What Is A Step Parent's Role?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ค. 2024
- Being a step parent isn't always easy as you can get confused what your role is in the family. Here are some steps to help you establish yourself more as an effective step parent.
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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#LiveOnPurpose
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The worst part about it all is you say something negative towards them, it’s immediately deemed that you dislike them. As step parents, we tend to see manipulative behavior faster than the actual parents.
Ray Scott, I hear you. I hope you will be able to get through this time with love and forgiveness.
Preach!!!!!!
@ray Scott, fact!!! Just went through that with his 16yr old. So sad, being manipulated by her mom all these years. Her mom would rather repeat her family’s “single mother” legacy then trying to be different for the sake of her girls.
The biological parent is actually more abusive than I am so their kids actually like me because I influence from a different aspect and angle without interfering with the parents. I just take on a supportive role and I've always loved being the cheerleader in my surroundings. The bio mom is doing her own work alienating her kids from herself without even realizing it because she is so bitter that dad chose not to be with her anymore and she's projecting all that anger and frustration out into her environment and it's making people and especially her kids not really want to be around her. She's addicted to control and she's lost control and now she's going off the rails out of control.
She will have to realize it for herself but she's still in victim mode and you can't achieve any clarity or insight for growth until you acknowledge your behavior hasn't been serving you and especially not your kids.
Dad is being an amazing dad and I'm just happy watching him be dad because I didn't have a dad in my life and so I'm just feeling like I'm getting to witness first hand what dad's do with their kids and how they love their kids etc. Just makes me love them all the more and so I just radiate that love and happiness that's just filling my heart up with joy.
I won't let the negativity infiltrate what I am currently experiencing.
He shares the things she does, but I only acknowledge them but I don't put my two cents in because that is not my relationship. He has been with her 15 years and I just tell him I trust him on knowing how to resolve those issues.
I'm not here to throw gasoline on the fire...I'm here to string some marshmallows and weenies on a stick to hold them over the fire and enjoy it in that way.
The more I let things unfold naturally the more peaceful it is for me.
I'm dealing with this now with my wife's 4 year old son and 8 year old daughter. The daughter had a tendency to argue, debate, and draw out simple directions. I nipped that in the bud. Nope, no discussion, we gave you a direction and either you can do it and we can talk later but we aren't going to debate now and she's responded well. I think she realized that she isn't going to steamroll us even when my wife gets caught up on arguing with her. The 4 year old... He's a momma's boy. Uses his tears to twist her wrist and although she handles him well, he's at a point where he realizes he can make things more difficult if he doesn't get his way. When he's with me, he obeys, he's good and doesn't act out. When mom's around, he's a wild card in comparison. The other night he said my words were "too strong" after a string of him not listening in regards to his safety. It's been exhausting but we're going to keep trying to help him understand boundaries and cut out the fake tears. Something that disappears immediately when I call it out. "You're not really crying, you're fake crying because you aren't getting your way" the first time I said that, his tears stopped on a dime and he seemed so confused as to how I knew hahahaha
After 15 years of being a step father I can say it’s one of the hardest things in the world to do. Especially when you have made children with his mother. I don’t think I could ever raise another step child again.
Thank you for putting in the hard work and being there.
I am in the same boat currently and trying to learn how to navigate it....having mixed luck so far, any advice is welcome
@@Ristermogersyeah run. After 8 years I'm about to
I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it has come dating but the one mistake I didn’t make was becoming a step-parent, thank God I dodged that bullet
I wish you well.
I wish I did 😢😢😢
"Your role is not to fix anything in the situation.....you just have to take all responsibility for it and everyone will blame you in the end.
EDIT: Honestly no one should ever take on a step-child. You will only sacrifice your our marriage and sanity.
spi wolf, I would hope for a better resolution as everyone matures. Thank you for watching.
Yes. I'm in it.
what did Chris Rock say 3,000 Tuesdays isn't worth 2 Saturdays.........he waste lying
@@LiveOnPurposeTV excellent
I agree he should definitely focus on my mom that’s what he signed up for not me he should let my mom raise me ohhh wait she didn’t my grandma did I just wanted to give her a chance to be a mom. Him on the other hand focus on your wife my boy because anything out side of that is a problem and if you have that mom who doesn’t see no wrong in her husband your creating a toxic relationship between parent and child.
I would like to just be appreciated for all I’ve done that I never had to...
glewis49, unfortunately, some of our benevolent actions go unnoticed. Your loved ones probably appreciate more than you or they realize. Either way, I appreciate you being on the channel. You are valued.
Amen.
But you did have to do do 1) to TCB 2) To do the right things everyday 3) Set an example by being you!
I didn’t need to raise 7 kids that weren’t mine as my own. I could have passed and gone on with my life very easily!
@@glewis49 I will say this as a fellow “step” parent, we are still parents. The situation is always different. I never told my oldest to call me mom, he did on his own at a very young age. It’s not your “title” only your actions.😘
The step parent role is such a thankless role! Cool topic to identify what is NOT our job! Love it! Keep it up!
Blended Life, well I thank you for doing your best as a step-parent and also watching my videos.
why would anyone respect and thanks to an intrusion huh?
@@dimuthbhanuka1027 are you apart of a blended family?
F them stepkids
@@LiveOnPurposeTV do step mom have the right to clean my stepson room
I’ve been a step parent now going on 7 years. Pretty much raised my wife’s kids to the girls they are today and I say that with pride. They never knew their own father so I’m pretty much it and I can tell you that being a step parent is the hardest job to ever do and you will always be looked at as the bad guy. No matter all the good, all the bills you pay all the gifts you buy them you will always be looked at as the bad guy to their family. Sad but true. My wife tells me that I’m their dad tells them I’m their dad always looks at me to buy them things but when it comes to discipline she wants me to have no say so in that and that’s where I draw the line. I will not parent kids that I do not have all the rights of a parent especially when I’m their only dad they have. With the good and fun times comes the bad. Unfortunately I’m done I will no longer put myself in this situation anymore. I can spend my time and energy on something else that appreciates
I wish you the best.
Do you mean to say she wants you to have no say in discipline? This is actually the kind of perspective I came to this video to find and just want to see if there was a typo there!
