When I was younger I could mask better and for longer before burnout happened. Now that I am nearly 50 I just can't put the mask up and pretend to be normal. Masking takes energy and my energy has f*cked off since I turned mid 40s.
Asked myself this very question today when looking at pictures of me and my kids a few years ago. I'm now so often gone through burnout that I can't mask that much anymore, it's exhausting.
I once told my therapist that I am not a Temple Grandin autistic. Today, I think I could tell her that I am a Dana Andersen autistic. I've always found you very relatable even though I'm a 50 year old American mother of two who is waiting on the results of my recent autism assessment.
I am a non- autistic grandmother of a 14 year old child. I hesitate to comment on your content, but I want you to know that I listen carefully to what you say, and try to learn more about how to help make life easier for my grandson. You are upbeat and funny, while delivering real life examples about how Autism affects your ability to function. Thank you for your insight. It helps me to better understand his struggles. Hopefully I will be a little kinder when he reacts in ways I don't expect.
I so appreciate comments like this and people like you! I’m sure you putting in the effort to understand and accommodate makes so much of a difference for not only your grandchild, but also lots of other people that come across your path! All of us learning about others struggles and ways to have a little more insight can only ever be a good thing 💕
As someone who grew up in a time when people didn't understand that autism was not just the kids who rocked, non-verbally, in a corner, I _really_ appreciate people like you who try to make sure they know what they need to know about kids who might look typical at a glance but are actually struggling inside and sometimes do very unexpected things because they weren't built for a typical world. Cheers.
Super agree. Also people seeing you be 'normal' for a tiny period of time and assuming it must be sustainable 24/7 is so bizarre to me. People don't watch Usain Bolt run at world record speeds and then think 'Wow he must get everything done in his life so fast! Cleaning the house, working on his feet, going to the shops must take him a fraction of the time!', he obviously can't sustain it long term. But I guess because people can experience running for themselves and that it's not sustainable it's obvious to them, whereas they can't temporarily experience Autism. Add on a layer of good ol' capitalism indoctrination leading everyone to be suspicious of other people being 'lazy' or 'grifters' and you have the recipe for this type of behaviour. I hope it gets easier in the future...
The way you say there is alot of things you can do but briefly is so relatable to me. ppl always are like well you did it in the past an Im like yeah but I couldn't keep it up its not sustainable in the same way it is for other people.
I hate it when autistic people claim it's just a difference, not a disability. If that were the case, I'd hold you to the same standards as neurotypicals! Why do you need accommodations if you're not disabled? (Asking rhetorically, not aimed at you Dana. I completely agree with you.)
Exactly this! Especially when it comes to communication and socialising, I wish more people understood I’d LOVE to be better at so much stuff and I’d have learnt it by now if I wasn’t disabled!
Glad you've spoken out. There's a huge amount of autistic people online in particular, invalidatng other autistic people and their experiences. Not great really.
I have issues with people's motives and too trusting (so I've had a lot of predatory people in the past, now i have to be more careful,) but everyone should be careful, (not everyone is safe)
4:22 i suspected i might be autistic so i asked my GP about it, and he was ultra defensive and skeptical. and already all other authority figures do not respect or listen to me, so it feels pointless to get a diagnosis because no one will offer accommodations. other people who are diagnosed respect and support me and listen to me, and i am deeply grateful. in my own life i'm just gonna try to be good to others.
I’m able to make a video about this I think largely because being late diagnosed is SUCH a learning curve that I’ve been there myself, I’m just lucky that I’m so anxious I don’t often comment things at all, never mind one’s id grow to regret
@@DanaAndersen I guess. I should have said very late diagnosed autistics. Some of which either were very good at masking or got into the workforce before the concept of emotional intelligence testing existed
You've expressed this so well Dana. Especially how Autism is disabling even though some days it's possible to cope or get things done. You always make the disclaimer that you're only speaking from your own experience and so people critical of you should refer back to that. Thank you for being there and talking about these things. You're helping more than you might know!
