ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ค. 2024
- If you're actually reading this, you're a star and you should get yourself a little treat.
Further Reading and Watching:
1. "What Is Pride Month and the History of Pride?" by Matt Baume: www.them.us/story/the-complet...
2. "Ballroom culture: World’s 1st Global Black Pride LGBTQ+ celebrations" • Ballroom culture: Worl...
3. Before Stonewall: • BEFORE STONEWALL - Tra...
4. "The Story Behind Silence=Death, an Icon of the LGBTQ+ Rights Movement" by Ivana Cruz: www.wmagazine.com/culture/avr...
Sources and Images:
Karl Marie Kertbeny:
- web.archive.org/web/201709122...
- worldqueerstory.wordpress.com...
- www.britannica.com/biography/...
- www.history.com/topics/gay-ri...
---------------------------------------------------
LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I reside and work on Anishinaabe territory and am actively committed to decolonization in both my internal and external work.
*Please Donate (if you're able!)* :
www.irsss.ca/
landback.org/
raventrust.com/
---------------------------------------------------
TRANS SUPPORT AND RESOURCES
blacktrans.org/
translifeline.org/
---------------------------------------------------
SOCIALS AND SUPPORT
Patreon: / swolesomemrfox
Instagram: finntasticmr.fox
Tumblr: www.tumblr.com/blog/swolesome
![[TH] 2024 PMWC x EWC Main Tournament Day 3 | PUBG MOBILE WORLD CUP x ESPORTS WORLD CUP](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3EM6gpHgLk4/mqdefault.jpg)
Pride discussions we *should* be having: How can we make sure all Pride events are accessible for disabled queer people? How can White queers better support BIPOC queers? How do we organize events geared toward political action?
Gatekeeping that *should* take place: No cops, no corporations.
Literally!! I’m so sick of the same arguments coming back every pride month meanwhile more important topics aren’t even being talked about because we’re too concerned about other things
Thank you.
That was an excellent polemic, you just got a cishet sub.
These are dark times for minority demographics, who are at risk of further marginalisation.
In the UK we see White feminist lesbians abusing their privilege to beat down on transwomen.
This is no time for "We're not like other Gays!" rhetoric and action.
The far right still don't like lesbians, just because are desperate and foolish enough to ally themselves with transphobes.
I can't do much as I don't get out much, but as a self confessed keyboard woke warrior, I can try to oppose the hate and disinformation that pervades social media to the best of my limited ability. IMHO it is necessary to enter Gayspace on the internet to become better educated.
Apologies with the ramble, and all the best!
This. Very few pride events are even somewhat accessible for disabled people, esp bc both organizers and attendees have abandoned us around covid safety. I don’t give a fuck about bi lesbians or who’s allowed at pride or whatever nonsense discourse gets recycled every year, I care that white queers recreate colonial hegemony in queer spaces and consistently punch down. There are so many issues within the community that we need to deal with, but somehow that’s not the mainstream focus.
Lol, I was going to come in to the comments to say the only thing that has no place in pride is cops :) glad you pointed that out ^_^
Is someone gatekeeping cishet comments?
My previous comment has disappeared. lol
"I'm actually half-straight on my father's side." is permanently going into my rolodex.
Caelan Conrad had an even better one, "I'm half-woman, on my mom's side."
If both of my parents are half gay, that makes me..........?
@@kahlilbt 25% chance of being all gay, 25% chance of being straight, and 50% chance of being half-gay?
@@electronics-girl that works out since me and my twin are both bi lol
+5 to your Doctor Who geek card, sir. ❤
Potato Pacakes. I was a "straight" woman most of my life. However, I was always drawn to the LGBTQA+ movement. For years, I was a traditional wife and mother, but felt like I never fit in. I was extremely unhappy, to the point I wanted to unalive myself. Turns out, I'm actually an Asexual Non-binary person. I didn't come out until I was 55 and I'm so much happier. Gatekeeping, especially arbitrary gatekeeping is always wrong. It's bigoted and doesn't allow people to grow and explore.
Welcome to the family babes!
I think there is a place for safer spaces, but a parade isn't a safer space. I have cptsd, and I recognize it a lot in people that think they gatekeeping is necessary, but at the same time you are keeping people out you are locking yourself in.
Also, while it is true that just heterosexual people may struggle to understand and therefore discount the parade, I do find it important that everybody should recognize that queer people still have to fight for their rights. Locking straight people out of pride parade on principle, while sensible in that people are still threatening pride parades, also makes the LGBTQIA+ space seem unnecessarily hostile if the point is that LGBTQIA+ people are normal people who should be recognized as queer people but also should not be set apart, and there are hetero queer relationships.
Girl stay home. This is not about gatekeeping. It gets weird. Stay home and enjoy your peaceful, asexual life. I saw things I do not really need to see ever again. 😂
@@carrington2949 sounds like YOU need to stay home 😂
I am a straight-passing mom with two kids that are neither cis nor het. I went to a pride parade and hated the crowds. I would much rather be part of smaller groups actively involved with protests or working to help the community. The smaller event you discussed is something I wish I could attend without being lost in the anonymity of crowds that overwhelm me.
We know a few LGBTQ young adults who won’t do the pride parades because of fibromyalgia or other chronic pain issues so I am glad you brought up accessibility issues in your pinned comment. A lot of the people in our local network of friends are neurodivergent in some way and loud noisy parades hold little appeal.
I loved what you said about blurring lines and queering straightness. I reminded me of a book the queer and progressive members of our church read called Outside the Lines: How Embracing Queerness Will Transform Your Faith. We have a book club where we read books by trans, gay and intersex authors writing about faith and religion. A lot of things that used to seem binary to me ten years ago seem like fuzzy spectrums now.
P.S. I love potato pancakes of many types. Awesome stuff.
I'm a middle-aged bisexual, autistic woman and yeah, the larger, noisier Pride events don't work for me either due to sensory over-stimulation. I absolutely understand where you're coming from. And yeah, the smaller, quieter events tend to be the only ones I attend during Pride. I also sometimes just get together with friends (mostly queer) to hang out at one of our houses to play board games or TTRPGs.
I like it when folks remember that not everyone can or wants to attend the raucous party-like Pride events. There are a multitude of ways to celebrate our diversity and strength!
I think allies belong at Pride, but anyone who thinks it's about them isn't being much of an ally.
(That said, letting straight people come to events is also how we include closeted and questioning people and give them a chance to explore.)
It’s literally how you build community period. Sometimes I think y’all don’t understand how leftism works because you think the identity politics is the end goal. Its not. Same with race. Race isn’t biologically sound. It’s socially relevant and we accept that because we need to in order to fight thins like anti-blackness and white supremacy. But the end goal is and should always be recognizing these structures are wrong and modern race is and always has been a tool of oppression.
Sexuality, identity and the structures that bind us to be unable to be who we want are similar.
This may be a weird comparison, but in my city there are several asian stores, that are clearly catered to asian immigrants.
The owners are not fluent in german, the products are labeled in chinese, the spices are incredible hot and the smallest rice packet is 5 kilo!
And every european person who accepts that their "constructive feedback" is not needed, since their convenience is not the focus, is perfectly welcome!
For me, pride events work a bit the same..an event catered to the lgbtqia+ community, focused on theim feeling safe, proud and seen.
And as long as everyone can accept that, i don't see how gatekeeping helps
But they should sell potato pancakes!
So, you are from Germany. This thus would mean the events need to diversify. An Asian area (market), an European area (market), Afro-American/black area (market), Latin area (market), kink, vanilla and chocolate, PG, PG13, and R events, etc.
