What THE INCREDIBLES Got Right About Kids
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2021
- How do you handle kids different stages of development? You learn to be... flexible. The three kids in The Incredibles actually illustrate all four stages of childhood development, which is part of the reason their parents have to parent each of them a bit differently.
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright take a look at Piaget's four stages of childhood development, how Violet, Dash, and Jack Jack perfectly demonstrate these different phases, and how to deal with real life kids as they learn and grow.
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Written by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Jonathan Decker
Edited by: Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
Heck,who remembers the excruciating heavy pressure of violet having to put a shield around the plane that was being attacked by the missiles but she just _couldn't_ ? I could feel the heaviness
And in an earlier version of the scene, Helen's old friend who lends her the plane is the one flying it, and he dies because Violet couldn't put up the shield.
I second this! Puberty is tough enough without that on your shoulders!
@@AdrianParkinsonFilms holy heck trauma!
I love that scene
@@AdrianParkinsonFilms Frick that's dark!! I'm glad they changed it :( I don't think I would have been able to handle that as a kid
The Parr siblings' interactions are so believable, that anyone with siblings can easily relate to their arguments, yet they've got each other's back at the end of the day.
Nah what kind of siblings will have each other’s back 🤣
The uniting power of a common enemy cannot be overstated.
I got one better
"The robot's in the financial district,which traction do I take?"
"Traction avenue"
"That'll take me downtown,I take seventh don't I?"
"DON'T TAKE SEVENTH"
"GREAT! We've missed it!"
"You asked me how to get there and I told you,exit at traction"
"That'll take me downtown!"
"Is coming in the right lane! SIGNAL"
"YOU DON'T EXIT AT TRACTION"
_"YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT"_
*"AAAAAAAAAAAA-"*
Hey man - NOBODY picks on my siblings *but me*.
This is the creed of the oldest sibling, as taught to my father, and to his father before him.
@@ahuman5889 as someone not in that situation, most siblings would dude.
The horror in the "oh my god" when he realizes his toddler can get through locked doors (and walls) and put *everything* on fire
Toddlers are the worst to keep an eye on and he CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS AND SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST AND SHOOT LASERS AAANNNDDDD MULTIPLYYYYY?
Mine could dissapear in a crowded place. Festival, shopping mall at Christmas, downtown busy street. Ah, memories. 😳
Mine decided to walk home without me after slipping his hand out of my hand . He had to cross 2 high traffic streets ( i live in NYC) and walk 3 blocks west to do that . He was 2 . I was still on the first block looking for him. He’d walked home rang the bell and was eating lunch with his grandmother. He told me , “Well I couldn’t find you“ , in this annoyed tone when I asked why he’d done that! I can laugh about it now but back then I almost had a heart attack. My sister’s toddler walked outside naked and sat in the middle of the street .
@@dancingnature did everyone clap?
@@AnastasiaAisling i certainly did
I remember reading that each character’s power represents their role in the family. Bob has super strength because fathers are meant to be strong and reliable. Helen is elastic because mothers are pulled in all directions by their family/life and expected to be flexible and adaptable. Violet has invisibility and force fields because teenagers are insecure and defensive; they desire to be seen yet invisible, understood yet untouchable. Dash is super fast because pre-pubescent kids are hyperactive and impulsive, and Jack Jack’s abilities represent the unlimited possibilities and potential of an infant and new addition to the family.
I also heard that the kids names are representative of their powers. Like, Violet has ultraviolet stuff (duh), Dash is fast (super duh) and Jack Jack is a Jack of all trades but master of none
I believe that’s part of the director’s commentary.
Super interesting!
I never thought of that before.
@@helenward6786 from what i remember, all supers start off with, like, two dozen different powers, but slowly narrow down into the one that fits them the most.
Alan: "If I walk away from this cat, this cat will still be a cat."
Schrodinger: "Will it though?"
I mean, it might be a dead cat or a live cat, but it's probably safe to assume that it'll still be a cat.
Your point still stands though
It will...and it won't
No, please, I can't do this, not again
@@elenafriese891 yes. Finally. Because alive or dead, it's still, a 🐱
@@hat7475 but is it? Or is it a dog
A detail I love about The Incredibles is when one of Syndrome’s minions fires at Dash and Violet jumps in front of him, creating a forcefield orb around them. But her reaction is shock and amazement. She didn’t intend to create that shield, she had no idea she could even do that (especially since she’s been struggling to control her powers consciously, let alone sub/unconsciously). She saw her little brother in danger and was fully prepared to die for him. That is sibling love.
I'm tearing up because I am also the eldest sister, and I felt that to my very core. I wouldn't *hesitate* putting myself in harm's way to protect my three siblings, but at the same time, I know that they need me, and I wouldn't want to leave them without an older sister. Yes, the oldest of my siblings is a wonderful person, and the younger two idolise them to no end, and they would be an amazing role model for them, but I know that *they* need me. I am definitely one of the first people they talk to when they have a problem that isn't necessarily school related. They need me; I am their role model, and they rely on me for support, and I love helping them in whatever way I can. I would love to see a storyline similar to that for Violet if Pixar ever makes a new _Incredibles._
Sorry for the rant. Being a good, reliable sibling is something that is really important to me, and I just wanted to write that out.
@@Acidfrog475 No need to apologize. As a younger sister myself, your care and concern for your siblings touches me deeply. Thank you for taking the time to articulate your feelings.
@@sofiamansour-tehrani6867 Aw, thank you ☺️
When I first watched this movie I was about Violets age and an incident where I'd basically jumped in front on an incoming motorbike to protect my brother came to my mind.
It ended up being funny cuz the road was absolutely empty and I had only heard the bike not seen it yet... And my little brother was standing on the other side of the street.... Right next to my mom😂😂😂
But idk I heard that sound and ran across the street and hugged my little bro all within a couple of seconds.
The rest of the time me and my brother fought like it was the purpose of our lives😂😂😂
So yeah that scene really struck a note there.
@@Acidfrog475 I feel you. As the oldest (by quite a large gap) I am the need-to-talk-to-an-adult-but-not-to-adult person.
I love how you can see in Bob’s eyes the flash backs to baby Violet going missing and Dash being totally uncatchable.
I didn’t even think of that, that be scary 😅
@@AliCatGtz, now imagine that, but with a dozen other superpowers... all at once... in one child. Oh that kid is going to be a nightmare to raise.
@@carsonrush3352 Basically, the premise of what a future Incredibles 3 will probably be, since I2 already gave a preview on that.
frrrrr
@@AliCatGtz l
The scene where Bob apologizes to his daughter makes me cry every time. That Bob this superhero who has saved countless lives, because the solution is so simple for him. But then he discovers each and every day he would rather be a good dad. To which his daughter beautifully responds "You're not good... You're super."
Apologies are so important! Because they're essential to honest, loving relationships; we also set an example of living with integrity. Jonathan mentions how kids can be disillusioned and even angry (scared) when they realize that parents are not infallible. Much less of an issue when you've been open about that all along. :-)
@@patmaurer8541 I apologize to my five year old when I do wrong and help him understand anyway I can it's okay to not be perfect :)
@@FATE522 Your son is blessed to have true leadership from you :-)
@@patmaurer8541 Thank you for your sweet words , we lead our relationship together is how I see it :)
yyyyay
What I love is that the kid's names reflect their powers. Dash runs really fast, Violet can effect visible light to become invisible 'ultraviolet', and Jack Jack is a jack of all trades.
And the last name, Parr, is great too. Perfect for someone pretending to be a "normal" family.
Cool Beans, their names really reflect their personalities well!
*Brawl Stars flashbacks*
I didn't think of "ultraviolet", that's neat! I thought they were referring to "shying voilet", but yours works better.
"Ultraviolet" is amazing! I want that to become Violet's superhero name!
The kids finding the supersuits especially when they weren't allowed is 100% me and my sisters annoying our mum
It feels like finally finding the birthday/Christmas stash and not knowing what to do from there.
"Mom! W H E R E is my super suit?"
I seriously just spent like an hour last night trying to put something back together that my kid tore out in 15 seconds. He loves to get into things that aren't his.
@@therussianprincess7036 yup! Looking through my parents' christmas stash was how I found out santa wasn't real 😂
@LizGridley-Artist "Look! I'm The Dash! The Dash likes." (10/28/2021)
I was about Dash’s age when the first movie came out and his character was the only one where I understood completely what was going on. “So, the bad guys are tryna wreck mom and dad’s....marriage?” I felt that.