I think you pretty much nailed it. I just recently understood how many comorbidities there actually are and how prevalent they are. Especially the later someone gets diagnosed or diagnoses themselves. The younger you get diagnosed and the more accommodation you get the less traumatic your life will be. The more accommodation you get the more you can live your autistic self and thrive. A lot of people that do not get diagnosed in their 20s or 30s have to mask (heavily). And masking comes at a really high cost. The younger you are the easier for you to pay that cost, the more accommodation you get the lower the price. But masking all so often causes trauma, one loses their identity or feeling of self, you gaslight yourself every day into thoughts like "this is fine" "everyone else is doing it, and so can I". But you can't. And then you burn down and you look nothing like this other autistic 4 year old kid that plays with their trainset all day in their room. But the way your thoughts work is just the same as this kid thinks. Your life is just tremendously different. And a lot of people forget that all too often that the medical diagnoses checks for the bare minimum of disabilities you have. It does not care about your strengths, it does not care about your family your friends, your pets your accommodations. All it does is check if you got the tism or not. If you get diagnosed with a broken leg, nobody in the medical system cares that you have a dog that you can pet when you spent the next couple weeks at home. Autism is more than a diagnosis and the older you get the more history is added to that lived experience part of it. And I think a lot of late and very late diagnosed people are probably more prone to imposter syndrome. The longer you have been masking somewhat successfully, the more you think: "maybe I am fooling myself, maybe I am not impaired, maybe I can do it and I am just being ... about it." And then you try, and you crash and I guess you had to learn that lesson again. And recently I really got mad at a lot of German youtubers about autism. Because almost all of them are like "these are 5 things only autistic people do" "do you have these 3 autistic traits?". And I think, people are not checklists. and also putting your books in color coded order may be autistic and it also may not be. And also it is not a huge part of the autistic experience. Like if your biggest problem in life is that you take words too literal and that when someone says "its raining cats and dogs" and you think literally - god I want to have your life mate. The autistic experience (I think) is more you hear that, you stop for a second and smile to yourself because it is a funny picture but you know that it is just coming down - as in water and no animals are involved, and then you go back to struggling with your motivation (because of adhd), your depression, the memories that keep coming back to you and that you just can't shake or process, you try and get rid of all the stress in your body without anyone noticing that you are just about to lose it for today. But yeah, of course you could not have autism. Because you don't like trains, you barely match 3 out of the 5 points that youtuber mentioned in their video. The thing is that medical professionals wake up more and more to these lived experiences and take them into account when diagnosing people. You can diagnose a white male kid that loves trains and dinosaurs just a little too much and looks nobody in the eye. But when you have people that have so many comorbidities it gets a little harder to diagnose. They still have the thing, its just hard to detect. th-cam.com/video/QrQdGpq-BRs/w-d-xo.html This video, although it focuses heavy on the medical side and the detecting the disabilities and not the strengths, explains a lot of different kinds of autism. And it really shows a lot of the spectrum and it should put anyones mind a little at easy why they do not relate to the stereotype.
@@oleonard7319 I might have compared struggles there and if I did I am sorry, that is a wrong thing to do. You are correct. Everyone has their own struggle and I am very sure that being diagnosed young does not make for a great experience when you grow up. Because society expects the same things and it can be just as horrible an experience. I hope that society has the heart to do more for inclusion. At least in my country they are making an effort in some places. It's still not satisfactory, but it also isn't the middle ages. It's a foundation. But yes it would have helped me tremendously to be diagnosed earlier. If someone had identified my masking in school that would have been great. I honestly still don't get why they just do psych evals with kids in school. they don't even have to keep the data or anything. It doesn't even have to be mandatory. But it would probably also help a lot of kids work through problems instead of letting them run dry in a capitalist world where everything is a competition. Thank you for your comment
I spent the majority of my life being poor and for lack of a better term a fuck up. I have jumped from job to job being overwhelmed and unable to do what others are able to do. I have never been able to get extra education I had to get a GED because I could not handle high school. I'm 30 now , both my parents are gone and I'm just struggling to get day to day. I found out at 29 I was autistic and by that time it was too late to get support of any kind. I just feel stuck often.
Hi Dana. I'm also an adult with autism, and like you, I've always had significant innate anxiety. In fact, in my experience, I don't think I've ever met or seen an autistic person who _didn't_ mention having a ton of anxiety. I think it's practically part of autism, but if not, then it's an extremely-well-correlated co-morbidity, and doctors should really treat people with ASD with the expectation that they will likely need help with it. By the way, if you do suffer from it as much as you say, and you haven't explored it yet, look into medication. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and neither willpower nor therapy were adequate, only a chemical rebalancing was ever going to work. I ended up on a med you surely know, rhymes with "Grow, Zak!", and it was like a lightswitch was flipped and I felt like other people looked like they felt like. I wouldn't ever want to go back to how I was. It was a nightmare.
This is 100% me! I wound up on antidepressant meds because I was severely depressed (near suicidal) but, as I would learn later, the depression was actually just one facet of what turned out to be autistic burn-out. In the process of my subsequent autism diagnosis, I also learned that I have very strong ADHD, C-PTSD, and anxiety components. Now I'm on a different (the third) antidepressant, one effective not only in depressive disorders but anxiety, as well. I'm glad you were able to find some relief!
In my experience with interactions of different autistic individuals. I would like to compare it to computer operating systems. Each autistic individual had to build their own operating system. These individual operating systems are not compatible with other's operating system. Neuro typicals can be compared to Microsoft's windows which most individuals use; while autistic use linux, mac, or some home brew version. Hope this makes some kind of sense.
