Indeed, Yamba! Dr. Carter supports and helps people so much with delicate and v complex interpersonal issues. God Bless him 🙏💕. God Bless all of us too who are attempting to learn about narcissism in it's various guises (many of us who have had direct and painful experience), to be more educated and empowered, to heal.....🙏💕💕💕💕💕💕🙏
Me too. Back when I first met him I knew what a narcissist was... Narcissis looked in a pool and fell in love with his own image etc. But no clue about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I new he was conceited (had too high opinion of himself) but after we married it seemed like 2 distinct people at times. Truly 2 people. But it wasn't until 2 wks into the marriage that the sh-t really hit the fan. The nightmare is coming to an end now but I don't know what would have happened to me without Dr. C and Little Shamen. God Bless them both. (I have over 100+ videos in my playlist. Now including this one.)
Its true, . Its amazes me how these videos talk to me as if the Doc has always known me. So validating, and understanding. I'm thankful for you Doc. Also, I'd like to add, " no one has ever sat down and talked with me reasonably about what to expect and how to relate" , I find theses words to be the resolution to the generational deficits in behavioral and emotional inheritance. It stops with me. That being said, what is "reasonable"? I love team healthy and all the values that live here. Thank you for everything Dr. Carter. I feel like you are talking to me often. Its working. I feel peace in learning these . Tyvm!!
He scared me. He didn’t hurt me physically but when he turned into that other person - with all his demeaning, bullying, uncaring temper tantrums & silent treatments - I would feel alone with a complete stranger in the house. It was scary! Now I know he was just a spineless, cowardly blowhard. Dr. C saved me. I am forever grateful for his insight on these creatures.
Exactly the same...I feel for you...I read a lot of comments , yours triggered me. He " changed " once I moved in with him, far away from my family and friends. I m still in shock after his revelation of character! Are you over him? Sorry If I ask too much..
@Vaya Sarri I was with one for 11 months and I was so much inlove with him! He discarded me and for me it took 4 months to be totally healed from that love! I completely forgot about him, even though I looked on a fb page where I saw him often it didn't touch me at all anymore! But I needed my 4 months! I'm so greatful that GOD took him from my life!
@@Hisunworthyservant Thanks for your answer. I was with him for 2,5 years in distance. I hope I ll reach this state of indifference as you. Ofc I m lucky God saved me. I m very happy for you. I m not there yet. I still grieve for my hope and loss . He was never there.
That's exactly what I was dealing with. My husband passed away 3 years ago. He got a little nicer when I was his caretaker for 2 years. However, the last sentence he spoke to me was in anger. "Why don't you shut up...." I had asked him if he was ok. Proves he never could stand me. I'm mostly over it now thank goodness
@@vayasarri1186 sorry I missed your comment until now! I did suffer terribly over the loss of who he pretended to be. I could not have grieved any more if he had died. Same as you, two years long distance… was just completely love bombed - he was wonderful. BUT then when I married him & moved in with him far from friends and family, he changed immediately. I couldn’t believe he thought he could bully me and get away with it and he couldn’t believe it when I walked out that door for the last time.
ADULT TODDLERS! Recently read somewhere: “To the narcissist, REALITY is aggression.” This has held true in all my memories of interacting with those on the spectrum; they enter their defensive mode instantly. It’s not my job to fix them. 🤷🏻♀️
@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS really? I would love to know how this is applied and encouraged. At that age, how does one know they need to attend this? Under what premise?
What about the Grow groups? That can help some people and there are books from the Grow groups. When one does the test in the book it can show how a person is so inapt to deal with life. Have seen it with a person.
For years I thought my CovNarc had at least two personalities. I never knew which one was in my presence. To fully combat my issue, I removed myself so not to encounter either. I’m lonely now but life is better. I’ve followed the Great Dr. C now for years and his valuable insight helped me get to this point.
Me too I looked at one day and thought who is this ! I never saw the look of pure hate and Malice before I found out what he was doing his gas sorry I can’t find a name of it and then it got really ugly and I just think maybe he has two personalities
Dr. C., Though you have completely described the inner thought process of the narcissists, they are still nevertheless rendered EXTREMELY DANGEROUS & TREACHEROUS toward their targets. Destroying their victims literal lives appears to be their path of least resistance. Mind blowing. God help us.
Yes, I experience that also. From other research it seems some of these damaged people are also psychopaths and believe my ex is a psychopath. He has completely changed the story to accuse me of things he did. Totally counterfactual.
@@wildhorses6817 my husband ALWAYS blames me for starting everything. I was in a happy mood, heard the robo sweeper sounding funny and said to turn it off to see if something was caught in it. He got extremely angry. Asked him why he was so mad, he started his “you are always right, I’m always wrong, I know what I’m doing, I’m not a child, you always think you are a school marm.” Said he wanted it to finish the cycle. Keeps talking over me “your right, I’m wrong, you know everything, bla, bla, bla” till I can’t say anything and then the curse words pop out of me. All he can focus on is my filthy mouth not that he started anything. Then he uses things other abusers from my past said to me. So emotionally abusive. Next day he is back to being “wonderful”. I’m 75 and sick, where can I go? Was married 19 years to an abuser, single 15 then married this one for 20 years. Should have divorced but had a breakdown and got sick right after we were married. Found out truth about his lies from before and other life changing things happened. Thankful for the kind Dr. C videos.
@@kimbates9715 I'm living at my daughter's house at present since covid. Her son does not want me here even though I help them many times with their children. I can't afford to live alone, so I'm thinking of trying to find roommates that have shared experiences...and share expenses. But then I'm so afraid I can't see it through.
I've always felt like my nmom was a child in an adult's body. But even when I could see through some of her behaviors, they still ended up affecting me and causing me to doubt myself regardless. Thank you for bringing me back to reality. This is how pathetic they really are. No one who's as stable as they pretend to be would behave the way they do.
I just got a text from my ex, and it almost made me sad. Then I listened to this. And I reread that text. And I realized it didn’t say what I thought it did. It almost sounded sensitive and insightful, but that was what I wanted to see. It really was just words that said nothing at all, nothing of any real substance. It was empty. It was him pretending to be a a sensitive, insightful adult - the pretender adult. Thank you for this very timely message. I am back to reality now.
Excellent video! The more we know about these troubled individuals, the more strategic we can act around them. For example, I know now not to try and change the narcissist or try to make them into a better person. Not gonna happen. They are not growth-minded individuals. They want to keep their minds firmly rooted in their alternate reality where they reign supreme. They also have no interest in equal partnerships. They must subjugate and conquer.
If the narcissist chooses to change, it will be his or her decision. Your input is irrelevant. I continue to wish the best for you, as well as for your associate.
Yes and these dark souls fill all senior housing places. They divide and conquer 24-7 through gossip.lies.slander and hate you more if you don't play and ignore them. Very toxic old people!
exactly! I've worked with children all my life & when you confront a narc. you see that momentary look of confusion & shame, only to be replaced with defiant defensiveness. Almost angry at you for making them feel that way.
Thank you once again Dr. Carter! How exhausted the narcissist must be as they live this way. I do have sympathy for them, however I can't show it to them, or they'll eat me alive.
I have NO more sympathy left for the evil, selfish, demanding, and very twisted narc. I'm completely depleted, mentally and physically. I've moved on, all I want is peace, period!! And I'm gonna get it.
Same here. Feel sorry for dad at times. Then remember my mother's attempted suicide, divorce, remarriage to him, and me turning to drugs. Inevitably I get angry. Then after a while I feel sorry for him again. Go figure? You have a good heart. Don't waist it where it's not appreciated.
This describes my mother perfectly. I’ve tried to let her know it is safe to bring her guard down around me, her only child, to help salvage what little is left of the relationship we once had, but she refuses, deflects, and refuses to take accountability . The part about leaving these people in the dust truly resonated with me as I prepare to go no-contact for at least the next 12 months. Thank you Dr. 💜
I'm in the process now, it's a difficult decision, but must be made for my protection from abusive and false accusations, and for my physical and mental health. It's way past due I know. It helps to know I'm not the only one, but sorry for us all having to deal with this terrible situation.
I am assuing you are female and i find it astounding that a woman wouldnt want a healthy relationship with their ONLY daughter , their pain must be so strong, . i am a man and have never had a decent relationship with the person who spawned me. (ive just written to her telling her to stay away from me for the mental health of both of us) i think i has something to do with them worrying that if you are SO adult they must be moved into the position of child. either way we are much better without these people .
@@stephanieo222 I hope you are a woman of faith...I journal and usually end it with a prayer. There is something somewhat healing about writing God a letter. So far he hasn't written back, but I'm sure there is a plan he has for all of us. God bless sweet friend.
Such a gentle and accurate perspective here, to view as a small, confused child and misguided, pretender adult. Finding I am less & less likely to address someone else’s behavior yet I continue to find strategies to protect myself from harm. Progress here is exceedingly slow and could never have begun without many, many hours of instruction from Dr Carter and other professionals who make this information available to the public .
Trying to understand the narcissist will not lead you to peace, especially if you are on the receiving end of their conflict and confusion. They offload all of their issues and need for perfection and expectations of perfection and "acceptability" on the person that is their scapegoat and whipping post. My sister and I grew up in the same household. I feel for her tremendously and can empathize, but instead of her dealing with what we both suffered, my sister is committed to carry on the tradition that my parents started, that she's the good daughter, and I am the bad daughter. I have abdicated this very limited role of abuse. I am doing everything possible to be at peace with this abusive and controlling past. I do NOT want to be a bitter, vindictive, hateful person that constantly feels what my sister feels toward me. I love my sister. Nothing is going to change my love for her. I do not feel like or want to treat her like she's treated me. I do not expect empathy or openness from my sister. She can only do that on a superficial and perfunctory level. The show she's put on and her "brand" or facade is as confusing and conflicted as she is. When I am banished, her flying monkey husband becomes her whipping post and scapegoat as soon as she is stressed. Being banished is a blessing in disguise, especially this time around. Sad that it's taken me this long to find peace and be able to finally be objective. Sad that I had to realize that I was not the bad daughter and I needed to stop assuming that role on any level because nothing appeases narcissists. One cannot be at peace in life if they feel vindictive, hateful and bitter toward narcissists but in order to genuinely free yourself from a narcissist's control and abuse, you have to free yourself and stop making excuses for why you cannot remove yourself and get a better objective view through self-examination and the examination of the dynamics created with narcissists and those in relation to both the narcissist and self. You have to be able to be alone with your own thoughts and without a lot of subjective thinking but more objective thinking and facing the truth and the part you play. What role do you want to play? If that role makes things worse for others and self, you may have to reassess and try what works for peace and well-being. I find alone time, reflection and reading the Bible bring me a lot of peace. Everyone needs to find what brings them peace. Do not seek your peace in other people. Find and make that peace in yourself. I have found my peace and strength through God who strengthens me in all circumstances.
