Finally! Someone who tells the betrayed that it's ok to seek peace and space to breathe. We always hear that it's not our fault, and even if we know that we don't know what to do! What's the next step?? You said it, Dr. Rob. We need to grieve, and then we need to be cared for by others because the one we most want it from is the one who hurt us the most. Thank you...
Amen! I am the unfaithful and it comes back being Honest with myself, I Am the Cause and the problem ... Not My Wife. Stop blaming others for what We have done. We have to stop "passing" the buck, We must take accountablity!! for what WE have done.
Thank you for that. It's so important that all of us betrayed see the growth of the unfaithful, even if it isn't our own unfaithful spouse, it helps when you all post in the comments. Because I've noticed that the more that only us betrayed spouses comment on a given video, we tend to push ourselves downwards by feeding off of our anger, depression, loneliness and more. It becomes a tornado of grief despair, but seeing your comment gives us hope for a better future with our spouses. Keep up the great work and do not give up! Just know that we are rooting for you as well, especially when you do your best to help and show us you're growing with us!
Thank you! For saying what so many need to hear , including myself. Thank you for saying what so many should be saying but refuse. Choosing to pile on more hurt and humiliation on top of the already enormous heap of hurt and humiliation . Because it just wasn't awful enough for them. I cannot ever put into words how badly I wanted to hear anything! Something, no matter how small it might have been! But just one thing close to what you just said. But those words never came. 2 years now we've been divorced . He still tries to play me. He came by last night even. Now has this horrible idea that now, I will be the other woman!! I realize now, that even a friendship with him is not possible. The only person that he might care about is himself. Although I don't believe he really even cares about himself that much.
I'm living this nightmare!! 36 yrs married, he's a porn addict. I learned Feb 2022 he engaged with paid sex worker (August of 1990, 3 yrs after we married) & has been lying about it after since. I loved him so much. We had a good sex life, or so I thought. His betrayal came so easy thereafter, he had 3 other emotional & touching involvements (waitress, cashier, & Silk friend) in ththe next 32 yrs. I'm crushed. I did SO MUCH for him, & he seems to enjoy disrespecting me in public. This made me cry as it HIT THE HEARTSPACE. Saving to my husbands library & I hope he listens. THANK YOU.
Have done EMS weekend. And have had a two hour consultation with Dr. Rob. I learned more about myself in the two day EMS weekend than I did in 20 years. Dr. Rob went into my brain with a proverbial flamethrower and melted away decades worth of denial. I am very happy to see Dr. Rob talk to affair recovery.
6 years ago Dr. Rob’s books & videos helped me through one of the most painful seasons of my life. Which also lead me to this valuable channel! My husband & I are both now in recovery. We struggle in different ways but the solution is the same. Out of the Dog House saved my 25 yr marriage. We just celebrated 31 yrs. During that time I had gone back to school (at 49 )to work in the field of addiction and now im in the final phase of preparing to take the test to become a certified SUD counselor. I get to work at a facility which treats a specific population that no one wants to work with. I find it very rewarding. Addiction takes addicts to places they never thought they’d go. Both of you have enriched my recovery as an addict and a betrayed spouse. I use this precious information (prodependence & affair recovery) daily. I have such respect & gratitude for you both! Thank you!
My beautiful, betrayed wife (married a year and together for 8) has been the unfortunate victim of my 40+ soire into pornography and sex addiction. I started in my youth and it just grew bigger as I grew older. It stayed with me through my first marriage (which was toxic on many levels besides just my habits) and really revved up for the few years I was an untethered adult. I didn't stop while in a relationship with my now-wife. What it took was the night my wife confronted me about the woman I was talking with (and had earlier acted out with). She packed and left, telling me she would be back for her things and the kittens. It was the blow that I needed. I realized that nothing was worth threatening my life with my wife. She only spent one night away from me, but after a year of a complete turnaround on my part there are still issues and untrust and ambivalence on her part. And that's my fault. Completely. She is a victim of my addictions and actions. But I have tried to cut that out of my life like a cancer. So far I am doing it with support of books and videos helping stay focused. I know my wife is my rock and the one in life that I will do anything to keep and make amends with. I hope it's not too late. We are taking it one day and one step at a time.
Wow! This is so eye opening for me. I'm married to a recovering alcoholic who has cheated on me numerous times. He claims he had to leave me because I"m crazy for yelling at him & not trusting him because I expected him to be faithful. Yet he left me after 24 years & moved in with an old girlfriend. I have blamed myself. I wasn't a good wife, I didn't constantly look like a model, we didn't have enough sex, this is all my fault. Can't wait to get more info.