I pushed myself so much to be "normal" not knowing i was autistic. Im trying to get out of that burnout cycle and to be more forgiving and understanding of myself. I stopped trying to be everybody else and im trying to find out who is "me". Btw your hair looks beautiful in pink.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your perspective actually. I don't have the funds or executive function currently to get a diagnosis but I've highly suspected I'm autistic for about 5-10 years and most of my friends are autistic as well. I especially really appreciate what you said about privelege and support. I'm also working class (I'm a custodian) and can't access education right now. I tend to feel especially invisible when I hear people with support talk about stuff like autistic burnout. I had a burnout episode in 2021-22 where I ended up homeless because my family is abusive and I couldn't afford housing due to not being able to work through the burnout. Basically a worst case scenario. I am TERRIFIED of that happening again, and advice to just rely on family or a partner for financial support is something I can't act on since I don't have those options. I've been on another research binge over the last month and your channel is probably one of the ones where I feel more seen! I can't tell you how valuable that is to me
I hope to find the support I need, but it isn't universal no, I don't know for a fact I have autism but from the research I've been doing it seems likely. The most I have for support is a place to live with my mother but she's voiced repeatedly over the years she's sick of supporting me or that I need to get a job when my experience trying to apply let alone when i have a job has been overwhelming and left me unwilling to get back into that rodeo. I think more than learning what autism is the struggle I'm having is learning what autism means to me and how to recognize and accept it. 32 years of thinking your "normal" doesn't go away easy, especially in a culture that has long since either had no representation or very negative representation for autism. I mostly am just seeing other peoples stories and suddenly finding "yes, i have felt this before" but not quite sure how to process or use that information.
You are so valid. Good video! Unfortunately it's a pattern that as channels grow, nasty comments start coming in. So it's not a reflection of you or the community changing but of your channel growing, I think. It must be hard.
Exactly right. As the population (any population, but in this case, channel viewership) grows, the probability of encountering more variants (including the a-holes) of said population increases.
You’re doing really well. I was watching a video about Japanese culture and commented…richness is about being with people you love and make you happy. Doing the things you enjoy and make you happy. Of course money helps greatly. Otherwise life now I think you are succeeding.
Thank you! So many of your videos are painfully relatable. Unfortunately, I don't have enough spoons to comment much nowadays, as I am dealing with a number of issues due to my mother's advancing Alzheimer. Rest assured that I will still keep watching and appreciating what you do!
7:56 “I have dropped out of education and I have completely screwed up most of my life.” This is my experience summed up in one sentence. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until age 43 so this tells me a lot: I never had accommodations at all short of therapy for depression & anxiety. Those were helpful, don’t get me wrong. But I feel like I could have made much more progress and had some success if I had known from a much younger age.
I feel like the discourse of autism has very much been watered down and very damaging to us with it thanks to the way information travels through sites such as TikTok and Instagram where there is a TON of misinformation going around as well as right wing talking heads writing it off as "a thing people claim they have to feel special". Not to mention neurotypicals making it trendy, as well as writing off anybody who is high masking. And that's just the tip of the iceberg unfortunately. I hope you're doing well, your videos have brought a light to my experiences and I'm very thankful I've stumbled across your channel.
Thank you for sharing and shining more light on the lack of support for most of us with ASD and co-existing conditions. Your words really resonated with my experiences too.
Some of them are and some of them aren't. It depends on the unique presentation and set of traits, plus unique personality. From years of studying psychology and brain conditions as a special interest, i.e mental health, neurological diversity, etc as a special interest, I've realised it's a not a "either or" thing. In other words, Autism isn't a one size fits all thing, even if you have the same "functioning label" as another person, your different traits will manifest in various ways and result in unique set of needs and strengths. For example, I'm very grateful to my doctors and a higher power for being able to get a medical diagnosis of autism at the age of 26. I am level 2. But I am hyperlexic. Therefore, I am adept at communicating in the written form, but often stumble over my words and feel overwhelmed in verbal, spoken conversations. Especially with large groups and/or people I'm not as well known to. My sensory issues are quite profound, in terms of loud, all encompassing noises like that of a shop, and bright lights (even the sun hurts my eyes if its too bright, on a mildly sunny day. So, yeah, I can write, I can think, but I am quite significantly "needy" in other ways (just my appropriate word in this context, please don't take offence if this word doesn't resonate with you, it's meant in a 'tnogue-in-cheek' way)
This is the video that confirms my suspicion that I'm autistic. Now to convince my boss who wants to redistribute the work I can do "so I have time to do [the vague video chat requested, no instruction or set parameter, last minute] jobs"
I've never even been on TikTok, but I hear that there are a lot of horrible a...holes there--mostly young. You may want to get a friend to delete these toxic comments before you even see them. It can't be good for you, and here you are defending yourself at length against people who are totally out to lunch, and probably horrible to boot. You are providing a service to others with your videos, and these negative comments are aimed at dragging you down.
As regards spectrum I think it helps to compare with the colour spectrum.The colours on the spectrum are very different but no-one would suggest that red or violet or green shouldn't be on it. Similarly autistic people are very different, especially when autism interacts with other factors such as wealth, class, gender, ethnicity, sexuality and abilities / disabilities. On that point you very usefully raised the issues of class and support, both of which often get overlooked, especially when we see that some autistic people seem to make much more progress than others (or at least within certain areas). Some autists who seem to be thriving have an excellent support network and maybe the finances that mean they don't have to rely on benefits or a really difficult, insecure minimum wage job. By contrast we have autists who are struggling alone on a low income or where the only "support" they have is from people who put them down or have unrealistic expectations that they should be able to match the standards of the neurotypical population.