Happy that you came out of the situation in which you were in .... praying for all innocent victims to realise these disorders and find their way out from these hells for a peaceful life 🙏
@@nancysayad9960 Amen! Happy for her as well! When it's really the narcissist that needs help, even more than the few of us that have found help thru doctors like this. Seems to be more narcissist in the world every day. We all need Christ! My own sister won't even talk to me about Christ other than if I bring it up and refused to believe me about my childhood abuse. I was 10 yrs younger than her.
When I growing up and even into adulthood, I always felt like I was on the outside of my family of origin, looking in. I never felt accepted as part of the family. Then 10 yrs ago I went under hypnosis to help me connect better with my higher self. What I found out was I suffered from a broken heart (yes, just like in a good Country sob song). I had a long cleansing cry, then decided to pull up my boot straps, kick their butts to the curb, & start being kinder to myself. Oh, the antics they have come up with trying to get me to respond. Nothing they do surprises me anymore. Sad, indeed!
when i was a little kid and we went out for the day , i used to try and walk off with other families, because they seemed normal , never worked i was always returned to the silent house where no one talked .
My wife is a pretender adult. She identifies as alot of things she isn't, but one of them is being the most awesome mother. As a parent, it is your responsibility to raise your children to go out in the world on thier own and create thier own lives, not stay at home and be coddled well into thier 30s and beyond. Not to mention, she has two other sons who have broken away from her and hate her for her controlling and manipulative ways. She has to keep her adult children (not my children) in our home out of fear of loss. During the love bombing stage of our relationship, I expressed my concern for her adult child still at age 28 still living at home and she reassured me that she was working with him to get him out on his own. Fast forward now four years and she unilaterally decided that the kid would "leave when he was ready'". During the devaluing stage, she would tell me that I am the only person that has a problem with her adult son still living at home and not contributing. Testing that theory, I would talk to just about anyone who would listen, explaining the situation, and NOONE thought it was even remotely reasonable that the kid was still at home and not contributing. When I disagreed with this decision, she would go ultra-defensive on behalf of her kid, but could never justify why he was still there, only stating that 'things have changed". Ultimately, her fear of losing her child (to the world at large), she pushed her husband away with her lack of empathy and silent treatment punishment. i fought tooth and nail to try to get her to compromise on the issue, but in the end the only way she could get me to shut up about it was to get a PFA against me and have me ejected from the home along with a one year no contact order. Discard complete.
All I can say is “Wow”! This is the best description I have ever heard of the narcissist in my life. I ve said I’m dealing with a child inside an adult body. This just validates the damage I suspected was inflicted upon the narcissist and his seven siblings. This explains it so well, thank you for validating my feelings. I will continue to be myself, for many years my spirit was broken, I thought it was me who deserved the criticism, verbal abuse and lack of respect from my partner. However, with therapy and videos like yours I have found my voice and will never again subject myself to being mistreated. I will do it with dignity, assertiveness and pride because I am a healthy individual, not damaged goods like him (my husband). Thank you so much.
My wife was emotionally abused as a child. I believe that caused her to be a passive aggressive narcissist. I think she is very insecure but puts up a brave face. I feel hurt by her words and actions but have come to feel sorry for her too.
We all are narcissists. Narcissism is a spectrum. But those who we call narcissists had more traumas than us. They want to be set free but don't know how. They're having such a struggle bc of two personalities they have in. Great insight. Deep work they have to do to be free from those entanglements.
"Videos such as this" 🙂 are immensely valuable in helping me understand and make sense of my experience, and detaching further from the abuse. I struggle though, like someone else mentioned, to imagine having a relationship again after this. It doesn't bother me, because a quiet life is no doubt preferable to the roller-coaster of fakeness, but I sometimes wonder whether and how this can be overcome.
Don't lose hope on finding a better partner. My ex-wife (who suffered from childhood trauma described in this video) transformed into a evangelical Christian to heal. Became a religious narcissist. I (a secular non-observant Jew) supported this for 15 years: attending church services (in a language I couldn't understand) participating in church activities, and never once objecting to her path. Eventually, I was told I'd be going to hell. Talk about 'not fitting into her grooves' (as Dr. C would say). I was so clueless, I couldn't even recognize the stonewalling for what it was. Anyway, I eventually made friends (outside of the church people) who actually liked and accepted me as I was. And yes, I met a woman who thought I was a great guy--just for being me! What a revelation--who knows how this new relationship will work out? You're watching these videos; that means you're on Team Healthy, and growing as a person. You'll attract a better person if you so choose--someone who can love and accept you. As Dr. C says, "You didn't deserve this." That means you deserve better. I wish you all the best.
@@michaelfox9750 Thank you so much for your kind words. It's wonderful you've been able to form new connections and even find a new partner. Yes, Team Healthy is the only team I want to be on. Like you, I had no clue what any of this was while it was happening. I didn't know my way around in the abuser's web of lies. Fortunately, I've always had my own circle of friends (he didn't have any real friends, just people to get drunk with), but I stopped confiding in them at some point when I felt too ashamed of still hanging on to the abuser. But they were there for me when I left him. It's insane how they can isolate you, I never would have thought it possible.
it's nice to see you have fun when talking about these kind of things, it's not what i came here for but it's thing that keeps me coming back. "if i make a mistake, get ready for battle because i'd rather get bruised and bloody than ask for help"
Thank you Dr Carter! You are the beginning of my day and you set the bar for me. You lessen my troubles and confusion in ways I can not fathom. Absolutely the best advice I could have ever hoped for, these are hard times in our world, and when you know better, you absolutely do better!
Ha! I knew I wasn't the only one who makes Dr. C part of his/her morning routine! I've learned so much, but still (sometimes) regret not knowing what I didn't know when there was still a chance of saving my marriage. It's a hard road
Acceptance of what will not change is so freeing, albeit disappointing, but based in TRUTH! DRC always! Have a beautiful week! Thanks as always, Dr. C 🙏🏼
I recently quit my job of nearly 10yrs. Before quitting, I informed the top brass, I would likely be leaving because my superior was a "big giant man baby, who doesn't like to be told what to do", not to mention a disregulated rage monster, whose disproportionate responses to reasonable requests, range from indignant to the verge of assault! When he was called out by the top brass for being "intimidating", he seemed to be almost proud of it.
My narc was the company owner who wore his bullying personality like a badge of honor. He was a pretend man who had the business given to him by a family member who was not a blood relative. Many of the employees had more real business experience than he did.
Most narcs don't seem to understand the difference between a compliment and an insult. They wear insulting terms as a badge of honor. I'm guessing it is because it gives them some sort of an identity-one that they deem 'powerful'. Many narcs take the word 'psychopath' as a compliment! Weirdos!
They put you down so that you think, "OH, He never likes X, Y, or Z....He can find fault in anything. So he must have REALLY meant it when he gave me that compliment yesterday!" Sad....they train you to look at a crumb like a 5 course meal. And let's not forget, it's all about their own inner dialogue - negative, negative, negative, I'm the Judge, I know what's good and what is not. I'll tell you what works and what does not.
Unfortunately all the narcissists in my life have been/are in positions of power over me. And I think that's part of the narcissist's game - being in power!
The most profund description about the theme! In fact, it”s the persistence of a child, already an inconsistent child, in the the adult. Worse, the brain uses mechanisms of the racional part, learned behaviors, that make it more insidious, dangerous, etc…
You are a gift Dr. Carter. I was married to a narc a total of almost 26 years (the discard took place at year 23). It has been one heck of a journey towards understanding what I was struggling against. To think that I spent a total of almost 29 years trying to get such a person to trust that I was not “out to get him” but simply trying to live and build a life with him. We came from two very different backgrounds and my younger self felt I could love him to a place of trust and peace. I completely wore myself OUT trying to do so. It makes me sad what I was reduced to in the end but I now count it as a bullet dodged that we are no longer together. His life continues to be one of chaos, deceit and drama (from what I witnessed during the divorce proceedings) and I never wanted any such state for MY part. I am now working on restoring my personal sense of peace and order and doing a VERY deep dive on how in the HELL I ended up with such a person. All of us who have really need to stop and figure OURSELVES out. I don’t know about anyone else, but, as I reflect, I know I saw red flags everywhere, I just chose to disregard them and hitch my life to my ex. I don’t totally regret it because I got some fantastic kids out of it, but I truly dislike having to say that I am now a divorced person. So much work and love and care poured out. . . to have it end there? Sad. Had he been willing to get help, I would have seen it to the grave. But a narc never wants to work on much of anything. It’s ultimately a dead end. It really is important to understand what a narcissist is and how they operate because they will destroy your life if you don’t catch it before it takes root. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE . . . Gain understanding.🙏🏽🙏🏽
Great question! I've always been taken aback whenever my self professed empathic friend would never address seniors or elders like our culture would demand but she would say that she does not see the relevance of culture in showing respect through "proper / demand of culture" address. Also I admired and sometimes be left speechless that she is able to walk away from people if she doesn't like them or their vibe when I on the other hand would be left embarrassed for her actions and try to cover for her behaviour. I'm not sure but I feel like I've been dealing with a narcissist according to this, am I right to assume that? Also I've been feeling weird about my true feelings for our friendship lately and trying to educate myself through channels such as this which I'm ever thankful for. Feeling like I am gonna be able to put the pieces together.
I found that they dont have Space in their reality for respect. Peoples minds/reality have collapsed and their world has become much smaller. All 6 of my adult Children in a shared psychosis. They cannot even sit in the same room as me. They will look away to maintain the picture in their mind. They no longer discern Satanic pictures! Signs of the times?
I had another interaction with a narcissist this am...as he responded in his usual blaming/ blow up and during it I literally could imagine Dr. Les saying, And here is perfect example demonstrating everything I have been talking about. LOL
Dr C great advice I have been in counseling since I was 20 yrs old ! I will be 70 soon. Almost all of my childhood I was abused,as I think back my dad had narcissists behavior’s on top of being alcoholic! He died young,then I think my mother from all the stress she had mental disorders, almost narcissists behaviors at times, she had a awful childhood too ! So I know she became very physically abusive toward me. I actually have flashbacks still to this day of the abuse. It’s a wonder at times I survived the abuse. Back when I started counseling the counselor said your stopping the cycle of abuse you made a brave choice getting help ! I thank God almighty he lead me in that direction in my life! Thank so much for reaching out to people like me with your videos and help!
