Work with a member of Jonathan's team on one of his trauma or relationship programs! Go to mendedlight.com/ct and schedule a first session appointment today.
😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂❤❤❤❤THANKS I NEEDED A LAUGH ABOUT MY FUCHIN CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS😢😂😂😭🤮🤮🤧🤢🤕🤬🤪🤯🤯🤯🤯TRAUMA CAUSES BRAIN INJURY AND P.T.S.D. ,DEPRESSION, ANXIETY! HELICOPTERS 🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂😂WTF PARENTING IN (***FINDING NEMO***) ARE YOU SMILING YET??? IT IS FUNNY BUT NOT FUNNY (** CHILD ABUSE, NEGLECT, ABUSE ,TRAUMAS?*😢
@@reubenmanzo2054 videos can be uploaded to the website before they're made public, and a lot of youtubers have their uploads scheduled to post automatically, especially larger productions like Cinema Therapy. So they would've uploaded the video to the site and gotten their promotional comment in order before it ever hit public view a week later. Some also do that to make the video unlisted for a short period of time so patreon members can have early paid access to youtube videos, but I'm not sure if they do that with this channel.
People often forget that, appart from the trauma Marlin went through, Nemo is actually a disabled character, and as a disabled person since birth, Nemo's was such an amazing representation. The not understanding why he is being so protected when everyone else (of his own age) isn't, is such a real thing.
And the best part is that Nemo's character isn't just "disabled." He has an actual personality and it makes you forget that he's disabled sometimes, which is what stories are SUPPOSED to do!
It does a good job of making Merlin’s behavior and Nemo’s frustration all the more nuanced! His disability serves as a reminder to Merlin that danger and accidents can happen at any moment, whereas Nemo doesn’t give his fin much of a second thought past it being another thing for his dad to worry about, instead wanting to focus on all else that’s around him
Plus Gill had basically the same disability (though his was acquired through injury rather than a birth defect) and was able to help Nemo overcome his insecurities instilled in him by Marlin and teach him problem solving skills.
I was born with a disability similar to Nemo’s, in my right arm just like Nemo’s right fin! Nemo was such good representation for me because I hadn’t seen a disabled character such as myself be treated with such respect and acknowledgment in the cast without making him an anomaly to be singled out. I relate to Nemo so much, especially with dealing with overprotective parents and not knowing why I’m not being treated normally like my peers. I still call my right arm my “lucky arm” solely because of this movie and I’m proud of it :)
Dory's appeal for Marlin not to leave after he thinks Nemo is gone is one of the biggest tear-jerkers in the film. She so desperately doesn't want to be alone.
You understand her even better in this situation after Finding Dory. "I don't want to forget." She spend her entire life alone by herself not rememering what it was like to have someone, a family so to speak of. Marlin was the first thing she could finally hold onto.
This story, and the sequel, is one of my favorite stories of grief, loss, and learning to let go. The power of found family and the enduring strength of true parental love.
Early Pixar was incredible at this, with Nemo, Toy Story and Up all being able to be viewed and loved by kids but also telling you a story that sticks and can even be relatable for many, they really did dive into more mature concepts which I adored
I love that Finding Nemo features two characters with disabilities--one that's visually identifiable and one that's invisible. We disabled folk don't get much representation, so to see two characters whose disabilities are a profound part of their characters, but not their ENTIRE characters, is so beautiful.
i agree completely, as someone with ADHD it was so amazing to see Dory as a kid because it reassured me that even if my memory is kinda trash, the people who matter are gonna love me anyway.
I never realized it as a young kid watching this movie, but as an adult I can see another reason Marlin was terrified to lose Nemo. Not only is Nemo his ONLY surviving child out of literally hundreds, Nemo is also the spitting image of his mom, Coral. Marlin is terrified of losing his wife twice. Edit: Dang, it's been a year and this comment has gained WAY more traction than I thought it would. Thanks to everyone who stopped to read it and I hope it contributed to your perception of this movie!
Please don’t make sexual jokes or advances or swear God wouldn’t like that and there are children here May God bless you and your family and help you Give your life to Jesus Christ and repent. I pray that God will lead on the path to Jesus Christ and send the Holy Spirit to be your helper. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I pray Amen! Jesus Christ loves you. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for ALL OF YOUR SINS. Even the ones committed in the past and repent. He’s coming soon. Please pray and repent. GOD IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!! THE BEGINNING AND THE END!!! GOD SENT HIS SON DOWN TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIM!!! PRAY AND REPENT AND GOD IS COMING!!!!!! THERE IS NO TIME. FELLOW CHRISTIANS GOD WILL BE COMING DON’T LOSE FAITH!!! PLEASE!! PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND DON’T DOUBT HIM!!! Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:10 “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” 2 Peter 3:1-18 “1 This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance: 2 That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour: 3 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, 4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation. 5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water: 6 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: 7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. 8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness, 12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? 13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness. 14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. 15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you; 16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction. 17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. 18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness, 12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? 13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness. 14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. 15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you; 16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction. 17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. GOD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!! 18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” GOD, JESUS CHRIST, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA.
@@Whocares158 Please don’t make sexual jokes or advances or swear God wouldn’t like that and there are children here May God bless you and your family and help you Give your life to Jesus Christ and repent. I pray that God will lead on the path to Jesus Christ and send the Holy Spirit to be your helper. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I pray Amen! Jesus Christ loves you. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for ALL OF YOUR SINS. Even the ones committed in the past and repent. He’s coming soon. Please pray and repent. GOD IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!! THE BEGINNING AND THE END!!! GOD SENT HIS SON DOWN TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIM!!! PRAY AND REPENT AND GOD IS COMING!!!!!! THERE IS NO TIME. FELLOW CHRISTIANS GOD WILL BE COMING DON’T LOSE FAITH!!! PLEASE!! PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND DON’T DOUBT HIM!!! Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:10 “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” 2 Peter 3:1-18 “1 This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance: 2 That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour: 3 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, 4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation. 5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water: 6 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: 7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. 8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness, 12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? 13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness. 14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. 15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you; 16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction. 17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. 18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness, 12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? 13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness. 14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. 15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you; 16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction. 17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. GOD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!! 18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” GOD, JESUS CHRIST, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA.
I liked that they never had Marlin and Dory hook up after finding Nemo, as you might have expected. Instead, they stay as good pals, which is a great representation of platonic male/female friendships.
Yup, tbh not every story needs characters to end up together for it to be a good movie, infact if your film or show is relying on romance (when its not a romance show/film) to hook the audience then it isn't a good show/film. An example of this is how Star Wars episode 8 and 9 just introduced a bunch of random relationships for some reason (remember when everyone thought Rey and Kylo were originally siblings in episode 7, lol good times)
Yeah also it good to have people of the other gender be friends and see each other as equal not one more capable than the other on some things or more emotional that the other as not seeing the opposite as equal can lead to bad thingss
Actually, I think the director’s commentary asserted that Dory is a surrogate CHILD for Marlin. She teaches him to be a better parent, while Nemo gets a surrogate parent who lets him take bigger risks (not all of which are good).
Nobody touch him!! When my son was a baby and me or my wife would rush to pick him up or get him unstuck before he had a chance to try himself I would hear Willem Defoe saying that in my head.
Now that I know that, I can’t unhear Gill saying to Nemo, “Gill’s on sabbatical, honey!” FTR I was also considering “Can the clownfish come out to play?”
@@aawillma OMG... Gill was william the dafoe?!?! Now I can't unhear it, I thought yo were talking about spiderman he's in and I'm like he doesn't have that line there- oh... 0_0
I found it interesting how they didn't change anything about Marlin, they just told the audience his backstory earlier and the audience went from hating Marlin to loving him. I think this is a lesson for real life too. How many people do we hate just because we don't know their backstory?
I also think it comes down to timing. You don't really have a reason to be invested in Marlin's relationship with Nemo if you don't have his backstory. An overprotective parent going to save his son leaves gaps to be filled in, namely that he's doing it out of obligation as a parent at best and to be a control freak at worst. When you know it's rooted in having lost all but one child, wife included, it's no longer about being overprotective as his nature. It's a life experience, and there's a focus very early on.
This is where I kind of do have to make a point that just because something is understandable, it does not make it acceptable or forgivable. When you take into account the history of most abusive and toxic people, many of them have a crap upbringings, many were abused or grew up in a toxic environment themselves and life events may have just made things worst. You only have to look at Hitler, Putin and Trump and look at what is known about their upbringing and childhood to make some of their actions more understandable, but not acceptable or forgivable and this is where I think justice is currently getting things wrong. Far too many people are being let off from criminal convictions or given lighter senses because their crappy lives make their actions more understandable. Now a lot of criminals also have other issues like Bi-polar, ADHD, Autism, etc. I don't want to diminish the lact of support and assistance available to people, particulier in the earlier years when it has the most effect, is still very lacking and requires a lot more funding and research but I do still believe people need to face consequences for their actions regardless.
@@Songe467this. And I think this is a point they made clear in the movie. Yes, Marlin's fears are understandable but his demeanor ultimately proves harmful to himself and the people he cares about. Just as Nemo comes to understand how much his father loves him and how brave he can be, Marlin learns thorough the film to trust other people and respect their autonomy.
I love how Nemo never wanted to try to touch the boat before Marlin came in and belittled him and said he can't, that hits home when you do dangerous stuff you may not be ready for out of spite to try to break out of labels.
I really teared up when Alan talked about making sure his kids knew they could fail and be safe because it made me realise that I didn't have that as a kid. Failure meant getting in trouble so if I couldn't do something well right away, then I didn't carry on. Didn't expect to find the route of my perfectionism in a finding nemo video 😂 You've really given me something to think about.
I’ve had a similar realization after watching their videos in the past. Firstly the parent situation, which became what I describe as inaccurately as baby panic attacks when trying something new or something that could potentially be challenging in front of others due to fear of failure. Going bowling, playing instruments, singing, swimming, anything competitive, etc. in front of others would cause me to freeze, stop thinking, shake, lose hearing, sweat, etc.
I'm afraid of failing because I know my parents tend to react disappointed or negatively to it, and because of it I tend to hide my failures and not be open to avoid criticism. They're great parents otherwise, it just bothers me how every little mistake turns into "you shouldn't have done this and that", and then rephrasing all the ways in which I screwed up over and over, like I'm completely incapable of learning from my own mistakes by myself. Never understood why they focus so much on what already happened, instead of on ways to move forward and fixing the problem. I feel bad for hiding my personal issues from them, but at the same time I'm terrified to own up to my short comings and failures because I know I won't get a supportive response from them.😞
I am now 26 and for the first time in my life I've finally truly realized that it's okay to try things and fail. That if I do fail everything will be alright and I can figure out what to do next. I expect I could've come to this conclusion much sooner had I been raised to be comfortable with trying new things and failing, but I, too, was raised as a perfectionist. So despite this realization actually being able to pick an avenue to try and fail at still comes with difficulty and I'm prone to indecision.
The control aspect can be really damaging to your kids. Bad things happen, they don't have to define your children or you as a parent. My dad did everything in his power to keep me safe, and I respect that. So did Marlin. But he also needed to let go of that fear, just like Marlin. Forgiving himself for things he can't control, forgiving me for trying to extend the boundaries of my world, trusting in me that I can take care of myself because he raised me right.
Preach, it's understandable to try to protect our children, but as they grow, they need to branch out on their own, and they can take little risks every now and then.
Agreed, a lot of the times parents can forget that children need to experience the world, yes its painful, yes it may hurt them, but they need to know when to let go sometimes or they will never understand the real world when they grow up and that in turn makes it harder for both the parent and the child
I gotta say at 2:14, it’s very subtle, but the animators absolutely NAILED the look of a kid dealing with a helicopter parent. Panicking over injuries is clearly something that Marlin does regularly, and Nemo knows this, but stays calm because it will calm his dad down. He’s annoyed, but also burdened with the emotional labor of calming down his dad, and that’s tough on a kid with a helicopter parent. Makes sense why he lashed out later.
Despite Nemo's name being in the title, Marlin is the clear protagonist. After tragically losing his wife and children, you can understand why he's overprotective of Nemo. But Dory helps him to stand back a little, and shows that not all risks are negative. "You can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him."
Well I'd argue their duo protagnists since they both have an equal amount of focus in the first movie and for good reason. Since they both need to grow throughout the movie.
Yeah, also the title is about the journey Marlin takes, he is finding Nemo and changes as the film goes on. That said Nemo does change as well, so both are the main characters, it’s just that the movie is clearly Marlin’s film because we follow his journey far longer than Nemo’s, mainly because Marlin is the one that really needs to change and overcome his past trauma in order to trust Nemo and let him live life without constantly worrying about something bad that might happen.
@@martyshwaartz971 It'd both. Marlin is finding Nemo physically. Nemo is finding Nemo emotionally. Marlin is trying to find out WHERE Nemo is. Nemo is trying to find out WHO Nemo is.
As a kid I thought Marlin was Nemo despite the script clearly stating otherwise simply because Marlin was the main character but the title had Nemo in it.
Just hit me how lovely that Marlin and Dori's were each other's antidote of sorts. The person who never forgets the past, and the person who /always/ forgets lol. but then she teaches him to let go and he teaches her how to hold on to important memories. aaah love this found family dynamic
My favorite quote of the movie: “you can’t let nothing ever happen to him, then nothing will ever happen to him.” Such a powerful quote that any child of helicopter parents can relate to. I would know, this movie holds powerful meaning to me and my family as a child born with a syndrome and medical issues
I like how you deconstructed and pointed out how realistic Marlin's trauma really is What makes it worse is that in one single day, he lost almost his entire family, a very rare occurrence, which makes it beyond terrifying to look back at and understandable of why he's overprotective of the only family he has left This could happen to any father in this world who turns their back on their children for a minute They will experience what Marlin lost and how depressed he felt, and they would have nothing to live for
It's honestly frightnening to think that if this wasn't a cartoon about colourful, cartoon fish, this movie would have been quite traumatic to children, Pixar sure was good at doing this, Up is another great example of them adding humour to an otherwise very sad and tearjerking story at its core
@@brumfield2893they probably meant that most people lose every family member in one setting. Usually it’s rather one or two (which is bad enough) but rarely two dozen (or however many eggs clownfish lay)…
@@brumfield2893 Yeah, I think they meant it's rare to lose your whole family at one time, like in one fell swoop. Most tragedies include one person (whether it be a parent, sibling, grandparent, etc.), but entire family murders aren't all that common. They happen, but they're not the norm.
@@hnichole I mean, has your country ever been at war? Has your government genocided anyone? What about plagues or famine? Natural disasters? Murder isn’t the only way to lose your family.
As a person born with a disability this movie hit weirdly close to home. Being told your whole life by others what you can and cant do and wanting to test your own limits. It's a tough balance.
its one of the things i learned from avatar with toph and her overprotective parents. she is blind and needs some assistance but she is still capable enough to take care of herself. as well as the damage it does when you feel like everyone is babying you. because that is what you are used to despite not needing this absurd level of care. hell i'm pretty sure that was a topic the show brought up. toph doesn't want to depend on and open up to other people and the desire to not be pitied because of how she was raised because of her disability. the disability itself was never a problem. it was the response to it that was upsetting because it became her personality. it wasn't she is a blind girl who enjoys her hobbies it was the blind girl who is doing something. personhood is completely stripped away
Same here. In my youth (like 10 to 20 y; now I am 34 y) I got told, what I am able to and what I am not. And I proofed them so much of so wrong. What I still miss on this date is a "Hey I am sorry I told you, that you can't and I see now that I was wrong and you smashed that." - But I guess I will never get that ^^°
@@suuyasha2496 Your phrase of "I proved them so much of so wrong" brought back so many memories of my own, LOL: 1) I remember the first time I baked a complex cake-like dessert for my mom by myself without even ever baking while supervised before. I did it in secret, before she woke up (and even cleaned up all traces of mess)...so that really surprised her LOL. 2) At age 9 or 10, just to see if I could do it, I built a wooden box-like trap with a sliding door and tricky mechanism to trap (and release!) a squirrel. While I was building it and fine-tuning it, I actually had to lie and tell my dad that I was "just playing around" and "never actually expected to trap one" (in order to more easily get him to "indulge" me by providing some proper boards). Boy was he surprised when I woke him up one morning saying "Daddy! I got a squirrel!" He was like "No you didn't". But he soon saw he was wrong :P There are many more examples including some that are more dangerous, but those are a couple of my favorites.
