Wow you were captain of your track team? Daniel you are beaming with talent. You graduated top of your class, an athlete, world traveler, hitchhiker, film maker and excellent story teller. Above all you are authentic to yourself and also selfless in helping others. You should feel proud of the full life you have and continue to lead.
Channel Daniel Yes friend you are so correct. It is so draining to have to constantly bring these things up and when u do they they tell me to knock it off. They will NEVER get it or us. It’s time for the door slam. Thank you for sharing.
In fact he didn't say that. He said when I have to set extreme boundaries or having to set boundaries multiple times that's PROBABLY a SIGN that's PROBABLY not a person that I want to be VERY close to. But I understand your feeling. I also don't feel very optimistic when it comes to set boundaries with someone.
The self disclosure helps a lot in understanding the concepts. I find more honesty in your videos than I've heard from all of my psychology tutors combined. The reluctance to discuss sensitive issues among many/most psychologists is painful. The use of deflections and silence when it come to issues like child abuse or suicide is one of the reasons why so many people repress childhood trauma and carry it around for years while it plays out in so many destructive ways. The wall of silence some therapists use when faced with difficult issues needs to be examined.
So good! The people that don’t allow you boundaries will get angry and scream at you for it. True friends and people who love you respect your boundaries and are pleasant and understanding when you state them.
I grew up with Narcissistic parents. I have been estranged from my whole family of origin for 10 years. This happened because I was finally able to assert my boundaries and they weren't having it. I didn't loose anything as I never had it to begin with and this is what I told them. Thanks for sharing your story.
Exactly what happened in my family of origin, and what I have NOT done to my own children ( thanks to years of therapy). There are no boundaries in dysfunctional families because there is no respect.
I think the most important thing is to say "no" when you fell like it, and also speak the truth and be straightforward. This is really hard to do with parents though.
Sounds like your biological father is a colossal arsehole, Daniel. My family hated when I enforced quite reasonable boundaries so much so, that I was cast out. Best thing that ever happened to me! Excise toxic people from your life. Like Daniel says, I've rarely, if ever, had to set boundaries with friends because they are healthy people who respect others. It is the colossal arseholes in life with whom one has to be vigilant constantly - particularly in the professional setting.
This is a very important one for me. I've never had healthy boundaries, and I never will, I imagine. I've learned to live with this, by limiting my normal interactions with everyone. I too, when young, was completely OK with mutual boundaries violations-and I still am, just not to the levels previously. I thank you for talking about this, Daniel. Please talk about it again!
I remember a landlord who was horrible and i tried to set boundaries with her. But she didn't respect my boundaries so setting boundaries didn't do anything, and probably made matters worse because i came across as weak and pathetic. It made me feel setting boundaries is pie in the sky wishful thinking. With out anything to back up a boundary, it means nothing. It's a wish list with no teeth.
Sound like your dad was narcisistic, he had to be the center of attention on the event you worked so hard to be part of shame on him. You were a teenager star olympio congratulations. Your dad was unable to see your greatness because he was too busy been full of himself so sad. I have to learn to respect my and other folks boundaries, thank you for this video.
Thank you, very well said, my parents really thought they owned me so they felt completely comfortable to order me around to fulfill their desires. It was so shit. No contact with them the 7th year now, increasingly feeling better. Those unlicensed people creating me was the sickest thing ever happened to me.
i really like your videos and ideas, they make so much sense to me. the only problem is, if i were to follow in your footsteps and take all your advice, which is ultimately pretty sound advice, i would be completely alone. if i set all my boundaries the way i want and cut off everyone i needed to because of their "toxicity" i would have no parents, no friends, no support network (i only have a very small one as it is), which i need due to severe mental and chronic physical illness, and i would probably end up homeless and therefore ultimately exposed to even worse relationships than i have now in much more toxic environments experiencing worse health than i already have.
I agree with you. Also, I find something off about blaming someone else (usually parents or those closest to you) for your emotional issues. I had to overcome blaming others for how I felt in order to grow and move forward.
