Say THIS to people who tell you not to "diagnose" narcissists
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Narcissistic or not, unhealthy is unhealthy. You don’t have to be right about the diagnosis to tell that something is wrong in a relationship or family dynamic.
Well yes & likewise its senseless to cause division & - complications - obstacles by becoming pre-occupied with winning arguments by citing mental health diagnosis. Yes theres no shortage of monetiser manipulators on YT who are NOT GOING TO GET PAID if YOU use sense. 'Sense' here defined as having a grip on ones circumstances, as opposed to being clueless & needing do a kook and bent psychological assessment on any familty member ot friend who upsets.
NPD as discussed ( from what i have seen ) is not much more that a crash course in becoming a sociopath so thats its influencer becomes affluent from it.
Yes 💯 and once you see it it is so obvious and you can't unsee it😅 I've become so good at reading people over the years of abuse. People think I'm too blunt. No I'm real and speak truth. There is a difference! I just won't take anymore abuse or put up with other humans bs besides my hubby and daughter lmaooo
limiting it to a family is unfair. your relatives can pick up the sick traits that exist is a community by living there for decades.. the more diverse the community the less likely these sick traits take hold over the social atmosphere.
it’s really about how you feel in any kind of relationship.
right
I would have gone through alot less abusive crap, if I had learned the signs of narcissism when I was much younger. This stuff should be taught in schools!
True….I never new such awful people existed until I met one!
@@mindyl5990 yeah and the level of gaslighting is amazing, you could play a video of them doing something and they'll still lie to your face. Can you imagine how crazymaking Narcissists were before cameras?!
Absolutely! Facts and strategies for recognizing narcissistic abuse should be taught in all schools starting in 6th grade and up in Health class!! Awareness Saves Lives!!
Actually, in high school and college psychology courses we learned about it. However we didn't have the best examples of it in a classroom setting to know what we were reading about. 🤦🏿♀️
I agree that what healthy and unhealthy behavior should be taught in schools. So many kids grow up in unhealthy abusive households and don't know that it's not normal until they get older. By then they suffered untold amount of damage to their psyche sadly.
I just read a quote that is appropriate here. "Being super understanding of people's pains and trauma doesn't mean you should become their punching bags. They have a story. They got hurt. But so did you. You made a choice to heal and become a better person. They can make that choice, too, instead of making excuses for their toxic behavior. A person can only become a better human if they decide to work on themselves. It's not something anyone can make them do. It's not your job to fix or save people."
I love this.
One must take care of one-self first, as a wreck you can hardly help anyone ..
If their selfishness and predatory behaviors work for them, what motivation do they have to change?
@Rose1
Exactly
@@Rose19695we will never know and we don’t need to know. Get to know yourself and learn how to enforce your boundaries, pretty soon you’ll get to know others in seconds.
Abuse is Abuse. That's the bottom line. Thank you Dr. Ramani!❤
Exactly! 👍🏼💕
Absolutely. Call it whatever you like.
A label does not change evil intention.
She would have done better to say, "Personality (disorder) is not an insanity defense," which is literally true. Otherwise we would have to overturn the convictions of 90% of the inmates in maximum security prisons. Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong. They choose to do wrong.
@@joeanonymous1834 great point. This is another reason why removing these demons and healing are absolutely necessary. Many of our fellow survivors are in prison too. They lost their minds and took matters in their own hands as a direct result of reactive abuse.
@@Richard-vq7ud Narcissism and anti-social personality are close cousins. Narcissists are generally smarter and therefore avoid prison. Neither are psychotic. Both make a choice.
"Narcissism is not a DISORDER, it's a personality" -Finally Dr.ramani has said that!!!!!!
It is a disorder, the diagnostic criteria is just insufficient and places too much power in the hands of the perpetrator. Imagine they did this with a disease like cancer.
I don't care what it's labeled, I'm not taking abuse off of narcissists anymore...
