How To STOP Tantrums FOREVER!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ค. 2024
- Are you tired of your child's unmanageable tantrums? In this episode, we will talk three easy ways on how to stop tantrums forever! If parenting is not the one thing that you want to do yourself, this video is for you! Stay tuned!
00:00 Intro & Summary
00:31 Understand this first
02:59 The two objectives
03:30 Payoff and alternative
04:20 Toddlers
06:00 Response cost
06:45 Situational planning
07:42 The grocery store
09:43 We like this
10:20 Breath positive
11:31 Don't do this yourself
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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I come from a long line of parents & grandparents that never allowed tantrums. From watching your video, I believe it's because these methods used to be common sense. When my children reached an age that they would try to 'punish' me with a tantrum or whining (especially in a store or restaurant) I already had a plan. I would leave a buggy full of shopped items and/or food on the table and take the child to the car. At a restaurant, we would sit in the car and wait for the rest of our party to join us after they finished eating. At the store, we would simply drive home. I was raising future adults that needed to know that their behavior mattered more than my convenience. It seldom took more than twice before it made an impression and ended the challenges. This works with children that have delays also, but may need more repetition. I would also set up practice sessions at home where we would play store, restaurant or church..... Just some ideas that worked for us.
Love this! Thank you for sharing.
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This is great. Hope I see this earlier.
Ok I to
I also have a very difficult time regulating my emotions. I’m 28 😬
Love your channel so much.
It really helps bring me back to a positive mindset when I’m feeling frustrated with parenting ❤️
I'm so glad!
Great video! I’m going to try these tips today with my littles. Thank you for being on our parenting team 💕
You are so welcome!
You guys have helped me so much! Thank you!!!!! What a difference youre making
Our pleasure! Honored to be on your team, Ariel Lioness.
I truly appreciate your content. I’m a new mom who has never been around babies or children and haven’t had the opportunity to take parenting classes so I quit literally am learning as I go. Your videos are a big help. Thank you for sharing this knowledge with us!
Brookalina R., glad you are here in our community. Honored to be on your team.
I love love love this channel!! Literally changed my life!!! Thank you sooooo much!!!
You are so welcome! Glad you are here, laedwards20.
This video was very great Dr.Paul and Ms.Vicki.Thank you so much 😊
Our pleasure!
Omg, I wish all parents/teachers knew this. Do not lecture your child while your childs is handling his emotions. Young children can't process their emotions and the lectures at the same time. Thank you.
Marie E., And much less frustrating for parents once they get the principle.
Thanks for sharing guyz so needed to hear this, especially during these times in the pandemic god bless🙂
Our pleasure! S J, hang in there.
I thank the Lord that I found your channel ! You have helped me so much ! God bless you !
I am thankful you are here in our positive minded community.
I can't thank you enough for all your great advice! So helpful. It's allowed me to have a wonderful relationship with my kids.❤
Thank you for sharing. It is all about relationships.
It's always a good reminder, but would love to hear about time outs for families with small spaces. We have 3 kids and in a small 2 bedroom condo. It's hard to find a place that isn't utilized or where another child won't bother a younger one in timeout.
Sharma Adventures, you can have a dedicated chair and if someone tries to bug the child in time out, there will be consequences.
Great information. Time to start practicing
You got this!
I love you guys ❤ thank you so much for talking about this ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰
Honored to be on your team.
Awesome thanks I really need this for my younger siblings ^~^
You're welcome 😊
Same
Thank you so much for this! My 4 year old is the tantrum master. And my 2 year old is the opposite and hardly throws tantrums! So confusing! But you sure did help!
Glad it was helpful!
I have a 4 year old son that throws a tantrum every time he does not get his way. Watching this video for the first time. How has it helped you?
Wow! I'm glad I'm not the only one i have the same too i have 4 yr old boy master of tantrums too and 2yr old boy who does less tantrums than his older brother 😅
💜💜thank you
Our pleasure.
They sound like amazing advise. I wonder if I can apply this advise if I work in one of 5 shifts at an orphange?
Yes you can! The only person's behavior your can change is yours. The kids will notice the difference when you are there.
Awesome, I learned from u
Glad to hear that, and glad you are in our positive mindset community.
Thank you for the great content! My toddler does not have a tantrum at all! Anything I should worry about?!
Not at all, some kids are very calm and don't have tantrums. Enjoy your child every minute you can.