Now I work in daycare. Still 100% accurate for all the kids
funny thing is I remember Dash being my favorite when I watched this as a kid. Both because he was the young boy in the family, but because he was super fast and which registered as hyperactivty that I could relate too being adhd. Funnily enough I was told that I speedran some of the development stages (apparently running and climbing by the time most kids were starting to walk, same for speech) so looking back I think its funny I caught on to what Dash was symbolically supposed to represent, despite being roughly the same age as him where he might not have.
Though unlike Dash when the Marriage thing came up I just remember thinking, "how is their marriage falling apart worse than them dying?" Which I feel is more towards the concrete stage XD
2:38 the score working on this movie definitely where going through stuff during this scene, stuck in a seas of a office like that, total nightmare.
I’d love for you guys to react to Hazbin hotel or helluva boss, those characters could use serious therapy.
Me too! I ran around the movie theatre wishing I had super speed.
The Incredibles is the best Fantastic Four movie ever made. What people tend forget about that super hero team was that it was a family, with all the trials and tribulations that come from both being a super hero team and a family.
And, as a parent, my biggest struggle is the same: find the line where you let kids have autonomy - and it's not the same for every kid. Some kids take on responsibility, and others are harder to trust.
SO true!
On that note, my absolute favorite scene in the movie is when Bob and Helen land the RV on the highway and immediately sound like every married couple arguing about which exit to take!
@@listfamaccount7400 ikr
Can maybe one day talk about Lilo and Nani's Relationship in Lilo and Stitch
I second this!
As someone who grew up with a single mom who was a travelling saleswoman, I spent a lot of time taking care of my little sister. When you become a surrogate parent to your sibling, it changes the dynamics of things, and Lilo and Stitch was always super relatable to me.
I love LILO and Stitch. Lilo is a pure heart who just wants something of her own. She wants Nani to listen. And Nani has so much to deal with. Nani is a young woman who is transitioning from being a child to an adult. Both sisters have a hard time maintaining their family connection.
YEAH. I want the deep analysis of found family and dealing with trauma when you've got too many responsibilities to stop and feel.
Yeah 🤫👋
Can we count on something about The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Quasimodo and Frollo's characters really touch on some interesting stuff
I’d love to see this! Frollo is one of the best and most complex Disney villains (the best in my opinion)...
I thought that this was a bit of a lost opportunity during the gaslighting episode, because Frolo exemplifies it.
Yes! Frollo,in my opinion,is the most evil out of all Disney villains
Disney's Hunchback in fact only scratches the original story, probably to make it more children-friendly. Victor Hugo's novel is nowhere near children-friendly but man, the characters are complex as hell (hellfire even...). I don't know about any good film adaptations but Notre Dame De Paris, the French musical starring Garou, is much closer to that than Disney (not saying it's a bad thing, just completely different and prehaps worth checking out if you like the story)
100% in support of this
What you said at the beginning about children needing to rely less and less on their parents is so true. My parents have always been super structured with my life. Because I’m autistic, I don’t really know any other way to live, and now that I’m seventeen, they suddenly want me to be more independent in enrolling myself into college
On the opposite end of the situation. I'm autistic but I've always had to be very independent to like survive I guess? But you need adult help with things like college applications, financial aid, learning to cook+pay bills+laundry.
So I keep delaying it because the research is stressing me out and no one is helping me.
The problem with a highly structured lifestyle is how hard change is emotionally.
You may need to search out ways on your own about how to become independent. You can start teaching yourself the things your parents could not, and its okay that they couldn't teach you everything.
I kind of relate to this. I'm also autistic, and my parents want me to start going out with my friends or talking to them outside of school, since I don't really socialise with people unless I have to. It's super scary to have to become more independent, or for me, at least. /gen /lh
I'm in the ADHD range myself, but I feel this. My mom just kinda decided one day that I was mature enough to handle everything on my own. Did she let me know that she wouldn't be helping me? Nope.
I'm adhd and as a child I was tossed into boarding school
Watching this video makes me appreciate my Dad's parenting a lot more. I remember when I was about 9 years old (my younger brother was around 7) we started watching a bunch of movies from animated ones to live action and at the end he'd start asking myself and my little brother questions. He started with the simple ones: did we like it, what did we like most/least, and then he'd ask why did we like it. He would carefully guide the discussion and gently challenge our thinking. One series of questions He would ask us was about who we thought was the good guy or bad guy and why and then slowly point out where the gray areas were. It became our routine and is something that we all still do to this day. It's also some of my fondest memories.
What a lovely tradition! Thanks for sharing :-)
11 month late but respects to your dad
aawwww
That is soooo much better than my parents’ approach of “what did it mean” and there being right and wrong answers to give them.
Don’t get me twisted - I’m happy to understand the nuances of symbolism. But talking about art somehow invariably sidestepped anyone’s feelings about it.
It got to the point where I stopped wanting to talk about symbols anymore, and I didn’t understand why at the time. I understand now.
I think the directors had come out and said the reasons the Parr family have the powers they have, which I think is brilliant
Bob: super strength, supposed to be the strong man of the house
Helen: elasticity, mom's always get stretched a million ways in order to take care of their kids
Violet: invisibility, she's a shy middle school student who wants to remain hidden (in the first film at least)
Dash: super speed, he's at an age where kids can be very hyperactive
Jack Jack: multitude of powers, babies are extremely unpredictable
Also side note, glad to see you guys analyze my favorite Pixar movie!
Love how the characters' powers fit their personalities, developmental stages, and family dynamics. The way their powers interact with each other is beautiful. We may do a whole video on that and family dynamics.
Don't forget Violet's force fields.
Violet: Ultraviolet
Jack Jack: Jack of all trades
Dash: gotta go fast ™
YES!!!!!
@@Shythalia her force fields could symbolize how she wants to be alone and blocks out anyone trying to help like her dad when she told him to leave her alone
Helen going, "I missed JACKJACK'S FIRST POWER!?" is so relatable. My wife got to see my three month-old's first smile, I got his first laugh, and BOTH of us were looking away when he rolled over for the first time (my in-laws on Zoom caught that one). It is funny how irrationality passionate we are about seeing the firsts. I think my wife and I may end up competing to see who gets him walking. xD
AWWW cute ☺
This is so cute awww
My parents both worked and my mom had the misfortune of being away for a lot of my firsts. When I lost my first tooth my moms' friend was watching me; I wanted a peanut butter sandwich for lunch but her friend didn't want me to accidentally swallow my first loose tooth. So her friend got some gauze and yanked my tooth out for me, I was thrilled and my poor mom was like "OH COME ON!!! I missed her first tooth coming out?!"
So? Who got it?
@@blacky_Ninja I wanna know too
Please dedicate an episode to Meet The Robinsons, it's one of few animated films that portrays an overall positive representation of foster care as well as explicitly celebrating failure as part of the learning process! It's got a lot of soul 🥺❤
Yes! I second this! Being okay with, and even celebrating, failure is something that I struggled to learn, and I feel like a lot of people struggle with it as well.
Oh my goodness I'd be thrilled with this!
They could say a lot on that movie!
I third this! I loved this movie as a kid!
True story: my Grandpa was a psychiatrist, waaay back 50+ years ago. When his children were young he noticed that they were hitting certain milestones with textbook specificity. The exact age the book would say and his kids would start to exhibit the behavior. He thought he had stumbled upon some remarkable phenomenon. Nope! Turns out the oldest, my dad, was reading the childhood development textbook aloud to his younger siblings and telling them what their behavior should be at their age. 🤣
Lol, that is so funny!
Something my parents had with me when I was like 5 or 6 was a “question book”, where if I had a question about how the world worked but my parents were busy at home, we’d write it down (my mom would write it down first so I’d know how to spell it, then I’d try write it myself) and take an evening on the weekend to research the thing, helped me with my reading and writing because I had a LOT of questions, and also kinda taught me how to research things in the local library
That is a brilliant idea!
Thats very cool! I'd definitely take this one in account if I ever came across some parenting stuff
That is good parenting.
Your parents are awesome!
What a great idea!!
The Homework scene in Incredibles 2 is so relatable, my dad, step-dad and mom have all had the "WHY WOULD THEY CHANGE MATH, MATH IS MATH!" moment.