@@justpassingthroughman she wants me to have no say so in discipline
@@JacobPHX i am 13yrs in this relationship. 2 step boys 13yrs and 17yrs...and I have my own son with her 8yrs and a daughter 6yrs
I completely feel what you are saying and just confirms my suspicion about the Bad Guy. But I just cant split from my wife and leave my little ones behind....these little demon step kids are gonna grow particularly the 13yr old...so by 18yrs he'll be out and the trigger to our arguments will be gone, our relationship theoretically will get stronger? The 17yr old is out of the house already...he decided to land a punch on me when his mama & I were in a heated argument. Didnt press charges and told him to leave...since they both decide they wanna do shitty in school, dont wanna work, and smoke pot and have wifi access all day. Even bought the 17yr old a Car with his stimulus money ( to motivate him to work) which I recently took away and disconnected his Cell Line. I wish my wife supported me by helping me discipline them but because of this video...I think thus far I have been doing that...Setting Limits/Enforcing & Providing of Good Things (Rewarding Good Behavior) we recently got back from Dallas went to Six Flags and Museum Indoor Water Park and even drove Exotic Cars. In the past these kids would get couple hundred dollars for their X-Mas & Birthdays...had nice clothes and iPhones etc. But im getting to the point I love my wife but I wanna keep my sanity. And it worries me she gonna wanna do this same tactic on my kids which is why I cant just separate. But i mean us as humans we got sexual urges and when arguments like this happen there is distance and I cant feel attracted to her and I really dont want to cheat....could it be i should just face the music and separate?
Same here
Yeah it’s difficult as heck. Especially when one of the stepchildren is a golden child and is allowed to lie to you with no consequences. Being a step-parent at that point feels like being a roommate at that point.
I hope you are able to work through this. So difficult.
Oh my Lord! I've been doing what my husband's kids, mother didn't do for her own kids. I did everything, and of course I'M THE BAD ONE, but, only but, When they need help, so then they need me.
Maria Cabral, thank you for watching. All we can do is control ourselves, so let's try to stay in the positive! It sounds like the children know they can rely on you.
Ah-ha!! You said it!! No respect, a 19 year old that wants to be an adult so in my mind we should treat her like one, being that she has a job with me since I thought it was a good idea to help her get the job. So she could help us pay bills and get food. Instead she gets dui fines and traffic tickets and buys her own food to take tti her room and states her dad's owes her when he's been in her life the whole time but her mom has always been on the run doing drugs. But now we're the bad guys and her mother is a saint. I don't do disrespect from kids, I don't do kids not listening to their dad. So I back him up but now I'm in the wrong. Idk what to do.
So we live at the mercy of the kids right?
@@nurseyourlife101 exactly and because they are not our kids, they have no mercy for step parents...lol they may feel something for their own bio parents, but not for some stranger...
Yeah but that's what he's talking about. You are not their parent and they will never see you that way. You just look like an asshole if you try to be.
Your job is not to replace their dad, isn't that a little bit of a relief? So good that you asked me that expert man, no it's not. So to recap, I have to basically fund a person's life that doesn't think of you as anything important. Awesome I love your video, you're changing the world. Legendary.
You don't have the fund their life, that is the responsibility of their parents. A relationship can grow, but only with time.
You end up funding their life lmao when they live with you..they take your time and money
I'm about to be a stepdad at the age of 28. I'm about to cry from relief. Being committed to creating a new family for over 1.5 years and I'm just grasping these things through your video. I thought I'm the one who needs to be a disciplinarian and being the mop-up guy, I was about to break down, break my relationship thinking I'm not capable of such things that I put upon myself that I even had suicidal thoughts with the overburdening I did on myself. Thank you. Deeply, deeply thank you. Your video had reached its utmost intention to help, by advising me all these. Thank you.
Abdullah Kadir, I am glad the video arrived on time. Good luck in your new role.
Don’t do it. Run while you can.
All I can say is you may feel relief but you’re in for a long road. It’s my experience after raising two sons from 7 into adulthood that when they get older they will honor their biological dad over you even though their biological dad pretty much abandoned them and you give them everything they’ve ever needed. Just go into it realizing that. It is a thankless job and you will have no authority in your house. The step dad will have the power on all decisions when it comes to them Therefore making your voice silent in your own house.
Run dude!!!
Don’t do it
When he asked how are we feeling right now
I in fact
Did not feel better
I am sorry to hear that, The RantingNerds. Would you be willing to watch any more videos? Perhaps some from the "Stay Positive In A Negative Situation" playlist - th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPBZvvJil5bTRokIU0LS3OCA.html
Or the "Positive Personal Development" playlist - th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV.html
I agree The RantingNerds
If the relationship with my current partner doesnt work out im never going to be a stepparent again lol
Jess Russell, I hope it works for you and you have long happy, relationship together.
Don't blame you. I would never advice a person who does not have kids to marry someone who has it, specially when they're problematic teenagers. A true definition of living hell.
Same brother. Underappreciated
I dont have words too discribe how thank full i am for your videos....god bless you...
Thank you for watching, Dim Mor. I am grateful for TH-cam viewers.
Me waiting for my step kids mom to be a mom and come get her kids. I accepted someone with kids but it’s not my responsibility
Jayden Williams, thanks for watching.
I enjoyed the video. You give great advice. I am a stepparent. My husband and I have been married for 28 years. It is not easy being a stepparent, but if you're good at it, it will pay off in the long run. I just joined your community. Thank you for the video and tips.
You are welcome, Chats With Flo. Thank you for watching.
I have a step daughter and step son and I love them more than anything ♥️ I am not replacing their moms I am just here to help guide them through life. I am beyond blessed
Thank you for posting. It is great when we understand our role and can enrich the lives of the children.
Amen! Beautifully stated. Kudos to you!
You must not have a crazy biomom making your life unpredictable hell manipulating and spoiling your SK
Bless your soul there are good ones out there but alot overstep boundaries ...
How old are they? Cuz if they are young, it’s easy, if you break up and have distance for sometime, and come back, shit will be hard
Yep, step-parenting is no joke!! I think with some preparations, a lot of knowledge, and even more Jesus, we can do it :)
Love the positivity, This Big House, you CAN do it, don't forget forgiveness, you will need to ask for an extend it often in the beginning.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Absolutely! thank you
This Big House I really need help could you talk to me please I’m begging for help on here please!!!!
@@eyeslay6347 email me at info@thisbighouse.com
Amen!
Thank you! I just started the stepmom role and I think having a groom relationship with his mother really helps. I ask her before I start boundaries to make sure she’s okay with it. Since he knows we speak together he listens better. I pray we always have a steady relationship
Anna D, that is awesome that you are working together. This is an example of putting the child first.
