Being part of facilitating a foster disruption when I was 14 is one of the things that made me strongly want to become a foster parent myself actually. Even at that age I knew I had the emotional capacity to care for someone else’s children in a way that I *thought* everyone did. Seeing that some foster carers didn’t (in the specific case I was involved in) made me see the need for me to one day be a safe place for a child. I’m 25 now and I’m just waiting to be a bit more stable in my career so I can get a bigger home and then I am going to start the process to be a foster parent 🤞🏻
I dream of starting a foundation to help and support those phasing out of foster care that don't have that core family support that a lot of people take for granted.
That happened to me too as a teen! I am a foster mom now as an adult (35). (Term “adult” used LOOSELY lol) None of us are perfect! Every case I’ve had so far did not end “warm and fuzzy” HOWEVER those were just endings of CHAPTERS, not the end of the book! I was so sad to have to transition a child into a medical facility, felt like a total failure…fast forward, he was finally correctly diagnosed after stigma and abuse keeping him from standard medical care that could’ve changed everything for him YEARS earlier… he is now a triple major in computer science, full ride scholarship (I’m not crying, you’re crying!) You can do it! You have the advantage of knowing this info that they SUGARCOAT because people quit hard things and they haven’t figured out how to use marketing data to identify people like you and I who are predisposed and actively healing, therefore making us prequalified recruits that they can be honest and transparent with without the fear of judgment or learning curves that can arise from anger at the reality of case mgmt etc that are common with, say, someone who has no experience with abuse, in denial or unaware of abuse, and they heard about this at church and the foster kids will fit right in with my own kids right? 😮 I want to do more as an ally ❤ let me know if you hear of anything!
My biggest dream that will probably never happen unless I hit the lottery is to buy one of those huge condo buildings on the beach in Florida. Basically hundreds of apartments in one huge building. I would let struggling single mothers “rent” the apartments. It would include a free daycare worked by some of the moms (that’s their rent) it would include an office that helps mothers find a good job that they enjoy and that can help them succeed. Free GED classes and certificates for mothers who didn’t finish high school. A counselor for the kids, women, and families. And a cafeteria. The cafeteria will include breakfast lunch and dinner daily. The women will pay what they can and there will be mandatory drug tests and mothers who fail will either have to leave or accept rehab that we will pay for. There will be group activities for the kids and mothers. Maybe I would add a church? Or build one next door for the families who are interested. This place would hopefully be a temporary solution for the families but people can stay as long as they need. My daughter and myself will also live there. And I’ve always wanted to live on the beach. That’s my dream.
When I was 14, the foster parents who promised me “no one would ever hurt [me] again” dropped me off at school at never came back. It messed me up for a while. But I’m a relief worker in the Middle East now-I’m very happy and helping others.
I aged out of the foster care system and was moved 7 times. Never was I moved for any safety reasons involving me (one family abruptly quit after another foster placement smashed up their house) I've gotten in contact with some former parents on social media in part of my journey to make sense of what happened. One thing I've heard is now little information they received and then it really feels like they were stuck with me. One former foster parent said they disrupted because they hoped someone who was a better fit would be found (they wanted to adopt, I didn't want to be adopted) and no real effort was. It seems like all that was communicated was age, gender and other basic info. There were awkward attempts to introduce me to one family and after that it was clear I was not going to be a good fit - so I get why those types of meetings aren't used since it's a waste of time if they don't click. The whole system seems built around trying to hope square pegs fit into round holes and can make it somehow. I was disrupted from one home after they couldn't find a babysitter for me when I refused to go to church and was put into another home where the dad was a pastor where I was disrupted again for the same reason. It seems less like they didn't have enough foster homes but instead that they didn't have the right foster homes for the kids they had. They heavily recruited at churches promoting foster to adopt and then a bunch of older teens ended up in group homes after being disrupted from all those homes. For kids who can't be returned to biological parents, this is where I think disruptions become a bigger issue due to just foster parents not really understanding what they are getting themselves into and deciding they don't want to deal with that kid long term. Those really religious foster parents used that babysitter issue with me refusing to go to church as an excuse, but ultimately I think it was they didn't want to adopt or even long term foster someone who didn't want to go to church and thus I was moved. They expectations those foster parents had coming into fostering someone whose parents had right terminated didn't like up with the way many foster youth feel about permanency. They also didn't want o me for who I was and my interests and hobbies - it was all about changing me, getting me to join their religion, watch their religious tv shows and movies and be the type of kid they expected, not accepting me for who I was. So no wonder these types of placements end so often in disruption.
