Ok, the irony…I was busy finishing my chapter for the book called “How to Remember Stuff”) and forgot my vlog about this was posting today 🤦♀ On the bright side, the chapter is looking REALLY good. …I just need to write out the toolbox section before I forget…
In this video you said you felt like a B.A.D. [Broken, Awful, Defective] person and felt like a S.T.U.P.I.D. [Simpleminded, Thoughtless, Unaware, Pedantic, Irrational, Dense] person. Is this true?
Important to note that memory issues can lead us to be mistreated. It was super easy for others to gaslight me since I was used to relying on others for an "accurate" record of events.
That is SO true. I had to deal with a someone seriously scamming my elderly father that way. I believe he was undiagnosed AuDHD -- just got diagnosed myself -- and by then his short term memory was extremely poor. And in this state, there was nothing we could do about it, because he was an adult. Our only options were either to go to court and try to have him declared incompetent -- which I did NOT want to do -- or do what my wife and I did, which was constantly try to counter the gaslighting. Lots of sleepness nights, which damaged my mental health and our marriage.
And so I obsess over not forgetting that one thing until my brain is so full of excessive obsession that I either overwhelmingly forget what I was obsessing over, or I cannot function because of the one obsessive thing that my mind blanks the obsession out yet my brain knows I’m forgetting something important.
One reason I had trouble getting diagnosed is that when I saw the psychiatrist, I couldn’t remember the things I wanted to talk about, so I just came across as generally okay.
That's why I wrote a list with my adhd symptoms. It has over 3 pages and is basically just every adhd symptom. 😆I really hope that it will help me with the diagnosis, because I wrote this while being hyperfocused :D
I feel that so much! Both my father and I have to write down what we want to say, so some sessions is just us reading our phone notes. 😂 (I am diagnosed with ADHD, my father isn’t but he suspects)
I have ALWAYS struggled with this, and have made people I care about a lot think that I don't care about them because I can't remember an important date, etc. It takes so much effort to remember stuff, even if it's something that I care about a lot and am excited about it'll just slip out and then be gone.
I turn this phrase on its head whenever I forget things.....I'll say "it must have been something important" when I forget things - because those are the things I will often forget.
Literally teared up when you were talking about how forgetting things impacted your life. I remember many times when people have shamed me for forgetting important things. It made me think to myself, "How could i do this? Why can't I just remember things like everyone else?". My whole life Iv'e felt so horrible and ashamed that my memory is so bad and i felt i just wasn't good enough. Thank you for helping me feel not so alone :)
Yes me too. I am 70 years old and only started meds a year ago, but even with the meds...even knowing I had ADHD for maybe 30 years...Her story is painful and I identified.
Me as well Brains! I get so emotional every time I watch one of these videos because it feels like I finally found someone who was able to explain how I'm feeling every day, the struggles I go through, and because of this channel if someone points something out to me about me forgetting something, I can refer to videos like this for advice or for a person to understand how much of a struggle this is and that if I forget something it isn't because I don't care about them.
My job uses a lot of working memory. I've been trying to switch careers for a decade now, but the shackles, they are made of gold. And the schedule is flexible. In fact, I started working 2 hours ago and got nothing done, except I don't get paid for that time... what did I even do for the past 2 hours? 😰 I dream of a repetitive mundane task. I came to YT to find a ASMR background noise to help me focus, and now I'm here. 👋
"It obviously wasn't that important to you, since you forgot" is a refrain I hear constantly and it honestly, truly made me question myself a lot over the course of my life. "Gee, I guess they're right, if it was REALLY important I wouldn't have forgotten this. I...guess I don't actually care about this thing."
THIS! I've also heard "You'll either make it happen or make an excuse" for things like being on time or completing tasks. I swear the biggest effect of ADHD is being convinced (by both ourselves and others) that we don't care "enough" about anyone or anything.
I thought if I cared more I'd remember more. So I put extra care into it. 😢 I care so much more than other people that it just hurts so much more when I forget
Hi I am wondering if you can make a video request about Driving challenges with people with ADHD. This is a barrier I have been facing for a various amount of years and I need some tips.
One upside of ADHD for me is that because I'm so forgetful, I'm very forgiving when other people forget, and I don't take it personally. If a friend takes three months (or three years) to return an email, no sweat, because I forgot about my email ~fifteen minutes after I sent it. So when they do reply, it's a happy surprise for me!
Yeah nah, for me it does not work that way although I have ADHD too, if it comes to negative emotions or interactions I am just like an elephant. Unfortunately it makes me bitter and stacking negative stuff :-(
One thing that happens to me is that I get over things a lot easily. Like say I get upset about something, within an hour or few hours (even though I try to stay upset) my brian just loses it and I'm back to feeling normal. For some reaons my brain is good at just letting go and forgetting and "forgiving" In other words makes me less likely to be jealous, or holds grudges. I don't know whether or not this thing of my brain is related to ADHD or not. Just wanted to share this.
I know what you mean, but recently forgetting that someone was toxic and screwed me over left me vulnerable for them to do that again and hurt me even worse, so now I'll never forget it. I'm now traumatized and cut them out of my life. Now I'm hoping I will forget everything and the trauma will go away.
My mother always gets mad when I don't remember, and tells me I need to start remembering. Even knowing that my ADHD causes this, my mom just calls it an excuse. It's so hard and even when I set a note for myself, I'll forget to look at the note! It's so annoying. I agree with having the forgetfulness being the worst part of my ADHD too.
I use alarms and calendar reminders a lot. My phone alarm is set to Hei Hei screaming so I hear it even when I'm in the hyperfocus zone. My meds have multiple reminders, both on paper and on my phone as alarms and apps-just to make sure I don't forget. My laptop has sticky notes installed so I just leave a perpetual note up to remind me of things, or to take notes of an idea or something. Researching for my thesis has forced me to find a lot of different ways to remind myself of things.
Hahaha!!! "I set a note, but then I forget to look at the note!". OMG too true!!! I'll even set it on my phone so I get a pop up alert... But when that pop up comes, sometimes I'll reflexively clear it, and think "oh yeah, that's the biggest thing I have to do, I'm not going to forget!" Famous last words! 🤣🤣
I used to buy calendars and agendas to keep myself organized but then I would forget to write anything in them, and if I did write anything in them I would forget to look
Other people thinking we should 'start remembering' has got to be the funniest thing, it'd be like telling a paraplegic to "just get up and walk" -- oh, why didn't anybody tell me it was that easy?! 😄
The part where «You would remember if it was important» hit me really hard. I get scorned because I need to write stuff down, because it doesn’t look like I’m paying attention. And I sometimes focus so much on writing important stuff down that I forget to contribute to the conversation. But I am getting better at being shameless about it. Thank you for talking about it!
@@Egalitarianism_Secularismhey Shawn, do me a favor and go Google "how does mental disability work?" Then never tell a disabled person that they can just "train away" their disability again. Have a nice day!
@Shawn2025 It’s not up to you to “inspire” me out of the things I struggle with due to disabilities. That’s insulting. Your approach implies you wouldn’t believe us when you tell you that we need a specific accommodation to participate in an activity. That if we just try harder we’ll be “normal”. Whether you think that’s what you’re saying or not, that’s the end point of your approach. I wonder if you only tell people they haven’t tried hard enough without knowing a single thing about them on the internet and wouldn’t dare say it to anyone’s face.
The bit about needing to write a thought down so that you no longer have to hold it, that hit because it really be like that. I've been trained my whole life not to interrupt people which means I often lose the thing I wanted to say. Instead I cling onto the thought waiting for my turn to say it, but that comes at the cost of being present for what's being said by the other person.
Yeah, I have problems with that where they can TELL I'm trying to hold onto a thought and not forget it, but then if you come across as just waiting for your turn then it's very obvious and distracting. So I try my best to be active in listening and showing them I'm interested and listening, but then I often lose what I'm trying to say and what I wanted to ask and THAT can come off as not caring too and ARRRGGG it's so frustrating you lose no matter what!
I'm a relationship coach and I just figured out I have ADHD. It's been so hard listening to my client without interrupting because I know I'll forget the thing I was going to say to help them.
To me its not necessarily the forgetting stuff that impacts me most, but the stress of always feeling like there is SO much TO remember and the fear of forgetting. Always chasing my own tail. It's tiring.
legit true ...trying to remember many things and you forget most of them . before going college, l always prepare myself the day before l go with everything l need . than next day in college , l forget to bring a pen . 🤣
indeed. i always feel like i've forgotten something really important, like paying bills or deadlines. recently i procrastinated applying to higher education so much, that i missed the deadline to it. and now i have to wait 6 months to apply again :(
Memory is my #1 struggle as someone with ADHD. I forget things that people just told me, I forget birthdays, I forget to eat, I forget to write in my notebook, I forget that I made plans with Jessica later this week, I forgot that I signed up for that new workout thing, I forget to pay my bills, I forget some of my most important and life altering memories.
I have spent years trying to get better but it isn't as easy as it sounds. I have learned to live with these parts of myself but the shame that goes along with being unable to remember even some of the most basic things means I just live a VERY different life than my friends who can remember things
One of my big ones.. forgetting to cancel a subscription after a free trial, for example. Oh.. and paying the DMV registration on time is apparently nearly impossible for me.
I have, in fact, forgotten to eat. Just this week, I was getting ready for bed at, like, 10:30pm, and I was like, "Y'know, I don't think I ever ate dinner!", so I ended up making a frozen pizza. Then there's the times that I remember to eat, but forget that I did, so now I'm wondering if I actually ate, so I eat again even though I'm not actually hungry, my brain just thinks I'm hungry because I can't remember that I just had dinner two hours ago.
Forgetting a coworker's name when I have been working with them for ages is definitely something that happens to me way tooo often. I literally say peoples names in my head when I walk by them in the hall to remind myself constantly
Yesterday I struggled to remember the names of my direct superiors. Worked with them for the last 10 years. Remembered one name, blanked on the other three. Awkward because it was during a phone call with big boss...
I called my coworker the right name, then immediately corrected myself to another coworker's name only to take it back right away - fun times! This was just as he walked in and I was just saying hi. So embarrassing.
Or when you have to write down a thing or relay it. Like a 4 digit number and you repeat it to yourself over and over and over the whole walk between where you got it and where you need to deliver it and the person asks for it and it's already gone :'(
Forgetting intimate details of my loved ones' lives is the worst feeling. And... I forgot the rest of the brilliant point I was about to make... The struggle is so dang real.
As an undiagnosed ADHDer, I can attest that relationship forgetfulness is the worst. I'm in a cross-country relationship and I wanna say that "out of sight, out of mind" is a struggle I deal with every day. I forget about my husband every day (unless I'm actively thinking of him) because he's not physically around. and it's already very hard to remember the trips we've taken and the times together; it makes it feel impossible sometimes. And then I'm left with this feeling of longing and loss without much to attach it to other than maybe a single blur from a recent trip or a fleeting snap-image of his gaze or laugh. Somehow we've gotten through 5 years so far but only in the last 6 months have I realized I probably have ADHD and it's been getting much harder over the time we've been together. It's been freeing to find a reason for things, but also doesn't change the fact I can't remember anything from our relationship most of the time and it's pretty mentally devastating.
I've realized that my mood improves when either I am sick, or something terrible happens to me. It gives me the certainty that a) I have an excuse for not remembering/doing stuff or b) I know exactly what is the number 1 priority at this moment.
Soooooooo true "Am I supposed to be doing something important right now?" And setting up a ridiculous amount of alarms/reminders for everything I need to do.
My name is also Jess and I also have ADHD and I'm so forgetful that I was afraid that I was getting dementia because I'd forget the smallest things so quickly.
If it helps... (not 100%, but for some things, or a general thing) If "cues" help you remember (eg you see your empty paper and remember you wanted to get a new pencil...) its less likely dementia And well... risk factor number one is age...
Almost crying watching this. My number one issue and my biggest cause of stress. Funnily enough, I wasn’t diagnosed for years, because I’d go to the Dr and say, ‘I’m worried about my memory’. Then pass their memory test and be sent on my way.
I almost cried in this video. My memory is something I have been ashamed of for so long. Forgetting names of people and places has been so damaging - to others as well as myself. I'm constantly battling myself to not interrupt people for the exact thing you described. That is literally what it is like. I can't even express how this made me feel. Knowing that there is someone who can put into words let alone understand. Thank you.
One thing I've been thinking about lately-which I don't think I've heard anyone in the ADHD space ever mention before, but it's something I've noticed often enough with many ADHDers-is how hard it can be to speak without interruptions in your speech. By this, I mean that often we'll pause as we try to remember the next word we were gonna say, like "Hey, I'm gonna go to the, uh...grocery store, to get...err, milk." It can make holding a conversation both challenging and embarrassing, which is why I much prefer communicating via text rather than voice. To me this is related to a lack of working memory, but I've never heard anyone talk about this issue while discussing the subject. Have any of your colleagues done any research or posted any videos on this?
I do this, but I think my gaps (I hate filler words, so I just stay silent) are longer than I experience them as, because people have started finishing the word / sentence for me. * sigh *
This! Yes, this is me, and I've been looking for this type of comment! I'm still new to the ADHD space, only realized a few weeks ago that I probably have it, and I didn't know if preferring text over voice for that reason was connected to my probably having ADHD.
A lot of my childhood trauma stems from nobody believing that I couldn’t remember things. This stunted my already poor communication skills and lead to a lot of self doubt and low self esteem. Even today I struggle with not being believed. The silver lining is my oldest and I can understand each other’s struggles really well and I think we have a good parent/child relationship because we are so similar. I’m positive he has ADHD too although we haven’t had him officially diagnosed yet.
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .
I'm 54 - and I still can feel the intense shame I felt at 10 years old about forgetting to buy my bus ticket. Forgetting it every single month. Watching you sparkling with intelligence and competence while you let us see a glimpse of that pain shine through makes me cry. Love you.