I had the same experience. When I was about 20, my therapist at the time told me that my parents adopted me knowing I had a disability. Because of my disability, I needed a lot of help & when you help someone a lot, you control them a lot. My parents love me very much. However, I don't believe they always trusted my judgment. Even now, they sometimes doubt it which is very frustrating. I feel like I'm not taken seriously as an adult, as opposed to my older brother who doesn't have a disability. I'm in my mid-thirties now and have a child of my own. My husband and I are raising him to make the best choices he can, let him do things for himself (as well as he can, with help at times) and be there for him in case he falls. Granted, there's not much to it yet as he's only a year and a half old (tho, kids that age already start to desire a sense of control and independence which really kicks in when they turn two. It's a pretty standard part of their development.) For example, we're already letting him go up and down stairs by himself. We'll be right there behind him in case he stumbles. I'm pretty proud of myself for letting him do it his own way. This is why cultivating independence is so important for people in the disabled community, regardless of what kind of disability and/or disorder you have. So often we're not seen as capable or even a whole person and we really need to realign how people view those of us with disabilities.
There’s another element to this, which is that part of Marlin’s over-protectiveness is also that Nemo has a physical disability, and he needs Dory, an adult fish with a neurological disability, to mentor him out of that space.
❤😢 I went to see this film with my co-worker, who is a mom. She was the one who suggested the film. When she saw that I cried, she said "You're crying over a fish??!"🐠🐟🪸🦀🦈🐡🐳 We never went to another film...🥲🙄
The turtle scene is one of my favourites, and I think a real turning point for Marlin. In his storyline, it's straight after the jellies, and when he sees that Dory has been hurt in a manner that mirrors what happened to Nemo when he was an egg, it looked like history repeating itself. So when Dory jumps up and immediately starts playing with the little turtles, Marlin is obviously confused. This, I think, helps him realise that, yes, a traumatic thing has happened, but Dory is OK. She has an injury, but that hasn't stopped her from continuing to live her life.
And also of course that he feels incredibly guilty that he didn't listen to and manipulated her when she tried to warn him they should go *through* the tunnel, and then she ended up almost dying because of him!!!
One of my favorite expressions I've heard about raising kids... "Raise your kids so you can spoil your grandchildren. Because if you spoil your kids, you'll end up raising your grandchildren." Love what you guys do! Thank you for the inspiration and love that comes from this channel.
@@tyrant-den884 Was there a specific need for you to try & detract from their valid point? Are fewer people having kids? Yes. But for those who are, this expression still rings true!
@@tyrant-den884 New generations aren't living on as solid ground as older generations were. Everything costs more now, people are crushed under student debt, and wages are stagnant
Helicopter parents can be crippling to people as adults. I saw a lot of it in college. I knew people know had to call home literally every day. Couldn’t do laundry, didn’t know how to study, couldn’t function as an independent person.
Some people still have the drive to be independent even if it takes a while for them to "be allowed to practice" it... like in my case: My mom is the one who taught me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions). So speaking of your mention of college... I took most of my risks AFTER I got to college (there, my parents didn't need to know about everything I did, haha). But I still had friends who acted sort of like "workout spotters" with whatever big risks I was taking. But the difference was... my friends LET me take the risks (whereas my mom would not have let me). I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
And those kind of parents are the ones that called me and my wife neglectful parents when our kindergarten age kid was able to put on all snow equipment by themselves! They make their lunch(supervised of course) and now that they are older they can cook, clean, and make their own decisions. The 9yr old can make KD or other simple things(again supervised) and the 13yr old is a decent baker. But yeah told we were neglectful parents because our kids can do basic things by themselves
@@brokefangmagepunk3685 Wow... don't listen to them! That is awesome how you've let your kids do all those things! I remember the first time I proved to my mom that I could make a complex cake-like dessert completely on my own... I didn't tell her I was doing it. I did it very quietly in the morning before she woke up, to surprise her, lol! I even cleaned up every trace of mess to increase the surprise factor :P When I showed it to her in the fridge... she was like "OMG where did that come from- did Grandma bring it?" She was sure surprised to learn I had done it all in secret... and ESPECIALLY that there was zero mess left, LOL!
Both my best friends are like this. One went to college and couldn’t cook, couldn’t do laundry, didn’t know how to do any of the basic functions of an adult. My other one could do basic adult things, but literally had to call home every single day, and drive home Every single weekend (even though her school was 3 hrs away), and to this day, in her 30s, she has panic attacks if she travels away from her family.
@@anjelica948 I love my family, but as soon as it was time for grad school, I HAD to 100% strike out on my own (I SOMEWHAT did it for college, but wasn't yet 100% independent)... simply because I had to prove to myself that I could provide for myself in all ways, especially financially. It just made me feel too anxious to even wonder if I maybe couldn't do it. Because, I mean, even though my family loved me and WOULD TRY to do all they could (well my parents at least) for me especially if I was in trouble... I ALWAYS KNEW this question was a very real concern: "What if THEY got into trouble themselves, and suddenly just COULD NOT help ME anymore, despite wanting to?"
My husband and I lost our 2 year old son a year ago due to an accident at the hospital. Marlin has become more and more relatable afterwards. Now that we are pregnant we are working with a therapist for grief but also to make sure we don't become helicopter parents. It's hard!
What I love about the behind the scenes story re: the prologue is that they realized their series of flashbacks didn't *add* anything. They had split that prologue scene into a bunch of different small scenes that eventually revealed the tragedy, but they realized that by the time they actually showed the barracuda, there was no surprise. The audience had already figured out roughly what had happened and it didn't have much impact. Meanwhile, moving it to the beginning when you don't know anything that's going to happen? MAJOR impact. It was such a brilliant storytelling move.
And also with no putting the flashback at the beginning of the film, the audience HATED Marlin even tho the whole point of the movie is understanding and being sympathetic with Marlin but knowing he needs to learn.
That moment when Dory says "You can't never let ANYTHING happen to him, then nothing would EVER happen to him" - i've always loved the way she put that line because she makes Marlin realise on his own and in such a gentle way how his promise to Nemo has denied him the experiences he should've faced over the years. Marlin did want to protect his son from any danger but in doing so, he overprotected him into not facing whatever life throws at him, which is something all growing kids should do one way or another. Plus he has never told anyone about that promise he made and Dory gives him a different perspective through fresh ears as it were; i truly think that was the real turning point for him. Edit: Thanks so much for all the likes, u guys are absolute legends :D
Mine neither (well, with mine, it's more of a case of "can't do virtually anything on my own without risking getting killed or hurt), but, here are all my related stories: 1) I remember the first time (as a child) I baked a complex cake-like dessert for my mom by myself without even ever baking while supervised before. I did it in secret, before she woke up (and even cleaned up all traces of mess)...so that really surprised her LOL. 2) At age 9 or 10, just to see if I could do it, I built a wooden box-like trap with a sliding door and tricky mechanism to trap (and release!) a squirrel. While I was building it and fine-tuning it, I actually had to lie and tell my dad that I was "just playing around" and "never actually expected to trap one" (in order to more easily get him to "indulge" me by providing some proper boards). Boy was he surprised when I woke him up one morning saying "Daddy! I got a squirrel!" He was like "No you didn't". But he soon saw he was wrong :P There are many more examples including some that are more dangerous, but those are a couple of my favorites. My mom did teach me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions). I took most of my risks AFTER I got to college (there, my parents didn't need to know about everything I did, haha). But I still had friends who acted sort of like "workout spotters" with whatever big risks I was taking. But the difference was... my friends LET me take the risks (whereas my mom would not have let me). I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
@@sathvamp1thank you for sharing your experiences! That clarifies how it is that parents make us feel like we can't accomplish things by ourselves. My mom, in this case, was the one who wanted to control my entire life and even now as an adult she wants to control me from afar and expects me to text her daily. I *don't* want to, but it's hard to stand up for myself because she doesn't really listen to me anyway.
Old toxic patterns and behaviors are not just difficult to break sometimes, but to even become aware of... all you can do is learn from your mother's mistakes and not to subconsciously repeat them somewhere else along your life.
Same. And then she tells me to just do something I was never taught or shown how to do, and when I tell her I can't magically do it, she uses it as “evidence”.
I’ll admit as a little girl I hated this movie with a passion and I couldn’t explain why. Something absolutely bugged me about it and it took me more than 20 years to figure it out. What I realized was this movie felt too real for me. I hated the fact I saw myself in Nemo. I am born with one hand so seeing a bit of a bratty character with one fin just rubbed me the wrong way. Plus having a controlling parent certainly didn’t help as a child. Marlin reminded me a bit of my mom. Now, as an adult I realized after seeing a therapist my mom was definitely like Marlin to a degree very much a controlling parent and at times it was hard to deal with. It hurt though when I lost her due to cancer. My world felt pretty destroyed for a while. Overall, I learned my hatred for this movie was due to massive insecurities. I do want to thank you guys for doing an episode on this. I don’t hate the movie anymore but I do feel better knowing why. I got true cinema therapy and a good cry. #cryingwithAlan ❤
I am so sorry to hear about losing your mom :( And yes, regarding what you said about this movie, I can definitely relate to not knowing exactly what "bugs" me about a particular situation sometimes. There's a particular decision I've made in my life recently that involves big pros and cons (and the pros outweigh the cons). At first I mainly felt anxious and angry regarding the "cons"... but after some time I realized I mostly felt sad about them... and thus "tried out / had" a "good cry"... and that actually helped me clarify my actual feelings about the situation, and progress toward adaptive behaviors regarding the situation (i.e. being able to move on). I think that's the first time I used "a good cry" in "real life" since the following event: I have a very recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!). Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident. But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol. The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears").
@@sathvamp1 thanks for the reply about my mom I highly appreciate it. I still miss her even though she passed a couple of years ago. But, I appreciate your thoughts about crying to movies. I definitely cry a lot to movies too
@@maryumgardner737 It's interesting how you said "almost" spilled tears because that's actually more-accurately what happened to me during "Inside Out." I know I had I used the phrase "...endorphins along with the tears" but I was just trying to simplify the story. Here is what happened in more detail: In particular, during that scene where Joy was in the pit and said the line "Do my you remember how she used to stick her tongue out when she was coloring?" THAT line hit me like a truck, and I almost instantly cried, BUT... my roommates were watching it with me, and especially because I had a very sparse / nonexistent history of crying to movies or in general, I just REALLY did NOT want them to see me cry :P So... I did suppress actual tear-shedding BUT with such great effort that it actually felt painful to my brain! In fact, if I could rewind time, I actually think I would have decided differently and not cared if they saw me crying or not :P But despite the suppressing of *actual* tear-shedding... apparently that didn't stop those usually-associated feel-good brain endorphins from getting released. Because... AFTER the movie, when I started thinking about that reaction I'd had, I realized I had a very strong craving to seek out MORE tearjerker movies. THAT was VERY surprising to me, given my history (or lack thereof) with such movies. BEFORE that, I'd either simply not cared for them or flat-out avoided them. So. yes, I did try to seek more out, on purpose... which apparently (for me) was easier said that done. BUT a few really push those buttons of mine, such as: "Interstellar," "The Land Before Time" (rewatching that one after not seeing it for about 20 years... triggered the most intense cry of my life), and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (well, for that one, my cry was AFTER that movie had ended, when the wheels in my head had some quiet time to turn).
What's even more subtle is that the reason why Dori stuck with Merlin is because deep down she feels the promise her parents made to her when she was younger of them finding her someday
We saw this in a crowded theater when it came out, and *everybody* was howling with laughter in all the right places, and quietly crying in all the right places. Masterpiece indeed.
Alan makes a comment about "failing to give cinematic insight" right after giving some incredible and inspiring insight into how he parents. I love him so much
I honestly never realized how emotionally distressing this movie actually is for me. I don't have any kids but I've realized I've become a Marlin after some stuff has happened to me, which is why I'm scared of actually having children. Pixar is just so damn good. #cryingwithalan
If choosing to have children is what you really want, you should try to go for it. The fact that you’re concerned about how you might do means you’re probably the kind of person who should be a parent. If you have a feeling that you might have helicopter tendencies it’s good that you recognize that, and it’s something you can work on with yourself.
Marlin's arc hits so hard for me as a trauma survivor. The temptation to quit, to give up when life sends another hit my way. Marlin keeps going, and even when he quits, he's quick to jump back into the fray when he realizes Nemo needs him. Amazing storytelling.
Nemo's quick little line "That's my dad!" when they're swimming down with the net breaks me every time. I'm 61 years old and never married (my almost fiancee died suddenly of heart failure when we were in our early 30's), and almost more than anything I wanted to get married and have kids. Although I know it's still possible, it's highly unlikely at this point, and the thought that I'll never have a child who looks at me and says with pride "That's my dad!" is crushing. This movie is absolutely phenomenal, and you two are amazing and fill a niche that no one else on TH-cam does....and I just want to say thank you.
Honestly if you find the right person, you could still get married, and adoption can always be an option. But if you are content with where you are now, it's also okay to let those past dreams go and move on to what is still reasonable to look forward to in the future.
It's unbelieveable how much this episode hits home. Finding Nemo came out not long before I had my son. We called him squirt because of this movie, and he's really grown into that relaxed vibe. He graduated from high school a few weeks ago and I have to constantly remind myself that he now gets to go swim on his own. It's so hard, and I'm so scared. I thin I may have to bookmark this to remind myself it's okay.
That's sooo important! Even loving parents who want the very best for their kids can parent in ways that accidentally instill over-perfectionism and fear of failure? Which makes it tough as the kid to have the confidence to try new things, get creative, and have the risk of not doing things perfectly? 😔
That little "I don't hate you" is what broke me. I was weeping openly and had to pause the video because I know what it feels like to be separated from someone you truly love and care about, only for the last words you say to them be ones that hurt them. I wanted to take back those words the moment I said them but I didn't get the chance to until months later. All of that regret, longing and sorrow that you go through apart is given so much meaning when you see them again. #cryingwithalan
This movie feels personal for me. I was in a similar situation to Nemo, born early with mild CP and my mom died when I was 7. My dad was really overprotective (still is), but after 14 years he’s slowly learning to let me be my own person. About to ask him if he’s fine with me going on a cross country school trip. He’s cool with it but he just wants me to be safe
I'm sorry your mom died at seven no less. The loss of a parent isn't something that anyone should have to go through much less a child. I am glad your dad is slowly learning to let you be your own person I wish you luck with your school trip. Also I don't mean to sound ignorant but could you tell me what CP stands for?
Watching this video is the first time I realized just how similar Marlin's traumatic backstory, reaction to said trauma, and character arc are to Abuela from Encanto. I love both of those movies, and having grown up with a family history of vicious cycles and several family members whose response to the trauma of growing up in broken homes is to feel like they need to control everything around them in order to be safe and keep their loved ones safe, it's kind of obvious why I find both Finding Nemo and Encanto super relatable.
One of the sayings I like about parenting says that being overprotective doesn't prepare your kids for the world, it just teaches them to be afraid of everything because they don't know how to handle anything bad that happens
It is worth noting that this is the story of a disabled kid which largely triggers his dads over protectiveness. As a now disabled adult and disability prof this is a super common issue.
As someone who’s recently plucked up the courage to let go of a life situation that refused to progress I now appreciate the whale scene (and your commentary on it!) so much more
@@nasimmirzaee it is definitely easier said than done to get out of a situation, but if you are truly ready to move on, plan carefully and try to spark up the courage to execute the plan as best you can ❤
Alan’s imposter syndrome was high this episode. These two are such a dynamic duo!! You don’t have to show up perfect it’s that you two showed up for us fans. This movie is so touching that it’s just sometimes amazing to hear how it applies in your own lives. Even seeing you cry and we cry together is a healing moment for me personally. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without this channel. My mother is a therapist and so cold that it sorta soiled for me that mental health professionals actually care. So you never know how well you’re showing up until ..you know lol THANK YOU!!!!!
