Yes, mine just demanded he wanted a 'submissive woman'. I then realised that translated to somebody that shuts up and put up. Someone that question nothing. Sick sick sick people.
The worst part is that almost everyone in the wider environment -- family, yes, but MANY, MANY more people than that -- will bully you relentlessly if you don't capitulate. Even if you try to push back - YOU will be labeled the "difficult, terrible" person, even by some therapists
I have a 93 male client who is like this. After knowing her more, finally I can see why his daughter does not want to speak to him. I even try do distance myself from him and thinking to find another job. Whenever I came to work with him, I couldn't sleep at night because he gave me anxiety. He is nosy. He would use a little bit information he knew to cons to constantly blackmail me and put me on defense to defend people in my life or to correct things/words I nevers said. He often puts words in my mouth. He wanted me to hate everyone else and only like him. But it doesn't work like that. It makes me want to stay far away from him and it makes me not want to do this job anymore.
The magic sentence Dr Ramani said “ you have to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable “ that was my biggest problem for many many years . I now much rather be uncomfortable 😣 than in a toxic abusive realationship . Slowly you become desensitised to being uncomfortable, but NEVER to being ABUSED. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
All gifts and favors (even the smallest) from a Narc are not for the receiver, they are for themselves to use as future collateral. They remember EVERYTHING "nice" they ever did for you.
100% - everything they do for you has strings attached. Even if they extend an invite and you decline, the fact that they even asked you, in their mind, they think that gives them open access to your entire life. It's SO crazy and intrusive.
You have told it all with the story of the swan that carried the scorpion on her back to the other side of the river. The swan will always be stung, she will always be killed if she doesn't throw off the scorpion. I did! I threw my scorpion off and now i'm happily swimming in the river and my scorpion is struggeling to stay above water. I hear him crying and screaming for help but i"m not interested anymore
I am a generous person. This kind of treatment plays off my generosity more than my empathy. I finally realized that my ex was treating me like his parent rather than his partner.
Shame is what kept me stuck in the marriage long after the relationship had expired. Even now months after the reverse discard, the chickens are coming home to roost.
Dr Ramani, you are gifting this whole community with the much needed validaton that we didn’t even know we needed. Thank you for seeing us and showing up like you do. You are a blessing in my life. ❤. Please go buy yourself a purple sparkly dress and go out on the town like the boss that you are!!! You will rock the hell out of it 💜✨💜✨
For me it was a choice of life or death. I had to RUN so I had a plane ticket and a family member to pick me up 2500 miles away. For the next weeks and months, I worked daily on healing, finding a home, therapy, a job, growing a new life with a clean canvas. If you feel completely stuck, I'm so sorry for you. Stay alert to any possible path to a safe place. Life is easier to navigate when you're not being abused. Life changes constantly.
"Nerves of steel" takes a long time to develop. Getting there takes steps, and support of your separate loved ones from the narcissist. You're having others who love and care really drives a narcissist crazy. Getting there includes self awareness, and realization you have to preserve yourself. When you say "no more", follow through regardless of the treats, emails (keep them), and remember you know the past and want a future in peace without them. Thank you Doctor
Doctor Ramani, thank you so much for always bringing clarity and healing to us. I've seen this wicked behavior before. Empaths are often injured by these people.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for doing your part of shedding light on The Dark (the toxic people that are narcissists.) I know these people are wounded/traumatized themselves but their behavior is pure, downright Evil. You are providing emotional literacy to millions. Narcissist Awareness Grief is real.
I dont miss the chronic manipulation during hovering, the lies, financial deceit, the physical and emotional violence , the future faking Just blessed that i found the courage to get legal assistance to exit that toxic entanglement It took me decades to finally file for divorce I have the luxury of no contact now and life is peaceful Would never have made it without the guidance of you DrRamini and this community The daily videos and members comments are a great support and a daily reminder "Its not you" Thank you
Being a survivor…. Lots of takeaways here feeling like the “victim” stage. I was never physically abused, mostly was emotional blackmail. Thank you Doc for the validation that we WERE a victim. I’ve chosen to be a survivor.
I realized 5 years in that I wasn't his " victim," so much as his Prey. He's a predator and always will be. But I have a safety force field around me now, ( I left after ten years,) and Anyone's (!!!) toxicity just bounces off of it and rebounds right back onto them. 🤣🤣😈😈😈
This explains my whole family in a nutshell. They’ve all pulled BS over the years. Now I’m broke, and had a stroke, and am unsure what MY future is. If only I saw Dr. Ramani’s videos decades earlier….
I get it. Also, when a narcissist will continue to bring up their former spouse because they know it makes you feel insecure or not as valuable. The 'blackmail' comes when that action hurts you and you feel pushed into a verbal encounter. Best NOT to go there!
That’s triangulation.Been there- compared and all.If I had it to do over?I would’ve responded to it. At the time,I didn’t know what triangulation was or why it’s used. It’s best to see it for what it is and have no response (response and reaction is what is wanted then they can demonize you for the response/reaction).
Thank you, Dr. Ramini. Healing from growing with a narc mom takes a lifetime. Watching your video and learning from you is so helpful. Your wisdom is godsend.
I booted my narc mother out of my life. She's so spiteful I'm certain that she's cut me out of her will. But I give zero F's. NO amount of money is worth putting up with her abuse.
Honestly, I used to confide some my personal issues with my mother with the understanding that she was my my mother, and I could trust her completely. I unfortunately learned that the minute I didn't "fit the mold" she wanted me to, or dare venture outside of her control, she actually threatened to tell everyone in the family (including extended family) about the things I confided to her about. It's soul crushing.
This is spot on! No Financial discipline yet stay clothed in name brand with labels, accommodation on all extra circular activities for themselves yet beg everyone for help discreetly without being responsible for their breakdown EVER
Let's put this one on loop! For like 24 hours! I'm in! I just got out of a ten year narcissist extortion game! Doc R omg! Thank you for all your help these last 4:years! I also watched really great channels that helped! Like Dr. Les Carter! And Narcdaily, with Andrew! Namaste Andrew! And Narc Chronicles with Coach Jesse!🎉 Valuable information that saved my life! We get to learn so much, as we heal. As we thrive! As we go forward! I'm a living testimony of that, and I'm here to be grateful for all we get to learn!❤ Thank you Dr. Ramini. I could hug you a thousand times for all you help me with! I love your heart, and your wisdom, and I learn so much. Thank you.
