I had a bursting anger throughout my teenage years and I didn’t know why. I was accused by family that this was my character. But the strange thing was that outside my home I was quite calm it was like I had two different characters and that made me feel awful. After years I realized that it was the result of neglect and mistreatment of my parents. We really can’t know why we are the way we are without a closer look to our history. Thanks so much, you help us change so many things inside
Wow this comment stirred a note in me. I just focused on the feeling of what I was 'created to be'in my family vs what it feels like to be out of that environment where I am more able to create myself. I'm very far removed from those people but not from the feelings of being held captive to others opinions. You comment highlights the delineation of the surroundings. I wish you the best!
@@antiprismatic I am glad what I wrote helped you someway. I realized that I was raised by emotionally immature parents and they tend to be quite accusative instead of taking the responsibility of their own actions espacially the ones on their children. There is a book on the issue which helped me a great deal. It’s title is “adult children of emotionally immature parents” by Lisa C. Gibson. I strongly suggest that book as it helps you understand how your character was shaped under your parents’ influence and how you can help yourself. I wish you the very best
I was told by my Mother “You speak up the truth and hurt other people’s hearts”. She never really appreciated any of my good qualities. I never realised who I should be. My self was not realised at all during my childhood. I was not allowed to be me at all, or feel sad or angry or my reality until 18. I still suffer from not knowing who I am.
I survived my childhood the way our ancestors survived their brutal existences: escape into the supernatural. It worked for me, but now, disentangling myself from the protective covering of the "supernatural", I come to old memories and the griefs in them I'd avoided earlier. I sense I should take my time with this, because I imagine the emotions could be overwhelming. After all, psychosis comes from somewhere.
What a jewel this video is. I heard you use the term mirroring, and I’ve never known what it meant. I was a lot like you as a child but a military brat, not an NYC. My dad told me I drove him crazy. He said he wasn’t prepared to parent a child like me. I questioned him and thought of alternate ways of doing a task or could make a case for not doing the job. However, I knew my family was messed up at age three. I packed a toy case with underwear and socks and announced I was running away. They would laugh as I walk out the door to the edge of the sidewalk than realized the sun would be setting soon, and I’d have to search for shelter in the dark. I would announce it was going to get dark soon. Therefore I’d leave in the morning. My parents would roar with laughter. I’d cry if my three year old felt that way.
Always a pleasure, to be able to sit down with a coffee, spark up a cigarette and listen to you Daniel.. i feel like i am in living room with you. Very personable, which to me is the best way to impart information and knowledge. Surely Irish or scottish lineage, or at least celtic. Thank you for shootin the breeze with us all.
I've always been so curious to see interviews of healthy families. It's easy to find abusive and crazy families because they're somewhat entertaining to watch but I would love to see actual examples of healthy family structures.
Yes! I want to also see films with problems and crises processed and transformed. Which is hard, since such a process takes one's resources and is afterwards largely forgotten. And many aren't interested. But I did ask a film-maker I met.
To be human is to be hypocrite. How to practice Compassionate for the Hypocrites? Reset expectations? Strengthen your heart by lifting and letting go of the weight of responsibility to react to hypocrisy? People contradict themselves... You can learn to connect or disconnect yourself from that and keep your inner-ballast centered... But also, "fùçk yeeewwww D-A-D-!-!-!"
I remember my mother always bragging to the family about how quite I was, never cried. In retrospect and learning about attachment, and the abuse by her. I know, so far, it had to do with fear of her, trauma bonds, attachment style, and I'm still learning. With all the work I'm doing on myself, I know this.... The Return On Investment for the evil acts that has happened to me and others is outrageous. Peace be with you fellow travelers.
The older i get, the more questions i have. Thought by 66, i would have finally figured out life and so called reality. I was wrong. I don't see or hear from anyone off of the machine. Not by choice. To busy trying to survive. My life has changed many times over the years.
@MARJAN No Thank You. Have already been here much longer than i had planed. Been thru enough pain in the last 6 years, to last 6 lifetimes. Besides, i have a much better place waiting for me. With 17 medical conditions, and no cure for 4 of them, am here on borrowed time. Right now, i am trying to sell most of my belongings so i don't end up homeless again. Have ten weeks to get as many of the items sold and find an affordable place to live. Back to work
@MARJAN Instead of dying at 40 as planned, I ended up starring over. Was able to work for 19 years. Never thought it would come to this. So now very thankful for the few good times when they come. A rarity
“They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself." Philip Larkin, 1971
Hey Daniel, I recently found a lot of value studying the long history of intergenerational child abuse from various books such as "Saharasia: The 4000 BCE Origins of Child Abuse, Sex-Repression, Warfare and Social Violence, in the Deserts of the Old World" by James DeMeo, "The Garden of their Dreams" by Brian Griffith and "Switching to Goddess" by J. Lyn Studebaker. It gives you a whole lot of context about the history of intergenerational trauma and how exactly it all started (very well thought out theory with a lot of convincing evidence backing it up since the first book is actually a doctoral thesis) and how we ultimately got here into this worldwide massively traumatized situation. These books are some of the most painful reads emotionally, but once you process and integrate all that painful stuff you at least get a lot of long historical knowledge about your own life and the people and culture around you in general which puts things into perspective in a big way.
@Pat B Yeah that tumor of social violence, repression, enslavement, child abuse, warfare and so on spread from the first near eastern empires right throughout the world via expansion through warfare. Check out Ollie Bye's video: "The History of the World: Every Year" and then watch the european cultures from 6.000 BCE all the way to about 300 BCE. Everything was perfectly peaceful there as you can see by almost no border changes at all throughout those millenia and just some internal cultural development. And then compare it to the near/middle eastern region where you can see constant border changes of the so called "high cultures" representing constant wars, subjugation and enslavements or even extermination of the adjacent cultures each time a border changes significantly. Only when the romans entered europe around the year 0 and enslaved it's people the era of peace ended here and we quickly became just as traumatized as those who conquered these lands...
@Pat B I read all three of these books some years ago. Yeah the romans were definitely full of what the author Paul Levy calls the Wetiko virus. By the way on the concept of Wetiko: This is definitely a recommended read, check out the the three articles from Paul Levy over at realitysandwich just google "Wetiko: The Greatest Epidemic Sickness Known to Humanity" and you'll find these three articles posted on realitysandwich explaining quite accurately what we're really dealing with here. As for good videos on Saharasia explaining the psychogenesis of Wetiko I have to decline at least for english speaking audiences. Over here at germany there are about half a dozen very good speeches/videos on that topic if you search for Saharasia up there you'll find them. But all is not lost for all others since you can at least find good summaries of the book by the author himself over at researchgate, named "Saharasia: Geographical Comparisons of World Cultures and Civilization" and another document with the table of content of the Saharasia book on the same site. And then there is also the homepage of James DeMeo called orgonelab (just google it) where you can find some more summaries of the book by him and some other materials.
When I first read this comment there were five replies and someone explaining Wetiko and talking more about Saharasia and Germany etc.. Within 5 mins when I came back, I see no comments?! I am sure I saw comments over there. Is the algorithm hiding the replies?