So if you come into a household and there’s no structure or routine In the household, what’s your role? Be a friend? Basically encourage the behaviour.
Be a friend and be an example to them. There are ways to have influence.
I am a full-time, stepmother to four children. The younger two children’s mom passed away. The older two children’s mom lives out of state. I have no biological children. Coronavirus, and the homeschooling that has ensued because of it, have change our dynamic significantly. I am struggling, exhausted, and sad. I needed to hear your video today. Thank you. 🙏
Empty Handed, so glad you are there, showing up for the kids. You are amazing. We will get through this.
After watching this video, the thought of being with someone who has a kid already is a no go 🙅🏾♂️ .... this crap is wayyyy to difficult.
Thank you for watching anyway, Michael Goza.
Michael Goza it’s too difficult
Michael Goza It’s funny because I’m dating a gorgeous woman with 2 children... and I’m looking up this video to see what I’m getting into lol
Very differcult especially with teenagers smh
It's extremely hard, my stepson is the best and his dad had made it extremely easy on me because he simply ghosted has son, I can never imagine ever ghosting on any child and I feel for my stepson but again, it isn't easy, it seems very little people respect a stepparent, the hardest thing for me is my wife's family, they're simply pathetic besides that, everything's fine haha
I am engaged to my fiance, he lives with his 17 years old daughter who is going to go to college this year. I intentionally don't visit their house to set boundaries. She already has a mother who lives on her own and comfortable financially not married or has other children. As his daughter is going to high school in my town and his mother lives in another town 1 hour away, I am okay for him to look after her and attend her needs. We decided to get our own rented house after her daughter goes to college but he decided that one room should belong to her so when she comes for an holiday or has an arguement with her mum she has a place to stay. I told him that I cant accept that and I dont want to live with him anymore. I said we should continue in our separate living spaces.
I intentionally didn't have any children. I am 42 and I want to have my own space. I can't see forcing myself trying to create a bond with a stranger. She already has a mother and I feel my fiance is intentionally trying to get all her daughter's love and affection for himself cutting out the mum. I am considering seperating. I love him but I just can't see myself mothering another woman's grown up daughter. She should live with her mother and come as a guest for few days. I don't know how to solve this situation
I see a lot of people stating how they would like to feel appreciated for what they have done. What was your role? What is it you want to be appreciated for? How can the other parent or child show appreciation? I want to make sure my child’s stepparent never feels under appreciated. ❤️
Autumn Armstrong, Appreciation is something that can be cultivated by a family as part of their culture. Open, honest communication is the best way and making sure he or she is not left out.
Please don’t call and lecture us for disciplining the kid. Don’t expect as just take care and implement your house rules in our houses. We have our separate house, marriage. We treat all kids equally.
A thank you or wanting to spend time with us would be nice.
@@cyberpleb2472 You'll never get help without asking. Those kids don't care about you enough to do that.
@@glewis49 yes exactly! I’m trying my best to ensure my bonus kids are happy and comfortable. I try to do what I can but it seems that my presence means nothing to them. Getting them to talk is like pulling teeth unless then need or want something. It’s hard not to feel like your just painted on the wall until needed. It’d be nice to feel like they actually care that you’re there or for them to want to include you in their lives. I really hope and pray it gets better.
I’m truly struggling being a step mom, the mother never does what she’s suppose to do,,, ( her and boyfriend lives come first) she has no boundaries so we can’t never plan anything and pays no child support ( go figure)… I have raised both of my children to adulthood and with all this stress I’m starting to ask myself is it really worth it,,, I’m completely burnt out and my boyfriend always seems to support her and her needs… hate to say this but step-parenting is a doubled edged sword ⚔️… you do all the work with no say !!! -
Onyx Leaves, it would be best to get some boundaries with her, but that has to be put in place by your boyfriend. Good luck.
It’s not worth it .
I’m in the same boat with a narcissistic sociopath ex of my partner. It has begun to rub off on the kiddos. I’m seriously taking a pause and re establishing boundaries.
I'm going through the same thing! I'm tired but we are married...
Same here, I feel like quitting 😪
We don't have a role and that is the beauty of it! I have ZERO responsibility!!
Thanks for watching and commenting. Always look on the bright side.
Never be a step Dad
Captain Sisko, it is a tough job, for sure.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV advoid it all completely, what angers me is mainstream media your oprah's Dr Phil and even the church will not warn young men about being step dads, because it profitable to make women feel good, if you are a man that has no kids of his own , you have every right to want to start a family with a child less women!!
I tell you, I regret been a step mom.
@@blessingella3820 ya just single people shouldn't get with those with kids from previous relationships...
@@blessingella3820 I regret being a step dad at age 26
I'm a 13 year old boy why am I here
Zedeye, not sure, some people just like the videos.
😃😃
cause you in pain arent you ?
klaus mikaelson nah I ain’t in pain and my parents are happily married
@@sdmpodcast554 who comes first in your family?
I just found this & it changed my life 💯
MikeSpiller, so glad we can connect.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I started dating a girl a week ago with a 2year old boy . I'm a bit scared cuz I've never worked with kids and dont know everything yet but this truly helped . Thank u so much for taking the time to respond to me 💯
Thanks for this kind of advices. It so really helpful to me. And its helps me to relieve the thing i was struggling in my heart and in myself. Thanks a lot.
You're so welcome!
You're absolutely spot on
Rose Ault, thank you.
If you dont have kids yourself dont get involved with someone who does! Just start your own family! I learned the hard Way and I wish someone told me!
Thank you for sharing. I hope you are doing better now.
As my boyfriends partner, all I want to be is a point of comfort for both him, and his 2 kids. I let them know right from jump "I am not mom. Not in any way, shape, or form. Not step-mom, not second mom. Do not call me that. I am me. (Kaylah). (And this probably stems from the fact that I don't want kids of my own.)You can talk to me about anything, and everything. If you have a problem, please talk to me, and I will do my best to make things right. I want you both to be comfortable in my home. To feel like you can talk to me about anything and not face judgment. You've got feels? Tell me! I just want the same respect that I show you. I got simple rules: Don't swing from the chandeliers, eat what I cook, say please and thank you, keep the rooms clean, and leave the laundry out before you go back to your moms." It's been an enlightening experience. They talk to me about everything, and I keep responses age appropriate, provide probably too many hugs, kisses, and nags about wearing helmets when riding the pit bike, but I love them more than I love myself. Being a "Kaylah" to them is great. I wouldn't change a thing for the entire world.