Love that I can come here to cry with Alan it helps me to remember crying is normal and healthy 😊 Edit: if you need to, please cry it’s healthy for you and it’s good for you and it can help you feel better
Oooh yeahh I really, REALLY like this comment! I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!). Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies (or anything, for that matter) that I can remember... the first time I can remember crying to a movie (or maybe even in general) was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident. But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol. The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears"). A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
@@sathvamp1 Have you ever seen the Japanese film Departures? It got my best friend who never cries at movies to cry. A great film about death, grief, and dealing with different kinds of loss.
@@RosheenQuynh Just think of crying like the equivalent of blowing off steam. Think of it as a release, or for maybe a funnier comparison, think of it like going to the bathroom for a poop. Yeah, you'll feel rather bad during the process itself, but afterwards you'll feel relief.
My mom was (and in some cases still is) a helicopter parent as well as abusive. So not only do I have childhood trauma, I also was never able to experience life situations. I was never allowed to play outside and make friends, I was never allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I understand why my mom treated me the way she did, but it still has a huge impact on my life. I was so used to never leaving the house (except to go to school) that I eventually never *wanted* to leave the house. I didn't have my first job until i was 22 years old, and that was after many years of therapy. I'm not working now because I'm in school, but it sucks that I'd rather stay home than experience anything in the real world.
Woah. This was my experience too. Not because of helicopter parenting tho; my parents were exactly the same way themselves. My mother was physically unable to leave the house much, and I suspect my dad's autistic. He's more interested in his writing than in going outside. They never left the house, so as someone who was dependent on them for transportation and everything I also didn't leave the house, except to go to school like you say. They settled into the life that worked for them and never thought to push their own limits in order to allow me to find out what kind of life worked for me. Because guess what? I'm a lot more physically capable than my mom and a lot more sociable than my dad. And I did not know this until very recently, because I logistically could not access any opportunity that was different from what they'd pursue until I was a legal adult. Until just a year or two ago, I believed myself to be an asocial introvert because that was all I'd been allowed to be. Thankfully, as I type this I realize they may be changing. My mother has expressed concern about the way I never interacted with the wider world during my high school years, and my dad went out of his comfort zone to make me get a job and learn to drive. They're a lot more supportive now of me doing my own things. Well, they always were. Or would have been. If I'd been able to do my own things. Man, screw car culture! Needing help just to travel anywhere is horrible for both parents and children. It stunts everyone. I wish I lived in a more walkable area.
My experience was bit different in that I had my first job at 16 by my own choice and was rather out-going or at least more engaged in social life before I was 19. I grew up feeling like I wasn't ever going to achieve greatness in academics, culinary, career which got amplified by both society and parenting. I now realize just how little I could really choose about my life from my early childhood with toys I wanted to the clothes I wore in teenage years. I earn my own money, buy what I want in moderation, but I can't push myself to truly live for myself since I still live with them & my response to the parenting is to avoid it. My academic standing is average but it's not as bad as I ever expected. At 23, I was grateful one of my parents caved in and got me my first gaming console as a kid because I wouldn't have the friends I have today without it. I still ended up regressing into a semi-hermit lifestyle, only leaving for classes, work, other responsibilities when I have to. I'm in therapy nowadays to get some sense of control back but always wonder if I could have lived without so much anxiety if they truly wanted to learn how to support me positively. The only thing they've ended up doing is screwing me over in their near retirement age, as I have to pick up years of their incapability to find a way to support myself back up *alone*.
When this movie came out I was 10, and I identified with nemo a lot. Now, closing in on having kids of my own. Marlin’s whole story hits a lot harder. And that perfectly timed flashback. “Daddy’s here, Daddy’s got you.” TEARS. Incredible Pixar.
We have not all had that “when I look at you I’m home” and for some of us that’s part of our trauma. The assumption we all have it makes it even more painful.
I know for me, one of the worst pains I’ve ever gone through (which is saying a lot bc I have a truckload of trauma), was when I found the person that felt like home, and suddenly realizing at a certain point, that person was no longer home for me. And it broke me in a way, because I had never ever had that before, and then to lose it, its been five years now, and I still feel that loss. They didn’t die, but the love between us did, and not on my end. Even now just writing about it still hurts.
I’ve had that happen. I carried that pain for years. I did eventually find a support group that helped me find home outside of that person that left me.
@@SuperSparklesGurl I’m saying many of us have never even experienced that at all. I’m sure it’s hard overcoming losing that person. But it hurts badly to never even have it to begin with. You know the saying… better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all…
First Pixar film to make me cry and I was ten years old ❤ I do like that in the sequel they treat Dory’s memory loss like an actual disability and not a gag but in this film they really target the bond between a father and son, overprotective parenting and the importance of growing up
I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!). Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident. But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol. The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears"). A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
I had an overprotective mother who made me afraid of the world. Her own mother was emotionally abusive so I understand why, but it deeply impacted my ability to move into adulthood as an independent person. I feel that I didn’t really start to become an adult until I met my husband and was able to get a good job, at which point I felt a huge amount of anger toward her. Lately I’m trying to be more generous with my feelings because I absolutely know that neither of my parents would have ever hurt me intentionally. But I felt totally lost as to how to make a life for myself. Most of my life I felt like I could not honestly express my feelings, especially anything that would hurt her feelings. There was so much guilt placed on us if she was hurt. This is also something I think originated with how her mother treated her as a child. Now that I’m more in touch with myself I’m more like Alan and I cry over pretty much everything I see that touches on these topics. I’m trying to be less protective with my children because I know they need to take risks in order to feel accomplished and to learn to stand on their own feet. They’re still really little so it’s hard sometimes because most of the risks they take involve climbing things 😂 but I’m super sensitive to people making them feel guilty for things they shouldn’t, like not wanting to give someone a hug. I know how damaging it is to feel like you can’t make decisions for yourself. Hopefully as I continue to explore my own emotional issues I can help them grow up well, I’m sure they’ll have their own issues with my parenting someday but I expect they’ll have different problems than I did.
Everything you said is the exact situation im in. I feel like i cant express my feelings. My mother reacts poorly to many things, so my dad has told us apease so we dont upset her. Most days i find it difficult to anything because i feel i cant make any of my own decisions. When did you feel like you could be your own person? What happend in your life, or choices you made that helped you to progress? I would be grateful for any words of wisdom you could give. And good luck with your youngins❤
Really, a lot of changes happened after I moved in with my now-husband and realized how much control my parents had had over my life previously, and how unusual it was compared to the experiences of other, more successful adults. Independence grew on me very uncomfortably as I adjusted and that’s when I started experiencing a lot of anger towards how ill-equipped I found myself to be. I had struggled to live independently previously, really only having real freedom when I was in college, during which time I didn’t know how to utilize it and mostly stayed home and watched TV. When I started building healthier adult relationships outside of my family I was able to start healing. And I won’t pretend that therapy isn’t helpful. I got a therapist during Covid which helped me work through some things. I don’t have a personal therapist right now but I do watch a lot of this kind of content online to try and process my feelings and boost my coping skills. I push myself to confront normal relationship conflicts when they happen rather than letting them fester like I used to. I don’t want to have that kind of anger in my life again. I do still struggle with expressing myself honestly and I find that it’s much easier for me to do in writing, so I tend to text when I want to broach a subject and then we talk about it later. That way I get the baseline expression part out of the way. I hesitate to give advice because I don’t know your personal relationship dynamics. I’m in a better place now because I’ve been reflecting on a lot of things lately. I knew I was depressed before I became independent but I didn’t recognize what was actually happening in my relationships until I had something to compare it to. And nowadays I’m reflecting a lot on other things that I know contributed to some of my issues as well, for example school bullying after a traumatic move as a young child. That created a lot of scenarios that I think my parents were unsure of how to handle which left me feeling lost and unimportant. But it wasn’t because they weren’t trying. Parenthood has helped me recontextualize some of the things that happened in my childhood, realizing that every parent is just as dumb as me 😅 sometimes you don’t know what to do. I have the advantage of the internet to look things up when I am uncertain and they didn’t have that. I wish you the best, the whole world is out there. You can do it.
Hehe, it CAN actually be a good thing to protect against serious injury while climbing things as a young child because the "careful" part of their brain isn't working yet! I know this firsthand (even WITHOUT having any traumatic experience myself, actually): I remember there was a rocky shoreline with some cliff-like rocks my family and I would take my childhood vacations to... and there was ONE year when I suddenly gained a sense of "carefulness" in terms of not climbing recklessly and not getting too close to the edge of cliffs, and I remember asking my dad, "HOW did I not accidentally fall off these cliffs LAST year? I don't remember feeling like I needed to be careful last year!" My dad told me he'd had (with his hand) hold of my shirt collar the entire time I was running around like a squirrel LOL. I didn't even remember that :D I am definitely sorry about your earlier experiences with not feeling like you were able to branch out independently- I can say that my mom is the one who taught me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions). I took most of my risks AFTER I got to college (there, my parents didn't need to know about everything I did, haha). But I still had friends who acted sort of like "workout spotters" with whatever big risks I was taking. But the difference was... my friends LET me take the risks (whereas my mom would not have let me). I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
I feel like a lot of (good) parenting is stopping yourself from stepping in and letting your child try it themselves. It's so hard to stop yourself, but I keep reminding myself that it'll pay off in the long run.
My mom is also an overprotective helicopter parent. I'm fiercely independent so even though I did learn a lot of life skills the hard way, i was so ready to learn them when I moved out at 18. As a parent now, i do understand the fear of something bad happening to your child, but I'm working with seeing that fear and choosing to allow my kids to take "safer" risks in order to learn, gain confidence, and grow. I do feel bad about the first scar my firstborn got while she helped me cook. But I also love cooking with her, something I don't really have memories of with my mom (it was deemed as too dangerous of an activity-- I'm near 40, and she STILL winces when I use a knife lol). My toddler often asks for help with everything, and I find myself saying "you can do it!" a lot. It's a different flavor than my childhood for sure.
I love that around 20:55 Dory speaks of seing home in a person. But what also struck me is maybe an underlining mention of people with disabilities like Alzheimer and are conscious of having it (by moments) and the only connection to their memories that they have are their loved ones. While on the other side, it is truly painful and even tiring to keep seeing a member of your family who doesn’t remember you for you or remember themselves and is lost in memories you may not be part of either And having to remember them of who your are. So I don’t know if I am seeing things from nothing but I get the feeling this scene also adresses the struggle from both side of a relationship when one has a disability linked to memory and the other person makes the choice to go through that struggle for you (Like visiting frequently an orderly member of you family who mistakes you for your parents or whoever) I don’t know if my thought is well worded but it is what see here.
My mom does a really good job of being protective but not controlling. We lost my dad when my sister and I were really young, we also live in a dangerous area. This is a woman who has also been held at knife point and been near an active drive-by shooting. Yet she still allows us to go and live life, we can go away for weekends and go out at night and she doesn't try to control every aspect. All she asks is that we be smart, stay safe and keep her updated about where we are and if there's a change of plans. She would never look through our room without permission and my phone is mine and she would never go through it. Is she probably more helicoptery than some parents? Yes, but we've been through trauma and we live in the society we do today. Funny enough she encourages me to go out and do things with friends since I'm such a home-body. You can be protective without being controlling, but it's also a matter of understanding that she has also been through trauma and if telling her where I'm going sometimes helps her then it's no hardship for me.
Your mum sounds incredibly strong and doing an amazing job of preparing you kids to survive, but to also keep things in perspective? That's truly impressive!
I am totally sharing with my husband! He is a total Marvin and for very valid reasons. His first born was born with CDH but it wasn’t diagnosed until he was two months old and a failure to thrive. His ex totally checked out of their relationship and he was basically a single parent until I can a long. He is getting better with his helicopter parenting. He would totally cross oceans for our children and I am so grateful he is the father of my children!
It just occurred to me how much I can relate to Nemo. I've been disabled for a few years now, but people don't treat me differently until they learn that I use a cane. Then suddenly people are constantly checking to see if I'm okay, or if I need help. I know why they do it, but it's just frustrating that people suddenly see me as being fragile just because it's now obvious I'm disabled. I like the black and white angelfish guy because he doesn't treat Nemo like a helpless baby.
YES- "Gill", the angelfish... I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me). My mom is the one who taught me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions).
If you could tell everyone one thing that would help you for how people treat you what would you choose? What is ok to ask and what isn’t? I want to learn so I can be more respectful in public
I understand your POV, but trust me, it's worse when people just roll their eyes at you for moving slowly, *never* offer help, or outright think you're faking a disability for sympathy. Set your boundaries, but also give thanks to/for the good souls willing to help, however clumsily.
As a kid I always loved this movie, mostly because I love marine biology and the ocean. But as an adult and now father this movie hits so different to me. I relate so much to Marlin and the absolute terror he must feel losing his son like that. Literally a parents worst nightmare.
Finding Nemo was my daughter’s favorite movie when she was little. “Put on Meemo, Mommy!” Seeing this now, when shes 18 and about to leave for college gives a whole new perspective. ❤Thank you.
This breakdown of the movie and Alan’s comment on helicopter parents truly doing disservice to their children by not preparing them for adulthood hit personally. My husbands parents were and are this way and he’s has to learn to be an adult the hard way (with me there to help of course). I love Dory’s line of “then nothing would ever happen to him” ❤ so profound.
The first time I ever said “I hate you” to my dad, I was very young. I was thinking of when Nemo says it in this movie and said it to express how I was upset about not getting what I wanted at the time. My dad didn’t yell at me; he held me and asked me how I felt, and taught me how to express my feelings to my loved ones better.
4:00 Alan explaining why they moved the scene could explain why sooo many people didn’t like Abuela from Encanto. I wonder if the audience been given context in the beginning, people could’ve provided more sympathy for the character.
Perhaps, but maybe not. I’ve been aware of all of my mother’s traumas my entire life. The damage that she does and continues to do doesn’t change or lessen because of her past traumas. Abuela’s cruelty towards her granddaughter is what made her unlikable.
But while Nemo knows his father's trauma - he is almost certainly aware of it, though it isn't mentioned, as he is the only child with a smaller fin and no mother - with Abuela, Mirabel didn't. She may have known that the trauma itself happened, but Abuela never truly let it show how much it hurt so everyone assumed that it didn't, including Mirabel and the audience.
Encanto is such a good example. I was wondering if maybe the later flashback would make it a more powerful moment with a bigger payoff and redeem the character but it doesn't actually erase how much contempt has grown for that character to that point. I think in the case of Encanto, it's ok that we dislike Abuela. She isn't the main character, and her bitterness, and everyone's resentment of it, is part of her growth arc.
Yes, but it's all about the POV! In Encanto we see things out of Mirabel's perspective. We as an audience know what she knows. So we feel about abuela the way she does, and that's important so that, when they finally talk, we have the same feeling of "oh. So that's why." In Nemo, Marlin is the protagonist, and we see things from his perspective. We need the context of the flashback/prologue to understand where he's coming from.
Abuela was cruel and mean to generations of her family. Knowing ahead of time wouldn’t change my mind. She decided to put that negativity out there. I know my moms trauma and my dads trauma and they chose to be cruel to all of us as a result. Marlin while panicked and having moments, didnt place the value of Nimo on what he can do or provide. There are a whole other set of issues there and i think anyone that doesnt like Abuela is fine to do so and it makes sense. No one is just going to forgive you cause you had a bad past. You are your current actions not your past so Abuela is going to need to earn trust back and has her own arc to really go through which is true for real life.
One thing that I learned about helicopter parenting is that it often brings about the exact results the parents try their damn hardest to prevent. Often because the kid wants freedom yet lacks the skills to navigate the real world by themselves or problem solve their own solutions
My mother wasn't a helicopter parent but she did shelter me due to my disabilities (autism). Now I struggle with a lot of things in life because she still kinda shelters me. Now at 30+ I'm finally learning to do things on my own and it's difficult. But rewarding and relieving. She didn't have a lot in life and was forced to grow up early in life. So I guess her trauma response was to give us everything she couldn't and not have her children work for anything until they were at least 18. It's sad. But I can kinda understand, I suppose.