Yes! “Your empathy”. My boss messaged me about how it “would be best for her financially speaking to close the doors on the business”. “Losing money just to keep the doors open but doesn’t want to do that to me and the other employee” I think she was totally expecting me to jump in to save the day. i.e. working even harder and doing even more. Who knows but boy it all felt like manipulation.
Years before there was TH-cam I read a book called Emotional Blackmail that read like my life story…until I found out about Narcissistic Abuse. The manipulation of EB is just part of the whole story. Thank you for pointing out the differences.
When I was dealing with my addict ex, I spoke to a counselor with a lot of experience dealing with addicts. She said: "Do NOT make empty threats. Don't say you will leave the relationship/ call their bluff, if you are not prepared to follow through"
When I left my covert narc ex-friend she was *SHAMELESS* in her emotional manipulation to try to suck me back in, inventing a fake cancer scare, pretending to be suicidal then instantly "recovering." Stand firm, people. Helping is best when it's a 2-way street, and there are plenty of GOOD people deserving of our time and energy, including ourselves! 😃😻
omg, the levels these people will stoop to just to suck you back in - it's absolutely disgraceful! Thank goodness you're aware of their manipulation tactics now!
It is true. Emotional blackmail is part of a narcissistic relationship. Once we see what’s going on, we need to act wisely. There is a rule that you don’t negotiate with a terrorist and we must keep that in mind and apply it otherwise we will be held hostage by the narcissist. Thank you for great advice dr Ramani 😊❤
Your channel is an absolute life saver and a knowledge hive! Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani, you're the absolute best! And may I say you're beautiful ☺️💜
Thank you for this, dear Dr. Ramani. My brother has emotionally blackmailed me (at some point in your video, it sounded as if you were describing him!). I know what I'm dealing with and your videos and books (and therapy) have helped me so much! But sometimes I still think I could write him an e-mail to help him "be reasonable"... I won't. He is going to use every word against me, twist the facts to guilt trip me once again. Yes, I have to learn to be "comfortable with the uncomfortable". Thank you for your help. I'm not extremely religious, but I think my guardian angel helped me with the timing here (I watch your videos regularly but not every day) This was perfect timing! All the best to you ❤
I feel like my mom tends to emotionally blackmail me with manipulating me thru coercive control guilt tripping gaslighting catastrophizing future faking etc… fortunately I have learnt to see through it and not engage. It’s so frustrating though. Not taking it on. Focusing on my life. Thank you Dr Ramani❤
I was working for someone (personal assisting) who expected me to behave as if the constant emotional regulation needed would be normal and part of an ordinary job for someone with physical disability. There is so much narcissistic "bordercrossing" in that working field. My original passion to care and empower seems to be in the wrong place. I finally got that.
This one can range from one of their common guilt trips to all out stalking you everywhere and laughing about it because they have connections in legal system thinking they will never be reprimanded for it simply because they know it bothers you.
"You're breaking your mom's heart" I'm breaking my own too, it's better than being the emotional punching bag for a 70 year old child, my gods does he still know how to push my buttons though.
Something I have been told many times by my partner: "You have broken my heart" . The advice "Get comfortable about being uncomfortable" is very good. It is against my every instinct to not help someone vulnerable so it is extremely hard to say no, even when I know I am being used or manipulated.
Thank you, Doctor Ramini, for helping to define all that we are healing from, and for all of the profoundly helpful and life saving wisdom. So very grateful for you.
Blackmail from a narcissist is based on knowing where your buttons are and knowing how to get under your skin. What they "have on you," the threat is that. Do what I want or I know how to push your buttons and make you feel horrible. In my opinion Good vid. Thanks for the tips and for drying out some of the differences between emotional blackmail in general and in a narcissistic relationship
My sister is a classic emotional blackmailer, very much a vulnerable/malignant narcissist. She actually devolved to full on extortion when she THOUGHT she had something in the legal realm on me. We'll I wasn't doing anything illegal or shady, so that didn't work, and it was the catalyst for me to go strict no contact for life...
Now if my husband was listening to this video, he would be nodding his head saying to himself “see she emotionally blackmails me all the time”. The reason he will think this is because I have said to him many times when he says I’m a useless person that I have been a very supportive person and I will tell him when I did this because he always likes specific proof. I don’t tell him because I want something from him, I tell him to support myself as I will not allow him to drag me down to feeling worthless which he does very well. When he’s feeling everything is going his way, he will turn on the kind aren’t I just such a lovable, compassionate human being. NO.
daily listening to doses of wisdom/knowledge about the patterns is so helpful while trying to get out, it is very strengthening, and slowly it is really settling in that nothing is as it seemed... and it was all there from the beginning. thank you
Lol....my husband kept trying & failing....constant fighting or silent treatment. So thankful he is my ex cause peace in life is wonderful. Lol....I am not a nice person who gets used & he always resented that
Mom exhibited this during her alcolism years. I'm 56 now, but as a child, I didn't know the actual term for her behavior, I just knew it was not good, her behavior never felt right to me. Her love was very conditional, chaotic, split-personality, violent, menacing, and questionable at times. The enabler was my Dad. She was able to get away with anything bad she did. He was the definition of a good guy, but passive to his wife. It quizzed the heck outta me! I said Dad, why don't you take a copy key of my apartment and come in and rest while I go to school. He did just that. He apologized to me when I asked him why did he allow this to go on. He further apologized for mom as well. I said thank you, dad, but Mom has to be accountable for her own actions. He agreed. ❤he died in 2000. I would endure anything I have to go through to see him again. Mom had no right to birth me into her world of anger and abuse. To deny that I was born on Father's Day, by raising me with these words: " Never marry a man like ya daddy..." Mom would say it in front of him. I'm emotional😪🤧
I had a similar ordeal except nm wasn’t an alcoholic. She’s was bat azz cray cray. Never touched alcohol. I was in elementary school when I knew something wasn’t right. Guess who became the alcoholic? I drank for 40 years and stopped 6 months after she died. I miss my poppy too. 😢
My daddy was also an angel. He tried to give my mom and us girls everything, worked until the day he could no longer. Mom never appreciated him, until he was gone. But I think she only missed him because she didn't have anybody captive anymore to do her bidding and take her abuse. RIP to the sweet dads. ❤
I see so much elder abuse by grandchildren. I also see abuse by children dropping off grandchildren to the grandparents. The elderly can't say no. But that started a long time prior. The sooner you say NO the better.
