I love this video. My wife remains steadfast in her desire to continue on with the divorce, and I’ve been following this advice and remain committed to winning her back
My husband literally has supported me throughout everyday of our lives together 😢i literally took him for granted and now i don't know how to express that without sounding like i am insincere or begging
wooah, what Dr. Beam said in this video, Many of the things I experienced in my life, and he is 100 % correct, now I am going on good track to bring my life on it, I can say avoid focusing too much on problem, and look at the solution
Keeping information from a spouse based on fear of information being used against them and only revealing if they decide to work at it is manipulating. As a spouse who wants to leave after my spouse had two affairs giving me information helps me decide if I’m going to stay.
I love this. I did do the family thing and it DID NOT work out well. I was so upset and didn't care when I did it. A small part of me still thinks I needed to do it so that my family would know that my pain was coming from a lying spouse. They thought I was exaggerating, but when I told the truth they could see. However, I did it in such a way that it threw him hard under the bus. So what Joe says is true. My husband felt that way and was ashamed. I regret it because I wanted to save my marriage. It took A LOT for him to accept my apology. So don't do that. Definitely don't react quickly in anger. Think strategically about the end goal you want to accomplish. And if your emotions are boiling, you MUST find another way to release and someone else to vent to.
I had become so bitter because I looked only at the bad and forgot to see the the good and I would bring that bitterness home. I had become short with our children and put my wife down constantly but I did not realize that was what I was doing I have adhd and tend to say things I don't think about or forget things all time. She withdrew and so did I and it only got worse
Nice testimony... Alice is strong God fearing women.. as she did not thought of another marriage as bible says its a Sin. She is a intercessory indeed... She harvested in marriage and not she is reaping.. Lovely..
Man I’m guilty of talking to my in-laws. I thought I had an ally in my mother-in-law and that went all the way wrong. Now my wife thinks that I slandered her to family. That was not the direction that I intended.
Forgiving is so hard because to me it's indicating the problem that took place is now "ok". But how do you trust someone again when they have repeatedly lied?
Hi Roylene, we see forgiveness as a way to set you free, and not to ever justify what has happened to you. I think these two podcasts by Dr. Joe Beam can encourage you during this time. One is on forgiveness: www.marriagehelper.com/forgive-podcast The other is on rebuilding trust: www.marriagehelper.com/trust-again-podcast
My thoughts exactly. I just can't bring myself to act as though it's all good and his awful behaviour can be swept under the rug when he literally shows ZERO remorse and even refuses to acknowledge how hurtful and ungodly his choices have been. I do realize I HAVE TO forgive and that it is ultimately not about my spouse but about God, but I'm struggling. The idea of divorcie breaks my heart, but if that's what he wants I will not stand in his way. What God has determined will be (Job 23)
It’s very hard but is a relief, it’s for the one who forgives, holding pain and anger make us sick and miserable! I’m going thru the pain of forgiveness, it’s so very hard!! It’s not ok and the other who cause us pain doesn’t deserve!! But we, the hurt ones, deserve this freedom! Go to Christ and ask for help because is very hard!
My wife left a month ago and all in all after 23 years we have both made some pretty bad decisions. I know now I had did a lot of bad push behaviors. Eventually would happen if you push too much you will push them right over the edge. It doesn't matter if you're a good provider or if these other things like good person or good father if the relationship between you and your spouse is being provoked by negative emotions it makes sense that she or he would want to go to something else to get away from the bush behaviors that have been happening over an extended. Of time
My wife says that when she was single, on her own before we got married, after first divorce, she took care of the lawn. And when she asked to help to alliviate things that I need to do, that she says that she doesn't do it good enough. Although, I told her that she has enough to worry about and take care of, and that I'm the guy, and should take care of that .
