Planning a foster parent shower and what you can expect
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ก.พ. 2024
- Today I’m talking about what a Foster Parent Shower is! There are some good nuggets of information and tips for how they work and how important the community around foster parents to be!
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For some reason I thought a “foster parent shower” was about how to make kids feel safe while you’re showering lol! This is so important though. Becoming a foster parent is a bit scary, and it can be so comforting to have a little party. You got this far! You deserve a celebration.
Lol me too
My first thought lol 😆
Same tbh 😂😂😂😂
Don't beat yourself up because I thought so too, even went as far as thinking of what ew gross your not allowed to shower a foster child until you have your license 🪪, oh man I feel dumb
Side note about weighted blankets: watch out if you have small pets! I was reading recently and Reader's Digest for somebody talked about how a pet who snuggled under a weighted blanket had such difficulty getting out from under it that they could have suffocated. As someone with a 3½-pound chihuahua, I was alert to that one. 👀
I was wondering about that! My shih tzu is 10 lbs but quite senior, and also likes to tunnel under covers, so prob not the best choice for me. With her brachycephalic breathing, I don’t even let her stay under loose knit blankets too long.
You have helped me so much understanding the lives of foster parents but even just your perspectives on parenting have helped give me deeper insight into my own daughter. She suffers from a lot of anxiety and your tips around that issue for your foster kids has influenced my parenting. Your very wise and I appreciate how thoughtfully you share your message ❤
Our family throw us a “Foster parents shower” and it was so helpful.
I found this so helpful. My sisters just about to have 2 girls join her family through adoption and I'm keen to celebrate and support her finally getting to start her family. I'm consious it's complex though and don't want to overstep or overwhlem anyone, while also showing I'm here for them. Though this video was focused on fostering I feel a lot of it is equally applicable to those adopting. Thnk you!
I've seen posts on reddit and forums from people fostering to adopt who make these showers out as their replacement for baby showers, and that's sort of uncomfortable since it's not the same. I do really like the idea of these being used to help educate friends & family since that is an area that did get really uncomfortable for me as a foster child since some said some pretty stupid things to me. There was one pastor at a church I had to attend who insisted on calling me by my foster parent's last name - even after I corrected him over and over. I really don't think he understood what foster care was and confused it with adoption. The other thing I suggest is that these aren't just "baby showers" if people are fostering a wide age range. I was 12 when I entered foster care (and in the 6th grade) and so many of the homes I was in had baby and little kid stuff everywhere. I felt like I was in a daycare for little kids and there was nothing for older kids/teens.
Maybe this is just specific to me, but I'll add this since it's something I wish friend & family of foster parents knew. The older bio kid of one of my former foster parents got in touch with me on Facebook a few years ago. She admitted that it made her parents really really uncomfortable because friends & family (and members of their church) questioned why I didn't want to be adopted and it made them seem like I thought they were bad people and didn't want to be part of their family. Their friends, family and members of their church kept asking them when I would be adopted and they had to admit "never" and that resulted in such awkwardness that they ended up disrupting. They didn't want me there long term as foster only since they were getting judged over it by everyone they knew. They had to explain I had a choice and was saying no to them adopting me. I had been placed there as a pre-adoptive placement (TPR had already happened) but no one had asked me about being adopted and I didn't want to be adopted, so they had already told everyone I would be adopted by them and then had to explain that wouldn't happen and chose to get rid of me rather than have awkward conversations.