Thank you so much for this. This explains so much. And confirms much of what I suspected with my narc. It's sad. That's the problem with being an optimist. You hope they will grow and change. But it took me over 20 years and vids such as yours and others, to hellp me see that it's time to stop beating a dead horse and let it go, and work on getting myself healthy. I've been binging your vids and they have been so helpful. Thanks for all you do for so many of us going through this!
This really helpt me understand about my narcissistic ex and his behavior, I also know about his childhood and I can now see how his upbringing as a child made him to that confused child and how he understood that he could get whatever he want through out calling other, yell loud to control everything around him and make everything always about himself and find others insecurities to make them feel bad about themselves and make somebody else the problem.🙏🏻
This SPEAKS VOLUMES to me as I walk thru this painful but EVER SO FREEING divorce process from a 14 yr marriage to a Malignant narc. THANK YOU DR CARTER for sharing Your God given gifts to the broken world. THIS VICTORY BELONGS TO ME!!
My mother was married 69 years to a narcissist. I think this is a big reason why she got Alzheimers - the stress was never ending with regular huge blowups. So you just might be saving your health by splitting up. Good luck!
What is fascinating is that they call their anti-love Love (lies).. which according to us.. is based on truth. To them truth is hate , wicked and judgemental.
Dr Carter , just listing to your videos gives me so much strength and peace at the same time . Just to know that I am not alone in this journey . These are really troubled and sick individuals. It has taken me a long time to understand that this is not on me. No matter how hard the narcissist tries to blame shift everything on me, I can now see right though his tormented mind. Thank you for everything you do and for all the “Kind” souls you have saved.
Bless your heart I love you for your insight and wisdom. You are helping me immensely as one who has lived my whole life with narcissists and was totally confused by the behaviors. I love team healthy. God Bless
Having to comb through the inevitable problems of irresponsible behavior by the narcissist, and then listening to a rant on how responsible they are...
lol...They are just trying to remember their last lie in case they need it to defend themselves when you confront them on something uncomfortable. I've seen it way too many times.
For myself I'm not entirely convinced it's an entirely a matter of nurture - I think if narcissist were made entirely by nurture then when they grew up and encountered fragmentary pieces of care, support and love in the general world (and it is there, spread around) they would start to take that in and change to some degree. And from various accounts some genuinely loving people have had some really difficult childhoods, while some really difficult people have had some very loving parents in their childhood. It is tragic that there's a little, very naive kid in there who wants even just the basics of care but can't get it for how this 'protective' false adult in them jumps in the way and tries to be in absolute control. Not everyone abuses vulnerability, even if the narcissist seeks to do so every time.
Thank you for continuing your channel despite your retirement! Never gonna please everyone; be authentic. Reality is an aggressor towards their fantasy life. Fake image of strenght or pity play. Whatever they do or say speaks volumes about them. Rigidity often seen in personality disorders- it doesn't work for every situation but they don't know that or want to put the work in.
There is a person that I'd like to know, and these very things that you (Dr. C.) mention are what keeps me at a great distance from them. Thank you for teaching me how to practice mental self care.
After leaving two narcissistic parents and a relationship w/ a (former) partner w/ NPD, I just can’t help but think I would have done it sooner if I had encountered these resources - and your guidance - earlier. No regret, just a reflection. You are a godsend, good sir.
Dr. Carter...Between my narcissist sister and brother (two years apart in their 70's) and me....65, they still talk to me and think of me as that bothersome and ignorant little sister of their youth that desperately wanted to be like them...or play with them...or talk to them. I listened to your list of questions we might have asked ourselves as a child...and I could relate to much of it...loneliness was up there (we were military and often lived in foreign places with no American neighbors)...but the one you did not mention that probably was the top of my list was "sadness". Sadness that they did not seem to want to accept me as their sister. After they left home and married young, I married after college and had a relatively happy life with only seeing them occasionally. Our father died 18 years ago, and when my mother began markedly declining at the age of 90...I naturally just gradually started helping her as she needed it. As it turned out, my brother and I lived with her for different reasons. He divorced and even with a successful Master's degree, he refused to seek employment and contribute to his expenses. I had s life-altering medical problem that put me on disability and I had to go through a long rehab. Regardless...he did nothing to help my mother as she aged...he became a recluse, but had total control over my mother...gaslighting her at every turn. In 2015 he had been living with her for 10 years and had no plans to move out...even living in the master bedroom with his own private bath. As my mother slowly declined, she wanted desperately to sell her house which was impossible with him there. This was the pivotal moment where her life was thrown into a nightmare by my brother and sister. Due to the condition of my brother's living space, she had no control over getting her house ready to sell as the master bath and his room was filthy and disgraceful. She and I talked about getting an apartment with two bedrooms and telling him he had to relocate. He just dug his heels in and garnered the support of my sister who lived 600 miles away. (I'm so sorry...so many details here....and many more I must leave out.) Neither needed her money (modest estate) to live, but they declared I had hired an attorney that I colluded with to steal her estate holdings. I was not even interested in discussing her estate, just getting her in a safe and comfortable place so she could downsize and live out her life in peace. She may have had mild dementia and knew it, but she did not have the ravages of Alzheimer's. Their answer to her decision was to sue her and have her declared in court to be incapacitated! God bless my mother for what she went through for eight long months with this burden on her by them. She loved all of us, but she completely understood what they were doing and was broken-hearted by their actions. My sister was involved remotely, but my brother continued to gaslight my mother because the court had ordered her to schedule private visits with him and she had no recourse. To me, he had been abusive physically and mentally for six years. This truly would take pages to explain, and I am already way over my limit. The short end of it was that they both gaslighted the attorneys involved, including an already corrupt judge, and he ruled that my mother was to be returned to the home she did not want to go back to and make my sister her guardian without condition. My mother refused to go and the judge ordered the police to remove me from the premises and allow my sister and brother to pick her up and take her away. The saddest part was my mother was so distraught that she curled up and died just three weeks after being returned and living with them. I never saw her again after the day the police allowed them to drag her from our new home while she was reaching for me and crying for help. Since last Thanksgiving, my sister drove to the house with a moving van and emptied the entire house of everything except the bare minimum my brother needs there to live until the courts can sort out the estate and the house is free to sell...now becoming in disrepair. The two of them are classic narcissists, however, their behavior to such extreme measures indicates more psychopathy than fits in that one category. Whatever it is, I have almost had several nervous breakdowns and suffer from severe depression for what they did to my mother and our whole family. It has even affected my own family and adult children's lives because of their treatment of them as well. I have been in counseling for years and intense counseling the last six years. So sadness is the core of my life. Sadness for the loss of my mother...and father, sadness for how she suffered, sadness that I seem to be the key of everything that took place no matter what my mother's wishes. I never truly understood sadness until this ungodly behavior of my two siblings who were/are willing to portray me as the villain in all of the transgressions. No counselor can help me, or where to begin. No attorney is willing to help me. I only have myself, and in spite of everything I read or listen to, I don't take much solace in being worthy of helping make any of this better. My sister made sure of that by quoting to a reporter implying that I was abusive to my mother. Even the dishonorable and unprincipled judge unethically quoted in the same article that I was colluding with my attorney to steal my mother's belongings! I am convinced that he is also a flagship member of the narcissistic fraternity. If anyone has read this far, I am grateful that you cared enough to see the utterly devastating damage that a narcissist can do to others...especially to someone with no support or resources to keep their sanity. As far as leaving them in the dust, I look forward to that, but at present, I am handcuffed to them as long as my mother's estate is still in flux. The key to their dark success is the very gifted and talented way of lying. It absolutely boggles my mind...what's left of it. Thank you to those of you with compassionate souls. I pray each day for answers...and for others who may also share my same shoe size. God bless.
I am very sad to hear this. narcissists don't seem to stop at any levels to achieve control and what they want. Your poor mother...and you too. I am so very sorry to hear this. I have been single for 29 years due to toxic relationships and some were narcs but they definitely all had a few characteristics of a person with NPD. They honestly don't care... about you, me or any one. They are so self centered and have this fake reality of who they truly are. How they can sleep at nights beats me. Actually i do know why, its cos they dont care .... no compassion for others including their family, partners, their own children and more. To them, we are their possessions ... yes, you heard me right. We are their property ... we belong to them and we are to do as we are told. However don't ever try telling them what they cant do... without being ready for a huge explosion. How dare you... blah blahhh !!! Again, i say sorry for their disgusting behaviour but at the end of the day, thats who they are or how they become. All you can do is continue being a good person with good morals and remember there are nice caring people in the world who generally do care about others without expecting any thing in return. Don't let them two ugly (ugly souls) siblings change your beautiful soul. Sharon. Sent with LOVE.
Excellent video. You hit the nail right on the head Dr. Carter. Thank God for you & your insight on Narcissist. This helps me with my narcissist co worker & Boss.
This is so helpful and clarifying!!! ... Gave me a better understanding of my own disserving patterns and compassionate understanding for others! Thank you so much!
Some of them are also full blown multiples with severe imprinting trauma of a sadistic nature. I am terrified of them because so many were in my life. They are frightening. Some have textbook language use. Its like a script. Its all projection. Thats why the personality is in conflict. Inner child yes but they are entitled to use devour and even murder you. Sorry to be overboard but ive heard them use that language in secret. ... Thanks for your sharing/teaching.
@Marvel Herman I believe you every single word! I had to deal with 2 of them! And so many crimes are committed by narcs. When they have no remorse or blame the murder on their dead victim, you know for sure, they are narcs! Very ugly people! Like Prof. Sam Vaknin, a narc himself, said: they want you dead!
I am like this. I have the child and I have the protector adult. Thank you. I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for years. Recently I discovered that at least my father is narcissistic and that I am the same way. I’ve been trying to overcome it. I was the golden child, and ended up copying those behaviors. I’ve been sitting down thinking about how I can recover all day. Thank god this info is out on the internet or I would have become a cold hearted monster for the rest of my life and continued the cycle.
The child you were deserved better. Narcissism is a human failing, a response to abuse and neglect. It sounds like you are already on your way toward change, as self-awareness is one of the most powerful weapons against it. And remember to take care of your inner child - give or find the kindness, emotional validation, understanding and guidance to them that they never got.
You may not be a true narcissist. They seldom recognize themselves. You may have picked up some of the behavior by the examples you were given. There is true help for you. I wish you the very best.
My problem is feeling so very bad for the Narcissist bc of their struggle and bc they had a confusing childhood. This makes me feel like they can’t help the way they are and how they treat others.