Reibekuchen 16th century European assimilation of the potatoes
@@schiffelers3944 switzerland actually...
And while i'm not a hundred percent sure i got your comment right...an ideal country would definitely be one where everyone's needs are met..but so much of our interactions are dictated by expectations built on a perceived normal, that i can't imagine a world where we will not need spaces that priorities minorities in order to give them relaxed spaces.
However, i don't think that exclusionary spaces are the way to go, but that it is better to say: hey, here, the needs of that group are prioritiesed, if you accept that and behave accordingly you are welcome...
I'm a pasty bench who frequents Asian markets and a thinly passing straight person who goes to gay bars for karaoke. The most important thing I tell to newbies is to just be respectful and remember that you are for many intents and purposes an outsider in somebody else's space that they made because the rest of the "default" pasty/straight space does not accommodate them.
"It kinda looks like we are trying to enforce the same power structures we are meant to be escaping from..."
Man, flashback to the Atheist movement a decade ago...
Second this. And now a large majority the former 'big names' in the movement are now either supporting systemic bigotry, have become right wingers, have fallen to pseudoscience and cultural hegemony, or have gone quiet. The only ones I still follow in any sense are Rebecca Watson and Matt Dillahunty, mostly because of just how much they welcome the chance to admit they were wrong about something, correct themselves, or actively search for different perspectives other than their default. It's those ideals that I cherish and that have helped me become the person I am and love today.
@@theUnconventionalGamer Dude yeah, it was absolutely wild how swiftly the aetheist movement on youtube all suddenly swung right and turned their content into "anti-SJW" aka anti women content back in the 2010s. For me I think it was one of the first rapid and clear political 'shifts' I'd ever seen and it was such a shock at the time (I say 'shift' in quotations because I assume that was bubbling under the surface the whole time, but for me at the time it seemed to suddenly switch from what I saw at the time as polite discussion, to sudden and very obvious disdain).
All these content creators I ambiently enjoyed watching for months (sometimes years) suddenly aiming their sights directly at me, as a feminist woman. It was definitely a learning experience. Blessedly for me it was that shift that drove me further left as I sought out new content, but I know some folk who stuck around and got dragged into that right wing garbo right along with those channels/
What's wrong with being an Atheist? (Genuine question)
@@manuproulx2764 Absolutely nothing. I'm one meself, and I reckon a big percentage of queers are thanks to how we've been treated by many.
The issue that i believe OP was talking about was the "New Atheist" movement online in the 2010s. TH-cam especially was full of (mostly male) atheist creators making videos discussing topics like religion, philopsy around it, and the likes. The issue with a lot of this supposed intellectualism was that it quickly devolved into a form of tribalism and Us and Them, which ironically developed into the very same sort of concepts they were arguing against within their atheist content. Skepticism became the obnoxious "hm, interesting, and yet...." lazy form that we still see today. From there it took a sharp right turn (around the era of gamergate), where the vast majority of Atheist and skeptic TH-camrs started posting more and more videos about anti-SJW content, which unsurprisingly became just outright misogyny, and swiftly spiralling into every other kind of bigotry, racism, homophobia etc that you can imagine. I think the issue of this type of new atheism was always that they were quick to see themselves as smarter and better than religious folk, which is a dangerous way to look at any group of folk, because that thought process can spiral.
TH-camr "The Kavernacle" did a great video about it titled "The Slow death of New Atheism and the Skeptic Community" that covers a lot of it if you're interested in how it all devolved.
@@manuproulx2764 As an atheist: It's the best position to hold IMO.
But both the 'Thought Leaders' (Richard Dawkins being the most obvious) of the modern movement and far too many of our peers showed their whole asses as misogynists, anti-queer bigots, and casually racist. Some even gleefully back flipped from, "There is no God," straight into, "All Muslims are wearing bomb vests"
To bring it back to the point of video- A good chunk of the Atheist movement was supporting the same bullshit as the religious fundamentalists instead of tossing the social repression into the bin alongside the deity.
It's weird hearing the "do straights belong at pride" discourse now that I am in fact, a straight trans woman because like, even though I know the people talking about this aren't including me when they say straight people I still go through a few seconds where I'm like "Wait, is it me? Am I the drama?"
I wish people would remember that people gender identities like trans, nonbinary, agender, and genderfluid belong to the LGBTQA+ just as much as someone whose sexuality is outside the norm. So, you shouldn't be excluded like this.
I think the fact that they aren’t including you when they say straight people is really telling 😂 if a straight person is a person attracted to people on the opposite end of the gender spectrum from them, and you being attracted to men only doesn’t make you a “straight” person, then like…what does that say about your gender?? These people don’t realize that trying to draw hard lines in the sand around who does and doesn’t count as the “out” group is always going to reproduce structures of transphobia and homophobia because those bigotries also exist to reinforce an in and out group. I’m so tired of it, sigh.
A thing I've learned from years of impostor syndrome (here comes the rollodex of labels: trans man (bit more complicated 'cause there's some gender-nonconformity there that's probably some genderfluid leakage in that occasionally I leans slightly into the demigirl box without leaving the binary manbox), aromantic, pansexual, gender-non-conforming):
If you're self-conscious about intruding, you are very much not intruding. and also you might have a little bit of abuse/bullying trauma internalized or you're neurodivergent (people with neurodivergences tend to get taught they don't matter, even by accident, so they get rejection-sensitive).
Bit of a cold comfort to that kneejerk "am I the problem?" feeling, but hopefully yours is caused by one of those reasons?
Edit for the obvious: the T is ABSOLUTELY part of LGBTQIA+, it very much has priority over you being straight and if some LGB alliance jerk tries to argue your orientation cancels out your queer identity, I have some crutches to fight on your behalf with.
(Also if you being straight DID negate your trans identity, then by that logic all the cis queer people are also invalid because they don't have BOTH a queer gender identity AND a queer romantic/sexual orientation.)
They ARE talking about straight trans people. The LGBTQ+ community has continually shown a distain for and not been inclusive towards bisexuals, trans people, or asexuals. We have to "look queer" and "act queer" in order to be accepted. They only think trans people belong at pride when we are visibly trans or not passing, or in a relationship that is not "straight passing," or look visibly queer in some other way. It's just a fancy way of misgendering. "Oh, but you're not REALLY straight. I mean REAL straight people."
There ARE straight LGBTQ+ people, and until cis straight allosexual people can share with us finding liberation in the concept of queerness, it will continue to exist as a means of oppression for LGBTQ+ people who do not fit inside of that concept.
When we hit the "straights at pride" discourse, folks are usually using the term "straight" to describe cis/het folks who are not otherwise part of the community. Though, to be fair, there are still plenty of folks who think only clear-cut members of the L, the G, the B, and the T, and the B and the T often get sidelined for various reasons. Either way, you as a trans woman are of course part of the community (no matter your orientation), as am I, a bisexual woman (even though I'm cis). 💜
I live in the UK for context. I took my Italian housemate to pride, and he was shocked and so happy to see the police at pride. Before the walk started, he saw a police person with a pride flag, and how relaxed they were. They weren't waiting for an excuse when trouble started. He told me how different pride is in Italy and how the police behave. He asked for a picture with the police person wearing the flag and all the police near by all joined for the picture. He sent it to his friends back in Italy to show them the difference. He really like it.
Aww. That's really sweet!
