My challenge is definitely being in a space of disharmony. I feel so much anxiety and stress when there is an unresolved conflict or any kind of disharmony with my loved ones.(Though I need to ask myself if I feel this way only when I feel like my actions or words may have caused the disharmony or if I feel this way even when I know I did nothing to cause it.) I feel the need to make it ok as soon as possible and in that I'm sure I've compromised my needs in the past. I'm grateful to hear you talk about this because it will remind me to try something new next time I experience disharmony and to get to the cause of these feelings I have associated with disharmony as well. Thank you so much for your videos, I wish I watched them last week before I did "break up" with a friend and it went horribly. Any videos on what to do when a break up becomes a big mess? lol xox
Getting comfortable with disharmony...is a wonderful challenge! Wanting balance and freedom from the habitual drive to "fix" the precieved emotional injustice that haunts my heart and mind. Marvelous...this is what I needed to ponder...Thank you for helping me to see the value of these words.
An encouraging video, Marianne. Thank you. I work as an intuitive empath, so in a sense I get paid to listen. I know one of my challenges is to express myself more, both personally and professionally. I find it hard to feel safe with others to express myself fully - a lifelong healing project. You give me inspiration!!
I think I'm learning that I don't find many people that are deep thinkers who want to understand how they are processing what I'm saying and what they're saying. I am settling for a numbness because my relationships are already chosen. So I see myself growing and feeling stuck and not knowing how I can articulate my feelings without the fear of someone close to me not ever really hearing my need and perhaps dismissing my feelings and therefore there's never a feeling of true connection. I also fear that those that are part of me who are not on a path to searching in the way that I am therefore they don't know how to discover what they need. I feel I may think too much and want to help them embrace a desire to have their needs met so that I can have my need for connection with them met. I realize this is sounding scary to me because I've never expressed to myself before.
You Nailed it. Deep thinking step one is detaching from Distractions....like your phone, social media, and constant Media input. Without step one, this will be a one sided process. Still very worthwhile doing, tho.
This is so clear and succinct. but like a treasure trove! Nugget after nugget. For me, the challenge to step from whats seemingly more comfortable .. listening a lot, because I can do it well, into a more vulnerable but more honest place of expressing more and learning to be comfortable with disharmony. Really struck a chord in me the idea that in wanting to meet the need to relax a response was generated to want to fix things quickly. And embracing the idea I can choose who I want to hang out with .. Cant wait for the next instalment here!
This video was so helpful, thank you!! I really liked when you mentioned that it'd be interesting to seek different examples/models four our lives, so having a model of someone who is a great listener but also a model of someone who is great at expressing themselves with honesty and empathy. Sometimes I focus so much in listenning that it drains my energy. Which means I gotta express myself more. Also, I recognized that there are people that I love but I prefer to maintain a healthy distance from, because it takes too much energy being around them. And I also loved the be comfortable with disharmony tip. Really related to that. Thank you so much once more, you're like a light in the dark.
Love these videos and you have helped me so much so I thank you! I wanted to see if I could ask you about a current relationship who is a family member. What do I do if the person has no interest about hearing what I would prefer (a need) even if I shared it in the most connecting way possible? This family member shared that it is not her job to meet needs or do anything to help our relationship get stronger...She also tends to dominate all our conversations and all of our conversations tend to be about her but then tells me she is upset that I don’t express more, even though I am attempting to tell her how I can connect more. This is a very short synopsis....
Thank you. I think I have a tendancy to over empathize which encourages people to talk alot and I find it difficult to then re-enter the conversation, because it starts to feel like a long monologue and I would like learn how to share the space, so it feels more balanced. You mentioned in your video that you may to another video on that. I would that very useful. Thank you. E
very succinct and helpful to my need for clarity... especially the part about need for harmony and becoming comfortable with discomfort... the need for safety is met... it is not comfortable, not harmonious but i am safe... or am i? :D
I work with the public (200 people a day!) and often feel overwhelmed by it especially when I am helping one person or trying to focus on something and someone tries talking to me (literally two or three people speaking a time). I'm finding simple sayings like "one moment please" or "one thing at a time please" are more helpful than "shut up" or "how rude you are" hahahah still balancing how to get people to allow me time to do what I'm doing rather than talking over me.
I'd love to offer a little feedback on your video: I'm finding it difficult to follow and differentiate the 5 tips you're offering. I'd suggest using things like text overlays or spliced in "b roll" video to more clearly delineate the tips and create visual landmarks for each one.
What do i say, when i just feel like im not interested in the topic, or if i just feel like the person doesnt give me the chance to talk about whats going on for me?
I would prefer to talk about this live, as it depends on a few things..but to give you a hint: there are always 3 options in NVC: 1) empathise with yourself. Stop listening to the other person, and start listening to yourself. Why is this not interesting? What is my need? And engage yourself that way. 2) expressing: Hey, I notice I'm a bit distracted...And I feel torn because I imagine this thing you talk about is very important to you? 3) listening: start to guess the persons feelings and needs. Usually, it's not the topic that is disengaging for us, but the WAY someone talks about it. Does this help you?
My challenge is definitely being in a space of disharmony. I feel so much anxiety and stress when there is an unresolved conflict or any kind of disharmony with my loved ones.(Though I need to ask myself if I feel this way only when I feel like my actions or words may have caused the disharmony or if I feel this way even when I know I did nothing to cause it.) I feel the need to make it ok as soon as possible and in that I'm sure I've compromised my needs in the past. I'm grateful to hear you talk about this because it will remind me to try something new next time I experience disharmony and to get to the cause of these feelings I have associated with disharmony as well. Thank you so much for your videos, I wish I watched them last week before I did "break up" with a friend and it went horribly. Any videos on what to do when a break up becomes a big mess? lol xox
Getting comfortable with disharmony...is a wonderful challenge! Wanting balance and freedom from the habitual drive to "fix" the precieved emotional injustice that haunts my heart and mind.
