The BPD Bunch: Ep 1 - Frantic Efforts to Avoid Abandonment
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ส.ค. 2024
- In this Episode, Xannie, Alex, Jess, Lore and André talk about the first of 9 symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder listed in the DSM-5: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
The Bunch share their experiences with the symptom to give you insights into the different ways “frantic efforts to avoid abandonment” can be expressed in someone’s life. They also cover the different ways they manage that symptom, to give you hope and direction for managing it yourself!
________
Want to know more about this week’s cast? Check out their 1-1 interviews here:
Xannie: • Meet the BPD Bunch - X...
Alex: • Meet the BPD Bunch - Alex
Jess: • Meet the BPD Bunch - Jess
Lore: • Meet the BPD Bunch - Lore
André: • Meet the BPD Bunch - A...
________
Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!
________
Disclaimer:
Although several of our panelists work in the mental health field, we are all coming to you as people in recovery from BPD, and are not here to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Instead, we hope that by sharing our stories and what was helpful for us, you can gain some insight and direction into your own recovery ❤️🩹
When you exert boundaries, others respect you more, even if it’s uncomfortable in the present moment.
The hard work pays off.
Many times, in DBT, it’s two steps forward, and 10x back. Be non-judgmental with yourself, give yourself compassion and keep plugging away. Every step leads to a healthier future.
60yrs, newly diagnosed. I am relieved!!
I got diagnosed with BPD AT 24 I’m
Now 25 and boy am
I so happy it’s people like me I’m learning so much
Thank you all so much for sharing. I am especially grateful for your positive attitude. I am in therapy for BPD for 1,5 years and being on my own recovery journey it`s really hard to be hopeful and positive about my future. You all sharing from your past, your paths of recovery and your present states are really making me feel not alone and even excited for my future. Thank you so much, I am really looking forward to your next video
It is so emotional to see you guys with something in common, BPD, being able to talk about it comfortably, it's so overwhelming man, I am crying on how much I relate and how all of you are saying my thoughts out loud how my life is a mirror image of y'all's lives. It is so comforting in an odd way to be known to be understood by someone else. I love you guys
I’m so glad you find it relatable and hopefully helpful!
You described the pain and the way it affects your ability to see anything else perfectly
My friend has just told me about the BPD bunch!!! Wow!! In the nicest possible way... you're just like me! I don't feel like I'm a crazy person anymore in my own head!!!!
Well done!!! We are very thankful for everything you all are doing to spread awareness and understanding about BPD.
-The International Society for the Study of Personality Disorders Student Section Committee
Thank you,thank you !!! I think it’s the first time I felt like being member of a family. Many times, I was thinking "this is me before". I realized that I did a lot to get out of a lot of patterns, even if I’m still working on self esteem and fear of rejection (only with my daughter who is 17). My tears were there, at first when I thought about my old behaviors, then they were tears of happiness. I felt I grew up. I feel kind of understood cause it’s so hard for our entourage living with a loved one who have bpd.
I live in France, and it’s soooo hard to find a DBT therapy,I think there must be 3 or 4 people in Paris. If you want to do it you can’t, you have to find other therapies that are close and read a lot of book. But why France is so late in the psychological field…
I was so looking forward to watch the bpd bunch, thanks to all of you, you’re pure kindness♥️. Hopefully there’s Instagram too while waiting for the other one. Love to all of you 5 ✨
And I forgot I have no more friends around, most of them were toxic and the other part I acted like a bpd with them…
Omg I'm SO glad I found this channel. I've felt like shit lately and messed up some work friendships. It's so nice to hear others share their rough moments and how you take responsibility, but are able to forgive yourself, do better, and move on.
Thank you for doing this. My daughter is the one who has BPD so not only will she learn but it helps me in dealing with her so thank you guys and keep up the good work!
Thank you for doing this.
I had goosebumps while I watched this, that was how surprised I was at how much most of these things related to me. it was chilling. I really appreciated these perspectives.
Interesting listen, thank you for sharing. You are raising consciousness and that is a beautiful thing. I grew up in this and much worse and am grateful for internet to make me know that what I lived was not healthy.
@13:48 Yes, it feels like that. Like if this person/thing leaves/changes, I will die a slow painful death of no food, clothing, shelter, water. This encapsulates the extremes so well. Great thought.