What gets me angry is that some autistic people try to say that autism is not a disability period. If autism is not a disability for them, fine. But don't try to tell me that my autism is not a disability for me.
I get what you're saying, but I already knew what a spectrum is, so I can't say whether or not this video will get through to anyone still ignorant of the concept. You'd think that someone on the spectrum who's been diagnosed already would know about it. It's either their failure or their doctor's. I imagine a lot of them actually are aware but just like to put themselves above others. It probably takes some autistics longer than the average person to mature if they're already disadvantaged in relating to others. A lot of people aren't aware of the complexities of life. They think the world conforms to their limited perceptions and ideas, and you have to be a pretty good debater to get through to them (but it's definitely no guarantee). I'm not claiming to have some vast knowledge, but I do at least know that I have known unknowns and unknown unknowns. It's interesting but frustrating when you try to get someone to think or just tell them what you think, and their response is, "Don't tell me how I should feel." I got that from an autistic once. It's especially strange in a comment section where they can reread what you said to them to make sure they understood it (but at least I can reread it to see if I screwed it up). It doesn't happen to me often, but it makes me wonder why they responded that way. I can think of more than one possible reason. I'd ask them, but at that point they're in no mood to give straight answers, much less civil ones.
You (in my armchair opinion) present as AuDHD. I think AuDHD folks present as “alternative” and “cool” and may have cluster B traits if late diagnosed (again my armchair opinion). Do you take stimulants, and have they helped you if you have? I would bet that your support needs would drop slightly but not completely if you were on stimulants. I am in the process of getting diagnosed and probably have for real BPD and antisocial traits (ie disability forcing me to live in ways against societal norms) and relate with AuDHD folks to an uncanny degree. Internal processing from the vantage point of autism is probably the most helpful way of me conceiving of myself and my relationship to the world but DBT and MBT (mentalizing) and schema based therapy are the most helpful for dealing with the social and attachment based issues of my problems. Love your videos, they are insightful and thought provoking and have helped me conceptualize my journey through early diagnosis.
There seems to be a trend going around lately with autistics bullying their fellow autistic peers simply because they don't like the way they present or just don't share the same experience. I can't wrap my mind around it. What good does leaving a mean spirited comment do for anyone? All people aren't all the same, are they? Why would every person with autism be just alike? It's a spectrum, not a checklist to be marked off or a mold to be filled... there are plenty of autistic experiences I personally don't share, but there sure are a whole lot more that I can find common ground with! Imagine trying to have ~the perfect autistic experience~ and anything less being non-autistic... please, lol Anyway, love your content as always
If we were all autistic, I surely would have been diagnosed with it as I've been screened for it. I'm dyspraxic which can have some overlapping symptoms with the autism spectrum but no clinician has ever opined that I'm autistic. Autism, while highly variable is indeed a distinct entity in itself.
I relate to you in some ways and not in other ways. But I enjoy your videos and your autistic experience is valid just like every autistic person's experience is valid.
now this is just me being grumpy but like in my experience less supported autistic people actually end up developing more intense masking and can seem more allistic to people on the surface which only confounds issues. (obviously this doesnt speak to all people and masking doesnt even work for all autistic traits and scenarios people could be in)
I came here to watch the video and then was like "I...is that Thasmin fanart on the wall? Theres no way. Youre just seeing Thasmin everywhere because its your new hyperfixation."😂, but then I looked at your other content😂. TH-cam said "you like autism videos and 13, heres a suggestion" 😂.
@@DanaAndersen OooOOooOoooooO.... the loud ones. I know the loud ones. I reply to their comments with the absolute sweetest overly saccharine replies whilst shouting a string of obscenities outloud at those ones....🤔
When I was younger I could mask better and for longer before burnout happened. Now that I am nearly 50 I just can't put the mask up and pretend to be normal. Masking takes energy and my energy has f*cked off since I turned mid 40s.
Me too!! Almost 47 & so burnt out from masking my whole life. 💚
i was never very good at it, and it's gotten worse as I've gotten into this part of my life
Real.
My energy f*ck*d off now at 34 yo. I dont care to mask anymore. I dont care what happens either. Im sick of bs
Asked myself this very question today when looking at pictures of me and my kids a few years ago. I'm now so often gone through burnout that I can't mask that much anymore, it's exhausting.
I once told my therapist that I am not a Temple Grandin autistic. Today, I think I could tell her that I am a Dana Andersen autistic. I've always found you very relatable even though I'm a 50 year old American mother of two who is waiting on the results of my recent autism assessment.
I am a non- autistic grandmother of a 14 year old child. I hesitate to comment on your content, but I want you to know that I listen carefully to what you say, and try to learn more about how to help make life easier for my grandson. You are upbeat and funny, while delivering real life examples about how Autism affects your ability to function. Thank you for your insight. It helps me to better understand his struggles. Hopefully I will be a little kinder when he reacts in ways I don't expect.