Amazing video, you guys have incredibly helpful content that is free and applicable in real time! Subscribed and shared! Thank you guys so much for serving at such a capacity that you do. Dr.Beam your story was very awe-inspiring and brings much hope for my wife and I’s situation. 🙏🏿💙🏁 The Marathon Continues
I totally understand the not try and save your marriage point. And I'm making big changes but feel at the moment the divorce is happening around me and I can't show anything I'm doing as she's shut me out 😢 you mentioned fighting how does someone go about that?
my wife is wanting a divorce. and I have made all these mistakes that dr. joe beam has mentioned. we are on the down hill I want to put this marriage back together and I'm willing to do what ever it takes. I am needing to make some changes in me and my marriage.
Hi Greene's Welding & Fabrication LLC. We are so sorry you are going through this. We know how hard it can be, especially when it feels hopeless. Still, we have seen many hopeless situations turn around! We believe there is still hope. Please contact us at 866-903-0990 and we would be happy to speak with you about how we can help.
Part one I did not do. Part 2 I did not do. I was begging and pleading and trying to win my wife back with small $ gifts and love notes. I did beat myself up to her and did agree how terrible I am, even in emails. I know I need to be legally safe but I know my wife is not that kind of women. I still need to watch part three but at this point I'm in a hole. What is your next advice?
My wife's pastor labeled me as a narcissist lol and now we are going through divorce, she files of course because I'm not healing from this narcissism.
I am currently 20 plus days in separations with my wife she asked for divorce and left she hasn't spoken to me and I haven't seen her I was guilty of spamming her with text videos emails because of the shock of hearing she wanted out I love my wife this was devestating since this happened I've been trying to focus on developing my self understanding what she said when she left and understand my flaws better so that I can accept them and work in changing the big issues I had that were driving us apart. I miss her my dog our home
I've vilified my husband, and it pushes him away because at that point of time i do not have anyone to talk to. He told me he cant bring himself to love me anymore. How can i reverse this?
My husband wants a divorce, he moved out but had not file the paper. How should I process? Should I keep on waiting for the chance of him coming back or should I move on?
This is magnificent. Thank you, Dr. Beam. Such a scarcity of thoughtful, long-term, values-based advice online - yours is a noteworthy exception! Warm regards, Jesse.
I done a few such as told him relatives and a few friends. I knew was wrong But By the moment. my emotom skyhigh. After that, truly, He hoslted hated me. He started made up things to see me angry.
Indeed. If they only knew how little we in the field even used it to diagnose individuals they would stop. They mean selfish, egotistical, self-centered but say narcissistic. Smh
Je valide pour une raison d'avoir réagir d'une manière que je ne devez pas je me santé très mal à ce point je vous demande toujours le pardon sincère devant vous et à tous
Dr. Joe. I'm confused on one part of this. (I'm speaking in terms of a wife wanting to leave a husband). You say not to admit too much of your faults and how you caused your spouse pain because that will give her more reason to leave. It's been my experience that your wife wants and needs to hear you admit your faults and specifically, how you hurt her for her to even start a healing process. As you've mentioned many times that one of a wife's greatest needs is to be understood. And in order for her to start healing, she needs to feel like her pain, sorry and loneliness has been fully understood by her husband and that the husband understand, and admit to the role he played in her wanting to leave. So how do you do that by just saying, "I understand that some of the things I did, led you to feel controlled. I’m sorry.” If I was a wife, that would not be enough. Not near enough.
Dr Beam says at about 3:35 it's "to be careful not to 'program' your spouse against you." I understand this to mean to use empathy, communicate that you accept responsibility for the part you had in making them feel the way that they do; however, be careful not to add fuel to the fire that is making them feel they want to leave. If your spouse stays, or leaves but is willing to try to work on the relationship, the recovery process will give ample opportunities to share and discuss all those things in detail.
J'essaye surtout de la mettre hors de porté de ces malfaiteurs qui essayent de barré mon chemin oui que Dieu nous donne toujours la force et la foie de mieux gérer la l'amour entre humaines
I can't imagine trying to stop someone from divorcing me if they don't want to be married to me I'd be more than happy to oblige them in their request for divorce
I have already done some of the wrong things - like telling some people about my husband affairs. What do I need to do to correct this because my husband feels everyone already knows his the bad guy
Stupid you feel you did a wrong thing by telling about his affair. He put you to shame and manipulated you and all you can think about is covering for him. IDIOT.
