How To Handle An Alcoholic Spouse | Paul Friedman
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 พ.ย. 2020
- Are you having difficulty handling your alcoholic spouse? Watch Paul gives you helpful advice on how you can handle this kind of problem in your marriage.
I can't tell you exactly how to handle your spouse. You shouldn't be manipulative anyway but I can't tell you, I can remind you that you married your spouse with the intention of fulfilling your desire for unconditional love and to gain happiness. It is very difficult to have a happy marriage
when your spouse is an alcoholic and there are different kinds of alcoholics. Hopefully, you've already looked into Al-Anon and you've done some research about alcoholism and you understand it better than you did before. But remember what your vows were in sickness and in health, and alcoholism is a disease and it's really -- it's not your fault. It's not your problem that your spouse is an alcoholic but I can tell you that anyone who is feeling love is not looking to escape.
And so, it's very possible for you not to cure them but to give them something that they need
that they are not in touch with and that is love and there are many ways that you can do that.
One of the big biggest problems that couples were one is an alcoholic is that the non-alcoholic
has this attitude of victim/superior and that's got to go. You have to see your spouse past who they are in this incarnation if you will. Recognize that they are a soul and that they are now burdened for whatever reason would ever trip them up know that that could have happened to
you too or something just as bad or worse.
Compassion is a very important attribute for you to develop. Anytime you're feeling critical replace that thought. Anytime you're feeling where you want to condemn them for the path that they chose and they did they have free will. They didn't just fall into a hole but they chose it out
of weakness, Get rid of the condemnation. Get rid of those thoughts of judgment and love your spouse. You're not the one who's going to fix them. You cannot. There's nothing you can do. If they're a danger to your family then you have to take practical steps and in stages or all at once remove them from the family so that they don't create too much destruction but you still love them.
Outer circumstances are not what causes us to love somebody. It's an inner decision -- it's a free will decision that is a very noble decision. And if that decision is tested as yours is, you rise to that challenge so a lot of people mix things up. They go but he or she treats me this way and does this and does that and, how could I love them? Well, you have to separate the material from the spiritual. Love is a very spiritual thing and you still have to operate in a practical way as well. I hope this was useful for you.
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My spouse broke his vows also.....by drinking a lot of alcohol. He is a danger to my sanity.
you have also broken vows. It is time to focus on what you can do rather than suffer
This is the most positive and constructive video Ive seen yet in this topic. I have suffered with my husband's alcoholism for 19 years. When he is sober I am very happy and whole to the max but it only lasts 3 or 4 days a week then his weakness gives in and dives right in to the drinking and becomes a complete stranger sometimes just dissapears for days and comes home and the cycle continues. I don't want to live without him because I really love him but I also suffer. I need to make drastic changes for my wellbeing but I don't see myself without him. Im in a very difficult position. If he continues there will be alot of financial destruction, health and emotional. I don't see what to do. Ive tried everything except ignoring him.
I struggle with this because it makers me feel like I’m pretending to be happy with his drinking when I’m really not as long as I don’t complain he will never see an issue with his drinking and I’m scared he won’t stop if I just be a loving wife
You somehow construed that I suggest you "act" which I never did or do, So, please watch the video again and if you still hear that be more specific.... Loving your husband needs to manifest and your depth of love needs to increase every day,
I felt just like you did. But the alternative is worse. I didn’t get to hear this message. So I became distant from my husband. I felt like I couldn’t talk to him anyway. So I didn’t push him. I never told him I love him. My husband died. It’s the worse thing I have ever felt in my life. I can’t wait for this world to be over.