Nobody is perfect, we must allow ourselves grace & remember the primary problem lies with HIM. Cheaters & liars have major character flaws driving their behavior. If your husband had a problem with you - he had many things he could have done besides breaking your covenant - You were not a perfect wife but this is NOT your fault. He will eventually realize the ex girlfriend has major flaws herself. He will ALWAYS have a ready made excuse for cheating since no partner is perfect. Clearly , he has not resolved his underlying issues that caused him to cross that line in the first place. You can never be responsible for someone else’s sin. Much like you can not ‘drive’ an alcoholic to drink - You can not ‘drive’ a man to cheat. You weren’t a perfect wife & all marriages have issues - He wasn’t the best husband and YOU didn’t cheat on him. This is 100% an issue of things like lack of integrity & low self esteem than it is lack of Victoria’s Secret or more frequent sex.
Thank you Affair Recovery so much for this. I have been watching for a while and wanted more done on sex addiction. I’m a betrayed partner of a “porn addict”. He seems to think that because he hasn’t actually been with someone in person that it isn’t infidelity.
Yes, I am also a porn addict and seeing that it is as bad or even worse than the act itself. Yes, I too, was in that phase of saying, "No, its not the same, it was in My head and no real contact". Though in reality there was a mental contact with acts i was thinking. It still pulled me away from the Real thing with My Wife.
Denial. Cover up. Justification. After a secret rendezvous in another state with his mistress (which I found out about), my spouse claimed he did nothing wrong. Because he “didn’t have sex” with her. How’s that for accountability?
Thank you so much Samuel! I have been working on my codependency for decades. This opened my heart & made me feel really understood for the first time in my life. I will be checking out Dr. Weiss's material.
I do like the majority of the book Out Of The Dog House. There is some problematic advice in it, but it's a little dated so that might be why. One specific thing that comes to mind is telling the addict to refuse the betrayed demands to give up hobbies, bad message. His hobbies are gambling, so now he's being told to keep gambling, or his hobbies include spending time with people that lied about his infidelity, and hid it. So now he's surrounded by that same circle. That whole thing should have been left out of the book, or else dealt with differently. Also some advice I recall on relational sex, where the idea of sexual anorexia is introduced. No. Betrayed partners generally have sexual trauma, from the betrayals. This needs to be addressed, including with the addict present, so they have a clear understanding of it, and are not continuing to shame or guilt their partner for their very valid trauma responses. There are good articles on Rob's website, but there is still sifting required. Overall, headed in the right direction, just not quite there yet.
@@samshealingpodcast Humble is good...however, please donot lose sight on how many people YOU have helped. I'm one of them. I too found myself being validated and finding terms that described my feelings through Dr. Rob....and am so blessed in finding the prodependance model.....codependancy, just did not fit for me. I did not know from the beginning of our relationship. Had I have known....the door would have been slammed shut. That choice was taken from me, coupled with my partner blaming me....which, whilst being so confused and shocked, took on board. To go to 12 step programmes that wanted me to look at my flaws depressed me further.....I KNOW I did nothing wrong. I appreciate you having a non-christian based doctor on your show.....although I am Christian. We grow and learn from many. I applaude you Sam. Great interview! Thankyou.
Thank you I needed to hear this Abuse in so many ways At some point you have to love you and it’s hard, especially when you only get gaslighting, blame, and the behavior continued or worsened when a boundary set. Excuse to do it again I have no idea how to help that
No. Prodependence is the belief that the partner of an addict is not sick or codependent on the addict. It understands that the partner is doing the best they can and their reactions are a trauma response not codependency
Does affair recovery believe everyone who’s in an affair is a sex addict? I’m the unfaithful still dealing with grief of ending the affair and it’s affecting my betrayed. I’m shut off and numb. Just existing.
Dealing with grief of ending the affair?? Are you kidding me? Read that back to yourself and make it make sense. Try reading it from your poor wife's perspective. Get out if your own way and start putting others before yourself.
![[Part 1] รักมาไม่ทันตั้งตัว❤ หนุ่มสาวโสดถูกจับมาแต่งงานกันกะทันหัน แถมเธอยังเป็นหัวหน้าของเขา?!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/y2pOOMkuFI0/mqdefault.jpg)
Finally! Someone who tells the betrayed that it's ok to seek peace and space to breathe. We always hear that it's not our fault, and even if we know that we don't know what to do! What's the next step?? You said it, Dr. Rob. We need to grieve, and then we need to be cared for by others because the one we most want it from is the one who hurt us the most.
Thank you...
Amen! I am the unfaithful and it comes back being Honest with myself, I Am the Cause and the problem ... Not My Wife. Stop blaming others for what We have done. We have to stop "passing" the buck, We must take accountablity!! for what WE have done.
Congrats for acting like a real man instead of a 12 year old!
