So much of this resonates with me. Especially the “there’s so much that I want to do but I just can’t, I don’t want to do anything”. I’ve also had these issues with just figuring out what to eat… like, I know I’m hungry and I want to eat but nothing sounds good so I just angrily keep checking the fridge and pantry waiting for something to sound/look appealing. My husband is so patient and he’ll be like “but what does sound good. I’ll get it for you!!”
Soooo relatable on the food front. I've recently learned that I shouldn't expect myself to make any cooking or food decisions whilst PMSing. It's like my brain thinks it's trying to crack the enigma code or something haha
I think I need to journal more. Because it's so easy for me to dismiss or forget about these types of thoughts when time passes... Thank you for sharing something so personal
Funny thing is that I was sorting books when listening to you and found a diary I kept in 2016. Unfortunately I got bored of writing and stopped. I think I masked a bit even in my writing though. I was never journalling to think about how I felt, rather to record what happened. Maybe I should start again.
Thank you for posting this. I would start journals and stop them start and stop them wish I could right to get all the things out of my head but couldn’t find the motivation to stay still and write when I felt the weight of the whole world on my shoulders that I needed to start doing the 9,782 things that were swirling around in my head begging to be done but I never could get all done. High expectations of my self but low self worth because I was never meeting the “potential” I was told I had. I knew I was capable because I had accomplished things before when I had the motivation but just couldn’t find it. I was diagnosed 4 days ago officially with ADHD at the age of 31. I cried. I am 3 days in medicine and shocked with how it feels the gears are turning and I don’t feel trapped
Thank you for sharing this Rachel. It is such a perfect expression of the internal battle I didn’t realise (until 2020)I’d been battling my whole life. The hormonal ups and downs hit a nerve with me too. Not only was I diagnosed with adhd in about March but I’ve also recently been diagnosed with severe endometriosis 3 years post menopause. It’s been a big year. Oh my word, when you finally know! And look back over your life and see how the signs were always there! 😭
I think you may have obtained a nonexistant copy of my never written journals. Literally everything you're reading to us is what's going on in my brain. I, too, am late-diagnosed. Finally medicated since about April this year and the past 2 years of diagnosis journey have been a constant stream of "oh. that would explain it. that explains EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING." PS: where did you get this amazing outfit?
It's amazing to hear people out there feeling exactly the same as I was/do! It's from a UK company called Popsy - they have all sorts of funky patterns.
New subscriber here! This was such an affirming video for me. I’m 28 and was diagnosed 3 months ago, 2 weeks after my birthday. I’ve been doing constant research since my diagnosis but I’m yet to come across a video like this. This was such a vulnerable thing to do and it’s made me feel so assured, hearing someone else read journal entries I relate to just so much. I’m going to be binge watching you today. I’d really love to see more videos like this if you felt comfortable sharing more!
This : “… it’s that flat restlesness. Like I can’t relax and need to do something but I don’t want to do any of the things.” 😢 such an annoying feeling
I'm new to your channel, 59 yo and just recently diagnosed. Commented recently on one of your older videos where you were at the beginning of your ADHD meds journey. Again, listening to you read from your journals is so deep for me. You are, like...my ADHD sister from across the pond. So much of what you share from your journals(not everything) are things I've been frustrated by, and shared with therapists, friends and family over the years. Even my senses were affected. Awful PMS and medicated intensely for period cramps. I find myself feeling validated in some ways. Not an imposter. Thanks again. Just subscribed. Take care, hon.
