I have been with this guy 7 years. I discovered his sex/ porn addiction 6 years ago. We went to therapy, waste of time as he is passive aggressive. I have become hyper vigilante & unable to be intimate with him. I tried several times to break it off with him, because he did nothing to address his issues & he continues and manages to hide it. He always manages to stay in my life. He does not see anything wrong with what he does & why it upsets me. I sought help & in her opinion he shows all the signs of a Covert Narcissist & I agree. I’m planning an exit, but it’s been inhibited because of my health. I hate it
That's so important, the realization that you have forfeited so many of your own desires and lose so much of your own identity and relationships trying to remain with a person hanging on to destructive habits. This was exactly my strengthening and releasing point, boldly enforcing that I should not have to limit or compromise myself to be with someone who enjoyed sexual deviance and who didn't care about how it traumatized me.
This is exactly why historically, we had husbands/wives for finances, protection and procreation and lovers for love, romance and lust. It's unsustainable and completely unrealistic to have 1 person meet all these needs. Especially if you have mismatched carnal needs... That is a recipe for disaster!
I absolutely love all the content Samuel brings and I've followed this and several other marriage and affair recovery programs. I've learned so much through the videos and workshops and from 9 years of my spouse's affairs, betrayals, and abandonments. I think one key piece I've finally put together is that sometimes a partner simply doesn't want to work that hard on a relationship. They would rather just seek naturally occurring companionships and cut them loose as they develop difficulties. I've learned that a large percentage of the human population has such an attachment and personality style that prohibits true intimacy and promotes their betraying their partnerships. You cannot do the work for your spouse and you cannot hold a relationship together by yourself. Sometimes some relationships should not be held onto, when the other partner prefers ambiguity, no accountability, and ambivalence. After 9 years of trying and becoming so down and trying to commit suicide from the trauma of trying, I now realize sometimes the most loving thing you can do for everyone involved is to end that relationship.
This has helped me so much with not putting labels on my husband as I recently have been thinking narcissistic in my own head. Amazing guest today!! Healing in isolation has definitely resonated with me too. Thank you 🙏🏼
My husband won’t go to therapy bc he says he “knows more than a therapist and all therapists are taught the wrong things”… so I guess my husband really IS a narcissist like I thought???
Thank you both so much for this! I am an unfaithful. I felt like an inconvenience and burden to my parents especially to my mom. I have traits and I want to do the work. Thank you for helping me see that I can fix this and I am not the monster I found myself being.
When she said, "were you celebrated?", I immediately gave a side eye 🙄. Then she says most men think she is crazy, love it. Great interview, thanks for sharing.
Really like her. Would totally feel confident with her working with my husband & me. I’m dealing with betrayal syndrome- PTSD. I have looked up her website & will follow through. Thank you for bringing her to us that need her.
Thank you for such great descriptions for what we all go through. Been quite an emotional journey that is ongoing. I’m still fighting, praying and still have hope, partly because of AR and these videos
Love this interview, thank you Samuel for bringing her on. She described my situation perfectly, 'she gets it and truly understand what it is to be a betrayed woman '; her description of narcissist is apt 👌 especially the childhood wounding and its impact on the boy as he becomes a man. I'm going to her site right away
First time commenting on any of your videos. This lady has given me more insight on narcissism that I just didn’t know. My wife called me a narcissist and I just apologized for being that. I was certainly displaying characteristics. Now I’m wondering if it was just the characteristics showing and not necessarily bcuz I am a narcissist. Great info! Thanks!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I am very traumatized because I cheated on someone I love, l am so confused about how I could behave so, I am full of remorse, anxiety and suicide thoughts
I can’t get past the sacred friendship being broken after 30 years. How weak of a man is he? “Is” not “was”. Not sure I want to work on staying together after this discovery of 8 years of their texting and building a wall between us. The church today is an unsafe place full of desperate divorced women looking to get your man.