My issue with my husband. Lost his mom at 16 never had a father....but so much of his shyt is making me want to divorce after 16 years and 4 kids under 12
So many years I lived with someone like this and didn't get it. Now I see it so clearly. Wish I could have seen it earlier, but I'm grateful for these videos for helping me finally understand. Otherwise I'd still be in the dark. Thank you so much for everything you do!
Multiple thumbs up to you! You're the bomb-we! I showed a few of your videos to a covert narc and he became immediately ENRAGED! You're my therapy-thank you.
Wow! He explains it SO WELL! I’ve always got the sense that he was immature, but he refuses to grow up so it’s posed a lot of problems in the relationship.
this was so good! even someone who is new to what narcissism is, will understand what you explained. But they will be very surprised about it and then likely also say they've met someone like that.
As a child, in a narcissistic family (mostly, it was actually my older siblings, who were abusive). And, if I did something wrong or incorrectly, etc, then I'd become very scared to admit it, because I was one of the scapegoats (my younger brother was the other scapegoat), always being lied about, by our older siblings, to our parents. So, I'd be in much bigger trouble, if my mom/other adults found out whatever it was that I'd done wrong. However, if I ever had the courage to speak up, on my own, and admit that I'd done something I was not supposed to do, then I'd get into even bigger trouble. As an adult, it truly is one of the biggest challenges I have, to admit when I've done something wrong, and/or admit my faults & etc; because, the narcissists in my midst would inevitably punish me, however they want to. I'm healing though, after learning about narcissism & narcissistic abuse, and that this abuse & patterns of behavior has a name, and I feel heard & seen. It's bad enough that we internally blame ourselves for everything; but it's worse when the narcissists do it & project all their insecurity, faults & misdeeds onto us, and they get their flying monkeys to do it, too. I believe that we need to start teaching kids about narcissistic abuse, from grade school, in age-appropriate ways, of course.
So right with this one! Sometimes she said the most confusing things...I wasn't aware of narcissism at the time and didn't have a clue what was in her mind. She really was two people...charming and seemingly caring...angry and critical at other times. And me...just trying to make sense of it. And still would be if it wasn't for these videos.
"He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded." Proverbs 13:13... Understanding that we are all fallible within oneself is a great blessing. It's nice to have some truthful advise no matter how much I think I know. This channel is becoming a wonderful extra perspective to me. Thank you sir for your time in putting these videos out for everyone. 🙂
Wow! So helpful. And it is sad when we finally see it for what it is. I had hoped he would change and grow but i see now it’s just a cycle. I have to end it so that I can be healthy.
Precisely. This describes my experience with a narcissist. I now see them infrequently and my frustrations with them has become pity. I must work hard to ensure my kids don’t fall victim to her illness. Thank you Dr. C, for your excellent videos, you have taught me so much and I am empowered.
You have been a Godsend! I know I have learned so much to help me cope and am still learning. Thank you Dr. Les. I remember a long time of just plain feeling very alone. Not anymore!
Be thankful we do not have this battle going on to such a degree that we MUST punish those amongst us. And then try to meet new people to punish. Very far gone down the road...usually do not put any effort and recover themselves! Thank you Dr. Carter!
I'm so far down that road that my counselor said I was suffering PTSD. Any mention of either sibling and I can't catch my breath and I have a serious panic attack. I am so damaged that I fear I've learned some of their behavior to survive and I second and third guess everything I say and do.
Thank you Dr. Carter for the balance of information and insights you offer. As a survivor I am especially grateful for the clear statements that define specific points to remember and draw strength from. Bless you!
I have an extremely narcissist sister who has made my life a living hell, even though no contact is the way I had to go for my own mental health. At one stage I tried to talk to her about our issues and got shut down, gaslighted. Jealousy is her motivation for her narcissism, empathy is weakness for her. My growing empathy made me stronger and able cut her off with a full understanding of why I was doing it. I'm still a work in progress in my healing. I still don't know how to cope being in the same room.
Your help has been so healing for me. I have a narcissist daughter…….I understand, accept, and pray. Team Healthy is where I choose to be. Thanks for all these videos and books.
Congratulations on your 777K subscribers Dr. Carter, on all your success & amazing hard work & I hope you have a great celebration with your family, your brother & Gus!! Thank you for healing & educating the masses!! God bless you all.
You've just described my ex-husband down to a tee. And when I think about his parents I'm not surprised. His father extremely grandiose narcissistic traits and his mother extremely passive-aggressive, haughty and emotionally unavailable. But regardless, I'm not going to feel sorry for him as horrible as that sounds because the way he treated me with his psychological abuse was devastating to my mental health. I can now accept and acknowledge why he was like this towards me but I also know I tried to give him a safe place to find true and intimate friendship and genuine trust. I spent years being blamed, shamed and guilt-tripped - now I realise it was full of projection towards me for his own lack of self-reflection, insight, fear of being a failure and devoid of deep emotional connection........because he wasn't taught that it's ok to be vulnerable and open with a safety net of truly caring, emotionally informed people. There's just too much emphasis these days on how to appear on the outside - thick-skinned, devaluing, discarding, physically attractive and kudos based on wealth, superiority and position. Thankfully with old age we become thin-skinned and able to find the confidence from our experiences to let our wisdom seep out!!! Thank you Dr Carter and best wishes.
My ex had a similar childhood and was never taught it's okay to feel vulnerable and emotional insecure. He had like 9 other siblings and his parents was not emotional available and only gave him attention when he did something wrong and punished him for it. That taught him the anger is the only emotion that can be showed and to blame other when something bad happens. But we will heal from these person's behavior and glad we made it out alive. Bless you🙏🏻
There is no possible curing of this type of person which makes the years of trying to be fair, compassionate, open, loving, all in vain, so frustrating and bitter. You are only wasting your precious time/life on a broken human being that cannot be fixed.
Makes sense my father came from a very confused childhood in which he was the child and the adult. Now I understand why he was so broken and so needed my mother
Thank you so much for this video Dr. Carter. You will never realize how helpful you are to so many of us that are trying to deal with this situation and I thank you so very much.
Looking forward to learning more, DrC. If i had to guess… because i have definitely figured out i have no idea what’s really going on inside the narcissists I’ve dealt with… but if i had to guess it would be the self they absolutely abhor and the more likable version of self they imagine who towers above lowlifes who are “just normal.”
Thank you doctor for letting me read your book at 70 and God knows it help help to travel back in time. Moreso to forgive myself and all the narcissistic people I met on this journey I have process to repair the scars o. My soul
I think that deeply inside, they are convinced that everyone is doing the exact same thing as them. So they just attack first and believe they figured out the game and are winning. It is really sad, they are very unhappy people.
Thank you. At the end of your videos you remind us of who we are. You remind us of positive qualities we have and remind us to be us. To not lose ourselves. You remind us what we stand for. To be me. Dignity, respect, love and happiness. We can remember that we can enjoy our life…….
I really hope that Dr. Carter knows how much he means to a lot of people around the world. 🌷
You're quite kind. Dr. C
Indeed, Yamba! Dr. Carter supports and helps people so much with delicate and v complex interpersonal issues. God Bless him 🙏💕. God Bless all of us too who are attempting to learn about narcissism in it's various guises (many of us who have had direct and painful experience), to be more educated and empowered, to heal.....🙏💕💕💕💕💕💕🙏
Me too. Back when I first met him I knew what a narcissist was... Narcissis looked in a pool and fell in love with his own image etc. But no clue about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I new he was conceited (had too high opinion of himself) but after we married it seemed like 2 distinct people at times. Truly 2 people. But it wasn't until 2 wks into the marriage that the sh-t really hit the fan. The nightmare is coming to an end now but I don't know what would have happened to me without Dr. C and Little Shamen.
God Bless them both. (I have over 100+ videos in my playlist. Now including this one.)
@@SurvivingNarcissism It's the truth, Dr. Carter. Blessings 🙏🎉
Its true, . Its amazes me how these videos talk to me as if the Doc has always known me. So validating, and understanding. I'm thankful for you Doc.
Also, I'd like to add, " no one has ever sat down and talked with me reasonably about what to expect and how to relate" , I find theses words to be the resolution to the generational deficits in behavioral and emotional inheritance. It stops with me. That being said, what is "reasonable"? I love team healthy and all the values that live here. Thank you for everything Dr. Carter. I feel like you are talking to me often. Its working. I feel peace in learning these . Tyvm!!
He scared me. He didn’t hurt me physically but when he turned into that other person - with all his demeaning, bullying, uncaring temper tantrums & silent treatments - I would feel alone with a complete stranger in the house. It was scary! Now I know he was just a spineless, cowardly blowhard. Dr. C saved me. I am forever grateful for his insight on these creatures.
Exactly the same...I feel for you...I read a lot of comments , yours triggered me. He " changed " once I moved in with him, far away from my family and friends. I m still in shock after his revelation of character! Are you over him? Sorry If I ask too much..
@Vaya Sarri
I was with one for 11 months and I was so much inlove with him! He discarded me and for me it took 4 months to be totally healed from that love! I completely forgot about him, even though I looked on a fb page where I saw him often it didn't touch me at all anymore! But I needed my 4 months! I'm so greatful that GOD took him from my life!
@@Hisunworthyservant Thanks for your answer. I was with him for 2,5 years in distance. I hope I ll reach this state of indifference as you. Ofc I m lucky God saved me. I m very happy for you. I m not there yet. I still grieve for my hope and loss . He was never there.
That's exactly what I was dealing with. My husband passed away 3 years ago. He got a little nicer when I was his caretaker for 2 years. However, the last sentence he spoke to me was in anger. "Why don't you shut up...." I had asked him if he was ok. Proves he never could stand me. I'm mostly over it now thank goodness
@@vayasarri1186 sorry I missed your comment until now! I did suffer terribly over the loss of who he pretended to be. I could not have grieved any more if he had died. Same as you, two years long distance… was just completely love bombed - he was wonderful. BUT then when I married him & moved in with him far from friends and family, he changed immediately. I couldn’t believe he thought he could bully me and get away with it and he couldn’t believe it when I walked out that door for the last time.
ADULT TODDLERS! Recently read somewhere: “To the narcissist, REALITY is aggression.” This has held true in all my memories of interacting with those on the spectrum; they enter their defensive mode instantly. It’s not my job to fix them. 🤷🏻♀️
This is insulting to actual toddlers, who are just babies. No excuse to torture people as an adult.
Years ago my mother had said that my stepfather would've been in his 2nd childhood but he hadn't grown out of his 1st!!!