@@RishiAggarwal I can only see my own 3 comments (2 of which were replies to Pat B) too. Pat B's replies are deleted or invisible to me. Can you still see my comments or which ones are hidden for you?
Hi, now I can see your comments. Two of them. Thanks for your comments, lot of value and it was very valuable to know of Paul Levy. I heard his video on Rebel Radio and that is so articulate.
After 23 years my dad came to me and straight up said: your mother has borderline disorder. I always knew something is wrong with the relationship with my mother but I had no one mentioning or mirroring it. Some part of me loves her which makes it so conflicted. I started crying after reading a few books about borderline parents and their influence of a child’s life. It was too much for me. My brother is also abusive towards me, I always feel unsafe near my family, when he starts getting physical no one can stop him. Not even my dad. Knife attacks, drugs, police… all because of him. I still life with my family, thanks to my trauma I’m in a ,,freeze” state, unable to move out, I’ve tried but my body/ brain is working against me. I’m in isolation now, I feel sadness but I don’t want to feel it because I’m alone
my mother was diagnosed bpd and moving out was really difficult, she would guilt me into staying, eventually I moved out in secret because it became unbearable. once I was away I felt a lot less stress but also felt empty and unsure what to do with myself or who I was.
When we’re living in such a denial based society our good mental health and awareness is completely irrelevant. This is the unfortunate truth. Even if u try to explain this they simply do not get it or don’t want to get it. I have to go to therapy sometimes just to be able to deal with all the morons and narcissists that proliferate our world. I’ve become a semi recluse bc of this. It is exhausting dealing with this effed up world.
MARJAN Absolutely. The healthier and more aware we become we are ostracized. That’s the sad fact. But we still have to do what’s right for ourselves. I’m not going to be apart of the cesspool society we are in. I’m proud of u friend. We unfortunately are in the minority.
I think what you say here makes perfect sense. You can't unravel who you are without mustering a lot of courage - which itself is a rough and uneven process.
I was so ostracized by my mother, which allowed abusive behavior from my siblings that I didnt trust anyone. I remember having a lot of friends until I was 7 yrs old when we moved to another town. Even the move was traumatic. My sister and I were not told we were moving permanently. We would go on nice weekends to work on the house, but we always came back on Sunday evening...then one day we didn't. I started to make friends in the new town that lasted maybe a year, then all of a sudden I wasn't invited as part of the in crowd anymore. I found out decades later that it was because my mother was having an open affair (she was still married and living with my father, her husband) and my friends parents didn't want them to hang around with me anymore. As a result I just learned to do my own thing. Never had 'friends'; just once in a while I would meet someone and we would hang out for an hour or two, but that was the extent of it. I spent almost all my time alone. I did have a cousin that for a couple years we would each walk the train tracks to each other's house or meet in the middle...we lived about 5 miles apart. I remember that being a really good time for me, but it didn't last long as his mother moved all the time and most of the time I didn't know where he lived. I didn't interact with people, they engaged me. If they were interested in what I was doing they hung around for a bit. I don't ever remember stopping what I was doing to follow someone else. This was the pattern of my life right up until my second divorce at age 69. Since then I have done regressive hypnosis, energy therapy and read many many books including Alice Miller's books. I guess I always knew who I was, I just didn't understand it...I was a loner, always curious, always reading, always learning and always had some hair brained idea that I worked on until I did it, then I moved on to the next project. I am still a loner but I am working hard to change that because deep inside I have a burning desire to be a friend, have friends and be more social. It is not easy; but then nothing came easy for me. It always seemed that I was at the back of the pack, a day late and a dollar short whenever I tried to socialize. That never stopped me, it just made it very awkward and no friendships ever lasted very long...except for one. The brother of a girl I had a crush on in the 9th grade...she is long gone but we still are friends after over 50 years. Sometimes we don't hear from each other for years, then one day we will connect again like there was never a time when we weren't close, and after a few minutes of catching up we would carry on like always. At the end of it all I like who I am. I am an INFJ with strong INTJ overtones, an Empath with very good observational skills. I am and always was very creative with an outside of the box mindset that didn't work very well when interacting with others. But now that I live alone I am expressing my creativity for myself, that 'out side of the box' thinking is exciting and I really enjoy not having to compromise with someone else's bland tastes. I enjoy cooking so when I bought my new place I put a good size kitchen in it and this past week I bought some clear red oak lumber and made a 9 ft long by 1-1/2 inch thick counter top for one side of the kitchen and after spending two days hand sanding and glass scraping the surface to a near perfect smoothness where the wood grain stands out, I painted it a beautiful high gloss electric blue. I have two more counter tops to build and paint, then I will work on the back splashes which will be just as colorful. I don't really know why I am writing this, I just felt compelled to do so. So here it is. I guess writing this is my realization that the trauma is over, it has no more grip on my psyche. It doesn't have control over my behavior anymore...it is still a process but it is going along at a good pace and I am the happiest I have been in many decades.
I really resonate with your story especially regards having to spend alot of time alone as a child, moving and losing any developing friendships over and over. I like your optimistic outlook regards being alone and having friendships. I'm also an INFJ, and love learning. It seems to me your creative expression has been a real blessing. Thanks for sharing.
The only affirmation I got was for external achievements and qualities that society deems to be good, for example creativity. However they were never admiring the actual contribution I was making, instead only valued the act itself. And then it was usually paraded around to show to other parents how impressive their kid is. I dont feel like my parents, especially my dad is capable of seeing me for me and got uncomfortable when I was too expressive. It wasn't mirrored, it wasn't supported. For one reason or another I got the message that I needed to hide those parts of myself.
Omg, same! My parents never genuinely cared about my artistic talents to the point I started to hide everything I created. And I also known they would judge me based on my art.
This is so timely for me, Daniel. Thank you so much. I've been thinking about this topic _so much_ lately, wondering _why_ I never seem to be able to get any positive feedback and/or mirroring from anyone that I am in contact with. Just like you observed your friend that you gave positive feedback to, I _know_ that I contribute very _positive_ things to the world and people I interact with on an everyday basis. I _know_ that I _definitely_ make it a point to sincerely compliment and encourage others. Yet, I keep waiting to hear that feedback, mirroring about myself but it never comes! Just like your friend, and you, I know deep down that I am expressing and living out very positive, commendable traits, but I _rarely_ never get any mirroring/acknowledgement of it. Yeah, it's like... I'm not going to stop being the best person I can be for family, friends, co-workers, strangers and the world, but... I'm feeling a little dry in the validation department! I only need/want a little bit of praise/encouragement! Thank you for describing this issue in such a fine way. Please know that you have encouraged me greatly, as you have so many times before. I think you produce some of the best psychology/counseling on TH-cam. In my opinion, you are one of the Top 5 individuals that have actually made me feel profoundly better after listening to something you said or produced. (By the way, my top 5 would be you, Peter Breggin, Stefan Molyneux, Dr. Phil (I do think he calls out people that need to be called out) and another individual whose name I can't remember at the moment... Your documentary on people who healed from Schizophrenia was so profoundly AFFIRMING for me, because I went through symptoms of it for about 2 years when I was 19 - 21 and I knew what it was (because I learned about it a year earlier in a psychology 101 course my first year of college - having the tiny bit of knowledge that I did and about how it's onset is usually early adults SAVED me bc I had _some_ awareness about it, even though I had to go through it by myself.) Sorry I haven't written the last part very well. I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that to me you are a very awesome man who is very kind, sincere, intelligent and impactful in your work. You have made a difference in my life and I love seeing and hearing from you. God Bless. 😄👍🙏
I'm not saying this to offend you, but if you truly believed you possess all these good qualities, you most likely wouldn't crave external validation so much. What Daniel said also spoke to me because I too lacked mirroring in my childhood, yet later with the help of others and my own self-exploration I discovered more of how/who I really am. Anyway, as I intuitively discovered how valuable feedback can be, I started giving it to others, preferably compliments. And they come back plentiful. It's somehow a natural exchange of energies I wasn't even pushing for. But my feedback probably provokes just as much backlash, because I don't like sugar coating. My unsolicited advice would be to just relax and to try to let go of expectations. Don't chase validation because it often creates people pleasing behaviour and people perceive you as inauthentic. Just be fine with yourself and appreciate what you consider your qualities. The rest will follow.
