For you guys in a rush 1. Focus on friends who match your energy 2. Continue to learn from one another 3. Support + encourage one another 4. Practice loyalty. Be trustworthy 5. Be willing to apologize and explain. 6. Don't end a friendship without a conversation
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too needy and clingy, but I feel really insecure when people never initiate anything first. I'm always the one starting stuff with my longtime childhood friend, and I've talked to her about this for so many times yet she just apologizes and never changes. She's dealing with her own mental stuff too so I feel really bad for having issues. But she just seems so uninterested in everything I talk about, I always have to carry the conversation. This experience made me be distant from new potential friends and I can never initiate anything with anyone else now. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish therapy was free so I could afford it :(
I literally just had a similar conversation with my sister today about this. Then I ran across this video. The best thing I’ve heard today is to focus on friends who match your energy.
I totally understand this and am going through it with my childhood friend group as well, just accepting that I may part ways with them forever now, lol we are cordial but as far as getting back to where we used to be for so long, its gonna take some serious uncomfort AND wanting it on BOTH sides. Not just me wanting to repair and communicate
This is very hard to be the only one taking the initiative. I’ve been on both sides of that. But if they don’t invest in the conversation when you’re present together, then I would let it go. Of course, try to talk to them about it first
Someone once taught me to pay attention to patterns. Sometimes we get hurt and it’s circumstantial. People make mistakes.. but if it keeps happening or if issues keep presenting itself over and over through different situations but the same base conflict.. then it’s okay to move on.
The part on splitting really hit home for me. I had a friendship with someone for 6 years and all of a sudden they just stopped. Blocking me on social media, ignoring mey texts, calls, and/or any advances and I didn’t know why. I did so much self reflecting and digging and to this day I still don’t know the reason why she ended such a close friendship. But hearing this just reminds me that even thought I wanted to talk it out, not everyone is mentally capable of doing so at that time. Maybe one day she’ll realize that she could have said what bothered her and 6 years wouldn’t go down the drain. Or maybe she just felt like we didn’t click anymore but giving an explanation would have still been the right thing to do. Leaving a friendship without explaining really benefits no one.
Man I ain't gonna to lie I did this to a friend of 5 years. I block them, wasn't engaging with them, I didn't want to hangout with them or see them. I think with me I felt like we were talking in circles and nothing was being improved or resolved. Feelings were being hurt and boundaries were being pushed, and I felt like she wasn't getting it. I felt like I wasn't being a friend to her and I didn't want to be fake towards her. I will agree that I wasn't ready to tell them that I want to end the friendship and one day I will learn how to heal and get the courage to talk with her again. But I will say the only reason I blocked her because she has boundaries issues (which a lot of people deal with) and I didn't want to be contacted by her. I would tell her I need space and I will contact her (when I am ready) but she would say I don't care I will contact you because "I will be heard". To me that was not respecting my boundaries or my mental state. When you know a friend habits you know when they are serious. But thank you for sharing your comment I definitely can relate and hope you get the closure you seek.
I also had to do this to a friend. I got into therapy & while processing a lot of my own traumas I realized that a lot of the women I had befriended were abusive towards me this one specifically reminded me the most of my mom! We would still text on occasion but eventually I started to notice even more how emotionally abusive she was i started to not respond as frequently hoping she would take the hint & our friendship could die out gracefully but instead she clung & became even more abusive towards me eventually I had no choice but to block her I just felt like that was her personality & it wasn’t something that could be changed or worked through. It was all really bizarre because she claimed to have been in therapy 7 years. Too add to this I’ve also been the one who’s been ghosted in a friendship at the time I was deeply hurt & confused. Years later & especially after going through therapy I realized how toxic I was at that time & was able to understand why this friend had to do what she did because it wasn’t just one issue that could have been changed with a conversation. I say all this to say what I’ve learned is that friendships should be easy & if someone is in alignment with where we are they will be.
I struggled a lot in friendships for a very long time. I do not know the right thing to say. This video made me see that once you love yourself fully and completely, you will be happier and will be able to maintain friendships. So thank you!
Kinda surprised by how much my best friend and I do these things. We’re both pretty mellow so we tend to have the same energy. We learn about each other constantly. We’re both pretty loyal and she knows I’m trustworthy. She also sat me down and told me she had no interest in me romantically or sexually. I’ve held her in my arms, cried to her, and shared my life with her. I have done the same for her. I won’t forget her being so sick and her nearly in tears saying sorry to me. “It’s ok honey, all I care about is you.” I hugged her and I felt the stress leave her body. That’s when I think she knew I’d die for her. In my eyes she’s like a sister.
I’m so fascinated by the emphasis on being certain to support friends during the hard times. In my experience, this part is natural for so many people. I have a much harder time finding friends who are willing and able to celebrate success and enjoy quiet, ongoing happiness with me. Almost everyone I know would come through in a crisis but my husband is the only person I can depend on to share my joy.
I want this kinda friendship. A friendship where conversations would flow smoothly and not just one-word conversation. Thanks for the tips.😊 I'll surely implement on it.
@@StephAnya I never thought of how unhealthy attachment styles or trauma attachment could impact friendships before. I've been in therapy for several years but I've only really focused on attachment styles with romantic relationships. I just think this is a topic that isn't talked about enough (probably because of our societal focus on romantic relationships over friendships). I just want more friendship videos in general! Healthy friendships, resolving arguments, and working through cognitive distortions in friendships. Also it would be cool to have some videos on how to make new friends if you're shy/introverted and in a pandemic.
Question... what if you’re at the point of “splitting”, this is a friendship you’ve had for 10+ years, you’ve had uncountable amount of conversations regarding boundaries, changing behaviors (from both persons), but even still the other person doesn’t seem to put in the same effort or respect. And if they’re the one to split, is it necessary to reach out for that “closure” conversation? I feel like at that point there’s not much more to be said ? (Sorry I know there were like 5 questions in there lol)
Hi Emma! That really goes back to the first point about focusing on friends who match your energy. It's totally possible to maintain a friendship with someone and change the rules of that relationship. Maybe they're no longer a best or close friend, but someone that you check in with every now and then. I think proper categorization of people can help resolve our anxiety and frustrations about certain relationships. You don't want to be overly involved with someone that has you questioning the relationship. Can't work way harder than them just like we can't work harder than our clients! I hope this helps.
I had a friend split on me once she got what she wanted from me which was employment at my place of employment. I never spoke a word to her again after I found out how bad she slandered my name to out co worker's.