You should make a podcast. Great content. Thank you .
Live On Purpose Radio is the name of the podcast. Check us out.
I discovered your channel recently, I love the content, actually I am struggling with my 18 months old toddler, I don’t like yelling on him, so what to do when he bites me and does the exact thing I just asked him not to do, when he gets angry he throws things on the floor too.
Mimi Perle, welcome to the channel, we are glad to have you. Check out the playlist for other videos, we have one on biting.
Thanks Dr. Paul and Ms Jenkins. Hope I see this video earlier. My son is already 12 years old. Do you have any videos about for this age's tantrum? Thanks a lot.
Not yet! Some of the teenager videos may help. Let your son know what you are willing to do and don't back down no matter how loud the tantrum.
Thanks Dr. Paul, my son does not get up in the morning. Is there a way to get him up? Now we have a bed time schedule. We are practicing go to bed early. We turn of TV at 8:30pm and start the bed time routine. We now can turn off the lights around 10pm. The morning alarm is 7am, but my son is still soundly asleep. I try to wake him up. He does not response. Any better way to get him up? Thanks a lot.
Perhaps move the bedtime earlier and earlier until he gets up. Also make sure he doesn’t have distractions in his room.
You need a podcast ASAP Dr. Paul
halasMr245, I have been doing one before they were a thing. Live On Purpose. Check it out at my website www.drpauljenkins.com or on Apple.
My 3-1/2 year old grandson, who lives with us along with his mother, throws full blown tantrums that last 30 minutes or more. His mother feeds him junk food and sugar laden food all the time. He doesn’t really eat nutritious food just junk food. For example,if he wants a cookie and we tell him no that’s when the 30 minute tantrums begin complete with throwing himself on the floor, hitting, biting, screaming, kicking. talking softly to him and some of your other suggestions do not work. He just screams at us and if we try to talk to him or tell him that he can’t have junk food but will give him something different, that doesn’t work. It just exacerbates the issue. His mother doesn’t discipline him and she has been three years just giving him to whatever he wants so it’s difficult to try to help.
Thank you Dr. Paul and Vicki!
I think something that's really tough is I know my toddler is trying to get my attention, but it's not possible to tell him he already has my attention. Sometimes you just can't drop everything right at that moment (and sometimes you can). It can be so physically (well I want to say debilitating) to juggle the thing you have to do while their tantrumming before you can get to them (and I suppose as they get further from infants and babies it's probably good to teach them to wait a little). I just have to laugh 🤯 my 3 year old would do anything to get my attention like 10 full frontal dives off the couch while yanking the curtains just to get my attention because from his perspective he thinks he doesn't have it. Whereas from my perspective it's like I'm just feeding the cat and how about come over and help like get kitty's food help get the can out. You know what I mean! Sorry, it's long winded.
Princess Pauline Rose, I wonder if he would respond if you gave him a "title" like mommy's helper. Or came up with some name that would appeal to him, then have him do things along side you during the day. Keep up a running dialog with him or sing together. When he hears you singing along, he knows you are with him.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for the suggestions! I'll give it a try.😊
This really develops self regulation. This soo important. Hope this becomes common parenting in
most homes.
Tess Jones, that is why we started the channel, share away so more people know about the channel.
I realized I’d lost my cool when I saw all three boys stifled their laughs while looking at my face.... guessing it was an adult tantrum. 🤪😂 Later they told me that was the only time they saw my outright angry reaction to their behavior.
Tricia Simon, must have been a good one. Glad you can laugh at it now. We have to have at least one do-over as we navigate through parenting.
Wow! I love this i will try my best to use this so help me God 😂
You got this!
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Hi dr. Paul, my daughter 7 yrs old not sleeping well and stopped listening to anyone and saying no to online classes.she s talking more bt meaningless. Donno wt happen al of a sudden widin a month. Kindly help me
G K, some kids do well with online and others do not. Sounds like this is not working for her and you may have to look at other options.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV okay..wl do. Thank you
I have this problem with my seven-year-old daughter who has ADHD and ODD. What I do is I set an appointment for a fun time like playing a board game together, doing nails with Mom, or going outside after all the school work is finished for the day. This is usually helpful to get her into the shower and then dressed for the day. We still have difficulty with staying seated during home schooling online, but Gonoodle breaks in between lessons help. I am finding my daughter is thriving with the flexibility of home schooling as to going to her classroom at school.