Yes adult toddlers, but with the agency of an adult.
Also, my cat says hello to your cat. 😸
So true. It's like a burner that stays on hot all the time.
@@victoriabenton8378 A short fuse that's always lit !!!
Two people in one body - but not a single heart between them...
TRUE!
@ Modern Day Warrior
EXACTLY!
So VERY SAD & TRUE. Lord please touch each one, heal this evil spirit, rampit in this world today, in JESUS NAME!
wow
Oh!they have a heart a twisted all about themselves heart.
I wish they taught this in grade school, but a lot of parents would be in trouble.
In some small towns, ALL of the parents!
I know some who have Growth MindSet clubs & Some offer parenting classes around kindergarten utilizing the "Love & Logic" book and method
@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS really? I would love to know how this is applied and encouraged. At that age, how does one know they need to attend this? Under what premise?
What about the Grow groups? That can help some people and there are books from the Grow groups. When one does the test in the book it can show how a person is so inapt to deal with life. Have seen it with a person.
They're committed to winning, and do whatever it takes to get what they want, and certainly no apologies, or accountability.
For years I thought my CovNarc had at least two personalities. I never knew which one was in my presence.
To fully combat my issue, I removed myself so not to encounter either.
I’m lonely now but life is better.
I’ve followed the Great Dr. C now for years and his valuable insight helped me get to this point.
Me too I looked at one day and thought who is this ! I never saw the look of pure hate and Malice before I found out what he was doing his gas sorry I can’t find a name of it and then it got really ugly and I just think maybe he has two personalities
Your not lonely now. You have a whole community, including me, who support and know what you're going through. Much love to you!♥️🌷
I would imagine you were also lonely when you with the narc... they are horrible company! I'm glad your life is better now.
It's better to be by yourself than to live with someone and feel so alone!
I thought this of my parent as a small child. Now, I realize that she has a personality disorder & really hates herself. Sad
Dr. C., Though you have completely described the inner thought process of the narcissists, they are still nevertheless rendered EXTREMELY DANGEROUS & TREACHEROUS toward their targets. Destroying their victims literal lives appears to be their path of least resistance. Mind blowing. God help us.
Yes, I experience that also. From other research it seems some of these damaged people are also psychopaths and believe my ex is a psychopath. He has completely changed the story to accuse me of things he did. Totally counterfactual.
@@wildhorses6817 my husband ALWAYS blames me for starting everything. I was in a happy mood, heard the robo sweeper sounding funny and said to turn it off to see if something was caught in it. He got extremely angry. Asked him why he was so mad, he started his “you are always right, I’m always wrong, I know what I’m doing, I’m not a child, you always think you are a school marm.” Said he wanted it to finish the cycle. Keeps talking over me “your right, I’m wrong, you know everything, bla, bla, bla” till I can’t say anything and then the curse words pop out of me. All he can focus on is my filthy mouth not that he started anything. Then he uses things other abusers from my past said to me. So emotionally abusive. Next day he is back to being “wonderful”. I’m 75 and sick, where can I go? Was married 19 years to an abuser, single 15 then married this one for 20 years. Should have divorced but had a breakdown and got sick right after we were married. Found out truth about his lies from before and other life changing things happened. Thankful for the kind Dr. C videos.
Precisely !
@@wildhorses6817 Yes....my brother is as well, and tried to harm me in many ways...he even hit me with a car. Thankfully nothing was broken.
@@kimbates9715 I'm living at my daughter's house at present since covid. Her son does not want me here even though I help them many times with their children. I can't afford to live alone, so I'm thinking of trying to find roommates that have shared experiences...and share expenses. But then I'm so afraid I can't see it through.
I've always felt like my nmom was a child in an adult's body. But even when I could see through some of her behaviors, they still ended up affecting me and causing me to doubt myself regardless. Thank you for bringing me back to reality. This is how pathetic they really are. No one who's as stable as they pretend to be would behave the way they do.
So true.
I just got a text from my ex, and it almost made me sad. Then I listened to this. And I reread that text. And I realized it didn’t say what I thought it did. It almost sounded sensitive and insightful, but that was what I wanted to see. It really was just words that said nothing at all, nothing of any real substance. It was empty. It was him pretending to be a a sensitive, insightful adult - the pretender adult. Thank you for this very timely message. I am back to reality now.
Maybe he wasn't pretending?
@@CanadianBullFrog Gaslight much?
Excellent video! The more we know about these troubled individuals, the more strategic we can act around them. For example, I know now not to try and change the narcissist or try to make them into a better person. Not gonna happen. They are not growth-minded individuals. They want to keep their minds firmly rooted in their alternate reality where they reign supreme. They also have no interest in equal partnerships. They must subjugate and conquer.
If the narcissist chooses to change, it will be his or her decision. Your input is irrelevant. I continue to wish the best for you, as well as for your associate.
It's demonic possession...
My sisters jealousy is like a puss infected sore she makes sure will never heal.
Yes and these dark souls fill all senior housing places. They divide and conquer 24-7 through gossip.lies.slander and hate you more if you don't play and ignore them. Very toxic old people!
Wow how succinctly stated.
PRETENDER ADULT!!! ...trying to think of a better term... and there is none! It's just THAT, period!
Great video! TY!
You're welcome.
Narcissist: “I already have it figured out…you’re an idiot.”
Good one Dr. C 😂
🤣🤣🤣
Don't know they always saw people like that 🤣🤣🤣, but good jokes btw
exactly! I've worked with children all my life & when you confront a narc. you see that momentary look of confusion & shame, only to be replaced with defiant defensiveness. Almost angry at you for making them feel that way.
It's hilarious how alike these people are. My malignantly narcissistic cousin is 66 going on 6.
That's funny 😂😂
VERY ACCURATE DESCRIPTION
@@allthingsarepossibleinChrist SAD is the right word, there's nothing funny about it. Nothing!!!
Thank you once again Dr. Carter! How exhausted the narcissist must be as they live this way. I do have sympathy for them, however I can't show it to them, or they'll eat me alive.
That was awesome 👏 so on point 😂
@Shari Nielsen,yes learnt that lesson the hard way,you will be eaten alive, pretty horrific when you ponder that.
I have NO more sympathy left for the evil, selfish, demanding, and very twisted narc. I'm completely depleted, mentally and physically. I've moved on, all I want is peace, period!! And I'm gonna get it.
Same here. Feel sorry for dad at times. Then remember my mother's attempted suicide, divorce, remarriage to him, and me turning to drugs. Inevitably I get angry. Then after a while I feel sorry for him again. Go figure? You have a good heart. Don't waist it where it's not appreciated.
This describes my mother perfectly. I’ve tried to let her know it is safe to bring her guard down around me, her only child, to help salvage what little is left of the relationship we once had, but she refuses, deflects, and refuses to take accountability . The part about leaving these people in the dust truly resonated with me as I prepare to go no-contact for at least the next 12 months. Thank you Dr. 💜
Blessings dear one 🙏I went No Contact with mine 2 years ago , best decision I ever made , never been happier 🙌
@@bodymindsoul60 Thank you for the well wishes, Annie! I am nervous but I am ready ☺️💜
I'm in the process now, it's a difficult decision, but must be made for my protection from abusive and false accusations, and for my physical and mental health. It's way past due I know. It helps to know I'm not the only one, but sorry for us all having to deal with this terrible situation.
I am assuing you are female and i find it astounding that a woman wouldnt want a healthy relationship with their ONLY daughter , their pain must be so strong, . i am a man and have never had a decent relationship with the person who spawned me. (ive just written to her telling her to stay away from me for the mental health of both of us) i think i has something to do with them worrying that if you are SO adult they must be moved into the position of child. either way we are much better without these people .
@@stephanieo222 I hope you are a woman of faith...I journal and usually end it with a prayer. There is something somewhat healing about writing God a letter. So far he hasn't written back, but I'm sure there is a plan he has for all of us. God bless sweet friend.
Simply BRILLIANT!!
Such a gentle and accurate perspective here, to view as a small, confused child and misguided, pretender adult. Finding I am less & less likely to address someone else’s behavior yet I continue to find strategies to protect myself from harm. Progress here is exceedingly slow and could never have begun without many, many hours of instruction from Dr Carter and other professionals who make this information available to the public .
Tamar Komla,You are beautiful 😍,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
The more i know, the sadder i get... For him.
Spoken like a true empath.
Trying to understand the narcissist will not lead you to peace, especially if you are on the receiving end of their conflict and confusion. They offload all of their issues and need for perfection and expectations of perfection and "acceptability" on the person that is their scapegoat and whipping post. My sister and I grew up in the same household. I feel for her tremendously and can empathize, but instead of her dealing with what we both suffered, my sister is committed to carry on the tradition that my parents started, that she's the good daughter, and I am the bad daughter. I have abdicated this very limited role of abuse. I am doing everything possible to be at peace with this abusive and controlling past. I do NOT want to be a bitter, vindictive, hateful person that constantly feels what my sister feels toward me. I love my sister. Nothing is going to change my love for her. I do not feel like or want to treat her like she's treated me. I do not expect empathy or openness from my sister. She can only do that on a superficial and perfunctory level. The show she's put on and her "brand" or facade is as confusing and conflicted as she is. When I am banished, her flying monkey husband becomes her whipping post and scapegoat as soon as she is stressed. Being banished is a blessing in disguise, especially this time around. Sad that it's taken me this long to find peace and be able to finally be objective. Sad that I had to realize that I was not the bad daughter and I needed to stop assuming that role on any level because nothing appeases narcissists. One cannot be at peace in life if they feel vindictive, hateful and bitter toward narcissists but in order to genuinely free yourself from a narcissist's control and abuse, you have to free yourself and stop making excuses for why you cannot remove yourself and get a better objective view through self-examination and the examination of the dynamics created with narcissists and those in relation to both the narcissist and self. You have to be able to be alone with your own thoughts and without a lot of subjective thinking but more objective thinking and facing the truth and the part you play. What role do you want to play? If that role makes things worse for others and self, you may have to reassess and try what works for peace and well-being. I find alone time, reflection and reading the Bible bring me a lot of peace. Everyone needs to find what brings them peace. Do not seek your peace in other people. Find and make that peace in yourself. I have found my peace and strength through God who strengthens me in all circumstances.
“Trying to understand the narcissist will not lead you to peace.” Brilliant.
Happy that you came out of the situation in which you were in .... praying for all innocent victims to realise these disorders and find their way out from these hells for a peaceful life 🙏
Well said
@@nancysayad9960 Amen! Happy for her as well! When it's really the narcissist that needs help, even more than the few of us that have found help thru doctors like this. Seems to be more narcissist in the world every day. We all need Christ! My own sister won't even talk to me about Christ other than if I bring it up and refused to believe me about my childhood abuse. I was 10 yrs younger than her.