Math.is.math
I never liked Algebra especially (finished with a C).
Geometry was more of my thing (finished with an A).
I really felt my age at that scene because I’d recently had a similar breakdown. (But seriously! Have you seen what they are calling “new math”???!)
@@Scardy "New math" is dumb, and if it's still around by the time I have kids, I'm homeschooling.
The only people I've ever met who like the new math are kindergarten teachers. The most math they do is have kids count blocks, take some away, and count some more. Nothing without physical groups. This kinda makes sense, since the only time I've had to do new math, and I actually managed to do it, I had to go get items to physically count and group so the math made any sort of sense. It's an overcomplicated shortcut to try and explain why the numbers line up that way, without just actually lining up the numbers that way and doing the math straight down. It only works with physical representations of the numbers (I think it was designed to always have a physical item, a loom-like toy if I remember right, that you use as basically an abacus) or if you can think in 3D.
TL:DR, new math is stupid. And this is coming from a family of people who use math and fractions EVERY DAY to build cabinets or count money.
Here is a quick tip I use all the time for what Jonathan calls “putting a pin in it” on all those questions you get with kids in the preoperational stage of development. I’m a special education teacher K-2 with a masters in early childhood and I’ve found this to work really well with young kids who need a more concrete way to understand that you care about what they have to say but need to table it. Working with students with ADHD or any who experience impulsivity means that we use this strategy a ton. I ask the kids to put their idea/thought in their pocket for later (accompanied by gesture which they often will naturally physically mimic). The first time I introduce this I will explain more in depth how we will take their question out of their pocket later but right now I need them to listen, focus, etc. The most important part is once you have introduced this you have to actively go up to the child and say “let’s take your question out of your pocket” and prove that you’re not just shutting them up but that you do care about what they have to say. Over time, I sometimes won’t even break stride (for example during a read aloud) and will simply continue on (keep reading) and make eye contact and gesture with grabbing the question and putting it in their pocket. For context, this can be important because too many interruptions can actually weaken comprehension because the storyline becomes too fragmented. After we’ve done this enough for them to understand the concept and build trust in my willingness to hear them out, I let them know that it’s now their responsibility to come to me at a later time to take questions or comments out of their pocket. I won’t always be coming to them.
What this teaches children is how and when to find appropriate times (often delayed) to get questions answered or give comments. It’s a hugely important skill. I’ve found that kids are much more willing to wait to share a comment if they know this isn’t their only chance. Kids during this preoperational stage of development will speak over someone while talking at a million miles a minute because they want to be heard and they don’t want to be shut down.
We kept each child supplied with a small notepad & pencil, where they could draw and entertain themselves--or record questions and observations. Once at the grocer, I turned to see my 5 year old standing in the back of the cart with her head in the produce scale. I asked what she was doing (as she wrote in her notebook). She said, "I do this every time we come, so I can measure my bee-yoo-ti-ful brain!" :-D Yeah, homeschooling makes kids weird
This is a really difficult skill for kids (and adults!) with ADHD. Moving the question from short term memory into medium-term memory is really hard. Often I will come back to my child's question and they have forgotten it.
@@runnerfrog13 Very true. My experience is that young kiddos with ADHD (and many little ones in general) still don’t have much of a filter so every thought is one they want to share. It’s impulse control really. And those thoughts are really wonderful because it’s often a way that they are connecting to the story, things they’re noticing, etc. Sometimes it just a way to connect to the teacher/reader. It’s important not to stifle all of these questions and connections. The problem comes in when there are too many. Too many distractions can actually impede their understanding of the story or can cause it to go on for too long (meaning they can’t hold their attention for the entirety of the story). So all that to say that the strategy should be used situationally as a tool and not a blanket rule. Kids who generally don’t share as often should be called on if they have something to say for example. The first time we read through any book we read for plot- to know what’s coming next. So less comments and questions on a first time read and more on subsequent reads. A nonfiction text (say a DK book on ancient castles in Europe) doesn’t have a plot so lots of interruptions and questions won’t matter as much. Parents and teachers reading one-to-one with a child can allow for a lot more questions. They can follow the child’s pace.
In terms of forgetting what’s in their pocket, I do have a few tips. Firstly, often (not always) it is more about the connection and knowing that you care about what they have to say. So many of my kids would forget their original question but come up with another on the spot. Second, with picture books the adult can take note of the page the question was being asked on. Show the child the page and ask them what their question was. Often the visual of what’s happening at that point in the story will jog their memory. Finally, with older kiddos and those with fluent writing, they can write their question down on a post-it or a pad of paper.
It can be more difficult but holding information in our memory, taking pragmatic readings of the situation to know when it’s okay to talk and when to wait, and filtering our thoughts are all important cognitive and social skills. They come naturally to some and not so naturally to others, but as with most things, with meaningful practice they actually can be improved upon. As an educator, it’s just as important for me to teach these skills as it is to teach traditional academics.
Now you know your family and your students better than some random person on the internet so if you have a system that’s working then use that. This is more just a tip for other educators who haven’t yet found something that works for their kiddos. It’s not fair to the impulsive child that their enthusiasm is met with frustration by a teacher but it’s also not fair to a class full of children to have every reading session dominated by one child who over-shares. This is a solution for that type of a situation.
Oml I wish yall were my teachers rn- I Have ADHD and my teachers refuse to take me into consideration- along w/ my parents--
Good points, wouldn’t put an emphasis on “little kids” because as an adult with ADHD I also have difficulty with these things, in a different way, but solved the same way.
Example: incredibly verbally impulsive, you tell me something and someone asks me something surrounding it later or days later, guess whose secret is now out and about?
One time my employer asked me what I thought about their new glasses and I word vomited a dialogue I heard online about the shape of her glasses (supposedly round glasses are more youthful). Though I was being nice which, of course, was taken entirely wrong.
I’m not offended, but I know many adults who are getting really tired of being compared to “little kids” 😂
I'm a psychology student and I usually try to understand concepts on my own with the media I'm consuming but this is a whole different level of education wow
As a parent of a 3 month old... noisy smelly house plant is the perfect description. She just started rolling over though and the quote, "It's exciting until it's not." resonated. She decided to flip over while i wasn't looking grab a blanket and get tangled enough that she started smothering herself... in under 15 seconds...
and when you're changing the diaper and she wont stop rolling over
Welcome to the fine art of
✨kids✨
I apparently liked to smother and suffocate myself, at a moments notice, as a baby too! My parents just swapped out a blanket for something thinner that I could breathe through lmao.
Babies are just so wriggley and squirmy that it honestly terrifies me
I use to joke that I'm hirering an octopus to change my son's dipers and keep him from rolling.
What I find great is how mature Bob and Helen were about being parents. Even when they were fighting, they realized they had to be transparent to the kids about the fact that parents will disagree with each other, sometimes loudly, but they reassured the kids it wasn't about the kids. It's great to see them show awareness of how their disagreement affects the kids.
As a teenage girl, Violet is super relateable. I just want to have fun and do things with my friends, but my parents always ruin that. Like, "Friday night is family night!" when I've already made plans with my friends and stuff like that.
Maybe you should communicate those plans with your parents.
@@RG-rm6ih I've tried but nothing has worked...
My son: imma go out with friends today. We: Ahem... you could have told us... earlier?
@@jensb9909 I know!
And I tell them on like a wednesday or something and they're like
But...its a friday..
But you can just go out with your friends on another day..?
13:20 The beauty of Jack-Jack's laugh after Bob realises has (so many) powers, is that from a filmmaking perspective it gave the audience (in the theatre and at home) a few seconds to laugh really hard too without missing any dialogue or details - and if the reality dawning on Bob wasn't enough to make you laugh before, the infectious baby laugh will probably get you anyway.
My father always told me: "You'll grow up and you will make your own way in this world - my job is to give you the advices and tools you need to become a good man. And smart people listen to their folks advices even when they became adults..."
"A wise king knows what he knows and what he doesn't. You're young. A wise young king listens to his counselors and heeds their advice until he comes of age. And the wisest kings continue to listen to them long afterwards." - Tywin Lannister
@@gvendurst But my father is more of a nice Person than Tywin...though they might have a thing in common or two.