Hi! I am taking therapy for a depressive period of my life which was partly triggered by me breaking up with friends. I am thankful for that because this has changed my life and put me on the path for self-love. These people, who in my heart became more sisters than friends, made me feel excluded on account of not liking my partner. To the point of not inviting him to a wedding, even though he really hasn't done anything wrong. He is just not a social person, and also, although it was left unsaid, I felt he wasnt accepted because they have partners who earn more money. Some days I kind of go back to relive that feeling of rejection and unacceptance that they made me feel, and I know it is more related to my past emotional baggage. I hope you keep this series going. This video was just what I needed as I was feeling emotional about this loss.
This really helped me with finalizing my thoughts on how I'd like to approach a couple of close friendships I had to take some space from. It's taken some time and a lot of mental strength to work up the courage to have " the talk" with them about the nature of our friendship an how to go about it I love these girls and I know one way or another at the end of it I'll be glad I fully expressed myself.
Hi. I am 40 years old, single mom of 3 and in the past 5 years I have lost friends I knew from elementary-high school to my early 30’s due to deaths and distancing over changes of ourselves and not meshing anymore. I have been struggling to make new friendships that are not just surface level and here and there meetups. Your video spoke to what I struggle with and you provided helpful tips. Thanks for the video 😊❤
Hey Steph, this is the first ever video I've watched of yours and it's so helpful. I'm a university student and I've only ever had one bestfriend since school who broke away and became toxic. There's not alot of like minded people but I want to still try and make friends, thank you so much for this positive and helpful guide!
What a great video. Honestly, these points are so applicable and helpful to me. I’m 22 and I’ve had the same friend group since I was 15, it is hard enough in your early 20s to except that you are a different person than you were in high school and grapple with that identity crisis it’s almost mind blowing to look at people that you’ve always known as well as the back of your hand and come to terms that they are also different people and continue nurturing and evolving that friendship. In high school you don’t have to nurture our friendship it’s pretty natural in that way. You will find things to talk about and relate about and there’s always time to catch up with each other, adult friendships are not the same. Especially when you talk about defending your friend through hard times, there are a couple people that I have consider distancing myself from because they are not making the best choices but honestly you are right, we’re coming into our 20s we’re having identity crises and nobody is making the best decisions.
This was beautiful and necessary, your energy and explanations were amazing! I would like to comment on the section about being there for your friends rather than seeing them as toxic or a burden: sometimes when people are going through a tough time they want to toxically vent and ruminate on the experience without any desire to heal or grow. Also I think there's a balance to be found as the friend listening/supporting between sacrificing yourself if you don't have the capacity vs working towards a healthy capacity to support others.
This Video was very helpful from both a friend and therapist perspective. Yes yes yes more videos on friendships please…. It’s nice to have true friends to share your ups, downs, and accomplishments with more tips for the long haul. Thank you. .
I have not had the best experience with the “cutoff” conversation. It has literally always ended up with the person not taking accountability for their actions and not remembering certain actions and for my mental health, I no longer do them. I give people more than one chance but as an adult, you need some level of self awareness. It’s not my job to tell you how to treat people.
This is such a good video! One thing I want to add that it’s important to be a friend during BOTH good & bad times. I’m typically an amazing friend during hard times but not so much when things are status quo. I didn’t realize how painful this was until I experienced it myself. I had a few friends who were awesome when I was going through a hard time. But just spending time together when things were fine was too much to ask. It really hurt. Then I realized I’ve done the exact same thing to other people and didn’t understand why they were hurt
Love this so much and definitely needed to hear this. I could never put into words why I like to explain and ask WHY people are apologizing, but your point about it helping us understand where the other person was in the situation is a great way to put it!
Awwww this was such a good video, I have always struggled with maintaining friendships and there were some really good topics covered that are definitely struggle topics for me 😌
Great video, I'm currently working on how to become a better friend and also change my behaviour and patterns so better friends will come my way. The trouble with me is I never find friends that match my energy and end up in my feelings when my love is not reciprocated...I finally realised it's because I am in friendships that aren't suited to me anymore and that's okay. I know I love words of affirmation, I know I love caring and kind people, I know I love people that listen and genuinely care, I know I love to celebrate birthdays and achievements and be celebrated so why do I always attract the opposite ?! I definitely need to do some self reflection and work on myself.
Hi Steph Anya! Thank you again for such an insightful video. Having a loving and supportive relationship with my best friends is extremely important to me. Although some of these tips are easier said than done, I want to put these tips to practice to help maintain/improve it. Thank you! 😊
People have been known to take my comments or what have you the wrong way and they end up walking away offended or hurt. So I totally agree with apology and explanation as long as it's not a repeated thing, because I've learned that sometimes apologies are more receptive once the party hear your explanation, and hear that you never meant any harm. Once again this was an awesome topic and food for thought! I am looking forward to next week's topic and I'll be thinking of some topics that I would love for you to touch on. I really love your channel
I went no contact on a friend who I had for 20 years because I was always doing things for her but she would never do anything for me. I paid cell phone bills, bought house hold supplies, gave her rides when she needed to go places bought groceries and she had a husband and 5 kids. I am a single Mom of 2 and her only defense was " I was there when you birth both of your kid's. " I realized it was a one sided relationships and cut ties with her. She's now remarried to a new man and all I can say is I wish her the best. Her men are everything to her but her friends are there to be used.
you are so good Madam Steph with the counselling you give here I really like the way you say you appreciate us for watching your video till the end every time I'm a new subscriber i just your youtube fam yesterday and I'm loving it here definitely bringing all my friends here God bless you Madam Steph❤❤❤❤
Question: do you know some good ways to tell when it’s either too late or just unproductive to reach out to an old friend about the old friendship and/or try to rekindle an old friendship? I have wondered this many times since moving away to college, for example.
This video was excellent! Thank you, kindly for it. I would like some advice Ms. Steph Anya: a relationship I hold dear is degrading. This person in my life will not only apologize for a traumatic event in our inner circle's lives that happened because of them but they denies it ever happened. Later they refurbished and claimed it was a situation that was out of their control. It affects our circle greatly but the strain on our relationship is taunt enough to break. It's been a few years since the event happened and there is no avoiding the person, I see them almost daily as most of the people it involved as well. I miss this person, I can never trust them again but the love is real. The friendship aspect is hard to maintain. Unspoken words and not speaking about the event like it never happened makes it difficult. I have not moved on and even years later, the truth is still hard. How do we all move on? Is there any hope to mend this friendship? I'm ready to move on but at a lost for where to place my foot on the path of forgiveness. I don't want to accuse and shame anymore, I just want the warmth I felt for this person I love to come again.