I knew my husband was who he was when we got married, but at that time we were on the good path for 2 years before our marriage, now the added stress of this adult child living with us has opened all the old issues.(my husband is still sober).
That was so interesting and informative. It makes me feel like the counselors I’ve worked with don’t really know how to handle addiction and infidelity.
Thank You for sharing your video; it helped me with my Situation, especially my feeling bytral and how my husband took off with the his so called girlfriend..,said he was with an dump me in the parking lot of McDonald’s that morning after our sweet conversation I’m looking good...
I feel like Dr. Sharon understands! You said it perfectly Samual, she put my feelings to words.I m not sure how to talk about all this. We are 7 weeks past disclosure, I am the betrayed. To say I am shattered and so broken seems like an understatement. How long does it take for the unfaithful to "get" it? After listening to this with my husband , he just talked about himself and totally missed how this could help me at all?
it takes a while if you're not using expert help. it can take way too long. is he open to getting help? what help is he actually open to and we'll start there.
@@AffairrecoveryLLC Thank you for replying. He is 2 weeks into Hope for Healimg, (I am 5 into Harboring Hope.) He contacted 2 accountability partners about.a week after disclosure and talks with them weekly. He is in God's word about 2 hours average daily. He says he s willing to do anything. He has a long time addiction.
Well, we come to find out, there ARE MANY MANY. We hadn’t had the language prior to the internet. I’m so grateful, otherwise I’d still be trying with the toxic & abusive people in family and workplaces.
She is really spot on. My friend dated a sex addict without knowing and he was a JR. She said when she met his mom, she felt like she was a third wheel. His mom would call him and talk ill of his dad but in her boyfriend's eyes, they had a normal relationship since he used his chameleon personality as enneagram 9, instead of his inability to really find his core self. He was working for his family's business and was like in his 40's. It's so strange. I thought he was just a mama's boy.
SEX ADDICTS ARE ADDICTS ...ANY KIND OF ADDICTION MEANS ..THAT PERSON IS RULED BY THAT ,(**SPECIFIC ADDICTION OR ADDICTIONS, BECAUSE THEY SWITCH ADDICTIONS TOO
I know what you mean. My son gave up meth and replaced it with alcohol and became an alcoholic as well. I am thankful to say he gave up the alcohol too.
How many tens of thousands of dollars did they spend on therapy??? OMG!!! As a WS, I can honestly tell you that I knew I was unloved and still feel this way. My partner doesn't agree with me and she says she loves me but 5 years later, I still feel this way daily. But as a healed person, I just stopped caring that it's how I feel and I ignore those feelings. I learned that I don't need anyone else's love and I can do this on my own. The rest is just chosing to love someone. There is no feeling involved. It's all in the head. I like what the therapist says about companioning BUT, as someone who was deeply wounded and had addition issues, I am afraid that it would have turned into codependency. I think we have to be partially healed at the very least and fully independant before we can seek companionship.
How can I afford for all the counselors and intensive. I had a light and hope when I saw this interview until I reached out to her company. My husband needs , I need , our two teen kids need. We have no way to afford that
I think the love that Christ has shown us by laying down His life gives us a great example to that huge question. #fight4family #Godmadethefamily #Hiswordasaguide
How can you open a discussion if your partner is in complete denial of the betrayal and their lies and decline to pay for sex ( when there is hard evidence) and really think that what they are doing is ok ( and the other is being over sensitive and need to deal with their own emotions in a better way not to make them look evil for what they are doing) in a name of opening up the relationship to bring new energy and excitement in?
Is betrayal something that only happens with an affair? I am in a sexless marriage. My wife I believe has OCPD. I begged her to go to a Gottman therapist and she sat in session saying I can't change my thinking. I love my family, but this is such a struggle.
@@samshealingpodcast she started seeing a sex therapist in January, but conflict has come up as the therapist has given assignments that should be helpful but not for an OCPD
I'm 18 years in a sexless marriage with my husband. I firmly don't believe in divorce...yet my advice would be separate for a year so you can breathe. Figure it out from there. Don't go through what I've gone through for this long. It never changes.