You may misunderstand. Let this information empower you. You have every right and ability to access narcissistic traits. Ppl saying you can’t diagnose should mean less to you now as diagnosing the personality disorder is no longer the bar for applying a meaningful definition to them. Identifying narcissist behavior and acting appropriately is all the justification you need and you can laugh at anyone that accuses you of diagnosing someone.
@@agrandcanyonoffucksgiven2776sobi can identify borderline, antisocial and histriionc behavior in someone?
Just say that they are in the cluster B. Problem solved. A lot of them are mix and match anyways, meaning co-morbid or one with traits of many others.
Yes, if someone is abusive, they're abusive. No reason to put up with abuse.
I avoid calling someone a narc (except my mother). I refer to people with narcissistic behavior as MCS: Main character syndrome. Because they literally believe that everyone around must serve them and they are the only important person in the world.
Oh that's perfect fit
Im going to borrow that
Me too totally spot on spouse and full time caregiver client they live in their heads
and rest of us are just NPC in their own little mind
@@princessconsuelabanana-ham8004 Yes, still trying to figure out how to explain them, that this world is an online game. There are no NPC in this world.
I got chewed out by my online group for talking about how my mother treated me. They thought what she had done was horrible until I mentioned she was narcissist. They quickly changed their tune and said that I’m the horrible person for judging a person with a mental illness… what a whiplash experience. Thank you for this video because it helps alleviate that confusion and hurt from sharing my experience with my friends. Abuse is abuse.
People with a mental illness are still accountable for their own behavior. A mental illness is an explanation. It is not an excuse.
Please, I don’t even bother trying to explain. Unless you’ve experienced it you’ll never understand.
Wow. That's awful. At the end of the day, they know what they're doing. It's a personality disorder vs mental illness. Abuse is abuse and we don't deserve to be abused.
Sounds like those people online were hunting for someone to abuse and accuse coz maybe in real life their own supply had dried up 🤔🙄. Imagine how many narcissists are online just like a predator, hunting waiting for an opportunity to do exactly as you described, 😳. What you say is valid. Abuse is abuse regardless of the label or regardless of how anyone may twist it around because it’s usually to serve their own perverted agenda . Take care and staying true to yourself is your protection. Narcissists are not only not true to themselves but their whole toxic existence is a falsehood a facade, inauthenticity 101. Your authenticity is what they fear.
@@genevalawrence801 a diagnosed mental illness can definitely be excusable if it’s severe and untreated. That’s the problem with this Narcissism trend. You can’t wrapped the human mind in a neat little bow so you can easy state what’s right or wrong, no matter how many people wish they could.
My mother took me to get an exorcism ( performed on me) at a convent. I met many nuns and priests who were kind. It was actually a good experience, oh, and they laughed at my mother and told her I wasn’t the problem, she was. I believe I was about 15 yrs old.. I could write stories about my mother, but I feel like it would re-traumatize me
Maybe it would heal you. Write. Give it a try.
It's good the clergy recognized you were not the problem. And I'm sorry for ruining the 69 likes. 😊
Omg what a nightmare but thank goodness the clergy saw right through your mother and identified the true demons ..
My sister did something similar where she was trying to convince me to “talk to someone”, and she even convinced my mother. Well, since I stopped speaking to my sister, the problem resolved itself. 😐
@@CG-wl3cq i feel this! My mother called the police on me after a fight saying she was scared of me and that i threatened to hurt her... I was driven to a mental health clinic and evaluated and when the professionals came, they laughed at my dad. Sadly i dont remember what they said to him, but it wasn't nice
Talks like a narcissist , behaves like a narcissist with repeated behavior of manipulation, lies, deceit, selfishness and never apologizes, i dont need a clinical diagnosis to tell me what to call them or what to do. I said goodbye because I chose my peace over abuse. Thank you Dr. Ramini.
People who chronically choose to deny the truth are toxically abnormal... Wolves in sheep's clothing!!! A spiritual enema won't help those kind of toxic people who hurt others as they believe they are perfect !!! Looking forward to reading your book Dr. Ramani and hoping there is an audio version! Thank you dearly ❤️💜
This!