@@miguelinaortizburgos I’m blaming my parents for things they did and the honesty it’s taken me has propelled me to fight harder then ever to be separate from their influence
Damn I was only 50seconds in and understood where you were going with this. And then I can relate completely! Only difference with my childhood is I didn't have the strength to enforce any bouderies even as a teen. I left home at 18 though so maybe that was my way of giving myself a bounsery(?). Imagine having your type of parents but then also having a dad who was physically and verbally abusive. I didn't get to be on a sports team or any kind of lessons. For example I wanted to learn karate and be on a baseball team as a kid when I was around 10 years old. Never got to do any of that though. I enjoyed running when I was a kid but didn't have any track or team to be on so I just rode my bike.
When I was 12 years old I shut off completely, I didn't even talk to them for years, just the typical stuff and I'm sure they never took the time to ask themselves why, they probably still blame it on puberty
My last therapist, who lacked boundaries herself severely (she would scream at me, stomp around, victim blame and encourage me to hurt myself) always shamed me for my lack of boundaries. Having left her & taken up self therapy, i’ve been able to see clearly how my parents severely violated my boundaries and taught me very little about how to have healthy relationships. I now know that it’s not a personal flaw that I need to work on boundaries but it is my responsibility. Thanks Daniel for this video! Perfect timing
So...he gaslighted you!? SMH. People can be so ignorant! Sorry Dan...your such a nice man! Some people have no compassion or empathy...sad. You ARE a STRONG man! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Parents does not own the child but have the responsibility for raising the child.Parents has the authority OVER the child, however this is not a license for abuse.
Check out Richard Grannon in TH-cam, he has lots of videos on how to move out of negative relationships . ~ I sense a reluctance on Dan’s part to set boundaries. It’s not a big issue to assert one self. It’s as simple as saying, I like Pepsi over coke. Not everything has to be a power struggle or a civil war. ~ Without boundaries, is to not have an identity .. Ps Boundaries can be flexible & reestablished in a case by case scenario. ~ A person who is totally passive is allowing the world to walk all over them . It’s each person’s responsibility to be established. It’s your job to BE you !
Thanks Daniel for the thought you put into this, it stood out to me how you said when your parents didn’t like it when you started to set boundaries- I think it’s important for me to remember that my boundaries will be respected and embraced by anyone who’s healthy and has regard for me as human being as well. Avoid toxic people who feel they have a right over you rather than caring *about* you
I hadn't seen you posting for a while, I'm glad you are still at it.❤ You give me so much comfort. " . . . Boundary violations were a normal part of relationships". Now, THIS is a sad thing to be able to relate to.
Again, I agree with what you've said. I, too, had to learn how to establish and protect my own boundaries; and I had to learn how to recognize and respect the boundaries of "Other People." And it's taken me a long time to learn these painful, sometimes excruciatingly painful, but ultimately worthwhile, lessons. And I assume I'm still learning them. Thanks again. What you've said you've said well.
This is very relatable.This reminds me of a friend of mine that told me that her (very abusive mother and grandmother) would talk about her like she wasn't in the room when one or both was angry with her. These videos just keep getting better and better. It's like Christmas.
Boundaries are really important for me as well. I can't say I've had a healthy example from my parents and as a result I've lost friendships and relationships. I'm still learning how to set them right.
@@kryptorust2091 y whats with the knocking? I asked my dad several times to knock before opening, he just nod but never did it. Its like the idea of respecting me is alien to him.
Wow, there is an almost infinite regression with respecting boundaries and your own situation, described here and in other videos about your parents, was horrific
Daniel you’ve hit the nail on the head. The FANTASY BOND with our parents has to be broken. These ppl are incapable of being parents. If that fantasy bond is not broken we will never be who we are truly meant to be. JOHN BRADSHAW discusses this in his book ON THE FAMILY which was my very first recovery book I ever read and it turned on all the lights on toxic family dynamic. His PBS SERIES on channel 28 back in 1990!blew me away also. He is here on YT and I still go back and listen to him. If u haven’t heard of him Daniel please check him out. I think u will so appreciate him. He is so transparent like you. Love u so much. Ur style is your own and I adore your authenticity. I think u might see some similarities in John Bradshaw’s passion for the truth. I would u to message me here and let me know what u think of him. I’ve been subbed to u for about 2 years now. I think I’ve seen most of ur vids and I’m downloading my faves. My family of origin is practically identical to yours . U have helped me so much in my nonstop journey of recovery from a traumatic childhood.