What I did to help this process was ask people the petty questions about certain adult things I'd be struggling with. Do you do anything for your whites outside of just bleach? What job finding app do you use? Where did you buy your car? What would you suggest for [xyz]? It's daunting because the perception is they'll think you don't know something "you're supposed to" but the real truth is that they'd be acting irrationally if they actually acted like a bully on it. Anyone who would get smug about the fact that they "know about spot treatment products for bleaching your whites" while you don't isn't someone who's gonna give you stable information anyway. If they don't know themselves, and act terribly about it, same difference. Oftentimes confidence isn't in thinking "no one will act negatively to this", it's realizing that even if they do they're the ones who are wrong. You're allowed to want to take someone with you to Walmart if it's how you can best trick yourself into grocery shopping. You're allowed to ask your "friend who's a car guy" how to change your own oil. I'm not gonna say "please just try I promise no one will act badly about it", because they might...but that won't be your problem. Not really.
I just want to say, I have reached out for support because of you both, and have now been diagnosed with C-PTSD, anxiety and depression. I am still at the start of my journey, but your videos, as well as my trauma specialist are really helping me a lot. Alan, you have made me realise that my struggles are a tangible thing and that I am not just broken. I have seen a lot of me in your vulnerability and you have taught me that its okay to not be okay sometimes. And Jono has taught me that I CAN be okay and helped me with a lot of techniques and understandings that blow my therapist away when I talk to her about it. Because of your videos a lot of what she says clicks into place and we can have very useful conversations. I have found a lot of guidance in your videos and I cant thank you both enough for what you do. I have suffered with it since I was a child, but you guys together have single handedly given me the confidence and hope to turn my life around. So thank you.... A million times thank you.
Wishing you all the very best in your journey of healing, learning, and managing your conditions! ❤️🩹 Reaching out to seek help can be super hard, esp. when dealing with multiple interlocking issues? (sadly often means one has experienced past gaslighting & rejection even from medical professionals who should know better...) So glad you overcame that barrier and were able to find an expert who really helps and listens!
Fun Fact: I was absolutely obsessed with this movie as a baby. I literally had my mother put on this movie all day every day at least until I was 9 months old. Now I'm almost 20 and can quote some of the best scenes word for word
I don't blame ya! My favorite scenes are with the "surfin' sea turtles" -- Dude Crush and his homies. I love that Crush teaches Marlin, by example, how to let go and let the kiddos experience stuff, creating confidence. The whole story is phenomenal, as are the visuals. 😁
Up until Finding Nemo, I had completely ignored any Pixar movie. I had a big thing against 3D animation at the time, but when my friend was playing Finding Nemo on the DVD, I was mesmerized. Not because of the visuals, but because they put a parent as a protagonist in an animation made 'for kids'. And it felt mindblowing. Amd after that I went on a marathon of Pixar. This movie has a special place in my heart.
I lost my firstborn, and was super-protective of my son when he was born. It took years to learn to let go but luckily I learned just as he was getting old enough to want more independence (my little "hold me" baby lol, he didn't want to be set down for long until he was almost 5). My daughter was independent right out of the womb and that was an adventure, she'd fuss if I held her a moment too long and just wanted to always do her own thing. I've learned to watch their progression and give them the independence that they've shown me they can handle, while giving little nudges to see if they're ready for certain things.
@@CinemaTherapyShow I looked up Finding Nemo on Google and Nemo doesn't exist that Marlin is going through greef from losing his family, depression from seeing something devastating happen to his family and hope in a better outcome through his friendship with Dory.
I love how even in the serious moments, Pixar can drop humor in without it feeling forced. Dory getting Nemo's name wrong all the way through to the very end is comedic gold and you can not convince me otherwise!
Finding Nemo is actually my favorite Pixar movie and as an autistic and otherwise disabled child I really used to relate to Nemo, and Marlin still reminds me of my mom, ehehe. My first memory is actually staring into a giant blue aquarium with fish like clownfish and blue tangs and other things so this movie always has a special place in my heart. Dory also reminds me a bit of myself especially because I have DID and amnesia really sucks to work with.
I love how deep Alan can go emotionally with the films and how because his friend is a therapist, he’s accustomed to those environments and so their relationship doesn’t feel overbearing. God made then a perfect post of friends.
As a kid i was like Dory with me having Autism and mother treated me like a combo of both Nemo and Dory. She was scared at the time how the world would treat me and at the time i got diagnosed there was barely any help let alone for girls and our parents were being told by doctors that we were fucked for life. Mama wanted me to be independent and avoid me becoming dependant on her, but also was so scared of the world hurting me. As an adult i understand her now, she wasn't trying to hurt me or my feelings or shelter me. She was just scared and didn't want to fail. And she was doing this alone. We are both much better places, and shes admitted if she knew better at the time she would have done it. And the good thing now is with my stepmum and my younger siblings, both my Mama and i can help her so she isnt alone and learn from our mistakes and things that did work. Because my father is too prideful to admit anything from him has issues. By the way all of us have autism because of him because its passed down from parent to child and with fathers is guaranteed and mothers its 50/50 and all of us kids have different mothers but same father
I cant believe i JUST noticed that Dory swimming down to Marlin on the whales tongue almost perfectly mimics Marlic picking up Nemo after his mom and siblings were eaten.... Only this time it was done right
I always loved that distinct sound the score has, it has that ocean like theme. Oddly enough, the documentary film “Ghosts of the Abyss” has a somewhat similar sound
16:35 my mom always said that. She always told me "I'll be there to hold your hand and help you get back up on your feet, but first you have to know what falling feels like"
My own father tried to shield me from the world and it left me incredibly ill prepared for a lot of situations, I ended up with a lot of trauma I’ve got ptsd and now that I’m a dad myself I do have a lot of fears and I understand how easy it is to feel “I just want to wrap my kid up in blankets and keep him locked in the home where nothing can get him” But overall having a parent who left me with zero skills to handle the world made me swing in the other direction so I do my best to guide my kid to learn independence and how to do everything he’ll need to on his own. I do not want him to be a young adult who realizes they have no idea how to do anything and learn from the ground up on his own like I had to. Hopefully he can hold his own and if he does come into any bad situations like I did he will have the tools and ability to cope and understand
I'm a new parent and I'm terrified of being a helicopter parent, but at the same time I don't want to be a neglectful one. I'm so thankful of this channel because I can understand new ways to be a better mother to my baby. I'm so thankful for all your amazing works because it has helped me to understand many of my issues, and prepare me for having tools be be the fittest parent I can be. I won't be perfect, and I don't need to. Thank you so much
This is a good example as to why my mom was a such a good parent❤ instead of helicopter parenting she would always say “I know I can’t prevent bad things from happening to you so my job is just to prepare you for it” best advice for parenting I think my mom ever gave🥰
Speaking of crying to movies in general: I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!). Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident. But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol. The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears"). A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
I don't know if anyone else noticed, but in the beginning sequence where Marlin and Nemo are swimming to school, Nemo starts off by swimming in zigzags and almost running into things before Marlin constantly catches him. But then in the near-end we see him swimming by himself in a straight line with no need to be caught.
Growing up with an abused and assaulted mom, she tried to do everything to prevent us from ever experiencing that. I hate to say that she failed. She did everything she thought she could, but rather than teaching us how to survive in the world she merely taught us how to endure the pain. When my older sister and I started experiencing a similar upbringing we found that we had never learned to defend ourselves, we brought it to our mother who quickly denied that it could ever happen to us, as she raised us and those things would never happen to her family. We soon realized she never learned how to defend herself either. She did too much for us and that caused us to be deficient in many areas. I specifically couldn't cook or manage money or know how to take care of myself medically when I became in charge of myself, my siblings suffered in other ways. Helicopter parenting can be so draining on the parent, but it also severely damages the child, as they enter adulthood with loose footing and a fear of their own abilities and everyone around them.
OK I know it's become something of a running gag or meme of the channel, but I actually cannot express enough how much I value Alan crying on camera at emotional moments. It is genuinely so good for my soul to see someone allowing emotions to come out and I actually think you crying makes you even more of a badass in my mind.
I love both movies so much and something I enjoy about Finding Dory is that Marlin has not forgotten what he learned here in regards to his relationship with Nemo. He's still protective but not so much that Nemo feels smothered and he actually takes the time to listen to Nemo too much easier. Their dynamic in the second movie really shows their lessons from the first paying off, from Marlin just allowing Nemo to come on the journey in the first place and everything I just said. With Nemo not afraid to sass or call out Marlin when he needs it which is always hilarous but only like light jabs that are clearly just meant to help his dad do the right thing.
Love you guys. Loved this episode. Would have loved it even more if there had been more discussion of disability. Nemo is a child born with an impairment. Marlin is an able-bodied parent. A lot of Marlin's beliefs as a parent line up with the medical model of disability. Nemo internalises some of those beliefs. When he meets Gill in the fishtank, an adult living with acquired impairments, he grows in confidence. Marlin's journey with Dory, another adult living with impairments, really expands his thinking. This film had a lot of say about disability and it would have been great if the episode had leaned into that a bit more.
This is probably one of my favorite CT episodes I've ever seen. I love how Jonathan so astutely separated the protection parents *need* to exercise over their children from the dictatorship many parents *see* as necessary, but actually does more harm than good. And I love how Alan really went in depth to communicate just exactly how the film "got things right" and established these things on a thematic level. And all of this was for a cinematic masterpiece with gorgeous imagery. (also your editors' brilliance might have helped a bit😆) I really enjoyed this episode, thanks guys❤
7:46 🚁 assuming, not listening and controlling ( due first or second trauma) 10:31 we controll because of past things (outcome) that were out of you control once (you felt scare, panic, unsave) controll is an illusion, you can just make a choices for yourself, extend your trust 16:09 as a parent you should... You will fail and you are save 18:57 being stuck in things we know 26:40 raise them, don't protect them
17:30 can we just appreciate how Jonathan hands the mic to Alan for his insights when he feels like he hasn’t contributed? Healthy bromance right there. Ship it till I die ❤
This was fantastic as always. And I cried with Alan. I really hope you guys can do Happy Feet one day. I think it's full of emotion and can also teach us a lot about parenting, love, loss and childhood.
It's so rare for me to cry or even tear up to a movie, especially a reaction with just shorter clips instead of the entire movie for context, BUT, that being said: I did tear up at THIS reaction during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears". I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!). Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident. But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol. The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long. A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
15:15 That scene NEVER fails to make me cry. We have all been that low in our lives before but dang does it hurt to see Marlin have a mental breakdown. 😢
God damn it...I remember watching Finding Nemo as a child, and of course most of the messages just flew over my head. Now, I'm in my late teens, and watching these CT episodes has suddenly made me aware of how heavy the emotional reality is in each one, and it's FANTASTIC. Finding Nemo is honestly an unsung masterpiece, with all the right messages about trauma, parenting, disability, and the emotional beats just felt so, SO right. I cried at the scene where Nemo freed all those fish from that net. Man, back in its golden years, Pixar was GOLDEN. Makes me want to go back and watch all the classics again. In the wise words of Alan Seawright, damn you, Pixar. #cryingwithalan
Work with a member of Jonathan's team on one of his trauma or relationship programs! Go to mendedlight.com/ct and schedule a first session appointment today.
😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂❤❤❤❤THANKS I NEEDED A LAUGH ABOUT MY FUCHIN CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS😢😂😂😭🤮🤮🤧🤢🤕🤬🤪🤯🤯🤯🤯TRAUMA CAUSES BRAIN INJURY AND P.T.S.D. ,DEPRESSION, ANXIETY!
HELICOPTERS 🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂😂WTF PARENTING IN (***FINDING NEMO***)
ARE YOU SMILING YET??? IT IS FUNNY BUT NOT FUNNY (** CHILD ABUSE, NEGLECT, ABUSE ,TRAUMAS?*😢
Highly Recommend the Innate Healing course! After 15+ years of other therapies this has been a game changer. So worth it!
How was this comment made 7 days ago when the video was only uploaded 8 hours ago?
Happy 20th Anniversary to the Pixar’s 1ST Academy Award Winning Feature Film RELEASE! (May 30th, 2003 - 2023)
@@reubenmanzo2054 videos can be uploaded to the website before they're made public, and a lot of youtubers have their uploads scheduled to post automatically, especially larger productions like Cinema Therapy. So they would've uploaded the video to the site and gotten their promotional comment in order before it ever hit public view a week later. Some also do that to make the video unlisted for a short period of time so patreon members can have early paid access to youtube videos, but I'm not sure if they do that with this channel.
People often forget that, appart from the trauma Marlin went through, Nemo is actually a disabled character, and as a disabled person since birth, Nemo's was such an amazing representation. The not understanding why he is being so protected when everyone else (of his own age) isn't, is such a real thing.
And the best part is that Nemo's character isn't just "disabled." He has an actual personality and it makes you forget that he's disabled sometimes, which is what stories are SUPPOSED to do!
@@Barnowl65i actually never realized until I read this comment lol
It does a good job of making Merlin’s behavior and Nemo’s frustration all the more nuanced! His disability serves as a reminder to Merlin that danger and accidents can happen at any moment, whereas Nemo doesn’t give his fin much of a second thought past it being another thing for his dad to worry about, instead wanting to focus on all else that’s around him
Plus Gill had basically the same disability (though his was acquired through injury rather than a birth defect) and was able to help Nemo overcome his insecurities instilled in him by Marlin and teach him problem solving skills.
I was born with a disability similar to Nemo’s, in my right arm just like Nemo’s right fin! Nemo was such good representation for me because I hadn’t seen a disabled character such as myself be treated with such respect and acknowledgment in the cast without making him an anomaly to be singled out. I relate to Nemo so much, especially with dealing with overprotective parents and not knowing why I’m not being treated normally like my peers. I still call my right arm my “lucky arm” solely because of this movie and I’m proud of it :)
Dory's appeal for Marlin not to leave after he thinks Nemo is gone is one of the biggest tear-jerkers in the film. She so desperately doesn't want to be alone.
I know!!!!
" I look at you and....and..and I'm home." Gets me EVERY TIME.
You understand her even better in this situation after Finding Dory. "I don't want to forget." She spend her entire life alone by herself not rememering what it was like to have someone, a family so to speak of. Marlin was the first thing she could finally hold onto.
And then we understand why she doesn’t. She’d been alone her entire life
@@chattycatty3336Good on the acting! That was delivered perfectly!
This story, and the sequel, is one of my favorite stories of grief, loss, and learning to let go. The power of found family and the enduring strength of true parental love.
One of the best movie ❤️
Early Pixar was incredible at this, with Nemo, Toy Story and Up all being able to be viewed and loved by kids but also telling you a story that sticks and can even be relatable for many, they really did dive into more mature concepts which I adored
cat the in hat
Not to mention that Finding Dory showed how disabilities shouldn’t have to hold you back, and when you have a system, you can do anything.
You gotta love how in the next one, they let Nemo keep the confidence and wisdom he built for himself in this movie
I love that Finding Nemo features two characters with disabilities--one that's visually identifiable and one that's invisible. We disabled folk don't get much representation, so to see two characters whose disabilities are a profound part of their characters, but not their ENTIRE characters, is so beautiful.
Dont forget dads ptsd and aunt flow
Every main character has some form of disability. That’s what the movie is about!
i agree completely, as someone with ADHD it was so amazing to see Dory as a kid because it reassured me that even if my memory is kinda trash, the people who matter are gonna love me anyway.
😂
Dory always was one of the characters i connected the most with. Seeing someone with memory issues (like me with ADHD) was super comforting.
I never realized it as a young kid watching this movie, but as an adult I can see another reason Marlin was terrified to lose Nemo. Not only is Nemo his ONLY surviving child out of literally hundreds, Nemo is also the spitting image of his mom, Coral. Marlin is terrified of losing his wife twice. Edit: Dang, it's been a year and this comment has gained WAY more traction than I thought it would. Thanks to everyone who stopped to read it and I hope it contributed to your perception of this movie!