It does seem like they start as A holes and progress to NPD. Like some weird evolution.
@@arsenelupiniii8040 lol. Years of practice, I guess they also evolve.
Luckily my narc parents harassed my therapist and she diagnosed them correctly.
BEST answer.
Lucky!There definitely ARE full-blown narcissists out there & it IS important to know what you're 👀 at when you're dealing with them because the dysfunction is very severe & abuse is built into NPD essentially by design.They're NOT anywhere near the realm of normality.I hope you went no-contact & never 👀 back.I'm guessing they hated your therapist because they didn't make your narc parent's screwy behaviors 👀 too good when they talked to you about it during therapy.
@@malwads1836 thank you. I didn’t understand narcissism at first so I tried to stay in touch. Dr Ramani and other videos finally helped me get it. It still seems unreal - mom is basically a sociopath who runs the family on fear, like the mafia. All extended family were turned against me with lies.
The abuse escalated to physical abuse & endangering my health. I haven’t had contact since 2016. My father died in 2020 and my mother continues to harass me by email. My mother stole all the money left to me by my grandmother. I haven’t gotten courage to go to court. I’m disabled and seriously struggling with a botched surgery.
I have them all blocked. I fear them but I’m trying to learn to feel safe anyway. It’s been shocking bc they are all communal narcissists, religious, paragons of virtue in the community. Behind closed doors, they are self righteous bullies & vicious psychological terrorists.
lol, they arnt fun but they make good stories
Lol
I don't care if they are labeled or not. I just want them far away from me. They are evil in the way they treat others, so they always come out on top. They do anything and don't have one ounce of regret unless, of course, by some miracle, they don't end up on top. Even then, it is the victim game. They never give up. They will deny the truth until they take their last breath. Run!
I SO agree Angelawade. My mom's maid has worked for my Mom for > 35 years, & has heard & seen GOBS of her intensely dysfunctional behaviors & dramas. The maid said my Mom "is really a 'narcissist,' but that she only has 'narc traits.'" That may, or may not be true. But in over 35 years of the maid working there & in my decades of growing up, + trying to relate to my Mom before the maid was ever on the scene - I've clearly & repetitively SEEN- how my Mom has, & continues to intensely manipulate the maid & MANY other people in her collection of flying monkeys. My Mom WAY overpays the maid, so there's a hook, & she also SUPER-schmoozes the maid, so there's another hook. My Mom is quite elderly & talks constantly about what-she-will-leave-to-who when she dies, so the maid (& many others) are likely hoping to receive some inheritance when my Mom dies - yet another hook. Hooks galore. So I STRONGLY agree with what you said Angela ... whether it's actually full blown, diagnoseable "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" or just LOADS of "narc traits" or "tendencies," IT DOESNT MATTER. What DOES MATTER is that my Mom's behaviors are STILL: a chronic & extreme manipulation of situations & others, a focus ONLY on herself, obsession with "image," money, & always coming out on top, being in control of everyone & everything, repeated insults, abuse of specific people, lying to, (lying about), & purposely hurting & discarding only specific people. When a person continually lives out all of those behaviors, THAT is someone severely out of balance & under the influence of evil. The healthiest course is to pray for her, accept being discarded, & stop trying to help, support, & have a real relationship. I tried for nearly 70 years - that was more than enough.
My ex was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by his therapist. He told me when he got the diagnosis because he didn’t understand what that really means- neither did I at that time. Now almost 20 years later I can say it was correct. Trying to divorce him is a nightmare, he doesn’t see sense anymore and wastes endless money on lawyers.. I once thought my wedding day was the best day in my life- wait how I‘ll celebrate once the divorce is through!
I felt this comment 100%!
When in the end all you feel is strong disgust for a person, you're most likely dealing with a narc.
When just the thought of a person makes you recoil, you're most likely dealing with a narc.
When having to be in the presence of someone makes you have a panic attack, you're most likely dealing with a narc.
When just thinking about a person makes you have a panic attack, you're most likely dealing with a narc.
