I think we've all had years or even decades of knowing we were "different" and considered "social misfits" without understanding why. Sometimes we had false beliefs that if we "just tried harder" or tried some new social strategies everything would fall into place. Discovering that autism is the explanation is a great revelation and gives us a much more realistic sense of ourselves.
Absolutely! Being able to have the understanding that I’m different without having something ‘wrong’ with me totally changed the way I feel about myself.
I had never met someone whose brain works like mine until I came across Temple Grandin and went from her to people she wrote or spoke of. If you are searching your brain and wonder "why?" read, research, listen to videos, and listen from your heart. You will begin to collect fragments of Self, and gradually you will see and feel connections forming within you as the fragments become the strongest part of you. It's never too late--I wondered through 74 years and am so glad to have answers to all the "why?s", and a peace I longed for all my life. Soon to be 76.
Yes to all of this but also a bit more. I had many therapists who said something along the lines of “your negative beliefs are the problem?” (i.e. if you think people aren’t going to like you, they won’t like you”). When I finally realised I was autistic I felt like I had been gaslit. (Except gaslighting supposes ill intent, in which case I think either we need to add a second definition of gaslighting, or make up a new word for “damaging someone by encouraging them to doubt their reality, even when the encouragement is done with the best intentions but based on incorrect facts”). My point is that along with the sense of relief that comes with the revelation, there is also a big dollop of indignation and even anger at being ‘gaslit’. Our experiences were dismissed and our difficulties blamed on our ‘limiting beliefs’. (The research shows that neurotypical can pick up that someone is autistic in 30 seconds and they do have a negative reaction).
@@Dresspatternmaking A very good point. I think we've all been told that our problems are just down to our "negative attitude", "defeatism", "lack of initiative", "unwillingness to try different things". etc. It's not defeatism though - it's realism. It's ironic that non-autistic people who are supposed to be so empathetic are so unwilling to show empathy not just to autists but others who are struggling in life.
I realized after I figured out that I am autistic, that the kids in school that were the nicest to me were the kids who I am pretty sure had ADHD. Conversely I realized afterward also that in trying to survive, I wasn't always very kind to the kids who weren't quite as good at masking as I was. I try to have grace with myself about it even though I am ashamed about it. Growing up in the 90s was toxic AF.
When I was a young teenager I remember doing an A3 pencil drawing of a little boy who was a little like Christopher Robin, with his little cap and satchel and shorts. And he was standing in the woods at the base of a huge old tree, looking up at it. The tree had this huge old wrinkled ancient kindly face. You could only really see the trunk because he was so big, like one of those Moreton Bay Fig trees. The little boy, who was facing away from the viewer, was involved in a conversation with the ancient tree. In my mind, the boy was asking the tree questions about life,about how to deal with things, about the wisdom that the tree might have acquired from a long and varied life. Partly because he was having difficulty in knowing "how to be" in this confusing world. And the old tree was listening intently to the boy because he reminded him of himself when he was young, facing a world he didn't really understand. Wondering what he could say to the boy that might help. It was almost like a conversation across time. I realised later in life that both characters were me.
Note that they fail to diagnose all the time. Until recently doctors believed "girls can't be autistic" and many still believe BS like "you make eye contact, you can't be autistic" and the like. Most practicing psychiatrists/psychologist, unless dedicated time and studied autism specifically, are misinformed, based on stereotypes, and very shallow knowledge. The best is doctors that are either long story of working with autistic people, or even better themselves autistic (so they understand it internally, haven't just read about it in the DSM).
