This is One Of The Most Important (& Often Overlooked) Keys to Great Style (Over 40)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 พ.ค. 2024
- Great style comes from within and if we don't love ourselves, that will show on the outside. This is a raw and emotional look at how we as women view ourselves and what we can do to reframe that dialog we often have with ourselves.
Thank you so much for watching. Your support means the world to me! ~Erin xo
#bodypositive #bodypositivity #menopause
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What I'm Wearing
Blue Lace Blouse | go.magik.ly/ml/1kvfm/
White Jeans | go.magik.ly/ml/1lof8/
Bracelet | rstyle.me/+-bCwuMMgXuYfmgm-w9...
Bracelet | rstyle.me/+YKcX5-Ih2YmkgenqoY...
Earrings | apprl.com/al/7pXS/
Lipstick | go.magik.ly/ml/1lorg/
Intro & My Story | 00:00
#1 | Look Into The Mirror | 16:59
#2 | Move Your Body | 17:58
#3 | Nourish Your Body | 19:53
#4 | Accept Compliments | 21:30
#5 | Hypnosis | 22:08
#6 | Somatic Therapy | 23:02
Additional Resources -
Hypnosis | Sarah Griffiths | www.sallyg.com/
Breathwork | Denise Cooper | www.denisefcooper.com/
Meditation | Gabby Bernstein | gabbybernstein.com/
Spiritual Teacher For Female Entrepreneurs | www.eleonoredeposson.com/
Somatic Therapy | Find a practitioner in your state
EMDR | Find a practitioner in your state
EMDR | Hannah Goldman | hannahgoldmanphd@gmail.com | practices in New York
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We Need To Talk About…Your Relationship With Your Body | busbeestyle.com/body-image-ov...
We Need To Talk About…Finding Balance During Menopause | busbeestyle.com/finding-balan...
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*DISCLOSURE: I use affiliate links. That means IF you buy something through one of my links, I make a small percentage of revenue. Thank you for supporting me and my mission to help make style and shopping simple. ~Erin xo - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
You asked us to share so here it goes: I had lots of trauma in my life - most of it in my family of origin. I tried sooooooo many different things including EMDR, hypnosis, cognitive behavioral therapy, medications, and the list goes on. Nothing worked until I totally gave my life to Jesus and let Him show me how loved and precious I am. The hardest thing for me is to just be still in His presence and let Him heal me. Like you I am still on this journey but I have had miraculous healings so far (that doctors cannot explain) of many health issues including very bad physical, mental, and emotional issues. In order to love yourself fully you first need to learn what love is. I did not know what love was until Jesus showed me. Now I am able to love myself and therefore love others. I'm living my best life now and it keeps getting better! Sending you lots of hugs and love! 🥰 Erin, you are beautiful just because you are. From a gal in Canada who is turning 50 in November.
Amen
🙏Amen and Amen Zoe Lynch 🙏. 🙋Also in Canada 🙋
Yep. Thanks for this.
I agree 100%! I tried all the other things as you did. But allowing Jesus to really hold my heart and work with Him spiritually has made all the difference!! It is an on going journey....but a joyful one! It started with a book by Neil Anderson called The Bondage Breaker. Being mindful of how I spend my time, what I watch on TV, what I listen to etc. Finding these videos that Erin is putting out here is the icing on the cake I need! Blessings and joy ladies!
This is so sad. I'm an actress past model in L.A. The belly of the beast. I was never thin enough, tall enough, pretty enough, etc... It's our culture and it doesn't effect men in the same way. It's sick! It also sells a ton of products and keeps us "in our place" as we're too busy hating on ourselves and trying to improve to look around and say, "WTF?" Thanks for this video Erin.
*keeps us in our place* is exactly what I was thinking as I was watching. Why is it that SO much of what men do keeps us down? We’ve bought into it so much that in addition to hating ourselves we judge each other so harshly. We should be lifting each other up and up! And, that’s what I endeavor to do!❤️
It IS sad. You've dealt with this on an even deeper level. It's not fair, and it's toxic. Time to demand a change, and it starts within. Thank you so much for sharing your own viewpoint here, Irene. xo
Ironically I wanted to reply that for the last couple of years I have been working as a construction worker in tbe skilled trades. I walk around grubby, sweaty, and no makeup but never have felt so good about myself and get admiring looks all the time. It is very physical and it helps to be in good shape.
And they say alllll of that just to photoshop! TOTAL BS!
Yeah and we need to be looking around and saying WTF too…
When my exhusband moved out, even though I was so upset, people started telling me how wonderful I looked. I realized the lack of stress, and the fact that it was now safe to sleep at night started showing in my face and posture.
Oh gosh Erin, you hit on so many of my issues. As an ex- model, who is now 50, a wife and mother of 5 boys and being in the midst of the big Menopause roller coaster. There are good days and bad days and I am trying to give myself a break.
I have spent a lifetime of criticism for being too thin or to fat, having my measurements taken and being weighed on a scale in my bra and underwear weekly at the agency to see if I was “skinny” enough only to be told I needed to gain because I was too thin once I lost the weight. I too have carried trauma and shame and find it hard at times to love myself ( well if I’m being honest most of the time) So much of what you said in this video resonates with me. I cried with you several times. Most people ask me how I do it, how I look so wonderful after having all those kids and Even though I smile and say thank you, I think to myself “ She must be seeing things that I do not see. I do have days where I feel good so I look good and can actually love myself a little but unfortunately those days are few and far between.
I am going to consider some of the therapies you suggested. I debated several times wether I should even write this online, but I read through the comments and saw that I am not alone. We are not alone in the struggle and it’s support that I get from watching you be so real that encourages me. Thank you Erin. Lots of tears today. 😢
I always felt that you promoted the worth of women beyond their physical appearance. You are beautiful inside and out .
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment, Sharon! Truly appreciate YOU! xo
I agree..I always thought Erin was just as beautiful inside and portrayed that in her videos.
Well you made me cry and I'm thankful for it. Aging is so freakin difficult for women and I remember you talking about not becoming invisible. I look in the mirror and say I love you and you matter. I stopped obsessing about my weight by eating better and practicing self care. We are worthy, and we matter. Love you Erin, so brave and courageous.
I’m so happy for you Erin that you are taking this path! The journey is worth it. A few years back I stopped giving compliments based on appearance. This was key for me. No more,” you have pretty hair “ or “ or your so slim” etc. the only way I comment on a woman’s appearance is to say, “ I like your style”, “ I like the way you paired that together” or even “ I like the way you do your makeup “. Because now I’m complimenting her ability instead of appearance. This has helped me and I also hope it helps other women shift their mind set. It’s ok to realize that an older or even old woman isn’t beautiful in the same way a 25 yr old is and that’s ok! It’s a hard truth of life but I’m accepting it. Hopefully a life of goodness radiates from within and shines outwards. And that is the beauty that others see. I had to confront my belief that beauty was part of my value. How messed up is that?! We’re valuable just because we’re God’s creation. We are his children and that simple fact, means we have inherent value. Sorry for the long message, but I feel so passionately about this. Hope this helps someone.
Such a great shift to make with our words. SO powerful. Thank you for sharing, Kristin! xo
LOVE this!!!
One of the best compliments I've ever gotten was when I was doing school supply shopping with my 2 kids. This woman said "Oo...I love your whole look, you have such a great energy". I was blown away. What a great compliment! I will never forget it!
Kristin you are absolutely right, We all have the change, I will do it!
I LOVE the way you compliment in a woman's or man's ability to put an outfit together, style their hair, etc. FANTASTIC!!! Thank you!!!