Marvelous...this is what I needed to ponder...Thank you for helping me to see the value of these words.
Happy to hear this Jason! Curious what it will bring you.
@@CupofEmpathy The words have brought concise focus on my psychological/behavioural pain center...thx
An encouraging video, Marianne. Thank you. I work as an intuitive empath, so in a sense I get paid to listen. I know one of my challenges is to express myself more, both personally and professionally. I find it hard to feel safe with others to express myself fully - a lifelong healing project. You give me inspiration!!
I think I'm learning that I don't find many people that are deep thinkers who want to understand how they are processing what I'm saying and what they're saying. I am settling for a numbness because my relationships are already chosen. So I see myself growing and feeling stuck and not knowing how I can articulate my feelings without the fear of someone close to me not ever really hearing my need and perhaps dismissing my feelings and therefore there's never a feeling of true connection. I also fear that those that are part of me who are not on a path to searching in the way that I am therefore they don't know how to discover what they need. I feel I may think too much and want to help them embrace a desire to have their needs met so that I can have my need for connection with them met. I realize this is sounding scary to me because I've never expressed to myself before.
You Nailed it. Deep thinking step one is detaching from Distractions....like your phone, social media, and constant Media input. Without step one, this will be a one sided process. Still very worthwhile doing, tho.
This is so clear and succinct. but like a treasure trove! Nugget after nugget. For me, the challenge to step from whats seemingly more comfortable .. listening a lot, because I can do it well, into a more vulnerable but more honest place of expressing more and learning to be comfortable with disharmony. Really struck a chord in me the idea that in wanting to meet the need to relax a response was generated to want to fix things quickly. And embracing the idea I can choose who I want to hang out with .. Cant wait for the next instalment here!
Yay!!
I honestly feel so grateful for this video... I feel so happy to have discovered you. Your energy and what you share is so incredibly valuable.
I'm so glad!
I found this video useful in several ways. Thank you for making it!
thanks!!
This video was so helpful, thank you!! I really liked when you mentioned that it'd be interesting to seek different examples/models four our lives, so having a model of someone who is a great listener but also a model of someone who is great at expressing themselves with honesty and empathy. Sometimes I focus so much in listenning that it drains my energy. Which means I gotta express myself more. Also, I recognized that there are people that I love but I prefer to maintain a healthy distance from, because it takes too much energy being around them. And I also loved the be comfortable with disharmony tip. Really related to that. Thank you so much once more, you're like a light in the dark.
so happy to hear about your learning. It resonated what you write.
Let me know how come you listen longer than you like..or any other feedback :-)
because I'm afraid of the other person's anger if I interrupt
Love these videos and you have helped me so much so I thank you! I wanted to see if I could ask you about a current relationship who is a family member. What do I do if the person has no interest about hearing what I would prefer (a need) even if I shared it in the most connecting way possible? This family member shared that it is not her job to meet needs or do anything to help our relationship get stronger...She also tends to dominate all our conversations and all of our conversations tend to be about her but then tells me she is upset that I don’t express more, even though I am attempting to tell her how I can connect more. This is a very short synopsis....
Thank you. I think I have a tendancy to over empathize which encourages people to talk alot and I find it difficult to then re-enter the conversation, because it starts to feel like a long monologue and I would like learn how to share the space, so it feels more balanced. You mentioned in your video that you may to another video on that. I would that very useful. Thank you. E
yes, this one: th-cam.com/video/uAYxSkoQkoE/w-d-xo.html
Let me know what you think of it!
very succinct and helpful to my need for clarity... especially the part about need for harmony and becoming comfortable with discomfort... the need for safety is met... it is not comfortable, not harmonious but i am safe... or am i? :D
I work with the public (200 people a day!) and often feel overwhelmed by it especially when I am helping one person or trying to focus on something and someone tries talking to me (literally two or three people speaking a time). I'm finding simple sayings like "one moment please" or "one thing at a time please" are more helpful than "shut up" or "how rude you are" hahahah still balancing how to get people to allow me time to do what I'm doing rather than talking over me.
Feeling compassion..
Hi Marianne. Do you have any videos where the three Pillars:expressing listening and self empathy are explained?
From the top of my head i dont think i do, not a separate one at least!
I'd love to offer a little feedback on your video: I'm finding it difficult to follow and differentiate the 5 tips you're offering. I'd suggest using things like text overlays or spliced in "b roll" video to more clearly delineate the tips and create visual landmarks for each one.
I might also try shortening each section a little to keep them concise and focused
Thanks!
What do i say, when i just feel like im not interested in the topic, or if i just feel like the person doesnt give me the chance to talk about whats going on for me?
I would prefer to talk about this live, as it depends on a few things..but to give you a hint: there are always 3 options in NVC:
1) empathise with yourself. Stop listening to the other person, and start listening to yourself. Why is this not interesting? What is my need? And engage yourself that way.
2) expressing: Hey, I notice I'm a bit distracted...And I feel torn because I imagine this thing you talk about is very important to you?
3) listening: start to guess the persons feelings and needs. Usually, it's not the topic that is disengaging for us, but the WAY someone talks about it.
Does this help you?