Nemo is the last piece Marlin has of his Wife Coral and rest of his Children.
Marlin is willing to do anything to never let that last piece go.
Please don’t make sexual jokes or advances or swear God wouldn’t like that and there are children here May God bless you and your family and help you Give your life to Jesus Christ and repent. I pray that God will lead on the path to Jesus Christ and send the Holy Spirit to be your helper. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I pray Amen! Jesus Christ loves you. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for ALL OF YOUR SINS. Even the ones committed in the past and repent. He’s coming soon. Please pray and repent. GOD IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!! THE BEGINNING AND THE END!!! GOD SENT HIS SON DOWN TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIM!!! PRAY AND REPENT AND GOD IS COMING!!!!!! THERE IS NO TIME. FELLOW CHRISTIANS GOD WILL BE COMING DON’T LOSE FAITH!!! PLEASE!! PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND DON’T DOUBT HIM!!!
Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:10 “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
2 Peter 3:1-18 “1 This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance:
2 That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour:
3 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,
4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water:
6 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished:
7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness.
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. GOD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” GOD, JESUS CHRIST, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA.
@@Whocares158 Please don’t make sexual jokes or advances or swear God wouldn’t like that and there are children here May God bless you and your family and help you Give your life to Jesus Christ and repent. I pray that God will lead on the path to Jesus Christ and send the Holy Spirit to be your helper. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I pray Amen! Jesus Christ loves you. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for ALL OF YOUR SINS. Even the ones committed in the past and repent. He’s coming soon. Please pray and repent. GOD IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!! THE BEGINNING AND THE END!!! GOD SENT HIS SON DOWN TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIM!!! PRAY AND REPENT AND GOD IS COMING!!!!!! THERE IS NO TIME. FELLOW CHRISTIANS GOD WILL BE COMING DON’T LOSE FAITH!!! PLEASE!! PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND DON’T DOUBT HIM!!!
Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:10 “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
2 Peter 3:1-18 “1 This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance:
2 That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour:
3 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,
4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water:
6 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished:
7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness.
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. GOD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” GOD, JESUS CHRIST, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA.
@@angelemeana2754 What the fuck are you talking about?
Considering the phenomenon of clownfish in the wild changes sexes when there is a lack of male/female mates this theory is so wild
I liked that they never had Marlin and Dory hook up after finding Nemo, as you might have expected. Instead, they stay as good pals, which is a great representation of platonic male/female friendships.
Yup, tbh not every story needs characters to end up together for it to be a good movie, infact if your film or show is relying on romance (when its not a romance show/film) to hook the audience then it isn't a good show/film.
An example of this is how Star Wars episode 8 and 9 just introduced a bunch of random relationships for some reason
(remember when everyone thought Rey and Kylo were originally siblings in episode 7, lol good times)
Also they're different species so +1 for biological accuracy
It would be weird since they're 2 different species of fish.
Yeah also it good to have people of the other gender be friends and see each other as equal not one more capable than the other on some things or more emotional that the other as not seeing the opposite as equal can lead to bad thingss
Actually, I think the director’s commentary asserted that Dory is a surrogate CHILD for Marlin. She teaches him to be a better parent, while Nemo gets a surrogate parent who lets him take bigger risks (not all of which are good).
I never noticed the contrast between "You'll never get out of there by yourself!" and Gill's refusal to help Nemo out of the filter before.
Nobody touch him!! When my son was a baby and me or my wife would rush to pick him up or get him unstuck before he had a chance to try himself I would hear Willem Defoe saying that in my head.
@@aawillma O. M. G. I never realized Gill was Willem Dafoe. Holy crap...
Now that I know that, I can’t unhear Gill saying to Nemo, “Gill’s on sabbatical, honey!”
FTR I was also considering “Can the clownfish come out to play?”
@@catdragon2584
**insert maniacal and sinister laughter**
@@aawillma OMG... Gill was william the dafoe?!?! Now I can't unhear it, I thought yo were talking about spiderman he's in and I'm like he doesn't have that line there- oh... 0_0
I found it interesting how they didn't change anything about Marlin, they just told the audience his backstory earlier and the audience went from hating Marlin to loving him. I think this is a lesson for real life too. How many people do we hate just because we don't know their backstory?
I also think it comes down to timing. You don't really have a reason to be invested in Marlin's relationship with Nemo if you don't have his backstory. An overprotective parent going to save his son leaves gaps to be filled in, namely that he's doing it out of obligation as a parent at best and to be a control freak at worst. When you know it's rooted in having lost all but one child, wife included, it's no longer about being overprotective as his nature. It's a life experience, and there's a focus very early on.
Really good point
Exactly. That's why you don't be a dick to certain people that look like they are angry all the time. There's a reason and be kind.
This is where I kind of do have to make a point that just because something is understandable, it does not make it acceptable or forgivable. When you take into account the history of most abusive and toxic people, many of them have a crap upbringings, many were abused or grew up in a toxic environment themselves and life events may have just made things worst.
You only have to look at Hitler, Putin and Trump and look at what is known about their upbringing and childhood to make some of their actions more understandable, but not acceptable or forgivable and this is where I think justice is currently getting things wrong. Far too many people are being let off from criminal convictions or given lighter senses because their crappy lives make their actions more understandable.
Now a lot of criminals also have other issues like Bi-polar, ADHD, Autism, etc. I don't want to diminish the lact of support and assistance available to people, particulier in the earlier years when it has the most effect, is still very lacking and requires a lot more funding and research but I do still believe people need to face consequences for their actions regardless.
@@Songe467this. And I think this is a point they made clear in the movie. Yes, Marlin's fears are understandable but his demeanor ultimately proves harmful to himself and the people he cares about. Just as Nemo comes to understand how much his father loves him and how brave he can be, Marlin learns thorough the film to trust other people and respect their autonomy.
I love how Nemo never wanted to try to touch the boat before Marlin came in and belittled him and said he can't, that hits home when you do dangerous stuff you may not be ready for out of spite to try to break out of labels.
I really teared up when Alan talked about making sure his kids knew they could fail and be safe because it made me realise that I didn't have that as a kid. Failure meant getting in trouble so if I couldn't do something well right away, then I didn't carry on. Didn't expect to find the route of my perfectionism in a finding nemo video 😂
You've really given me something to think about.
Glad it was thought provoking. Thanks for watching!
I’ve had a similar realization after watching their videos in the past. Firstly the parent situation, which became what I describe as inaccurately as baby panic attacks when trying something new or something that could potentially be challenging in front of others due to fear of failure. Going bowling, playing instruments, singing, swimming, anything competitive, etc. in front of others would cause me to freeze, stop thinking, shake, lose hearing, sweat, etc.
Exact same here
I'm afraid of failing because I know my parents tend to react disappointed or negatively to it, and because of it I tend to hide my failures and not be open to avoid criticism.
They're great parents otherwise, it just bothers me how every little mistake turns into "you shouldn't have done this and that", and then rephrasing all the ways in which I screwed up over and over, like I'm completely incapable of learning from my own mistakes by myself.
Never understood why they focus so much on what already happened, instead of on ways to move forward and fixing the problem. I feel bad for hiding my personal issues from them, but at the same time I'm terrified to own up to my short comings and failures because I know I won't get a supportive response from them.😞
I am now 26 and for the first time in my life I've finally truly realized that it's okay to try things and fail. That if I do fail everything will be alright and I can figure out what to do next. I expect I could've come to this conclusion much sooner had I been raised to be comfortable with trying new things and failing, but I, too, was raised as a perfectionist. So despite this realization actually being able to pick an avenue to try and fail at still comes with difficulty and I'm prone to indecision.
The control aspect can be really damaging to your kids. Bad things happen, they don't have to define your children or you as a parent. My dad did everything in his power to keep me safe, and I respect that. So did Marlin. But he also needed to let go of that fear, just like Marlin. Forgiving himself for things he can't control, forgiving me for trying to extend the boundaries of my world, trusting in me that I can take care of myself because he raised me right.
Preach, it's understandable to try to protect our children, but as they grow, they need to branch out on their own, and they can take little risks every now and then.
Absolutely right! 👍
Beautifully said!
You’re so right man ! ❤️
Agreed, a lot of the times parents can forget that children need to experience the world, yes its painful, yes it may hurt them, but they need to know when to let go sometimes or they will never understand the real world when they grow up and that in turn makes it harder for both the parent and the child
I gotta say at 2:14, it’s very subtle, but the animators absolutely NAILED the look of a kid dealing with a helicopter parent. Panicking over injuries is clearly something that Marlin does regularly, and Nemo knows this, but stays calm because it will calm his dad down.
He’s annoyed, but also burdened with the emotional labor of calming down his dad, and that’s tough on a kid with a helicopter parent. Makes sense why he lashed out later.
Not the correct timestanp?
@@Spido68_the_spectator fixed. Thanks
An even better time stamp is 2:18 when he says THREE and then deadpan stares into the void lmaoo.
mhm
Yes! I've been in therapy for years to deal with exactly this.
I didn't realize it wasn't normal until I was nearly 30
Despite Nemo's name being in the title, Marlin is the clear protagonist. After tragically losing his wife and children, you can understand why he's overprotective of Nemo. But Dory helps him to stand back a little, and shows that not all risks are negative. "You can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him."
Well I'd argue their duo protagnists since they both have an equal amount of focus in the first movie and for good reason. Since they both need to grow throughout the movie.
I’d argue that “FINDING Nemo” implies Marlin to be the main protagonist, despite its being Nemo’s name!
Yeah, also the title is about the journey Marlin takes, he is finding Nemo and changes as the film goes on. That said Nemo does change as well, so both are the main characters, it’s just that the movie is clearly Marlin’s film because we follow his journey far longer than Nemo’s, mainly because Marlin is the one that really needs to change and overcome his past trauma in order to trust Nemo and let him live life without constantly worrying about something bad that might happen.
@@martyshwaartz971 It'd both. Marlin is finding Nemo physically. Nemo is finding Nemo emotionally. Marlin is trying to find out WHERE Nemo is. Nemo is trying to find out WHO Nemo is.
As a kid I thought Marlin was Nemo despite the script clearly stating otherwise simply because Marlin was the main character but the title had Nemo in it.
Just hit me how lovely that Marlin and Dori's were each other's antidote of sorts. The person who never forgets the past, and the person who /always/ forgets lol. but then she teaches him to let go and he teaches her how to hold on to important memories. aaah love this found family dynamic
I was coming down to the comments to say this!! The two of them are such perfect foils in this story about the pain of memory. So good, so beautiful.
My favorite quote of the movie: “you can’t let nothing ever happen to him, then nothing will ever happen to him.” Such a powerful quote that any child of helicopter parents can relate to. I would know, this movie holds powerful meaning to me and my family as a child born with a syndrome and medical issues
My favorite quote was “Mine.”
"Nothing worsens, nothing grows."
I like how you deconstructed and pointed out how realistic Marlin's trauma really is
What makes it worse is that in one single day, he lost almost his entire family, a very rare occurrence, which makes it beyond terrifying to look back at and understandable of why he's overprotective of the only family he has left
This could happen to any father in this world who turns their back on their children for a minute
They will experience what Marlin lost and how depressed he felt, and they would have nothing to live for
It's honestly frightnening to think that if this wasn't a cartoon about colourful, cartoon fish, this movie would have been quite traumatic to children, Pixar sure was good at doing this, Up is another great example of them adding humour to an otherwise very sad and tearjerking story at its core
Rare? People lose their whole families all the time. What wonderful world do you live in where that is rare?
@@brumfield2893they probably meant that most people lose every family member in one setting. Usually it’s rather one or two (which is bad enough) but rarely two dozen (or however many eggs clownfish lay)…
@@brumfield2893 Yeah, I think they meant it's rare to lose your whole family at one time, like in one fell swoop. Most tragedies include one person (whether it be a parent, sibling, grandparent, etc.), but entire family murders aren't all that common. They happen, but they're not the norm.
@@hnichole I mean, has your country ever been at war? Has your government genocided anyone? What about plagues or famine? Natural disasters? Murder isn’t the only way to lose your family.
As a person born with a disability this movie hit weirdly close to home. Being told your whole life by others what you can and cant do and wanting to test your own limits. It's a tough balance.
Exactly, I can totally relate to that especially since I have Aspergers and I hate it when my
parents convince me of what I am and am not capable of.
its one of the things i learned from avatar with toph and her overprotective parents. she is blind and needs some assistance but she is still capable enough to take care of herself. as well as the damage it does when you feel like everyone is babying you. because that is what you are used to despite not needing this absurd level of care. hell i'm pretty sure that was a topic the show brought up. toph doesn't want to depend on and open up to other people and the desire to not be pitied because of how she was raised because of her disability. the disability itself was never a problem. it was the response to it that was upsetting because it became her personality. it wasn't she is a blind girl who enjoys her hobbies it was the blind girl who is doing something. personhood is completely stripped away
Same here. In my youth (like 10 to 20 y; now I am 34 y) I got told, what I am able to and what I am not. And I proofed them so much of so wrong. What I still miss on this date is a "Hey I am sorry I told you, that you can't and I see now that I was wrong and you smashed that." - But I guess I will never get that ^^°
@@suuyasha2496 Your phrase of "I proved them so much of so wrong" brought back so many memories of my own, LOL:
1) I remember the first time I baked a complex cake-like dessert for my mom by myself without even ever baking while supervised before. I did it in secret, before she woke up (and even cleaned up all traces of mess)...so that really surprised her LOL.
2) At age 9 or 10, just to see if I could do it, I built a wooden box-like trap with a sliding door and tricky mechanism to trap (and release!) a squirrel. While I was building it and fine-tuning it, I actually had to lie and tell my dad that I was "just playing around" and "never actually expected to trap one" (in order to more easily get him to "indulge" me by providing some proper boards). Boy was he surprised when I woke him up one morning saying "Daddy! I got a squirrel!" He was like "No you didn't". But he soon saw he was wrong :P
There are many more examples including some that are more dangerous, but those are a couple of my favorites.
I had the same experience. When I was about 20, my therapist at the time told me that my parents adopted me knowing I had a disability. Because of my disability, I needed a lot of help & when you help someone a lot, you control them a lot. My parents love me very much. However, I don't believe they always trusted my judgment. Even now, they sometimes doubt it which is very frustrating. I feel like I'm not taken seriously as an adult, as opposed to my older brother who doesn't have a disability.
I'm in my mid-thirties now and have a child of my own. My husband and I are raising him to make the best choices he can, let him do things for himself (as well as he can, with help at times) and be there for him in case he falls.
Granted, there's not much to it yet as he's only a year and a half old (tho, kids that age already start to desire a sense of control and independence which really kicks in when they turn two. It's a pretty standard part of their development.) For example, we're already letting him go up and down stairs by himself. We'll be right there behind him in case he stumbles. I'm pretty proud of myself for letting him do it his own way. This is why cultivating independence is so important for people in the disabled community, regardless of what kind of disability and/or disorder you have. So often we're not seen as capable or even a whole person and we really need to realign how people view those of us with disabilities.
There’s another element to this, which is that part of Marlin’s over-protectiveness is also that Nemo has a physical disability, and he needs Dory, an adult fish with a neurological disability, to mentor him out of that space.
Yes, I cried at that scene after Nemo freed the fish from the net. And then I saw that Alan had tears in his eyes too. You rock internet dad Alan! 👍🏻
I can't NOT cry at Dory's plea for Marlin to not leave her! 😭😭😭
I cried too ❤
❤😢 I went to see this film with my co-worker, who is a mom. She was the one who suggested the film. When she saw that I cried, she said "You're crying over a fish??!"🐠🐟🪸🦀🦈🐡🐳
We never went to another film...🥲🙄
@@amandamcquade1272 I mean shouldn't she cry too? Who can feel nothing when seeing that?
@@amandamcquade1272 Thank you for sharing. You are an empathic person whilst the lack of empathy is strong in that one.
"You're rats with wings" is still my favorite line out of the entire movie. I quote it at every single seagull I ever come across.
RatBirds
I always shout "MINE!"
