My Husband Is An Alcoholic
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ย. 2014
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I had a bipolar, alcoholic for a father. My Dad's two sisters died from alcoholism also. Alcoholics are awful to live with, especially when they don't want any help. If he doesn't sober up, just move on.
My wife left me she took the two kids , I sobered up then was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Thank god for that cancer cause it brought me and my family closer and has kept me sober. We know have a 3rd child and our marriage is better than it's ever been. He needs to want to sober up , you can't force him to . Good luck you'll be in my prayers
+MrAlow23 That is so wonderful!!!!! makes me a little envious, but wonderful nonetheless :)
Andy-Wan Kenobi wow god works in mysterious ways I hope the cancer went away
The next time I wish cancer on my worst enemy I'll think again
Sure Lock that’d sound way different out of context honestly
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"Continuing forward in the land of crazy makes everyone crazy" hahahaha good advice
What I tell the spouses of my alcoholic friends, save yourself.
My mom died due to her alcoholism. If you really love someone, don’t give up on them. Tough love and distance may be necessary, but if you enable them or don’t try to get them help, you’re part of the problem. Don’t be selfish. Have empathy and take some responsibility in helping others.
Mikey it’s a fact that if addicts don’t voluntarily get treatment, or are forced to due to legal issues the chance of recovery is very low. How can you say that these people are your friends and instead of organizing an intervention or giving them an ultimatum to check into treatment you go to the spouse and say bail? Very odd way to be a “friend”?
@@cskc6530you can only help & encourage the addict friend for so long. This is why he probably mentioned what he said.
Dump the LOSER and get on with living your life and doing the best you can for your children. RUN and RUN fast.
I was in a relationship with an addict from 19 to 21. It traumatized me, gave me worry and stress someone my age should not feel by that point. This was all congruent to facing my mother who is also an addict. I wish all the best for those in recovery, however, that is a *never again* for me.
Save yourself. Life is too short to try and fix an adult that doesn't want to be fixed.
Dang, so true!!!
We just love to try. It’s like ‘don’t give up’ love them! Yeah, we all reach the tipping point. Now I’m the ‘bad guy’ to his peers cause I’m the one pushing him out to leave. I’m the ‘crazy’ one. It’s what they do. Manipulative.
My dad is a recovered alcoholic. He's been sober my whole life (30 years) and I still have a few of his AA chips. I still remember him going to meetings when I was young. Although they're divorced now, him meeting my mom probably saved his life.
I guarantee this guy didn't "volunteer" to wear the ankle monitor. It is a condition of his probation and they are EXPENSIVE! She and her husband will have plenty of money problems due to the costs of the DUIs.
i'm just impressed they have such technology.
Probably wear it or in the clink on weekends or whatever. Not the same as volunteer
I’m sure that was sarcasm. He “volunteered” for the ankle monitor. In other words, HE got HIMSELF into trouble! :)
I don't think the husband cheerfully volunteered to wear the ankle monitoring bracelet. He merely decided it was better than going to prison.
5/16/19.....She's married to a LOSER & 99% certain that he won't stop drinking.....
She needs to get out & take their son....
Exactly right. Ramsay gave her bad advice by trying to keep her married.
Get a legal separation. You need to protect your children. Walk away from the marriage and focus on being a parent. Tough love.
Only 1 in 10 women leave their alcoholic husbands but 9 out of 10 men leave their alcoholic wives. I am the 1 in 10 who left her husband. I was feeling like a complete sucker and stupid after I left because I had stayed for so long but after seeing those statistics I realized wow I was one of the rare ones. Anger and complete misery was the catalyst for me to change. My mental and physical health was going down hill fast. Like Dave Ramsey said you don't want to get to that point because that is a big, big hole to crawl out of. Make the ultimatum, get the counseling and then stand firm in the conviction that you are more important than the we. I went to Alanon and was told that I could be happy separate from the person who was drinking but I found I could happier but not happy because living with someone who is drinking is like having a rock tied to your ankle pulling you down. You might be able to tread water for a while keeping your head above water sometimes being pulled below the surface then lunging up for air again but eventually you will be pulled below and you will cease to be able to breath.