@@VJolie3 Hi, V Jolie! Here is the link to the video I was referring to th-cam.com/video/EPfKc-TknWU/w-d-xo.html . You can also find it by searching on TH-cam _Daniel Mackler Schizophrenia_ . You may find other videos that way as well.
@@juliadarling3404 Thank you, Julia! No offense taken. I don't necessarily crave validation, it's just that I so rarely hear any positive feedback or appreciation, even though I give it out generously. I think it has more to do with being single and mainly interacting 90% of the time with people at my very Blue Collar, sometimes grinding factory job. I guess sometimes I just feel really "dry" - not lonely or desperate or depressed, just _dry_ - in the validation department. I am usually more grateful that the company I've worked for last 4 years has wonderful, non-abusive people compared to a few other places that I've worked. It's just nice to hear good feedback on a regular basis from people you spend so many hours with and it would be really encouraging. I suppose I do need to "get out more" outside of work, like joining a church congregation, being a Christian myself, or trying to spend more time with family. It's just that I live 1.5 hours from parents and siblings and on my off days, I tend to want to spend as much time as possible at home resting! It's all good though. I thank you for your feedback. In my opinion, the thoughts I've expressed here are just an example of how much kind, sincere accolades can mean to a person and their emotional stamina to keep going. 😂
giving up attachment for the sake of authenticity would make a child lose the relationship on wich it's Life depends. therefore there is no question, what becomes supressed is our authenticity and then we become 25, or 35 and we don't know who we are. -Gabor Maté Even if you know who you are. Does it conform to how others see you? The less it is, the more others might tend to think it is imagined. When the people around us rarely give positive feedback, we may be surprised what they think about us. how do we determine? whether they are correct or are they projecting values on us? do we know them well enough to be right with them in our assessment of what they are like? It's hard to know, I agree.
I never understood the concept of mirroring before now. Thought it was a way of "agreeing" with peoples conclusions. Didn't know it was just relaying your perception of someone to them.
Thank you, Daniel! What you say makes so much sense and has helped me immensly. I am now struggling to break free from my parents. I was wondering, did you study anything about the Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor? Its supposed to help overcome childhood trauma. ❤️
Thanks for the great video. I think truly trying to find yourself can be quite a terrifying process, which is why so many avoid it at all costs. Drugs have always scared me because I've felt as though they've shed light on the fact that maybe I don't have much of a true self -- maybe I'm just a machine that produces an endless stream of words in my head. Some days while driving to work I'll ask myself "What the hell was the point of everything I've done? I've more or less lived exactly how society expected me to...have I really been satisfied? Is there an alternate, more emotional and free version of myself that was crushed at a young age?" I think the answer to the later is definitely a yes, but I'm still trying to figure out to what extent. So much of who we are and what we want is shaped by society and our upbringing - it almost seems impossible to deconvolve ourselves from that.
Our world needs more Daniel Macklers. I knew people who really in my thoughts were highly dysfunctional during my growing years. I avoid them as adults because I do not wish to walk behind them or near them -- but miles in front of them, well that feels more comfortable. Debriding the crap others put into us while we are so impressionable is a mountain of work.
Why ask oneself who one is? Why try to find out who one is in a particular moment in time when it is not only difficult to make a correct assessment, but the assessment one makes is subject to change? Furthermore, who one is imminently changes, continuously even. One should strife to change continuously, at least. One shall never find out who one is, I argue. The question 'who am I' impedes one in one's quest to change. Yet, thy needs to know thyself, right? No, I argue. For what purpose does one need to know oneself? A definitive answer (any answer at all actually) impedes one to change. One should not hold oneself accountable to what one is, I mean, how else would one shed one's skin?
I've been thinking about respect recently, as a lens to look at myself and my family and the problems we had. I've been trying to define what respect is. One thing I've thought is listening is a part of it - listening to things like your body or your feelings or your thoughts. Are they considered, are they included, appreciated ... You can get respect through force, through fear and intimidating and manipulation, which I guess means you can coerce people to listen to you, to consider you. An environment of low respect is one of low listening where you aren't heard, you aren't seen, not your emotions or thoughts. One where those things are a battle of power. And I think that must come from a lack of skill, the skill of listening to oneself and respecting oneself.
Normally I’m a pretty decent person but I’ve noticed that I’m hyper sexual. I wonder if it’s because I don’t have enough intimacy in my life and I fill the void with something that isn’t great for me.
I attended Landmark forum in 2013. I got to know about stories but they gaslighted - parents are our root. I did identify at that point of time that my mom doesn't love me but I didn't know about NPD then and Landmark didn't say anything about narc parents.
I've never been to Landmark, but from the people I know who have gone to it it sure sounds like a cult. And they are very pushy in trying to recruit people to come -- very cultish...
@@dmackler58 I really want to write an article but that perplexity comes and goes. It doesn't fade. It has only grown stronger. I don't know there will be it's readers or not. I don't care. It's for my own sanity. Had I read "The Fountainhead" long before going to Landmark, I would have never stepped inside Landmark but I do have great faith in God's plan. It was very hard for the person to enroll me for it. It was one hour of argument. Then something clicked. And I said , I will join it to learn the FRAMEWORK ( i think there is a term in use which I didn't know earlier. It's called system)
So, I was listening to some people who'd been travelling in Tibet, and they wanted to know how they had such a happy life. There is no secret, but I thought, they think of everyone as an old friend.
We each have a personal responsibility to psychoanalyse ourselves if we are to find our true individuality, and yet to suggest that to most they’d run a mile because they’re scared of themselves. Excellent video.
Daniel ... you are spot on with this video. Just coming into knowing who I am after awakening/realizing my toxic family origin. I totally agree that as children, we did have to deny what was happening in order to survive. My realization actually pushed me into complete presence. I feel so connected with everything and feel like I had a spiritual awakening. I no longer judge, compare, criticize or demean as I have love and compassion for all conscious beings. There is a deeper level of consciousness which I believe taps into the universe. When you rid your mind of ego, all the toxic thoughts, ideas, beliefs, old baggage and poor me syndrome goes out the window. What you are left with is complete presence; and it's a beautiful state for the mind to live. It takes practice, but once you've been there, you know instinctively that it is the kingdom of heaven, so to speak.