I would suggest you to look for information about narcissistic parents and how children are affected. It opened me a new world of references, a healthy understanding and it all came to a clear understanding and forgiveness towards myself and the authors of the abuse. Have a good day !!
Thanks so much for making this one Daniel. I'm rewatching it after a number of years & it amazes me how succinctly you make a point that seemed very hard to understand at first. I appreciate you. 🙏
Great video!! Could you perhaps also make a video of examples in everyday life of boundary dis/respecting from your point of view and intuition? Traumatized people (like also me) have difficulties in getting it and I can imagine it helps to get a better understanding.
The self-less good work you Peter Breggin are doing with your respective channels, to my knowledge no mental health professional has ever done (at least not where I come from).
Your point about a violating approach being subtly and perniciously inculcated by a childhood where one was constantly (subtly, perniciously) violated really hit home. So many of my troubled historical adult dealings with others can be traced to this. They still want me to fail...NO CONTACT!
I love your videos, you have so much insight about trauma and our collective consciousness. However, one hint of advice from a former media professional... the lighting in this room is not flattering to your bright personality, and you might wanna switch your outfit once in a while.... striped can make you look like a prisoner. Hope it was ok, your words need to reach many more. 💛✨
Daniel, of course it's immensely useful. The part where you talk about wanting to be with people who intuitively sense our boundaries and as a result not needing to keep setting them, hits the nail right on the head. I hope all your videos and books will keep inspiring more and more people to put up a fight for their real selves.
Just want to thank you for making all this content free. I feel like the field of healing has become full of people (some well meaning) who charge ridiculous amounts of money, turning their help and insight into a product they advertise as a must need on a journey to self realization and healing. But this makes this help only available to the privileged. If you’re interested, I’d love to see you make a video about the field of self-help... life coaches selling their lifestyle for thousands of dollars; new agey self proclaimed spiritual gurus who create e-courses for hundreds of dollars each... I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this and been bothered by it. It just feels so wrong to me to advertise to people who are traumatized and desperately seeking help, these lifestyle gurus touting their product as being full of the secret keys they used to unlock healing in their own life. Cool, I think it’s important to share our healing journeys and to help others with it, but not in exchange for hundreds or even thousands of dollars.... I’d appreciate your thought on this... also anyone else who reads this comment! Thanks.
I agree with you it sucks being poor and needing help when it's out of your reach due to financial circumstances. Everytime I find a gem like Daniel I always support and donate to them at their patreons or other avenues, to help the content stay free and help the amazing souls like Daniel survive. Our reality sucks especially economics, everything and everyone needs money and I hate being locked out of essential health services, like mental health.
I set boundaries by moving away (escaping actually) and going no contact. We were raised to have no expressable opinions, told how to feel, what to think etc. When I expressed my autonomy I was isolated and punished. I broke me down. I was numb for decades. Only recently I realized the escape plan I had made as a child worked out. Just do well at school, have a passion and go to university. Use that as a ticket out. I had to be perfect and silent in order to survive.
Is there such a thing as having too many boundaries? My mother is always trying to get me to do stuff for her by saying things like "oh, if you're not gonna have a summer job you can do that and that for me". Like she's always trying to manipulate me to do stuff for her instead of simply just asking. So yesterday I called her out on it and she said "I can't say anything to you, I have to treat you like porcelain". Not very nice of her, but am I maybe being a bit too rigid?
Apocane - The problem is HER not YOU. My mom is like that too. She never asks she just tells me and expects me to do it. I would just keep quiet and not answer her. She also has a loud aggressive tone when she speaks to me sometimes and I’ve told her to speak regular in a decent tone and she got mad and said “well this is how I talk i can’t change it” and would mock me & start whispering to me afterwards like it was a complete joke. She is very passive aggressive, she always has something to say but she won’t say it directly to me she’ll say it to where i can hear that she’s speaking about me and wants me to know that she’s speaking about me. I have tried to help correct her but she doesn’t see the wrong that she is doing.
Daniel, were you an only child? I get the sense that you were, as was I. It would be interesting if you made a video specifically on that topic. You always here from psychologists how healthy only children are, but I really don’t buy it.. interested in hearing your thoughts...