Thanks for sharing your story! It must have been really difficult and frightening to live in this unstable conditions. You have all my respect that you got in touch with some former foster parents to try to make sense of all this disruption and also for standing your ground in what you wanted and needed (no church, no adoption,...) during your time as a fosterchild. Send you some love from germany ❤
I’m so sorry you went through all of that, and I appreciate you sharing your story. I hope it speaks to some people and maybe leads to some changes in how things are done down the road. I hope you are doing well. ❤
Imagine thinking that you are an amazing person for fostering a kid when you made the kid go to church with you when they didn't want to and you dumped the kid when they refused.
I’m so so sorry for what happened to you… I cannot imagine. I was a very devout Christian most of my adult life and remember adopting (not so much fostering, ofc just my experience) being heavily encouraged bc 1) bc Christ’s sacrifice, a Christian is considered a child of God - adoption is a mirror of what God did for “us” and 2) these kids need the Gospel and what a great opportunity… that’s particularly where a lot of the international adoption comes into play It felt problematic, and particularly in my current religion it’s very frowned upon to force practice on anyone…. but hearing your story makes it more real, and feels incredibly gross. I hope you have support now as you continue to move forward in life. I wish you strength and healing 🤲🏻
We almost had to disrupt bc our foster son decided he no longer wanted to go to church, after having gone with us every week for 9 months. We asked every foster family and family friends in the area if they could take him while the rest of the family went to church... but guess what they all go to church too. Our agency couldn't find anyone either, without it being a 45-min drive each way. That's just not feasible for us. He decided that he'd just continue coming to church with us. He doesn't believe in it, but said it's not a bad time and he'd rather be with us there than with strangers. We're not forcing our religion on him at all, but we're a family with a very busy schedule and simply couldn't accommodate that change. We tried.
I'm suddenly musing about the idea of respite care for biological parents. What would our systems look like if we prioritized providing support to families of origin in the way we support foster families? The idea that foster parents should have support with transporting children to therapies and appointments, but bio parents -- including the most vulnerable of parents -- should figure it out on their own is kind of wacky in a way.
And that foster parents have to go through tons of classes, and have to continue taking classes, and their homes have to be inspected, and they get checked up on by social workers, but the bio families DON'T unless CPS was called and even then cps might not really do anything. And there's stuff like "Foster closets" which has free or low priced supplies for foster kids, but unless you're like the poorest of the poor you can't really get much help if you're the bio family. I'm glad there's all that support for foster families, but I agree with you - if that kind of support was also available for bio families, seems like the need for foster parents might go down.
These are the real reasons it’s truly heinous that anyone could think a biological family isn’t priority but the entire system is set up to ensure the biological families long term failure. Foster care is a for profit business.
This does exist in many large cities and I wish more people knew about them so thanks for bringing it up! It can be called Safe Families or Strong Families depending on where you are. Also I’m seeing crisis nurseries opening in cities which is also helpful.
I agree. My husband and I recently became foster parents, and I brought up this subject up to him. I said, we get a stipend monthly to help with the kids. It makes me wonder if the bio family had the same thing, maybe they could have provided better and it could have helped to prevent the separation in the first place.
Thank you for this! Disruption is definitely a fear as I want to foster or adopt in the future. I haven't thought as much about foster disruption as adoption, and this is good reminder to think about it, and I appreciate the resources and advice!
I'm essentially an unpaid foster parent... I have a little girl who will be 3 next month... I met her birth Mom when she was 4 months pregnant... My oldest daughter and I actually named her, and I started taking her overnight at only 2 weeks old and had her about 50-60% of the time... Then 2 weeks after her 1st birthday, bio Mom left her with me for "a week " and I've had her ever since! I have full legal guardianship and will be starting the adoption process shortly!
My parents were fostering to adopt a girl. They were not emotionally capable of serving her needs. She was very volatile, we got along for the most part but we ended up in a yelling fight one day. I left to cool off for the day. When I got home she was gone. I guess she went on a bigger rampage after I left but I dont think she should've been removed. I still feel so guilty, like it was my fault. I'm still upset with my parents for giving up on her, but I do understand now that they did not have the skills to handle that. They barely could handle me, as their biological child. I just viewed it as a sibling squabble though, and didn't think that would be the last time I saw her. I want to eventually foster when I make a bit more money and am certain I'm ready to be their emotional safe place. I'm so scared of disruptions. Im scared that I won't be able to give the child the support they need, especially if they need more advanced support and I won't find out I dont have the skills until it happens. I don't ever want to do that to a child and the fear is there that it will happen.