I don't agree with that part, saying: if a person wants detail from a cheating partner, they should not tell them. If they drag to tell the truth than this can give them more reason s to continue to cheat.
I agree that it's dangerous to diagnose people. But it's not wrong to say that we have suspicions or see traits in people. Lack of empathy, manipulation (gaslighting), people who think too highly of themselves, seek eternal validation (using people as narcissistic supply), smear campaigning etc.. These are things a narcissist would typically do. But are we in power to go out there and say he/she is a damn narcissist? nope.
Hello I've seen your videos and I love them too just to let you know that I am divorced now it's not what I wanted but unfortunately it is but all during the divorce we have been on connecting but now he got upset at me and he distant himself from me and text that he only wants to be friends I don't want only to be just friends what do l do now
I finally came to a decision to get a A Divorce He is not going to put me threw hell like Time after Time I mean he is in love with me and he has been using me like Time after time threw out 7 yrs I mean I feel as if I am in love with him but he can not continue with this stuff Affair and Infedelity I Truly Love him but he has hurt me to many times to keep on waiting for some that does not Truly is in Love with me .I am going to start Living and Stop feeling like I am dieing and Stop punishing my self for his heinous crime against God.
Dr. i watch most of your video's but i wasn't able find how to deal with a female spouse who states that she would rather die than to be with her spouse again?
What if she says she is moving on because she can’t fix it right now. Is there any hope of fixing it? I want to fix it but if she says that can I bring her back and save her?
Have faith and prove to her things will be better work on things that she asked of you focus on that instead of your relationship worst thing that could happen is she might not change her opinions but you will learn what to do for yourself and next relationship.
Thank you, Marriage Helper and Dr. Beam. My wife is divorcing me, right now, and your videos help me keep my sanity in this difficult time.
I love this video. My wife remains steadfast in her desire to continue on with the divorce, and I’ve been following this advice and remain committed to winning her back
Wishing you the best..we are at the same trajectory
My husband literally has supported me throughout everyday of our lives together 😢i literally took him for granted and now i don't know how to express that without sounding like i am insincere or begging
“Why he/she thinks being away from me is better than being with me?” Hmmm, that is very thought provoking 🤔 💭
What If I’m going through the same situation. I am stuck and do not know how to fix it. I’m trying my best
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wooah, what Dr. Beam said in this video, Many of the things I experienced in my life, and he is 100 % correct, now I am going on good track to bring my life on it, I can say avoid focusing too much on problem, and look at the solution
Keeping information from a spouse based on fear of information being used against them and only revealing if they decide to work at it is manipulating. As a spouse who wants to leave after my spouse had two affairs giving me information helps me decide if I’m going to stay.
The lie of omission.
Not Godly, at all.
I love this. I did do the family thing and it DID NOT work out well. I was so upset and didn't care when I did it. A small part of me still thinks I needed to do it so that my family would know that my pain was coming from a lying spouse. They thought I was exaggerating, but when I told the truth they could see. However, I did it in such a way that it threw him hard under the bus. So what Joe says is true. My husband felt that way and was ashamed. I regret it because I wanted to save my marriage. It took A LOT for him to accept my apology. So don't do that. Definitely don't react quickly in anger. Think strategically about the end goal you want to accomplish. And if your emotions are boiling, you MUST find another way to release and someone else to vent to.
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I had become so bitter because I looked only at the bad and forgot to see the the good and I would bring that bitterness home. I had become short with our children and put my wife down constantly but I did not realize that was what I was doing I have adhd and tend to say things I don't think about or forget things all time. She withdrew and so did I and it only got worse
Hello to whom it may concern I know of someone great and powerful who helped me get my ex back he can also render you help just as he did mine too
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Nice testimony... Alice is strong God fearing women.. as she did not thought of another marriage as bible says its a Sin. She is a intercessory indeed... She harvested in marriage and not she is reaping.. Lovely..