Thanks for the video. I have a toddler at home she has just turned 2. I have a question... My girl mostly has a tantrum when she is tired. As a parent should we be a bit more lenient when the child is tired?
Yes, absolutely, children are developing the ability to control themselves and if there is something we can do to help them, then just ignore the behavior and get them a nap.
Dr please do a video for tantrums in teenagers!
Alondra Silva, great idea. Short answer would be to ignore until the storm has passed, then talk to them and given them other options for how they act.
My five year old son always do tantrum if I don't give him or do what he wants. He gets angry immediately and becoming physical. He hits, kicks or punches me. I hope you can also discuss this. Many thanks.
shameigene *, check out some of the other videos on my playlist.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you
My little girl is 2 years old and she is starting tantrums. I will try these 3 steps..thank you
Paulo Salvador, good luck, know that it will pass, be patient.
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Thank you for this video. Vicki, if I remember correctly, you work with special kids as a speech therapist? How would you handle a 2 or 3 yr old you're working with? My just turned 3 yr old is autistic. He has limited speech. He throws tantrums mostly when I say no. Usually no more milk as he's had way too many liquids. Redirecting can help for a few min, but he doesn't forget his drink and continues requesting it. When the tantrum starts, we see tears, kicking, head banging, running around, pushing at the dogs. He's hard to hold onto and no longer wants hugs at this time. Any ideas?
Michelle Justice, Vicki would probably view this as stage 1 behavior and use consequences. Redirecting is great and usually works with most kids. If a child goes into tantrum mode there is no reasoning with him so he needs to be put somewhere he is safe or stay with him if you are safe with him until he stops. Then, you can deal with him and talk to him. Offer him lots of praise and reward for the behavior you want to see.
None of my kids listen to me. They all do exactly the opposite of whatever I ask of them. They talk back or don’t say anything at all. I’ve tried punishing them (no snack, no devices, etc) I try to be stronger with them and it always fails. What can I do? They are 10, 6 and 3
Lasabrosa1993, schedule a call with one of our coaches at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
I do believe you should talk to the child
Tatiana Pereira, when they are calmed down. I agree.
I am struggling so hard with my 3 and a half year old. Almost everyday she wakes up screaming and crying and hitting me. I have been trying very hard to stay calm and most times I do but sometimes my frustration goes through the roof and I scream at the tip of my lungs. We aren't able to communicate because she has a speech delay. I literally dont know what to do.
I hope the video is helpful for you. Is she seeing an SLP for help?
Good evening I really enjoyed these tips I have a 15 month old that throws tantrums and I'm at my wit's end.... I just wanted to know the isolation step does it have to be in a separate room? What if I only have a one bedroom apartment do I put her in the bathroom?
Glad it was helpful! No, you can have even a little area, a blanket or a pack and play.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you for responding 😊
Does this work on adults?🤣🤣
lmao
I wish 😋
Ailbhe Large, give it a go.
My daughter just turned 2 and it's hard to tell what causes the tantrums. Sometimes it's obvious, but sometimes it's not. I'm not sure how to communicate with her when she's in a tantrum or what an appropriate consequence is. She also throws a tantrum as soon as we get into the store because she doesn't want to sit in the cart, but she won't stay with me. So as soon as I tell her she needs to come with me or sit in the cart, she starts screaming. I am at a loss
Miriam, you can't communicate with a child in a tantrum so remove her to the car and wait for the storm to pass. Then you can talk about how to handle the situation. She might have to be left at home for a while and not allowed to go to the store if she won't sit.
When my 3 year old throws a tantrum because she wants to do something, how do I know when to do timeout vs talking her down and explaining her emotions?
If a child is in a tantrum, they aren't capable of any executive functions so you wait out the storm and then talk. If they are calm, you can talk, she can listen and you can explain.
Thank you sooo much I will implement these techniques with my children. PLEASE could you do a video on children discipline but how to handle an adhd child as the typical discipline technique may not always work. I am struggling with getting my children to do homework. Please really need your help with this. Appreciate it.
Thatperson 123, check our playlist that has tips on dealing with ADHD children.
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@@LiveOnPurposeTV thankyou
About the first point i.e. creating an isolation/ time-out. What if my child is throwing loud tantrums in public, should I pick him up and take somewhere quiet place (like car) and give him a time out?
Yes .
As a mother I have noticed that if a child is hungry they throw terrible tantrum in the public .