Narcs are strong repellents.
It doesn't take a specialist to tell one that.
Excellent summary!
Que the applause 👏 👏👏👏
standing ovation
Well said
But it does take ongoing efforts to build self-awareness and self education.
I don't fear these people, I only get a very disgusting feeling when I face them.
My mother was a victim-y narcissist- "how dare you accuse me of being mean after everything I've done for you!" She wanted to be paid back for feeding, clothing me & putting a roof over my head for 18 yrs. As soon as I graduated from high school I got the boot. Then she wanted to be paid back.
I'm sorry you had to go through this, remember you are Lovable and Capable ❤🎉 Never allow anyone take your happiness. Their actions are who they are, not your problem. 🌺💕
My mother was like that also. I'm a adult now and I never ask my mother for help cause she used to convince me I was a burden and always tell me to pay her for things no parent should ever ask their own child to pay for.
I think the worst part of having a narcissistic parent is what you think “normal” is like. I picked up certain behaviors to situations I thought were normal. It took being out of that environment and other ppl not willing to put up with that crap to make me realize a lot of things I had learned needed to be adjusted. In retrospect breaking out seems impossible but it did not happen overnight.
I married into it and it was hard getting out, but I can never go back to the way things were before.
Good for you! Way to grow!
Why are they so focused on you diagnosing them, instead of the actual toxic and harmful behaviours? Shouldn’t that be more important?
@NarcSurvivor, Understand..."been there, got the T-shirt"....but surviving 10+yrs of narc abuse, there are no "shoulds"....it's only been radical acceptance 😉 that's really helped me👍...sorry for butting in your comment directed elsewhere but I felt compelled to respond
It absolutely should -- and I think it's our responsibility to keep their attention focused on the abusive behavior. I've actually used that phrase verbatim, broken record style: "I'm focusing on the damage the ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR does"
That's exactly why. Their behavior is more important, and it's under their control.
So they have to change the subject to Narcissistic Diagnosis; rather than the bad effects of their habitual helper.
Without a diagnosis they feel normal. Most of them don't want to be good, they just want to feel normally.
That's why they don't change, instead trying to gaslight the rest of us. ("Maybe I'm not perfect, BUT...")
Because they do not believe thay have done anything wrong or their behaviours are a big deal.
Sure, you can tackle behaviours one by one, explain in painful detail why those behaviours were harmful or hurtful; and hear them make endless justifications, dimiss those alltoguether, or blame you in turn. If they could actually admitt to doing something wrong and be responsible about how their behaviour impacts others; they would not be narcissists.
My mother is a diagnosed narcissist. My father is narcissistic. When you see the difference you cannot unsee it.
I think I have a lot narc traits from being raised by a person who had some narc traits and a full on covert narc abuser. It was seeing these traits come out more strongly later in life that scared me into trying to work on myself. I agree there is absolutely a huge difference, but I also think a person ebbs and flows in their life and they have more energy and more stress at different times and personalities can change. Rather than mellowing narcs seem to get more hardened and care less about the mask dropping. I think that's why so many of us are only figuring out about this in our 50s and 60s...the narcs that raised us are now elderly and showing their true colors brighter than ever...
@cinemaocd1752 I think that is true. My mother was Dx 2018 with NPD & the older she got, the worse she got. Then she passed away being meaner than a snake.
@@mday3821 that's so sad... I'm so sorry
Garden-variety narcissistic is more annoying...But full-blown NPD is very severe dysfunction that causes significant harm both to the narc's life whether they realize it or not & also to anyone near them too🤦♀️.Garden-variety narcissistic is an annoying BB gun shooting you in the buns until you walk away but full-blown NPD is a real gun filling you full of bullets until you get the heck away from them.
@@malwads1836 Yes, NPD is very dangerous. My mother Dx NPD. Yikes! She's gone now!!!