@@heathergarnham9555 🤣🤣🤣
@@danielleking262 mine mine mine mine mine
i love seagulls. they're kind of annoying but they're so funny
The turtle scene is one of my favourites, and I think a real turning point for Marlin. In his storyline, it's straight after the jellies, and when he sees that Dory has been hurt in a manner that mirrors what happened to Nemo when he was an egg, it looked like history repeating itself. So when Dory jumps up and immediately starts playing with the little turtles, Marlin is obviously confused. This, I think, helps him realise that, yes, a traumatic thing has happened, but Dory is OK. She has an injury, but that hasn't stopped her from continuing to live her life.
And also of course that he feels incredibly guilty that he didn't listen to and manipulated her when she tried to warn him they should go *through* the tunnel, and then she ended up almost dying because of him!!!
😂
@@Whocares158 what in any of these comments would emit a smiling crying laughing face??
@@danielleking262 right after Dory asked him to trust her cos that's what friends do.
@@rebajoe When Marlin trusted Dory when she suggested asking the whale for help, the whale actually took them to Sydney
One of my favorite expressions I've heard about raising kids...
"Raise your kids so you can spoil your grandchildren. Because if you spoil your kids, you'll end up raising your grandchildren."
Love what you guys do! Thank you for the inspiration and love that comes from this channel.
Nice try, but new generations aren't having kids.
Not all are choosing not to have children. But you are right for the most part. And who can blame them?
@@tyrant-den884 Was there a specific need for you to try & detract from their valid point? Are fewer people having kids? Yes. But for those who are, this expression still rings true!
@@tyrant-den884 New generations aren't living on as solid ground as older generations were. Everything costs more now, people are crushed under student debt, and wages are stagnant
@@PS-dm1dqTrue, there are many people I know who grew up in loving households yet still chose not to have kids for these reasons.
Helicopter parents can be crippling to people as adults. I saw a lot of it in college. I knew people know had to call home literally every day. Couldn’t do laundry, didn’t know how to study, couldn’t function as an independent person.
Some people still have the drive to be independent even if it takes a while for them to "be allowed to practice" it... like in my case:
My mom is the one who taught me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions).
So speaking of your mention of college... I took most of my risks AFTER I got to college (there, my parents didn't need to know about everything I did, haha). But I still had friends who acted sort of like "workout spotters" with whatever big risks I was taking. But the difference was... my friends LET me take the risks (whereas my mom would not have let me).
I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
And those kind of parents are the ones that called me and my wife neglectful parents when our kindergarten age kid was able to put on all snow equipment by themselves! They make their lunch(supervised of course) and now that they are older they can cook, clean, and make their own decisions. The 9yr old can make KD or other simple things(again supervised) and the 13yr old is a decent baker. But yeah told we were neglectful parents because our kids can do basic things by themselves
@@brokefangmagepunk3685 Wow... don't listen to them! That is awesome how you've let your kids do all those things!
I remember the first time I proved to my mom that I could make a complex cake-like dessert completely on my own... I didn't tell her I was doing it. I did it very quietly in the morning before she woke up, to surprise her, lol! I even cleaned up every trace of mess to increase the surprise factor :P
When I showed it to her in the fridge... she was like "OMG where did that come from- did Grandma bring it?" She was sure surprised to learn I had done it all in secret... and ESPECIALLY that there was zero mess left, LOL!
Both my best friends are like this. One went to college and couldn’t cook, couldn’t do laundry, didn’t know how to do any of the basic functions of an adult.
My other one could do basic adult things, but literally had to call home every single day, and drive home Every single weekend (even though her school was 3 hrs away), and to this day, in her 30s, she has panic attacks if she travels away from her family.
@@anjelica948 I love my family, but as soon as it was time for grad school, I HAD to 100% strike out on my own (I SOMEWHAT did it for college, but wasn't yet 100% independent)... simply because I had to prove to myself that I could provide for myself in all ways, especially financially. It just made me feel too anxious to even wonder if I maybe couldn't do it. Because, I mean, even though my family loved me and WOULD TRY to do all they could (well my parents at least) for me especially if I was in trouble... I ALWAYS KNEW this question was a very real concern: "What if THEY got into trouble themselves, and suddenly just COULD NOT help ME anymore, despite wanting to?"
My husband and I lost our 2 year old son a year ago due to an accident at the hospital. Marlin has become more and more relatable afterwards. Now that we are pregnant we are working with a therapist for grief but also to make sure we don't become helicopter parents. It's hard!
Wishing you all the love and support!! You are brave!!
Wishing you two the best!!
What I love about the behind the scenes story re: the prologue is that they realized their series of flashbacks didn't *add* anything. They had split that prologue scene into a bunch of different small scenes that eventually revealed the tragedy, but they realized that by the time they actually showed the barracuda, there was no surprise. The audience had already figured out roughly what had happened and it didn't have much impact.
Meanwhile, moving it to the beginning when you don't know anything that's going to happen? MAJOR impact. It was such a brilliant storytelling move.
I was 34 weeks pregnant with kid #2 1st time I saw Nemo...the opening still kills me 20 years later.
And also with no putting the flashback at the beginning of the film, the audience HATED Marlin even tho the whole point of the movie is understanding and being sympathetic with Marlin but knowing he needs to learn.
That moment when Dory says "You can't never let ANYTHING happen to him, then nothing would EVER happen to him" - i've always loved the way she put that line because she makes Marlin realise on his own and in such a gentle way how his promise to Nemo has denied him the experiences he should've faced over the years. Marlin did want to protect his son from any danger but in doing so, he overprotected him into not facing whatever life throws at him, which is something all growing kids should do one way or another. Plus he has never told anyone about that promise he made and Dory gives him a different perspective through fresh ears as it were; i truly think that was the real turning point for him.
Edit: Thanks so much for all the likes, u guys are absolute legends :D
so clever for the movie to do that perspective.
@@racheljackson4428 The child must only be partially in danger, otherwise he will not achieve what he wants
I wish my mom learned from this movie when we saw it in theaters. To this day, she still makes me feel like I can't do anything right on my own.
Mine neither (well, with mine, it's more of a case of "can't do virtually anything on my own without risking getting killed or hurt), but, here are all my related stories:
1) I remember the first time (as a child) I baked a complex cake-like dessert for my mom by myself without even ever baking while supervised before. I did it in secret, before she woke up (and even cleaned up all traces of mess)...so that really surprised her LOL.
2) At age 9 or 10, just to see if I could do it, I built a wooden box-like trap with a sliding door and tricky mechanism to trap (and release!) a squirrel. While I was building it and fine-tuning it, I actually had to lie and tell my dad that I was "just playing around" and "never actually expected to trap one" (in order to more easily get him to "indulge" me by providing some proper boards). Boy was he surprised when I woke him up one morning saying "Daddy! I got a squirrel!" He was like "No you didn't". But he soon saw he was wrong :P
There are many more examples including some that are more dangerous, but those are a couple of my favorites.
My mom did teach me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions).
I took most of my risks AFTER I got to college (there, my parents didn't need to know about everything I did, haha). But I still had friends who acted sort of like "workout spotters" with whatever big risks I was taking. But the difference was... my friends LET me take the risks (whereas my mom would not have let me).
I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
Maybe she sees it as just a movie, simply intertainment purposes?
@@sathvamp1thank you for sharing your experiences! That clarifies how it is that parents make us feel like we can't accomplish things by ourselves. My mom, in this case, was the one who wanted to control my entire life and even now as an adult she wants to control me from afar and expects me to text her daily. I *don't* want to, but it's hard to stand up for myself because she doesn't really listen to me anyway.
Old toxic patterns and behaviors are not just difficult to break sometimes, but to even become aware of... all you can do is learn from your mother's mistakes and not to subconsciously repeat them somewhere else along your life.
Same. And then she tells me to just do something I was never taught or shown how to do, and when I tell her I can't magically do it, she uses it as “evidence”.
I’ll admit as a little girl I hated this movie with a passion and I couldn’t explain why. Something absolutely bugged me about it and it took me more than 20 years to figure it out.
What I realized was this movie felt too real for me. I hated the fact I saw myself in Nemo. I am born with one hand so seeing a bit of a bratty character with one fin just rubbed me the wrong way. Plus having a controlling parent certainly didn’t help as a child. Marlin reminded me a bit of my mom.
Now, as an adult I realized after seeing a therapist my mom was definitely like Marlin to a degree very much a controlling parent and at times it was hard to deal with. It hurt though when I lost her due to cancer. My world felt pretty destroyed for a while.
Overall, I learned my hatred for this movie was due to massive insecurities. I do want to thank you guys for doing an episode on this.
I don’t hate the movie anymore but I do feel better knowing why. I got true cinema therapy and a good cry. #cryingwithAlan ❤
I am so sorry to hear about losing your mom :(
And yes, regarding what you said about this movie, I can definitely relate to not knowing exactly what "bugs" me about a particular situation sometimes. There's a particular decision I've made in my life recently that involves big pros and cons (and the pros outweigh the cons). At first I mainly felt anxious and angry regarding the "cons"... but after some time I realized I mostly felt sad about them... and thus "tried out / had" a "good cry"... and that actually helped me clarify my actual feelings about the situation, and progress toward adaptive behaviors regarding the situation (i.e. being able to move on).
I think that's the first time I used "a good cry" in "real life" since the following event:
I have a very recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!).
Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident.
But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol.
The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears").
@@sathvamp1 thanks for the reply about my mom I highly appreciate it. I still miss her even though she passed a couple of years ago. But, I appreciate your thoughts about crying to movies. I definitely cry a lot to movies too
@@maryumgardner737 It's interesting how you said "almost" spilled tears because that's actually more-accurately what happened to me during "Inside Out." I know I had I used the phrase "...endorphins along with the tears" but I was just trying to simplify the story.
Here is what happened in more detail:
In particular, during that scene where Joy was in the pit and said the line "Do my you remember how she used to stick her tongue out when she was coloring?"
THAT line hit me like a truck, and I almost instantly cried, BUT... my roommates were watching it with me, and especially because I had a very sparse / nonexistent history of crying to movies or in general, I just REALLY did NOT want them to see me cry :P So... I did suppress actual tear-shedding BUT with such great effort that it actually felt painful to my brain! In fact, if I could rewind time, I actually think I would have decided differently and not cared if they saw me crying or not :P
But despite the suppressing of *actual* tear-shedding... apparently that didn't stop those usually-associated feel-good brain endorphins from getting released. Because... AFTER the movie, when I started thinking about that reaction I'd had, I realized I had a very strong craving to seek out MORE tearjerker movies. THAT was VERY surprising to me, given my history (or lack thereof) with such movies. BEFORE that, I'd either simply not cared for them or flat-out avoided them.
So. yes, I did try to seek more out, on purpose... which apparently (for me) was easier said that done. BUT a few really push those buttons of mine, such as: "Interstellar," "The Land Before Time" (rewatching that one after not seeing it for about 20 years... triggered the most intense cry of my life), and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (well, for that one, my cry was AFTER that movie had ended, when the wheels in my head had some quiet time to turn).
Good for you. Did you get bullied?
😂
What's even more subtle is that the reason why Dori stuck with Merlin is because deep down she feels the promise her parents made to her when she was younger of them finding her someday
I wonder if that was written with the implication there would be a sequel with her parents one day
@@RYMAN1321because there was a finding dory movie, the movie was great too ngl, made me cry.
We saw this in a crowded theater when it came out, and *everybody* was howling with laughter in all the right places, and quietly crying in all the right places. Masterpiece indeed.
Wow really I was a barely a baby when this movie came out
Alan makes a comment about "failing to give cinematic insight" right after giving some incredible and inspiring insight into how he parents. I love him so much
He also definitely had shared cinematic insight by that point as well 😂
I honestly never realized how emotionally distressing this movie actually is for me. I don't have any kids but I've realized I've become a Marlin after some stuff has happened to me, which is why I'm scared of actually having children. Pixar is just so damn good. #cryingwithalan
Be brave and take the risk to have children! It’s so worth it ❤❤
@@EH23831worth it?? In this economy?? 💀
If choosing to have children is what you really want, you should try to go for it. The fact that you’re concerned about how you might do means you’re probably the kind of person who should be a parent. If you have a feeling that you might have helicopter tendencies it’s good that you recognize that, and it’s something you can work on with yourself.
Love from a random internet stranger ❤
I just wanna say that I’ve given up some of my dreams so that I could have kids, and I’d do it again a thousand times over. My family is my best dream
Marlin's arc hits so hard for me as a trauma survivor. The temptation to quit, to give up when life sends another hit my way. Marlin keeps going, and even when he quits, he's quick to jump back into the fray when he realizes Nemo needs him. Amazing storytelling.
I'm glad you're still with us.
Nemo's quick little line "That's my dad!" when they're swimming down with the net breaks me every time. I'm 61 years old and never married (my almost fiancee died suddenly of heart failure when we were in our early 30's), and almost more than anything I wanted to get married and have kids. Although I know it's still possible, it's highly unlikely at this point, and the thought that I'll never have a child who looks at me and says with pride "That's my dad!" is crushing. This movie is absolutely phenomenal, and you two are amazing and fill a niche that no one else on TH-cam does....and I just want to say thank you.
Honestly if you find the right person, you could still get married, and adoption can always be an option. But if you are content with where you are now, it's also okay to let those past dreams go and move on to what is still reasonable to look forward to in the future.
It's unbelieveable how much this episode hits home. Finding Nemo came out not long before I had my son. We called him squirt because of this movie, and he's really grown into that relaxed vibe. He graduated from high school a few weeks ago and I have to constantly remind myself that he now gets to go swim on his own. It's so hard, and I'm so scared. I thin I may have to bookmark this to remind myself it's okay.
I almost cried reading this. Congratulations on your squirt graduating! You're doing great
I hope your son is doing well. He’ll be alright. Being on your own is an adjustment and just remember that it’s OK to make mistajes.
"as long as they know they can fail and be safe, and be loved, that's the most important thing you can learn in life"
That explains so much.
That's sooo important! Even loving parents who want the very best for their kids can parent in ways that accidentally instill over-perfectionism and fear of failure? Which makes it tough as the kid to have the confidence to try new things, get creative, and have the risk of not doing things perfectly? 😔
That little "I don't hate you" is what broke me. I was weeping openly and had to pause the video because I know what it feels like to be separated from someone you truly love and care about, only for the last words you say to them be ones that hurt them. I wanted to take back those words the moment I said them but I didn't get the chance to until months later. All of that regret, longing and sorrow that you go through apart is given so much meaning when you see them again. #cryingwithalan
This movie feels personal for me. I was in a similar situation to Nemo, born early with mild CP and my mom died when I was 7. My dad was really overprotective (still is), but after 14 years he’s slowly learning to let me be my own person. About to ask him if he’s fine with me going on a cross country school trip. He’s cool with it but he just wants me to be safe
I'm sorry your mom died at seven no less. The loss of a parent isn't something that anyone should have to go through much less a child.
I am glad your dad is slowly learning to let you be your own person I wish you luck with your school trip.
Also I don't mean to sound ignorant but could you tell me what CP stands for?
@@Void100-v3x I believe it may stand for Cerebral Palsy, but feel free to correct me
I hope everything goes well with your trip my friend
@@Void100-v3x It's a common insult in some places unfortunately
@@ConvenientlyShapedUsername OH!!!!!
I freaking love Alan! Wearing your heart on your sleeve every single Pixar episode warms my heart so much ❤❤
Watching this video is the first time I realized just how similar Marlin's traumatic backstory, reaction to said trauma, and character arc are to Abuela from Encanto. I love both of those movies, and having grown up with a family history of vicious cycles and several family members whose response to the trauma of growing up in broken homes is to feel like they need to control everything around them in order to be safe and keep their loved ones safe, it's kind of obvious why I find both Finding Nemo and Encanto super relatable.
18:18
Marlin: How will I know?
Dory: You won't. It's a leap of faith
I love that!!!!
That's all it is, Miles. A leap of faith.
One of the sayings I like about parenting says that being overprotective doesn't prepare your kids for the world, it just teaches them to be afraid of everything because they don't know how to handle anything bad that happens
It is worth noting that this is the story of a disabled kid which largely triggers his dads over protectiveness. As a now disabled adult and disability prof this is a super common issue.