Don't get me wrong, but believing that you always knew only shows resistance and ignorance. You haven't, not even once, realized something about yourself that you were not aware or conscious of it before?
Mr. Mackler, is there an age when we should stop blaming/ critizing/ hating our parents for childhood trauma? I have been following you for a while now and somehow, I feel, even though you are giving me tools to overcome my pains, your pain does not seem to be diminishing. Please correct me if I am wrong. I have been wrong 3 times before 😊😊
Workshop Acceptence of who your parents really are..reality. Letting go of the idealistic expectations of having loving caring healthy parents. Letting go of bitterness and anger because it only hurts us. Resolving the cognitive dissonance of expectations vs. reality
@@workshop3301, I am a bit alarmed by how many new agers flock to Daniel's videos. The solution is that humans have a dual nature and all traumas and episodic memories reside in the material part that we share with animals. The spiritual part is not first and foremost mystical but rational in the metaphysical sense and only then mystical. In medieval Catholicism, working out your salvation with fear and trembling also brings psychological healing. Something that none of the vague energies and intuitions can give you. The problem is that there is no "core self" or "inner spark" that could tell you anything or guide you anywhere or become the purpose of your existence.
7:58 ways of mirroring myself: friends therapy (confused way of mirroring) self therapeutic technique (found to be useful, observing outcome of behavior, relative to others & with respect to time)
I am in Europe, so should I go to America to find myself. Would like YOU to find ME in Europe, way down the Adriatic coast, in the region of narcissists, where my only friend is the character from the book of whom you are now - since you've been found - the embodiment "Question of Heaven"
The problem is that even our parents were traumatized themselves. That doesn’t give them a pass for what they did to us, they aren’t absolved by recognizing that they themselves were traumatized. But it’s difficult to truly come to terms with an abuser knowing that they themselves were also abused. Especially it’s even more difficult if that parent/abuser is still in our lives and unwilling or unable to change themselves. Sometimes, at least in my experience, it’s better to distance ourselves from the abuser even if it doesn’t fix our core problems/issues that we have. It at least ameliorates the damage from occurring further.
Thanks for this, I can better see some of my own problems when framed like this. I have a lot of insecurities and feel like I'm not able to engage with others who don't have those because I cant reciprocate their energy. I see how if I were to have kids, even if I'm not shutting them down intentionally that by not mirroring them I would passively shut them down. I think back to being really excited to show my dad my improv rock concert and suddenly becoming very self conscious, aware that he was only pretending to be interested. This is a common theme with my parents, pretending to reciprocate. Knowing they should, but not truly being connected to us. And now I have similar tendencies.
Interesting. I agree that as social creatures we need mirroring to make sense of ourselves and get the notion of what our strong and weak sides are, especially in the young age. However, you saying that you speak up with some objective truth that others just don't see - this is triggering for me. Sure, often we can just notice literal contradictions between what the person says and does (we could even record it and play it back to prove it, in many cases) and then we can bring it up to the light. And often there would be a backlash simply because the person wants to think they are constant and integrated. BUT very often it is much more nuanced and depends on different perspectives and interpretations/definitions of something of you and the other person. I believe we should be careful with saying that someone lives in a lie or is a hypocrite. It feels very judgemental and a slippery slope to me. I believe it is better to say "in my perspective". Which you also often say, I like your videos generally and find interesting points in them. Thanks for sharing :)
Simple to know who one is. Meditate on who or what one has loved most and all of its ramifications before, during and after. Follow all the dots to see the complete picture.
How do you get others to mirror your bad qualities and get feedback from it? I am scared to ask people or listen to others opinions due to it being wrong or them just pushing another false agenda or belief about me that will falsely accept it as truth yet it distorts me again. Thoughts?
It's not hard. It's impossible. Since we are part of an ever changing, ever growing, infinite complex reality, imagining there are straight (one dimensional) answers to (inherently) infinite complex questions is the best way to fool yourself and others. The good news is; you can know enough of yourself, others and reality to function based on your makeup and preferences.
I had a bursting anger throughout my teenage years and I didn’t know why. I was accused by family that this was my character. But the strange thing was that outside my home I was quite calm it was like I had two different characters and that made me feel awful. After years I realized that it was the result of neglect and mistreatment of my parents. We really can’t know why we are the way we are without a closer look to our history. Thanks so much, you help us change so many things inside
I was in the exact same situation as you, I'm glad to know i was alone, thank you so much for your comment and all the best.
Wow this comment stirred a note in me. I just focused on the feeling of what I was 'created to be'in my family vs what it feels like to be out of that environment where I am more able to create myself. I'm very far removed from those people but not from the feelings of being held captive to others opinions. You comment highlights the delineation of the surroundings. I wish you the best!
@@antiprismatic
I am glad what I wrote helped you someway. I realized that I was raised by emotionally immature parents and they tend to be quite accusative instead of taking the responsibility of their own actions espacially the ones on their children. There is a book on the issue which helped me a great deal. It’s title is “adult children of emotionally immature parents” by Lisa C. Gibson. I strongly suggest that book as it helps you understand how your character was shaped under your parents’ influence and how you can help yourself. I wish you the very best
Hello can I dm you I have this exact problem except even though I am calm outside I am always extremely uncomfortable
@@iris3401Hello, Irıs. I would like to help you but Is it possible to Dm from youtube because I don’t have a social media account
I was told by my Mother “You speak up the truth and hurt other people’s hearts”. She never really appreciated any of my good qualities. I never realised who I should be. My self was not realised at all during my childhood. I was not allowed to be me at all, or feel sad or angry or my reality until 18. I still suffer from not knowing who I am.
Funny that ,,the truth“ never is hurting people’s heart rather it’s always hurting their ego
I survived my childhood the way our ancestors survived their brutal existences: escape into the supernatural. It worked for me, but now, disentangling myself from the protective covering of the "supernatural", I come to old memories and the griefs in them I'd avoided earlier. I sense I should take my time with this, because I imagine the emotions could be overwhelming. After all, psychosis comes from somewhere.
What a jewel this video is. I heard you use the term mirroring, and I’ve never known what it meant. I was a lot like you as a child but a military brat, not an NYC. My dad told me I drove him crazy. He said he wasn’t prepared to parent a child like me. I questioned him and thought of alternate ways of doing a task or could make a case for not doing the job. However, I knew my family was messed up at age three. I packed a toy case with underwear and socks and announced I was running away. They would laugh as I walk out the door to the edge of the sidewalk than realized the sun would be setting soon, and I’d have to search for shelter in the dark. I would announce it was going to get dark soon. Therefore I’d leave in the morning. My parents would roar with laughter. I’d cry if my three year old felt that way.
Always a pleasure, to be able to sit down with a coffee, spark up a cigarette and listen to you Daniel.. i feel like i am in living room with you. Very personable, which to me is the best way to impart information and knowledge.
Surely Irish or scottish lineage, or at least celtic.
Thank you for shootin the breeze with us all.