Thanks so much. You're so right that most narcissists will never go get help. It took 4 years of being with my ex and doing searches for "what kind of person does this" to find out that he hit every mark on the list of narcissistic behavior. It saved me from going out of my mind. It was hard to deal with and no one else gets it because he's so charming, which was also extremely distressing for me. Now I have the answers. Official diagnosis or not, I know what he is, and abuse is abuse absolutely!
'Even if an abuser has an illness, it's still abuse'. Perfectly said. Great video, as always, Dr Ramani. Thank you for sharing this important content ❤
I have BPD. I had BPD before I was diagnosed. It’s no excuse to abuse anyone. Which is why I’m in longterm therapy. Exactly. Thank you, as ever, Dr Ramani.
I'm not licensed to diagnose anything, but I can sure tell you when someone is acting out of line.
Yep. I'm not an Entomologist but I can tell you the difference between a moth and butterfly. Same when it comes to a normal human being and a ABNORMAL one (aka narcopath).
@@reesedaniel5835 what’s wrong with just saying, “I find [X] to be an absolutely awful person to be around” rather than psychologically characterizing the person?
(I’m not firmly opinionated on this topic, I honestly want to know other people’s perspectives.)
Abuse is abuse.
Focus on the damage not the behavior.
Radically accept that's who they are
Work on my coping skills.
Get away.
Got it.
I had to focus and recognize the behavior in order to process WHY I was damaged. They go hand in hand.
what if black americans only focused on their damage and not the behavior of their oppressors? palestinians would have been ethnically cleansed if they did what you are advocating.
@@dampergoldenrod4156 Lol, your comparison is, well, different….. but I get it.
Let’s say Hitler looks you dead in your face today and extends his hand for a handshake. You’ve already identified the vile human being that he is and know he will never change. You will never win trying to change a BRAIN that is wired differently.
What can you do? You do as the initial commenter said ☝️.
Recognize what you’re facing and work on how YOU deal with that 💩
Toxic is toxic. A jerk is a jerk.
Exactly abuse is abuse 💯
My mother wanted me to see a therapist when I was a teen. After awhile, he wanted to bring in my mother for a session. Within a couple of minutes, she flew into a classic narcissistic rage, which lasted for the entire session.
The therapist sat in silence. After that, he would just spend the sessions making small talk about himself.
Most therapists are eager to talk about their expertise and avoid anything like confrontation. Where abusive parents are concerned, most therapists are cowards.
If they did determine that someone was a narcissist, they would never tell YOU, anyway!
Kid, you’re on your own.
That is terrible! What a coward. He'll take the money but not confront the problem
I'm so sorry you didn't get help. It's sad that so many therapists are like this man. He could have tried to reassure you. The fact he talked about himself shows what a turd he was.
Your comment was well written.
It's my guess you have your act together. Cheers and Blessings
@@susanfox-mx3nv Thank you. I might have been a bit harsh in my sweeping generalizations. Good therapy might have helped, but there’s nothing like a drive to learn and heal.
Too many therapists have quite some narc traits themselves.
I believe that's why. They would have to admit something is wromng with themselves as well.
It's a very nice position for a narc to be in.
Whew. As a therapist, I can only say that's appalling. Handling parents is one of the toughest parts of working with kids and teens, and that clinician was obviously out of his depth. That’s why we consult with each other, and in your specific case, your therapist should have referred you to someone with expertise in abuse. Depending on exactly what your mother did, a DCFS call might have been appropriate.
I am so sorry you had that experience. Your therapist's office should be a safe space.
I went through a terrible marriage and divorce with someone who I'd bet would have been clinically diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and extreme Narcissism. After we separated and I moved to a gated community, I still couldn't sleep. One night, 3am I sat up in bed and realized something. Whether she couldn't be nice to me...or she could, but just didn't want to be nice to me... For me, the result was the same. There was no "nice". That was 24 years ago,. Abuse is abuse. Whether he/she gets a Dr's sign-off...or not, on the perpetrator's intentions/motives/mindset/history. Get out, and be free.
Brilliant video DrRamini
I tend to lean into
"When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time"
It hasnt failed when dealing with BS from antagonistic people!