I see more abuse of adult children by their narcissistic PARENTS. I think it's not talked about as much because a lot of adult "chlidren" now of age and being bullied by these abusive parents -- and other family members who don't want the job of caring for those parents -- came up in an time where Dr. Ramani & other practitioners didn't even have this information to give us ... or, as she referenced in the live chat, they were absolutely prevented and prohibited from doing so by the wider cultural environment. 😰🥴❤
Would weaponizing your traumatic experience to make you feel guilty for not empathizing and supporting the narcissist count as emotional blackmail? To me, blackmailing seems more like a threat than a manipulation.
In the end you’ll realize that everything a narc does and doesn’t do for you becomes “blackmail”; in their mind, you are constantly indebted to them just because of WHO they are and the privilege you have with them gracing your life with their presence
They KNOW what they're doing, it IS premeditated. Getting hoovered? It probably corresponds to an event in your life that holds great emotional significance. They Are NOT Entitled to Your Attention About It, Just Because They Were Around For It
The Life of Nicole Brown Simpson is on Lifetime channel tv. Just in case anyone is interested. Three of her sisters wanted people to know Nicole before the murder. Thanks Dr. Ramani for videos and books. Just received the books!
It’s different when someone asks for help because they are really having a struggle versus someone wanting it just because and not being a responsibility adult. Folks need to grow up!
59, Indian, I've been giving all my life. Primed me for narc abuse in my 25 yr marriage. Now I'm only giving to my daughters, nobody else since they've been abandoned by their narc father.
Huge thank you dr. Ramani for opening our eyes, you are helping a lot of people. 13 years in this mess, and now my confusion is gone, I clearly see what’s going on, all patterns of behavior match to what you describing. Of course I saw red flags, and like many of us I ignored them for that fake future. I wish I did not. Would be nice to see a video of how to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and minimize harm. I have to stay few more years, if not she will ruin our kids.
Brilliant!!!!! and exactly what I experienced, my narc co-parent does nothing for my son and knows that bc I have empathy I will wind up paying for everything, doing everything, and arranging everything, and she acts like a victim and gets all the sympathy from society... 👍❤❤❤
Hi Dr. Ramani! I have found this form of NA hard to pinpoint up until now! Thank you for this extremely clear and helpful talk! And congratulations on your new book..I love reading it, and having it at my fingertips :)
Ways my mum has emotionally blackmailed me in the past 3 years (and now almost 1 year of no contact): - silent treatment and passive aggressive silence when I was having fun with my sister at an event - pretending to be poor - pretending to be suicidal - telling me my nan was sick but no details (I didn't rise to the bait) - telling me how much she's done for me and using it against me - playing victim when she's done anything wrong And more 😂
Last night was the final straw for me he packed up his things and used my phone to call a cab then I locked him out he spent all night trying to get me to give him more supply but he was playing the whole list of blackmail and I stayed strong
I never thought about bringing up that he bought a house or I was a stay at home mom was emotional blackmail. He gave me $2500 for school and states he put me through school. I was not enrolled in college in the early 1900's, so it cost way more!! Thank you for this!
I don’t know if, or how much, my mother was narcissistic. I just know that emotional blackmail was her primary tool to raise me. If my goals and performance wasn’t exactly the way she expected, there was a mostly unspoken but very clear message that some terrible illness would befall her. It was a very effective manipulation tactic. She loved me so much that she only wanted me to succeed, but in her definition of success. I became the good child, but there was always a deep sorrow in me as a child and teenager…that I was valued and loved only if I performed to her expectations. I never felt unconditionally loved. I felt constantly judged. I wound up choosing narcissistic husbands, not knowing what the narcissistic personality style was. I’m not blaming that on my upbringing, however, I think I missed red flags because I was such a people pleaser. Thank you 1000 times over, Dr. R, for your passion to make this knowledge accessible to everyone.
Is him repeatedly threatening to divorce me if I don't follow his rules and standards considered emotional blackmail? My ex would do that but never followed through on those threats. I'm the one who eventually said enough was enough and (without threatening it), initiated the divorce. I ask this because he had the financial power in the relationship.
Yes it is. I hope you have a good lawyer, because during the divorce my ex would constantly file motions to drain my retainer. Also if you have young kids, not driving or don’t have cell phones., please make sure your attorney puts it in the divorce decree for the future
My husband told me that I will miss him when he is gone. After all he did buy me a phone. I laughed inside. There is one thing I will miss is that he makes good money, that I’m not aloud to touch and if I do it’s the end of the world.
Are you kidding .... He bought you a phone It's probably got a tracer, so he can check on you! You are worthy of much more, this is NOT a loving, caring or nurturing union. Think about it
Love your hair and pink looks beautiful on you! Ty for your context I finish your hook it’s not you ! I’m so grateful for your work it has been such a blessing… ❤️🩹 healing from a narcissist sibling drama blow up!!
Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for this video! I found it so helpful and useful! Especially, that i get a lot of emotional blackmail from my own narcissistic mother and family
Yes❤. Took me too long to see that one as well. He twists stories and twisted stories. It wasnt until i sat down and wrote out order of events. He would always threaten me and pull me into feeling like he "wasnt that bad" -i ended up in the hospital while pregnant in 2014. - he had an expensive lawyer and someone asked me why it wasnt brought up full force since he said it so often -to me while we were in and out of court. When i wrote out thenorder of events on top of he disconnecting my battery cables. Even that eventually made sense. If he used it i would have told what had occurred leading up into being hospitalised including trapping and force and man handling. Etc. When i finally set a boundary guided by counseling as he was bringing it up all the time and even caused my cptsd to get worse with anxiousness and the hypervigilance. he said we have two different interpretations of events. I was a liar needed to go back to the hospital and have helo. And i informed him that this was at the instruction of my counselour. I had help and if he brought it up again id press charges as he was mentally and emotionally being abusive and being manipulative. He hasnt done it again.
They really arent that smart to be honest. The emotional black mail and twisted stories and lies have it to where he has backed himself into a corner of needing mental health diagnosis/support. All the lies are pretty much catching up with him and the pattern. He has had 0 assessments.
Dr. Ramani!❤❤So grateful for you! Had I not found you I would think I was crazy. That somehow I was not getting it right. That somehow something was so wrong with me and that I needed to change everything about myself so that maybe by now ex husband would be happy. He definitely used emotional blackmail even to the very end when he had to pay me in the divorce. I was so much stronger by then… I literally binged watched your videos through it all😊
You mean when they do things like having your 12 year old daughter pick up tools under a full hot water tank that was ready to collapse off of a platform while they look at you and smile? Slander to where people you don't even know set you up and attack you including a family judge that sits their with a grin on his face wanting to adopt your daughter. " My wife just loves her, we will pay for her college and buy her a car, she can see you any time she likes." Further twisting my children's perception of me as if they didn't twist their minds enough. Watching the enabling people around me I have vowed that whether they cooperated with him actively or passively I have no problem watching them OR their seed perish should God set that table before me. ANYONE....