Man I’m guilty of talking to my in-laws. I thought I had an ally in my mother-in-law and that went all the way wrong. Now my wife thinks that I slandered her to family. That was not the direction that I intended.
@Ngozi Akanihu attract back I suppose. At this point I’m just trying to be the best me I can be.
Did this ruin your chances of reconciliation? An update may help me in this sort of situation.
Forgiving is so hard because to me it's indicating the problem that took place is now "ok".
But how do you trust someone again when they have repeatedly lied?
Hi Roylene, we see forgiveness as a way to set you free, and not to ever justify what has happened to you. I think these two podcasts by Dr. Joe Beam can encourage you during this time. One is on forgiveness: www.marriagehelper.com/forgive-podcast The other is on rebuilding trust: www.marriagehelper.com/trust-again-podcast
My thoughts exactly. I just can't bring myself to act as though it's all good and his awful behaviour can be swept under the rug when he literally shows ZERO remorse and even refuses to acknowledge how hurtful and ungodly his choices have been. I do realize I HAVE TO forgive and that it is ultimately not about my spouse but about God, but I'm struggling. The idea of divorcie breaks my heart, but if that's what he wants I will not stand in his way. What God has determined will be (Job 23)
It’s very hard but is a relief, it’s for the one who forgives, holding pain and anger make us sick and miserable! I’m going thru the pain of forgiveness, it’s so very hard!! It’s not ok and the other who cause us pain doesn’t deserve!! But we, the hurt ones, deserve this freedom! Go to Christ and ask for help because is very hard!
Katie Anderson
So true it’s hard but has to be forgiven for yourself ! Peace ✌🏼
I’m feeling the same way.🤧☹️
If your husband gets someone else pregnant while you are separated you need to leave him. For good. Period.
What a amazing teaching!!!! Why I have seen this before?? Learning so much!!
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My wife left a month ago and all in all after 23 years we have both made some pretty bad decisions. I know now I had did a lot of bad push behaviors. Eventually would happen if you push too much you will push them right over the edge. It doesn't matter if you're a good provider or if these other things like good person or good father if the relationship between you and your spouse is being provoked by negative emotions it makes sense that she or he would want to go to something else to get away from the bush behaviors that have been happening over an extended. Of time
My wife says that when she was single, on her own before we got married, after first divorce, she took care of the lawn. And when she asked to help to alliviate things that I need to do, that she says that she doesn't do it good enough. Although, I told her that she has enough to worry about and take care of, and that I'm the guy, and should take care of that .
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Amazing video, you guys have incredibly helpful content that is free and applicable in real time! Subscribed and shared! Thank you guys so much for serving at such a capacity that you do. Dr.Beam your story was very awe-inspiring and brings much hope for my wife and I’s situation. 🙏🏿💙🏁 The Marathon Continues
Thank you so much for the amazing words!
Marriage Helper absolutely thank you for the content! When you first call that number how does it work as far as rates per hour etc?
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I totally understand the not try and save your marriage point. And I'm making big changes but feel at the moment the divorce is happening around me and I can't show anything I'm doing as she's shut me out 😢 you mentioned fighting how does someone go about that?
my wife is wanting a divorce. and I have made all these mistakes that dr. joe beam has mentioned. we are on the down hill I want to put this marriage back together and I'm willing to do what ever it takes. I am needing to make some changes in me and my marriage.
Hi Greene's Welding & Fabrication LLC. We are so sorry you are going through this. We know how hard it can be, especially when it feels hopeless. Still, we have seen many hopeless situations turn around! We believe there is still hope. Please contact us at 866-903-0990 and we would be happy to speak with you about how we can help.
@@MarriageHelper how can i get help from the country Bangladesh?
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I appreciate this Your advice is greatly appreciated
I love you Dr. Beam!