Exactly that I don't think I've enjoyed any other videos as much as I do him
Cigarettes give you cancer
Thank you so much. You are so helpful to me. Greetings from Germany.
Liebe Grüße aus dem schönen Süden Deutschlands 💛🧡❤️
@@themetamorphosisofgipsy Yes! Ebenfalls! ♥️
I've always been so curious to see interviews of healthy families. It's easy to find abusive and crazy families because they're somewhat entertaining to watch but I would love to see actual examples of healthy family structures.
Yes! I want to also see films with problems and crises processed and transformed. Which is hard, since such a process takes one's resources and is afterwards largely forgotten. And many aren't interested. But I did ask a film-maker I met.
So true!! Same experience here. I hated hypocrisy since childhood and my parents hated me because they were and still are hypocrites.
To be human is to be hypocrite.
How to practice Compassionate for the Hypocrites?
Reset expectations?
Strengthen your heart by lifting and letting go of the weight of responsibility to react to hypocrisy? People contradict themselves...
You can learn to connect or disconnect yourself from that and keep your inner-ballast centered...
But also, "fùçk yeeewwww D-A-D-!-!-!"
I remember my mother always bragging to the family about how quite I was, never cried. In retrospect and learning about attachment, and the abuse by her. I know, so far, it had to do with fear of her, trauma bonds, attachment style, and I'm still learning.
With all the work I'm doing on myself, I know this.... The Return On Investment for the evil acts that has happened to me and others is outrageous.
Peace be with you fellow travelers.
And to you friend
The older i get, the more questions i have. Thought by 66, i would have finally figured out life and so called reality. I was wrong. I don't see or hear from anyone off of the machine. Not by choice. To busy trying to survive. My life has changed many times over the years.
@MARJAN No Thank You. Have already been here much longer than i had planed. Been thru enough pain in the last 6 years, to last 6 lifetimes. Besides, i have a much better place waiting for me. With 17 medical conditions, and no cure for 4 of them, am here on borrowed time. Right now, i am trying to sell most of my belongings so i don't end up homeless again. Have ten weeks to get as many of the items sold and find an affordable place to live. Back to work
@MARJAN Instead of dying at 40 as planned, I ended up starring over. Was able to work for 19 years. Never thought it would come to this. So now very thankful for the few good times when they come. A rarity
@MARJANmy top concern now is not ending up homeless again in 7 weeks . so working on sales an apt lists
@MARJAN in a major Rush now before I get yelled at. Take care
A
I have nothing to give this world. I‘m running out of essence, in the gaze of others; I’m burning up - not sublimating, no, just combusting.
Same
“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself."
Philip Larkin, 1971
Turn the other cheek? That's a good way to get slapped down again. FORGET IT. Slap me and I'm coming at you, so DON'T.
Hey Daniel, I recently found a lot of value studying the long history of intergenerational child abuse from various books such as "Saharasia: The 4000 BCE Origins of Child Abuse, Sex-Repression, Warfare and Social Violence, in the Deserts of the Old World" by James DeMeo, "The Garden of their Dreams" by Brian Griffith and "Switching to Goddess" by J. Lyn Studebaker.
It gives you a whole lot of context about the history of intergenerational trauma and how exactly it all started (very well thought out theory with a lot of convincing evidence backing it up since the first book is actually a doctoral thesis) and how we ultimately got here into this worldwide massively traumatized situation. These books are some of the most painful reads emotionally, but once you process and integrate all that painful stuff you at least get a lot of long historical knowledge about your own life and the people and culture around you in general which puts things into perspective in a big way.
@Pat B Yeah that tumor of social violence, repression, enslavement, child abuse, warfare and so on spread from the first near eastern empires right throughout the world via expansion through warfare. Check out Ollie Bye's video: "The History of the World: Every Year" and then watch the european cultures from 6.000 BCE all the way to about 300 BCE. Everything was perfectly peaceful there as you can see by almost no border changes at all throughout those millenia and just some internal cultural development. And then compare it to the near/middle eastern region where you can see constant border changes of the so called "high cultures" representing constant wars, subjugation and enslavements or even extermination of the adjacent cultures each time a border changes significantly. Only when the romans entered europe around the year 0 and enslaved it's people the era of peace ended here and we quickly became just as traumatized as those who conquered these lands...
@Pat B I read all three of these books some years ago. Yeah the romans were definitely full of what the author Paul Levy calls the Wetiko virus. By the way on the concept of Wetiko: This is definitely a recommended read, check out the the three articles from Paul Levy over at realitysandwich just google "Wetiko: The Greatest Epidemic Sickness Known to Humanity" and you'll find these three articles posted on realitysandwich explaining quite accurately what we're really dealing with here.
As for good videos on Saharasia explaining the psychogenesis of Wetiko I have to decline at least for english speaking audiences. Over here at germany there are about half a dozen very good speeches/videos on that topic if you search for Saharasia up there you'll find them. But all is not lost for all others since you can at least find good summaries of the book by the author himself over at researchgate, named "Saharasia: Geographical Comparisons of World Cultures and Civilization" and another document with the table of content of the Saharasia book on the same site. And then there is also the homepage of James DeMeo called orgonelab (just google it) where you can find some more summaries of the book by him and some other materials.
When I first read this comment there were five replies and someone explaining Wetiko and talking more about Saharasia and Germany etc.. Within 5 mins when I came back, I see no comments?! I am sure I saw comments over there. Is the algorithm hiding the replies?
@@RishiAggarwal I can only see my own 3 comments (2 of which were replies to Pat B) too. Pat B's replies are deleted or invisible to me. Can you still see my comments or which ones are hidden for you?
Hi, now I can see your comments. Two of them. Thanks for your comments, lot of value and it was very valuable to know of Paul Levy. I heard his video on Rebel Radio and that is so articulate.
After 23 years my dad came to me and straight up said: your mother has borderline disorder.
I always knew something is wrong with the relationship with my mother but I had no one mentioning or mirroring it. Some part of me loves her which makes it so conflicted.
I started crying after reading a few books about borderline parents and their influence of a child’s life. It was too much for me. My brother is also abusive towards me, I always feel unsafe near my family, when he starts getting physical no one can stop him. Not even my dad. Knife attacks, drugs, police… all because of him.
I still life with my family, thanks to my trauma I’m in a ,,freeze” state, unable to move out, I’ve tried but my body/ brain is working against me. I’m in isolation now, I feel sadness but I don’t want to feel it because I’m alone
my mother was diagnosed bpd and moving out was really difficult, she would guilt me into staying, eventually I moved out in secret because it became unbearable. once I was away I felt a lot less stress but also felt empty and unsure what to do with myself or who I was.
great observer, thinker, feeler, and speaker. great courage too. stay cool, Daniel.
Thank you for your channel. Feels refreshingly honest and helpful in bettering oneself. Thank you!
When we’re living in such a denial based society our good mental health and awareness is completely irrelevant. This is the unfortunate truth. Even if u try to explain this they simply do not get it or don’t want to get it. I have to go to therapy sometimes just to be able to deal with all the morons and narcissists that proliferate our world. I’ve become a semi recluse bc of this. It is exhausting dealing with this effed up world.