As someone who’s recently plucked up the courage to let go of a life situation that refused to progress I now appreciate the whale scene (and your commentary on it!) so much more
Good for you!
That is amazing, I am 40 years old and to afraid to do what you did, my life sucks but I'm paralyzed by fear. whish you happiness and health.
@@nasimmirzaee it is definitely easier said than done to get out of a situation, but if you are truly ready to move on, plan carefully and try to spark up the courage to execute the plan as best you can ❤
Alan’s imposter syndrome was high this episode. These two are such a dynamic duo!! You don’t have to show up perfect it’s that you two showed up for us fans. This movie is so touching that it’s just sometimes amazing to hear how it applies in your own lives. Even seeing you cry and we cry together is a healing moment for me personally. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without this channel. My mother is a therapist and so cold that it sorta soiled for me that mental health professionals actually care. So you never know how well you’re showing up until ..you know lol THANK YOU!!!!!
Love that I can come here to cry with Alan it helps me to remember crying is normal and healthy 😊
Edit: if you need to, please cry it’s healthy for you and it’s good for you and it can help you feel better
Oooh yeahh I really, REALLY like this comment!
I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!).
Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies (or anything, for that matter) that I can remember... the first time I can remember crying to a movie (or maybe even in general) was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident.
But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol.
The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears").
A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
But I feel weak and like an child when I do...
@@sathvamp1 Have you ever seen the Japanese film Departures? It got my best friend who never cries at movies to cry. A great film about death, grief, and dealing with different kinds of loss.
@@RosheenQuynh Just think of crying like the equivalent of blowing off steam. Think of it as a release, or for maybe a funnier comparison, think of it like going to the bathroom for a poop. Yeah, you'll feel rather bad during the process itself, but afterwards you'll feel relief.
@@RosheenQuynh that’s OK 😞the point is that it’s not healthy to keep it all in
The prologue also has ghe message of the movie. It was the overprotectiveness of his wife, that made the barracuda even aware of the eggs.
well that makes the scene ten times worse
My mom was (and in some cases still is) a helicopter parent as well as abusive. So not only do I have childhood trauma, I also was never able to experience life situations. I was never allowed to play outside and make friends, I was never allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I understand why my mom treated me the way she did, but it still has a huge impact on my life. I was so used to never leaving the house (except to go to school) that I eventually never *wanted* to leave the house. I didn't have my first job until i was 22 years old, and that was after many years of therapy. I'm not working now because I'm in school, but it sucks that I'd rather stay home than experience anything in the real world.
Woah. This was my experience too. Not because of helicopter parenting tho; my parents were exactly the same way themselves. My mother was physically unable to leave the house much, and I suspect my dad's autistic. He's more interested in his writing than in going outside. They never left the house, so as someone who was dependent on them for transportation and everything I also didn't leave the house, except to go to school like you say. They settled into the life that worked for them and never thought to push their own limits in order to allow me to find out what kind of life worked for me. Because guess what? I'm a lot more physically capable than my mom and a lot more sociable than my dad. And I did not know this until very recently, because I logistically could not access any opportunity that was different from what they'd pursue until I was a legal adult. Until just a year or two ago, I believed myself to be an asocial introvert because that was all I'd been allowed to be.
Thankfully, as I type this I realize they may be changing. My mother has expressed concern about the way I never interacted with the wider world during my high school years, and my dad went out of his comfort zone to make me get a job and learn to drive. They're a lot more supportive now of me doing my own things. Well, they always were. Or would have been. If I'd been able to do my own things. Man, screw car culture! Needing help just to travel anywhere is horrible for both parents and children. It stunts everyone. I wish I lived in a more walkable area.
My experience was bit different in that I had my first job at 16 by my own choice and was rather out-going or at least more engaged in social life before I was 19. I grew up feeling like I wasn't ever going to achieve greatness in academics, culinary, career which got amplified by both society and parenting. I now realize just how little I could really choose about my life from my early childhood with toys I wanted to the clothes I wore in teenage years. I earn my own money, buy what I want in moderation, but I can't push myself to truly live for myself since I still live with them & my response to the parenting is to avoid it. My academic standing is average but it's not as bad as I ever expected.
At 23, I was grateful one of my parents caved in and got me my first gaming console as a kid because I wouldn't have the friends I have today without it. I still ended up regressing into a semi-hermit lifestyle, only leaving for classes, work, other responsibilities when I have to. I'm in therapy nowadays to get some sense of control back but always wonder if I could have lived without so much anxiety if they truly wanted to learn how to support me positively. The only thing they've ended up doing is screwing me over in their near retirement age, as I have to pick up years of their incapability to find a way to support myself back up *alone*.
I feel seen
When this movie came out I was 10, and I identified with nemo a lot. Now, closing in on having kids of my own. Marlin’s whole story hits a lot harder. And that perfectly timed flashback. “Daddy’s here, Daddy’s got you.” TEARS. Incredible Pixar.
We have not all had that “when I look at you I’m home” and for some of us that’s part of our trauma. The assumption we all have it makes it even more painful.
I know for me, one of the worst pains I’ve ever gone through (which is saying a lot bc I have a truckload of trauma), was when I found the person that felt like home, and suddenly realizing at a certain point, that person was no longer home for me. And it broke me in a way, because I had never ever had that before, and then to lose it, its been five years now, and I still feel that loss. They didn’t die, but the love between us did, and not on my end. Even now just writing about it still hurts.
I’ve had that happen. I carried that pain for years. I did eventually find a support group that helped me find home outside of that person that left me.
@@SuperSparklesGurl I’m saying many of us have never even experienced that at all. I’m sure it’s hard overcoming losing that person. But it hurts badly to never even have it to begin with. You know the saying… better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all…
First Pixar film to make me cry and I was ten years old ❤ I do like that in the sequel they treat Dory’s memory loss like an actual disability and not a gag but in this film they really target the bond between a father and son, overprotective parenting and the importance of growing up
For me it was Wall-E, probably still one of my favourite pixar movies
@@Ditto.007 Oh I cried for WALL-E too, pretty much every Pixar movie has made me cry which means they’re doing great!
I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!).
Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident.
But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol.
The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears").
A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
I had an overprotective mother who made me afraid of the world. Her own mother was emotionally abusive so I understand why, but it deeply impacted my ability to move into adulthood as an independent person. I feel that I didn’t really start to become an adult until I met my husband and was able to get a good job, at which point I felt a huge amount of anger toward her. Lately I’m trying to be more generous with my feelings because I absolutely know that neither of my parents would have ever hurt me intentionally. But I felt totally lost as to how to make a life for myself. Most of my life I felt like I could not honestly express my feelings, especially anything that would hurt her feelings. There was so much guilt placed on us if she was hurt. This is also something I think originated with how her mother treated her as a child. Now that I’m more in touch with myself I’m more like Alan and I cry over pretty much everything I see that touches on these topics.
I’m trying to be less protective with my children because I know they need to take risks in order to feel accomplished and to learn to stand on their own feet. They’re still really little so it’s hard sometimes because most of the risks they take involve climbing things 😂 but I’m super sensitive to people making them feel guilty for things they shouldn’t, like not wanting to give someone a hug. I know how damaging it is to feel like you can’t make decisions for yourself. Hopefully as I continue to explore my own emotional issues I can help them grow up well, I’m sure they’ll have their own issues with my parenting someday but I expect they’ll have different problems than I did.
Everything you said is the exact situation im in. I feel like i cant express my feelings. My mother reacts poorly to many things, so my dad has told us apease so we dont upset her. Most days i find it difficult to anything because i feel i cant make any of my own decisions.
When did you feel like you could be your own person?
What happend in your life, or choices you made that helped you to progress?
I would be grateful for any words of wisdom you could give. And good luck with your youngins❤
Really, a lot of changes happened after I moved in with my now-husband and realized how much control my parents had had over my life previously, and how unusual it was compared to the experiences of other, more successful adults. Independence grew on me very uncomfortably as I adjusted and that’s when I started experiencing a lot of anger towards how ill-equipped I found myself to be.
I had struggled to live independently previously, really only having real freedom when I was in college, during which time I didn’t know how to utilize it and mostly stayed home and watched TV. When I started building healthier adult relationships outside of my family I was able to start healing. And I won’t pretend that therapy isn’t helpful. I got a therapist during Covid which helped me work through some things. I don’t have a personal therapist right now but I do watch a lot of this kind of content online to try and process my feelings and boost my coping skills. I push myself to confront normal relationship conflicts when they happen rather than letting them fester like I used to. I don’t want to have that kind of anger in my life again. I do still struggle with expressing myself honestly and I find that it’s much easier for me to do in writing, so I tend to text when I want to broach a subject and then we talk about it later. That way I get the baseline expression part out of the way.
I hesitate to give advice because I don’t know your personal relationship dynamics. I’m in a better place now because I’ve been reflecting on a lot of things lately. I knew I was depressed before I became independent but I didn’t recognize what was actually happening in my relationships until I had something to compare it to. And nowadays I’m reflecting a lot on other things that I know contributed to some of my issues as well, for example school bullying after a traumatic move as a young child. That created a lot of scenarios that I think my parents were unsure of how to handle which left me feeling lost and unimportant. But it wasn’t because they weren’t trying. Parenthood has helped me recontextualize some of the things that happened in my childhood, realizing that every parent is just as dumb as me 😅 sometimes you don’t know what to do. I have the advantage of the internet to look things up when I am uncertain and they didn’t have that.
I wish you the best, the whole world is out there. You can do it.
Hehe, it CAN actually be a good thing to protect against serious injury while climbing things as a young child because the "careful" part of their brain isn't working yet! I know this firsthand (even WITHOUT having any traumatic experience myself, actually):
I remember there was a rocky shoreline with some cliff-like rocks my family and I would take my childhood vacations to... and there was ONE year when I suddenly gained a sense of "carefulness" in terms of not climbing recklessly and not getting too close to the edge of cliffs, and I remember asking my dad, "HOW did I not accidentally fall off these cliffs LAST year? I don't remember feeling like I needed to be careful last year!" My dad told me he'd had (with his hand) hold of my shirt collar the entire time I was running around like a squirrel LOL. I didn't even remember that :D
I am definitely sorry about your earlier experiences with not feeling like you were able to branch out independently-
I can say that my mom is the one who taught me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions).
I took most of my risks AFTER I got to college (there, my parents didn't need to know about everything I did, haha). But I still had friends who acted sort of like "workout spotters" with whatever big risks I was taking. But the difference was... my friends LET me take the risks (whereas my mom would not have let me).
I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
I feel like a lot of (good) parenting is stopping yourself from stepping in and letting your child try it themselves. It's so hard to stop yourself, but I keep reminding myself that it'll pay off in the long run.
My mom is also an overprotective helicopter parent. I'm fiercely independent so even though I did learn a lot of life skills the hard way, i was so ready to learn them when I moved out at 18. As a parent now, i do understand the fear of something bad happening to your child, but I'm working with seeing that fear and choosing to allow my kids to take "safer" risks in order to learn, gain confidence, and grow. I do feel bad about the first scar my firstborn got while she helped me cook. But I also love cooking with her, something I don't really have memories of with my mom (it was deemed as too dangerous of an activity-- I'm near 40, and she STILL winces when I use a knife lol). My toddler often asks for help with everything, and I find myself saying "you can do it!" a lot. It's a different flavor than my childhood for sure.
I can't imagine a better way to word trauma and what it does to those who experience it. Thank you so much for your thoughts, Jono.
You are so welcome.
I love that around 20:55 Dory speaks of seing home in a person. But what also struck me is maybe an underlining mention of people with disabilities like Alzheimer and are conscious of having it (by moments) and the only connection to their memories that they have are their loved ones.
While on the other side, it is truly painful and even tiring to keep seeing a member of your family who doesn’t remember you for you or remember themselves and is lost in memories you may not be part of either And having to remember them of who your are. So I don’t know if I am seeing things from nothing but I get the feeling this scene also adresses the struggle from both side of a relationship when one has a disability linked to memory and the other person makes the choice to go through that struggle for you (Like visiting frequently an orderly member of you family who mistakes you for your parents or whoever) I don’t know if my thought is well worded but it is what see here.
My mom does a really good job of being protective but not controlling. We lost my dad when my sister and I were really young, we also live in a dangerous area. This is a woman who has also been held at knife point and been near an active drive-by shooting. Yet she still allows us to go and live life, we can go away for weekends and go out at night and she doesn't try to control every aspect. All she asks is that we be smart, stay safe and keep her updated about where we are and if there's a change of plans. She would never look through our room without permission and my phone is mine and she would never go through it. Is she probably more helicoptery than some parents? Yes, but we've been through trauma and we live in the society we do today. Funny enough she encourages me to go out and do things with friends since I'm such a home-body. You can be protective without being controlling, but it's also a matter of understanding that she has also been through trauma and if telling her where I'm going sometimes helps her then it's no hardship for me.
Your mum sounds incredibly strong and doing an amazing job of preparing you kids to survive, but to also keep things in perspective? That's truly impressive!
Your mom sounds like an incredibly strong woman. Good on her.
I am totally sharing with my husband! He is a total Marvin and for very valid reasons. His first born was born with CDH but it wasn’t diagnosed until he was two months old and a failure to thrive. His ex totally checked out of their relationship and he was basically a single parent until I can a long. He is getting better with his helicopter parenting. He would totally cross oceans for our children and I am so grateful he is the father of my children!
Aw, that was very sweet to read.
Pronatalists be gross.
It just occurred to me how much I can relate to Nemo. I've been disabled for a few years now, but people don't treat me differently until they learn that I use a cane. Then suddenly people are constantly checking to see if I'm okay, or if I need help. I know why they do it, but it's just frustrating that people suddenly see me as being fragile just because it's now obvious I'm disabled. I like the black and white angelfish guy because he doesn't treat Nemo like a helpless baby.
YES- "Gill", the angelfish... I really like Gill's "tough but empowering encouragement" for Nemo to accomplish things... Gill reminded me so much of my dad, who is the reason I joyously tackle even very difficult situations without later regretting my actions (regardless of the outcome...as long as I truly tried my best AND worked with all information actually known to me).
My mom is the one who taught me that the world is very dangerous (which it IS)... BUT I merely took that as "information". On the other hand, whether or not I actually TOOK certain risks depended not only on the "degree of risk," but MAINLY how motivated I was to deal with that risk, to get what I needed (OR what I really, really wanted). There is ALWAYS going to be a need for juggling SOME risks; if one takes NO risks, they can't even get what they NEED, and that is of course not sustainable (i.e. when they were stuck in the whale; it was actually riskiest long-term to take NO actions).
If you could tell everyone one thing that would help you for how people treat you what would you choose? What is ok to ask and what isn’t? I want to learn so I can be more respectful in public
I understand your POV, but trust me, it's worse when people just roll their eyes at you for moving slowly, *never* offer help, or outright think you're faking a disability for sympathy. Set your boundaries, but also give thanks to/for the good souls willing to help, however clumsily.
As a kid I always loved this movie, mostly because I love marine biology and the ocean. But as an adult and now father this movie hits so different to me. I relate so much to Marlin and the absolute terror he must feel losing his son like that. Literally a parents worst nightmare.
Finding Nemo was my daughter’s favorite movie when she was little. “Put on Meemo, Mommy!” Seeing this now, when shes 18 and about to leave for college gives a whole new perspective. ❤Thank you.
This breakdown of the movie and Alan’s comment on helicopter parents truly doing disservice to their children by not preparing them for adulthood hit personally. My husbands parents were and are this way and he’s has to learn to be an adult the hard way (with me there to help of course). I love Dory’s line of “then nothing would ever happen to him” ❤ so profound.
The first time I ever said “I hate you” to my dad, I was very young. I was thinking of when Nemo says it in this movie and said it to express how I was upset about not getting what I wanted at the time. My dad didn’t yell at me; he held me and asked me how I felt, and taught me how to express my feelings to my loved ones better.