ADHD has affected me my entire life , now at 54 I still struggle and it has such a negative impact on my life . There is still a stigma and it worse at an older age. I wish your videos were on TV or PSA
I'm 53, 54 in 2 months exactly. I have no idea why this video popped onto my stream today. The 1st first few minutes of this video were describing everything I have experienced, for years! Today I was returned a scarf I had forgotten yesterday. My pair of glasses has my mobile/cell number taped alongside one of its arms. I have lost so many expensive frames I've resorted to doing this for my latest pair. I keep forgetting to recover my bank card on the cashier's sensor as I pack stuff into bags; thus far I have not had it stolen or not recovered but once I went to an atm and forgot to take the money. I leave my house keys in the lock when I leave home, I am notoriously known for forgetting something wherever I go. I forget peoples' names, I forget things in the middle of things Do I have ADHD? Or just this bloody symptom Have I finally found an answer to this madness?
@@marcor4706 hi have you been tested by a doc for ADHD? If not this should be a first step . If in fact you do have it ask about Straterra this has changed my life. I have been on it for over 12 yrs . And I’m only on 18mg
It never occurred to me that memory could be the reason I hate formal phone calls so much. As an RN, I know if I call a doctor they're going to ask a lot of specific questions that I won't have quick answers to, and it stresses me out so much I put off calling. Even making appointments, because I'll realize I don't know the dates I have or won't have my credit card ready. Knowing why does oddly make it a bit easier. I'm constantly writing stuff down (and often losing or forgetting the notes), but this made me realize it's SO I can better focus on the rest of what is being said.
Same! I have to wait until I have nothing else more pressing, take my medicine so I can focus, get fully prepared, have no distractions, THEN I can make a phone call. I've also learned I'm a MUCH better texter because I can think before I text back, unlike a phone call where you have to come up with an answer quick or feel like an idiot!
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane This! I always struggled with phone calls to the point that I got a lot of grief at work for avoiding making them and emailing instead. I needed the prep and processing time to deal with questions and the phone does not give you that.
Oh. My. Gosh. This is why I hate making phone calls! Which makes it impossible to call the doctor and reorder medication or schedule things! Light bulb on!
@@MarkWilsonCreative Yes! I wish people could understand why we do things the way we do! I was thinking, the other great thing about texting and emailing is we can go back and reread what someone wrote when we've forgotten it, lol! 😆 🤣
When I was a kid, my parents always told me since I forgot it was that I just did not care about so many things. But over time they found out about my ADHD forgetfulness and have come around to it. I hate forgetting, even when I am looking for my car keys when they are in my hand!
I had the same experience as a kid. My mom would even accuse me of not caring about HER because I would forget to do something she asked me to do. I hated myself, not her. Sooo much shame.
I don’t always equate “forgetting” with “can’t remember”. Forgetting to take the trash out on a Monday, for me, isn’t the same as my inability to remember a new process. Both are incredibly frustrating and debilitating and don’t help with other associated mental health issues.
The memory issues can increase when you get older too... Because we go through hormonal changes that also affects our brain... Having something like brain fog coupled with ADHD is a real blast! lol!
Ya that's true-!! When I was in grade 5th I had memory issues but not alot Now that I'm coming to the end of grade 6th, my memory issues has gotten ALOT worse-💀 I have no clue how bad it'll get to by the time I get to 8th-💀💀💀💀
Yes agreed, I feel like I have some bouts of memory issues sometimes… and they can be big, but I have been using an ADHD specialized planner that is red and yellow colors that has helped tremendously in starting a habit of having a calendar. I’ve made it to month three so far
The making phone calls thing is so relatable - the other day someone asked me my zipcode over the phone and I totally blanked and could not remember my own zipcode. I have to have a notepad with me when making phone calls and sometimes for work calls I even write myself a little script on the notepad that I can just read out to explain why I'm phoning.
this is the type of stuff that makes me think i don't have it, I can remember zipcodes, social securites , heck I can remember my ICQ number, like 99% of the time. but sometimes I have to enter the number and it just goes away, which I belive is normal... the hard thing for me would be names and some words, sometimes I forget the name of a person 30 seconds after I met them or sometimes the name of a coworker just vanishes, but the hardest part for me is forgetting words and places sometimes I can't remember the words for simple stuff like "graph" or sometimes I know a lot about a subject, and when I have to explain it I just forget the name of some specific thing in that subject
@@guerra_dos_bichos I relate to that. I'm bad at things like dates, but I know my full card info, bank account and routing number (but I have to pull it up every time anyway because I question which number is which), etc, if I want to memorize a mid-length string of numbers short term or long term it's very doable for me. If someone says a 6 digit number out loud once, it's like my brain goes "oh that's important" and it's like a familiar melody in my head When I was trying to DM, I had to write mini-scripts or key phrases that I wanted to recall down because I'd forget words like cathedral or periwinkle, I knew I could just say roughly the same thing a different way but it was so off-putting to not find the words I want
I can relate to every comment for this thread. I can at times rattle off work orders and part numbers at work when others wonder at how I remember them, then there are so many times that I forget my zip code. I chalked it up to being new to the area or being flustered in an unknown city at a gas station, but this is clicking and making sense.
Based on my experience, the forgetfulness also makes us more vulnerable to gaslighting. And being made to feel like WE are the true gaslighters in the situation. I used to live with someone who basically said that I couldn't be trusted to remember anything, and if it came down to my memory versus her memory, we should go with hers every time. Which was super convenient for her, cause she'd always remember me making promises I am pretty sure I would have never made or me insulting her in ways I am pretty sure I would never have done, etc. And every time I would tell her that I didn't do what she was accusing me of, she would always insist I was gaslighting her. Thankfully, this person is out of my life now, but still... opens you up much more to extra toxic people.
I'm in that situation now, and it feels horrible to not be able to trust your own memory or feelings. If you don't mind me asking, what was the final sign/moment that made the decision for you to walk away?
@@Nicfallenangel In my case, she was the one who walked away from me, so that was really the only reason I realized how toxic she was. But just based on hindsight, I would say maybe just be on the lookout for red flags. Like, do they always assume the worst about your intentions for everything you do? Are they talking dirty about you to your mutual friends when you're not around? Are they being passive aggressive rather than having an adult conversation with you about what's bothering them? Do you find yourself desperately wanting them to like you but at the same time you feel miserable any time you are with them? I would say that those are some clear signs that you might want to consider leaving them. But I definitely recommend getting advice from someone more qualified than me, if you can.
@@Lady_de_Lis Thank you for being so open and honest with me. I am starting to notice flags and have been talking with a counselor while trying to figure everything out. I know how easy confirmation bias filters in when I can only see "my side" of the situation and leaning only on videos and the words of strangers. Your comments definitely help and bring up things I can explore with my counselor later. Thank you again.
Do you not find also that some people are incredibly confident in their own memory, and yet even though you can't prove they are wrong (because your own memory is vague) you know for a fact they are wrong. My memory is poor but it responds well to prompts and triggers, at which point I can actually tell when other people are confidently remembering wrong.
I don't think I've seen such a supportive and engaged TH-cam community... EVER! 90% of comments are a whole paragraph of someone's personal story or experience. I think its a testament to how perfectly the information is presented for us to consume. Its fast, simple and most importantly - Its relatable! I originally came to this channel a few months ago to help me explain my struggles to those closest to me. I've since been through a catalogue of old videos dating back years and years that will always stay relevant. I find there's always more to learn about myself and new strategies to try and hopefully manage myself in a better way. Thank you!
Yes! This really touched me because I have been embarrassed/harassed my whole life for forgetting people's names. Especially when we had to pass out valentines. My dad once said "you have been going to school with these kids for how many years and you still don't know their names"?! Thank you for sharing these experiences. It's good to know that there are others that deal with the same stuff.
As soon as you mentioned forgetting birthdays I remembered that today is my mom’s birthday 😂 thank you for putting words to the struggles we’ve faced our whole lives and showing that we’re in this community together!
Telling myself it is okay to take notes has been so hard. I was diagnosed 5 months ago, and I'm still nervous to ask people if it is okay to stop. It is amazing the roadblocks that have been set in front of us because of allistic expectations. Thank you for talking about this.❤
It's a good natured (as best as I can tell, my recent Autism dx makes me wonder if I'm missing subtle dissing) joke at my new job, that I have to write it in my notebook (Rocketbook) or my recollection is NOT going to be good. Also Co workers have learned that I may repeat stuff a bit, as I write it down, but my notes are laid out in a way I am now asked about stuff.
As a prolific note-taker myself, I would just suggest instead of asking if it's OK to stop, to just explain that this is important to you and you want to make sure you've got it, and to ask them if they can go slowly so you can make notes. It might not be practical in a group setting, but in my experience if I'm one on one with someone it helps to just let them know what I'm doing and why
I'm so self conscious about my note taking. My coworkers tease me about it a lot. I hate that it makes me look like I'm Type A and Serious. It gives people a totally inaccurate picture of my personality. I joke along at my own expense, but I wish I could be like them.
Lol not me just not taking notes bc I won’t read them nor remember. I do a lot of lists and put dates in my phone though. But if it’s long than a quick note, I won’t bother. I’m a terrible note taker & have a hard time narrowing info down
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .
My son is 5 and were pretty certain he has ADHD (its hard to get a diagnosis at this age) and he constantly says "i forgot" and its been so hard for me to know if he actually forgot or if hes just a kid being careless. He forgets things like rules that hes reminded of every single day, steps in a routine that hes done everyday for years, etc. My husband has ADHD as well and i often feel ignored and unimportant to him because he never remembers things I tell him. This video solidifies to me that they really dont remember, and as frustrating it is to me to constantly hear "i forgot", it has to be a million times more frustrating to them to be the one who cant remember. Thank you for the eye opener ❤
And then there is the paradox of being able to remember every intricate detail of something that you have an interest in. And people don't understand that your brain just works different and get mad that you forget something they find important but can't forget something you think is important.
My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD which has made me realise, I’m just like him. My wife always gets angry when I interrupt her and other people stories with questions and I never understood why I kept doing it, even though she has complained to me over and over again. This video gives me a lot of clarity. Thanks
My mother died when I was 16 (about 12,5 years ago) and it terrified me how quickly I started to forget things about her. I didn't know that I have ADHD until August of 2021, but knowing that makes me worry about this even more. I may have children one day but I feel like I won't be able to tell them stories about their grandmother anymore, because I won't remember any.
Same for me, that kind of stuff gets burried very easily. Have the same issues. Few weeks ago I had a discussion with my wife as she is learning how to deal with me and the kids who inherited my genes. She was wondering how it would be if she would die, I had to admit that probably I would go on very quickly. That because I am to blunt to have anything with losing people and basically because the out of sight rule. I love them but if they would die or just leave I would most likely just forget. People in the past would say I am coldhearted and indifferent, it is painful they do not understand what is going on with our brains.
I'm so sorry. Would it help if you set an alarm to go off every day to remind you to spend 15-30 minutes writing memories of your mom? Carry a small notebook and pen maybe?
Idk your adhd or your situation but, I’ve always had a really good long term memory, the buried memories. I was worried about the same thing when my dad passed in 2009 but, the memories come back at the oddest time like I went to look at the stars the other night and remembered watching Haley’s comet with a telescope with my father down to the smell of his cigarette and cologne
For me, my memory issues feel a lot like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue, and you just can't remember it. It's that feeling but for so many things.
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me i wanna know if i have dementia or it is adhd.
I've personally coped with the forgetfulness by, for example, always putting things in the same spot, like by the door so I see it before I leave. What's been so frustrating is when {whatever} was moved, either by myself or someone else. I've arrived at work several times w/o my laptop because I moved my bag the night before, or someone moved it during cleaning for instance. Out of sight, not just out of mind, but gone out the door, bought a plane ticket, and now working on a tan at the beach.
Hello, there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it on youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .
Thank you so much for this insightful video! Constantly being told "if it mattered to you, you'd remember it" is so frustrating and disheartening because I wish I could convey just how much I also wish I would remember. It's seriously just NOT. THAT. SIMPLE. Love your videos! ❤
Thank you SO MUCH for mentioning the name thing. This was the number one symptom that really hurt my life -- that I was aware of. When I finally got treatment for ADHD, I didn't know that was a symptom of ADHD. But I did notice I could remember names!!! It was one of the greatest moments in my life! On the flip side, as with every other symptom I had (before I was diagnosed), I developed a workaround: I would tell people, when I first met them, that I have a horrible time remembering names. Anyone with whom I associate knows I have/had the problem, so I would just talk to them, remind them I couldn't remember, and kept going. Having a partner is also a good workaround. I also cover for my partner like this, too: Basically, you walk up to the person you really don't know, accuse your partner of being rude, and ask them their name. This means my partner was only being rude to me (something everyone laughs at), and we can then use the person's name. My partner will do that for me, too. As an FYI, if I write things down I immediately forget them; it's because I know longer worry about remembering the detail, I wrote it down. Then I lose whatever I was using to write it down... For what it is worth, I do have a theory on the mechanism that makes us forget stuff works: We only have so much working memory. Our brains try to determine priority for what is/is not important. When we start running out of room (like being overwhelmed), our minds start flushing information that is considered unimportant.
Yeah, I agree with you on the mind flushing information it considers unimportant, sometimes I wish my mind was better at figuring out what is or is not important.
I started to really notice how bad I am with names in high school. Class sizes got bigger and I couldn't keep up. I used to feel so embarrassed when a random classmate might ask me for a favor and use my name. I'd be like: "How do they know my name when we've barely interacted and I can't remember theirs?" I've started doing the same thing. Warning people in advance that I am TERRIBLE with names lol. It literally takes me meeting a person and doing introductions maybe 4 times over until I've got their name down. Even then I still space things. Once I had to call medical transport for my mom after she had surgery and I forgot her birthday 😭😭
I've been accused of not caring about things because I had forgotten about them and It really hurt my feelings because my heart is way bigger than that.