Thank you for sharing. Narcissistic folks will also play these tactics, like blaming. I was recently blamed for not knowing I am being sued/ was sued, who knows now. Apparently, a package sent to me was returned. This individual after almost a year decided to open it. Never decided to return to sender. Shoot we had such a big discussion over my mail because I didn't have an address that returning the mail was supposed to have happened with all my mail. Of course, bail out of taking any responsibility, leaving me once again majorly hanging. I go to this individual when I find myself short with gas money and won't accept the repayments. I believe the total is close to $400. The suit is $ 20,000 I noticed I lose largely for depending on someone I can't trust to count on. Is this Gaslighting, yes, some what. The narcissistic people will dig into you in a big way. This is a perfect example. My sister thought this was funny. Does it sound like I might be sulking, maybe, slight bit. It stings. After she blames me for not knowing too, tells me "truth hurts." I normally like to be nice; I really don't like her. I told her that too.
Dr Ramani, what if you know a shameful childish secret about a sibling from childhood and that person has so much shame about it that the sibling has exacted revenge on you since childhood, in front of you and behind your back. I have never told anyone the secret except a cousin when i was a child & wouldnt ever as an adult, yet my sibling cannot let it go. This was the GC & i was the SG & the sibling was bullying me back then which is why i brought it up that i knew,as a child. My cousin has never brought it up either. I have never brought it up as an adult or threatened to tell,in fact, i forget all about it until i am reminded by their resentment and utter hatred, targeted towards only me. The sibling is extremely verbally aggressive & screams at me in front of others, making out its about something else, when i know exactly what this problem is- its the shame & fear that others will find out...like i am holding it over them when i am not at all. This thing i caught the sibling doing happened over 50 years ago. I am not that type of person to even use it against them, but the sibling is furious that i know they are not so perfect, as they try to appear as squeaky clean to the rest of society ,always judging others so harshly-there is no empathy. I have had to go total no contact with this sibling as i am being destroyed by them bc of what i know and their guilt & shame. Recently, both parents are now dead & I have come back to the family town before the last one died. The monster within has awakened again bc im back. There is obviously a gigantic hangup about it mixed with revenge & jealousy too. Its like reverse emotional blackmail. Ive even been screamed at in front of other family members, when they are highly intoxicated, screaming- " you bullied me", "you are the enemy!" Ive been bullied for 50 yrs by them since, bc of this. Im actually scared of the fury directed towards me... they want me gone and I'm an embarrassing, threatening thorn in their side. The fear of exposure is not a real threat but they will not let it go. The sibling nurses the grudge, like its a little baby in their arms...
Childhood cognitive development 101. Don't attend or stew on behaviors you don't want to see, easier said than done., and be consistent.. In the end, attending is a reward, and we all just want to be recieved.
Spot on. My narc ex always emotionally blackmailed me for money. He'd play on my empathy ( to clear his debts) kindness ( pay his hospital bill ) or sense of responsibility ( loan him money for his work ). He never had any stuff on me to actually blackmail me.
This was done to me by my children’s father and is now being done by my oldest. Unfortunately, despite us separating when she was 12, she is treating me the same as he did. My role modelling, 6 years and her living with me full time didn’t work, she picked up his traits. It’s exhausting not giving in because the escalation can keep going for a long time. Then suddenly, they act like nothing happened and a new favour is asked of you.
I would probably just shrug my shoulders and say thats okay, i got one on you too. Gotta go things to do and people to see. I just dont have the energy to even react anymore. It really sucks and its cruel and mean.
I'd love to hear you talk about economic abuse in narcissistic relationships. I grew up with a narcissistic father and we all endured abuse. I watched my mother deal with all types of abuse, but the economic abuse was profound. I've found myself in narcissistic relationships and also experienced economic abuse (I only learned this term from a lawyer prior to my divorce a few years ago).
Having experienced emotional blackmail in childhood, the parent may not have physical evidence to hold against you, but they do have control over access to comfort and support, nothing quite like the empty feeling that comes with being pushed away as you don't deserve it.
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Narcissists will use every trick in the book to get you to do what they want. Which of course, is to abandon yourself and cater to them.
Yes, mine just demanded he wanted a 'submissive woman'. I then realised that translated to somebody that shuts up and put up. Someone that question nothing. Sick sick sick people.
THEY create their problems, then demand that YOU fix them. Otherwise YOU are a bad person. Think about that for a minute.
The worst part is that almost everyone in the wider environment -- family, yes, but MANY, MANY more people than that -- will bully you relentlessly if you don't capitulate. Even if you try to push back - YOU will be labeled the "difficult, terrible" person, even by some therapists
Agreed
Perfectly said
@@amarbyrd2520yes, enablers are the worst
I have a 93 male client who is like this. After knowing her more, finally I can see why his daughter does not want to speak to him. I even try do distance myself from him and thinking to find another job. Whenever I came to work with him, I couldn't sleep at night because he gave me anxiety. He is nosy. He would use a little bit information he knew to cons to constantly blackmail me and put me on defense to defend people in my life or to correct things/words I nevers said. He often puts words in my mouth. He wanted me to hate everyone else and only like him. But it doesn't work like that. It makes me want to stay far away from him and it makes me not want to do this job anymore.
They think that you're naive and stupid and that they can easily fool you. That's what they really think about you.
The magic sentence Dr Ramani said “ you have to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable “ that was my biggest problem for many many years . I now much rather be uncomfortable 😣 than in a toxic abusive realationship . Slowly you become desensitised to being uncomfortable, but NEVER to being ABUSED. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
🎯
💯
"Your comfort zone will kill you"
(some quote I read somewhere).
All gifts and favors (even the smallest) from a Narc are not for the receiver, they are for themselves to use as future collateral. They remember EVERYTHING "nice" they ever did for you.
Transactional love
100% - everything they do for you has strings attached. Even if they extend an invite and you decline, the fact that they even asked you, in their mind, they think that gives them open access to your entire life. It's SO crazy and intrusive.