Thanks for being here 💫 It's amazing to see others like yourself have similar experiences to me. We are not alone! Hope to see you in the comments section again 😊
I am the kid that kept on quitting. Or more the adult that did as parents never really put me in extra curricular activities. I’ve tried so many things as an adult and haven’t been able to follow through and it’s this part of myself that has made me consider over the last couple of years if I may have adhd. I really want to complete early education courses but now I’m putting it off because I think what’s the point. I’ll quit again when I get frustrated and it gets too difficult. Doesn’t bode well when I’d love to be an early years teacher!!! I feel like I’m getting too old to do this all now I’m edging closer to the big 4 0. 😢
I'm impressed you managed to keep a journal, it would have been waay too boring for me but yea, I'm surrounded by high dopamine activities like online games
Me too to be honest 😅 I found (like many things) it's worked best when I don't set myself expectations around it. At times I did it because I didn't feel like a functioning human without getting up and writing. Other times I couldn't be bothered. But it did accidentally become part of my routine which is a surprise to me!
I am in that ADHD spiral you describe with journaling. I love going over past feelings, thoughts and experiences, maybe even to an unhealthy extent but I hate the perfectionism keeping me from writing anything at all. On one side I regret not having written a lot of things out that I would want to revisit now and on the other hand I can't start 1. Because of task initiation problems and 2. Because of the perfectionism. I always feel like everything i write should read like a beautiful poem (i also write poetry) and I dont know how to get my brain to cooperate on this. It's really frustrating i feel even jealousy seeing this video and your wonderful journaling wishing I had more of this. Also I lost/broke/got stolen a lot of phones and lost SO many notes and pictures and videos I did. I often feel sad about this. Dwelling in the past is kind of one of my hyperfixations that comes and goes. Edit: I want to thank you for sharing this because it has sparked memories and feelings that I did not write down, maybe I will start a new journal today, thank you for sparking this interest again ❤
Thank you so much for this, so much of what you said here and others posts that I've listened to of yours (bad pms and ibs aswell as add symptoms) has been my exact same experience and all the sensory problems too, if id been bothered or had made the effort to write a journal, it would have been very similar to yours. The reason I'm so glad you've shared this is that is given me hope! I have a adhd screening appointment in early February 2024. I'm certain this is my problem, I'm now 48ys old so times a ticking on what I hope will be a much better life me if I get a diagnosis and treatment. I'm so happy for you.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to share 💫 Hope you get the answers you need soon! In the meantime, there's so many wonderful people out there who understand (that's what I've learned from doing TH-cam 😊)
Literally EVERY word you said sounds familiar. (Only not the menstrual things) but wow, I have felt so low, because of all those feelings and moods and thoughts and energy problems. And seeing everyone live their lives so easy and when you tell someone no one understands you, i felt so low and lonely. But then i found a ADHD blog about those symptoms and it was as if i reading a text written about me, but more the ADD type. I feel really thankfull for finding that blog, because now i now i am not weird or handicapped, but its just that i have adhd and its symptoms. And i now know that it has both positive and negative sides. As a child I loved being the happiest, enthousiastic and most creative kid in my class, but as you get older the negatives become more of thing, and it takes up all your life energy. I hope i can learn to accept and understand myself, stop hating myself and stop pushing myself to be 'normal', because this has made me so unhappy, depressed, anxious and worthless the last 6-8 years.
I'm 40m. Spent three weeks talking about replacing the living room windows, then on the day spent 4 hours doom scrolling.. and thought fuck it, it wont sort it's self.. and got everything stripped back to measure units, waited a week for new units to be made up. Got a call, collected em went straight home and fitted them! Was so happy with myself. Despite being completely capable, the grief I gave myself was ridiculous. Did the same when I bought an e bike on the Friday, and all weekend dread.. Got on the bike and rode to work.. Monday night elated! And left wondering why I did that to myself. Currently trying to motivate myself to register with new GP. As old one is crap, so I can get reffered to see if I do infact have ADD. Probably two weeks from now I'll have the paper work to register. 😂
Thank you for sharing! Very relatable. Especially thought overwhelm. I figure my brain is an extra powerful receiver (among other amazing and somewhat debilitating things) Too many good ideas to keep track of and hard to pin one down. Too many random, often unwanted, thoughts to swat away. Periods of radio silence are welcome, indeed! Need those rest periods to enjoy and work with all the thoughts and ideas. 😂
Wish i didnt burn all my adolescent diaries when i was being impulsive. Why did i do that?! I miss them. I had about 5 full diaries that i thiught would ne a good idea to burn just cos it seemed fun and i rhink i was mad about an ex.