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
You probably won't see this as it's an older video, but I'm a guy in my 40s and finally, after various diagnoses, realising that so many of my personality traits and my failures in life is down to ADHD. It wasn't helped by comorbidity with depression, anxiety etc. but... Watching your videos, it's like looking into a mirror. It's like being smacked in the face with a mirror, heh. I've lost promotion opportunities, 'failed' in tasks I should have easily been able to do, let down my very patient manager, had to repeatedly repeat university subjects... it's had such an enormous impact on my life and I'm just now, watching this video, realising how ADHD has basically repeatedly slammed me into the ground. I actually feel like crying, and I'm a pretty stoic person.
One thing I keep needing to remind myself is that memory doesn’t need to be a “in the past” sort of thing. I often have trouble where I can be looking directly at something and literally not see a number or a word no matter how much I try to “slow down” or “be careful” , but if I’m overwhelmed or tired or haven’t taken my meds 💀 nothing I can do will stop me from being blind to tiny details
I love this. So relatable. I especially hate when I forget wheat I'm talking about mid sentence or can't think of the word I want to use even though I know it. It definitely affects self esteem and self perception.
The "forgot what I'm doing as im doing it" is just next level. I told a fellow traider it happens to me cuz they were crocheting and forgot the number they had said. And they're like "ahh the joys of being neuro-divergent " Cuz i has lost a rubber duck... and obviously i forgot i would forget who had him. And i forgot to take a note book. Or give them my contacts, or take ther contacts.. and i had forgotten earlier my partner needed my phone to take card payments so i had left my phone with him.. Omg. And . I forgot to pack my banner when i left! So much forgetting!!!!
Forgetting the word I want to use really hits for me. And I can't remember anyone else ever stopping in the middle of a sentence and searching for the word. It is one of the reasons I've procrastinated on learning a second language. If I can't remember the English word for it, how will I be able to remember the word in a new language?
This has gotten worse for me over time. I was a little scatty as a kid and appeared "ditzy" more than anything (and also we didn't know then I had ADHD), and now in adulthood, I'm so much more forgetful. I have more compassion towards my father now who has always been forgetful like this too.
It's possible also that you're now expected to remember more things than when you're a kid. Kids have parents who are helping manage that stuff, but adults just kinda are on their own
I might start the process of checking for ADHD soon. I'm very careful not to diagnose myself, but so many things from channels like these hit home and this is one of the things that I see in myself the most. I try so hard, but trying hard doesn't really help, and it's takes so much enegry and I feel so bad when I forget something that impacts someone (forgot my moms birthday just a few days ago, she was cool about it as she knows me by now and I bought her a gift in advance). I just wan to figure up what's up so I can find ways to make it easier. thank you for the awesome content.
Till you diagnose it or whatever Keep a note book or maybe keep notes on your cell phone but a notebook is better then do a daily summary on your computer. Its not a cure but you will be able to find what you forgot.
I dump as much info as possible into Obsidian so i can find it later. Same position as you, I don’t know if I’m ADHD but a lot of people tell me i might be.
Don't worry about misdiagnosis If you think you have it just start keeping a note pad handy and write down things you really want to remember maybe get one of those appointment calendars that manages your time and you keep important dates with reminders of when they are coming up. that way you can fix the problem and not worry about diagnosis since that seems to bother you.
I'd like to get checked for ADHD or autism (I can relate a lot to both), but I'm afraid that my history of concussions will be used to explain away my symptoms (like my doctor already does with my lifelong struggle with insomnia)
The topaz earring anecdote hit me so hard. I had something similar happen, but it was a piece of jewelry from my grandfather who passed a few years prior. I had such shame to the fact that I broke down even trying to tell my mom.
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
I appreciate this video. It had me in tears a few times because I can relate to your feelings of success and the frustration that comes with the consequences of just simply forgetting. I was tested and diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10. My parents did not tell me about the diagnosis until I was in my 30s. Growing up not knowing I have ADHD but knowing I was different and did not fit the mold everyone was trying to push me into was so frustrating because I would constantly fail at things and not feel like I was successful at it. My parents would always tell me that, "forgetting is not an excuse." Yes, I understand as a kid and teenager that sometimes I would just say that to get them off my back about something, but the majority of the time it was legitimate forgetting. And I would get so angry and confused why they did not realize I truly would forgot things. So to avoid the inevitable anxiety and depression that comes from this constantly happening, which by the way did not help as you would guess, my mind would radically accept the fact that I was just "dumb", "different in a bad way", "doomed to fail and not achieve what I truly want to in life", etc. It is a habit that I am trying to overcome and break, unfortunately it had decades to become rooted in my brain. I guess I am just trying to say thank you for addressing this. I beat myself up bad for forgetting even the smallest most insignificant things, and this video gave me hope. It helped me realize that it is okay to forget and I am not alone even when I have convinced myself for decades that I was.
I'm nearly 63 and was only diagnosed aged 59. I read somewhere, I forget where 😁, that us adhders have problems encoding memories in the first place. I feel like huge chunks of my life just happened without me creating memories. There are so many things that I wish that I could remember 😔
I think I’ve read it takes about 25 minutes before something held in short term memory to be transferred to long term memory. Which would explain a lot for us, wouldn’t it? 🙄
I tend to not be able to actively recall memories on demand. Also I know that memories are in there somewhere, but it's like they are stored as bits of information without context rather than as a whole series of events. If you asked me what I learned from 5th grade, I couldn't tell you, but if you asked me about something which I learned in back 5th grade, there's a good chance I could remember the answer, dispite not remembering where it came from.
Absolutely!! So many times I would do something with friends, like see a movie or go to a concert, and afterwards have no real memory of what happened. One of my friends can remember set lists from concerts we saw decades ago, but I often can't even remember going to that show. Oddly, I have perfect memory of song titles, artists, lyrics, and odd TV shows from the 80s. And as she mentioned in the video, I have a co-worker whose name I can almost never remember - even when reminded of his name only moments previous.
This is the thing I struggle the most and the worst thing is that I am not even aware of it. Before I learnt about ADHD I thought I had dementia and then I saw one of your shorts and read the symptoms of ADHD - made me feel so happy nothing was wrong with me! Looking forward to an official diagnosis, thank you! 🧡
Since discovering that my working memory issues are due to ADHD, I've often used this analogy: "My brain is like a computer with a powerful CPU but limited RAM." Obviously, this will only mean something if the person you're talking to has a basic knowledge of computer hardware, but I think it's pretty apt. Now back to watching the video! (I paused partway through to post this before I forgot. 😆)
Heh. I say "two terabyte hard drive with 256 kb RAM." The knowledge is there, but it can be pretty hard to access sometimes. Also, if I add one thing to my morning "to-do" list, something inevitably drops off. This has led to some embarrassment as I leave my phone or glasses at home.
I really needed to hear this. I was tearing up through most of this video. My memory issues have been such a huge obstacle in my life. You described so well that feeling of shame when forgetting the name of a friend I'm either talking to or talking about. You're such a genuinely kind and open person and I appreciate you so much! 😊
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
A simple tool I use when I'm either going up to order something or have a certain number of items I want to discuss during a call and I'm worried about forgetting them, I hold that number with my fingers and drop my fingers as I knock off the items . It's helped me enormously when I don't have time in-between thinking and the task to write it down
You know what’s bothering me most lately? Conversations, most of the time because of the speedy brain, i latch onto a detail that seems interesting or important to me on the conversation, and my partner sees it differently or don’t understand my way of running down the idea that we end up arguing and it ends up with me not being “understanding”. Sometimes it ends up in really bad fights when in truth i was really trying to listen and make conversation.
Sometimes this happens to me because I've instantly thought things through past the point of their thinking and I've left them in the dust. Other times it's just that I'm focusing on some part they don't seem to think is important but I cannot understand why they cannot see it is critical.
@@tomorrow4eva this, this has caused me no end of marital strife. And friction at work. I get very frustrated when I've already reached the conclusion I know any logical person would come to, but much faster, and I try to shortcut everyone else by telling them so, but they don't see this as helpful, and it just ends in fighting and taking even longer, and now they're adversarial towards that conclusion even if it's correct. And it doesn't matter how many times you were right in the end, they'll still never take you at your word until they think of it themselves. And if you're ever wrong ONCE, that's it, it'll be pointed at as proof of your unreliability forever more.
I had a fight just last night with my wife. I overanalyzed a song she said she resonates with. I “ran her over” and “high jacked” the conversation to make it about me. I didn’t mean to and the moment I realized I came to a dead stop apologized and asked her to continue. She was already mad and refused to. We didn’t speak the rest of the night.
I am 53 and ADHD symptoms have always been a part of my life. Thank you so much for what you have shared. You showed me that ADHD was not just the funny cute symptoms "everyone" knows about. The Wall of Awful resonated hugely with me. I have been able to send people to your videos to explain what goes on in my head. Your videos showed me that many things I have struggled with were symptoms more so than character flaws. They lead me to pursuing a diagnosis. I got the diagnosis today. My own self image was that I would be ADHD inattentive. The diagnosis surprised me to be Hyper and inattentive. I have over my life come up with many coping methods, TH-cam can give tips, I am looking for meds from the medical community. Again, thank you. I am glad the algorithm decided I needed to hyper focus on ADHD and sent me here.
To be more on topic. There is a super power. I can rewatch movies and TV over and over and usually they're new. I do not try to remember them and they just go away. I was reading the comments and I was reminded of working in a shop as a mechanic. I was talking to a co worker and I called him by the wrong name and he was offended. He had run out of work shirts and borrowed someone elses and it had that person's name on it. I had been reading names not remembering them.
It is weird because I can remember some things very well, but not others. I can remember something that someone told me years ago, but I forget people's names. Luckily, I was able to get through my degrees. My problem is losing keys, forgetting where I parked, remembering names, etc.
You remember the emotional things. I can remember the first time i ever saw my girlfriends smile like it was yesterday. But i can't remember her birthday ever.
I once asked security how to report my car stolen. The security guard said, “You’re car was not stolen. No car thief is gonna pay for a lost parking ticket to steal a car.” He was right. I just forgot that I hadn’t parked on my normal floor because there were spots open on the lower level.
I lost my mother's London Fog coat when I was a young woman. She had a memory with that coat from about 40 years earlier.... I felt horrible. I have felt horrible so many times about being forgetful. I'm so happy for you that you're SO YOUNG and have figured so much of this out already. I had no clue why I was such a screw up for decades of my life. You're very fortunate and you help so many others with these videos. Thank you 💖
Thank you so much for creating these videos. You’re changed my life. 50 years of not understanding why I’ve struggled through life and I finally know. Happening across your channel has been life changing. I was just officially diagnosed with ADHD and I’ve finally started to unpack what I can do to make my life better.
@@katherinegetchell6967 I happened to be seeing a therapist at the time and after encountering these videos I suggested to her that I likely had ADHD. It only took a few minutes. I was lucky in that she was very supportive. She was embarrassed that she hadn't identified it. But it's ok because I've had a lifetime of masking it. If you have healthcare with mental health support they should have a list of therapists in the area. I would ping several of them and make it clear you think you have ADHD. Hopefully you have someone specializing in treatment nearby. Involving your primary doctor is probably not a bad idea, but shouldn't be necessary unless you can only get therapy through their recommendation.
I lost a necklace that my mom had given to me before I went to live abroad. It belonged to my maternal grandma, and it was the only thing I had of her. And one day, I slept over at a friend's and I took it off when I went to sleep. The next day, I left their house and forgot the necklace. My friend ended up moving out of the place about a week after because some issues he had with his roommates and I was never able to get back my necklace. It's still a bit sad and frustrating to think about it.
Just finding out at 38 that I probably have ADHD. Mind-blowing. I've been watching your videos religiously, just trying to learn and soak in everything. But, I forget almost immediately so this video is so spot on for me. That toy for being so real with this and everything else you've experienced. It's so validating to know I'm not forgetful because I don't care. I just can't remember! ❤ Thanks @howtoadhd
I feel seen. 😭 I have notes and reminders for EVERYTHING. I definitely struggle with conversations, complicated movies, and TV shows, because I physically can only retain so much information and for so long before it’s gone from my brain. Seeing a movie in a theater is particularly difficult because I can’t take notes. My wife struggles to understand my condition and after 10 years she still thinks I’m just flaky. I can tell she’s thinking “Just try harder, jeez, what’s wrong with you?” 😢
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me i wanna know if i have dementia or it is adhd.
5:45 My family kinda has a code for this, mostly for when we suddenly remember something off topic. It used to be that someone would just start discussing subject B out of nowhere, but everyone else is still on subject A and has no clue what the other is talking about. Now if we suddenly remember something only slightly related or completely off topic, we say, "clap, clap." (IDK why, but someone said we need to start clapping when we switch subjects, but then we decided to say it instead.) Everyone in the household knows this means that someone needs to say something that's not part of the current conversation, so no one's confused when they start speaking. Whoever 'claps' doesn't have to hold onto an unrelated thought until the conversation is over and they forget. I found that this also somehow makes it easier to hold onto the current subject as well for when we get back to it. For some reason having that signifier tells my brain that "we need to put this down and pick it up later," and it allows me to package up whatever point we're at in a conversation and 'freeze' it. Like if we have less slots in our working memory, I'm just taking the things that I don't have slots for and putting them into one box that takes up one slot. I don't have to hold onto the details of what I froze in the box, I can just hold the box and 'read whatever thoughts I wrote on the label' when I pull it out of the freezer. Ex. Your having a discussion on desert, and a desert that grandma likes came up. Then, you suddenly remember that one of you needed to call grandma about a sewing class you're taking her too. Sewing, grandma, and driving to X place at Y time has nothing to do with chocolate cake, but if you say, "clap clap" before asking, "when was that sewing thing supposed to be?" I'll stop thinking about cake and think, "ok, what do I know that's relevant to sewing? Oh yeah, grandma's class! It's at 3 tomorrow, lemme text her real quick that we'll pick her up at 2:30." and then we can pick up the 'desert' box and pull out the thoughts on cake and continue the conversation.
this is the one, Jessica. This is the one that popped up at the right time when I feel like im in the 'wrong place' because of adhd. Being diagnosed as the shortage began has made me flipping back and forth between medicated crisis solving and adhd mess pile-ups without anyone in my household being educated. This one might be what helps them, with the right words and the right sentiments. Thank you so much.