@@MisstressSamantha I hope he fights the right wing in Italy. People have forgotten that leads to Mussolini. People should post articles of what happened to Mussolini on those evil people’s right wing headquarters. Hitler rightfully gets shamed for killing gays, but I never hear that about Mussolini. How many gays did he kill? Edit: after some research, Mussolini seems far better than Hitler, instead of killing gays he sent them away to private gay island communities, where they could be happy amongst their own kind (and out of straight people’s eyesight). He attempted separate but equal. Evidentially it was a big hit with gays at that time as they allowed themselves to be caught in public to go there. Seems a little too good to be true, but it seems to be what happened. I wonder if any of those communities still exist?
As a bisexual woman it took a lot for me to come around and accept this part of myself cause I was actively fighting the idea that I could be anything other than straight since I am attracted to men.
Now these days I now fight for people to acknowledge that me being in a relationship and engaged to a heterosexual man doesnt erase my bi identify and I do have a place in queer spaces (as well as my fiancé who accepts this part of me and has accompanied me to these spaces on occasion when there wasn't anyone else in my social circle available to accopany me).
Thank you for this video ❤ Potato Pancakes 🥞 (which I've had in real life they are delicious 😋)
Back before my egg cracked, I felt uncomfortable around queerness and queer spaces for reasons I didn't quite understand (and kinda still don't). The thing that really helped me was being able to engage with queer topics from online sources privately and anonymously.
I feel a certain sense of impostor syndrome about describing myself as a lesbian as a trans woman, despite the fact that being attracted to women in a queer way is part of my identity I find comforting.
Hey fwiw I'm a lesbian and have had decidedly, clearly, unquestionably lesbian relationships w a couple trans women. My first gf ever was trans and she was also the person I lost my virginity to. The overwhelming majority of lesbians don't think anything of it. If someone passes the vibe check you count, we can tell when someone's really a woman or not (not related to passing as cis). A lesbian of all ppl is the most likely one to identify you correctly, bc we both are women and focus on them. We have more woman related experience per capita than anyone else lol, we know what's up.
I guess 🙄
@@SpecialBlanketah yes a woman who’s a lesbian ….or just a w woman….OF COURSE we have way way WAY more experience as a woman than ANYONE….that’s a given, a cold hard fact. Very basic cuz we are born women & have lived as a woman since birth. Pretty simple stuff.
@@SpecialBlanket I find myself having similar thoughts to lizb stressing about my sexuality and whether I "count" as a lesbian, and this is actually really relieving and affirming to hear. Thank you very very much for speaking up and saying this.
You're _absolutely_ allowed to call yourself a lesbian! I'm a bisexual cis woman and my first girlfriend was a trans lesbian (though not fully out at the time), and just like Anon above, she's the one I first had sex with. She actually helped me become a lot more comfortable with my attraction to women, even though she was still figuring herself out at the time. We broke up more than 20 years ago but still chat sometimes.
It's worth remembering that within the larger LGBTQ+ community, lesbians are the sub-group who tend to be the _most_ supportive of transgender folks, and that absolutely includes trans women. I think there's a lot of weird stereotyping of lesbians as transphobic, but the data doesn't really support that. There's something cathartic about relationships with lesbians that I've had, something relaxing about not having to deal with all the baggage that comes with dating men. Maybe that's why I've only dated women for the past decade? Hmm . . .😂
As an aroace agender person who is also autistic and has ADHD, I can at times be vulnerable some situation and sometimes its hard for people who don’t know me to understand beharvers that are directly related to me being neurodivergent. This is relevant because if there are any LGBTQ+ people in my family they are all in the closet and only one of my friends is LGBTQ+, if I am going to safely attend a pride event, I need to depend on a straight family member or friend. So yes straight allies belong at pride alongside all of us.
Do you identify to people as "AAAAA"? I feel like you should!
I know that feel sibling. You are valid.
Heyyy you sound like me! I'm not sure about my orientation atm (or lack thereof), still figuring that part out, but it's always nice to hear of other people out there who are "similarly different". 💜
as a typical gay person, i would push you out of gay pride. Go somewhere else. Go build your own community and see how you like it if gays invaded it.
I'm also an asexual autistic person (who's also a middle-aged cis woman), so cheers! 💜
And yeah, a lot of folks with different disabilities and needs are going to rely on other folks, including straight people, to be able to safely access Pride events at all. The topic of accessibility is often drowned out by the non-disabled majority of folks in the LGBTQ+ community, and it's a shame. It feels like disabled queer folks get sidelined in a similar way that non-white queer folks get sideline.
(I personally can't attend the larger, noisier Pride events because I can't handle the sensory over-stimulation, so I stick to smaller events and quiet times with friends!)
"When education is not liberating, the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor" - Paulo Freire
Your definition of "queerness" (in the context of this discussion) overlaps significantly with my internalization of "chicanidad"-which is SO F-ING welcome. The instinct to gatekeep is STRONG. Thank you for having the character and clarity to turn the mirror and challenge "our own" to do better by not replicating the shittiness. Thank you for yet another thought-provoking video essay. Keep putting it out there, Finn.
Oh, and "Because they're drawn to the deconstruction of systems that are meant to reinforce a status quo" is EXACTLY how I would define chicanidad.
And potato-pancakes.
Chicanidad sounds like a synonym for based
I didn't figure out I was bi until I was in my 30s. Everything fell into place but until that time I was an 'ally'. There are straight people who don't realize they're queer yet. Or straight people who have lost loved ones during the aids crisis, or have held loved ones after they have been beaten bloody. And then there are ones who are straight passing for whom it's not safe to come out yet. Let's spend our time on more important stuff than gate-keeping.
That guy literally gave his research the 'old college try'.
I tried to come out in the mid 90's and could barely leave my house safely. I tried to come out to my 1st boyfriend at 16. It was a very toxic, abusive relationship I was in for a long, long time. Coming out cut out all friends, not just the male friends. I am not straight, but have lived it for 41 years. I understand the need for queer spaces AND the need for 'straight' people and allies at Pride. It's just as important as showing up for the serious things and not just the fun things, or to be able to say 'yasss queen, we support!'
A couple years ago, about 2/3 of the way through June, it suddenly occurred to me--a queer femme person--that I'd only heard music from queer women/nonbinary artists coming out of my straight, cis man spouse's record player all month. (And he plays a lot of music on there, all the time. A decent portion of it is usually straight white men, because, I mean, he owns a record player. But these were all also albums he already owned.) He confirmed that it was a purposeful choice. This is when I realized that he's not only an incredible ally and supporter, but also a more consistent and dedicated Pride participant than I am--though definitely more subtle about it.
This is so sweet❤️
I agree with you 100%. Going to Pride and queer bars helped me come to terms with my own queerness. My family was extremely homophonic and transphobic, and I pushed that part of me way down until I was terrified and miserable. I saw how supportive and, well, proud the community is, and it made me feel safe. I personally welcome everyone to Pride festivities.
🥔 🥞 my straight husband is in a queer relationship because I'm a bi woman, and we were together when I discovered myself, which in turn invited him to do all the same questioning and self-discovery. We're working on breaking down systems together, and I appreciate all the excellent work you do 💜
You and your husband are in a heterosexual relationship. If a gay men and a lesbian women for some strange reason decided to get together, they too would be in a heterosexual relationship but they would be homosexual themselves.
@@kmarie7051 no. that would be a heterosexual-PASSING relationship, but still a queer one.