I suspect that your experience in this and your self-awareness will mean that you have more skills than you know. I've heard that if you're worried that you're not a good enough parent, then you're more than halfway there. I'd suggest therapy to help you process what happened and to see how harmful it's been that your parents did not include you in the decision. I wish you the very best of luck. I think you'll be great!
@@HunterSethFear can be essential, letting people express it is not inherently a bad thing; not everyone is cut out to foster and Laura herself said she was nervous when she started. Being a little worried isn't bad 😁
Thank you - I'm an early intervention OT provider who sometimes serves foster kids, I had heard the term "disruption" before but had no idea what it was really referring to - so thanks for the clarification and encouragement to our foster families
I had my first foster placement and it was a 2 weeks respite care for a 8yo. His case worker decided not to disclose about the move for some reasons so he didn’t know about the disruption till the last morning when he saw me passing his bags to his driver who picks him to school. I was just following the instructions of the case worker however it was heartbreaking to see the kid’s face turn so sad when he came to know he is moving out from our home.
You just can't lie, you ARE giving up on them! They aren't responsible for the reason they were taken from their families. The saddest thing I heard while giving blood one time was a cute little 8 year old boy accompanying the foster dad an their 6 year old bio child. He was telling me that they were going to adopt him this time, he had been moved 4 times in his short life. The 6 year old snarkily said "no your not!" He went on to tell him he could never be his brother or part of "his" family! The parents I could see treated them equally, raising his hopes to have a real mom and dad. The look on that little boys face made my heart break. You know what? The kids you give birth to aren't so perfect either, some don't even appreciate what they have. So come on, you want to foster, treat them like your own, you are PAID to do so. No one drove my high functioning daughter to all the places she needed to go, nor did we get gas milage. I had two other daughters as well, tough times there was no respite care at all paid for or not!
@@annabrahamson4320she wasn’t the primary foster parent though- she said her role was was only to provide respite for two weeks. She fulfilled her commitment. The case worker didn’t explain everything to the child.
@@annabrahamson4320Did you not read the comment throughly? They mentioned being the respite foster carer, not the primary one. Big difference, even if the child's pain and disappointment is the same.
You have the warmest way of communicating. I imagine that your care is healing for the youth. I was thinking when I was watching your video that I would point out to the children that this is tough in the moment but the big picture is that a lot of people are conspiring to do good to them and move them along on a good path in their life. It may be bumpy at times (life in general is) but they're not alone and they won't be going it alone. God bless you for making such a huge difference in the life of the youth you encounter along the path! 💜
Bringing a kid into your home for adoption and then telling them it's not going to happen seems such a cruel thing to do, I can't imagine going through that
Those poor kids bounce from family to family, all they want is a mom and dad. They are needy children dont treat them like you are a sitter or jobashleyparker1481
the goal of foster care is supposed to be rehabilitation for parents and ultimate reunification. Termination of parental rights and adoption are the absolute last resort, reserved for dire situations - unless the bio parents don't want reunification, but that's rare. People need to stop viewing the foster system as a state funded system through which to permanently acquire more children and assimilate them for their own motives. That's not what it's for. Even traumatized, ab'used children unfortunately want their mom and/or dad. They aren't little shelter puppies to take home and cuddle. I grew up in a bad situation. We SHOULD have been removed. Looking back now, I'm mind blown at how many times police were in our house and we never even got a door knock from CPS. But I know that if I HAD been removed, I would have been further traumatized, unhappy and want to go back to my horrible, filthy, dr'ug addled HOME where my parents ignored us all day.
It is interesting that you spend a lot of time being careful about what you say yes to, and asking all the right questions, on top of other videos you have done that point out you are pressured to take children with very limited information. I remember one video you did where a child (and I think an infant sibling) were being moved from the home because of behaviors, and when you asked if you could speak to the current foster care provider, you were told "no we just need to move them". Respectully (you seem like such a lovely person), how do you handle it when the social service provider is trying to pressure you to take a child, but not giving information? How often do you think information is withheld or behavior issues are under reported, or minimized? Does that play into disruptions?
I’m concerned about foster children in homes (with other foster children) that are disrupted. They would surely find out from the other children that they will be staying, so i would think it would very tricky to explain to them why they have to leave without making them feel like it’s their fault (in that specific type of case).
It seems like that's one of the situations where you probably want to set groundwork with each of the kids from the very beginning to let them know that every child is different, they all need different things, that no one is "bad" for needing things, and it's important that their needs are met. This is probably a good idea anyway because different kids are probably going to be getting support from different services, or getting different levels of support. If they're familiar with "different people need different things and that's totally fine", it's going to be easier to explain that, say, they're better understanding what Joey needs and have realized that Joey's needs can be better provided for in a different environment. Not *easy* by any means, but easier.