Hi Jessica! I hope you are reading this! I am a senior in high school who was recently (last week) diagnosed with predominantly inattentive ADHD and severe General Anxiety Disorders, and your community is incredibly empowering. It makes me feel understood as a person who has been struggling to do basic tasks every day. From my report, I learned that I have an extremely low working memory (though I have an excellent long-term memory) and am able to relate to some of your experiences. For example, I constantly forget to do things, like for me it includes constantly forgetting to respond to messages or a non-stimulant activity (e.g. many times I prolong the task when I forget to log in info.) It's wonderful to hear your advice, and it is reassuring to relate with inspirational people like you
This one hit home. The feeling of not being able to remember someone's name after knowing them for years is just gut churning and has caused me so much personal and professional pain. I now mention it right away to people so they won't be offended when I do. The flip side is seeing a name (like on Facebook) and nott remembering if they were a friend from high school, a former coworker or one of my wife's friends. Also incredibly embarrassing when I get it wrong. The birthday one is kind of funny because the tool that saved my life was a PalmV. Suddenly, I could check my calendar to see if I was available, or put in an appointment that I would have otherwise forgotten. I got in the habit of putting people's birthdays in the calendar the very first time it's mentioned. I became the super birthday rememberer because the calendar app would remind me! It also means I have birthdays for people I barely knew, or haven't spoken to in decades. I can't tell you where they live or how to contact them, but I know their birthday!
When I'm already doing something, and someone else comes to talk to me, I sometimes engage in the conversation, and at some point I'm not able to keep up with it. I usually tell them to wait a moment because I need to finish that one thing. With friends, I usually joke "Can you repeat? I was just not listening", but it can be very embarrassing when it's one of my employees.
I struggle with remembering things, especially the small detail things. My wife would say to me “you always forget, do you even care about me”. I feel so ashamed, it hurts so much. I just wish I can remember more things. Also flunk out of school after 10 years of school. It’s been rough dealing with adhd.
This is my whole life! Strategies for taking notes and taking notes for doctors as a scribe has been my latest challenge on my journey to becoming a doctor myself.
Not going to lie, started sobbing around 3:30. Man, this hits soo hard. I recognize how I am continuing the trauma to my own child. I am not perfect, and sometimes its hard not continuing trauma or unhealthy social scripts (also those social scripts are super important as everyone else values them) especially when you are not aware of those things. Anyways, its hard having ADHD, and its hard parenting ADHD. Thank you for bringing a greater awareness to my life.
It is hard parenting with adhd. 😢. Bc of everything that has to be done etc. For my children I think of how I would like to be treated and try to use that for them. Focusing on your love for them helps a lot for me because it guides my actions. Also giving myself breaks
Thank you for this one! I wasn't diagnosed until 41 because I was smart and masked so effectively my whole life. I had poor self esteem because of my shortcomings and now that I know they are symptoms that I had no control over, it's a huge help! Thank you for what you do!
Oh my gosh the struggle trying to follow what someone is saying. I literally had to end a friendship because whenever she was telling me something, she would insist on giving me irrelevant backstory and details, and it was so stressful to talk to her.
It feels so surreal to hear you describe your struggles and realise that I'm not the only one feeling what I feel I work in F&B and I often need to remember a lot of things on the fly, I don't time to process and remember what I need to remember. This has been my biggest challenge at work and my boss's solution to this is to tell me off and scare me into doing better, which can be very demoralising
Had the GREATEST ADHD moment just now. I was talking to my cousin about this amazing video that you posted and about how I relate to it. But I couldn't describe the video to her because I'd forgotten it's content. So I'm here watching it for the second time to remember lol 🤦🏾♀️
My husband's getting to understand a little bit of The saga of forgetfulness. I'm having to wait on him a lot while he is recovering. He asked me to go get a root beer. Then he showed me a paper, with a little discussion.. and maybe one more thing. I headed back in the kitchen where he kindly spouted, root beer please. I totally forgotten, returning to the kitchen to see where I had left off when I left the kitchen to deliver the dinner...
Wow this hits hard, especially the part about associating remembering with importance when for us it might be SUPER important but we just… can’t *hold* it. I think the forgetting has done the most damage for my self-esteem. Also you probably won’t see this comment personally, especially if you’re still finishing up the book (woohoo!) but if you happen to- you’ve been like my “internet ADHD big sis” on the journey to my own diagnosis a year and a half ago, and I can’t even express how much your channel has helped me! ❤️ (also, I love that kombucha brand that was in your fridge!! 😂)
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD as a 42 year old, and your experience is hugely valid, real, annoying and beatable. It's great to hear from someone so relatable.
My problem is, I have an excellent memory for most things but I also have huge working memory problems and people think I’m purposely “forgetting” their thing.
The moment I heard you say you hadn't discussed forgetfulness as an episode uet I immediately thought, yeah, forgetting about forgetting is my day to day. The hardest thing is remembering about forgetting is almost impossible because we forgot to begin with and sometimes my brain at least is like, "You already forgot and it's overwhelming to even begin trying to narrow down which forgotten thing we're trying to remember."
I have ADHD and minor brain damage so I can totally relate. My friends and family are very understanding of my issues with remembering. When I meet new people I typically start by saying I have memory problems so to please not take it personally if I forget their name or ask them to repeat themselves. I also have lists and reminding everywhere.
Another thing that connects to this for me is that people don't see the amount of anxiety and stress it causes to try not to forget things, to have every information and detail you need for appointments and to keep strategies in place, to help remember. So even if from the outside it looks like I do not forget that much, it's absolutely exhausting and causing so much pain.
This is something I've struggled to put into words for a long time aside from saying to others "I have bad memory", I've never been able to jot down what it is and this video was a huge relief because not only do I realise it isn't just me but also because someone has been able to put into words I have longed to say. Thank you.
I am 50 years old, and it never occurred to me to get checked for ADHD. I’m getting so much help from your videos, and the thought of having to make an appointment with a doctor to get checked out overwhelms me! But seeing your videos comforts me and for now that feels like enough help. maybe someday I can get an appt to know for sure.
You are absolutely spot on about the forgetting people's names thing being a BIG DEAL. I sometimes have to take a few seconds to remember the name of the specific child of mine I want to call (we have 4 grown kids). I'm in my 50's and I just got diagnosed a couple of months ago. Not remembering things easily is the biggest factor of my ADHD in my life too. The writing things down thing: that can actually be seen by others as being MORE respectful because they can see that you care enough about what they are saying to put it on paper. So if someone reading this thinks its not a good idea to pause to write things down because you think it might be disrespectful please know that it is exactly the opposite, especially for those people who understand that you have ADHD.
I find memory issues compound or cause other problems, like losing things or interrupting people or finishing other’s sentences just to get the thoughts out before I forget them, or struggling at organizing because I can only keep so many ideas in my head. Sometimes coping mechanisms cause problems of their own. Being terrible about losing keys, I taught myself to reflexively grab keys that look remotely like mine and put them in my pocket, and multiple times I’ve accidentally “stolen” people’s keys. One time I was in a play and I pocketed the director’s wife’s keys and put them in a costume pocket and she couldn’t leave and was looking for them, and was mortified when I realized I had pocketed them and had to admit my mistake.
I put a flash light and cat on my keys ... or my parents house keys have a massive yellow plush bird on them. I don't say "keys" i call them "woodstock" from peanuts. Like a friend instead of an item. Also my phone has a glow in the dark elephant toy on it. Aim for the elephant. Laptop bag has a spider, hand bag has a unicorn and moomin papa. Don't aim for or remember the generic item, go for the friend.
@@cottencandykitten This is a critical coping technique! Having something that distinguishes my keys keeps me from taking my wife's...and truth be told, even without ADHD, she uses the same trick. I can't imagine how anyone gets along without it. Back when I travelled, she was the one who taught me to put a ribbon on my luggage so I could spot it at claims. If I were still out there, I wouldn't be divulging that trick, lest others do it too and ruin my strategy! :)
My work once had me assist during a union election, and I grabbed someone's wallet off the table and placed it in my pants pocket. He politely asked me if he could have his wallet back, and sure enough I had two wallets in my pocket lol
This video really speaks to me right now since the national med shortage means I can’t get my current prescription filled and memory issues have come back full force. Thank you for giving voice to this experience of getting distracted/forgetting things even sometimes when these things are really important to us!
Even though my memory isn't as good. I know my brain will make up for it, like an intuition will increase. For example, when I may not remember what was said or the exact details that happened, my intuition/gut/emotions/feelings will remind me that this has happened before. I think when something isn't working well, our brains will give us something to help us out. Such as being more creative, energetic, and so on. Thank you.
WOW, it's insane how much I relate to this. I think this is my greatest ADHD struggle, period. It's been super relevant at work recently too, to the point where I found this video triggering and had to talk it over with a friend. Thank you for making this, it's helped me realize just how much this has been bothering me recently, even though I've already implemented so many strategies around it. Or maybe this has been giving me anxiety BECAUSE I've already done so much about it, and it still being a struggle to me. Anyway, guess I've got some work to do.
This Video hits home right now. For a while now I have been struggling with my working memory. A lot of people around me don't understand how I can forget so much. So much it has dragged me down. I have felt so incapable or as if I don't belong. Watching your videos has lead me to talk to my own doctor and we decided to increase my meds. It has made a world of difference so far. I wanted you to know that your videos help. They have helped me. I understand now that I'm not different I just have a different operating system. 😊
I never knew ADHD had anything to do with memory. I thought people with ADHD only have problems with concentrating and sitting still so thank you so much for sharing!
I didn't get diagnosed till I was 30. With inattentive add. I'm now 35. It's amazing how much of my life's different now. And yeah the memory one was the most personal because you feel like you're the only one.
@@ebossnz6838 I want to get diagnosed and put on medication so bad. I'm only 22, but I know what's up. Now that you're on the other side, what are your notable differences? I seriously think my life can turn around in every aspect.
Feel sad and anxious about it too. I can complete a game or an anime series and totaly forget names of main charaters. But my feelings about them stays for long.
Ok, the irony…I was busy finishing my chapter for the book called “How to Remember Stuff”) and forgot my vlog about this was posting today 🤦♀
On the bright side, the chapter is looking REALLY good.
…I just need to write out the toolbox section before I forget…
forgor💀
This doesn't make sense.
Forgdor
In this video you said you felt like a B.A.D. [Broken, Awful, Defective] person and felt like a S.T.U.P.I.D. [Simpleminded, Thoughtless, Unaware, Pedantic, Irrational, Dense] person. Is this true?
Aaaaaand ... did you do it? 🙃
Important to note that memory issues can lead us to be mistreated. It was super easy for others to gaslight me since I was used to relying on others for an "accurate" record of events.
Oof, that is a very good point :(
Oh my goodness. I learned to doubt my working memory to a fault that I ask did you say x when I am hearing information.
That is SO true. I had to deal with a someone seriously scamming my elderly father that way. I believe he was undiagnosed AuDHD -- just got diagnosed myself -- and by then his short term memory was extremely poor. And in this state, there was nothing we could do about it, because he was an adult. Our only options were either to go to court and try to have him declared incompetent -- which I did NOT want to do -- or do what my wife and I did, which was constantly try to counter the gaslighting. Lots of sleepness nights, which damaged my mental health and our marriage.
Yep And on top of that we usually attract narcissists because of this 😅😭
This!
The most intimidating thing about the memory issues for me is that you never know what you're going to forget.
For real the memory issues come like a thief in the night you just don't see it coming till its too late and you already forgot something critical
Yep it's basically something out of a horror movie, like you're cursed or haunted by a memory stealing monster
Life is like a box of chocolates-...
It always what you think you could never forget
And so I obsess over not forgetting that one thing until my brain is so full of excessive obsession that I either overwhelmingly forget what I was obsessing over, or I cannot function because of the one obsessive thing that my mind blanks the obsession out yet my brain knows I’m forgetting something important.
One reason I had trouble getting diagnosed is that when I saw the psychiatrist, I couldn’t remember the things I wanted to talk about, so I just came across as generally okay.
THIS
That's why I wrote a list with my adhd symptoms. It has over 3 pages and is basically just every adhd symptom. 😆I really hope that it will help me with the diagnosis, because I wrote this while being hyperfocused :D
Fr.
I used to have this problem too. Even with my counselor/therapist. Now I keep notes on everything just like Jess.
I feel that so much! Both my father and I have to write down what we want to say, so some sessions is just us reading our phone notes. 😂
(I am diagnosed with ADHD, my father isn’t but he suspects)
"It must not have been important if you forgot it" honestly hits hard. I wish people understood that it's not done intentionally...
Yes! My mother tells me this so often.
I have ALWAYS struggled with this, and have made people I care about a lot think that I don't care about them because I can't remember an important date, etc. It takes so much effort to remember stuff, even if it's something that I care about a lot and am excited about it'll just slip out and then be gone.
I turn this phrase on its head whenever I forget things.....I'll say "it must have been something important" when I forget things - because those are the things I will often forget.
@KnordRW if it wasn't important it wouldn't make it on the list of things to remember. The important ones crowd other things out.
That's why I'm writing every important events in my Google agenda now
Literally teared up when you were talking about how forgetting things impacted your life. I remember many times when people have shamed me for forgetting important things. It made me think to myself, "How could i do this? Why can't I just remember things like everyone else?". My whole life Iv'e felt so horrible and ashamed that my memory is so bad and i felt i just wasn't good enough. Thank you for helping me feel not so alone :)
Yes me too. I am 70 years old and only started meds a year ago, but even with the meds...even knowing I had ADHD for maybe 30 years...Her story is painful and I identified.
Yeah. Me too.
I’ve forgotten my own name and birthday before and that’s not helpful when dealing with the police. Let’s just say that was an awful night
Me as well Brains! I get so emotional every time I watch one of these videos because it feels like I finally found someone who was able to explain how I'm feeling every day, the struggles I go through, and because of this channel if someone points something out to me about me forgetting something, I can refer to videos like this for advice or for a person to understand how much of a struggle this is and that if I forget something it isn't because I don't care about them.