Sounds like you are a great support to everyone. I commend you for how you are handling the situation.
Honestly the most important thing to know in raising kids is No means No. besides that give them all the love in the World. Unfortunately most parents dont have the patience to say No anymore, and kids are messed up. If the biological parent is not strict with the kids, then the step parent has pretty much no chance.
Jeffrey Noury, yes, the bio parent needs to lead out. Kids need love AND discipline.
Thank you! Needed that
You are welcome, John Papadakis. It's an honor to be on your team!
I dealt with a fair share of single mothers. I’m a step dad to many different kids to say the least. The part that hits my heart the worst is almost knowing none of them still think about me like I do them
S T, I hope that changes for you.
You sound sweet. Don’t let anyone use you, sir.
I entered my step childrens lives 8 years ago when they were 6 and 7. I did some research before I met them, but was honestly naive about hard it would be. I was keenly aware that I was entering the lives of two children who's worlds had been turned upside down through divorce, that they hadn't asked to be in their situation and that I wasn't there to replace their mum, I never wanted to put them in a loyalty bind. I worked hard to forge a positive relationship with their mum. I hoped that I would have a good relationship with my step daughters and that I could be a stable and positive influence in their life and I grew to love them. My partner and I don't bad mouth their mum to the girls, but unfortunately, I can't say that their mum returns the favour. Consequently I have a fairly distant relationship with my step daughters, but I am grateful that we are civil and cordial to each other, I am aware that it could be much worse. Even so it is the most stressful thing I have ever done. On the few (maybe 3) occasions that I have spoken to them about their behaviour, it has been taken back to their mum and twisted. We feel that my partner has been painted as an unworthy parent, while mum has an almost god-like status. I think if the girls didn't live with us, we would have become alienated at some point (this is still a possibility, I suppose).
My partner and I have two of our own children and I often worry about how the tension affects them. We muddle through life and support each other as best we can, try to make some good memories along the way and hope that in time the girls will see that we aren't the horrible, unreasonable people we have been made out to be.
I think if you're thinking of becoming a step parent, you should give it serious thought and be aware that you are joining a family that has been broken, that has more variables than a standard two parent family has and that some of those variables are well out of your 'control'. Be prepared to compromise a lot, learn when to bite your lip, vent to friends when there is no chance they can hear you (ie away at the other parents, not just in the other room) maintain your boundaries in a respectful way, appreciate that the focus has to be the children (but also make time to connect with your partner) and hold on tight, cos it'll be a bumpy ride!
Sorry for the long post, but really appreciated this video and all your video's Dr Paul (and Vicky).
Glad you are here, Kathryn. I think others could be able to learn from your post about making it work. Don't worry too much about your own kids, love them no matter what and even if. All kids experience some bumps in the ride, this is theirs.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for taking the time to reply x
This is really great video on why NOT to be a stepdad. Excellent work.
Thanks for watching, Dying Breed.
Dying Breed or not be a stepmom
@@LiveOnPurposeTV what if I can only communicate with the other parents wife and NOT him (dad)?
Get out of it then
My stepdaughter turned on me after 14 years of trying to protect her from her father .never again
Thank you for this video. Its really helped.
Bonny, glad to hear, thank you.
Raising step kids is so hard, its extremely difficult
Raising any kids is difficult. And it can be joyful.
This guy could sell me a bathtub with a toaster pre-installed in it. He's good.
Haha! I promise I won't sell any of those, MusicCentral! You are very kind, though. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Facts. Lol his voice is welcoming yet sounds like he’s on a commercial
Seriously it is not your job to love your step kid. Many and most step parents do learn to love their steps but not all and that's ok. You do have to be respectful and kind but you don't have to force yourself to love anyone
Amber Kry, forcing never seems to work.
Spot on the convos I have been having with my fiancé … thank you for this video 🙏🙏
Reb H, I wish you two luck and a long happy life together.
I really do! It’s a big relief!
@abapyne2995, hang in there. You can do this.
To anyone in the beginning of considering of partnering with your new partner with kids - don't do it. You will do it anyway and you will see why I said this after it got *very hard.*
RippleDrop, thanks for trying to spare someone some hurt. Sometimes it works out.
I’d love some more videos regarding step parents. How to support them, how to change their old school views based on their own experiences as children, how to communicate your concerns in a way that won’t make them feel attacked, disregarded or undervalued.. and what to do if your partner simply does not follow through with progressive conversations..... my young son has no relationship with my partner and it’s been 4 years. Things are spiralling :(
It sounds as though your son and partner have not found their common ground yet. I would encourage anything they both are interested in, Nikki McCullough. Take a look at the parenting playlist, several of the things you mentioned have videos covering the topic. I will add more to our topic development list.
What role does your son play? Is he causing problems?
Thanks for the video. There's a lot I've been doing wrong over the past few months 🙅🏾♂️
Happy to help! I bet there is a lot you have been doing right also.
I needed to hear this. Even if take to account in the slightest. Nobody is there to offer help or advice being in this situation
Thank you, honored to be on your team.
correct me if i'm wrong
i'm a father and a step father
I work with kids in a day care center
and i work with people with disabilities who have big big emotionnal problems
to me it's important to help the other person by...not doing everything for them, but letting know that "I'm here to back you up if things go haywire"... keep on trying you'll make it
same thing applies as a step parent to me, it's not my job, but i'm here if every my spouse start loosing control or need a break.... and i don't know exactly why... but it's always easy for me getting the control back while remaining calm
Sendapaul I think you are handling it correctly.
I like the analogy. It is correct.
My step daughter loves me like I've never known love. I'm blessed she asked me if it was ok for her to call me daddy. I've learnt a lot and had never previously parented . I've never met or spoken with the father which I find strange. Wouldn't you want to know who's now involved with your daughter?
I think your point that you're not there to mop up is a very valid one.
Thanks for the informative video
Thanks Bryan. You are showing how the relationship should evolve. You were there, loved her no matter what and she asked to call you dad. That is priceless.
When you understand the words/wording .. I just live what you got to say.. and I think it will help... thanks 😊 😊
You are welcome.
This video is really great. Thanks a lot!
You're very welcome!