When he told me this, I was in the Phase when "All those old people...what do they know anyway ?!" and he still did seit down and talked camly with me, I respect that and today I am thankful for all he did for me
“And smart people listen to their folks advices even when they became adults.” I’d rather have your father think of me as stupid for ignoring every fucking word my mother said when her advice was horrendous stuff. Not all of us grew up with good advice.
@@cheesus7672 Yeah, your father sounds like an outstanding fellow. Just thought that the quote fit too perfectly. I hope that it didn't come across like me disparaging your old man.
@@gvendurst nah it's alright, man💪🏻
"we're going to talk about what *your kids* need depending on where they are for their nurture for their growth into autonomy and independence"
me, a 17 years old: 👁👄👁 interesting
Me, an 18 year old: interesting 👁️👄👁️
me, a 14 year old: 👁👄👁 interesting
Me a 25 year old living with his parents. “Interesting”
30 year old, with no interest in fathering children: "Interesting" 👁👄👁
Me a 13 year old
To the people at Pixar... I just want to say thank you, for doing such a great job with Violet, and giving the world an accurate, visual portrayal of anxiety... it's simply beautiful how well invisibility and force-fields compliment and display her emotions, and psychological stresses.... maybe that's an odd perspective from a boy... but I saw myself through Violet... she will always be my favorite.
I still see myself through Violet and I'm a young male .
I wish there was a separate Incredibles (1&2) vid about the parents' relationship and how it changed and the obstacles they had to overcome. It was great in it's own right and Incredibles was one of the first movies I saw that had parents going through their own problems.
As a first grade teacher, I'm with those guys as they make that transition out of the preoperational stage. It is very very noticeable when it happens. But like Jonathan says, not every kid gets there in first grade. It's not done by the numbers. I'm always fighting with administrators who just don't get it. We are asking some kids to do so many things that are beyond what is appropriate for their stage of life. It's one thing to expose them to new learning, nothing wrong with that. Fodder for more questions. Great! But to judge them or judge my teaching because they can't quite grasp the true meaning of an equals sign...I'm like...they only just learned to walk, talk, eat independently. They are just beginning to grasp the world around them, their brains are working overdrive to just sit at a desk and color a picture of their families. Ok, it's summer. Rant over.
T H I S so hard, early education in particular is lacking in the flexibility to let kids develop the way they need to. Just because your 3rd grader hasn’t memorized every one of their times tables doesn’t mean that they are not intelligent or are underdeveloped, everyone has their own pace and fast pacing does not equal success
I drive a school bus. Can you guess how much fun it is to field a screaming match between two 8 year olds who both insist on interpreting the same basic rule two different wrong ways at 50mph? Which is only important because some 12 year old boy is picking on an entirely different child. And THEN have to explain why the rule and why the fight and why the mean to a 6 year old... still at 50mph, but now with heavy traffic. This is all fine until I have the same problem with one of the 8 year olds every day(plus just totally not comprehending that I am in charge) and I find out the kid is special needs and has had a 1 on 1 aid in school for MONTHS. I've got 77 kids in this rolling tin can and admin couldn't even be bothered to TELL ME, and they swore they would, that I need special strategies to handle this child or what they are LET ALONE actually provide the additional assistance for 10 minutes so I can deal with all the bad decisions other people in their 3 tons of metal hurtling along at 60mph make that a teacher in a nice safe classroom gets for 7 hours while she fields 25 children. "Don't worry, he's worse in school." Yeah, comforting. Thanks Mr. Vice Principal.
You are so right. It's summer. Rant over.
Damn, there's my past trauma of feeling like shit because my grandma made me and my older brother answer the times table - instead of waiting till we both got the answer, it became a race, and of course he always answered faster than me. My grandma didn't even ask what my answer was and she was wondering why I stopped answering - clearly because I was too upset and my throat is clogged up to even say something.
And so I gave up learning it till I'm in the end of my junior high. And now I found out I might actually have adhd and the symptoms has never been so clear. But I don't want to use it as a excuse.
@@user-pt5cl2ro6f I had a similar experience (without the siblings competition tho), I feel you... also if you do exams with a calculator like we do in my country you don't really need to know your tables it just saves time sometimes. (However you will have to learn them and learn how to do some mental calculation if you want to do hard science at a college level of course). But seriously don't feel bad about it ^^
Thanks for all you do! As the friend of a preschool teacher, I’ve heard the admin horror stories and the joys of watching kids get things. Keep going, you’re a real hero!
Them: why aren't you a big fan of kids?
Me: 3 words. Noisy. Smelly. Houseplant.
Noisy, smelly houseplants that are adorable, fascinating, and well worth all the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to raise them.
@@truekiropfan8329 ^ spoken like someone who is actually good-parenting material.
That part about how only violet can see their parents relationship going south is so true. When my parents split up I was 15 and my brother was ten. When they told us they were separating, I had already known it would happen eventually because of how often they fought, so even though I was sad I understood. My brother on the other hand was absolutely wrecked because he never saw it coming.
I was 17 when my parents split up. I left for college
It's worth pointing out that most information on child development focuses on neurotypical children. Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of advice on how to parent autistic, ADHD etc children is given with the focus of assimilating them into neurotypical society by suppressing their neurodivergent tendencies, instead of helping them to grow according to their atypical needs
This leads to a lot of autistic children, for example, "not growing up autistic", if that makes sense, and only learning how to be their autistic selves as adults. As they said here, Piaget had a lot of good ideas, but his work was incomplete and we've barely filled in the gaps since the 1930s. If I knew a better way or had any resources to share, I would. But I don't, so there it is
Wow true. I recently got diagnosed and I realized I had spent my whole life trying to be "normal" only to realize what an impossibility that was, that I could only come close to faking it for fleeting moments at the expense of my health and self worth. And now I'm trying to figure out what it means to actually work with my brain instead of against it. And also what my own personal happiness looks like, when I don't base my worth on how well I fit in
I'd give a lot to have a role model. But I guess that's mostly me. Go me go, haha
Best wishes mates.
Good grief, if this doesn’t explain most of my childhood...
I was scolded for stimming, tone mimicking/echololia, my hatred of certain textures or clothing, I’ve had babysitters complain and (unknowingly meanly) tease me about how ‘picky’ I was with food. No one realised I was autistic until a few of my relatives got diagnosed when I was already in my teens, so until then I was told my whole life that I was ‘abnormal’, ‘weird’, ‘freaky’, ‘obsessive’, and a litany of other comments that I could go on and on about with no reason given as to _why._ Recently, my mother bought some parenting books directed at raising/being an austistic person, but they’re all completely unhelpful. Social media is a much better source, but unfortunately it’s so unreliable that you can’t depend on it at all. 😞
Totally agree. Nothing wrong with being unique: both, uniquely challenged AND gifted. To me that is the definition of neurodiversity. As a result I home-school my daughter, who is also ADHD, like me.
As an autistic man, I can definitely relate. My mom always puts pressure on me to mask (conform to society) my autistic traits and behaviors, and it doesn't really boat well for our relationship.
John: I'm gonna teach a quick collegiate psychology course about child development.
Also John (and Alan): hahahahahahahahahahahahaha taffy baby face
I'm always here to enjoy the full spectrum of engagement, lol.
Yep! He's trying to talk and the laughing takes over.
This covered just as much as a 8 week developmental psychology course
YES! If people feel that being an intelligent, responsible adult means they have to relinquish childlike joy--they have some healing to do
This actually explains what happened when my parents split up. My older brother and I saw it coming and we actually wanted it to because we knew they weren't happy together. Meanwhile my little brother was completely oblivious to the whole thing and even now that he's 13, he still doesn't remember it the way I do. Kinda cool how kids' minds work
Yes :)
I wished so much that my parents would have split. Staying together for the kids isn’t the right thing to do when it’s resulting in constant fighting, and can even teach kids to stay in bad relationships.
i remember when my parents sat me and my sister down to tell us they were splitting, i had a moment of realisation literally 5 seconds before they said it going 'divorce?'
ive took it pretty well as i felt subconsciously they werent happy together (only recently though, apparently it had been a long time) but my sister whos 2yrs older didnt. shes slightly on the autistic spectrum so i guess it affected her view and she didnt pick up on it.
i think its interesting seeing how everyone develops differently and see other things. there are thousands off things i miss and just cant pick up on without very obvious hints yet can know a lot about one thing from just one detail
This comment hit home. My little brother did the same.