Everything u said not to do I've done in the past...imagine if we could learn this at a younger age. Maybe more couples would stay together
Part one I did not do. Part 2 I did not do. I was begging and pleading and trying to win my wife back with small $ gifts and love notes. I did beat myself up to her and did agree how terrible I am, even in emails. I know I need to be legally safe but I know my wife is not that kind of women. I still need to watch part three but at this point I'm in a hole. What is your next advice?
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You are helping me! ❤️
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My wife's pastor labeled me as a narcissist lol and now we are going through divorce, she files of course because I'm not healing from this narcissism.
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Help. My spouse wants a divorce. 23 year marriage. I'm devastated. I want to save my marriage.
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I made many of these mistakes and not sure how to come back from it. 🤦🏾♀️
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I am currently 20 plus days in separations with my wife she asked for divorce and left she hasn't spoken to me and I haven't seen her I was guilty of spamming her with text videos emails because of the shock of hearing she wanted out
I love my wife this was devestating since this happened I've been trying to focus on developing my self understanding what she said when she left and understand my flaws better so that I can accept them and work in changing the big issues I had that were driving us apart. I miss her my dog our home
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Any update? Did things get better or worse and what helped?
Great advice. The biggest thing I heard is, "Why do you want to stay?"
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I diagnosed my husband as narcissist too😂
I've vilified my husband, and it pushes him away because at that point of time i do not have anyone to talk to. He told me he cant bring himself to love me anymore. How can i reverse this?
My husband wants a divorce, he moved out but had not file the paper. How should I process? Should I keep on waiting for the chance of him coming back or should I move on?
My first wife accused me of being a lousy husband. I finally responded " Guilty as charged! I hereby sentence myself to expulsion from your life!"
This is magnificent. Thank you, Dr. Beam. Such a scarcity of thoughtful, long-term, values-based advice online - yours is a noteworthy exception! Warm regards, Jesse.
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Man, I already confessed to her things she didn't know, i hope it's not too late.
Me too
how did it turn out
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Wow you are telling my story. You are so right.
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Ok je prêt attention merci
I done a few such as told him relatives and a few friends. I knew was wrong But By the moment. my emotom skyhigh. After that, truly, He hoslted hated me. He started made up things to see me angry.
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People overuse narcissist....
Yes...its trendy to use the word narcissist now.
Indeed. If they only knew how little we in the field even used it to diagnose individuals they would stop. They mean selfish, egotistical, self-centered but say narcissistic. Smh
My wife is leaving me based on the "Diagnosis" her mom has labeled me. There is no getting through to her while she is around this hate filled woman..
Same story as my
Mothers can be a bane or a boon to a relationship. Be thankful if you have a good one.
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Je vous demande toujours le pardon sincère devant vous avec l'inclinaison du pardon sincère devant vous merci
there 's something wrong in your relationship if your spouse want a divorce
Thanks mister obvious.
Je valide pour une raison d'avoir réagir d'une manière que je ne devez pas je me santé très mal à ce point je vous demande toujours le pardon sincère devant vous et à tous
Well, I have done just about everything that I am not supposed to have done. Is there any hope since I have done everything wrong?
I'm in the same boat
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I'm in same boat, any update?
I wish i knew Logic cannot win over emotion....It truly SUCKS being the only rationale person in this house.
Dr. Joe. I'm confused on one part of this. (I'm speaking in terms of a wife wanting to leave a husband). You say not to admit too much of your faults and how you caused your spouse pain because that will give her more reason to leave. It's been my experience that your wife wants and needs to hear you admit your faults and specifically, how you hurt her for her to even start a healing process.
As you've mentioned many times that one of a wife's greatest needs is to be understood. And in order for her to start healing, she needs to feel like her pain, sorry and loneliness has been fully understood by her husband and that the husband understand, and admit to the role he played in her wanting to leave.
