ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 พ.ค. 2024
- #actuallyautistic #autism #autismacceptance #transgender #trans #genderdiversity #neurodiversity
@Ember_Green video: • "Gender Criticals" & A...
References and Further Reading:
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32770...
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30140...
www.cambridge.org/core/journa...
www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/1...
NOTE: Some of this research uses phrases and hypotheses that I don't necessarily stand by, but there are still useful things to be gleaned (particularly against assertions that this research isn't being done.)
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LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I reside and work on Anishinaabe territory and am actively committed to decolonization in both my internal and external work.
*Please Donate (if you're able!)* :
www.irsss.ca/
landback.org/
raventrust.com/
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TRANS SUPPORT AND RESOURCES
blacktrans.org/
translifeline.org/
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SOCIALS AND SUPPORT
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Some Reading Suggestions:
Neuroqueer Heresies by Nick Walker (trans fem autist; accessible intro to neuroqueer theory)
Authoring Autism by M. Remi Yergeau (nonbinary autist; academically dense book on the rhetoric of neuroqueerness)
Tressing Motions at the Edge of Mistakes by Imane Boukaila (POC fem autist; poetry book)
Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha (POC nb fem autist; accessible academic book on disability justice)
Thank you for the books.
Want to add "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price (transmasc autist). Doesn't touch on trans issues much, but it really helped me when I first started to figure myself out as a transmasc autist. Does explore intersectional experiences through conversations with the wider community I believe, been a couple years since I read it.
My man lists every autistic trait under the sun
Doctors: "but... girl. therefore not autistic"
And then the ‘girl’ explains they’re trans and suddenly it’s
Doctor: ‘but… autistic. Therefore not trans’
Doctors literally believed that girls couldn't be autistic. Like, it was believed that it was so rare in girls that there were barely any diagnoses. It's how I made it to my mid-40s before my diagnosis, despite a family history of neurodivergence (including my father, his mother, his sister, and her son). And the earlier diagnostic criteria were largely focused on how autism characteristics affected people _around_ the autistic person (like family and teacher), and not the person themselves. Things have gotten _much_ better in the last couple of decades, particularly for women and presumed-fem folks.
So here for the trans and autistic (self) love. We are awesome and we deserve to see and feel that clearly🖤 Great video:)
@@evieeevee yay!
@@evieeeveeironic!
My wife often ask me, "is that you or the autism?" I always answer, "there isn't a difference."
That was me for a couple years after my assessment - "Is this me or the autism?" Took a while to realize there's no line. You can't separate yourself from your autism any more than you can separate your hunger from your stomach 😊
@@silversam ooo. I love that metaphor. I'm stealing it lol
Probably a better question in situations like this might be: was the emotional effect on your audience the intended effect when you spoke/acted..
Sound like you need a wife who isn't ableist.
Why would you marry someone who asks such daft questions? I'm autistic and if someone asked me that more than once, I'm out.
"Is that person not relatable, or could you broaden your ability to relate" this is such a good point! Really interesting video
Cucumbers, Bell Peppers and Background Noise should be your debut album
This is the only time I have liked all those things, well done.
I love how soft your videos sound. It's soothing when the rest of the world is so loud
Yessss it's so nice. I love quieter, calmer channels
It's one of my favorite parts of his videos, even.
Me too, and I’m super sensitive to voices.
Their voice is like silky smooth chocolaty dark roast coffee to me.
For reeeeaaaal. Swolesome’s voice is a whole vibe.
"If being myself elicited negative responses, then being myself must have been bad."
Why do you have to call me out like that?
I'm an AFAB with all the classic "male "traits of autism, including Alexithymia. But because i was a "girl" that meant i couldn't be autistic. They claimed i was just shy and would grow out of it.... i did not grow out of it!!
The same thing happened with ADHD. Because i wasn't hyperactive like the boys, that meant i didn't have it and it was labelled as "problems at home".
Everyone would blame my mother, meanwhile she tried her best to get me help, she knew i was just like my brothers who were diagnosed; but unfortunately they don't listen to women who themselves have their own issues (bipolar) and who are timid. They even blamed my mum over the fact i wanted to carry an info book about sharks everywhere and didn't want to play with dolls or other kids. She also got blamed for the fact i enjoyed playing by myself, with the trees and other objects, which is all so dumb!
i'm in my mid 20's now and my mum & I are looking into a private ASD diagnosis. i'll finally get seen and my mum will finally be heard.
Me too, I just got a diagnosis in my twenties, I had clear signs of alexithymia as a toddler but no one ever even thought of assessing me, I did get assesed for learning difficulties tho. But that worthless psychologist didn't find anything else than apparently "bad working memory" "likely due to stress".
I wish you much luck in finding someone who will assess you! If you in some way can find an other person who can say that they think you "might" be autistic, that can really help to get taken seriously. I had my therapist write a note to the doctor and that helped them take it seriously. Unfortunately doctors don't always take it as seriously when you say that *you* think something as when you say that someone else thinks something about you :)))))
Also what fucking jerks they were to your mum, makes me mad.
