I really love Body Neutrality. Honestly it's empowering to think that "yeah I don't look so great today, but that okay." I detest forced body positivity.
I would love to look jacked rather than having a dad bod just my personal choice, I don't need body positivity activitists to call me fatphopic (although I'm rather skinny) , body neutrality is the way to go let people live their bodies without being bullied
In Brazil, there was a case of a fat 13-year-old girl who was bullied at school, but escalated to hate. she k*lled herself and in a memorial to her on the internet her bullies kept making "jokes" about her weight..(things like "how is she going to fly to heaven being so fat") in a place where her family and friends could see... it's so ridiculous to think about the size of discrimination that a person can suffer for such simple things...
Istg that makes my blood boil. It goes to show how easy it is to dehumanise people you don't like. I couldn't imagine being so cruel. I can't say I believe in heaven but if a heaven exists I hope that girl is happy now and far away from such cruelt.
I didnt realize I was "allowed" to feel bad about my body. I was always being mad at myself for having dysmorphia cuz of the "body positivity" movement. It made me feel so guilty. Thanks for this.
Not only does it hurt people who can't see themselves as beautiful 100% of the time, but it puts so much emphasis on "beauty" when "beauty" should have absolutely nothing to do with how happy someone is in their life. We as a society value beauty as a construct to the point where it is harming humanity.
@@giginoelani5880 this!!!! Body neutrality has changed my entire viewpoint of myself. I don’t have to find myself ethereal or beautiful, I just need to have respect for what it does for me.
The real point of body positivity is making it normal to feel ok in your body no matter what it looks like and motivate other to treat themselves with kindness. I don't know where people started taking this down such a harmful route. I hope you start healing from your body image issues in whatever (healthy) way that works for you. You live in your body, no one else. That's why only your opinion matters.
SAME,, feeling good in your body is nice but trying to do that all the time and constantly failing makes you feel like a failure which makes your mental health worse
Yoooooooooo fatphobia from medical professionals is REAL. When I was like, 12 I went to the doctors because my ear was hurting and the man literally spent the entire time telling me I had to lose weight. I started crying like, "I know that, but can we please talk about the EAR INFECTION I CLEARLY HAVE"
I remember that one time Lizzo got "cancelled" because people thought she was going on a juice diet or something. People made comments about how disappointed they were with her and how she'd fallen into the diet scam or whatever. She had to come out and clarify that she wasn't on a diet, she was just on a juice cleanse. But that got me thinking...what if she wanted to be on a diet? What if she wanted to lose weight? Why are we shaming people for wanting to lose weight? It was so strange. As someone who has been fat their entire life and continues to be fat, that situation in particular felt so alienating to me. Fat people get harassed for being fat and then they get harassed for not wanting to be fat anymore. Damned if we do, damned if we don't...
It was a cleanse, she drank a lot of smoothies and made a video clarifying it was for overall health and not weight loss. It was messed up how quickly some of her “fans” turned on her for a small thing.
this reminds me of when Adele lost a lot of weight and was very proud of herself and then people got angry at her for it as if she was somehow betraying people by doing that. i agree with what you’re saying that if Lizzo or Adele or anyone for that matter doesn’t want to lose weight/go on a diet then that’s their choice, and that they still shouldn’t be shamed regardless if that is what they want to do.
if you’re fat, they hate. if you’re “normal sized”, they hate. if you’re skinny, they hate. there is no winning when you’re in the spotlight and exposed to every kind of person’s opinions :(
@@like_grrra Yes but that isn't the point i was making. I'm not talking about overall hate everyone experiences in the spotlight. I'm talking about the fat activists and Lizzos own fans who were shaming her for something she wasn't even doing, i.e. going on a diet. It doesn't make sense to shame someone for wanting to change themselves.
@mansexman Nah this person just saw the title and thought, "Hmmm yes, I should comment." The worst part is, like you mentioned, this exact argument is talked about in this video. (Also, I love the animal crossing profile picture :D)
My sister has a fast metabolism, while I don't. As pre-teens, we ate the same amount of food, yet I began gaining weight and she didn't. By High school, I was anorexic, barely eating and exercising a lot. At 25, due to a health scare, I realized anorexia was making my health worse. I still eat sensible meals, and can no longer exercise due to health problems, but I am more comfortable being a plumper version of myself. I am now physically disabled and unable to exercise (but I must stay mobile), and I am considered overweight, but I don't eat fast food or a lot of microwave food. Meanwhile, my beautiful sister is still thin, and has started exercising as she got older, because she's able to and healthier for it. Once I started gaining weight, I had many people talk about my weight in front of me and question if my health problems were factual or an excuse to gain weight. It makes me angry that people automatically think I eat junk food, when I probably eat healthier than they do. Being on both sides of the coin, I hope the way overweight people are treated is changed in the future. But I won't hold my breath. The people that did me the most harm, were well meaning people, just trying to give me a little bit of guidance.
I Hate When Others Minimize Your Health Problems & Act Like You're Just Limiting Yourself From Doing Things That Are "Good" For You Or That Would Make You Happy Purely Out Of _Choice_ Rather Than Because You, Yourself; *KNOW* What You & Your Body Are Capable Of. I Always Gotta Remind Myself That People Can't Always Empathize With That Which They Have No Experience Of/With.
@@septimaserpent Yes. That's why when I know they mean well, but don't quite understand, I just let their comments slide. Unfortunately, it's still a frustrating situation. So glad you understand.
I gained enough weight to finally be considered "healthy" because of my oversimplified BMI - this meant gaining enough weight to increase my BMI from 15.6 to 21ish (I don't keep track of that anymore). To go from nearly dying to healthy elicited many comments implying I am now fat. Especially difficult when you have a roommate (and best friend) who weighs double what you did, and you consider to be beautiful, still being treated like crap... I'm rambling, but it seems there's no winning.
@@Anyoneelsebutnope I know. Mr. Beard made that point clear. In weight gain or weight loss, nobody is winning in today's society. Too many people have something to say about it. Gaining or losing weight is something our body does to get healthy or show illness, to protect you emotionally or to gain confidence. It's really a personal journey and we shouldn't shame people for whatever journey they are on.
The body hair thing is such a good example. In 5th grade i stared shaveing because boys bullied me. And i didn’t enjoy. I stoped for a while. Now shaveing feels like self care because i just like how it feels and i like to take the time for myself. It forces me to move slow for a moment and chill and i get shiney smooth legs that feel nice. I became anorexic when i was an overweight teen. Now i eat more and i dont over exercise. I have lost weight but i didn’t do it because of people bulling me this time. I did it to increase my mobility which is part of why i eat more because i need the energy. I still have some tummy and back fat and it can trigger me sometime. But most the time i feel way cuter than i use too. Im keeping my tummy how it is because it feels good.
Its always awesome when you can start doing things for reasons you want, instead of people telling you to. I had that kinda with learning to drive. I got my permit and my mom kept telling me I needed to drive more so I did and I didn't enjoy doing it. Eventually I started trying to drive because I wanted to do it for my own reasons and motivations and it made me enjoy it a lot. It's pretty powerful.
real! i shave my legs because i don’t like them on my body, and probably due to misogyny, but a lot of it is due to me wanting to - i know that, because, i rarely shave my arms, because i DON’T want to. same for other places, depends if i want to, i can acknowledge theres other reasons too, bur still. it makes me comfortable as well
I've personally had two people close to me lose 20+ pounds fairly recently. I asked both of them how they lost the weight before reacting, and as it turns out one of them is struggling with their mental health and losing weight for them was a sign they were mentally unhealthy. The other had been working for years to find a weight loss plan that worked for them and it was a huge victory. Waiting to react, asking about their lives rather than immediately celebrating gave me the chance to check in with my friend and help them through a rough time in their lives, both encouraging them to get healthy again and strengthening our friendship.
Thank you for doing this, genuinely. As someone who struggles with eating, and is on meds that suppress appetite on top of that, I am constantly gradually losing weight and it feels as if I am slowly wasting away. People have commented on my weight, both in support and to tell me I look sick, and either way it makes me feel like shit. Commenting on people’s bodies without background or permission is always a recipe for disaster, so basically thank you for being a good person and friend. It’s not something people always think about before speaking, but being considerate of such a sensitive topic can be so, so important. I hope you and your friends are doing well
Person 1 is still much healthier, however they lost the weight. One of the most effective ways of losing weight is getting ill lol. I lost a ton of weight due to Crohn's Disease. It was great.
fat people are always the butt of the joke and throughout the years I've developed a binge eating disorder because of the bullying i have received. I feel like sometimes fat activists are really out of touch with reality. We should strive for normalisation and acceptance, not pushing away fat people who lost weight. thanks for the video!
@@davidpmurdock you know that if fat people were seen as normal and not as a funny joke less would have eating disorders and a bad relationship with their body. and that would probably lead to less people being dangerously overweight. but you're just a silly goofy gentleman online 🎩
"But I also don't think making unhealthy choices is morally wrong " is legit the nicest thing I've heard in a while. I grew up real poor so not only did I not have food but it was always junk, I get a lot of comments about what I eat cause it's just so difficult to cook and it's what I know. And I place a lot of myself in my morals so it's just so hard for me to eat. So.. yeah that just means a lot to me, and I hope for others too.
Yes! Eating junk food has no implications on your morality. It doesn’t have anything to do with who you are as a person. You aren’t a “worse” or “bad” person because of that. If they care so much about your food choices, then maybe they should help you make better food choices or teach you how do cook. They need to treat you with sympathy and understanding, not judgment and shaming.
Yes! I'm someone who is straddling the line between a healthy weight and overweight because I eat unhealthy food. I'm acutely aware that I should eat better but I often can't because of the mental energy I find making food uses up, and it makes me feel SO much worse when my flatmate continually tells me to go to the gym and exercise. My food habits are not an invitation for your opinions. :(
That's funny that sure wasn't the opinion when it came to the vaccines and masks, Mr. Beard sure thought that health choice to not vaccinate was a moral wrong... 🤔
@@gypsylee333 they said immediately afterwards that 'as long as it doesn't harm anyone else' I'd like to argue not getting a vaccine is harming everyone around you. Leave your argument elsewhere
as a fat trans man, the idea of wanting to lose weight being fatphobic is really hurtful to me. a lot of my gender dysphoria stems from my big hips/legs that i got from being an afab fat person. ive been trying to lose that weight as itll make my mental and physical image of myself a lot nicer to me, so saying i need to keep my feminine figure or im fatphobic really just sucks :/
Just accept the empty shell of a word and do what's best for you personally. They don't have to live in your body, so they don't get to have an opinion.
As I am someone like yourself, my thoughts are this. Do what ya gotta do, to help keep your mind at peace. While it isn't fatphobic to want to lose weight, remember that we do live in a society, and influences from fatphobia in the general populace is prevelent. I think we can reflect upon that, while also doing what we need to, to feel most at home in our bodies, especially as afab trans folk. For me personally, I've been on the spectrum of underweight to overweight and while I was thinner when I was younger, I think now that I'm in my thirties, I've gained more peace about my body then when I was at my lightest. Slow change, especially when it comes to weight, while not great in the meantime, I think is the best balance. It won't fuck up your metabolism, like I did when I lost weight by not eating much and walking a shit ton. Also, you've probably heard it a million times before but, you are man enough, no matter how your body looks. A man is not his lack of curves, or how well he passes the cis norms. You got this, either way, and your body is a good one. In that, without it, you wouldn't be here. Acceptance doesn't mean a hundred percent, must be in love, all the time, or all the good feelings, all the time. And, it will likely be a lifetime of working out those feelings, which is natural.
If it helps, I am in sociologists, and the prescription of masculine or feminine to any feature only person only became a “thing” once these words were coined and “defined.” Nominal fallacy, give a name to things and define them and don’t look past that. Comfortable label prescription shortcut. Your body is your own, and feel about it and in it as YOU do. I am just saying that the whole masculine or feminine prescription is an abstract construct, that sadly afflicts a ton of people. Your body, your thoughts, your autonomy
I wanna remind you that you’ll always be valid no matter what you look like. Still, though, it’s okay to dream and reach towards what makes you feel happy and confident! I think that wanting to “pass” as your affirmed gender is only inherently toxic when it results in toxic behavior like putting yourself down and being unkind to yourself. So live your truth, brother, we believe in you. Be who you wanna be 😊💛
remember that no matter what anyone says, it’s NOT fatphobic to lose weight. it’s YOUR body and it’s YOUR decision what you do with it, absolutely NO ONE can tell you what you do with your own body. if being slimmer makes you more comfortable, that’s awesome, or if being bigger makes you more comfortable, that’s great!! your happiness is yours and no one should ever try to take it away. stay strong king💕💕🏳️⚧️
I'm disabled and people often don't value my life [especially during the pandemic] because I'm not healthy. I find many parallels between ableism and fatphobia, especially people using our perceived poor health as a justification for the poor treatment we receive
I'm not physically disabled, so I can't understand. But man, I have witnessed truly horrifying ableism in my life, despite being an able bodied person (meaning there's tons more that I haven't noticed.) Two of my best friends in college had Cerebral Palsy, and my roommates got visibly uncomfortable when they stayed over. I was so ashamed of my roomies and felt so bad. 😞
Same with ADD. I sometimes spend weeks struggling to do anything productive because it's extremely difficult to have the attention and or motivation. Despite that, a lot of people view it as just being lazy
@@beasee379 YES. I have ADHD too and it's honestly a very confusing disability sometimes, even to me. Sadly, too many people just think it's laziness or an excuse to get drugs. Such a shame.
@@marcusm487 I mean, i guess that's true for some circumstances but shame should never be part of the equation. It might seem likely that a fat person is motivated to lose weight through shame, but it's often the opposite effect, actually. We all engage in bad habits, it's just that eating a lot is visible, so it's easier to make fun of them for it. Seldom do I see people being shamed for smoking/vaping, drinking too much, being greedy, or the like, to the same degree. You can feel good in your body but also know that you need to change to lead a healthy life.
My opinion as a fat person Losing weight is healthy most of the time and should be encouraged but not required and definitely don’t harass fat people to be skinny because like you said some people aren’t able to lose weight Personally I am trying to lose weight because I want to be healthier and I don’t like the way I look and I want people to respect the fact I am trying to better myself and not be called fat phobic for doing what I want to
It takes lots of self wisdom and understanding to admit your shortcomings and problems. No one will judge you for trying to change for the better and if they do, they have some insecurities of their own. I hope you stay consistent and achieve your goals on this journey because this is one of the first steps towards your goal
This! It gets tiring quickly to have so many point fingers at you crying diet culture for it. Just respect that not everyone is happy at their current size, whatever it may be! The meaning of the phrase is starting to lose nuance at this point. Not mention the inherent missing of the point OF the movement
i still think it depends! some bodies genetically store more fat and will be on the heavier side regardless of exercise and healthy diet, unless you heavily restrict your diet to the point of constantly starving yourself. and i mean this genuinely, my brother had to starve himself and exercise daily to lose weight for his wedding, but it came back immediately when he started eating a little more, even with frequent exercise and lowering his daily carb intake. overall, it's probably healthier to be a little overweight than to be rapidly losing and gaining weight as rapid weight changes are super harmful to your body. if we're talking about fats as being visibly fat, then lots of people have fat tissues over their muscles and are still relatively healthy even though they look bigger than the norm. if we're talking about fatness as being over a weight that is appropriate to a specific height, being someone who has fat tissues over muscle tissues will still be heavier than someone who is primarily fats simply because muscle is heavier. at the end of the day, having fats or being a little heavier than the average weight appropriate to your height doesnt immediately mean you arent healthy. but not exercising and eating too much or too little of certain food groups probably does! do whats healthy for you and your body, not what changes your weight or even your physical appearance. ive seen plenty of visibly fat people who are way stronger than thin people who dont exercise.
@@viscountrainbows6452 don’t get me wrong, i hate twitter but objectively harassing and mocking fat people is far more common than swj’s saying “uhmmm actually youre fatohobic for loosing weight you’re cancelled”.
When you said that you’re not a bad person for being unhealthy, I felt so relieved. Like, I understand that health is important but I always felt shame for not being the epitome of health.
“Being healthy” is so hard. I have ADHD and prepping food/keeping an healthy schedule is very demanding, especially when your mental health is also struggling. Taking care of yourself is a journey of self improvement and not something you owe society, at least not when your life isn’t in immediate danger
I feel the exact same. I’ve been gaining weight recently and I’ve never had to experience weight gain before but it’s really stressful. The way that Ryan spoke about self acceptance made me feel so much better. Like “you don’t have to be beautiful or pretty to be worthy” that hit hard. Good luck with your health, I hope you feel happy in your future :)
@@miss-laea yes it is so hard. Time for the gym or make dinner? Make a healthy dinner or microwave something bc now I’m tired from the gym? Prepare food ahead of time or clean the home? Take time to rest and feel guilty or feel burnout from doing it all? There are so many demands on us all the time.
I went to the ER with severe abdominal pain (like 8-9 out of 10). Got tests, ultrasounds, CT scans, the whole nine yards. The ER doctor, ER nurse, radiology tech, and nurses all agreed that I needed my gallbladder out ASAP. The surgeon/Doctor made me stay overnight just to tell me the next day: "You need to lose weight. Just go on a diet." (This doctor also did plenty of other things that were questionable but this is what stuck out) I went to another doctor and she immediately referred me to a surgeon and they both were horrified with how I was treated. I was scheduled for surgery 2 weeks later and turns out my gallbladder was dangerously close to shutting down which in turn would kill my liver and pancreas.
That’s why I prefer body neutrality rather than body love. It’s alright to not always love the way your body looks, But you can also learn to appreciate your body for what it does. It can convert o2 into co2 that’s amazing! It can help you be creative! It can help you communicate. Don’t beat yourself up for not loving or on some days hating your body and don’t beat others up for their bodies. All bodies are just that bodies. You don’t have to comment on others bodies. You can learn to live in the body you have. And come to accept that. Recognize we live in a society where you are constantly being told to hate your body whatever shape, size, skin tone, abilities etc. and learn that that doesn’t serve you. Actively work against that by just learning to accept your body. I’ve struggled a lot with my body issues and eating disorders. But I’m on a journey to self acceptance. I don’t know who needs to hear it. You are worthy of love and kindness and happiness regardless of what your body looks like. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It’s hard out there.
Hey thanks for taking the time to comment this and the mini note at the end, I appreciate it. It’s nice to hear other peoples perspectives on the matter. Anyways, I hope you have a lovely day!
"It’s alright to not always love the way your body looks, But you can also learn to appreciate your body for what it does." This is very important to learn about ourselves!! Our bodys are capable to the wonder things, and you can train your body and mind to exceed all expectations!!
@@afoolishfopdoodle3284 Imma blow your mind with eating: we literally can take mixtures of deadly chemicals, break them down into simpler chemicals using OTHER stored broken down chemicals, process them in ways even the most brilliant chemists struggle to replicate it, and turn them into storage forms that are basically molecular twinkies, and then re-convert that into electricity and binary code, and then into movement that itself creates heat. You learn a bit of biology and I SWEAR you get hours of wonder at even the simplest things.
That will literally never stop. Humans are biologically hard wired to like beauty. Good genetics (good looks) demonstrates a good ability to have offspring that are successful and survive well. Disliking ugly people is human nature.
@@carlw5360 Liking beauty is one thing. Thinking that beauty makes something more valuable is another. Because you apparently think that someone you deem unattractive needs to be hated is not human nature. Every body is valid. Your perception should not void someone's worth. Beauty has nothing to do with survival. Eugenics is a trash concept
@@blazenfate but I see color and that doesn't mean I need to treat someone different cause of their color. That's the point. An apple that's bruised is not different from a perfect one it's the same fruit and just as nutritious.
Ryan, this video was so from the heart. I cried when you were talking about being ostracised from both communities and struggling with your eating disorder. I think this argument was so important for the community current social climate. Thank you for sharing your voice. When people speak up about their feelings and are honest about their experiences I truly believe it makes the world a better place.
I'll never forget when I was admitted to inpatient mental health care because of a suicide attempt two years ago, and the admitting nurse thought it would be super helpful to send a dietitian to my room to tell me according to my chart, I was overweight. She then handed me a pamphlet on eating healthy and losing weight. Really helpful to tell someone already hurting emotionally and with a history of anorexia "yeah you're depressed but you're fat. Have you considered eating more vegetables lol."
Jesus. I am so sorry. I've had some super negative interactions with doctors/nurses and it's particularly painful, because these are the people that are supposed to help you when the shit hits the fan. I love you, please take care ♥️
i once heard someone say “even if we all ate the same foods and exercised the same way, we’d still be different sizes” and boy did that ever stick with me! health looks different on different people. edit: how are so many of y’all dumbasses in my replies missing the whole point?? let’s get some critical thinking skills in here babes, cmon now.
It is true, I lived with my sister, I cooked everyday for us, we ate the exact same portions, if anything I exercised and she didn't, and I was 50lbs (for 4 inches taller) heavier than her. That being said, that shouldn't be used as an excuse to be 400lbs...
as a former fat kid, i fell into the eating disorder hole, at first i started losing weight at a healthy rate, until one time someone called me fat after having lost a decent amount of weight and so i stopped eating, i lost 20lbs in less than a month and even a year later i still deal with the anorexia that i developed from that, and trying to gain weight in a healthy way has become mentally impossible because of my fear of gaining weight back even if it’s healthy weight in the form of muscle.
I gained a lot of weight in college that caused me to feel physically sick and tired and the biggest thing that helped me was learning how to cook. Like. Not the fancy “how to make a souflee”. But how to properly cut a bellpepper. How to prepare stew. Experimenting with flavor combinations. At the start it was about loosing weight, but it eventually was just about cooking and having fun with new foods. Like Beard said. Its about making healthy choices. And my healthy choice was cooking. And its changed my life. (Rateatoullie plays in my soul 24/7)
@@shroomian2739 stew is best food. I’d bet my left foot that every culture around the world and throughout history had stew. Why? Because its just that good
This was a hard listen. I don’t want to go into the “As _____ person with _____ eating disorders”, but just know that your videos have impact on people. This discussion is a sh!t one to have but a necessary one. Thank you
Your description of body positivity is really funny to listen to as a trans person. I don't think anyone would say that me wanting to change my body (at least in some ways) would be wrong, but for some reason in the circumstance of fat people wanting to lose weight, no matter the reason, that's them suffering from some form of internalized bigotry? Pretty weirdchamp imo
I agree it's bs but to be fair as a trans girl I've been told many times that it was misogynistic for me to want to look how I want to look, because I'm associating stereotypes with womanhood. Now obviously that's not something I agree with, I'm not saying these things that I like doing and the way I like to look define womanhood, identifying as a woman is all that defines womanhood, but yeah my point is that many people DO say that wanting to change your appearance or body as a trans person is bigoted.
FR it reminds me of how some people say that makeup is bad because you're "changing your natural features" or "just trying to appeal to men" (completely ignoring that not everyone who wears makeup find men attractive) like,, maybe they just want to wear makeup because they enjoy it? similarly, maybe someone just wants to lose weight to feel more comfortable? or for health reasons? (i'm not saying that fat = unhealthy but sometimes people lose weight when they focus on their physical health) people need to learn to mind their own business lmao
My mentality for years have been "I'm not that attractive physically but I'm pretty awesome aside from that" and I feel like that should be okay so ty for teaching me about body neutrality
Yeah always be happy with yourself, but i feel like we should always strive to be better. I used to be super underweight and frail but then i started going outside more and excercising and i feel like a completely better person.