I so appreciate comments like this and people like you! I’m sure you putting in the effort to understand and accommodate makes so much of a difference for not only your grandchild, but also lots of other people that come across your path! All of us learning about others struggles and ways to have a little more insight can only ever be a good thing 💕
Your grandchild is lucky to have such good support.
As someone who grew up in a time when people didn't understand that autism was not just the kids who rocked, non-verbally, in a corner, I _really_ appreciate people like you who try to make sure they know what they need to know about kids who might look typical at a glance but are actually struggling inside and sometimes do very unexpected things because they weren't built for a typical world. Cheers.
You putting in that effort on behalf of your grandchild is so touching and heartwarming to hear. Much love to you and your grandchild.
@@DanaAndersen Hear, hear!!
Super agree. Also people seeing you be 'normal' for a tiny period of time and assuming it must be sustainable 24/7 is so bizarre to me. People don't watch Usain Bolt run at world record speeds and then think 'Wow he must get everything done in his life so fast! Cleaning the house, working on his feet, going to the shops must take him a fraction of the time!', he obviously can't sustain it long term. But I guess because people can experience running for themselves and that it's not sustainable it's obvious to them, whereas they can't temporarily experience Autism.
Add on a layer of good ol' capitalism indoctrination leading everyone to be suspicious of other people being 'lazy' or 'grifters' and you have the recipe for this type of behaviour. I hope it gets easier in the future...
@@GN315-pe6ul Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad it helped. 😊
The way you say there is alot of things you can do but briefly is so relatable to me. ppl always are like well you did it in the past an Im like yeah but I couldn't keep it up its not sustainable in the same way it is for other people.
I hate it when autistic people claim it's just a difference, not a disability. If that were the case, I'd hold you to the same standards as neurotypicals! Why do you need accommodations if you're not disabled? (Asking rhetorically, not aimed at you Dana. I completely agree with you.)
Exactly this! Especially when it comes to communication and socialising, I wish more people understood I’d LOVE to be better at so much stuff and I’d have learnt it by now if I wasn’t disabled!
Glad you've spoken out. There's a huge amount of autistic people online in particular, invalidatng other autistic people and their experiences. Not great really.
I have issues with people's motives and too trusting (so I've had a lot of predatory people in the past, now i have to be more careful,) but everyone should be careful, (not everyone is safe)
I find you amazingly relatable, more so than most autistic youtubers, and I watch a Ton of them
I’m so glad! My videos are absolutely for the people like yourself first, but hopefully the ones like this help others understand us a little more!
agreed
Agree I'm struggling not to just write 'omg so relateable' on every video haha...
4:22 i suspected i might be autistic so i asked my GP about it, and he was ultra defensive and skeptical. and already all other authority figures do not respect or listen to me, so it feels pointless to get a diagnosis because no one will offer accommodations. other people who are diagnosed respect and support me and listen to me, and i am deeply grateful. in my own life i'm just gonna try to be good to others.
I have this discussion a lot with late diagnosed autistics.
I’m able to make a video about this I think largely because being late diagnosed is SUCH a learning curve that I’ve been there myself, I’m just lucky that I’m so anxious I don’t often comment things at all, never mind one’s id grow to regret
@@DanaAndersen I guess. I should have said very late diagnosed autistics. Some of which either were very good at masking or got into the workforce before the concept of emotional intelligence testing existed
You've expressed this so well Dana. Especially how Autism is disabling even though some days it's possible to cope or get things done. You always make the disclaimer that you're only speaking from your own experience and so people critical of you should refer back to that. Thank you for being there and talking about these things. You're helping more than you might know!
I think you pretty much nailed it. I just recently understood how many comorbidities there actually are and how prevalent they are. Especially the later someone gets diagnosed or diagnoses themselves. The younger you get diagnosed and the more accommodation you get the less traumatic your life will be. The more accommodation you get the more you can live your autistic self and thrive. A lot of people that do not get diagnosed in their 20s or 30s have to mask (heavily). And masking comes at a really high cost. The younger you are the easier for you to pay that cost, the more accommodation you get the lower the price. But masking all so often causes trauma, one loses their identity or feeling of self, you gaslight yourself every day into thoughts like "this is fine" "everyone else is doing it, and so can I". But you can't. And then you burn down and you look nothing like this other autistic 4 year old kid that plays with their trainset all day in their room. But the way your thoughts work is just the same as this kid thinks. Your life is just tremendously different. And a lot of people forget that all too often that the medical diagnoses checks for the bare minimum of disabilities you have. It does not care about your strengths, it does not care about your family your friends, your pets your accommodations. All it does is check if you got the tism or not. If you get diagnosed with a broken leg, nobody in the medical system cares that you have a dog that you can pet when you spent the next couple weeks at home. Autism is more than a diagnosis and the older you get the more history is added to that lived experience part of it.
And I think a lot of late and very late diagnosed people are probably more prone to imposter syndrome. The longer you have been masking somewhat successfully, the more you think: "maybe I am fooling myself, maybe I am not impaired, maybe I can do it and I am just being ... about it." And then you try, and you crash and I guess you had to learn that lesson again.