My job uses a lot of working memory. I've been trying to switch careers for a decade now, but the shackles, they are made of gold. And the schedule is flexible. In fact, I started working 2 hours ago and got nothing done, except I don't get paid for that time... what did I even do for the past 2 hours? 😰 I dream of a repetitive mundane task. I came to YT to find a ASMR background noise to help me focus, and now I'm here. 👋
"It obviously wasn't that important to you, since you forgot" is a refrain I hear constantly and it honestly, truly made me question myself a lot over the course of my life. "Gee, I guess they're right, if it was REALLY important I wouldn't have forgotten this. I...guess I don't actually care about this thing."
❤
This is a good reminder for me to not use this line on my kids.
THIS! I've also heard "You'll either make it happen or make an excuse" for things like being on time or completing tasks. I swear the biggest effect of ADHD is being convinced (by both ourselves and others) that we don't care "enough" about anyone or anything.
I thought if I cared more I'd remember more. So I put extra care into it. 😢 I care so much more than other people that it just hurts so much more when I forget
Hi I am wondering if you can make a video request about Driving challenges with people with ADHD. This is a barrier I have been facing for a various amount of years and I need some tips.
One upside of ADHD for me is that because I'm so forgetful, I'm very forgiving when other people forget, and I don't take it personally. If a friend takes three months (or three years) to return an email, no sweat, because I forgot about my email ~fifteen minutes after I sent it. So when they do reply, it's a happy surprise for me!
Yeah nah, for me it does not work that way although I have ADHD too, if it comes to negative emotions or interactions I am just like an elephant. Unfortunately it makes me bitter and stacking negative stuff :-(
One thing that happens to me is that I get over things a lot easily. Like say I get upset about something, within an hour or few hours (even though I try to stay upset) my brian just loses it and I'm back to feeling normal. For some reaons my brain is good at just letting go and forgetting and "forgiving" In other words makes me less likely to be jealous, or holds grudges.
I don't know whether or not this thing of my brain is related to ADHD or not. Just wanted to share this.
I know what you mean, but recently forgetting that someone was toxic and screwed me over left me vulnerable for them to do that again and hurt me even worse, so now I'll never forget it. I'm now traumatized and cut them out of my life. Now I'm hoping I will forget everything and the trauma will go away.
My mother always gets mad when I don't remember, and tells me I need to start remembering. Even knowing that my ADHD causes this, my mom just calls it an excuse. It's so hard and even when I set a note for myself, I'll forget to look at the note!
It's so annoying. I agree with having the forgetfulness being the worst part of my ADHD too.
I use alarms and calendar reminders a lot. My phone alarm is set to Hei Hei screaming so I hear it even when I'm in the hyperfocus zone. My meds have multiple reminders, both on paper and on my phone as alarms and apps-just to make sure I don't forget. My laptop has sticky notes installed so I just leave a perpetual note up to remind me of things, or to take notes of an idea or something. Researching for my thesis has forced me to find a lot of different ways to remind myself of things.
Hahaha!!! "I set a note, but then I forget to look at the note!". OMG too true!!! I'll even set it on my phone so I get a pop up alert... But when that pop up comes, sometimes I'll reflexively clear it, and think "oh yeah, that's the biggest thing I have to do, I'm not going to forget!" Famous last words! 🤣🤣
I used to buy calendars and agendas to keep myself organized but then I would forget to write anything in them, and if I did write anything in them I would forget to look
Other people thinking we should 'start remembering' has got to be the funniest thing, it'd be like telling a paraplegic to "just get up and walk" -- oh, why didn't anybody tell me it was that easy?! 😄
Yea ❤❤❤
The part where «You would remember if it was important» hit me really hard. I get scorned because I need to write stuff down, because it doesn’t look like I’m paying attention. And I sometimes focus so much on writing important stuff down that I forget to contribute to the conversation. But I am getting better at being shameless about it. Thank you for talking about it!
@@Egalitarianism_Secularism Genuinely not sure if you're being sarcastic or serious
@@Egalitarianism_Secularismhey Shawn, do me a favor and go Google "how does mental disability work?" Then never tell a disabled person that they can just "train away" their disability again. Have a nice day!
You can use the Uno reverse card tho
@Shawn2025 It’s not up to you to “inspire” me out of the things I struggle with due to disabilities. That’s insulting. Your approach implies you wouldn’t believe us when you tell you that we need a specific accommodation to participate in an activity. That if we just try harder we’ll be “normal”. Whether you think that’s what you’re saying or not, that’s the end point of your approach. I wonder if you only tell people they haven’t tried hard enough without knowing a single thing about them on the internet and wouldn’t dare say it to anyone’s face.
Being shameless about our frailties is hard, but it develops over time. It's why older people can say "I'm this age & I'm honest about myself. "
The bit about needing to write a thought down so that you no longer have to hold it, that hit because it really be like that. I've been trained my whole life not to interrupt people which means I often lose the thing I wanted to say. Instead I cling onto the thought waiting for my turn to say it, but that comes at the cost of being present for what's being said by the other person.
Very well stated!!! 👏
Yeah, I have problems with that where they can TELL I'm trying to hold onto a thought and not forget it, but then if you come across as just waiting for your turn then it's very obvious and distracting. So I try my best to be active in listening and showing them I'm interested and listening, but then I often lose what I'm trying to say and what I wanted to ask and THAT can come off as not caring too and ARRRGGG it's so frustrating you lose no matter what!
This is how I have it too. I hope that you are coping. Hug.
Damn, feels like you're describing me.
I'm a relationship coach and I just figured out I have ADHD. It's been so hard listening to my client without interrupting because I know I'll forget the thing I was going to say to help them.
To me its not necessarily the forgetting stuff that impacts me most, but the stress of always feeling like there is SO much TO remember and the fear of forgetting. Always chasing my own tail. It's tiring.
This is true
@@prapanthebachelorette6803 try post it notes and reminders on your phone sooo helpful for me
legit true ...trying to remember many things and you forget most of them . before going college, l always prepare myself the day before l go with everything l need . than next day in college , l forget to bring a pen . 🤣
indeed. i always feel like i've forgotten something really important, like paying bills or deadlines. recently i procrastinated applying to higher education so much, that i missed the deadline to it. and now i have to wait 6 months to apply again :(
… by the end of the day the stress of trying not to forget something important can completely deplete me. Even with “scaffolding” in my life.
Memory is my #1 struggle as someone with ADHD. I forget things that people just told me, I forget birthdays, I forget to eat, I forget to write in my notebook, I forget that I made plans with Jessica later this week, I forgot that I signed up for that new workout thing, I forget to pay my bills, I forget some of my most important and life altering memories.
I have spent years trying to get better but it isn't as easy as it sounds. I have learned to live with these parts of myself but the shame that goes along with being unable to remember even some of the most basic things means I just live a VERY different life than my friends who can remember things
I used to be so scared of forgetting things forever that I drew my favorite things so I'd never forget. Or sent them in a text to myself.
Maybe this explaines my obsession with photographing everything that I want to remember, assuming I can remember to take the photo in the first place
One of my big ones.. forgetting to cancel a subscription after a free trial, for example. Oh.. and paying the DMV registration on time is apparently nearly impossible for me.
I have, in fact, forgotten to eat. Just this week, I was getting ready for bed at, like, 10:30pm, and I was like, "Y'know, I don't think I ever ate dinner!", so I ended up making a frozen pizza.
Then there's the times that I remember to eat, but forget that I did, so now I'm wondering if I actually ate, so I eat again even though I'm not actually hungry, my brain just thinks I'm hungry because I can't remember that I just had dinner two hours ago.
Forgetting a coworker's name when I have been working with them for ages is definitely something that happens to me way tooo often. I literally say peoples names in my head when I walk by them in the hall to remind myself constantly
Yesterday I struggled to remember the names of my direct superiors. Worked with them for the last 10 years. Remembered one name, blanked on the other three. Awkward because it was during a phone call with big boss...
I called my coworker the right name, then immediately corrected myself to another coworker's name only to take it back right away - fun times! This was just as he walked in and I was just saying hi. So embarrassing.
Omg same! xD Even on my way to a meet-up, I'm thinking "Okay so the older couple are... Bill?- no Gil and Helen, the short one is Emma..." etc 💀💀
Or when you have to write down a thing or relay it. Like a 4 digit number and you repeat it to yourself over and over and over the whole walk between where you got it and where you need to deliver it and the person asks for it and it's already gone :'(
One of the hardest things to deal with. I hate this part of it. Thank goodness for google calendar.
Forgetting intimate details of my loved ones' lives is the worst feeling.
And... I forgot the rest of the brilliant point I was about to make... The struggle is so dang real.
As an undiagnosed ADHDer, I can attest that relationship forgetfulness is the worst. I'm in a cross-country relationship and I wanna say that "out of sight, out of mind" is a struggle I deal with every day. I forget about my husband every day (unless I'm actively thinking of him) because he's not physically around. and it's already very hard to remember the trips we've taken and the times together; it makes it feel impossible sometimes. And then I'm left with this feeling of longing and loss without much to attach it to other than maybe a single blur from a recent trip or a fleeting snap-image of his gaze or laugh. Somehow we've gotten through 5 years so far but only in the last 6 months have I realized I probably have ADHD and it's been getting much harder over the time we've been together. It's been freeing to find a reason for things, but also doesn't change the fact I can't remember anything from our relationship most of the time and it's pretty mentally devastating.
Eye colour…….birthdays…….when their parent died 😪😪😪
I don't remember 2 of my 4 kids' first steps, and it really hurts my feelings that I don't remember.
So i KNOW my working memory sucks, and I KNOW that it is a part of adhd, but hearing someone else talk about the issue, is SO validating! Thankyou.
So much of my anxiety comes from worrying about WHAT IM FORGETTING 😩
@Jared Haas i can relate!
I've realized that my mood improves when either I am sick, or something terrible happens to me. It gives me the certainty that a) I have an excuse for not remembering/doing stuff or b) I know exactly what is the number 1 priority at this moment.
Soooooooo true "Am I supposed to be doing something important right now?" And setting up a ridiculous amount of alarms/reminders for everything I need to do.
yep... 🙃
Every morning on my drive to work I’m trying to think of what I may have forgotten to do before leaving…
My name is also Jess and I also have ADHD and I'm so forgetful that I was afraid that I was getting dementia because I'd forget the smallest things so quickly.
I’ve always joked that if I ever got Alzheimer’s how would anyone know?
Omg same!! Every once in a while i went from believing that i was going crazy, that i had early dementia or alzheimer's
If it helps... (not 100%, but for some things, or a general thing)
If "cues" help you remember (eg you see your empty paper and remember you wanted to get a new pencil...) its less likely dementia
And well... risk factor number one is age...
Yes! I worried about this too before I was diagnosed. It was such a huge relief to hear that it was a common ADHD trait. I had no idea.
OMG, this. And my Mom was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. 💔🙄
Almost crying watching this. My number one issue and my biggest cause of stress. Funnily enough, I wasn’t diagnosed for years, because I’d go to the Dr and say, ‘I’m worried about my memory’. Then pass their memory test and be sent on my way.
Yep, that's because the test is interesting and trivial at the time, so your brain stores the information.
@@Oatmilllk They really are trivial!!
I had the exact same experience with the doctor.
@krisgormley621 what kind of test you have done can you tell me please
I almost cried in this video. My memory is something I have been ashamed of for so long. Forgetting names of people and places has been so damaging - to others as well as myself. I'm constantly battling myself to not interrupt people for the exact thing you described. That is literally what it is like.
I can't even express how this made me feel. Knowing that there is someone who can put into words let alone understand.
Thank you.
How old are you , I dont forget close friends name but others I don't remember sometimes doese this happen to you
One thing I've been thinking about lately-which I don't think I've heard anyone in the ADHD space ever mention before, but it's something I've noticed often enough with many ADHDers-is how hard it can be to speak without interruptions in your speech. By this, I mean that often we'll pause as we try to remember the next word we were gonna say, like "Hey, I'm gonna go to the, uh...grocery store, to get...err, milk." It can make holding a conversation both challenging and embarrassing, which is why I much prefer communicating via text rather than voice. To me this is related to a lack of working memory, but I've never heard anyone talk about this issue while discussing the subject. Have any of your colleagues done any research or posted any videos on this?
I struggle with this too. I hope you find what you are looking for, best of luck.
I do this, but I think my gaps (I hate filler words, so I just stay silent) are longer than I experience them as, because people have started finishing the word / sentence for me. * sigh *
This! Yes, this is me, and I've been looking for this type of comment! I'm still new to the ADHD space, only realized a few weeks ago that I probably have it, and I didn't know if preferring text over voice for that reason was connected to my probably having ADHD.
Oh i have this issue! It's especially hard in things like public speaking where the ums and errs can take away from your point
This could also be caused by PTSD.
A lot of my childhood trauma stems from nobody believing that I couldn’t remember things. This stunted my already poor communication skills and lead to a lot of self doubt and low self esteem. Even today I struggle with not being believed. The silver lining is my oldest and I can understand each other’s struggles really well and I think we have a good parent/child relationship because we are so similar. I’m positive he has ADHD too although we haven’t had him officially diagnosed yet.
I relate to this alot! My mom would get so infuriated with me forgetting ALOT and always loosing my things..
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .
I'm 54 - and I still can feel the intense shame I felt at 10 years old about forgetting to buy my bus ticket. Forgetting it every single month. Watching you sparkling with intelligence and competence while you let us see a glimpse of that pain shine through makes me cry. Love you.