@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria In my case is hilarious watching my parents fight 🤣 is like watching WWE. But maybe it's just me that I don't care 🤷♀️
But it's mostly an unhealthy environment for someone who cares
Fun fact: The Incredibles is Pixar’s first animated movie where humans are the main characters, and it shows
Where do you think it shows? I've always been super impressed with the nuances they accomplished in body language and motion.
Dude what? It’s incredibly impressive if anything, sure the models are outdated, but it’s impressive and fantastic the work the managed to achieve. To be real with you it’s quite fantastic. Just because there’s no fancy details and hyper realistic textures doesn’t mean the og incredibles isn’t still a visually impressive feat.
@@lobsterspasta Much MUCH better than the humans in Toy Story, that's for sure.
It took a long time for them to get Violet's hair right. I also remember hearing that they wanted to include jack jack turning into goo in the first film, but the technology wasn't there yet. They tried and it just looked creepy
I used to teach karate to teens and preteens. It was a wild time and I loved it. They asked questions you'd never think of. They were still very much kids and very much not kids. One moment you'd feel like you were having a conversation with an adult, they do something and you're like, there's the kid. Teens and preteens are my favorite age group to work with.
As a student studying child development, this episode hits home to me. Piaget's stages of cognitive development is very useful to understanding the child and a good reference to what teaching methods and materials are developmentally appropriate. I tend to mix up the stages and their names so this episode is so approachable and easy to understand :D. Its application to The Incredibles fits so well.
Likewise, as a fellow childcare student, I really resonate with the stages covered in this video.
As a future teacher, I have studied Piaget until I was green in the face, and I still can't quite seem to wrap my head around all of it. The Incredibles shall be my memory glue!!
Good luck in your studies!
As an art student, I had to take child development as a general education credit, and I damn near failed that class. Whenever I see Piaget my brain turns to white noises. I wish I had this episode back then
I’m a child development major as well!!
When someone "grows up quickly" or is "so mature for their age," what does that stem from and how healthy is it for adulthood?
It's often not a bad thing. Jonathan says in the video that the stages are always there for every kid, but the age ranges can vary, sometimes widely. Sometimes it can be an indicator of a less-than-healthy homelife, but often it's just a kid who has zipped through stages quicker than normal, or spends a lot of time with adults (not necessarily a bad thing, not always a good thing, depends on the kid and situation.)
Basically, you gotta take that on a case-by-case basis.
Sometimes kids are forced by their environment, but asynchronous growth is also common for neuro-atypical children. For some conditions it could be maturing later than their peers (ADHD for example), but a highly gifted kid might be several years ahead when it comes to for example abstract understanding while still having an emotional reaction equivalent to their age. This can be very hard for the kid if they can read a headline about people dying in a war and imagine the emotional toll without having any control over their own emotions. If a kid seems to be atypical from either their social environment or personal cognition, it is important to understand that normal pedagogy might actually not be a good fit for those kids. So it isn't unhealthy per se, but it can lead to a 'scarred' adulthood if not dealt with properly.
@Nicolai M is right. Neurodivergency does affects it. But we don't mature later. We actually hit those milestones earlier. I have ADHD. I hit everything early, probably too early. I was in Formal Operation and abstract thinking by around eight or nine. I was developing theories and stories and completely fictional worlds and characters with no basis in reality.
But it's hard to judge, because some of those signs of the stages are just ND things. Like the inability to understand social nuances and being a rules lawyer. You need to understand social cues for that. But if you have autism or ADHD you will NEVER gain that innate ability. You can learn to extrapolate from cause and effect, but it will always be difficult. So I seem immature and childish, when that's something separate. It's not an exact science and there's too much ablism in the current research to determine anything significant.
@@rubysilverstar7086 You are describing the asynchronicity perfectly and even demonstrate the potential for misdiagnosis between different types of neurodivergence. :) The emotional/social maturity tends to lag other parameters when it comes to ADHD which unfortunately can make teenagers with ADHD more likely to suffer from manipulation by others.
@@rubysilverstar7086 with undiagnosed adhd for most of my life, this is relatable to me. I think I hit a lot of stages early, but it was like no one noticed, because of how I expressed myself. A lot of people, especially my family, seemed to think I was just immature because I was impulsive and whatnot and didn't control it the way other people did. I didn't know how to control it.
One thing about giving a child autonomy that my parents did was that they let us decide when we go (with being sick or a mental health day) to school starting in middle school. They let us think about what we had going on that day and decide if we were about to miss it. It gave us a sense of responsibility and be able to make our own decisions with knowing the consequences. None of us abused it because we gained the knowledge of how to make the decision of if we need to stay home or if we can go to school. Just a thing that I really like that my parents do.
On a developmental level, one of my favorite things my dad did with me (and my brother when he was old enough) was play what we call the change game. When we went out places, the goal was to correctly guess the amount of change that would be given back after a purchase before the cashier/cash register gave the answer. If correct, you got to keep the change up to the next dollar. This game was great because it kept me thinking, it was open ended, it was something unique that I shared with my dad, and as I got older, it helped me understand what the use of the money was. I highly recommend doing simple, silly tasks like this with kids. It will remain with them forever.
I can't do math quickly in my head I have to visually write it out to understand it, so I would have lost this game every time. I wonder how well this would work today with pretty much everything being purchased with debit cards?
As a parent of a 21-month-old, the concept that she could suddenly have all of Jack-Jack's powers is absolutely terrifying
Nightmare scenario!
About the ask-all-the-questions phase: I can remember being frustrated as a kid because I would ask "why this?” or "why that?" and my mother would get annoyed and dismiss me. She’d insist that I was saying "why" just to be obnoxious but I truly wanted to know. I felt cast aside or like my mom didn’t believe me or care.
So when my own kid got to that question everything phase, I would do my best to answer him. If I didn’t know the answer I’d say "I don’t know. Let’s go look it up." And when I got frustrated or annoyed I tried to remind myself of that feeling of frustration and hurt when my mother would dismiss me for being "annoying" just for asking a question.
And it’s definitely difficult at times because it’s just a constant barrage of questions; often about things that I have no interest in (omg, kid, who cares exactly when parrots were added to Minecraft?!) but I do try to answer him. Or, since he’s more than old enough to use Google now, I will direct him where to find the answer or help him with search terms.
I’m also hoping that being open to answering his questions and not being judgmental about it means he’ll come to me when he has bigger questions as he gets older. That he will trust me with the serious or uncomfortable stuff.
When kids as the same question, it’s not them being brats unless they’re laughing about it, which is still normal. They want to know what will change the answers.
“You’ll understand when you’re older” is the most frustrating thing for me. I hated getting that answer, and so never give it to my daughter.
It is also ok to say…”that’s a great question. I can’t give it enough time right now to find an answer, but we can look for one after dinner.”
@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria I had to use that one with my youngest nephew. I told him you need to know other things first otherwise it won't make sense
I can relate to this highly. Although I don't have kids I've taken child psychology classes where I took care of a child for an hour everyday, and I always remembered how my questions where put aside or treated like an annoyance.
Giving children the answers they need is not only beneficial but part of the job as a guardian. Even such small things have a big imprint of the development of a child.
I deal with other people's kids and often have to divert them to another task to break the why cycle. Usually, I give an answer and then prompt an action all in the same breath. I've also been known to ask, "Why 'why'?"
I loved two grown men laughing their asses off at the raccoon fight scene
I wanna point this out because I love this scene but the scene where Dash dashes through the water and he looks down to see that he’s doing it and lets put a cute chuckle makes me smile every time, it’s such a realistic reaction for a kid
The line where the parents say "we were having a discussion" and Violet says "pretty loud discussion" is so real. My parents say that every time they fight (which isn't often but you know) and it's unconvincing every time
Something about seeing two grown men who are also dads watch this brings me so much joy!
Yes, haha!
yes
I would love to see you guys do Treasure Planet. It's a great movie, and there's plenty to unpack. Jim's abandonment issues because his dad left. Jim growing up being raised by a single mother. Jim and Silver's relationship where Silver was a good mentor, but not necessarily a good example. Overall messages about dealing with loss with some of the character deaths. Please give it a shot, if you have the chance! :)
Yes! That would be amazing. It's such a good movie.
Yessss!
Totally agree!