..and conveniently forget the abusive words or behaviour. My stb vulnerable narcissist ex claimed to be getting Alzheimer's. 🙄
You have told it all with the story of the swan that carried the scorpion on her back to the other side of the river. The swan will always be stung, she will always be killed if she doesn't throw off the scorpion. I did! I threw my scorpion off and now i'm happily swimming in the river and my scorpion is struggeling to stay above water. I hear him crying and screaming for help but i"m not interested anymore
Thank you, I kept hearing about the Swan & the scorpion but didn't know how it went...it all makes sense now.
The sickest part is when children are involved and being used
Welcome to my hell.
@@avibhagan *hug*
Exactly, my kids father keeps telling me I want to take the easy way out in front of them, or I am only thinking about myself and not the kids...
Oh I am dealing with that now. And it is so painful to see the kids being affected by this situation.
My ex manipulated my daughter so badly by silent treatment. She would feel so sorry for the bastard.
I am a generous person. This kind of treatment plays off my generosity more than my empathy. I finally realized that my ex was treating me like his parent rather than his partner.
I've always looked at this as the narcissist holding themselves hostage. In the sense of "If you don't do what I want, I'm going to be very very sad."
Yup …. In and out behaviors , verbal abuse , emotional abuse ….anything and everything to have CONTROL .
That's my ex narc
What they have on you is your own tendency to feel shame. They expect you to incriminate yourself in your own eyes if you do not serve them.
Shame is what kept me stuck in the marriage long after the relationship had expired. Even now months after the reverse discard, the chickens are coming home to roost.
Dr Ramani, you are gifting this whole community with the much needed validaton that we didn’t even know we needed. Thank you for seeing us and showing up like you do. You are a blessing in my life. ❤. Please go buy yourself a purple sparkly dress and go out on the town like the boss that you are!!! You will rock the hell out of it 💜✨💜✨
For me it was a choice of life or death. I had to RUN so I had a plane ticket and a family member to pick me up 2500 miles away. For the next weeks and months, I worked daily on healing, finding a home, therapy, a job, growing a new life with a clean canvas.
If you feel completely stuck, I'm so sorry for you. Stay alert to any possible path to a safe place. Life is easier to navigate when you're not being abused. Life changes constantly.
"Nerves of steel" takes a long time to develop. Getting there takes steps, and support of your separate loved ones from the narcissist. You're having others who love and care really drives a narcissist crazy. Getting there includes self awareness, and realization you have to preserve yourself. When you say "no more", follow through regardless of the treats, emails (keep them), and remember you know the past and want a future in peace without them. Thank you Doctor
Doctor Ramani, thank you so much for always bringing clarity and healing to us. I've seen this wicked behavior before. Empaths are often injured by these people.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for doing your part of shedding light on The Dark (the toxic people that are narcissists.) I know these people are wounded/traumatized themselves but their behavior is pure, downright Evil. You are providing emotional literacy to millions. Narcissist Awareness Grief is real.
I dont miss the chronic manipulation during hovering, the lies, financial deceit, the physical and emotional violence , the future faking
Just blessed that i found the courage to get legal assistance to exit that toxic entanglement
It took me decades to finally file for divorce
I have the luxury of no contact now and life is peaceful
Would never have made it without the guidance of you DrRamini and this community
The daily videos and members comments are a great support and a daily reminder
"Its not you"
Thank you
I wish I knew what my nex was so early on! 50 yrs later I am free. 6 yrs free at 67. It started from day one. Ended after a lifetime.
Being a survivor…. Lots of takeaways here feeling like the “victim” stage. I was never physically abused, mostly was emotional blackmail. Thank you Doc for the validation that we WERE a victim. I’ve chosen to be a survivor.
I realized 5 years in that I wasn't his " victim," so much as his Prey. He's a predator and always will be. But I have a safety force field around me now, ( I left after ten years,) and Anyone's (!!!) toxicity just bounces off of it and rebounds right back onto them. 🤣🤣😈😈😈
This explains my whole family in a nutshell. They’ve all pulled BS over the years. Now I’m broke, and had a stroke, and am unsure what MY future is.
If only I saw Dr. Ramani’s videos decades earlier….
Me too 😢
I get it. Also, when a narcissist will continue to bring up their former spouse because they know it makes you feel insecure or not as valuable. The 'blackmail' comes when that action hurts you and you feel pushed into a verbal encounter. Best NOT to go there!
That’s triangulation.Been there- compared and all.If I had it to do over?I would’ve responded to it.
At the time,I didn’t know what triangulation was or why it’s used.
It’s best to see it for what it is and have no response (response and reaction is what is wanted then they can demonize you for the response/reaction).
Thank you, Dr. Ramini. Healing from growing with a narc mom takes a lifetime. Watching your video and learning from you is so helpful. Your wisdom is godsend.
My parents tried so hard to control the family with their money and "guilt trips". It only works for so long.
I booted my narc mother out of my life. She's so spiteful I'm certain that she's cut me out of her will. But I give zero F's. NO amount of money is worth putting up with her abuse.
My mother is retired and broke as hell trying to hold a will over my head lol jokes on her
@@WistleWhileYouTwerk - good for you! The narcs can take their manipulation and shove it!
Honestly, I used to confide some my personal issues with my mother with the understanding that she was my my mother, and I could trust her completely. I unfortunately learned that the minute I didn't "fit the mold" she wanted me to, or dare venture outside of her control, she actually threatened to tell everyone in the family (including extended family) about the things I confided to her about. It's soul crushing.
However, becoming comfortable with the discomfort is truly liberating and I stand by it. ❤
This is spot on! No Financial discipline yet stay clothed in name brand with labels, accommodation on all extra circular activities for themselves yet beg everyone for help discreetly without being responsible for their breakdown EVER
Story of my narcicisst husband's life.
Let's put this one on loop! For like 24 hours!
I'm in!
I just got out of a ten year narcissist extortion game!
Doc R omg! Thank you for all your help these last 4:years!
I also watched really great channels that helped! Like Dr. Les Carter! And Narcdaily, with Andrew! Namaste Andrew! And Narc Chronicles with Coach Jesse!🎉
Valuable information that saved my life!
We get to learn so much, as we heal. As we thrive! As we go forward!
I'm a living testimony of that, and I'm here to be grateful for all we get to learn!❤ Thank you Dr. Ramini. I could hug you a thousand times for all you help me with! I love your heart, and your wisdom, and I learn so much.
Thank you.
She is the best. So clear and lucid
Yes! “Your empathy”.
My boss messaged me about how it “would be best for her financially speaking to close the doors on the business”. “Losing money just to keep the doors open but doesn’t want to do that to me and the other employee”
I think she was totally expecting me to jump in to save the day. i.e. working even harder and doing even more.