It took me most of my life to come to these realizations. I was molested as a child and hospitalized due to that molestation by the time I was 13, my female organs were pretty well trashed. I’m currently in my 60’s, have had lots of therapy in several modalities…all of it helps. Learning to love ourselves is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves. I was always reaching to capture the 10# weight loss to feel better in my own skin. I never felt attractive, never felt worthy, never felt enough until about 5 years ago. I went through a very rough time, a time that I didn’t think I would live through. It took that experience for me to realize that I am enough, I am worthy and I am beautiful! Preach the good fight sister! We are all worthy! We are all beautiful! Thank you Erin
Amen! Thank you for sharing because I'm not feeling good about myself. Looking into the mirror telling myself will be a miracle. I've been chasing a size 8 for 23 years. I have given up! I feel fat, have a big stomach, and nothing looks good on me.
God bless you Veronica.
I am so sorry you went through such horrible abuse but I applaud you for your bravery.❤
Bless you. You are strong and an inspiration.
It is astounding reading through the message board how many women have suffered molestation in early childhood... including myself. The women are also around my same age...body image is a negative factor in plodding through life...so much therapy...years of mental work on ourselves...I pray that the next generation can soar freely from this plight. Keep working ladies on your mental journey towards healing. I am MUCH better and so I know it is possible to get there. Thank you Aaron for bringing this to light...your struggle is just as real and I know I could say YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and CREATIVE but you have to be in the space to receive it, I pray you get to that point.
girl! I have a belly for the first time in my life (meno pot) and there are days that I really struggle with it. Most days I authentically don't mind my little belly at all - but on those other days it is rough. Hugs to every single woman out there feeling this. Yoga has been life changing for me because most days I own and love this belly. My body is strong and healthy - and IMHO that is what is truly beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your own story, Lori! xo
Oh my god same. .. I NEVER had a belly or rolls, I do now and I’m don’t know how to deal with new body. I have not had sex with my hubby in over 8 mos cuz I hate the way I look and do not feel sexy
I had someone tell me recently that I looked good and was thin. She said, "I would love to be your size." I told her, "no I still need to loose weight." I have been taking dramatic measures to better myself in this area(not good). The compliment I was given reminded me that what I don't like about myself, another woman would love to have. Likewise, I always look at women that I wish I could look like and be more like. I wonder if they see themselves like I do, as beautiful. Like you said, comparisons can be really unhealthy. I am a therapist and see all walks of life. People have very wonderful lives in my eyes, but they aren't happy, even suicidal. I have also spoken with many women who have really been through VERY hard lives. I can't explain why people are born into hard situations (abuse as child, etc.). I also think, wow 'and I thought my life was hard," but there they are working through it all, despite horrible situations. It has taught me a ALOT along the way...life can be very hard, but it can always be better by NEVER GIVING UP, and as you said, being kind and loving ourselfves!.. Telling ourselves we are strong, and even if we don't see it. I believe that GOD gave us purpose, but that is another whole conversation. Someone on here talked about complimenting others and that is SUCH a good point! You really don't know what someone else is going through. One small compliment could do more than you know. Erin, what a good video!- I'm glad you are working on loving yourself because in soo many eyes you ARE very beautiful (inside and out)! I watch your videos because I LOVE your style. We are the same age. I have been trying to look better in any way I can now that I'm getting older. However, thanks for the most important reminder, to work on feeling good inside!! I will use this today not only for myself but helping others! Thank you, thank you!💕
YES! Love this.
I’m still trying to figure out how bringing a steak home for a date night that they got from a sales meeting is something they would think I’d like to discuss my day over. You put no effort into taking me to a restaurant of my choosing, or preparing the meal with me. You’re lucky I didn’t put my foot on it.😂
At more than 6 decades of life, I look back at things that bugged me about my looks in my 40’s, 50’s and have to laugh. Taking care of your physical health, diet, etc. really does pay off - you are correct to advocate that. I feel more joy with age and somewhere along the line learned to accept compliments. Embrace the joy of where you are, Erin. Relative to me and likely other listeners, you are still young!
SO glad you are here, Teresa. Thank you for your sweet comment. xo
I agree 100%! 😊
Amen sister! I so agree with you. I can still walk, hike, and do yoga. I am so grateful for what my body can do. I work on my inner woman instead of focusing on the shell. I love the person God created because I am able to love God and love people within this body. I simply get up and do the next right thing. Oh, and I laugh a whole lot with my family and friends.
I agree, Teresa. We hate the way we look now, but when I look at my photos from 10-20 years ago, I wonder what was I complaining about back then? I looked good. But it certainly wasn’t my frame of mind back then.
I'm literally STUNNED that you've made this video. Just a couple days ago I was saying, I really need to draft my feelings and thoughts to share with Erin about how all of the sudden, thanks to her, the light switch has really come on about finding my true style and fashion. At almost age 54, I've decided to really revamp my entire wardrobe and enhance my style, and in some ways, who I am because of it, in that, you always say that we tend to feel our best when we think we look great and stylish, which is true!
Anyway, I wanted to tell you how much I've learned from you and how I'd been watching you on and off for a number of years, just not on a regular basis, and in Sept of 2020 when I saw your video about not drinking, I quit drinking for 6 months and it made a huge impact on my face and body. I started again due to some extremely stressful circumstances that were occurring in my life last spring, and just a month ago, literally, on 8/14, I watched that video again and decided to stop and hopefully never go back. The main reason, other than it's expensive and ultimately detrimental on many levels, is because I am getting close to menopause. Believe it or not I'm still regular like clockwork, even at almost 54! That said, I've been doing some intermittent fasting and trying to really pay close attention to my body because I'm someone who has struggled with it my entire life. I struggled with eating disorders and self loathing for pretty much all of my life and even at the time's when people were always praising me and telling me how great I look. I just could NOT accept it for my own self. I recently was watching one of your videos and I was noticing things you said about your shape, and I was saying to myself, it's so wonderful how she's so comfortable in her body, no matter what goes on, before she lost weight gained from menopause, after she lost weight from it, then went to Europe and said she gained some again... she is always SO seemingly accepting of herself and I just wish I could be like that.
When you talked about your husband giving you compliments and how you feel about others complimenting you, we are exactly on par with one another. When I truly think about it, I know I am an attractive woman and I know the blessings that I've been given, but I still don't take those compliments and accept them in a way that is healthy or that makes me experience healthy satisfaction from being complimented, which is abnormal and dysfunctional.
Anyway, I am just so astounded by this video that I needed to comment and say THANK YOU. Thank you for being someone who's SO REAL. It really is like having a true friend that we can all come to and recieve such uplifting, and powerful advice from. It's never been so relevant for us older women than it is now. In fact, the world young people are growing up in now is "filtered", on almost every level, impatient, often ungrateful, lacking grace, and in many ways, even dignity. WORST of all, it lacks a lot empathy. The very least thing that we should all be able to do is to love ourselves enough to be able to hopefully love others, because hurting people all too often, hurt othe people.
Thank you again for shining a light in a very dark place. I love you, Erin...God bless you, your entire family and all your followers ❤️
Hi Michele, I had regular periods until 56 and then they were regular in time, but as heavy as heavy could be! They finally stopped at 58. My Mum was 57. Sounds like you're in our camp. Just a warning about them being really heavy - be prepared. If they had started when you were at home, you wouldn't have gone out, but of course they start at work!! Needing to change every 3/4 of an hour or so is a big nuisance. I hope that is a bit of practical help with all of the things you have been through.
Aww Erin, ❤ if only you could see yourself as we do. Smart, stylish, inquisitive, and generous of spirit. I’m 56 now and though it’s tough to see the aging changes, I try to be grateful for the years lived. There are a lot of miles on me but it’s a privilege to get older. I love that you flipped that phrase… feel good, look good. Thank you for constantly evolving and sharing your journey with us.
Preach! I am constantly fighting the same 10lbs. I lost significant weight because of stroke factors in my family and a close call that I had. With Menopause,it has been harder to keep my weight down, but I need to. I have finally decided that the fight I choose to take on is not looking better, but living better. I believe that one will lead to the other. I am looking forward to how it will change my attitude with my body.
Goals of health and wellbeing is such an important mindset shift. Thank you for sharing your own story! xo
My stroke was definitely related to low weight and chronic malnutrition. That's the word that I cherish now that I denied before - "nutrition". Nourishing the brain is essential regardless of one's body. Glad you're here!