@Margo Channing: Amen Sister!
When I growing up and even into adulthood, I always felt like I was on the outside of my family of origin, looking in. I never felt accepted as part of the family. Then 10 yrs ago I went under hypnosis to help me connect better with my higher self. What I found out was I suffered from a broken heart (yes, just like in a good Country sob song). I had a long cleansing cry, then decided to pull up my boot straps, kick their butts to the curb, & start being kinder to myself. Oh, the antics they have come up with trying to get me to respond. Nothing they do surprises me anymore. Sad, indeed!
I'm glad you escaped! I hope you have a couple of kind, safe friends around :)
Interesting to me your description: "I always felt like I was on the outside of my family of origin, looking in." I always felt that way too.
Blessings on your journey,🙏
Same here, I went No Contact 2 years ago never been happier 🙌
when i was a little kid and we went out for the day , i used to try and walk off with other families, because they seemed normal , never worked i was always returned to the silent house where no one talked .
@@catnc1 always felt that way too. Also felt like I was glass and everyone could see the “bad” in me. Dad had no respect for women
My wife is a pretender adult. She identifies as alot of things she isn't, but one of them is being the most awesome mother. As a parent, it is your responsibility to raise your children to go out in the world on thier own and create thier own lives, not stay at home and be coddled well into thier 30s and beyond. Not to mention, she has two other sons who have broken away from her and hate her for her controlling and manipulative ways. She has to keep her adult children (not my children) in our home out of fear of loss. During the love bombing stage of our relationship, I expressed my concern for her adult child still at age 28 still living at home and she reassured me that she was working with him to get him out on his own. Fast forward now four years and she unilaterally decided that the kid would "leave when he was ready'". During the devaluing stage, she would tell me that I am the only person that has a problem with her adult son still living at home and not contributing. Testing that theory, I would talk to just about anyone who would listen, explaining the situation, and NOONE thought it was even remotely reasonable that the kid was still at home and not contributing. When I disagreed with this decision, she would go ultra-defensive on behalf of her kid, but could never justify why he was still there, only stating that 'things have changed". Ultimately, her fear of losing her child (to the world at large), she pushed her husband away with her lack of empathy and silent treatment punishment. i fought tooth and nail to try to get her to compromise on the issue, but in the end the only way she could get me to shut up about it was to get a PFA against me and have me ejected from the home along with a one year no contact order. Discard complete.
All I can say is “Wow”! This is the best description I have ever heard of the narcissist in my life. I ve said I’m dealing with a child inside an adult body. This just validates the damage I suspected was inflicted upon the narcissist and his seven siblings. This explains it so well, thank you for validating my feelings. I will continue to be myself, for many years my spirit was broken, I thought it was me who deserved the criticism, verbal abuse and lack of respect from my partner. However, with therapy and videos like yours I have found my voice and will never again subject myself to being mistreated. I will do it with dignity, assertiveness and pride because I am a healthy individual, not damaged goods like him (my husband). Thank you so much.
Keep strong and focused. You're on the right path.
My wife was emotionally abused as a child. I believe that caused her to be a passive aggressive narcissist. I think she is very insecure but puts up a brave face. I feel hurt by her words and actions but have come to feel sorry for her too.
We all are narcissists. Narcissism is a spectrum. But those who we call narcissists had more traumas than us. They want to be set free but don't know how. They're having such a struggle bc of two personalities they have in. Great insight. Deep work they have to do to be free from those entanglements.
"Videos such as this" 🙂 are immensely valuable in helping me understand and make sense of my experience, and detaching further from the abuse. I struggle though, like someone else mentioned, to imagine having a relationship again after this. It doesn't bother me, because a quiet life is no doubt preferable to the roller-coaster of fakeness, but I sometimes wonder whether and how this can be overcome.
Don't lose hope on finding a better partner. My ex-wife (who suffered from childhood trauma described in this video) transformed into a evangelical Christian to heal. Became a religious narcissist. I (a secular non-observant Jew) supported this for 15 years: attending church services (in a language I couldn't understand) participating in church activities, and never once objecting to her path. Eventually, I was told I'd be going to hell. Talk about 'not fitting into her grooves' (as Dr. C would say). I was so clueless, I couldn't even recognize the stonewalling for what it was. Anyway, I eventually made friends (outside of the church people) who actually liked and accepted me as I was. And yes, I met a woman who thought I was a great guy--just for being me! What a revelation--who knows how this new relationship will work out? You're watching these videos; that means you're on Team Healthy, and growing as a person. You'll attract a better person if you so choose--someone who can love and accept you. As Dr. C says, "You didn't deserve this." That means you deserve better. I wish you all the best.
@@michaelfox9750 Thank you so much for your kind words. It's wonderful you've been able to form new connections and even find a new partner. Yes, Team Healthy is the only team I want to be on. Like you, I had no clue what any of this was while it was happening. I didn't know my way around in the abuser's web of lies. Fortunately, I've always had my own circle of friends (he didn't have any real friends, just people to get drunk with), but I stopped confiding in them at some point when I felt too ashamed of still hanging on to the abuser. But they were there for me when I left him. It's insane how they can isolate you, I never would have thought it possible.
it's nice to see you have fun when talking about these kind of things, it's not what i came here for but it's thing that keeps me coming back.
"if i make a mistake, get ready for battle because i'd rather get bruised and bloody than ask for help"
Thank you Dr Carter! You are the beginning of my day and you set the bar for me. You lessen my troubles and confusion in ways I can not fathom. Absolutely the best advice I could have ever hoped for, these are hard times in our world, and when you know better, you absolutely do better!
Pleased! Dr. C
Ha! I knew I wasn't the only one who makes Dr. C part of his/her morning routine! I've learned so much, but still (sometimes) regret not knowing what I didn't know when there was still a chance of saving my marriage. It's a hard road
My favorite routine as well and so happy I found Dr C. He has giving me hope and so much clarity
Acceptance of what will not change is so freeing, albeit disappointing, but based in TRUTH! DRC always! Have a beautiful week! Thanks as always, Dr. C 🙏🏼
I recently quit my job of nearly 10yrs. Before quitting, I informed the top brass, I would likely be leaving because my superior was a "big giant man baby, who doesn't like to be told what to do", not to mention a disregulated rage monster, whose disproportionate responses to reasonable requests, range from indignant to the verge of assault! When he was called out by the top brass for being "intimidating", he seemed to be almost proud of it.
My narc was the company owner who wore his bullying personality like a badge of honor. He was a pretend man who had the business given to him by a family member who was not a blood relative. Many of the employees had more real business experience than he did.
Most narcs don't seem to understand the difference between a compliment and an insult. They wear insulting terms as a badge of honor. I'm guessing it is because it gives them some sort of an identity-one that they deem 'powerful'. Many narcs take the word 'psychopath' as a compliment! Weirdos!
Big Manbaby !! 😭😭😭
@@Nitya-r86 The narcissist got your attention and a reaction from you. Game over. They win, you lose.
They put you down so that you think, "OH, He never likes X, Y, or Z....He can find fault in anything. So he must have REALLY meant it when he gave me that compliment yesterday!" Sad....they train you to look at a crumb like a 5 course meal. And let's not forget, it's all about their own inner dialogue - negative, negative, negative, I'm the Judge, I know what's good and what is not. I'll tell you what works and what does not.
TRUTH!!! A sad life of confusion!!! My son!! They deflect their issues on you! Dont accept! Move on and be healthy!!
I am so torn i don't know if I am grieving or should be full of hate for having my life wasted!
this is one of the ABSOLUTE BEST, MOST BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT messages on narcissism ever!!!!
Unfortunately all the narcissists in my life have been/are in positions of power over me. And I think that's part of the narcissist's game - being in power!
The most profund description about the theme! In fact, it”s the persistence of a child, already an inconsistent child, in the the adult. Worse, the brain uses mechanisms of the racional part, learned behaviors, that make it more insidious, dangerous, etc…
You are a gift Dr. Carter. I was married to a narc a total of almost 26 years (the discard took place at year 23). It has been one heck of a journey towards understanding what I was struggling against. To think that I spent a total of almost 29 years trying to get such a person to trust that I was not “out to get him” but simply trying to live and build a life with him. We came from two very different backgrounds and my younger self felt I could love him to a place of trust and peace. I completely wore myself OUT trying to do so.
It makes me sad what I was reduced to in the end but I now count it as a bullet dodged that we are no longer together. His life continues to be one of chaos, deceit and drama (from what I witnessed during the divorce proceedings) and I never wanted any such state for MY part. I am now working on restoring my personal sense of peace and order and doing a VERY deep dive on how in the HELL I ended up with such a person. All of us who have really need to stop and figure OURSELVES out.
I don’t know about anyone else, but, as I reflect, I know I saw red flags everywhere, I just chose to disregard them and hitch my life to my ex. I don’t totally regret it because I got some fantastic kids out of it, but I truly dislike having to say that I am now a divorced person. So much work and love and care poured out. . . to have it end there? Sad. Had he been willing to get help, I would have seen it to the grave. But a narc never wants to work on much of anything. It’s ultimately a dead end.
It really is important to understand what a narcissist is and how they operate because they will destroy your life if you don’t catch it before it takes root. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE . . . Gain understanding.🙏🏽🙏🏽
Two people inside the narcissist, huh? Well, they can both kick rocks🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Is disrespect an example of projection? Is a narcissist's blatant disrespectful behavior a manifestation of a lack of self-respect?
It often plays out that way, yes. You get it. Dr. C
This is so well stated!
Great question! I've always been taken aback whenever my self professed empathic friend would never address seniors or elders like our culture would demand but she would say that she does not see the relevance of culture in showing respect through "proper / demand of culture" address. Also I admired and sometimes be left speechless that she is able to walk away from people if she doesn't like them or their vibe when I on the other hand would be left embarrassed for her actions and try to cover for her behaviour. I'm not sure but I feel like I've been dealing with a narcissist according to this, am I right to assume that? Also I've been feeling weird about my true feelings for our friendship lately and trying to educate myself through channels such as this which I'm ever thankful for. Feeling like I am gonna be able to put the pieces together.
I found that they dont have Space in their reality for respect. Peoples minds/reality have collapsed and their world has become much smaller. All 6 of my adult Children in a shared psychosis. They cannot even sit in the same room as me. They will look away to maintain the picture in their mind.
They no longer discern Satanic pictures! Signs of the times?