I AM FROM YOUR FUTURE. DO NO MARRY A WOMAN WITH A CHILD!!!
You were forewarned.....
Haha, thanks for the warning, pigjubby1. I don't know though... some people make it work. Thanks for watching.
I warn you!! DONT MARRY A MAN WITH A CHILD OR CHILDREN.... !!! I SAID MY PIECE!!!
NOT*
The horror. Men I’ve done it 20+ times. I’m out super fast lol
Being a step parent is like being a flashlight cop, all the responsibility with no authority
Cairo Kwame, it can be difficult, hang in there.
I've been a stepmom for two stepchildren 8 years already and I fail. They hate me and I hate them, one 19 years old boy and 17 years old girl. We have no direct contact for already few years and yesterday my husband told me that he wants to finish our relationship because he does not believe that this problem will be solved. My husband an I are very good together and we love each other but he chooses his children. I am now in the drakness, sad, hopeless and very stress. I am an 51 years old woman how has no where to do and don't know what to do now.
@@suparadakaewchua934 that’s bogus as hell that he did you like that. He’s the one with the baggage that he saddled you up with for almost a decade. Now that the kids are just about grown he’s off to do his own thing. Just messed up.
Lmao facts
This was spot on!
This is amazing!
David Williams, thanks.
This you nailed it!
Cheryl Tune, thank you.
Thank you for this video, definitely guilty of 'I have to make sure...' lol. So many un seen struggles as a step parent. The boy I love and parent is worth it, I personally don't regret my decision to be with someone who has a kid, but no one can really explain to you how hard it will be.
You got this! Caroline Kitty Monkman, it is tough, but it can be a really special thing also.
I appreciate this advice. I’m going to be stepping into the role of a step dad in a 50/50 custody arrangement with a 5 and 7 year old in a few months. I know it will be hard but i genuinely love those boys and their mother. I’m glad for any advice in doing this well.
Jon Viekman, you will be an amazing dad for the kids. You sounds like an awesome guy.
Get ready to be 💔.Its one thing to love her,another to deal with another man being in the way.Nonetheless u will be reminded of the Peking order,and it will hurt.Be strong my friend,because take this in quick;he will be there when u fail.It will be competing against a fool if u do it.Watch the father at all cost!Make him a memory to forget by doing good as a person.
I never took my own advice. You will regret this move. There only one thing worse than being single and that's being married wishing you were single. I regret my choice every, single day. Just wait until the real dad shows up and the real grandparents. The problems have just begun. Her tears will convince you that reality is different. Not so.
@@alphacipher7986
Pablo speak the truth. I can tell, from experience.
@@pigjubby1 its one of them gambles a man is gonna take for love.As men we wanna do the best we can for that special lady,and not saying all of them are bad,or all no good.Its just from these experiences of mine,the choices I made for these "special" women. As I took inventory of myself,I had some regret.I wish I made better decisions, but like they say,not everything that glitters is gold.U can find someone golden at first glance.As time goes on,make sure everything is out in the open,and if a man feels awkward,trust that instinct at all cost.I mean,whats the sense in a new man putting in work,if the old man is still around?I would rather be single than to partake in that saga!
I'm going through this right now. Me as a parent I just want to make sure I know everything. It's just different because I didn't grow up with a father. But my kids have a stepfather and father. I found this to be extremely helpful thank you for your advice God bless 🙏🙏💪💪💖💖💖💖🤗🤗🤗🤗
Jannel Barraza, You are very welcome.
You got this!
I need to watch this every morning.
Yes, please do.
Being a stepfather is like playing on someone else's paused game!!!!
Pablo Cintron, haven't heard that one before. Such an important job and I have seen how the long-term can play out nicely.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV if you only heard from a few of my friends their experiences.Dont intend to bash them type of women but when a man doesnt work out with a single mother,that changes them men.I saw that first-hand.Not any good results happened from it at all!I actually got married once,woman got pregnant from someone else,then tried the alimony move.Case dismissed,and divorced!"In forma pauperis style."They're not all like that,but this was just a woman with bad intentions from the start.Now she cant even find the guy who screwed her and knocked her up.Problem solved!!!
Wow
That's not true, my wife's ex has lost every single damned thing and has ghosted on his own son, is more like if you're a deadbeat the universe is against you, noted back to paying child support (I know that's what y'all deadbeats hate the most)
Genius!
Can't be bothered with people kids. Waiting to be accepted is not my concern DNT wanna be bothered so I keep my distance always friendly towards them ,But distant to much time and energy .So I don't have no headache and heartache .
Thanks for watching, aaliyah butler.
Very well said. I loved it❤
Thank you!
Thanks so much. Wish I would have seen this video a long time ago.
Glad it was helpful!
Who wants or desire to be a steo parent? Stay with your original family!
Ayixlia Merrets, thank you for watching.
Trying to do all these things you said NOT to do, has really gotten the best of me... Who even am I anymore...
I lost myself trying to be someone I cant replace.
Janet Santana, maybe you haven't lost yourself, maybe you are morphing from a caterpillar to a butterfly. The old you was just fine, yet the new you will be even better! We have much more for you on our channel to assist you with your transformation. We have the Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
The Positive Personal Development playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV.html
And the Positive Relationship Resources playlist to help you with any relationship, but in your case the most important ones which are your spouse and step-children: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX.html
Also, we have this video which may be a helpful start: "How To Be A Successful Step-Parent" - th-cam.com/video/60Y5PRmNfh8/w-d-xo.html
Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
Ppl need to look to the Creators word(The Bible) on how to live a better life and help others(including children)..if you're not starting there you'll just be the horse chasing the carrot you'll never get...
WHAT A RELIEF
Corina Bee, it really can be.
45yo here I just raise them as my own. 2 weekends a month. The kids have adopted me. I look at it as an investment in my future. 7 years now. Self-awareness helps and respect.
Love it! These kids are fortunate.
Not my job to love them either. That may grow over time, but not my job or a requirement. I’m grey rock, that is my role.
VSG elle, I hope it grows into something more.
💯
I wish I had this information 11 years ago, I’ve failed substantially as a stepfather.
Jurrell Booker, I am glad we are connected now.
Me too I put my self first and not them
No you failed first by being a step dad. Wth was you thinking
@@algrande2841 hahaha
wash your hands, spin around a couple times and thank God its not yours sorry but its the truth
I met a man with two little girls abandoned by the mom. After seeing this I can see that I can do this. I'm 62 years old. Thank you.