And recently I really got mad at a lot of German youtubers about autism. Because almost all of them are like "these are 5 things only autistic people do" "do you have these 3 autistic traits?". And I think, people are not checklists. and also putting your books in color coded order may be autistic and it also may not be. And also it is not a huge part of the autistic experience. Like if your biggest problem in life is that you take words too literal and that when someone says "its raining cats and dogs" and you think literally - god I want to have your life mate. The autistic experience (I think) is more you hear that, you stop for a second and smile to yourself because it is a funny picture but you know that it is just coming down - as in water and no animals are involved, and then you go back to struggling with your motivation (because of adhd), your depression, the memories that keep coming back to you and that you just can't shake or process, you try and get rid of all the stress in your body without anyone noticing that you are just about to lose it for today.
But yeah, of course you could not have autism. Because you don't like trains, you barely match 3 out of the 5 points that youtuber mentioned in their video.
The thing is that medical professionals wake up more and more to these lived experiences and take them into account when diagnosing people. You can diagnose a white male kid that loves trains and dinosaurs just a little too much and looks nobody in the eye. But when you have people that have so many comorbidities it gets a little harder to diagnose. They still have the thing, its just hard to detect.
th-cam.com/video/QrQdGpq-BRs/w-d-xo.html This video, although it focuses heavy on the medical side and the detecting the disabilities and not the strengths, explains a lot of different kinds of autism. And it really shows a lot of the spectrum and it should put anyones mind a little at easy why they do not relate to the stereotype.
I'm sorry getting diagnosed in your 20's and 30's or earlier really doesn't help. Society in general pays lip service to inclusion
@@oleonard7319 I might have compared struggles there and if I did I am sorry, that is a wrong thing to do. You are correct. Everyone has their own struggle and I am very sure that being diagnosed young does not make for a great experience when you grow up. Because society expects the same things and it can be just as horrible an experience. I hope that society has the heart to do more for inclusion. At least in my country they are making an effort in some places. It's still not satisfactory, but it also isn't the middle ages. It's a foundation.
But yes it would have helped me tremendously to be diagnosed earlier. If someone had identified my masking in school that would have been great. I honestly still don't get why they just do psych evals with kids in school. they don't even have to keep the data or anything. It doesn't even have to be mandatory. But it would probably also help a lot of kids work through problems instead of letting them run dry in a capitalist world where everything is a competition.
Thank you for your comment
@@thecookiejoe it honestly seems to be going backwards here. The message here is pretty much shut up and learn how to mask.
I spent the majority of my life being poor and for lack of a better term a fuck up. I have jumped from job to job being overwhelmed and unable to do what others are able to do. I have never been able to get extra education I had to get a GED because I could not handle high school. I'm 30 now , both my parents are gone and I'm just struggling to get day to day. I found out at 29 I was autistic and by that time it was too late to get support of any kind. I just feel stuck often.
Not having support is a position in which NO autistic person should ever be. Period. I'm in the same boat.
I find high masking autistic ADHD-ers quite similar most of the time.
Hi Dana. I'm also an adult with autism, and like you, I've always had significant innate anxiety. In fact, in my experience, I don't think I've ever met or seen an autistic person who _didn't_ mention having a ton of anxiety. I think it's practically part of autism, but if not, then it's an extremely-well-correlated co-morbidity, and doctors should really treat people with ASD with the expectation that they will likely need help with it.
By the way, if you do suffer from it as much as you say, and you haven't explored it yet, look into medication. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and neither willpower nor therapy were adequate, only a chemical rebalancing was ever going to work. I ended up on a med you surely know, rhymes with "Grow, Zak!", and it was like a lightswitch was flipped and I felt like other people looked like they felt like. I wouldn't ever want to go back to how I was. It was a nightmare.
This is 100% me! I wound up on antidepressant meds because I was severely depressed (near suicidal) but, as I would learn later, the depression was actually just one facet of what turned out to be autistic burn-out. In the process of my subsequent autism diagnosis, I also learned that I have very strong ADHD, C-PTSD, and anxiety components. Now I'm on a different (the third) antidepressant, one effective not only in depressive disorders but anxiety, as well.
I'm glad you were able to find some relief!
In my experience with interactions of different autistic individuals. I would like to compare it to computer operating systems. Each autistic individual had to build their own operating system. These individual operating systems are not compatible with other's operating system. Neuro typicals can be compared to Microsoft's windows which most individuals use; while autistic use linux, mac, or some home brew version.
Hope this makes some kind of sense.
Mac is unix based as Linux distros are so it's better to say NTs are Mac and NDs are using different unix based distros
my brain runs on templeOS to scare off the feds from mind reading me
I pushed myself so much to be "normal" not knowing i was autistic. Im trying to get out of that burnout cycle and to be more forgiving and understanding of myself. I stopped trying to be everybody else and im trying to find out who is "me". Btw your hair looks beautiful in pink.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your perspective actually. I don't have the funds or executive function currently to get a diagnosis but I've highly suspected I'm autistic for about 5-10 years and most of my friends are autistic as well. I especially really appreciate what you said about privelege and support. I'm also working class (I'm a custodian) and can't access education right now. I tend to feel especially invisible when I hear people with support talk about stuff like autistic burnout. I had a burnout episode in 2021-22 where I ended up homeless because my family is abusive and I couldn't afford housing due to not being able to work through the burnout. Basically a worst case scenario. I am TERRIFIED of that happening again, and advice to just rely on family or a partner for financial support is something I can't act on since I don't have those options.