So brave! It isn’t always “acceptable” for beautiful women (or women that society deems beautiful) to discuss struggles with insecurities or body image- but the reality is that if we don’t see OURSELVES as beautiful, it doesn’t matter how many compliments you receive and it doesn’t fix the issues within us. Thank you for the video!
You're exactly right, Ranea. Everyone has struggles, and no one is perfect. It's sure a tough journey...but such an important one. SO glad you are here. xo
Thank you good advice ❤️
As a long time viewer, I think this is an great and important shift in your content and messaging. Good on you for owning it and flipping the focus.
I am turning 40 in November and this year has been a rollercoaster emotionally. I have finally just started to treat myself with kindness. My daughter will be turning 20 as well, and she has helped me tremendously. Watching her become a woman has incrementally shown me how cruel I have been to myself over the years. I was such a hypocrite. I would be sitting on her bed, or driving with her, listening to all of the insecurities and criticisms that come with the teenage body and mind and I would try to empower her however I could to see the beauty that I see when I look at her. I would always remind her that she was just going through the challenging years we all went through, and that brighter days would surely come. I would remind her of her endless artistic and musical talents, her hilarious wit, and her fierce spirit that has always compelled her to fight for what is right. And then I would go on about my day spending most of the time obsessing about how much I hated my body and what it looked like. How disgusting it was to me and I was simply going to have to endure painful surgeries to look somewhat presentable and surely my husband would end up leaving me for someone younger and less “aged” looking eventually. And then I just continued over the years to dread turning 40, because I can’t seem to get it through my head that aging is a blessing from God. Even though I know this, all I did was obsess about getting older. This year I went on my own Tracy Anderson quest for perfection, dying to look perfect when I was finally at last forced to walk the plank to age 40. Then a few months ago I went for a run which I never do because I hate it… and decided to sign up for a local 5K being held on my 40th. (Ha)
I downloaded couch to 5K, and started there. I noticed that my reaction to stress and anger was always to run, so I started listening to my body. And when I would run, I would slowly feel better and my mind would clear and I would go back in my house without feeling the need to snap out on everyone. I realized what exercise does for my MENTAL HEALTH!!! I stopped being obsessed with TA because although I do enjoy her workouts, she always discouraged lifting any heavy weights and gosh dang it… I like lifting weights! I would avoid it at all costs because of course you end up building muscle and my Jean size will go up and I will hate myself for that etc. But I decided I was just going to start moving my body in ways that made me feel good mentally. Dancing! Running! Lifting weights! Stretchy yoga! Once I stopped doing it to “look” a certain way, I started enjoying exercise for the first time in my entire life. I started eating breakfast when I felt like it (heaven forbid if you are an intermittent faster). I allowed myself to eat healthy carbs with zero regret because sometimes you NEED CARBS! And I realized that it truly is sugar that makes me feel awful. Drinking makes me feel AWFUL. Once I started being kind to my body and to myself, slowly all of the self hatred is falling off of me like scales and I seriously cry tears of joy over it. And funny enough, I haven’t lost a single pound, and I am more active than I have ever been, and I truly do not care one bit!!! This video is amazing because I. Am. Living. This! I’ve loved you for years and years Erin, for this reason: you are a genuine, kindhearted woman who bares her soul for the world to see in hopes that you inspire and encourage all of us who can relate. I do relate. If we all put 20 lbs on because of menopause, and we have the people who love us safe and healthy in their beds every night, what on earth are we doing??? Let’s love ourselves more and treat ourselves we treat our own daughters. Thank you for this video, and I hope all the women watching find love for themselves.
I was never a runner. I had never ran an entire mile in my life. Ever- even in grade school. But I wanted to do it before I turned 40. So I did the C25K thing and did my first 5k at 39. I got out of it during the whole covid thing but restarted again and did another 5k last week. I’m 48 and in better shape than I have probably ever been.
Your soothing voice helps deliver such a powerful message for every young and seasoned woman. I can sense the vulnerability and courage it took for you to share this and for that, a heartfelt thank you for truly talking about something we have all experienced. Thank you for being bold and for the great tips on owning and deciding to focus on LOVE and gratitude for our wonderful bodies that do so much for us ❤
I honestly didn’t want to share this video. I woke up in the middle of the night last week and got a strong download, you don’t want to share this, but you have to because it’s so important! I sincerely hope it helps some of you love yourselves more.
@@BusbeeStyle I am glad you shared this video. Perhaps your BRAND is shifting a bit and naturally as you grow as a human spirit. I am here for it and rooting for you Erin!
I see nothing wrong with “If you look good you feel good” mantra because it really works. When I fix myself up no matter what weight I am, I feel better. And when I take pride in my appearance, I do feel better when I look in the mirror. It’s not good for my mental health to let myself go. I discovered this during lockdown. Especially after menopause. However I understand this valuable message and truly appreciate your honesty and compassion 💕
Thank you so much for this video. It reminded of an article I read years ago about elderly people facing death and sharing what life had taught them. Several women mentioned they wished they hadn’t been so critical of their appearance. They said that now that they knew they would soon be dying and leaving their body, they felt nothing but gratitude and appreciation for the body that had served them so well.
Something that has always helped me is GRATITUDE. When I was younger I would literally meditate on how thankful I was for breathing for having the ability to walk and to think, and to physically be able to do almost anything I wanted. Haven’t done that in a while but want to start again. I think gratitude is a step toward learning how to love yourself and your body, just as it is. Thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you for spotlighting the truth about societal expectations of women's bodies and how unattainable, inaccurate and unkind it is. I love your authenticity and vulnerability..Everything you said was spot on, super helpful, and I hope more women begin to heal their emotions and beliefs around their bodies. Thank you!
We feel alone in this, but the truth is...there's so many other women going through something very similar. It's such a tough journey, and a constant process...But SO vitally important for our growth, healing, and happiness. Thanks for watching, Tennille. xo
I’m 54 and post menopause. I don’t recognize myself anymore. This video really resonated with me as I’m sure it did many other women. I’m naturally hard on myself, and it is a roller coaster of stopping that self emotional abuse and going right back to it. I’m glad you mentioned EMDR. It has worked for me in the past for other traumatic events, and my therapist and I have just started using it for this very reason. I’m saving this video because it is very inspirational with realistic (and yes, difficult) tips. Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you for your honesty and bravery in doing so. I appreciate your being genuine in your mission. I think you are the only individual on social media not solely trying to sell product.
I have a hardship as post menopausal weight gain vs style. We love to travel and want to "look" like an European local but nope more like a Fattie and how do I dress like a Local
Appreciate her video. I have gained/lost weight since early 40s now 15 yrs later. Sucks cause I want to dress like an European for travel but I am overweight American.
Thank you for your honesty❣️Wow, I related to your story & body image. I’ve lost 126lbs. & now am able to look at myself inside as well as outside with love, no more hate! I’m 68 & love my body & it’s extra skin, wrinkles, & lines. Yes, I had surgery to get to this point. A year of prior very hard work went into this process & many, many failed diets & hardships. I wish I hadn’t lived 68 yrs. with looking away from those plate glass windows being ashamed of my image. Hugs & love for your help❣️
You just gave me the permission to say no to the gym and yes to a walk out in fresh air , which felt amazing. Taking the pressure off of myself to stay in routine and constantly checking off to do’s. Instead doing what feels right naturally in the moment
Thank you for addressing this. I spent 27 of my 44 years chronically ill. I was a model as a tween before I got ill. I barely had the energy to walk up stairs or brush my hair. I went from being a pageant girl to someone who became a shadow of that girl.
It took me years to learn to love myself and honestly after having my son and becoming a mother, my energy shifted.
I am so proud of you for finding this self realization and sharing it with your audience. I am a personal stylist and my passion is helping women find love for themselves where they are at any age or stage.
I did not look sick because when I had the energy, I poured it all into my appearance. If I looked good, eventually I would feel good. After 3 decades, I realized that I was doing myself a diservice to myself and others in the autoimmune community. Embrace what makes you unique. Love yourself ❤️ Thanks again for your vulnerability.