Wow you were captain of your track team? Daniel you are beaming with talent. You graduated top of your class, an athlete, world traveler, hitchhiker, film maker and excellent story teller. Above all you are authentic to yourself and also selfless in helping others. You should feel proud of the full life you have and continue to lead.
A wonderful man is Dan!
I have finally learned that when boundary conversations keep coming up, I need to let go of the relationship ASAP.
Channel Daniel Yes friend you are so correct. It is so draining to have to constantly bring these things up and when u do they they tell me to knock it off. They will NEVER get it or us. It’s time for the door slam. Thank you for sharing.
In fact he didn't say that. He said when I have to set extreme boundaries or having to set boundaries multiple times that's PROBABLY a SIGN that's PROBABLY not a person that I want to be VERY close to.
But I understand your feeling. I also don't feel very optimistic when it comes to set boundaries with someone.
Exactly. That means he/she/they don't respect your boundaries. You only need to say it one time.
I've failed at respecting others' boundaries before, and have had talks with them about resetting boundaries. It can be done gracefully
@@corduroykumquat Once you overstep my boundary, I don't owe you anything, definitely not grace!
I grew up in an abusive home. Boundaries were nonexistent. Thankfully I got help as an adult and my boundaries are stronger than ever.
The self disclosure helps a lot in understanding the concepts. I find more honesty in your videos than I've heard from all of my psychology tutors combined. The reluctance to discuss sensitive issues among many/most psychologists is painful. The use of deflections and silence when it come to issues like child abuse or suicide is one of the reasons why so many people repress childhood trauma and carry it around for years while it plays out in so many destructive ways. The wall of silence some therapists use when faced with difficult issues needs to be examined.
Lazarus Dear Lazuris. So well said. Zel
Lazarus You are so intuitively observant and on target. Thank u for sharing.
Yep so true dont become a psychologist if you dont want to go there. It does further damage to people if they feel twice rejected.
So good! The people that don’t allow you boundaries will get angry and scream at you for it. True friends and people who love you respect your boundaries and are pleasant and understanding when you state them.
I grew up with Narcissistic parents. I have been estranged from my whole family of origin for 10 years. This happened because I was finally able to assert my boundaries and they weren't having it. I didn't loose anything as I never had it to begin with and this is what I told them. Thanks for sharing your story.
I missed you! It is absolutely about respect, and you are right, it can be learned. When it comes naturally then we know we have a good friend.
OMG This is an amazing video Thank you !!!
my non-parent and my non-siblings
no more fantasy !!!
Exactly what happened in my family of origin, and what I have NOT done to my own children ( thanks to years of therapy). There are no boundaries in dysfunctional families because there is no respect.
The fact you put real effort into fixing it for yourself and your children is nothing short of amazing. People like you are so appreciated!
Would love to hear more from you on how to set boundaries, and the challenges that come with it
I think the most important thing is to say "no" when you fell like it, and also speak the truth and be straightforward. This is really hard to do with parents though.
Tackle social withdrawal and isolation, sir. If you ever related to it in any manner, of course.
You are my Hero. Thanks for articulating your observations very well. I want this video to go viral. Thank you so much!
Sounds like your biological father is a colossal arsehole, Daniel.
My family hated when I enforced quite reasonable boundaries so much so, that I was cast out.
Best thing that ever happened to me!
Excise toxic people from your life.
Like Daniel says, I've rarely, if ever, had to set boundaries with friends because they are healthy people who respect others.
It is the colossal arseholes in life with whom one has to be vigilant constantly - particularly in the professional setting.
Gerhard Symons You are so on point. Thank you for chiming in.
This is a very important one for me. I've never had healthy boundaries, and I never will, I imagine. I've learned to live with this, by limiting my normal interactions with everyone. I too, when young, was completely OK with mutual boundaries violations-and I still am, just not to the levels previously. I thank you for talking about this, Daniel. Please talk about it again!
I remember a landlord who was horrible and i tried to set boundaries with her. But she didn't respect my boundaries so setting boundaries didn't do anything, and probably made matters worse because i came across as weak and pathetic. It made me feel setting boundaries is pie in the sky wishful thinking. With out anything to back up a boundary, it means nothing. It's a wish list with no teeth.