omg, I was the only one who could hear the buzzing in electronics that were plugged in as a kid, and it meant I only had battery operated things in my bedroom or else I couldn't sleep. It also made sleepovers horrible, with all the electronics that people had, tvs in particular. My plug in radio that I got later had to always be unplugged when I was done using it, too. Thankfully both electronics and fluorescent have improved, both in the sound and the flicker. But as a teen taking typing classes in high school, I made sure to sit at a new enough computer so that the screen didn't strobe with the fluorescent lights in the classroom, because I also have flicker vertigo (I didn't know that was what it was or what it was called at the time) and would get nauseous and develop migraines whenever we had to switch seats for a game our teacher liked us to play, because then I'd have to look at screens that were strobeing
I remember when I was about seven, my father drove my brother who was 18 months younger than me to a birthday party of one of his classmates. My father was then going to head to a training session with our dog on a farm in the countryside, with me tagging along. In the street outside the party, all the kids were being dropped off. The "Dad" of the birthday child came over and told my father he should let me join the party. I protested. I didn't know any of them. But my arm was twisted and I felt I had no choice. Inside the party, sitting round this large dining room table, were all these younger kids. Behind each one was a "mother" spooning creamy jelly and other sloppy party food into the mouths of these objectionable children. Each one was a total mess. And they were all talking and shouting at once. Chaos. It was like something out of a Pink Floyd movie! I was spared this horrific treatment! I felt so out of it, so alienated, that I didn't belong there at all. At one point I slipped quietly out of my chair and made my way out into the back garden. Nobody noticed. There I found a couple of ponies that had been hired to give birthday rides, being looked after by this old wrinkled toothless black chap. I enjoyed interacting with the ponies for a while until I heard the dreaded noise of the other food soiled kids coming out for their rides. So I slipped round the side of the house where I found a flower bed of large hydrangeas and climbed beneath them. I sat there alone, watching the little bugs and caterpillars going about their business, for a couple of hours. Nobody came looking for me until my father arrived to pick me up, and I could hear my name being called. Nobody asked where I had been. I have had that same feeling often in life. I remember it like it was yesterday. Well over 50 years later.
I've gone through these cycles for a while. I thought they were just typical holiday depression, but I'm starting to realize how much of it is being due to be overwhelmed. I get tested next month.
ahh i love this series!! i resonate with so much that you said. i mainly started thinking about the possibility of being autistic because of stuff i saw on social media (i didn’t know any autistic people in my life) but i was uncertain about it for a month or so and then i hit a really bad autistic burnout a few months into sixth form and really started to notice sensory issues a lot more and overall it was obvious it was much more than a normal burnout. so i continued to do research and it became more and more evident in every aspect of my life. so here i am now, more than a year later and im so glad to understand myself better now :)
Omg yess I get anxious for things I've done many of times!! You just explained it so well. That plus my adhd is the reason why driving in general and especially on the interstate is extremely hard. I drove from cali to tn fleeing an abusive relationship first time driving more than a hour and it was horrible but the emergency caused my adhd to hyperfocus and get through it. But I still cannot drive for more then a hour without my CNS shutting down from boredom and the horrible anxiety of getting on a interstate the first time during San diego rush hour
Great video! Supes helpful....ive spent like a decade on the am i/am i not? mostly in my head train of thought cos...well a few reasons. Lol! Anyway... totally helpful to hear more (eerily similar) life paths!! 😏😁
What I am wondering is how to communicate your learning and mental disabilities to your psychiatrist. This way an understated report from them that the SSA eventually gets does not cause the removal of benefits. This is a huge problem for people with any physical or mental disability and they might get sent to a consultative doctor paid by the SSA to do the exam. The problem is that a lot of times when that happens the report is biased and not in favor of the person receiving the benefits. They might fail to recognize the true severity of the condition and then the claimant's problems begin. I need to find a psychiatrist near me who can give a fair and honest evaluation and probably secretly hates taking the SSA's bribes to give them unfavorable reports. If a good psychiatrist like this is in the Pittsburgh Pennsylvania area that is great. The main reason I don't really go to one is because I am afraid that I might get a biased one. I attended a special school in East Liberty for people with learning disabilities and autism and similar conditions. All of my years of school were in special education. I have scans of forms my attorney filed with the SSA along with any written evidence. That is I have paper copies I had scanned for safer keeping which I have an undisclosable number of backup copies in undisclosable locations of. From your accent and pictures of The Beatles I would think you may be in England but I may easily be wrong. If that is the case I understand you would not know much about the USA but your videos are helpful anyhow.
