6 things you can count on a narcissist to say
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 พ.ค. 2023
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Narcs only apologize when they need something…the apology isn’t genuine
They love transactional apologies - "hey, I actually apologized this time so you owe me!"
They might even brag about love in words, not so much in actions.
@@Astral_DuskOR, “i’ll apologize if you do this” you’re asking an award for taking accountability that you did something wrong😭
Biggest thing i noticed about narcissist is they are different depending on who's around. They want nothing more than to uplift themselves in the eyes of others.
100%
Oohhh, you sure said it! They are "marvels" in a crowd. I always think of Billy Joel's song line "you had to be the big shot didn't ya?"
So very true- and I think narcissists are very selective with whom they choose to be their victim.
True!
While trashing you to look good if needed!
What about:
- Not apologizing at all
- "You are exeggarating"
- "It's your fault"
- "You are always like that"
Definitely red flags. Actually, when I hear these, I run. These are like “you don’t know who you’re messing with”. Run.
"You always ruin everything"......" You can count on me"...." he is just my friend "....." I kissed another woman but I'm NOT bisexual "...." why are you sabotaging a good thing "?
"You're too sensitive." "Your sisters don't think that."
"You need to tell me (not want me to ask you anything about you)"
Three weeks ago I walked out on a narcissistic relationship that I only recognised as such after 15 years together. He was the light of my life. I ran around him like the moon does the sun. We thought ourselves a magical couple. Then we married two years ago and the tables turned. I was just his wife and was used as a full time carer and slave to our work and his ego. All the love and charm disappeared and I found myself so tired and old-feeling that I felt I would die and early death unless I got out of there. After one last argument, I left, with nothing but the clothes on my back and my passport (I was in another country) and went home to my family. It was the best thing I have ever done. I felt the years fall from my shoulders and I have a new job, I am gardening and am seeing friends again who I had missed over the years. I recommend it. Thank you for your videos. Learning that my husband was a narcissist, as is my mother - and I a codependent - has changed my life. I no longer feel tired all the time and yesterday planted up a small garden of vegetables and reclaimed my overgrown garden. I feel twenty years younger.
Well done leaving. Best wishes.
❤. My story same. Beginning was good, love. Care support, I'm everything for him so and so after marriage, it's about him his mom and sister his business. His friends so and so. Before I was working after pregnancy stop working, full time mum + all the households chores run by me. I worked as a florist for him. He look after all finances and rents , bills, if I asked for some money to send to my mum he'll say girls don't need to look after parents I started my own business from home, ever since any argument comes stop that business, you can't run it from my house I pay rent, 2 tines I caught him cheating me with his colleague, I had a big argument I even ended up hitting him hurting my self. I gave whole my life to him my career, my choices, the way I dress , my freedom, my friends there he's going with another woman. He started to to complain about little little thing, disrespect front of his family, front of others in public places, always you are a bad mum, bad cook, bad cleaner, bad person. Always calling me stupid lady, village lady, illiterate lady, always laughing at my choices, laughing at my body after pregnancy, can't puck the dress, heel you want , can't wear a make up or lipstick always make fin of my appearance, and dressing sense. Tell my son, don't listen to your mum she's stupid. Always threatening to throw out of the house cancelling my partner visa, past 6 months I started to fight back back with him I started cry and scream, hit my head on the wall as I'm not happy with hiw he's treating me, controlling me, hiw his mother and sister treating me. He just ignore me sing funny song make a coffee sit on the sofa start watching TV or phone and laugh. Sometimes when i fight and scream for my peace my need hell tell the son that's how your stupid mum talk all of a sudden I feel like I'm the bad person here, bad mum here cos front of my son he's a very calming person. Wooow I feel like I m the problem. I'm totally a different person than who I used to be. I get angry easily. I'm not happy fun person anymore. I used to sing and dance a lot, go out with friends, look after my parents, very peaceful and respect everyone, i was a very religious person before. Now, sometimes i don't feel like praying, I have lost my true self, i just left him 3 days ago o took my son , few belongings and left, block all the contacts of him and his family, I'm in a refugee. I don't know how im gonna settle my visa states and finances , sons education, these are the issues I'm facing right now but, I felt free from the moment I took the cab to leave that person and the area. I leave everything upon my jusus the Lord I always seek help and I always trust and believe
Yay for you, doing something that you enjoy is important and being able to make the decision without being criticized, having to defend yourself as to why, or any of the over things that people struggle with are small ways of us taking our power back
Soooo happy for you!! I also broke free from a narcissist and feel so peaceful and filled with joy ✨✨✨
I'm 15 yrs in, we have a kid in school. I have no idea what to do.
This kind of education saved my life
@@katie195 ooo
Same
Me too. Dr Ramani actually saved my life.
Free from someone who tried to kill me multiple times *& blame me* after 7yrs.
....he's now in jail for a long time for the abuse & is never come back into my life.
Same!
Facts
Narcissists are emotional/psychological vampires who take, take, take and never give.
Facts
I think of them more as psychological terrorists 😢
It should be a crime in a healthy society for these people to walk freely
I have a 56 yr old daughter like this. I finally had to permanently walk away from her.
They also take financially
I love how Dr Ramani acknowledges they get away with so much. It’s one of the most hurtful and frustrating aspects of experiencing a narc
Neighbor. Getsaway with crimes, viciousness,
Some people in society are enablers and tell the victims/survivors to put up with the narcissist''s b.s.
It will always catch up to them later down just watch.
Run for your life from a narcissist because they never change.
I'm sorry you feel that way, reframed honestly - "I'm sorry you're having feelings that are inconvenient for ME."
Not always. Non narcissists can legitimately be sorry something makes a person unhappy while maintaining their ethical correctness in doing it.