I'm afab with the stereotypical male traits too. Trains, math, low empathy. I feel like there's overcompensation these days to emphasize how supposedly female autists have hyperempathy and social special interests etc.
I feel you and you are valid sibling. I also used to carry a book about sharks :)
Happy you and your mom are exploring private options! Also just nice to hear about a mom trying hard for her kids and advocating for them. In that aspect she sounds rad. Hope you and your mom are doing well :)
A psychologist told me I seemed kind of autistic but couldn't be because I showed self-awareness and made jokes
Bazinga?
(Sorry, had to ;))
Unsure if I'm autistic but I had the same experience when I got my ADHD diagnosis
I have never known an NT person who dissects their every thought, feeling, impulse, and reaction as much as NDs do. Too self-aware, my foot.
A psychologist told me that because I make eye contact and have social skills, I could not be autistic. I make eye contact on a mental schedule due to my mother's screaming demands when I was a child and the childhood deduction that if you don't give the NT's enough eye contact, they freak right the fuck out. Social skills were developed by trial and error, and barely work. Fast forward, currently diagnosed with ADHD by a neuropsych, 90% sure I have ADHD and Autism, debating whether to get assessed a second time, as my ADHD was so out of control the first assessment that I think it covered the autism (I hadn't slept for two days due to anxiety/suspense and couldn't hold a thought and could barely communicate).
Well said. On another note, we need to change the topic of "gender criticals discussing us", to one of "what the hell is wrong with gender criticals".
YES!
Lot's of trauma and fear..
Fear of change, fear of of being wrong..
Trauma from a world that was probably pretty shitty to them..
That does NOT excise the pain they inflict on others, but it might help us conquering their shit
Right?? It's so _weird_ how much they care about the contents of someone else's pants.
@@saraa.4295 I also think it's to do with self image. Look at JK, she didn't understand Trans people and they made her feel squeamish. That doesn't make you a TERF/Gender Critical. That is kind of the default in a world where Trans people are not visible and gender is considered binary. What made her a Gender Critical was when she was called out on it she couldn't see herself as a bad person, so got radicalised by the people that love bombed her and told her she was right.
Very similar to the way some people react to talk around Slavery and them having privilege. Some people accept it, others can't see themselves as bad people, so it must be those talking about white privilege that are the enemy.
Or more recently the Man or Bear discussion.
@@saraa.4295 Some people want liberation and some people want their turn with the boot.
I love your point about "are they struggling to express yourself, or are you struggling to understand?"
My neice is autistic and non-verbal, and it's always frustrating to see her interact with some strangers where I can tell she's communicating what she wants or needs, and they just do not understand. We've also had the reverse happen, where there were things that we thought she just couldn't understand, but then we learned more or heard the right piece of advice and tried explaining in a different way, and she understood and everything was fine and we felt real silly for taking so long to try something different.
Communicating is a collaborative process, and if it's not going well, it's usually best to focus first on what YOU could do differently.
I see this in my autistic kids & adult people a lot. And then they go "next time just tell us what you need", while my kids clearly communicated their needs 🤦 allistics are often so narrowed in their communication skills.
@@Nathan_BookwurmI sometimes wonder if allistics even communicate at all. There are so many things I want to say and ask but are deemed improper or impolite to say as others wouldn’t understand them. But does it really mean that I’m poor at communicating, or are the allistics just narrow minded and don’t communicate at all?
As a Boomer Trans and diagnosed Autistic they had a hard time diagnosing me they didn't even have a diagnosis for Trans identified then.
Thank you. I am an autistic non-binary trans person, and yes, I have been taught about taking on shame. I needed to hear this, because I have become visible in the past couple of years, and, although I have been lucky, it's been scary. So, thank you.
As a person with Echolalia YOU SAID GITS AND SHIGGLES ON PURPOSE>:( also the moment of silence for POC transmasc autistic people made me feel seen, thanks for that 😌🙏🏾
As a 17 year old autistic and gender-queer person, this video almost made me cry. Hearing someone put into words the feelings I have had for years made me feel so seen. Hearing an adult talk about these things hits even harder because I don't have any understanding adults in my life. Thank you so much for this video and please know that you inspire trans youth every single day!
"So if being myself elicited negative responses, then being myself must have been bad."
Oof, that hits *hard.* I've struggled with self-loathing after internalizing that feeling over and over again throughout. It's also why I distrust "just be yourself" advice, because it feels like someone is setting me up to see me fail.
My brain is too muddled to write something coherent tonight so I'm just going to stand in a corner holding an 'autistic + agender' sign. Also it's nice to hear from another autistic person with a very similar-sounding sensory hypersensitivity profile as mine, knowing I'm not the only one always makes me feel better.
Oooh that actually sounds kinda nice. I think I'll go stand in a corner holding one of those signs too! I definitely agree, it's so, so nice hearing that there are others out there who have similar experiences when you spend your whole life feeling like you're the only one. :)
I’m in one of the other corners with the sign. Nice to know you guys are there 😊
As an autistic enby, I’ve been waiting for this for a good while
I...unearthed the fact that I'm trans about two years ago, but while I've always felt a bit...off, socially, I never feel like I tick enough of the boxes for autism. I see a lot of them in at least two of my siblings-problems with food textures, trouble task-switching, etc. But I'm the youngest, and I remember being hyper-aware of all of the things that my older siblings "got wrong". Everything that made them awkward or different, or that made my parents frustrated, I became determined to "get right". But I don't know if I'm allistic, with anxiety from watching my autistic siblings struggle, or if I'm just masking so hard and so long that I can't tell the difference.