Always keep snacks and water with you
@@shezdi5647 thanks!!
@@K98vd04 🤩
Stap02, yes, I have walked children out of a store and put them in a car and stood outside until they can calm down.
Shez Di, good hint. Plan the trip to the store.
I know I'm a bit late but I just found your channel.
I'm not sure how young this applies to. I have a 14 month old who just screams and throws himself on the floor when something doesn't go his way. I've started to put him in timeout but I'm not sure it's working yet. I could be doing the process wrong. I don't know.
He can cry and scream for 3 hours straight if I let him .
Going off of that, I drive an hour to work, and an hour back home everyday, and he screams for that entire ride sometimes and I'm losing my mind. Today I wanted to just pull the car over and scream myself.
What do I do when we're in the car and he's screaming? How do I make it stop?
Thank you in advance.
Sara, I am not sure if you have the power to make it stop. You can try some noise cancelling headphones. Let him know it is o.k. to scream, but if he does not scream, he can play with (fill in the blank with his favorite toy). He might need more time with the transition from childcare to home. Could you play with him for a bit before putting him in the car? Or find a place close by to drive to and have a snack together and connect before the drive home?
@liveonpurposetv Please help,My toddler is reaching 3years of his age. He just doesnt stay put in isolation. He keeps coming back again and troubles his younger sister(1yr old). He is afraid of being alone in isolation in another room and locked. I dont know how to modify this isolation according to his level.
H Hina, could there be a chair he has to sit in, which is located near you when he is being put in time out?
I don't understand what he means when he says to do the "time out" . Can someone explain pls?
I didn't rewatch, but I believe I was referring to a time out, where the child is placed away from others to separate themselves from what is happening.
Hello, I recently just found yalls channel. My son throws so many tantrums and I believe they’re mainly for attention. However when I try to even talk to him gently or ask him why he’s upset he throws an even bigger tantrum. While he’s crying he will bring the cup of juice I gave him or his toy, and try to sit with me, but when I reach for him, again he throws a bigger tantrum. Please help! It’s like he wants me, but don’t? He’s going to be 2 years in about 2 months.
Amanda Smith, ask if it is o.k. for you to hold him and act according to what he says. You won't be able to communicate with him during the tantrum, the storm needs to pass before you can have a conversation. Practice how to act when he isn't in tantrum mode.
Y’all take too long to get to the point I feel like having a tantrum now😂😂😂
You can speed up the video, just an idea.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV oh I’m just clowning around!!! You have great content and are appreciated!
Hi guys! I feel in shock to hear to isolate a child throwing a tantrum! This is one of the most cruel, traumatic and painful thing to do... it just activates the fear of abandonment and rejection... it is during a tantrum that the child needs the most loving presence from his/ her caregivers. Children have to know, see, hear and feel that we love them “no matter what and even if” ;) and to my experience a child throwing a tantrum indeed needs something but we, as parents, have to come after what they need. it can also be due to overload or accumulation of supressed emotions. With older children active listening (from Thomas Gordon) works really good. An other type of time out is going with the child in a calm space and let them calm down with a loving fysical contact, but never a little child alone! As parents we need to guide or children not to punish them. Emotions are not bad (even if most of us learned that), they are what they are and that is what children need to learn. Aletha Solter and Dr. Karyn Pulvis share a lot about this ;)
Thanks for watching.
A short isolation isn't traumatizing, and most of the "experts" who say it is don't offer solutions that actually work. Coming from a mom who started out with over the top gentle parenting and learned the hard way.
It's far more traumatizing to kid and parent to have constant unresolved tantrums. I wish I could go back and direct younger me to Dr. Paul's content. It would have avoided years of pain where I tried gentleness and ended up so frustrated I lost my temper, sending me spiraling with self loathing because I didn't live up to my own values.
If a method other than timeout works for your child awesome! I had one that was able calm down with Daniel Tiger's mad song. But please don't judge the parents who use it. Because what works for one child won't always work for another.
@Amber Mae exactly!! Maybe I did it wrong but I quickly found out that my child doesn't do gentle. Maybe when she is older but right now at age almost 2, noo.
My little boy is 16 months old at the moment. I don't think we have had a full blown tantrum yet.
He only has small outbursts sometimes.
Could you please explain what type or length of tantrum these techniques would apply to?
Any time the child is out of control, crying and not able to have control over their emotions. Hopefully you won't have many, some children don't.