ADHD has affected me my entire life , now at 54 I still struggle and it has such a negative impact on my life . There is still a stigma and it worse at an older age. I wish your videos were on TV or PSA
I'm 53, 54 in 2 months exactly. I have no idea why this video popped onto my stream today. The 1st first few minutes of this video were describing everything I have experienced, for years! Today I was returned a scarf I had forgotten yesterday. My pair of glasses has my mobile/cell number taped alongside one of its arms. I have lost so many expensive frames I've resorted to doing this for my latest pair. I keep forgetting to recover my bank card on the cashier's sensor as I pack stuff into bags; thus far I have not had it stolen or not recovered but once I went to an atm and forgot to take the money. I leave my house keys in the lock when I leave home, I am notoriously known for forgetting something wherever I go. I forget peoples' names, I forget things in the middle of things
Do I have ADHD? Or just this bloody symptom Have I finally found an answer to this madness?
@@marcor4706 hi have you been tested by a doc for ADHD? If not this should be a first step . If in fact you do have it ask about Straterra this has changed my life. I have been on it for over 12 yrs . And I’m only on 18mg
@@SANKORGRE you mean as you age forgetfulness is increasing
?
It never occurred to me that memory could be the reason I hate formal phone calls so much. As an RN, I know if I call a doctor they're going to ask a lot of specific questions that I won't have quick answers to, and it stresses me out so much I put off calling. Even making appointments, because I'll realize I don't know the dates I have or won't have my credit card ready. Knowing why does oddly make it a bit easier. I'm constantly writing stuff down (and often losing or forgetting the notes), but this made me realize it's SO I can better focus on the rest of what is being said.
So true! I have 100% the same stress over phone calls.
Same! I have to wait until I have nothing else more pressing, take my medicine so I can focus, get fully prepared, have no distractions, THEN I can make a phone call. I've also learned I'm a MUCH better texter because I can think before I text back, unlike a phone call where you have to come up with an answer quick or feel like an idiot!
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane This! I always struggled with phone calls to the point that I got a lot of grief at work for avoiding making them and emailing instead. I needed the prep and processing time to deal with questions and the phone does not give you that.
Oh. My. Gosh. This is why I hate making phone calls! Which makes it impossible to call the doctor and reorder medication or schedule things!
Light bulb on!
@@MarkWilsonCreative Yes! I wish people could understand why we do things the way we do!
I was thinking, the other great thing about texting and emailing is we can go back and reread what someone wrote when we've forgotten it, lol! 😆 🤣
When I was a kid, my parents always told me since I forgot it was that I just did not care about so many things. But over time they found out about my ADHD forgetfulness and have come around to it. I hate forgetting, even when I am looking for my car keys when they are in my hand!
Ugh same. Like I do care. And it especially hurt when it was said about something I obviously cared about.
I had the same experience as a kid. My mom would even accuse me of not caring about HER because I would forget to do something she asked me to do. I hated myself, not her. Sooo much shame.
I don’t always equate “forgetting” with “can’t remember”. Forgetting to take the trash out on a Monday, for me, isn’t the same as my inability to remember a new process. Both are incredibly frustrating and debilitating and don’t help with other associated mental health issues.
Agree. My mind deletes names. Downright deletes them. Immediately after hearing them.
The memory issues can increase when you get older too... Because we go through hormonal changes that also affects our brain... Having something like brain fog coupled with ADHD is a real blast! lol!
Ya that's true-!!
When I was in grade 5th I had memory issues but not alot
Now that I'm coming to the end of grade 6th, my memory issues has gotten ALOT worse-💀
I have no clue how bad it'll get to by the time I get to 8th-💀💀💀💀
Exactly! I can totally relate to this.
add that to the brain fog from covid, my first semester back after summer break was awful. I was lucky my professors were really forgiving.
Yes agreed, I feel like I have some bouts of memory issues sometimes… and they can be big, but I have been using an ADHD specialized planner that is red and yellow colors that has helped tremendously in starting a habit of having a calendar. I’ve made it to month three so far
I was going to say that too. Premenopause is not fun, and hormones already start getting slighly wacky around 40 for a lot of women.
The making phone calls thing is so relatable - the other day someone asked me my zipcode over the phone and I totally blanked and could not remember my own zipcode. I have to have a notepad with me when making phone calls and sometimes for work calls I even write myself a little script on the notepad that I can just read out to explain why I'm phoning.
this is the type of stuff that makes me think i don't have it, I can remember zipcodes, social securites , heck I can remember my ICQ number, like 99% of the time. but sometimes I have to enter the number and it just goes away, which I belive is normal... the hard thing for me would be names and some words, sometimes I forget the name of a person 30 seconds after I met them or sometimes the name of a coworker just vanishes, but the hardest part for me is forgetting words and places sometimes I can't remember the words for simple stuff like "graph" or sometimes I know a lot about a subject, and when I have to explain it I just forget the name of some specific thing in that subject
@@guerra_dos_bichos I relate to that. I'm bad at things like dates, but I know my full card info, bank account and routing number (but I have to pull it up every time anyway because I question which number is which), etc, if I want to memorize a mid-length string of numbers short term or long term it's very doable for me. If someone says a 6 digit number out loud once, it's like my brain goes "oh that's important" and it's like a familiar melody in my head
When I was trying to DM, I had to write mini-scripts or key phrases that I wanted to recall down because I'd forget words like cathedral or periwinkle, I knew I could just say roughly the same thing a different way but it was so off-putting to not find the words I want
@@cass6020 yeah exactly, some times i just say "that thing related to such stuff" lol
I can relate to every comment for this thread. I can at times rattle off work orders and part numbers at work when others wonder at how I remember them, then there are so many times that I forget my zip code. I chalked it up to being new to the area or being flustered in an unknown city at a gas station, but this is clicking and making sense.
@Guerra dos Bichos I think your experiences are valid. Welcome to the family.
Based on my experience, the forgetfulness also makes us more vulnerable to gaslighting. And being made to feel like WE are the true gaslighters in the situation.
I used to live with someone who basically said that I couldn't be trusted to remember anything, and if it came down to my memory versus her memory, we should go with hers every time. Which was super convenient for her, cause she'd always remember me making promises I am pretty sure I would have never made or me insulting her in ways I am pretty sure I would never have done, etc. And every time I would tell her that I didn't do what she was accusing me of, she would always insist I was gaslighting her.
Thankfully, this person is out of my life now, but still... opens you up much more to extra toxic people.
I'm in that situation now, and it feels horrible to not be able to trust your own memory or feelings. If you don't mind me asking, what was the final sign/moment that made the decision for you to walk away?
@@Nicfallenangel
In my case, she was the one who walked away from me, so that was really the only reason I realized how toxic she was.
But just based on hindsight, I would say maybe just be on the lookout for red flags. Like, do they always assume the worst about your intentions for everything you do? Are they talking dirty about you to your mutual friends when you're not around? Are they being passive aggressive rather than having an adult conversation with you about what's bothering them? Do you find yourself desperately wanting them to like you but at the same time you feel miserable any time you are with them?
I would say that those are some clear signs that you might want to consider leaving them. But I definitely recommend getting advice from someone more qualified than me, if you can.
@@Lady_de_Lis Thank you for being so open and honest with me.
I am starting to notice flags and have been talking with a counselor while trying to figure everything out. I know how easy confirmation bias filters in when I can only see "my side" of the situation and leaning only on videos and the words of strangers. Your comments definitely help and bring up things I can explore with my counselor later. Thank you again.
Do you not find also that some people are incredibly confident in their own memory, and yet even though you can't prove they are wrong (because your own memory is vague) you know for a fact they are wrong. My memory is poor but it responds well to prompts and triggers, at which point I can actually tell when other people are confidently remembering wrong.
I don't think I've seen such a supportive and engaged TH-cam community... EVER!
90% of comments are a whole paragraph of someone's personal story or experience. I think its a testament to how perfectly the information is presented for us to consume. Its fast, simple and most importantly - Its relatable!
I originally came to this channel a few months ago to help me explain my struggles to those closest to me. I've since been through a catalogue of old videos dating back years and years that will always stay relevant. I find there's always more to learn about myself and new strategies to try and hopefully manage myself in a better way. Thank you!
Me too 😂
Yes! This really touched me because I have been embarrassed/harassed my whole life for forgetting people's names. Especially when we had to pass out valentines. My dad once said "you have been going to school with these kids for how many years and you still don't know their names"?! Thank you for sharing these experiences. It's good to know that there are others that deal with the same stuff.
Honestly, I found that our school photos were useful because they had a list of people’s names under them. It was very helpful.
Names are the worst part
As soon as you mentioned forgetting birthdays I remembered that today is my mom’s birthday 😂 thank you for putting words to the struggles we’ve faced our whole lives and showing that we’re in this community together!
This is a real struggle. I got lucky I remembered at the right time too!
I read this and just remembered, it was my dads birthday this month. He doesnt care abt birthdays tho.
Idk if i have adhd tho
I might have ADHD. Try forgetting a wedding
Telling myself it is okay to take notes has been so hard. I was diagnosed 5 months ago, and I'm still nervous to ask people if it is okay to stop. It is amazing the roadblocks that have been set in front of us because of allistic expectations. Thank you for talking about this.❤
It's a good natured (as best as I can tell, my recent Autism dx makes me wonder if I'm missing subtle dissing) joke at my new job, that I have to write it in my notebook (Rocketbook) or my recollection is NOT going to be good.
Also Co workers have learned that I may repeat stuff a bit, as I write it down, but my notes are laid out in a way I am now asked about stuff.
As a prolific note-taker myself, I would just suggest instead of asking if it's OK to stop, to just explain that this is important to you and you want to make sure you've got it, and to ask them if they can go slowly so you can make notes. It might not be practical in a group setting, but in my experience if I'm one on one with someone it helps to just let them know what I'm doing and why
I'm so self conscious about my note taking. My coworkers tease me about it a lot. I hate that it makes me look like I'm Type A and Serious. It gives people a totally inaccurate picture of my personality. I joke along at my own expense, but I wish I could be like them.
Lol not me just not taking notes bc I won’t read them nor remember. I do a lot of lists and put dates in my phone though. But if it’s long than a quick note, I won’t bother. I’m a terrible note taker & have a hard time narrowing info down
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .
My son is 5 and were pretty certain he has ADHD (its hard to get a diagnosis at this age) and he constantly says "i forgot" and its been so hard for me to know if he actually forgot or if hes just a kid being careless. He forgets things like rules that hes reminded of every single day, steps in a routine that hes done everyday for years, etc. My husband has ADHD as well and i often feel ignored and unimportant to him because he never remembers things I tell him. This video solidifies to me that they really dont remember, and as frustrating it is to me to constantly hear "i forgot", it has to be a million times more frustrating to them to be the one who cant remember. Thank you for the eye opener ❤
And then there is the paradox of being able to remember every intricate detail of something that you have an interest in. And people don't understand that your brain just works different and get mad that you forget something they find important but can't forget something you think is important.
My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD which has made me realise, I’m just like him.
My wife always gets angry when I interrupt her and other people stories with questions and I never understood why I kept doing it, even though she has complained to me over and over again.
This video gives me a lot of clarity.
Thanks
Oh man
My mother died when I was 16 (about 12,5 years ago) and it terrified me how quickly I started to forget things about her.
I didn't know that I have ADHD until August of 2021, but knowing that makes me worry about this even more.
I may have children one day but I feel like I won't be able to tell them stories about their grandmother anymore, because I won't remember any.
I feel this deeply. My long term memory is a baron wasteland sparsely populated by isolated highlights for the most part. It makes me so sad.
@@MarkWilsonCreative this... Is a sobering but accurate description of our memory. Daaaaamn
Same for me, that kind of stuff gets burried very easily. Have the same issues. Few weeks ago I had a discussion with my wife as she is learning how to deal with me and the kids who inherited my genes. She was wondering how it would be if she would die, I had to admit that probably I would go on very quickly. That because I am to blunt to have anything with losing people and basically because the out of sight rule. I love them but if they would die or just leave I would most likely just forget.
People in the past would say I am coldhearted and indifferent, it is painful they do not understand what is going on with our brains.
I'm so sorry. Would it help if you set an alarm to go off every day to remind you to spend 15-30 minutes writing memories of your mom? Carry a small notebook and pen maybe?
Idk your adhd or your situation but, I’ve always had a really good long term memory, the buried memories. I was worried about the same thing when my dad passed in 2009 but, the memories come back at the oddest time like I went to look at the stars the other night and remembered watching Haley’s comet with a telescope with my father down to the smell of his cigarette and cologne
For me, my memory issues feel a lot like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue, and you just can't remember it. It's that feeling but for so many things.
"I know I'm forgetting something but I've forgotten what it is." Yeah...that. There's just a thought-shaped hole.
@@MarkWilsonCreative well put!
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me i wanna know if i have dementia or it is adhd.
I've personally coped with the forgetfulness by, for example, always putting things in the same spot, like by the door so I see it before I leave. What's been so frustrating is when {whatever} was moved, either by myself or someone else. I've arrived at work several times w/o my laptop because I moved my bag the night before, or someone moved it during cleaning for instance.
Out of sight, not just out of mind, but gone out the door, bought a plane ticket, and now working on a tan at the beach.
Your video about working memory was a gam changer for me. No one had ever told me that was a thing before, let alone an ADHD thing.
Hello, there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it on youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .
Thank you so much for this insightful video! Constantly being told "if it mattered to you, you'd remember it" is so frustrating and disheartening because I wish I could convey just how much I also wish I would remember. It's seriously just NOT. THAT. SIMPLE.
Love your videos! ❤
Thank you SO MUCH for mentioning the name thing. This was the number one symptom that really hurt my life -- that I was aware of. When I finally got treatment for ADHD, I didn't know that was a symptom of ADHD. But I did notice I could remember names!!! It was one of the greatest moments in my life! On the flip side, as with every other symptom I had (before I was diagnosed), I developed a workaround: I would tell people, when I first met them, that I have a horrible time remembering names. Anyone with whom I associate knows I have/had the problem, so I would just talk to them, remind them I couldn't remember, and kept going. Having a partner is also a good workaround. I also cover for my partner like this, too: Basically, you walk up to the person you really don't know, accuse your partner of being rude, and ask them their name. This means my partner was only being rude to me (something everyone laughs at), and we can then use the person's name. My partner will do that for me, too. As an FYI, if I write things down I immediately forget them; it's because I know longer worry about remembering the detail, I wrote it down. Then I lose whatever I was using to write it down... For what it is worth, I do have a theory on the mechanism that makes us forget stuff works: We only have so much working memory. Our brains try to determine priority for what is/is not important. When we start running out of room (like being overwhelmed), our minds start flushing information that is considered unimportant.