As someone who fell into the "masking so hard and so long that I couldn't tell the difference" category, it helped *a lot* to talk to an expert. I don't know if you have that option, I know it's not accessible for everyone, but even meeting with a therapist who works with autistic people can really help (not necessarily seeking a diagnosis, that's wildly expensive and comes with its own problems.)
I'm not sure if you follow "I'm Autistic, Now What?" here on TH-cam, but her videos are also very, very helpful if you're someone who's high masking.
Oof this is me. I'm the youngest. Older brother is autistic (may also have ADHD like me too). In fact, my whole family is some sort of combo though everyone is unaware and undiagnosed - very common. I'd encourage you to read/listen to Unmasking Autism by Devon Price (trans autistic doctor - so write by and for autistics which is sadly rare but getting better) and it's a really good intro book. I finished it in 2 sittings lol. There are also a couple of good autistic/ADHD creators on YT that are exclusively educational and those have been so helpful for me.
I'm also an extreme high masker and am currently working on unlearning that and relearning "me" and what stims feel good that I stopped doing at a young age to become invisible. I 100% had/have the super power of being a chameleon in any given situation and now that I'm beginning to become aware of it, it's like my body gets hijacked and I become whatever the "ideal person" is for whoever I'm interacting with and it's maddening BUT I see it now and seeing is the first step.
I also struggle with knowing the difference, and since coming out as trans and being more unapologetically myself I've had multiple people ask if I'm on the spectrum.
I can relate. I had this thought about me potentially being autistic at several points in my life and always kind of dismissed or suppressed it. It didn't seem that obvious.
I'm the youngest of four and I'm not sure at all about my siblings being autistic - only quite sure about one of them being allistic. But I'm sure about my father being autistic and also being the family scapegoat of my narcissistic/machiavellistic mother. Though he has really messed up, he can't be blamed for everything.
But yeah, I have a similar theory about me seeing myself in him and learning to mask heavily very fast to avoid the same treatment. She made him really feel that she didn't want him to make her "look bad".
I identify as autistic now though I haven't got a diagnosis (yet). I might also be ADHD (unattentive type) which can like "hide" some autistic traits. And I might have an IQ over 130 which can help a lot with learning to mask - well, "help", wether for better or worse I can't say.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Btw I realized being a gay trans guy in November 2020 after spending a lot of time alone in my room with little need to mask.
I can relate to this. I didn't even know I was masking. Or that I could have autism too, even though some of my family members are "more" autistic. But after my autism and gender dysphoria diagnosis so many symptoms I was told was something else (social anxiety, fear of failure, depression, body insecurities) just disappeared from therapy. It's 100% worth checking with professionals if you're autistic.
about that alexithymia.. it does almost make me blind. Until *very* recently, I thought I didn't get a certain kind of dysphoria. That it was absent.... and considered myself fortunate. But... a bunch of ways I was still *expressing* that dysphoria were pointed out to me, and I realised that I've been blind to my dysphoria. I thought it was absent, but in actuality it was ever present, and in some ways pretty powerful, but I was *numb* to it. It had become background noise, in precisely the same way you don't recognise the sound of your house, of it's electronics... until you get a power cut and it all goes silent. So whilst alexithymia may not be absense of emotion, I would contest that sometimes it *is* absense of emotion *where you expect it*. In my rummage through my emotions to figure out myself, I was looking for a white and gold dress, and only found black and blue dresses.
Engagement for the engagement god!
I read every g as a hard g
(I forgot what that word was)
This was such an amazing video. My new mantra is: "I am not going to build my life around anyone who is trying to drag me into their bullshit because they find meaning in misery and division."
❤️
7:41 always had my suspicions that you are actually an immortal vampire 😂😂
I love how "quiet" your videos are. The pacing and volume of your videos is soothing, there's plenty of the fast and the loud on youtube please keep providing a pocket of "quiet and slow" (FWIW I don't think your videos are particularly quiet or slow)
The bit after your moment of silence made one thing clear: You and I will get along just fine. Bro, you're alright.
Love love love the video! I wish I’d known you were releasing this I’d have sent my chat your way! Will share it all over the place!
Thank you so much!
9:30 either you need to stop being so relatable, or I need to ask my doctor some questions...
=D
Go on ask the questions, either way you learn things about yourself.
Vampire Swolesome born in 1889. It's true now. :3
This is so real. Among other things that resonated hard, I despise editing speech - *especially* when spoken quietly; so much more "cat mouth" noises 😖😫🫨 Fortunately I've learned to spot them in the waveform and cut them before I hear them a lot of the time... Not perfect but it's something.