I wish you well.
Thanks for the video
My pleasure.
I am miserable with my step kids. This video is amazing, I should've viewed this a long time ago but my question is... How do you love someone that causes so much damage to the family?
Maria Imagine Audio Video, Changing to a positive mindset. Look for one thing good every day about that person. Look hard, and notice the smallest of things. It is a journey, but this is a start.
That would be your partner to blame. Raising kids is hard. Most kids need lots of discipline (only if your lucky they dont), but they learn fast. Unfortunately if you do it wrong, they never learn, and will be messed up even more. You think by being soft on them they will be nicer to you and respect you, but it doesnt work that way in reality. I told this to my wife many many years ago, and she sort of agreed, but in the end did nothing to change. Many years later she has kids that do absolutely nothing in the house, and have little respect for her. Do they love her? Yes, but they have become selfish individuals without even knowing it. Its not even their fault honestly. Just hope they are not on medication once they get out in the real world, and realize they have to work 8hrs, then come home, cook, clean and do a lot of things they never did all their life. Zero work ethic in childhood will not pan out well for adulthood.
Guys do NOT become stepdads.
Not sure what you mean by this, Baby Boy. Thanks for watching.
Live On Purpose TV He means don’t marry a woman with children under 18
@@LiveOnPurposeTV First of all I am angry with you for trying to deceive men into becoming step dads, that being said this is what I mean:
1) Step fathers in 99% of the cases are not appreciated and even worse respected.
2) A man has to have control and be authority to all the kids in the house because if they screw up you will end up paying.
3) Women with kids are already demaged-they are emotionally unavailable to pair bond with another man after having children from another dude.
4) only simps become step dads.
5) you can't love a kid that isn't yours.
@@babyboy8597 this isn't true. From experience. A woman can have a child and still fall madly in love with another man especially if the last man was a real jerk. She just needs to not jump in to another relationship right away, but take time to herself to get her emotions back in check before getting involved in another relationship. But I believe if you're married, you should try your absolute best first.
@jsdf. jkkejk Because he didn't come out your balls,that is why,trust me when having your own kids you will notice the difference.
I freaking love this speech
Thank you, elizabeth.
Thank You.
You're welcome
A big factor of the problems is having someone just move in without anyone elses consent then that person breaking boundaries and trying to control the people of that house, you'll end up being looked upon as an intruder they can't get rid of. If you are not wanted in the home by those who are is living there, ie any children, don't live there pure and simple.
Mira Mirror, hopefully there is some conversation and forethought to how this happens.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV In my case, there was no forethought, my mother just moved him in without talking to us about it. He stayed and decided to add more children around without even considering how it might affect the other people in THEIR OWN HOME WHERE THEY ARE MEANT TO FEEL SAFE AND HEARD.
IF YOU ARE NOT WANTED THERE, DON'T MOVE IN.
I am not confused what a step mom's role is, but DO EXPECT Dad to enforce RESPECT to the child's Step mom or parent!!! This is so ignored by bio parents!
Also remember, a home where a household is owned by two adult people, means all children, whether a step child or not-- should also be taught to respect the home. It is shared by ALL! Not JUST the step child or bio parent.
If there's one thing after 14 yrs as a step mom, I have learned... most men are very guilty of Disneyland parenting. Yes, it should be a good time...but, that does NOT mean without rules or chores. This actually makes the children feel they belong and are not 'just a visitor.'
This also gets missed because many parents want to be the FAVORITE Parent, resulting in lack of solid parenting.
With discipline, rarely exsisting.Just focusing on the ' fun', in the long run, is not good for the child and especially marriage!
And one wonders why step parents can be so upset, carry depression or feel resentment!
We focus a lot and many times unfairly, on just the step parent. What about the bio parents?
Also understanding how to make a 2nd marriage or relationship work and be healthy for all, BEFORE they dive into a new relationship!!
I think counseling for a single dad or mom BEFORE they start dating again, is essential!! Understanding boundaries etc...And would help the Step parent avoid or never have to deal with, so many unnecessary problems or a failure again to a 2nd marriage! Then lets focus on step parent questions. There sure would be a lot less!!!
01dukegirl, thank you for commenting. Yes, I believe that parenting with love and discipline is the best way to raise children. Teaching respect and a good work ethic fall within that realm. I do have a video called "How To Save Your Second Marriage Before It Starts," if you want to see what I have said on the subject: th-cam.com/video/iNDW7pBwvBY/w-d-xo.html.
OMG yes I love that term "Disneyland parenting" it feels like my bf does this with his kid, but mom then also tries to out Disneyland parent it's a fricking nightmare honestly...and I'm here like well I'm not your mom or dad so you're gonna do everything I say and do right...NOT just what feels good...so much hate... And then you describe my exact predicament...that no solid parenting happens...lol exactly cuz neither parent wants to be the one the kid hates being with...
All FACTS 🎯
Please call my wife and read this to her.
Respect has to be earned!
Thanks again sir.
Our pleasure.
Great advice!
Glad you think so! Glad you are here.
My stepdas did every "DON'T" that's mentioned in this video. To make natters worse- he hasn't acknowledged my birthdays ever since i was 12 or 13. Long story short we don't speak at all. He was the worse
kori harrismon, I am saddened to hear of the relationship with your stepdad. I hope you can find positive people to make other relationships with. Thank you for watching.
kori harrismon I’m sorry for that I know I’m lucky my real dad did not want me but I had a step dad that was my dad he did everything a real dad did and to me he was my daddy he passed away and it’s still hard for me but I know how lucky I am
@@tammiepage6489 im sorry for your loss
Yeh sadly things between my stepdad and me didn't work out; and so i reconnected with my bio dad. I admit- my perception of my bio dad was warped bcus of all the garbage that my stepdad said about my bio dad.
But im glad i reconnected with my bio dad. I just wish that i could've reconnected with him a long time ago, preferably when i was a young girl, when he was in better health and was able to do more. But im slowly finding out that just having him with me to talk to is enough- more than enough.
@@a87nomsirrah35 I can totally relate when it's my birthday he never wants to say happy birthday and he doesn't even speak to me he speaks to my sister because that's his real daughter. When I was little he would send me to bed early at eight o clock on school breaks and he would let my sister stay up I felt so lonely and whenever he would shout at me my mum would never stick up for me
Are you sure you weren't as worst😕
After doing the stepparent thing, I'd caution anyone else who's thinking of doing it.