Sometimes a disruption can happen from taking a child who has come into care but there is very little information available regarding their needs. It can be difficult because moving kids is traumatic. I’ve also seen disruptions due to extreme behavior affecting biological children or other foster children.
That is MOSTLY what it due to, just keeping it real. There are a LOT of unplaceable kids due to very legitimate reasons-theyre dangerous. And they need long term hospitalization or residential mental health facility but those that will admit children or for children are either nonexistent or few and far between. When u see 10 year old kids, spending all but 2 months out of the school year inpatient in an adult psych ward, for the SECOND time in their lives and case workers have to sleep at the office with disturbed children who are not placeable, there's something seriously wrong
One issue I have seen more than once is when biological parents don't want foster placements to work. Disruptions are welcomed by these parents as 'proof' that the child is 'difficult' and at fault. They feel that having an official care-giver 'fail', exonerates them and frees them from blame. This is despite the fact that the child's extreme behaviour is related to the trauma that they put the child through in the first place of course. They may create an alternate narrative where their own bad choices that led to the child being taken into care, were actually just a result of having an 'impossible' child. The psychological damage this causes to the child is dreadful. And there are biological families who want the child back and tell them that if they behave really badly, they will eventually get sent 'home'. They deliberately sabotage every placement to achieve this and the tactics can be mind blowingly manipulative. They have no compunctions about false accusations, instructing the child to damage, dirty or steal in the placement home. Sadly I have seen care workers return a child to their biological parents because of this and it then became legend for other families who had had a child taken into care to aspire to.
Is it possible for someone to only provide respite/babysitting care for foster kids? Cause I don't think I want a full time foster child but I would love to help kids in need out for a shorter amount of time. I think a few hours to a week or so at a time I could handle.
😢 my sister keep running away trying to get back to our loving parents from a foster home who wasn't very kind people and the foster mom called the sheriff and then the caseworker came out next day and took my sister with her and had her in a respite foster care house with another foster mom and my sister escaped again and the caseworker came out to talk to the original foster mom and was we don't know what we should do keep the 3 girls together since biologically sisters or keep 2 of them here or remove them all in the end the judge decided to have us go to a different place and it was much worser then the first house, the school district was odd for start they were behind the other school districts and didn't understand how we could be in 6,7 and 8 in a middle school when thete district was pre-k, 1-6, 7-8 then 9-12, plus the new foster mom had 5 of us foster kids and 1 of her own children and she was unable to care for all of us and would hit on the ones who gad disabilities often I had wish we could of stayed with the first foster mom
I'm curious what you would say if the disruption was because the foster kid was behaving in ways that made other members of the household unsafe, such as hurting other children or pets. Presumably they would need to move into a home without other kids/without animals, one that could also help them process their own trauma/develop appropriate coping mechanisms/work on self-regulation/etc. But how do you not make it sound like it's their fault? Especially if it's clearly happening right after a major incident
You tell them that it's not their fault and put it back on you as the parent. "The number one priority is to keep you safe and I don't have the skills to do that anymore so we need to find you somewhere that has someone that has those skills to help keep you safe."
I would think you would be in contact with their therapist, while also removing anything or anyone they could potentially hurt until heavy therapy is in place. But to what extent? Do you send your family and dog away? It's a hard question to answer that I imagine many families have to ponder.
a specialized foster home that takes care of kids with a higher level of emotional, behavioral, or medical needs. Often these providers have extra training on specific areas of need.
Being part of facilitating a foster disruption when I was 14 is one of the things that made me strongly want to become a foster parent myself actually. Even at that age I knew I had the emotional capacity to care for someone else’s children in a way that I *thought* everyone did. Seeing that some foster carers didn’t (in the specific case I was involved in) made me see the need for me to one day be a safe place for a child. I’m 25 now and I’m just waiting to be a bit more stable in my career so I can get a bigger home and then I am going to start the process to be a foster parent 🤞🏻
Good luck! 💕
Im sending you prayers you deserve the very best life
I dream of starting a foundation to help and support those phasing out of foster care that don't have that core family support that a lot of people take for granted.
That happened to me too as a teen! I am a foster mom now as an adult (35). (Term “adult” used LOOSELY lol) None of us are perfect! Every case I’ve had so far did not end “warm and fuzzy” HOWEVER those were just endings of CHAPTERS, not the end of the book!