Y'know what's weird tho? I'm from a time when the autism & gender spectra weren't widely known. In those days, autism meant nonverbal, distant, unreachable. Being "transsexual" (as it was called at the time) was basically a subcategory of gay. I say this just to illustrate why I had no clue I was either (I'm queer af but wasn't exactly encouraged to think about anything even tangential to that, so any potential gay awakenings got locked in the mental vault before I even knew I was thinking about it). So no idea I was autistic, no idea I was trans, no idea I was bisexual, and nobody else gave any indication of knowing anything of that either. BUT kids are intuitive, and they know when someone is **different**. A lot of people in my time grew up with targets on their backs with no clear idea of why. And as adults we get blamed for the arrested development, the sensitivity, etc, and called "lazy" when we're burned out from constant masking (both as autistic AND trans people).
*LOVE* the term "high-masking," don't remember hearing that one before. Def adding it to my lexicon, very big thank you for that.
And yeah. Transphobes CAN fxck off into the sun.
Anyway, thank you for reading this essay on your essay 😅 and for making this video❤
Edit: Also... Allistic people need to know that trying to tell me what I want or what's good for me is a real shortcut to seeing the devil in me come out. I swear on all the gods, taking people's bodily autonomy away fills me with rage the likes of which they can't seem to believe 🔥🔥🔥
This resonates a great deal with my experience. I'm a trans woman or an enby (honestly it's hard for me to know which and I don't think there is a test that could tell me the answer to that, I'm just not a man) and whilst never being diagnosed with autism, I have some autistic traits that I think have helped me - for example, if somebody is staring at me, I'm very unlikely to notice, and I'm very unlikely to care even if I do notice; at least I suspect that's a trait that might be considered autistic. I think that helped me to transition. I remember that after I concluded I was trans, I decided not to transition because of how it might negatively affect me - and that lasted all of two days. I became so depressed that I just had to reverse my decision. I transitioned 4.5 years ago and in spite of occasional problems, it's been one of the best decisions I have made - one particularly strong reason being that I used to have quite a bit of social anxiety and social transitioning completely got rid of that.
That's a nice story. I understand. My Mom wonders why do I want brain, heart and blood clot issues from hrt? I don't but those are risks you can't avoid when you are on hrt. While my fav sister in law thinks hormones are poison.
@@princessjulieta There are risks with everything. If I hadn't transitioned, there would have been a greater risk of depression. (I did have clinical depression before transitioning, in fact, and I haven't since, though I don't know if it was related to my gender identity.) Hormone medicines are also safer than they used to be. I have a greater risk of developing breast cancer but it's a lower risk than a cis woman would have, and I have a lower risk of prostate cancer than a man would have, both as a result of medical transition. I've probably lost some strength (not much if indeed I have - I can still do a pullup) and I can't eat as much without putting weight on. I was told about all of these effects before deciding to transition medically.
I think from a medical standpoint, the question to answer is what will provide the greatest wellbeing to the patient. It is known that a transgender identity does not just go away; if you have it, it will be with you whether or not you transition.
From a personal standpoint, I am happier having transitioned medically both through hormones and surgery. I'm still recovering from that surgery but it's going really well.
I think the biggest argument has to be that if I offered my Sandrena oestrogen gel sachets to a man to apply to their own skin, they would very likely run a mile! I doubt that anyone who is not transgender ever asks for cross-sex hormones.
@robynrox I see. Interesting story. I'm glad you transitioned and achieved what you wanted. For me I want hormones and testosterone blockers. They can give me a lot of female body and face features. They can give me more of a female brain and heart. So therefore that makes hrt the most important step in my translation. I know you have to take one pill or 2 for the rest of your life and your a medical patient for life. But those negatives are worth the positives.
@@princessjulieta Absolutely. I was already a patient for life anyway because of asthma; it's not unusual. Good luck!
omg haven't gotten through the video yet but i always feel so validated hearing others talk about their misophonia, thank you for sharing that. i've struggled with it since elementary school, and especially when i was younger it was incredibly disabling because of how many triggers were genuinely unavoidable. i was also undiagnosed autistic but wouldn't come to find out for years to come. also i always feel hesitant to share my triggers with people bc it does feel like "giving everyone your self destruct codes" as you said 😭dog bless you!
I'm often told I don't "seem autistic" when I talk about it (partly why I don't like to) and I always want to say "thanks I've tried really hard :)" but instead I just scream internally
5:40 I really like how well your word choice of "prefer" diminishes the usual hierarchy between spoken language and other kinds of communication.
I personally do use spoken language, but it can be so much more taxing than sounds/gestures that oftentimes I'd rather do the latter. I mean... shouldn't it be a good thing to save my already very scarce energy reserve so that I could have more energy for, I dunno, living?
Also about childhood traits, masking and transness: My general non-adherence to rules and norms that I don't find a logical explanation for is one of the biggest reasons why I started masking. I compensated the risk of being perceived as rude by being quiet and gentle - in a very feminine way. I fabricated a social persona of a sweet and modest girl.
When I finally realised I'm autistic at my late 20's and started to unmask - and did it for some three years - I realised I'm trans. And it's been honestly cool that after starting socially transitioning I've finally had courage to unmask even further, to the point that I'm starting to feel like I'm actually being my genuine self.