Doctors may have to to hurt you to administer treatment.
A teacher may give an award to some kid and another thinks the decision is biased, and the teacher is indeed sorry the kid thinks they’re in an unfair situation, because that’s an unpleasant situation to be in, and the teacher has empathy for them.
@@M_SC I second that. Not everything has to be malignant. Let`s say I have to work long hours for a few weeks and can`t see my family and they are bummed out about that. Why can`t I be sorry for having to stay away and sorry that they feel bummed out at the same time? (This is just an example)
@Geneva Lawrence - I agree with you, when it comes to narcs.
My mother said this shit to me.
Yes! Or "i'm sorry I have to HEAR about your feelings"
If someone is being a jerk to me, I 100% don't have time for it. I've done my time in toxic relationships, and I'm done.
Metoo😮 4:16
Seriously!
You sound like a lot of fun.
Me too!
Same
Let’s start with “ I was only kidding.”
1. "I don't want to make this about me, but ..."
2. "I am sorry that you feel this way."
3. "Why are you doing this to me?"
4. "I just don't have time for this."
5. "Do you even know who you're messing with?"
6. "It's not fair."
I heard everyone of those
I have heard about these from them, they are very manipulative
" I am an adult "..."this is ridiculous"...." I would never do XYZ "...." I would never cheat on you with him, he is gross".
0:57 I don't want to make it about myself but... (Conversation hijacking)
3:10 I am sorry you feel that way (Lack of taking accountability)
4:20 Why are you doing this to me ? (Narcs have a constant ability to turn themselves to victim)
6:25 I don't have time for this
8:33 I hope you know who you are messing with
11:05 It is not fair
Thank you fr this list HO. ✌🍀🌼👍👌
Thanks for this list!
Thank you for making the list of 🚩
Thank you, I looked for this. 😘
Awesome. Thanks
1. Your ungrateful
2. How you've changed
3.Your crazy
4.You won't be able make it without me.
5.You never had bad childhood like mine
6.You made me mad, you made me break this,.
7. It's your fault, it's our children's fault, it's my parents fault.
8. Every one I deal betrays me.
From my father with severe NPD I especially was subjected to 1,3,4
I often got "why are you being so difficult?" followed by "keep it up and see what happens to you", "you owe me" and "you don't know me that well".
That’s disgusting, you need to leave
Narcissist = everyone else but not me
I remember calling my dad to tell him about a promotion I achieved. He said he was glad, then went on to talk for triple the amount of time to reminisce on the same work stories that he’s told 400 times already. Can’t just be a proud parent. Always went back to him somehow.
The same old back in my day stories 🤦🏾♂️ Narcissist can’t resist re-telling the same stories over and over again. It’s so annoying 🤮
They’re all this way. When you talk about something good that happened to you you’re siphoning air from their balloon.
My husband is like that and it’s so damn draining. Whenever he saw me trying to work out, he would make me stop so I can count how many reps he can do of the same exercise and then blather about ‘sports’ he did as a kid 🙄 whenever I want to go for a walk to exercise and relieve my stress, he insists on coming me with and bringing the kids with us (even tho point is to walk and RELIEVE STRESS) and proceeds to leave our young kids at the playground while he ‘walks’ next to me talking to everyone on his phone list and giving me second hand smoke. I stopped walking and stopped doing anything for myself just so he would leave me alone. I wish he’d leave. I hate his guts.
Your dad is my mother. It never ends.
@@hadilayyad6147you should really try to leave if you hate his guts girl. 😢 you’re already at your wits end. I’m so sorry 😞 but it’s always easier said than done- I understand 🫶🏻
I have been married to a narcissist for 40 years. He is always a victim. You have helped me immensely. Thanks for doing these shows ❤️
My mother spent 50 years with a narcissistic person. She was a godly woman and the mental and emotional abuse she suffered is absolutely horrific.
She stayed because she didn't want myself and my children to suffer the trauma and humiliation caused by divorce.
It is the saddest and hardest thing I have had to heal from. It has taken 10 years of research and healing for me to understand the dynamics of narcissistic relationships.
Please, take care of yourself. You are a strong beautiful warrior and I wish you the best and sending you lots of love ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@Debra Sullivan While it's difficult to leave, it's not impossible. I've walked away from a couple of 'poorly chosen' mates, and while very difficult, not impossible, thus I find no empathy. Every sanctuary has its price, yet independence offers tranquility uninterrupted by selfish interests.
@@debrasullivan7479 Yes I stayed because of my 3 children. I know I can’t expect a very deep or connected relationship which I was missing for years but because of Dr Ramani I know where I stand.
“I’m sorry if you think I was being critical and yelling at you” is not only not an apology (which the narcissist is trying to act like it is an apology), it is also gaslighting.
@Blue Heron Sebago I certainly don't understand any of those critical concerns. That's how I've completed my education, a career in the military, and a career in medicine. Some day when I've your🫨'home spun lurnin'😒, then I'll have an entire gestalt on understanding the nuances of human sociology. Nit🤨wit.
I asked my narc sister "Why do you abuse me like this?" and her reply sealed why I went no contact. She said, "Because of the way you react." That is classic narcissism.
On Facebook, she said, "I'm usually nice to people, but I can be a B.... if I need to be."
She also conducted a smear campaign against me on Facebook, telling all about the fact that I had been in therapy and was taking "mood altering" medications, as if thats a bad thing. Narcissist are worse than police. Everything you say and do will definitely be used against you. The minute you know a person is a narcissist, do not tell the narcissist or their flying monkeys anything about yourself.
Beware of information gatherers…until you know they aren’t or are not in collusion with a narcissist.