@@LumoskorThey are both different sexes so it's considered heterosexual...only a same sex relationship would be considered a homosexual one. It would only be considered heterosexual passing if one of the partners were trans, for example a cis male and a transwoman. They look to the outside world like a heterosexual couple, but in reality both of their biological sex is male, so they are a same sex couple. In sexology (the scientific study of sex and gender), when someone transitions to the opposite sex, their sexual orientation refers to whom they are attracted to when taking into consideration their birth sex. For example, a transgender woman (someone who was born male but identifies as female) who is attracted to men is considered, in sexological terms, to be gay(homosexual), since her birth sex is male and is the same as the partners she’s interested in. If she were attracted to women, she would be considered straight(heterosexual). I have no issue with however a trans person chooses to identify as sexually on a personal level, but in sexology, science and biological reality that's what they would be considered. Studies on sexuality and arousal(even after so called sex reassignment surgery) show that transwomen have the same arousal patterns and sexual system as males(that's different from natal females) because regardless of what they identify as, biologically they are male. Changing actual genetic sex and internal morphology is biologically impossible.
Sexual orientation is about sex, not gender, penile-vaginal intercourse is technically heterosexual sex. Lesbians, by definition, are not sexually attracted to people who have a penis, and gay men are not sexually attracted to people with a vagina. From a scientific perspective, those who are sexually interested in women with a penis have a paraphilia known as gynandromorphophilia. There was a big up roar not so long ago by lesbians who felt they were being made out to be transphobic for not wanting to date a transwoman with a penis. As I mentioned penile-vaginal intercourse conflicts with the definition of being lesbian. Attempts to coerce lesbian women into being sexually interested in penises have been rightfully compared to conversion therapy and corrective rape. if genitals don’t matter, as some of these female attracted trans women claim, then why aren’t they having sex with each other?
@@kmarie7051it's still queer if the presence of a queer partner changes the dynamic
@@kerycktotebag8164 It's just not true. If a straight male is in a relationship with a female who's straight or bisexual, it's a relationship with a female either way and exactly the same dynamic sexually..One male and one female, one penis and one vagina = heterosexual relationship. The straight man isn't attracted to males he's attracted to females(but even if he was bisexual too it would still be a heterosexual relationship) and just because the female likes both men and women doesn't make her not female exactly the same sex as a straight female. Being bisexual doesn't change her sex and make her somehow half male. It's the same if a gay man and bisexual man had a relationship, 2 males, 2 penises= homosexual relationship. No one would call it a heterosexual relationship or say that the gay man is in anyway straight because his partner is bisexual. A bisexual person can have both homosexual and heterosexual relationships depending on if they are with a same-sex or opposite sex partner and it has no effect on the other person's sexuality. That's exactly what makes them bisexual that they have same-sex and opposite- sex attractions, both heterosexual and homosexual attractions. I mean this really should be basic common sense and I shouldn't even need to explain it to another adult.
Wow, yet another amazing video essayist. I'm just in awe of how many articulate and compassionate voices you can find on TH-cam. Who knew? When I see videos like this, I feel seen. I'm a queer person in a straight marriage (they know), but in society my queerness is all but erased.
Latkes. "Queer heterosexuality" is a term that emerged in the mid-90s and was mostly in the zeitgeist in the early-2000s. I'm a nonbinary bisexual, so that doesn't include me. But that has included "straight-passing" relationships I have been in, including with other trans people because "we can always tells" also includes onlookers at Pride.
Being trans and in non-heterosexual relationships at least strongly urges us to deconstruct. Some people still refuse and try to fit in as much as possible into cishet "traditional" gender roles. But many trans people have to really ask these questions: "I'm a man, okay, now what is a man? What kind of man do I want to be? What does manhood mean to me?" or the same for trans women. As nonbinary people, we have to redefine gender entirely because those labels of "manhood" and "womanhood" don't work for us.
The same goes for relationships. Although same-gender relationships can face many of the same struggles that different-gender relationships do, it's practically impossible to fall into traditional gender roles in doing so. Even if one partner is more masculine and the other more feminine, it's not the same as being in a relationship as a cis man and a cis woman.
So what does queering heterosexuality look like? It can be as simple as stay-at-home dads. There's an idea (again, that isn't actually very old but is still called "traditional") that men go out into the world and make a bunch of money to support their wife and children back at home. When the wife is the breadwinner and the husband embraces that role, that's queering heterosexuality. In many ways, even having a two-income household is queered. Being a childfree married couple, being polyamorous, being in a lifestyle bdsm relationship, being heteroromantic but asexual are all ways of queering heterosexuality.
We have no objection to people being heterosexual and cisgender. That's just the way they were born, after all. "Straight" really refers to conformity. "Getting straight" can refer to sobriety. People who leave grey or black market jobs and go above board "get a straight job". In terms of sexuality, it was originally applied to gay men who stopped being with men and married a woman to fit into society. Straightness has always really been about social conformity more than sexuality.
So straight people, no. Heterosexuals, yes.
"I'm actually half straight on my father's side" - That's adorable!
Thank you for this video. I am an asexual cis woman, and the sheer vitriol against asexual people has made sure that I've never felt welcome at Pride. Last year, I went anyway, specifically because I lived in the UK and wanted to support trans folks living under increasingly repressive laws, but I still felt nervous and didn't wear anything related to my own identity, as much as I wanted to. This year, I am in a relationship with a cis man - and again I felt like I might not be welcome, despite the fact that neither of us is straight. I don't mean this as a pity-party, but I am very grateful every time I hear someone within the community (my internalised acephobia is supplying 'real' queer people here) argue against gatekeeping.
I'm also an ace cis woman. And I totally get what you mean. The only place where I feel seen and welcomed is on Tumblr. Though, irl, I just never mention it to people because it's none of anyone's business.
@@manuproulx2764 Same! My partner knows, and he was fully in favour of me wearing an ace-related shirt when we were meeting up with friends after the local pride march, but I feel very, very awkward about wearing anything that might invite hostility from 'my' community. The thing is, though, I'm not straight, and it does bother me when people default to seeing me that way simply because I haven't mentioned anything to the contrary.
I am Ace too. I've never been to a Pride event.
I'm just popping in to say that I think that I think a lot of the people here would probably enjoy/find connection with The Ace Couple's podcast (they also upload on this platform). Trying to put it in a nutshell is difficult because "diversity" is really the name of the game (along with advocacy and education) a *big* thing I'd like to mention is they very frequently have guest speakers which really aids with their purpose of highlighting how expansive and nuanced ace experiences are as well as breaking down preconceptions (e.g "You're xyz/in a relationship/also say... so you can't be ace." that are both external and community infighting) but it's always done in a way that even very heavy topics don't leave you dismayed at the end.
I know I sound like a promo (I'm not, I promise) but I know how barren it is out there for my ace siblings and want to give you something that *also* gives more.
P.S You don't have to start on the first or most recent episode, find a topic that interests you and go around. They encourage that approach because they do cover *so many* different things as, per the point of their work, ace experiences aren't universal.
TLDR: Regardless of what "type" you are, I think the Ace Couple podcast will have at *least* one episode you'll like and be glad is out in the world for others.
@@searchingfororion Thank you, that's very kind! I've listened to a few episodes before, and they seem great :)
I'm 71 and lived in the closet for the first 30 years of my life,. But when I came out, I accepted that anyone who wanted to be a member of my community, in fact was There was no other requirement other than the acceptance of and respect for all people
As an autistic aroace i feel pushed out of the local queer scene. The main thing is at a bar, there are lots of people, it's loud from multiple sources, space is not held for aspec topics.
I should have a place to talk about and enjoy my garlic bread without having to shout over the potato pancake crowd.
Same goes for straights. They don't get to talk over queer people, but they're welcome to bask in silence in the warm golden cheesy spicy glow of our lord and savory, garlic bread.