It's just so baffling to me how people come to the conclusion that autistic people understand things less. If anything they would understand things better because they've had to really analyze and think about other people and themselves just to fit in. Just because you had the privilege to always assume everyone just functions the same way you do and be right, doesn't mean you know anything.
Not always. There are autistic people with cognitive issues, it's the nature of a developmental disability.
This topic is so interesting. I really appreciate you bringing up the way top surgery helped with some of the sensory overload too. I've always thought that it's a strange argument to refuse someone treatment because their discomfort might not come from gender dysphoria exclusively. If I truly feel like top surgery can improve my life quality in a significant way - then why would it matter if part of it comes from my autism?
I'm currently still recovering from my top surgery but I already feel so much better than I ever did before.
It was a joy that my surgeon was so well informed on the overlap between Autistic and Trans people. It made the whole experience so much easier because she and the hospital staff knew how to take better care of me.
I've come to be so grateful for anyone who knows how to listen. Truly listen, with the intent to understand.
Seriously, there should be a 'how to listen and process what you're hearing' course in school. I feel like a lot of people could have benefited from that. Including myself back then.
im agender and autistic so this should be super interesting shok
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Really enjoyed this one. My husband is high masking-SO high masking that he only started to realize he might be autistic in his late forties. I’m allistic [sp?] but studies speech pathology for a while and spent some time studying and volunteering with autistic kids, and when he put forth the idea to me I was like, “oh, yeah, that makes sense.”
100% all of this. It’s so difficult because it feels like when I say “yeah, I’m trans and also autistic” like they somehow should be cancelling each other out. But they don’t! I did the same thing with masking - trying to convince myself that I was a cisgendered woman because I knew it would be dangerous for me to be otherwise. But now being out and getting the treatment I need (HRT and surgeries, as well as social transition, social care, and medication for my autism/mental health), I feel so much better than I have in the past.
Yeah it's double the masking, not a double negative sadly. And I hope to get there someday myself, seeing people finally living gives me hope. One that has been denied many long years, I'm still struggling with my alexithymia and depression (from masking constantly and trying in vain to suppress my dysphoria). Can't stop being poor suddenly or aquire a support system, but I can learn what keeps others going.
Thank you for covering this. This year I found out I have AuDHD (autism + adhd). It was the last area of myself I hadn't investigated yet. Before each of my big shifts in understand me (coming out as gay; then coming out as trans, then deconstructing and healing from religious trauma) I had felt something lingering in the back of my mind, waiting for the emotional time/space to open up those old wounds, understand them, clean them out, and begin healing. For me, I knew there was something still from my childhood and it wasn't until I went poking that I finally found it. Autism. ADHD. It finally had names and definitions and information. Being raised a girl, I had of course gone undiagnosed. Back in the 90s idk if this was ultimately a good thing or not as I know many in the community are healing from having a stigma placed on them at a very young age.
For me, diagnosis was a gift in the form of the CORRECT user manual for my operating system (aka my brain). Almost 40 years thinking I was a PC and finding out I was a MAC trying to use a PC guide 🤦♂ That's what having autism is like. Well, that, and everyone else thinking MACs don't exist let alone having read the guide (insert sad laugh here). But even with so much ignorance, ME KNOWING and UNDERSTANDING how MY brain works has given me control, has given me agency - I do not think I will have such a shift in my life (unless vampires are discovered to real bahaha)
I say this all to encourage those who are curious - if not just for yourself, it will help you communicate and understand a HUGE portion of the population. Your coworkers, friends, family, hell even random convos with strangers. 1 in 36 have autism. We are EVERYWHERE and we are STRUGGLING living in a world exclusively using PC language (yes the metaphor is back).
And we NEED good communication so badly right now. We NEED all hands on deck. We need ALL creative minds (both PC and MAC) being able to work together because we have too much to get through without adding the ability to understand one another.
I love your use of the PC/MAC metaphor though I am not sure some of the younger folx here will understand
@@MichelleK.B. Perhaps the android/apple comparison would work in some cases?
Knowing how things work under the hood, the Windows/Mac metaphor works better than you’d think since most operating systems outside of the former are all considered “Unix like” and lumped together as “different” following that, I would be a GNU/Linux machine, while another would be a BSD, another Solaris, and maybe another Plan 9. All very different pieces of software compatible with their own sets of programs, but all still operating systems at the end of the day. Some of those systems try to pretend to be like Windows while others tend to go “fuck that” and be completely different.
7:25 "Here's me".... *TH-cam ad about a frying pan pops up*
Ads pop up at silly times
Makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Thank you.
Also i love that your delivery is softspoken in comparison to the FAR more prevalent shout talking! :)
I'm part of the autistic and agender gang. I look forward to seeing how you describe your experiences of being autistic and non-cis. Your audio sensitivity/noise sensitivity sounds bad like mine. Music is one of my exceptions (ironically enough), but most loud noises cause me to do a human equivalent of a computer shutdown.