I have been obese, and I have had 6 pack abs and I am 21, neither made me happy. What makes me happy is the pursuit of a healthy medium. Do your own thing. Don’t listen to dumb internet people on either side. Love the video thanks broski.
@@Groggle7141 does that include things like not drinking alcohol? Or taking drugs, like non-medicinal cannabis? Do you care as much about those having three or more cups of coffee in a day (potentially alongside other sources of caffeine)? Do you judge people who wear high heels or shoes that provide inadequate arch support? What about someone who puts sunscreen and a cap on before going in the direct sun wearing a singlet, even though it’s still more sun safe to have a broad brim hat and a long sleeve sun-safe top? What if they don’t even have a good pair of sunglasses? Although wearing sunscreen is healthy, just wearing sunscreen isn’t necessarily the healthiest decision to make because wearing sunscreen alone may be inadequate protection in some cases; so, should they not be allowed to “do their own thing” if it’s not the best thing in terms of healthy behaviour? Do your own thing as long as it’s healthy seems to come less frequently from those who actually live healthy lifestyles themselves and more from people who seem specifically concerned with people’s bodyweight. Sometimes people who are doing things fairly healthy are judged for not being healthier. At what point do we just respect an individual’s choice to make unhealthy decisions for themselves? Is there a line? You feel the need to add the “as long as it’s healthy” condition on to “do your own thing”, but do you even know what you mean by that? I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or consume much caffeine, plus I wear supportive shoes, and I engage in sun-safe practices. These are things I do or don’t do for my own sake, which is why I used them as examples, yet I don’t necessarily judge those who make choices that are comparatively unhealthy. And that appears to be most people. My stance is that someone’s behaviour might be unhealthy, and schools and relevant media should continue to educate about safe and healthy lifestyles, but if an adult makes a decision that’s unhealthy for their body but doesn’t directly impact others or actively encourage others to be less healthy then that’s their choice to make. If it’s what they want to do then I hope it brings them some joy.
I strongly dislike whenever someone tells me to “go to the gym” or “go on a diet” it really hurts my feelings because I have been working out and I always try to eat healthy (although I do sometimes have a few sweets, nothing huge though) I have been on medications from a young age because of my asthma and heart disease which makes me gain weight. so it honestly feels like a punch in the face whenever people tell me I’m lazy or not trying hard enough. I shouldn’t have had to be googling “how to loose weight” when I was ten years old just because people wouldn’t listen to my story. Good video Ryan!! You made a lot of good points :) Edit: hey guys thank you for supporting me and being super kind. I would just like to encourage people not to give me unsolicited weight loss advice because that’s basically what I just said I strongly dislike. Although I have overcome an eating disorder I do still live with it and it affects me almost daily.
I despise when people assume by looking at you that they know your fitness level or diet knowledge. It's as if they think the reason you're overweight is because you're a clueless, lazy, dumdum and they, the skinny person, are super smart and will tell you all the common sense things that anyone with half a brain already knows. If more people would actually think to ASK someone what they're doing for exercise or how they're eating instead of assuming, they'd learn a lot about what fat people actually go through.
May I suggest looking into Keto? I've had the same problems with losing weight until I started it and I can tell you it melts right off since your body is forced to consume the fat it has and not the carbs you consume.
Some people can’t really control how their body acts like if you have something like diabetes you can’t always control what you eat or if you have some kind of health problem, I know a person(I won’t state their name) who when they gave birth, the muscles in their abdomen got messed up so they are trying to exercise as much as possible, but they can’t always do that, sometimes weight just needs to be treated with nuance, not everyone is the same and you kinda can’t be in either of the two extremes mentioned in the video.
You gotta cut those sweets out. You don't realize how much sweets can limit your ability to lose weight. Make sure you do cardio and be on a caloric deficit. AND MEASURE EVERYTHING you eat
Welp,fat people need to work more harder than skinny people to lose weight.Because the calories on fat person's tissues are harder tro burn than skinny personn's tissues.Also eating fast food can actually change emotion and mentally harm the brain.Im not trying to be "fatphobic" here. (I was almost 200kg in 2016 and lost around 100kg in 2017)
as someones who has been verbally attacked for both, being „too fat“ and being „too thin“ from different groups of people while I didn’t lose or gain weight at all between the instances, I just decided that I don’t have a body.
That's a wise choice to just say "frick it.. *n o b o d y* " hope you're doing good right now and have others who don't comment rudely on how you look or anything
This was really eye-opening for me as a thin person who tries their best to promote fat acceptance. I had started falling into the trap of pushing positivity on fat people who don't 100% love their bodies and judging any efforts at weight loss as negative because I had thought that that was what I was supposed to be doing as an ally. I can definitely see now how those things are not helpful. Thank you for taking the time to lay this all out.
As an ex fat person, I have never wanted to accept my body, I've always wanted to lose the weight. And that's fine! I eventually did it. But that's just me. I never asked for people to find me beautiful or anything like that. The only thing that felt bad were all the mean comments, the jokes, the condescension. And I think that's truly what fat acceptance should push. Not that you should be attracted to fat people, or accept it as healthy, or push fat people away from chasing another physique and force them to accept something that obviously gives them social downsides, but just.. Treating them as human. Not immediately judging and talking down to them. Not regarding them with disgust, and as a fattie first and foremost. Just letting them exist. Whether they want to lost weight, or not. In the end, people wanting to change their bodies isn't bad. A fat person wanting to lose weight isn't necessarily self hating, they just want better for themselves. Just like someone at a healthy weight wanting to start working out for a different physique!! Sorry for the paragraph haha I just had to get this out somewhere, your efforts to help people are appreciated btw
shit man, i had the same experience with costochondritis - i wasn't more than 10 pounds overweight at the time, and although i was sedentary and certainly not the healthiest, there was NO way i was experiencing such intense pain from being pudgy. still had to get a second opinion anyway, because all the first guy could say was "take vitamins and go on a diet." it genuinely sucks. my experience didn't end in any lasting damage thank god, but there are so so many who don't have that luck.
I completely agree that heath should be neutral. I was also diagnosed with costochondritis last year after feeling pain so intense I felt like I was having a heart attack. I have never been fat and at that time I actually bordering on being underweight. I've never experienced that kind of bias from a doctor but I'm genuinely disgusted by it. If I doctor were to invalidate my pain due to my weight I'd be furious and pretty hurt. I'm glad you got the help you needed. Never let anyone make you feel less than because if how you look! Your experience and your struggles are just as important as anyone else's.
I fixed my costochondritis with massage, exercise, and stretching. I couldn't lift my arms over my head for ages, before anyone thinks I didn't have it bad.
A lot of people will say "but the doctor is a professional and knows what is right!" but doctors are human. They will have biases. The medical field does have a serious issue with blaming things on weight instead of eliminating other potential causes and its so dangerous.
I know a girl who was told she just needed to lose weight and that's why her knees are hurting, until she found a nurse who listened to her. Turns out she has bone cancer and she ended up going through chemo and one of her legs was amputated.
i recently found a doctor who actually listened to my health concerns and when i even started mentioning "losing weight" he stopped me and immediately said "we're gonna take weight off the table cause that isnt the problem at all" and now im getting real treatment for my fibromyalgia and spinal stenosis (that we discovered cause he took me seriously and didnt tell me to just "lose weight")
it also really grinds my gears seeing posts about people’s dramatic weight loss that they self caption ‘bullying works ig’ ugh like it’s just pick me vibes. don’t enable the fatphobes even if you’re not their target audience any more.
Definitely see "bullying works ig" as a semi-ironic statement. The way I read it is that it's meant to be comedic and play on the fact that they were bullied in the past, overcame it, and became a better person in spite of it via hard work and strength. This isn't literally "thanking" the bullies.... lmfao c'mon
@@dankyskins4452 I understand this standpoint - of course people bullied for their weight wouldn’t be grateful to bullies. However, the wording of the phrase is, in my opinion, so easy to misconstrue as endorsing bullying that it’s quite an irresponsible joke to make. i do see that this exact phrasing is used as a justification for fatphobia. there’s an air of superiority imo when you are on the other side of a successful weight loss and joke about the bullies motivating you.
@@dankyskins4452 I've actually seen overweight people, who go on a weightloss journey (and suddenly are on their high horse) tell me that had it not been for bullying they would have stayed disgusting and fat, like people think others degrading them is and was okay
THANK YOU. As a former fat person (I was 215lbs at 5'5" when I was 14, and I'm 5'9" and 170lbs now at 25) I HATE it when people try to tell me I wasn't fat, or that I shouldn't have been unhappy with how I looked and felt. It happens a lot. Anytime I would mention my weight loss, or that I used to be fat, my ex would tell me I wasn't fat and that I didn't need to lose weight. I tried to argue against it, that I *was* actually fat and everyone treated me as a fat person, and that I was unhappy with my appearance and *especially* how I felt physically (it was uncomfortable basically all the time). But she would basically talk over me and just deny everything I said. Incredibly frustrating. I have binge eating disorder from my experiences being fat, because it became a cycle, like it does for many people. I told her about this, and how I hate when I'm given large amounts of junk food as gifts because I will eat all of it and feel terrible, she would do exactly this. At the store, when I would be like "I don't need that even though I want it", she would encourage me to get it, or even just put it in the cart against my wishes. She once told me after several months of being together that she was "glad she was able to fatten me up". Keep in mind, she isn't stupid, and she absolutely knew how much binge eating and weight gain negatively impacts my mental health. But I guess it was a kink for her or something idk. It's worth mentioning she was abusive to me and her dog in many other ways, so it wasn't an isolated fault. My ex's friend is fat, and they are very much happy as a fat person, which is good. But they would talk to me about how being fat is good actually and that it isn't rational to want to lose weight. They would even say sugar and higher body fat percentage didn't actually increase risk of diabetes at all?? Like Mr. Beard said, it's kind of like conspiracy theory thinking. It's understandable that it happens, but it needs to be countered
10:17 I remember Dr. Mike talking about an overweight patient that was experiencing pain and had been to several doctors. All the other doctors said he just had to lose weight, or was suffering from “early arthritis” or just joint pain from being overweight. The patient was suffering from early stage Lyme disease. Edit: I have a very close friend who was essentially actively dying, but it took her getting hospitalized to get diagnosed(*severe* celiacs, Ulcerative Colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, and some others I can’t remember)while *underweight.* she’s now technically classified as “overweight” but she is the healthiest she’s ever been since I’ve known her
“We need to stop attaching morality to health” thank you. I say this all the time. Even people praising me when I got in shape made me uncomfortable because it implies that I was not worthy of praise until I got fit.
Well, did they not praise you when you were fat when you did something outstanding? If not, why should they praise you then for something you didn’t do? You get where I’m coming from?
the praise came from achieving something, in your case, becoming more fit. i’m sure people would have still given you praise before if you had achieved a goal or accomplishment ♥️
It makes sense to praise someone if they lose fat and reach their goals. It doesn't make sense to praise someone who gains 100lbs of fat in a few years because it's simply not praise worthy. It might be praise worthy in the first pounds if you were anorexic but then you just trade one eating disorder for another if you go 100lbs overweight due to overeating and storing fat. Other than that, a morbidely obese person doing good in their actions still deserves praise for those actions in a day to day setting. I wouldn't praise my friends and people I care about for gaining lots of excess fat because I care about their well being. Therefore, just by being in shape you should receive more compliments and praise from people in general because you exemplify what it means to take care of your health at least in a fitness sense.
You weren't worthy of that praise before. You don't get praised for not accomplishing anything. It's hard to lose weight and it's good that you did it.
@@ycombine1053 you’re correct in that sense but what I mean by people “praising” me, I was thinking about how I was always told that I “looked good” or something as if I didn’t look good before getting fit.
have to call myself out, i was someone who thought bullying fat people was a solution for obesity. after listening to you i realize now that was not only ignorant on my end but also negligent toward others and myself. i took for granted the ability of reasoning and didn't let myself think about it thoroughly before jumping to an answer. thank you for changing my outlook. much love
Thank you for your willingness to listen and change! Shaming and judging others is never helpful. I mean shit, you probably wouldn’t have changed your opinion or appreciated his video if he had given you shit and bullied you for your behaviors. It worked better because he presented it better. So the same goes for you and how you present your message to others. It’ll be more successful if you are kind and understanding instead of mean and judgmental and bullying.
with peace and love and glad you changed your mind but openly admitting what a PoS you are/were might not endear people to you. the fact that you had to learn empathy from a YT video is pretty freaking sad my dude. if bullying people for how they look rather than just letting them be even tho it has ZERO impact on your life is what you were like just before this video then i’m afraid you have a long, LONG way to go. please continue to shed your bigotry and you will be better for it, inshallah.
@@trueMAXIMUS honestly comments like this is probably whats causing more people to not want to become better imo. A guy openly said he was trying to get better and made the first step and you just out of nowhere called him a PoS and now somehow thats supposed to be encouraging? The best way to handle this sort of thing is just to allow them to grow without antagonizing them in a moment of self reflection.
@@trueMAXIMUS yo this ain’t helping anything, my guy. A first step needs to be taken somewhere, and saying the kind of shit you said makes people less willing to take that step.
The medical discrimination is so rough. My doctor wanted to rule out sleep apnea for my fatigue and sent me to a sleep clinic. They insisted I had sleep apnea even before doing the tests. After the tests they refused to investigate any other options and said I needed a CPAP machine. Along with the typical “just lose weight”. It turned out one of the medications I was on caused apnea-like behavior. On top of severe lung damage from an illness I had several months ago. When I discovered these two facts after the diagnosis I tried to speak to the doctors about it, but their office just sent a letter to my primary care doctor saying I was “hostile” and refused to see me.
@@lewispooper3138 have you never heard of bed (binge eating disorder)? its a fairly misunderstood ed which can be very hard to live with. and theres also a genetic factor, whether you believe people can be fat through their parents or not, people are born with different metabolisms and its easier for some people to gain weight compared to others. maybe their parents didnt have enough junk food restrictions when they were a kid or maybe they eat to cope. whatever it may be, its completely unlikely that they are 'just lazy.'
Didn’t want to add to all the “as a whatever person I feel…” stuff (not cause it’s inherently bad there’s just a lot of it here already) but what you said about gaining and losing weight being equally valid really resonated with me. I’m a very healthy fat person and my only health issues are from my chronic illness which is treated with medication that makes me fat. There have been times I’ve stopped taking that medication because I felt so hurt by the world around me for being overweight and each time resulted in me slimming down for a couple months and then ending up in the hospital after a medical episode. I nearly died twice due to fatphobia and poor self esteem. People are so much nicer to thin people and it’s unfair everyone deserves kindness. Gaining weight for me has always meant I’m in better health and it means a lot to have that acknowledged for once. Your kindness and commentary is always appreciated Beard
Thank you for sharing your story. I honestly never knew how much impact medication can have on weight. I hope you are doing great and I am glad you are still here. Your life is so much more important than stupid societal standards! I wish you all the best
@@anortherner Nothing rude about curiosity, there’s a lot of medication that causes weight gain and I just so happen to have to take two. One messes with my hormones and slows my metabolism and the other causes fluid retention. So on my meds my normal weight is around 220 but last time I went off my meds I shot down to 150 in four months and then almost died 😅 Im healthier than ever now though!
I grew to hate the body positivity movement. As a trans person, always being told I should love my body at all times has been so exhausting. I do love my body, but not all of it, especially if those parts of my body keep me from being seen as a man. It doesn't matter how many times we're told our bodies are "perfect the way they are" when society looks at our bodies and sees something we're not. I've been told I wasn't body positive because I want to get top surgery and I'm taking hormones.
I really hate that body positivity has become entirely focused on aesthetics. I am fat, have been fat, lost a bunch of weight to get a kidney transplant (because they won’t give you one if you’re fat…) sand developed an eating disorder in the process and then went on steroids, and gained back all the weight I had lost. My body has permanently changed and I have really struggled with body image, but body positivity has helped me to love what my body can do, how through everything it’s still kept me alive. I may hate how I look but I can still be positive about the fact that I have a body that has weathered so much. They body positivity movement has actually become just another toxic aesthetic movement.
This is actually something I can understand really well because I'm a trans person who also lost a lot of weight. Something I just can't stand about the fat acceptance community is that, in all honestly, a lot of the ways they talk remind me of how a lot of trans people who either can't go on HRT/surgeries/medical intervention for whatever (usually personally and complex) reason(s) will often drag down other trans people who can and do decide to pursue those things often with very similar talking points about how it wouldn't change anything fundamentally, about how HRT is ineffective past a certain age or timeframe, about how anyone who is trans should just accept our pain and suffer until we die. It's worth noting these things are also very similar to the things transphobes say about these things as well and is an abject lesson in how our oppressors can convince us it is not worth it to take care of our bodies how we personally see fit. For that reason, despite the fact that body positivity should celebrate the variety that can come with a trans person (especially a trans person who has done any kind of medical intervention re: being trans), I firmly believe there is something inherently not very friendly to us about that movement so I can't say I'm surprised they were trash to you about being on hormones or wanting to get surgery.
@@grey2366 I also just don't really understand the argument that hrt isn't really effective after a certain age/timeframe. Maybe I just domt know enough about how the hormones work in later years, but a lot of cis people do hrt in their later years. Idk, I've only been on testosterone for 3 months at this point and I am way happier with my body now than I even was before, and I only see that getting better for me. In my eyes, me doing any form of gender affirming care is an act of self love and body positivity because I'm doing it for myself and no one else. I do it purely to make myself happy
Exactly! Forcing positivityjust leads to even more negativity. Just remember you're valid no matter what your body looks like! (Also, love the haikyuu pfp!! Tendou is so awesome
I have the genes to be overweight if I am not aware and careful. I am not currently a "fat person" per say but I will never be a skinny person. Unless I hurt myself to get skinny, I will always be a bigger girl. I really appreciate this video and thank you for your time in making it.
@@1Nickle I was barrel cheated baby and have always been, what some say is "Big Boned" I am not a geneticist, so I have not the correct terminology for you. I apologize if none of this is helpful.
body neutrality is so cool bc i can look in the mirror and go "damn you look like you just walked out of a laboratory fighting off the scientists" and smile and go on with my day
As a nurse, I see the devastating effect of obesity on a daily basis. I also see patients who are underweight for a range of reasons, & it's equally devastating! However, I have never, ever felt like "oh this person isn't maintaining a healthy lifestyle, so it's their fault" Weight issues & related health problems are always WAY more complicated than both extremes claim. My patients deserve to be heard, help with resources, education, & quality care regardless of their weight: period. I've seen the discrimination of fat phobia & have shut it down many times. There are compassionate, helpful ways to encourage healthy choices, weight loss, etc. without dismissing human beings with actual, serious health problems & barriers to healthcare. Anyways... great video. Really on point.
Thank you, I think this is a good point and a valuable perspective. To be honest I do think in a majority of cases medical professionals focus too heavily on weight - I've heard far too many people talk about doctors telling them their weight somehow influenced a viral infection... or fail to treat them because all they could think to say was "you should lose weight." However there are also some situations where weight *should* be brought up. After doing my own research, I was shocked that when I was diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor didn't even *mention* my weight gain - which they should have probably noticed in my medical record (or at least mentioned as a possible contributing factor.) They only recommended I take hormones to try and get back my cycle, and sent me home.
I appreciate you acknowledging that this DOES happen with health care professionals. I’ve dealt with it personally several times. Most horrifying: I have a genetic chronic kidney disease (I have a transplant now) and when I was in stage 3, had a PCP who was constantly making fat shaming (and utterly incorrect) comments to me (things like “stop eating carbs and your kidney disease will go away” meanwhile, my disease has no cure or treatment). I had been suffering from muscle weakness, fatigue and horrible cramping for almost a year and when I told her that I could barely walk up the stairs or lift wet laundry from the washer to the dryer without my legs and arms turning to jello, she said, and I’m quoting here, “obese people get tired when they move around, just _eat fewer donuts every day_”… I’ve been the same level of fat most of my life. I hike, kayak, and I’m otherwise active, so this was definitely not normal for me. After that comment I finally found another doctor, and when she looked at my labs (which were run every 3 months) from the previous year, she noticed my potassium was between 1.7-1.9. She was horrified and immediately sent me to the ER to have IV potassium. I continued to suffer from a potassium deficiency until my transplant (oddly) and was on 100meq of potassium daily for years. I literally could have died because this doctor only saw what she wanted to see. Because she, like so many others, blamed my symptoms on my weight, and even more astonishing, she either didn’t bother looking at those lab results or deliberately ignored them. I have an amazing medical team now, and I will no longer tolerate that garbage from any healthcare provider. I no longer worry about what they will say when I call it out and walk away.
@@ardeaeichner2111 In my personal experience, it was actually the doctor focusing on my weight that made getting a diagnosis possible. My gynocologist only cared that I was large and constantly gave me the same montra and spiel about needing to lose weight and tried pushing me on miserable diets, it was my normal, general doctor who helped me discover I had PCOS when he saw that my testosterone levels were higher than is typical for AFAB individuals.
I'm celiac before I found out I was underweight all my life because I was malnourished. Growing up in the 2000s size zero was desirable so no one in the medical field really noticed that I was ill. But socially my peers would still call me anorexic for some reason. But when I gained weight from being able to absorb nutrients, people including doctors commented that I had gained weight and should exercise. When I started taking Seroquel it escalated 😑😑 I was healthier mentally and physically but because I was heavier people assumed the opposite 🤦 You can't win when other people are making assumptions about your body.
The experience of doctors not listening to you as a patient is eerily familiar as a woman, I can't even imagine the hurdles of being a fat woman pursuing a diagnosis
Hi, fat woman here! I once had a doctor refuse to examine my sprained ankle because it was far more important that I be tested for diabetes first. He then preceded to lecture me about diet and exercise. It was after he said "You mentioned your ankle hurting, so maybe try swimming...." when I said "That's how I hurt my ankle!" "Wait, what?" "I injured my ankle while swimming." "Oh.....I'd better take a look at it, could be a sprain." Oh, you think????
Another fat woman here. Gotta say it’s not fun. I said I had trouble with breathing (when I was child) and the first thing the doctor said was “lose weight”. Turns out I was right and my asthma (I was diagnosed at 4) didn’t just magically disappear like everyone wanted to claim because I got a bit chubby. Literally infuriating
For me, it was so bad that I ended up diagnosing myself with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, because they just wouldn't listen to anything I said. Eventually my Dad had to tell them for me to give me a simple test that they should've done 20+ years ago. My thyroid would've stopped working eventually, and I also could've ended up with thyroid c@ncer. (Sorry for the @, my comment might get deleted if I don't censor certain words.)
Another fat woman here! My family has had really bad history of arthritic types of issues for generations, especially in the knees. I've been having knee issues since I was a preteen and I finally went to get x-rays when I was 18. I even explained that it was painful in my bones to walk up the stairs or across my college campus. All they told me is that my hamstrings are too tense for my age and that I need to lose weight to decrease pressure on my knees. I'm gonna be 22 now (and even after increased activity, diet change, AND some weight loss), and my knees are still just as bad as they were, if not worse.