I really like her and love her peace and the concept of “making a safe space for our marriage”…but in the midst of this devastation is there really hope for our marriage? I’ve been married for 20 years. Seven years into our marriage I found out about the addiction and pornography that almost cost him his job. We were in recovery for a while and we had a few good connected years. Had four kids. Then we experienced what is called “intimacy anorexia” for many years. Now 13 years after that I find out that he escalated…sleeping with many many women casually and four longer term relationships. All the while answering me with a straight face when I asked if he was struggling or if he was having an affair. He has come clean and repented and is in recovery now…but how is it possible to ever “make it to the other side” with someone who is an addict? I don’t know what the point of marriage is anymore…I just feel so sad!
Good interview but i feel like she only focused on men as the unfaithful and as the narcissist or the partner with narcissist tendencies. I would have been nice to hear her speak more about women who were unfaithful and their narcissistic tendencies.
I have been with this guy 7 years.
I discovered his sex/ porn addiction 6 years ago.
We went to therapy, waste of time as he is passive aggressive.
I have become hyper vigilante & unable to be intimate with him.
I tried several times to break it off with him, because he did nothing to address his issues & he continues and manages to hide it.
He always manages to stay in my life.
He does not see anything wrong with what he does & why it upsets me.
I sought help & in her opinion he shows all the signs of a Covert Narcissist & I agree.
I’m planning an exit, but it’s been inhibited because of my health.
I hate it
That's so important, the realization that you have forfeited so many of your own desires and lose so much of your own identity and relationships trying to remain with a person hanging on to destructive habits. This was exactly my strengthening and releasing point, boldly enforcing that I should not have to limit or compromise myself to be with someone who enjoyed sexual deviance and who didn't care about how it traumatized me.
This is exactly why historically, we had husbands/wives for finances, protection and procreation and lovers for love, romance and lust. It's unsustainable and completely unrealistic to have 1 person meet all these needs. Especially if you have mismatched carnal needs... That is a recipe for disaster!
I absolutely love all the content Samuel brings and I've followed this and several other marriage and affair recovery programs. I've learned so much through the videos and workshops and from 9 years of my spouse's affairs, betrayals, and abandonments. I think one key piece I've finally put together is that sometimes a partner simply doesn't want to work that hard on a relationship. They would rather just seek naturally occurring companionships and cut them loose as they develop difficulties. I've learned that a large percentage of the human population has such an attachment and personality style that prohibits true intimacy and promotes their betraying their partnerships. You cannot do the work for your spouse and you cannot hold a relationship together by yourself. Sometimes some relationships should not be held onto, when the other partner prefers ambiguity, no accountability, and ambivalence. After 9 years of trying and becoming so down and trying to commit suicide from the trauma of trying, I now realize sometimes the most loving thing you can do for everyone involved is to end that relationship.
Love the simplicity of "I just want to be able to be proud of everything I say and do from this point forward."
This has helped me so much with not putting labels on my husband as I recently have been thinking narcissistic in my own head. Amazing guest today!! Healing in isolation has definitely resonated with me too. Thank you 🙏🏼
so glad you enjoyed Sharon. Thank you for watching and commenting
My husband won’t go to therapy bc he says he “knows more than a therapist and all therapists are taught the wrong things”… so I guess my husband really IS a narcissist like I thought???
Takes their energy outside of the marriage is when the trama starts.
I have to say, Sharon spoke directly to my heart, my situation, with the most sincere, realistic, gentle, understanding. Thank you and THANK YOU!!!
THE PAIN IS BEYOND BELIEF... AND DESTROYS ...A LOT OF TRUST IN A PERSON
Thank you both so much for this! I am an unfaithful. I felt like an inconvenience and burden to my parents especially to my mom. I have traits and I want to do the work. Thank you for helping me see that I can fix this and I am not the monster I found myself being.