Thank you for talking about nonverbal autistics too! I feel like they tend to be overshadowed in the autistic conversation. (I was semi-verbal as a kid (I only spoke via echolalia up until I was 7), so I have some kinship with it myself)
12:40 Thank you! I was diagnosed early as a kid despite being born a girl. There are some benefits to being an early diagnosis (eg resources and the knowledge of being autistic), but you also get a lot of crap from your peers and adults for it. I think I got off light compared to others (e.g. I dealt with ABA but not shock therapy), but my behavior was scrutinized a lot growing up since I was "the disabled kid"; I also had people trying to correct my behavior more often once I told them I was autistic.
I absolutely LOVE that your videos are so calm and silent!!!!!!
I'm not trans but I am autistic. This video really touched my heart. I feel like this video is what I really needed to hear right now. Thank you
One of the reasons I really appreciate your videos is exactly because they are quiet and chill. I have major sensory issues around sound in general. I feel bad about it sometimes, but there are youtubers who seem like great people who I don't follow because I can't stand how quickly or loudly they talk.
I can't quite believe how easily my experience matches up with your explanation. It would be uncanny, if it wasn't so tragic. Mix in a little abuse, and people will use that to try to explain how you can't rationally know yourself either, like it somehow poisons your ability to self-express.
I like to think of the psyche like a puzzle, it always started with all the pieces. We see ourselves as we put it together, our life colors the pieces gradually. And if some abuse knocks a few parts out of place, it's not like they weren't there or we don't know them.
I actually really appreciate how quiet and calming your voice is. I wasn't ever diagnosed as autistic but I check almost every box and I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, I am also trans. I'm pretty sure my mom is also autistic. I am so tired of pretending to be 'normal' for other people, I just want to be my own normal. I'm so tired of the world being so loud and I just want to curl up someplace quiet sometimes.
This is definitely me. I was diagnosed as autistic as an older adult, because nobody recognized it when I was growing up. This was only after I actively pursued a diagnosis, due to the fact that everyone in my friends group is autistic, and the high statistical correlation between gender diversity and neurodivergence. I had already come out as trans two years prior. I had also been diagnosed about ten years ago with abdominal migraines, which are more common in girls, and rarely seen in adults. The difference is I was AMAB. In other words, my neurotype more closely matches that of AFAB people, and my migraine headaches manifest more like they do in women than in men. Chronic pain conditions are also more prevalent in autistic people, so I wish I had known all of this growing up.
Hell yeah we ARE fucking awesome. Thanks for your work on this one.
Also side note, that thumbnail is my favourite thing ever 💚
Oh this is gonna be good.
Im a teenage autistic trans guy, and i just want to say how seen i feel because of this video. Being a high masking autistic kid directly impacted how i related and still relate to my own gender and how i still feel the need to perform for others. To know that i can be an adult and live as myself is so comforting, and i want to thank you for this video and your channel.
Great video. I relate a lot to the noise sensitivity b/c I have the same issue. When I record and edit my music it sounds entirely too loud and sometimes the audio quality suffers from that too. Love hearing about how different we all are.
I'm transfeminine non-binary and autistic, though I can't get an official diagnosis for the second for financial reasons.
I grew up at Hungary (unfortunately I also rezide there now for the same reasons), a 2nd world country when it comes to the society itself and nobody even guessed if I was autistic in my whole life and I did the masking as a cis person to a degree I see my own memories about my life as if I was a completely different person because of the way others perceived me.
I spent the later 5 years of my teenage life with a shaved head and I was intentionally rude and distant to look and act the way people saw me, and I spent another 5 years trying to accept myself as NB and autistic while I didn't even understand what those were. That's 10 of my best years I could've spent in any way I wanted for the reasons today I'm called mentally ill and a narcissist (and stuff YT would auto-remove my comment for if I typed it out, like the title of the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie) by the same type of people.
Swolesome, I don't know you, this is the first video YT recommended to me from you, but it's people like you who helped me more than anyone else around me, and.. many times I said nothing under their videos, so I'll say it now and here that there are people you're helping right now, more than you'd know, people like I was just a few years ago who didn't even have the vocabulary to describe themselves. You are amazing.
Thank you so much for sharing!
I'm sorry you have to put up with being called those names and not getting the support you deserve and with the whole situation in Hungary.
Welcome to the communities of this great channel and others alike! I've even made a really good friend once in the YT comments. =)
Clever way to save your comment from auto-deletion btw. ^^
Greetings from Germany!
@@nephistar I literally disowned my country already and call myself a Nowhereian (someone from Nowhere), but I met so many amazing people online. I actually have an NB friend from Germany (we met on an English speaking art Discord server) who helped me a lot by just hanging out with me in a voice chat while we were both just separately drawing our own things and showing our pieces to each other.
@@SylvesterLazarus That sounds amazing!
"I've met my 'being perceived by other people' quota three times over." 😂
Sir, you've earned yourself a subscriber. Cheers from a transfemme fellow autistic Canadian.
I love your work. I've been with the same person for 26 years, 23 married this month 21 years parents and about to be 4 years wives. Our offspring is very high functioning. Altho my wife hasn't had official diagnosis we're pretty sure she's spectrum. Missus says knocking me up was the most masc thing she ever did. A friend of mine raised an autistic son who isn't able to be entirely independent. I have another friend who raised a trans son and wrote a book about it. I do my best to support the team. I think many people just don't know better but many are actively hostile for reasons I cannot fathom.
