says, no problem if you say, I think I will just stay at home today.
Friendships are very time consuming and yield little. Most end up toxic due to comparison, politics, dominance hierachies, one upmanship, control patterns, jealousy, their political viewpoints shoved down your throat, wealth and success comparisons, successful relationship comparisons, health comparisons etc. If you are a parent the comparisons extend to your kids and how well yours are doing against theirs. Pure ego in the end. Cut yourself loose and stick with lighter weight acquaintances. That way you get to enjoy company with no strings.
You nailed it! It’s like you’re in my brain.......so much in common. Wanna be friends? Hahahaha 😂
I'm glad my friendship aren't like that. Having friends is okay as long as you meet the right person.
Exactly how I feel now....very social but love alone time and do not miss all the extra -- soooo draining
Well said
well said!
I'm friendless and happy as hell. I didn't realize I was a minimalist but realize I totally am. I've been married over 30 years.
I haven't had friends in years. I'm told it's unhealthy and could be damaging but it's so hard. It's really draining and just not worth it to me. I'm happy with my boyfriend and family. It's really reassuring seeing people in the comments with the same mindset. Makes me feel better about everyone telling me it's not right or unhealthy.
Thank you for this! This is one of those videos that caused a lot of pieces of the puzzle to begin falling into place. I am an introvert and prefer to be mostly by myself with only brief social interactions. I've found that a short interchange daily is enough to provide some sort of a feeling of connection, but that's all I want usually. If the quality of the interchange is high (balanced, thoughtful and nourishing) then I'll stay engaged. Otherwise, I just terminate the interaction. This has caused a lot of thought (and some distress) as I have not understood what is happening. This video explained these concepts to me beautifully, and yes, this is me.
Me, too. I take friendship too seriously. This helped me to not be so rigid in my ways of viewing friends.
Quality over Quantity. Not getting your sense of self worth from other people’s approval is essential. I have one friend and a wife. Both are extremely deep relationships in every way. I also consider myself friendly and open minded, even sociable. But the only thing I’m looking for in relationships is true depth. It's a rare opportunity to forge deep relationships. But I'm always open to it!
I have three best friends, three dogs who are not toxic, give me unconditional love and so much joy when times are hard and when times are good. They have shown me what true love is.. without conditions!
But I have one thing to say so basically I have less friends and I feel like crying 😢 😭 . I wish I had more friends
I have two retrievers and 6 cats, I never need to talk to another human in my life to feel loved
I was very bullied in school. It gave me selective mutism(inability to speak in certain situations). I never socialized growing up, never had a single friend. I made my best friend in college, but now we're at different colleges. I can speak now but struggle sometimes. After years of chronic depression and failures, I finally gave up. I'm not trying to make any friends anymore. In college, I live completely alone. I alone talk to others at work or in class. I do get along well and talk a lot to one co worker but that's it, I never hang out with him or anything. I've never known what it's like to be in a social group and hang out with them regularly. I don't care anymore either. I just give up and I'm never trying again. I have my family home, and that's all I need. I only get to see them every few weeks now but that's okay.
What was the age you were diagnosed with selective mutism when were you able to come out of it
I am friendly therfore people tend to want to be my friend but over the years i noticed that the majority always need help with something and are seldom available when you really need them. I am also the kind of person that puts myself aside to help others, so i realized that it wasn't healthy for me to have friends. So now i avoid people as much as possible and when i do have to interact, I try to keep it short and to the point.
I have no close friends. I have two good friendships but none I see as close. My relationship with my partner and my birds are enough, as well as the passing contacts online. Being around people drains me mentally and I prefer to stay at home. My partner works long hours and to be honest it's a perfect balance. I love being around him but even his presence drains me.
I like my friends but something where really lost as time passed i dont even know what exactly, they seem more distant not in a physical way necessarily but emotional.
Introvert
@@junc2191 Oh so THAT'S what it is... /s
i can confidently declare myself a social minimalist! And I love it! I only have around me people who are worth being around me and who are raising my vibration! All the toxic ones are now gone!
You have people who want to be around you. You must have family. Some of us have people who don’t want to want to be around us. We are really nice people. We for some reason just don’t fit in with anyone unless they don’t fit in with anyone either, and those are hard to find. As I hope you know, this was tongue and cheek. 🤗
Friends these days are totally different than friends 25 years ago.
Exactly, thinking the same.
So true
I've only ever had one friend that I felt it was necessary to be friends with - vital, even. When he died I learned how wrong I was, that no individual social interaction is vital. Yet social interaction itself is still vital - while it's possible to live without it, we do crave it and it does benefit us. Despite that, I strongly believe in social minimalism. It teaches us to value the connections we do have.
I think we all have been so scarred and shocked by people's self-absorbed behaviour and sometimes blatant attacks ( usually sugar-coated). That we slowly detach ourselves and one does become use to the solitude. At the moment I have one friend that actually call, remembers my birthday, ask me how my day is going, making plans as well to meet up etc. While over the years I realised that when I don't call/visit/wish then there is nothing. So I removed myself from these spaces and people as well as any expectations and my energy field feels so much cleaner, no resentments or going home feeling angry and frustrated because you've been bullied in get-togethers, but so subtly you didn't know how the respond. I have no crazy excitements in my life but I definitely also don't have the constant little jabs or no reciprocation from so-called friends. Stop crossing oceans for people who will not jump a puddle for you
This was my experience exactly.I always had to go to them . They would call seek me out make a date and never show up. I finally told them to not contact me again and I would still get texts so blocked them
I have a few friends and they know that I don't like to go out that much, so we get together every couple of months or so and that seems to make our time together much better.
"If your lonely when alone, you're in bad company" - Sartre
I had to cure myself of negative self-talk around going places solo, sitting by myself at restaurants, and not having texts blowing up my phone inviting me to do things. I asked myself one key question: When I see someone alone in a park, restaurant, or doing wherever, do I say to myself that they're pathetic losers? The answer was no. Sometimes I even admire them for being independent, for going their own way. Then why am I saying horrible things about myself to myself? That was my "duh" moment.
After reading the comments, I would like to say thank you because I was getting depressed due to not having any friends and feeling like I'm missing out on life. I need to learn how to live with myself.
me too
Keep your head up and start affirming positive things. You rock!
"If you need a real friend, God is sufficient" Master Nursi
I think we all need at least one person we can talk to and be ourselves with knowing that person appreciates us as we are and the relationship will not go south. I’ve spread myself too thin and have had too many relationships go bad as a result. I’m tired of dealing with people. So I think minimalism in relationships is preferable for me now.
Same here Jennifer. My friends had either been a bad influence on me or toxic. It's been 5 months since my friends left me along with my girlfriend. I m trying to learn to live by myself!! Sending love and warmth from India ❤️!
I talk to my dogs, they make more sense than most humans and they are kinder