Love the flying monkeys bit (wizard of OZ)
My ex would always say he loved my reactions whenever he crossed boundaries... shit 😢
@@user-tq7uv9rs1e When they are more interested in your reaction than how they hurt you, that is manipulation and classic narcissism.
My brothers line is he is an asshole. But the sweetest guy you will ever meet. I have yet to meet the sweet guy.
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
@Emilio Yepez its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
@@peterwilliams6361advertising, eh
Thanks bots.
When dealing with narcissists, I won't say "I'm sorry you feel that way". Infact, I won't say "sorry" to them for ANYTHING, whether I am or not. I find saying "I'm sorry" to a narcissists dangerous because it is basic admittance, from the narcissist's perspective, that you admit you are wrong, agree you are wrong, vindicate the "victim" (read: narcissist), and that you are solely responsible for EVERYTHING (whether related to the topic at hand, or not), admit to and agree to the "fact" you're a "loser" and "always will be", and that you admit and agree you "deserve" any abuse the narcissist gives you, with no right or permission to object or defend yourself. That's what "I'm sorry" means to a narcissist. All they hear is that you're sorry. They don't care why.
When dealing with a narcissist, I will instead say "It is unfortunate that you feel that way." But this is ONLY when dealing with a narcissist. If the person is NOT a narcissist, I am quite open to apologizing for any mistakes and not just saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way" but actually give a PROPER apology. It's basic courtesy, honesty, and respect for the other person.
But narcissists are not entitled to ANYTHING. LEAST of all any basic courtesy, honesty, and/or respect because they're narcissists and spend their time hurting people and creating REAL victims because of their toxic abusive behaviour.
Thank you for this. I love the ‘it’s unfortunate you feel this way’ as an option to use for narcs. I got tired of over apologizing to an ex narc friend who constantly criticized bullied and blamed me for everything. Nothing I ever did was right or good enough for her. So I used the ‘Im sorry you feel this way’ to try to disengage from it without taking responsibility for something I didn’t do. I also thought Dr Ramani suggested saying that at some point to disengage with narcs who are always accusing you of things you didn’t do. But yes I love that suggestion of yours, so thank you 😊
When my narc mother recently wrote a letter saying she got a hip surgery (implicating she's desperate for help but never saying it loud) I would use the word "regrettable" but declined anything else. She has to eat from her own fruit now (Proverbs 1) and reap what she sowed.
Hmmmm... I like this response. I'm probably going to start using it. Thank you for sharing!
I’m not sorry but agree 100% with you :)
Yes exactly! Thank you for sharing
My narc thinks saying “I owe you an apology” is the same as saying “im sorry”
Is it the - I owe you an apology BUT, you did over react you know...anyway...I apologize that you took it so serious that you felt hurt and all.. BUT...
If I hear a phrase like this I reply with "Go ahead!"
I would fall over if my narc ever said the words” I owe you an apology”. It’s usually like this: You should be ashamed of yourself! You owe me an apology”
Younger narc relative said “how can I get better “ only for him to victimize himself after receiving the feedback! What a walking contradiction. Some ppl aren’t REALLY sorry. They just say that to make you change your behavior towards them. In reality they don’t want to make any sacrifices
😂. Hope you can end the relationship and replace it with only many healthy ones ❤.
I'm sorry you experienced that unkind person. You've helped me more than you'll know.
I remember calling my narc out on this fake apology. I told him: Are you sorry? Because if you didn't want me to feel this way, you'd STOP doing the things you do, that cause me to feel this way. And if you were sorry, you would apologize for WHAT YOU DID resulting in me feeling this way. But if you're not sorry for what YOU DID, then you're not sorry for the result. My last conversation with him was about this. I told him that you don't get to apologize for how I feel, my feelings are perfectly normal under the circumstances. You needed to apologize for what you did, and since you're not, you're not sorry... which means you would do it again, so I'm out. Then I never have to feel that way again because I'm not around you who does the things that make me feel that way. Problem solved, goodbye.
Doctor Ramani has saved many lives ❤
I believe so
She has helped me beyond words. Glad a friend recommended her to me about a year ago. Even though I had already become very educated already, she’s helped me the most.
Agreed!
Making this info free, easily accessible and understandable is no doubt life saving in many ways.
She's so bright AND wise (not always a combo) AND a good person (even more rare) AND plain spoken (a great talent).
God forbid you try to have a conversation about boundaries. They'll blow up the conversation and tell you to stop talking about yourself.
I also know narcissists who say, “But I didn’t do anything,” always in a whiny voice. Notice how they start this sentence with a “but” - always deflecting and playing the victim. I’m so glad you are now in a safe and sound place Dr. Ramani. ❤
Same story here,
Always Reply back with
Yea But..........
I now call them "YeaButts" it fits Soo appropriately
😂so true
I believe Ive been with a narcissist in the past and I am living with one now. Ever since I moved in with him, he's been finding issues with a lot of things I do, don't do or say and it's been extremely frustrating trying to figure out what it is that I do that angers and upsets him. Sometimes I'm shocked by the accusations because they don't always make sense to me and sometimes I try to rationalize them so that I can be better and not anger him.
I'm trying to cope but I'm starting to really wonder if he is a narcissist as well. He also criticisizes me a lot, and doesn't allow me to speak when we are having a disagreement. Like my opinion is irrelevant.
Thank you for your videos, I find them very intriguing.
Every time I need to re-asses my situation with the narcissist I come here and learn it’s not me it’s them… such things as doing favors for the narcissist and not getting a thank you in return…. So entitled as if yoir their slave
"He does have to live as him, which is it's own form of curse."