When she said, "were you celebrated?", I immediately gave a side eye 🙄. Then she says most men think she is crazy, love it. Great interview, thanks for sharing.
Really like her. Would totally feel confident with her working with my husband & me. I’m dealing with betrayal syndrome- PTSD. I have looked up her website & will follow through. Thank you for bringing her to us that need her.
Thank you for such great descriptions for what we all go through. Been quite an emotional journey that is ongoing. I’m still fighting, praying and still have hope, partly because of AR and these videos
Love this interview, thank you Samuel for bringing her on. She described my situation perfectly, 'she gets it and truly understand what it is to be a betrayed woman '; her description of narcissist is apt 👌 especially the childhood wounding and its impact on the boy as he becomes a man. I'm going to her site right away
Samuel could you share the link to her website, please? This was an awesome interview.
Yes, please. There's no link for Sharon and I can't find her last name to even search for her website.
First time commenting on any of your videos. This lady has given me more insight on narcissism that I just didn’t know. My wife called me a narcissist and I just apologized for being that. I was certainly displaying characteristics. Now I’m wondering if it was just the characteristics showing and not necessarily bcuz I am a narcissist. Great info! Thanks!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
An amazing video! Thank you for such an amazing insight into the subject.
my pleasure thank you for watching and commenting
Amazing interview. Thank you for bringing this to us.
my pleasure. thank you for watching and commenting
I am very traumatized because I cheated on someone I love, l am so confused about how I could behave so, I am full of remorse, anxiety and suicide thoughts
I can’t get past the sacred friendship being broken after 30 years. How weak of a man is he? “Is” not “was”. Not sure I want to work on staying together after this discovery of 8 years of their texting and building a wall between us. The church today is an unsafe place full of desperate divorced women looking to get your man.
I knew my husband was who he was when we got married, but at that time we were on the good path for 2 years before our marriage, now the added stress of this adult child living with us has opened all the old issues.(my husband is still sober).
That was so interesting and informative. It makes me feel like the counselors I’ve worked with don’t really know how to handle addiction and infidelity.
She is good
Thank You for sharing your video; it helped me with my Situation, especially my feeling bytral and how my husband took off with the his so called girlfriend..,said he was with an dump me in the parking lot of McDonald’s that morning after our sweet conversation I’m looking good...
Great interview, Sam. Thank you.
Great content, thank you very much ! I also agree with the narcissist buzzword
This was an awesome interview. Thank you for sharing Dr. Sharon.
my pleasure.
I feel like Dr. Sharon understands! You said it perfectly Samual, she put my feelings to words.I
m not sure how to talk about all this. We are 7 weeks past disclosure, I am the betrayed. To say I am shattered and so broken seems like an understatement. How long does it take for the unfaithful to "get" it? After listening to this with my husband , he just talked about himself and totally missed how this could help me at all?
it takes a while if you're not using expert help. it can take way too long. is he open to getting help? what help is he actually open to and we'll start there.
@@AffairrecoveryLLC Thank you for replying.
He is 2 weeks into Hope for Healimg, (I am 5 into Harboring Hope.) He contacted 2 accountability partners about.a week after disclosure and talks with them weekly. He is in God's word about 2 hours average daily. He says he s willing to do anything. He has a long time addiction.
I agree that the label of narcissism is a “ buzz” word today. I think people are being labeled as narcissistic in error .
Well, we come to find out, there ARE MANY MANY. We hadn’t had the language prior to the internet.
I’m so grateful, otherwise I’d still be trying with the toxic & abusive people in family and workplaces.
@@chilloften No, there aren't many. Less than half of 1% of the population. It's just popular to call people that by armchair therapists...