I am overweight and have never struggled that much with it, but the point about sickness and disability is such a real one! I used to love taking pictures of my fat body but last year I was disabled and now my relationship with my body has changed. It is hard to love something that has caused me so much suffering but I am stuck in. There isn’t much I can do but try to accept it. It is just so hard to “love” and that expectation is just not something I can reach. Setting me up for failure isn’t going to help. I had to change the way I see and treat my body, and it’s been hard. Being big is only a part of the puzzle. I am more than my body, but I also have to live with it.
You are way more than your body. I do however have to tell you that there IS something to do about it. If it is being tough to accept your body, maybe you could try to lose some weight. This is in no way an attempt to be rude or degrading.
As someone with disabilities, I don’t like people telling me to always feel proud of my body. It’s a lot easier to cope when I accept that there are things about my body that suck
fr, nobody says you need to be proud of your eyelashes, why do we do it with bodies? It's just a part of our bodies, we don't have to be proud of anything if we don't want to be proud of it
Omg yes. The pressure to love my body when it doesn't do what I want it to. And if I say I don't love my body- people will assume its how it looks, like as if thats more important.
This is very true. I think rather than telling people to love their bodies we should say that a person is so much more than your body. Hating your body isn’t always bad, but don’t let it lead you to hating your person. I think some people don’t understand this concept though and so they feel telling someone they are beautiful helps. We are more than our bodies that’s what’s important.
I like fashion. But I don‘t like how fashion looks on me because it is designed for thin people. I‘m not even technically overweight and I still recognize that.
Loving hearing someone speak about this topic with cognizance of the gray areas in this subject matter. One thing I feel is under-discussed when it comes to fatphobia (which I feel is likely more common in female-to-female conversations) is that which occurs in passing conversation. My biggest peeve is the liberal centrist dialogue where you simply make a statement of the fact you’re overweight and are met with “oh no! you aren’t fat, you’re beautiful!” I recently contracted COVID and suffered from it, being both asthmatic and overweight. I was asked why it was so hard on me, despite the fact I was double-vaxxed and boosted, and mentioned this. My sweet coworker with the best of intentions gets so uncomfortable and is like “no sweetheart, no, you’re not overweight.” Fat is not a dirty word. I’m tired of people treating it like it is. I can’t say it better than I said in my poem at the height of my mental health issues: “because fat is not a thing you can be, like smart, or pretty, or kind - it is a thing you possess.” I am not my fatness. And yes, Mr. Beard - thank you for pointing it out! Our bodies are simply vessels, and we are allowed to feel disdain toward that vessel. I hope that everyone can find solace in the fact that while you are living in your body, and you may hate it, you are the only person with power over said vessel. You are fully autonomous. No matter what anyone tells you, you are the only person in charge of your state of being. While others can try to influence that state of being, you are ultimately the ruler of your own destiny. The consequences of your existence are not tied to your body. People won’t remember you for how much weight you lost or gained. They will remember you because you were kind, because you said something intelligent, because you made a difference in their lives. No matter how sh*tty people are to you, they can’t take your “you-ness” away. You it up, people. Be angry, be disgusted, be loud, be mad, be proud, be happy, be sad, and don’t apologize for being yourself (with a simple caveat: don’t hurt others). Sending love from WV, USA.
I love this comment, you hit the nail right in the head. Working on remembering people love me for my me-ness and not what I look like has really changed the game when it comes to self-acceptance and has felt like a great step towards body neutrality.
I developed anorexia towards the end of my high school years. I didn’t go to the doctor very often bc I didn’t ever get sick and my parents didn’t believe in getting regular check ups without reason. I had been to the same doctor for most of my life and she always brought up my weight and would make sure to remind me I was already predisposed to diabetes from both sides of my family. Anyways, I went to the doctor because I was showing flu like symptoms (before Covid) and obviously I was down a bit of weight. Roughly 80 lbs. I was within the “normal range” of someone my height according to google. However, I had just overcome my eating disorder and was slowly putting on more weight. My doctor was so excited to see I had lost weight. She asked me about it and I explained that my severe anxiety that I had been diagnosed with earlier that year had sort of pushed me to develop an eating disorder. I ate less than 500 calories every day, often as low as 30 calories because the big numbers intimidated me. I also did regular cardio to work off all the calories I did eat every single day without fail. I also told her that I had luckily now overcome it and she suddenly got so rude and disgusted by me. She told me she wouldn’t recommend it and that I should keep it up. Then she immediately refused to refill my anxiety medication because all I really needed was exercise. She also claimed that my very labor intensive job didn’t count as exercise and told me to make time anyway despite my busy schedule. Then she ended the appointment by trying to force me to get lab work done because she was convinced that me quitting my eating disorder had resulted in me finally getting diabetes. I walked out. Didn’t do the labs or anything, just left. I never went to her again. It took me a long time to decide to go to a doctor again. Luckily, I have recently found some good local doctors that I feel I can trust.
Wow that’s heartbreaking. I’m glad you’re able medical care from practicing physicians you can trust instead of the whatever “care” your malpracticing pediatric provided. To patient that her eating disordered habits should be celebrated as if fatness is significantly more self destructive than disordered eating as restrictive as you described, with excessive cardio is absolutely mind blowing. How can we require so much education for the M.D. suffix to someone’s name without medical students understanding how damaging and destructive medical advice like this is? You might be able to you know provide her a little bit of a legal scare by Writing her Practice a letter a personal letter that indicates exactly why her advice was medical malpractice because it absolutely was considering the encouragement for reigniting your eating habits while disordered from atypical anorexia nervosa (because your weight was normal) is the opposite harm reduction violating her Hippocratic oath. I don’t think you necessarily have a case or anything that would give you any significant amount of money because you didn’t fall for her bullshit, thank God.. but You might be able to open her eyes up and prevent her from speaking to anyone else in a similar manner because the next person she congratulates for their eating disordered weight loss Might not be as mature or as firm in their recovery as you.. and honestly it might just feel good to tell her just how much of a piece of shit she was the day she tried to convince you that your difficult recovery isnt something to celebrate (it is. I hope you’re still okay)
@@qt_stacy This is very well-intentioned, but I think people don't realize how systemic experiences like these are. Medical discrimination across multiple populations is so severe, delay in diagnosis is often counted in *years.* And while medical discrimination is improving (if only marginally) for LGBT+, BIPOC, and AFAB patients, Harvard's studies into bias has found anti-fat bias has only increased over the years. Legitimately, I can count on one hand the number of health professionals I've had who didn't include weight loss in my after visit summary. This is out of over a 100 doctors I've seen over the years, and my diagnoses including things like "lifelong restrictive eating disorder", "history of malnutrition", and some severe health conditions that require a carefully monitored diet and specific exercise. These aren't isolated incidents or just individual doctors. The system is built like this. A lot of us have already tried to complain through official channels, and nobody cared that it would be medical negligence in any other circumstance.
I’m 14 and struggle with multiple eating disorders I have gained weight back from my anorexia and have recently been dealing with a binge eating disorder I have been trying to lose weight but terrified to fall back into anorexia I love you videos and I’m so sorry that some people who claim to help fat people can’t even fathom the fact that it’s not there body and they don’t get to have an opinion loving yourself is hard and it’s not as simple as just deciding to do so but you’ll always have your supporters who accept you❤
As a personal trainer I'm so glad to hear people starting to think this way. Weight isn't the deciding factor of happiness and happiness is very rarely actually tied to the number on the scale. Thank you for this video.
My period is really irregular and when it started to concern me I brought it up with my doctor. I’m not suuper overweight but I’m not “where I should be” on the weight scale. My doctor just told me to lose weight and my mom agreed. I started working out and eating better but to no avail, I’m in more pain during my periods when they show up than I was before. I think I’m suffering from some sort of hormonal imbalance, based off other things that are happening to my body, but both my doctor and my mother are saying it’s because I gained a lot of weight in a short time. And somehow neither of them know how?? All of a sudden I started gaining and all they see is “oh lose weight”. I want to try going to another doctor because something seems wrong
I don’t want to scare you, but please see another doctor. One of my friends began a sudden new dieting and exercising regimen because she thought her period was irregular + more painful than usual due to her unusual weight gain (habits didn’t change but scale was going up in weight slowly). But when it didn’t go away and in fact, felt like it was getting worse… doctors found out she had uterine cancer that was thankfully treatable through surgery. Please advocate for yourself and find out exactly what’s going on!
The exact same thing happened to me, for some reason she didn't understand even as a DOCTOR that it's not easy for people with hormonal imbalances to lose weight smh
If you have PCOS (obviously I can't diagnose you, but sometimes having an idea of possibilities can help in seeking treatment) the weight gain itself can be a symptom.
Wow, this is the nicest person in existence. Every time I thought they would say something about the people insulting them, they talked about how they respected their opinions. I've never seen someone so neutral or inspiring.
right?! I t think it's great seeing someone so popular on this platform discussing their ideas and arguments in such a calm and well-thought-out way, whilst not straying to a biased agenda, be it political, general ignorance, etc
I wouldn't say he's neutral, because that implies that he doesn't have a stance. I'd say he's respectful, and that he handled this with much more maturity and nuance than many people do. He has his opinions, but he acknowledges that he has room to improve, and he doesn't want to immediately shut down anyone else's view on the matter without giving it any thought. I think this is the only video I've seen on this topic so far that I completely agree with. Before this, I had only been presented with arguments that were either extremely fatphobic or extremely misinformative, all of which applied a gross amount of control over other people's bodily autonomy. It's refreshing to see a better take.
Quite a few years back when I weighed 110lbs, I had a doctor respond to me complaining about crippling fatigue by saying “you should exercise”. I couldn’t even stay awake a full 8 hours! I can’t imagine how she treated her overweight patients
i use reddit a lot, and the amount of fatphobia there is just disgusting. it's a given, considering it's reddit, but it still just astounds me how much animosity these people can hold towards others whose actions literally don't affect their life in any way, shape, or form.
I got literal goosebumps during the last few minutes. You put into words exactly what I've felt for years, and it's so disheartening to feel as if you don't belong anywhere for having a certain body and wishing to change it.
On the subject of medical fatphobia it reminds me of how when I was 14, I started gaining weight rapidly even tho I was working out everyday - I went to my doctor and she tried to have me go on Weightwatchers because she was getting kick backs from them. A year later I switched to a different hospital for primary care, that doctor named Mia actually did my blood work and found that my thyroid wasn’t working properly, instead of giving me medication she sat me down and pointed her finger in my face tried forcing me to recite the EXACT amount of calories in a piece of bread and a potato. I went home and cried for hours. I started making myself get sick EVERY time after I ate, the very next day because I thought I was too fat and eating was the problem. Two years later I got a different doctor, turns out I have a form of hypothyroidism, my body doesn’t burn fat no matter what I do. I finally got on medication and was losing weight even when I wasn’t working out. But now, because of the irreversible damage done to my thyroid bc of those few years of no proper treatment - my thyroid is starting to deteriorate. To say that people need to just “stop being lazy” or “stop eating so much” is so fucking damaging because you have no idea what someone is going through or what their situation is. P.S: and that isn’t even including how a super sexist neurologist told me to “Get a therapist” when I was falling and having seizures. Turns out I have a rare inner ear disorder that affects the brain in odd ways. 💀
My mom got lucky, she has hypothyroidism too, but we already knew that our family has a history of it. My grandma on the other hand, went through something very similar to you experienced. She's still alive and well, but to this day she is very skeptical of doctors.
This same thing happened to me, I was older but I had gained so much weight (50 pounds, and I am quite short) and I really don't eat much at all. I have a family history of hypo- so I went into the doctor's to ask to have him order a blood test for me. He told me just to eat less (he recommended 800 calories a day), maybe fast for 3 days a week and work out more often or maybe buy a treadmill to put in my one bedroom apartment. Then when I started sobbing that I had tried everything but nothing works, he recommended LYPOSUCTION or BARIATRIC SURGERY- over ordering a simple blood test. Upon finally convincing a doctor to test me a week later- surprise! I have hypo. The fact that doctor's don't take you seriously even when the thing you have CAUSES uncontrolled weight gain... is unbelievable. Hope that you have found a better doctor and better treatment now!
Both sides fail to realize that what they're doing ISN'T encouragment. I was someone who had been underweight for a majority of my life, been bullied and teased about it and I've also been praised for it. The whole body positivity and love your body bs never made me feel better about it because I know that no it is not okay because it is unhealthy and shaming me never made me wanna improve myself but just made everything worse. The only reason why I started to better myself and start working out was because of my PE teacher. Out of our class I was definitely one of the weakest, low stamina, can barely keep up, and looking at everyone else it made me feel like sht, but my teacher never once shamed me or gave me bs, he said "It's *okay* as long as I'm *willing to improve.* " I was so lost on how to feel about my body, whether I have to right to hate it or love it. I think that's why this is such a hard topic to have a conversation with its a grayscale that people tend to just ignore.
when i was being treated for body dysmorphia, my psychologist pushed body positivity a lot. it took me two years to figure out WHY it was making me feel worse, and land on body neutrality. body neutrality saved me, im so grateful for the person who educated me on it. we should be promoting neutrality FAR beyond body positivity
exactly this. body positivity might work for some people but, unlike neutrality, it has actual potential to hurt people and make them feel worse about themselves.
Maybe females should stop valuing themselves by how they look so much. Why are they always complimenting each other on how "beautiful" they are etc? The very first thing they always comment on about another female is how they look. Then they complain about how "society" and men do this. The solution to being insecure about your appearance isn't pretending you, and everyone, are beautiful. It's not valuing yourself by how you look, so you don't care as much. Feminists claim women are "objectified" by society, but women and girls today are more objectified than they ever have been in history. This is how females have used their "emancipation". By objectifying themselves more than men ever did.
@Sleeping With The Enemy How is it not women's fault? Female culture is women's fault. Women also raise our children and instil these values into them. I don't see the relevance of your anecdote lol. Of course I'm anti-feminist, any sane and egalitarian person is. "Also your comment tastes like "Yeah women always blame men but its their fault" too." Not "too", it's overwhelmingly their fault. And they do blame men. Everyone knows females are obsessed with their appearance much more so than men and females criticise other women's appearances much more than men. Females reinforce this culture. Look at Instagram, Tiktok etc. Instagram is a softcore porn site where females compete with one another as to who can be the biggest whore. Every female has bikini pics, uses filters and fakeup, they can't even pose for a normal picture without adopting a sexualised stance (popping their hips/ass out etc). Girls these days literally pose for normal photos like porn stars used to pose for photo shoots. "Selfies" are a female creation. This is all toxic female culture but it never gets criticised. And if you do criticise it you get called a "misogynist" blah blah blah, and women and feminists sell all this crap as "empowerment" or "having fun". If you speak out against it you're oppressing women and "controlling their bodies", blah blah lol. Social media is to females what porn is to males. Males are sexual creatures, females are social creatures. Females are addicted to the easy dopamine hits social media provides, the attention and the endless reservoir of potential social interaction available to them.
@@brianjohnston5221 Yes, obviously. Not just women, girls. This is female culture. Women are raising these girls. Females are dominating social media. A bigger sample size than Instagram, TIktok, Tinder and OnlyFans? Have you visited these sites? How old are you? Speaking to a woman would be a sample size of 1, so your suggestion makes zero sense. There are over a million women with OnlyFans accounts selling their bodies for money, exploiting desperate, lonely, horny men in parasocial relationships. It's no different to a man befriending an old lady and getting her to give him her life savings. I talk to women. One I talk to makes 40k/month on OnlyFans. She was studying law but she quit to be a whore. Try to find me a female under 30 who doesn't have semi-naked pictures online somewhere.
The problem with BOTH extremes of the debate is that the emphasis is on telling others how they should feel about their own body. It's actually super simple: stay out of other people self image. It's great to compliment people and support them, but support when you don't feel great is not about forcing positivity, it's about asking how people feel and how you can be there for them. Okay behaviour: "Hey, you look great today!" Not okay behaviour: "You have to feel amazing every day and if you don't you have a problem" Also not okay: "You need to look the way that makes *me* comfortable."
There are no both extremes of this debate. One is a strawman. People rightly mocking "body positivity" and "fatphobia" cries aren't attacking fat people, they're attacking fat people who are claiming they're healthy and promoting it to other people.
@@cockoffgewgle4993 Yea every single person only intends on attacking those people, cause everyone is like you. Come on bro you should have been on the internet long enough by now to know there are almost always extremes for both sides of an argument. The other extreme that you're denying doesn't actually care they just want an excuse to say some sh*t to people and both wanna dictate how someone lives.
It blows me away that people feel entitled to comment on people’s bodies. You are so right that both “forcing body positivity” and fatphobia takes away a persons bodily autonomy. If someone is comfortable with their body and their health, that should be respect. The same with someone deciding they want to lose weight.
As someone who has a severe facial deformity and has had 10 surgeries so far, i appreciate you bringing to light all aspects of the plastic surgery industry and the differences in certain circumstances that change the reasons for it. Most people only see 1 aspect of it as being cosmetic but you going deeper into the entire issue is what we need. I appreciate everything you have said and i think way more people need to hear this.
“my body my choice” is a phrase most people connect to abortion but i feel like any aspect of someone’s body and what they want to do with it fits in with that too. like if you wanna dye your hair a different color, get a tattoo or piercing, lose or gain weight, anything like that is no one else’s business
Have to agree with you. Why do people care so much what others do to their body? Its not like we’re forcing you to put on weight and dye your hair blue. Literally people of all sizes just want to live comfortably without the rest of society telling them their body is wrong
@Maki Verse very true !! the choice not to wear a mask would just be immoral because that’d be putting other peoples lives at risk. THAT is when it is other people’s business
one of the worst reactions to weight loss i've seen has been the way people react to mark (astronomicalboy) losing weight. i've seen people say it's fatphobic, he's not funny anymore, all he talks about is his weight loss, etc. literally none of that is true. there is nothing wrong with him celebrating his weight loss- he is not saying "i lost weight, so i think everyone needs to lose weight." there is nothing wrong with being happy and proud that you lost weight.
I'm a very thin person who has never been fat in my life. I would guess that most fat people are more healthy than I am because I have several health conditions. I hate hearing people pushing for "health" and demonizing fat people for "not being healthy" and then turn around and just feel bad for me for being not healthy. Choose one! Just because I look healthy doesn't mean I am! And that has no implications on my or anyone else's morality!
Me too, I'm also very thin and I have horrible eating habits, I don't eat enough and rarely eat fruits and vegetables. When I tell people I need to start eating better and exercising people look at me weird, just because I'm thin doesn't mean I'm healthy. And eating better doesn't mean eating less, fatphobic people are hypocrites
literally sooo true. im v skinny and havent exercised in years, my flexibility n strength are horrible, my tendons often get inflamed bc i dont have the muscles to support them, and my arms are so skinny it looks kinda disturbing. but ive had doctors tell me im "obviously fit and healthy" just from looking at me, when that couldnt be further from the truth. my diet is atrocious as well and im vitamin-deficient, i only dont gain weight bc i forget to/procrastinate eating so much
I'm glad you talked about bmi. I'm a 5'2 girl and my doctor told my mom she is worried about me gaining weight when looking at the bmi scale. I weigh 115 pounds and was 105 at the appointment before. After that I started to obsess about my weight and I am still having trouble with it.
I'm 5'2" also. I'm around 110lbs, and i feel a lot better than i did at 95-100lbs. I'm still constantly told how skinny i am. hard to imagine someone about my size being called fat. you know what's best for your body. you might be healthier than you were.
That can be because maybe you put on those 10 lbs rather fast?! Can't come up with a different explanation for that as you're on the low end of the normal BMI range still. Maybe the doctor had a different patient in mind? I like the BMI and it's very accurate as a tool for groups, but your doctor was waaaaaaaaaaay off on their assessment.
That is not fat at all... Maybe the doctor said that because you gained the weight fast, but since you were with your mom, I assume you're young and still growing... This is exactly the kind of stuff that happens when you're a teen. Even in late teens sometimes, you gain weight as you mature. Btw, your BMI was 21 which is nowhere near overweight.
@@leela8143 5'2 is short for women, the average height is only 5'2 around South America and East Asia. Though, being short isn't stigmatized as a woman, in fact it is usually preferred, so it's not a problem, but it is below average height for women.
I wish more leftists with large platforms would talk about fatphobia. Its often overlooked outside of the fat acceptance spaces which makes nuanced conversation really hard and also means the average person doesn't usually come across it. This video was really needed, thank you!
@@Leegendari I never said that? There's definitely more fat acceptance on the left, but there's not really much in either (I mean the right is usually actively harmful). And regardless of how many leftists feel about it, not enough people with large platforms outside of the body acceptance movement use their platform to talk about it. I just wish I saw more of it
As a skinny women who's had an eating disorder, I appreciate this. You make a lot of points most are afraid to talk about, and just because someone is skinny doesn't mean they are healthy
I just want to say that the "95% of weight loss attempts ends in failure" refers to extreme diets. That is because most people cant sustain themselves forever on 4 carrots a day or something. If you actually plan out your meals, research nutrition, and count calories, you will have a more realistic and better chance of losing weight. It wont be a 95% chance of failure.
Another very important point about the "don't act like it's as bad as racism!" argument is that fat BIPOC exist too. And the oppression they face from racism is amplified by fatphobia. This goes for all forms of oppression, too - sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, racism - a person can be affected by multiple of these on top of fatphobia. When it comes to medical fatphobia in particular, especially combined with sexism and racism, it's incredibly dangerous.
People forget intersectionality exists. I will always remember when my PE teacher asked me if I had any “overweight African-American female” classmates in my next class he was going to sub for.
As a fellow fat person, who's also done some weight loss, I'm very happy I've stumbled upon your video, I'll definitely be watching more :) ty for the wonderful discussion you've created with this.
As a person who has a genuine illness that makes weight loss extremely difficult, and weight gain an inevitability… I appreciate this video. I am constantly struggling with health issues brought on by my thyroid distinction. Sometimes I fight hard to lose weight and sometimes I have to take a break from that fight for mental health reasons, and it drives me nuts when people who I know love me nag me about my weight when they have no clue what I go through. It drives me nuts because I NEVER give them health advice, so it’s super exhausting when they give it to me. I believe in balance. You can want to change yourself without hating on people who don’t. You can want body positivity without attacking people who just aren’t feeling super positive about themselves. Mental health comes first…
I feel you, I have the thyroid going on plus genetics plus other medical things. Drove me crazy cause before my Dr caught it it was like every gram got turned into weight, I'd eat so little it physically did not make sense. It's defiantly harder but if you want to do it I know you can if I can! But I know not everyone has the energy or desire to do so, it takes a lot outta you. You gotta take care of you 😊 and sometimes that means choosing mental health first ❤
Even as a larger woman, I've kind of felt weird about the "healthy at every size" slogan. It feels like, when people say that, they're thinking of someone a bit chubby or even someone who's really overweight. I get the sense that they aren't thinking of someone who is dangerously underweight due to poverty, anorexia or a medical condition that makes it hard to gain weight. That being said, I like how you explained the true point of the slogan, so I don't mind it as much now. Even if someone is underweight to a level that could be considered unhealthy, I don't know the person's full medical history and chances are it's none of my business.
it's not "healthy" at every size. It is Health at Every Size, aka focusing on health-promoting behaviours without attaching moral value to your weight or where your health is at the moment (some peeps, like those of us with chronic illness, will never BE healthy, but we can still engage in health-promoting activities that improve our quality of life). It's a huge misunderstand that peeps get about HAES principals. It means not putting weight at the top of priorities and focus on things we know can help improve health at any size. Those things will vary from individual to individual, as they should because nobody is the same, but generally getting good nutrition, eating enough food, engaging in stress relieving activities, engaging in movement to your ability, making sure you get good medical care/take your meds if you need it etc are all health-promoting for pretty much anyone no matter if your weight changes or not.