I never knew how bad my relationship is until I find out that I was dealing with narcissistic husband I was listening to this video and he told me that Dr. Ramani don’t know what she saying that she’s just a woman. I answer she’s a doctor and he told me you just listening because she’s a woman. That broke the glass on my mind to understand is never going to be better.
Yes! My husband said she's a "feminist" 😅
I recently was experiencing real stress being around someone and couldn’t figure out why they were having that impact on me. I’m talking like high blood pressure and lack of sleep. Irritable almost immediately around them and constantly feeling like I had to walk on eggshells and “keep the peace” around this person. Watching these videos and learning about exactly what narcissists are helped me so much. I didn’t realize how toxic and dangerous it truly is to be connected to someone who is genuinely like this. Thankyou so much for sharing this info!
I can testify to the dangerously painful blood pressure spike to point of hyperventilation and anxiety attack as well as lack of sleep caused by one short conversation engagement literally ruining my physical health for the rest of day and the next. And made beyond irritable it was like catching a flu from someone except is was energetic poison . Actually felt ill . Important note this person was a stranger not even someone I know. But I do have experience and past with Navasota so I immediately recognized the manifestation
Now, i can say I was dealing with a narcissist person and none of it was my fault. Lol😂
I just called out a man I'm dating who played the game of " sorry you feel that way". I told him I felt that way because it is based on facts and then I told him all the facts...he didn't like it and proceeded with playing the victim ( he's not the victim).
You know it's time to exit, right?
Run
I say don't run YET.
Yes run before it is too late
So I guess it's time to quit dating?
My Narcissists told me "I don't have time for you" and he's my boyfriend. I had asked for 30 minutes a week of undivided attention. Then he proceeded to list off all the things he does daily. Cooking, Cleaning, Sleeping, Working, Laundry, Sweeping, Moping. I asked if he does ALL those things daily and he LIED and said Yes. I started to not find time for him and woah did he get pissed.
Shouldn’t only cooking and sleeping be done daily? I think something is wrong if someone needs to clean and do laundry every day of the week.
@@Dj.D25 He lied. He doesn't do those things on a daily basis. He was trying to make me feel guilty for asking him for something he didn't want to give.
Hopefully they're an EX boyfriend now.
Hope you are gone!🐾😎
I hope you’re gone too.. I understand not all narcs cheat but the majority do.. and it sounds like he was making the time he didn’t want to give you.. for someone else!
saying i'm sorry, is not an apology, it's a state of being. If you want to apologize to someone, say I apologize and admit why you are wrong.
"It's NOT fair!" 😭😭😭
Somebody cue the tiny violins. 😒
The apology one is a good one, I remember the narcissist say to me “I will apologize if you do “ but he never apologized he just wanted to hear me say it so I would take responsibility. What a sneaky tactic.
Glad you saw it.
Horrible gaslighting
@@M_SC absolutely, but it’s their way 👍
You actually got the opportunity to be the better person and come out cleaner because you apologized for anything that could have been held against you (even if you were in the right) and trained yourself to apologize, which is a very important skill with health relationships, which I hope you are now in and benefitting from. Good for you.
@@gilashroot8697 thank you for being supportive, I’m not sure that the situation at the time really required one. These types of people will do anything for supply it’s unbelievable 😖
I am so sorry you had to suffer from narcissistic abuse. Thank you for your kindness in educating us and warning us about narcissism.
Thank you!
Thank you for your videos. I’ve learnt over the years that often I’ve just been in the path or the orbit of these people and that is why I’ve become their target. Various forms of abuse, harassment, attempted assault, threats to me or my property, grandiose comments about my wish to die a terrible death or come to various forms of harm are examples. 10:40 I just ignore it if there is no clear remedy for me. Eventually these people come undone and I know that can take years. Karma will also get them eventually. No one is immune to these people I don’t think. It can either make us stronger or beat us down into a spiral of depression. I’ve experienced both to a certain degree. I have learnt that the stronger one’s resolve the more able to deal with these types. Ignoring them is one skill I’ve learnt from these videos online and practice it where possible. It can frustrate them and send them into their own self-induced spiral.
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser,i wasnt going to let my marriage of 18years crash
amazing,i am kinda in a similar situation,how did you handle it?
@@DarylSimpson58 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
@@Kurt5Dobson please how can i get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
@@DarylSimpson58 her name is *Victoria Lee Hess* ,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.
Thank you dr Ramani. ❤ Narcisists live to intimidate their victims and the feeling of unease and tension they are trying to create in the relationships serves their purpose to dominate and control. All the narcisists seek is power, control and dominance and it stems from their fear and insecurity.
It stems for their love of power
The NPD never has a sincere "we" in their conversation. Their participation in a relationship is about themselves, not about the "us".
Got a letter from my mother-in-law. My best friend summed it up, to basically she was saying, ‘don’t you see how your marriage falling apart is affecting me’.
A woman admits to me that she did not want her son divorced because she would then have to deal with him. I believe this is pretty common, I hope not.
Recently my mother in law texted me saying, I'm probably the last person you want to talk too but I'm hear for you if you need to talk" I text back Thank you but why was she saying that? Her reply was that she spoke to her son ( my husband) and he didn't know where I was and that I was mad at him. He knew exactly where I was, I was at work! I told his mom that I was mad at the fact that I was at work and he decided to get drunk when he was supposed to watch the kids 10,13,14. And I didn't think it was right for him to be drinking when he was suppose to be the responsible adult at home and that I was tired of it. Her reply was well, looks like you made your decision since you're tired of his drinking and she was sad it's come down to this and that my family was hurting because I was working more hours. Her son idoes not have a job...WTF!!! Really??? I need to pay bills and care go my kids and she saw nothing wrong with him getting drunk while I was working a 2nd job. So, I'm the problem WTF???
