I love being an aunt so much. But it’s even more fun now that I can afford it. (I have nephews in their early 30s and a niece who is 7. Guess who’s more spoiled! 😂)
One of the things I always liked about Bob struggling with being the primary caregiver in the second movie is that they didn't fall into the "dumb dad" tropes. He was struggling, not because he was lacking as a dad, not because he was dumb or uncaring, he was just learning new aspects of how their household ran.
YES. Even though I'm a woman, I appreciated it so much. Parenting is never magically bequeathed upon women when we have our first kid, we learn, and get good at it. And men can do the exact same thing.
My favourite part is that, while he struggled at first, he did get a handle on things. He was taking care of Jack-Jack, he helped Dash with his homework, and he wasn't really doing that bad with Violet (maybe if Helen was there she could give a better talk? But Violet would still probably be upset for a few days). I appreciate that he wasn't shown to be a bad parent in replacement for Helen, just one out of his element. Things only turned out really bad when Jack-Jack turned out to be the most difficult baby to look after in the history of babies.
I also liked (as a parent) that Bob and Helen are good parents, but they're realistic. Like it always kills me when Helen spends Violet's entire life telling her to stifle her powers and never use them... and then on the plane, expects her to suddenly be able to, with no practice, protect them all from a bomb LOL. Yet Helen recognizes she was wrong and apologizes. They're not perfect, they're the kind of parents that we can realistically hope to be.
Yeah reminds me of my own parents they are extremely emotionly stunned cause they both grew up with parents that refuse to listen to them 1 time had a mental break down mom did say sorry to me but her advies basicly was "everything will be fine just concetrate on school" like thnx mom but i still feel worthless she became less judge mental but she still discourages me from doing what i want and never praises me
@@SilkyLew Yeah it was definitely a life and death situation, but it was so sudden. Sure they all knew they were in danger, but that doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly know what to do in it. Violet and Dash also weren’t aware of the danger they’d be put in since they didn’t know the whole situation, so she was double caught off guard with ZERO practice.
@@Elaaaame No I'm not saying the daughter should figure out something, because of the situation. I'm saying its not fair to judge Helen on trying to get her daughter to use her powers at that desperate moment.
I had my son when I was 20. He was unplanned. At one point after I had him I said I made a mistake with my birth control. And my Mom stopped me. She said "if they hear that once, you will never ever get them beyond that. Reframe it right now. He was not a mistake, he was a surprise." And it let me see just how amazing my Mom was every minute of every day. She was careful with her language in order to make sure we knew she loved us. We mattered. Even the surprises.
Your mother displayed great wisdom with that advice. My mother was using birth-control when she got pregnant with my sister some 50ish years ago. At around the age of 10 or so she (mom) told her (sister). She (sister) still harbours much resentment.
@@n.a.nameless5435 I mean, it makes sense to feel resentful, as the kid in that situation. It's a burden being placed on the kid, and it almost sounds like the parent is blaming them for existing, rather than appreciating their existence... an existence that the kid had no say in, to begin with.
So? You made a mistake that doesn't mean he stays a mistake? I'd say that to my child. I know I'd not raise snowflakes and be that my children would be resilient and have a sense of humor who understand their parents are be as goofy as they are
My mom straight up admitted looking for an abortion clinic when she was pregnant with me. She wasn't angry at the time, I guess she thought it was a good 'mother daughter bonding' conversation to have in my teens. And seeing how terrible the marriage was, how miserable we were and the hell my life had been back then and still is. I wish she HAD found one we would have all been much happier. But it also turned me off from really thinking of her as my mom after that. With both my parents having abused me and still abusing me I'm always in survival mode and forced to cling to them to survive.
You would look at another human and say the equivalent of "I wish you weren't conceived"? That's not a sense of humor, that's brutal. Words form thought that form action that form habit. Reframing my thoughts changed my perspective. I had to believe he was a good thing that happened to me or I would become bitter. I don't my kids that I desperately wanted them, but the first was a little early. They thought that was hilarious. Now anytime my eldest is early or late he attributes it to his soul. He just can't get the timing right, from conception.
I have seen so many portrays of dads in media where the moment his daughter dating anyone comes up, he turns into this possessive, angry, untrusting and condescending type of person, but in this movie Bob never acts like that. He uses Vi's experience with dating to relate to her. He understands what it's like to lose out because of the anti-superhero system that's in place. That's so refreshing.
@@C00kii0 Yeah, it's the "I see my daughter not as a person with the ability to make choices, but as my possession." As soon as someone dehumanizes another person that's all the red flags.
What abt dads who “joke” abt beating up the boyfriends? Like, Ive yet to get a boyfriend so Idk if my dad would actually act like that, but he would joke abt being overprotective when brought up. Still, he’d do his best model or teach me what kinda respect i should expect from a man
"Your identity is your most valuable possession." is something most parents do not put enough emphasis on. Then when we leave home, we lose ourselves trying to fit into the world around us. We become damaged and lost because we didn't know how to defend our identity and the importance of doing so. More parents need to impart this vital piece of wisdom to their children.
One of the things I am most proud of as a parent is my wife and I teaching my kids that they can like what they like and to be open to talking about things. My youngest son has always enjoyed the color pink and loves it so much and had enough fortitude now to push back on people trying to change that because my wife strongly encouraged him to do so. Now he has a style he loves and doesn't let bullies or adults (or bullying adults) try and force him into a stereotype that isn't him. He has an identity of who he is not because of what we told him he should be but because we encouraged him to find out what it was he wanted to be.
I think this is something you teach kids not just by saying, but by modeling. If you as a parent respect that your kids have an identity as a person, if you don't trample over it with your authority as a parent, it teaches them to value their identity and their strengths and what they can offer the world instead of teaching them to sacrifice pieces of themselves to survive the world.
I’ve real world noticed also by putting an expectation, especially career wise on your children, they might succeed but they’re horribly less likely to stick with it. There are so many stories of the child pushed to be a doctor quitting barely a month in, or even getting the degree only to use said degree in applying to other fields. And often times the parents get upset about their own expectations not working because that makes them a failure. I hate the idea that if your kid doesn’t succeed you don’t succeed. No, it means your kid needs help, and sometimes that help can’t be you because you don’t have the knowledge to do so.
My boyfriend’s parents literally made fun of him for anything he liked doing. He liked singing and drawing and he’s autistic so he gets special interests in obscure topics like for the last few months he’s been researching dinosaurs a lot. Every time he went to them and said “this is a thing I like” they would make fun of him for it and now he hides his interests from almost everyone. I’m one of the only people he ever sings in front of anymore and it’s heartbreaking to me that he had to go through that because he is one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met
“I’m only awful around you guys.” Y’know, in a paradoxical way, that might actually be a good thing. On the one hand, you could assume that she wants to look perfect in front of everybody else. But on the other…she basically told you, “I don’t trust other people with my lows. I trust you.” And that’s a beautiful mark of the strength of your relationship. Ironic, isn’t it?
Thats how i read it as a young-ish person with a questionable relationship with my parents. Id just follow it up with why were you a terror? And see if theres some change that can be made. Usually they just want to be given consideration.
I experienced this when I babysat two kids twice a week for a year. When I came to the interview, the parents seemed exhausted and said stuff like “They’re… little sharks. You can put them in time outs. If they’re too much, just put them in front of the TV.” The first month or so, they were so well behaved, but as soon as they started trusting me, they also started to test my boundaries.
Ehhhh I get what you mean but it feels a lot like those "if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" posts where people just try to excuse their own volatile behavior.
"They will not exercise restraint - they will kill you." Good parenting means being as realistic with your children about imminent dangers as they can handle. Children catch on to a lot more of what you're hiding from them than you want to think, so hiding these things from them is not going to stop them being scared, it will just make them more afraid because they'll be afraid of the version they make up to fill in the blanks. Tell them, and then help them prepare for it, so they can get through it and move on.
That part hit me hard. My parents thought shelter=protection. But in reality they should’ve been more open to me, I wouldn’t of been so closed to them if they did that.
My parenting strategy for that is to teach my kids that if a bad guy tries to hurt them or take them away, hide if they can, and if they can't, bite and scream. (They are young). It's what they can understand. They know the bad guys from their shows and they know that a bad guy is how they act, not how they look. Because as much as I try to keep them safe, they aren't with me 24/7. They are with grandparents, their dad, aunts and uncles. And bad things can happen, even if they are with me. So if they do, I want them as safe as they can be. I love my little buddies.
Exactly I feel parents shouldn’t sugar coat as much because you never know a child can be more understanding then you might think-be as realistic as you can, you don’t have to be detailed about it, but don’t life and make up a story or something or try to sugar coat it
@@CatGold5047 that’s wonderful. I appreciate a parent that can be realistic and not talk down to or sugarcoat things with their kids. Kids are smart. They can figure things out, but it helps a lot when the parent explains things as well instead of always protecting them from it.
Another great aspect of this movie too is how they portray marriage. A lot of people criticize Bob for being a bad husband for being “jealous” of Helen, which I don’t understand? Of course he’s upset and a bit jealous when he hears Helen saved a runaway train, that’s the very thing he did that basically ended his superhero career. BUT, even if he’s feeling all that, he does NOT express that to Helen. He still verbally supports and encourages Helen because of how excited and happy she is. Being a good partner/parent/friend doesn’t mean never having negative emotions, it’s about how you handle it and if it’s negatively affecting/impacting the ones around you.
We definitely need to stop demonizing and stigmatizing how people feel. What a lot of people don't seem to understand is that we can't control how we feel.
The stopping a train didn't end his hero job, though. It was him saving the guy who was trying to commit suicide. "I saved your life." "I didn't want to be saved." It was that that caused him to lose his hero gig, not the train.
@@littlemoth4956 Well, yes and no. You can control how you feel, but it usually takes a bit of effort. What you *absolutely can* control is how you act on what you feel. Is this a valid emotion, what action does that emotion require, is that action appropriate to the cause of the emotion? If no, null action. In this case, Bob feels jealous of Helen. That's an understandable response. What action springs from that? Nothing good. So find a constructive way to cancel that emotion and focus on other emotions with more positive actions. I'm jealous because of this, but I can also be very proud and happy for her, so I should feel that and tell her that. But yes, absolutely stop demonizing a brief flash of negative emotion, especially if it is ultimately dealt with in a healthy way.
I hear a lot of mixed responses on Incredibles 2, but one aspect I really appreciate was Bob's growth as a parent. The first film showed just how miserable he was in his current occupation and trying to find fufilment in his old life. It was touched on briefly then, but I really like seeing Bob fully discovering both the challenges and fufilment he could find in parenthood.
Ironically enough, I think a lot of that mixed response is mostly in reaction to the superhero stuff. Compared to the first movie, the hero plot lines felt a lot less thought out, especially when paired to the charming parenting/ home life scenes. Most people agree that some of the best scenes are ones with Bob and the kids. The weak villain twist and lower stakes finale didn’t feel properly balance out with the quality of the rest of the movie
I found incredibles 2 took a huge step back from his development just so they could have him do the same character growth twice. In 1 he ended realizing he was too busy with wanting to do the superhero stuff he almost missed the importance of his family and being with them. But then in 2 he started off not wanting to be stuck with the kids and wanting to relive the glory days. If his worry in incredibles 2 was more about his ability to be a good active dad now that he wants to comit more instead of "classic husband doesn't know how hard it is to take care of kids when wife is away and doesn't want to do be stuck with the child rearing" then I think it would have been a good way to have similar scenes without needing to nuke bob's character growth from the first movie.
well yes and no. problem is that bob in 2 wasnt the bob that came from 1. it was a written disaster. pretty much all characters were ruined or left behind
Seeing the dad be the one to stay at home and no one say anything demeaning or belittling about it was nice too, the only person who thought negatively was Bob, and him overcoming that was yet again another instance of Bob becoming stronger
I seriously wish there were more movies like the Incredibles! It's proof that positive films about healthy relationships and good parenting can be fun... I grew up thinking that "normal" relationships were boring and nothing to aspire to, and I partially blame this on the way romance and relationships are portrayed in so many movies.
Yeah. I'm so grateful for the many real conversations about marriage and parenting I've been exposed to over the years. Gave me realistic expectations and hope that goes way beyond the wedding day.
Exactly, that's because most romance/relationship stories are too one-sided, it's either a "lived happily ever after" tale, or a creepy/obsessive relation that you're supposed to root for It's unrealistic and can teach the wrong lessons about love, trust, marriage or any relationship, but I've heard good things about the "Slice of Life" genre tho
“parenting done properly is a heroic act…” “It takes sacrifice, it takes courage, it also takes drawing healthy boundaries…” I am so grateful I had, I have two incredible parents. No matter how much time has passed, my Father‘s death is still a major loss, and every day that passes I grow closer and closer to my Mother. They were far from perfect, but they’re still heroes in my book! My Father was and my Mother still is Incredible!!!
I am so sorry to hear about your father! May he rest in peace! I have a five-year-old nephew who recently unfortunately lost his mother to a car accident, his dad left before he was born. How do you explain to a five year-old about his mom‘s death?
Y’all mentioned hoping that your kids grow up knowing that they’re loved and won’t be abandoned, I think that’s what hits me the most. CPS was called on my parents at some point, cause of a cut my mom made on my face while hitting me. After that she almost never hit me again, but the emotional abuse became so much worse. She would say “Maybe I will hit you, so that CPS can come and take you and I’ll never have to see you again.” My mom has improved a lot but the damage caused by statements like that cannot be undone so easily. As a teacher now, I try to be as caring and empathetic as possible, and always show my kids the respect they deserve. It’s not the same as parenting, but hopefully I can be a stable and caring presence for them and mitigate any kind of hurt they are experiencing.
As a victim of domestic abuse by my partner I honestly think emotional abuse is more damaging. Also so much more difficult to see. As with those CPS people - of they don't see signs of violence, they don't do anything. If my partner hit me, I would know I had to leave him. But emotional abuse isn't that simple. And physical wounds heal so much faster... Virtual hugs to you ❤️
Damn that hits hard… but thank you for now being the kind of adult I needed a LOT more of in my childhood. As a culture, and all too often in families, we treat children as if they’re dysfunctional or broken adults - they get no respect, no autonomy, and no one considers how they’re feeling or more importantly, thinking. All too often I see adults treating kids as if they know exactly what they should be doing or feeling but they don’t because they’re “bad” somehow. I sincerely think our whole culture would be better and more clearly progressing if people re-oriented their whole approach to child-rearing
The thing that has given me the most patience through my kid's acting out or triggering moments has been to remind myself that every behavior communicates a need. If I as the parent can regulate myself in that moment to figure out what my kid is trying to communicate what they are needing, the situation tends to run a whole lot smoother.