Are you labeling anyone who corrects you as narcissistic? Is that not in itself narcissistic?
I had another interaction with a narcissist this am...as he responded in his usual blaming/ blow up and during it I literally could imagine Dr. Les saying, And here is perfect example demonstrating everything I have been talking about. LOL
Dr C great advice I have been in counseling since I was 20 yrs old ! I will be 70 soon. Almost all of my childhood I was abused,as I think back my dad had narcissists behavior’s on top of being alcoholic! He died young,then I think my mother from all the stress she had mental disorders, almost narcissists behaviors at times, she had a awful childhood too ! So I know she became very physically abusive toward me. I actually have flashbacks still to this day of the abuse. It’s a wonder at times I survived the abuse. Back when I started counseling the counselor said your stopping the cycle of abuse you made a brave choice getting help ! I thank God almighty he lead me in that direction in my life! Thank so much for reaching out to people like me with your videos and help!
Thank you so much for this. This explains so much. And confirms much of what I suspected with my narc. It's sad. That's the problem with being an optimist. You hope they will grow and change. But it took me over 20 years and vids such as yours and others, to hellp me see that it's time to stop beating a dead horse and let it go, and work on getting myself healthy. I've been binging your vids and they have been so helpful. Thanks for all you do for so many of us going through this!
This really helpt me understand about my narcissistic ex and his behavior, I also know about his childhood and I can now see how his upbringing as a child made him to that confused child and how he understood that he could get whatever he want through out calling other, yell loud to control everything around him and make everything always about himself and find others insecurities to make them feel bad about themselves and make somebody else the problem.🙏🏻
messed up childhood is not an excuse for ever. there is a thing called growing up.
This SPEAKS VOLUMES to me as I walk thru this painful but EVER SO FREEING divorce process from a 14 yr marriage to a Malignant narc. THANK YOU DR CARTER for sharing Your God given gifts to the broken world. THIS VICTORY BELONGS TO ME!!
Hang in there girlie🙏
I left mine 10 years ago , takes time to heal but I’ve never never been happier 🙌
That's the key Dr.
Love, Peace n Humility,
The Greatest Man
who ever lived tried to
Teach this, but many
Could Care less, thanks
For Sharing 😏
My mother was married 69 years to a narcissist. I think this is a big reason why she got Alzheimers - the stress was never ending with regular huge blowups. So you just might be saving your health by splitting up. Good luck!
What is fascinating is that they call their anti-love Love (lies).. which according to us.. is based on truth. To them truth is hate , wicked and judgemental.
See if you can find my video, A New Way Of Defining Narcissism. It tracks what you are saying here.
Dr Carter , just listing to your videos gives me so much strength and peace at the same time . Just to know that I am not alone in this journey . These are really troubled and sick individuals. It has taken me a long time to understand that this is not on me. No matter how hard the narcissist tries to blame shift everything on me, I can now see right though his tormented mind. Thank you for everything you do and for all the “Kind” souls you have saved.
I love your approach to delivering insight on narcissism. It has helped me so much. I believe I am not the only one who feels this. Thank you so much.
Bless your heart I love you for your insight and wisdom. You are helping me immensely as one who has lived my whole life with narcissists and was totally confused by the behaviors. I love team healthy. God Bless
May God continue to bless you, Dr.Carter!
Having to comb through the inevitable problems of irresponsible behavior by the narcissist, and then listening to a rant on how responsible they are...
When he pulls that "deeply thoughtful" face...like he's pretending to consider what you say....aaaaargh!!!!
lol...They are just trying to remember their last lie in case they need it to defend themselves when you confront them on something uncomfortable. I've seen it way too many times.
For myself I'm not entirely convinced it's an entirely a matter of nurture - I think if narcissist were made entirely by nurture then when they grew up and encountered fragmentary pieces of care, support and love in the general world (and it is there, spread around) they would start to take that in and change to some degree. And from various accounts some genuinely loving people have had some really difficult childhoods, while some really difficult people have had some very loving parents in their childhood.
It is tragic that there's a little, very naive kid in there who wants even just the basics of care but can't get it for how this 'protective' false adult in them jumps in the way and tries to be in absolute control. Not everyone abuses vulnerability, even if the narcissist seeks to do so every time.
Cairo Sliver 👏your comment resonates,thanks for sharing, human beings are curious creatures,they spike my curiosity alot.
Thank you for continuing your channel despite your retirement! Never gonna please everyone; be authentic. Reality is an aggressor towards their fantasy life. Fake image of strenght or pity play. Whatever they do or say speaks volumes about them. Rigidity often seen in personality disorders- it doesn't work for every situation but they don't know that or want to put the work in.
There is a person that I'd like to know, and these very things that you (Dr. C.) mention are what keeps me at a great distance from them. Thank you for teaching me how to practice mental self care.
After leaving two narcissistic parents and a relationship w/ a (former) partner w/ NPD, I just can’t help but think I would have done it sooner if I had encountered these resources - and your guidance - earlier. No regret, just a reflection. You are a godsend, good sir.
Dr. Carter...Between my narcissist sister and brother (two years apart in their 70's) and me....65, they still talk to me and think of me as that bothersome and ignorant little sister of their youth that desperately wanted to be like them...or play with them...or talk to them. I listened to your list of questions we might have asked ourselves as a child...and I could relate to much of it...loneliness was up there (we were military and often lived in foreign places with no American neighbors)...but the one you did not mention that probably was the top of my list was "sadness". Sadness that they did not seem to want to accept me as their sister.
After they left home and married young, I married after college and had a relatively happy life with only seeing them occasionally. Our father died 18 years ago, and when my mother began markedly declining at the age of 90...I naturally just gradually started helping her as she needed it. As it turned out, my brother and I lived with her for different reasons. He divorced and even with a successful Master's degree, he refused to seek employment and contribute to his expenses. I had s life-altering medical problem that put me on disability and I had to go through a long rehab. Regardless...he did nothing to help my mother as she aged...he became a recluse, but had total control over my mother...gaslighting her at every turn. In 2015 he had been living with her for 10 years and had no plans to move out...even living in the master bedroom with his own private bath. As my mother slowly declined, she wanted desperately to sell her house which was impossible with him there. This was the pivotal moment where her life was thrown into a nightmare by my brother and sister. Due to the condition of my brother's living space, she had no control over getting her house ready to sell as the master bath and his room was filthy and disgraceful. She and I talked about getting an apartment with two bedrooms and telling him he had to relocate. He just dug his heels in and garnered the support of my sister who lived 600 miles away. (I'm so sorry...so many details here....and many more I must leave out.) Neither needed her money (modest estate) to live, but they declared I had hired an attorney that I colluded with to steal her estate holdings. I was not even interested in discussing her estate, just getting her in a safe and comfortable place so she could downsize and live out her life in peace. She may have had mild dementia and knew it, but she did not have the ravages of Alzheimer's. Their answer to her decision was to sue her and have her declared in court to be incapacitated! God bless my mother for what she went through for eight long months with this burden on her by them. She loved all of us, but she completely understood what they were doing and was broken-hearted by their actions. My sister was involved remotely, but my brother continued to gaslight my mother because the court had ordered her to schedule private visits with him and she had no recourse. To me, he had been abusive physically and mentally for six years. This truly would take pages to explain, and I am already way over my limit. The short end of it was that they both gaslighted the attorneys involved, including an already corrupt judge, and he ruled that my mother was to be returned to the home she did not want to go back to and make my sister her guardian without condition. My mother refused to go and the judge ordered the police to remove me from the premises and allow my sister and brother to pick her up and take her away. The saddest part was my mother was so distraught that she curled up and died just three weeks after being returned and living with them. I never saw her again after the day the police allowed them to drag her from our new home while she was reaching for me and crying for help.
Since last Thanksgiving, my sister drove to the house with a moving van and emptied the entire house of everything except the bare minimum my brother needs there to live until the courts can sort out the estate and the house is free to sell...now becoming in disrepair.
The two of them are classic narcissists, however, their behavior to such extreme measures indicates more psychopathy than fits in that one category. Whatever it is, I have almost had several nervous breakdowns and suffer from severe depression for what they did to my mother and our whole family. It has even affected my own family and adult children's lives because of their treatment of them as well. I have been in counseling for years and intense counseling the last six years. So sadness is the core of my life. Sadness for the loss of my mother...and father, sadness for how she suffered, sadness that I seem to be the key of everything that took place no matter what my mother's wishes. I never truly understood sadness until this ungodly behavior of my two siblings who were/are willing to portray me as the villain in all of the transgressions. No counselor can help me, or where to begin. No attorney is willing to help me. I only have myself, and in spite of everything I read or listen to, I don't take much solace in being worthy of helping make any of this better. My sister made sure of that by quoting to a reporter implying that I was abusive to my mother. Even the dishonorable and unprincipled judge unethically quoted in the same article that I was colluding with my attorney to steal my mother's belongings! I am convinced that he is also a flagship member of the narcissistic fraternity.
If anyone has read this far, I am grateful that you cared enough to see the utterly devastating damage that a narcissist can do to others...especially to someone with no support or resources to keep their sanity. As far as leaving them in the dust, I look forward to that, but at present, I am handcuffed to them as long as my mother's estate is still in flux.
The key to their dark success is the very gifted and talented way of lying. It absolutely boggles my mind...what's left of it.
Thank you to those of you with compassionate souls. I pray each day for answers...and for others who may also share my same shoe size. God bless.
I am so sorry .
My heart goes out to you. You've been through the most.
I am very sad to hear this. narcissists don't seem to stop at any levels to achieve control and what they want. Your poor mother...and you too. I am so very sorry to hear this. I have been single for 29 years due to toxic relationships and some were narcs but they definitely all had a few characteristics of a person with NPD. They honestly don't care... about you, me or any one. They are so self centered and have this fake reality of who they truly are. How they can sleep at nights beats me. Actually i do know why, its cos they dont care .... no compassion for others including their family, partners, their own children and more. To them, we are their possessions ... yes, you heard me right. We are their property ... we belong to them and we are to do as we are told. However don't ever try telling them what they cant do... without being ready for a huge explosion. How dare you... blah blahhh !!! Again, i say sorry for their disgusting behaviour but at the end of the day, thats who they are or how they become. All you can do is continue being a good person with good morals and remember there are nice caring people in the world who generally do care about others without expecting any thing in return. Don't let them two ugly (ugly souls) siblings change your beautiful soul. Sharon. Sent with LOVE.
Excellent video. You hit the nail right on the head Dr. Carter. Thank God for you & your insight on Narcissist. This helps me with my narcissist co worker & Boss.