I have one of those mil. Tell her ef off
Enablers 😢
I ultimately am “master manipulator” (for standing my ground) and I got kicked out of that cult - and frankly- proud of it!
Our adult daughter is a narrsacist
Its always about Her
She rarely gives even her time to her family.
No calls to her brother
No Mothers day card
Shes 22 now and about to have a baby and its getting alot worse
Now she will probably use that baby to make herself seem even more important.
Its causing me to become more distant in a time when we should become closer
Im not even excited about my first grandchild and its hurts so much.
I wish things could be different
Our son is nothing like our daughter and we are very thankful we have one child that loves us.
Holy shit my co worker who’s much older 65 is like 4 of the trait you spoke of. I knew he was a toxic dude but totally blew over my head he’s a narcissist dude. He loves to get in arguments with co workers , contractors working on his house and he always has to be right. Hijacks conversation constantly and talks about how he did it much better than us or how he knows about anything and everything.
I have a highly narcissistic cousin who didn’t converse, he took the pulpit with every “conversation.” My then therapist advised, on any future interaction, to just jump in with something I wanted to say rather than just let him run on and on. So, one night I tried this. I interjected a thought of my own into his nonstop monologue. His reaction astounded me. He just looked at me and asked, point-blank, “Are we going to talk about YOU or ME? “
😂😂😂!!!
Wow!
Self-centeredness to the highest degree. And remember there is healthy self-centered behavior, healthy pride, healthy assertiveness, a healthy personal agenda. We all do these things as we are the focal point of our own life, obviously. But the narcissist takes this to a whole new level and makes nearly every aspect of it as toxic to others as possible.
@@preparedsurvivalist2245 What was so astounding was how angry he was. It was like ,”How dare you.” I was invited into his company for the sole purpose of listening to him and, hopefully, with his every utterance, going, “Wow.”
😂
They may also say, "I am sorry I can't meet your needs or give you what you need in a healthy relationship." Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani, I agree with all those❤️
That sounds like a narcissist who has been to therapy and mined the experience for useful phrases. (Also sounds exactly like my ex...)
They say IF I DID THAT, never admit they do anything wrong.
Are you sure this isn’t just someone trying to break up with you? 😬
When they say this 🏃
@@genevalawrence801 Yes💙
My mother is one of the most toxic narcissists in my life. Thank you Dr. Ramani for these videos, they provide me so much catharsis to manage her in my life.
Mine is too. She inspired me to never get married. 😊
I learned early on that I had to protect myself from my mother…
Years before I could ever verbalize that idea!!
A Narcistic person is Demon Possesed...My own brother was also a Narcist but when i prayed to Jesus to set him Free and i kept on Praying Persistently for days and Even Weeks he eventually got Set Free! Whoever the Son of God has Set free is Free and Free INDEED! 😄Believe in the Words of Jesus People every thing is possible with him that is Obedient to the words of Jesus Christ and pray's according to His will🙏💟Also sin will take us to Hell...
My total sympathy. And I thought my mother was the narcissist to end all narcissists. It's only now at 67 that I've realised how entirely her narcissism meant that I never lived my hopes nor fulfilled my potential. But I tell myself that the only way is onward. Still can't forgive or forget though 😢
I so hear you!!! My eyes opened at 65...what a bombshell revelation. Like my life had been hijacked.
How about an alcoholic, bi-polar person who never got medication? Luckily for me, the stars aligned and I got rid of him for good. That was the worst 9 years of my life. It took over 2 years to get back to myself and realize that he was the problem all along. Add in the alcohol and the manic behavior and it was a nightmare. I’m so grateful to friends who just kept supporting me.
I had a Narc in my life that would take "Why are you doing this to me?" to the extreme. It was always "Why is the Universe doing this to me?!?!?" He tried to Hoover me after 16 years of separation and started the conversation by trauma dumping all over me (Didn't bother to ask what I'd been up to or going through in the past 16 years) And after telling me of all his woes, still threw in "I guess the Universe is punishing me for all the people I've hurt..." I was so beyond over him at that point that it took everything I had not to blurt out "You are such an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of the Universe. The shit that happened to you is shit that happens to everyone in life! Get over yourself!" But I was doing my best to engage as little as possible. And the Hoovering did not work!
My narcissistic Auntie and her enablers have been trying to reach out to me asking me what they’ve done to me after years of disrespect and pushing me around, asides me explaining to my cousin how disrespectful they’ve been, I can’t seem to explain myself to the rest because I know they won’t understand.
But she does understand. And wants you to frustrate yourself trying to explain to people who are in on it with her
Had a mean & miserable relative 'uncle' who verbally & emotionally abused me ( & his enabling family) and when around 24 yrs I asked him to leave our home after he had raged at me in front of my tired working mom one evening, he started a smear-campaign!! But I never ever met him again. He tried to interfere in my life behind my back in many ways, but I simply ignored him & his enablers/flying monkeys.
They know what they did. Teach them to stay away or else.
Oh I have a narc auntie. If you met her at first you would think she was as sweet as pie. She is the devil. I am full no contact 10 yrs now. Life is good.
I knew a woman who buddied up with the narcissist I ran from. She kept trying to be friends with me while socializing with him and his new victim. I explained how I felt betrayed by that. She said, 'I'm sad that you feel the way you do' which was an interesting take on the 'sorry you feel that way'. That was the last time I talked to her.
flying monkey
Looking back I was probably dealing with a malignant narcissist by the cruelty and coldness he possessed. He said himself that he has a superiority complex with suppressed rage. One sentence struck with me: „Don‘t bite the hand that feeds you“. When he didn’t even do the bare minimum. He often had a posture where he would look down on me etc. was really scary
I remember once asking my husband if he was feeling better that morning since he hadn't felt well the day before. Imagine my shock and confusion when he blew up, asking me in a loud voice if I was saying that there was something wrong with him! He went on a lengthy tirade that made me wonder if he were losing his cognitive abilities. Everything began to make sense once I found these videos by Dr. Ramani. I'm so grateful for these!