Who knows but boy it all felt like manipulation.
Years before there was TH-cam I read a book called Emotional Blackmail that read like my life story…until I found out about Narcissistic Abuse. The manipulation of EB is just part of the whole story. Thank you for pointing out the differences.
When I was dealing with my addict ex, I spoke to a counselor with a lot of experience dealing with addicts. She said: "Do NOT make empty threats. Don't say you will leave the relationship/ call their bluff, if you are not prepared to follow through"
Mindblowing that we even have to deal with this. BTW, you look beautiful, Dr. Ramani.
In my experience, even if you comply with the threat, they will eventually follow through in their harmful intention. Great subject! 💪👍💯
When I left my covert narc ex-friend she was *SHAMELESS* in her emotional manipulation to try to suck me back in, inventing a fake cancer scare, pretending to be suicidal then instantly "recovering." Stand firm, people. Helping is best when it's a 2-way street, and there are plenty of GOOD people deserving of our time and energy, including ourselves! 😃😻
omg, the levels these people will stoop to just to suck you back in - it's absolutely disgraceful! Thank goodness you're aware of their manipulation tactics now!
It is true. Emotional blackmail is part of a narcissistic relationship. Once we see what’s going on, we need to act wisely. There is a rule that you don’t negotiate with a terrorist and we must keep that in mind and apply it otherwise we will be held hostage by the narcissist. Thank you for great advice dr Ramani 😊❤
Your channel is an absolute life saver and a knowledge hive! Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani, you're the absolute best! And may I say you're beautiful ☺️💜
Thank you for this, dear Dr. Ramani. My brother has emotionally blackmailed me (at some point in your video, it sounded as if you were describing him!). I know what I'm dealing with and your videos and books (and therapy) have helped me so much! But sometimes I still think I could write him an e-mail to help him "be reasonable"... I won't. He is going to use every word against me, twist the facts to guilt trip me once again. Yes, I have to learn to be "comfortable with the uncomfortable". Thank you for your help. I'm not extremely religious, but I think my guardian angel helped me with the timing here (I watch your videos regularly but not every day) This was perfect timing! All the best to you ❤
I feel like my mom tends to emotionally blackmail me with manipulating me thru coercive control guilt tripping gaslighting catastrophizing future faking etc… fortunately I have learnt to see through it and not engage. It’s so frustrating though. Not taking it on. Focusing on my life. Thank you Dr Ramani❤
“After everything I’ve done for you!”
I was working for someone (personal assisting) who expected me to behave as if the constant emotional regulation needed would be normal and part of an ordinary job for someone with physical disability. There is so much narcissistic "bordercrossing" in that working field. My original passion to care and empower seems to be in the wrong place. I finally got that.
Is it possible that some narcs watch Dr. Ramani’s videos and think THEY are the victims of narcissistic abuse?!
This video was great timing....thank you.
This one can range from one of their common guilt trips to all out stalking you everywhere and laughing about it because they have connections in legal system thinking they will never be reprimanded for it simply because they know it bothers you.
"You're breaking your mom's heart"
I'm breaking my own too, it's better than being the emotional punching bag for a 70 year old child, my gods does he still know how to push my buttons though.
Something I have been told many times by my partner: "You have broken my heart" . The advice "Get comfortable about being uncomfortable" is very good. It is against my every instinct to not help someone vulnerable so it is extremely hard to say no, even when I know I am being used or manipulated.
Thank you, Doctor Ramini, for helping to define all that we are healing from, and for all of the profoundly helpful and life saving wisdom.
So very grateful for you.
Blackmail from a narcissist is based on knowing where your buttons are and knowing how to get under your skin. What they "have on you," the threat is that. Do what I want or I know how to push your buttons and make you feel horrible. In my opinion
Good vid. Thanks for the tips and for drying out some of the differences between emotional blackmail in general and in a narcissistic relationship
My sister is a classic emotional blackmailer, very much a vulnerable/malignant narcissist. She actually devolved to full on extortion when she THOUGHT she had something in the legal realm on me. We'll I wasn't doing anything illegal or shady, so that didn't work, and it was the catalyst for me to go strict no contact for life...
Thank you for bringing this up, narcs are manipulative
Now if my husband was listening to this video, he would be nodding his head saying to himself “see she emotionally blackmails me all the time”. The reason he will think this is because I have said to him many times when he says I’m a useless person that I have been a very supportive person and I will tell him when I did this because he always likes specific proof. I don’t tell him because I want something from him, I tell him to support myself as I will not allow him to drag me down to feeling worthless which he does very well. When he’s feeling everything is going his way, he will turn on the kind aren’t I just such a lovable, compassionate human being. NO.
daily listening to doses of wisdom/knowledge about the patterns is so helpful while trying to get out, it is very strengthening, and slowly it is really settling in that nothing is as it seemed... and it was all there from the beginning. thank you
Lol....my husband kept trying & failing....constant fighting or silent treatment. So thankful he is my ex cause peace in life is wonderful. Lol....I am not a nice person who gets used & he always resented that
The term emotional blackmail works for me. Dr. Ramani, you described its mechanics exactly. ❤
Mom exhibited this during her alcolism years. I'm 56 now, but as a child, I didn't know the actual term for her behavior, I just knew it was not good, her behavior never felt right to me. Her love was very conditional, chaotic, split-personality, violent, menacing, and questionable at times. The enabler was my Dad. She was able to get away with anything bad she did. He was the definition of a good guy, but passive to his wife. It quizzed the heck outta me! I said Dad, why don't you take a copy key of my apartment and come in and rest while I go to school. He did just that. He apologized to me when I asked him why did he allow this to go on. He further apologized for mom as well. I said thank you, dad, but Mom has to be accountable for her own actions. He agreed. ❤he died in 2000. I would endure anything I have to go through to see him again. Mom had no right to birth me into her world of anger and abuse. To deny that I was born on Father's Day, by raising me with these words: " Never marry a man like ya daddy..." Mom would say it in front of him. I'm emotional😪🤧
I had a similar ordeal except nm wasn’t an alcoholic. She’s was bat azz cray cray. Never touched alcohol. I was in elementary school when I knew something wasn’t right. Guess who became the alcoholic? I drank for 40 years and stopped 6 months after she died. I miss my poppy too. 😢
My daddy was also an angel. He tried to give my mom and us girls everything, worked until the day he could no longer. Mom never appreciated him, until he was gone. But I think she only missed him because she didn't have anybody captive anymore to do her bidding and take her abuse. RIP to the sweet dads. ❤
I see so much elder abuse by grandchildren. I also see abuse by children dropping off grandchildren to the grandparents. The elderly can't say no. But that started a long time prior. The sooner you say NO the better.