As an addition to the comment, I would point out that I am aware that I should be seeing specialists. I just don't know which one to see. My claim could become a "bubble claim" some day if I don't start seeing doctors about it more frequently. I am not just afraid of biased doctors but I am afraid of the bills too. A bubble claim is a claim that typically lasts around 30 years and the claimant has lived in a metaphorical bubble still at home with his parents (I lived with my parents as long as they lived). I wonder which psychologists and psychiatrists are also the ones in schools. I am thinking if I find one of those that is my fairest shot at getting an honest opinion and not the opinion of some guy who the SSA doesn't pay enough and thus hates his job. I sometimes feel anxiety towards some situations like those. Maybe anxiety is part of autism or a similar disorder. I am the non hyperactive ADHD (code 314.00 in the DSM). I feel anxiety because I don't want to be homeless because of no money and still have the disorder.
Do you think like growing up in America younger would change that. Like the bus thing if u grew up going on the bus and always being around like a type of light that is different from what you are used to would change how your effected by those things
Hi Dana let's be boyfriend and girlfriend let's get together and get married for real my name is Chad barto I love you too babe see you later this year
And I think you are so beautiful and pretty and cute girl too have you so hot and sweet let's meet at and text for real and have fun with you and have some time together and watch TV together and have dinner together I would like to live with you right now see you later honey
![[MV] A leap of faith...ความเชื่อใจครั้งสุดท้าย (From "Petrichor the series")](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/U1piZH2CNXA/mqdefault.jpg)
I think we've all had years or even decades of knowing we were "different" and considered "social misfits" without understanding why. Sometimes we had false beliefs that if we "just tried harder" or tried some new social strategies everything would fall into place. Discovering that autism is the explanation is a great revelation and gives us a much more realistic sense of ourselves.
Absolutely! Being able to have the understanding that I’m different without having something ‘wrong’ with me totally changed the way I feel about myself.
I had never met someone whose brain works like mine until I came across Temple Grandin and went from her to people she wrote or spoke of. If you are searching your brain and wonder "why?" read, research, listen to videos, and listen from your heart. You will begin to collect fragments of Self, and gradually you will see and feel connections forming within you as the fragments become the strongest part of you. It's never too late--I wondered through 74 years and am so glad to have answers to all the "why?s", and a peace I longed for all my life. Soon to be 76.
Yes to all of this but also a bit more. I had many therapists who said something along the lines of “your negative beliefs are the problem?” (i.e. if you think people aren’t going to like you, they won’t like you”). When I finally realised I was autistic I felt like I had been gaslit. (Except gaslighting supposes ill intent, in which case I think either we need to add a second definition of gaslighting, or make up a new word for “damaging someone by encouraging them to doubt their reality, even when the encouragement is done with the best intentions but based on incorrect facts”). My point is that along with the sense of relief that comes with the revelation, there is also a big dollop of indignation and even anger at being ‘gaslit’. Our experiences were dismissed and our difficulties blamed on our ‘limiting beliefs’. (The research shows that neurotypical can pick up that someone is autistic in 30 seconds and they do have a negative reaction).
@@Dresspatternmaking A very good point. I think we've all been told that our problems are just down to our "negative attitude", "defeatism", "lack of initiative", "unwillingness to try different things". etc. It's not defeatism though - it's realism. It's ironic that non-autistic people who are supposed to be so empathetic are so unwilling to show empathy not just to autists but others who are struggling in life.
I realized after I figured out that I am autistic, that the kids in school that were the nicest to me were the kids who I am pretty sure had ADHD. Conversely I realized afterward also that in trying to survive, I wasn't always very kind to the kids who weren't quite as good at masking as I was. I try to have grace with myself about it even though I am ashamed about it. Growing up in the 90s was toxic AF.
When I was a young teenager I remember doing an A3 pencil drawing of a little boy who was a little like Christopher Robin, with his little cap and satchel and shorts. And he was standing in the woods at the base of a huge old tree, looking up at it. The tree had this huge old wrinkled ancient kindly face. You could only really see the trunk because he was so big, like one of those Moreton Bay Fig trees. The little boy, who was facing away from the viewer, was involved in a conversation with the ancient tree.