Great tips. Ppl that don’t know how to have adult communication is a deal breaker for me. I don’t want to resolve a misunderstanding through text. Let’s talk, ft l, or meet in person. But sadly some ppl don’t even know how to do that .
I have a question about long distance friendships. Aka Someone who was close when you lived close but now is far away. Our friendship has distanced itself over many years and it no longer feels important to keep in touch. Should you have a talk with that person or is letting the natural progression of things play out okay?
Steph, how do I truly learn to love myself. I have very low self-esteem, take someone with bad self-esteem and multiply it by 2, then you have me. I consistently and constantly try to love myself and sometimes it works and I feel great about myself! "I look awesome today, my hat looks really cute on me, I don't care how others look I love myself." But then when I go outside or look on Instagram I immediately don't wanna look at anyone and want to go back "inside." This is both physically and metaphorically. Sometimes on really bad days when I go outside or look at Instagram I start to cry and it disrupts my whole day and I turn to others for feeling good about myself. I want to learn how to TRULY love myself but I don't know how, can you give me some advice? 😅
Gotta get to the root of your insecurities; where do they stem from, who instilled them into you, did that person love or even like themselves (100% no), what subconscious beliefs do you have about yourself and where do these beliefs come from, etc. Ask yourself questions like these and I think once you understand the “why” better it’ll be easier for you to validate yourself bc you realize your insecurities are really not yours or real, it’s an illusion and 9/10 someone who was also insecure needed to make you feel the same way, or they couldn’t validate you in anyway. Also it becomes a maturity thing, like you have to think and discern for yourself, that includes validating yourself and putting yourself on a pedestal without needing others’ approval/confirmation. Also don’t compare yourself to others (especially in a negative way). You have to look at yourself like your own child; you would never make your child inferior to others, you would love your child and fill them with esteem and love and confidence/compliments, so that’s how you have to treat yourself. (I use to struggle so badly w/ self hate and extremely low self esteem and making myself inferior to others but now that shit is really an insult to myself😂) Good luck to you!!
what if your friend keeps ghosting you? is it better to keep trying or just let go of the friendship? :/ for context: the last time we hung out was great, but that was a couple months ago and now every time i message her she either ignores me, takes forever to respond, or has an excuse to why she can’t hang out. I know I am investing way more than she is in our friendship, but I also miss our times together and don’t want to end things…
Thank you so much for the insights! Something I have a hard time with is sharing my struggles which you mentioned in the video. I have a hard time gaging what is too much for my friends and what is ok, despite asking them if they’re in a space to talk. I want to be able to lean on my friends and I want them to feel comfortable doing the same. Perhaps I need to build more confidence on my own but regardless I really don’t know what healthy venting is supposed to look like 😅 could you expand on that, do you have any other tips regarding this? And thank you so much again!
Ugh. This is so hard. I'm the distant friend, the "cut you off for one thing" friend. My friends constantly tell me they feel like I don't care about them. I do, but I did some digging and realized the root of my problem. 1. Low self-esteem makes me not think I'm interesting or have anything to offer them so I don't reach out. 2. The result of this makes them eventually leave, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. "I can't keep friends/people don't like me." Which makes me guarded and not attached to anyone because " I know they'll leave in the end." Working on fixing this, though
Very very helpful. Thank you. I feel like I'm a therapist to my friends. Not enough listening and engaging. Want to figure out how to achieve that. . . .
Thanks for the great video! I would be interested to learn more about friendships as a single person with friends with long term partners as I feel this can create a bit of a mismatch in what you want and need as a partner and how important the friendship is. E.g. if I am struggling with something, I only have my friends to turn to, but for friends with partners, their partner is generally the first person they turn to. So that can feel a bit unequal.
Pleaseeee make a part 2! Can you include how you change with friends who have kids? I currently suck at knowing how to be practical with my friends that have children because I don’t have any :/
Support and encouragement- How do you support and encourage a friend who wants to take a job that might effect her marriage or a friend who gets in a relationship with a man that treats her horribly or a friend getting a promotion that negatively impacts their health. It’s hard to support something that I know is bad for them.
Hi Steph, great video! I was wondering, how can i stop myself from being so overly sensitive? It’s preventing me from having normal friendship ‘cause i keep taking every joke my friends said personally and it hurt me and i dont know how to tell them it hurt me because i fear that they’ll only think that im being overdramatic when it is actually a big deal to me… sorry im blabbering at this point 🙃
Hey Steph, I am going through a long distance friendship with my Best Friend. She is so busy all the time. I really don't like that feeling at all. Plus she is making new friends but i really don't like that feeling at all. She said that i am her best friend and she will never forget me. I really miss her so so so so much.You have any tips& tricks to help me to go through it?
Lol, so I am a therapist intern and having issues maintaining friendships due to conflicting schedules and burn out. Do you have a video about that? Lol. As a social person, I am struggling with how lonely this profession is.
Hey my issues are more that I seem to struggle to develop deep friendships, and the friendships I have I’m finding that I always have to be the instigator and I’m finding it quite draining. I’m always the one who has to reach out or make plans. Do you have any advice for these issues?
I had someone end a friendship with me with no explanation. It was painful as I didn't know what I had done. Then twenty years later he said hello as if nothing happened.
Hi 👋🏾 I just found your channel and it’s really helpful. I recently started therapy about 6 months ago and I have a goal of finding a friend outside of my 12 year relationship. It has been hard for me in the past to make friends. Any suggestions on where I might be able to start looking or ways to make friends. Social media is kind of scary for me.
I realized a problem when I recognized that my friend judged everyone around me and said I keep the wrong people in my life. Wondering if she might be the person not worth keeping around.
Yes part 2!!!!! You had so much insight on how to maintain and grow friendships…keep it coming..the younger generation needs this advice so coming at it with teen brains would be amazing!!! All teenagers these days have to be struggling with all the socal media and lack of face ti face that I think if u could center in that age group and suggestions that would be “cool” ways to navigate that rollercoaster time in their lives❤️❤️❤️
Not sure if you’ll see this but i am horrible with maintaining friendships, im kind of a people pleaser just to maintain friendships or to just be liked. I have loads of issues and i always try to make a good effort but it gets tiring trying and trying and getting no results. Most people take an interest in me before they know me but after they (I assume) either are bothered or aren’t interested anymore. And then that effects my mental health and then I become antisocial again just for my sake because I’ll just end up alone again. If you are able to give advice I’d appreciate it a lot.