This reminds me of a mental technique my departed best friend Jeff referred to as "stepping outside of yourself" ...as in, imagine if U could literally "step outside" of your own body & enter the body of the person you're facing. What would the world look like thru that person's eyes, & what R they seeing when they look @ U? What R they hearing when U speak to them? How would it feel to B standing in their shoes @ that moment?
Edna Mode is voiced by Brad Bird. They were intending to find an actress for her, he did her as a joke to give an impression as to what he was looking for and they ended up sticking with it.
Their original choice was Lily Tomlin, when Bird gave his scratch voice to demonstrate what he wanted Edna to sound like, Tomlin said something along the lines of: "What do you need me for? You had her voice all along." So Bird wound up voicing Edna Mode.
I know it's not about parenting but Mr. Incredibles outburst if "I can't lose you again...I'm not strong enough" was the best character development. Just admitting that no matter how physically strong he is, he will never be emotionally strong enough to handle life without his family.
It also works as an explanation for why it’s so important to him that he always works alone. Since in the beginning of the movie it looked as if it were an ego thing but after that it seems likely that it’s not.
@@matityaloran9157 same with why he doesn't do side kicks, he might have lost somebody when he was younger (either as a hero or before) which made him put up walls
As a therapist who work primarily with children, I have also heard the same statement from parents about their kids behaving well with other people vs. at their own home. I have to agree with you guys in that kids will often feel more comfortable to push the envelope behavior-wise with people that they love and feel safest with. For example, many of my clients are or have been in the foster care system. For these younger children who have been removed from severely abusive parents, many times the observable behaviors that were displayed after the removal were considered "bad" or "undesirable" behaviors. In addition to other factors, I found that many of these children were partially behaving this way with their new foster or adoptive parents BECAUSE they felt safe. They had never experienced the feeling of safety and security before, and had never had that opportunity to even try pushing the envelope because they were too scared previously. Of course we want kids to learn the best way to manage those big feelings and to respond to them in a healthy manner. However, the fact that they feel comfortable enough to express these big feelings can many times show that they feel they are in a safe enough environment to do so. Lovely episode, guys!
%100 right turned up to 11, not just with kids but adults too. People act more comfortable with their friends, family and significant others but when it comes to strangers or superiors at work, most button-up like a watertight submarine.
Also, being in a new environment is stimulating. Gone is boredom, tiredness, any causes for grumpiness. There's something new, exciting, which makes you happy and people tend to behave better when they're happy. During that part of the video, I was recalling my own experience, and a big part of it is just that doing something unusual automatically makes me feel better. I've heard that phenomenon can be a problem with testing for ADHD - problematic behaviors don't show up during testing because the testing is stimulating. Same thing.
As a childfree person I have such respect for parents. It is insanely difficult to raise a child and I know that it's not meant for me. I am willing to be an Edna type figure who comes in and helps out when I am needed but it is also a relief when I can say goodbye and have my space to myself again. Good parents have all my respect and love.
Childfree too. What a blessing to live in a time when all people can look at themselves deeply and really decide whether they are the right people for something or not the right people. I was not right for university or parenthood. And my business is thriving and I have a very rich life full of family. It’s a wonderful life and I’m blessed for it. And yes, so much respect for good parents who really try to teach their children how to be a good part of this world.
Bahahaha I'm the Edna for my cousins during every family dinner, I will literally take the kids out playing so they can talk about serious business stuff I'm not interested in (so as the kids). I'm a psychology major, so I'm always amazed by how intelligent and imaginative kids are, their pretending games are just fascinating. And I'm also a business major/consultant (yep, a double), so I secretly think what the older ones are talking about is nonsense (they dismiss my advice all the time because I'm the youngest), so it's a win win ;)
A detail that I always loved about The Incredibles was the ironic contrasts between Bob and Helen’s powers and personalities. Bob is physically strong, rigid, and imposing, but he’s actually very emotional and sensitive. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, nor would he kill Mirage to save his family. With Helen, on the other hand, her title says it all about her physically, but personality-wise, she can be very harsh and intense. She is likelier to kill someone for the greater good if there really is no other choice. And yeah, there was Bob’s boss in the insurance office, but Bob was on the edge and the man was asking to get thrashed.
honestly, i think bob showed restraint with his boss for sure. the guy pissed him off, yeah, but bob probably could have killed him with that throw if he really wanted to
I think throwing his boss falls under your cited emotional sensitivity of Bob - he loses control of his emotions and snaps, anger is an emotion stemming in this case from frustration and humiliation. And he comes close to killing Mirage - but it’s still about his feelings, he stops short when killing her isn’t about her own actions. He has a strong sense of justice in his violent actions, or the violence done to him. Helen is ruthlessly practical - once she decides what’s logical for the situation, she gives it no quarter. They both *perfectly* embody how men and women often experience societal pressures/conditioning and subsequently make decisions, exist in family systems and manage emotions, it’s so well done
I really liked the "parents are steering the ship" analogy, because its so true. Parents are the captain and first mate of a ship, but every ship needs to have other people to maintain the sails, set length and direction, and keep it maintained. If the captain doesn't listen to their crew, even though they're "below" them, then the ship will fail. That crew could mutiny, or the ship won't be worried as diligently, making it more susceptible to damage, and then sinking. But on the flip side, the crew relies on its captain for direction, control, and heading. A good family should be like a good ship.
Exactly. Don't forget your kids can mutiny, and maybe not now because they need you to survive, but you just might find come age 18 or whenever they move out, they don't care to include you in their lives anymore. I wish so desperately to have good relationships with my parents. I miss them or at least I miss the idea of having the parents I need, but I also need to prioritize my wellbeing where they failed to.
I was interrupted by my three-year-old at least eight times while watching this and what they talked about actually helped me respond better to the interruption that I would have otherwise.
I also love with the ice scene, it's kinda implied the reason Jack was so upset was because he was teething He wanted the cookies (prob cuz they were a nice texture) and he settled down when he was given ice.
I really like the part where Robert is freaking out and Violet says, “We should call Lucious!” There’s a smart teenager, she can quickly recognize when daddy is no longer functioning at maximum efficiency and knows who to call. If my sister saw my dad freaking out and mom wasn’t available she probably would’ve called one of our 5 uncles… I can already see her back in her teenage years with me a few feet behind her watching all this unfold… “We should call Tim…”
I love how the family's powers reflects their personalities. Mr Incredible is super strong, and used to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Elastigirl is stretched in many different directions as an overworked mother, Dash is a hyperactive, excitable kid, Violet is literally an insecure Shrinking Violet, and since babies are more resilient, Jack Jack has multiple abilities.
I read it as babies having no defined personality and the potential to become anything. I also read other comments that his abilities reference many struggles people have with babies. Impossible to carry, to keep track off, they disappear out of nowhere.
11:59 To explain to those that don't know why this is just them showing off, Vi's hair in the original Incredibles was, in a film known for doing things in animation thought impossible, one of their biggest challenges. Come the sequel, technology has advanced so much they can casually do THAT to her hair.
@@HappleProductions Merida's hair was similarly animated with over a thousand individual strands and much like Violet in the first film they wrote a whole new program just to simulate curl physics. They be showing off new hair tricks every couple movies.
Pixar, always pushing the limits of technology and making it easier for us to make good movies nowadays! I love watching their shorts for that same reason, each of them was made to develop a tool, on top of always being fun to watch!
FUN FACT: I was lucky enough to see the first Incredibles at a little Q&A that Brad Bird (the director) was hosting for only colleges students (pretty awesome). We got the watch the film and then pick his brain afterwards. He said he based this movie of his first couple years of parentings. With the thoughts of "hey what would it be like if super heroes has kids?"
That's such an amazing opportunity! Two of my all-time favorite films ("The Incredibles" & "The Iron Giant") were written and directed by Brad Bird, and I would have loved the opportunity to meet him to discuss them with him and to tell him just how much they meant to me growing up. I'm really happy you got to meet him!
The part about embracing the fact that children sometimes have great ideas reminds me of my second Christmas visit after moving out. I was helping my mother hang up clothes to dry, and she was talking about how long it takes for her fancy wool pants to dry, because of the pockets. I asked her why she doesn't just hang them up inside out so that the pockets have more exposure to air, and she was literally blown away by that. She even went to tell my stepdad about it lol
I really love how the powers represent a nuclear family. The dad's super strong and indestructible, the mom is flexible enough to take care of the whole house, the teen daughter can vanish from sight despite her potential, the young son is hyper to the extreme, and the baby is a complete unknown. Very subtle dynamic.
I’m pretty sure the director/writer actually said he designed them that way! Dads are strong foundational figures (super strength), mothers are pulled in many directions to account for different needs of family members and responsibilities (flexibility), teenagers are usually insecure and defensive as they are still discovering theirselves (hence forcefields and invisibility), young children are balls of energy (super speed) and babies are unpredictable, so it in the first movie we get it sorta metaphorically and in glimpse (ending, then the“jack jack attack” short film) So yeah, they do represent the nuclear family :] EDIT: I found the quote from brad bird! (Director) “I picked the powers based on who they were in the family,” the director explained. “And so men are always expected to be strong, so I had Bob have super strength. Women, mothers are always pulled in a million different directions, so I had her be elastic. Teenagers are insecure and defensive, so I had Violet have force fields and invisibility. Ten-year-olds are energy balls that can't be stopped. And babies are unknown, maybe they have no powers, maybe they have all powers, we don't know.”
My parents ended up with a child who didn't listen, who pushed back, and who, later, failed high school (I scored above average on my GED I just don't do busywork aka, homework). Then that child became an adult with intense and literally constant pain the doctors can't figure out. She is disabled, cannot work, can barely leave the house and got a walker at 35. She also couldn't stand anyone long enough to have a baby and give them grandchildren. You know what they did? Kept taking care of me, doing things for me, feeding me. They even bring things to me so I don't have to suffer the stairs. And they never get frustrated or ask for anything in return. I've always thought my parents were pretty great. But now I know they're super. My parents are my heroes.
Aside from failing highschool and being quite that severely disabled (I have debilitating IBS, anxiety, and autism) I'm in a similar situation... Except my parents seem to hate me. I'm 18 and they've kicked me out twice, once when I was still 17, and only let me back in because they don't quite want me to literally die. But any time I have a problem, even if that problem is a severe physical flare-up or even something that's their fault, I have to "just figure it out". Even when I was a kid I was expected to homeschool myself until my last two years in high school where I dealt with administration and stuff by myself unless I was able to prove absolutely that I legally could not make a decision on my own or something. I've also frequently had to take care of my mom, while suffering myself and while my able bodied brother was available So... I really hope you show your parents a lot of appreciation. Your health situation sounds devastating but you're very fortunate to have such an incredible and rare support system (which doesn't minimize the pain you go through whatsoever, all I'm saying is that your parents sound wonderful and you're lucky to have them in an otherwise unfortunate situation)
@@vaughnhaney7020 Yes friend. I am eternally grateful to them and make sure they know it every single day. I know how lucky I am. But I really hope something improves for you. Get yourself some really good friends if you can. Taking up online D&D really helped me fine some good friend circles. You might try that.
@@CallMeKes When I was a high school librarian, there was no Internet. There WAS what was called "bulletin boards", people with massive home systems that exchanged text with other bulletin boards. My local was called "Danger Zone". I talked my principle into paying them a fee, and for a year our students had access. Told the teachers and counselors. There were groups for scifi and art and other stuff, but also groups for abused kids, and gay people. The gay one I asked DZ if I could monitor and they said OK. The kids LOVED it. The gay group? One kid went online with them and said he didn't know if he was gay or not. They were wonderful with him. "Give yourself time." "Have girl -friends - and boy -friends-. He got one long message from someone warning him about "chicken hawks", older gay men who prey on young men. The actual monitor of the group sent me a private message saying the users had really toned down their language since they knew a kid was there. There are so many resources for kids online and I'm so happy for them. Retired librarian P.S. His senior year, the student in the gay group committed suicide. Turned out his older brother had been "using" him as long as he could remember. Turns out he'd told teachers and counselors for years and nobody did anything. I raised bloody hell. Actually got a state law amended, but I told my - colleagues- [spitting[ they shared responsibility for his death. Tried to get their teaching licenses lifted (educators are mandatory reporters), but with no success. Still, I know I shook 'em up. I still grieve for him. Oh, btw, 3 years later I was forced into retirement. That wasn't the only time I had raised trouble / alerts. Doesn't make administration happy. I don't regret my actions. I might have been more tactful ...
I think that whole part about kids only being awful at home is also in part because they feel safe enough to express themselves with the ones that love them, and when they're on their best behavior with others it speaks a lot about your parenting as well (either you're really good and taught them manners or you're really scary and if they're not on their best behavior...bad things happen). Because there are a lot of kids who are terrible wherever they go and that could speak to a lot of things 🤷🏽♀️
While my kid certainly emulates this, the caveat is that he is 3, low verbal, delayed by ~12 months, and highly empathic. He likes people and kids, and seeks out to make them happy. But that is the rub, he is able to fool new people into believing he has more going on. But we his parents are more familiar with him, and do not fall for his mind tricks. He is young enough that manners don't really play into it, and there are no punishments yet because there is not enough language for bartering, much less fear of consequences. Additionally the number of doctors and specialists who he has duped into believing he does not have a delay or other issue is infuriating. Fortunately we have learned that he can not keep the ruse up for more than 3 sessions, and usually by the 3rd or 4th session an astute evaluator will start to see that something is up. Usually that next session it is obvious the evaluator has compared the last visit with their prior notes, when they apologize to us for not seeing it sooner. So yeah... I think it is more than just manners or fear of consequences.
And then there are the kids who seemingly are well behaved and quiet with their parents. But then it turns out they're just too anxious to properly express themselves
So I think that scene with Violet saying that she would take care of Jack-Jack is not only a good moment for Bob since he recognizes her good idea, I thought it was also more of a growth moment for Violet. In Incredibles 1 and all throughout 2 up to that moment, Jack-Jack was a burden to be passed between her and Dash, since they both wanted to be at the center of the action, helping their parents. But in this scene Violet recognizes the role she can play to help keep her family safe, and it didn't have to be in the form of crime-fighting awesomeness. It was in the form of putting a shield around her little brother. And I think that's a beautiful growth moment for her.
From what I know, children behave "worse" with parents, because this is where they feel enough safety and closeness to act out all the difficult feelings they have inside.
My god it must be nice to feel safe and loved by your parents. It has to be very comforting. Last year I was evaluated for ADHD and the psychologist blamed my symptoms on abuse saying "you probably act that way for attention". The irony is that I had to hide my symptoms completely from my parents but I can no longer do that because of health problems. I recently realized that I have a "soothing" voice I use when I'm afraid to upset others....and I use that voice the entire time while talking to my mother. To this day I'm still afraid to show my true self to others because I was never loved unconditionally. I think your view is true for a lot of kids and it should be taken as a sign that you're doing something right as a parent.