What an important conversation Erin. Your vulnerability will help so many. Gaining self esteem is the root to all joy as well as that daily refresher that God made us perfect in His eyes. If only we saw ourselves as He does
Thanks so much, Dominique. Such an important topic, even though it was hard to share. xo
I went on this crazy spiral a few years ago, as menopause set firmly in. My body and mind were in a strange space. I’m so SO grateful that I found Erin and Dominique Sachse - you both threw me a lifeline of transparency (and lately, I’ve watched you go through and process incredibly hard stuff) that genuinely inspires me. Social media can be such a soul sucker, but your TH-cams are so very powerful. I know it takes a lot of effort and time and emotional stamina. Thank you for being open, joyful, helpful, modest, and classy. I’m truly grateful!
This is really kind of you to address this because as you mention, it’s something that affects most of us. The bottom line is that body shapes should not be a trend! Once we let go of that thinking it can be easier to accept ourselves as we are. The same person can’t look like Kate Moss one year and Kim K the next (without serious surgical intervention)
This is so right on. I can’t take a compliment, constantly picking apart my body, comparing myself to other woman. It’s exhausting. At 63 I’ve been hating on my body for most of my life. When I look at old pics now, I think, okay not perfect but my eyes were beautiful? My hair is so thick, and my skin was amazing. Society has us believing we woman can only be beautiful if we look a certain way. Wait until you’re in your mid fifties and your body just turns on you. You work out, you diet, and nothing works. You feel, crazy enough, like you’ve been betrayed. Maybe we just shouldn’t focus so much on our bodies or anyone else’s body and work on our hearts.
One of the first things I remember my husband telling me when we started dating (I was 16 then) was even if we didn’t work out (which we have) I would learn to take a compliment. Up until him I really couldn’t take a compliment. I was a size 3 but the other girls and my high school pe teacher (female) told me and my friend (who wore a zero to prom that year we were fat. Early 90’s “heroin chic” was the timeframe.
Wow, just wow 🤩 Erin, so powerfully personal and profound! Vulnerable and honest! Your words are the truth that needs to be spoken more and more amongst all women and to the young girls that are facing so many stereotypical representations of “acceptable” bodies, faces, etc.
I’m not like I used to be but my body has also been thru horrible health challenges- I’m lucky to be alive and look in the mirror now with a different lens. Gratitude that my body has been strong, that my mind is strong, that I have more than many do in this world. Outer beauty is skin deep, inner beauty and kindness never fades and it loves others just as they are 💗
Thank you for your beautiful & kind comment! And truthful and candid. My heart is touched by this video and your comment.
Well said! I completely agree. We have to learn to love and accept ourselves for our own well being, and to show our daughters, granddaughters, and other women the way to self-love. I have just started this journey too. A great book is “Self-Compassion,” by Kristin Neff.
Thank you so much for sharing, Laurie! I'm inspired by your words, and know others will be too. xo
I have been a huge fan of yours for many years. While I can't relate to most of the fashion because I'm a server at a bar and don't have the income, I just think you are so beautiful and your style is truly gorgeous. Thank you for sharing your struggles, most of us just assume we are alone and don't feel adequate. To know someone I look to as the literal definition of perfect is struggling too makes me feel more accepting of myself. XOXO You are truly so amazing!
Wow, thank you so much for your sweet comment. Please know that you are not alone. Thanks so much for being a part of this amazing community! xo
Totally agree!
@@BusbeeStyle You're welcome! I sincerely love your channel and find lots of inspiration from you.
When you said to look in the mirror, and tell yourself, “I love you,” the thought of that action brought tears. Thank you for talking about this topic. Even at 63 years, i have a lot of issues in this area as a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and an 84-yo mother who weighs 109, and still talks about her weigh daily. She dieted every day of my childhood. My siblings and I all have issues about body image. I tried not to be like her and make my children, especially my daughter, obsessive about body image, but I know I wasn’t successful. This was powerful & very helpful for me to realize I have huge issues, and need to get help. I have watched you for years and love the videos. Thanks so much. Much love to you Erin. ♥️
The book you mentioned, The Body Keeps Score changed my life - I've read it 2x - I second your recommendation. I beat the fire out of myself because of the changes that come with aging and menopause as well as my height - 5-1 I have deeply hated myself for my height my entire life - I feel that I am worth less than others because of it - add to that the aging and I too have felt like I have nothing to offer the world and tha I'm invisible. All of this, and I am probably considered by other to be a very pretty person - I'm in excellent shape. But it's never ever enough - I loathe myself. I think many women feel this too. Thank you for bringing this up
You were fearfully and wonderfully made, the only one in existence - created on purpose by the master of creation, perfect - he makes no mistakes. Read it again. ❤️
This is so powerful and I appreciate your vulnerability! I think so many women in our age group grew up with magazines and so much toxic language around what was ideal. I can relate to so much of what you are saying at 47 years old. I'm working on it and will be on this journey with you. I appreciate you sharing this today. It was super helpful and some words I needed to hear.
You're right... We're gotten so used to the impossible and toxic beauty standards, that it is SO hard to break free from. But it is time! Thanks so much for watching. xo
Play in life...have fun...I am 60 years old...I just bought a yo-yo yesterday...my husband is learning how to surf...I also had sexual abuse from the age of 4 years old to 11 years old...I tryed therapy but the best thing I did was not having any sort of relationship with the abusive people including my mom...I haven't seen them for over 5 years and it has made a HUGE difference...I am back to a happy healthy woman helping other women in their journey. Positive vibes!!! I wish you nothing but joy and acceptance of ALL of your being...truly.
I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through, and also honored to hear your story, Lona. I'm so glad that you are happy, healthy, and joyful now! What an inspiration. LOVE the yo-yo and surfing journeys too! xo
Same here. In my early 60’s and experienced sexual abuse from as far back as I can remember to age 18. I am trying to love myself and it starts with putting myself first instead of constantly caring for aging parents. My last parent passed away 2 weeks ago and I’m really trying to love me and look after me
This is so good. I'm over 70 and am still working on all this "body acceptance" stuff. I take care of myself physically, go to the gym, yoga, etc., but aging and body changes happen. We put so much pressure on ourselves. Keep talking about this.♥
Erin , I asked for a sign last night and I got it through this video, I’ve been feeling so not worthy lately, I don’t know why , but I am promising myself today that I will look in the mirror and love myself because I’m worthy and so are all the women in this platform, I thank you for being so honest with your story and which you such much love, WE ARE BEAUTIFUL, WE ARE WORTHY!!!
I can’t thank you enough for sharing this and being so open and transparent. I have felt so alone on this menopause journey. I have aged what looks like 10 years in the last 2. I have gained a lot of weight and have been so down and depressed. That is the opposite of what my personality has always been. Please continue to share your ups and downs with this. It is more helpful than you will ever know! Much love to you!
Same story here Cristie, the speed of change is so difficult to accept…
This is how I first found Erin. My body had changed from menopause and it was cringy. Thanks for the tips you give us!
Cristie yes 👍😞 I couldn't agree more. It's the speed in which everything changes which is so hard to accept. I feel very alone because I'm the only person in my friends in this age group (40) to be going through it (perimenopause, weight gain, etc). This video was so great, the honesty ❤️ wishing you all the best moving forward
Erin, thank you for opening my eyes. I am 62 , still able to ride my horses, enjoy my grandbabies etc. but I have begun to Loathe Myself even more than I always have (aches and pains, saggier face) And I’m very aware of it and I don’t want to feel like that. I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you much for pointing many little/big details I have not realized I’ve been doing. It’s time for me to do some heart felt thinking. 💞, Cowgirl Deb
Yep. I concur 100%. I was body shamed by my mother my entire life, even in my early childhood. I realize she was heavily influenced by societal messaging, but nevertheless I have struggled my whole adult life to love myself and my body. And my mother. I too only see flaws when I look in the mirror. Funny that my mother also raised me to clean my dinner plate and always served dessert every night before I could be excused from the table. I have learned to forgive her, but still learning to love myself. Thanks Erin.
