วีดีโอ

The gaslighting is real. A really common one I would experience before I found my partner is I would try to use all the healthy communication skills I learned to express my feelinge and talk out a problem. There was no conversation, it was always "how dare you, I'm not this monster you're making me out to be, I did this, this, and this for you..." and this would be the response to things as simple as "this thing you said hurt my feelings." Now my partner listens when I express myself, comforts me, and vice versa. I think a lot of people are too immature to have a relationship when they can't even accept that their partner has feelings.

Nooooo I'm proud of mine! I'll never be neutral about it!

I struggled with PMS for years not, autistic but, neurodivergent. I still am exhausted when I get my period.

yeah. just don't want to feel shitty.

you are so strong

yr soo real. I appreciate your outlook.

2:50 my mother dyes her eyelashes because "mascara is too much hassle"

The only big reason I'm glad I'm autistic is it allows me to be true to myself with fewer obstacles

So, my crystal clear memories date back to when I was 3, but there was a time before my self-awareness of existence came in, (I was two) and I had somehow managed to land head-first into the toilet bowl. I don't remember a thing thank fuck, but the wise-ass drunkard uncle who was supposed to be babysitting let me wander and in I went,where he says (and I do believe him, as this person has documented anger issues and is a known bully) he LAUGHED first before pulling me out. And yes. My whole family thinks that's a HUGE belly roll of a laugh. I am nodding in a lot of what you're saying here! I'll be 41 January 2025 and was only diagnosed last year...also went no contact with 90% of my family, Matrinarc (my mother) included. Classic favored elder Golden Child/treat the little girl as the scapegoat. I think what troubles me the most though are the relatives TODAY who claim they saw it but did nothing because, "that's how it was" and yet I'm the one who needs to get over it?! PLEASE!!! Been to invalidating shrinks my entire life, how about YOU assholes get therapy? Oh yeah...most that show cluster B traits don't. Dana! Glad to have found your channel! Love from a late diagnosed sistah-friend in 🇺🇸

Autism is not a super power. It has its moments. You try things, but you have to accept on what you can't do and do what can. Don't be hard onyourself as not good for your mental health.

this might come off as offensive to some idk, but the worst thing to feel to me is feeling like an NPC. i won't even elaborate on this one like i don't have the tim tbh, but it's the realest shit, and it's existentially lame so i'd better not live like that

to cure your autism have you considered not being autistic? hope this helps, 😂

For the longest i used to think i was a horrible person because of my emotions doing things that didn't match the people around me. Growing up i was raised by my grandparents. Papa died 12 years ago, mama 2 years ago. Even now, 12 years later, when people mention my grandparents they still mention that "huge grief and empty space that never will heal", and i can see that in them, but to me it is weird, because of course it'd be nice if they were here (i guess?), and they do exist in my mind, though only on very rare occasions (eg, when i think "oh, it think papa would have liked this very specific movie, actually") but i don't miss them in the same way as my family (eg. saying "another Christmas without them :(", "let's look at old family pictures and reminiscence of those days", "they'll be missed forever"). So yes, as you mention, i feel worse about the fact that i don't feel anything about it than anything else. In my brain, they were old, maybe not that old, but they are gone and they aren't here anymore and i'm grateful for everything they did for me, but nothing can bring them back so i made my life without them... you know? It's definitely a weird thing. At first i was told it could be a trauma thing, but after years of therapy, we both have concluded it is, in my case, most likely just an autistic thing (in the way i think and deal and process things). I'd feel bad about having meltdowns over seemingly small things, but feel nothing for the "big, important ones", but ultimately it is just that i process emotions different than others. There is healing in knowing i am not the emotionless/manupulative monster that other people could suggest i was for not reacting in the same way as my neutorypical peers.

I wasn't abused like this for the most part, but I think my brother might have been. He was the main scapegoat in my family for a long time, and my parents still treat him that way. I'm pretty sure everyone in my family is autistic and ADHD to some degree. But he's the one who can't mask. I feel really bad about how we all treated him. Me and my sibilings all have a good relationship now, but I'm trying to figure out how to handle my relationship with my parents from here.