I knew from a young age that I did not have the patience to become a parent. I was sterilized eight years ago so that will never be an issue. I like kids, I want them to be happy and healthy and I will shame the heck out of anyone who is being a terrible parent. Most of the time I get hit with, "You're not a parent so you don't know!" I think the choice to actively NOT be a parent means I know *something* about it.
And if you see good parenting around you from friends and family, you got a basis to go off on what is healthier to that of terrible parenting. Sure, it is different with each kid with their personal needs, but there are still notable parts about parenting that's just the basics overall. Like, I'm in a similar boat as you, not patient enough to be a parent but want what's best for kids in the end, could I be an uncle? Sure, but that's probably it.
While I’m still pretty young I’m pretty sure I’m in the same boat as the two of you. I have issues with anxiety and have certain sensory processing issues that would make it difficult to impossible for me to have the patience to be a good parent and am planning on going down the child free path. Kids are awesome and I want to beat for them and I just feel deep down I’m not the “best” that a child deserves. I hope someday I have an “aunt”-like role (I’m an only so I’ll only ever be an aunt by marriage) for at least one kid but I’m always relieved to see people like me bc it reassures me I’m not broken for not wanting to be a parent.
@@ThePunkHobbit My BFF wants nothing to do with having a kid of her own but she is the BEST AUNTY for my girls. Take them on activities and do special stuff with them when she's watching them for me. So even if you're an only child, you can totally have that role one day for a child around you. Strong and important connections is not necessarily about shared blood, a chosen family is as important, sometimes even more, than your blood relatives ^^ And having that caring adult around when growing up can be a life changer, sometimes, things are easier to discuss with someone who's not your parent :)
Same boat as well! I love my nephew. I would burn the whole world down for him. Same with my youngest sister and my little cousins. But I know myself well enough by now that the everyday work of parenting would quite literally kill me. My middle sister is a friggin' hero of a mom, but I doubt that role will ever be for me.
"success comes when you think you’ve reached your threshold. Chill out, regroup and try it differently". Me, literally 10 minutes ago after a 15 minute battle with my toddler about nap time. He’s now asleep and I’m crying at this video feeling like I’m not alone, thank you 🙏
0:34 I love that she loses her temper but still relaxes herself and calmly explains what she needs to, this is one of the best animated moms I’ve ever seen.
One simple gauge of good parenting: do your children come to you with their problems and actively, trustingly rely on you; can your children say 'no' and feel safe stating their preferences? Part of why your kids act differently with you is projection... as an imperfect parent, you subconsciously ALWAYS treat your children with your own self-dislike and assumptions/archetypes of how you see them, even if that limitingg perspective is untrue - it's really hard to unsee who you think your kids are.
Honestly. I’m scared to have children. Even be in a relationship because I’ve always had issues with anger . Never violent , I would never be violent , but I’ve been scared to get close to people because of how I’ve treated people in the past. Seeing that both of you, who I would consider good parents without even knowing your family dynamics , have struggles with controlling your emotions sometimes, makes me feel a bit better. Like maybe I could handle it one day. So thank you
Likewise, I'd love to have children someday, but I'm not emotionally ready at the current moment. Hopefully, within time, I'll be able to hold down that responsibility. Jonathan and Alan are my inspiration!
I’ve been a teacher for 11 years, and I’ve always been concerned that I’m not good enough to parent cause sometimes kids just really grate on your nerves and you have to self regulate like you’ve never had to before; but a fellow teacher and parent told me that me being concerned that I would be a good parent is already a sign of a good parent. You’re already thinking about others and how to be your better self for others. That’s definitely encouraged me. And I hope you.
I think you are doing a really smart and difficult thing, which is acknowledging potential difficulties that might have bad consequences. You know yourself enough to be reasonably sure you wouldn’t be physically a danger; now it might be an idea to talk to someone like these guys, to help you get an outside view on your anger and emotional issues, so that you can see them in perspective and maybe find some ways of changing or regulating what you see as a big problem. I’m not a therapist; I just want to acknowledge the step you’ve already taken; it shows you are able to go even further if you want to🙂
As a daughter to a mother with... a temper (I'm not sure I'd call it anger issues but someone with quite the tendencies to wrath), I'd say exercise accountability. From my personal experience, it would have done a world of difference if my mother ever apologized to me for her outbursts (instead of pretending they never happened and that it is who she is). You are a huge step ahead being aware of yourself and maybe with the help of a therapist, you could work through those issues or get a solid tool box of skills to handle it when it happens. But if you wish to be a parent someday, don't let it stop you. Grow alongside your kids, give them the example of self impovement, accountability and love.
I think the best thing is that you're acknowledging it! Nothing worse than people getting into it not even knowing or looking away from it pretending it's not thete
I think the biggest take-away for me is how the Parrents (get it??) are able to own up to their mistakes and have that kind of open relationship with their kids. That way it feels like they're all in it together as opposed to kids vs parents. Loved this video!!
The thing I love about the scene "I just want to be a good Dad" Is Mr Incredible knew he messed up, he thought he could fix it but made it worse. He's so use to being the parent and in that position of "I am the solution, I know what's best, I can do it". Then he just kind of lets it all go and maybe for the first time, confides in his daughter as a peer. He lets her know his remorse and his short comings and self doubt, and shows a different kinds of love, a love that says "I still need you, and I need you in ways I haven't shown"
"I'm only awfull with you guys" That made me laugh so hard but I think I know why ! At school (as a psychomotor therapist) they teached me that babies and young kids actually only allow themselves to be the worst version of themselves with their primary attachment figures, knowing they won't be abandoned. In a way, if your kid is way worst with you it is because you've done good at making them feel safe and love. Good job Jono !
I want to take a moment to thank and show appreciation for whoever does the closed captioning for Cinema Therapy. You/You all are absolutely lovely. The charm and fun of these episodes is really carried in the closed captioning for the deaf, hard of hearing, people who have to watch muted, or like me I just enjoy having them on. The care put into the captions is truly a blessing. THANK YOU! ❣
The one thing that always struck me about the parenting in The Incredibles is the accountability they take, both in action and in words. They don't give their kids lip service apologies, they apologize or acknowledge things out of a genuine sense of accountability. It's hard to worry that your mistakes as a parent will out-weigh your good intentions, but as someone that grew up with parents that /never/ held themselves accountable, that apologized in snide tones, or flat-out lied about hurtful behavior... Just the act of acknowledging when you messed up and being real with your kids about it WILL matter in the long run. Lead by example, by showing your kids accountability, showing you respect their feelings, and by showing compassion for yourself to admit a mistake and to grow from it. Those are the qualities of a good parent!
I always break into tears whenever I want Bob apologize to his daughter. We should always apologize to our children when we have done wrong. I apologize to my son for the wrong things I do and remind him that all I want to do is right for him.
The whole thing about kids being perfect little angels around people they don't live with is so funny. When I was little my parents lived in different cities for maybe two years so I mostly lived with my mom and only saw my dad every other weekend, so of course that was super special and I was happy to see him and behaved so well that he thought he had the perfect child who never threw tantrums, or complained or anything negative at all, so once we lived in the same house full time again he was in shock and thought something must have happened because suddenly is perfect well-behaved daughter wasn't constantly happy and my mom had to explain that actually, I was always like that and now he finally got to see what she dealt with on a daily basis.
I have literally done the "Fall asleep while reading a book, and my child taps me awake" thing... ugh. The Incredibles captures some of the most real parenting I've seen in movies/tv.
i'm glad you're talking about examples of good-but-not-perfect relationships and behavior. as valuable as it is to look at examples of bad behavior to see what not to do, it's just as valuable to look at realistic good behavior to see recognizable and attainable examples of how we can apply these behaviors in our real lives. it doesn't mean there isn't still some flaws that need working on or critiquing, and it doesn't mean that good parents can't do harm, but it is important that we feel like there are practical models of good behavior that don't make us feel isolated when we want to improve ourselves.
Something I noticed in one of the scenes was when Bob gets mad about the math homework, Dash does the same thing I do. I continously apologize when my parents get mad and try to say it is ok. I understand when a parent is angry they can't always control that but I just remember as a kid being scared because they got so mad at me for asking for help. The most recent scenario I can think of for me is when I had asked my mom the password for a thing and she started to get so mad because all the passwords weren't working. I had kept apologizing to her and said I can wait and figure it out. Being a parent is tuff but I feel it is important to be sincere and truly hold yourself accountable like u guys had said. My mom had later on apologized to me yelling at me just because she was angry.
One of the things one of my friends and I discussed about this is the fact that these films appeal to the "nuclear/traditional family" dynamic crowd, and Bob looks like he would be the kind of character folks with a toxic idea of what masculinity is attach themselves to... and then Bob lives an example of positive and healthy masculinity in parenting. In addition, he does something I explicitly appreciate and thank my mom for: when I am the expert in an area (like Violet on how her powers work) she listens, and just tells me she's proud of me.
Well, I can tell why my niece plays up around her parents, but looks like a total angel around people who she doesn’t know very well. That’s because she doesn’t know these other people very well, she doesn’t trust them enough to show her real emotions, she’s being cautious in her self-presentation. I know that sometimes it feels like child’s most nice behaviour is saved for everyone else but parents… but you need to understand reasons behind it and try to accept it and embrace it and be grateful to your child for expressing their feelings around you. This is their trust. They know they can be vulnerable with you and they know they don’t have to put the “good child” mask on, so please don’t push this trust away. Don’t force them to hide their true self around you, because you’ll probably regret it later.
What i love the most about Incredibles 2 is that it reminded of when my dad lost his job when I was in middle school and my 2 little brothers were born. I remember the struggles my dad had to go through being there for the family but also the struggles that I know my dad must have been feeling when just like Helen was out doing super heros duties while he had to stay home and take care of the kids. I know my dad was raised to believe that the men was supposed to be the provider and the woman takes care of the kids. And I'm sure that deep down he was mad that he couldn't fulfill his duties as the man and be a good husband that society deems. But just like Bob, my dad accepted his new responsibilities like a real hero and over time my dad wasn't just a good dad. He was and still is a Super dad💕
"At worst mediocre, and at best slightly above average." My personality and life in a nutshell!! Seriously though, as my nephew grows from newborn into... person, I have a feeling I'll be directing my sister to this video fairly regularly.
9:20 - To add to the point of preparing your kid is the best protection. Studies have shown that children learn to speak by parents instinctively increasing the difficulty of the language they use with the child. Always a little bit more than they are capable of at that current point of time, but (ideally) never overwhelming. I think that's pretty much expressing all of parenting. You want to give your child a slight nudge out of their comfortzone to learn new skills.
I've noticed that the women who complained the loudest and longest about the work of raising kids were the ones most offended when they brightly asked ME when I was gonna have my kids and I told them I didn't want any. (Gee, you give me a half-hour infomercial for staying single and childfree then you're mad I won't step into the tar pit with you.)
I think they just want someone to suffer with them that's why they get so easily offended. That and they're jealous. Personally, I want kids but I'm perfectly happy being child free at the moment.
Probably for them, they felt like they didn't have a choice to be parents, and they are surprised that you are choosing to opt out. I am also child free. My parents, who had children by choice, understand my decision. But the women in my family whose children were "surprises" constantly try to pressure me into also having a baby before I'm ready.
Good for you! I am never, ever having kids because I don't have the personality to deal with disobedient or loud children. I would much rather adopt animals that need a good forever home than have a kid. Animals are better than most people, in my opinion.
Warning: what follows is a “defense of new math” spiel I’ve had brewing in my head for years that I’ve never had the proper opportunity to release. (This still isn’t the perfect opportunity, but it’s closer than I’ve found yet.) You have been warned. New math is definitely strange to adults who learned “old math.” However, it’s more understandable when looking at the goals and reasons behind it. (And those goals are not communicated effectively at all with parents, or even with educators, so it seems pointless.) New Math is designed to teach mathematical pattern-recognition and problem-solving over pure memorization. The complicated procedures in new math are often shortcuts that math-minded people often take when doing mental math. Teaching children to understand *how* math works instead of memorizing facts is a noble goal. However, because this goal wasn’t explained properly, parents and teachers are often teaching new math in the same way as old math - “memorize this.” Except the things you’re now asking the kids to memorize are more complicated than the basic “math facts” or formulas of old math, and it doesn’t work the same way. TL;DR - New math has a noble goal but has been poorly explained to parents and teachers, so it’s often being taught in a way that makes it more difficult and confusing than old math.
@@chrayez the New Math joke was perfect; so perfect that even my children got it. Like me, though, they never got their head around New Math. (Fortunately, our local secondary school taught traditional math.)
@@chrayez Thanks for explaining about new math and is goals. I also find it incomprehensible. Back in the 1960s, I was taught to do simple math problems in my head by my elementary school teachers, who made it a game. They would call out a string of additions, subtractions, divisions, and multiplications while standing at the front of the class. We kids were encouraged to call out our answers as soon as we got them in our heads. Whichever student got the right answer the most quickly was tossed a piece of candy. This happened at the end of the school day. It really got everyone’s interest up. But looking back on it I realize that this is why I can do this stuff in my head now. I never was able to communicate this skill to my daughter when she was learning math.
"Hooray for New Math, New-hoo-oo Math, It won't do you a bit of good To redo math! It's so simple, So very simple, That only a child can do it!" - Tom Lehrer
Absolutely love what you brought up at 26:50. I figured you would've mentioned it sooner when Violet yells and shoves past her dad to stomp up the stairs. One thing I loved learning about regarding children, is that it's an honor that they feel safe enough expressing their "ugliest" emotions/behaviors toward or around you, and they rely on their parents to gently teach them better ways to express them. I remember distinctly as a child *not* feeling safe enough to express those things in my house, because anger was met with punishment rather than empathy/guidance, I behaved out of fear, and there was never enough room for my own sadness, I was always comforting my mom and playing therapist during her arguments with my dad. LET KIDS BE ANGRY AND SAD, and teach them healthy ways to express/cope.
While not a mother, I work in daycare, and can relate to most of this, especially the exhaustion that comes with multiple children. A big struggle is trying to "parent" children who have tough home lives or have personalities or disorders I've never dealt with before. If it's a day I'm watching them by myself, it can begin to understand what it's like to be a single mother of several young children. Probably the biggest difference is I can send them home at the end of the day.
When I was a nursery teacher, we had a little girl in class who was *so bad* at home for her mother that her mom could not handle hearing that she behaved in nursery. We had to hand the child back with just a "see you tomorrow" - no progress report, no affirmations - because hearing that her daughter could be an angel for other people when she was an absolute demon at home would send this poor woman into tears. With time and growth things thankfully leveled out by the time the little girl left us to start school.
As a mom of a child with severe cerebral palsy, I really relate to them trying to care for Jack Jack. Some things are easier, most are so much more different and difficult than dealing with the average child.