....I just had an amazing realization: we gotta bring back oldstyle tea parlours, like from circa the 1670s, where they were essentially book clubs and tea salons and quiet meet-up spaces where if you wanted to talk you'd raise a hand and one person talks at a time.
We've got nightclubs and raves, we need quiet parlours to be the next thing that gets recycled in the eternal wheel of the fashionable.
I said this on another comment but I recommend the "Ace Couple" podcast. I know for a *fact* they've had several people on to speak about their experiences and types of considerations that *need* to be made in general and queer spaces for neurodiverse/autistic people.
Don't worry about going into every episode, it's designed so people can just go to ones that apply to/interest them.
There's also a lot of extra resources for each and links to deeper/more specific communities for connection on topics like this especially.
Hopefully this will give you a way to find what you'd be interested in.
Meanwhile, may your garlic bread be forever in abundance!
@@neoqwerty There's LGBT themed bookstores and book clubs that exist that might scratch that itch.
I LOVED this! I am a non-binary grandmother of six, one of which is my trans granddaughter living with her girlfriend, another is my bi granddaughter living with her boyfriend. You are the first person I have heard who was capable of an intelligent discussion of gender/sexuality. Gotta say, I've had miserable experiences with gay/lesbian people and their bigotry. I pray for the day that people don't use gatekeeping as a coping mechanism for their insecurities. Thanks so much!
potato pancakes sound pretty tasty. i am a cis, a straight, and even a man. no uncertainty about that, but i still tend to prefer queer (either explicitly, when welcome, or at least friendly) spaces and feel safer in them. i feel like hegemonic structures/spaces are all about forced compliance regardless of whether you are queer in some way or not. like there are no "straight" places you just have to be straight "or else", then once you are straight they find something else for you to be or a more specific way to be it "or else". the more things you do and the better you do them the less danger you are in but it is still always some threat and what you are supposed to be is impossible to be by design.
like in queer friendly spaces i can have a conversation about baking some bread or something mundane and it doesnt have to turn into some pissing contest of one-upmanship like it so often does in places that are full of people who buy into hegemonic norms really heavily.
Hi, as a 62 year old man, who has been attending pride since age 17, I must say that in my youth all the people were very happy to celebrate pride. Today however, the nastiness with our community is completely inexplicable to me. Where, how and when did we begin to divide to groups bitching at each other. The fore-fathers/mothers who fought for our rights did not mean for this to happen. As people who are constantly oppressed in way way or other; does it not make sense to stand together to be strong. Instead of dividing, become a smaller voice and failing.
With the transphobic respectability politics driven pivot of the Mattachine Society in the 1960s but if we want to be more technical the queer world has always been divided along lines of class (Oscar Wilde was not hanging out with blue-collar factory-working homos and the "secret societies" of the time probably believed they didn't exist) and race (some queer venues were among the last to de-segregate in the United States, even after the 14th Amendment passed).
The only thing that's not allowed at Pride is hate. Everyone is welcome to come and experience a space free from judgement. Asexuals are welcome. Kinksters are welcome. Straight allies are welcome.
Potato Pancakes!!! ♥
It feels wrong to exclude people from pride who come simply to celebrate and have a good time while supporting their LGBTQIA+ loved ones. I love what you said in the comments section, too. No cops and no corporations, please and thank you ♥.
Potato pancakes. I'm a straight(?) ally with two trans niblings, and I've spent a lot of time educating myself on lgbt+ issues, no matter what identity. We've turned up to our small local pride events the last few years, but I've always looked at the descriptions for the different events apart from the opening/closing shows and the parade itself. They always specify where allies are welcome and encouraged, and where it's more important to keep the space safe if you will. And I like that, I'm there in support, and part of that support is respecting boundaries. I want to show up, it's a small town, with few "visibly" lgbt+ ppl, especially trans pol, and imo we need as much support as possible. I want a world where pride isn't necessary (but still wanted), bc when true equality and acceptance is achieved, there will be no need for allies. But sadly I think we're far away from that goal.
Snarling at Asexuals just for existing. Lol. In all seriousness thank you for mentioning Aphobia.
I thought I was straight my whole life. Until I figured recently I wasn't. I thought guys were hot...but that's far as it went. I didn't want to have sex with guys. Or anyone. Not even my boyfriend- the thought made me sick. But I stillI thought I couldn't be Ace because I thought guys were hot. But I didn't know that Asexuality was a spectrum. After learning about the Ace Spectrum and Greysexuality everything fell into place.
I can see signs I was on the Ace spectrum all along.
I never cared about sex. Not in adolescence when most people care about that stuff. Or in adulthood. The number of guys I found hot was so ridiculously small coupled with never having cared about sex, never watched porn, I came to the conclusion that....I probably wasn't straight. Now I am wondering if I could be somewhere on the Aromantic spectrum as I am not interested in dating either.
I am GreyAce. I am not interested in a semantics debated or being told I am not "truly" Ace and anyone who tries will be blocked.
Potato pancakes are delicious. As a bunch of dogs and cats that are on the internet in a trench coat to just appear “human,” being included in the queer community has allowed our pawrents to interrogate who they are as people. Feeling included is important and they don’t take that inclusion lightly. They have been trying to stand up for marginalized people much more even if from the outside they appear to be protected by the heteronormative status quo. Maybe they are “just straight allies.” Maybe it’s more than that. Maybe they don’t know yet but they are still trying to help. Thanks for voicing this for them and keeping the doors open. ❤
Your writing and editing has really levelled-up since I started watching you. It was always good but you find ways to keep improving. Keep it up!
It's good but you forgot to mention that plenty of straight people *are* queer. It's aphobic to say asexuals are "just straight", but it's also aphobic to say a heterosexual aro or a heteroromantic ace isn't queer. anyone trans or who uses SAM or is poly could be straight and they're still queer. It can be so invalidating for those people to get lumped in as just allies or addressed as not part of the community.
I recently started a queer meet-up. The owner of the location required that I market it as "and allies." An actual requirement for this collab.
Here's the thing. I have zero issues with cishet folks showing up. I'd never ask for anyone's queer certifications. But why can't we have a space that is _ours?_ Allies are welcome as *guests.* Every queer person walks into public spaces as a minority, often in intersectional ways, as the odd one out, the weirdo, the token. Why is it that as soon as we create space for ourselves we are accused of being problematic, exclusionary and bigots? Even when all are welcome we need to specifically invite and handhold people from outside the community in order to be valid.
Absolutely allies are welcome at Pride and many other queer events and venues. But I'm bloody tired of a certain segment of the non-queer community walzing in and acting "privileged." No! This is our turf, our space, and if acknowledging that makes you uncomfortable then maybe you need to rethink your supposed "allyship."
And latkes for Pride!
It's important for out groups to have spaces that are explicitly theirs. It's a well understood psychological process where people can go to those groups to reset and recharge. That doesn't mean that no white people are ever allowed in black churches or that no straight person can ever go to an event for queer people, but there's absolutely value in your events existing and not being "and allies".
Yeah and tbh for the argument that such a "queer only" space might bar closeted people, well, not all spaces are fit to coddle people who are just in the process of figuring themselves out, possibly holding a ton of normative views.
Not to mention, cishet *men* in particular carry a whole bunch of problems that simply don't need to be considered when they're absent.