Yeah, I agree with you on the mind flushing information it considers unimportant, sometimes I wish my mind was better at figuring out what is or is not important.
I just learned to never use names unless I really knew them.
And words! I feel so dumb when words are right on the tip of my tongue but I just can't bring them to mind.
I started to really notice how bad I am with names in high school. Class sizes got bigger and I couldn't keep up. I used to feel so embarrassed when a random classmate might ask me for a favor and use my name. I'd be like: "How do they know my name when we've barely interacted and I can't remember theirs?" I've started doing the same thing. Warning people in advance that I am TERRIBLE with names lol. It literally takes me meeting a person and doing introductions maybe 4 times over until I've got their name down. Even then I still space things. Once I had to call medical transport for my mom after she had surgery and I forgot her birthday 😭😭
This is why I talk to people with their name, for example "Hi Jessica, how are you" so I remind myself, but also others of people's names 😊
I've been accused of not caring about things because I had forgotten about them and It really hurt my feelings because my heart is way bigger than that.
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
Yes. This.
We love so much and so hard. Why can't people see that through the forgetfulness?
You probably won't see this as it's an older video, but I'm a guy in my 40s and finally, after various diagnoses, realising that so many of my personality traits and my failures in life is down to ADHD. It wasn't helped by comorbidity with depression, anxiety etc. but... Watching your videos, it's like looking into a mirror. It's like being smacked in the face with a mirror, heh.
I've lost promotion opportunities, 'failed' in tasks I should have easily been able to do, let down my very patient manager, had to repeatedly repeat university subjects... it's had such an enormous impact on my life and I'm just now, watching this video, realising how ADHD has basically repeatedly slammed me into the ground.
I actually feel like crying, and I'm a pretty stoic person.
One thing I keep needing to remind myself is that memory doesn’t need to be a “in the past” sort of thing. I often have trouble where I can be looking directly at something and literally not see a number or a word no matter how much I try to “slow down” or “be careful” , but if I’m overwhelmed or tired or haven’t taken my meds 💀 nothing I can do will stop me from being blind to tiny details
I love this. So relatable. I especially hate when I forget wheat I'm talking about mid sentence or can't think of the word I want to use even though I know it. It definitely affects self esteem and self perception.
The "forgot what I'm doing as im doing it" is just next level.
I told a fellow traider it happens to me cuz they were crocheting and forgot the number they had said. And they're like "ahh the joys of being neuro-divergent "
Cuz i has lost a rubber duck... and obviously i forgot i would forget who had him. And i forgot to take a note book. Or give them my contacts, or take ther contacts.. and i had forgotten earlier my partner needed my phone to take card payments so i had left my phone with him..
Omg. And . I forgot to pack my banner when i left!
So much forgetting!!!!
Forgetting the word I want to use really hits for me. And I can't remember anyone else ever stopping in the middle of a sentence and searching for the word. It is one of the reasons I've procrastinated on learning a second language. If I can't remember the English word for it, how will I be able to remember the word in a new language?
@@Crazy5711well, you fill that gap with the other language (s). Real fun!
This has gotten worse for me over time. I was a little scatty as a kid and appeared "ditzy" more than anything (and also we didn't know then I had ADHD), and now in adulthood, I'm so much more forgetful. I have more compassion towards my father now who has always been forgetful like this too.
It's possible also that you're now expected to remember more things than when you're a kid. Kids have parents who are helping manage that stuff, but adults just kinda are on their own
I might start the process of checking for ADHD soon. I'm very careful not to diagnose myself, but so many things from channels like these hit home and this is one of the things that I see in myself the most. I try so hard, but trying hard doesn't really help, and it's takes so much enegry and I feel so bad when I forget something that impacts someone (forgot my moms birthday just a few days ago, she was cool about it as she knows me by now and I bought her a gift in advance). I just wan to figure up what's up so I can find ways to make it easier. thank you for the awesome content.
Till you diagnose it or whatever Keep a note book or maybe keep notes on your cell phone but a notebook is better then do a daily summary on your computer. Its not a cure but you will be able to find what you forgot.
I dump as much info as possible into Obsidian so i can find it later. Same position as you, I don’t know if I’m ADHD but a lot of people tell me i might be.
Don't worry about misdiagnosis If you think you have it just start keeping a note pad handy and write down things you really want to remember maybe get one of those appointment calendars that manages your time and you keep important dates with reminders of when they are coming up.
that way you can fix the problem and not worry about diagnosis since that seems to bother you.
I'd like to get checked for ADHD or autism (I can relate a lot to both), but I'm afraid that my history of concussions will be used to explain away my symptoms (like my doctor already does with my lifelong struggle with insomnia)
@@nicolebacon2747 yes I've had that problem
The topaz earring anecdote hit me so hard. I had something similar happen, but it was a piece of jewelry from my grandfather who passed a few years prior. I had such shame to the fact that I broke down even trying to tell my mom.
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
I appreciate this video. It had me in tears a few times because I can relate to your feelings of success and the frustration that comes with the consequences of just simply forgetting. I was tested and diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10. My parents did not tell me about the diagnosis until I was in my 30s. Growing up not knowing I have ADHD but knowing I was different and did not fit the mold everyone was trying to push me into was so frustrating because I would constantly fail at things and not feel like I was successful at it. My parents would always tell me that, "forgetting is not an excuse." Yes, I understand as a kid and teenager that sometimes I would just say that to get them off my back about something, but the majority of the time it was legitimate forgetting. And I would get so angry and confused why they did not realize I truly would forgot things. So to avoid the inevitable anxiety and depression that comes from this constantly happening, which by the way did not help as you would guess, my mind would radically accept the fact that I was just "dumb", "different in a bad way", "doomed to fail and not achieve what I truly want to in life", etc. It is a habit that I am trying to overcome and break, unfortunately it had decades to become rooted in my brain.
I guess I am just trying to say thank you for addressing this. I beat myself up bad for forgetting even the smallest most insignificant things, and this video gave me hope. It helped me realize that it is okay to forget and I am not alone even when I have convinced myself for decades that I was.
What did I just read.
I'm nearly 63 and was only diagnosed aged 59. I read somewhere, I forget where 😁, that us adhders have problems encoding memories in the first place.
I feel like huge chunks of my life just happened without me creating memories. There are so many things that I wish that I could remember 😔
❤❤ I feel the same, you are not alone
I think we don't encode the memory because we're paying attention to something else almost right away.
I think I’ve read it takes about 25 minutes before something held in short term memory to be transferred to long term memory. Which would explain a lot for us, wouldn’t it? 🙄
I tend to not be able to actively recall memories on demand. Also I know that memories are in there somewhere, but it's like they are stored as bits of information without context rather than as a whole series of events. If you asked me what I learned from 5th grade, I couldn't tell you, but if you asked me about something which I learned in back 5th grade, there's a good chance I could remember the answer, dispite not remembering where it came from.
Absolutely!! So many times I would do something with friends, like see a movie or go to a concert, and afterwards have no real memory of what happened. One of my friends can remember set lists from concerts we saw decades ago, but I often can't even remember going to that show. Oddly, I have perfect memory of song titles, artists, lyrics, and odd TV shows from the 80s.
And as she mentioned in the video, I have a co-worker whose name I can almost never remember - even when reminded of his name only moments previous.
This is the thing I struggle the most and the worst thing is that I am not even aware of it. Before I learnt about ADHD I thought I had dementia and then I saw one of your shorts and read the symptoms of ADHD - made me feel so happy nothing was wrong with me! Looking forward to an official diagnosis, thank you! 🧡
Since discovering that my working memory issues are due to ADHD, I've often used this analogy: "My brain is like a computer with a powerful CPU but limited RAM." Obviously, this will only mean something if the person you're talking to has a basic knowledge of computer hardware, but I think it's pretty apt.
Now back to watching the video! (I paused partway through to post this before I forgot. 😆)
Limited RAM and a really fragmented hard drive with unpredictable seek times!
Heh. I say "two terabyte hard drive with 256 kb RAM." The knowledge is there, but it can be pretty hard to access sometimes. Also, if I add one thing to my morning "to-do" list, something inevitably drops off. This has led to some embarrassment as I leave my phone or glasses at home.
I say "my brain is an extensive library with no search function"
I really needed to hear this. I was tearing up through most of this video. My memory issues have been such a huge obstacle in my life. You described so well that feeling of shame when forgetting the name of a friend I'm either talking to or talking about. You're such a genuinely kind and open person and I appreciate you so much! 😊
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
do dou struggling to remember names since childhood or this is somthing happened recently please reply
A simple tool I use when I'm either going up to order something or have a certain number of items I want to discuss during a call and I'm worried about forgetting them, I hold that number with my fingers and drop my fingers as I knock off the items . It's helped me enormously when I don't have time in-between thinking and the task to write it down
You know what’s bothering me most lately? Conversations, most of the time because of the speedy brain, i latch onto a detail that seems interesting or important to me on the conversation, and my partner sees it differently or don’t understand my way of running down the idea that we end up arguing and it ends up with me not being “understanding”. Sometimes it ends up in really bad fights when in truth i was really trying to listen and make conversation.
Sometimes this happens to me because I've instantly thought things through past the point of their thinking and I've left them in the dust. Other times it's just that I'm focusing on some part they don't seem to think is important but I cannot understand why they cannot see it is critical.
@@tomorrow4eva yeah it’s the same as I meant to say
@@tomorrow4eva this, this has caused me no end of marital strife. And friction at work. I get very frustrated when I've already reached the conclusion I know any logical person would come to, but much faster, and I try to shortcut everyone else by telling them so, but they don't see this as helpful, and it just ends in fighting and taking even longer, and now they're adversarial towards that conclusion even if it's correct. And it doesn't matter how many times you were right in the end, they'll still never take you at your word until they think of it themselves. And if you're ever wrong ONCE, that's it, it'll be pointed at as proof of your unreliability forever more.
@@W1ldTangent Yes. Instead we have to sit there, bored, waiting for them. It's like being Cassandra of Troy.
I had a fight just last night with my wife. I overanalyzed a song she said she resonates with. I “ran her over” and “high jacked” the conversation to make it about me. I didn’t mean to and the moment I realized I came to a dead stop apologized and asked her to continue. She was already mad and refused to. We didn’t speak the rest of the night.
I am 53 and ADHD symptoms have always been a part of my life.
Thank you so much for what you have shared. You showed me that ADHD was not just the funny cute symptoms "everyone" knows about. The Wall of Awful resonated hugely with me.
I have been able to send people to your videos to explain what goes on in my head.
Your videos showed me that many things I have struggled with were symptoms more so than character flaws. They lead me to pursuing a diagnosis.
I got the diagnosis today. My own self image was that I would be ADHD inattentive. The diagnosis surprised me to be Hyper and inattentive.
I have over my life come up with many coping methods, TH-cam can give tips, I am looking for meds from the medical community.
Again, thank you. I am glad the algorithm decided I needed to hyper focus on ADHD and sent me here.
To be more on topic. There is a super power. I can rewatch movies and TV over and over and usually they're new. I do not try to remember them and they just go away.
I was reading the comments and I was reminded of working in a shop as a mechanic. I was talking to a co worker and I called him by the wrong name and he was offended. He had run out of work shirts and borrowed someone elses and it had that person's name on it. I had been reading names not remembering them.
It is weird because I can remember some things very well, but not others. I can remember something that someone told me years ago, but I forget people's names. Luckily, I was able to get through my degrees. My problem is losing keys, forgetting where I parked, remembering names, etc.
You remember the emotional things. I can remember the first time i ever saw my girlfriends smile like it was yesterday. But i can't remember her birthday ever.
I once asked security how to report my car stolen. The security guard said, “You’re car was not stolen. No car thief is gonna pay for a lost parking ticket to steal a car.” He was right. I just forgot that I hadn’t parked on my normal floor because there were spots open on the lower level.
I added this to my watchlist 4 months ago, but I forgot to watch it untill now. Still delivering the irony.
I lost my mother's London Fog coat when I was a young woman. She had a memory with that coat from about 40 years earlier.... I felt horrible. I have felt horrible so many times about being forgetful. I'm so happy for you that you're SO YOUNG and have figured so much of this out already. I had no clue why I was such a screw up for decades of my life. You're very fortunate and you help so many others with these videos. Thank you 💖
I've left things behind in restaurants and theaters. It sucks!
Thank you so much for creating these videos. You’re changed my life. 50 years of not understanding why I’ve struggled through life and I finally know. Happening across your channel has been life changing. I was just officially diagnosed with ADHD and I’ve finally started to unpack what I can do to make my life better.
Me too
I was diagnosed at 55, and it has taken me years to unpack things. i'm still unpacking things! Be kind to yourself, and enjoy your journey. 😊
Same! It explains my whole life swimming uphill. I'm 50 as well. I give myself much more grace and patience.
How was the process of getting diagnosed? I think I need help but I’m intimidated to get diagnosed. Did you have to convince your doctor?
@@katherinegetchell6967 I happened to be seeing a therapist at the time and after encountering these videos I suggested to her that I likely had ADHD. It only took a few minutes. I was lucky in that she was very supportive. She was embarrassed that she hadn't identified it. But it's ok because I've had a lifetime of masking it. If you have healthcare with mental health support they should have a list of therapists in the area. I would ping several of them and make it clear you think you have ADHD. Hopefully you have someone specializing in treatment nearby. Involving your primary doctor is probably not a bad idea, but shouldn't be necessary unless you can only get therapy through their recommendation.
I lost a necklace that my mom had given to me before I went to live abroad. It belonged to my maternal grandma, and it was the only thing I had of her. And one day, I slept over at a friend's and I took it off when I went to sleep. The next day, I left their house and forgot the necklace. My friend ended up moving out of the place about a week after because some issues he had with his roommates and I was never able to get back my necklace. It's still a bit sad and frustrating to think about it.