I hope you are not with him anymore 😢
@@jubileej1629 no, I left in early December of last year.
They are demonic in meat 🥩 suits Just heal yourself We all have wasted decades with these Parasites 🦠
@Sim thank you so much! I love this community of loving support.
@Sim I really believe that he and his lover may have been planning to do away with me. His rage may have been caused by other strong emotions underneath the rage. God got me out safely!
Sometimes they can be dangerous. My cousin pushed me down the cement stairs going to the basement from the hallway of the house. I was two and one half and sitting in a stroller. Her mother was taking care of me while my mother was at work. My cousin was jealous that my mother adopted me and the family paid attention to me and played with me. Her meanest didn’t stop but she pretended to be nice to draw me in. Thank goodness she is living in another state.
Sometimes ?? True Narcissists are extremely Dangerous. I had a parent and sibling. A parent who never loved me. I needed my mom. I thought it was me. In my 50’s I knew the truth. It was beyond excruciating. You never heal from the horror. A sibling who should be stopped for their criminal acts of cruelty against you. I am so fearful of this sibling. I have no one to protect me from him. People don’t understand the Narcissists enjoy inflicting physical pain and psychological torture. Not everyone can protect themselves. And especially when one has disabilities. Society tends to look the other way when we are adults and terribly afraid. I cannot tell my situation on this board due to the sensitive horror. No one would believe the terror, feeling helpless, so much sadness. We are grown ups. We’re supposed to be able to handle these serious issues. Many Narcissists are relentless. They will not let you go until they have destroyed you ! It’s a horror movie. I have had 3 individuals in my life who were Narcissists. I no longer exist. They have ruined me in every sense of the word. It has plagued my soul with such fear.
@@CBELLA952 please talk to a professional or even your priest who has training. It is never too late. God bless you dear. I had parents that were not perfect but they loved me so much and I went to a Roman Catholic school and became close to God. That helps. I blamed myself for years. I thought I was lacking. My cousin made me believe that. I loved her. I had no brothers or sisters. I was the youngest in the family and she should of watched out for me. She told me I was not wanted by my birth parents. Long story. But six years ago I found my birth sister, brother, cousin and uncle. They are wonderful. She is jealous. She barely talks to any of the family anymore. She is living in another state.
My ex's phrase was, "you're too sensitive"
20 plus years and am now counting down to escaping my life with a narcissist. She is always the victim, I am the one with the"issues" etc , it is really energy sapping so no more. Its too toxic!
Yes, their statements and actions can even say, “I don’t care about law. I’ll do whatever I want and I’m coming after you.”
I am so sorry you met these narcissictic people, Dr. Ramani. And I am glad you got rid of them. Ever since watching YT videos on narcissism, I have been able to identify it, but also to weapon myself against these people. I feel so much stronger. Thank you for that.
That is a great way of putting it. You do have to WEAPONIZE yourself against them. It is like psychological self-defense.
@@goldilocks3593 it's hell 😭 when it's Ur own parents n family
Thank you for all info!!
Sorry you had to deal
with a narcissist .
I had 2 😮 and the trigger word was 'you're delusional'. That's how no 2 exposed himself to me 😊. They always attack you with what they feel about themselves and fear most of being exposed of
Oh no! I say "I'm sorry you feel that way" a lot as a means of Gray Rocking!! :)
Oh yes. "Why are you doing this to me?" Still an improvement over perpetual angry screaming, but exhausting in its own way. I remember that with Mother going to the grocery store or just out for a drink (Diet Pepsi, never alcohol) was always seen as open treason unless it was on her orders. I was in my thirties.
Your channel is truelly helping me! A person like me that has Epilepsy and is dealing with a narcissistic partner is very very difficult the stress they cause isn't good for my health.
❤
I dated and lived with a woman for 10 years. Her mother and sister were hardcore narcissist christian scientists. I thought she had somehow escaped that dynamic --she behaved differently than her mother (shy, emotionally reserved, thoughtful, considerate). Then one day I interrupted her while she was reading and she grabbed my face and shoved me backwards with all her strength. She then blamed me for it saying I "triggered the trauma she sustained from her narcissistic mother." She was a Covert Narcissist. We were literally only back in the country for a week after I had taken her on an all expenses paid trip to Berlin to celebrate her 40th birthday. I was so blind I stupidly even invited her sister as a surprise. I was only a year away from proposing.
Thank you for your good work!
Coverts are the most dangerous of them all; I know many victims who never able to escape, especially in parents/child relationship.
“I hope you know who you’re messing with?!” comeback: Oh… there’s no hoping, I know exactly who I’m messing with!” And learned long long ago from my mom… “It’s just not fare!” Comeback: “well, everyone knows life isn’t fare!” As you can see I have had much experience in dealing with a serious narcissist. The day I learned how to not allow the narcissist to push my buttons, dump on me, put the burden on my shoulders etc… was the day I became free of all the BS. Another short comeback is simply say, “I know you’ll find a way to mange your feelings.” The long version is: I understand how you feel (cuz they are either an idiot tool, or they really have an issue). and you have a right to your feelings (cz nobody should tell folks, Oh you shouldn’t feel that way) AND I know you’ll find a way to manage them. Putting everything back on the narcissist shoulders. It works!
Dr. Ramani, good morning, when our daughter's first child, and our first grand baby was a baby girl, one day I said "I think E is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen", her response was, what about me, wasn't I a beautiful baby?" I couldn't believe what she was saying about her own baby to her own mother. That was twenty-five yrs. ago. Thank you Dr. Ramani
😮 seem like they're always in competition, even with their own children.