I was so sad to have to transition a child into a medical facility, felt like a total failure…fast forward, he was finally correctly diagnosed after stigma and abuse keeping him from standard medical care that could’ve changed everything for him YEARS earlier… he is now a triple major in computer science, full ride scholarship (I’m not crying, you’re crying!)
You can do it! You have the advantage of knowing this info that they SUGARCOAT because people quit hard things and they haven’t figured out how to use marketing data to identify people like you and I who are predisposed and actively healing, therefore making us prequalified recruits that they can be honest and transparent with without the fear of judgment or learning curves that can arise from anger at the reality of case mgmt etc that are common with, say, someone who has no experience with abuse, in denial or unaware of abuse, and they heard about this at church and the foster kids will fit right in with my own kids right? 😮
I want to do more as an ally ❤ let me know if you hear of anything!
My biggest dream that will probably never happen unless I hit the lottery is to buy one of those huge condo buildings on the beach in Florida. Basically hundreds of apartments in one huge building.
I would let struggling single mothers “rent” the apartments. It would include a free daycare worked by some of the moms (that’s their rent) it would include an office that helps mothers find a good job that they enjoy and that can help them succeed. Free GED classes and certificates for mothers who didn’t finish high school. A counselor for the kids, women, and families. And a cafeteria. The cafeteria will include breakfast lunch and dinner daily. The women will pay what they can and there will be mandatory drug tests and mothers who fail will either have to leave or accept rehab that we will pay for. There will be group activities for the kids and mothers. Maybe I would add a church? Or build one next door for the families who are interested.
This place would hopefully be a temporary solution for the families but people can stay as long as they need. My daughter and myself will also live there. And I’ve always wanted to live on the beach.
That’s my dream.
When I was 14, the foster parents who promised me “no one would ever hurt [me] again” dropped me off at school at never came back. It messed me up for a while. But I’m a relief worker in the Middle East now-I’m very happy and helping others.
Wow how sad is that. Sorry you had to go through that. Glad you're doing well anyway
Fuck, man. That’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so glad you’re happy and healthy now.
You didn't deserve that, I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry to hear that...
I aged out of the foster care system and was moved 7 times. Never was I moved for any safety reasons involving me (one family abruptly quit after another foster placement smashed up their house) I've gotten in contact with some former parents on social media in part of my journey to make sense of what happened. One thing I've heard is now little information they received and then it really feels like they were stuck with me. One former foster parent said they disrupted because they hoped someone who was a better fit would be found (they wanted to adopt, I didn't want to be adopted) and no real effort was. It seems like all that was communicated was age, gender and other basic info. There were awkward attempts to introduce me to one family and after that it was clear I was not going to be a good fit - so I get why those types of meetings aren't used since it's a waste of time if they don't click. The whole system seems built around trying to hope square pegs fit into round holes and can make it somehow. I was disrupted from one home after they couldn't find a babysitter for me when I refused to go to church and was put into another home where the dad was a pastor where I was disrupted again for the same reason. It seems less like they didn't have enough foster homes but instead that they didn't have the right foster homes for the kids they had. They heavily recruited at churches promoting foster to adopt and then a bunch of older teens ended up in group homes after being disrupted from all those homes. For kids who can't be returned to biological parents, this is where I think disruptions become a bigger issue due to just foster parents not really understanding what they are getting themselves into and deciding they don't want to deal with that kid long term. Those really religious foster parents used that babysitter issue with me refusing to go to church as an excuse, but ultimately I think it was they didn't want to adopt or even long term foster someone who didn't want to go to church and thus I was moved. They expectations those foster parents had coming into fostering someone whose parents had right terminated didn't like up with the way many foster youth feel about permanency. They also didn't want o me for who I was and my interests and hobbies - it was all about changing me, getting me to join their religion, watch their religious tv shows and movies and be the type of kid they expected, not accepting me for who I was. So no wonder these types of placements end so often in disruption.
Thanks for sharing your story! It must have been really difficult and frightening to live in this unstable conditions. You have all my respect that you got in touch with some former foster parents to try to make sense of all this disruption and also for standing your ground in what you wanted and needed (no church, no adoption,...) during your time as a fosterchild.
Send you some love from germany ❤
I’m so sorry you went through all of that, and I appreciate you sharing your story. I hope it speaks to some people and maybe leads to some changes in how things are done down the road. I hope you are doing well. ❤
Imagine thinking that you are an amazing person for fostering a kid when you made the kid go to church with you when they didn't want to and you dumped the kid when they refused.