MARJAN Absolutely. The healthier and more aware we become we are ostracized. That’s the sad fact. But we still have to do what’s right for ourselves. I’m not going to be apart of the cesspool society we are in. I’m proud of u friend. We unfortunately are in the minority.
Therapy F'd me up and I have trouble keeping friends.
I think what you say here makes perfect sense. You can't unravel who you are without mustering a lot of courage - which itself is a rough and uneven process.
Being abused by my parents set me up for being abused by my siblings.
I was so ostracized by my mother, which allowed abusive behavior from my siblings that I didnt trust anyone. I remember having a lot of friends until I was 7 yrs old when we moved to another town. Even the move was traumatic. My sister and I were not told we were moving permanently. We would go on nice weekends to work on the house, but we always came back on Sunday evening...then one day we didn't.
I started to make friends in the new town that lasted maybe a year, then all of a sudden I wasn't invited as part of the in crowd anymore. I found out decades later that it was because my mother was having an open affair (she was still married and living with my father, her husband) and my friends parents didn't want them to hang around with me anymore.
As a result I just learned to do my own thing. Never had 'friends'; just once in a while I would meet someone and we would hang out for an hour or two, but that was the extent of it. I spent almost all my time alone. I did have a cousin that for a couple years we would each walk the train tracks to each other's house or meet in the middle...we lived about 5 miles apart. I remember that being a really good time for me, but it didn't last long as his mother moved all the time and most of the time I didn't know where he lived.
I didn't interact with people, they engaged me. If they were interested in what I was doing they hung around for a bit. I don't ever remember stopping what I was doing to follow someone else. This was the pattern of my life right up until my second divorce at age 69. Since then I have done regressive hypnosis, energy therapy and read many many books including Alice Miller's books. I guess I always knew who I was, I just didn't understand it...I was a loner, always curious, always reading, always learning and always had some hair brained idea that I worked on until I did it, then I moved on to the next project.
I am still a loner but I am working hard to change that because deep inside I have a burning desire to be a friend, have friends and be more social. It is not easy; but then nothing came easy for me. It always seemed that I was at the back of the pack, a day late and a dollar short whenever I tried to socialize. That never stopped me, it just made it very awkward and no friendships ever lasted very long...except for one. The brother of a girl I had a crush on in the 9th grade...she is long gone but we still are friends after over 50 years. Sometimes we don't hear from each other for years, then one day we will connect again like there was never a time when we weren't close, and after a few minutes of catching up we would carry on like always.
At the end of it all I like who I am. I am an INFJ with strong INTJ overtones, an Empath with very good observational skills. I am and always was very creative with an outside of the box mindset that didn't work very well when interacting with others. But now that I live alone I am expressing my creativity for myself, that 'out side of the box' thinking is exciting and I really enjoy not having to compromise with someone else's bland tastes. I enjoy cooking so when I bought my new place I put a good size kitchen in it and this past week I bought some clear red oak lumber and made a 9 ft long by 1-1/2 inch thick counter top for one side of the kitchen and after spending two days hand sanding and glass scraping the surface to a near perfect smoothness where the wood grain stands out, I painted it a beautiful high gloss electric blue. I have two more counter tops to build and paint, then I will work on the back splashes which will be just as colorful.
I don't really know why I am writing this, I just felt compelled to do so. So here it is. I guess writing this is my realization that the trauma is over, it has no more grip on my psyche. It doesn't have control over my behavior anymore...it is still a process but it is going along at a good pace and I am the happiest I have been in many decades.
Thank you for sharing. Appreciate it
I really resonate with your story especially regards having to spend alot of time alone as a child, moving and losing any developing friendships over and over.
I like your optimistic outlook regards being alone and having friendships. I'm also an INFJ, and love learning.
It seems to me your creative expression has been a real blessing. Thanks for sharing.
I lived silently with no compliments and relationships the same. Thank God I am good at complimenting others.
The only affirmation I got was for external achievements and qualities that society deems to be good, for example creativity. However they were never admiring the actual contribution I was making, instead only valued the act itself. And then it was usually paraded around to show to other parents how impressive their kid is. I dont feel like my parents, especially my dad is capable of seeing me for me and got uncomfortable when I was too expressive. It wasn't mirrored, it wasn't supported. For one reason or another I got the message that I needed to hide those parts of myself.
Omg, same! My parents never genuinely cared about my artistic talents to the point I started to hide everything I created. And I also known they would judge me based on my art.
This is so timely for me, Daniel. Thank you so much. I've been thinking about this topic _so much_ lately, wondering _why_ I never seem to be able to get any positive feedback and/or mirroring from anyone that I am in contact with.
Just like you observed your friend that you gave positive feedback to, I _know_ that I contribute very _positive_ things to the world and people I interact with on an everyday basis. I _know_ that I _definitely_ make it a point to sincerely compliment and encourage others. Yet, I keep waiting to hear that feedback, mirroring about myself but it never comes!
Just like your friend, and you, I know deep down that I am expressing and living out very positive, commendable traits, but I _rarely_ never get any mirroring/acknowledgement of it.
Yeah, it's like... I'm not going to stop being the best person I can be for family, friends, co-workers, strangers and the world, but... I'm feeling a little dry in the validation department! I only need/want a little bit of praise/encouragement!
Thank you for describing this issue in such a fine way. Please know that you have encouraged me greatly, as you have so many times before.
I think you produce some of the best psychology/counseling on TH-cam. In my opinion, you are one of the Top 5 individuals that have actually made me feel profoundly better after listening to something you said or produced. (By the way, my top 5 would be you, Peter Breggin, Stefan Molyneux, Dr. Phil (I do think he calls out people that need to be called out) and another individual whose name I can't remember at the moment... Your documentary on people who healed from Schizophrenia was so profoundly AFFIRMING for me, because I went through symptoms of it for about 2 years when I was 19 - 21 and I knew what it was (because I learned about it a year earlier in a psychology 101 course my first year of college - having the tiny bit of knowledge that I did and about how it's onset is usually early adults SAVED me bc I had _some_ awareness about it, even though I had to go through it by myself.)
Sorry I haven't written the last part very well. I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that to me you are a very awesome man who is very kind, sincere, intelligent and impactful in your work. You have made a difference in my life and I love seeing and hearing from you. God Bless. 😄👍🙏
I Want To Survive thanks for the post! I’ve been trying to find the documentary you mentioned. What is it titled??
Most individuals never got any substantial mirroring themselves, so they don't even know how to mirror or what it even really "means"
I'm not saying this to offend you, but if you truly believed you possess all these good qualities, you most likely wouldn't crave external validation so much.
What Daniel said also spoke to me because I too lacked mirroring in my childhood, yet later with the help of others and my own self-exploration I discovered more of how/who I really am. Anyway, as I intuitively discovered how valuable feedback can be, I started giving it to others, preferably compliments. And they come back plentiful. It's somehow a natural exchange of energies I wasn't even pushing for. But my feedback probably provokes just as much backlash, because I don't like sugar coating.
My unsolicited advice would be to just relax and to try to let go of expectations. Don't chase validation because it often creates people pleasing behaviour and people perceive you as inauthentic. Just be fine with yourself and appreciate what you consider your qualities. The rest will follow.