Thank you very much for replying.
I am scared to leave him alone in another room though. He likes to dig in drawers and grab things that could hurt him. Does such a young child have to be totally separated for this to work? Or are there other options?
🙏🙏🙏
Thank you!
i wish you would do a video about 12 plus year old that has tantrums, please!!!!
A Mc, if they are having tantrums, they are on stage 1 and they need consequences. Reward the correct behavior as well so they know how they need to be acting.
My 2 year old takes a long time to calm down like 20min. Is that normal?
He is so picky and gets extremely stuck in his emotions in how he wants things done almost like ocd.
Im struggling because my nieghbors complain that my kids make to much noise.
It can take a while for a child to calm down. They usually calm faster if they aren't given a lot of attention. Giving attention can prolong the tantrum as they are getting what they want.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV he starts banging his head on things and hitting himself, so I do tell him to stop. The only way so far I can get him to stop is by a squat on the butt. I rather squat his butt than to leave him for 20 min screaming and hitting himself. It sounds like neglect.
I have done all three and he still screams and wiggles out of my arms or runs away from me. 😩 I tell him no screaming. He yells no! 😓😂
Try our membership site for more help our parenting power up. Go.liveonpurposecentral.com
Is age 9 still considered to be too immature to handle emotions? I feel like my 7 year old is more mature than my 9 year old when it comes to emotions.
Darija Pejicic, really difficult to say. As you have noticed, children come equipped differently and your 7 yr. old might be a more mature soul that your 9 year old. Look at it as an are that your 9 year old needs to work on. There are so many good socio-emotional books, programs, etc. Go at it from a stage, not age perspective. Your child is right where they should be for them and you are there to help.
What is an appropriate amount of self control you should expect for a six going on seven year old.
Louise Ayres, they will be able to stop some impulses, but not all. Consider my parenting power-up program or a membership at liveonpurposecentral.com.
im sorry i love it so far im just looking at the woman like is he really this involved or is he just taking over the show because she has the gems ? idk hahaahhaha
Not sure what you mean.
What if they won't stay in time out?
Emily Bowman, then they lose a privelege.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I have hard time to figure out the privileges.
How to deal with tantrum in babies...2 months....starts crying when about to sleep
2 months old do not have tantrums. They are telling you something when they are crying. Frustrating to figure out what it is sometimes.
Isolation? What do you want to teach them? You said correctly that children are not able to control their emotions. How do you want to help them with that by leaving them alone with their pain? What do you want to teach them? If you want something, if you feel something I don’t want to deal with - you are not welcome?? This is violence with a smile on your face! Please dear parents who read this: never leave your child alone. They will only learn that they are not ok and something is wrong with them! But we want them to learn that it’s ok to feel bad and to express that emotion. Otherwise this emotion will stay inside them and they will become sick and with no empathy for other human beings! Teach them empathy not isolation and they will give empathy to the world!
We do teach empathy, when they are calm and teachable.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for your reply. I 100% agree with you that a child is not open for a conversation during a tantrum. But I absolutely don’t agree to isolate them as this is teaching them that they are not ok, with no words. Why don’t we show them that they are ok even they are overwhelmed? What kind of empathy is this, that you only give to someone who is acting in a specific way? Isn’t it the case that we need the most empathy when we don’t feel ok? Or how would you feel if you are having hard times and just feel bad and depressed and I am telling you that I will first talk to you after you overcame your depression? This is not empathy! This is punishment. I am with my child when he is going through a tantrum and he can feel that even he is shouting and pushing. We are pushing his energy out until he is done and after it’s over he is hugging me and is so calm. Since I’m doing that his tantrums became so rare and short. And he learned it by feeling care and empathy and not isolation. Do you understand what I mean?
Sorry. Have to respectfully disagree. It works just fine. Had two happy kids where everyone asked why such good attitudes. Isolation works.
How can I stop my toddler from screaming all the time
Liah Rose, I hope the video was helpful, there are other videos on the playlist. Make sure there are no other physical conditions such as allergies or something that may be contributing if they are always irritable.
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Seriously? A time out is basically I'm gonna leave you alone if you show your emotions
Nope, it is getting the emotion under control so we can talk about the behavior and a better way to handle the situation that works in your favor.
Never ever isolate a child. That‘s plainly a punishment playing with a human‘s biggest fear 😢 Please look into respectful parenting instead ❤️
Mama Fox, thanks for watching.
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