I found when my ex came at me in a custody case and took my son - I lost everyone. Everyone felt it was too heavy and too much drama and dumping. Part of me understands. But I can’t imagine telling someone to stop complaining about something that hard. But ya, most people can’t seem to care that hard about friends.
I have someone I was friends with for 15 years. We went through a lot together. We met through our daughters. When we talked we would talk for hours about different things. She is very judgemental and everyone tells her that. So, I didn't always share everything with her and she asked me about it but I wasn't feeling well so we agreed to talk about it later. Fast forward to today, I ended the friendship because I wrote her a text on my birthday thanking her for being there for me and I also answered her question. I told her she was judgemental and I didn't tell her things because I didn't feel like being judged. She had already told me that she would not support a friend or even a family member if she didn't agree with what they were doing. I don't agree and I told her that. So anyway, sorry for the long note but I need to figure this out. So back to the story, after she received the text, she didn't talk to me for two months! One day she called and asked if we could have breakfast, I agreed and she told me she decided our friendship was worth investing in. We eventually got back to our normal and then a friend who was supposed to be my best friend became angry with me and decided to hurt me so she called the friend I'm speaking of and broke every confidence I had shared with her. I warned my friend that she was coming after me but she listened anyway, got upset with me, said she needed time which turned out to be two years! There were other things going on at that time. I got divorced and our husbands were good friends and it seemed her loyalty was to her husband and not to me so she gave me all kinds of grief about how I was handling my relationship with the new man in my life. She stopped letting her daughter come to my house when my friend was there because she "didn't know him" and didn't feel comfortable having her daughter around him. Thankfully our daughters were old enough to maintain their friendship on their own. At some point after the two years, we had lunch and we had superficial conversation about our families and our daughters. We started getting closer but never talked about the things that had happened. When I got married, I asked if she would be a hostess and she agreed. We had dinner shortly thereafter because while I was on my honeymoon, she had a 50th birthday get away and I was not invited. That cut me to the core. I wouldn't have been able to go. I found out about it on Facebook. We had dinner and talked and discovered that she and I were not on the same page. I thought we were friends but she thought we weren't "those kind of friends". She said she was surprised I asked her to be part of my wedding but she would have been surprised if hadn't invited her. She told me that the text I sent years ago made her angry so she showed it to other people who agreed that she should be upset but she never talked to me! I never got an explanation for the two years. I asked at the end of dinner if we were straight and she thought we had to rebuild the friendship. I didn't reply. I went home and processed all that was said and I texted her that I was ending the friendship. She obviously didn't trust me and I certainly didn't trust her at this point so let's call it a day. She said she was sorry that I felt that way but if it was what I wanted. To your point in the video, I did it without an explanation. But I am one of those people who give you lots of rope and when you hang yourself, I'm done. However, it didn't stop there. She would send me texts saying she missed me. I was one of her best friends and confidant. She would check in to see how I was. She would suggest we have lunch. I texted her to ask why she didn't fight harder to save our friendship and her response was "why is it my fault?". I let the conversation go. I moved recently and she offered to help me. When I had my new home blessed, I invited her and she thanked me for keeping me in her life. She only know I was moving because my daughter told her when she was visiting. I accepted her help and she came through. Off and on she would call me to confide in me about her love life and we would talk about school since are both pursuing degrees, updates on her family who I know well. A friend conversation I would talk to her. I still love her like a sister but I keep her at arm's length. I go with the flow even though I don't understand it. I miss her too and I ended the friendship 2 years ago. I keep thinking we should have a heart to heart and then there is part of me that should leave things as they are. This is a very abbreviated version of the story believe it or not but I'm always going back and forth between talking to her and going with the flow. Now she wants me to meet her new beau and has confided in me about him. I don't understand what is going on. I've told this story to several people and gotten different answers. Sorry for the long story. Please advise.
I don’t think that friends are bins where you throw all your negative thoughts or drama. We are not supposed to be responsible other people emotions. It’s fine if it happens sometimes, we all have difficulties at times but when is constant and my friend is come across life she is a victim of life…. Then yes I feel drained after seeing her. I feel like being her therapist 😕 It’s nice when it works both ways and when you dealing with a balanced individual. (Mentally) I think it gets difficult when there are people with issues.
For you guys in a rush
1. Focus on friends who match your energy
2. Continue to learn from one another
3. Support + encourage one another
4. Practice loyalty. Be trustworthy
5. Be willing to apologize and explain.
6. Don't end a friendship without a conversation
Great tips! As soon as I make some friends I'll implement these 😂
😂😂
😂😂😂 one day!
🤣🤣 exactly
Lol
Exactly!!!!
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too needy and clingy, but I feel really insecure when people never initiate anything first. I'm always the one starting stuff with my longtime childhood friend, and I've talked to her about this for so many times yet she just apologizes and never changes. She's dealing with her own mental stuff too so I feel really bad for having issues. But she just seems so uninterested in everything I talk about, I always have to carry the conversation. This experience made me be distant from new potential friends and I can never initiate anything with anyone else now. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish therapy was free so I could afford it :(
It’s so painful when people don’t value you the same way you value them…
I’m just like your friend, I’m dealing with my own issues too so I get distant …
I literally just had a similar conversation with my sister today about this. Then I ran across this video. The best thing I’ve heard today is to focus on friends who match your energy.
I totally understand this and am going through it with my childhood friend group as well, just accepting that I may part ways with them forever now, lol we are cordial but as far as getting back to where we used to be for so long, its gonna take some serious uncomfort AND wanting it on BOTH sides. Not just me wanting to repair and communicate
This is very hard to be the only one taking the initiative. I’ve been on both sides of that. But if they don’t invest in the conversation when you’re present together, then I would let it go. Of course, try to talk to them about it first
Someone once taught me to pay attention to patterns. Sometimes we get hurt and it’s circumstantial. People make mistakes.. but if it keeps happening or if issues keep presenting itself over and over through different situations but the same base conflict.. then it’s okay to move on.
The part on splitting really hit home for me.
I had a friendship with someone for 6 years and all of a sudden they just stopped. Blocking me on social media, ignoring mey texts, calls, and/or any advances and I didn’t know why. I did so much self reflecting and digging and to this day I still don’t know the reason why she ended such a close friendship. But hearing this just reminds me that even thought I wanted to talk it out, not everyone is mentally capable of doing so at that time. Maybe one day she’ll realize that she could have said what bothered her and 6 years wouldn’t go down the drain. Or maybe she just felt like we didn’t click anymore but giving an explanation would have still been the right thing to do. Leaving a friendship without explaining really benefits no one.