The other thing that I admire about how they wrote Jack Jack is that he is exactly where he should be linguistically. He has a few simple words he can produce ("mama"), but obviously comprehends more than that (his response to "campfire"). His babbling also has tone; it's recognizably angry at the raccoon and happy when he babbles at his family.
Nothing better than watching Cinema Therapy deconstruct the child psyche to distract from my impending Junior Year exams. Gotta love it, right?
Good luck, duder!! You're going to do great no matter what happens.
Sometimes things can seem hard until you do them. You got this man!
@arc sin You aren’t very far off with that assumption I’ll tell you that... this year... woof.
@@multiplefandomlover7179 thank you! I hope so too. I just wanna pass Pre-Calc, that’s the goal LOL.
@@Faith_Southers thanks for the confidence! I hope I do pass.
Could you analyze Mr and Mrs Incredible as parents? I don’t remember if it’s on the first or the second movie where they have a fight and are raising their voices but as soon as they realize their kids are watching, their tone changes and I just love that exchange
I think it’s the first. And yeah damn, in hindsight (for me) they were amazing parents
Different therapists, Laura and Zach reacted to Disney movie couples for the Vanity Fair channel. Basically, since the Incredibles fought in front of their kids, they need to make up in front of them. th-cam.com/video/0HcnaPxMOCY/w-d-xo.html
They’re believable and flawed as parents, and this isn’t something we usually see. The dynamics are so real that it’s startling at times.
@@heidilarson5109 I watched that video and I loved those two! It would have been nice if they had also looked at more scenes of this movie though I understand that for Vanity Fair they have to be very quick as they have a lot of scenes from different movies to look at.
Also, I think it's very sweet how in the second movie Mr Incredible lets his wife live her passion as elastic girl and stays at home to take care of the kids even though it's emotionally and physically draining, and he eventually gets the hang of being a more present father.
The "get them thinking, instead of yes and no" is so important. I was predominantly raised by my mother, and when she would ask a question, she was always very particular about how I answered the questions, and what I said. If it wasn't what she wanted, I would immediately know I've "done it wrong" or done something wrong in her eyes, and now in college--thank goodness I'm surrounded by people who want me to grow into a better, more healthy person-- I am learning how to really think for myself with my own mind and my own syntax and my own style of communicating to people. It's touch and go sometimes, but I have to learn myself before I can refine it.
Strength to you.
I love the parts where Jack Jack is speaking lots of gibberish like a sentence. I remember when my sister was younger she would have full on conversations in this gibberish and we'd all have to pretend we understood what she was saying. It was hilarious and so cute! They absolutely nailed the details in Incredibles 2
It’s so true that your kids learning new things is “exciting till it’s not”. I have a two year old who learned he can unlock and open doors a couple weeks ago and two almost five month olds who are getting more and more mobile. And it’s so exciting to watch them learn and grow but also scary to think of how hard it’ll be to keep everything under control with three toddlers running around. 😆
lmaoo yes i'm no parent but my family lived with my baby cousin and her family for about half a year and i saw her develop so much at the time. i remember being so excited to see her opening doors and using tv remotes- until she started to try and constantly go outside or turn off the tv or the volume
"You are not a person, you're 'My Mom'."
Ah yes... Me and my Nephew did have that discussion about how my mom was not, in fact my mom, because she was "MY GRANDMA!"
Because he had a sister, he was a bit more willing to admit that his dad could also be my brother, though. XD
It's so interesting how little kids have their minds completely blown by this concept. My 5yo is fine with me having been a little girl, with a mommy and a daddy, but that those people are also grandma and grandpa...🤯
And she bravely wrestles with it and comes to a sort of understanding, and then it all slips away as soon as she stops actively thinking about it, and it's new and shocking information again the next time. 😍
And on the other hand, my 8yo is fine with that, and my 11yo is asking, "so, if your husband's sister is your sister in law, what is your husband's sister's husband to you?"
Which is a good question, I just call him brother in-law too, but you're right that it's a more distant relation.
I remember confidently telling my mom and sister than when mom grew old, my sister would turn into my mother. Ah, memories.
I remember being amazed that my parents were children, or that those older people we visit are their parents. The most shocking thing of all though that completely blew my mind was that my mom and dad had names. A first name and a surname, like me. Their names weren't actually mom and dad! And they called each other by these names!
suggestion to adam: get your kids into dungeons and dragons, it's great at teaching: team work, impulse control, real life consequences, morality nuances, strategy, lateral thinking, and also it helps with maths!
Incredibles 1 and 2 were literal perfection, the storytelling and usage of old tropes with new twists is just, wow!
We are in full-on toddlerhood with our child right now. My biggest struggle is to know when I need to treat a tantrum with sympathy and when I need to recognize he needs to "learn a lesson" about not always getting his way.
Don't blame them for being kids and calmly tell no
Sympathising with your kid(like, naming their feelings outloud) teaches them to understand their own emotions better so in turn they will eventually express their needs in a more effective way
Im sure this advice wont hurt anyone
Always with sympathy I’d say. Lessons are for after, you can’t get through with a lesson to anyone during a tantrum. I’m autistic. I have meltdowns. While I’m having it I don’t care, I’ll get even more frustrated if you try to lecture me. If you want to talk, allow me to calm down on my own or help me calm down THEN talk to me.
Show them sympathy by giving them time to cry it out, and by acknowledging their feelings. That does not mean you have to give them their way. You can tell them it’s OK to be upset, and still tell them that they need to follow the rules. If the kid is screaming because they don’t wanna go in their car seat, tell them yes I know you don’t wanna go in your car seat, but it’s time to drive to the grocery store and their car seat is the only safe way to get them there. They are a toddler and the part of their brain that controls emotions is not developed yet. By giving them time to scream and cry, they learn how to not scream and cry. Don’t just give them what they want, because that will teach them at screaming and crying gets results, and that will not give them the space and time they need to figure out how to regulate their own emotions so that they learn how to stop screaming and crying. Always be mindful of what you are rewarding, and avoid punishing.
Also I will add, know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. Tantrums are manipulative in nature they are a means to get your way, meltdowns are from being overwhelmed and genuinely in distress. If a kid is throwing a tantrum to go to school they’ll stop if you tell them they don’t have to and/or after they accept your decision, a meltdown stops on its own, even if it is triggered by wanting something, getting that thing won’t stop it because you were still overcome with emotion, getting what you wanted doesn’t take away that stress you were experiencing.
@Lisa Müller I so agree that almost all tantrums are due to hunger, tiredness or being overwhelmed.
I'm not a parent, but it made me understand how my younger sister is actually progressing. Especially now, that she is in adolescence. The best I can do is not stress out about it and teach her what is needed to be learned.
Thank you always guys~
Precisely, it's really fascinating how young people develop and change through adolescence. Who knew that we could learn so much from Disney movies?
A quote from my mother that she gave us when we were young and giving her trouble: “Fair isn’t everyone getting the same thing, fair is everyone getting what they need”
Love how Jonathan switches from actually giving real therapy to him and Alan laughing like kids together 😍 such goals
13:20 Two grown men laughing at the baby laughing is the best thing I’ve seen all day. I love it.
I think they almost got caught up in the film for a sec there. This is such a good episode.
I'm so early, Alan didn't even start crying yet. #CryingWithAlan
Lol. Took the works right out of my mouth.
The great personalization of the kids is what made this movie one of my favorites. It's hilarious, and so accurate, especially the sibling dynamics. Them explaining the stages, especially for Dash makes so much sore sense to me now, understanding that kids tend to be so literal and rule-abiding because they're just now understanding just how much bigger the world is. This was so great, thank you!
I can relate to violet in the movie, because I grew up seeing how my parents interacted and they didn’t try to fix it until they realized they would screw up two children instead of one.
It’s sad because I watch him enter the stage violet is in because he slowly realizes what is going on and I’m trying to walk him through it because I know how terrible it is to have no one walk me through what was going on.
Hey you aren't screwed up. It does sound like you have a tough family life though
I still remember the day we found a caterpillar in the vegies we'd just bought at the supermarket. I showed it to my eldest, who was nearly two at the time. She ran to the bookshelf and pulled out 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar.'
That sounds adorable!
@@dandelions_are_cool Thank you!
These videos are literally so therapeutic
I agree, I could literally spend all day watching them!
Cinema Therapeutic!