@@VJolie3 Hi, V Jolie! Here is the link to the video I was referring to th-cam.com/video/EPfKc-TknWU/w-d-xo.html . You can also find it by searching on TH-cam _Daniel Mackler Schizophrenia_ . You may find other videos that way as well.
@@juliadarling3404 Thank you, Julia! No offense taken. I don't necessarily crave validation, it's just that I so rarely hear any positive feedback or appreciation, even though I give it out generously. I think it has more to do with being single and mainly interacting 90% of the time with people at my very Blue Collar, sometimes grinding factory job. I guess sometimes I just feel really "dry" - not lonely or desperate or depressed, just _dry_ - in the validation department. I am usually more grateful that the company I've worked for last 4 years has wonderful, non-abusive people compared to a few other places that I've worked. It's just nice to hear good feedback on a regular basis from people you spend so many hours with and it would be really encouraging.
I suppose I do need to "get out more" outside of work, like joining a church congregation, being a Christian myself, or trying to spend more time with family. It's just that I live 1.5 hours from parents and siblings and on my off days, I tend to want to spend as much time as possible at home resting!
It's all good though. I thank you for your feedback. In my opinion, the thoughts I've expressed here are just an example of how much kind, sincere accolades can mean to a person and their emotional stamina to keep going. 😂
Good one! Thanks Daniel.
Over 40. Still don’t know who I am or anything. Lonely as hell.
giving up attachment for the sake of authenticity would make a child lose the relationship on wich it's Life depends.
therefore there is no question, what becomes supressed is our authenticity and then we become 25, or 35 and we don't know who we are.
-Gabor Maté
Even if you know who you are.
Does it conform to how others see you?
The less it is, the more others might tend to think
it is imagined.
When the people around us rarely give positive feedback, we may be surprised what they think about us.
how do we determine? whether they are correct or are they projecting values on us?
do we know them well enough to be right with them in our assessment of what they are like?
It's hard to know, I agree.
Here's Gabor talking about that quote: th-cam.com/video/l3bynimi8HQ/w-d-xo.html
Brilliant talk, thank you. It is the most basic, fundamental things about ourselves that are the most difficult to unravel. Well done!
Your videos are just amazing! Thank you!
I never understood the concept of mirroring before now. Thought it was a way of "agreeing" with peoples conclusions. Didn't know it was just relaying your perception of someone to them.
I don't really want to live
Thank you, Daniel! What you say makes so much sense and has helped me immensly. I am now struggling to break free from my parents. I was wondering, did you study anything about the Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor? Its supposed to help overcome childhood trauma. ❤️
This is the best self analogy I ever heard,thank you ,very impressive .
it's hard existing as an INFJ / INTJ character
Is it me? Or is there NO ONE on TH-cam with this level of authenticity and experience and wisdom? Honest question - is anyone similar?
If your parents were perfect or near-perfect, wouldn't you have most likely also rebelled as a means of confronting their perfectionistic tendencies?
thank you Daniel. tqvm...
Thank you Daniel, I needed this today. ✌
you're a breath of fresh air.
Thank you for the videos theyre really helpful
You’re an incredible man, a truly dazzling being. I mean it.
Thanks for the great video. I think truly trying to find yourself can be quite a terrifying process, which is why so many avoid it at all costs. Drugs have always scared me because I've felt as though they've shed light on the fact that maybe I don't have much of a true self -- maybe I'm just a machine that produces an endless stream of words in my head. Some days while driving to work I'll ask myself "What the hell was the point of everything I've done? I've more or less lived exactly how society expected me to...have I really been satisfied? Is there an alternate, more emotional and free version of myself that was crushed at a young age?" I think the answer to the later is definitely a yes, but I'm still trying to figure out to what extent. So much of who we are and what we want is shaped by society and our upbringing - it almost seems impossible to deconvolve ourselves from that.
“Self Therapy” I like that.
Our world needs more Daniel Macklers. I knew people who really in my thoughts were highly dysfunctional during my growing years. I avoid them as adults because I do not wish to walk behind them or near them -- but miles in front of them, well that feels more comfortable. Debriding the crap others put into us while we are so impressionable is a mountain of work.
Your family role sounds like being the "truth child". I am the same. It is a lonely "childhood" or rather no childhood.
Could we really know who we are?
Yes!
Clearly Daniel, we both had parents who were covertly satanic.
Haha! Hope you don't mind the chuckles, but your comment just tickled my truth sense
Why ask oneself who one is? Why try to find out who one is in a particular moment in time when it is not only difficult to make a correct assessment, but the assessment one makes is subject to change? Furthermore, who one is imminently changes, continuously even. One should strife to change continuously, at least. One shall never find out who one is, I argue. The question 'who am I' impedes one in one's quest to change. Yet, thy needs to know thyself, right? No, I argue. For what purpose does one need to know oneself? A definitive answer (any answer at all actually) impedes one to change. One should not hold oneself accountable to what one is, I mean, how else would one shed one's skin?
I've been thinking about respect recently, as a lens to look at myself and my family and the problems we had. I've been trying to define what respect is. One thing I've thought is listening is a part of it - listening to things like your body or your feelings or your thoughts. Are they considered, are they included, appreciated ... You can get respect through force, through fear and intimidating and manipulation, which I guess means you can coerce people to listen to you, to consider you. An environment of low respect is one of low listening where you aren't heard, you aren't seen, not your emotions or thoughts. One where those things are a battle of power. And I think that must come from a lack of skill, the skill of listening to oneself and respecting oneself.
Respect is when someone values you.
Thankyou for your honesty and the positivity which shines through
You remind me of Teal Swan in that you pick up the true reality, not just what the mainstream propagates
Right on Daniel! I feel like you are mirroring me---resonance is intoxicating (endorphin's release).
I have watched many of your videos. I enjoy your content and insight. I also noticed that you have lovely expressive hands and elegant long fingers.
I’ve given confirmation to ppl about their good qualities and they STILL DID NOT GET IT. I gave up.
47?? you don't look a day over 30 :o
I knew who I wanted to be but never could I remember a compliment from them because I think they were old school and didn’t know how or should.
Resonates to me of Alice miller’s work. Thank you for such brave words and videos.
Yep. Rewarded for coming to the rescue of dysfunctional adults.
I'm so glad that you were able to retain the person that you really are, because you've been such a blessing to so many of us!
Another awesome upload. Thank you for all the great, and insightful uploads!
It's the only way you can grow into an adult!!!! I know , I'm going through it!!!
Thank you for confirming what i am slowly discovering
I bought your 'self therapy book'. I appreciate you so much.
It sounds like you and I have similar qualities and backgrounds. I was given a lot of broken, warped, and convoluted mirrors too.
Normally I’m a pretty decent person but I’ve noticed that I’m hyper sexual. I wonder if it’s because I don’t have enough intimacy in my life and I fill the void with something that isn’t great for me.
another excellent vid. Thanks!
I attended Landmark forum in 2013. I got to know about stories but they gaslighted - parents are our root. I did identify at that point of time that my mom doesn't love me but I didn't know about NPD then and Landmark didn't say anything about narc parents.