I cried while watching this! I could relate to all the things you've said and it felt like you are telling stories from my life. I am on my recovery journey and watching you people talking about things in a positive attitude give me hope! Thank you for this episode, looking forward to next episodes.
I found your podcast over on Spotify, but can't leave a comment there.
I got my diagnosis just a couple of years ago, in my late 40s and I've been struggling to find hope. Struggling to hear a narrative that isn't all doom and gloom. A random webcrawl one night led me to your podcast and... I am blown away. Thank you all so much for your authentic, grounded, and hope filled stories. I found myself nodding at so many things and it's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who's done some crazy shit.
Normlization, validation, hope. I cannot thank you enough.
Just wanted to say, I’m really grateful for this channel. I tend to stay away from BPD content because of my own bad associations with the disorder, it tends to be really triggering. But this channel strikes a great balance between sincerity, depth, and levity. Definitely makes me feel less shame and less alone. ❤
This makes me feel less alone. Thank you for this podcast.
Omg😢listening to the 1st episode of this has already been very relatable to all of your stories, I am 43 yrs old and am suffering through BPD and all the symptoms I am waiting to see a doctor soon to be referred to a behavior health center to be assessed and hopefully diagnosed and then get DBT therapy.
I’m so glad that the gentleman mentioned amazing friendships.
It can really make a huge difference!
@16:58 Yes. This constant belief that I’m not good enough drives many of my instincts. And around @19:00 these ideas of meeting people who are strong and stable are terrifying
I’m binging these videos as I decompress in my first week of an IOP recently diagnosed.
Thank you all!!! Great insights! Beautiful discussions.
So glad I found this podcast. I've recently been coming to the realization that I have BPD, and I've been looking for whatever resources I can find. So many of your stories are hitting home for me.
I'd love to hear somebodies personal experience with quiet BPD in future episodes
I love this channel so much I feel like its a genius idea to have a space where people share not only they experience with dbt but also recovery I cannot get enough of these videos!
YAAYYY. I’ve been waiting for this ❤
Im in recovery right now and it can be difficult to build that healthy support system. But I relate to so much that was said here, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for these series on BPD! I'm a new graduate Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner & TH-cam has been a blessing in helping me to be able to recognize the signs & symptoms that my clients may display to be able to properly assist them in their treatment. I will watch the remainder of the episodes later today! Please keep them coming, they are VERY educational!
So happy to be in this cast ❤
With all that is going on around the world I am feeling like I am on the worst emotional rolercoaster of my life.
Same here… I don’t even recognize myself anymore… and when I’m on my period??? Forget about it…. I was never like this, but hey! there is nothing we can’t do!! Stay strong 🤍
Take care of your self.
i am loving this
I wish there was a channel like this for persons with ASPD
That would be amazing! Someday it would be great if there was something like this for every mental health condition. 🫂
I'm a flipped borderline (codependent) and we think alike and even our behaviours match because we share the same core wound. I'm just not extreme. Thanks a lot
I never related to this one.. But listening made me realize. My complete avoidance of dating and anything romantic is itself a "frantic effort"....of inertia. Shit. How.
I feel a sense of dread and anxiety when I hear that two friends broke up, friends that I felt were in a really good relationship and very loyal, eventhough it's not my own abdandonment to me it reminds me that even if my realtionships feels secure it's not neccessarily
Thank you so much for this! It gives me hope that one day I can hopefully overcome this and recover. Can't wait for the next episode!
ive just about almost watched all of these, i enjoy them so much I look forward to them every morning ❤
I've just finished watching your video on lack of stable identity and now I'm on this one and painfully relatable content! But also helps to know I'm not alone, and reminds me I've come such a long way xxx
I am watching now while waiting for my partner to come home, he is at work and i miss him already
A lot of what you said really resonated with me.
especially the emotional pain and comparing it to this feeling of grief like the amount of pain I feel with any emotion is comparedive to the pain of grief.
before I found this channel I had that thought.
Immediately devalued it as I saw it as a could possibly be insensitive to share. So thank you so much for validating that thought as a way to describe it
I've been afraid to voice my opinions because I have rationalized in my mind that they are not valuable.