I've been on another research binge over the last month and your channel is probably one of the ones where I feel more seen! I can't tell you how valuable that is to me
I hope to find the support I need, but it isn't universal no, I don't know for a fact I have autism but from the research I've been doing it seems likely. The most I have for support is a place to live with my mother but she's voiced repeatedly over the years she's sick of supporting me or that I need to get a job when my experience trying to apply let alone when i have a job has been overwhelming and left me unwilling to get back into that rodeo.
I think more than learning what autism is the struggle I'm having is learning what autism means to me and how to recognize and accept it. 32 years of thinking your "normal" doesn't go away easy, especially in a culture that has long since either had no representation or very negative representation for autism. I mostly am just seeing other peoples stories and suddenly finding "yes, i have felt this before" but not quite sure how to process or use that information.
You are so valid. Good video! Unfortunately it's a pattern that as channels grow, nasty comments start coming in. So it's not a reflection of you or the community changing but of your channel growing, I think. It must be hard.
Exactly right. As the population (any population, but in this case, channel viewership) grows, the probability of encountering more variants (including the a-holes) of said population increases.
You’re doing really well. I was watching a video about Japanese culture and commented…richness is about being with people you love and make you happy. Doing the things you enjoy and make you happy. Of course money helps greatly. Otherwise life now I think you are succeeding.
Thank you! So many of your videos are painfully relatable. Unfortunately, I don't have enough spoons to comment much nowadays, as I am dealing with a number of issues due to my mother's advancing Alzheimer.
Rest assured that I will still keep watching and appreciating what you do!
7:56 “I have dropped out of education and I have completely screwed up most of my life.” This is my experience summed up in one sentence. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until age 43 so this tells me a lot: I never had accommodations at all short of therapy for depression & anxiety. Those were helpful, don’t get me wrong. But I feel like I could have made much more progress and had some success if I had known from a much younger age.
I feel like the discourse of autism has very much been watered down and very damaging to us with it thanks to the way information travels through sites such as TikTok and Instagram where there is a TON of misinformation going around as well as right wing talking heads writing it off as "a thing people claim they have to feel special". Not to mention neurotypicals making it trendy, as well as writing off anybody who is high masking. And that's just the tip of the iceberg unfortunately. I hope you're doing well, your videos have brought a light to my experiences and I'm very thankful I've stumbled across your channel.
Thank you for sharing and shining more light on the lack of support for most of us with ASD and co-existing conditions. Your words really resonated with my experiences too.
Fab video and can totally relate to what you’re saying. Loving your content 👍
I certainly relate to your awesome colors! (But also to much of the rest.)
Some of them are and some of them aren't. It depends on the unique presentation and set of traits, plus unique personality. From years of studying psychology and brain conditions as a special interest, i.e mental health, neurological diversity, etc as a special interest, I've realised it's a not a "either or" thing. In other words, Autism isn't a one size fits all thing, even if you have the same "functioning label" as another person, your different traits will manifest in various ways and result in unique set of needs and strengths.
For example, I'm very grateful to my doctors and a higher power for being able to get a medical diagnosis of autism at the age of 26.
I am level 2. But I am hyperlexic. Therefore, I am adept at communicating in the written form, but often stumble over my words and feel overwhelmed in verbal, spoken conversations. Especially with large groups and/or people I'm not as well known to. My sensory issues are quite profound, in terms of loud, all encompassing noises like that of a shop, and bright lights (even the sun hurts my eyes if its too bright, on a mildly sunny day.
So, yeah, I can write, I can think, but I am quite significantly "needy" in other ways (just my appropriate word in this context, please don't take offence if this word doesn't resonate with you, it's meant in a 'tnogue-in-cheek' way)
This is the video that confirms my suspicion that I'm autistic.
Now to convince my boss who wants to redistribute the work I can do "so I have time to do [the vague video chat requested, no instruction or set parameter, last minute] jobs"
I've never even been on TikTok, but I hear that there are a lot of horrible a...holes there--mostly young. You may want to get a friend to delete these toxic comments before you even see them. It can't be good for you, and here you are defending yourself at length against people who are totally out to lunch, and probably horrible to boot. You are providing a service to others with your videos, and these negative comments are aimed at dragging you down.