I see more abuse of adult children by their narcissistic PARENTS. I think it's not talked about as much because a lot of adult "chlidren" now of age and being bullied by these abusive parents -- and other family members who don't want the job of caring for those parents -- came up in an time where Dr. Ramani & other practitioners didn't even have this information to give us ... or, as she referenced in the live chat, they were absolutely prevented and prohibited from doing so by the wider cultural environment. 😰🥴❤
Would weaponizing your traumatic experience to make you feel guilty for not empathizing and supporting the narcissist count as emotional blackmail?
To me, blackmailing seems more like a threat than a manipulation.
I would say yes
Yes
Blackmail is leverage and for them leverage is power- perceived power
Queen Ramani 👸❤
In the end you’ll realize that everything a narc does and doesn’t do for you becomes “blackmail”; in their mind, you are constantly indebted to them just because of WHO they are and the privilege you have with them gracing your life with their presence
Thank you. Love you girl
Thank you, doctor Ramani, for the warning and calling it out (whatever term you finding right to use)
And they are so good at getting money out of you but never asking for it directly
They KNOW what they're doing, it IS premeditated. Getting hoovered? It probably corresponds to an event in your life that holds great emotional significance. They Are NOT Entitled to Your Attention About It, Just Because They Were Around For It
This is exactly what I needed to hear today! How did you know ? Lol
My sister told my nephews that she would kill herself if they ever left her and one is autistic. Doesn’t get much worse than that.
The Life of Nicole Brown Simpson is on Lifetime channel tv. Just in case anyone is interested. Three of her sisters wanted people to know Nicole before the murder. Thanks Dr. Ramani for videos and books. Just received the books!
I don’t want to fight.
Please 🙏
YEAH! Why on earth would ANYONE want to do that!?????? 🙄🤦🏻♀️
I mean... it gets you NO WHERE!
It’s different when someone asks for help because they are really having a struggle versus someone wanting it just because and not being a responsibility adult. Folks need to grow up!
My mother has emotional blackmailed for many years she's a strong indian giver
59, Indian, I've been giving all my life. Primed me for narc abuse in my 25 yr marriage. Now I'm only giving to my daughters, nobody else since they've been abandoned by their narc father.
Huge thank you dr. Ramani for opening our eyes, you are helping a lot of people. 13 years in this mess, and now my confusion is gone, I clearly see what’s going on, all patterns of behavior match to what you describing. Of course I saw red flags, and like many of us I ignored them for that fake future. I wish I did not.
Would be nice to see a video of how to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and minimize harm. I have to stay few more years, if not she will ruin our kids.
Brilliant!!!!! and exactly what I experienced, my narc co-parent does nothing for my son and knows that bc I have empathy I will wind up paying for everything, doing everything, and arranging everything, and she acts like a victim and gets all the sympathy from society... 👍❤❤❤
Hi Dr. Ramani! I have found this form of NA hard to pinpoint up until now! Thank you for this extremely clear and helpful talk! And congratulations on your new book..I love reading it, and having it at my fingertips :)
Ways my mum has emotionally blackmailed me in the past 3 years (and now almost 1 year of no contact):
- silent treatment and passive aggressive silence when I was having fun with my sister at an event
- pretending to be poor
- pretending to be suicidal
- telling me my nan was sick but no details (I didn't rise to the bait)
- telling me how much she's done for me and using it against me
- playing victim when she's done anything wrong
And more 😂
Last night was the final straw for me he packed up his things and used my phone to call a cab then I locked him out he spent all night trying to get me to give him more supply but he was playing the whole list of blackmail and I stayed strong
Good for you! Especially not falling for his manipulative crap!
I never thought about bringing up that he bought a house or I was a stay at home mom was emotional blackmail. He gave me $2500 for school and states he put me through school. I was not enrolled in college in the early 1900's, so it cost way more!! Thank you for this!
I don’t know if, or how much, my mother was narcissistic. I just know that emotional blackmail was her primary tool to raise me. If my goals and performance wasn’t exactly the way she expected, there was a mostly unspoken but very clear message that some terrible illness would befall her. It was a very effective manipulation tactic. She loved me so much that she only wanted me to succeed, but in her definition of success. I became the good child, but there was always a deep sorrow in me as a child and teenager…that I was valued and loved only if I performed to her expectations. I never felt unconditionally loved. I felt constantly judged. I wound up choosing narcissistic husbands, not knowing what the narcissistic personality style was. I’m not blaming that on my upbringing, however, I think I missed red flags because I was such a people pleaser. Thank you 1000 times over, Dr. R, for your passion to make this knowledge accessible to everyone.
Is him repeatedly threatening to divorce me if I don't follow his rules and standards considered emotional blackmail? My ex would do that but never followed through on those threats. I'm the one who eventually said enough was enough and (without threatening it), initiated the divorce. I ask this because he had the financial power in the relationship.
Yes it is. I hope you have a good lawyer, because during the divorce my ex would constantly file motions to drain my retainer. Also if you have young kids, not driving or don’t have cell phones., please make sure your attorney puts it in the divorce decree for the future
Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Co-worker who always asked for money. Ughh. CO-WORKERS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!!
My husband told me that I will miss him when he is gone. After all he did buy me a phone. I laughed inside. There is one thing I will miss is that he makes good money, that I’m not aloud to touch and if I do it’s the end of the world.
Yes and they also are not honest about their earnings. Secretive and manipulative.
Are you kidding .... He bought you a phone
It's probably got a tracer, so he can check on you!
You are worthy of much more, this is NOT a loving, caring or nurturing union.
Think about it
Love your hair and pink looks beautiful on you! Ty for your context I finish your hook it’s not you ! I’m so grateful for your work it has been such a blessing… ❤️🩹 healing from a narcissist sibling drama blow up!!
Evoking pity for their dead inner child is also something they resort to.
And only because I told them such a "thing" existed. Now they use it as an excuse. 🤦♀️
They want the reaction. Extended perceived control. Very pathetic and still so very insecure.
Yes mine hoovered and it was all for an ego boost. He loved when I cried - his favourite reaction. So cruel
On a good note, we love you...
Small and large scale-there’s a big difference! My Mother…
Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for this video! I found it so helpful and useful! Especially, that i get a lot of emotional blackmail from my own narcissistic mother and family
Once you see clearly, you understand they blackmail emotionally because of the goods you have on them.