Thank you for making this video! If you would like a palette cleanser of a new video, maybe you can try Despicable Me. Not only is it a funny comedy for everyone to enjoy, but I think it dives well in family dynamics for adopted children. Honestly, you are great youtubers, keep up the good work!
My girlfriend has an entire thesis on Despicable Me as a journey of a man coming out of a toxic work culture and into a more nurturing role that truly makes him happy.
Dash's race at the end of the first movie is so funny. I love the whole family cheering him on, telling him he can catch up and run faster, then trying to get him to slow down so he doesn't blow their cover 😅
I loved that the kids came forward and supported their dad when he needed it and showed them respect. Then they supported him. (Like letting him SLEEP). That's what kids with loving, empathetic parents do. They love their parents back ♥️
I'm not a parent, but I am the oldest sister of 6 kids and my mom's a single mom, so you can imagine how I've had to fill in as a second parent throughout my life. I feel so seen when you guys talk about how parenting breaks a person eventually and how frustrating needing "me" time is when they won't just shut up and go to bed despite you sacrifising your whole life for them and spend every single day taking care of them 😭 My whole family has trauma from not only financial problems but all of our fathers have given us their generational trauma and breaking through that mold we've been in for so long and trying to be better to them then they and WE have been treated before, so seeing you guys (especially a therapist) talk about how you guys struggle too?? Maybe jm not as bad of a big sister as I think I am.
I forgot about that scene between Bob and Violet! As THAT hormonal teenage girl, I blew up at my parents, and I've had heart-to-hearts with my dad. That scene is perfect ☺️
So a week ago, my son, who is 4, was going with me to the store. He usually walks down the stairs but this day he asked me to carry him. I told him to walk and then he fell down about 6 steps. His scream broke my heart, but what he did after devastated me. The first thing he did was say he’s sorry for falling. Made me think that I am doing something wrong that made him think, that even though he was in pain from a fall that happens sometimes, he had to apologize. The next thing that broke my heart was he asked me why I didn’t hold him down the stairs. Had to wait till he was ok and I could take a moment because I started to cry. That was a rough day on my mind
As a parent, modelling a way to acknowledge that you were wrong, to apologize and do your best to make it right (while keeping some dignity), is one of the most important lessons I think I've taught. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. They should not be thinking they need to be either, or be afraid of making one.
Don't know if it'd be possible, but I think it'd be super interesting and funny for you guys to talk about Loid and Yor's parenting skills in SpyxFamily
The Parr parents are so good as parents. I love how they admit when they're wrong. I love how they aren't perfect but they do their best for their kids and make sure they feel loved. It's so genuine and wonderful and it always makes me smile.
My wife and I have been talking about having kids in the next year or so and seeing this really put my mind at ease with regards to a lot of my/our anxieties about parenting. We've talked a lot about how we might handle things that come up and at the end of it, I think the most important thing is that we love each other and we're going to love our kids. Also, Bob talking to Vi and apologizing just hit me in the feels.
This episode made me cry because my parents (especially my mom) were kind of crappy. My mom was extremely physically and emotionally abusive, showed extreme favoritism and singled me out for bullying and abuse, and all my life and now I feel stupid, small, insecure, and not good enough. So many of my biggest insecurities come from her constant projection onto me. And every time I confront her about her past abuse, she always makes excuses and tries to justify it by saying “I tried my best”, “But there were three of you and one of me” and “Your father didn’t help and you didn’t listen!” which as a sociology major who’s taken a family violence class I objectively understand, but as an adult who lives with trauma (ptsd, anxiety, depression) now it just makes me unbelievably angry and resentful. So when you spoke about being a loving parent and showing your children love overshadowing the mistakes in the long run, I teared up. And when you talk about owning up to your mistakes, I cried a lot, because my mother still thinks she did nothing wrong. The only thing she could focus on when I told her I had PTSD because of her abuse in my childhood was “oh, so all your friends know and think I’m a mad mother huh” and feeling sorry for herself that I was “blaming” her (even though I kept telling her I wasn’t accusing her of anything, it’s just what objectively happened). And she still expects the utmost most filial and authoritative respect from me just because she’s my mother. I still love her, but I can never forgive her, especially when she’s a narcissist who thinks what she did was justified. It just goes to show the effects of what bad parenting and abuse can do, and how your children will always live and remember the harm you did to them if you’re not at least attempting to show them you love them and approve of them at every turn. Kids are smart, and they turn into adults who are even smarter. They can tell and will appreciate if you put in the effort to be a good and validating parent, and will forgive you for your mistakes as long as you try your best (the opposite of what my mom and I have). As long as you truly try your best (not my mother’s best, but an actual best free of abuse and neglect), the love will outweigh the negative. Thank you for this video, it was incredibly healing for me, validating, and I hope if I ever become a parent, I can take these ideas into account and never treat me the way my mother did. Here’s to everyone here who prays with all their heart to one day to break the cycle of bad parenting and abuse that our parents put us through.
What I love about the Incredibles is the reason that the parenting and family dynamics are relatable. Brad Byrd, the director of the Incredibles, based each character on either someone in his life or him at a different stage in life. For instance, Helen is based on his wife, her parenting reflects his Mom, etc... Like Edna said, "Done properly, parenting is a heroic act." I think that the reason for that quote is as long as you try your best and you love your kids with everything you have, your kids will look back on the little moments with fondness and think "I couldn't ask for a better parent." That's my take on it, anyway 😅
Do I know why TH-cam recommended this to me? Nope. Am I upset about it? Heck no! This was so relatable and funny! I loved it so much! Can’t wait to watch more episodes! 😄🙌❤️
15:51 - THIS. This is the one line I will always push and push and push on anyone in their teens or 20s dreaming about parenthood. The first 2 weeks of parenting with a newborn (with paternity leave!) was some of the worst in my life, because I'd never experienced sleep deprivation like that, and it was only compounded by my poor wife ALSO recovering from birth, dealing with communication with folks on social media, keeping up with his feedings and the same sleep deprivation while I was (admittedly, shamefully) unprepared for what I'd committed to. You're losing/sacrificing more than you think/expect you will. Just walk head first into the swinging pain can, take it full in the face and keep on walking with a smile. Every (successful) parent before you has done it, so it can be done ... but it's going to suck, and it's going to hurt. That's why it's called sacrifice.
This is why I hate the fact that society pushes people (especially women, but couples in general) to have children. It is a huge commitment and a huge sacrifice. Not everyone has the time, energy, or patience for something like that, and that’s okay. I hate that society treats not wanting kids as a shortcoming. Like it’s something to be ashamed of.
As a father of a nearly 2 year old baby, I can't describe how scared of the future I am. This video really helped me to see that I can make mistakes and don't have to be perfect, but it's just so scary to think of what the future holds.
These guys just hit the nail on the head as to why I'm never having kids. Also, I have a horrible personality when it comes to naughty and annoying kids. Personality counts when you're a parent, and if you don't have the personality, will or mindset for kids, don't have them.
Love this. Its interesting to me too that in the first movie, Helen’s sacrifices for her kids are assumed while in the second, it’s a whole thing that he has them by himself.
The exchange between Bob and Violet had me tear up when I first saw this movie, and it still makes me feel emotional. Because it reminds me of me and my own dad. That scene really explains how my dad was not like Bob. My dad loves me like crazy, but as I got older there was still no real respect, trust, or acknowledgment of my feelings and opinions. He often justified his ways or blamed me. But those few moments where my dad actually showed me vulnerability and accountability for getting angry at me or something really moved me. Now as a college student it’s moved into respect and trust; as peers. Which I am very very thankful for. Still no matter how many years go by he will always be my dad. Although my parents love me a lot, they’re weren’t perfect. No parent is; as children grow older they see they see that more and more.
As a parent, I've watched this movie about 50 times with my toddler who loves jack jack. I have never seen the scene with Robert apologising to Vi. I think that encompasses what watching movies with kids is like.
_"You do reach a point as... of exhaustion, where you can't be angry anymore. It takes too much energy."_ I relate to this in a spiritual level. And Im not even a parent.
Thank you for acknowledging that a stay at home parent is a hard job. As a homeschooling mom, I get a lot of people in my life who seem to think I have endless time to do things for them.
Can you both do Wolf Children? It’s another excellent film about parenting, specifically raising children that are viewed as ‘different’ by society. And how to protect and prepare them, but also how to let them flourish and grow by being themselves.
20:15 Ugh, that hits hard as a teacher. So often I have amazing kids in class, but I can't always capitalize on what makes them amazing because we really need to get this math lesson done! Also, stop changing math!
26:00 - In all fairness, Jack-Jack spent pretty much the entire movie up to the point of meeting his Auntie Edna receiving almost nothing but _negative_ feedback from the adults around him when using his powers, most frequently in the form of them trying to _stop_ him from using them outright (either by force or by cookie-bribery), whereas Edna _immediately_ showed a _positive_ reaction to his power use. While we don't see the _full_ extent of what happened while she was watching him for Mr. Incredible, I wouldn't be surprised if the visit was largely Edna letting (or even helping) Jack-Jack figure out more ins-and-outs of his powers, but in a relatively structured way that Jack-Jack wouldn't get bored of (and also adding Jack-Jack's handprint, ocular scan and voice recognition to her security system so he could open it up too, a classic "let the little kid be your equal by doing a grown-up thing" thing).
My biggest observation about parenting so far is that even the best thing parents do from the best intentions they could possibly have can still backfire in child's future life. As an artistic kid, I was praised and supported in almost everything I do, but the very first time I got into competetive art sphere (design club) I realized there were other kids, who draw better than me or come up with better ideas than me. I would never blame my family for being over-supportive (?), but it took 10 years to realise I was not talentless and just lacked in skill and knowledge.
As a mom, I had to learn that my ausome son is putting on a heavier mask in school and with others. So when he's home, he needs rest and space to be himself. It took a while to figure out not to warn his teachers of the things I see at home but rather give him the space to shine somewhere else. It's not about me seeing him be a hero, it's about letting them be a hero for others and maybe come back to tell me about it.
I'm very lucky to have parents that acknowledged the mistakes they made overtime, and adjusted their behaviour to help me. It took years and some professional help, but the important thing is, they were willing to listen and learn. I wasn't an easy child at any point of my life, but we're doing fine now
My mother is a hero. Raised two kids who one was mentally ill while the other was extremely reclusive like their father all the while physically sick. I harped a lot over recent years what she's done and hasn't, what she did wrong and could've done right but no good parent is perfect and she taught us to be exceptional humans that I know will pass on through Acton or to another generation. That is her legacy.
26:48 Funnily enough, I almost feel the opposite. My family has known me all my life and therefore has certain expectations of me. A lot of those probably based on things I might not even remember. And that scares me. My friends however are somewhat my emotional dumpster. They got to know me randomly and decided to stay in my life, either because they like my current self or don't know me long enough to dislike me. So I can bear loosing them in the beginning, but also if they stay I feel a lot safer, because our memories are a lot more similar.
I usually dont comment on videos but the part where Johnathan expressed his fear about the cons outweighing the good hit so hard because thats exactly how I feel about my dad. hes not s horrible person but hes not the best father either and I wish he had this type of self awareness to at least get help for it.
"He is bright and I am stimulating. We deserve each other" - the aunt I aspire to be to my siblings kids lol
honestly analyzing it.....this is literally me and my baby first cousin. Damn.😳😂💀
Aww, that's super cute, that's my motto if I ever have any nieces or nephews!
Want to adopt some extra nephews and a niece?
I love being an aunt so much. But it’s even more fun now that I can afford it. (I have nephews in their early 30s and a niece who is 7. Guess who’s more spoiled! 😂)
I thought she said “Simulating” (as in ‘and he is doing/trying to to the same thing that I am), therefore meaning ‘and I like that he also is’!
One of the things I always liked about Bob struggling with being the primary caregiver in the second movie is that they didn't fall into the "dumb dad" tropes. He was struggling, not because he was lacking as a dad, not because he was dumb or uncaring, he was just learning new aspects of how their household ran.
YES. Even though I'm a woman, I appreciated it so much. Parenting is never magically bequeathed upon women when we have our first kid, we learn, and get good at it. And men can do the exact same thing.
Except he was doing that in the 1st one already, the 2nd one just made it awkward to watch
My favourite part is that, while he struggled at first, he did get a handle on things. He was taking care of Jack-Jack, he helped Dash with his homework, and he wasn't really doing that bad with Violet (maybe if Helen was there she could give a better talk? But Violet would still probably be upset for a few days). I appreciate that he wasn't shown to be a bad parent in replacement for Helen, just one out of his element. Things only turned out really bad when Jack-Jack turned out to be the most difficult baby to look after in the history of babies.
@@JzanderN exactly!!!
@@ninjanibba4259 not really though. Bob was home, hanging out with the kids, but he still went out everyday, pretending he still had a job
I also liked (as a parent) that Bob and Helen are good parents, but they're realistic. Like it always kills me when Helen spends Violet's entire life telling her to stifle her powers and never use them... and then on the plane, expects her to suddenly be able to, with no practice, protect them all from a bomb LOL. Yet Helen recognizes she was wrong and apologizes. They're not perfect, they're the kind of parents that we can realistically hope to be.
Yeah reminds me of my own parents they are extremely emotionly stunned cause they both grew up with parents that refuse to listen to them 1 time had a mental break down mom did say sorry to me but her advies basicly was "everything will be fine just concetrate on school" like thnx mom but i still feel worthless she became less judge mental but she still discourages me from doing what i want and never praises me
@@satan3862 do you have my parents 😭
Well that's not fair, because they were in a life and death situation lol.
@@SilkyLew Yeah it was definitely a life and death situation, but it was so sudden. Sure they all knew they were in danger, but that doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly know what to do in it. Violet and Dash also weren’t aware of the danger they’d be put in since they didn’t know the whole situation, so she was double caught off guard with ZERO practice.
@@Elaaaame No I'm not saying the daughter should figure out something, because of the situation. I'm saying its not fair to judge Helen on trying to get her daughter to use her powers at that desperate moment.
I had my son when I was 20. He was unplanned. At one point after I had him I said I made a mistake with my birth control. And my Mom stopped me. She said "if they hear that once, you will never ever get them beyond that. Reframe it right now. He was not a mistake, he was a surprise." And it let me see just how amazing my Mom was every minute of every day. She was careful with her language in order to make sure we knew she loved us. We mattered. Even the surprises.
Your mother displayed great wisdom with that advice. My mother was using birth-control when she got pregnant with my sister some 50ish years ago. At around the age of 10 or so she (mom) told her (sister). She (sister) still harbours much resentment.