I've never been to Landmark, but from the people I know who have gone to it it sure sounds like a cult. And they are very pushy in trying to recruit people to come -- very cultish...
@@dmackler58 It is a cult Daniel. I agree. And no one can fight with it's founder. Media is controlled by him.
@@dmackler58 I really want to write an article but that perplexity comes and goes. It doesn't fade. It has only grown stronger. I don't know there will be it's readers or not. I don't care. It's for my own sanity. Had I read "The Fountainhead" long before going to Landmark, I would have never stepped inside Landmark but I do have great faith in God's plan. It was very hard for the person to enroll me for it. It was one hour of argument. Then something clicked. And I said , I will join it to learn the FRAMEWORK ( i think there is a term in use which I didn't know earlier. It's called system)
I've been to one meeting. I thought they were very strange. I never went back.
So, I was listening to some people who'd been travelling in Tibet, and they wanted to know how they had such a happy life. There is no secret, but I thought, they think of everyone as an old friend.
We each have a personal responsibility to psychoanalyse ourselves if we are to find our true individuality, and yet to suggest that to most they’d run a mile because they’re scared of themselves. Excellent video.
Thanks
Yes, yes
thank you
Bravo 👏👏👏 and thank you! 🤗
The measure of a man is his relationship to the truth. That’s why philosophy.
Killing me softly, Daniel.
I don’t know why but I don’t remember most of my childhood which o can’t figure out why but I was close to my parents so I have no clue
Thank you, your honest sharing is so helpful
Yes so true! You kno what? You are great at making these videos!
Daniel ... you are spot on with this video. Just coming into knowing who I am after awakening/realizing my toxic family origin. I totally agree that as children, we did have to deny what was happening in order to survive. My realization actually pushed me into complete presence. I feel so connected with everything and feel like I had a spiritual awakening. I no longer judge, compare, criticize or demean as I have love and compassion for all conscious beings. There is a deeper level of consciousness which I believe taps into the universe. When you rid your mind of ego, all the toxic thoughts, ideas, beliefs, old baggage and poor me syndrome goes out the window. What you are left with is complete presence; and it's a beautiful state for the mind to live. It takes practice, but once you've been there, you know instinctively that it is the kingdom of heaven, so to speak.
Daniel, you are a prophet of our times, breaking down all the dysfunctional messed up world order.
can you please do a video on maladaptive daydreming?
Hey didn’t you take a trip to like Ecuador? How was it?!
MARJAN
Oh yeah like Ayahuasca?!
I know who i am. I always knew. People trying to tell me iam something that has nothing to do with me its faaaaar far from the true
Don't get me wrong, but believing that you always knew only shows resistance and ignorance. You haven't, not even once, realized something about yourself that you were not aware or conscious of it before?
Saviour
Can you please say a bit what is the Self-Therapy and is there for example a good book on it? Thanks fot the topic
@@lipotrimloser thanks.. will check it out
Mr. Mackler, is there an age when we should stop blaming/ critizing/ hating our parents for childhood trauma?
I have been following you for a while now and somehow, I feel, even though you are giving me tools to overcome my pains, your pain does not seem to be diminishing.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
I have been wrong 3 times before 😊😊
@@xeropunt5749 Nice, real nice!!!!
Workshop Acceptence of who your parents really are..reality. Letting go of the idealistic expectations of having loving caring healthy parents. Letting go of bitterness and anger because it only hurts us. Resolving the cognitive dissonance of expectations vs. reality
@Wayne M I still have no answer. May Almighty God Grant Us All Ease.
@@workshop3301, I am a bit alarmed by how many new agers flock to Daniel's videos. The solution is that humans have a dual nature and all traumas and episodic memories reside in the material part that we share with animals. The spiritual part is not first and foremost mystical but rational in the metaphysical sense and only then mystical. In medieval Catholicism, working out your salvation with fear and trembling also brings psychological healing. Something that none of the vague energies and intuitions can give you. The problem is that there is no "core self" or "inner spark" that could tell you anything or guide you anywhere or become the purpose of your existence.
7:58
ways of mirroring myself:
friends
therapy (confused way of mirroring)
self therapeutic technique (found to be useful, observing outcome of behavior, relative to others & with respect to time)
I am in Europe, so should I go to America to find myself. Would like YOU to find ME in Europe, way down the Adriatic coast, in the region of narcissists, where my only friend is the character from the book of whom you are now - since you've been found - the embodiment
"Question of Heaven"
The problem is that even our parents were traumatized themselves.
That doesn’t give them a pass for what they did to us, they aren’t absolved by recognizing that they themselves were traumatized.
But it’s difficult to truly come to terms with an abuser knowing that they themselves were also abused. Especially it’s even more difficult if that parent/abuser is still in our lives and unwilling or unable to change themselves.
Sometimes, at least in my experience, it’s better to distance ourselves from the abuser even if it doesn’t fix our core problems/issues that we have. It at least ameliorates the damage from occurring further.
Thanks for this, I can better see some of my own problems when framed like this. I have a lot of insecurities and feel like I'm not able to engage with others who don't have those because I cant reciprocate their energy. I see how if I were to have kids, even if I'm not shutting them down intentionally that by not mirroring them I would passively shut them down. I think back to being really excited to show my dad my improv rock concert and suddenly becoming very self conscious, aware that he was only pretending to be interested.
This is a common theme with my parents, pretending to reciprocate. Knowing they should, but not truly being connected to us. And now I have similar tendencies.
Interesting. I agree that as social creatures we need mirroring to make sense of ourselves and get the notion of what our strong and weak sides are, especially in the young age. However, you saying that you speak up with some objective truth that others just don't see - this is triggering for me. Sure, often we can just notice literal contradictions between what the person says and does (we could even record it and play it back to prove it, in many cases) and then we can bring it up to the light. And often there would be a backlash simply because the person wants to think they are constant and integrated. BUT very often it is much more nuanced and depends on different perspectives and interpretations/definitions of something of you and the other person. I believe we should be careful with saying that someone lives in a lie or is a hypocrite. It feels very judgemental and a slippery slope to me. I believe it is better to say "in my perspective". Which you also often say, I like your videos generally and find interesting points in them. Thanks for sharing :)
You are doing it already. Helping people, me, to better know themselves or at least how to start better knowing themselves
Simple to know who one is. Meditate on who or what one has loved most and all of its ramifications before, during and after. Follow all the dots to see the complete picture.
My boss told me I was like a mom for my friends. One of the only times someone has told me “You have this quality”
How do you get others to mirror your bad qualities and get feedback from it? I am scared to ask people or listen to others opinions due to it being wrong or them just pushing another false agenda or belief about me that will falsely accept it as truth yet it distorts me again.
Thoughts?
pathological sense of self... ya, that was me.
Thank you for sharing these videos! ❤
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Daniel was very angry in this video. I'm not actually a bad thing.
He is angry because he is unsure.
It's not hard. It's impossible. Since we are part of an ever changing, ever growing, infinite complex reality, imagining there are straight (one dimensional) answers to (inherently) infinite complex questions is the best way to fool yourself and others. The good news is; you can know enough of yourself, others and reality to function based on your makeup and preferences.