Man I ain't gonna to lie I did this to a friend of 5 years. I block them, wasn't engaging with them, I didn't want to hangout with them or see them. I think with me I felt like we were talking in circles and nothing was being improved or resolved. Feelings were being hurt and boundaries were being pushed, and I felt like she wasn't getting it. I felt like I wasn't being a friend to her and I didn't want to be fake towards her. I will agree that I wasn't ready to tell them that I want to end the friendship and one day I will learn how to heal and get the courage to talk with her again. But I will say the only reason I blocked her because she has boundaries issues (which a lot of people deal with) and I didn't want to be contacted by her. I would tell her I need space and I will contact her (when I am ready) but she would say I don't care I will contact you because "I will be heard". To me that was not respecting my boundaries or my mental state. When you know a friend habits you know when they are serious. But thank you for sharing your comment I definitely can relate and hope you get the closure you seek.
I also had to do this to a friend. I got into therapy & while processing a lot of my own traumas I realized that a lot of the women I had befriended were abusive towards me this one specifically reminded me the most of my mom! We would still text on occasion but eventually I started to notice even more how emotionally abusive she was i started to not respond as frequently hoping she would take the hint & our friendship could die out gracefully but instead she clung & became even more abusive towards me eventually I had no choice but to block her I just felt like that was her personality & it wasn’t something that could be changed or worked through. It was all really bizarre because she claimed to have been in therapy 7 years.
Too add to this I’ve also been the one who’s been ghosted in a friendship at the time I was deeply hurt & confused. Years later & especially after going through therapy I realized how toxic I was at that time & was able to understand why this friend had to do what she did because it wasn’t just one issue that could have been changed with a conversation.
I say all this to say what I’ve learned is that friendships should be easy & if someone is in alignment with where we are they will be.
I struggled a lot in friendships for a very long time. I do not know the right thing to say. This video made me see that once you love yourself fully and completely, you will be happier and will be able to maintain friendships. So thank you!
Kinda surprised by how much my best friend and I do these things. We’re both pretty mellow so we tend to have the same energy. We learn about each other constantly. We’re both pretty loyal and she knows I’m trustworthy. She also sat me down and told me she had no interest in me romantically or sexually.
I’ve held her in my arms, cried to her, and shared my life with her. I have done the same for her. I won’t forget her being so sick and her nearly in tears saying sorry to me.
“It’s ok honey, all I care about is you.”
I hugged her and I felt the stress leave her body. That’s when I think she knew I’d die for her. In my eyes she’s like a sister.
I’m so fascinated by the emphasis on being certain to support friends during the hard times. In my experience, this part is natural for so many people. I have a much harder time finding friends who are willing and able to celebrate success and enjoy quiet, ongoing happiness with me. Almost everyone I know would come through in a crisis but my husband is the only person I can depend on to share my joy.
Then you are lucky. It may also speak to the kind of person you are and the kind of people you surround yourself with, but you're definitely lucky too
I want this kinda friendship. A friendship where conversations would flow smoothly and not just one-word conversation.
Thanks for the tips.😊 I'll surely implement on it.
Please make more of these videos on friendships!!
Sure! Are there any specific topics that you’d like covered?
@@StephAnya I never thought of how unhealthy attachment styles or trauma attachment could impact friendships before. I've been in therapy for several years but I've only really focused on attachment styles with romantic relationships. I just think this is a topic that isn't talked about enough (probably because of our societal focus on romantic relationships over friendships). I just want more friendship videos in general! Healthy friendships, resolving arguments, and working through cognitive distortions in friendships. Also it would be cool to have some videos on how to make new friends if you're shy/introverted and in a pandemic.
Such great ideas! Thank you!
@@StephAnya did you already make a video about this topic? I’m curious!!
@@StephAnya thank you so much for this video, it's really going to help me open up in future situations
Part 2 please! What about surface friendships? How do you create new friendships in adulthood?
Please consider doing a part 2 ! It would be great to answer questions related to seeking and maintaining adult friendships
Question... what if you’re at the point of “splitting”, this is a friendship you’ve had for 10+ years, you’ve had uncountable amount of conversations regarding boundaries, changing behaviors (from both persons), but even still the other person doesn’t seem to put in the same effort or respect. And if they’re the one to split, is it necessary to reach out for that “closure” conversation? I feel like at that point there’s not much more to be said ? (Sorry I know there were like 5 questions in there lol)
Hi Emma! That really goes back to the first point about focusing on friends who match your energy. It's totally possible to maintain a friendship with someone and change the rules of that relationship. Maybe they're no longer a best or close friend, but someone that you check in with every now and then. I think proper categorization of people can help resolve our anxiety and frustrations about certain relationships. You don't want to be overly involved with someone that has you questioning the relationship. Can't work way harder than them just like we can't work harder than our clients! I hope this helps.
I had a friend split on me once she got what she wanted from me which was employment at my place of employment. I never spoke a word to her again after I found out how bad she slandered my name to out co worker's.
WE WANT A PART TWO!!!!!!!!
Hi! I am taking therapy for a depressive period of my life which was partly triggered by me breaking up with friends. I am thankful for that because this has changed my life and put me on the path for self-love. These people, who in my heart became more sisters than friends, made me feel excluded on account of not liking my partner. To the point of not inviting him to a wedding, even though he really hasn't done anything wrong. He is just not a social person, and also, although it was left unsaid, I felt he wasnt accepted because they have partners who earn more money. Some days I kind of go back to relive that feeling of rejection and unacceptance that they made me feel, and I know it is more related to my past emotional baggage.
I hope you keep this series going. This video was just what I needed as I was feeling emotional about this loss.
good reminder to add value into other's lives. Love builds value.
So true
most logical sensible video on friendships on the internet >>
great work girl !!!! 💗💗
Thank you!!
This really helped me with finalizing my thoughts on how I'd like to approach a couple of close friendships I had to take some space from. It's taken some time and a lot of mental strength to work up the courage to have " the talk" with them about the nature of our friendship an how to go about it I love these girls and I know one way or another at the end of it I'll be glad I fully expressed myself.
Hi. I am 40 years old, single mom of 3 and in the past 5 years I have lost friends I knew from elementary-high school to my early 30’s due to deaths and distancing over changes of ourselves and not meshing anymore. I have been struggling to make new friendships that are not just surface level and here and there meetups. Your video spoke to what I struggle with and you provided helpful tips. Thanks for the video 😊❤
Hey Steph, this is the first ever video I've watched of yours and it's so helpful. I'm a university student and I've only ever had one bestfriend since school who broke away and became toxic. There's not alot of like minded people but I want to still try and make friends, thank you so much for this positive and helpful guide!