@@n.a.nameless5435 I mean, it makes sense to feel resentful, as the kid in that situation. It's a burden being placed on the kid, and it almost sounds like the parent is blaming them for existing, rather than appreciating their existence... an existence that the kid had no say in, to begin with.
So? You made a mistake that doesn't mean he stays a mistake? I'd say that to my child. I know I'd not raise snowflakes and be that my children would be resilient and have a sense of humor who understand their parents are be as goofy as they are
My mom straight up admitted looking for an abortion clinic when she was pregnant with me. She wasn't angry at the time, I guess she thought it was a good 'mother daughter bonding' conversation to have in my teens. And seeing how terrible the marriage was, how miserable we were and the hell my life had been back then and still is. I wish she HAD found one we would have all been much happier. But it also turned me off from really thinking of her as my mom after that. With both my parents having abused me and still abusing me I'm always in survival mode and forced to cling to them to survive.
You would look at another human and say the equivalent of "I wish you weren't conceived"? That's not a sense of humor, that's brutal.
Words form thought that form action that form habit. Reframing my thoughts changed my perspective. I had to believe he was a good thing that happened to me or I would become bitter.
I don't my kids that I desperately wanted them, but the first was a little early. They thought that was hilarious. Now anytime my eldest is early or late he attributes it to his soul. He just can't get the timing right, from conception.
I have seen so many portrays of dads in media where the moment his daughter dating anyone comes up, he turns into this possessive, angry, untrusting and condescending type of person, but in this movie Bob never acts like that. He uses Vi's experience with dating to relate to her. He understands what it's like to lose out because of the anti-superhero system that's in place. That's so refreshing.
Agreed, the possessive, angry trope for dads always set off so many red flags for me and I know why now but it's refreshing seeing a dad try to relate
@@C00kii0 Yeah, it's the "I see my daughter not as a person with the ability to make choices, but as my possession." As soon as someone dehumanizes another person that's all the red flags.
What abt dads who “joke” abt beating up the boyfriends? Like, Ive yet to get a boyfriend so Idk if my dad would actually act like that, but he would joke abt being overprotective when brought up. Still, he’d do his best model or teach me what kinda respect i should expect from a man
@@lucidfangirl1030 my dad has joked about receiving a dowry of a goat, a pig and three goldfish
I never even thought about that aspect of this movie, but you're so right. I appreciate Bob's approach even more now.
"Your identity is your most valuable possession." is something most parents do not put enough emphasis on. Then when we leave home, we lose ourselves trying to fit into the world around us. We become damaged and lost because we didn't know how to defend our identity and the importance of doing so. More parents need to impart this vital piece of wisdom to their children.
That phrase can, also, be applied for anyone using the Internet, especially minors.
One of the things I am most proud of as a parent is my wife and I teaching my kids that they can like what they like and to be open to talking about things. My youngest son has always enjoyed the color pink and loves it so much and had enough fortitude now to push back on people trying to change that because my wife strongly encouraged him to do so. Now he has a style he loves and doesn't let bullies or adults (or bullying adults) try and force him into a stereotype that isn't him. He has an identity of who he is not because of what we told him he should be but because we encouraged him to find out what it was he wanted to be.
I think this is something you teach kids not just by saying, but by modeling. If you as a parent respect that your kids have an identity as a person, if you don't trample over it with your authority as a parent, it teaches them to value their identity and their strengths and what they can offer the world instead of teaching them to sacrifice pieces of themselves to survive the world.
I’ve real world noticed also by putting an expectation, especially career wise on your children, they might succeed but they’re horribly less likely to stick with it.
There are so many stories of the child pushed to be a doctor quitting barely a month in, or even getting the degree only to use said degree in applying to other fields.
And often times the parents get upset about their own expectations not working because that makes them a failure.
I hate the idea that if your kid doesn’t succeed you don’t succeed. No, it means your kid needs help, and sometimes that help can’t be you because you don’t have the knowledge to do so.
My boyfriend’s parents literally made fun of him for anything he liked doing. He liked singing and drawing and he’s autistic so he gets special interests in obscure topics like for the last few months he’s been researching dinosaurs a lot. Every time he went to them and said “this is a thing I like” they would make fun of him for it and now he hides his interests from almost everyone. I’m one of the only people he ever sings in front of anymore and it’s heartbreaking to me that he had to go through that because he is one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met
“I’m only awful around you guys.”
Y’know, in a paradoxical way, that might actually be a good thing. On the one hand, you could assume that she wants to look perfect in front of everybody else. But on the other…she basically told you, “I don’t trust other people with my lows. I trust you.” And that’s a beautiful mark of the strength of your relationship. Ironic, isn’t it?
Thats how i read it as a young-ish person with a questionable relationship with my parents. Id just follow it up with why were you a terror? And see if theres some change that can be made. Usually they just want to be given consideration.
I experienced this when I babysat two kids twice a week for a year. When I came to the interview, the parents seemed exhausted and said stuff like “They’re… little sharks. You can put them in time outs. If they’re too much, just put them in front of the TV.” The first month or so, they were so well behaved, but as soon as they started trusting me, they also started to test my boundaries.
As a parent, it is the highest and most annoying compliment.
Ehhhh I get what you mean but it feels a lot like those "if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" posts where people just try to excuse their own volatile behavior.
@@Jenna_Talia its a kid
"They will not exercise restraint - they will kill you." Good parenting means being as realistic with your children about imminent dangers as they can handle. Children catch on to a lot more of what you're hiding from them than you want to think, so hiding these things from them is not going to stop them being scared, it will just make them more afraid because they'll be afraid of the version they make up to fill in the blanks. Tell them, and then help them prepare for it, so they can get through it and move on.
That part hit me hard. My parents thought shelter=protection. But in reality they should’ve been more open to me, I wouldn’t of been so closed to them if they did that.
My parenting strategy for that is to teach my kids that if a bad guy tries to hurt them or take them away, hide if they can, and if they can't, bite and scream. (They are young). It's what they can understand. They know the bad guys from their shows and they know that a bad guy is how they act, not how they look.
Because as much as I try to keep them safe, they aren't with me 24/7. They are with grandparents, their dad, aunts and uncles. And bad things can happen, even if they are with me. So if they do, I want them as safe as they can be. I love my little buddies.
Exactly I feel parents shouldn’t sugar coat as much because you never know a child can be more understanding then you might think-be as realistic as you can, you don’t have to be detailed about it, but don’t life and make up a story or something or try to sugar coat it
@@CatGold5047 that’s wonderful. I appreciate a parent that can be realistic and not talk down to or sugarcoat things with their kids. Kids are smart. They can figure things out, but it helps a lot when the parent explains things as well instead of always protecting them from it.
Kids aren't idiots
My daughter has flat-out told me "I'm only weird around you. No one else sees this side of me." I was honored and terrorized at the same time
Another great aspect of this movie too is how they portray marriage. A lot of people criticize Bob for being a bad husband for being “jealous” of Helen, which I don’t understand? Of course he’s upset and a bit jealous when he hears Helen saved a runaway train, that’s the very thing he did that basically ended his superhero career. BUT, even if he’s feeling all that, he does NOT express that to Helen. He still verbally supports and encourages Helen because of how excited and happy she is. Being a good partner/parent/friend doesn’t mean never having negative emotions, it’s about how you handle it and if it’s negatively affecting/impacting the ones around you.
Exactly 💯
We definitely need to stop demonizing and stigmatizing how people feel. What a lot of people don't seem to understand is that we can't control how we feel.
The stopping a train didn't end his hero job, though. It was him saving the guy who was trying to commit suicide.
"I saved your life."
"I didn't want to be saved."
It was that that caused him to lose his hero gig, not the train.
@@ReligiousPrimeit was the primary, but the people that got hurt on the train did not help his case at all
@@littlemoth4956 Well, yes and no. You can control how you feel, but it usually takes a bit of effort. What you *absolutely can* control is how you act on what you feel. Is this a valid emotion, what action does that emotion require, is that action appropriate to the cause of the emotion? If no, null action. In this case, Bob feels jealous of Helen. That's an understandable response. What action springs from that? Nothing good. So find a constructive way to cancel that emotion and focus on other emotions with more positive actions. I'm jealous because of this, but I can also be very proud and happy for her, so I should feel that and tell her that.
But yes, absolutely stop demonizing a brief flash of negative emotion, especially if it is ultimately dealt with in a healthy way.
I hear a lot of mixed responses on Incredibles 2, but one aspect I really appreciate was Bob's growth as a parent. The first film showed just how miserable he was in his current occupation and trying to find fufilment in his old life. It was touched on briefly then, but I really like seeing Bob fully discovering both the challenges and fufilment he could find in parenthood.
Ironically enough, I think a lot of that mixed response is mostly in reaction to the superhero stuff. Compared to the first movie, the hero plot lines felt a lot less thought out, especially when paired to the charming parenting/ home life scenes. Most people agree that some of the best scenes are ones with Bob and the kids. The weak villain twist and lower stakes finale didn’t feel properly balance out with the quality of the rest of the movie
I found incredibles 2 took a huge step back from his development just so they could have him do the same character growth twice. In 1 he ended realizing he was too busy with wanting to do the superhero stuff he almost missed the importance of his family and being with them. But then in 2 he started off not wanting to be stuck with the kids and wanting to relive the glory days. If his worry in incredibles 2 was more about his ability to be a good active dad now that he wants to comit more instead of "classic husband doesn't know how hard it is to take care of kids when wife is away and doesn't want to do be stuck with the child rearing" then I think it would have been a good way to have similar scenes without needing to nuke bob's character growth from the first movie.
its mostly because it lacked iconic villiain like Syndrome and 2nd villain motivation made no sense since heros were already illegal
well yes and no. problem is that bob in 2 wasnt the bob that came from 1. it was a written disaster. pretty much all characters were ruined or left behind
Seeing the dad be the one to stay at home and no one say anything demeaning or belittling about it was nice too, the only person who thought negatively was Bob, and him overcoming that was yet again another instance of Bob becoming stronger
I seriously wish there were more movies like the Incredibles! It's proof that positive films about healthy relationships and good parenting can be fun... I grew up thinking that "normal" relationships were boring and nothing to aspire to, and I partially blame this on the way romance and relationships are portrayed in so many movies.
Yeah. I'm so grateful for the many real conversations about marriage and parenting I've been exposed to over the years. Gave me realistic expectations and hope that goes way beyond the wedding day.
Exactly, that's because most romance/relationship stories are too one-sided, it's either a "lived happily ever after" tale, or a creepy/obsessive relation that you're supposed to root for
It's unrealistic and can teach the wrong lessons about love, trust, marriage or any relationship, but I've heard good things about the "Slice of Life" genre tho
Such a good comment!!
i think you would enjoy studio ghibli movies
Comment of the year!
“parenting done properly is a heroic act…”
“It takes sacrifice, it takes courage, it also takes drawing healthy boundaries…”
I am so grateful I had, I have two incredible parents. No matter how much time has passed, my Father‘s death is still a major loss, and every day that passes I grow closer and closer to my Mother. They were far from perfect, but they’re still heroes in my book! My Father was and my Mother still is Incredible!!!
Aww thats so heartwarming to hear :)
jealous
o7
never related more to a comment
I lost my father nearly 5 years ago.
I am so sorry to hear about your father! May he rest in peace! I have a five-year-old nephew who recently unfortunately lost his mother to a car accident, his dad left before he was born. How do you explain to a five year-old about his mom‘s death?
Y’all mentioned hoping that your kids grow up knowing that they’re loved and won’t be abandoned, I think that’s what hits me the most. CPS was called on my parents at some point, cause of a cut my mom made on my face while hitting me. After that she almost never hit me again, but the emotional abuse became so much worse. She would say “Maybe I will hit you, so that CPS can come and take you and I’ll never have to see you again.” My mom has improved a lot but the damage caused by statements like that cannot be undone so easily. As a teacher now, I try to be as caring and empathetic as possible, and always show my kids the respect they deserve. It’s not the same as parenting, but hopefully I can be a stable and caring presence for them and mitigate any kind of hurt they are experiencing.
You are incredible! Taking that pain and directing it towards teaching-all my respect to you 💗
As a victim of domestic abuse by my partner I honestly think emotional abuse is more damaging. Also so much more difficult to see.
As with those CPS people - of they don't see signs of violence, they don't do anything. If my partner hit me, I would know I had to leave him. But emotional abuse isn't that simple.
And physical wounds heal so much faster...
Virtual hugs to you ❤️
God bless you, you deserve the world! Amen.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I really hope everything is getting better
Damn that hits hard… but thank you for now being the kind of adult I needed a LOT more of in my childhood. As a culture, and all too often in families, we treat children as if they’re dysfunctional or broken adults - they get no respect, no autonomy, and no one considers how they’re feeling or more importantly, thinking. All too often I see adults treating kids as if they know exactly what they should be doing or feeling but they don’t because they’re “bad” somehow. I sincerely think our whole culture would be better and more clearly progressing if people re-oriented their whole approach to child-rearing
The thing that has given me the most patience through my kid's acting out or triggering moments has been to remind myself that every behavior communicates a need. If I as the parent can regulate myself in that moment to figure out what my kid is trying to communicate what they are needing, the situation tends to run a whole lot smoother.
So true!
That is so clever, and true. I think all parents should know that.
This reminds me of a mental technique my departed best friend Jeff referred to as "stepping outside of yourself"
...as in, imagine if U could literally "step outside" of your own body & enter the body of the person you're facing. What would the world look like thru that person's eyes, & what R they seeing when they look @ U? What R they hearing when U speak to them? How would it feel to B standing in their shoes @ that moment?
Come to think of it, one could boil it down to a complex math equation.
It’s so much easier said than done though….
Edna Mode is voiced by Brad Bird. They were intending to find an actress for her, he did her as a joke to give an impression as to what he was looking for and they ended up sticking with it.
Their original choice was Lily Tomlin, when Bird gave his scratch voice to demonstrate what he wanted Edna to sound like, Tomlin said something along the lines of: "What do you need me for? You had her voice all along."
So Bird wound up voicing Edna Mode.
Definitely still one of my favorite stories in the voice acting world!
It’s not a joke, a director usually does the character’s voice at first to give an example of what they want!😊
Didn't he also voice the sea turtle dad in Finding Nemo?
I know it's not about parenting but Mr. Incredibles outburst if "I can't lose you again...I'm not strong enough" was the best character development. Just admitting that no matter how physically strong he is, he will never be emotionally strong enough to handle life without his family.
It also works as an explanation for why it’s so important to him that he always works alone. Since in the beginning of the movie it looked as if it were an ego thing but after that it seems likely that it’s not.
@@matityaloran9157 same with why he doesn't do side kicks, he might have lost somebody when he was younger (either as a hero or before) which made him put up walls
@@MrrMechassult They did something similar in the movie Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. (The direct to video movie from the year 2000).
That's basically Bobs "one true weakness"
His heart.