So how do you do that by just saying, "I understand that some of the things I did, led you to feel controlled. I’m sorry.” If I was a wife, that would not be enough. Not near enough.
Dr Beam says at about 3:35 it's "to be careful not to 'program' your spouse against you." I understand this to mean to use empathy, communicate that you accept responsibility for the part you had in making them feel the way that they do; however, be careful not to add fuel to the fire that is making them feel they want to leave.
If your spouse stays, or leaves but is willing to try to work on the relationship, the recovery process will give ample opportunities to share and discuss all those things in detail.
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Please pray for my marriage restoration I want God use my marriage For God's glory
J'essaye surtout de la mettre hors de porté de ces malfaiteurs qui essayent de barré mon chemin oui que Dieu nous donne toujours la force et la foie de mieux gérer la l'amour entre humaines
I can't imagine trying to stop someone from divorcing me if they don't want to be married to me I'd be more than happy to oblige them in their request for divorce
I need to have phone converstation. Help me please. I pay anything
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Awesome message is it possible if we may speak
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My husband only one i care what thinks of me in terms of the affair i had
I have already done some of the wrong things - like telling some people about my husband affairs. What do I need to do to correct this because my husband feels everyone already knows his the bad guy
That exactly I done. I told his relatives and his friends. Truly, His started hoslted hated me so badly now. He ran out .
Stupid you feel you did a wrong thing by telling about his affair. He put you to shame and manipulated you and all you can think about is covering for him. IDIOT.
What happened? Any update?
❤❤❤❤❤
I don't agree with that part, saying: if a person wants detail from a cheating partner, they should not tell them. If they drag to tell the truth than this can give them more reason s to continue to cheat.
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How do I contact you Dr. Personally ..from India
My husband just left after 20 can't sleep, cant eat,my world just crumpled down on me I want my husband back do you have any advice for me
@Sunnie T are u a total moran? This person need help your jokes
Me too, and he's with another girl, the girl is horrible but she accepts my husband do everything he want, even it's harmful
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My wife is telling me I am a narcissist
How do i contact you directly Dr? Im located in SA
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U mentioned a small cost to talk to someone, how much would that cost me, I dont have alot of money!
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I agree that it's dangerous to diagnose people. But it's not wrong to say that we have suspicions or see traits in people. Lack of empathy, manipulation (gaslighting), people who think too highly of themselves, seek eternal validation (using people as narcissistic supply), smear campaigning etc.. These are things a narcissist would typically do. But are we in power to go out there and say he/she is a damn narcissist? nope.
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Hello I've seen your videos and I love them too just to let you know that I am divorced now it's not what I wanted but unfortunately it is but all during the divorce we have been on connecting but now he got upset at me and he distant himself from me and text that he only wants to be friends I don't want only to be just friends what do l do now
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I finally came to a decision to get a A Divorce He is not going to put me threw hell like Time after Time I mean he is in love with me and he has been using me like Time after time threw out 7 yrs I mean I feel as if I am in love with him but he can not continue with this stuff Affair and Infedelity I Truly Love him but he has hurt me to many times to keep on waiting for some that does not Truly is in Love with me .I am going to start Living and Stop feeling like I am dieing and Stop punishing my self for his heinous crime against God.
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24:20 BUT GOD❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉
Dr. i watch most of your video's but i wasn't able find how to deal with a female spouse who states that she would rather die than to be with her spouse again?
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14:42 but you are on the internet ;)
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Just divorced and accept that he doesn't love you sometimes we married the wrong person and find the right one alone the way
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Just divorce
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What if she says she is moving on because she can’t fix it right now. Is there any hope of fixing it? I want to fix it but if she says that can I bring her back and save her?
Have faith and prove to her things will be better work on things that she asked of you focus on that instead of your relationship worst thing that could happen is she might not change her opinions but you will learn what to do for yourself and next relationship.
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I am not sure this could be great advice all the time. Cheaters are horrible poor character trash.
Hilarious. There are very few narcissists and the cheater went back because his wife became a better person. 🤔
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