I feel like both sides show extremist and redundant views. I'm a fat 18 yr old girl and I wont pretend to know shit but a lot of "fatphobia" I experience is thinly veiled sexism. (Some ppl cant respect/accept women who they arent attracted to so being fat lowers your value to some ppl)
Omg!!! I never noticed this on my own!!! Or i mean i have noticed but never realized. I really let these comments or actions get to me, but its literally just them being…… human waste. This is giving me motivation.
Look at the plus side (pardon the pun): anybody who likes you, really likes you. People who find you attractive because you have a certain body mass are not worth having. Your weight acts like an ass hol e repellent.
@@BangBang-mm4ow You type like you're 12, so this may go directly over your head, but free speech does not mean free speech without consequence. So, you might have the "right" to disrespect anyone you want without getting arrested, but that doesn't mean you can't get yourself in trouble with non-government authorities or your peers. Remember that :)
"Fat people, if you chose to lose weight, that is a totally valid personal choice that you can make. However, be aware that we live in a fatphobic society, so the reason you're choosing to lose weight may be being motivated by internalized fatphobia." Holy shit, I've never seen such a perfect way to phrase this sentiment. I honestly think this is what many fat activists mean when they say that intentional weight loss is inherently fatphobic, but they need to start phrasing it this way so that it doesn't sound like they're saying, "I feel that you choosing to lose weight is a personal attack on all fat people."
If everyone was “fatphobic” then no one would be fat (just to clarify I meant if everyone genuinely didn’t want to be fat and actually did something about it instead of wishing they could be skinnier obviously no one would be fat, but there are many people are lying to themselves and others that say being fat is ok and blame it out outside forces and act like if your body natural holds more fat than others because of genes then you should just give up and eat food like it’s getting disintegrated the second you swallow.)
I think the issue is some fat people truly believe there's no non-socially-pressured reason to lose weight. IMO, if you are losing weight because your life would be improved for a self contained reason (e.g. my mom is trying to lose weight bc it's affecting her breathing and joints), that's not inherently fatphobic.
one of my best friends lost about 200lbs because of how much he hated being fat, and after posting his transformation video on tiktok which he thought would only be seen by his followers (family and friends) the video blew up and he got harassed for somehow hating fat people. it just seems like a cycle of hatred where no one's particularly happy, even though the point of all of this body positivity stuff was to make people feel comfortable regardless of what they look like
@@jayjohnson2393 That's like saying "if everyone made fun of people who wear glasses, no one would wear glasses." Like yeah, for people who have trouble seeing, there are alternatives to glasses like contacts or lasik, but not everyone can afford either option, not everyone can comfortably wear contacts, not everyone wants to take the risks of the surgery. There would still be people with glasses, they would just hate themselves more.
@@pranav2169 I definitely don't think anyone on either side should be harassing people, especially for decisions they make about their own bodies. I'm sorry your friend went through that.
As a kid my mom made my entire family participate in her weight loss diets. Constant comments on how much/little we're eating, how our clothes fit, how lazy we look if we didn't work out. A lot more. She constantly projected her insecurities onto us before we were old enough to understand our bodies. I thought I was fat when I was 10 years old and probably only weighed like 80 pounds. I look back on photos of myself when I was super insecure about my weight, and seeing that I was SKINNY made me realize my mom really messed up my concept of my body. I'm classified as overweight on the BMI scale, borderline obese. But the BMI scale doesn't take into consideration that I'm very active and I have a healthy balanced diet. But even though I'm healthy, my body doesn't look that way to fatphobic people. When I got diagnosed with ADHD my doctor put IN MY NOTES (that I had to request for school) "Appears overweight and not very active" even though I had just worked out before I went in. I have chronic pain in my upper back and shoulders but I don't even want to go see a doctor about it because I know all they will tell me is that I need to lose more weight. I'm at a bunch better place with my relationship with my body now, but it's really disheartening that so many people have negative experiences and that the world just doesn't see us as equal.
My mom was the same way - she had us running 3 miles a day in the 4th grade - and controlled what we were allowed to eat - - my doctor/nurse's notes are f*cked up too - - sending you a hug 🙂
My sister got a Lap-Band surgery after nearly DYING because her weight caused a small infection on her leg to push her into becoming Diabetic and fall into a coma for 3 months while she also got Necrotizing Fasciitis. So, yeah, if someone had tried to call her fatphobic, they would be catching some hands.
body positivity feels like encouraging backhanded compliments. there are certain aspects of my body that I never thought of/felt insecure about until someone said "oh you're so confident," "you're beautiful the way you are" and everything. like thanks for pointing it out, now I'm insecure.
Thank You for saying what I felt. It's so hard to feel that you're being judged because of your weight, no matter whether your gaining or loosing... I don't know. About a year ago I decided to lose weight. And I felt so judged by a friend who follows "body positivist". It's hard, and I hope more people understands the bullying on fat people needs to stop...
I am horrified to hear how terrified people are when I say I’m over 200 Ibs. 200 lbs would be considered healthy since I’m 6’0. The scale is just a measurement of multiple factors in life we never contribute to weight gain or loss. Hopefully we move forward in the direction of body acceptance and understand the beauty of our fluctuating bodies through time. Not fat phobia in a thread under a comment I thought no one would read💀
I don’t have any concept of weight in “short” ppl bc I am also 6’ tall and when a short girl tells me how much she weighs I literally have no idea if it’s big or small.
I’m also 200lbs and get the same reaction because I’m 5ft and just naturally very abnormally curvy than the considered average It doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy at all You are so right! People can be so uneducated on the subject Everyone is a different shape and height, and the health scale looks different for everyone People really should leave the numbers alone
@Legrandliseur tri well I am arab and we are generally bigger with bigger assets than what’s considered normal I understand why people think that but that’s kinda the problem when it comes to “if you can’t fit in/do something just lose weight” statements People like me who are healthy will never be the body standards of what’s considered healthy even if we were to starve ourselves, we get included in the fatphobic statements and the oppression that comes with it and yet never included in the bopo movement because we aren’t considered to their standards That’s what makes this video important
I wanted to mention that I personally have barely lost weight through doing 10 years of dance, so just because some people are fat that doesnt mean they're lazy
As a young trans man the thought of “body acceptance” instead of “body positivity” makes me feel a lot better because I can’t “love my body” if it isn’t my body (yet) so just accepting the body im in instead of forcing myself to like it is way better
thats the hypocritical delusion of trans people and these fat sjws. looks like you caught that though. Trans types like to try to force others to accept them or lover their so called bodies yet they dont love or accept themselves, thats why they want to change
Forced body positivity was really confusing to me when I was younger when it seemed like my body kept failing me (asthmatic, severely deaf and endometriosis) it felt like positivity was only earned after fitting in with many societal norms, a lot of which I can’t fall in line with.
Another disabled chick here, and yeah I feel you. Systemic ableism is in fact nasty bullshit, however, sometimes having a body just really sucks, genuine.
@@adrienneczerni6516 yeah I think it’s important to be reassured that you can feel bad about your body sometimes, and that you don’t have to always be of the mindset that your body is ‘perfect regardless’
also disabled, body neutrality is what ive found most helpful. my body usually being in pain is not fun or cool. i view my body as a little meat vessel that gives me trouble sometimes, but i live with it and have to accept it and do my best with it.
Thank you. As a disabled (but not over weight, but once was morbidly obese) person I get so frustrated with the “be happy with what you have. Be grateful. Love yourself always” bs. I can be upset and mourn the loss of my joints. I can be unhappy with my body. I try to see the positive but not in a toxic way. I accept what I have and mourn occasionally and love myself and do what I can to make life better for me. Don’t tell me how to feel about MY body
I needed at wheelchair at 19 and been disabled ever since. I quite positive but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get angry at; my body when it fails me, not being able to do what I thought I could etc. I hate being called inspirational qnd I know they don't mean it in a negative way but Ivinghoe my life isn't inspirational it's me existing. If I told an able bodied person to be proud of themselves for being so inspirational by living their life theu would think I'm mad or insulting. Hope you're doing well and I wish you many low pain and good days
This was such a relieving video to watch. I can't tell you how many years I've spent ricocheting between these two movements and how exhausting it is. Every time I attempt to lose weight, I also feel like I have to justify it and make it clear that it isn't about hating how my body looks (... mostly. Admittedly there is an esthetic factor to it, but that's Body Neutrality for ya). Health is such a big part of it but it never felt justifying enough and I've never succeeded in any of my attempts. Thank you for being to open and honest, especially about your weight gain. Just... thank you. I hope you are doing well, or at the very least better.
I am so happy you are covering this topic! This has been a major struggle for me…. As someone who has both worked in medicine and been a fat person, I find it so difficult to reconcile messages of liberal body positivity and medical fat phobia. I have also lived with mental illness. When I tell people or speak with doctors or even try to conceptualize feelings about it on my own, it just feels impossible to come to any kind of satisfying conclusion. I’ve always hated my mental illness. And because of its affect on my physical health, I’ve often hated my body. I gained a substantial amount of weight while on a psychiatric medication. Then I would get these mixed messages from people - you just need love yourself, you just need to lose weight, etc. Well, what do I do?? Neither of these are helpful answers to me! Working in medicine taught me that there are high risks associated with being over a certain BMI. They repeated that shit all the time. And it scared this shit out of me! What if I developed some condition due to my “obese” BMI?? So I wanted to get to a “healthy” weight. But this further increased my already heightened anxiety. Then there were liberal body positivity people that would argue that all bodies are beautiful and nothing was “wrong” with my body. Well, that’s a nice thought and it’s nice to receive affirming messages for self-esteem, but HOW do I love my body?? I hate being mentally ill and what it is doing to my body, so how do I reconcile that? And how do I know what is a weight or size or shape that puts me at less risk for developing medical conditions while also “loving my body”? This shit is all so confusing. And trying to interpret all the mixed messages is exhausting. I don’t know if there are other people like me experiencing this problem, but I want to say I SEE you and I feel you. Let’s keep talking about this and see what kind of ideas we can come up with that actually help fat people. Peace and love to you all :)
This is perfect and has made me change the way I think about things. I have been fat my whole life, believed in fat acceptance but in the toxic way, mostly that you shouldn’t lose weight, however I did not ever attack anyone for it as I feel that is incredibly ridiculous, it was more a thought of “well if they lose weight then that’s showing that being fat is bad and then it further drives home that we should be made to feel bad about ourselves”. But your bringing the point of it being neutral is definitely how I feel. I agree that you should be able to do whatever the hell you want with your own body, but I do think if we make weight loss/gain seen as neutral then it makes people more motivated because they aren’t hating themselves. Especially being a woman where size seems to be pushed more on us, seeing averaged sized people like America Ferrara in Ugly Betty or Jessica Simpson wearing mom jeans and then being made fun of for how fat and disgusting they were has made it worse too. I think just like seeing a fat person exist on a tv show and not making it their whole personality (I know people in the queer community also feel this way) would help a lot too. Thanks for this video and hopefully your platform will help further push people toward the right thing and open more eyes.
@@Peanutbutterfellalet people live, peanut man The world is going to burn and we should all enjoy what little time we have left before we all explode or whatever
dude as a fat person, i cant agree more with you. my life long best friend has always been skinny and while ive always been larger I was also the more active one, yet ive constantly been ridiculed for being ‘fat and lazy’. Even my old PE teacher made a comment in class when i came third in out long distance test that “ If a girl HER size can beat you in a race we have a problem”. So it was no surprise when i ended up severely mentally ill in my young teens with an ED. And dont get me started on making people understand how hard it can be to make doctors listen. i suffer from chronic pain, nerve and ligament damage from an injury when i was 12. Ive had 6 surgeries and years of occupational therapy, BUUUTT because im chubby whenever i try to go see a doctor about it i just get told to lose weight. its so fucking hard being fat and just existing. But i agree too that people on the other side need to calm down. it almost feels belittling when people like congratulate me on being chubby and confident, or ask me WHY i want to lose weight. I’m a grown ass women, can i please just exist without my mere existence being made into a argument.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You remind me of my relationship with my friend who has been fat since we met in elementary school. I love them and never judged them about their weight and unfortunately possible has underlying health problems. Their own family who has excess fat judge each other and call my friend lazy. Their brother who managed to stay fit from physical labour makes them feel insecure about not leaving the house. Really bad mental health in high school caused them to drop out. You winning that race in 3rd place is an achievement regardless of weight, fuck that PE teacher. I'm sorry you went through so much with you own body injuries. Best of wishes and I trust you are doing what's best for you ❤
thank you for making this video! I had my grandmother tell me, "I don't like seeing you, you are ugly and fat." When I told her she hurt me, she told me that I was weak for not accepting her tough love and that her harsh words just meant she knows what was best for me. You effectively helped me put into words why her words would never help. Thank you!
tough 'love' is mostly an excuse to be an ass. being mean or downright offensive does nothing but strain a relationship. just because something is coming from a place of love doesn't mean it cant be wrong or harmful. I hope your grandmother sees the error of her ways.
@@kwclove7623 They're the type of people who look at the overwhelming evidence that spanking children is bad for them and say "they're just too sensitive" just so they can have an excuse to hit their kids
16 years ago I weighed 505 pounds. I shed 300 pounds through diet and exercise. So I figure I have a voice to speak up about this. While I have no issue with most of the HAES folks I've come in contact with, every group seems to be judged by their loudest/worst voices. I've absolutely seen arguments from the community that suggest that any attempts to lose weight are disordered eating, mental illness, and shaming of others. In fact, I've been attacked by fat people for being deluded because I wanted to lose weight, and by lean people for not being lean enough. I've been criticized and, at times, don't really have a "home" with either community. My decision to lose weight was because I would absolutely have been dead already if I hadn't, and it was purely my decision. Others absolutely expressed concern, but that does not mean that they shamed me, they just saw the path I was headed down. At the same time as I set about losing weight, I also finished my BS and started & finished an MBA, worked full time in a middle management role, had a child with my wife, etc. Why? Because I was extremely fat, not lazy. I agree with a great deal of what you've said here - but I echo what Brené Brown has said, "people are hard to hate up close."
I've always wondered what HAES is supposed to mean. All the claims I see are things like "being fat doesn't necessarily cause x" "there's skinny people who aren't healthy" "I may be obese but I go to the gym every day" And I've always thought "so?" None of that means that everyone of every weight is healthy. Everyone of every weight ISN'T healthy purely by having too much or too little fat/muscle. So I don't get it. But, I have head some people apply it to mental health and how everyone deserves to pursue mental healthiness despite their weight. That I can agree with easily and I hope you've found that even if "your" community isn't always the most accepting
@@greentearain because humans are communal people. We don't need them to tell us what's best for us, we need them to feel connected and whole. At least, most of us.
I’m glad you followed what you, not others, thought for your body. Based on your comment, you sound very happy since you made your personal choice, and I’m really glad you are doing better. I hope you can find a community soon that can make you feel accepted for doing what’s best for you. Sending love ♥️
Saying “just eat better and exercise” as advice to fat people is like telling people w chronic acne to “just wash your face” Like it is way more complex than just those solutions
I disagree on promoting your own weight loss. It's not a "neutral" personal choice. Personal choice, yes, but as you said, we all have a very complex relationship with our bodies and if YOUR weight loss made you feel good, you should be able to share that feeling. If someone reads is as criticism of their choice NOT to lose weight, that's projection.
I think you misunderstand what he meant. He meant people should present it as their neutral personal choice. They shouldn't present that like "this is what I am doing and you should doing what I am too in order to look good or acceptable." Except some radical fat acceptance activists, no one in the internet (and definitely not real life) is going to be pissed at your weight loss. You can definitely convey that you are happy with what you have done with your body. However, if you don't frame it in the proper way, some assholes could take that as an opportunity to bully other fat people. Mostly whenever someone telling about his progress also tells others to do weight loss. If you want to help others who also want to lose weight, you could say it like "for anyone who's trying to lose weight." I am not sure if I am getting it totally right either but this is what I think he meant by saying we should treat it as a neutral personal choice.
@@Shilpa_Kujur Thanks, great point. Yes perhaps I misinterpreted it. I do think there needs to be more flexibility in people's minds though, don't always assume the worst. If they explicitly say "you should lose weight like me", then that is fatphobic, but when they just post their weight loss journey, I give them the benefit of the doubt that it's a personal decision, and not a comment on the choices of others.
@@shia_labeouf Yeah I totally agree 👍. It's really ironic when the people who criticize harassing fat people for being fat then go on to criticize fat people, or just anyone in general, who want to become healthier. Your body is your choice, do whatever you want with it as long as you're not destroying it.
Fat people know they are fat, they do not need to hear that from us. If they lose weight, good. If not, also good. We do not know what they are going through and the best thing we can do is to show empathy and compassion no matter what they choose.
the last part really resonated with me because when you are fat no one is there for you in a non fatphobic way and when you try to find help online there are some people that take these concepts of anti fatphobia to the extreme and you are conditioned to either love you body 100% at all time no questions asked and on the other hand to hate it and be disgusted by yourself and it's so unhealthy. thank you for this video i really needed this.
I really love Body Neutrality. Honestly it's empowering to think that "yeah I don't look so great today, but that okay." I detest forced body positivity.
I would love to look jacked rather than having a dad bod just my personal choice, I don't need body positivity activitists to call me fatphopic (although I'm rather skinny) , body neutrality is the way to go let people live their bodies without being bullied
Yes! You can love yourself without always liking the way your body looks. People are so much more than their body!
yes.
dggL
If you're overweight and depressed you need to lose that weight and eat healthier. Its a logical and bullet proof solution to getting things on track
In Brazil, there was a case of a fat 13-year-old girl who was bullied at school, but escalated to hate. she k*lled herself and in a memorial to her on the internet her bullies kept making "jokes" about her weight..(things like "how is she going to fly to heaven being so fat") in a place where her family and friends could see... it's so ridiculous to think about the size of discrimination that a person can suffer for such simple things...
Foi aquela onde mentiram dizendo que ele postava coisas racistas na internet?
eu lembro disso :(
@@duel9865 acho q nn, soh sei q ela simplesmente era uma menina gorda, q por causa de mtt bullying se matou..
Istg that makes my blood boil. It goes to show how easy it is to dehumanise people you don't like. I couldn't imagine being so cruel. I can't say I believe in heaven but if a heaven exists I hope that girl is happy now and far away from such cruelt.
That is terrible. People should not mistreat each other.
I didnt realize I was "allowed" to feel bad about my body. I was always being mad at myself for having dysmorphia cuz of the "body positivity" movement. It made me feel so guilty. Thanks for this.
Not only does it hurt people who can't see themselves as beautiful 100% of the time, but it puts so much emphasis on "beauty" when "beauty" should have absolutely nothing to do with how happy someone is in their life. We as a society value beauty as a construct to the point where it is harming humanity.
@@giginoelani5880 well said and agree completely
@@giginoelani5880 this!!!! Body neutrality has changed my entire viewpoint of myself. I don’t have to find myself ethereal or beautiful, I just need to have respect for what it does for me.
The real point of body positivity is making it normal to feel ok in your body no matter what it looks like and motivate other to treat themselves with kindness. I don't know where people started taking this down such a harmful route. I hope you start healing from your body image issues in whatever (healthy) way that works for you. You live in your body, no one else. That's why only your opinion matters.
SAME,, feeling good in your body is nice but trying to do that all the time and constantly failing makes you feel like a failure which makes your mental health worse
Yoooooooooo fatphobia from medical professionals is REAL. When I was like, 12 I went to the doctors because my ear was hurting and the man literally spent the entire time telling me I had to lose weight. I started crying like, "I know that, but can we please talk about the EAR INFECTION I CLEARLY HAVE"
Awwww poor thing. Did the mean doctor make you feel bad?
@@redblankie1219 nice bait
That just wasn’t a nice doctor.
@@redblankie1219 we get it, you live a sad and unfulfilled life
@@redblankie1219 try harder
I remember that one time Lizzo got "cancelled" because people thought she was going on a juice diet or something. People made comments about how disappointed they were with her and how she'd fallen into the diet scam or whatever. She had to come out and clarify that she wasn't on a diet, she was just on a juice cleanse.
But that got me thinking...what if she wanted to be on a diet? What if she wanted to lose weight? Why are we shaming people for wanting to lose weight? It was so strange.
As someone who has been fat their entire life and continues to be fat, that situation in particular felt so alienating to me. Fat people get harassed for being fat and then they get harassed for not wanting to be fat anymore. Damned if we do, damned if we don't...
It was a cleanse, she drank a lot of smoothies and made a video clarifying it was for overall health and not weight loss. It was messed up how quickly some of her “fans” turned on her for a small thing.
Didn’t she like have a whole song about just how much she loves Juice?
this reminds me of when Adele lost a lot of weight and was very proud of herself and then people got angry at her for it as if she was somehow betraying people by doing that. i agree with what you’re saying that if Lizzo or Adele or anyone for that matter doesn’t want to lose weight/go on a diet then that’s their choice, and that they still shouldn’t be shamed regardless if that is what they want to do.
if you’re fat, they hate. if you’re “normal sized”, they hate. if you’re skinny, they hate. there is no winning when you’re in the spotlight and exposed to every kind of person’s opinions :(
@@like_grrra Yes but that isn't the point i was making. I'm not talking about overall hate everyone experiences in the spotlight. I'm talking about the fat activists and Lizzos own fans who were shaming her for something she wasn't even doing, i.e. going on a diet. It doesn't make sense to shame someone for wanting to change themselves.
This is the only “both sides are wrong” argument I’ve ever heard on a social issue that I actually agree with.
Yup. Most of those arguments have the same energy as "good people on both sides," but this video was really solid.
Right! Its so refreshing
Yeah it's usually, "yall are both idiots, I am a genius"
I was thinking the exact same thing!
@mansexman Nah this person just saw the title and thought, "Hmmm yes, I should comment." The worst part is, like you mentioned, this exact argument is talked about in this video. (Also, I love the animal crossing profile picture :D)
My sister has a fast metabolism, while I don't. As pre-teens, we ate the same amount of food, yet I began gaining weight and she didn't. By High school, I was anorexic, barely eating and exercising a lot. At 25, due to a health scare, I realized anorexia was making my health worse. I still eat sensible meals, and can no longer exercise due to health problems, but I am more comfortable being a plumper version of myself. I am now physically disabled and unable to exercise (but I must stay mobile), and I am considered overweight, but I don't eat fast food or a lot of microwave food. Meanwhile, my beautiful sister is still thin, and has started exercising as she got older, because she's able to and healthier for it. Once I started gaining weight, I had many people talk about my weight in front of me and question if my health problems were factual or an excuse to gain weight. It makes me angry that people automatically think I eat junk food, when I probably eat healthier than they do. Being on both sides of the coin, I hope the way overweight people are treated is changed in the future. But I won't hold my breath. The people that did me the most harm, were well meaning people, just trying to give me a little bit of guidance.