And probably also his stomach.
@@MrrMechassult
Singing killed his grandma.
As a therapist who work primarily with children, I have also heard the same statement from parents about their kids behaving well with other people vs. at their own home. I have to agree with you guys in that kids will often feel more comfortable to push the envelope behavior-wise with people that they love and feel safest with. For example, many of my clients are or have been in the foster care system. For these younger children who have been removed from severely abusive parents, many times the observable behaviors that were displayed after the removal were considered "bad" or "undesirable" behaviors. In addition to other factors, I found that many of these children were partially behaving this way with their new foster or adoptive parents BECAUSE they felt safe. They had never experienced the feeling of safety and security before, and had never had that opportunity to even try pushing the envelope because they were too scared previously. Of course we want kids to learn the best way to manage those big feelings and to respond to them in a healthy manner. However, the fact that they feel comfortable enough to express these big feelings can many times show that they feel they are in a safe enough environment to do so. Lovely episode, guys!
%100 right turned up to 11, not just with kids but adults too. People act more comfortable with their friends, family and significant others but when it comes to strangers or superiors at work, most button-up like a watertight submarine.
Also, being in a new environment is stimulating. Gone is boredom, tiredness, any causes for grumpiness. There's something new, exciting, which makes you happy and people tend to behave better when they're happy. During that part of the video, I was recalling my own experience, and a big part of it is just that doing something unusual automatically makes me feel better. I've heard that phenomenon can be a problem with testing for ADHD - problematic behaviors don't show up during testing because the testing is stimulating. Same thing.
My mom used to call us her "little politicians" because of how we would act better out in public than at home
@@reniefuwa Your mom is amazing for that 😂🤍
@@reniefuwa that’s hilarious. I love that
As a childfree person I have such respect for parents. It is insanely difficult to raise a child and I know that it's not meant for me. I am willing to be an Edna type figure who comes in and helps out when I am needed but it is also a relief when I can say goodbye and have my space to myself again. Good parents have all my respect and love.
I just about raise a cat
Literally this💯💯💯
As a new parent, I encourage you to go be the best Edna Mode you possibly can. All parents need an Edna Mode in their lives that they can trust.
Childfree too. What a blessing to live in a time when all people can look at themselves deeply and really decide whether they are the right people for something or not the right people. I was not right for university or parenthood. And my business is thriving and I have a very rich life full of family. It’s a wonderful life and I’m blessed for it. And yes, so much respect for good parents who really try to teach their children how to be a good part of this world.
Bahahaha I'm the Edna for my cousins during every family dinner, I will literally take the kids out playing so they can talk about serious business stuff I'm not interested in (so as the kids). I'm a psychology major, so I'm always amazed by how intelligent and imaginative kids are, their pretending games are just fascinating. And I'm also a business major/consultant (yep, a double), so I secretly think what the older ones are talking about is nonsense (they dismiss my advice all the time because I'm the youngest), so it's a win win ;)
A detail that I always loved about The Incredibles was the ironic contrasts between Bob and Helen’s powers and personalities. Bob is physically strong, rigid, and imposing, but he’s actually very emotional and sensitive. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, nor would he kill Mirage to save his family. With Helen, on the other hand, her title says it all about her physically, but personality-wise, she can be very harsh and intense. She is likelier to kill someone for the greater good if there really is no other choice.
And yeah, there was Bob’s boss in the insurance office, but Bob was on the edge and the man was asking to get thrashed.
Bobs boss in the first movie got thrown because hes just SO throwable looking, mans is practically a cannon ball in a suit
@@emmahancock8911Man was too aerodynamic NOT to throw.
honestly, i think bob showed restraint with his boss for sure. the guy pissed him off, yeah, but bob probably could have killed him with that throw if he really wanted to
I think throwing his boss falls under your cited emotional sensitivity of Bob - he loses control of his emotions and snaps, anger is an emotion stemming in this case from frustration and humiliation.
And he comes close to killing Mirage - but it’s still about his feelings, he stops short when killing her isn’t about her own actions. He has a strong sense of justice in his violent actions, or the violence done to him. Helen is ruthlessly practical - once she decides what’s logical for the situation, she gives it no quarter.
They both *perfectly* embody how men and women often experience societal pressures/conditioning and subsequently make decisions, exist in family systems and manage emotions, it’s so well done
I really liked the "parents are steering the ship" analogy, because its so true. Parents are the captain and first mate of a ship, but every ship needs to have other people to maintain the sails, set length and direction, and keep it maintained. If the captain doesn't listen to their crew, even though they're "below" them, then the ship will fail. That crew could mutiny, or the ship won't be worried as diligently, making it more susceptible to damage, and then sinking. But on the flip side, the crew relies on its captain for direction, control, and heading. A good family should be like a good ship.
Exactly. Don't forget your kids can mutiny, and maybe not now because they need you to survive, but you just might find come age 18 or whenever they move out, they don't care to include you in their lives anymore. I wish so desperately to have good relationships with my parents. I miss them or at least I miss the idea of having the parents I need, but I also need to prioritize my wellbeing where they failed to.
That’s a great analogy, honestly 1:1 on how both relationships work
What i have learned:
My family and i should try to sail a pirate ship together
I was interrupted by my three-year-old at least eight times while watching this and what they talked about actually helped me respond better to the interruption that I would have otherwise.
I also love with the ice scene, it's kinda implied the reason Jack was so upset was because he was teething He wanted the cookies (prob cuz they were a nice texture) and he settled down when he was given ice.
🤯 great insight! Thank you
Yeah the cold numbs
He’s got lil nubby teeth in the magnifying glass too
“Parenting isn’t hard, it’s just exhausting” I really like that 😌❤️
I really like the part where Robert is freaking out and Violet says, “We should call Lucious!” There’s a smart teenager, she can quickly recognize when daddy is no longer functioning at maximum efficiency and knows who to call. If my sister saw my dad freaking out and mom wasn’t available she probably would’ve called one of our 5 uncles… I can already see her back in her teenage years with me a few feet behind her watching all this unfold…
“We should call Tim…”
I love how the family's powers reflects their personalities. Mr Incredible is super strong, and used to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Elastigirl is stretched in many different directions as an overworked mother, Dash is a hyperactive, excitable kid, Violet is literally an insecure Shrinking Violet, and since babies are more resilient, Jack Jack has multiple abilities.
I read it as babies having no defined personality and the potential to become anything.
I also read other comments that his abilities reference many struggles people have with babies. Impossible to carry, to keep track off, they disappear out of nowhere.
There's also the comedic aspect: Jack Jack is literally at the least powerful stage in a human's life and ironically he is the most powerful.
jack jacks name is also a bit of a joke, as his powers make him a "jack of all trades"
@@cooltv2776 I mean, all the kid's names relate to their powers - Dash's speed and Violet's power based on ultraviolet manipulation
@@simplyalexeiofficial yes, but the other two are super obvious, and most the people I know didnt realize the joke with jack jacks name
11:59 To explain to those that don't know why this is just them showing off, Vi's hair in the original Incredibles was, in a film known for doing things in animation thought impossible, one of their biggest challenges. Come the sequel, technology has advanced so much they can casually do THAT to her hair.
As if they really needed to show off hair physics in a post-Brave film. 😆
@@BonaparteBardithion I mean, there's Meredith-hair and then there is Violet's mane of long individual strands that all move separately.
@@HappleProductions
Merida's hair was similarly animated with over a thousand individual strands and much like Violet in the first film they wrote a whole new program just to simulate curl physics. They be showing off new hair tricks every couple movies.
@@BonaparteBardithion Ah, didn't know that. I was thinking Meredith's hair was much more "attached" to itself, for lack of a better term. Thanks!
Pixar, always pushing the limits of technology and making it easier for us to make good movies nowadays! I love watching their shorts for that same reason, each of them was made to develop a tool, on top of always being fun to watch!
FUN FACT: I was lucky enough to see the first Incredibles at a little Q&A that Brad Bird (the director) was hosting for only colleges students (pretty awesome). We got the watch the film and then pick his brain afterwards. He said he based this movie of his first couple years of parentings. With the thoughts of "hey what would it be like if super heroes has kids?"
That's awesome!
Yoooooooo thats so coolllll!
That's such an amazing opportunity! Two of my all-time favorite films ("The Incredibles" & "The Iron Giant") were written and directed by Brad Bird, and I would have loved the opportunity to meet him to discuss them with him and to tell him just how much they meant to me growing up. I'm really happy you got to meet him!
The part about embracing the fact that children sometimes have great ideas reminds me of my second Christmas visit after moving out. I was helping my mother hang up clothes to dry, and she was talking about how long it takes for her fancy wool pants to dry, because of the pockets. I asked her why she doesn't just hang them up inside out so that the pockets have more exposure to air, and she was literally blown away by that. She even went to tell my stepdad about it lol
I really love how the powers represent a nuclear family. The dad's super strong and indestructible, the mom is flexible enough to take care of the whole house, the teen daughter can vanish from sight despite her potential, the young son is hyper to the extreme, and the baby is a complete unknown. Very subtle dynamic.
well, and that fits with the timeline because Incredibles takes place in the early 60s
I’m pretty sure the director/writer actually said he designed them that way! Dads are strong foundational figures (super strength), mothers are pulled in many directions to account for different needs of family members and responsibilities (flexibility), teenagers are usually insecure and defensive as they are still discovering theirselves (hence forcefields and invisibility), young children are balls of energy (super speed) and babies are unpredictable, so it in the first movie we get it sorta metaphorically and in glimpse (ending, then the“jack jack attack” short film)
So yeah, they do represent the nuclear family :]
EDIT: I found the quote from brad bird! (Director)
“I picked the powers based on who they were in the family,” the director explained. “And so men are always expected to be strong, so I had Bob have super strength. Women, mothers are always pulled in a million different directions, so I had her be elastic. Teenagers are insecure and defensive, so I had Violet have force fields and invisibility. Ten-year-olds are energy balls that can't be stopped. And babies are unknown, maybe they have no powers, maybe they have all powers, we don't know.”
My parents ended up with a child who didn't listen, who pushed back, and who, later, failed high school (I scored above average on my GED I just don't do busywork aka, homework). Then that child became an adult with intense and literally constant pain the doctors can't figure out. She is disabled, cannot work, can barely leave the house and got a walker at 35. She also couldn't stand anyone long enough to have a baby and give them grandchildren. You know what they did? Kept taking care of me, doing things for me, feeding me. They even bring things to me so I don't have to suffer the stairs. And they never get frustrated or ask for anything in return. I've always thought my parents were pretty great. But now I know they're super. My parents are my heroes.
Aside from failing highschool and being quite that severely disabled (I have debilitating IBS, anxiety, and autism) I'm in a similar situation... Except my parents seem to hate me. I'm 18 and they've kicked me out twice, once when I was still 17, and only let me back in because they don't quite want me to literally die. But any time I have a problem, even if that problem is a severe physical flare-up or even something that's their fault, I have to "just figure it out". Even when I was a kid I was expected to homeschool myself until my last two years in high school where I dealt with administration and stuff by myself unless I was able to prove absolutely that I legally could not make a decision on my own or something. I've also frequently had to take care of my mom, while suffering myself and while my able bodied brother was available
So... I really hope you show your parents a lot of appreciation. Your health situation sounds devastating but you're very fortunate to have such an incredible and rare support system (which doesn't minimize the pain you go through whatsoever, all I'm saying is that your parents sound wonderful and you're lucky to have them in an otherwise unfortunate situation)
@@vaughnhaney7020 You're a badass human, all my respect onto thee! 👏
❤️❤️❤️
@@vaughnhaney7020 Yes friend. I am eternally grateful to them and make sure they know it every single day. I know how lucky I am.
But I really hope something improves for you. Get yourself some really good friends if you can. Taking up online D&D really helped me fine some good friend circles. You might try that.
@@CallMeKes When I was a high school librarian, there was no Internet. There WAS what was called "bulletin boards", people with massive home systems that exchanged text with other bulletin boards.
My local was called "Danger Zone". I talked my principle into paying them a fee, and for a year our students had access. Told the teachers and counselors. There were groups for scifi and art and other stuff, but also groups for abused kids, and gay people. The gay one I asked DZ if I could monitor and they said OK.
The kids LOVED it. The gay group? One kid went online with them and said he didn't know if he was gay or not. They were wonderful with him. "Give yourself time." "Have girl -friends - and boy -friends-. He got one long message from someone warning him about "chicken hawks", older gay men who prey on young men. The actual monitor of the group sent me a private message saying the users had really toned down their language since they knew a kid was there.
There are so many resources for kids online and I'm so happy for them.
Retired librarian
P.S. His senior year, the student in the gay group committed suicide. Turned out his older brother had been "using" him as long as he could remember. Turns out he'd told teachers and counselors for years and nobody did anything.
I raised bloody hell. Actually got a state law amended, but I told my - colleagues- [spitting[ they shared responsibility for his death. Tried to get their teaching licenses lifted (educators are mandatory reporters), but with no success. Still, I know I shook 'em up. I still grieve for him.
Oh, btw, 3 years later I was forced into retirement. That wasn't the only time I had raised trouble / alerts. Doesn't make administration happy.
I don't regret my actions. I might have been more tactful ...
I think that whole part about kids only being awful at home is also in part because they feel safe enough to express themselves with the ones that love them, and when they're on their best behavior with others it speaks a lot about your parenting as well (either you're really good and taught them manners or you're really scary and if they're not on their best behavior...bad things happen). Because there are a lot of kids who are terrible wherever they go and that could speak to a lot of things 🤷🏽♀️
While my kid certainly emulates this, the caveat is that he is 3, low verbal, delayed by ~12 months, and highly empathic. He likes people and kids, and seeks out to make them happy. But that is the rub, he is able to fool new people into believing he has more going on. But we his parents are more familiar with him, and do not fall for his mind tricks. He is young enough that manners don't really play into it, and there are no punishments yet because there is not enough language for bartering, much less fear of consequences. Additionally the number of doctors and specialists who he has duped into believing he does not have a delay or other issue is infuriating. Fortunately we have learned that he can not keep the ruse up for more than 3 sessions, and usually by the 3rd or 4th session an astute evaluator will start to see that something is up. Usually that next session it is obvious the evaluator has compared the last visit with their prior notes, when they apologize to us for not seeing it sooner. So yeah... I think it is more than just manners or fear of consequences.
And then there are the kids who seemingly are well behaved and quiet with their parents. But then it turns out they're just too anxious to properly express themselves
@@TKZells16 I was about to say this. I knew a lot of kids who were afraid of thier parents but everyone thought they were just well behaved.