@@laurenedwards9390 My heart ♥️ goes to you, and feel for the loss of your husband. This advice given makes sense on how we should to treat alcoholism as an illness. When a family member is ill , gets treated with love by being caring, showing them love assuring it’s going to get better. Not rejection or punishment. On the other hand , the person that has to deal with an alcoholic spouse, has a roller coaster 🎢 to ride, which makes it hard to show love and compassion. Reason is the going through the unbearable anguished , makes it harder to reward an alcoholic spouse with love, forgetting and failing to realize , this could be the last chance to reach out with a jester of love ❤️
So what we decide to do or not to do “ Today “ Not Tomorrow “Not Yesterday “ Will have a positive or negative outcome . Lessons we’ve learned that life is short “Therefore”
Let’s Show Love ❤️ To our loved ones everyday.🥰
@@josefinacarranza8416 wow that was beautiful.. there are good people out there❤
I struggle so much with unconditional love for him 💔
Thank you for TMF and the counselors that have told me whT I needed to heR and not necessarily what I wanted to hear!!!!! My spouse told me the other day that I am the best soulmate God could have given him. I knew at that moment that this works!!!! His daughters think I am weak and don't understand why I don't get onto him for his drinking. I told them that I choose to love him unconditionally and focus daily on the AMAZING intangible things I married him for... His sense of humor, amazing outlook on life and attitude, his love for his children and grandchildren, the laughter we share, standing up for others and for what is right and his servants heart. I also told them I fall short sometimes but will continue to work on my mind and and give their father the love I promised in our wedding vows.
You have saved many lives…..
this was BEAUTIFULLY said, thank you!
Exactly what I was looking for. I will pass this on to my friend. God bless you too, brother.
Thank you for this. I want to do this.
Thank you so much! I gain a lot for this
Excellent. Thank you ❤️
Thank you for sharing this video with us.
This was really helpful.
Thank You 🙏🏽 So much ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love this. I appreciate every word you said. I will replay it when I am feeling overwhelmed and unsure. ❤
Wonderful!
Thank u Sir
Thank you
You made me think. Thank you. He says his not one. He says he works every day and goes for a run and his not shaking and he says what one or two days a day. I don’t know how to get to him
It is not as important to get him as it is to love him and constantly show him that you do.
Thank you, these truly words of wisdom🙏🏻. I agree 💯%. Yes they got to drink because dealing with some painful stuff. Don’t add fuel to the fire. Put out the fire by acting sweet and gentle. And yes it could happen to any of us, if dealing with some serious emotional pain…. Thank you for that wonderful episode..,,,
Yes, compassion instead of blame. The tough love idea is for raising children.
The MarriageFoundation
“Tough love is for children”… That is so true! Grownups don’t need tough love.
But the spouse of an alcoholic IS a victim!
We are all vicrims of something but that isn't the point. Our vows and our efforts to fulfill the vows are important.
I forwarded this to my daughter in law, cause unfortunately my son has a drinking problem. This is their true life story. Every word of counsel is so accurate, make so much sense, and you have a point. I never considered being an alcoholic as a disease 🦠 therefore it should be treated with compasión,
caring,and most importantly with a lot of love ❤️. I’ve tried to reason with my son, to the point , where I’ve ran out of what else is there to help him. With all due respect to my daughter-in-law , cause she is the one dealing with my son’s alcoholic illness, before I found your video , the advice about showing love to the alcoholic spouse, confirms that exactly what I’ve being telling her to do. When we talk about the situation, she complains of all the reasons as punishment to him, why she can’t reward him by being loving to him, which accelerates anger towards my son, cause he feels rejected and unloved. I tried reasoning with her to show him love, cause his state of mind is so vulnerable, weak and desperate for assurance and love. I want to thank you 🙏 for such wonderful advice that will help many to take at heart to follow your excellent counsel. Many blessings for you and your family.🙏
P.S.
Please make more videos on alcoholism since it’s a huge problem.
She would do well to take the course for women, too...maybe as a gift from you? themarriagefoundation.org/
I don't think you're an idiot. Quite the opposite. But I was looking for an easy way out, and now I feel guilty for wanting to split. But Thank you.
I don't think you are an idiot either...I discovered so many truths that I know what you're talking about, though. We just didn't know.
Thank you
I'm honored