4:00 Alan explaining why they moved the scene could explain why sooo many people didn’t like Abuela from Encanto. I wonder if the audience been given context in the beginning, people could’ve provided more sympathy for the character.
Perhaps, but maybe not. I’ve been aware of all of my mother’s traumas my entire life. The damage that she does and continues to do doesn’t change or lessen because of her past traumas.
Abuela’s cruelty towards her granddaughter is what made her unlikable.
But while Nemo knows his father's trauma - he is almost certainly aware of it, though it isn't mentioned, as he is the only child with a smaller fin and no mother - with Abuela, Mirabel didn't. She may have known that the trauma itself happened, but Abuela never truly let it show how much it hurt so everyone assumed that it didn't, including Mirabel and the audience.
Encanto is such a good example. I was wondering if maybe the later flashback would make it a more powerful moment with a bigger payoff and redeem the character but it doesn't actually erase how much contempt has grown for that character to that point. I think in the case of Encanto, it's ok that we dislike Abuela. She isn't the main character, and her bitterness, and everyone's resentment of it, is part of her growth arc.
Yes, but it's all about the POV!
In Encanto we see things out of Mirabel's perspective. We as an audience know what she knows. So we feel about abuela the way she does, and that's important so that, when they finally talk, we have the same feeling of "oh. So that's why."
In Nemo, Marlin is the protagonist, and we see things from his perspective. We need the context of the flashback/prologue to understand where he's coming from.
Abuela was cruel and mean to generations of her family. Knowing ahead of time wouldn’t change my mind. She decided to put that negativity out there. I know my moms trauma and my dads trauma and they chose to be cruel to all of us as a result. Marlin while panicked and having moments, didnt place the value of Nimo on what he can do or provide. There are a whole other set of issues there and i think anyone that doesnt like Abuela is fine to do so and it makes sense. No one is just going to forgive you cause you had a bad past. You are your current actions not your past so Abuela is going to need to earn trust back and has her own arc to really go through which is true for real life.
One thing that I learned about helicopter parenting is that it often brings about the exact results the parents try their damn hardest to prevent. Often because the kid wants freedom yet lacks the skills to navigate the real world by themselves or problem solve their own solutions
My mother wasn't a helicopter parent but she did shelter me due to my disabilities (autism). Now I struggle with a lot of things in life because she still kinda shelters me. Now at 30+ I'm finally learning to do things on my own and it's difficult. But rewarding and relieving. She didn't have a lot in life and was forced to grow up early in life. So I guess her trauma response was to give us everything she couldn't and not have her children work for anything until they were at least 18. It's sad. But I can kinda understand, I suppose.
What I did to help this process was ask people the petty questions about certain adult things I'd be struggling with.
Do you do anything for your whites outside of just bleach?
What job finding app do you use?
Where did you buy your car?
What would you suggest for [xyz]?
It's daunting because the perception is they'll think you don't know something "you're supposed to" but the real truth is that they'd be acting irrationally if they actually acted like a bully on it. Anyone who would get smug about the fact that they "know about spot treatment products for bleaching your whites" while you don't isn't someone who's gonna give you stable information anyway. If they don't know themselves, and act terribly about it, same difference.
Oftentimes confidence isn't in thinking "no one will act negatively to this", it's realizing that even if they do they're the ones who are wrong.
You're allowed to want to take someone with you to Walmart if it's how you can best trick yourself into grocery shopping. You're allowed to ask your "friend who's a car guy" how to change your own oil. I'm not gonna say "please just try I promise no one will act badly about it", because they might...but that won't be your problem. Not really.
I actually feel better when im tearing up, to look in that little corner and see that Alan is too.
I just want to say, I have reached out for support because of you both, and have now been diagnosed with C-PTSD, anxiety and depression. I am still at the start of my journey, but your videos, as well as my trauma specialist are really helping me a lot. Alan, you have made me realise that my struggles are a tangible thing and that I am not just broken. I have seen a lot of me in your vulnerability and you have taught me that its okay to not be okay sometimes. And Jono has taught me that I CAN be okay and helped me with a lot of techniques and understandings that blow my therapist away when I talk to her about it. Because of your videos a lot of what she says clicks into place and we can have very useful conversations. I have found a lot of guidance in your videos and I cant thank you both enough for what you do. I have suffered with it since I was a child, but you guys together have single handedly given me the confidence and hope to turn my life around. So thank you.... A million times thank you.
Wishing you all the very best in your journey of healing, learning, and managing your conditions! ❤️🩹 Reaching out to seek help can be super hard, esp. when dealing with multiple interlocking issues? (sadly often means one has experienced past gaslighting & rejection even from medical professionals who should know better...) So glad you overcame that barrier and were able to find an expert who really helps and listens!
Fun Fact: I was absolutely obsessed with this movie as a baby. I literally had my mother put on this movie all day every day at least until I was 9 months old. Now I'm almost 20 and can quote some of the best scenes word for word
I don't blame ya! My favorite scenes are with the "surfin' sea turtles" -- Dude Crush and his homies. I love that Crush teaches Marlin, by example, how to let go and let the kiddos experience stuff, creating confidence. The whole story is phenomenal, as are the visuals. 😁
Up until Finding Nemo, I had completely ignored any Pixar movie. I had a big thing against 3D animation at the time, but when my friend was playing Finding Nemo on the DVD, I was mesmerized.
Not because of the visuals, but because they put a parent as a protagonist in an animation made 'for kids'. And it felt mindblowing.
Amd after that I went on a marathon of Pixar. This movie has a special place in my heart.
I lost my firstborn, and was super-protective of my son when he was born. It took years to learn to let go but luckily I learned just as he was getting old enough to want more independence (my little "hold me" baby lol, he didn't want to be set down for long until he was almost 5). My daughter was independent right out of the womb and that was an adventure, she'd fuss if I held her a moment too long and just wanted to always do her own thing. I've learned to watch their progression and give them the independence that they've shown me they can handle, while giving little nudges to see if they're ready for certain things.
Mr Ray is taking the kids at the start:
"Bye, son! Be safe!"
At the end:
"Bye, son! Have fun!"
❤
Oh man, I’ve been waiting so long for you guys to do a Finding Nemo episode! I can’t wait to watch!
Hope you enjoy it!
Agreed! they're just ticking off my checklist of movies 😂
@@CinemaTherapyShow I looked up Finding Nemo on Google and Nemo doesn't exist that Marlin is going through greef from losing his family, depression from seeing something devastating happen to his family and hope in a better outcome through his friendship with Dory.
@@CinemaTherapyShowCould you guys do the Hangover movies please? I think that would be funny.
@@CinemaTherapyShow Please do Finding Dory! That would be amazing!
I love how even in the serious moments, Pixar can drop humor in without it feeling forced.
Dory getting Nemo's name wrong all the way through to the very end is comedic gold and you can not convince me otherwise!
Finding Nemo is actually my favorite Pixar movie and as an autistic and otherwise disabled child I really used to relate to Nemo, and Marlin still reminds me of my mom, ehehe. My first memory is actually staring into a giant blue aquarium with fish like clownfish and blue tangs and other things so this movie always has a special place in my heart. Dory also reminds me a bit of myself especially because I have DID and amnesia really sucks to work with.
I love how deep Alan can go emotionally with the films and how because his friend is a therapist, he’s accustomed to those environments and so their relationship doesn’t feel overbearing. God made then a perfect post of friends.
As a kid i was like Dory with me having Autism and mother treated me like a combo of both Nemo and Dory. She was scared at the time how the world would treat me and at the time i got diagnosed there was barely any help let alone for girls and our parents were being told by doctors that we were fucked for life. Mama wanted me to be independent and avoid me becoming dependant on her, but also was so scared of the world hurting me. As an adult i understand her now, she wasn't trying to hurt me or my feelings or shelter me. She was just scared and didn't want to fail. And she was doing this alone. We are both much better places, and shes admitted if she knew better at the time she would have done it. And the good thing now is with my stepmum and my younger siblings, both my Mama and i can help her so she isnt alone and learn from our mistakes and things that did work. Because my father is too prideful to admit anything from him has issues. By the way all of us have autism because of him because its passed down from parent to child and with fathers is guaranteed and mothers its 50/50 and all of us kids have different mothers but same father
How did y'all know I needed this episode??? 😭
I cant believe i JUST noticed that Dory swimming down to Marlin on the whales tongue almost perfectly mimics Marlic picking up Nemo after his mom and siblings were eaten....
Only this time it was done right
I consider Finding Nemo the best Pixar movie - the storytelling is just SO GOOD. And the score? Makes me tear up every time.
I always loved that distinct sound the score has, it has that ocean like theme.
Oddly enough, the documentary film “Ghosts of the Abyss” has a somewhat similar sound
Your analysis of the script made me realize how powerful that "Bye, son!" at the end is and that line is now a tearjerker :')❤
16:35 my mom always said that. She always told me "I'll be there to hold your hand and help you get back up on your feet, but first you have to know what falling feels like"
My own father tried to shield me from the world and it left me incredibly ill prepared for a lot of situations, I ended up with a lot of trauma I’ve got ptsd and now that I’m a dad myself I do have a lot of fears and I understand how easy it is to feel “I just want to wrap my kid up in blankets and keep him locked in the home where nothing can get him” But overall having a parent who left me with zero skills to handle the world made me swing in the other direction so I do my best to guide my kid to learn independence and how to do everything he’ll need to on his own. I do not want him to be a young adult who realizes they have no idea how to do anything and learn from the ground up on his own like I had to. Hopefully he can hold his own and if he does come into any bad situations like I did he will have the tools and ability to cope and understand
I'm a new parent and I'm terrified of being a helicopter parent, but at the same time I don't want to be a neglectful one. I'm so thankful of this channel because I can understand new ways to be a better mother to my baby.
I'm so thankful for all your amazing works because it has helped me to understand many of my issues, and prepare me for having tools be be the fittest parent I can be. I won't be perfect, and I don't need to.
Thank you so much
Congratulations! We're so glad to help. You got this!
This is a good example as to why my mom was a such a good parent❤ instead of helicopter parenting she would always say “I know I can’t prevent bad things from happening to you so my job is just to prepare you for it” best advice for parenting I think my mom ever gave🥰
The fact that Alan cries (almost every time) is just too sweet. 🤗
I love this movie. I watched it so many times as a child. And I think this might be the first time I cried. It's just so beautiful.
Even as an adult who has watched Finding Nemo dozens of times, I still skip the barracuda scene and I still cry when Marlin and Nemo are reunited.
Speaking of crying to movies in general:
I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!).
Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident.
But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol.
The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long (THIS reaction did it to me during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears").
A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
I don't know if anyone else noticed, but in the beginning sequence where Marlin and Nemo are swimming to school, Nemo starts off by swimming in zigzags and almost running into things before Marlin constantly catches him. But then in the near-end we see him swimming by himself in a straight line with no need to be caught.
Growing up with an abused and assaulted mom, she tried to do everything to prevent us from ever experiencing that. I hate to say that she failed. She did everything she thought she could, but rather than teaching us how to survive in the world she merely taught us how to endure the pain. When my older sister and I started experiencing a similar upbringing we found that we had never learned to defend ourselves, we brought it to our mother who quickly denied that it could ever happen to us, as she raised us and those things would never happen to her family. We soon realized she never learned how to defend herself either. She did too much for us and that caused us to be deficient in many areas. I specifically couldn't cook or manage money or know how to take care of myself medically when I became in charge of myself, my siblings suffered in other ways. Helicopter parenting can be so draining on the parent, but it also severely damages the child, as they enter adulthood with loose footing and a fear of their own abilities and everyone around them.
OK I know it's become something of a running gag or meme of the channel, but I actually cannot express enough how much I value Alan crying on camera at emotional moments. It is genuinely so good for my soul to see someone allowing emotions to come out and I actually think you crying makes you even more of a badass in my mind.
That perfectly timed little flashback of Marlin holding baby/egg Nemo always makes me cry. Always. #cryingwithalan
I love both movies so much and something I enjoy about Finding Dory is that Marlin has not forgotten what he learned here in regards to his relationship with Nemo. He's still protective but not so much that Nemo feels smothered and he actually takes the time to listen to Nemo too much easier. Their dynamic in the second movie really shows their lessons from the first paying off, from Marlin just allowing Nemo to come on the journey in the first place and everything I just said. With Nemo not afraid to sass or call out Marlin when he needs it which is always hilarous but only like light jabs that are clearly just meant to help his dad do the right thing.
Love you guys. Loved this episode. Would have loved it even more if there had been more discussion of disability. Nemo is a child born with an impairment. Marlin is an able-bodied parent. A lot of Marlin's beliefs as a parent line up with the medical model of disability. Nemo internalises some of those beliefs. When he meets Gill in the fishtank, an adult living with acquired impairments, he grows in confidence. Marlin's journey with Dory, another adult living with impairments, really expands his thinking. This film had a lot of say about disability and it would have been great if the episode had leaned into that a bit more.
I came here to share my shock it wasn’t really mentioned at all too.
This is probably one of my favorite CT episodes I've ever seen. I love how Jonathan so astutely separated the protection parents *need* to exercise over their children from the dictatorship many parents *see* as necessary, but actually does more harm than good. And I love how Alan really went in depth to communicate just exactly how the film "got things right" and established these things on a thematic level. And all of this was for a cinematic masterpiece with gorgeous imagery. (also your editors' brilliance might have helped a bit😆) I really enjoyed this episode, thanks guys❤
7:46 🚁 assuming, not listening and controlling ( due first or second trauma)
10:31 we controll because of past things (outcome) that were out of you control once (you felt scare, panic, unsave) controll is an illusion, you can just make a choices for yourself, extend your trust
16:09 as a parent you should... You will fail and you are save
18:57 being stuck in things we know
26:40 raise them, don't protect them
17:30 can we just appreciate how Jonathan hands the mic to Alan for his insights when he feels like he hasn’t contributed? Healthy bromance right there. Ship it till I die ❤
Alan, says a thing
John, silent for a hot second:”no they didn’t?”
Alan, after a beat:”you’re right, I made all of that up.”
Never change 😂
This was fantastic as always. And I cried with Alan. I really hope you guys can do Happy Feet one day. I think it's full of emotion and can also teach us a lot about parenting, love, loss and childhood.
Thanks for watching and for the suggestion!
It's so rare for me to cry or even tear up to a movie, especially a reaction with just shorter clips instead of the entire movie for context, BUT, that being said:
I did tear up at THIS reaction during the late scene and line of "You're right- I know you can!" but those were on the side of "happy tears".
I have a recent appreciation for tearjerker movies. It was "Inside Out" (in my 30's) that did it- first time I noticed actual endorphins coming along with the tears (which I later researched is definitely "a thing"!).
Prior to that, I had a VERY sparse / almost-nonexistent history of crying to movies that I can remember... the first time I can remember was around 12 years old but I honestly can't remember a time after that until that "Inside Out" incident.
But after "Inside Out", I became a tearjerker-seeker lol.
The desirable result is still rare and unpredictable so it's been a bit frustrating, lol. Sometimes 7 months to a few years go by without stumbling across a REALLY good one. Between those times, the occasional movie may make me "tear up" but that doesn't last too long.
A handful of years after "Inside Out", I accidentally stumbled upon "Interstellar". Then a few years later, a 20-year-later re-watch of "The Land Before Time" triggered the most intense cry of my LIFE. Then 7 months later, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yielded an about-as-intense result (but AFTER that movie was over, interestingly enough).
15:15 That scene NEVER fails to make me cry. We have all been that low in our lives before but dang does it hurt to see Marlin have a mental breakdown. 😢
God damn it...I remember watching Finding Nemo as a child, and of course most of the messages just flew over my head. Now, I'm in my late teens, and watching these CT episodes has suddenly made me aware of how heavy the emotional reality is in each one, and it's FANTASTIC. Finding Nemo is honestly an unsung masterpiece, with all the right messages about trauma, parenting, disability, and the emotional beats just felt so, SO right. I cried at the scene where Nemo freed all those fish from that net. Man, back in its golden years, Pixar was GOLDEN. Makes me want to go back and watch all the classics again. In the wise words of Alan Seawright, damn you, Pixar. #cryingwithalan