I’m so so sorry for what happened to you… I cannot imagine. I was a very devout Christian most of my adult life and remember adopting (not so much fostering, ofc just my experience) being heavily encouraged bc 1) bc Christ’s sacrifice, a Christian is considered a child of God - adoption is a mirror of what God did for “us” and 2) these kids need the Gospel and what a great opportunity… that’s particularly where a lot of the international adoption comes into play
It felt problematic, and particularly in my current religion it’s very frowned upon to force practice on anyone…. but hearing your story makes it more real, and feels incredibly gross. I hope you have support now as you continue to move forward in life. I wish you strength and healing 🤲🏻
We almost had to disrupt bc our foster son decided he no longer wanted to go to church, after having gone with us every week for 9 months. We asked every foster family and family friends in the area if they could take him while the rest of the family went to church... but guess what they all go to church too. Our agency couldn't find anyone either, without it being a 45-min drive each way. That's just not feasible for us. He decided that he'd just continue coming to church with us. He doesn't believe in it, but said it's not a bad time and he'd rather be with us there than with strangers. We're not forcing our religion on him at all, but we're a family with a very busy schedule and simply couldn't accommodate that change. We tried.
I adopted my son after he was disrupted from a previous adoption placement. Thank you for this video!
Ty for stepping in to support 💛
This brought tears to my eyes, I'm so glad he has you now, and you have him ❤
I'm suddenly musing about the idea of respite care for biological parents. What would our systems look like if we prioritized providing support to families of origin in the way we support foster families? The idea that foster parents should have support with transporting children to therapies and appointments, but bio parents -- including the most vulnerable of parents -- should figure it out on their own is kind of wacky in a way.
Beautiful idea! If I'm not mistake, the organization Safe Families for Children does something similar
And that foster parents have to go through tons of classes, and have to continue taking classes, and their homes have to be inspected, and they get checked up on by social workers, but the bio families DON'T unless CPS was called and even then cps might not really do anything.
And there's stuff like "Foster closets" which has free or low priced supplies for foster kids, but unless you're like the poorest of the poor you can't really get much help if you're the bio family. I'm glad there's all that support for foster families, but I agree with you - if that kind of support was also available for bio families, seems like the need for foster parents might go down.
These are the real reasons it’s truly heinous that anyone could think a biological family isn’t priority but the entire system is set up to ensure the biological families long term failure. Foster care is a for profit business.
This does exist in many large cities and I wish more people knew about them so thanks for bringing it up! It can be called Safe Families or Strong Families depending on where you are. Also I’m seeing crisis nurseries opening in cities which is also helpful.
I agree. My husband and I recently became foster parents, and I brought up this subject up to him. I said, we get a stipend monthly to help with the kids. It makes me wonder if the bio family had the same thing, maybe they could have provided better and it could have helped to prevent the separation in the first place.
Thank you for this! Disruption is definitely a fear as I want to foster or adopt in the future. I haven't thought as much about foster disruption as adoption, and this is good reminder to think about it, and I appreciate the resources and advice!
Ty for your care and for watching!
I'm essentially an unpaid foster parent... I have a little girl who will be 3 next month... I met her birth Mom when she was 4 months pregnant... My oldest daughter and I actually named her, and I started taking her overnight at only 2 weeks old and had her about 50-60% of the time... Then 2 weeks after her 1st birthday, bio Mom left her with me for "a week " and I've had her ever since! I have full legal guardianship and will be starting the adoption process shortly!
My parents were fostering to adopt a girl. They were not emotionally capable of serving her needs. She was very volatile, we got along for the most part but we ended up in a yelling fight one day. I left to cool off for the day. When I got home she was gone. I guess she went on a bigger rampage after I left but I dont think she should've been removed. I still feel so guilty, like it was my fault. I'm still upset with my parents for giving up on her, but I do understand now that they did not have the skills to handle that. They barely could handle me, as their biological child. I just viewed it as a sibling squabble though, and didn't think that would be the last time I saw her.
I want to eventually foster when I make a bit more money and am certain I'm ready to be their emotional safe place. I'm so scared of disruptions. Im scared that I won't be able to give the child the support they need, especially if they need more advanced support and I won't find out I dont have the skills until it happens. I don't ever want to do that to a child and the fear is there that it will happen.
I suspect that your experience in this and your self-awareness will mean that you have more skills than you know. I've heard that if you're worried that you're not a good enough parent, then you're more than halfway there.
I'd suggest therapy to help you process what happened and to see how harmful it's been that your parents did not include you in the decision.
I wish you the very best of luck. I think you'll be great!