Whitney W., thank you for your input, it is difficult, not impossible, but there are added challenges.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It's not impossible, but a lot of people don't know what they're getting into. And quite honestly, unless you don't have other options, it's not a way to great way to live your short time on planet earth.
@@whitneyw.7919 Tried it too. It's good for people who have no self love. I will never do it aagain.
Step fathers role: walking atm being used for his resources then ditched when hes out
Thank you for watching and sharing.
It all depends
In the beginning I tried to tell him my morals and what I wanted us to do since I moved in and it’s now “our household”. He gave me half assed answers and told me how to handle things with one off sentences.
Tensions built between the son and I tried to talk to the father but he and me argued. I got remarks like “it’s my business how I raise my child”, “what you can handle a 9 year old ! “,
I wanted to sit him down together with the father to explain things but arguments went on and the kid hated seeing us argue. I treaded as lightly as I could.
Over time he said I had to handle his son when I’m not there
But eventual I did. And as he aged I would use a different , way, I guess passive aggressive “well that was rude”.. and id walk off. Or when he was rude I pushed back in some humorous attempt or called it teenageism.
The other day I completely snapped. Must be because I’m pregnant. But I can see it. His wife talked to him in the car and came right in to tell me sitting across. That he hates us arguing (he seldom do. And Infrequently, also sometimes bad, but we get along ). And he told his teacher because of some assignment when in turn told him mom who told my boyfriend. So then after the son also told his mom that he doesn’t like it when I called him out and use that word teenageism. I snapped. I tread so lightly and have witness to my behaviour. And I couldn’t handle myself. I’m pissed. You mean I have to walk on eggshells with him? It’s because of the fathers lazy parenting and the mothers “my son is my world”... shrouding him out of reality that if the kid is gonna have a lousy attitude not every one is gonna sugar coat it.
I never called this kid fat,stupid, retard, never. I loved him.
Basically I see in the end. This guy whom I love. Basically wanted a babysitter and house maid and to be compliant as a dog. Even if he cries when his dog was going to die but I helped to get the dog operated. Encouraged it. But never seen him wept for me.
I snapped because I was like, so his wife tells him to jump he jumps. I doubt he reflected on what she said against my actions.
I can see that even if she left the house. She still has the hold. Due to possibly posing his son. Because she’s threatened if we argue she will have her kid record it and she will take him out of the house.
But never have I seen my boyfriend defend me or speak up truly against when I disrespected. One instance I know his parents were having a discussion about their son going to high school at the dining table. The kid was so happy they were together in the house. He barely acknowledged I was there. But I let it go. I felt suffocated and left to let them deal with their sons dealings. When I came back I said “hi Jordan “ he bowed his head in his homework and ignored me so I came and touched the shoulder and he continues. So I have BPD you can imagine trying to keep these emotions in control. I went to talk to the father and he just gave him a slapp on the wrist “when someone says hi you say hi” , so I am just “someone”...
I left after that for 7 months. Because it was me and him and too must hostility. And I thought I’d be done. But no
Coming back I wanted it to work but after seeing how his wife talk to him about my pushing back. And he tells me to find another way. I have yet to see him acknowledge my demands as a spouse of about 5 years.
So he’s still loyal to her. I can’t believe how fast he ran once she squawked.
I’m far from perfect. But being aware with what I have. I’d never put a kid what my parents put me through. Especially my mother. So I thought I would have his support and we talk to him together and build some bond.but no.
I treaded so lightly already. When the kid was nice I was nice. I’ve forgiven things he’s done and was respectful when he was. But when he was an ass I pushed back. That’s life. As I try to tell him “he learns life from the household “... couples fight and argue and he needs his father to explain. Which he never does.
But HOw fast 💨 he threw me under for what his wife and son said. No defending or just “let me observe the next few weeks and then say something”. I’m very receptive. But when he sat across and began talking five mins after coming home. I clearly see she wears the pants. In their “ex” relationship. And I’m being stonewalled. Why well this is my BPD rage. I text endlessly. Because I don’t know how else. But I’m not happy or saying anything nice. I’m completely guilty of this but I guess I need to go. For good. I should have never came back.
He tells me has everything to lose. Well I wasted 5 years with someone whos wife matters more. And she’s not even in the home to see how he acts. And I explained what you guys get compared to me is a different person as times. But I’m clearly wasting my time. Unfortunately I’m 4 months pregnant.
I never tried to be the replacement. Just wanted to be the equal or close enough. And I thought that it’s because our household we can establish rules. Clearly the father wants a good time with his son and I really pissss off and go upstairs and let them be. I come down occasionally. But I backed off. Because I understand he gets a week at a time. I make the kid supper or ask how his day was every day. My mother never. So wtf more do you want from me. ? I’m trying to be in control as my emotions are really wacked. Trying very hard.
I never wanted to fix anything. Just have basic respect and understanding.
I never tried to by over baring. I wanted basic respect. And that I have fun in a different way. When he gets rude or bossy I pulled away. Because in fear is saying the wrong thing. Because look what happened when I pushed back.
Some One, you and your partner might benefit from some counseling to learn how to communicate better as you will be having a child together. The teenager will be heading off on his own soon and there won't be as much contact, the new child will need to see both his parents and it would be better for the child if his parents were not arguing constantly. Thanks for commenting.
I’m having trouble telling the kid to do anything in general. She’s a teen and I find that she sleeps soo much, I just want her to get up because when her mom comes she’s upset that her kid hasn’t done her chores.
ALEX TORRES, I am not sure what your relationship is, maybe she needs to experience the consequences of her non-action.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Yeah, and then the mum blames you for not making sure that the kid does what she's supposed to. You on your turn are forever the inferior one, who did not succeed where the mother believes she easily would.
If only my step dad would understand this 😔 but good job helping other people out :)
zoey cordova, I wish you the best.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you :))
This video is another in a series of videos that attempt to make stepparents acquiesce to being the powerless guest in the home without a means of advocacy in the home or in the court system. The fact that we are regulated without representation, tied to a parenting plan that requires us to parent without the title, eliminates our ability to influence the parenting plan, yet forces us to accept the financial responsibility for the very judgment that disempowers us. I have a loving relationship with my stepchildren who I perceive as my "children" no step in the way of it. My relationship is not based on the whims of the biological parents, my relationship is based on creating a loving, safe, respectful environment and communicating in similar ways. So I've accomplished what you are trying to sell but I found the presentation aggravating based on the theme of accepting powerlessness in the face of the court and in the face of genuinely loving your children knowing there will be times they need to have you advocate for their welfare. If you would have approached me in person the way you presented this video, I would have questioned whether you were ever an advocate for the children or families you allegedly provided services for.