Sound like your dad was narcisistic, he had to be the center of attention on the event you worked so hard to be part of shame on him. You were a teenager star olympio congratulations. Your dad was unable to see your greatness because he was too busy been full of himself so sad. I have to learn to respect my and other folks boundaries, thank you for this video.
Thank you, very well said, my parents really thought they owned me so they felt completely comfortable to order me around to fulfill their desires. It was so shit. No contact with them the 7th year now, increasingly feeling better. Those unlicensed people creating me was the sickest thing ever happened to me.
Thanks for teasing this out. So many points for reflection. ❤
i really like your videos and ideas, they make so much sense to me. the only problem is, if i were to follow in your footsteps and take all your advice, which is ultimately pretty sound advice, i would be completely alone. if i set all my boundaries the way i want and cut off everyone i needed to because of their "toxicity" i would have no parents, no friends, no support network (i only have a very small one as it is), which i need due to severe mental and chronic physical illness, and i would probably end up homeless and therefore ultimately exposed to even worse relationships than i have now in much more toxic environments experiencing worse health than i already have.
I agree with you. Also, I find something off about blaming someone else (usually parents or those closest to you) for your emotional issues. I had to overcome blaming others for how I felt in order to grow and move forward.
@@miguelinaortizburgos I’m blaming my parents for things they did and the honesty it’s taken me has propelled me to fight harder then ever to be separate from their influence
Damn I was only 50seconds in and understood where you were going with this. And then I can relate completely! Only difference with my childhood is I didn't have the strength to enforce any bouderies even as a teen. I left home at 18 though so maybe that was my way of giving myself a bounsery(?). Imagine having your type of parents but then also having a dad who was physically and verbally abusive. I didn't get to be on a sports team or any kind of lessons. For example I wanted to learn karate and be on a baseball team as a kid when I was around 10 years old. Never got to do any of that though. I enjoyed running when I was a kid but didn't have any track or team to be on so I just rode my bike.
When I was 12 years old I shut off completely, I didn't even talk to them for years, just the typical stuff and I'm sure they never took the time to ask themselves why, they probably still blame it on puberty
My last therapist, who lacked boundaries herself severely (she would scream at me, stomp around, victim blame and encourage me to hurt myself) always shamed me for my lack of boundaries. Having left her & taken up self therapy, i’ve been able to see clearly how my parents severely violated my boundaries and taught me very little about how to have healthy relationships. I now know that it’s not a personal flaw that I need to work on boundaries but it is my responsibility. Thanks Daniel for this video! Perfect timing
So...he gaslighted you!? SMH. People can be so ignorant! Sorry Dan...your such a nice man! Some people have no compassion or empathy...sad. You ARE a STRONG man! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
man I love your stories
As always, thank you for sharing and posting! 😀
Parents does not own the child but have the responsibility for raising the child.Parents has the authority OVER the child, however this is not a license for abuse.
Wow. That's a deep story here and good realizations. Thank you for sharing!
Check out Richard Grannon in TH-cam, he has lots of videos on how to move out of negative relationships . ~ I sense a reluctance on Dan’s part to set boundaries. It’s not a big issue to assert one self. It’s as simple as saying, I like Pepsi over coke. Not everything has to be a power struggle or a civil war. ~ Without boundaries, is to not have an identity .. Ps Boundaries can be flexible & reestablished in a case by case scenario. ~ A person who is totally passive is allowing the world to walk all over them . It’s each person’s responsibility to be established. It’s your job to BE you !
mayseekify - Lots of good observations there. Thanks for the input ! 😉
Thanks Daniel for the thought you put into this, it stood out to me how you said when your parents didn’t like it when you started to set boundaries- I think it’s important for me to remember that my boundaries will be respected and embraced by anyone who’s healthy and has regard for me as human being as well. Avoid toxic people who feel they have a right over you rather than caring *about* you
Great video. You really put my thoughts into words and I am learning some things from this. Thank you.
I hadn't seen you posting for a while, I'm glad you are still at it.❤
You give me so much comfort.
" . . . Boundary violations were a normal part of relationships". Now, THIS is a sad thing to be able to relate to.