I Hate When Others Minimize Your Health Problems & Act Like You're Just Limiting Yourself From Doing Things That Are "Good" For You Or That Would Make You Happy Purely Out Of _Choice_ Rather Than Because You, Yourself; *KNOW* What You & Your Body Are Capable Of. I Always Gotta Remind Myself That People Can't Always Empathize With That Which They Have No Experience Of/With.
@@septimaserpent Why Are You Typing Like This
@@septimaserpent Yes. That's why when I know they mean well, but don't quite understand, I just let their comments slide. Unfortunately, it's still a frustrating situation. So glad you understand.
I gained enough weight to finally be considered "healthy" because of my oversimplified BMI - this meant gaining enough weight to increase my BMI from 15.6 to 21ish (I don't keep track of that anymore).
To go from nearly dying to healthy elicited many comments implying I am now fat. Especially difficult when you have a roommate (and best friend) who weighs double what you did, and you consider to be beautiful, still being treated like crap...
I'm rambling, but it seems there's no winning.
@@Anyoneelsebutnope I know. Mr. Beard made that point clear. In weight gain or weight loss, nobody is winning in today's society. Too many people have something to say about it. Gaining or losing weight is something our body does to get healthy or show illness, to protect you emotionally or to gain confidence. It's really a personal journey and we shouldn't shame people for whatever journey they are on.
The body hair thing is such a good example. In 5th grade i stared shaveing because boys bullied me. And i didn’t enjoy. I stoped for a while. Now shaveing feels like self care because i just like how it feels and i like to take the time for myself. It forces me to move slow for a moment and chill and i get shiney smooth legs that feel nice. I became anorexic when i was an overweight teen. Now i eat more and i dont over exercise. I have lost weight but i didn’t do it because of people bulling me this time. I did it to increase my mobility which is part of why i eat more because i need the energy. I still have some tummy and back fat and it can trigger me sometime. But most the time i feel way cuter than i use too. Im keeping my tummy how it is because it feels good.
Livin your best life
I remember boys would make fun of me but shaving underarms hurts real bad.
Same, i love shaving and chaging my sheets and then cuddling up is the best
Its always awesome when you can start doing things for reasons you want, instead of people telling you to. I had that kinda with learning to drive. I got my permit and my mom kept telling me I needed to drive more so I did and I didn't enjoy doing it. Eventually I started trying to drive because I wanted to do it for my own reasons and motivations and it made me enjoy it a lot. It's pretty powerful.
real!
i shave my legs because i don’t like them on my body, and probably due to misogyny, but a lot of it is due to me wanting to - i know that, because, i rarely shave my arms, because i DON’T want to.
same for other places, depends if i want to, i can acknowledge theres other reasons too, bur still. it makes me comfortable as well
I've personally had two people close to me lose 20+ pounds fairly recently. I asked both of them how they lost the weight before reacting, and as it turns out one of them is struggling with their mental health and losing weight for them was a sign they were mentally unhealthy. The other had been working for years to find a weight loss plan that worked for them and it was a huge victory. Waiting to react, asking about their lives rather than immediately celebrating gave me the chance to check in with my friend and help them through a rough time in their lives, both encouraging them to get healthy again and strengthening our friendship.
Thank you for doing this, genuinely. As someone who struggles with eating, and is on meds that suppress appetite on top of that, I am constantly gradually losing weight and it feels as if I am slowly wasting away. People have commented on my weight, both in support and to tell me I look sick, and either way it makes me feel like shit. Commenting on people’s bodies without background or permission is always a recipe for disaster, so basically thank you for being a good person and friend. It’s not something people always think about before speaking, but being considerate of such a sensitive topic can be so, so important. I hope you and your friends are doing well
@@labellelace
Person 1 is still much healthier, however they lost the weight.
One of the most effective ways of losing weight is getting ill lol. I lost a ton of weight due to Crohn's Disease. It was great.
@@cockoffgewgle4993 the person with mental health issues?
@@gosiakawecka6178 Yes.
fat people are always the butt of the joke and throughout the years I've developed a binge eating disorder because of the bullying i have received. I feel like sometimes fat activists are really out of touch with reality. We should strive for normalisation and acceptance, not pushing away fat people who lost weight. thanks for the video!
Normalization of something that will eventually kill you? Nah bro
@@davidpmurdock you know that if fat people were seen as normal and not as a funny joke less would have eating disorders and a bad relationship with their body. and that would probably lead to less people being dangerously overweight. but you're just a silly goofy gentleman online 🎩
@@davidpmurdock it literally doesn't affect you in anyway, why do you care
@@davidpmurdock you're talking like everyone is fucking nikocado avocado, chill.
@@davidpmurdock I think it's only if your overweight. If someone's like chubby, it's not gonna be a kill risk you know
"But I also don't think making unhealthy choices is morally wrong " is legit the nicest thing I've heard in a while.
I grew up real poor so not only did I not have food but it was always junk, I get a lot of comments about what I eat cause it's just so difficult to cook and it's what I know. And I place a lot of myself in my morals so it's just so hard for me to eat. So.. yeah that just means a lot to me, and I hope for others too.
Yes! Eating junk food has no implications on your morality. It doesn’t have anything to do with who you are as a person. You aren’t a “worse” or “bad” person because of that.
If they care so much about your food choices, then maybe they should help you make better food choices or teach you how do cook. They need to treat you with sympathy and understanding, not judgment and shaming.
Yes! I'm someone who is straddling the line between a healthy weight and overweight because I eat unhealthy food. I'm acutely aware that I should eat better but I often can't because of the mental energy I find making food uses up, and it makes me feel SO much worse when my flatmate continually tells me to go to the gym and exercise. My food habits are not an invitation for your opinions. :(
That's funny that sure wasn't the opinion when it came to the vaccines and masks, Mr. Beard sure thought that health choice to not vaccinate was a moral wrong... 🤔
@@gypsylee333 they said immediately afterwards that 'as long as it doesn't harm anyone else'
I'd like to argue not getting a vaccine is harming everyone around you. Leave your argument elsewhere
as a fat trans man, the idea of wanting to lose weight being fatphobic is really hurtful to me. a lot of my gender dysphoria stems from my big hips/legs that i got from being an afab fat person. ive been trying to lose that weight as itll make my mental and physical image of myself a lot nicer to me, so saying i need to keep my feminine figure or im fatphobic really just sucks :/
Just accept the empty shell of a word and do what's best for you personally. They don't have to live in your body, so they don't get to have an opinion.
As I am someone like yourself, my thoughts are this. Do what ya gotta do, to help keep your mind at peace. While it isn't fatphobic to want to lose weight, remember that we do live in a society, and influences from fatphobia in the general populace is prevelent. I think we can reflect upon that, while also doing what we need to, to feel most at home in our bodies, especially as afab trans folk. For me personally, I've been on the spectrum of underweight to overweight and while I was thinner when I was younger, I think now that I'm in my thirties, I've gained more peace about my body then when I was at my lightest. Slow change, especially when it comes to weight, while not great in the meantime, I think is the best balance. It won't fuck up your metabolism, like I did when I lost weight by not eating much and walking a shit ton. Also, you've probably heard it a million times before but, you are man enough, no matter how your body looks. A man is not his lack of curves, or how well he passes the cis norms. You got this, either way, and your body is a good one. In that, without it, you wouldn't be here. Acceptance doesn't mean a hundred percent, must be in love, all the time, or all the good feelings, all the time. And, it will likely be a lifetime of working out those feelings, which is natural.
If it helps, I am in sociologists, and the prescription of masculine or feminine to any feature only person only became a “thing” once these words were coined and “defined.” Nominal fallacy, give a name to things and define them and don’t look past that. Comfortable label prescription shortcut. Your body is your own, and feel about it and in it as YOU do. I am just saying that the whole masculine or feminine prescription is an abstract construct, that sadly afflicts a ton of people. Your body, your thoughts, your autonomy
I wanna remind you that you’ll always be valid no matter what you look like. Still, though, it’s okay to dream and reach towards what makes you feel happy and confident! I think that wanting to “pass” as your affirmed gender is only inherently toxic when it results in toxic behavior like putting yourself down and being unkind to yourself. So live your truth, brother, we believe in you. Be who you wanna be 😊💛
remember that no matter what anyone says, it’s NOT fatphobic to lose weight. it’s YOUR body and it’s YOUR decision what you do with it, absolutely NO ONE can tell you what you do with your own body. if being slimmer makes you more comfortable, that’s awesome, or if being bigger makes you more comfortable, that’s great!! your happiness is yours and no one should ever try to take it away. stay strong king💕💕🏳️⚧️
I'm disabled and people often don't value my life [especially during the pandemic] because I'm not healthy. I find many parallels between ableism and fatphobia, especially people using our perceived poor health as a justification for the poor treatment we receive
I'm not physically disabled, so I can't understand. But man, I have witnessed truly horrifying ableism in my life, despite being an able bodied person (meaning there's tons more that I haven't noticed.)
Two of my best friends in college had Cerebral Palsy, and my roommates got visibly uncomfortable when they stayed over. I was so ashamed of my roomies and felt so bad. 😞
Same with ADD. I sometimes spend weeks struggling to do anything productive because it's extremely difficult to have the attention and or motivation. Despite that, a lot of people view it as just being lazy
You can't control if Ur disabled. U can control if you fat.
@@beasee379 YES. I have ADHD too and it's honestly a very confusing disability sometimes, even to me. Sadly, too many people just think it's laziness or an excuse to get drugs. Such a shame.
@@marcusm487 I mean, i guess that's true for some circumstances but shame should never be part of the equation. It might seem likely that a fat person is motivated to lose weight through shame, but it's often the opposite effect, actually. We all engage in bad habits, it's just that eating a lot is visible, so it's easier to make fun of them for it. Seldom do I see people being shamed for smoking/vaping, drinking too much, being greedy, or the like, to the same degree. You can feel good in your body but also know that you need to change to lead a healthy life.
My opinion as a fat person
Losing weight is healthy most of the time and should be encouraged but not required and definitely don’t harass fat people to be skinny because like you said some people aren’t able to lose weight
Personally I am trying to lose weight because I want to be healthier and I don’t like the way I look and I want people to respect the fact I am trying to better myself and not be called fat phobic for doing what I want to
It takes lots of self wisdom and understanding to admit your shortcomings and problems. No one will judge you for trying to change for the better and if they do, they have some insecurities of their own. I hope you stay consistent and achieve your goals on this journey because this is one of the first steps towards your goal
This! It gets tiring quickly to have so many point fingers at you crying diet culture for it. Just respect that not everyone is happy at their current size, whatever it may be! The meaning of the phrase is starting to lose nuance at this point. Not mention the inherent missing of the point OF the movement
Luckily Twitter doesn't speak for the most of humanity. And I wish you all the best on your journey!
i still think it depends! some bodies genetically store more fat and will be on the heavier side regardless of exercise and healthy diet, unless you heavily restrict your diet to the point of constantly starving yourself. and i mean this genuinely, my brother had to starve himself and exercise daily to lose weight for his wedding, but it came back immediately when he started eating a little more, even with frequent exercise and lowering his daily carb intake.
overall, it's probably healthier to be a little overweight than to be rapidly losing and gaining weight as rapid weight changes are super harmful to your body.
if we're talking about fats as being visibly fat, then lots of people have fat tissues over their muscles and are still relatively healthy even though they look bigger than the norm. if we're talking about fatness as being over a weight that is appropriate to a specific height, being someone who has fat tissues over muscle tissues will still be heavier than someone who is primarily fats simply because muscle is heavier.
at the end of the day, having fats or being a little heavier than the average weight appropriate to your height doesnt immediately mean you arent healthy. but not exercising and eating too much or too little of certain food groups probably does!
do whats healthy for you and your body, not what changes your weight or even your physical appearance. ive seen plenty of visibly fat people who are way stronger than thin people who dont exercise.
@@viscountrainbows6452 don’t get me wrong, i hate twitter but objectively harassing and mocking fat people is far more common than swj’s saying “uhmmm actually youre fatohobic for loosing weight you’re cancelled”.
When you said that you’re not a bad person for being unhealthy, I felt so relieved. Like, I understand that health is important but I always felt shame for not being the epitome of health.
‼️yes
“Being healthy” is so hard. I have ADHD and prepping food/keeping an healthy schedule is very demanding, especially when your mental health is also struggling. Taking care of yourself is a journey of self improvement and not something you owe society, at least not when your life isn’t in immediate danger
this comment section makes me feel so much better omg
I feel the exact same. I’ve been gaining weight recently and I’ve never had to experience weight gain before but it’s really stressful. The way that Ryan spoke about self acceptance made me feel so much better. Like “you don’t have to be beautiful or pretty to be worthy” that hit hard. Good luck with your health, I hope you feel happy in your future :)
@@miss-laea yes it is so hard. Time for the gym or make dinner? Make a healthy dinner or microwave something bc now I’m tired from the gym? Prepare food ahead of time or clean the home? Take time to rest and feel guilty or feel burnout from doing it all? There are so many demands on us all the time.
I went to the ER with severe abdominal pain (like 8-9 out of 10). Got tests, ultrasounds, CT scans, the whole nine yards. The ER doctor, ER nurse, radiology tech, and nurses all agreed that I needed my gallbladder out ASAP. The surgeon/Doctor made me stay overnight just to tell me the next day: "You need to lose weight. Just go on a diet." (This doctor also did plenty of other things that were questionable but this is what stuck out)
I went to another doctor and she immediately referred me to a surgeon and they both were horrified with how I was treated. I was scheduled for surgery 2 weeks later and turns out my gallbladder was dangerously close to shutting down which in turn would kill my liver and pancreas.
Oh, and going on a diet and losing weight would have made the issue worse.
@@LilithDaHobbitYes… Then they would be dead…
That’s why I prefer body neutrality rather than body love. It’s alright to not always love the way your body looks, But you can also learn to appreciate your body for what it does. It can convert o2 into co2 that’s amazing! It can help you be creative! It can help you communicate. Don’t beat yourself up for not loving or on some days hating your body and don’t beat others up for their bodies. All bodies are just that bodies. You don’t have to comment on others bodies. You can learn to live in the body you have. And come to accept that. Recognize we live in a society where you are constantly being told to hate your body whatever shape, size, skin tone, abilities etc. and learn that that doesn’t serve you. Actively work against that by just learning to accept your body. I’ve struggled a lot with my body issues and eating disorders. But I’m on a journey to self acceptance.
I don’t know who needs to hear it. You are worthy of love and kindness and happiness regardless of what your body looks like. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It’s hard out there.
Hey thanks for taking the time to comment this and the mini note at the end, I appreciate it. It’s nice to hear other peoples perspectives on the matter. Anyways, I hope you have a lovely day!
same here- i have bad days and that’s okay. i’m learning to appreciate my body for all the dope shit it has helped me do
"It’s alright to not always love the way your body looks, But you can also learn to appreciate your body for what it does." This is very important to learn about ourselves!! Our bodys are capable to the wonder things, and you can train your body and mind to exceed all expectations!!
Not going to lie, I loved hearing just how awesome you made breathing sound. It really makes me appreciate that it's really cool
@@afoolishfopdoodle3284 Imma blow your mind with eating: we literally can take mixtures of deadly chemicals, break them down into simpler chemicals using OTHER stored broken down chemicals, process them in ways even the most brilliant chemists struggle to replicate it, and turn them into storage forms that are basically molecular twinkies, and then re-convert that into electricity and binary code, and then into movement that itself creates heat.
You learn a bit of biology and I SWEAR you get hours of wonder at even the simplest things.
This was a really interesting watch man! It’s cool to see people speaking with nuance on this.
You thought this was nuanced?
My dude ObesetoBeast love how positive and nurturing your approach to health is!
@@itshurleytime genuinely what made you think it wasnt?
Agreed. Love nuance, wish more people used it
I can't believe I ran into your comment here. Love your videos dude 🧡
Equating beauty to value needs to stop.
Absolutely. Perfectly put.
That will literally never stop. Humans are biologically hard wired to like beauty. Good genetics (good looks) demonstrates a good ability to have offspring that are successful and survive well. Disliking ugly people is human nature.
@@carlw5360 Liking beauty is one thing. Thinking that beauty makes something more valuable is another. Because you apparently think that someone you deem unattractive needs to be hated is not human nature. Every body is valid. Your perception should not void someone's worth.
Beauty has nothing to do with survival. Eugenics is a trash concept
@JoyJoy Bean that's great to say... but every humans, unless blind, do this including you. It's like saying "I don't see color"
@@blazenfate but I see color and that doesn't mean I need to treat someone different cause of their color. That's the point. An apple that's bruised is not different from a perfect one it's the same fruit and just as nutritious.
Ryan, this video was so from the heart. I cried when you were talking about being ostracised from both communities and struggling with your eating disorder. I think this argument was so important for the community current social climate. Thank you for sharing your voice. When people speak up about their feelings and are honest about their experiences I truly believe it makes the world a better place.
I'll never forget when I was admitted to inpatient mental health care because of a suicide attempt two years ago, and the admitting nurse thought it would be super helpful to send a dietitian to my room to tell me according to my chart, I was overweight. She then handed me a pamphlet on eating healthy and losing weight. Really helpful to tell someone already hurting emotionally and with a history of anorexia "yeah you're depressed but you're fat. Have you considered eating more vegetables lol."
That’s fucking heart breaking love I am so sorry
Bruh they did that to me too but I’ve never even had a problem with weight they just didn’t like how I was a little bit underweight :|
That’s absolutely terrible mental health care needs to get better you’re awesome and I hope everything is better ❤️
That's truly so so horrible and ridiculous. Shows where society's priorities lie 🙄
Jesus. I am so sorry. I've had some super negative interactions with doctors/nurses and it's particularly painful, because these are the people that are supposed to help you when the shit hits the fan. I love you, please take care ♥️
i once heard someone say “even if we all ate the same foods and exercised the same way, we’d still be different sizes” and boy did that ever stick with me! health looks different on different people.
edit: how are so many of y’all dumbasses in my replies missing the whole point?? let’s get some critical thinking skills in here babes, cmon now.
Yes! This is really well put.
this comment made me feel great about where i’m at- thanks man
Not to mention some people are allergic or sensitive to foods other people thrive on; so some people would be dead
It is true, I lived with my sister, I cooked everyday for us, we ate the exact same portions, if anything I exercised and she didn't, and I was 50lbs (for 4 inches taller) heavier than her. That being said, that shouldn't be used as an excuse to be 400lbs...
That's why it's recommended to see a nutritionist.
as a former fat kid, i fell into the eating disorder hole, at first i started losing weight at a healthy rate, until one time someone called me fat after having lost a decent amount of weight and so i stopped eating, i lost 20lbs in less than a month and even a year later i still deal with the anorexia that i developed from that, and trying to gain weight in a healthy way has become mentally impossible because of my fear of gaining weight back even if it’s healthy weight in the form of muscle.
thats why I advocate for being happy with what you've got because beauty is in the eye of the beholder
@@nictrident4392 I agree but fat activist keep saying “losing weight is fatphobic” why I cant be happy with losing weight?
@@sealgaming2396you can and should be if you want to. their triggers are not your responsibility, they have to deal with that themselves.
I gained a lot of weight in college that caused me to feel physically sick and tired and the biggest thing that helped me was learning how to cook. Like. Not the fancy “how to make a souflee”. But how to properly cut a bellpepper. How to prepare stew. Experimenting with flavor combinations. At the start it was about loosing weight, but it eventually was just about cooking and having fun with new foods. Like Beard said. Its about making healthy choices. And my healthy choice was cooking. And its changed my life. (Rateatoullie plays in my soul 24/7)
what kinda stews do you make..... (i love stew)
Will you be the Remi to my red-haired chef twink?/j
Stew is absolute fucking fire stew gang on top
@@shroomian2739 stew is best food. I’d bet my left foot that every culture around the world and throughout history had stew. Why? Because its just that good
"Accepting this body
did not mean convincing myself
that it was beautiful; it meant
giving myself permission
to exist regardless."
This was a hard listen. I don’t want to go into the “As _____ person with _____ eating disorders”, but just know that your videos have impact on people. This discussion is a sh!t one to have but a necessary one. Thank you
Where the hell are your replies my g
Kitty Aneko best of luck
glad people hate this As blank structure of comment.
Your description of body positivity is really funny to listen to as a trans person. I don't think anyone would say that me wanting to change my body (at least in some ways) would be wrong, but for some reason in the circumstance of fat people wanting to lose weight, no matter the reason, that's them suffering from some form of internalized bigotry? Pretty weirdchamp imo
I thought the exact same thing!
I agree it's bs but to be fair as a trans girl I've been told many times that it was misogynistic for me to want to look how I want to look, because I'm associating stereotypes with womanhood.
Now obviously that's not something I agree with, I'm not saying these things that I like doing and the way I like to look define womanhood, identifying as a woman is all that defines womanhood, but yeah my point is that many people DO say that wanting to change your appearance or body as a trans person is bigoted.
@@sjk7467 The point I'm trying to make is that the left, in general, doesn't accept that argument.
Totally agree, the idea that your body is completely immutable is incredibly regressive and pretty weird coming from supposedly trans allies
FR
it reminds me of how some people say that makeup is bad because you're "changing your natural features" or "just trying to appeal to men" (completely ignoring that not everyone who wears makeup find men attractive)
like,, maybe they just want to wear makeup because they enjoy it?
similarly, maybe someone just wants to lose weight to feel more comfortable? or for health reasons? (i'm not saying that fat = unhealthy but sometimes people lose weight when they focus on their physical health)
people need to learn to mind their own business lmao
My mentality for years have been "I'm not that attractive physically but I'm pretty awesome aside from that" and I feel like that should be okay so ty for teaching me about body neutrality
I do the same thing and I'm happy!
Yeah always be happy with yourself, but i feel like we should always strive to be better. I used to be super underweight and frail but then i started going outside more and excercising and i feel like a completely better person.
I have been obese, and I have had 6 pack abs and I am 21, neither made me happy. What makes me happy is the pursuit of a healthy medium. Do your own thing. Don’t listen to dumb internet people on either side. Love the video thanks broski.
Do your thing as long as it's healthy.
@@Groggle7141 Healthy is kind of subjective
Obesity is linked to depression. When you became healthy you became happy. This is not rocket science.
Your username is so cute🤗💖💐
*Objectively Me*
@@Groggle7141 does that include things like not drinking alcohol? Or taking drugs, like non-medicinal cannabis? Do you care as much about those having three or more cups of coffee in a day (potentially alongside other sources of caffeine)? Do you judge people who wear high heels or shoes that provide inadequate arch support?
What about someone who puts sunscreen and a cap on before going in the direct sun wearing a singlet, even though it’s still more sun safe to have a broad brim hat and a long sleeve sun-safe top? What if they don’t even have a good pair of sunglasses? Although wearing sunscreen is healthy, just wearing sunscreen isn’t necessarily the healthiest decision to make because wearing sunscreen alone may be inadequate protection in some cases; so, should they not be allowed to “do their own thing” if it’s not the best thing in terms of healthy behaviour?