We have the same mother: "Have another piece of cake, I made it especially for you," and one minute later: "You really should be watching your weight."
Rochelle, I am in the same club. I remember in 4th grade my mother telling me "hold your gut in!". I weighed 63 lbs. Mom seemed jealous of me. My sister added to it " big ears, Dumbo,can you fly? Brutal.
Mom died 18 months ago. I have removed all my siblings from my life. Toxic people do not get any part of me!
Wow! I went through something similar. Let's just say that my mom wasn't the best person to instill confidence in me...I guess when it mattered. Now I have myself and positive people in my life to make me feel confident. 👍🏼
Hey Erin, I'm 58 and happier than I ever have been with my body -- not a typical body shape which as always made buying clothes tricky when I had in my head what I 'should' look like. Recently my daughter told me about a book called "Women Don't Owe Pretty! " --- It is an eye opener on everything to do with women and girls and the expectations we have of ourselves and the systems that keep us feeling dissatisfied So Positive, so direct. I recommend for every girl and woman to read!!
Gonna check out that book!
Hi Erin, so refreshing to hear your message. At 62, I feel like I’ve come into my own! I’ve earned the right to love myself and frankly get the respect that I deserve for being a mom, nana and wife. I love my wrinkles and saggy boobs. I wear them as a badge of honor. I wake up each day wanting to live my best life and I do. Not always perfect but no regrets. Not sure how long I will be on this earth so…carpe diem! Thank you for spreading the great news…we should all love ourselves and support each other. You are such a good person. I adore you! Keep up the great work!
Am 65 years young. And am still learning to love myself
Same Cynthia-- turned 60 this year. To younger women: feeling content in your body is possible when you develop gratitude for what your body has allowed you to DO!
I am so glad you spoke about this. My mom had me on a diet since I could remember. She was always thin and ended up with a chubby child. I still remember passing out in elementary school because she had put me on a lemon juice diet. I am still large- much larger than my mom- and to this day we still have a struggle about how we relate to each other when discussing my weight and my looks. My insecurities stem from how she viewed me and how the kids in school saw me- so all I could see was all those things that I was not rather than all those good things I was. I am trying very hard to not be like mom with my own daughter. I still hear my mom’s voice in my head when my daughter puts in clothes that I think don’t fit her but I try my best to not say the things my mom would say to me and instead try to offer her a positive view of herself. I am still working on myself because that inner view colors and shapes all my relationships.
I just had my 71st birthday. I’m only going to be on this planet for a few more years so I don’t fret about not having a perfect body. I’m active, enjoy pretty clothes, make up- all the womanly things. My mindset has certainly changed as I age- it’s a wonderful thing.
Such an important topic Erin. As a mom of 2 teenage girls it's so hard to teach self love and acceptance especially when you are an aging woman who struggles with it herself. One of the issues my girls and I have noticed is that in advertising and media there are 2 types of bodies being represented- very thin and fit or plus size and curvy. We never see women or teens that fall somewhere in between. I'm a size 4 but I've got a little muffin top and no thigh gap and loose arm skin. I also have a very rectangular body shape with little waist definition.My weight could be better but it's in the healthy range and I'm not super motivated to fix that because I'm a foodie. My daughters notice the same thing for themselves. You hit on it in your video when you said "am I supposed to be a curvy hourglass or stick thin?" What if you are neither? Thanks for a great video!
It is so interesting to me that people who I think look perfect in every way, like you and my daughter, still have the same self doubt that I have. I always feel my self doubt is legitimate, in fact I know it is legitimate because I am overweight, have a crooked tooth, double chins , wrinkles and fuzzy hair! I think it is admirable that you and women who watch your programs continuously look for ways that they can represent their best selves. You always have good lessons. We will continue this journey together, we always feel better if we work at it both from the inside (emotional) as well as how we present ourselves to others (physical). Love ya!
No one is perfect. You're exactly right, Janice. Thanks so much for your comment! xo
So Brave. Good on Ya Erin!! I went thru this a while back because I'm almost 67 now. I was Always thin, I was athletic all my life, I could eat anything and everything and NOT gain weight. And then 55 came along with 15 extra pounds and WOW was that truly hard to deal with.... Everything you spoke about here is what I would bet ALL of us have orcwill go thru in time. It's a huge thing that you're sharing it all because every woman needs to hear it. Thank you Dear Erin, God Bless you!!!
Oh, my goodness, Erin! What an angel you are! I am much older than you, been through decades of therapy, mind classes, hypnosis, cancer, chemo, radiation, major surgeries putting me back together and my precious and beloved husband of 51 years who was also my work partner passed away a year ago and I thought I would just die with him because it was so unbearable. I could go on and on but my point is I'm just now, at this stage of my life, catching on to what is really important... because those events and more really put perspective on what really matters. I do finally look in the mirror and tell myself I love you! My husband told me those words every day that I knew him and I too never thought I was worthy of that. The truth is we are all Blessed with being a Soul created by God! We have 100 trillion cells in our bodies so how awesome are we!? You are beautiful, smart and have a wonderful heart and I love watching your videos. Thank you. ❤️
I love this conversation. It’s a very serious topic and it’s affecting a wide range of women in all age groups. I’m in my early forties and it’s just in the last two years that I’ve started looking in the mirror again and caring about my looks again. For a long time, the only time I would look in the mirror was to do my hair and makeup in the morning and that was it. The rest of the day I would avoid it. I’ve been that woman that was conditioned to think I never enough because I had bad skin, I’m mixed race, and I’m on the heavier side. It wasn’t until I hit forty that I realized that I don’t care what other people think about what I look like or how I dress anymore. I dress for me now. I do my makeup for me now. I eat healthy and exercise for me and keep a healthy relationship with my doctor to keep my medical issues in check.
My confidence had dramatically increased because of my shift in thinking. You mentioned compliments…I give compliments freely to both women and men. Not in a flirtatious way, but in a upbuilding way. Doing this allows me to accept compliments when they do come.
Thank you for your courage in sharing your story, your experiences and thoughts and taking on this topic. The more we talk about this and break down these toxic behaviors and establish proper positive behaviors going forward, then the better chances future generations have of not repeating our mistakes. Sending you love and well wishes-B. 🥰
Tears and all the feels! I remember this woman I worked with in my 20's. She was probably in her 40's. She walked with this sway in her hips that I just always admired. I always thought "Thats a real woman. I hope I'm confident like that when I'm her age". I also find it very difficult to take compliments. To really BELIEVE what the person is saying. But when I give a compliment, I really mean it! Why can't I give myself the same grace? This is hard. I start with a counselor next week. This is such a good topic. Thank you for sharing all of this. I know it wasn't easy. I'm going to talk to one person...you're talking to thousands.
Erin you’re honesty is beautiful and so helpful to your followers. So many of us can relate to our own body shaming and not realizing the harm. God made us in his image and we should remember that every day. You do seem lighter and brighter keep going on this journey and sharing is so helpful to many. Love your curls and blouse ❤️
Being overly critical of ourselves is a epidemic. Life is short and hating ourselves seems like a f-ing waste of time. Embracing imperfection and celebrating ourselves is the journey. It takes time & discipline to be fit/healthy physically & mentally. It’s taken me 8 years disciplined healthy eating, fitness and mental wellness to have the Body I’ve always wanted. It takes sacrifice. It takes not following the crowd and being good to yourself. I feel greatful to have the body I have, instead of treating it like a garbage can. Be careful what you take into your body and mind. Comparison is different from inspiration. Best! 💗👍
So true. I had the same realization as a young adult, in my early twenties. I went out to dance once and I was all dressed up and looking impeccable, kind of. But I was not ok emotionally. No one asked me to dance. A different day, I was so happy and joyful, feeling confident, great about myself. My friends and I went out dancing spontaneously, I wasn't even dressed to go out. But I was so genuinely happy. I did not stop dancing for a minute. People were lining up to ask me to dance with them. When we feel good, we look good.