Again, I agree with what you've said. I, too, had to learn how to establish and protect my own boundaries; and I had to learn how to recognize and respect the boundaries of "Other People." And it's taken me a long time to learn these painful, sometimes excruciatingly painful, but ultimately worthwhile, lessons. And I assume I'm still learning them.
Thanks again. What you've said you've said well.
Exactly.I have a non dad too. I can't set boundaries it always ends in a stalemate.
This is very relatable.This reminds me of a friend of mine that told me that her (very abusive mother and grandmother) would talk about her like she wasn't in the room when one or both was angry with her. These videos just keep getting better and better. It's like Christmas.
Boundaries are really important for me as well. I can't say I've had a healthy example from my parents and as a result I've lost friendships and relationships. I'm still learning how to set them right.
Thank you for your videos Daniel. Your insights are like a lighthouse in a stormy sea for me.
That's a beautiful way of putting it, I feel the same way.
holy shit its like you are describing my life, except i still live with my parents but i don't talk to my dad.
@@samira2283 its not so bad less i talk to him better i feel
@@kryptorust2091 y whats with the knocking? I asked my dad several times to knock before opening, he just nod but never did it. Its like the idea of respecting me is alien to him.
Move out as soon as possible..They're gonna suck the life out of you..
Wow, there is an almost infinite regression with respecting boundaries and your own situation, described here and in other videos about your parents, was horrific
Boundaries as a 27 years old is yet something i never learned thats how deep my trauma is
Daniel you’ve hit the nail on the head. The FANTASY BOND with our parents has to be broken. These ppl are incapable of being parents. If that fantasy bond is not broken we will never be who we are truly meant to be. JOHN BRADSHAW discusses this in his book ON THE FAMILY which was my very first recovery book I ever read and it turned on all the lights on toxic family dynamic. His PBS SERIES on channel 28 back in 1990!blew me away also. He is here on YT and I still go back and listen to him. If u haven’t heard of him Daniel please check him out. I think u will so appreciate him. He is so transparent like you. Love u so much. Ur style is your own and I adore your authenticity. I think u might see some similarities in John Bradshaw’s passion for the truth. I would u to message me here and let me know what u think of him. I’ve been subbed to u for about 2 years now. I think I’ve seen most of ur vids and I’m downloading my faves. My family of origin is practically identical to yours . U have helped me so much in my nonstop journey of recovery from a traumatic childhood.
Nothing in the world feels better to someone without boundaries than to enforce boundaries. It feels like safety.
I would suggest you to look for information about narcissistic parents and how children are affected. It opened me a new world of references, a healthy understanding and it all came to a clear understanding and forgiveness towards myself and the authors of the abuse. Have a good day !!
Losing my fantasy relationship with my father. THATs IT!! That’s what I mourn, not him. Oh thank you for this video Daniel.
Thanks so much for making this one Daniel. I'm rewatching it after a number of years & it amazes me how succinctly you make a point that seemed very hard to understand at first. I appreciate you. 🙏
Thanks!
Great video!! Could you perhaps also make a video of examples in everyday life of boundary dis/respecting from your point of view and intuition? Traumatized people (like also me) have difficulties in getting it and I can imagine it helps to get a better understanding.
And it wasn’t pleasant . . They didn’t like it . . NO KIDDING!
Can you please do a video about hypnotherapy? Would love to hear about your opinion
This was absolutely wonderful!!! Thank you so much for this beautifully clear explanation.
The self-less good work you Peter Breggin are doing with your respective channels, to my knowledge no mental health professional has ever done (at least not where I come from).
so glad to see you uploading again
Thumbs up to this video. We could be friends I bet and talk about this stuff over coffee.
I can soooo relate. Having a father like that. Blessings . Freedom!
Excellent content. Sooo good.
I can relate to this a lot. It's the unfortunate expectations that we develop as a result of being raised by attack helicopters.
Your point about a violating approach being subtly and perniciously inculcated by a childhood where one was constantly (subtly, perniciously) violated really hit home. So many of my troubled historical adult dealings with others can be traced to this. They still want me to fail...NO CONTACT!
Love you Brother....