Love the questions she asks about the family of origin of the man…
She is really spot on. My friend dated a sex addict without knowing and he was a JR. She said when she met his mom, she felt like she was a third wheel. His mom would call him and talk ill of his dad but in her boyfriend's eyes, they had a normal relationship since he used his chameleon personality as enneagram 9, instead of his inability to really find his core self. He was working for his family's business and was like in his 40's. It's so strange. I thought he was just a mama's boy.
SEX ADDICTS ARE ADDICTS ...ANY KIND OF ADDICTION MEANS ..THAT PERSON IS RULED BY THAT ,(**SPECIFIC ADDICTION OR ADDICTIONS, BECAUSE THEY SWITCH ADDICTIONS TOO
I know what you mean. My son gave up meth and replaced it with alcohol and became an alcoholic as well. I am thankful to say he gave up the alcohol too.
How many tens of thousands of dollars did they spend on therapy??? OMG!!!
As a WS, I can honestly tell you that I knew I was unloved and still feel this way. My partner doesn't agree with me and she says she loves me but 5 years later, I still feel this way daily. But as a healed person, I just stopped caring that it's how I feel and I ignore those feelings. I learned that I don't need anyone else's love and I can do this on my own. The rest is just chosing to love someone. There is no feeling involved. It's all in the head. I like what the therapist says about companioning BUT, as someone who was deeply wounded and had addition issues, I am afraid that it would have turned into codependency. I think we have to be partially healed at the very least and fully independant before we can seek companionship.
How can I afford for all the counselors and intensive. I had a light and hope when I saw this interview until I reached out to her company.
My husband needs , I need , our two teen kids need.
We have no way to afford that
Amazing work. Thank you!
I think the love that Christ has shown us by laying down His life gives us a great example to that huge question. #fight4family #Godmadethefamily #Hiswordasaguide
SAMUEL ~ HOW do I get in touch with Sharon?? I SWARE MY HUSBAND IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CASE!!!!!! PLEASE ADVISE
How can you open a discussion if your partner is in complete denial of the betrayal and their lies and decline to pay for sex ( when there is hard evidence) and really think that what they are doing is ok ( and the other is being over sensitive and need to deal with their own emotions in a better way not to make them look evil for what they are doing) in a name of opening up the relationship to bring new energy and excitement in?
Is betrayal something that only happens with an affair? I am in a sexless marriage. My wife I believe has OCPD. I begged her to go to a Gottman therapist and she sat in session saying I can't change my thinking. I love my family, but this is such a struggle.
it is an incredible struggle and i'm terribly sorry you're going through it. is she open to any forms of treatment or care at all?
@@samshealingpodcast she started seeing a sex therapist in January, but conflict has come up as the therapist has given assignments that should be helpful but not for an OCPD
I'm 18 years in a sexless marriage with my husband. I firmly don't believe in divorce...yet my advice would be separate for a year so you can breathe. Figure it out from there. Don't go through what I've gone through for this long. It never changes.
Great video thank you
Social worker that knows all about dysfunctional systems
Bravo!
Just curious, your marriage ended, what happened?
Why does she think they “made it thru? Did he die?
I really like her and love her peace and the concept of “making a safe space for our marriage”…but in the midst of this devastation is there really hope for our marriage? I’ve been married for 20 years. Seven years into our marriage I found out about the addiction and pornography that almost cost him his job. We were in recovery for a while and we had a few good connected years. Had four kids. Then we experienced what is called “intimacy anorexia” for many years. Now 13 years after that I find out that he escalated…sleeping with many many women casually and four longer term relationships. All the while answering me with a straight face when I asked if he was struggling or if he was having an affair. He has come clean and repented and is in recovery now…but how is it possible to ever “make it to the other side” with someone who is an addict? I don’t know what the point of marriage is anymore…I just feel so sad!
Good interview but i feel like she only focused on men as the unfaithful and as the narcissist or the partner with narcissist tendencies. I would have been nice to hear her speak more about women who were unfaithful and their narcissistic tendencies.
Love this and really needed hear this is she gets it🥲 the pain is so unbearable 😭😭