Life tobelived I'll bet you those women that stay have very little or no income so they stay for financial reasons and I also believe if the statistics you called or true then a man should leave his alcoholic wife if all he does is work all day and all she does is drink and vice versa this has no gender but generally a woman has to stay sober because that's what happens when you carry/care for children and there's even a warning label about pregnancy on an alcohol bottle so there you go men can drink and women can't drink from nature because of nurturing a baby not because of some law or feminist propaganda
I left with a small income. My manager where I was working very part time but had worked a decade gave me more hours to work so I could get a subsidized apartment. My mom, also, died the same time at the beginning of my separation. In the beginning I used credit cards to pay for my daughter's and my health insurance and my ex husband paid a small amount of child support. The state I live in does not have legal separation only marriage or divorce. I realize rereading this a year later that I painted my ex as a totally bad guy. He wasn't just someone who has an addiction and for whatever reason could not bring himself to get treatment. Later at the end of our divorce process when I was able I offered him 3 times to pay for his treatment but he said no. It had no strings attached like getting back together. He said no. It''s still sad.
Thank you for this comment, i am about to leave my alcoholic husband.
@@Drsivric
I am in my 44th year of marriage - most of the time he's been addicted to alcohol. He's not a mean, abusive, violent, lazy drunk. He is self destructive.
I do have a living income and financially could easily leave. But.... leaving and taking 1/2 would probably result in him having to sell his business because he wouldn't have my piece of the pie to help pay the debt. That's not what I want to happen.
He's a very good, hard working, generous man ------ with issues he refuses to address. That doesn't make him a bad man. And I have no desire to destroy him - which I could have done easily a long time ago.
Life is complicated. Life is difficult at times.
Life is short for most addicts.
My husband is showing signs of serious health issues - I will stay to take care of him through the end.
I watched my alcoholic grandfather suffer and die from his substance abuse. I don't want to go there but I'm unwilling to throw him in there, turn my back on him, and walk away.
You can't make an addict change
Amen !
Sad because it's out of love but, true.
This is completely wrong. Ignorance at its finest. I went to a therapy for my generalized anxiety and met with 5 total former alcoholics who all changed their ways, and they were just as bad if not worse than this caller's husband.
Azeem Siddiqui i think she meant you can’t help somebody who does not want to be helped they need to hit a low and realize how bad they are by themselves
Azeem Siddiqui i bet everyone of them will tell you they had to hit rock bottom and want it for themselves because no one can make anyone change
Gotta be careful who I marry
Just don't get married. Life is way more peaceful.
Squiffy agreed.
Better yet don’t ever get married
@@inthevault9603 48 years old. Not doing the marrying thing and no kids. Not just because of money. It's just easier on the brain
You think??
Being around a drinker 24/7 totally sucks. My mom was a drinker. Ugh.
Divorce the bum. Move on he will not stop until rock bottom. He will wreck your life.
Get out...you can't fix broke
My ex was an addict and destroyed his entire family. Everyone Hayes his guts including his own mother! Dave is so right, you can't protect yourself financially! Addicts will steal, manipulate, lie, cheat...My ex stole from our disabled child on his quest to destroy me. He sees no wrong in what he does.
SoulSistersSurvivors Sisters - his quest to destroy you.? I know it is very damaging, but why do you believe he's on a quest to destroy you? Seems some greater perspective might be in order. Alcohol just like so many things is addictive. I would encourage you to consider, that this may not be the person he wants to be.
Of course he doesn't want to be, but how hard does he not want to be ???
Is his name matt
It will get only worse, never better, until You stop drinking. 24 Years Sober.
It's hard to do, but it is time to file for divorce. Unfortunately this will not change.
I was going through an unusually bad menopause(runs in the family) when I confessed to my obgyn about some of my stress with my marriage was my ex husband's alcohol addiction. He looked directly at me and said he won't change. It snapped me out of my misery for a moment. Sometimes we don't need the sugar coated version we need the truth.