So I think that scene with Violet saying that she would take care of Jack-Jack is not only a good moment for Bob since he recognizes her good idea, I thought it was also more of a growth moment for Violet. In Incredibles 1 and all throughout 2 up to that moment, Jack-Jack was a burden to be passed between her and Dash, since they both wanted to be at the center of the action, helping their parents. But in this scene Violet recognizes the role she can play to help keep her family safe, and it didn't have to be in the form of crime-fighting awesomeness. It was in the form of putting a shield around her little brother. And I think that's a beautiful growth moment for her.
Edna's "Oh my GOD... YES!!!!" is the most perfect encapsulation of an emotion I've ever seen committed to film. xD
Agreed! 😆
From what I know, children behave "worse" with parents, because this is where they feel enough safety and closeness to act out all the difficult feelings they have inside.
My god it must be nice to feel safe and loved by your parents. It has to be very comforting. Last year I was evaluated for ADHD and the psychologist blamed my symptoms on abuse saying "you probably act that way for attention". The irony is that I had to hide my symptoms completely from my parents but I can no longer do that because of health problems. I recently realized that I have a "soothing" voice I use when I'm afraid to upset others....and I use that voice the entire time while talking to my mother. To this day I'm still afraid to show my true self to others because I was never loved unconditionally. I think your view is true for a lot of kids and it should be taken as a sign that you're doing something right as a parent.
I knew from a young age that I did not have the patience to become a parent. I was sterilized eight years ago so that will never be an issue. I like kids, I want them to be happy and healthy and I will shame the heck out of anyone who is being a terrible parent. Most of the time I get hit with, "You're not a parent so you don't know!" I think the choice to actively NOT be a parent means I know *something* about it.
And if you see good parenting around you from friends and family, you got a basis to go off on what is healthier to that of terrible parenting. Sure, it is different with each kid with their personal needs, but there are still notable parts about parenting that's just the basics overall. Like, I'm in a similar boat as you, not patient enough to be a parent but want what's best for kids in the end, could I be an uncle? Sure, but that's probably it.
While I’m still pretty young I’m pretty sure I’m in the same boat as the two of you. I have issues with anxiety and have certain sensory processing issues that would make it difficult to impossible for me to have the patience to be a good parent and am planning on going down the child free path. Kids are awesome and I want to beat for them and I just feel deep down I’m not the “best” that a child deserves. I hope someday I have an “aunt”-like role (I’m an only so I’ll only ever be an aunt by marriage) for at least one kid but I’m always relieved to see people like me bc it reassures me I’m not broken for not wanting to be a parent.
* I want the BEST for them. Damn what a typo
@@ThePunkHobbit My BFF wants nothing to do with having a kid of her own but she is the BEST AUNTY for my girls. Take them on activities and do special stuff with them when she's watching them for me. So even if you're an only child, you can totally have that role one day for a child around you. Strong and important connections is not necessarily about shared blood, a chosen family is as important, sometimes even more, than your blood relatives ^^ And having that caring adult around when growing up can be a life changer, sometimes, things are easier to discuss with someone who's not your parent :)
Same boat as well! I love my nephew. I would burn the whole world down for him. Same with my youngest sister and my little cousins. But I know myself well enough by now that the everyday work of parenting would quite literally kill me. My middle sister is a friggin' hero of a mom, but I doubt that role will ever be for me.
“It gets to the point of exhaustion where you can’t even be angry cause you don’t have the energy” TRUER WORDS MAN.
I wish more parents could learn to recognize their own bad behavior and say, "I'm sorry," and I'm so thankful the Incredibles did just that.
"success comes when you think you’ve reached your threshold. Chill out, regroup and try it differently". Me, literally 10 minutes ago after a 15 minute battle with my toddler about nap time. He’s now asleep and I’m crying at this video feeling like I’m not alone, thank you 🙏
0:34 I love that she loses her temper but still relaxes herself and calmly explains what she needs to, this is one of the best animated moms I’ve ever seen.
One simple gauge of good parenting: do your children come to you with their problems and actively, trustingly rely on you; can your children say 'no' and feel safe stating their preferences?
Part of why your kids act differently with you is projection... as an imperfect parent, you subconsciously ALWAYS treat your children with your own self-dislike and assumptions/archetypes of how you see them, even if that limitingg perspective is untrue - it's really hard to unsee who you think your kids are.
Honestly. I’m scared to have children. Even be in a relationship because I’ve always had issues with anger . Never violent , I would never be violent , but I’ve been scared to get close to people because of how I’ve treated people in the past.
Seeing that both of you, who I would consider good parents without even knowing your family dynamics , have struggles with controlling your emotions sometimes, makes me feel a bit better. Like maybe I could handle it one day. So thank you
Likewise, I'd love to have children someday, but I'm not emotionally ready at the current moment. Hopefully, within time, I'll be able to hold down that responsibility. Jonathan and Alan are my inspiration!
I’ve been a teacher for 11 years, and I’ve always been concerned that I’m not good enough to parent cause sometimes kids just really grate on your nerves and you have to self regulate like you’ve never had to before; but a fellow teacher and parent told me that me being concerned that I would be a good parent is already a sign of a good parent. You’re already thinking about others and how to be your better self for others. That’s definitely encouraged me. And I hope you.
I think you are doing a really smart and difficult thing, which is acknowledging potential difficulties that might have bad consequences. You know yourself enough to be reasonably sure you wouldn’t be physically a danger; now it might be an idea to talk to someone like these guys, to help you get an outside view on your anger and emotional issues, so that you can see them in perspective and maybe find some ways of changing or regulating what you see as a big problem. I’m not a therapist; I just want to acknowledge the step you’ve already taken; it shows you are able to go even further if you want to🙂
As a daughter to a mother with... a temper (I'm not sure I'd call it anger issues but someone with quite the tendencies to wrath), I'd say exercise accountability. From my personal experience, it would have done a world of difference if my mother ever apologized to me for her outbursts (instead of pretending they never happened and that it is who she is). You are a huge step ahead being aware of yourself and maybe with the help of a therapist, you could work through those issues or get a solid tool box of skills to handle it when it happens. But if you wish to be a parent someday, don't let it stop you. Grow alongside your kids, give them the example of self impovement, accountability and love.
I think the best thing is that you're acknowledging it! Nothing worse than people getting into it not even knowing or looking away from it pretending it's not thete
I think the biggest take-away for me is how the Parrents (get it??) are able to own up to their mistakes and have that kind of open relationship with their kids. That way it feels like they're all in it together as opposed to kids vs parents. Loved this video!!
Love that takeaway! Thanks for watching. :)
@@CinemaTherapyShow thank you! 😄
Exactly
The thing I love about the scene "I just want to be a good Dad" Is Mr Incredible knew he messed up, he thought he could fix it but made it worse. He's so use to being the parent and in that position of "I am the solution, I know what's best, I can do it". Then he just kind of lets it all go and maybe for the first time, confides in his daughter as a peer. He lets her know his remorse and his short comings and self doubt, and shows a different kinds of love, a love that says "I still need you, and I need you in ways I haven't shown"
"I'm only awfull with you guys" That made me laugh so hard but I think I know why ! At school (as a psychomotor therapist) they teached me that babies and young kids actually only allow themselves to be the worst version of themselves with their primary attachment figures, knowing they won't be abandoned. In a way, if your kid is way worst with you it is because you've done good at making them feel safe and love. Good job Jono !
As a father of a 10 month old girl who's freaking out and needing therapy... This was therapeutic as hell. Thank you so much!
You can do it! Just be there for her 💛
Thank you guys for the support! This is wholesome af 😁😁
You've got this, I believe in you!!
Good luck!!! You can do this ❤️
Lol, I thought you meant your ten month old needed therapy. 😆
I want to take a moment to thank and show appreciation for whoever does the closed captioning for Cinema Therapy.
You/You all are absolutely lovely. The charm and fun of these episodes is really carried in the closed captioning for the deaf, hard of hearing, people who have to watch muted, or like me I just enjoy having them on. The care put into the captions is truly a blessing.
THANK YOU! ❣
Also for people who don't have English as their first language! captions are amazing, I appreciate them so much
there's also often cute/fun easter eggs in the closed captions on this channel!
The one thing that always struck me about the parenting in The Incredibles is the accountability they take, both in action and in words. They don't give their kids lip service apologies, they apologize or acknowledge things out of a genuine sense of accountability. It's hard to worry that your mistakes as a parent will out-weigh your good intentions, but as someone that grew up with parents that /never/ held themselves accountable, that apologized in snide tones, or flat-out lied about hurtful behavior... Just the act of acknowledging when you messed up and being real with your kids about it WILL matter in the long run. Lead by example, by showing your kids accountability, showing you respect their feelings, and by showing compassion for yourself to admit a mistake and to grow from it. Those are the qualities of a good parent!
I always break into tears whenever I want Bob apologize to his daughter. We should always apologize to our children when we have done wrong. I apologize to my son for the wrong things I do and remind him that all I want to do is right for him.
The whole thing about kids being perfect little angels around people they don't live with is so funny. When I was little my parents lived in different cities for maybe two years so I mostly lived with my mom and only saw my dad every other weekend, so of course that was super special and I was happy to see him and behaved so well that he thought he had the perfect child who never threw tantrums, or complained or anything negative at all, so once we lived in the same house full time again he was in shock and thought something must have happened because suddenly is perfect well-behaved daughter wasn't constantly happy and my mom had to explain that actually, I was always like that and now he finally got to see what she dealt with on a daily basis.
I have literally done the "Fall asleep while reading a book, and my child taps me awake" thing... ugh. The Incredibles captures some of the most real parenting I've seen in movies/tv.
i'm glad you're talking about examples of good-but-not-perfect relationships and behavior. as valuable as it is to look at examples of bad behavior to see what not to do, it's just as valuable to look at realistic good behavior to see recognizable and attainable examples of how we can apply these behaviors in our real lives.
it doesn't mean there isn't still some flaws that need working on or critiquing, and it doesn't mean that good parents can't do harm, but it is important that we feel like there are practical models of good behavior that don't make us feel isolated when we want to improve ourselves.
Something I noticed in one of the scenes was when Bob gets mad about the math homework, Dash does the same thing I do. I continously apologize when my parents get mad and try to say it is ok. I understand when a parent is angry they can't always control that but I just remember as a kid being scared because they got so mad at me for asking for help. The most recent scenario I can think of for me is when I had asked my mom the password for a thing and she started to get so mad because all the passwords weren't working. I had kept apologizing to her and said I can wait and figure it out. Being a parent is tuff but I feel it is important to be sincere and truly hold yourself accountable like u guys had said. My mom had later on apologized to me yelling at me just because she was angry.
One of the things one of my friends and I discussed about this is the fact that these films appeal to the "nuclear/traditional family" dynamic crowd, and Bob looks like he would be the kind of character folks with a toxic idea of what masculinity is attach themselves to... and then Bob lives an example of positive and healthy masculinity in parenting. In addition, he does something I explicitly appreciate and thank my mom for: when I am the expert in an area (like Violet on how her powers work) she listens, and just tells me she's proud of me.
Well, I can tell why my niece plays up around her parents, but looks like a total angel around people who she doesn’t know very well. That’s because she doesn’t know these other people very well, she doesn’t trust them enough to show her real emotions, she’s being cautious in her self-presentation. I know that sometimes it feels like child’s most nice behaviour is saved for everyone else but parents… but you need to understand reasons behind it and try to accept it and embrace it and be grateful to your child for expressing their feelings around you. This is their trust. They know they can be vulnerable with you and they know they don’t have to put the “good child” mask on, so please don’t push this trust away. Don’t force them to hide their true self around you, because you’ll probably regret it later.
What i love the most about Incredibles 2 is that it reminded of when my dad lost his job when I was in middle school and my 2 little brothers were born. I remember the struggles my dad had to go through being there for the family but also the struggles that I know my dad must have been feeling when just like Helen was out doing super heros duties while he had to stay home and take care of the kids. I know my dad was raised to believe that the men was supposed to be the provider and the woman takes care of the kids. And I'm sure that deep down he was mad that he couldn't fulfill his duties as the man and be a good husband that society deems. But just like Bob, my dad accepted his new responsibilities like a real hero and over time my dad wasn't just a good dad. He was and still is a Super dad💕
"At worst mediocre, and at best slightly above average." My personality and life in a nutshell!! Seriously though, as my nephew grows from newborn into... person, I have a feeling I'll be directing my sister to this video fairly regularly.
9:20 - To add to the point of preparing your kid is the best protection. Studies have shown that children learn to speak by parents instinctively increasing the difficulty of the language they use with the child. Always a little bit more than they are capable of at that current point of time, but (ideally) never overwhelming.
I think that's pretty much expressing all of parenting. You want to give your child a slight nudge out of their comfortzone to learn new skills.
when he said "I just wanna be a good dad" I started crying. I wish my dad had wanted to be a good dad.
I've noticed that the women who complained the loudest and longest about the work of raising kids were the ones most offended when they brightly asked ME when I was gonna have my kids and I told them I didn't want any. (Gee, you give me a half-hour infomercial for staying single and childfree then you're mad I won't step into the tar pit with you.)
I think they just want someone to suffer with them that's why they get so easily offended. That and they're jealous. Personally, I want kids but I'm perfectly happy being child free at the moment.
Misery loves company
Sounds a lot like the "It had to be like this for me" attitude so many have, of pushing onto others the weird standards that were forced on them.
Probably for them, they felt like they didn't have a choice to be parents, and they are surprised that you are choosing to opt out. I am also child free. My parents, who had children by choice, understand my decision. But the women in my family whose children were "surprises" constantly try to pressure me into also having a baby before I'm ready.
Good for you! I am never, ever having kids because I don't have the personality to deal with disobedient or loud children. I would much rather adopt animals that need a good forever home than have a kid. Animals are better than most people, in my opinion.
Another visual gag in this movie that cracks me up is how huge Bob is and small Jack Jack is that he fully sits in his hand it's hilarious.
I watched The Incredibles 2 math scene with my brother and my old man - it was so relatable 😅 years later we got a good laugh
Warning: what follows is a “defense of new math” spiel I’ve had brewing in my head for years that I’ve never had the proper opportunity to release. (This still isn’t the perfect opportunity, but it’s closer than I’ve found yet.) You have been warned.
New math is definitely strange to adults who learned “old math.” However, it’s more understandable when looking at the goals and reasons behind it. (And those goals are not communicated effectively at all with parents, or even with educators, so it seems pointless.) New Math is designed to teach mathematical pattern-recognition and problem-solving over pure memorization. The complicated procedures in new math are often shortcuts that math-minded people often take when doing mental math. Teaching children to understand *how* math works instead of memorizing facts is a noble goal. However, because this goal wasn’t explained properly, parents and teachers are often teaching new math in the same way as old math - “memorize this.” Except the things you’re now asking the kids to memorize are more complicated than the basic “math facts” or formulas of old math, and it doesn’t work the same way.