In my mind, the boy was asking the tree questions about life,about how to deal with things, about the wisdom that the tree might have acquired from a long and varied life. Partly because he was having difficulty in knowing "how to be" in this confusing world. And the old tree was listening intently to the boy because he reminded him of himself when he was young, facing a world he didn't really understand. Wondering what he could say to the boy that might help. It was almost like a conversation across time.
I realised later in life that both characters were me.
The longer I wait for my assessment, the more I learn & the more surprised I will be if I don't get diagnosed!
Note that they fail to diagnose all the time. Until recently doctors believed "girls can't be autistic" and many still believe BS like "you make eye contact, you can't be autistic" and the like. Most practicing psychiatrists/psychologist, unless dedicated time and studied autism specifically, are misinformed, based on stereotypes, and very shallow knowledge. The best is doctors that are either long story of working with autistic people, or even better themselves autistic (so they understand it internally, haven't just read about it in the DSM).
It's not always about how loud a sound is,but the type of sound...
omg, I was the only one who could hear the buzzing in electronics that were plugged in as a kid, and it meant I only had battery operated things in my bedroom or else I couldn't sleep. It also made sleepovers horrible, with all the electronics that people had, tvs in particular. My plug in radio that I got later had to always be unplugged when I was done using it, too. Thankfully both electronics and fluorescent have improved, both in the sound and the flicker. But as a teen taking typing classes in high school, I made sure to sit at a new enough computer so that the screen didn't strobe with the fluorescent lights in the classroom, because I also have flicker vertigo (I didn't know that was what it was or what it was called at the time) and would get nauseous and develop migraines whenever we had to switch seats for a game our teacher liked us to play, because then I'd have to look at screens that were strobeing
Until I went to an autism group I didn’t think I had many issues but it turns out I’m autistic as feck! Sensory issues galore 😩😂
So real! I swear everytime I hang out with my autistic pals I notice something new about myself 🫣😂
@@DanaAndersen 👍
I remember when I was about seven, my father drove my brother who was 18 months younger than me to a birthday party of one of his classmates. My father was then going to head to a training session with our dog on a farm in the countryside, with me tagging along. In the street outside the party, all the kids were being dropped off. The "Dad" of the birthday child came over and told my father he should let me join the party. I protested. I didn't know any of them. But my arm was twisted and I felt I had no choice.
Inside the party, sitting round this large dining room table, were all these younger kids. Behind each one was a "mother" spooning creamy jelly and other sloppy party food into the mouths of these objectionable children. Each one was a total mess. And they were all talking and shouting at once. Chaos. It was like something out of a Pink Floyd movie! I was spared this horrific treatment! I felt so out of it, so alienated, that I didn't belong there at all. At one point I slipped quietly out of my chair and made my way out into the back garden. Nobody noticed.
There I found a couple of ponies that had been hired to give birthday rides, being looked after by this old wrinkled toothless black chap. I enjoyed interacting with the ponies for a while until I heard the dreaded noise of the other food soiled kids coming out for their rides. So I slipped round the side of the house where I found a flower bed of large hydrangeas and climbed beneath them. I sat there alone, watching the little bugs and caterpillars going about their business, for a couple of hours. Nobody came looking for me until my father arrived to pick me up, and I could hear my name being called. Nobody asked where I had been.
I have had that same feeling often in life. I remember it like it was yesterday. Well over 50 years later.
The shirt looks great. Cheers. Happy New Year
Happiness is a new Dana video
I like your shirt! Kids at school laughed at my clothes until I got so sick of the bullying and tried to dress more normal (in highschool).
I've gone through these cycles for a while. I thought they were just typical holiday depression, but I'm starting to realize how much of it is being due to be overwhelmed. I get tested next month.
ahh i love this series!! i resonate with so much that you said. i mainly started thinking about the possibility of being autistic because of stuff i saw on social media (i didn’t know any autistic people in my life) but i was uncertain about it for a month or so and then i hit a really bad autistic burnout a few months into sixth form and really started to notice sensory issues a lot more and overall it was obvious it was much more than a normal burnout. so i continued to do research and it became more and more evident in every aspect of my life. so here i am now, more than a year later and im so glad to understand myself better now :)
Omg yess I get anxious for things I've done many of times!! You just explained it so well. That plus my adhd is the reason why driving in general and especially on the interstate is extremely hard. I drove from cali to tn fleeing an abusive relationship first time driving more than a hour and it was horrible but the emergency caused my adhd to hyperfocus and get through it. But I still cannot drive for more then a hour without my CNS shutting down from boredom and the horrible anxiety of getting on a interstate the first time during San diego rush hour
Wow, your are describing me. Thanks for the video!!