This is why it is not wise to drink in the 1st place; sometimes drinking stems from years of binge drinking in college & get away with it, Except when you are an adult; you can't keep UP anymore. Drinking too much alcohol is detrimental to your Health; & in turn makes you broke; As good health & financial stability go hand in hand!!!!
I have been dealing with my husband ancoholic problem for 30 years. His dad w as the same way. EXACTLY!! I am at my wits end. I am already about done. I am angry, bitter, salty and all of the above.
Me too 😳
Al Anon helps
Danggggg Dave bringing the TRUTH per usual... "If you live with crazy long enough, you're crazy too."
Your husband will NOT get sober until HE wants to get sober. Maybe you can get an interventionist for alcohol/drugs and take it from there. I wish her all the best.
Loved your advice!
She can completely isolate her finances. Separate accounts, don't share ownership of anything.
Truth. Good job, Dave!
Spot on. Al anon is a very helpful group for those of us who love addicts. Good luck to you. I hope he pulls out of it. :)
Tina Cummins nope
Great advice.
Addiction and Gambling has destroyed many families
LEAVE
As an alcoholic, trust me, until He and only He decides to get help and admit he is totally powerless over his diseases… he will ALWAYS chose alcohol over you or his family. Nothing outside of hospitalizations or death will make him stop and a lot of times it is death… every alcoholic quits drinking at some point, it’s either voluntary or death… We do recover
I think he gave excellent advice.
With all of the troubles with alcohol...I wonder why our wonderful politicians don't talk about it. Gee....I wonder why????
The lawmakers love alcohol.
So helpful
Alcoholism doesnt come in bottles, it comes in people......send him to an AA meeting because it sounds like he is only dry temporarily. Marriage counseling will only make him want to drink more. Never met a "counselor" who actually helped the actual outcome. They just foster the victim mentality
Then you've been going to the wrong counselors.
@@azeemsiddiqui4764 either that or people should take responsibility for themselves instead of depending on others. I dont believe in therapists or counseling unless that person has proven track record of creating those results in their own life. If your not someone I would want to trade places with in some way then your advice is irrelevant
Ultimatums don't work for everyone.
I'm an addict. I have done the steps to get out of debt. It's just hard.
Jasmine Carter yes it is. Just keep moving forward😀
Need to leave. Needs a wake up. You will just enable him. This behavior will continue till you put your foot down and get out. Your happiness comes first.
Alcoholics Anonymous
That is some stellar advice.
Michelle I was the same person as your husband 7 years ago , if you need to talk let me no
May I ask a question please? Why would a son drink a lot when their father passed from drink? He's not bad as in attitude it's just what he does and trying to figure it out
Can i asked, what made you change your ways?
He has to find a bottom, something more important than drinking. Hopefully, the marriage will be his bottom. I have my doubts though with his history. He needs AA and willingness to change. You cannot save or change him. If he refuses help, you do yourself or him no good by continuing as you have been doing. Dave's advice is correct. Take it from this 30+ years of drinking alcoholic and 12 yr sober alcoholic.
The guy had a traumatic childhood upbringing and the poor girl is oblivious to the fact that his drinking is an attempt to soothe the underlying subconscious pain.
Get him into therapy to heal the childhood wounds and the drinking problem will go away on it’s own .
I've got nothing but love for Dave, but he very clearly knows nothing about alcoholism.
well la di da. care to add any of your excess wisdom on the subject?
Kate Hartmann no he doesn’t. He sees it as a thing they can change. It’s a sickness!
Actually it's a weakness. Just like any drug, the person cannot cope with their life and finds their escape in their drug of choice. A strong person deals with adversity constructively or at least just deals with it. A weak person runs to drugs or alchohol.
Melissa Contin actually you can change it. I did. My father took his life and my drinking progressed to full blown alcoholic. After a year of drinking everyday and almost dying my wife said you need to quit or the kids and I are leaving. Been 16 months without a drink, we are happier than ever, and in the 16 months we’ve paid off $26k in debt. People can change, we just have to want to do it.
I agree! She is asking for financial advice. Ultimatums do not work. I am no longer listening to this guy.