TL;DR - New math has a noble goal but has been poorly explained to parents and teachers, so it’s often being taught in a way that makes it more difficult and confusing than old math.
@@chrayez the New Math joke was perfect; so perfect that even my children got it. Like me, though, they never got their head around New Math.
(Fortunately, our local secondary school taught traditional math.)
@@chrayez Thanks for explaining about new math and is goals. I also find it incomprehensible.
Back in the 1960s, I was taught to do simple math problems in my head by my elementary school teachers, who made it a game. They would call out a string of additions, subtractions, divisions, and multiplications while standing at the front of the class. We kids were encouraged to call out our answers as soon as we got them in our heads.
Whichever student got the right answer the most quickly was tossed a piece of candy. This happened at the end of the school day. It really got everyone’s interest up. But looking back on it I realize that this is why I can do this stuff in my head now. I never was able to communicate this skill to my daughter when she was learning math.
"Hooray for New Math,
New-hoo-oo Math,
It won't do you a bit of good
To redo math!
It's so simple,
So very simple,
That only a child can do it!"
- Tom Lehrer
Absolutely love what you brought up at 26:50. I figured you would've mentioned it sooner when Violet yells and shoves past her dad to stomp up the stairs. One thing I loved learning about regarding children, is that it's an honor that they feel safe enough expressing their "ugliest" emotions/behaviors toward or around you, and they rely on their parents to gently teach them better ways to express them. I remember distinctly as a child *not* feeling safe enough to express those things in my house, because anger was met with punishment rather than empathy/guidance, I behaved out of fear, and there was never enough room for my own sadness, I was always comforting my mom and playing therapist during her arguments with my dad. LET KIDS BE ANGRY AND SAD, and teach them healthy ways to express/cope.
While not a mother, I work in daycare, and can relate to most of this, especially the exhaustion that comes with multiple children. A big struggle is trying to "parent" children who have tough home lives or have personalities or disorders I've never dealt with before. If it's a day I'm watching them by myself, it can begin to understand what it's like to be a single mother of several young children. Probably the biggest difference is I can send them home at the end of the day.
0:28:55 "Don't be abusive, Don't be negligent, and just show love". Wow, my parents missed ALL 3 marks there XD
When I was a nursery teacher, we had a little girl in class who was *so bad* at home for her mother that her mom could not handle hearing that she behaved in nursery. We had to hand the child back with just a "see you tomorrow" - no progress report, no affirmations - because hearing that her daughter could be an angel for other people when she was an absolute demon at home would send this poor woman into tears. With time and growth things thankfully leveled out by the time the little girl left us to start school.
*Oof*...
As a mom of a child with severe cerebral palsy, I really relate to them trying to care for Jack Jack. Some things are easier, most are so much more different and difficult than dealing with the average child.
Thank you for making this video! If you would like a palette cleanser of a new video, maybe you can try Despicable Me. Not only is it a funny comedy for everyone to enjoy, but I think it dives well in family dynamics for adopted children. Honestly, you are great youtubers, keep up the good work!
I would love an adoption/found family episode, that would be great!
My girlfriend has an entire thesis on Despicable Me as a journey of a man coming out of a toxic work culture and into a more nurturing role that truly makes him happy.
Up! I would like to see them make a video about this. 😭😭❤️❤️❤️
Dash's race at the end of the first movie is so funny. I love the whole family cheering him on, telling him he can catch up and run faster, then trying to get him to slow down so he doesn't blow their cover 😅
The expression from the guy next to them reacting to all that has stayed with me 😆 it's so funny
I loved that the kids came forward and supported their dad when he needed it and showed them respect. Then they supported him. (Like letting him SLEEP). That's what kids with loving, empathetic parents do. They love their parents back ♥️
I'm not a parent, but I am the oldest sister of 6 kids and my mom's a single mom, so you can imagine how I've had to fill in as a second parent throughout my life. I feel so seen when you guys talk about how parenting breaks a person eventually and how frustrating needing "me" time is when they won't just shut up and go to bed despite you sacrifising your whole life for them and spend every single day taking care of them 😭 My whole family has trauma from not only financial problems but all of our fathers have given us their generational trauma and breaking through that mold we've been in for so long and trying to be better to them then they and WE have been treated before, so seeing you guys (especially a therapist) talk about how you guys struggle too?? Maybe jm not as bad of a big sister as I think I am.
I forgot about that scene between Bob and Violet! As THAT hormonal teenage girl, I blew up at my parents, and I've had heart-to-hearts with my dad. That scene is perfect ☺️
So a week ago, my son, who is 4, was going with me to the store. He usually walks down the stairs but this day he asked me to carry him. I told him to walk and then he fell down about 6 steps. His scream broke my heart, but what he did after devastated me. The first thing he did was say he’s sorry for falling. Made me think that I am doing something wrong that made him think, that even though he was in pain from a fall that happens sometimes, he had to apologize. The next thing that broke my heart was he asked me why I didn’t hold him down the stairs. Had to wait till he was ok and I could take a moment because I started to cry. That was a rough day on my mind
I love hearing Alan and Jonathan’s insights, but the editors are so underrated. They really bring the videos to life
As a parent, modelling a way to acknowledge that you were wrong, to apologize and do your best to make it right (while keeping some dignity), is one of the most important lessons I think I've taught. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. They should not be thinking they need to be either, or be afraid of making one.
Don't know if it'd be possible, but I think it'd be super interesting and funny for you guys to talk about Loid and Yor's parenting skills in SpyxFamily
YESS there's some really interesting family dynamics to uncover there lol. Unfortunately I think they don't do series or very rarely.
The Parr parents are so good as parents. I love how they admit when they're wrong. I love how they aren't perfect but they do their best for their kids and make sure they feel loved. It's so genuine and wonderful and it always makes me smile.
My wife and I have been talking about having kids in the next year or so and seeing this really put my mind at ease with regards to a lot of my/our anxieties about parenting. We've talked a lot about how we might handle things that come up and at the end of it, I think the most important thing is that we love each other and we're going to love our kids. Also, Bob talking to Vi and apologizing just hit me in the feels.
This episode made me cry because my parents (especially my mom) were kind of crappy. My mom was extremely physically and emotionally abusive, showed extreme favoritism and singled me out for bullying and abuse, and all my life and now I feel stupid, small, insecure, and not good enough. So many of my biggest insecurities come from her constant projection onto me. And every time I confront her about her past abuse, she always makes excuses and tries to justify it by saying “I tried my best”, “But there were three of you and one of me” and “Your father didn’t help and you didn’t listen!” which as a sociology major who’s taken a family violence class I objectively understand, but as an adult who lives with trauma (ptsd, anxiety, depression) now it just makes me unbelievably angry and resentful. So when you spoke about being a loving parent and showing your children love overshadowing the mistakes in the long run, I teared up. And when you talk about owning up to your mistakes, I cried a lot, because my mother still thinks she did nothing wrong. The only thing she could focus on when I told her I had PTSD because of her abuse in my childhood was “oh, so all your friends know and think I’m a mad mother huh” and feeling sorry for herself that I was “blaming” her (even though I kept telling her I wasn’t accusing her of anything, it’s just what objectively happened). And she still expects the utmost most filial and authoritative respect from me just because she’s my mother. I still love her, but I can never forgive her, especially when she’s a narcissist who thinks what she did was justified. It just goes to show the effects of what bad parenting and abuse can do, and how your children will always live and remember the harm you did to them if you’re not at least attempting to show them you love them and approve of them at every turn. Kids are smart, and they turn into adults who are even smarter. They can tell and will appreciate if you put in the effort to be a good and validating parent, and will forgive you for your mistakes as long as you try your best (the opposite of what my mom and I have). As long as you truly try your best (not my mother’s best, but an actual best free of abuse and neglect), the love will outweigh the negative. Thank you for this video, it was incredibly healing for me, validating, and I hope if I ever become a parent, I can take these ideas into account and never treat me the way my mother did. Here’s to everyone here who prays with all their heart to one day to break the cycle of bad parenting and abuse that our parents put us through.
What I love about the Incredibles is the reason that the parenting and family dynamics are relatable. Brad Byrd, the director of the Incredibles, based each character on either someone in his life or him at a different stage in life. For instance, Helen is based on his wife, her parenting reflects his Mom, etc... Like Edna said, "Done properly, parenting is a heroic act." I think that the reason for that quote is as long as you try your best and you love your kids with everything you have, your kids will look back on the little moments with fondness and think "I couldn't ask for a better parent."
That's my take on it, anyway 😅
Do I know why TH-cam recommended this to me? Nope.
Am I upset about it? Heck no! This was so relatable and funny! I loved it so much! Can’t wait to watch more episodes! 😄🙌❤️
Glad you liked it!! Welcome to the channel1
The algorithm giveth and the algorithm taketh away lol
15:51 - THIS. This is the one line I will always push and push and push on anyone in their teens or 20s dreaming about parenthood. The first 2 weeks of parenting with a newborn (with paternity leave!) was some of the worst in my life, because I'd never experienced sleep deprivation like that, and it was only compounded by my poor wife ALSO recovering from birth, dealing with communication with folks on social media, keeping up with his feedings and the same sleep deprivation while I was (admittedly, shamefully) unprepared for what I'd committed to.
You're losing/sacrificing more than you think/expect you will. Just walk head first into the swinging pain can, take it full in the face and keep on walking with a smile. Every (successful) parent before you has done it, so it can be done ... but it's going to suck, and it's going to hurt. That's why it's called sacrifice.
This is why I hate the fact that society pushes people (especially women, but couples in general) to have children. It is a huge commitment and a huge sacrifice. Not everyone has the time, energy, or patience for something like that, and that’s okay. I hate that society treats not wanting kids as a shortcoming. Like it’s something to be ashamed of.
As a father of a nearly 2 year old baby, I can't describe how scared of the future I am. This video really helped me to see that I can make mistakes and don't have to be perfect, but it's just so scary to think of what the future holds.
These guys just hit the nail on the head as to why I'm never having kids. Also, I have a horrible personality when it comes to naughty and annoying kids. Personality counts when you're a parent, and if you don't have the personality, will or mindset for kids, don't have them.
Love this. Its interesting to me too that in the first movie, Helen’s sacrifices for her kids are assumed while in the second, it’s a whole thing that he has them by himself.
The exchange between Bob and Violet had me tear up when I first saw this movie, and it still makes me feel emotional. Because it reminds me of me and my own dad. That scene really explains how my dad was not like Bob. My dad loves me like crazy, but as I got older there was still no real respect, trust, or acknowledgment of my feelings and opinions. He often justified his ways or blamed me. But those few moments where my dad actually showed me vulnerability and accountability for getting angry at me or something really moved me. Now as a college student it’s moved into respect and trust; as peers. Which I am very very thankful for. Still no matter how many years go by he will always be my dad. Although my parents love me a lot, they’re weren’t perfect. No parent is; as children grow older they see they see that more and more.
I thought we’ve already had this episode… but I’m happy to see what new topics we’re covering :D
The other episode focused on the stages of childhood development.
This video covers the other side of the coin.. parenting!! :)
@@gurglequeen433 oohhh ty for clarifying! I also thought I saw this episode before too-😊
@@gurglequeen433 oohhh ty for clarifying! I also thought I saw this episode before too-😊
As a parent, I've watched this movie about 50 times with my toddler who loves jack jack. I have never seen the scene with Robert apologising to Vi.
I think that encompasses what watching movies with kids is like.
_"You do reach a point as... of exhaustion, where you can't be angry anymore. It takes too much energy."_
I relate to this in a spiritual level. And Im not even a parent.
Thank you for acknowledging that a stay at home parent is a hard job. As a homeschooling mom, I get a lot of people in my life who seem to think I have endless time to do things for them.
Can you both do Wolf Children? It’s another excellent film about parenting, specifically raising children that are viewed as ‘different’ by society. And how to protect and prepare them, but also how to let them flourish and grow by being themselves.
This was one of my favorite movies as a kid. It portrays families so realistically. No one is perfect. It was a bit confusing as a kid though
20:15 Ugh, that hits hard as a teacher. So often I have amazing kids in class, but I can't always capitalize on what makes them amazing because we really need to get this math lesson done! Also, stop changing math!
26:00 - In all fairness, Jack-Jack spent pretty much the entire movie up to the point of meeting his Auntie Edna receiving almost nothing but _negative_ feedback from the adults around him when using his powers, most frequently in the form of them trying to _stop_ him from using them outright (either by force or by cookie-bribery), whereas Edna _immediately_ showed a _positive_ reaction to his power use.
While we don't see the _full_ extent of what happened while she was watching him for Mr. Incredible, I wouldn't be surprised if the visit was largely Edna letting (or even helping) Jack-Jack figure out more ins-and-outs of his powers, but in a relatively structured way that Jack-Jack wouldn't get bored of (and also adding Jack-Jack's handprint, ocular scan and voice recognition to her security system so he could open it up too, a classic "let the little kid be your equal by doing a grown-up thing" thing).
My biggest observation about parenting so far is that even the best thing parents do from the best intentions they could possibly have can still backfire in child's future life.
As an artistic kid, I was praised and supported in almost everything I do, but the very first time I got into competetive art sphere (design club) I realized there were other kids, who draw better than me or come up with better ideas than me. I would never blame my family for being over-supportive (?), but it took 10 years to realise I was not talentless and just lacked in skill and knowledge.
As a mom, I had to learn that my ausome son is putting on a heavier mask in school and with others. So when he's home, he needs rest and space to be himself. It took a while to figure out not to warn his teachers of the things I see at home but rather give him the space to shine somewhere else. It's not about me seeing him be a hero, it's about letting them be a hero for others and maybe come back to tell me about it.
I'm very lucky to have parents that acknowledged the mistakes they made overtime, and adjusted their behaviour to help me. It took years and some professional help, but the important thing is, they were willing to listen and learn. I wasn't an easy child at any point of my life, but we're doing fine now
My mother is a hero. Raised two kids who one was mentally ill while the other was extremely reclusive like their father all the while physically sick. I harped a lot over recent years what she's done and hasn't, what she did wrong and could've done right but no good parent is perfect and she taught us to be exceptional humans that I know will pass on through Acton or to another generation. That is her legacy.
26:48 Funnily enough, I almost feel the opposite. My family has known me all my life and therefore has certain expectations of me. A lot of those probably based on things I might not even remember. And that scares me.
My friends however are somewhat my emotional dumpster. They got to know me randomly and decided to stay in my life, either because they like my current self or don't know me long enough to dislike me. So I can bear loosing them in the beginning, but also if they stay I feel a lot safer, because our memories are a lot more similar.
I usually dont comment on videos but the part where Johnathan expressed his fear about the cons outweighing the good hit so hard because thats exactly how I feel about my dad. hes not s horrible person but hes not the best father either and I wish he had this type of self awareness to at least get help for it.