I believe that’s the point
Especially for me, since I recently completed the college course "Child Growth and Development", as well as my Associates Degree.
I'm a teenage girl myself and I really love Violet because they portrayed her quite realistically, I can relate to her a lot
As an elementary education major, THANK YOU. Applying Piaget’s theories to a Disney movie has really deepened my understanding! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 wish I had seen this video while taking Ed.Psych
Glad it was helpful!
So my mum died when I was 26 and so wasn't around when I met my husband and started a family, but she did give me two bits of advice: marry someone like your father (which was a bit hard to find, since he died two days before my 4th bday, but that's another story) and the other bit of advice: no matter how many kids you have, they are all different. Thank heaven's for that bit of info, three kidlingtons later.
Ha ha ha, yes. My first child gave me confidence as a parent. My second child taught me I didn't have any idea what I was doing as a parent. My third child.......well, I learned to just do my best to try to keep him alive while he did whatever the heck he wanted to do because he was going to do it anyway. LOL. They're 22, 20, and 16 now and so far they've turned out pretty darn good.
@@susanpumphrey354 wow, same age as mine!
Tfw father was abusive
Sorry for your loss, and hope your new family is amazing
my parents had a really interesting parenting philosophy when me and my brother were kids: "if you can, you may" (roughly translated), which basically means that if you can, let's say, climb up a tree yourself, you're allowed to do that, but you won't be lifted up into the tree if you can't reach the first branch. this worked really well for me, a kid that just ran headfirst into most situations and usually came out fine. it worked well for my brother too, i think, but in the opposite way, since he was very cautious when he was little and therefore found his limits way earlier than i would. it really taught us to know our own limitations and i think it made parenting easier for my parents, since they mostly just stood guard while we did things and we were rarely forced to do any activities since we got to determine most of that ourselves (within a reasonable limit, obviously). it's definitely a technique i'll be using once i have kids of my own
what if you couldn't get down? o.o
@@lucyandecember2843 then they would obviously help haha, usually by trying to coach us so we could get down ourselves instead of just lifting us (unless it was completely impossible). it was more to let us learn where our limits were by ourselves instead of setting them for us, and it also allowed us to dare to do new things if we wanted ^^
I relate to what Jonathan said about different parenting styles - when I was a kid my little brother always used to get toys while I didn't, which made me disappointed and upset because I felt that my dad didn't love me. But I guess it was just a way to entertain my brother and stop him from throwing a fit so much.
Oof... i mean yeah its normal for kids to get upset when things aren't fair. But to feel your dad didn't love you? Are you sure something worse wasn't going on?
The idea that they were just throwing stuff at him to make him shut up seems pretty bad too. Like what I'm saying is, maybe your parents were kind of bad, not just having a different parenting style or making a one time mistake.
Idk thats for you to judge on your own. But I sensed some red flags from what you said and I also felt unloved as a kid and later realized how emotionally abusive my parents were to me and my brother.
I remember when my nephew was an infant and sneezed for the first time. The look of joy on his face was priceless. Any time he sneezed he was so pleased with himself despite it being out of his control.
That is so funny and also adorable.
@cinema Therapy I took Jack Jack having multiple powers as a representation of babies' plasticity, especially with language. At birth, there's potential for any language, but as we mature and grow we lose that potential more and more; likewise, Supers are born with the potential for multiple powers, but as they grow and mature they develop beyond that plasticity.
Ohhh very interesting take, I like that interpretation.
do you think a good theory is that all suoer babies have the potential to do any power and as they grow they settle on one or two
jack-jacl being an odd case as 2 powered parents and watching everyone around him use powers and encourage him means that more are being shown off and basically his powers are on steroids
(came across a theory that dash and violet were adopted so maybe their power development wasnt as... explosive)
@@themadkitkat9302 I like that! Yes, that would open a whole new and interesting avenue for the Incredible's universe to explore.
As an Educator, the moment you said 'Piaget' I got excited.
Ditto, I'm a to-be psychopedagogist, Piaget is one of the most used words in college by my professors lol
Yee, when he said it, i just remembered it suddenly from GCSE psychology
As a psychology student I’m also excited 😆
Ditto - 'I GOT THAT REFERENCE'.
As a person who got a good score in developmental psych last period I got happy :)
I love the way JackJack laughs, babies always laugh like there's a joke only they're in on, it's wonderful
5:23 As a teacher this rings so true and I wish parents understood this. Per class I have 20+ students for only 2 hours a week. I have to teach all 20+ students differently. The truth is sometimes it is hard to find how some children learn.
My biggest struggle is when to be easy on them and when to be tough on them.
@arc sin THIS! You don’t need to be tough and mean, but you don’t need to be a doormat either. Set an example, model what you want them to do. Validate their feelings and experiences and thoughts. If something is wrong listen, and try to see it from their perspective. And then try to help them. If they’re doing something you don’t like or are upset, take a moment to stop and ask why.
When to be easy: When they’re still learning bright from wrong.
When to be tough: When you know they know better, but they made the conscious decision to do the wrong thing.
@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria my children are all still young. I have a 5 year old daughter a 4 year old son and a 5 month old daughter. My son has some learning problems so I feel like sometimes I'm too easy on him and then he never listens anyway. Then i feel like im too hard on my oldest daughter. Its a constant everyday
@arc sin kids don't listen for different reasons and it might have nothing to do with her tone. My sister was a very tacitile learner and there was no magic tone that would get her to listen to the sound advice of "no, don't touch that."
While I always took my parents at their words she had to touch the hot stove, the broken glass, the electric socket, etc. It wasn't even a matter of being disrespectful. She just legitmately didn't believe people when they told her things would cause her pain, until it caused her pain, and she never touched the thing again.
@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria While this is definitely based in fact, I want to add that it's important to realize that some kids may not learn the first time. Simply telling them nicely once and then immediately jumping to a completely tough "you should know better" attitude can seem unforgiving to them. Seeing that someone truly knows what to do relies on seeing them make the right choice on their own consistently.
Then there's the awkward middle ground of two equally "right" choices to be made happening at the same time, like being invited to a class acquaintance's birthday party or hanging out with their closest friend who wasn't invited and would otherwise be left out. Punishing them for choosing what you wouldn't makes you seem like an outside judge and jury rather than someone trying to guide them. Let the other kids' reactions sort out whether they chose the right thing in that case.
The children in the incredible names link to their powers. Violet has a voilet forcefield, Dash has super speed and Jack Jack is a Jack of all trades so he has multiple powers.
Also see "shrinking violet"
Also ultraviolet light is invisible
You also can't see Ultra Violet light
What you said about teenagers realizing that their parents/guardian figures aren’t perfect hit me so hard, I got backlash from it. As a little kid, I thought my parents were the smartest, most flawless people ever, and their word is law. Anything they did, they did it because it was the right thing. However, my mom is an active smoker, and my dad drinks often, which isn’t a good combination for my smooth brain at the time. When I first realized that my parents were flawed people, something visibly clicked in my brain, like I actually heard something slide into place, and since then, I’ve never been able to see something as completely black or white. Even the worst or best things are a tad shade grayer than full black or white, and it pissed me off to no end at first. My parents and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, and more often we disagree on things rather than agree, but I still love them despite how irritating they can be. I just wish they saw me as my own person rather with my own plans and ideas, rather than an extension of themselves who only see the little kid they cherished.
Watching Jack Jack with the context of child development is really fun because as said, he seems to be developing faster. I just had the thought that maybe his powers were partially influencing that alongside the fact that he sees his family use their powers constantly. It kinda makes sense that he would have an easier time learning to control his own faster. Him fighting the raccoon was one of my favorite parts it's so great.
I'm also reminded of how the creators said each family member's power is based on their role in the family with Jack Jack being "unlimited potential" which has always left me wondering if his powers will "settle" at some point.
One thing I see in that "Oh my god" at the end of the raccoon scene is the dad realizing that parenting this kid is going to be....interesting. He's already experienced a good chunk of parenting for one parent, and about half the journey for another. He thought he knew what he'd signed up for with the third, more or less. And then the baby just spams a dozen different superpowers at once, and it's just.... "oh...well....that's gonna make this interesting...."
@@samanthakennedy8761 Oh gods, that is a terrifying concept.