Do your own thing as long as it’s healthy seems to come less frequently from those who actually live healthy lifestyles themselves and more from people who seem specifically concerned with people’s bodyweight. Sometimes people who are doing things fairly healthy are judged for not being healthier. At what point do we just respect an individual’s choice to make unhealthy decisions for themselves? Is there a line? You feel the need to add the “as long as it’s healthy” condition on to “do your own thing”, but do you even know what you mean by that? I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or consume much caffeine, plus I wear supportive shoes, and I engage in sun-safe practices. These are things I do or don’t do for my own sake, which is why I used them as examples, yet I don’t necessarily judge those who make choices that are comparatively unhealthy. And that appears to be most people.
My stance is that someone’s behaviour might be unhealthy, and schools and relevant media should continue to educate about safe and healthy lifestyles, but if an adult makes a decision that’s unhealthy for their body but doesn’t directly impact others or actively encourage others to be less healthy then that’s their choice to make. If it’s what they want to do then I hope it brings them some joy.
I strongly dislike whenever someone tells me to “go to the gym” or “go on a diet” it really hurts my feelings because I have been working out and I always try to eat healthy (although I do sometimes have a few sweets, nothing huge though) I have been on medications from a young age because of my asthma and heart disease which makes me gain weight. so it honestly feels like a punch in the face whenever people tell me I’m lazy or not trying hard enough. I shouldn’t have had to be googling “how to loose weight” when I was ten years old just because people wouldn’t listen to my story. Good video Ryan!! You made a lot of good points :)
Edit: hey guys thank you for supporting me and being super kind. I would just like to encourage people not to give me unsolicited weight loss advice because that’s basically what I just said I strongly dislike. Although I have overcome an eating disorder I do still live with it and it affects me almost daily.
I despise when people assume by looking at you that they know your fitness level or diet knowledge. It's as if they think the reason you're overweight is because you're a clueless, lazy, dumdum and they, the skinny person, are super smart and will tell you all the common sense things that anyone with half a brain already knows. If more people would actually think to ASK someone what they're doing for exercise or how they're eating instead of assuming, they'd learn a lot about what fat people actually go through.
May I suggest looking into Keto? I've had the same problems with losing weight until I started it and I can tell you it melts right off since your body is forced to consume the fat it has and not the carbs you consume.
Some people can’t really control how their body acts like if you have something like diabetes you can’t always control what you eat or if you have some kind of health problem, I know a person(I won’t state their name) who when they gave birth, the muscles in their abdomen got messed up so they are trying to exercise as much as possible, but they can’t always do that, sometimes weight just needs to be treated with nuance, not everyone is the same and you kinda can’t be in either of the two extremes mentioned in the video.
You gotta cut those sweets out. You don't realize how much sweets can limit your ability to lose weight. Make sure you do cardio and be on a caloric deficit. AND MEASURE EVERYTHING you eat
Welp,fat people need to work more harder than skinny people to lose weight.Because the calories on fat person's tissues are harder tro burn than skinny personn's tissues.Also eating fast food can actually change emotion and mentally harm the brain.Im not trying to be "fatphobic" here. (I was almost 200kg in 2016 and lost around 100kg in 2017)
as someones who has been verbally attacked for both, being „too fat“ and being „too thin“ from different groups of people while I didn’t lose or gain weight at all between the instances, I just decided that I don’t have a body.
That's a wise choice to just say "frick it.. *n o b o d y* " hope you're doing good right now and have others who don't comment rudely on how you look or anything
Yep I feel the same way. I no longer have a body I am ethereal bitch 😂
Peel off your skin now
*nobody starts playing in the background*
Honestly, that’s a vibe I can stand behind.
This was really eye-opening for me as a thin person who tries their best to promote fat acceptance. I had started falling into the trap of pushing positivity on fat people who don't 100% love their bodies and judging any efforts at weight loss as negative because I had thought that that was what I was supposed to be doing as an ally. I can definitely see now how those things are not helpful. Thank you for taking the time to lay this all out.
As an ex fat person, I have never wanted to accept my body, I've always wanted to lose the weight. And that's fine! I eventually did it. But that's just me. I never asked for people to find me beautiful or anything like that. The only thing that felt bad were all the mean comments, the jokes, the condescension.
And I think that's truly what fat acceptance should push. Not that you should be attracted to fat people, or accept it as healthy, or push fat people away from chasing another physique and force them to accept something that obviously gives them social downsides, but just.. Treating them as human. Not immediately judging and talking down to them. Not regarding them with disgust, and as a fattie first and foremost. Just letting them exist. Whether they want to lost weight, or not.
In the end, people wanting to change their bodies isn't bad. A fat person wanting to lose weight isn't necessarily self hating, they just want better for themselves. Just like someone at a healthy weight wanting to start working out for a different physique!!
Sorry for the paragraph haha I just had to get this out somewhere, your efforts to help people are appreciated btw
shit man, i had the same experience with costochondritis - i wasn't more than 10 pounds overweight at the time, and although i was sedentary and certainly not the healthiest, there was NO way i was experiencing such intense pain from being pudgy. still had to get a second opinion anyway, because all the first guy could say was "take vitamins and go on a diet." it genuinely sucks. my experience didn't end in any lasting damage thank god, but there are so so many who don't have that luck.
I completely agree that heath should be neutral. I was also diagnosed with costochondritis last year after feeling pain so intense I felt like I was having a heart attack. I have never been fat and at that time I actually bordering on being underweight.
I've never experienced that kind of bias from a doctor but I'm genuinely disgusted by it. If I doctor were to invalidate my pain due to my weight I'd be furious and pretty hurt.
I'm glad you got the help you needed. Never let anyone make you feel less than because if how you look! Your experience and your struggles are just as important as anyone else's.
Off topic but I love your pfp Xie Lian 😍
I fixed my costochondritis with massage, exercise, and stretching. I couldn't lift my arms over my head for ages, before anyone thinks I didn't have it bad.
A lot of people will say "but the doctor is a professional and knows what is right!" but doctors are human. They will have biases. The medical field does have a serious issue with blaming things on weight instead of eliminating other potential causes and its so dangerous.
I know a girl who was told she just needed to lose weight and that's why her knees are hurting, until she found a nurse who listened to her. Turns out she has bone cancer and she ended up going through chemo and one of her legs was amputated.
i recently found a doctor who actually listened to my health concerns and when i even started mentioning "losing weight" he stopped me and immediately said "we're gonna take weight off the table cause that isnt the problem at all" and now im getting real treatment for my fibromyalgia and spinal stenosis (that we discovered cause he took me seriously and didnt tell me to just "lose weight")
it also really grinds my gears seeing posts about people’s dramatic weight loss that they self caption ‘bullying works ig’ ugh like it’s just pick me vibes. don’t enable the fatphobes even if you’re not their target audience any more.
Social media like tiktok and instagram are cesspools of poor body image promotion. Filled with photoshopping and deception. Like the Kardashians.
It's like that minute video when people celebrate the bullies from that homophobe. Bullying never works, bullying isn't the way.
Definitely see "bullying works ig" as a semi-ironic statement. The way I read it is that it's meant to be comedic and play on the fact that they were bullied in the past, overcame it, and became a better person in spite of it via hard work and strength. This isn't literally "thanking" the bullies.... lmfao c'mon
@@dankyskins4452 I understand this standpoint - of course people bullied for their weight wouldn’t be grateful to bullies. However, the wording of the phrase is, in my opinion, so easy to misconstrue as endorsing bullying that it’s quite an irresponsible joke to make. i do see that this exact phrasing is used as a justification for fatphobia. there’s an air of superiority imo when you are on the other side of a successful weight loss and joke about the bullies motivating you.
@@dankyskins4452 I've actually seen overweight people, who go on a weightloss journey (and suddenly are on their high horse) tell me that had it not been for bullying they would have stayed disgusting and fat, like people think others degrading them is and was okay
THANK YOU. As a former fat person (I was 215lbs at 5'5" when I was 14, and I'm 5'9" and 170lbs now at 25) I HATE it when people try to tell me I wasn't fat, or that I shouldn't have been unhappy with how I looked and felt. It happens a lot. Anytime I would mention my weight loss, or that I used to be fat, my ex would tell me I wasn't fat and that I didn't need to lose weight. I tried to argue against it, that I *was* actually fat and everyone treated me as a fat person, and that I was unhappy with my appearance and *especially* how I felt physically (it was uncomfortable basically all the time). But she would basically talk over me and just deny everything I said. Incredibly frustrating. I have binge eating disorder from my experiences being fat, because it became a cycle, like it does for many people. I told her about this, and how I hate when I'm given large amounts of junk food as gifts because I will eat all of it and feel terrible, she would do exactly this. At the store, when I would be like "I don't need that even though I want it", she would encourage me to get it, or even just put it in the cart against my wishes. She once told me after several months of being together that she was "glad she was able to fatten me up". Keep in mind, she isn't stupid, and she absolutely knew how much binge eating and weight gain negatively impacts my mental health. But I guess it was a kink for her or something idk. It's worth mentioning she was abusive to me and her dog in many other ways, so it wasn't an isolated fault.
My ex's friend is fat, and they are very much happy as a fat person, which is good. But they would talk to me about how being fat is good actually and that it isn't rational to want to lose weight. They would even say sugar and higher body fat percentage didn't actually increase risk of diabetes at all?? Like Mr. Beard said, it's kind of like conspiracy theory thinking. It's understandable that it happens, but it needs to be countered
10:17 I remember Dr. Mike talking about an overweight patient that was experiencing pain and had been to several doctors. All the other doctors said he just had to lose weight, or was suffering from “early arthritis” or just joint pain from being overweight. The patient was suffering from early stage Lyme disease.
Edit: I have a very close friend who was essentially actively dying, but it took her getting hospitalized to get diagnosed(*severe* celiacs, Ulcerative Colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, and some others I can’t remember)while *underweight.* she’s now technically classified as “overweight” but she is the healthiest she’s ever been since I’ve known her
Holy shit……….Are you a Doctor Mike fan?
I was also going to comment about that video
th-cam.com/video/XD6KJ_-5dF4/w-d-xo.html
Me too!
Doctors usually go with the most likely cause and sometimes become blinded to the less likely causes.
“We need to stop attaching morality to health” thank you. I say this all the time. Even people praising me when I got in shape made me uncomfortable because it implies that I was not worthy of praise until I got fit.
Well, did they not praise you when you were fat when you did something outstanding? If not, why should they praise you then for something you didn’t do? You get where I’m coming from?
the praise came from achieving something, in your case, becoming more fit. i’m sure people would have still given you praise before if you had achieved a goal or accomplishment ♥️
It makes sense to praise someone if they lose fat and reach their goals. It doesn't make sense to praise someone who gains 100lbs of fat in a few years because it's simply not praise worthy. It might be praise worthy in the first pounds if you were anorexic but then you just trade one eating disorder for another if you go 100lbs overweight due to overeating and storing fat. Other than that, a morbidely obese person doing good in their actions still deserves praise for those actions in a day to day setting. I wouldn't praise my friends and people I care about for gaining lots of excess fat because I care about their well being. Therefore, just by being in shape you should receive more compliments and praise from people in general because you exemplify what it means to take care of your health at least in a fitness sense.
You weren't worthy of that praise before. You don't get praised for not accomplishing anything. It's hard to lose weight and it's good that you did it.
@@ycombine1053 you’re correct in that sense but what I mean by people “praising” me, I was thinking about how I was always told that I “looked good” or something as if I didn’t look good before getting fit.
have to call myself out, i was someone who thought bullying fat people was a solution for obesity. after listening to you i realize now that was not only ignorant on my end but also negligent toward others and myself. i took for granted the ability of reasoning and didn't let myself think about it thoroughly before jumping to an answer. thank you for changing my outlook. much love
Thank you for your willingness to listen and change! Shaming and judging others is never helpful. I mean shit, you probably wouldn’t have changed your opinion or appreciated his video if he had given you shit and bullied you for your behaviors. It worked better because he presented it better. So the same goes for you and how you present your message to others. It’ll be more successful if you are kind and understanding instead of mean and judgmental and bullying.
with peace and love and glad you changed your mind but openly admitting what a PoS you are/were might not endear people to you. the fact that you had to learn empathy from a YT video is pretty freaking sad my dude. if bullying people for how they look rather than just letting them be even tho it has ZERO impact on your life is what you were like just before this video then i’m afraid you have a long, LONG way to go. please continue to shed your bigotry and you will be better for it, inshallah.
@@trueMAXIMUS honestly comments like this is probably whats causing more people to not want to become better imo. A guy openly said he was trying to get better and made the first step and you just out of nowhere called him a PoS and now somehow thats supposed to be encouraging? The best way to handle this sort of thing is just to allow them to grow without antagonizing them in a moment of self reflection.
@@trueMAXIMUS you did the same thing fatphobic people do with bigotry lmao
@@trueMAXIMUS yo this ain’t helping anything, my guy. A first step needs to be taken somewhere, and saying the kind of shit you said makes people less willing to take that step.
The medical discrimination is so rough. My doctor wanted to rule out sleep apnea for my fatigue and sent me to a sleep clinic. They insisted I had sleep apnea even before doing the tests. After the tests they refused to investigate any other options and said I needed a CPAP machine. Along with the typical “just lose weight”. It turned out one of the medications I was on caused apnea-like behavior. On top of severe lung damage from an illness I had several months ago. When I discovered these two facts after the diagnosis I tried to speak to the doctors about it, but their office just sent a letter to my primary care doctor saying I was “hostile” and refused to see me.
Don’t ever call a stranger lazy cause you don’t know anything about their life, truer words have never been said
"Be kind, every person you know is fighting a hard battle" John B. Watson
Yeah it’s so dumb like it may be true for some people but like why make such a awful assumption that is drastically more inaccurate than accurate.
and you never know the state of anyones mental health
If they’re obese, they’re most likely lazy
@@lewispooper3138 have you never heard of bed (binge eating disorder)? its a fairly misunderstood ed which can be very hard to live with. and theres also a genetic factor, whether you believe people can be fat through their parents or not, people are born with different metabolisms and its easier for some people to gain weight compared to others. maybe their parents didnt have enough junk food restrictions when they were a kid or maybe they eat to cope. whatever it may be, its completely unlikely that they are 'just lazy.'
Didn’t want to add to all the “as a whatever person I feel…” stuff (not cause it’s inherently bad there’s just a lot of it here already) but what you said about gaining and losing weight being equally valid really resonated with me. I’m a very healthy fat person and my only health issues are from my chronic illness which is treated with medication that makes me fat. There have been times I’ve stopped taking that medication because I felt so hurt by the world around me for being overweight and each time resulted in me slimming down for a couple months and then ending up in the hospital after a medical episode. I nearly died twice due to fatphobia and poor self esteem. People are so much nicer to thin people and it’s unfair everyone deserves kindness. Gaining weight for me has always meant I’m in better health and it means a lot to have that acknowledged for once. Your kindness and commentary is always appreciated Beard
Thank you for sharing your story. I honestly never knew how much impact medication can have on weight. I hope you are doing great and I am glad you are still here. Your life is so much more important than stupid societal standards! I wish you all the best
@@35noodles Thank you that’s very sweet, you as well!
@@anortherner There are a big handful of medications that can make you gain weight. Antipsychotics, for example, can cause MAJOR weight gain.
@@anortherner Nothing rude about curiosity, there’s a lot of medication that causes weight gain and I just so happen to have to take two. One messes with my hormones and slows my metabolism and the other causes fluid retention. So on my meds my normal weight is around 220 but last time I went off my meds I shot down to 150 in four months and then almost died 😅 Im healthier than ever now though!
I love this so much, like it's kinda "inspiring" hearing you struggling with fatphobia and now finally triumphing over it
I grew to hate the body positivity movement. As a trans person, always being told I should love my body at all times has been so exhausting. I do love my body, but not all of it, especially if those parts of my body keep me from being seen as a man. It doesn't matter how many times we're told our bodies are "perfect the way they are" when society looks at our bodies and sees something we're not. I've been told I wasn't body positive because I want to get top surgery and I'm taking hormones.
I’m sorry to hear that Jax. Stay strong, my man.
I really hate that body positivity has become entirely focused on aesthetics. I am fat, have been fat, lost a bunch of weight to get a kidney transplant (because they won’t give you one if you’re fat…) sand developed an eating disorder in the process and then went on steroids, and gained back all the weight I had lost. My body has permanently changed and I have really struggled with body image, but body positivity has helped me to love what my body can do, how through everything it’s still kept me alive. I may hate how I look but I can still be positive about the fact that I have a body that has weathered so much.
They body positivity movement has actually become just another toxic aesthetic movement.
This is actually something I can understand really well because I'm a trans person who also lost a lot of weight. Something I just can't stand about the fat acceptance community is that, in all honestly, a lot of the ways they talk remind me of how a lot of trans people who either can't go on HRT/surgeries/medical intervention for whatever (usually personally and complex) reason(s) will often drag down other trans people who can and do decide to pursue those things often with very similar talking points about how it wouldn't change anything fundamentally, about how HRT is ineffective past a certain age or timeframe, about how anyone who is trans should just accept our pain and suffer until we die. It's worth noting these things are also very similar to the things transphobes say about these things as well and is an abject lesson in how our oppressors can convince us it is not worth it to take care of our bodies how we personally see fit. For that reason, despite the fact that body positivity should celebrate the variety that can come with a trans person (especially a trans person who has done any kind of medical intervention re: being trans), I firmly believe there is something inherently not very friendly to us about that movement so I can't say I'm surprised they were trash to you about being on hormones or wanting to get surgery.
@@grey2366 I also just don't really understand the argument that hrt isn't really effective after a certain age/timeframe. Maybe I just domt know enough about how the hormones work in later years, but a lot of cis people do hrt in their later years. Idk, I've only been on testosterone for 3 months at this point and I am way happier with my body now than I even was before, and I only see that getting better for me. In my eyes, me doing any form of gender affirming care is an act of self love and body positivity because I'm doing it for myself and no one else. I do it purely to make myself happy
Exactly! Forcing positivityjust leads to even more negativity. Just remember you're valid no matter what your body looks like!
(Also, love the haikyuu pfp!! Tendou is so awesome
I have the genes to be overweight if I am not aware and careful. I am not currently a "fat person" per say but I will never be a skinny person. Unless I hurt myself to get skinny, I will always be a bigger girl. I really appreciate this video and thank you for your time in making it.
@@1Nickle I was barrel cheated baby and have always been, what some say is "Big Boned"
I am not a geneticist, so I have not the correct terminology for you. I apologize if none of this is helpful.
body neutrality is so cool bc i can look in the mirror and go "damn you look like you just walked out of a laboratory fighting off the scientists" and smile and go on with my day
As a nurse, I see the devastating effect of obesity on a daily basis. I also see patients who are underweight for a range of reasons, & it's equally devastating! However, I have never, ever felt like "oh this person isn't maintaining a healthy lifestyle, so it's their fault" Weight issues & related health problems are always WAY more complicated than both extremes claim. My patients deserve to be heard, help with resources, education, & quality care regardless of their weight: period. I've seen the discrimination of fat phobia & have shut it down many times. There are compassionate, helpful ways to encourage healthy choices, weight loss, etc. without dismissing human beings with actual, serious health problems & barriers to healthcare. Anyways... great video. Really on point.
Thank you, I think this is a good point and a valuable perspective. To be honest I do think in a majority of cases medical professionals focus too heavily on weight - I've heard far too many people talk about doctors telling them their weight somehow influenced a viral infection... or fail to treat them because all they could think to say was "you should lose weight."
However there are also some situations where weight *should* be brought up. After doing my own research, I was shocked that when I was diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor didn't even *mention* my weight gain - which they should have probably noticed in my medical record (or at least mentioned as a possible contributing factor.) They only recommended I take hormones to try and get back my cycle, and sent me home.
I appreciate you acknowledging that this DOES happen with health care professionals. I’ve dealt with it personally several times.
Most horrifying: I have a genetic chronic kidney disease (I have a transplant now) and when I was in stage 3, had a PCP who was constantly making fat shaming (and utterly incorrect) comments to me (things like “stop eating carbs and your kidney disease will go away” meanwhile, my disease has no cure or treatment). I had been suffering from muscle weakness, fatigue and horrible cramping for almost a year and when I told her that I could barely walk up the stairs or lift wet laundry from the washer to the dryer without my legs and arms turning to jello, she said, and I’m quoting here, “obese people get tired when they move around, just _eat fewer donuts every day_”…
I’ve been the same level of fat most of my life. I hike, kayak, and I’m otherwise active, so this was definitely not normal for me.
After that comment I finally found another doctor, and when she looked at my labs (which were run every 3 months) from the previous year, she noticed my potassium was between 1.7-1.9. She was horrified and immediately sent me to the ER to have IV potassium. I continued to suffer from a potassium deficiency until my transplant (oddly) and was on 100meq of potassium daily for years.
I literally could have died because this doctor only saw what she wanted to see. Because she, like so many others, blamed my symptoms on my weight, and even more astonishing, she either didn’t bother looking at those lab results or deliberately ignored them.
I have an amazing medical team now, and I will no longer tolerate that garbage from any healthcare provider. I no longer worry about what they will say when I call it out and walk away.
@@ardeaeichner2111 In my personal experience, it was actually the doctor focusing on my weight that made getting a diagnosis possible. My gynocologist only cared that I was large and constantly gave me the same montra and spiel about needing to lose weight and tried pushing me on miserable diets, it was my normal, general doctor who helped me discover I had PCOS when he saw that my testosterone levels were higher than is typical for AFAB individuals.
@@BoringTroublemaker I‘m so sorry that happened to you, that must‘ve been horrible. Thank god you now have better medical care!
I'm celiac before I found out I was underweight all my life because I was malnourished. Growing up in the 2000s size zero was desirable so no one in the medical field really noticed that I was ill. But socially my peers would still call me anorexic for some reason. But when I gained weight from being able to absorb nutrients, people including doctors commented that I had gained weight and should exercise. When I started taking Seroquel it escalated 😑😑 I was healthier mentally and physically but because I was heavier people assumed the opposite 🤦 You can't win when other people are making assumptions about your body.
The experience of doctors not listening to you as a patient is eerily familiar as a woman, I can't even imagine the hurdles of being a fat woman pursuing a diagnosis
Hi, fat woman here! I once had a doctor refuse to examine my sprained ankle because it was far more important that I be tested for diabetes first. He then preceded to lecture me about diet and exercise. It was after he said "You mentioned your ankle hurting, so maybe try swimming...."
when I said "That's how I hurt my ankle!"
"Wait, what?"
"I injured my ankle while swimming."
"Oh.....I'd better take a look at it, could be a sprain."
Oh, you think????
Another fat woman here. Gotta say it’s not fun. I said I had trouble with breathing (when I was child) and the first thing the doctor said was “lose weight”. Turns out I was right and my asthma (I was diagnosed at 4) didn’t just magically disappear like everyone wanted to claim because I got a bit chubby. Literally infuriating
For me, it was so bad that I ended up diagnosing myself with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, because they just wouldn't listen to anything I said. Eventually my Dad had to tell them for me to give me a simple test that they should've done 20+ years ago. My thyroid would've stopped working eventually, and I also could've ended up with thyroid c@ncer. (Sorry for the @, my comment might get deleted if I don't censor certain words.)