In college, we had a student group for Queer and Trans People of Color. Originally, it was a closed group for just us, but a small group of white Queers started a campaign to "desegregate" our group. Eventually the university deemed that our group was exclusionary and discriminatory and we had to open it up to anyone. Of course, those white "allies" never showed up after we were forced to allow them. They just wanted to option to go wherever they wanted
The problem with a lot of this exclusionary attitude is that nobody agrees on what is straight and most "allies" are probably closeted queers themselves or exploring their own sexuality. When you limit your space to only visible queer people then you will have to draw an imaginary line on what straight is and kick out those who are not open with their sexuality or questioning it. I get the idea of wanting your own space but this same problem arises for every invisible minority group. For example wanting to have a space for disabled people is great but this leads to drawing random lines on who is disabled enough to be allowed in that space. Similarly you will have to draw a random line on how queer someone needs to be to be allowed in that space. A similar argument can also be used against visible minorities too.
This doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’ll stick out like a sore thumb. Nobody should be gatekeeping pride, it is for everybody unless you’re disrespectful like Blaire White or protesting.
This video felt like the expression of so many things that I want to somehow scream all at once anytime that sort of Pride discourse comes up (and more!). I'm really glad you put this out into the world.
Your humor and energy is so appreciated. I am trans femme and am very bitter at the 'LGBTQ Community' for their abusive gatekeeping and the tyranny of the privileged. It feels like half of the 'Community' (yes the quotes are passive aggressive, I will own this) - it feels like they're all Narcs! If anyone tries to talk about Narcissistic abuse in an 'LGBTQ Community' space they get shut down - by Narcs, who are often moderators! It's made me so angry and hurt, I'm super isolated and marginalized because of these context bullies.
I am Queer Aghori - just like a regular Aghori, except instead of hanging around cemeteries sitting on dead people, I'm just really gay. 😂 The truth this community needs to embrace is that we are beings of energy and may not be bound by words. We are words! The gatekeeping will be destroyed when our reliance upon words is recognized as toxic illusion.
First and foremost, potato pancakes.
These are some really great thoughts on things I've been thinking about for a while, and it wasn't about being scared to ask, but the ways in which to go about having the discussion to listen and not to respond, which as I've come along on my own journey, I've learned is a behavior you really have to call yourself out on - triply so in marginalized spaces - not only for safety purposes but to know what your relationship to that space is and where you're best suited within it.
I think this comes from the hurt caused by many "cis" & "straight" people in queers lives that now post on social media about loving the LGBTQ+ community while calling you a queer in high school. Loved the video
Potato Pancakes.
It always baffled me, this concept of gatekeeping. I can not imagine why straight people should not belong at pride and also do not understand why bisexuals, trans, aces or anyone, who is not out to cause harm, should be excluded. And thank you, there is much I can take away from this and think about.
I'm glad someone's having this conversation in a way that I haven't been able to put to words yet. I've only been out as non-binary aroace for a few years (and still working on being truly open cus the allocishets really like shoving people into binaries). As someone that does often get assumed to be allocishet, bc there's no One Way for a non-binary aroace person to look, let alone ANYONE with ANY identity to look, it's frustrating that we do have to have this conversation. There are so many assumptions made in day-to-day life, and the fact that the queer community can and does take part in assumptions of someone's queerness just by their appearance, despite that outward cry of and for acceptance, can be really frustrating and discouraging.
Everyone should be welcome at Pride. Until we stop with arbitrary lines in the sand or Queer-dars that can are based on BS stereotypes, there are so many people that don't and won't feel welcome at Pride.
Twas good. I liked it. If activist groups can work together more that will help for all the marches. I think there needs to be lessons in organizing taken from Fred Hampton personally but I personally need to read up more on how he got so many groups together and left a legacy that helped a lot of Civil Rights movements through the 70s.
POTATO PANCAKES! I think you made a great point about the distinction between allies and accomplices. Part of me just really wonders if that's a big source of the resentment: people expressing frustration with allies at Pride because what they really want, and may not even realize it, are accomplices because they've just assumed they're the same thing. At the end of the day, they're really saying "I think we can't trust these people to be there for us when things get actually dangerous, so we shouldn't invite them in the first place." Which makes it harder to turn allies into accomplices in the long run, because they don't get a chance to try and earn that trust. How do you know if a straight person will or won't stick their neck out for you if you just tell them "You're a flake who won't stick your neck out for me, so fuck off!" as a knee-jerk response?
Oh oh I remember subbing to you after a short convo in the foreigns friday stream live chat about this same topic! V interested to hear your full take on it :)
I'm reminded of a moment I had on the train on the way to pride. I was sitting with a queer former high school classmate and a man sat across from us who started sobbing. he told us that it was the anniversary of his wife's death. my assumption is that he was a cishet man, and he very clearly didn't know about the parade or at least didn't make plans to go. high school classmate said "there's a pride festival happening in [city] today if you want to go, it's all about celebrating love." I don't remember if he ended up going or not, hope he's doing okay though
I own a queer bar, and side note, one of my favorite people is a st8 boi (their words) that needed to be st8 while being (almost exclusively) at queer places, they’re defiantly on a journey, and I see it all the time.
On my front door, I have a sign “This is not a bar… this a GAY BAR. Allies are welcome, but remember: you are a guest in their queer-safe-space.” All or our signs and marketing use ‘ Queer Bar ‘ but it was a sign I wanted understood, with a historical nod.
I genuinely want feedback; constructive criticism, on that and on potato-pancakes
Super nuanced and thoughtful :3 definitely appreciated
potato pancakes! I'm a bisexual woman married to a cishet man. I was out before I met him, and in fact was very active in queer advocacy and in queer spaces when I met him. I used to go to Pride events. However when he and I began dating and got more serious, I noticed how I was pushed out of the queer spaces I'd been welcomed into because of my relationship to a man. I no longer participate in Pride nor queer spaces other than small friend groups because I don't feel welcomed. I will still advocate, donate money, etc., because I still strongly believe in it. But when it comes to things like Pride, going to meetups and so on, it's just not for me at this point.
As a extremely mixed race person who actually has said I’m quarter such and such on such and such side (my family made interracial marriages a tradition before it was legal and got away with it by not being white) and an asexual, non binary person I appreciate that joke.
Lovely and insightful as always my friend
Thank you so very much for tackling an impossible question with meaningful thought all while reminding me why the word queer has always struck me as the Platonic ideal of reclaimed vocabulary. =)
Oh, and potato pancakes because obviously. >:D
Thank you for the (great as usual) video 🥔🥞
I don't like gatekeeping either, but there still were some important points I hadn't thought about earlier. And also, such an excellent video to watch right before the Pride event that's happening tomorrow 🏳🌈🏳⚧
I needed this video, thank you
.... best nights of my life... spent at drag clubs... straight.
The shadow work that has to be done to achieve this at least a while ago it took serious courage and deep inner work to figure it out. And some of us have also done the inner work but came out as straight but love the authenticity that comes with these groups of people. It's precious and needs to be protected. So I will stay away so you can feel safe and be cool with your parties.
Xoxo
So this is the first video I've seen from this channel and honestly that story you told being about you the whole time actually surprised me lol
Great video Finn!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Happy Pride!💙🏳️🌈🎉🎊🎂 potato pancakes!!!
Potato pancakes.
Thank you so much Finn for bringing up that Pride is an entry point to safety and growth for a lot of people who aren’t sure about who they are or where they want to go.
We should be making more spaces where people can get that sort of experience and hope, not fewer of them.