Thank you for that. It's so important that all of us betrayed see the growth of the unfaithful, even if it isn't our own unfaithful spouse, it helps when you all post in the comments. Because I've noticed that the more that only us betrayed spouses comment on a given video, we tend to push ourselves downwards by feeding off of our anger, depression, loneliness and more. It becomes a tornado of grief despair, but seeing your comment gives us hope for a better future with our spouses.
Keep up the great work and do not give up! Just know that we are rooting for you as well, especially when you do your best to help and show us you're growing with us!
Thank you! For saying what so many need to hear , including myself. Thank you for saying what so many should be saying but refuse. Choosing to pile on more hurt and humiliation on top of the already enormous heap of hurt and humiliation . Because it just wasn't awful enough for them.
I cannot ever put into words how badly I wanted to hear anything! Something, no matter how small it might have been! But just one thing close to what you just said. But those words never came.
2 years now we've been divorced . He still tries to play me. He came by last night even. Now has this horrible idea that now, I will be the other woman!!
I realize now, that even a friendship with him is not possible. The only person that he might care about is himself. Although I don't believe he really even cares about himself that much.
I'm living this nightmare!! 36 yrs married, he's a porn addict. I learned Feb 2022 he engaged with paid sex worker (August of 1990, 3 yrs after we married) & has been lying about it after since. I loved him so much. We had a good sex life, or so I thought. His betrayal came so easy thereafter, he had 3 other emotional & touching involvements (waitress, cashier, & Silk friend) in ththe next 32 yrs. I'm crushed. I did SO MUCH for him, & he seems to enjoy disrespecting me in public. This made me cry as it HIT THE HEARTSPACE. Saving to my husbands library & I hope he listens. THANK YOU.
Have done EMS weekend. And have had a two hour consultation with Dr. Rob. I learned more about myself in the two day EMS weekend than I did in 20 years. Dr. Rob went into my brain with a proverbial flamethrower and melted away decades worth of denial. I am very happy to see Dr. Rob talk to affair recovery.
6 years ago Dr. Rob’s books & videos helped me through one of the most painful seasons of my life. Which also lead me to this valuable channel! My husband & I are both now in recovery. We struggle in different ways but the solution is the same. Out of the Dog House saved my 25 yr marriage. We just celebrated 31 yrs. During that time I had gone back to school (at 49 )to work in the field of addiction and now im in the final phase of preparing to take the test to become a certified SUD counselor. I get to work at a facility which treats a specific population that no one wants to work with. I find it very rewarding. Addiction takes addicts to places they never thought they’d go.
Both of you have enriched my recovery as an addict and a betrayed spouse. I use this precious information (prodependence & affair recovery) daily. I have such respect & gratitude for you both! Thank you!
thank you for the kind words and the huge encouragement. so proud of you and so encouraged by your journey my friend.
Wow - codependency distorts grief! This was so good!
ALL AFFAIR RECOVERY wrapped up in ONE vlog!
Best interview you’ve done. Rob is cracking open an entirely exciting avenue to understanding the unfaithful and the betrayed.
thanks so much my friend. means so much.
My beautiful, betrayed wife (married a year and together for 8) has been the unfortunate victim of my 40+ soire into pornography and sex addiction. I started in my youth and it just grew bigger as I grew older. It stayed with me through my first marriage (which was toxic on many levels besides just my habits) and really revved up for the few years I was an untethered adult. I didn't stop while in a relationship with my now-wife. What it took was the night my wife confronted me about the woman I was talking with (and had earlier acted out with). She packed and left, telling me she would be back for her things and the kittens. It was the blow that I needed. I realized that nothing was worth threatening my life with my wife. She only spent one night away from me, but after a year of a complete turnaround on my part there are still issues and untrust and ambivalence on her part. And that's my fault. Completely. She is a victim of my addictions and actions. But I have tried to cut that out of my life like a cancer. So far I am doing it with support of books and videos helping stay focused. I know my wife is my rock and the one in life that I will do anything to keep and make amends with. I hope it's not too late. We are taking it one day and one step at a time.
Wow! This is so eye opening for me. I'm married to a recovering alcoholic who has cheated on me numerous times. He claims he had to leave me because I"m crazy for yelling at him & not trusting him because I expected him to be faithful. Yet he left me after 24 years & moved in with an old girlfriend. I have blamed myself. I wasn't a good wife, I didn't constantly look like a model, we didn't have enough sex, this is all my fault. Can't wait to get more info.
so glad the video helped you my friend. take care of you my friend. no one else will the way you will. you can do this and you can heal.
Nobody is perfect, we must allow ourselves grace & remember the primary problem lies with HIM.
Cheaters & liars have major character flaws driving their behavior.
If your husband had a problem with you - he had many things he could have done besides breaking your covenant -
You were not a perfect wife but this is NOT your fault.
He will eventually realize the ex girlfriend has major flaws herself.
He will ALWAYS have a ready made excuse for cheating since no partner is perfect.