Another fat woman here! My family has had really bad history of arthritic types of issues for generations, especially in the knees. I've been having knee issues since I was a preteen and I finally went to get x-rays when I was 18. I even explained that it was painful in my bones to walk up the stairs or across my college campus. All they told me is that my hamstrings are too tense for my age and that I need to lose weight to decrease pressure on my knees. I'm gonna be 22 now (and even after increased activity, diet change, AND some weight loss), and my knees are still just as bad as they were, if not worse.
as a fat woman, it’s awful!
I am overweight and have never struggled that much with it, but the point about sickness and disability is such a real one! I used to love taking pictures of my fat body but last year I was disabled and now my relationship with my body has changed. It is hard to love something that has caused me so much suffering but I am stuck in. There isn’t much I can do but try to accept it. It is just so hard to “love” and that expectation is just not something I can reach. Setting me up for failure isn’t going to help. I had to change the way I see and treat my body, and it’s been hard. Being big is only a part of the puzzle. I am more than my body, but I also have to live with it.
You are way more than your body. I do however have to tell you that there IS something to do about it. If it is being tough to accept your body, maybe you could try to lose some weight. This is in no way an attempt to be rude or degrading.
As someone with disabilities, I don’t like people telling me to always feel proud of my body. It’s a lot easier to cope when I accept that there are things about my body that suck
fr, nobody says you need to be proud of your eyelashes, why do we do it with bodies? It's just a part of our bodies, we don't have to be proud of anything if we don't want to be proud of it
Omg yes. The pressure to love my body when it doesn't do what I want it to. And if I say I don't love my body- people will assume its how it looks, like as if thats more important.
@@justaglassbutterfly7989 Fr, idc about how I look, I care about my fashion tho. I hate my body for hurting all the time lmao
This is very true. I think rather than telling people to love their bodies we should say that a person is so much more than your body. Hating your body isn’t always bad, but don’t let it lead you to hating your person. I think some people don’t understand this concept though and so they feel telling someone they are beautiful helps. We are more than our bodies that’s what’s important.
I like fashion. But I don‘t like how fashion looks on me because it is designed for thin people. I‘m not even technically overweight and I still recognize that.
Loving hearing someone speak about this topic with cognizance of the gray areas in this subject matter. One thing I feel is under-discussed when it comes to fatphobia (which I feel is likely more common in female-to-female conversations) is that which occurs in passing conversation. My biggest peeve is the liberal centrist dialogue where you simply make a statement of the fact you’re overweight and are met with “oh no! you aren’t fat, you’re beautiful!” I recently contracted COVID and suffered from it, being both asthmatic and overweight. I was asked why it was so hard on me, despite the fact I was double-vaxxed and boosted, and mentioned this. My sweet coworker with the best of intentions gets so uncomfortable and is like “no sweetheart, no, you’re not overweight.” Fat is not a dirty word. I’m tired of people treating it like it is. I can’t say it better than I said in my poem at the height of my mental health issues: “because fat is not a thing you can be, like smart, or pretty, or kind - it is a thing you possess.” I am not my fatness. And yes, Mr. Beard - thank you for pointing it out! Our bodies are simply vessels, and we are allowed to feel disdain toward that vessel. I hope that everyone can find solace in the fact that while you are living in your body, and you may hate it, you are the only person with power over said vessel. You are fully autonomous. No matter what anyone tells you, you are the only person in charge of your state of being. While others can try to influence that state of being, you are ultimately the ruler of your own destiny. The consequences of your existence are not tied to your body. People won’t remember you for how much weight you lost or gained. They will remember you because you were kind, because you said something intelligent, because you made a difference in their lives. No matter how sh*tty people are to you, they can’t take your “you-ness” away. You it up, people. Be angry, be disgusted, be loud, be mad, be proud, be happy, be sad, and don’t apologize for being yourself (with a simple caveat: don’t hurt others). Sending love from WV, USA.
I love this comment, you hit the nail right in the head. Working on remembering people love me for my me-ness and not what I look like has really changed the game when it comes to self-acceptance and has felt like a great step towards body neutrality.
It was probably made worse by the three jabs which have sent the rates of heart related issues skyrocketing, just saying
@@colonelturmeric558 How is this the one thing you found to comment about, lol?
I developed anorexia towards the end of my high school years. I didn’t go to the doctor very often bc I didn’t ever get sick and my parents didn’t believe in getting regular check ups without reason. I had been to the same doctor for most of my life and she always brought up my weight and would make sure to remind me I was already predisposed to diabetes from both sides of my family. Anyways, I went to the doctor because I was showing flu like symptoms (before Covid) and obviously I was down a bit of weight. Roughly 80 lbs. I was within the “normal range” of someone my height according to google. However, I had just overcome my eating disorder and was slowly putting on more weight. My doctor was so excited to see I had lost weight. She asked me about it and I explained that my severe anxiety that I had been diagnosed with earlier that year had sort of pushed me to develop an eating disorder. I ate less than 500 calories every day, often as low as 30 calories because the big numbers intimidated me. I also did regular cardio to work off all the calories I did eat every single day without fail. I also told her that I had luckily now overcome it and she suddenly got so rude and disgusted by me. She told me she wouldn’t recommend it and that I should keep it up. Then she immediately refused to refill my anxiety medication because all I really needed was exercise. She also claimed that my very labor intensive job didn’t count as exercise and told me to make time anyway despite my busy schedule. Then she ended the appointment by trying to force me to get lab work done because she was convinced that me quitting my eating disorder had resulted in me finally getting diabetes. I walked out. Didn’t do the labs or anything, just left. I never went to her again. It took me a long time to decide to go to a doctor again. Luckily, I have recently found some good local doctors that I feel I can trust.
that's so disgusting and horrible of her :( im so sorry you had to go through that
that's so fucking gross that someone would actually say that to you. i hope you're doing okay now, stay safe bb
Wow that’s heartbreaking. I’m glad you’re able medical care from practicing physicians you can trust instead of the whatever “care” your malpracticing pediatric provided. To patient that her eating disordered habits should be celebrated as if fatness is significantly more self destructive than disordered eating as restrictive as you described, with excessive cardio is absolutely mind blowing. How can we require so much education for the M.D. suffix to someone’s name without medical students understanding how damaging and destructive medical advice like this is?
You might be able to you know provide her a little bit of a legal scare by Writing her Practice a letter a personal letter that indicates exactly why her advice was medical malpractice because it absolutely was considering the encouragement for reigniting your eating habits while disordered from atypical anorexia nervosa (because your weight was normal) is the opposite harm reduction violating her Hippocratic oath. I don’t think you necessarily have a case or anything that would give you any significant amount of money because you didn’t fall for her bullshit, thank God.. but You might be able to open her eyes up and prevent her from speaking to anyone else in a similar manner because the next person she congratulates for their eating disordered weight loss Might not be as mature or as firm in their recovery as you.. and honestly it might just feel good to tell her just how much of a piece of shit she was the day she tried to convince you that your difficult recovery isnt something to celebrate (it is. I hope you’re still okay)
@@qt_stacy This is very well-intentioned, but I think people don't realize how systemic experiences like these are. Medical discrimination across multiple populations is so severe, delay in diagnosis is often counted in *years.* And while medical discrimination is improving (if only marginally) for LGBT+, BIPOC, and AFAB patients, Harvard's studies into bias has found anti-fat bias has only increased over the years.
Legitimately, I can count on one hand the number of health professionals I've had who didn't include weight loss in my after visit summary. This is out of over a 100 doctors I've seen over the years, and my diagnoses including things like "lifelong restrictive eating disorder", "history of malnutrition", and some severe health conditions that require a carefully monitored diet and specific exercise.
These aren't isolated incidents or just individual doctors. The system is built like this. A lot of us have already tried to complain through official channels, and nobody cared that it would be medical negligence in any other circumstance.
What a horrible doctor, I'm glad you have better ones now
I’m 14 and struggle with multiple eating disorders I have gained weight back from my anorexia and have recently been dealing with a binge eating disorder I have been trying to lose weight but terrified to fall back into anorexia I love you videos and I’m so sorry that some people who claim to help fat people can’t even fathom the fact that it’s not there body and they don’t get to have an opinion loving yourself is hard and it’s not as simple as just deciding to do so but you’ll always have your supporters who accept you❤
As a personal trainer I'm so glad to hear people starting to think this way. Weight isn't the deciding factor of happiness and happiness is very rarely actually tied to the number on the scale. Thank you for this video.
My period is really irregular and when it started to concern me I brought it up with my doctor. I’m not suuper overweight but I’m not “where I should be” on the weight scale. My doctor just told me to lose weight and my mom agreed. I started working out and eating better but to no avail, I’m in more pain during my periods when they show up than I was before. I think I’m suffering from some sort of hormonal imbalance, based off other things that are happening to my body, but both my doctor and my mother are saying it’s because I gained a lot of weight in a short time. And somehow neither of them know how?? All of a sudden I started gaining and all they see is “oh lose weight”. I want to try going to another doctor because something seems wrong
I don’t want to scare you, but please see another doctor. One of my friends began a sudden new dieting and exercising regimen because she thought her period was irregular + more painful than usual due to her unusual weight gain (habits didn’t change but scale was going up in weight slowly). But when it didn’t go away and in fact, felt like it was getting worse… doctors found out she had uterine cancer that was thankfully treatable through surgery. Please advocate for yourself and find out exactly what’s going on!
The exact same thing happened to me, for some reason she didn't understand even as a DOCTOR that it's not easy for people with hormonal imbalances to lose weight smh
It's been 11 months since the comment was posted, but you really need to go to an obgyn and not leave until they actually treat you.
If you have PCOS (obviously I can't diagnose you, but sometimes having an idea of possibilities can help in seeking treatment) the weight gain itself can be a symptom.
I may not have a uterus, but PLEASE if you have any major health concerns go see a doctor. Better safe than sorry!
Wow, this is the nicest person in existence. Every time I thought they would say something about the people insulting them, they talked about how they respected their opinions. I've never seen someone so neutral or inspiring.
right?! I t think it's great seeing someone so popular on this platform discussing their ideas and arguments in such a calm and well-thought-out way, whilst not straying to a biased agenda, be it political, general ignorance, etc
*biased or extremist
I wouldn't say he's neutral, because that implies that he doesn't have a stance. I'd say he's respectful, and that he handled this with much more maturity and nuance than many people do. He has his opinions, but he acknowledges that he has room to improve, and he doesn't want to immediately shut down anyone else's view on the matter without giving it any thought.
I think this is the only video I've seen on this topic so far that I completely agree with. Before this, I had only been presented with arguments that were either extremely fatphobic or extremely misinformative, all of which applied a gross amount of control over other people's bodily autonomy. It's refreshing to see a better take.
Quite a few years back when I weighed 110lbs, I had a doctor respond to me complaining about crippling fatigue by saying “you should exercise”. I couldn’t even stay awake a full 8 hours! I can’t imagine how she treated her overweight patients
i use reddit a lot, and the amount of fatphobia there is just disgusting. it's a given, considering it's reddit, but it still just astounds me how much animosity these people can hold towards others whose actions literally don't affect their life in any way, shape, or form.
I agree people there are really mean about it. Typically sexist as well
@@morganquinn716 ofc, reddit and sexism is an iconic duo, after all.
Isn't there a joke about redditors being fat
@@calculoopy I can believe it, honestly.
@Deahot🔥⤵️ TF?
I got literal goosebumps during the last few minutes. You put into words exactly what I've felt for years, and it's so disheartening to feel as if you don't belong anywhere for having a certain body and wishing to change it.
On the subject of medical fatphobia it reminds me of how when I was 14, I started gaining weight rapidly even tho I was working out everyday - I went to my doctor and she tried to have me go on Weightwatchers because she was getting kick backs from them. A year later I switched to a different hospital for primary care, that doctor named Mia actually did my blood work and found that my thyroid wasn’t working properly, instead of giving me medication she sat me down and pointed her finger in my face tried forcing me to recite the EXACT amount of calories in a piece of bread and a potato. I went home and cried for hours. I started making myself get sick EVERY time after I ate, the very next day because I thought I was too fat and eating was the problem. Two years later I got a different doctor, turns out I have a form of hypothyroidism, my body doesn’t burn fat no matter what I do. I finally got on medication and was losing weight even when I wasn’t working out. But now, because of the irreversible damage done to my thyroid bc of those few years of no proper treatment - my thyroid is starting to deteriorate. To say that people need to just “stop being lazy” or “stop eating so much” is so fucking damaging because you have no idea what someone is going through or what their situation is.
P.S: and that isn’t even including how a super sexist neurologist told me to “Get a therapist” when I was falling and having seizures. Turns out I have a rare inner ear disorder that affects the brain in odd ways. 💀
i’m really sorry that this happened to you - it’s blatant medical malpractice and i hope you get better care in the future
My mom got lucky, she has hypothyroidism too, but we already knew that our family has a history of it. My grandma on the other hand, went through something very similar to you experienced. She's still alive and well, but to this day she is very skeptical of doctors.
This same thing happened to me, I was older but I had gained so much weight (50 pounds, and I am quite short) and I really don't eat much at all. I have a family history of hypo- so I went into the doctor's to ask to have him order a blood test for me. He told me just to eat less (he recommended 800 calories a day), maybe fast for 3 days a week and work out more often or maybe buy a treadmill to put in my one bedroom apartment. Then when I started sobbing that I had tried everything but nothing works, he recommended LYPOSUCTION or BARIATRIC SURGERY- over ordering a simple blood test. Upon finally convincing a doctor to test me a week later- surprise! I have hypo. The fact that doctor's don't take you seriously even when the thing you have CAUSES uncontrolled weight gain... is unbelievable. Hope that you have found a better doctor and better treatment now!
Both sides fail to realize that what they're doing ISN'T encouragment.
I was someone who had been underweight for a majority of my life, been bullied and teased about it and I've also been praised for it. The whole body positivity and love your body bs never made me feel better about it because I know that no it is not okay because it is unhealthy and shaming me never made me wanna improve myself but just made everything worse. The only reason why I started to better myself and start working out was because of my PE teacher. Out of our class I was definitely one of the weakest, low stamina, can barely keep up, and looking at everyone else it made me feel like sht, but my teacher never once shamed me or gave me bs, he said "It's *okay* as long as I'm *willing to improve.* "
I was so lost on how to feel about my body, whether I have to right to hate it or love it. I think that's why this is such a hard topic to have a conversation with its a grayscale that people tend to just ignore.
when i was being treated for body dysmorphia, my psychologist pushed body positivity a lot. it took me two years to figure out WHY it was making me feel worse, and land on body neutrality. body neutrality saved me, im so grateful for the person who educated me on it. we should be promoting neutrality FAR beyond body positivity
exactly this. body positivity might work for some people but, unlike neutrality, it has actual potential to hurt people and make them feel worse about themselves.
Maybe females should stop valuing themselves by how they look so much. Why are they always complimenting each other on how "beautiful" they are etc? The very first thing they always comment on about another female is how they look. Then they complain about how "society" and men do this. The solution to being insecure about your appearance isn't pretending you, and everyone, are beautiful. It's not valuing yourself by how you look, so you don't care as much.
Feminists claim women are "objectified" by society, but women and girls today are more objectified than they ever have been in history. This is how females have used their "emancipation". By objectifying themselves more than men ever did.
@Sleeping With The Enemy How is it not women's fault? Female culture is women's fault. Women also raise our children and instil these values into them.
I don't see the relevance of your anecdote lol.
Of course I'm anti-feminist, any sane and egalitarian person is.
"Also your comment tastes like "Yeah women always blame men but its their fault" too."
Not "too", it's overwhelmingly their fault. And they do blame men. Everyone knows females are obsessed with their appearance much more so than men and females criticise other women's appearances much more than men. Females reinforce this culture. Look at Instagram, Tiktok etc. Instagram is a softcore porn site where females compete with one another as to who can be the biggest whore. Every female has bikini pics, uses filters and fakeup, they can't even pose for a normal picture without adopting a sexualised stance (popping their hips/ass out etc).
Girls these days literally pose for normal photos like porn stars used to pose for photo shoots. "Selfies" are a female creation. This is all toxic female culture but it never gets criticised. And if you do criticise it you get called a "misogynist" blah blah blah, and women and feminists sell all this crap as "empowerment" or "having fun". If you speak out against it you're oppressing women and "controlling their bodies", blah blah lol.
Social media is to females what porn is to males. Males are sexual creatures, females are social creatures. Females are addicted to the easy dopamine hits social media provides, the attention and the endless reservoir of potential social interaction available to them.
@@cockoffgewgle4993 So women are objectifying themselves? You really need a bigger sample size. I suggest getting out and speaking to a woman.
@@brianjohnston5221 Yes, obviously. Not just women, girls. This is female culture. Women are raising these girls. Females are dominating social media.
A bigger sample size than Instagram, TIktok, Tinder and OnlyFans? Have you visited these sites? How old are you?
Speaking to a woman would be a sample size of 1, so your suggestion makes zero sense.
There are over a million women with OnlyFans accounts selling their bodies for money, exploiting desperate, lonely, horny men in parasocial relationships. It's no different to a man befriending an old lady and getting her to give him her life savings.
I talk to women. One I talk to makes 40k/month on OnlyFans. She was studying law but she quit to be a whore. Try to find me a female under 30 who doesn't have semi-naked pictures online somewhere.
The problem with BOTH extremes of the debate is that the emphasis is on telling others how they should feel about their own body. It's actually super simple: stay out of other people self image.
It's great to compliment people and support them, but support when you don't feel great is not about forcing positivity, it's about asking how people feel and how you can be there for them.
Okay behaviour: "Hey, you look great today!"
Not okay behaviour: "You have to feel amazing every day and if you don't you have a problem"
Also not okay: "You need to look the way that makes *me* comfortable."
There are no both extremes of this debate. One is a strawman. People rightly mocking "body positivity" and "fatphobia" cries aren't attacking fat people, they're attacking fat people who are claiming they're healthy and promoting it to other people.
.......
@@cockoffgewgle4993 Yea every single person only intends on attacking those people, cause everyone is like you.
Come on bro you should have been on the internet long enough by now to know there are almost always extremes for both sides of an argument. The other extreme that you're denying doesn't actually care they just want an excuse to say some sh*t to people and both wanna dictate how someone lives.
@@cockoffgewgle4993 no I've most certainly scene the other extreme, people get bullied all the time cos their body is fat
@@caramel9154 And?
It blows me away that people feel entitled to comment on people’s bodies. You are so right that both “forcing body positivity” and fatphobia takes away a persons bodily autonomy. If someone is comfortable with their body and their health, that should be respect. The same with someone deciding they want to lose weight.
Overweight people aren't happy with themselves, so we comment on their bodies to wake their ignorant asses up.
@@redblankie1219 No I comment on their bodies because I think it's funny.
@@redblankie1219 youre projecting hard honestly, not sure what else to tell you.
Really agree with this comment!❤️❤️
@@1es782bro talks to the mirror daily
As someone who has a severe facial deformity and has had 10 surgeries so far, i appreciate you bringing to light all aspects of the plastic surgery industry and the differences in certain circumstances that change the reasons for it. Most people only see 1 aspect of it as being cosmetic but you going deeper into the entire issue is what we need. I appreciate everything you have said and i think way more people need to hear this.
“my body my choice” is a phrase most people connect to abortion but i feel like any aspect of someone’s body and what they want to do with it fits in with that too. like if you wanna dye your hair a different color, get a tattoo or piercing, lose or gain weight, anything like that is no one else’s business
Have to agree with you. Why do people care so much what others do to their body? Its not like we’re forcing you to put on weight and dye your hair blue. Literally people of all sizes just want to live comfortably without the rest of society telling them their body is wrong
@Maki Verse very true !! the choice not to wear a mask would just be immoral because that’d be putting other peoples lives at risk. THAT is when it is other people’s business
@ transphobes too
@Maki Verse hell yeah
one of the worst reactions to weight loss i've seen has been the way people react to mark (astronomicalboy) losing weight. i've seen people say it's fatphobic, he's not funny anymore, all he talks about is his weight loss, etc. literally none of that is true. there is nothing wrong with him celebrating his weight loss- he is not saying "i lost weight, so i think everyone needs to lose weight." there is nothing wrong with being happy and proud that you lost weight.
I'm a very thin person who has never been fat in my life. I would guess that most fat people are more healthy than I am because I have several health conditions. I hate hearing people pushing for "health" and demonizing fat people for "not being healthy" and then turn around and just feel bad for me for being not healthy. Choose one! Just because I look healthy doesn't mean I am! And that has no implications on my or anyone else's morality!
Me too, I'm also very thin and I have horrible eating habits, I don't eat enough and rarely eat fruits and vegetables. When I tell people I need to start eating better and exercising people look at me weird, just because I'm thin doesn't mean I'm healthy. And eating better doesn't mean eating less, fatphobic people are hypocrites
EXACTLY THANK YOU
Exactly, I know hella fat people who are healthier than me. It's just a body who cares
literally sooo true. im v skinny and havent exercised in years, my flexibility n strength are horrible, my tendons often get inflamed bc i dont have the muscles to support them, and my arms are so skinny it looks kinda disturbing. but ive had doctors tell me im "obviously fit and healthy" just from looking at me, when that couldnt be further from the truth. my diet is atrocious as well and im vitamin-deficient, i only dont gain weight bc i forget to/procrastinate eating so much
thank you for saying this. peace and love to you
I'm glad you talked about bmi. I'm a 5'2 girl and my doctor told my mom she is worried about me gaining weight when looking at the bmi scale. I weigh 115 pounds and was 105 at the appointment before. After that I started to obsess about my weight and I am still having trouble with it.
I'm 5'2" also. I'm around 110lbs, and i feel a lot better than i did at 95-100lbs. I'm still constantly told how skinny i am. hard to imagine someone about my size being called fat. you know what's best for your body. you might be healthier than you were.
That can be because maybe you put on those 10 lbs rather fast?! Can't come up with a different explanation for that as you're on the low end of the normal BMI range still. Maybe the doctor had a different patient in mind? I like the BMI and it's very accurate as a tool for groups, but your doctor was waaaaaaaaaaay off on their assessment.
Im 5'1.8 basically 5'2 and also 115. This is a healthy normal range for that height though, 5'2 isnt actually short, at least for women.
That is not fat at all... Maybe the doctor said that because you gained the weight fast, but since you were with your mom, I assume you're young and still growing... This is exactly the kind of stuff that happens when you're a teen. Even in late teens sometimes, you gain weight as you mature. Btw, your BMI was 21 which is nowhere near overweight.
@@leela8143 5'2 is short for women, the average height is only 5'2 around South America and East Asia. Though, being short isn't stigmatized as a woman, in fact it is usually preferred, so it's not a problem, but it is below average height for women.
I was bullied for being "fat" when I was 14. Today I'm 28 and still struggling with anorexia. Bullying kids for being fat really ruins lives.
no it doesnt. youre just a weak minded fool. and if you want to discuss this further. I got discord,throw away fakebook acc, instastrippergram etc.