I'm nt, but the light and x-box sounds - and the flickering! - I'm so with you about that! Can't _stand_ it!
Omg. Have you ever heard of this TV show in America called ‘Punky Brewster’. you might get a kick out of her fashion sense
You’re not the first to recommend it to me, but it’s the prompt I need to finally google it 😂
@@DanaAndersen cue Nostalgia th-cam.com/video/WZi_-uEwCcs/w-d-xo.htmlsi=jEDS3VW6VREqBcEM
I find your videos really helpful, I’ve got an assessment booked privately, I’m quite nervous 😬
I binged this series over the holidays and I am sooooo excited for another video in this series! 🌈💜🐮
I’m so glad people are still interested in it after I let it die for so many months 😂 Hopefully this ‘reboot’ is better than the older ones!
Have a great day 😇
Great video! Supes helpful....ive spent like a decade on the am i/am i not? mostly in my head train of thought cos...well a few reasons. Lol! Anyway... totally helpful to hear more (eerily similar) life paths!! 😏😁
Thank you. That was insightful.
What I am wondering is how to communicate your learning and mental disabilities to your psychiatrist. This way an understated report from them that the SSA eventually gets does not cause the removal of benefits. This is a huge problem for people with any physical or mental disability and they might get sent to a consultative doctor paid by the SSA to do the exam. The problem is that a lot of times when that happens the report is biased and not in favor of the person receiving the benefits. They might fail to recognize the true severity of the condition and then the claimant's problems begin. I need to find a psychiatrist near me who can give a fair and honest evaluation and probably secretly hates taking the SSA's bribes to give them unfavorable reports. If a good psychiatrist like this is in the Pittsburgh Pennsylvania area that is great. The main reason I don't really go to one is because I am afraid that I might get a biased one. I attended a special school in East Liberty for people with learning disabilities and autism and similar conditions. All of my years of school were in special education. I have scans of forms my attorney filed with the SSA along with any written evidence. That is I have paper copies I had scanned for safer keeping which I have an undisclosable number of backup copies in undisclosable locations of. From your accent and pictures of The Beatles I would think you may be in England but I may easily be wrong. If that is the case I understand you would not know much about the USA but your videos are helpful anyhow.
As an addition to the comment, I would point out that I am aware that I should be seeing specialists. I just don't know which one to see. My claim could become a "bubble claim" some day if I don't start seeing doctors about it more frequently. I am not just afraid of biased doctors but I am afraid of the bills too. A bubble claim is a claim that typically lasts around 30 years and the claimant has lived in a metaphorical bubble still at home with his parents (I lived with my parents as long as they lived). I wonder which psychologists and psychiatrists are also the ones in schools. I am thinking if I find one of those that is my fairest shot at getting an honest opinion and not the opinion of some guy who the SSA doesn't pay enough and thus hates his job. I sometimes feel anxiety towards some situations like those. Maybe anxiety is part of autism or a similar disorder. I am the non hyperactive ADHD (code 314.00 in the DSM). I feel anxiety because I don't want to be homeless because of no money and still have the disorder.
Most psychiatrists probably aren't being paid by SSA.
Do you think like growing up in America younger would change that. Like the bus thing if u grew up going on the bus and always being around like a type of light that is different from what you are used to would change how your effected by those things
8:57 😸
You ? Hello then 🙂.
Hi Dana let's be boyfriend and girlfriend let's get together and get married for real my name is Chad barto I love you too babe see you later this year
And I think you are so beautiful and pretty and cute girl too have you so hot and sweet let's meet at and text for real and have fun with you and have some time together and watch TV together and have dinner together I would like to live with you right now see you later honey