THANKS, and (potato pancakes) Well said! Well put! Well spoken! When I was a young gay man in the 70's the idea of fluidity hadn't even BEGUN to infiltrate our noggins. (yes, I'm a hillbilly from the Ozarks) This caused a great deal of the misguided suspicion and non-communication you are talking about. Gay people were saying about bi people, "Oh, there actually really gay and they just need to accept it and move on!". This is SO embarrassing to look back on now. But we DID keep talking, digging and even listening and we began to understand that human beings are not just left or right, night or day. It is such a wonderful freeing feeling when you begin to get it! I have a bisexual friend that I met about 20 years ago. We have not only had a wonderful sexual relationship but a great damn FRIENDSHIP too. He now lives in Florida and is married to a wonderful woman who is herself bisexual. They have 3 wonderful kids and she does know of our relationship. Since we now live so far apart the sexual part is not available any more but we still tend to flirt now and then online on by phone or text. And it all seems so obvious now. And straight friends have been some of my biggest supporters over the years. I can't imagine not having anyone being excluded from PRIDE events. Are we going to be hypocrites when we say LOVE IS LOVE? Thanks so much for everything and keep educating people. It's working.....even here in the Ozarks.
There are so many straight TQIA+ people that exist, let alone cishet allies who absolutely should be allowed to be at pride 😭 like what 😭🙏
Cool Kids Club, Potato Pancakes: I am 40 years old, and I am still finding out what it means to be a bisexual male. I had a GF in university, but I quickly realized after two years, when she talked about wanting to get married, that I knew I needed a drastic soul check. Today, being in the LGBTQ2S community is hard. I have never worn my sexuality on my sleeve, yet now I feel liberated wearing my colorful pride elastic band. Living in a small "City" of 52,000 people in a northern area, Gays cannot be free and open here as it is vulnerable. You don't know who will not like what you are.
I have been apprehensive since coming out about being involved in a Pride Parade, not investing my time in understanding its importance to our community. As I have come out being bisexual/gay to my parents and grandparents, I was wholeheartedly accepted from 2006 onward... I recently just turned 40 years old. I was out for years now, but... I wasn't truly out with my mindset. I never explored what it means to be gay. I am only now just developing a real courage to be who I am, my birthright of being a bisexual/gay male. I was blown away when my Aunt asked me, "What is going on with the Gay Flag movement, this BOy, Man Love thing? What do you think about that?" I have never had such a reaction... It was a blur of words telling my Aunt, putting her in her place! My Aunt also asked me, "Why do they even need Gay Parades anymore. Don't you have your rights for a long time now?" This was appalling for me to hear! I told her that her ignorance was incredible and that she had better join a pride parade and ask the people, the human beings, this question and see how far she gets.... I am so confused right now. This will be the first year I will walk and wave the Gay Pride Flag at our Small City Pride Parade, which will be held in September 2024. Not June. I will be the happiest flag-waving bisexual/gay/queer person out there! I will be free! I will love myself for once in my life and love everyone how beautiful and bright their souls are! Thank you for your thought provoking videos. Your discussion is appreciated! Many Best Wishes!
Pride is about celebrating who you are. If we put ourselves above other people we are no better than those who have put us down.
I am close to 61 and I am just starting the inner iniquity of why I’m so committed to being heterosexual? Is sexual physical attraction enough to define one’s sexuality. Men have satisfied my sexual urges but the ones I’ve chosen or see readily available haven’t been “good” people much less good men. I am giving up meeting a man who will check off a list. I’m going to stick to what my requirements are for friendship and they will drop themselves off the list and whoever makes it I will pay attention to. That’s what I have so far on this beginning of an explorative journey.
(Potato pancakes) Comphet is a hell of a drug. I (cis woman) spent my twenties dating men that I hated kissing, didn’t want touching me, and kept hoping would stand me up. My friends kept telling me I had to kiss a lot of frogs and you’re not supposed to be enjoying yourself at first and I thought I just needed to push myself to keep doing this to reach some straight paradise where it would feel right. I was in my mid-thirties before I realized the problem was that I was queer. It did not occur to me that that could even be a possibility. And I got there by watching a lot of queer creators and going, they make a lot of good points and that sounds a lot like how I feel but that’s definitely not me. Until I was finally like-oh. …oh. It’s maybe not a surprise that the majority of my friends also realized they were some flavor of queer around the same time. For some of us it’s a long journey.
Love your content so much. *hearteyes*
I've never gone to any rl queer events since whenever i've tried to explain my sexuality, no one gets it, except for the people who have the same/similar one. I get the sense that most queer people see me as an overthinking straight person. When i get phobic stuff from straight people, at least in online spaces i hear other people complaining about it too and it makes me feel better. Straight people aren't as used to being tactful and just say that stuff out loud. But so far i haven't found anything to relieve the gaslighting feeling i get from queer people who don't believe me. When i first figured out my sexuality, i didn't keep it a secret from anyone, but the reactions i've gotten from queer people have definitively put me in a closet.
Whatever your sexuality is (even if it's a "it's Complicated with a Capital C" or a case of "the usual boxes don't fit so I had to get creative with the duct tape and xacto knife"-- or even if it's a "I am squatting with one foot and one hand each in a box and lean around in them like a dancing stickbug") it's valid and I've got two good crutches to defend that hill my stance rests on with.
@@neoqwerty thank you maybe it's the pms, but that made me cry
Fantastic video!!
Potato Pancakes! Beautiful job on this video! I'm definitely going to be passing it on to others. Also love love love that you acknowledged ace-spec folks and the fact that they belong in queer spaces too. 💜
Potato pancakes. I was straight and cis until covid-era gave the me the time and space to check in with myself on a deep level. I've since realized that I am neither striaght nor cis. I love your whole message and see myself in it. Thank you for putting this video into the world.
Latkas. The urology practice I work for was present at several pride events this year, as we're soon to be offering gender confirmation surgeries. Most of the people at the practice are straight, and out of over 400 I'm apparently the only out trans person. But all of us are spreading awareness in our community that bottom surgery is a bit more accessible now.
I'm trans and gay, and I love how excited my colleagues are about how many more people we can help.
Whether someone is straight or not is not readily apparent often. NB people have no one appearance, asexual and aromantic people, lesbians, etc. There is no way to visibly tell whether even a hetero appearing couple is that (could be a bi woman and a masc presenting NB, a bi cis man and a bi cis woman, and more). So the idea that somehow we can exclude straights at Pride is moot no matter how you feel because there is no way of identifying the straights.
Excellent points as usual, comrade 🥔🥞
Potato pancakes. Delightful video. A wonderfully worded take on a very complex and emotional situation. Thanks, so much, for taking the time and energy to put this kind of content out there. The goal of universally accepted love in all forms, with a true understanding and acknowledgement of the pain everyone has gone through to get here. This video was recommended by a friend recently and I'm glad I checked it out! immediate sub. I hope all who read this find smiles this day! :D
Potato pancakes. I love how true your message rings as a whole for any movement based upon equality. It's perspectives like this that keep encouraging me to challenge myself, shift my perspective, and be as supportive as I can for those who have the most need.
Hells, I love how your videos have such depth and insight to them, and how well you are able to express that in a way that encourages self challenge and self reflection.
I just love your content. Keep it going!
I want a shirt that says TRAUMA on one side and PSYOP on the other
My Dude, you're the best! Potato Pancakes AKA Latkes.
I didn't see anything in this video to be mad about. My definitions are kinda squishy. Met my person of 26 years at a kink party in San Francisco. We got married and decided to do the SAHM & housewife/dad and breadwinner split duty. It was super hard on both of us. We've been together for 26 years, married for 23, parents for 21 and wives for 3. I host a monthly trans social event at a restaurant even tho I am cisn't
Before my Missus met me she said she tried to befriend some trans girls at a party. They saw a clueless cishet boy and were not welcoming. So some parallels to your story. Just because some one 'looks straight' doesn't mean they are.
