Thank you for sharing that Sam, it happened to me too. Doesn't excuse my terrible choices but, definitely a contributing factor. Excellent interview as always.
Samuel, you went through this? No wonder you’re so brave! I’m so sorry some one committed this against you as a youngster, and so grateful for your strengthening share. Obviously, this goes for today’s guest therapist, too, because once she understood how that was effecting her, look how far she has come! Now you both are helping others come through and survive such personal traumas. Amazing work. Grateful for the grace of your compassion. You are living examples of how understanding can lead to success and establishing safety for our households. Something I’ve noticed is that folks who have survived this type of trauma become so so so strong and are just emotional warriors, especially if they’ve gotten appropriate support or qualified help that is really caring, like you both are doing here. Hugs - appropriate ones - or high fives. May you be blessed with tenfold success for your bold honesty here.
Not only was I molested by my uncle from about the age of 8-11, but my mother and father were both never there for me growing up and they both stepped back in the picture several years after I got married. I was raised by both sets of grandparents and also my maternal aunt. For the past 5-6 years since my husbands affair I have asked myself “Amy, why have you continued to stay?” For a long time I viewed myself as a weak individual and I also suspected that I was trauma bonded, but Amanda has really confirmed it for me and she also has made me realize that my husband has trauma bonded too, as he is a Veteran with PTSD, which turned into CPTSD since having Covid 19 in august of 2021. But I just wanted to thank y’all so much for sharing this video ! It has hit home for me and I am currently seeking a good therapist for me and my husband both! Thanks again for your great work and all the videos that you share. They have helped me in so many ways! 🥹
This is excellent. Thank you so much for addressing this very painful issue. I need to find help. Is this therapist taking new clients (remotely)? I'm in CA.
Oh my gosh. I feel like you are describing me. I did not experience sexual abuse in my childhood , but was adopted and had parents who had survived the trauma of the Holocaust. I am clearly trauma bonded to my husband who has had 2 Affairs over our 40 yr marriage. We have been told we are co-dependent on each other . I recognize the trauma bonding. We are in counseling and healing. I felt like I could not breathe when my husband left to live with his mistress. I did not want to live w/o him, felt such rejection that I could not function or eat . I begged him to leave his mistress, to ‘see’ me, come home to me. Eventually he did, announcing he does not do contrition. We have progressed, are building a new marriage, and yet I recognize my trauma bonding and attachment to my husband.
I'm experiencing affair trauma for the past 6 months. I have mood swings & plague with sadness. It's draining me. I'm still with my wife coz I still love her & the kids.
This really spoke to me, I was unfaithful to my husband and I was also molested by my dad at age 12, it only happened once but my dad never apologized to me and 3years post affair I’m finally starting to realize that I’ve never dealt with what happened with my dad, I’ve spent my whole life minimizing what happened and caused my husband and my family so much pain in the process.
I feel as though my entire world is falling apart and I just cant cope anymore. I have betrayed my spouse in the worst possible way and during something traumatic happened to me .. and then remembered about my mom sexually abuse my whole life with no help yet.. please I need support and guidance.
The wild card for me that I can’t integrate (beyond trauma bonding, complex ptsd, all blowing open with revelation of life long sex addiction with Porn…) it turns out that MY HUSBAND IS HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISTIC-ASBERGER. He gave up his drug but has done very little recovery work and shuts down a lot. WHAT DO I ACCEPT RE: lack of emotional intimacy? Also, does anyone else see a high correlation between Asberger and pornography addiction?
Does trams boding only come from sexual abuse? I was emotionally abused as a child adult from my mother and father. My husband has had multiple affairs and is also emotionally abusive and will not do any work. I am experiencing so many emotions yet don’t know what to do. We have been married 31 years and it has been going on for years
My wife grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home with her father. She had since had an affair that last 5 years and now says she wants to work on our marriage. I have expressed to her that she must see a counselor and deal with her childhood issues which I believe played a role in her choices. I’ve done my own work to get healthy. She has now refused to do her work regarding this with the same excuses given in the video (it’s in the past…). How do you help them see the need to do this work?
You don't, you can only change yourself but what you don't see is the projection of your own need to resolve your own issues. The question here is, why do you feel the need to remain attached to her. It's not about her anymore, time for self discovery.
I love my husband dearly….recognize the chemical spin in an affair that he just can’t seem to quit…. I could really use some expert assistance. I dont want to divorce, I want to help him through this trauma knowing he has had his own bout of childhood trauma etc, but I feel like he continues to twist the knife in me as I’m hugging him and trying to be helpful to his needs. How can I take care of me and still be there for him?
i think prioritizing your own healing and getting the help you need is essential. if you can take care of you, you can then work on your own healing and your own safety. your work is your responsibility and his work is HIS responsibility. the only person you can control is you and the only work you can do is for you unless he's open to doing marital work, then you can participate and help that. I wish you well in your journey. i know it's awful, but you can absolutely heal and recover.
So glad you’re addressing this. I wouldn’t have made the connection between betrayal and affairs and childhood SA, but it makes sense.
Thank you for sharing that Sam, it happened to me too. Doesn't excuse my terrible choices but, definitely a contributing factor. Excellent interview as always.
thank you Jack. means a ton my friend.
Samuel, you went through this? No wonder you’re so brave!
I’m so sorry some one committed this against you as a youngster, and so grateful for your strengthening share.
Obviously, this goes for today’s guest therapist, too, because once she understood how that was effecting her, look how far she has come!