This is such a powerful message.At 56 years young and weighting 139 lbs(I'm only 4"11) I can say that I'm greatful that I'm aging gracefully.My scares as well as my belly reminds me every day of the miracle of life.3 adult children and 5 grandchildren later I feel happy with myself.💙
What really hit me was when you said some of us use beating ourselves up as fuel to "do better" or "stay on track" because that is exactly what I do. And honestly, it fails me every time and then I tell myself terrible things and the cycle starts all over again. Thank you for helping me face this behavior.
It's a toxic cycle that is hard to get out of, Cindy. You're not alone. xo
For me at age 51 having had a BC dx at 45 doing all the holistic work to heal from that which included a spiritual awakening, getting to know my Higher Self and realizing what 'self love" truly meant for me, I have never felt more beautiful, confident and secure in my body. I hear this from other women too. It shouldn't take a health scare to make us realize how blessed we are to be alive for this very brief time and to have a healthy, working body that shows up for us everyday regardless of how horrible we treat it, but that's what it took for me and the other side of that is beautiful. I am free now. I am so much more than my body, skin, and shape. There is so much peace in that.
Erin, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I have been watching your videos since before my BC dx when you were living in Texas. You have grown so much and are so radiantly beautiful and sweet sweet sweet. I know that about you. Love Yourself! You are perfect as you are. The worst thing we can do to ourselves is allow our minds to go unchecked with negative thoughts about ourselves. Every cell in your body is listening to your thoughts. Your cells are informed by your thoughts. Think loving thoughts and your cells feel loved. Think unloving thoughts and your cells feel unloved. They will act and preform accordingly. Treat them like little children that need love and nurturing. I believe you know all this already, but sometimes we forget. Louise Hay has been a huge inspiration for me in this area. Her book "You Can Heal Your Life" has been life changing.
Side Note: Your industry unfortunately, doesn't make money off of people who are enlightened to the fact that beauty comes from within and the more at peace we are with ourselves, the less we "need" the outside to be of a certain societal standard.
I recently fell off a ladder and broke 3 bones in face I’m still healing but I know it’s not going to be like it was before, it’s forced me to really look at myself and who I really am, and I’m realizing there’s a lot healing on the inside that needs to be done more than the outside. Thank you so much Erin❤️
I just started following you recently and this was amazing and it brought me to tears because we do bury feelings of the past that do reflect in how we treat or view ourselves. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and make this a sisterhood of empowerment.
My goal is to empower, spread love, and build up this amazing community of women. I am SO glad you are here and that this video spoke to you! xo
@@BusbeeStyle Thank you! I feel the same way. As a health coach the message can get misconstrued or lost. Empowering each other is what we need!
Erin, I so appreciate your courage and vulnerability here. So much of this resonates! I know we are all on different faith journeys, but this is one thing I can add here that has helped me the most. Peace with God brings peace with yourself. There was a time in my life when I questioned God's existence, but after praying for Him to help my unbelief He has shown me more and more of who He is, and ultimately, who I am. Understanding why Jesus died on the cross was my first step. There is so much brokenness in the world. When the culture tells me I should be a certain way, I see that for the lie it is, and remember my identity is not in how I look but who I am now in Christ. This is hard to explain fully in the comment section. :) But thank you for listening and thank you for sharing your journey on such an important topic to so many of us! Blessings as you continue to learn and grow!
This is spot on how I was right bf I turned 40 , I quit drinking & stopped stressing about my body , stopped the obsession with exercise & eat when I’m hungry not bc some plan tells me it’s time to eat . I’m 50 in a few months & instead of killing my self to look perfect when I turn 50 I am just living my best life.
Wow! This is so powerful. Congratulations and thank you so much for sharing!
Erin, IMO, this is possibly one of the most important videos you've ever created (if not the most)! Your heartfelt sincerity along with the powerful life lessons learned is absolutely inspiring and hopefully life-changing. I appreciate you being so openly honest in sharing with us your struggles and vulnerability... I dealt with bulimia in my teens and struggle with body dysmorphia to this day. Every day is an active effort to unconditionally accept and love myself for who I am. I too have that book and recommend it to everyone I know! So many of us are dealing with (whether we know it or not) unresolved trauma, shame, and perfectionism. This struggle is real, and thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to us with not just the important message, but also the steps we can take towards healing. I've been thinking about hypnosis and somatic therapy for the past two years but I wasn't sure. I've already tried a few other therapies as well as breathwork and mindfulness meditations, etc. I'm now ready to take the next steps... I hope for your continued success on your journey toward self-love and acceptance, as well as emotional and mental well-being. 🙏 Keep up the good work! Just love you! ❤
I'm SO glad this spoke to you. Sending you SO much love and strength on this journey. xo
I honestly appreciate you so much for always being so transparent. You are helping so many women. Thank you Erin❤️
Thank you so much for your support, Sandra! xo
Erin, thank you 😊 for sharing this. Cannot imagine what you’ve been through or are going through. I see you as a fighter who will get where you wanna be. I needed this so much! Personally, I’ve been body shamed, not by strangers but my own over achieving family, my mom, aunts, sister- in- law, sister in laws family, who are all stick thin! It was more painful, because it wasn’t strangers but my own family giving me a hard time for being slightly chubby. I’ve been on impossible diets, worked out 💪 so hard, I ended up a couple of years back with sciatica! My grandma 👵 doesn’t have sciatica, but I do. So I was forced to switch to walking 🚶🏾♀️ and biking 🚴♀️ instead of crazy aerobics! I looked at my brother, dad and husband and they all think they’re 17. They eat what they want and seemed happier! So I started “ copying” them! Now, I don’t miss out on food 🥘 or experiences, because I’m busy torturing myself and my body. Now if someone calls me “ chubby”, I say “ thank you 😊 “, “ yes, exactly” and wear it like a badge! Hugs 🤗, Amy
All I can say is wow! so truthful I am 74 in a week a widow and I tell both my daughters the same thing you just said That's all they hear from me is please God look in the mirror and say I love you to yourself Love yourself like you love me!. My daughters are beautiful kind-hearted giving , my oldest daughter who is 56 has an incurable disease 🙏 and does not love herself does not see all the good she does for her family for me she buys me things constantly to put on my TH-cam channel so does my other daughter she's also beautiful both of them are she doesn't like herself. and she's wonderful and kind thinks of everyone but herself both of them will give you the shirts off their back. Myself and my children have lost so much our their father my husband our home everything! I think it's messed our minds up to thinking we're not worth anything I don't know. But God bless you for bringing this up because these kind of statements are all true people tell me I'm pretty and I think that's so so kind of them but I don't believe it myself All I see is a old lady in the mirror! May God bless you please for telling that wonderful story I know so much is about our makeup and the way we look, and our clothing, I do it myself but I go nowhere with these clothing I model them hoping they'll make another woman my age feel good to dress up and then go lay down and wash off the makeup God bless you thank you so much! Big hugs xoxo Rose
I think the base problem for women is judging one's value by how one looks. Women feeling bad about ourselves has spawned billion dollar industries in fashion, dieting, makeup, hair care, etc. They all have a vested interest in keeping us comparing ourselves to unattainable standards. Freedom comes by finding value away from how I look. I make it my goal to STOP referring to others and myself in appearance terms. Even those comments "you're beautiful on the inside "are actually not helping anyone, because they are still about beauty. Our beauty is mostly for others to see and value. It is also not something we have that much control over. I need other messages of value to break the pattern of comparison. I am glad you are speaking up about this quandary.
Thank you , thank you for opening up to us and talking about this important issue...I'm now 59 and dealt with everything you said all my life. I was never enough to me....too fat, too short, this not right, that not right, etc.
Now that age is really challenging me, it opened up a whole new world of self torture I didn't have before. it just won't ever end, I feel sometimes. But all in all I'm a happier and more confident person now though.