That's a shame you went through that. I don't believe you should be pressured to be adopted. I was ages 16-19 when in foster care because I graduated later since I was made to repeat 2nd grade after I had been home-schooled, and my birthday is in October so I started school a year later. I was abused by both parents, and was in Residential Treatment Centers/Facilities and child/teen/young adult jail (juvenile detention center) from ages 13-16, and experienced abuse and neglect in those horrible places. Then when I asked about being adopted while in a treatment center I was transferred to a foster home (I was never adopted by anyone, and being 16 at the time I was basically a young adult not being given a lot of freedom and rights, and usually I think young children/infants get adopted, not older children and teenagers/young adults). Anyways, in foster care I was called fat multiple times by both foster house hosts (I will not call them parents), not allowed to take a shower one time (while grounded) for 5 days, was not allowed to get a job, was not allowed to learn to drive, the female foster host told my and other's personal business to others (she gossiped a lot), I was given strict institution/prison-like rules to follow (scheduled shower time, asking before I was allowed to get food from the fridge, not allowed to use upstairs bathroom- except at nite when I wasn't allowed downstairs and I had to be quick since it was the female foster host's personal bathroom, had to be quick in the downstairs shower or the female host would be harassing me to hurry up and finish which made me anxious, I wasn't allowed to use the phone often and I think it was mostly a scheduled phone call I made to my mother weekly- and rarely to anyone else), I was only given dinner/one meal (hot dogs and chips- no fruits/vegetables) in the evening when grounded one time and I was hungry from not receiving a breakfast or lunch (neglect, just like with not being allowed to shower sometimes while grounded), favoritism occured and I was treated as lower than her two sons and others (prejudice treatment), I was screamed at, I was made to go outside in the cold without my jacket (but when I said "This is abuse" she angrily gave it to me), when I was bullied by other foster teens for having OCD/a mental illness and told the female foster host she would not help and I ended up going berserk and was kicked out of foster care months before graduation, but I finished at another school while staying temporarily with an abusive grandmother. Then I was homeless after high school. Now, I'm 36, and I've been living on my own- a single woman- since age 19 of 2007. I still have OCD, depression, autism/Asperger's, and social anxiety, but at least I'm not in teen prison, homeless or in that foster house anymore. Please, don't misunderstand me: I've definitely sinned/made mistakes in my life, and my relatives and the foster hosts did do good deeds in addition to the wrong they did to me. It's not easy for me, but I'm working on forgiving them with Jesus' help, and I do believe in Jesus and God and His Holy Spirit; I go to counseling twice monthly for support. I had some negative experiences, but also positive ones in foster care, and I did get to go to counseling in foster care so that helped me learn I was sexually abused by my parents so I was able to start the journey of the process of facing the trauma and gaining coping skills and learning from the wrong done to me. I am not saying all foster hosts abuse children and teenagers, just as I realize not all parents abuse their children. This was my unpleasant and painful experience. I'm glad to be out of those situations/places. God has helped me through so much in my life. His Holy Spirit showed me I have to have love and forgiveness for people who hurt/betrayed me. Jesus gave me hope, and showed me I don't have to stay bitter. Thank You, for Your love, and dying on the cross for my (and everyone's) sins, Jesus. I love You, Jesus, because You have been my true Family and Friend. To all who went through abuse and neglect in foster care: I empathize with your suffering, and especially so does Jesus. Please, foster hosts, treat the children and teens with love. As it says in the Holy Bible, "Do to others as you want them to do to you." Let's strive for peace and love, like we are taught to show to others by the true example of Jesus.
I’m so excited to see this! I was literally just planning/dreaming up ours last night and thinking: I wish Laura had a video on this!!!
I recommend books to read to the child or read on their own
Taking the child to a library is a great idea. A second hand store has lots of books fairly inexpensive.
So many amazing ideas!!! And a lot of them would work for other occasions where the gift of ideas or someone’s time is more valuable than a present! (I need one of those magnetic picture calendars for grown up married self, lol!)
Love your videos. You might check your local library for museum passes. Mine offers several different passes for local to our community and the larger metro area. They also have stem kits sometimes.
Great idea!
I love your videos!
They inspire so many people
I know many others watching agree to ❤
Ty for watching!
Omg hi
I never thought you would see that
I’m literally so happy right now I love you and your videos so much ❤
@@foster.parenting Hi, Laura! You mentioned in the video putting into the description a list of items one might want to give - or at least, I understood you to say there would be a list in the description. When you get a chance, can you add that list?
My husband and I love your videos! We’re planning on fostering / adopting within the next year or so, and we really enjoy how straightforward and respectful you are in all your videos ❤ I had no idea a foster shower was a thing! That’ll be something we’ll have to do sometime before children come into our home
FYI: the item about whether the kids can go over to the people's house may vary from area to area. My recollection of training is that in my area, there are DEFINITELY limits on who they can be around, etc.
Makes sense
If I am there with them and they are in-county, it’s allowed. There are prudent parenting policies - so check your local policies 💛
Love all your videos, ideas and advice! Thanks for sharing 😊
Thank you-this is so helpful!
Ty for watching!
This is such a wonderful idea! I would be happy to attend one of these events and buy supplies to help!
Keep up the great work as a day care provider it's a lot!
Brilliant idea!!
Love this!!!! Laura have you ever done a house tour (sans kiddos obvi) of some of the things that are helpful for you or maybe bedroom & toy setups that you feel work well when you aren’t entirely certain what age you will be hosting?
Oh wow I didn’t know witnessing abuse was a reason. 😮That makes sooo much sense to why a girl I use to know had her kids taken(by her mother) when they were never abused nor neglected by either parent, neither were addicts either. They were witnesses to their dad abusing their mom regularly. But it’s crazy to me that she only took 2 and left the other 2.