Just finding out at 38 that I probably have ADHD. Mind-blowing. I've been watching your videos religiously, just trying to learn and soak in everything. But, I forget almost immediately so this video is so spot on for me. That toy for being so real with this and everything else you've experienced. It's so validating to know I'm not forgetful because I don't care. I just can't remember! ❤ Thanks @howtoadhd
I feel seen. 😭 I have notes and reminders for EVERYTHING. I definitely struggle with conversations, complicated movies, and TV shows, because I physically can only retain so much information and for so long before it’s gone from my brain. Seeing a movie in a theater is particularly difficult because I can’t take notes. My wife struggles to understand my condition and after 10 years she still thinks I’m just flaky. I can tell she’s thinking “Just try harder, jeez, what’s wrong with you?” 😢
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me i wanna know if i have dementia or it is adhd.
5:45 My family kinda has a code for this, mostly for when we suddenly remember something off topic. It used to be that someone would just start discussing subject B out of nowhere, but everyone else is still on subject A and has no clue what the other is talking about. Now if we suddenly remember something only slightly related or completely off topic, we say, "clap, clap." (IDK why, but someone said we need to start clapping when we switch subjects, but then we decided to say it instead.) Everyone in the household knows this means that someone needs to say something that's not part of the current conversation, so no one's confused when they start speaking. Whoever 'claps' doesn't have to hold onto an unrelated thought until the conversation is over and they forget. I found that this also somehow makes it easier to hold onto the current subject as well for when we get back to it. For some reason having that signifier tells my brain that "we need to put this down and pick it up later," and it allows me to package up whatever point we're at in a conversation and 'freeze' it. Like if we have less slots in our working memory, I'm just taking the things that I don't have slots for and putting them into one box that takes up one slot. I don't have to hold onto the details of what I froze in the box, I can just hold the box and 'read whatever thoughts I wrote on the label' when I pull it out of the freezer.
Ex. Your having a discussion on desert, and a desert that grandma likes came up. Then, you suddenly remember that one of you needed to call grandma about a sewing class you're taking her too. Sewing, grandma, and driving to X place at Y time has nothing to do with chocolate cake, but if you say, "clap clap" before asking, "when was that sewing thing supposed to be?" I'll stop thinking about cake and think, "ok, what do I know that's relevant to sewing? Oh yeah, grandma's class! It's at 3 tomorrow, lemme text her real quick that we'll pick her up at 2:30." and then we can pick up the 'desert' box and pull out the thoughts on cake and continue the conversation.
this is the one, Jessica. This is the one that popped up at the right time when I feel like im in the 'wrong place' because of adhd. Being diagnosed as the shortage began has made me flipping back and forth between medicated crisis solving and adhd mess pile-ups without anyone in my household being educated. This one might be what helps them, with the right words and the right sentiments. Thank you so much.
Hi Jessica! I hope you are reading this! I am a senior in high school who was recently (last week) diagnosed with predominantly inattentive ADHD and severe General Anxiety Disorders, and your community is incredibly empowering. It makes me feel understood as a person who has been struggling to do basic tasks every day. From my report, I learned that I have an extremely low working memory (though I have an excellent long-term memory) and am able to relate to some of your experiences. For example, I constantly forget to do things, like for me it includes constantly forgetting to respond to messages or a non-stimulant activity (e.g. many times I prolong the task when I forget to log in info.)
It's wonderful to hear your advice, and it is reassuring to relate with inspirational people like you
This one hit home. The feeling of not being able to remember someone's name after knowing them for years is just gut churning and has caused me so much personal and professional pain. I now mention it right away to people so they won't be offended when I do.
The flip side is seeing a name (like on Facebook) and nott remembering if they were a friend from high school, a former coworker or one of my wife's friends. Also incredibly embarrassing when I get it wrong.
The birthday one is kind of funny because the tool that saved my life was a PalmV. Suddenly, I could check my calendar to see if I was available, or put in an appointment that I would have otherwise forgotten. I got in the habit of putting people's birthdays in the calendar the very first time it's mentioned. I became the super birthday rememberer because the calendar app would remind me! It also means I have birthdays for people I barely knew, or haven't spoken to in decades. I can't tell you where they live or how to contact them, but I know their birthday!
can you please tell me forgetting names are somthing happended recently or you had this problem since childhood please reply please
When I'm already doing something, and someone else comes to talk to me, I sometimes engage in the conversation, and at some point I'm not able to keep up with it. I usually tell them to wait a moment because I need to finish that one thing.
With friends, I usually joke "Can you repeat? I was just not listening", but it can be very embarrassing when it's one of my employees.
I struggle with remembering things, especially the small detail things. My wife would say to me “you always forget, do you even care about me”. I feel so ashamed, it hurts so much. I just wish I can remember more things. Also flunk out of school after 10 years of school. It’s been rough dealing with adhd.
This is my whole life! Strategies for taking notes and taking notes for doctors as a scribe has been my latest challenge on my journey to becoming a doctor myself.
Not going to lie, started sobbing around 3:30. Man, this hits soo hard. I recognize how I am continuing the trauma to my own child. I am not perfect, and sometimes its hard not continuing trauma or unhealthy social scripts (also those social scripts are super important as everyone else values them) especially when you are not aware of those things. Anyways, its hard having ADHD, and its hard parenting ADHD. Thank you for bringing a greater awareness to my life.
It is hard parenting with adhd. 😢. Bc of everything that has to be done etc. For my children I think of how I would like to be treated and try to use that for them. Focusing on your love for them helps a lot for me because it guides my actions. Also giving myself breaks
Make sure to listen to her podcast she did about parenting with adhd, a few things in there were really helpful for me.
I'm listening to it and I'm sobbing 😅 I wasn't expecting it but it got to me
Thank you for this one! I wasn't diagnosed until 41 because I was smart and masked so effectively my whole life. I had poor self esteem because of my shortcomings and now that I know they are symptoms that I had no control over, it's a huge help!
Thank you for what you do!
Diagnosed at 43. Game changer
Oh my gosh the struggle trying to follow what someone is saying. I literally had to end a friendship because whenever she was telling me something, she would insist on giving me irrelevant backstory and details, and it was so stressful to talk to her.
It feels so surreal to hear you describe your struggles and realise that I'm not the only one feeling what I feel
I work in F&B and I often need to remember a lot of things on the fly, I don't time to process and remember what I need to remember. This has been my biggest challenge at work and my boss's solution to this is to tell me off and scare me into doing better, which can be very demoralising
Instant recognition ❤😊
Especially when I was younger, i very often got told "if it is important for you, you will remember".
Sometimes, I get so stressed - that I forget what I was worrying about, and worry about forgetting what I was worrying about
Had the GREATEST ADHD moment just now. I was talking to my cousin about this amazing video that you posted and about how I relate to it. But I couldn't describe the video to her because I'd forgotten it's content. So I'm here watching it for the second time to remember lol 🤦🏾♀️
My husband's getting to understand a little bit of The saga of forgetfulness. I'm having to wait on him a lot while he is recovering. He asked me to go get a root beer. Then he showed me a paper, with a little discussion.. and maybe one more thing. I headed back in the kitchen where he kindly spouted, root beer please. I totally forgotten, returning to the kitchen to see where I had left off when I left the kitchen to deliver the dinner...
Wow this hits hard, especially the part about associating remembering with importance when for us it might be SUPER important but we just… can’t *hold* it. I think the forgetting has done the most damage for my self-esteem.
Also you probably won’t see this comment personally, especially if you’re still finishing up the book (woohoo!) but if you happen to- you’ve been like my “internet ADHD big sis” on the journey to my own diagnosis a year and a half ago, and I can’t even express how much your channel has helped me! ❤️ (also, I love that kombucha brand that was in your fridge!! 😂)
Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me
I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD as a 42 year old, and your experience is hugely valid, real, annoying and beatable. It's great to hear from someone so relatable.
My problem is, I have an excellent memory for most things but I also have huge working memory problems and people think I’m purposely “forgetting” their thing.
Me too 😔
There is a difference between short term working memory and long term memory.
The moment I heard you say you hadn't discussed forgetfulness as an episode uet I immediately thought, yeah, forgetting about forgetting is my day to day. The hardest thing is remembering about forgetting is almost impossible because we forgot to begin with and sometimes my brain at least is like, "You already forgot and it's overwhelming to even begin trying to narrow down which forgotten thing we're trying to remember."
as some one with adhd its rlly annoying when ppl say that ppl with adhd exaggerate and that everyone looses / forgets things
I have ADHD and minor brain damage so I can totally relate. My friends and family are very understanding of my issues with remembering. When I meet new people I typically start by saying I have memory problems so to please not take it personally if I forget their name or ask them to repeat themselves. I also have lists and reminding everywhere.
Another thing that connects to this for me is that people don't see the amount of anxiety and stress it causes to try not to forget things, to have every information and detail you need for appointments and to keep strategies in place, to help remember. So even if from the outside it looks like I do not forget that much, it's absolutely exhausting and causing so much pain.
This is something I've struggled to put into words for a long time aside from saying to others "I have bad memory", I've never been able to jot down what it is and this video was a huge relief because not only do I realise it isn't just me but also because someone has been able to put into words I have longed to say.
Thank you.
I love how you always manage to add that relatable and human element to your videos.
I am 50 years old, and it never occurred to me to get checked for ADHD. I’m getting so much help from your videos, and the thought of having to make an appointment with a doctor to get checked out overwhelms me! But seeing your videos comforts me and for now that feels like enough help. maybe someday I can get an appt to know for sure.
I'm 38 and still learning new ways how my ADD is affecting my life in negative ways.
You are absolutely spot on about the forgetting people's names thing being a BIG DEAL. I sometimes have to take a few seconds to remember the name of the specific child of mine I want to call (we have 4 grown kids). I'm in my 50's and I just got diagnosed a couple of months ago. Not remembering things easily is the biggest factor of my ADHD in my life too.
The writing things down thing: that can actually be seen by others as being MORE respectful because they can see that you care enough about what they are saying to put it on paper. So if someone reading this thinks its not a good idea to pause to write things down because you think it might be disrespectful please know that it is exactly the opposite, especially for those people who understand that you have ADHD.
please reply did you forget names since childhood or you noticed it later in life ??
I find memory issues compound or cause other problems, like losing things or interrupting people or finishing other’s sentences just to get the thoughts out before I forget them, or struggling at organizing because I can only keep so many ideas in my head. Sometimes coping mechanisms cause problems of their own. Being terrible about losing keys, I taught myself to reflexively grab keys that look remotely like mine and put them in my pocket, and multiple times I’ve accidentally “stolen” people’s keys. One time I was in a play and I pocketed the director’s wife’s keys and put them in a costume pocket and she couldn’t leave and was looking for them, and was mortified when I realized I had pocketed them and had to admit my mistake.
I put a flash light and cat on my keys ... or my parents house keys have a massive yellow plush bird on them. I don't say "keys" i call them "woodstock" from peanuts. Like a friend instead of an item.
Also my phone has a glow in the dark elephant toy on it. Aim for the elephant.
Laptop bag has a spider, hand bag has a unicorn and moomin papa.
Don't aim for or remember the generic item, go for the friend.
@@cottencandykitten This is a critical coping technique! Having something that distinguishes my keys keeps me from taking my wife's...and truth be told, even without ADHD, she uses the same trick. I can't imagine how anyone gets along without it.
Back when I travelled, she was the one who taught me to put a ribbon on my luggage so I could spot it at claims. If I were still out there, I wouldn't be divulging that trick, lest others do it too and ruin my strategy! :)
My work once had me assist during a union election, and I grabbed someone's wallet off the table and placed it in my pants pocket. He politely asked me if he could have his wallet back, and sure enough I had two wallets in my pocket lol
This video really speaks to me right now since the national med shortage means I can’t get my current prescription filled and memory issues have come back full force. Thank you for giving voice to this experience of getting distracted/forgetting things even sometimes when these things are really important to us!
Which meds have you found help with your memory?
Even though my memory isn't as good. I know my brain will make up for it, like an intuition will increase. For example, when I may not remember what was said or the exact details that happened, my intuition/gut/emotions/feelings will remind me that this has happened before. I think when something isn't working well, our brains will give us something to help us out. Such as being more creative, energetic, and so on. Thank you.
I’m 47 years old and on my meds and I still forget words, tv shows etc it’s awful numbers come easy for me but certain words are so hard to get out…
WOW, it's insane how much I relate to this. I think this is my greatest ADHD struggle, period. It's been super relevant at work recently too, to the point where I found this video triggering and had to talk it over with a friend. Thank you for making this, it's helped me realize just how much this has been bothering me recently, even though I've already implemented so many strategies around it. Or maybe this has been giving me anxiety BECAUSE I've already done so much about it, and it still being a struggle to me. Anyway, guess I've got some work to do.
This Video hits home right now. For a while now I have been struggling with my working memory. A lot of people around me don't understand how I can forget so much. So much it has dragged me down. I have felt so incapable or as if I don't belong. Watching your videos has lead me to talk to my own doctor and we decided to increase my meds. It has made a world of difference so far. I wanted you to know that your videos help. They have helped me. I understand now that I'm not different I just have a different operating system. 😊
I have the worst memory it's so disheartening for me. It causes issues on a day to day basis and I feel like I needed to hear this today ❤
I never knew ADHD had anything to do with memory. I thought people with ADHD only have problems with concentrating and sitting still so thank you so much for sharing!
I didn't get diagnosed till I was 30. With inattentive add. I'm now 35. It's amazing how much of my life's different now. And yeah the memory one was the most personal because you feel like you're the only one.
@@ebossnz6838 I want to get diagnosed and put on medication so bad. I'm only 22, but I know what's up. Now that you're on the other side, what are your notable differences? I seriously think my life can turn around in every aspect.
Feel sad and anxious about it too. I can complete a game or an anime series and totaly forget names of main charaters. But my feelings about them stays for long.