I had a bit of a breakdown a few days ago about my body, and this video was like a lifeline. This peri-menopause is turning me inside out, and making me loathe my physical self. After this I also had a conversation with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while, who is peri-menopausal too, and I think that your “realness” in this video pushed me to open up to her and we supported each other. Thank you for acknowledging that beauty and style is more than following trends, and giving light to something that we all don’t talk about enough. Keep it up.
Same! I was in the best shape of my life in my mid 40s and then Covid happened and all of my workout studios closed. Then the peri-menopause stuff happened during that time and now I am heavier than I've ever been in my entire life and feel old and fat and gross. I just started HRT. I am hoping that will help, because I have zero energy to do anything.
This is so important. I’m 64 and have been I overweight for 25 years or so and have thrashed myself mentally and emotionally for so long. About 4 years ago I said no more. I’m not going to beat myself up. I’m not going to treat myself like I’m defective or ugly. I quit. Even if I never lose a pound, I just quit. I deserve better. I deserve to be treated with kindness and love, by me. (No one else was treating me badly). I can’t tell you how much has changed. I see myself so differently - I see myself in a good way, pretty, kind, loving, smart, accomplished, unique. And I’ve been treating myself better physically- I’ve relaxed about food, no food is off limits or guilt ridden. I am more in tune with my body and what makes me feel good. I have lost some weight, (because I’m just more in tune with eating in a way that makes me feel better,) since I quit dieting and started doing activities I simply enjoy. I wear clothes I like now instead of telling myself I have to be a different size before buying anything or before I can look good. Literally everything mentally emotionally and physically has improved. And it started with treating myself with kindness, acceptance and love. Thank you for discussing this - women beating themselves up is so normalized in our society. I was doing it to myself but I had just learn to see that.
This video was incredible! Erin, you are walking courageously into such deep territory, and it’s an honor to go along with you. Your Feelings about your body really resonated with me. Thank you for all you do. You are wonderful!
Thank you so much for this. I’m 44 years old. I know I’m overweight. It’s hard but I am trying to work out and walk and stay active and trying to eat healthy once in a while. I have two daughters and had two c-sections. They are pre- teens now. I had trouble loving myself, I can never say I’m pretty or I love myself. My daughters hated when I was always doubting myself or mean to myself. I will do what you say to do. I will try harder. Thank you so much for this. I appreciate you. I’m going through peri menopause right now.thank you for all the advice and being positive.💞❣️❤️💕👋
Erin- everything you said resonated with every cell in my being. I listened through tears for you and me. I am astounded by your courageous authenticity and admire you so much. I am 46, 20-30 pounds heavier than in my 20’s, struggling with PMDD and trying desperately to redefine beauty for myself at middle age. As we all know, “beauty” for women is narrowly connected to youth and there seems to be few role models for what we can REALISTICALLY aspire to for middle-age beauty-JLo or Heidi K. just rub in what is achievable for the minute fraction of genetically uber-blessed (and unlimited financial resources.) I have one 12 yr old son and as he moves into teendom, I find myself concerned with a declining essential worth as a woman-what value/power can I preserve in this effed up culture when I’m no longer “young and hot” or truly needed as a mother. I fear a gap of worthiness for women until the chapter of being a beloved grandmother. It’s SO UNFAIR and we have to reconstruct and reframe our value INTERNALLY to rebalance our culture. Like you, words can barely express how much I aspire to be a woman who fully owns and celebrates her entire self. I need role models so that I can become a model for others--we ARE on this journey together and the power of you sharing your truth on this platform is truly AWESOME! I have subscribed for years and want you to know that your contributions have meant the world to me-style is transformative and truly the expression of inner essence. (BTW- I started roller skating again 3 years ago and tears of joy rolled down my cheeks from some deep well of remembered childhood freedom-it was magic and I’m so happy you’re embarking on that journey too!)
Thank you Erin. I resonated with literally everything you said. I've been locked in a battle of hatred with my body since jr. high. In 7th grade I stopped eating and wore huge shirt dresses to hide my body which I was terribly embarrassed by. Years later when I looked at a photo of myself at that age I was startled to see how terribly thin I actually was- even while I saw a "fat girl" looking back at me in the mirror. That's when I knew I have body dysmorphia and I can't really trust my own eyes completely when I look at myself. I don't know where it came from but my therapist says most of her anorexic clients had overly-controlling mothers. I have tried looking at myself in the mirror and saying "I love you" as you suggest. I can do it but it feels disingenuous. I suppose I should continue though. Thank you for this sharing and for holding us up. You are shining such a bright light. Thank you.
Thank you so much for calling attention to this Erin! Confidence and self-acceptance, no matter where you are in a stage of life or what you look like is the most important style element! I think about my wonderful, beautiful MIL and her struggle. I have known her for 40 years and since the day I met her she has been on a diet, trying to be that which doesn't exist and never loving herself or her body. What a miserable way to live a life. Please, for anyone reading this, know that you are beautiful just the way you are on the inside and on the outside.
Thank you Erin! Once again, you have brought another piece of my innate puzzle to the surface! I shared every tear while you spoke from your heart. Menopause, for me, lasted 12 years... yes, and I read that 14 is not uncommon. For those who go through it without hormone replacement therapy, it is a true eye opener! So many changes to adjust to, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are abundantly strong women by nature. 💖
We ARE strong. Though we sometimes forget it! Thanks for sharing a bit about your journey, Laurie. xo
OMG! The tears 😢 You've really moved me. Thank you for your honesty and openness and practical, useful tips/steps to take to heal ourselves 😘🧡
It's a difficult discussion to bring up, but SO important for us all. Thanks for being a part of this amazing community, Amanda. You are not alone! xo
Bravo, Erin! I am so proud of you for having this conversation with us! Your honesty with us is such a gift. In the book DYING TO BE ME by Anita Moorjani, she had an NDE and while she was "gone" she observed how critical she was of herself while in her human body and how that criticism affected her physically, emotionally and spiritually. We are beautiful souls in this human form and our amazing bodies walk, talk, breathe, pump blood, feel emotions and carry us through this journey we call life. I am grateful for people like you who remind us to shine on instead of hiding our light. Bravo!
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. Often we think everyone else is doing so much better than us. It is very generous of you to share. My discovery after menopause is that the intense workouts I used to enjoy just stress my body out now. I had to find gentler ways to move my body.
You are not alone, Lisa. Thank you for watching and sharing a bit of your own story here. xo
If we could see ourselves through the eyes of our loved ones, we might be kinder to ourselves, but we often don't even believe them when THEY tell us how beautiful we are. This is such a problem. I try to tell others something positive about themselves and struggle to be positive towards myself. And I've been in active therapy for the past five years. It's such a slow process, and we allow the work to get undone by one negative thought or word. You have been such a powerful voice for positive energy. Thank you.
SO very true. I wish it was easy to listen... Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your own story here. You are not alone. xo
This is an amazing topic, I’m now 53 years old, I’m being skinny, fit and petite but never feel better with myself. even when I was doing all kinds of sports. Thanks for always try to help us feel free and confident with our own body types. It should be more of this positive vibes here. Yesterday I even feel confident to use a cropped top, my first time since my thirties when I was pregnant. THANKS FOR THE POSITIVE THOUGHTS
At 49, I wear the crop tops too now! I realized I could!
Thank you! Needed to hear this!!