No problem! I was 26 when I started journalling, 30 when I got diagnosed (I didn't suspect it until about a month before I decided to get an assessment)
Jesus loves you & died for you on the cross so your sins can be forgiven & so you can have a relationship with him so if you turn & repent & accept Jesus Christ as your Lord & Saviour, you shall be saved Sinners prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, I know that I’m a sinner and I ask for your forgiveness, I believe that you died for your my sins and rose from the dead, I turn from my sins and invite you to come into my heart & life, I choose to trust & follow you as my Lord & Saviour, Amen
woooohoooooohohooo can relate absolutely haha. my journals are more the philosophical kind of though, drifting off from recapping the day to examining notions of reality and roaming around in the philosophies of non-places and weird fiction... had this diagnosis as a child, but ignored it completely and just was leading a crazy up and down life so far. I was already feeling completely "normal" for a year during a phase where I quit sugar completely and worked out every other day and did yoga, but now recently I saw myself falling back into the same old ruts. glad I stumbled over your videos. getting some dopamine now, planning new routines to cope
Setting high expectations and getting upset when you dont achieve it hits hard
"That's a great thought to have but you're still not doing anything". Ooof that one hit me like a bus. Thank you for sharing
So much of this resonates with me. Especially the “there’s so much that I want to do but I just can’t, I don’t want to do anything”. I’ve also had these issues with just figuring out what to eat… like, I know I’m hungry and I want to eat but nothing sounds good so I just angrily keep checking the fridge and pantry waiting for something to sound/look appealing. My husband is so patient and he’ll be like “but what does sound good. I’ll get it for you!!”
Soooo relatable on the food front. I've recently learned that I shouldn't expect myself to make any cooking or food decisions whilst PMSing. It's like my brain thinks it's trying to crack the enigma code or something haha
I think I need to journal more. Because it's so easy for me to dismiss or forget about these types of thoughts when time passes...
Thank you for sharing something so personal
Thanks for being here 💛
"I don't want to do do anything; but I still want to do lots."
Funny thing is that I was sorting books when listening to you and found a diary I kept in 2016. Unfortunately I got bored of writing and stopped. I think I masked a bit even in my writing though.
I was never journalling to think about how I felt, rather to record what happened.
Maybe I should start again.
Thank you for posting this.
I would start journals and stop them start and stop them wish I could right to get all the things out of my head but couldn’t find the motivation to stay still and write when I felt the weight of the whole world on my shoulders that I needed to start doing the 9,782 things that were swirling around in my head begging to be done but I never could get all done.
High expectations of my self but low self worth because I was never meeting the “potential” I was told I had.
I knew I was capable because I had accomplished things before when I had the motivation but just couldn’t find it.
I was diagnosed 4 days ago officially with ADHD at the age of 31. I cried. I am 3 days in medicine and shocked with how it feels the gears are turning and I don’t feel trapped
Thank you for sharing this Rachel. It is such a perfect expression of the internal battle I didn’t realise (until 2020)I’d been battling my whole life. The hormonal ups and downs hit a nerve with me too. Not only was I diagnosed with adhd in about March but I’ve also recently been diagnosed with severe endometriosis 3 years post menopause. It’s been a big year. Oh my word, when you finally know! And look back over your life and see how the signs were always there! 😭
It's a lot to process 💛 Take care of yourself 💫
I think you may have obtained a nonexistant copy of my never written journals. Literally everything you're reading to us is what's going on in my brain. I, too, am late-diagnosed. Finally medicated since about April this year and the past 2 years of diagnosis journey have been a constant stream of "oh. that would explain it. that explains EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING."
PS: where did you get this amazing outfit?
It's amazing to hear people out there feeling exactly the same as I was/do! It's from a UK company called Popsy - they have all sorts of funky patterns.