What a great video. Honestly, these points are so applicable and helpful to me. I’m 22 and I’ve had the same friend group since I was 15, it is hard enough in your early 20s to except that you are a different person than you were in high school and grapple with that identity crisis it’s almost mind blowing to look at people that you’ve always known as well as the back of your hand and come to terms that they are also different people and continue nurturing and evolving that friendship. In high school you don’t have to nurture our friendship it’s pretty natural in that way. You will find things to talk about and relate about and there’s always time to catch up with each other, adult friendships are not the same. Especially when you talk about defending your friend through hard times, there are a couple people that I have consider distancing myself from because they are not making the best choices but honestly you are right, we’re coming into our 20s we’re having identity crises and nobody is making the best decisions.
This was beautiful and necessary, your energy and explanations were amazing! I would like to comment on the section about being there for your friends rather than seeing them as toxic or a burden: sometimes when people are going through a tough time they want to toxically vent and ruminate on the experience without any desire to heal or grow. Also I think there's a balance to be found as the friend listening/supporting between sacrificing yourself if you don't have the capacity vs working towards a healthy capacity to support others.
Hi Steph. This video really opened my knowledge to so many things about my friendships. Really great tips, thank you. You are amazing!
I’m so glad that you found it helpful!!
This Video was very helpful from both a friend and therapist perspective. Yes yes yes more videos on friendships please…. It’s nice to have true friends to share your ups, downs, and accomplishments with more tips for the long haul. Thank you. .
This is a great video! I transferred to a New University and for the past 3 years it’s been challenging to make friends!
I have not had the best experience with the “cutoff” conversation. It has literally always ended up with the person not taking accountability for their actions and not remembering certain actions and for my mental health, I no longer do them. I give people more than one chance but as an adult, you need some level of self awareness. It’s not my job to tell you how to treat people.
THIS!
I think blocking is way easier even tho the vid says dont do it
🙌
Please make a series about this!!! It was very helpful
Kinda glad that there are so many people that have watched this I feel less alone
Your channel is helping me so much. Thank you, keep up the great work.
This is such a good video! One thing I want to add that it’s important to be a friend during BOTH good & bad times. I’m typically an amazing friend during hard times but not so much when things are status quo. I didn’t realize how painful this was until I experienced it myself. I had a few friends who were awesome when I was going through a hard time. But just spending time together when things were fine was too much to ask. It really hurt. Then I realized I’ve done the exact same thing to other people and didn’t understand why they were hurt
Finally finished watching this video now time to make some friends
🤣🤣🤣 Good luck!!
I love the Q&A idea! Will suggest that with my besties.
So fun and insightful!
I genuinely appreciate this video thank you 💜💜 . This was like the reassurance I needed for the things that I’ve already been feeling
Thanks for the helpful tips. I definitely want a part 2. Thank you
I love the video thank you so much.❤
Thank you so much for watching ♥️
@@StephAnya you welcome 🙏
Love this so much and definitely needed to hear this. I could never put into words why I like to explain and ask WHY people are apologizing, but your point about it helping us understand where the other person was in the situation is a great way to put it!
I feel so much at peace listening to you
Awwww this was such a good video, I have always struggled with maintaining friendships and there were some really good topics covered that are definitely struggle topics for me 😌
Great video, I'm currently working on how to become a better friend and also change my behaviour and patterns so better friends will come my way.
The trouble with me is I never find friends that match my energy and end up in my feelings when my love is not reciprocated...I finally realised it's because I am in friendships that aren't suited to me anymore and that's okay. I know I love words of affirmation, I know I love caring and kind people, I know I love people that listen and genuinely care, I know I love to celebrate birthdays and achievements and be celebrated so why do I always attract the opposite ?!
I definitely need to do some self reflection and work on myself.
Hi Steph Anya! Thank you again for such an insightful video. Having a loving and supportive relationship with my best friends is extremely important to me. Although some of these tips are easier said than done, I want to put these tips to practice to help maintain/improve it. Thank you! 😊
I bet you’re already better at them than you think! Thank you for your consistent support! ♥️
People have been known to take my comments or what have you the wrong way and they end up walking away offended or hurt. So I totally agree with apology and explanation as long as it's not a repeated thing, because I've learned that sometimes apologies are more receptive once the party hear your explanation, and hear that you never meant any harm. Once again this was an awesome topic and food for thought! I am looking forward to next week's topic and I'll be thinking of some topics that I would love for you to touch on. I really love your channel
Totally agree! And love having you here!! ♥️
Amazing tips, thank you! Please make a series and share more maintaining friendship tips. Appreciate you!
Great video!!! The tips you gave were amazing and definitely is going to be beneficial!! Thanks!!!
Thank you for watching!! ♥️
I went no contact on a friend who I had for 20 years because I was always doing things for her but she would never do anything for me. I paid cell phone bills, bought house hold supplies, gave her rides when she needed to go places bought groceries and she had a husband and 5 kids. I am a single Mom of 2 and her only defense was " I was there when you birth both of your kid's. " I realized it was a one sided relationships and cut ties with her. She's now remarried to a new man and all I can say is I wish her the best. Her men are everything to her but her friends are there to be used.
you are so good Madam Steph with the counselling you give here
I really like the way you say you appreciate us for watching your video till the end every time
I'm a new subscriber i just your youtube fam yesterday and I'm loving it here definitely bringing all my friends here
God bless you Madam Steph❤❤❤❤
Thank you for the video. It was really insightful. Especially when you said about being loyal.
Question: do you know some good ways to tell when it’s either too late or just unproductive to reach out to an old friend about the old friendship and/or try to rekindle an old friendship?
I have wondered this many times since moving away to college, for example.
I did not see someone for 6 years after high school and it’s now the best (irl) friendship I have
There is so much wisdom in this video. Thank you, needed that
Series!!! Please! Thank you!!!
Please make this a series! ❤💗❤❤❤ reeaally great tips!