I am glad you are to the level with your children where you have developed a relationship.
Kids need ALL the love they can get or someone to help guide them especially if their real mom isn’t there for them etc. leave it up to the kid to be comfortable with what relationship they want to have with you
Yes, this has led to some really wonderful relationships with step parents.
The role of a step dad. Pay for everything and let Disney Land dad buy the video games.
The Gully Farm, I do agree that a step father should be a provider of good times and good things, however I believe there is a bit more to it than that. Thank you for watching.
Live On Purpose TV no there isn’t. You’re a man. If you plant the seed. Then you raise the tree.
Without the support of the parent/your partner, then your stepchildren will use this to their advantage. This needs to be pointed out and sorted pronto, and if not, either the stepchildren have to go or you do.
Rob S, children always do better when the adults in the home support one another and parent partner. Thanks for being here.
Maybe if the message was delivered with a more optimistic energy, this would be a hit!! I love the advice. Thanks 😊
Edit. Did take of some of the stress. Thanks again
Denver Westby, you are welcome. I hope you check out some of the other videos.
Thanks, Dr. Paul, for your wonderful videos 🤗
How can I change my controlling with my kiddos? I hate being controlling and not having patient. I need real help.
Raquel Meyer, I would recommend the parenting power-up or positivity power-up. You can find them at Live On Purpose Central.
Advice to anyone considering becoming a step-parent: Don't do it. It's the worst thing I've done to myself.
Touchpadgirl, I hope things turn around soon.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you
A step parent doesn't have the right to exercise authority over a child, especially if the child has a relationship with both parents, a friend/roommate is what a step parent's role should be
Richard Canaan, this approach is usually the best.
This is a cop out, you're basically saying take a back seat in parenting. I think not. I've known my step daughter since she was 2 and I treat and discipline her as my own. She has a relationship with both her bio parents, but I'm not going to have a child disrespect my authority in my own home, what kind of message does that send? You cant always be good cop.
@TikTok Show haha that's a joke...moms never discipline their kids esp if they're disrespecting the step dad...
@TikTok Show True. Been there.
No, the step-parent should be a role model. Not their friend or room mate I'm sorry, that's how they gain the upper hand and start devaluing you as an individual. Step-parenting is challening, but a waste of time if your partner doesn't have the right morals in place. You'll lose out when it's time to call quits on the relationship, they use the child against you and you lose all that momentum and connection you worked for. You can be optimistic, which is great, but you have to look after yourself too and these relationships can be tainted from day 1. It's such a problematic venture, the odds, unfortunately, swing away from the step-parent. Emotionally crippling, and psychologically damages you.
As a man in a marriage with two step kids (that happen to be absolutely horrible human beings) the best advice I can give is to try to have your own kids together with your spouse or significant other. That will diminish the importance of the step kids and hopefully they decide not to come around anymore.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Step parenting sucks. My step daughter and I get along. She’s able to respect boundaries and we even enjoy each others company. Not so much with her older brother. His expectations are ridiculous. Love happens organically or it doesn’t. It’s not something you can force yourself to do.
Karen Abrams, step parent or not, some children are easier to love than others, that can be the challenge. Sounds like you are up for it. Be patient.
What if you and your significant other have an agreement that you're just as much as the childs parent than they are, but when it comes to discipline that they dont agree with, they always state how long they have been a parent or how you dont have any biological kids so that automatically makes you wrong...?
Doesn't make me feel like there is much of a partnership there and I bed you are feeling the same way, Chelsea Byrd. Need to talk some more and maybe a coach would be helpful so everyone feels heard. Try watching the videos together.
Took the words out my mouth!
It Doesn't matter, if that child already has a Bio Mom that already has rules from the BioMom, then NO, a stepmom Should NOT try to place rules into BioMom's kid's heads
Cause all your going to do is Piss off BioMom
If I been around to teach potty training and taught my son to talk and change his diapers and I'm the one who takes him to the hospital at 3 am and only had 2 hours of sleep and have a shift in 3 hours ..these are my jobs the real dad doesn't do these then I'm coming in and taking over
Ricky, it sounds like you are being the parent your child needs and he will appreciate you.
Imma stepdad working and my stepson with my teen step son since 2003 and he still calls me Jayden like your dad has not been in your life so long im like a real dad he isn't respectful but thanks i love him with everything hes like a real son to me
I’ve been a stepdad for 7 years now. I love being an important adult in a child’s life but my spouse will drop everything including our own priorities for his son’s whims. I’m happy that he and ex wife are amicable co-parents but he prioritizes her over me. I don’t understand why they divorced but Im checking out. I’m done I quit. In a traditional marriage you put your spouse first or your marriage will fall apart. In a marriage with a parent, don’t bother. You will be a convenient babysitter that’s just one minor accusation from a huge argument that only actually hurts the kid or makes them resent you till your gone but also hurt the kid when they get what they want which is you gone.
I wish you well. I'm sorry things could not have worked out better for you and everyone involved.
As a stepparent, we are not replacing anyone! In my experience, the biological mom planted the seed to their own child that we are replacing them and act like a child too instead of being an adult and teach the child kindness and positive attitude. The biological parent who has a lot of resentment and bitterness usually the one who spreads the negativity and toxic to children and it doesn’t help us stepparent to do the job as a stepparent. I worked with little kids from ages 0-5 years old for 20+ years now, I understood the child psychology. Children are teachable. If you teach them positive input,it creates positive output. Anyone who is the primary care taker of the child has a responsibility to good mouth/positive input /assurance/give security to the child. I am talking about responsible parents. In my situation, it was ruined due to jealousy. She was afraid that my Stepkids will bond with me more than her. So, she ruined the relationship from the beginning and did not have a chance to create positive experience. It’s sad even you created a boundaries from the very beginning. If there are already tension from the divorced parents, I would recommend to have less engagement with stepchildren. That’s what I learned over the course of 12 years in blending family. Stepparents are not appreciated unless the primary caretaker teach and tell that appreciation to their kids….
The kids pick up on the cues from the parent. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.