New subscriber here! This was such an affirming video for me. I’m 28 and was diagnosed 3 months ago, 2 weeks after my birthday.
I’ve been doing constant research since my diagnosis but I’m yet to come across a video like this.
This was such a vulnerable thing to do and it’s made me feel so assured, hearing someone else read journal entries I relate to just so much.
I’m going to be binge watching you today.
I’d really love to see more videos like this if you felt comfortable sharing more!
listening to your journals makes me want to cry, but it also makes me feel like i have family and am not alone. thank you for sharing
I love my journals!
This : “… it’s that flat restlesness. Like I can’t relax and need to do something but I don’t want to do any of the things.” 😢 such an annoying feeling
It's so amazing to now hear from people who feel the exact same!
I'm new to your channel, 59 yo and just recently diagnosed. Commented recently on one of your older videos where you were at the beginning of your ADHD meds journey.
Again, listening to you read from your journals is so deep for me. You are, like...my ADHD sister from across the pond. So much of what you share from your journals(not everything) are things I've been frustrated by, and shared with therapists, friends and family over the years. Even my senses were affected. Awful PMS and medicated intensely for period cramps. I find myself feeling validated in some ways. Not an imposter. Thanks again. Just subscribed. Take care, hon.
Thanks for being here 💫 It's amazing to see others like yourself have similar experiences to me. We are not alone! Hope to see you in the comments section again 😊
damn i could relate to so so many things you wrote in your journals. thank you 🖤
I am the kid that kept on quitting. Or more the adult that did as parents never really put me in extra curricular activities. I’ve tried so many things as an adult and haven’t been able to follow through and it’s this part of myself that has made me consider over the last couple of years if I may have adhd. I really want to complete early education courses but now I’m putting it off because I think what’s the point. I’ll quit again when I get frustrated and it gets too difficult. Doesn’t bode well when I’d love to be an early years teacher!!! I feel like I’m getting too old to do this all now I’m edging closer to the big 4 0. 😢
Youre such am engaging and fluent writer!
I'm impressed you managed to keep a journal, it would have been waay too boring for me but yea, I'm surrounded by high dopamine activities like online games
Me too to be honest 😅 I found (like many things) it's worked best when I don't set myself expectations around it. At times I did it because I didn't feel like a functioning human without getting up and writing. Other times I couldn't be bothered. But it did accidentally become part of my routine which is a surprise to me!
@@rachdoesyoutube That's a good habit I'm kind of jealous! Every time I get a new good habit it disappear at the first interference/event 😭
I am in that ADHD spiral you describe with journaling. I love going over past feelings, thoughts and experiences, maybe even to an unhealthy extent but I hate the perfectionism keeping me from writing anything at all. On one side I regret not having written a lot of things out that I would want to revisit now and on the other hand I can't start 1. Because of task initiation problems and 2. Because of the perfectionism. I always feel like everything i write should read like a beautiful poem (i also write poetry) and I dont know how to get my brain to cooperate on this. It's really frustrating i feel even jealousy seeing this video and your wonderful journaling wishing I had more of this. Also I lost/broke/got stolen a lot of phones and lost SO many notes and pictures and videos I did. I often feel sad about this. Dwelling in the past is kind of one of my hyperfixations that comes and goes.
Edit: I want to thank you for sharing this because it has sparked memories and feelings that I did not write down, maybe I will start a new journal today, thank you for sparking this interest again ❤
Thank you so much for this, so much of what you said here and others posts that I've listened to of yours (bad pms and ibs aswell as add symptoms) has been my exact same experience and all the sensory problems too, if id been bothered or had made the effort to write a journal, it would have been very similar to yours. The reason I'm so glad you've shared this is that is given me hope! I have a adhd screening appointment in early February 2024. I'm certain this is my problem, I'm now 48ys old so times a ticking on what I hope will be a much better life me if I get a diagnosis and treatment. I'm so happy for you.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to share 💫 Hope you get the answers you need soon! In the meantime, there's so many wonderful people out there who understand (that's what I've learned from doing TH-cam 😊)
Discovered your channel today. Can relate cent percent. Diagnosed in Sep '23
Yay, thanks for being here!