This video was excellent! Thank you, kindly for it. I would like some advice Ms. Steph Anya: a relationship I hold dear is degrading. This person in my life will not only apologize for a traumatic event in our inner circle's lives that happened because of them but they denies it ever happened. Later they refurbished and claimed it was a situation that was out of their control. It affects our circle greatly but the strain on our relationship is taunt enough to break. It's been a few years since the event happened and there is no avoiding the person, I see them almost daily as most of the people it involved as well. I miss this person, I can never trust them again but the love is real. The friendship aspect is hard to maintain. Unspoken words and not speaking about the event like it never happened makes it difficult. I have not moved on and even years later, the truth is still hard. How do we all move on? Is there any hope to mend this friendship? I'm ready to move on but at a lost for where to place my foot on the path of forgiveness. I don't want to accuse and shame anymore, I just want the warmth I felt for this person I love to come again.
I love a two part apology!😀
Can you do a video on how to spot/ signs of toxic friends
Well said!
Great tips. Ppl that don’t know how to have adult communication is a deal breaker for me. I don’t want to resolve a misunderstanding through text. Let’s talk, ft l, or meet in person. But sadly some ppl don’t even know how to do that .
Thank you for sharing this, so helpful 💗
I have a question about long distance friendships. Aka Someone who was close when you lived close but now is far away. Our friendship has distanced itself over many years and it no longer feels important to keep in touch. Should you have a talk with that person or is letting the natural progression of things play out okay?
Your first point happens all the time for me. So I totally get it.
Steph, how do I truly learn to love myself. I have very low self-esteem, take someone with bad self-esteem and multiply it by 2, then you have me. I consistently and constantly try to love myself and sometimes it works and I feel great about myself! "I look awesome today, my hat looks really cute on me, I don't care how others look I love myself." But then when I go outside or look on Instagram I immediately don't wanna look at anyone and want to go back "inside." This is both physically and metaphorically. Sometimes on really bad days when I go outside or look at Instagram I start to cry and it disrupts my whole day and I turn to others for feeling good about myself. I want to learn how to TRULY love myself but I don't know how, can you give me some advice? 😅
Gotta get to the root of your insecurities; where do they stem from, who instilled them into you, did that person love or even like themselves (100% no), what subconscious beliefs do you have about yourself and where do these beliefs come from, etc. Ask yourself questions like these and I think once you understand the “why” better it’ll be easier for you to validate yourself bc you realize your insecurities are really not yours or real, it’s an illusion and 9/10 someone who was also insecure needed to make you feel the same way, or they couldn’t validate you in anyway. Also it becomes a maturity thing, like you have to think and discern for yourself, that includes validating yourself and putting yourself on a pedestal without needing others’ approval/confirmation. Also don’t compare yourself to others (especially in a negative way). You have to look at yourself like your own child; you would never make your child inferior to others, you would love your child and fill them with esteem and love and confidence/compliments, so that’s how you have to treat yourself. (I use to struggle so badly w/ self hate and extremely low self esteem and making myself inferior to others but now that shit is really an insult to myself😂) Good luck to you!!
Hey sweetie. Start by not using instagram and comparing yourself to what you see. Instagram is not real. Just be you - imperfect yet perfectly made.
@@baddieknowles2247 I just stumbled on your comment(opinion) and this hit deep. I'm in this situation too.
what if your friend keeps ghosting you? is it better to keep trying or just let go of the friendship? :/
for context: the last time we hung out was great, but that was a couple months ago and now every time i message her she either ignores me, takes forever to respond, or has an excuse to why she can’t hang out. I know I am investing way more than she is in our friendship, but I also miss our
times together and don’t want to end things…
Thank you so much for the insights!
Something I have a hard time with is sharing my struggles which you mentioned in the video. I have a hard time gaging what is too much for my friends and what is ok, despite asking them if they’re in a space to talk. I want to be able to lean on my friends and I want them to feel comfortable doing the same. Perhaps I need to build more confidence on my own but regardless I really don’t know what healthy venting is supposed to look like 😅 could you expand on that, do you have any other tips regarding this? And thank you so much again!
Ugh. This is so hard. I'm the distant friend, the "cut you off for one thing" friend. My friends constantly tell me they feel like I don't care about them. I do, but I did some digging and realized the root of my problem. 1. Low self-esteem makes me not think I'm interesting or have anything to offer them so I don't reach out. 2. The result of this makes them eventually leave, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. "I can't keep friends/people don't like me." Which makes me guarded and not attached to anyone because " I know they'll leave in the end." Working on fixing this, though
I love your level of self-awareness and accountability!
Very very helpful. Thank you. I feel like I'm a therapist to my friends. Not enough listening and engaging. Want to figure out how to achieve that. . . .
Part 2 please, from a fellow clinician and NCU alumni :)
Thanks for the great video! I would be interested to learn more about friendships as a single person with friends with long term partners as I feel this can create a bit of a mismatch in what you want and need as a partner and how important the friendship is. E.g. if I am struggling with something, I only have my friends to turn to, but for friends with partners, their partner is generally the first person they turn to. So that can feel a bit unequal.
Pleaseeee make a part 2! Can you include how you change with friends who have kids? I currently suck at knowing how to be practical with my friends that have children because I don’t have any :/
you're great very balanced good info and communication thank you!
I would love to hear your take on intergenerational friendships…why does it seem to be frowned upon?
Support and encouragement-
How do you support and encourage a friend who wants to take a job that might effect her marriage or a friend who gets in a relationship with a man that treats her horribly or a friend getting a promotion that negatively impacts their health. It’s hard to support something that I know is bad for them.
Hi Steph, great video! I was wondering, how can i stop myself from being so overly sensitive? It’s preventing me from having normal friendship ‘cause i keep taking every joke my friends said personally and it hurt me and i dont know how to tell them it hurt me because i fear that they’ll only think that im being overdramatic when it is actually a big deal to me… sorry im blabbering at this point 🙃
Hey Steph, I am going through a long distance friendship with my Best Friend. She is so busy all the time. I really don't like that feeling at all. Plus she is making new friends but i really don't like that feeling at all. She said that i am her best friend and she will never forget me. I really miss her so so so so much.You have any tips& tricks to help me to go through it?
Really helpful! Thank you
This is really great. Thanks!!!
Glad it was helpful!
love this💙
You exude kindness on sight
Aw thank you ♥️
Thanks for the insights...love it...frm: philippines here
So helpful thank you ❤
yes that happen with friends that job coach its hurts too @Steph Anya
Lol, so I am a therapist intern and having issues maintaining friendships due to conflicting schedules and burn out. Do you have a video about that? Lol. As a social person, I am struggling with how lonely this profession is.