@@sharonjumba4648 ESPECIALLY their own children.
My ex is receiving unemployment while he’s working under the table with his uncle, while also receiving food stamps. He lives in a trailer his mother bought him at 39 years old since he wouldn’t move out and she couldn’t mentally deal with him anymore. His brother lives with him as well, so they split rent and he pays $500 a month to his mom, if he’s not working or is having a hard time paying rent, she works with him wether it’s late rent, payment plans etc. He’s been withholding child support from my kids as well so I filed for contempt of court. He called to tell me that it’s not fair that I’m taking him to court and he threatened me and said I’m not going to get anything, the judge will drop my case, and when he does he’ll never help me out with our kids again. I just stayed calm and told him that’s fine, he rarely helps out anyway, I’m okay with whatever outcome we get and he just said I’m not being fair, he’ll see me in court and hung up. He’s entitled, he manipulates everyone he can, and is never caught.
And the one's who have their own small businesses and show no income hardly to keep child support low. But take in a lot of CASH. HVAC guy does that to his x. 😢
It's not easy to admit but the things we narcissists complain about are the things that we actually constantly dish out.. I appreciate you, Dr., you're helping at least one perpetrator of narcissism turn this thing around
If it makes you feel any better, it's been my observation that is very common, perhaps even just human nature.
OMG, you have described my husband exactly to what he said to me, "I don't have time or I am too busy." Your advice has helped me tremendously. Thank you
„I am sorry that it made you feel you need a break …“
Now I understand what was so irritating about this apology. It was none! I felt so bad when he said that and I could not figure out what’s so wrong about his apology.
About the menace thing: I've been told something between the lines: they see me and they will be monitoring me... I was very secretive for half a year until my mind got back to normal... Very very uncomfortable...
So well explained! What a brilliant channel. Here's an example of how my narcissistic ex-girlfriend used to be:
Me: Just spoke to my mum on the phone.
Her: Right.
Me: She's not very well at the moment [insert other info about my mum/family that is important to me].
Her: Hmm.
Me: I mentioned to her that you'd started a new job.
Her: What did you say? What did she say? Was she pleased? Did you tell her about ABC? How did you word it? I hope you didn't say ABC. Did you make it clear that I did well in the interview? How did she react? etc. etc. etc.
It's always about THEM!
America’s most recent former president checks all these boxes. Also, after watching this, some I thought were narcissistic, actually aren’t and some I thought weren’t check most, if not all of the boxes on your list. Great insight, thanks.
My father is allergic to not being the center of the universe. When I sought his support/comfort/love after I was brutally sexually assaulted, about my battle through therapy, and the takeover/takedown that PTSD is, he yelled loudly, "I was raped!!!" This was in a rehab center he had just been in after a hospital stay. He went on to convince his Dr. about being the victim of some form of abuse. He has a diagnosis of PTSD he says. He takes medication for the severe panic attacks he reports to have. I've never seen him have a panic attack. He calmly insists to me that he's "having one" just to end a conversation. This is the same person who recently told me that he would have joined the military to be a sniper, if not for his back problems. I began to ask, "You really think you could handle..." He quickly interrupted, "The anxiety? Yeah! My body doesn't react that..." That wasn't the question, but it was damn sure an answer. I turned that record button on. I don't understand.
That is so painful, both horrific parts … similar experience with my mother who caused just as much pain as the other part of my youth
The most damaging narcs are parents 😢
Sounds like BS TBH and any issues are probably yours
Evil soul = narcissism
I'd like to see a video on what I call narcissistic rebound. I consider myself a recovering codependent. I've noticed narcissistic traits in myself that I know are an over-correction for my previous lack of boundaries. I'm curious to know if others have seen this in themselves. My hypothesis is that this may explain why we see narcissistic traits in ourselves as we start to come out of codependency.
Yeah I also found many almost all of the signs of a narcissistic personality disorder...I want to change ..and I m afraid how bad it is to be a narcissist ..I don't wanna ruin others life . I don't know what I should do?
I've noticed this too, I think it is over-compensation. As we get away from the offender we make DOUBLE SURE nobody does it to us again. As time passes I get a more even keel and the traits settle down.
Remember the intention behind it. A codependent healing isn't being narcissistic. A true narc's intentions are selfish, manipulative, coercive, unstable, stagnant, doesn't want growth. A healing codependent's intentions are for growth, change, boundary setting, and betterment of the self and relationships.
Overcompensating makes sense bc u are "trying on" different ways of setting boundaries, letting go of toxicity, and gaining ur sense of self back. You may swing in many directions until u find a place that feels centered and like "you" once again
🤗 ♥
Codependency is a form of narcissism so you will have traits!
@@TheTreeOctopus how is it a form of narcissism?
I know I am not a narcissist but honestly, I do say all of those things. I have a ton of empathy so I do say things like it’s not fair, why are you doing this to me? I am 17 years being with a narcissist and I am just realizing that’s who he is by watching your videos. It’s so bad and I can’t get out but I want to. I had chance and was ready in 2022 but he talked me into coming back. Sigh!!! Thank you Dr. Ramani for these videos. The guy had me thinking I was the worst person on the planet before I found you. Just want out, I want to be free.
1. I don’t want to make this about me, but… (conversational hijacking)
2. I am sorry you feel that way (pseudo apology)
3. Why are you doing this to me? (Permanent victim)
4. I don’t have time for this (contemptuous toss off)
5. I hope you know who you’re messing with (menace)
6. It’s not fair (immature)
Textbook. I wasn’t aware at first. I think lockdown made me desperate for some human interaction and narcs are usually funny or charismatic
I’ve said all of those things at some point, except for the “you don’t know who you’re messing with” one. So yeah, context is important.