This is so helpful and clarifying!!! ... Gave me a better understanding of my own disserving patterns and compassionate understanding for others! Thank you so much!
Some of them are also full blown multiples with severe imprinting trauma of a sadistic nature. I am terrified of them because so many were in my life. They are frightening. Some have textbook language use. Its like a script. Its all projection.
Thats why the personality is in conflict. Inner child yes but they are entitled to use devour and even murder you. Sorry to be overboard but ive heard them use that language in secret. ... Thanks for your sharing/teaching.
Marvel Herman, totally agree.
@@willowtree9082 thank you.
@Marvel Herman
I believe you every single word! I had to deal with 2 of them! And so many crimes are committed by narcs. When they have no remorse or blame the murder on their dead victim, you know for sure, they are narcs! Very ugly people! Like Prof. Sam Vaknin, a narc himself, said: they want you dead!
Thank you for another supportive message dr Carter. I love your calming voice and the soothing effect it has on me.
I am like this. I have the child and I have the protector adult. Thank you. I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for years. Recently I discovered that at least my father is narcissistic and that I am the same way. I’ve been trying to overcome it. I was the golden child, and ended up copying those behaviors. I’ve been sitting down thinking about how I can recover all day. Thank god this info is out on the internet or I would have become a cold hearted monster for the rest of my life and continued the cycle.
The child you were deserved better. Narcissism is a human failing, a response to abuse and neglect. It sounds like you are already on your way toward change, as self-awareness is one of the most powerful weapons against it. And remember to take care of your inner child - give or find the kindness, emotional validation, understanding and guidance to them that they never got.
that is awesome! you recognize yourself and want to change! high 5 to you!
You may not be a true narcissist. They seldom recognize themselves. You may have picked up some of the behavior by the examples you were given. There is true help for you. I wish you the very best.
It can be daunting to witness the narcissist continual opposition to themselves. This is very helpful in explaining why.
Thank you, kindly😇
Great content, Dr. Carter. So insightful and informative. Always new and fresh and such a help to me.
My problem is feeling so very bad for the Narcissist bc of their struggle and bc they had a confusing childhood. This makes me feel like they can’t help the way they are and how they treat others.
My issue with my husband. Lost his mom at 16 never had a father....but so much of his shyt is making me want to divorce after 16 years and 4 kids under 12
So many years I lived with someone like this and didn't get it. Now I see it so clearly. Wish I could have seen it earlier, but I'm grateful for these videos for helping me finally understand. Otherwise I'd still be in the dark. Thank you so much for everything you do!
Multiple thumbs up to you! You're the bomb-we! I showed a few of your videos to a covert narc and he became immediately ENRAGED! You're my therapy-thank you.
That enraged response was a confession. Dr. C
Terrible when you're able to see it, leaving no choice but to walk away. DRC
Wow! He explains it SO WELL!
I’ve always got the sense that he was immature, but he refuses to grow up so it’s posed a lot of problems in the relationship.
this was so good! even someone who is new to what narcissism is, will understand what you explained. But they will be very surprised about it and then likely also say they've met someone like that.
As a child, in a narcissistic family (mostly, it was actually my older siblings, who were abusive). And, if I did something wrong or incorrectly, etc, then I'd become very scared to admit it, because I was one of the scapegoats (my younger brother was the other scapegoat), always being lied about, by our older siblings, to our parents. So, I'd be in much bigger trouble, if my mom/other adults found out whatever it was that I'd done wrong. However, if I ever had the courage to speak up, on my own, and admit that I'd done something I was not supposed to do, then I'd get into even bigger trouble. As an adult, it truly is one of the biggest challenges I have, to admit when I've done something wrong, and/or admit my faults & etc; because, the narcissists in my midst would inevitably punish me, however they want to. I'm healing though, after learning about narcissism & narcissistic abuse, and that this abuse & patterns of behavior has a name, and I feel heard & seen. It's bad enough that we internally blame ourselves for everything; but it's worse when the narcissists do it & project all their insecurity, faults & misdeeds onto us, and they get their flying monkeys to do it, too. I believe that we need to start teaching kids about narcissistic abuse, from grade school, in age-appropriate ways, of course.
I AGREE
So right with this one! Sometimes she said the most confusing things...I wasn't aware of narcissism at the time and didn't have a clue what was in her mind. She really was two people...charming and seemingly caring...angry and critical at other times. And me...just trying to make sense of it. And still would be if it wasn't for these videos.
My experience exactly. Left me in state of confusion to if I was experiencing love from them or something else
Im sooo thankful i found this channel! Its helping me so very much! Thabk you, Dr! ❤
"He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded." Proverbs 13:13...
Understanding that we are all fallible within oneself is a great blessing. It's nice to have some truthful advise no matter how much I think I know. This channel is becoming a wonderful extra perspective to me. Thank you sir for your time in putting these videos out for everyone. 🙂
Wow! So helpful. And it is sad when we finally see it for what it is. I had hoped he would change and grow but i see now it’s just a cycle. I have to end it so that I can be healthy.
You have no idea how much you have helped me. Thank you and i love you.
I'm so thankful that I could be myself as a child.
Precisely. This describes my experience with a narcissist. I now see them infrequently and my frustrations with them has become pity. I must work hard to ensure my kids don’t fall victim to her illness. Thank you Dr. C, for your excellent videos, you have taught me so much and I am empowered.
You have been a Godsend! I know I have learned so much to help me cope and am still learning. Thank you Dr. Les.
I remember a long time of just plain feeling very alone. Not anymore!
Be thankful we do not have this battle going on to such a degree that we MUST punish those amongst us. And then try to meet new people to punish. Very far gone down the road...usually do not put any effort and recover themselves! Thank you Dr. Carter!
I'm so far down that road that my counselor said I was suffering PTSD. Any mention of either sibling and I can't catch my breath and I have a serious panic attack. I am so damaged that I fear I've learned some of their behavior to survive and I second and third guess everything I say and do.
This is the most helpful video out of all Dr Carter's videos. And that's saying a lot
Thank you Dr. Carter for the balance of information and insights you offer. As a survivor I am especially grateful for the clear statements that define specific points to remember and draw strength from. Bless you!
I have an extremely narcissist sister who has made my life a living hell, even though no contact is the way I had to go for my own mental health. At one stage I tried to talk to her about our issues and got shut down, gaslighted. Jealousy is her motivation for her narcissism, empathy is weakness for her. My growing empathy made me stronger and able cut her off with a full understanding of why I was doing it. I'm still a work in progress in my healing. I still don't know how to cope being in the same room.
Your help has been so healing for me. I have a narcissist daughter…….I understand, accept, and pray. Team Healthy is where I choose to be. Thanks for all these videos and books.
Congratulations on your 777K subscribers Dr. Carter, on all your success & amazing hard work & I hope you have a great celebration with your family, your brother & Gus!! Thank you for healing & educating the masses!! God bless you all.
You've just described my ex-husband down to a tee. And when I think about his parents I'm not surprised. His father extremely grandiose narcissistic traits and his mother extremely passive-aggressive, haughty and emotionally unavailable. But regardless, I'm not going to feel sorry for him as horrible as that sounds because the way he treated me with his psychological abuse was devastating to my mental health. I can now accept and acknowledge why he was like this towards me but I also know I tried to give him a safe place to find true and intimate friendship and genuine trust. I spent years being blamed, shamed and guilt-tripped - now I realise it was full of projection towards me for his own lack of self-reflection, insight, fear of being a failure and devoid of deep emotional connection........because he wasn't taught that it's ok to be vulnerable and open with a safety net of truly caring, emotionally informed people. There's just too much emphasis these days on how to appear on the outside - thick-skinned, devaluing, discarding, physically attractive and kudos based on wealth, superiority and position. Thankfully with old age we become thin-skinned and able to find the confidence from our experiences to let our wisdom seep out!!! Thank you Dr Carter and best wishes.
My ex had a similar childhood and was never taught it's okay to feel vulnerable and emotional insecure. He had like 9 other siblings and his parents was not emotional available and only gave him attention when he did something wrong and punished him for it. That taught him the anger is the only emotion that can be showed and to blame other when something bad happens. But we will heal from these person's behavior and glad we made it out alive. Bless you🙏🏻
There is no possible curing of this type of person which makes the years of trying to be fair, compassionate, open, loving, all in vain, so frustrating and bitter. You are only wasting your precious time/life on a broken human being that cannot be fixed.
Makes sense my father came from a very confused childhood in which he was the child and the adult. Now I understand why he was so broken and so needed my mother
Thank you so much for this video Dr. Carter. You will never realize how helpful you are to so many of us that are trying to deal with this situation and I thank you so very much.
WOW!! That explained ALOT of things in a matter of minutes! Thank you!!!
Man. I just luv how Dr. Carter breaks it down for all to comprehend
Very pleased
Looking forward to learning more, DrC. If i had to guess… because i have definitely figured out i have no idea what’s really going on inside the narcissists I’ve dealt with… but if i had to guess it would be the self they absolutely abhor and the more likable version of self they imagine who towers above lowlifes who are “just normal.”
Ok, Kelly. Sneak preview. The confused inner child and the pretender adult. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism lovin the early access
@@SurvivingNarcissism Stampin' deserves the sneak peek... I think she would be a great moderator for you, as well.
Thank you doctor for letting me read your book at 70 and God knows it help help to travel back in time. Moreso to forgive myself and all the narcissistic people I met on this journey
I have process to repair the scars o. My soul
You're quite welcome. Best wishes to you as you continue to figure it out!
So grateful! Sending a hug to Doc. C. & of course also to Gus🥰
Spot on Dr .Carter..Still learning here. Thank you so much its never ending.
I'm still learning too. Keep leaning forward, Terry!
Keep the help coming!
Thanks Henry. Will do!
I appreciate all your videos!! It truly helps me to understand and deal with ppl like this in my office/family. 🙏🏼🙌🏼
I think that deeply inside, they are convinced that everyone is doing the exact same thing as them. So they just attack first and believe they figured out the game and are winning. It is really sad, they are very unhappy people.
I think you have a point actually
wonderful man to remind us of who we are
You are so appreciated! Confused inner child still as an adult just STARTING to wake up thanks to this video. "Team healthy" for me!.
Pleased!
Thank you. At the end of your videos you remind us of who we are. You remind us of positive qualities we have and remind us to be us. To not lose ourselves. You remind us what we stand for. To be me. Dignity, respect, love and happiness. We can remember that we can enjoy our life…….
#TeamHealthy
You have helped me so much, Dr. Carter. Thank you for all you do.
Thanks for including me on your journey