As a 45 year old man i went through so many labels and identities when i was younger and none of them truly fit. In a way many of them ended up denying me access to parts of who i truly was and made me feel unauthentic.
So i stopped using them. If i'm feeling ace some days and a bit sex averse then i act accordingly. If i see a guy and think he's hot i don't shy away from looking just because i often feel asexual and aromantic. And if on rare occasions i see a woman who takes my breath away i feel no shame in that either.
I feel i can only truly be authentic to myself by leaving all the labels at the door. And there probably is a label out there that kinda fits me but i don't need it anymore.
And best of all i no longer feel the pressure to.tell other people my labels, which truth be told i only did in the past for their comfort.
A few weeks ago i happened to mention that i wasn't straight at work and some people nearly fell off their chairs in shock. It was kind of amusing. But i'd never needed to tell most of them before as it had never been relevant to our interactions.
And in all honesty even at 45 my sexuality is still evolving and adapting with me. Even when i was using labels it never bothered me if someone thought i fit under a different one to what i was using and recently i've been exploring the side of me that's attracted to men more and feel less sex averse than when i was younger. And it feels good not to have to put a label on it. It feels authentic to just accept that it's complicated and fluid and doesn't need to be put into a box. 🤷♂️
Thanks for this fun stack of potato pancakes. I really like your delineation between allies and accomplices. All "others" need to assess whether those on site are more interested in the performance than the progression. "Accomplices" is a term we need to own.
Got here (again) via ForeignMan. I don't subscribe because your topics don't hit my pallette often; but, I definitely love the fact that you're out here, doing your thing. Keep rocking.
Genuinely an amazing video, you put my exact thoughts on the matter way better than i could ever
Just such incredible, nuanced, important work. Thank you for this. 💖 (Starting a witchy prayer circle to get the algorithm to put this in front of more people please!)
Potato pancakes are underrated for sure. A gay man on tiktoc suggested, to satirise fascism, you add straight to the alphabet. QUILTBAGS: queer, undecided, intersex, lesbian, trans, bi, asexual, gay, straight
Another great video, I like how deeply you think about things, and an important topic as well. When you talked about the binaries we need to get beyond, something occurred to me: it’s often said that gender is a spectrum, but what if that spectrum is like the autistic spectrum, i.e. not like a ribbon between the two binary poles? What if sexuality is a similar spectrum? Which means that everyone occupies a unique place on any of those spectra. Yes, some people will be more similar than others, but they will not occupy the exact same place. If the spectrum is a galaxy, they are like star clusters. But this means that strict categories can not apply which brings me back to one of your points: let’s have none of this gatekeeping.
Honestly seeing a spectrum as a line is stupid, as an artist and a ham radio operator in training.
Color spectrums are always represented as a double-axis: from red to blue and from dark(black) to bright (white).
Frequency spectrums also have two axes: length and strength, because the oscillation of the frequency has an intensity and a speed.
The best illustration of a spectrum I've seen is ironically political spectrums.
You're wise beyond your years. Also, I lmao'd at the whole "straight people live among us" bit
Potato Pancakes. Extremely based. Especially the argument that straightness can be queered, ive been saying this for too long and nobody likes it. Have a wonderful day. :o)
Potato Pancakes...as queer guy (bi) guy, who came out in the 90s. At that point LGBTQ+ was only LG... for the most part. Being in queer spaces was sexually liberating, but also not a place i felt safe being honest. Some said things like, we were all bi once. Some just gave me a blank stare and then proceded to never speak of it again. If we want inclusion, then we need to fight for inclusive inclusion.
"I'm straight but in a gay way" finally made my partner, who identified as cishet before he met me, go "ah! That's me!".
Thank you for giving him that experience ❤
As the token straight in a friendgroup of queer, neurodivergent potato pancakes, this video was really nice.
This is too good. Great anaylsis and many people need to hear this for themselves.
I see Pride as a celebration of a life that people tried to deny us, the personal lives that we live and consensually have with others, lives that have no effect on those who would stop us, except that what we want to be doing together "disgusts" them.
So ... Pride is for anyone who would be told by anyone else, whether they are *permitted* to love who and what they love. "Straights" absolutely belong at Pride - particularly given the fact that "Questioning" has long since been part of that. 💙💙
Potato Pancakes, I guess.
Thank you for the further reading/watching suggestions!
Potato Pancakes, I completely agree with your points as a mostly straight trans woman. I used to want to go to pride events before I was out but didn't feel comfortable because I felt I would need to out myself to be accepted. Which is why I believe that it's important to accept straight cis people because you never know who might be queer, just in the closet
Like a breath of fresh air. Thanks💙
Eloquent, thorough and compassionate as always. Thank you beautiful potato pancake friend. 🩵
"How many times do we have to move the line before we realise that the problem is that the line exists in the first place" (paraphrased)
This is such a good line (no pun intended). Gatekeeping has a place in the sense that we should keep out bigots who want us all to die horrible deaths, but it doesn't have a place if we have to push people into boxes or alienate vulnerable members of our already marginalised community.
You're awesome!
POTATO PRAXIS wait did I mess that up
No. No, you did not. This is perfect.
🏳️🌈✊️🥔🏳️🌈
I only came out as bisexual at like, 30. It took a while for me to realize I liked looking at the hunky roided up gymbros every bit as much as I liked looking at their girlfriends.
I've only ever gone to Pride once, and at the time I thought I was straight but for some reason weird reason I found queer spaces awesome. Yay for people who are questioning! We should ALL be questioning--sexuality, gender, and presentation can be fluid, and self-examination is always valuable.
I do think it's important to realize how different the in-person and online cultures are in queer spaces. In person, I've literally never met a TERF and all of the lesbian/queer spaces have been radically accepting of bi, trans, nonbinary, and POC members. But online there are a lot more communities with hard, exclusive rules. Online, there's a performative race to the bottom of the privilege ladder to show off who among us is truly the most oppressed. In person, White Cis Gay men are still the mainstream face of any queer movement, no matter who's actually doing the work. I often feel that social media is where frustrated people go to vent their anger about and react to their experiences at in-person Pride events.
When someone types/says "No Straights at Pride", I hear "I normally feel excluded from social events due to many factors, including my queerness. I went to a Pride Event/Parade hoping to instantly make queer friends, but I still felt excluded just like I usually do." While queer spaces brand themselves as accepting, queer individuals all still have unconscious biases and factors like classism, pretty privilege, racism, colorism, sexism, ableism, and social skills all still greatly impact social dynamics in queer spaces. Blaming "the straights" for "invading and ruining our perfect queer utopia" is easier than admitting that queer people can be just as bigoted as anyone else (you gave some good examples in your video). We should acknowledge the pain felt by average people who make these statements, and work to make queer spaces more intersectional.
It might also be worth ditching sponsors like Boeing, St. Louis.
Latkes--I can't call them anything else, but I did watch to the end.
potato pancakes. I have two points, one being a response to a question in your pinned comment.
1) You mentioned that if you're queer, the relationship that you're in (even with a cishet person) is queer. I've heard from some bi and pan folks, though, that they don't consider relationships with their cishet partners to be queer. I personally believe everyone gets to determine the queerness of their relationships but I'm curious what you think about this.
2) re: accessibility at Pride: there is *so* much more work that needs to be done to make Pride accessible. Sensory safe zones, clear and designated pathways so everyone can get around safely/easily, and masking at indoor events (yes, that virus is still going around) are the bare minimums in my opinion.