Fear is bad don't be scared
@@HunterSethFear can be essential, letting people express it is not inherently a bad thing; not everyone is cut out to foster and Laura herself said she was nervous when she started. Being a little worried isn't bad 😁
Thank you - I'm an early intervention OT provider who sometimes serves foster kids, I had heard the term "disruption" before but had no idea what it was really referring to - so thanks for the clarification and encouragement to our foster families
Your videos are incredibly helpful for people who at the "information gathering" stage of their fostering journey - thank you!
I had my first foster placement and it was a 2 weeks respite care for a 8yo. His case worker decided not to disclose about the move for some reasons so he didn’t know about the disruption till the last morning when he saw me passing his bags to his driver who picks him to school. I was just following the instructions of the case worker however it was heartbreaking to see the kid’s face turn so sad when he came to know he is moving out from our home.
So sad sorry
You just can't lie, you ARE giving up on them! They aren't responsible for the reason they were taken from their families. The saddest thing I heard while giving blood one time was a cute little 8 year old boy accompanying the foster dad an their 6 year old bio child. He was telling me that they were going to adopt him this time, he had been moved 4 times in his short life. The 6 year old snarkily said "no your not!" He went on to tell him he could never be his brother or part of "his" family! The parents I could see treated them equally, raising his hopes to have a real mom and dad. The look on that little boys face made my heart break. You know what? The kids you give birth to aren't so perfect either, some don't even appreciate what they have. So come on, you want to foster, treat them like your own, you are PAID to do so. No one drove my high functioning daughter to all the places she needed to go, nor did we get gas milage. I had two other daughters as well, tough times there was no respite care at all paid for or not!
@@annabrahamson4320she wasn’t the primary foster parent though- she said her role was was only to provide respite for two weeks. She fulfilled her commitment. The case worker didn’t explain everything to the child.
@@annabrahamson4320Did you not read the comment throughly? They mentioned being the respite foster carer, not the primary one. Big difference, even if the child's pain and disappointment is the same.
I love how amazingly open you and Chris are. Wonderful little family😍😍
You have the warmest way of communicating. I imagine that your care is healing for the youth. I was thinking when I was watching your video that I would point out to the children that this is tough in the moment but the big picture is that a lot of people are conspiring to do good to them and move them along on a good path in their life. It may be bumpy at times (life in general is) but they're not alone and they won't be going it alone. God bless you for making such a huge difference in the life of the youth you encounter along the path! 💜
Bringing a kid into your home for adoption and then telling them it's not going to happen seems such a cruel thing to do, I can't imagine going through that
I think it should be a transfer of fostering and after the waiting period if a permanent decision is made to adopt, speak to the kids at that point.
It does but it can also be healthier for everyone including the adopted child.
Those poor kids bounce from family to family, all they want is a mom and dad. They are needy children dont treat them like you are a sitter or jobashleyparker1481
the goal of foster care is supposed to be rehabilitation for parents and ultimate reunification. Termination of parental rights and adoption are the absolute last resort, reserved for dire situations - unless the bio parents don't want reunification, but that's rare.
People need to stop viewing the foster system as a state funded system through which to permanently acquire more children and assimilate them for their own motives. That's not what it's for.
Even traumatized, ab'used children unfortunately want their mom and/or dad. They aren't little shelter puppies to take home and cuddle.
I grew up in a bad situation. We SHOULD have been removed. Looking back now, I'm mind blown at how many times police were in our house and we never even got a door knock from CPS.
But I know that if I HAD been removed, I would have been further traumatized, unhappy and want to go back to my horrible, filthy, dr'ug addled HOME where my parents ignored us all day.
It is interesting that you spend a lot of time being careful about what you say yes to, and asking all the right questions, on top of other videos you have done that point out you are pressured to take children with very limited information. I remember one video you did where a child (and I think an infant sibling) were being moved from the home because of behaviors, and when you asked if you could speak to the current foster care provider, you were told "no we just need to move them". Respectully (you seem like such a lovely person), how do you handle it when the social service provider is trying to pressure you to take a child, but not giving information? How often do you think information is withheld or behavior issues are under reported, or minimized? Does that play into disruptions?
Another great video! Thank you for all the great information you put out.
This video has so much helpful information/tools. I appreciate you. ❤
Ty for watching! 💛
I love you content ❤ I love the work that you do
Ty for watching!
I’m concerned about foster children in homes (with other foster children) that are disrupted. They would surely find out from the other children that they will be staying, so i would think it would very tricky to explain to them why they have to leave without making them feel like it’s their fault (in that specific type of case).
It seems like that's one of the situations where you probably want to set groundwork with each of the kids from the very beginning to let them know that every child is different, they all need different things, that no one is "bad" for needing things, and it's important that their needs are met. This is probably a good idea anyway because different kids are probably going to be getting support from different services, or getting different levels of support.