Now you both are helping others come through and survive such personal traumas. Amazing work. Grateful for the grace of your compassion.
You are living examples of how understanding can lead to success and establishing safety for our households.
Something I’ve noticed is that folks who have survived this type of trauma become so so so strong and are just emotional warriors, especially if they’ve gotten appropriate support or qualified help that is really caring, like you both are doing here.
Hugs - appropriate ones - or high fives.
May you be blessed with tenfold success for your bold honesty here.
PS - work line yours is certain to help the upcoming generation avoid such pains.
Not only was I molested by my uncle from about the age of 8-11, but my mother and father were both never there for me growing up and they both stepped back in the picture several years after I got married. I was raised by both sets of grandparents and also my maternal aunt. For the past 5-6 years since my husbands affair I have asked myself “Amy, why have you continued to stay?” For a long time I viewed myself as a weak individual and I also suspected that I was trauma bonded, but Amanda has really confirmed it for me and she also has made me realize that my husband has trauma bonded too, as he is a Veteran with PTSD, which turned into CPTSD since having Covid 19 in august of 2021. But I just wanted to thank y’all so much for sharing this video ! It has hit home for me and I am currently seeking a good therapist for me and my husband both! Thanks again for your great work and all the videos that you share. They have helped me in so many ways! 🥹
This is excellent. Thank you so much for addressing this very painful issue. I need to find help. Is this therapist taking new clients (remotely)? I'm in CA.
I am.a therapist myself and want to comment you on an excellent interview. Amanda your straight forward approach opened my eyes
thanks so much for watching.
Amanda is POWERFUL!
Oh my gosh. I feel like you are describing me. I did not experience sexual abuse in my childhood , but was adopted and had parents who had survived the trauma of the Holocaust. I am clearly trauma bonded to my husband who has had 2 Affairs over our 40 yr marriage. We have been told we are co-dependent on each other . I recognize the trauma bonding. We are in counseling and healing. I felt like I could not breathe when my husband left to live with his mistress. I did not want to live w/o him, felt such rejection that I could not function or eat . I begged him to leave his mistress, to ‘see’ me, come home to me. Eventually he did, announcing he does not do contrition. We have progressed, are building a new marriage, and yet I recognize my trauma bonding and attachment to my husband.
I'm experiencing affair trauma for the past 6 months. I have mood swings & plague with sadness. It's draining me. I'm still with my wife coz I still love her & the kids.
expert help is key my friend. the right help can make a world of difference.
I might imagine you feeling even more alone as a man😢brave of you to engage in healing work
This really spoke to me, I was unfaithful to my husband and I was also molested by my dad at age 12, it only happened once but my dad never apologized to me and 3years post affair I’m finally starting to realize that I’ve never dealt with what happened with my dad, I’ve spent my whole life minimizing what happened and caused my husband and my family so much pain in the process.
I feel as though my entire world is falling apart and I just cant cope anymore. I have betrayed my spouse in the worst possible way and during something traumatic happened to me .. and then remembered about my mom sexually abuse my whole life with no help yet.. please I need support and guidance.
Wow I need her counseling. I'm a mess. CSA, ton top of being a veteran w/ PTSD. 😭
The wild card for me that I can’t integrate (beyond trauma bonding, complex ptsd, all blowing open with revelation of life long sex addiction with Porn…) it turns out that MY HUSBAND IS HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISTIC-ASBERGER. He gave up his drug but has done very little recovery work and shuts down a lot. WHAT DO I ACCEPT RE: lack of emotional intimacy?
Also, does anyone else see a high correlation between Asberger and pornography addiction?
Where is the help? We can’t afford it? I have this really bad to the point it effects my day to day life but I can’t afford the help
Does trams boding only come from sexual abuse? I was emotionally abused as a child adult from my mother and father. My husband has had multiple affairs and is also emotionally abusive and will not do any work. I am experiencing so many emotions yet don’t know what to do. We have been married 31 years and it has been going on for years
I can relate...42 years... following this comment thread... and rewatching this video many more times
hi there. I'm so sorry for the pain you've been through but no trauma bonding doesn't only come through sexual abuse.
❤️❤️❤️
My wife grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home with her father. She had since had an affair that last 5 years and now says she wants to work on our marriage. I have expressed to her that she must see a counselor and deal with her childhood issues which I believe played a role in her choices. I’ve done my own work to get healthy. She has now refused to do her work regarding this with the same excuses given in the video (it’s in the past…). How do you help them see the need to do this work?
You don't, you can only change yourself but what you don't see is the projection of your own need to resolve your own issues. The question here is, why do you feel the need to remain attached to her. It's not about her anymore, time for self discovery.
I love my husband dearly….recognize the chemical spin in an affair that he just can’t seem to quit…. I could really use some expert assistance. I dont want to divorce, I want to help him through this trauma knowing he has had his own bout of childhood trauma etc, but I feel like he continues to twist the knife in me as I’m hugging him and trying to be helpful to his needs. How can I take care of me and still be there for him?
He's got you wrapped around his finger. He won't give up this affair if he knows you'll always be there.
i think prioritizing your own healing and getting the help you need is essential. if you can take care of you, you can then work on your own healing and your own safety. your work is your responsibility and his work is HIS responsibility. the only person you can control is you and the only work you can do is for you unless he's open to doing marital work, then you can participate and help that. I wish you well in your journey. i know it's awful, but you can absolutely heal and recover.
👌💞