I found this video to be cathartic. I kinda went down the whole be positive about everything route. It's hard to talk about but I'm a survivor of seclusion & restraint, and when I got out of that situation my healing or way of coping with that trauma was to become as happy and positive as possible. It's hard, and I'm trying to "unlearn" or "unpack" some of that mentality and "leave room" for the middle ground and the rest of the human experience. It's hard for me to be neutral but it's so nice to be able to hear from someone that it's an option. That it's okay to be that way.

100% agree with the idea that if I wasn't struggling with being neurodivergent, I would be struggling with something else. Everyone has struggles, this is just mine. I can't change it, so I have to accept it. And try to find happiness in life despite it. I think what I struggle with the most is how much this has delayed my becoming independent. We live in a society where food, shelter, and other basic necessities are locked behind a paywall, so you can either get and keep a job or you can die, basically. And the entire system puts neurodivergent people at an inherent disadvantage, unfortunately. I worry that my parents will die before I am able to support myself. Especially living in the US, where end-stage capitalism is getting to it's worst point. Sometimes it feels like I will forever be stuck at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy, just struggling to attain safety. When people say to just be positive about it, I feel like that kind of ignores how being neurodivergent can actually be life-threatening in a system that's not even working for most neurotypicals anymore and is even worse for neurodivergent folks. At the same time, I do believe that I will somehow carve out a place for myself, in this world that doesn't seem to have one for me, and hopefully help others like me to do so along the way.

It's good to see you with more energy than in the previous video (your outfit and makeup were stunning btw). Being autistic has it's ups and downs like everything in life. I'm just grateful to understand why I could not be 'successful' at life, or at least have a bare minimum of what's expected. And what's expected is bullshit anyways.

The shit that annoys me most is people always assuming you have ulterior motives when you ask questions literally and just out of curiosity. Apparently people that ain't on the spectrum don't say what they actually mean. It's all underhanded, devious bullshit. Also, I fucking hate that I always think my connection to people is much closer than what it inevitably turns out to be. But like you say, there's pros and cons to everything in life 🙌🏻

Eating a sausage roll in silence is the perfect mood 🖤

Always appreciate hearing your thought process. Very validating; its hard to articulate this stuff until you hear someone else say it sometimes.

I totally understand this I am Autistic 68 now.

I was Dxed in February. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it - how it has affected the flow of life.

I know you said this video was “lazy” but I found this video to be really nice to calm down to. These days theres so much to watch on the internet so I’m usually in information overload, so since this video lacks a conclusion or direction etc, actually makes it really calming. Its like how autistics would talk if we had no expectations and could just talk about how we feel without being misunderstood. Since us autistics usually talk in a essay format almost, because we’re so used to people misunderstanding us.

Not only am I autistic and maybes ADHD I am also asexual. When I tell people I am asexual a lot of the time they just say "oh, you just not met the right person yet." I really hate that. I feel no sexual attraction to anyone. There is no urgent urge to go out there and find a sexual partner I am just not interested but people do annoy me when they say that. I know they probably mean well though.

This is very relatable. I've spent years grappling with my self-perceived shortcomings and failures - thinking I should've been a better this or a better that. Nowadays I've been more able able to say 'it is what it is' and carry on. It feels nice actyally

I hide my stims alot of the time in front of strangers. People are judgemental these days or some people think you do things for attention. Im same, Dana......i cannot show any emotions or strange behavior infront of strangers. Thats why i stay at home alot of the time and be by myself. I avoid being around people as much as I can as I fear being myself. I have to repress my emotions sadly. I tell my doctors that I cannot show emotions even in front of professionals. When doctors see me, they expect me to act out and show extreme emotions. But I struggle to be my true self even in front of doctors. I try to pleasers others instead. I think we become people pleasers, sadly.

I often wonder why these conditions are part of our chemistry and biology who or what put them there perhaps there is no ryme or reason for it but then maybe there is

Yeah I hate it when people call it a superpower. Yeah, my powers are being clumbsy, socially awkward, anxious, overexplaining, and being slow to process things lol I think you strike a good balance, Dana. We are who we are and we just have to try our best :)

i wrotr to them to get my form

It has taken me a year to grieve being autistic as a late diagnosed person and I totally understand how much it limits me, BUT I would never want to be neurotypical. Never. They are so boring, they undershare, and their social relations are full of lying to each other. Yikes.

Thanks for existing and posting ❤

100 million%!