Talking about sibling relationships, you guys should react to Big Hero 6! Excellent existencial crisis material when you have brothers or sisters
We called the newborn phase "the Angry Potato" with my daughter. "Noisy, smelly houseplant" is a perfect description!
I'm not sure if this is the bridge between Jack Jack and Dash's stage or Dash and Violet's stage but I was really hoping you were gonna talk about the Sally Ann test. For those of you who don't know, the Sally Ann test is a way to gage a child's ability to grasp the concept that other people may not have access to the same information that they do and vice versa. It goes like this: you tell a story to the child about Sally and Ann, who are playing in Sally's room. Sally has a cookie which she placed on a shelf. At some point, Sally leaves the room and while she is gone, Ann takes the cookie and hides it under a pillow. You then ask the child "when Sally comes back, where will she look for her cookie first?" Below a certain age, the child will answer "under the pillow" because THEY know that the cookie is moved. It's not until after a certain age that they will be able to correctly answer "on the shelf" because they are able to recognize that because Sally left the room, she wouldn't know that the cookie was moved so she would look in the last place she knew it to have been.
The Incredibles movies are so incredibly well made, I would even dare to say they are perfect movies. The comedy is spot on and the family dynamics are so realistic and relatable.
I can relate big with the sibling interaction scenes in these movies.
Something we’ve always done with our daughter is to explain to her what the typical stages of development are so that she knows what’s coming up and that it’s normal. We don’t downplay adolescence and emphasize that changing feelings are normal so that she doesn’t feel that something in her is breaking when she starts to grow in ways kids don’t usually expect, and we’re very close for this. A couple years ago, when she was 9, I jokingly told her to stop growing up. Her response? “Mom, that’s what kids do.” Indeed. :) She’s often the one to talk to her own friends about this stuff as well since a lot of parents don’t really talk it at all. She also knows she will get full answers to anything she asks, and she won’t be judged. If a kid is asking, they’re going to find an answer somewhere, and the best place for a full answer is from parents.
The level of trust and bond between us is something that has been remarked on even by strangers in public.
We’ve also made sure that she sees us as flawed (I grew up with an abusive mother and I thought that was normal, and I’m aware I may subconsciously slip into my mother’s patterns, and so it was vital that she know that parents can make mistakes, that saying “I’m sorry” is normal, and that it’s okay to call out what may be bad behavior on my part-if a child can’t feel safe calling their parents out on this stuff, how can they feel safe calling partners out for bad behavior?). Makes me sad that Violet had to experience anger over this, when her view of her parents was shattered and her world turned upside down for it, when she suddenly felt less safe.
Charlotte also has always been allowed autonomy. If she doesn’t want a hug, then she doesn’t have to hug. Again, if a kid can’t feel safe telling a parent no, how can they feel safe telling a parter no?
She’s 11.5 right now, and she’s not ignorant of the world. Ignorance is a lack of knowledge, and innocence is a lack of experience. We can preserve innocence by eliminating ignorance.
19:07 Fable was my go-to. The changing tattoos based on your moral alignment was HUGE - it could change majorly earlier on, but the more choices you made, the more nuanced things got. And it wasn’t always “good” and “bad” dependent on the situation. I’m 26 now, and that game still sticks with me.
What I disliked about Fable was that being "evil" meant going around and farting on everyone. That may be mischief but it's certainly not _evil._
What's great about having grown up watching the incredibles multiple times through the years is noticing new things as I've gotten older. I was about 9-10 when I saw it for the first time and my developmental status was between Violet and Dash. I saw both kids perspectives. As I've gotten older I'd understand Violet more fully and then suddenly the whole movie changed its narrative when I fully recognized Helen and Bob's storyline.
13:20 was watching the CinemaWins video on this about a year ago and he (who is a father) said that he loved how each one of Jack Jack's powers perfectly encapsulated what it felt like to parent a baby - jelly (trying to pick up a baby when they don't want to be picked up), fire (tantrums over anything), multiplication (they can get anywhere and everywhere) and then the laser beams to your heart when they look at you and smile
That last one was so wholesome
Helen: I can't *believe* you don't wanna go to your own son's graduation!
Bob: It's not a graduation; he is moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Helen: It's a ceremony!
Bob: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity!
That's about as spot on as you can get with society's problem with Tall Poppy Syndrome.
@@blanket_bandit7829 Upon searching online, I got "a perceived tendency to discredit or disparage those who have achieved notable wealth or prominence in public life." Basically it seems to be the public tendency to cut down people that do things notably better/faster/easier than the average person. In Bob's case I think he's justifying the idea of being uninterested in attending Dash's graduation because it's likely not something he got himself when he was Dash's age, so to him it's viewed as "unnecessary" in comparison to attending say, a college graduation, which Bob is much more likely to have personally experienced.
@@thejasminedragonmerchant6843 that seems truer than what i thought which was just him being like "youre just moving up a grade! everybody does that! why should this one be celebrated? its not like he's leaving the school by graduating!"
@@thejasminedragonmerchant6843 i took it as “our kids (and us) literally have superpowers and are special compared to other kids/people but they’re not allowed to use them or let anyone know or celebrate them, so we ignore what actually makes our kids / us special to celebrate regular people for doing regular stuff”
18:55 the professor Layton series is a detective series that you solve over 150 puzzles in with great storytelling, voice acting, and is appropriate for 5th grade and up. It taught me more vocabulary, more skills concerning thinking ahead since I didn’t like real-world games like chess, subjects like science or math, and about good plot writing and multi-demential characters. Reading books and creative classes helped too, but these series of games are truly unique and a fond part of my childhood.
I've yet to play a single game in full but I love that series! The art style, the story, the characters, the complexities of the puzzles, I love it 💕
Thank you for pointing out the importance of treating/parenting each child differently. I'm a mother of 6 children and believe me each and everyone is completely different.
Get your kids into ethics early, with Avatar, The Last Airbender lmao
We watch that yearly!
Just got my niece into it, she’s 9 and she loved it. I love rewatching it too, honestly it’s one of my favorite things on Netflix.
@@xoxopuppies12xoxo Avoid the film at all costs. We Avatar fans hate Shyamalan for that.
Man, I remember watching ATLA the first time and I went like, this is kid cartoon? Not because it can get real dark. A lot of kid cartoon try to sell itself as dark, but how respectful and impactful the show went on discussing those dark topics. Not only it discuss the emotional respond of something horrific, it also get pretty dialouge heavy a lot of times, it doesn't even have a designated bad guy outside Ozai. Fire nation citizen are just citizen fed by propaganda and is suffering in their own way. It horrifying how it pararell Nazi and Imperial Japan sending young boys to die in battle field and frame it as some sort of glory.
@@summerrose8110 She isn’t referring to the movie
I swear, watching you guys speak in such a calm, logical and compassionate way is a really nice break from all the chaos of the world.
Agreed! :-)
Agree 100%! Love this channel!
It’s interesting seeing it laid out plainly with examples.
I grew up as the youngest of 3 and it was a loving but dysfunctional family, so it kinda helps contextualize a lot of what I saw and went through
Oh hi we have similar lives
As a new adult still living at home with Mom and Dad, I wanted to give some of my own insight from what I've picked up on with not just kids, but also parenting. I, admittedly, am not good with little kids right now. But there are some things that my parents did that I want to do differently. The "put a pin in it" I personally hate (I mean, yes, I understand if you're doing something and need to come back to it later, but let me explain my side here). My mother would always tell me "not right now, have patience" which is fair, but when I DID show patience by waiting for a while (an example being a few days or a week to ask if I could go and do something or get something, but anyway-) when I asked again, she would say the same thing. This made me feel like by saying "not now" meant she never wanted to talk about it, meaning there would be no resolve. So, if you need a minute or even to wait until "tomorrow" (if possible depending on the situation), then yes, do that. But PLEASE don't keep saying "just wait". At the very least, have a discussion, because she wouldn't even want to do that.
Now, for my dad, there are a few key things.
1. Don't turn EVERYTHING into a lesson.
2. Let your kids explain how they feel without jumping in and telling them that they feel that way because of something they're doing. So really, just listen and try to understand before assuming you get it completely and telling them what's what when that's not how it is at all.
3. You don't need to be the tough dad, just be a dad. Just be there in the way they need you to be, not in the way you think is best (with liberties, because yes, parents still have the knowledge of certain things, but be aware of when you need to take a step back).