Does anyone just wish they never even met the narcissists? I mean, the interactions with them just left me jaded and hurt and angry. Somehow it often happens during a vulnerable time in my life. The last was 2 months ago...I actually feel like I am under attack with them
You are.
These shows really help me keep strong boundaries with the narcissist in my life, who I don't have the luxury of leaving on the wayside. These shows are a service to humanity.❤
You're describing Trump quite precisely.
I’ve dealt with at least 3 narcissists that I know of, all in workplace settings. It’s been a couple months since I’ve had to deal with the most recent one, but these videos still help me wrap my head around all the mind-f***ery that happened, even though some of the abuse occurred years ago. Thank you for the content!
Unfortunately it's become an epidemic
I never realized until recently looking back, why all the douchebag managers and annoying coworkers I had over the years were like that. Only now do I realize many were likely narcs.
Narcissists are NPCs
“Who do you think you are?” “I will destroy you”. He even said those things to our son and of course I would never “know when to shut up” or “learn my place” when we would say these to our son.
My ex used to say "I didn't mean to (fill in the blank). I finally learned to say "You have to mean not to (fill in the blank). We have a choice how we interact with people. Think before we act or talk. Even though we can sometimes unintentionally say or do something hurtful, then a genuine apology is required and don't do the offensive behavior again.
I have a narscissistic collegue. I`m her boss and she was bragging a bit to much in a meeting. She did do a good job.
But another collegue put it down her achievements (he us an under achiever) a bit and she later came to me and said she apparently had to tone it down as others reacted negatively to her achievments. Two weeks later I had a follow up meeting with her and I noticed she was hinting at something, so I asked her: do you want ME to brag about you in the next meeting?
She said yes.... And on the next meeting I brought up how good she was in front of the others.
Btw, she is aiming for my job as a leader at the office. And knowing her, she might actually succeed with all her tricks....
Silently it's implied they are doing you a favor by acknowledging or including you.
I've started asking people questions when they give warnings. "This better not happen..." I ask "...or what?" Obviously depending on what it is "They better not ask me to stay late tonight..." "...or what?" Like, are you going to go in and say 'no' (a person's right but they needn't fight it out with me) or are you going to do it and then say the same thing next time. "You don't know who you're dealing with." "Who?" Like...what are you prepared to do? "I know people..." "...who? And what are they going to do?" Obviously there is a time and place for it, some things are bigger than others but when it comes to frosting on cupcakes or things I seriously can't do anything about - don't do these "I'm so powerful they should listen to my warnings." things. The "It's not fair" always drove me crazy. I like the line you gave "A full grown, mentally healthy adult would be able to deal with this." (Again, it depends on the situation but I"m talking about what I call 'Skittles counting' - she got four, I only got three.) I also like a saying I heard "No - it's not fair, it's life. Life is impartial - and that's as fair as it gets."
7 years spent with a narcissist. About 3 years after I ran, I'm still trying to make sure I made the right move. Your videos are clearing up a lot of stuff. Thank you.
look forward not back!!🎉
Its just who they are, but who they are ABSOLUTELY SUCKS!
Your work is a whole ministry. Hope you're blessed, and thank you for sharing so freely. 🙏🙋
Thank you for also sharing your personal experiences. I appreciate it.
I understand the psychopathy of the threats of abusers.. how they enjoy threatening your life & scaring you. No one ought to live like that.
Unfortunately, I do. I literally look over my shoulder. Afraid to sleep alone in my home. I haven’t slept yet. It is 11: 02 AM.
@@CBELLA952 I understand. I am very sorry to hear that. I hope you have some very good supportive people in your life that may be you can stay at their place this weekend or the next few days so you can get a bit of rest.
I also hope you have taken multiple safety measures as allowing the authorities to know.
I know also how night terrors are also a symptom, so please be gentle and compassionate to yourself.
I’m so sorry how they treated you. This is not what love is. I’m glad you left them. You deserve to be happy and loved. Please be safe and healthy. Thank you for the video.
You're a beautiful person and you explained it so well that no one should have any questions , unless a narcissistic person was watching and listening.
Wow! This was so informative. My sibling did not used to be narcissistic but in their mid fifties has now changed into a totally angry bully. She wants to dominate and control everything. This is so much unlike her earlier self that I hardly recognize her.
What happened to her 😢
@@mammadingo9165 she became burnt out from being overworked and taken advantage by some family members. She had two fine examples of narcissism in her life with our mother and sister, so took up the game.
She must be bitter about something. Maybe her life didn't go as planned and getting older. Who knows?
My favorite “I don’t want to argue about it” as they begging to argue about it.
In my case, the other person would say that to shut me down whenever I tried to discuss something with him.
Thanks for this educational
Series on relationships w/narcissists
I can't imagine any narcissist having the balls to challenge Dr. R.
I had to use "I'm sorry you feel that way" with a horrible boss that would regularly scream to the point of spitting on my me. It was the only way to force him to own his actions and diffuse the situation enough for me to escape. It was always over some perceived or implied insult because he was not paying attention or else he was deflecting some failure of his onto me because of information that he failed to tell me that I was supposed to know and act on.
I love the voice you did when describing number 4 “I just don’t have time for this” bc that’s exactly how they sound😂 (from my experience)
When I hear "why are you doing this to me", I just wanna say "why do you have "effective realism" but we all know its because they have the emotional maturity of a toddler and absolutely zero accountability for their actions! Great video, keep up the good work!
“Certifiably stupid”. I love it! (Naturally, not the act, but the expression). 🙏💚😎