Yes❤. Took me too long to see that one as well. He twists stories and twisted stories. It wasnt until i sat down and wrote out order of events. He would always threaten me and pull me into feeling like he "wasnt that bad" -i ended up in the hospital while pregnant in 2014. - he had an expensive lawyer and someone asked me why it wasnt brought up full force since he said it so often -to me while we were in and out of court. When i wrote out thenorder of events on top of he disconnecting my battery cables. Even that eventually made sense. If he used it i would have told what had occurred leading up into being hospitalised including trapping and force and man handling. Etc.
When i finally set a boundary guided by counseling as he was bringing it up all the time and even caused my cptsd to get worse with anxiousness and the hypervigilance. he said we have two different interpretations of events. I was a liar needed to go back to the hospital and have helo. And i informed him that this was at the instruction of my counselour. I had help and if he brought it up again id press charges as he was mentally and emotionally being abusive and being manipulative. He hasnt done it again.
They really arent that smart to be honest. The emotional black mail and twisted stories and lies have it to where he has backed himself into a corner of needing mental health diagnosis/support. All the lies are pretty much catching up with him and the pattern. He has had 0 assessments.
Dr. Ramani!❤❤So grateful for you! Had I not found you I would think I was crazy. That somehow I was not getting it right. That somehow something was so wrong with me and that I needed to change everything about myself so that maybe by now ex husband would be happy. He definitely used emotional blackmail even to the very end when he had to pay me in the divorce. I was so much stronger by then… I literally binged watched your videos through it all😊
Felling your content helpful, Ramani challenging
You mean when they do things like having your 12 year old daughter pick up tools under a full hot water tank that was ready to collapse off of a platform while they look at you and smile? Slander to where people you don't even know set you up and attack you including a family judge that sits their with a grin on his face wanting to adopt your daughter. " My wife just loves her, we will pay for her college and buy her a car, she can see you any time she likes." Further twisting my children's perception of me as if they didn't twist their minds enough.
Watching the enabling people around me I have vowed that whether they cooperated with him actively or passively I have no problem watching them OR their seed perish should God set that table before me. ANYONE....
Thank you for sharing. Narcissistic folks will also play these tactics, like blaming.
I was recently blamed for not knowing I am being sued/ was sued, who knows now.
Apparently, a package sent to me was returned. This individual after almost a year decided to open it. Never decided to return to sender. Shoot we had such a big discussion over my mail because I didn't have an address that returning the mail was supposed to have happened with all my mail.
Of course, bail out of taking any responsibility, leaving me once again majorly hanging.
I go to this individual when I find myself short with gas money and won't accept the repayments. I believe the total is close to $400.
The suit is $ 20,000
I noticed I lose largely for depending on someone I can't trust to count on. Is this Gaslighting, yes, some what.
The narcissistic people will dig into you in a big way. This is a perfect example.
My sister thought this was funny.
Does it sound like I might be sulking, maybe, slight bit. It stings.
After she blames me for not knowing too, tells me "truth hurts."
I normally like to be nice; I really don't like her. I told her that too.
Dr Ramani, what if you know a shameful childish secret about a sibling from childhood and that person has so much shame about it that the sibling has exacted revenge on you since childhood, in front of you and behind your back. I have never told anyone the secret except a cousin when i was a child & wouldnt ever as an adult, yet my sibling cannot let it go. This was the GC & i was the SG & the sibling was bullying me back then which is why i brought it up that i knew,as a child. My cousin has never brought it up either. I have never brought it up as an adult or threatened to tell,in fact, i forget all about it until i am reminded by their resentment and utter hatred, targeted towards only me. The sibling is extremely verbally aggressive & screams at me in front of others, making out its about something else, when i know exactly what this problem is- its the shame & fear that others will find out...like i am holding it over them when i am not at all. This thing i caught the sibling doing happened over 50 years ago. I am not that type of person to even use it against them, but the sibling is furious that i know they are not so perfect, as they try to appear as squeaky clean to the rest of society ,always judging others so harshly-there is no empathy. I have had to go total no contact with this sibling as i am being destroyed by them bc of what i know and their guilt & shame. Recently, both parents are now dead & I have come back to the family town before the last one died. The monster within has awakened again bc im back. There is obviously a gigantic hangup about it mixed with revenge & jealousy too. Its like reverse emotional blackmail. Ive even been screamed at in front of other family members, when they are highly intoxicated, screaming- " you bullied me", "you are the enemy!" Ive been bullied for 50 yrs by them since, bc of this. Im actually scared of the fury directed towards me... they want me gone and I'm an embarrassing,
threatening thorn in their side. The fear of exposure is not a real threat but they will not let it go. The sibling nurses the grudge, like its a little baby in their arms...
Childhood cognitive development 101. Don't attend or stew on behaviors you don't want to see, easier said than done., and be consistent.. In the end, attending is a reward, and we all just want to be recieved.
Dave Letterman was an excellent example of calling the bluff of a REAL blackmailer; he was a role model for me!
Spot on. My narc ex always emotionally blackmailed me for money. He'd play on my empathy ( to clear his debts) kindness ( pay his hospital bill ) or sense of responsibility ( loan him money for his work ). He never had any stuff on me to actually blackmail me.
This was done to me by my children’s father and is now being done by my oldest. Unfortunately, despite us separating when she was 12, she is treating me the same as he did. My role modelling, 6 years and her living with me full time didn’t work, she picked up his traits. It’s exhausting not giving in because the escalation can keep going for a long time. Then suddenly, they act like nothing happened and a new favour is asked of you.
Experienced these manipulations.
I was hoping this would cover them using law enforcement to scare you or keep you trapped.
I would probably just shrug my shoulders and say thats okay, i got one on you too. Gotta go things to do and people to see. I just dont have the energy to even react anymore. It really sucks and its cruel and mean.
I'd love to hear you talk about economic abuse in narcissistic relationships. I grew up with a narcissistic father and we all endured abuse. I watched my mother deal with all types of abuse, but the economic abuse was profound. I've found myself in narcissistic relationships and also experienced economic abuse (I only learned this term from a lawyer prior to my divorce a few years ago).
I had this happen and broke silence on myself immediately!!!! Jokes on them and they were exposed!!!!!!
Having experienced emotional blackmail in childhood, the parent may not have physical evidence to hold against you, but they do have control over access to comfort and support, nothing quite like the empty feeling that comes with being pushed away as you don't deserve it.