I really love your videos ma'am🤍 so much lessons i have learned. Love from Philippines 🇵🇭 😊
I'm like so late. Is there a part two lol. Very interesting topic
I guess God sent me to your channel! Useful tips and very insightful
Hey my issues are more that I seem to struggle to develop deep friendships, and the friendships I have I’m finding that I always have to be the instigator and I’m finding it quite draining. I’m always the one who has to reach out or make plans. Do you have any advice for these issues?
I am usually the one to call. I feeling that I am too clingy or needy. I wonder sometimes if she is not tired of me.
I had someone end a friendship with me with no explanation. It was painful as I didn't know what I had done. Then twenty years later he said hello as if nothing happened.
Hi 👋🏾 I just found your channel and it’s really helpful. I recently started therapy about 6 months ago and I have a goal of finding a friend outside of my 12 year relationship. It has been hard for me in the past to make friends. Any suggestions on where I might be able to start looking or ways to make friends. Social media is kind of scary for me.
I realized a problem when I recognized that my friend judged everyone around me and said I keep the wrong people in my life. Wondering if she might be the person not worth keeping around.
Yes part 2!!!!! You had so much insight on how to maintain and grow friendships…keep it coming..the younger generation needs this advice so coming at it with teen brains would be amazing!!! All teenagers these days have to be struggling with all the socal media and lack of face ti face that I think if u could center in that age group and suggestions that would be “cool” ways to navigate that rollercoaster time in their lives❤️❤️❤️
Meet friends once a week? I can't get them to meet once in 2 months 😒
I find that I'm really good at making friends but they get annoyed at me and ghost me after a while. I think I try too hard 🤣
Can totally relate. Very similar
Part 2!!!!
Not sure if you’ll see this but i am horrible with maintaining friendships, im kind of a people pleaser just to maintain friendships or to just be liked. I have loads of issues and i always try to make a good effort but it gets tiring trying and trying and getting no results. Most people take an interest in me before they know me but after they (I assume) either are bothered or aren’t interested anymore. And then that effects my mental health and then I become antisocial again just for my sake because I’ll just end up alone again. If you are able to give advice I’d appreciate it a lot.
“I’m so sorry but I was hungry.” 😂 Next time you eat everything, that’s your line for accountability and apologizing.
PT 2 please!!!
I found when my ex came at me in a custody case and took my son - I lost everyone. Everyone felt it was too heavy and too much drama and dumping. Part of me understands. But I can’t imagine telling someone to stop complaining about something that hard. But ya, most people can’t seem to care that hard about friends.
Part 2 please 🙏🏼
How do you know if you're matched in excitement? It's difficult to gauge if you're contacting them too much or too little.
So I just realized I have no good friends. I’m always pursuing
I have someone I was friends with for 15 years. We went through a lot together. We met through our daughters. When we talked we would talk for hours about different things. She is very judgemental and everyone tells her that. So, I didn't always share everything with her and she asked me about it but I wasn't feeling well so we agreed to talk about it later. Fast forward to today, I ended the friendship because I wrote her a text on my birthday thanking her for being there for me and I also answered her question. I told her she was judgemental and I didn't tell her things because I didn't feel like being judged. She had already told me that she would not support a friend or even a family member if she didn't agree with what they were doing. I don't agree and I told her that. So anyway, sorry for the long note but I need to figure this out. So back to the story, after she received the text, she didn't talk to me for two months! One day she called and asked if we could have breakfast, I agreed and she told me she decided our friendship was worth investing in. We eventually got back to our normal and then a friend who was supposed to be my best friend became angry with me and decided to hurt me so she called the friend I'm speaking of and broke every confidence I had shared with her. I warned my friend that she was coming after me but she listened anyway, got upset with me, said she needed time which turned out to be two years! There were other things going on at that time. I got divorced and our husbands were good friends and it seemed her loyalty was to her husband and not to me so she gave me all kinds of grief about how I was handling my relationship with the new man in my life. She stopped letting her daughter come to my house when my friend was there because she "didn't know him" and didn't feel comfortable having her daughter around him. Thankfully our daughters were old enough to maintain their friendship on their own. At some point after the two years, we had lunch and we had superficial conversation about our families and our daughters. We started getting closer but never talked about the things that had happened.
When I got married, I asked if she would be a hostess and she agreed. We had dinner shortly thereafter because while I was on my honeymoon, she had a 50th birthday get away and I was not invited. That cut me to the core. I wouldn't have been able to go. I found out about it on Facebook. We had dinner and talked and discovered that she and I were not on the same page. I thought we were friends but she thought we weren't "those kind of friends". She said she was surprised I asked her to be part of my wedding but she would have been surprised if hadn't invited her. She told me that the text I sent years ago made her angry so she showed it to other people who agreed that she should be upset but she never talked to me! I never got an explanation for the two years. I asked at the end of dinner if we were straight and she thought we had to rebuild the friendship. I didn't reply. I went home and processed all that was said and I texted her that I was ending the friendship. She obviously didn't trust me and I certainly didn't trust her at this point so let's call it a day. She said she was sorry that I felt that way but if it was what I wanted. To your point in the video, I did it without an explanation. But I am one of those people who give you lots of rope and when you hang yourself, I'm done.
However, it didn't stop there. She would send me texts saying she missed me. I was one of her best friends and confidant. She would check in to see how I was. She would suggest we have lunch. I texted her to ask why she didn't fight harder to save our friendship and her response was "why is it my fault?". I let the conversation go. I moved recently and she offered to help me. When I had my new home blessed, I invited her and she thanked me for keeping me in her life. She only know I was moving because my daughter told her when she was visiting. I accepted her help and she came through. Off and on she would call me to confide in me about her love life and we would talk about school since are both pursuing degrees, updates on her family who I know well. A friend conversation
I would talk to her. I still love her like a sister but I keep her at arm's length. I go with the flow even though I don't understand it. I miss her too and I ended the friendship 2 years ago. I keep thinking we should have a heart to heart and then there is part of me that should leave things as they are. This is a very abbreviated version of the story believe it or not but I'm always going back and forth between talking to her and going with the flow. Now she wants me to meet her new beau and has confided in me about him. I don't understand what is going on. I've told this story to several people and gotten different answers. Sorry for the long story. Please advise.
Speechless. Honestly, I have no words to say.
I don’t think that friends are bins where you throw all your negative thoughts or drama. We are not supposed to be responsible other people emotions.
It’s fine if it happens sometimes, we all have difficulties at times but when is constant and my friend is come across life she is a victim of life…. Then yes I feel drained after seeing her.
I feel like being her therapist 😕
It’s nice when it works both ways and when you dealing with a balanced individual. (Mentally)
I think it gets difficult when there are people with issues.