If they're familiar with "different people need different things and that's totally fine", it's going to be easier to explain that, say, they're better understanding what Joey needs and have realized that Joey's needs can be better provided for in a different environment. Not *easy* by any means, but easier.
Sometimes a disruption can happen from taking a child who has come into care but there is very little information available regarding their needs. It can be difficult because moving kids is traumatic. I’ve also seen disruptions due to extreme behavior affecting biological children or other foster children.
That is MOSTLY what it due to, just keeping it real. There are a LOT of unplaceable kids due to very legitimate reasons-theyre dangerous. And they need long term hospitalization or residential mental health facility but those that will admit children or for children are either nonexistent or few and far between. When u see 10 year old kids, spending all but 2 months out of the school year inpatient in an adult psych ward, for the SECOND time in their lives and case workers have to sleep at the office with disturbed children who are not placeable, there's something seriously wrong
Oh ny goodness, it's heartbreaking to hear what such tiny people experience so young. 😢
One issue I have seen more than once is when biological parents don't want foster placements to work.
Disruptions are welcomed by these parents as 'proof' that the child is 'difficult' and at fault. They feel that having an official care-giver 'fail', exonerates them and frees them from blame. This is despite the fact that the child's extreme behaviour is related to the trauma that they put the child through in the first place of course. They may create an alternate narrative where their own bad choices that led to the child being taken into care, were actually just a result of having an 'impossible' child.
The psychological damage this causes to the child is dreadful.
And there are biological families who want the child back and tell them that if they behave really badly, they will eventually get sent 'home'. They deliberately sabotage every placement to achieve this and the tactics can be mind blowingly manipulative. They have no compunctions about false accusations, instructing the child to damage, dirty or steal in the placement home. Sadly I have seen care workers return a child to their biological parents because of this and it then became legend for other families who had had a child taken into care to aspire to.
I admire what you do Laura!
Is it possible for someone to only provide respite/babysitting care for foster kids? Cause I don't think I want a full time foster child but I would love to help kids in need out for a shorter amount of time. I think a few hours to a week or so at a time I could handle.
Yes , it would be a huge help to foster parents and kids too.
Ty your work is so important 😊
Thank you for the video❤
Ty for watching!
Love the long content videos!! 👏👏
Disruption sounds so traumatic 😢
I‘m sure it is
😢 my sister keep running away trying to get back to our loving parents from a foster home who wasn't very kind people and the foster mom called the sheriff and then the caseworker came out next day and took my sister with her and had her in a respite foster care house with another foster mom and my sister escaped again and the caseworker came out to talk to the original foster mom and was we don't know what we should do keep the 3 girls together since biologically sisters or keep 2 of them here or remove them all in the end the judge decided to have us go to a different place and it was much worser then the first house, the school district was odd for start they were behind the other school districts and didn't understand how we could be in 6,7 and 8 in a middle school when thete district was pre-k, 1-6, 7-8 then 9-12, plus the new foster mom had 5 of us foster kids and 1 of her own children and she was unable to care for all of us and would hit on the ones who gad disabilities often I had wish we could of stayed with the first foster mom
I love hearing about everything that you're.saying that has to do with foster care just saying that now
I do agree with all of the things that you're saying just saying that now
Inspiring ladies
I'm curious what you would say if the disruption was because the foster kid was behaving in ways that made other members of the household unsafe, such as hurting other children or pets. Presumably they would need to move into a home without other kids/without animals, one that could also help them process their own trauma/develop appropriate coping mechanisms/work on self-regulation/etc. But how do you not make it sound like it's their fault? Especially if it's clearly happening right after a major incident
You tell them that it's not their fault and put it back on you as the parent. "The number one priority is to keep you safe and I don't have the skills to do that anymore so we need to find you somewhere that has someone that has those skills to help keep you safe."
I would think you would be in contact with their therapist, while also removing anything or anyone they could potentially hurt until heavy therapy is in place. But to what extent? Do you send your family and dog away? It's a hard question to answer that I imagine many families have to ponder.
I love ur shirt😭
Ty! It’s from Play Spark!
Love your tshirt.
There is nothing worse than being bugged to babysit constantly.
*Never give up, not until the end*
what's a treatment foster home?
a specialized foster home that takes care of kids with a higher level of emotional, behavioral, or medical needs. Often these providers have extra training on specific areas of need.
@@foster.parenting thank you for replying 💗
Is fk smoking cigarettes in home repeatedly after going over rules a reason for disruption
how do you deal with a teen or preteen first starts their period do a vid pleas
Adoption not abortion, please.