I love the calm, low volume, gentle sound quality! It's perfect! Thank you for not harassing my ears with noise. 😊
I'm a little nervous to comment, but I wanted to thank you for this video. The timing is perfect. I'm in the process of learning about ASD as it relates to my specific life experience, and it's always so validating to hear about the specific things that bother me also affecting someone who is confident that they have ASD. I keep gaslighting myself cause I'm almost 29 and never even seriously considered it as a possibility until I received an ADHD diagnosis from my therapist and I still didn't feel that it covered all of the difficulties I face in my life.
He said the title of the video in the video!
"Assumed female at birth"
Oooooh I like that term!
Loving the video so far!
Edit: okay I finished it and omg I love this so much! I needed to hear this. Looking forward to your further thoughts!
Trans guy here, allistic as far as I know. When I heard years ago about the "connection" between autism and transness, my response was that it made a lot of sense. Most people can see traits in themselves that align with traits common to autistic folks. One of mine is being kind of obsessed with social norms, etiquette, and social roles (gender and otherwise.) This hyper analytical aspect of myself around socialness and how I interact with it, is what lead me to figuring out I was trans and coming out.
My understanding in how autism can be expressed is that hyper analysis of social life is common. So people with this trait, autistic or allistic, are more likely to recognize their transness. And if social interaction is in your head a list of rote rules and "norms" with little inherent logic or value beyond social lubrication, then switching sides in the social gender game, or abandoning them entirely, seems pretty reasonable.
Just my own allistic, trans thoughts. If I've said anything problematic or am flat out wrong on anything, please let me know.
Well, because your videos are "too quiet" for some folks, they're actually perfect for me! So, thanks.
You are definitely one of the people who have helped me become more at peace with the fact that I might be trans. It's hard to come to terms with, hard to believe myself and my own feelings about it all. Sometimes I think that my life would be so much easier if I weren't trans, but I've come to realize that it's not my transness that is the problem, it's my anxiety about how people will react to it. I hesitate to transition not because I don't want to, but because I'm scared of backlash. In all of that chaos, it's actually really nice to have a quiet but steadfast voice like yours. Thank you for doing what you do, and for being yourself on a loud, people-y platform.
to illustrate your point about the diversity of autism: your 3 hell sensory experiences are 3 things my autistic brain would absolutely crumble without. cucumbers: ur telling me I can eat fresh produce while essentially tasting nothing at all? sign me up. bell peppers: so predictable. if you know what a good one looks/feels like it will taste the same and have the same texture every time. Background noise? Yes please, I need something to drown out the sound of my own thoughts, otherwise I won’t hear a word anyone is saying. 🤪
As an autistic transman this is a really great video
Beautiful video. Thank you for being you and publicly embracing it with your whole heart. I know it can take a lot to do so, and it means the world to me that you do ❤️
I just got diagnosed with Asperger's (and dyscalculia) last month, sadly misophonia doesn't have it's own diagnosis - yet, but I have it too. I'm 37, afab genderfluid person. This video was so full of moments of when I was like "Oh, I get that, that's how I am, I can identify with this scenario", like scaringly (but in a good way) similar things. Thank you so much for making this video!
Thanks for making this awesome video. You summarized what it is like being trans and autistic in a very cohesive and beautiful way. Count me in your squad ❤.
Lovely
This video puts into words wonderfully what I've been feeling and experiencing living in this interjection between transness and autism. Thank you.
AFAB AuDHD and questioning non-binary. it took me 19 years to finally advocate for myself as I wasn’t diagnosed autistic until I was out of high school for a good while and free from infantilizing teachers and classmates. with me making steps towards accepting my disorder, I’ve had time to understand my gender as well. and I’ve had to talk to my family about this and try to quell any skepticism. there are days I seem somewhat unbothered with my current existence, but there are also days when I make it clear that I want to transition and make my identity known in my family. I think just after having a shitty 2023 I feel a little more confident in myself. my parents will support me, majority of my friends are gender queer or trans, and my grandmother may struggle to understand non-binary, but wants to be supportive, especially as she’s a supervisor for new teachers in central texas.
I’ll be the first of something new in my family, but i hope to not be afraid to be the first.
Also my birthday is in April while also being autistic and trans, it’s actually wild
I'm autistic and I was born in April. It all makes sense now
10:00 "I was just a weirdo with a lot of health crap going on." Dude, you have clearly articulated the struggle! 💞🌈❤️🧡🧡💚💙💜🖤
Comment for the algorithm - great video!
Lmao, "dumpster juice" believe it or not, this is the second time that I've heard that phrase.
This video was absolutely amazing.
Mic drop after mic drop moment of explanation, about two overlapping and widely misunderstood topics.
As a “high masking” chronically burnout but very functional trans mom of a 2nd grader who’s also neurodivergent…like this was everything. Thank you for sharing your voice and excited to hear more about this specific overlap.