I initially started watching your videos to figure out how to find my style again. But your recent mind-body content has really struck a note with me. I’m 66 and have been in therapy for 20+ years in an attempt to heal from a very dysfunctional childhood. Recently I’ve been able to connect with a therapist who has opened my eyes to how my childhood continues to inform my adult life. I’ve been reacting to my adult situations using the coping skills, etc., that I had used to protect myself as a child. I thought I had survived my childhood and I was in control of my life as an adult. In reality I’m reacting to things in my life like I did as a child. My mistrust of people, my difficulty making friends, my constant soul crushing depression, my inability to accept myself in any way affects my life on a daily basis, and always has. I’m just now beginning to see the correlations between my reactions as an adult and the things I suffered and believed as a child. I have also gained weight going through menopause, and my body looks older with more lines and wrinkles on my face and elsewhere. I also have trouble looking in the mirror because I hate what I see. I’ve always felt like I was never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. So the things you say you have experienced and continue to experience really resonate with me. Thank you for being so honest when you share the things you have gone through and are still experiencing. I never would have thought you have the same dysfunctional feelings about your body that I do. Listening to what you’ve gone through and how you are now in the process of healing gives me hope for the future. I know it can’t be easy exposing your innermost thoughts and feelings on TH-cam. I see your eyes begin to fill with tears and I connect with you in a way I never thought possible, especially since it’s not happening in real time. Thank you for caring so much about women you have never, and may not ever meet. The love you show during your videos is actually affecting hundreds of thousands of women. And I am one of them. I look forward to watching your videos whether they’re about style or your journey to love yourself or ways the rest of us can help ourselves. So please don’t ever wonder if you’re getting through. I know your videos and ideas have helped me, and I don’t believe I’m the only one.
This truly made my week. Thank you! You WILL find your way to calm, peace and wholeness after trauma. Stay the course! 💗
I honestly only care what my husband thinks. We gain a little weight and get old looking together🤣. Supportive to each other. But I know everyone are in different situations. Great video Erin!
Congratulations on choosing a good husband. When I was married and went on a diet, my ex would bring me a bag full of candy bars, my weak spot.
Exactly as you should! Thank you for sharing, Caryn! xo
Erin this is it! I’m glad you are taking this mindset shift I’m doing the same. It needs to happen we need to help others with our attitudes. It’s not easy but we are smart women the only person who can help us love ourselves is staring themselves in the mirror xxx
Definitely not easy...but SO important! Thanks for watching, Alicia. xo
Erin, you have opened a floodgate for me that I could never do myself! I cannot thank you enough for your openness and honesty. I have been watching your channel for a while and love all of the style info you impart, but never feel I hit that nail on the head. I actually asked my husband to rewatch the video with me because you say the words I have never been able to say. We both did a lot of crying, for me it was cathartic and for him because he understands all the pain I have been keeping inside all our married life. I am 62 and have never loved my body or felt self esteem, quite the opposite. I cannot accept compliments because I just don’t see in the mirror what others do. My adult daughter overheard the video and us talking and she also cried for my endless struggles. I am ready to take the steps with therapy that will help me heal and I have you to thank for saying the words I couldn’t say. Your channel has been a blessing in many ways and I hope you continue to provide us with the tools to help us all feel empowered inside and out. ❤
Thank you for this video-I needed this
Erin i been blessed that I was born with a beautiful body. There is always other things in our life that we’re not happy I want to tell everyone that no one is completely happy. I been dealing with Melasma but i started to accept my self .. I saw a beautiful doctor and she told me to start love my self . I’m glad you’re talking about this you’re are beautiful inside and outside..
I am SO glad you found that amazing doctor... what a difference she has made for you! Thank you for sharing that here. xo
Thank you for this powerful video. I am 51 and on a journey to rewrite my own narrative. When I turned 50 I embarked on a “fix me” path that included a new diet, fashion update, and skin care regimen because in my mind I was trying to keep up with my former, younger self. Now a year later I too realize that my personal narrative was ultimately going to guide me down a toxic path. I now embrace the functionality approach. I take better care of my skin because like any organ I want it to be functional for as long as possible. I bypass the anti aging messages and ask myself is this product going to promote functionality. This also goes for weight loss and nutrition. I got back into strength training because at first I just wanted to look better. Now I maintain a strength training and whole foods diet because it improves how my body moves and functions. I am actively taking the power away from the industries that would have me in a self deficit mode of thinking by embracing my own agency to actively choose products and mindsets that promote increased health and vitality. I now feel that my personal narrative is healthy and sustainable.
THANK YOU, ERIN 🙏
So powerful! Thank you
Our bodies are temples and machines really. What we put into it is what matters. Good wholesome food, no sugar, minimal if no alcohol, really make a difference to how we look. Sugar is known to cause wrinkles and bad skin. All natural is the way I go. I did not figure this out on my own.
Thanks for sharing. Eating well to fuel our bodies is key. But personally, I can't keep completely restricting myself from sugar. Moderation is key there... xo
This resonates with me on a different level. My daughter, who is 27, was born with a severe physical difference. Her body does not, cannot and will not ever look like the "ideals", and yet she is beautiful. She has not run the marathons, given birth or any of those other functional things we celebrate and never will. But I would never criticize her body the way I do mine, and she has a lot healthier perspective on her body. Like you said, it's an intellectual clarity that my heart won't fully embrace for my own body.
Thank you SO much for sharing this story of you and your own sweet, beautiful daughter. You deserve to truly love your body too, Haley! xo
Thank you Erin for this impactful message!
Thanks for being so open!❤
Erin, I am 70 years old and find you very inspirational. I have a lot of trauma and learned EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, 10 years ago and it dramatically changed my life. It’s also called Tapping. It’s a great way to communicate with your subconscious mind. I suggest starting with an EFT coach until you learn the technique and then you can do it on your own. I still see my coach when I need extra help with some difficult situation. It’s easy to learn and do………and it can be done remotely. It’s amazing how much I’ve learned from my subconscious mind. I was so full of self hatred even though I’ve always been a “good” person. My childhood was very traumatic. I was carrying so much PTSD from a sociopathic father who was physically and mentally abusive.
Thank you for sharing your story and for taking the time to teach others what has helped you. I didn’t learn these things until I was 60. It may sound cliche, but real beauty ALWAYS comes from the inside. Much ❤️!
Tapping is such a powerful tool that I've also greatly benefited from as well. Thank you for sharing your own story here. You're so strong and truly inspiring. xo
Thanks for this, Erin. I was always skinny and tall, and people told me all the time that I had a great figure. And, because I never liked my face, having a beautiful body was really important to me. It was virtually my whole identity. I gained weight in my 50s, and, although I’ve now lost it, I still have belly fat that I never had before. I constantly beat myself up over it. Without the body of my younger years, what value do I have? It’s insidious and so, so sad that many of us feel this way and treat ourselves so badly.
I'm so sorry to hear of your own struggles. I'm also honored that you've shared a piece of your story with me. Sending light and love your way... I truly hope these steps can help in some small way. xo
@@BusbeeStyle Thank you, Erin. You have made me feel better, and I’m going to try some of your tips. I have nothing to lose, lol. ❤️
Thank you Erin! Really needed to hear this today 💞
Luv you Erin!! Really needed to hear this!
I understand about the compliments. When someone gives me a compliment its almost like I feel like they are just saying it because of my age.
It's tough to shift that mindset...but it's time to truly listen to and believe the compliments we hear! xo
Erin! Thank you for this video! I made a cup of tea and felt like we were girlfriends at a cafe (haha!) I really needed this. I’ve been feeling so “ugly” lately and I’m so ready to reverse those feelings. I’m about to turn 40 and I see my grays, my wrinkles, my flab, and I tell myself the worst things in the mirror. I have to take a step back and think, would I ever say those things to my loving mother who’s aged? Then why would I ever say them to myself? Hope you don’t mind I tag along on this journey with you! Btw, that baby blue is so becoming on you 😘❤️
I'm still working my way through the whole "what is beauty" journey...but, the most powerful change of mindset came from this... I went back to oncology nursing and realized beauty has nothing to do with our hair, our age, our body type, the kind of clothes we wear, etc, etc... it comes from our smile....our laughter...our gratitude...the way we make others feel.... what a gift to get that kind of knowledge..honestly, I feel the most beautiful talking to my patients... making them laugh, giving them comfort, handing them a popsicle when they have the stomach for nothing else... I watch the other women do the same around me...that's beautiful... what a great video! thank you!!
Wow...thank you SO much for sharing this with me. YOU are truly amazing and do such important work. Honored to have amazing women like you here in this community. xo
Thanks for new message! Love it! ❤❤❤