I think it is awesome that you are cultivating this community of encouragement that you are putting out into the world it is absolutely amazing! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is so amazing!! Thank you so much for making this content!! ❤
I enjoyed this. Found it helpful and relatable thanks you x
Glad it was helpful!
That was awesome!
lol! That girl with the black hair with the braids made me laugh because she was just mesmerized by the blond girl when she was talking. lmao! My reaction was to laugh which is so rude but I can relate to the blond girl. New follower here because I can totally relate to the blond girl. lmao Sorry just the look on the face with the girl with black hair had me busting up laughing.
You guys are amazing!! Tha k you wo much for these videos. Please dont stop doing them.. i have BPD an extreme case.. i have a favorite person whos a narcissist in my life. 6 years. Between trying to recovwr from that relationship.. im barely gwtting through the days.. you all give me hopw i csn revover.. at least a lil bit at a time hopwfully lol. Thank you so much for the positive outlook
Such important work you all are doing here. Giving hope and reducing stigma, so well done!
What about fear of abandonment that doesn’t cause clinging but causes a wall to be formed and to be the first one to leave before you are left?
That is definitely another way that efforts to avoid abandonment manifests!
I hurt a lot of people because of this symptom. In highschool I would basically seduce boys to fall for me, they would want to take me on dates and stuff and I would just cut them off one day. Usually if I couldn’t have sex with them, I’m a girl, and at that time for some reason it was kindof all I wanted. It felt like no one would give me that “unconditional” love I was missing out on from my parents, I’ve come to terms with the fact that love should be conditional!!! We all deserve boundaries. Missing out on the love of a parent, is just something kindof irreplaceable in this life. So yeah I would push people away because of my lack of trust in people actually caring for me. I didn’t want to see if they did or didn’t, so I’d try to move everything very quickly get the full relationship in as fast as possible before dipping out. Lol been with the same guy 8 years now! We’ve had our ups and downs, but I’m lucky to have him. Just wanted to vent my experience with this! Great series!!
Same..... I have fears of abandonment and I have embarassed myself many times!
Thank you so much for this insight!
Thank you ❤
so helpful, thank you
I wish there were 2-3 panellists who made it through thick & thin with their bpd partner.
There are! Several of us are married and/or in long term relationships and we’ve done episodes on that: th-cam.com/video/CblUZWB1tLY/w-d-xo.htmlsi=OmGJ24nVpY50pHvF
th-cam.com/video/iyXmUtbd4pc/w-d-xo.htmlsi=PGxbQuwY9t7VZteS
@@thebpdbunch you guys/girls are saviours, really. As of now, I don’t know how much of use this discussion would be to me, but it does help me stay optimistic that the person who loves me (maybe more than I love her, or maybe not at all) is blocking me one step at a time on every platform I try to contact her through is doing it for her inner peace.
It hurts like anything, but I think I should just wait and not talk to her at all.
And in that moment of waiting, not talking this fear kicks in that maybe on ignoring her she’ll not reply ever / at all, thinking that her decision to cut me off (or fear of abandonment as it’s called) was right as I’m not reaching out to her. Any suggestions on that? Thanks !
@Xannie thank you for being so freaking open with your stories always. @Alex you’re spot on with your physical description. All of you are describing something that’s reaching out.
Check out I am by Royal & Serpent
“And if I’ve ever hurt you, I’m sorry. I was wrong for doing so. I just love you so much. ..I’m finally done being the crazy B that I was..”
Also she has one called separation anxiety 🥹 on the money
Oh it was like that deer in the headlight look lmao
May I join 🙏🏻diagnosed bpd here.
You’re already part of the family! ❤
PERIODDDDD
“I’ll cheat on you before you cheat on me.” Oh okay. That’s great. Saying it with a smile on her face. God damn Psychos!!!!
Is this bpd or abandonment trauma
A lot of people with BPD have abandonment trauma but not everyone. But no matter why someone developed BPD, one of the potential symptoms experienced is frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
4:10
10:18
12:00
16:27
I want the story behind the guy consuming women's empowerment content. Why does he do that? I know a guy with BPD and he's very into feminist causes. Is this a thing? Or just a coincidence?
Thank u for this video I thought I was a freak n the only one but now I know there's more people like me who think n hurt just like me. I will try to do better 😢
Thank you ❤