The only thing I feel bad about is not being able to create atm, thought that's a bit of both autism and adhd. I just want to create again T.T

Love the 80s look! 😊 I'm kind of amazed by anyone who can put on makeup. I've used proper makeup once in my life, for my sister's wedding (because I was going to be in the pictures), and my mom wound up having to put it on for me because I never used it as a teenager - but that was mainly because my parents didn't want me wearing it until I was about 16, but I also assumed I'd find it itchy or that my skin would break out in hives. (And by the time I was that age I was in martial arts, so I saw no point in experimenting with makeup when I was constantly getting sweaty and gross.) And when she did my lip gloss for the wedding she told me to smooth it out, and I tried to, and she was all, "You've smushed it everywhere! I told you to smooth it out!" (How was I to know?!) So now I have 8 -year-old foundation, blush, and lip gloss that I should probably throw out, and no brushes because my mom didn't think of offering to buy me a set. And I don't think Sephora makes those particular products anymore. Oh, and then when I was 14 or 15, my sister went to my aunt's house for Boxing Day or the day after and came home with a "gift" for me... which was a set of cheap makeup brushes. And then my cousin (my uncle's daughter, a fellow black sheep) said, "She gave them to me and I gave them back because I didn't need them! I'm so sorry!"

The way you alternated between the ketchup and the American mustard was rather satisfying.

The sausage roll and voice over is so funny, it's like *that's what you're thinking while eating the sausage roll*.

Totally agree on how uncomfortable it can be being on your own when there are other people around. How should I stand? Should I sit? What should I do with my hands? Does I look odd or uncomfortable, because I'm definitely feeling uncomfortable? Will anyone notice if I just leave? Can I just leave? But then I feel stupid if I leave because feel like I've failed at being an adult because I didn't stick it out. Thank you for sharing this video, it's really helpful to know that other people feel uncomfortable on their own too! It can feel like you're the only one sometimes.

Thanks for this. I felt sad about spending Christmas alone because I was nostalgic about my family, who are no longer here. I just realized it was false nostalgia because these events were often awful for me. I still don't understand what motivates people or know how to communicate with the family I have left in a way that isn't like walking through a minefield. Instead, we should look forward to happier times in the future. Many of us went through traumas.

Always cut my own hair and it always looks like that 😅

💚

Being Boring is great. Don't let other people put You down. Just keep doing what you do in your life. You don't need validation from people who don't want to understand You.

Me: I heard it got good reviews Him: that's your opinion!!! Lol I have not seen it...I have no opinion

My parents do all this stuff to me but I live with them and everyone treats me the same cause they hate me so

Genuinely felt queasy/filled with rage, for you when you couldnt get your necklace off at the end. Thank you as always for your honesty and for making us feel less alone. And well done for doing the thing. Leaving early or not, you're a braver man than me

a lot of these really resonate with the way a family member treated me all my life, thanks for making this video and helping people think about their relationships and self worth

Yes to almost everything!

Yes to the not asking any questions! I’m interested but I don’t know what are the appropriate questions to ask so I end up not asking any. And then when the silence gets akward I would just talk about myself. 😅

4:55 If it's a show, it's dead easy: when in doubt, you look at whatever's going on in the show, because it's being put on to be watched. If it involves acting, the performers are pretending the audience doesn't even exist unless they're making a joke about the very fact that the audience isn't (supposed to be) part of the universe in-story. Walk straight in, sit down, show starts, show ends, walk out, walk home is basically the default thing people are expected to do, and depending on the exact type of show, there may not be a lot else to do (the more densely packed the seating, the more the attention of the audience is generally expected to be exclusively on the stage). If it's more of a dinner-theater type format, there may be opportunity for things other than watching, but watching the show is a safe default, because people are expected to want to see the show, so whatever you're doing apart from that is a bonus. EDIT: The more opportunity there is for socialization in the audience at a show, the more the show is intended as a way to politely retreat if things get awkward. The less opportunity there is (non- dinner-theater type formats) the more awkward it is to do anything *but* watch the show.

3:37 Who cares? The point of momentary expressions is to express, not to attract. The only kind of face that doesn't occasionally do stuff like that is a literal mask.

It’s really fucked up, for autistic people, people with ocd, anxiety, or a lot of other mental health issues. As a pagan it bothers me on so many levels, a tarot is a personal experience, not something you can do as a TikTok saying everyone is gonna have x thing happen to them. It’s profiting off peoples anxieties.