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Marriage Issues After 5, 10, 20, 30 Years | Paul Friedman
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ส.ค. 2024
- Marriage issues can crop up no matter how many years you've been married. Fortunately, the causes and solutions are essentially the same. In this video, Paul explains how to think about and what to do about marital problems.
I'm going to talk to you about marriage issues that come after 5, 10, 20, 30 years and I don't know about you, but when I got married when I was in my early 20's I was under the impression that the longer people were married they would figure out better how to be married and their marriage would improve and these golden and silver marriages I thought were just amazing. It wasn't until I became a divorce mediator that I realized and I probably shouldn't use this adage but I'm going to anyway.
A young fool who gets older becomes an old fool, and a young marriage that lives on unhappily becomes less happy. The best people who stay married for a long time learn to adapt, a lot of the people who are in these longer marriages where they're still together are ready to call it quits because the children are getting older, they're not dependent as much on the parents anymore. And so, the couple whether it's the wife or the husband or both are thinking, what the heck am I doing in this marriage?
I like to point out that and I alluded to this right from the start. When you got married if you didn't know what you were doing, you are basically getting on a sailboat and the weather was calm. You didn't capsize but unless you knew what you were doing you were going to get into trouble as soon as you hit some heavy seas. The reality is that marriage is complicated. It's simple at a very high level; it's all about learning to love unconditionally but no one even ever taught you that.
Whoever said to you?
When did Uncle Joe come up to you at your wedding and say, "Son or honey, I'm going to share with you a bit of wisdom." Marriage is all about learning how to love unconditionally and no one ever says that and yet that is the key, that's the whole purpose of marriage. Here's the good news. The good news is that you're not divorced yet because it's good because the amount of energy of effort that you have put into your marriage so far and let's not just look at the marriage goes all the way back to when you are looking for a suitable soulmate, and you are interviewing basically different people.
You're screening them, it took a lot of effort, a lot of energy and you finally found the one and you were right. They were the ones but again, it's sort of like getting on the perfect sailboat. The perfect soul mate, I should be fine but you're not the perfect soul mate; they're not the perfect soul mate in terms of education. So, you're fully invested in this marriage. You can't get more invested.
Watch the video for more.
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Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by:
1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing.
2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways
3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions.
Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.
As always, you are such a blessing. 🙏
Paul has helped me gain the ultimate wisdom: unconditional love! Thank you, Paul!
Thank you Susanne. I wish everyone could know how simple it is to gain this greatest of all gifts through marriage. It will eventually change the world.
Thanks for the video
Your books are best I love it very useful thank you
Thank you!
Thank you for the encouragement. Is it possible to get one on one counseling through your foundation.
I don't encourage that, but do encourage using the courses which are very effective themarriagefoundation.org/
This is so great, I wish I had seen it earlier. In marriage for 28 years it was rough, but God...
Hope you're fine in your marriage now
Would unconditional meen to let her have her say and the time spent by her and the children at her parentshouse of her own choosing?
I desperate need of help thank you 🙏
I am desperate to save my Marriage, we have not been married 2 years and twice my husband has disconnected and said he doesn't want to be together, we are still in the same house, my heart is breaking and I will do anything to save my marriage, PLEASE Help
Use the course for women themarriagefoundation.org/
You deserve to be happy, he needs to do his part in order for it to work. I’ve been married 30 years. Work on yourself you can never change him, God can but it’s really up to you and your fight for him. And it’s a fight.
Hey there, I have been married for 11 years, and have gone through “disconnection” periods a few times. It’s me who disconnects, and the reason is that sometimes she makes me feel like a piece of crap. I disconnect to recharge myself from further emotional damage. I’m a strong but also a sensitive person. She has anger issues and authentic difficulties to control those strong emotions, it’s been a tough ride sometimes. Her anger issues are heightened by her perfectionism (perfectionist people have problems handling stress). Anyways, the point is that her anger can be hurtful and emasculating. What has healed the relationship whenever I disconnect is that we authentically love each other. While she can be angry, she is also a sweet person, very sweet and tender, feminine, she loves it when I take care of her, bills are paid, give her hugs, when I take responsibility as a man. And I like that too. I love it when she makes me feel as a strong man (even if I have moments of weakness). So, while it takes me a few days to cool off, I love it when she hugs me even if I am angry, or when she sends me sweet texts or emojis or shorts on social media. Personal touch and feeling loved is so important.
So, I guess my suggestion for you to reconnect with your husband, is to be sweet with him again, hug him everyday even if he doesn’t want to be hugged, give him words of affirmation, make him feel like a strong man. Then, when things are a little better, have a moment to enjoy a glass of wine at home and talk about your future plans together, with openness and empathy.
Difficult to share marriage advice through a TH-cam comment, but I hope this helps. God bless you.
I have been beyond selfless in my marriage. It’s outside (my parents) that are the source of the issues and I don’t want my wife to leave and I don’t want to cut my parents out help please anyone any advice please
Selflessness is deeper than you may imagine and you also need to learn the rules of the marriage road. Try the course for men that we offer. themarriagefoundation.org/
If there is no respect or trust,, how can there be love?? If there is no wind and water,, there will be no sailing..
What you write maybe sounds good but it is incorrect. and disabling to your marriage Love is a choice we make to open our hearts. If you demand conditions to be met for you to love your spouse then it is not, by definition unconditional. if it is not unconditional then you did not tell the truth when you made your vows. Trust and respect, or even wind and water are not proper criteria for loving your spouse. Loyalty and service are the criteria.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I definitely innerstand what you are trying to say except there’s two major problems that’s being left out.. one is that we are souls living in these shells as humans which are imperfect and selfish and two,, your theory would work if we lived on a “ perfect “ world.. we as humans can not practice “ unconditional “ love because as soon as you say to what’s the reason to why you love someone,, there’s the conditions.. humans can not love unconditionally here.. I love my wife differently than the way I love my kids.. I love my kids differently than the way I love their cousins ( my neice’s and nephews ) but if love is love then that shouldn’t be.. we just don’t open our hearts just because,, there’s always a reason to why we would do something and there’s the condition again.. I did not lie when I took my vows simply because there was no sentence in my vows or anyone else’s vows that I know of where the minister says “ to love unconditionally “.. if you can,, please give me one case where a person is showing love to another w/o trust and respect and I’ll bet it’s only a matter of time before it’ll be over.. not trying to debate or argue just defending my original statement..
The ideal of marriage cannot be achieved with your thinking, as logical as it is. We are souls and can be as souls because we have free choice, Don't limit yourself just because it seems difficult.
@@TheMarriageFoundation well,, I’m not sore to say this but I’m married and have been for awhile now with my logical way of thinking.. I proposed the question because lately a lot of my married friends have been talking about the change in marriage and divorce.. there is no one size fits all in this situation.. it all depends on the parties involved and how hungry they are to make it work.. remember that old statement “ anything’s possible as long as you work hard enough to get it “
you have a lot of limiting beliefs and what your saying is all limitations and conditions. You’ve got some work to do. You’re making everyone earn your love and approval which means you have a lot of judgments going on
Best MR Friedman! Im having a hard time right now in my marriage!!
How cam i speak with U?
Thanks al ready!
Regards Isabella
Please write to our counselors. Here is the link, themarriagefoundation.org/ and go to the ask a counselor tab.