I developed bulimia by 13 because of the same reason. May u recover safely and live a long healthy life ♥️
It really does, I still struggle with self-esteem.
bullying improved many lives too
@@koushik4508 troll
I wish more leftists with large platforms would talk about fatphobia. Its often overlooked outside of the fat acceptance spaces which makes nuanced conversation really hard and also means the average person doesn't usually come across it. This video was really needed, thank you!
Are you saying more right-wingers are more accepting to fat people? Dude, theres WAY more discrimination on the right then there is on the left.
@@Leegendari I never said that? There's definitely more fat acceptance on the left, but there's not really much in either (I mean the right is usually actively harmful). And regardless of how many leftists feel about it, not enough people with large platforms outside of the body acceptance movement use their platform to talk about it. I just wish I saw more of it
@@KiraShirleeAnimates you're right (not in a political way, no pun intended)
@@KiraShirleeAnimates same here, as a disabled person. Disabled / fat solidarity 🤝 "society hates our bodies" gang
@@Leegendari there is no hope for people on the right.
As a skinny women who's had an eating disorder, I appreciate this. You make a lot of points most are afraid to talk about, and just because someone is skinny doesn't mean they are healthy
I just want to say that the "95% of weight loss attempts ends in failure" refers to extreme diets. That is because most people cant sustain themselves forever on 4 carrots a day or something.
If you actually plan out your meals, research nutrition, and count calories, you will have a more realistic and better chance of losing weight. It wont be a 95% chance of failure.
Another very important point about the "don't act like it's as bad as racism!" argument is that fat BIPOC exist too. And the oppression they face from racism is amplified by fatphobia.
This goes for all forms of oppression, too - sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, racism - a person can be affected by multiple of these on top of fatphobia. When it comes to medical fatphobia in particular, especially combined with sexism and racism, it's incredibly dangerous.
Yep intersectional analysis is always super important
People forget intersectionality exists. I will always remember when my PE teacher asked me if I had any “overweight African-American female” classmates in my next class he was going to sub for.
Not to mention the amount of fat poc characters that were created for laughs. (Fat Albert, nutty professor, big mommas house, etc)
Absolutely! Esp with the 'fat black person' stereotype in comedies. It's wack
"Fearing the Black Body" is a whole book discussing to racist roots to fatphobia.
As a fellow fat person, who's also done some weight loss, I'm very happy I've stumbled upon your video, I'll definitely be watching more :) ty for the wonderful discussion you've created with this.
Congrats, I’m proud of you!
Eyyyy congrats
As a person who has a genuine illness that makes weight loss extremely difficult, and weight gain an inevitability… I appreciate this video. I am constantly struggling with health issues brought on by my thyroid distinction. Sometimes I fight hard to lose weight and sometimes I have to take a break from that fight for mental health reasons, and it drives me nuts when people who I know love me nag me about my weight when they have no clue what I go through. It drives me nuts because I NEVER give them health advice, so it’s super exhausting when they give it to me. I believe in balance. You can want to change yourself without hating on people who don’t. You can want body positivity without attacking people who just aren’t feeling super positive about themselves. Mental health comes first…
I know where your coming from
I wish you luck in staying healthy! Keep safe. :)
I feel you, I have the thyroid going on plus genetics plus other medical things. Drove me crazy cause before my Dr caught it it was like every gram got turned into weight, I'd eat so little it physically did not make sense. It's defiantly harder but if you want to do it I know you can if I can! But I know not everyone has the energy or desire to do so, it takes a lot outta you. You gotta take care of you 😊 and sometimes that means choosing mental health first ❤
Even as a larger woman, I've kind of felt weird about the "healthy at every size" slogan. It feels like, when people say that, they're thinking of someone a bit chubby or even someone who's really overweight. I get the sense that they aren't thinking of someone who is dangerously underweight due to poverty, anorexia or a medical condition that makes it hard to gain weight. That being said, I like how you explained the true point of the slogan, so I don't mind it as much now. Even if someone is underweight to a level that could be considered unhealthy, I don't know the person's full medical history and chances are it's none of my business.
it's not "healthy" at every size. It is Health at Every Size, aka focusing on health-promoting behaviours without attaching moral value to your weight or where your health is at the moment (some peeps, like those of us with chronic illness, will never BE healthy, but we can still engage in health-promoting activities that improve our quality of life). It's a huge misunderstand that peeps get about HAES principals. It means not putting weight at the top of priorities and focus on things we know can help improve health at any size. Those things will vary from individual to individual, as they should because nobody is the same, but generally getting good nutrition, eating enough food, engaging in stress relieving activities, engaging in movement to your ability, making sure you get good medical care/take your meds if you need it etc are all health-promoting for pretty much anyone no matter if your weight changes or not.
I feel like both sides show extremist and redundant views.
I'm a fat 18 yr old girl and I wont pretend to know shit but a lot of "fatphobia" I experience is thinly veiled sexism. (Some ppl cant respect/accept women who they arent attracted to so being fat lowers your value to some ppl)
Omg!!! I never noticed this on my own!!! Or i mean i have noticed but never realized. I really let these comments or actions get to me, but its literally just them being…… human waste. This is giving me motivation.
Look at the plus side (pardon the pun): anybody who likes you, really likes you. People who find you attractive because you have a certain body mass are not worth having. Your weight acts like an ass hol e repellent.
ppl have the right to disrespect
anyone.
Maybe they don't like someone who cant control their mouth？
@@BangBang-mm4ow You type like you're 12, so this may go directly over your head, but free speech does not mean free speech without consequence. So, you might have the "right" to disrespect anyone you want without getting arrested, but that doesn't mean you can't get yourself in trouble with non-government authorities or your peers. Remember that :)
"Fat people, if you chose to lose weight, that is a totally valid personal choice that you can make. However, be aware that we live in a fatphobic society, so the reason you're choosing to lose weight may be being motivated by internalized fatphobia."
Holy shit, I've never seen such a perfect way to phrase this sentiment. I honestly think this is what many fat activists mean when they say that intentional weight loss is inherently fatphobic, but they need to start phrasing it this way so that it doesn't sound like they're saying, "I feel that you choosing to lose weight is a personal attack on all fat people."
If everyone was “fatphobic” then no one would be fat (just to clarify I meant if everyone genuinely didn’t want to be fat and actually did something about it instead of wishing they could be skinnier obviously no one would be fat, but there are many people are lying to themselves and others that say being fat is ok and blame it out outside forces and act like if your body natural holds more fat than others because of genes then you should just give up and eat food like it’s getting disintegrated the second you swallow.)
I think the issue is some fat people truly believe there's no non-socially-pressured reason to lose weight. IMO, if you are losing weight because your life would be improved for a self contained reason (e.g. my mom is trying to lose weight bc it's affecting her breathing and joints), that's not inherently fatphobic.
one of my best friends lost about 200lbs because of how much he hated being fat, and after posting his transformation video on tiktok which he thought would only be seen by his followers (family and friends) the video blew up and he got harassed for somehow hating fat people. it just seems like a cycle of hatred where no one's particularly happy, even though the point of all of this body positivity stuff was to make people feel comfortable regardless of what they look like
@@jayjohnson2393 That's like saying "if everyone made fun of people who wear glasses, no one would wear glasses." Like yeah, for people who have trouble seeing, there are alternatives to glasses like contacts or lasik, but not everyone can afford either option, not everyone can comfortably wear contacts, not everyone wants to take the risks of the surgery. There would still be people with glasses, they would just hate themselves more.
@@pranav2169 I definitely don't think anyone on either side should be harassing people, especially for decisions they make about their own bodies. I'm sorry your friend went through that.
As a kid my mom made my entire family participate in her weight loss diets. Constant comments on how much/little we're eating, how our clothes fit, how lazy we look if we didn't work out. A lot more. She constantly projected her insecurities onto us before we were old enough to understand our bodies. I thought I was fat when I was 10 years old and probably only weighed like 80 pounds. I look back on photos of myself when I was super insecure about my weight, and seeing that I was SKINNY made me realize my mom really messed up my concept of my body. I'm classified as overweight on the BMI scale, borderline obese. But the BMI scale doesn't take into consideration that I'm very active and I have a healthy balanced diet. But even though I'm healthy, my body doesn't look that way to fatphobic people. When I got diagnosed with ADHD my doctor put IN MY NOTES (that I had to request for school) "Appears overweight and not very active" even though I had just worked out before I went in. I have chronic pain in my upper back and shoulders but I don't even want to go see a doctor about it because I know all they will tell me is that I need to lose more weight. I'm at a bunch better place with my relationship with my body now, but it's really disheartening that so many people have negative experiences and that the world just doesn't see us as equal.
You should probably talk to the doctor, anyway, to be safe.
@@Groggle7141 ive been to three different ones. I’ve given up because they all tell me the same thing and it’s shit I’ve already been doing
it's insane what the doctor wrote...
My mom was the same way - she had us running 3 miles a day in the 4th grade - and controlled what we were allowed to eat - - my doctor/nurse's notes are f*cked up too - - sending you a hug 🙂
@@Meta.Empress you too! Much love and healing!
My sister got a Lap-Band surgery after nearly DYING because her weight caused a small infection on her leg to push her into becoming Diabetic and fall into a coma for 3 months while she also got Necrotizing Fasciitis.
So, yeah, if someone had tried to call her fatphobic, they would be catching some hands.
body positivity feels like encouraging backhanded compliments. there are certain aspects of my body that I never thought of/felt insecure about until someone said "oh you're so confident," "you're beautiful the way you are" and everything. like thanks for pointing it out, now I'm insecure.
Thank You for saying what I felt. It's so hard to feel that you're being judged because of your weight, no matter whether your gaining or loosing... I don't know. About a year ago I decided to lose weight. And I felt so judged by a friend who follows "body positivist". It's hard, and I hope more people understands the bullying on fat people needs to stop...
I am horrified to hear how terrified people are when I say I’m over 200 Ibs. 200 lbs would be considered healthy since I’m 6’0. The scale is just a measurement of multiple factors in life we never contribute to weight gain or loss. Hopefully we move forward in the direction of body acceptance and understand the beauty of our fluctuating bodies through time.
Not fat phobia in a thread under a comment I thought no one would read💀
I don’t have any concept of weight in “short” ppl bc I am also 6’ tall and when a short girl tells me how much she weighs I literally have no idea if it’s big or small.
I’m also 200lbs and get the same reaction because I’m 5ft and just naturally very abnormally curvy than the considered average
It doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy at all
You are so right!
People can be so uneducated on the subject
Everyone is a different shape and height, and the health scale looks different for everyone
People really should leave the numbers alone
@Legrandliseur tri well I am arab and we are generally bigger with bigger assets than what’s considered normal
I understand why people think that but that’s kinda the problem when it comes to “if you can’t fit in/do something just lose weight” statements
People like me who are healthy will never be the body standards of what’s considered healthy even if we were to starve ourselves, we get included in the fatphobic statements and the oppression that comes with it and yet never included in the bopo movement because we aren’t considered to their standards
That’s what makes this video important
200 is literally not considered heavy
annalyse I’m sorry but 5’0 200lbs is unhealthy
I wanted to mention that I personally have barely lost weight through doing 10 years of dance, so just because some people are fat that doesnt mean they're lazy
I sit on my fucking ass for days and yet im loosing fat like crazy
@@goordaburdandur metabolism can play a big role
@@amanbirbthe4th967 i dont eat anyway so yeah
You will never out excersise a poor diet for any sustainable period of time.
Because lazy doesn’t necessarily mean not exercising it means not making necessary changes to diet and lifestyle to lose weight
As a young trans man the thought of “body acceptance” instead of “body positivity” makes me feel a lot better because I can’t “love my body” if it isn’t my body (yet) so just accepting the body im in instead of forcing myself to like it is way better
thats the hypocritical delusion of trans people and these fat sjws. looks like you caught that though. Trans types like to try to force others to accept them or lover their so called bodies yet they dont love or accept themselves, thats why they want to change
can't actually comment this here, but look up the "you will never be a woman copypasta" and switch the gender
@@danieln.7625 leave trans people alone ..?
why you trans
@@Federal_Bureau_of_Investigatio why am I trans??
Forced body positivity was really confusing to me when I was younger when it seemed like my body kept failing me (asthmatic, severely deaf and endometriosis) it felt like positivity was only earned after fitting in with many societal norms, a lot of which I can’t fall in line with.
Another disabled chick here, and yeah I feel you. Systemic ableism is in fact nasty bullshit, however, sometimes having a body just really sucks, genuine.
@@adrienneczerni6516 yeah I think it’s important to be reassured that you can feel bad about your body sometimes, and that you don’t have to always be of the mindset that your body is ‘perfect regardless’
also disabled, body neutrality is what ive found most helpful. my body usually being in pain is not fun or cool. i view my body as a little meat vessel that gives me trouble sometimes, but i live with it and have to accept it and do my best with it.
Thank you. As a disabled (but not over weight, but once was morbidly obese) person I get so frustrated with the “be happy with what you have. Be grateful. Love yourself always” bs. I can be upset and mourn the loss of my joints. I can be unhappy with my body. I try to see the positive but not in a toxic way. I accept what I have and mourn occasionally and love myself and do what I can to make life better for me. Don’t tell me how to feel about MY body
I needed at wheelchair at 19 and been disabled ever since. I quite positive but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get angry at; my body when it fails me, not being able to do what I thought I could etc.
I hate being called inspirational qnd I know they don't mean it in a negative way but Ivinghoe my life isn't inspirational it's me existing. If I told an able bodied person to be proud of themselves for being so inspirational by living their life theu would think I'm mad or insulting.
Hope you're doing well and I wish you many low pain and good days
This was such a relieving video to watch. I can't tell you how many years I've spent ricocheting between these two movements and how exhausting it is. Every time I attempt to lose weight, I also feel like I have to justify it and make it clear that it isn't about hating how my body looks (... mostly. Admittedly there is an esthetic factor to it, but that's Body Neutrality for ya). Health is such a big part of it but it never felt justifying enough and I've never succeeded in any of my attempts.
Thank you for being to open and honest, especially about your weight gain. Just... thank you. I hope you are doing well, or at the very least better.
I am so happy you are covering this topic! This has been a major struggle for me…. As someone who has both worked in medicine and been a fat person, I find it so difficult to reconcile messages of liberal body positivity and medical fat phobia.
I have also lived with mental illness. When I tell people or speak with doctors or even try to conceptualize feelings about it on my own, it just feels impossible to come to any kind of satisfying conclusion. I’ve always hated my mental illness. And because of its affect on my physical health, I’ve often hated my body. I gained a substantial amount of weight while on a psychiatric medication. Then I would get these mixed messages from people - you just need love yourself, you just need to lose weight, etc. Well, what do I do?? Neither of these are helpful answers to me!
Working in medicine taught me that there are high risks associated with being over a certain BMI. They repeated that shit all the time. And it scared this shit out of me! What if I developed some condition due to my “obese” BMI?? So I wanted to get to a “healthy” weight. But this further increased my already heightened anxiety. Then there were liberal body positivity people that would argue that all bodies are beautiful and nothing was “wrong” with my body. Well, that’s a nice thought and it’s nice to receive affirming messages for self-esteem, but HOW do I love my body?? I hate being mentally ill and what it is doing to my body, so how do I reconcile that? And how do I know what is a weight or size or shape that puts me at less risk for developing medical conditions while also “loving my body”?
This shit is all so confusing. And trying to interpret all the mixed messages is exhausting. I don’t know if there are other people like me experiencing this problem, but I want to say I SEE you and I feel you. Let’s keep talking about this and see what kind of ideas we can come up with that actually help fat people.
Peace and love to you all :)
Can already tell its gonna be a great video!
This is perfect and has made me change the way I think about things. I have been fat my whole life, believed in fat acceptance but in the toxic way, mostly that you shouldn’t lose weight, however I did not ever attack anyone for it as I feel that is incredibly ridiculous, it was more a thought of “well if they lose weight then that’s showing that being fat is bad and then it further drives home that we should be made to feel bad about ourselves”. But your bringing the point of it being neutral is definitely how I feel. I agree that you should be able to do whatever the hell you want with your own body, but I do think if we make weight loss/gain seen as neutral then it makes people more motivated because they aren’t hating themselves. Especially being a woman where size seems to be pushed more on us, seeing averaged sized people like America Ferrara in Ugly Betty or Jessica Simpson wearing mom jeans and then being made fun of for how fat and disgusting they were has made it worse too. I think just like seeing a fat person exist on a tv show and not making it their whole personality (I know people in the queer community also feel this way) would help a lot too. Thanks for this video and hopefully your platform will help further push people toward the right thing and open more eyes.
i lost 150 lbs to be a cute femboy twink, thats uhhh, probably not fatphobic lol
Ooo I just found a fellow femboy in the comments :3
Lord please help these young men
VALID ASF
@@Peanutbutterfellalet people live, peanut man
The world is going to burn and we should all enjoy what little time we have left before we all explode or whatever
God is dead UwU :3
dude as a fat person, i cant agree more with you. my life long best friend has always been skinny and while ive always been larger I was also the more active one, yet ive constantly been ridiculed for being ‘fat and lazy’. Even my old PE teacher made a comment in class when i came third in out long distance test that “ If a girl HER size can beat you in a race we have a problem”. So it was no surprise when i ended up severely mentally ill in my young teens with an ED.
And dont get me started on making people understand how hard it can be to make doctors listen. i suffer from chronic pain, nerve and ligament damage from an injury when i was 12. Ive had 6 surgeries and years of occupational therapy, BUUUTT because im chubby whenever i try to go see a doctor about it i just get told to lose weight. its so fucking hard being fat and just existing.
But i agree too that people on the other side need to calm down. it almost feels belittling when people like congratulate me on being chubby and confident, or ask me WHY i want to lose weight. I’m a grown ass women, can i please just exist without my mere existence being made into a argument.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You remind me of my relationship with my friend who has been fat since we met in elementary school. I love them and never judged them about their weight and unfortunately possible has underlying health problems. Their own family who has excess fat judge each other and call my friend lazy. Their brother who managed to stay fit from physical labour makes them feel insecure about not leaving the house. Really bad mental health in high school caused them to drop out. You winning that race in 3rd place is an achievement regardless of weight, fuck that PE teacher. I'm sorry you went through so much with you own body injuries. Best of wishes and I trust you are doing what's best for you ❤
thank you for making this video!
I had my grandmother tell me, "I don't like seeing you, you are ugly and fat." When I told her she hurt me, she told me that I was weak for not accepting her tough love and that her harsh words just meant she knows what was best for me.
You effectively helped me put into words why her words would never help. Thank you!
The older generation seems to think this is ok. I just don’t understand. They call it “tough love”. What a load. It’s terrible.
tough 'love' is mostly an excuse to be an ass. being mean or downright offensive does nothing but strain a relationship. just because something is coming from a place of love doesn't mean it cant be wrong or harmful. I hope your grandmother sees the error of her ways.
I’m sorry you went through that
That is fucked up
It’s not at all tough love
@@kwclove7623 They're the type of people who look at the overwhelming evidence that spanking children is bad for them and say "they're just too sensitive" just so they can have an excuse to hit their kids
16 years ago I weighed 505 pounds. I shed 300 pounds through diet and exercise. So I figure I have a voice to speak up about this. While I have no issue with most of the HAES folks I've come in contact with, every group seems to be judged by their loudest/worst voices. I've absolutely seen arguments from the community that suggest that any attempts to lose weight are disordered eating, mental illness, and shaming of others. In fact, I've been attacked by fat people for being deluded because I wanted to lose weight, and by lean people for not being lean enough. I've been criticized and, at times, don't really have a "home" with either community. My decision to lose weight was because I would absolutely have been dead already if I hadn't, and it was purely my decision. Others absolutely expressed concern, but that does not mean that they shamed me, they just saw the path I was headed down. At the same time as I set about losing weight, I also finished my BS and started & finished an MBA, worked full time in a middle management role, had a child with my wife, etc. Why? Because I was extremely fat, not lazy. I agree with a great deal of what you've said here - but I echo what Brené Brown has said, "people are hard to hate up close."
Good job, more people like you should have a place in the discussion
I've always wondered what HAES is supposed to mean. All the claims I see are things like
"being fat doesn't necessarily cause x"
"there's skinny people who aren't healthy"
"I may be obese but I go to the gym every day"
And I've always thought "so?" None of that means that everyone of every weight is healthy. Everyone of every weight ISN'T healthy purely by having too much or too little fat/muscle. So I don't get it. But, I have head some people apply it to mental health and how everyone deserves to pursue mental healthiness despite their weight. That I can agree with easily and I hope you've found that even if "your" community isn't always the most accepting
why do you need any communities at all? you're your own person and know the best for yourself
@@greentearain because humans are communal people. We don't need them to tell us what's best for us, we need them to feel connected and whole. At least, most of us.
I’m glad you followed what you, not others, thought for your body. Based on your comment, you sound very happy since you made your personal choice, and I’m really glad you are doing better. I hope you can find a community soon that can make you feel accepted for doing what’s best for you. Sending love ♥️
I am rly impressed how vulnerable your speech at the end was and I think it shows great strength. Thank you for this video!
😂😂😂😂
Saying “just eat better and exercise” as advice to fat people is like telling people w chronic acne to “just wash your face”
Like it is way more complex than just those solutions
It's always the skinny people with a fast metabolism who've never worked out besides running in school
The acne analogy is so good
I disagree on promoting your own weight loss. It's not a "neutral" personal choice. Personal choice, yes, but as you said, we all have a very complex relationship with our bodies and if YOUR weight loss made you feel good, you should be able to share that feeling. If someone reads is as criticism of their choice NOT to lose weight, that's projection.
🙌🙌truth
Thank you, Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf
I think you misunderstand what he meant. He meant people should present it as their neutral personal choice. They shouldn't present that like "this is what I am doing and you should doing what I am too in order to look good or acceptable." Except some radical fat acceptance activists, no one in the internet (and definitely not real life) is going to be pissed at your weight loss.
You can definitely convey that you are happy with what you have done with your body.
However, if you don't frame it in the proper way, some assholes could take that as an opportunity to bully other fat people. Mostly whenever someone telling about his progress also tells others to do weight loss.
If you want to help others who also want to lose weight, you could say it like "for anyone who's trying to lose weight."
I am not sure if I am getting it totally right either but this is what I think he meant by saying we should treat it as a neutral personal choice.
@@Shilpa_Kujur Thanks, great point. Yes perhaps I misinterpreted it.
I do think there needs to be more flexibility in people's minds though, don't always assume the worst. If they explicitly say "you should lose weight like me", then that is fatphobic, but when they just post their weight loss journey, I give them the benefit of the doubt that it's a personal decision, and not a comment on the choices of others.
@@shia_labeouf Yeah I totally agree 👍. It's really ironic when the people who criticize harassing fat people for being fat then go on to criticize fat people, or just anyone in general, who want to become healthier. Your body is your choice, do whatever you want with it as long as you're not destroying it.
Fat people know they are fat, they do not need to hear that from us. If they lose weight, good. If not, also good. We do not know what they are going through and the best thing we can do is to show empathy and compassion no matter what they choose.
the last part really resonated with me because when you are fat no one is there for you in a non fatphobic way and when you try to find help online there are some people that take these concepts of anti fatphobia to the extreme and you are conditioned to either love you body 100% at all time no questions asked and on the other hand to hate it and be disgusted by yourself and it's so unhealthy. thank you for this video i really needed this.