I love your videos, you have so much insight about trauma and our collective consciousness. However, one hint of advice from a former media professional... the lighting in this room is not flattering to your bright personality, and you might wanna switch your outfit once in a while.... striped can make you look like a prisoner. Hope it was ok, your words need to reach many more. 💛✨
Thank you for sharing. I'm still learning.
Welcome back!
You look like you're doing a dab in the thumbnail 🤣.
Thanks for sharing. I don't think I conceive of it in quite the same way, but I think I understand the spirit of what you're saying.
same.
Great video! Self reflection , the only hope for change and balance.
Thanks for this insightful video Daniel!
Welcome back.. No winning with the self reflect and self correct disabled... Stsy clear and look after you and yours 💜😎x
Excellent video, Daniel!!!! Offered me a very interesting perspective on my relationship with my mother.
Daniel, of course it's immensely useful. The part where you talk about wanting to be with people who intuitively sense our boundaries and as a result not needing to keep setting them, hits the nail right on the head.
I hope all your videos and books will keep inspiring more and more people to put up a fight for their real selves.
Just want to thank you for making all this content free. I feel like the field of healing has become full of people (some well meaning) who charge ridiculous amounts of money, turning their help and insight into a product they advertise as a must need on a journey to self realization and healing. But this makes this help only available to the privileged. If you’re interested, I’d love to see you make a video about the field of self-help... life coaches selling their lifestyle for thousands of dollars; new agey self proclaimed spiritual gurus who create e-courses for hundreds of dollars each... I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this and been bothered by it. It just feels so wrong to me to advertise to people who are traumatized and desperately seeking help, these lifestyle gurus touting their product as being full of the secret keys they used to unlock healing in their own life. Cool, I think it’s important to share our healing journeys and to help others with it, but not in exchange for hundreds or even thousands of dollars.... I’d appreciate your thought on this... also anyone else who reads this comment! Thanks.
I agree with you it sucks being poor and needing help when it's out of your reach due to financial circumstances. Everytime I find a gem like Daniel I always support and donate to them at their patreons or other avenues, to help the content stay free and help the amazing souls like Daniel survive. Our reality sucks especially economics, everything and everyone needs money and I hate being locked out of essential health services, like mental health.
I set boundaries by moving away (escaping actually) and going no contact. We were raised to have no expressable opinions, told how to feel, what to think etc. When I expressed my autonomy I was isolated and punished. I broke me down. I was numb for decades. Only recently I realized the escape plan I had made as a child worked out. Just do well at school, have a passion and go to university. Use that as a ticket out. I had to be perfect and silent in order to survive.
Is there such a thing as having too many boundaries? My mother is always trying to get me to do stuff for her by saying things like "oh, if you're not gonna have a summer job you can do that and that for me". Like she's always trying to manipulate me to do stuff for her instead of simply just asking. So yesterday I called her out on it and she said "I can't say anything to you, I have to treat you like porcelain". Not very nice of her, but am I maybe being a bit too rigid?
Apocane - The problem is HER not YOU. My mom is like that too. She never asks she just tells me and expects me to do it. I would just keep quiet and not answer her. She also has a loud aggressive tone when she speaks to me sometimes and I’ve told her to speak regular in a decent tone and she got mad and said “well this is how I talk i can’t change it” and would mock me & start whispering to me afterwards like it was a complete joke. She is very passive aggressive, she always has something to say but she won’t say it directly to me she’ll say it to where i can hear that she’s speaking about me and wants me to know that she’s speaking about me. I have tried to help correct her but she doesn’t see the wrong that she is doing.
While you are talking about really deep and thought provoking issues your voice is soothing as well. I just love hearing your voice
Well said
Was your dad a narcissist ?
Is?
Great topic!
This vid was waay to short! Could you, please, make another one and elaborate on this topic?
:)
You do great work . Many will benefit from your sharing here. Thank you for telling and knowing the truth.🙏
Hi I'm back because I like to listen to you :)
happy to see you back daniel!
This one hit home. Thank you.
Thank you again for your inspiring videos.
Daniel, were you an only child? I get the sense that you were, as was I. It would be interesting if you made a video specifically on that topic. You always here from psychologists how healthy only children are, but I really don’t buy it.. interested in hearing your thoughts...
I would love a video on this as well.
❤️
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Relationships are hard, but, **not** **that** **hard**