No more alcohol ever? The husband is a grown man. No more alcohol or I leave... that works. But you cannot stop someone from doing what they want to do, especially an alcoholic
Manzurul alam please give me a portion of your proceeds and I will retract my statement. Shalom....
I dont know your name, but i will pray for you. May God give you peace and clarity. I pray he gives ypur husband correction. Mr. Ramsey gave very sound advice. Please pray to god for what to do. God bless you ❤🙏
Ok please tell the Priests to stop molesting children while your at it. We just had 25 Priests arrested in my town, its a national plague.
@@jamesjazzy8040 I'm sorry James, that is truly heartbreaking. No title or robe can set people apart as "good." Wolves in sheep clothing. God bless
I hope she dumped him instantly.
:( I really need to hear this.
if he doesnt go to aa meetings and go through fpu dump him.
Sounds like a real winner she's got
He drinks all day long? Sell your car and join a church.
I’m sure he smokes cigarettes also!
What’s the update
Wonder how this turned out after so many yrs. 😳
I love all the advice except to go to church-based counseling, which is usually either a pastor or layman who doesn't really understand the mental health issues. While church based counseling can be good for everyday problems or couples looking to build communication, it cam be downright toxic or dangerous when there is abuse or addiction. Telling the wife the real problem is that they need to concentrate on being good, supportive wives and submitting to their husbands (i.e. never challenge him and give over all control) while praying and being patient for "God to come in and change his heart" can be dangerous in such situations. I know that's what i was told and it nearly got me k*lled.
This is a BAD marriage he really needs help or the wife needs to divorce him.
Follow up?
He's a functional alcoholic. My FIL is too.
Focus In Life?
Father in law
If you have a dui and your wearing a state ordered ankle bracelet this isn’t functional nothing here was functional
There's no such thing.
Only jesus can change her husband, or a health issue
Al Delgado Jesus doesn’t get involved. He is judging.
🙏❤
What ankle monitor knows blood alcohol levels tf
Divorce him, I can’t handle other people addictions issues. It causes you so much stress
I agree they all say I will change. Nine times out of ten they don't.
Lol, you sound like a great spouse.
This show is turning into Jerry Springer 🤣🤣
You newer know what subject is going to be 🤣🤣
I thought this was a financial show?
i cant believe my wife called this guy with our problems!!
Ohh wow this is about you!!???.....well I'm in the same boat as yall. Idk what to do. How are you guys doing now? Did things get better?
Dude didn't volunteer for that ankle monitor. He got a nudge from the judge and was voluntold he was doing it or he was going to check in to the local jail. If you do stay, stick to your guns on your ultimatums. Dont leave and then go back only to leave again. Set benchmarks and goals. Know for yourself what you will and won't tolerate. Keep in mind everyone falls down, no one is perfect.
That's a good woman
I wonder if this guy ever sobered up & changed his life around...
Telling someone to stop drinking isn't going to work Dave. Sorry, the church isn't the answer to everything
She needs to sell her car
Dave is definitely not MFT.
WOw, this was sobering to the facts of being married to an alcoholic.
She’s already there. She just doesn’t want to admit it.
get divorced
Dave puts way to much faith in pastors helping with marriages
Yes! Go to a real mental health/substance abuse professional
hello there
Go to Al-Anon. He has to want to get sober. You need to take care of yourself.
I drink heavily and my girl friend is half my age . I make a Lot of money and if she doesn’t like it she can leave anytime 😂
Rice and beans to get sober
Dave. You don't volunteer a ankle braclet. I don't think
Even if he got sober I would never ever trust that he wouldnt go back to drinking.
DIVORCE
Hide money. Buy silver and put it in a fireproof container and hide it from him. Get a legal separation so you won't be held financially responsible. If you have an FSA, don't use the FSA card but rather submit the receipts so they'll pay you back.
100% - Negative Dave but I know where your intent is
I highly recommend the 30 Day Sobriety Solution.