Nice Young Ones shirt!
your hair is so pretty!! :o
As regards spectrum I think it helps to compare with the colour spectrum.The colours on the spectrum are very different but no-one would suggest that red or violet or green shouldn't be on it. Similarly autistic people are very different, especially when autism interacts with other factors such as wealth, class, gender, ethnicity, sexuality and abilities / disabilities. On that point you very usefully raised the issues of class and support, both of which often get overlooked, especially when we see that some autistic people seem to make much more progress than others (or at least within certain areas). Some autists who seem to be thriving have an excellent support network and maybe the finances that mean they don't have to rely on benefits or a really difficult, insecure minimum wage job. By contrast we have autists who are struggling alone on a low income or where the only "support" they have is from people who put them down or have unrealistic expectations that they should be able to match the standards of the neurotypical population.
💯 Very well said! 😍 😻
I relate with you. Thank you for creating videos which allow me to better understand my life, and why it’s so difficult.
Thanks for you video Dana I really needed to hear that today ❤
What gets me angry is that some autistic people try to say that autism is not a disability period. If autism is not a disability for them, fine. But don't try to tell me that my autism is not a disability for me.
I admire you Dana, thanks for tackling important topics with honesty and courage
I get what you're saying, but I already knew what a spectrum is, so I can't say whether or not this video will get through to anyone still ignorant of the concept. You'd think that someone on the spectrum who's been diagnosed already would know about it. It's either their failure or their doctor's. I imagine a lot of them actually are aware but just like to put themselves above others. It probably takes some autistics longer than the average person to mature if they're already disadvantaged in relating to others.
A lot of people aren't aware of the complexities of life. They think the world conforms to their limited perceptions and ideas, and you have to be a pretty good debater to get through to them (but it's definitely no guarantee). I'm not claiming to have some vast knowledge, but I do at least know that I have known unknowns and unknown unknowns.
It's interesting but frustrating when you try to get someone to think or just tell them what you think, and their response is, "Don't tell me how I should feel." I got that from an autistic once. It's especially strange in a comment section where they can reread what you said to them to make sure they understood it (but at least I can reread it to see if I screwed it up). It doesn't happen to me often, but it makes me wonder why they responded that way. I can think of more than one possible reason. I'd ask them, but at that point they're in no mood to give straight answers, much less civil ones.
You (in my armchair opinion) present as AuDHD. I think AuDHD folks present as “alternative” and “cool” and may have cluster B traits if late diagnosed (again my armchair opinion). Do you take stimulants, and have they helped you if you have? I would bet that your support needs would drop slightly but not completely if you were on stimulants. I am in the process of getting diagnosed and probably have for real BPD and antisocial traits (ie disability forcing me to live in ways against societal norms) and relate with AuDHD folks to an uncanny degree. Internal processing from the vantage point of autism is probably the most helpful way of me conceiving of myself and my relationship to the world but DBT and MBT (mentalizing) and schema based therapy are the most helpful for dealing with the social and attachment based issues of my problems. Love your videos, they are insightful and thought provoking and have helped me conceptualize my journey through early diagnosis.
There seems to be a trend going around lately with autistics bullying their fellow autistic peers simply because they don't like the way they present or just don't share the same experience. I can't wrap my mind around it. What good does leaving a mean spirited comment do for anyone?
All people aren't all the same, are they? Why would every person with autism be just alike? It's a spectrum, not a checklist to be marked off or a mold to be filled... there are plenty of autistic experiences I personally don't share, but there sure are a whole lot more that I can find common ground with! Imagine trying to have ~the perfect autistic experience~ and anything less being non-autistic... please, lol
Anyway, love your content as always
Yeah its just sad. We should be supporting each other despite our differences.
If we were all autistic, I surely would have been diagnosed with it as I've been screened for it. I'm dyspraxic which can have some overlapping symptoms with the autism spectrum but no clinician has ever opined that I'm autistic. Autism, while highly variable is indeed a distinct entity in itself.
You got to go to your GP and asked to be referred to an Autism clinic for assessment.
I relate to you in some ways and not in other ways. But I enjoy your videos and your autistic experience is valid just like every autistic person's experience is valid.
yea.. great video!😁
Aschwaghanda helped me a lot
now this is just me being grumpy but like in my experience less supported autistic people actually end up developing more intense masking and can seem more allistic to people on the surface which only confounds issues.
(obviously this doesnt speak to all people and masking doesnt even work for all autistic traits and scenarios people could be in)
I came here to watch the video and then was like "I...is that Thasmin fanart on the wall? Theres no way. Youre just seeing Thasmin everywhere because its your new hyperfixation."😂, but then I looked at your other content😂. TH-cam said "you like autism videos and 13, heres a suggestion" 😂.
Yessss I need more Thasmin fans around haha, i have to delete so many comments from haters everytime I mention them 😭😂💕
@@DanaAndersen ughh... The fandom woes are so real. 😔. Thasmin gang rise up 😂. 💙
I like your hair
Weird... people dont find you relatable? Ive started to suspect we have lived an eerily similar life......🤔
Lots do! But those that don’t are much louder and nastier about it 😂
@@DanaAndersen OooOOooOoooooO.... the loud ones. I know the loud ones. I reply to their comments with the absolute sweetest overly saccharine replies whilst shouting a string of obscenities outloud at those ones....🤔
So far, You are the second Autistic youtuber I found.... (and by accident)
The first was @aaronsjournal139