I’ve talked a lot about the overlap of kink and trans femme spaces. And there’s a few conclusions I’ve drawn. Trans women have always been more visible in subculture & counter culture spaces. The BDSM community is just one of them. Sex work and employment discrimination with care and access to healthcare behind a large wall. But
More recently it just makes sense to me that those of us who have some level of aversion & discomfort with our physical sexed bodies…it’s only natural that we will find detours around those parts as our sexualities develop.
After all isn’t kink kinda like anything sex related that isn’t using your body/parts? I mean it’s more than that but really anyone who sexually deviates from cis het norms of their culture. Kink means to twist or bend at a base level.
Autism and “social contagion” 💩 get focused on a lot lately but i just had to brain spill on the other terf bullshit.
"...puts me in a box made of exhausting expectations..." I love this phrase and description of masking.
I also love the audio of your videos. Your voice is very smooth, calm, and centralized over the background music (which is generally not distracting). I'm curious about your mic set up since I don't see a lav or directional mic in front of you, but your voice audio sounds like you are using one of those.
Fellow 'quirky' AFAB here. You just described my childhood, and I was born in 1965. You are my new favorite channel.
"Megazord of bigoty" lol
This was very comforting to watch. I realized I was probably autistic at the age of 22 and have spent my time since then trying to learn about and understand it (yet still refusing to pay out for a diagnosis that realistically won't offer me any of the support I need) and I really do find solace in not being alone. Especially as a fellow AFAB person, my very clear childhood symptoms were never noticed by anyone. I'm moving along in my unmasking journey and have become more outspoken on my own identity as Ace (probably aro) and agender. Radical self acceptance and self love is our way forward, I truly believe this
Love this whole video so much, also your voice is so soothing! The audio level is perfect. Loved the “ a moment of silence…….. okay now a moment of violence” bit. I’ve also realized I’ve said love a lot but this video really speaks to me as 1: a trans guy and 2: a trans guy who is probably neurodivergent ( I’m talking to a therapist and stuff lmao, it’s in the works dw) these things make me feel really alienated alot of the time. But like you said it’s not because I don’t like myself, other people don’t like me and therefore I alienate myself and sometimes they alienate me as well
I love your voice/the way you speak. So soothing and easy to understand.
as an autistic trans guy i’m super excited for this video!
It was my autism diagnosis at an older age, that allowed me to realise the trans and autistic traits that I'd been masking 'as one' for my whole life, were actually running in parallel. I started transitioning the next year.
The thing I found about a late autism diagnosis was that you're the product of you experiences; Autism affects every decision, interaction, scenario etc. Suddenly you look back at your lufe through an informed lens (the autism diagnosis) and it contextually changes how you became who you are. The enormity of this was overwhelming at times, but super-interesting to experience, and pull apart into it's component pieces (because of course it was 🙄🤣). The difference in how much more I understood about myself in only ~6 months, was staggering, and overwhelming positive.
I was enjoying the quietness of the video actually 😂
I’m just saying, that thumbnail is flawless.
The 18 min marker I liked this video. I appreciate you posting this video to help people out. I was diagnosed with (aspergers) when I was a baby. So like you. Loud noise I do not like. Not everything that's loud is too loud for me. A lot is. I'm artistic about how videos and pics are done. I refuse to share a cup, fork and food with someone. So I see my (aspergers) effects me and makes me differnt. I hope hrt can make me look, sound, think and feel like a happy energetic woman full of energy.
Excellent video as always, I pretty much agree with everything you say :)
my god, the people are percieving him, bro cant scheme in the shadows
(i uh havent watched the video yet, but as a fellow trans autistic guy, boy is this gonna be good)
EDIT: Somehow in most of your videos you read my mind. Great video, as always, have a good one
I haven't watched this fully yet (ADHD and work man idk) but it's good to see you so active and still using your voice for good these days. Rooting for you man. (Also about to actually watch this video instead of work bc ... why not)
This is the first video of yours I’ve seen. I’m so glad this was recommended to me. Such a well constructed video, so calming and insightful. I really really liked this video, thank you for taking the time to make it. You said everything that goes on in my head about these two topics, I was very obviously autistic growing up and was also not taken seriously. Started speaking at 6 months old, never got along with kids at school and my parents blamed my best friend, because he was mean and would make me cry for fun, and they told me other kids would think I was mean because I was friends with him. I had a meltdown every day, exactly like the autistic boy in my class, and my school never even suggested it to my parents. I only recently found out he’s autistic and has been diagnosed since he was young, and we’re 24 🙃 I keep telling my mom how I just can’t understand how neither of my parents ever noticed, or my school especially.
so so grateful to you for making this video. feel very seen in these minutes and that goes an impossibly long way after having always felt on the outside of basically everything all my life. Great work.
Fascinating, & I had more than one light-bulb-in-the-mind moments. Thank you🌟
Why was that sensory part so relatable like id literally take estrogen to make my skin less oily
Very well articulated video.
The timing of this video was so perfect. Tysm for processing, collecting, and conveying your thoughts/feelings to us. I know how incredibly difficult it is to do. 💜💜💜
Excellent video, thanks for the work you do.