Imagine having that kind of support/community 😢
Not a foster parent, always wanted to be. I have a bio kid and their brother is younger and I love them both, but your advice is beautiful.
How would you recommend doing something like this if your community isn't all in the same area? For example, my entire family is spread out across the country but I'm sure they'd like to participate and help out in any way they can from where they are. I also have a few friends and co-workers who do live in the area who I would probably want to include. Is it possible to do something like this virtually? Or like, a small gathering over zoom and a small gathering in person?
So I'm not a foster parent, and I don't know any, and I guess this question is about non monetary support. I don't have a lot of disposable income, but I am a swim instructor, and I was wondering if I ever become friends with a foster parent what the best way to offer free swim lessons would be. Obviously this would depend heavily on the kids in question, but a lot of kids, especially if they have low income parents, don't have access to swim lessons.
I know a lot of this is jurisdictional dependent. Whether the foster parent has to come, do I need to be background checked, etc... I guess I'm just asking for ideas on how to, or how not to, bring this up to a foster parent.
I think you could create a cute gift card! "Free swim lessons by me, to be redeemed whenever". :) Then they can take you up on it (or ask more questions about it) or not, but they'll know it's an option. Such a giftcard could be given when they first get licensed or when they have a kid moving in. I think it's a really nice idea, and I think making it a gift card makes it easier to not be so invested in the outcome? Because it's just an offer then, and if it isn't allowed or doesn't fit the child's needs, you simply won't be asked to help, and the foster parent doesn't need to say no to you.
@@Janne_Mai oooo, I like that. And it could help take pressure off the parents who might be nervous to ask me to redeem the lesson later on. Cause then it would just be like redeeming a coupon.
What would you do if the child you were fostering was being teased for being in foster care?
It's *really* hard to hear with the music and no captions
You should be able to turn on closed captioning subtitles
@@Rehearsal3434 auto-captioning isn't really a good option. the captions are often wrong, and their timing is choppy.
I ended up turning this video off early 😞
@@coela2616 Agreed
Ty for the feedback! I will try to improve with the next one. 💛
I would also appreciate captions! I know they're a lot of effort but they really help me understand, as a person with audio processing issues
What if you personally have a history of Depression or suicide attempts in the past, does that disqualify you?
Laura, I love your videos so much. I want to share that the music throughout the video is distracting. Especially for those of us ADHDers who tend to watch things sped up (having the music throughout, it gets distorted and scary sounding when the video is sped up.) Love your work and your content!
I think someone else mentioned this. I am sorry! I’ll try to make this better in the future.
Have you taken care of kids that have aged out, if so, how do you handle that ?
Great video! Here's my question. I love the idea of helping foster parents by providing the practical items that you describe, but it also makes me wonder, does providing foster care create a financial burden for families? I always just assumed that the state provided everything that parents needed to care for the children--is this not true? Does providing foster care cost families a lot financially?
They give a small stipend, but it doesn't actually cover everything especially with the inflation. They give barely (if that) enough for the essentials but don't do anything for extras like clothes, toys, extra curricular activities, etc.
Does it cost a lot of money to become a foster parent? Like in licensing fees etc? And do you often find that kids are resentful or unwilling to interact with you (especially older kids). Considering becoming a foster parent in a few years once I'm more established in a job/living situation.
In TN there are no fees or anything to be licensed, but there's around 50 hours of training over 8-9 weeks. It
I'm a former foster youth who was in care from ages 12-18. Please don't expect foster children to be grateful. Many are angry. They don't want to be there and they want to stay in their rooms and be left alone. They may want to interact, but some don't. Some may not want to be part of your family. They are literally told they have to live at your home and may not want to be there. If you don't understand that, please don't foster. Older kids in the system have been burned so many times and can take a very long time to trust anyone. Bad newbie foster parents are one of the reasons there are so many disruptions and foster youth are moved so often.
How long have you been a foster parent? You've clearly gathered a lot of experience to help these littles!
Five years! My content is inspired by my experiences and I also aggregate everything shared from my followers across my channels 💛
I think it’s a little bit strange to gather necessities for the foster child from friends and family, what does CPS give you for a start?
They only give you what the child comes with which is usually a bag with some clothes and toiletries. You get a stipend too that will pay for essentials but it's usually not enough to cover costs of things like new clothes, cribs, cars eats, bedding, strollers etc.
@@Teajay21 ok thanks for answer!
I am 420 friendly (gummies), how does that look for beoming foster parents.
Honestly, I don’t know why parents put their children’s faces out there on social media.