I’m an Alcoholic, I drink all day and night, I bring in about $4000 a month an pay alll the bills, my wife works and brings in about $2,700 a month and I have never once touched her money or her saving, I’m not saying she’s %100 happy in our marriage, but I do hate that I’m addicted to something so stupid, I even stopped praying because I just feel like I’m not changing no matter what and I’m just a hippocrate ,I feel that what I’m doing is ok but I know it’s not, even if I’m paying all the bills and I’m still at home all the time taking care of the kids.
I hope this prayer brings you peace and freedom: "Most precious blood of Jesus Christ, save us and the whole world" 500x. It is a simple prayer, but it is a POWERFUL prayer that breaks the chains of addictions.
Please never stop praying, God will never give up on you. I pray that you find a way. God bless you 🙏
@@VMluvsme Amen!
You justify drinking because you work and provide but you are not providing what your wife and children need which is your presence sober.. I know because I am that wife. No judgment. May you find help before too much more mental health damage is done to your fam.
What about doing a show on companies that sells alcohol? What Dave Ramsey say about the customer service they are providing to the community? Is selling something that are killing familes part of entreleadership?
+Vin Lima What in the world are you talking about?
Then we need a show on tobacco, car, gun, rope, knife, and pharmaceutical companies. There are millions of people who use each of the following responsible but there are those who abuse all of the above. It is not the businesses responsibility what an individual does with their product
He can't be drinking too much if he only has DWIs. Those are less than .08
Disappointing response. People stay in alcoholic marriages and finances CAN be balanced with boundaries.
100% crash? Tell that to Winston Churchill
I get that Dave is really religious, but pushing religion on people is just so weird. Just find a counselor, you don't need to go to a pastor first. Please people, don't push your religion on others.
America is a Christian nation, if you don't follow God you don't belong here
@@bobsagget9212 yikes... typical religious person response though... always acting like you're somehow better than others because of religious reasons. Exactly why I don't go to Church anymore.
He’s not pushing anything on them. She called him asking for HIS advice. He’s not giving unsolicited advice to strangers.
She needs to focus, first & foremost. She was all over the place.
Great advice, Dave. An alcoholic drinks because he or she is an alcoholic. It's what they do.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. They have to reach their own bottom and ask for help themselves. It can be controlled, millions have done it. It cannot be cured.
Meanwhile, I found Al Anon to help me quit enabling and find my own peace. It's a wonderful program if given a chance.
He should switch to LSD.
I'm sure you people dont struggle with something so judgmental people
And?
Why not just drink moderately? There are better choices and solutions than the joke of the alcoholic anonymous program
Because not everyone can drink moderately. I'm not a big fan of the AA program either but I guess it works for some.
Life tobelived well the thing is that other options such as prescribed drugs for alcoholism are more effective at causing people to drink less
I didn't know that. I went to Al anon for a while and visited AA to understand a little bit more what people struggle with. Al-non meetings started to depress me after the initial "high" of having people around me who really understood. People kept saying I know this is the only place people really understand. And reading the Al non literature about dealing with alcoholism just kept reminding me of what I was dealing with. I bought one book on marriage and alcoholism and it was so bad I recycled it. It works for a lot of people and it helped me for a while but as someone with already poor self esteem the idea of repeating the mantra of I'm a broken and sick person just wasn't conducive to my well being. I started to hate reading the 12 steps at meetings.
...if he could do that he wouldn't be an alcoholic would he...?...
Because there is always that chance it will get worse over time.
She promised to stay with him for life, right?
He probably promised to love and cherish and protect her. Does none of the above.
@@sweethomechicago Good point. That's subjective though, and the marriage promise is usually pretty darn unconditional. It's a long and difficult formal breaking of the most serious and formal promise a person ever makes. I don't see it as an option outside of adultery as the Bible says.
Marriage is not a license to abuse and neglect or subjugate a person. Marriage is a contractual obligation until the contract is broken or otherwise disavowed.
its unchristian to divorce, dont be unchristian!
Who said its unchristian to divorce?
Not at all when there is abuse and addiction and being married to an alcoholic there is 100% chance there is abuse. God doesn't want people miserable. Living with an addict is one of the worse things to ever go through.
Dont believe these words, Our father wants us to be be well.
I bet he drinks because of her! She sounds like you would need to drink to be with her!