Clearly , he has not resolved his underlying issues that caused him to cross that line in the first place.
You can never be responsible for someone else’s sin.
Much like you can not ‘drive’ an alcoholic to drink -
You can not ‘drive’ a man to cheat.
You weren’t a perfect wife &
all marriages have issues -
He wasn’t the best husband and YOU didn’t cheat on him.
This is 100% an issue of things like lack of integrity & low self esteem than it is lack of Victoria’s Secret or more frequent sex.
Thank you Affair Recovery so much for this. I have been watching for a while and wanted more done on sex addiction. I’m a betrayed partner of a “porn addict”. He seems to think that because he hasn’t actually been with someone in person that it isn’t infidelity.
The denial phase.
Hi there! My soon to be ex is also a porn addict, but he has also cheated physically. I am sorry to say this but many of them don't stop at porn!
Yes, I am also a porn addict and seeing that it is as bad or even worse than the act itself. Yes, I too, was in that phase of saying, "No, its not the same, it was in My head and no real contact". Though in reality there was a mental contact with acts i was thinking. It still pulled me away from the Real thing with My Wife.
Denial. Cover up. Justification. After a secret rendezvous in another state with his mistress (which I found out about), my spouse claimed he did nothing wrong. Because he “didn’t have sex” with her. How’s that for accountability?
Thank you so much Samuel! I have been working on my codependency for decades. This opened my heart & made me feel really understood for the first time in my life. I will be checking out Dr. Weiss's material.
I do like the majority of the book Out Of The Dog House. There is some problematic advice in it, but it's a little dated so that might be why. One specific thing that comes to mind is telling the addict to refuse the betrayed demands to give up hobbies, bad message. His hobbies are gambling, so now he's being told to keep gambling, or his hobbies include spending time with people that lied about his infidelity, and hid it. So now he's surrounded by that same circle. That whole thing should have been left out of the book, or else dealt with differently. Also some advice I recall on relational sex, where the idea of sexual anorexia is introduced. No. Betrayed partners generally have sexual trauma, from the betrayals. This needs to be addressed, including with the addict present, so they have a clear understanding of it, and are not continuing to shame or guilt their partner for their very valid trauma responses. There are good articles on Rob's website, but there is still sifting required. Overall, headed in the right direction, just not quite there yet.
Who would you recommend instead?
Thank you so much guys for this interview. Every single word that was said here made me just feel sooo.... Sorry I dont even find the words.... 💞
Ahhhhh! A meeting of the minds!
Good on you Sam!❤
his mind is superior. hahahaha. but it was awesome to have him in the studio that's for sure.
@@samshealingpodcast Humble is good...however, please donot lose sight on how many people YOU have helped. I'm one of them. I too found myself being validated and finding terms that described my feelings through Dr. Rob....and am so blessed in finding the prodependance model.....codependancy, just did not fit for me. I did not know from the beginning of our relationship. Had I have known....the door would have been slammed shut. That choice was taken from me, coupled with my partner blaming me....which, whilst being so confused and shocked, took on board. To go to 12 step programmes that wanted me to look at my flaws depressed me further.....I KNOW I did nothing wrong.
I appreciate you having a non-christian based doctor on your show.....although I am Christian. We grow and learn from many. I applaude you Sam. Great interview! Thankyou.
Gosh, this guy is amazing!
Thank you!
Thank you
I needed to hear this
Abuse in so many ways
At some point you have to love you and it’s hard, especially when you only get gaslighting, blame, and the behavior continued or worsened when a boundary set.
Excuse to do it again
I have no idea how to help that
Thank you for speaking these truths! I needed to hear this.
First time I've heard I'm not the problem and doing something wrong. 😪😪😪
I'm not sure how to heal since I am both a betrayed and unfaithful... and therefore the same goes for my boyfriend (how does he heal being both)?
So no vulnerability is being established?
Yes, what is “pro dependence”? Like dependence on sex pros?
No. Prodependence is the belief that the partner of an addict is not sick or codependent on the addict. It understands that the partner is doing the best they can and their reactions are a trauma response not codependency
Does affair recovery believe everyone who’s in an affair is a sex addict? I’m the unfaithful still dealing with grief of ending the affair and it’s affecting my betrayed. I’m shut off and numb. Just existing.
No not all are addicts, but you are showing signs of withdrawal. Try a meeting, try boot camp, try Dr. Rob Weiss drop in q and a pod cast.
your poor wife
@@camillagonzales2409 Good on you! I've tried the same, with his MANY,MANY AP's however, he won't budge.!
Dealing with grief of ending the affair?? Are you kidding me? Read that back to yourself and make it make sense. Try reading it from your poor wife's perspective. Get out if your own way and start putting others before yourself.
No, that is not the stance of Affair Recovery, but there is a common overlap so at times they will cover the issues relating to addiction.