Literally EVERY word you said sounds familiar. (Only not the menstrual things) but wow, I have felt so low, because of all those feelings and moods and thoughts and energy problems. And seeing everyone live their lives so easy and when you tell someone no one understands you, i felt so low and lonely. But then i found a ADHD blog about those symptoms and it was as if i reading a text written about me, but more the ADD type. I feel really thankfull for finding that blog, because now i now i am not weird or handicapped, but its just that i have adhd and its symptoms. And i now know that it has both positive and negative sides. As a child I loved being the happiest, enthousiastic and most creative kid in my class, but as you get older the negatives become more of thing, and it takes up all your life energy. I hope i can learn to accept and understand myself, stop hating myself and stop pushing myself to be 'normal', because this has made me so unhappy, depressed, anxious and worthless the last 6-8 years.
I chuckled with you at 11:50. Your channel is so raw and helpful.❤ I just got my diagnosis this past Friday at age 36. I hope my rx works.
hehehe thanks for watching! Congratulations on your diagnosis 💛
I'm 40m.
Spent three weeks talking about replacing the living room windows, then on the day spent 4 hours doom scrolling.. and thought fuck it, it wont sort it's self.. and got everything stripped back to measure units, waited a week for new units to be made up. Got a call, collected em went straight home and fitted them! Was so happy with myself.
Despite being completely capable, the grief I gave myself was ridiculous.
Did the same when I bought an e bike on the Friday, and all weekend dread..
Got on the bike and rode to work.. Monday night elated! And left wondering why I did that to myself.
Currently trying to motivate myself to register with new GP. As old one is crap, so I can get reffered to see if I do infact have ADD.
Probably two weeks from now I'll have the paper work to register. 😂
Thank you for sharing! Very relatable. Especially thought overwhelm. I figure my brain is an extra powerful receiver (among other amazing and somewhat debilitating things) Too many good ideas to keep track of and hard to pin one down. Too many random, often unwanted, thoughts to swat away. Periods of radio silence are welcome, indeed! Need those rest periods to enjoy and work with all the thoughts and ideas. 😂
Amazing and somewhat debilitating is a very good description. Here's to harnessing the power whilst managing the intense busyness!
Where did you get your 2020 journal!? It looks like it came straight from the middle ages and I want one! 📑
Wish i didnt burn all my adolescent diaries when i was being impulsive. Why did i do that?! I miss them. I had about 5 full diaries that i thiught would ne a good idea to burn just cos it seemed fun and i rhink i was mad about an ex.
sorry to ask a lady her age but could you say what was approximately your age when you started journals and got diagnosed? thx!
No problem! I was 26 when I started journalling, 30 when I got diagnosed (I didn't suspect it until about a month before I decided to get an assessment)
Are you an ENFP?
I sure am 😁 About 5 years ago I was ENFJ but I appear to have drifted more P in recent years.
Jesus loves you & died for you on the cross so your sins can be forgiven
& so you can have a relationship with him so if you turn & repent & accept Jesus Christ as your Lord & Saviour, you shall be saved
Sinners prayer:
Lord Jesus Christ, I know that I’m a sinner and I ask for your forgiveness, I believe that you died for your my sins and rose from the dead, I turn from my sins and invite you to come into my heart & life, I choose to trust & follow you as my Lord & Saviour, Amen
woooohoooooohohooo can relate absolutely haha. my journals are more the philosophical kind of though, drifting off from recapping the day to examining notions of reality and roaming around in the philosophies of non-places and weird fiction... had this diagnosis as a child, but ignored it completely and just was leading a crazy up and down life so far. I was already feeling completely "normal" for a year during a phase where I quit sugar completely and worked out every other day and did yoga, but now recently I saw myself falling back into the same old ruts. glad I stumbled over your videos. getting some dopamine now, planning new routines to cope