Gotta love it when you tell someone you think someone else in your life is a narcissist, and they respond saying they aren’t and something is wrong with you for thinking they are.
No 🦊 left to give.
Whether the individual has narcissistic style or narcissistic personality disorder, the fact remains the same, if they are using narcissistic weapons on you they both amount to the same conclusion, protect yourself, don't fall prey to their game and know they both have major issues.
I had someone once tell me, "Please do not pathologize narcissists." That made no sense whatsoever
Wow.
These two had hidden covert personality styles until they were exposed; Joan Crawford vs Ted Bundy !!!
I think certain people should be avoided based on their actions, but no professional is going to diagnose anyone without knowing them very well through diagnostics.
ive encountered this problem a lot. Its not like they actively seek treatment yet as a victim of the abuse you know what youve been through
Those with life experience dealing with these cretins are far more "expert" than those with mere head knowledge taught to them by some college, most of which are funded and given curriculims to teach by billionaire psychopaths.
The worst part is when victims actually ARE well educated about NPD & accurately recognize a close family member like a parent actually has it and then people turn around and don't take it as seriously as they should🙄.
🎯 yes! Abuse is abuse! I love the old school professory style and your ability to explain this in a way that's so easy to understand. Can't thank you enough for your work ❤️🩹
What I am learning within my own circle of family and friends, once my own eyes were opened by therapy, Faith, and through education like that of Dr. Ramani, I am more attuned to toxic behavior. I no longer accept the toxic behavior, and now I see it for what it is, while it is happening.
That behavior used to shut me down and I would internalize it. Now I see it for what it is…evil. I am conscious of it now…I do not deny, internalize or rationalize it anymore…I am protected from it.
I've gotten better at avoiding forming relationships with abusive personalities, and those with a strong desire to create continuous conflict. There's usually also a financial grab involved- which I'm sensitive to, because I'm a single mother, on a budget; and family first. I began my study about five years ago, and you're one of the people I believe in, Dr. Ramani.
Good call 👍
Well done Julie❤
I'm so glad you've clarified coz everyone is throwing N.P.D word around after every little fight 😅
This part
Rarely do I hear lay people use the term Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Now I do hear and read the term narcissist more frequently now than ever before, and it's about time we start calling these empathy-deficient, racist, misogynistic, classist, admiration-seeking a-holes what they are.
That is how trump got voted into office because there are that many narcissists in the world who think just like him and even more shockingly, some of them are people trump wouldn't even allow in his home unless they were there to clean it or maintain it.
Churches are full to the brim of these admiration-seeking, gossipy, Christian-in-name-only people.
Thank you for this. My mom has been diagnosed with a NPD, she was a raging alcoholic from the time I was born, and let’s top that off with a hoarder. I had to put my shoes on when I got out of bed. She hoarded cats also. Growing up was so horrifying, I was afraid to let anyone inside. Outside of the home, she was fashionable, nice ( for a while) , does not like people. Just pretends until she cuts them off, including her best friend and her own sister, and has turned my own children into her “ flying monkeys “. I took her into my home. She is 94 and sharp as a tack mentally. And it still goes on. I am super anxious and depressed. I’m going to therapy. I thought since she was falling and when I was 19 I had to quit ngetting hurt, that she would be grateful and start a happy end of life. Instead, I am stuck. Sad. Depressed more than ever, an my anxiety is through the roof. When I was 19, I had to quit nursing school and move out and got a job.
What is it, when your mom is abusive, a hoarder, a cat lover and downright nasty to me. And what can I do at this point?
It also makes people not take it seriously when victims ACCURATELY point out a real full-blown narcissist & the very severe harm they cause.
I will say that someone has narcissistic tendencies. All of us have them from time to time. However, now that we can educate ourselves through you and others like you, we can see clearly what we’re living. After having watched you and others I’ve learned about what I’m living with. I now have a whole new understanding about narcissism. As we, the people who live with narcissistic people learn through experts such as yourself why we are where we are emotionally and mentally, we learn how to get back to who we were before this insidious abuse. Or at least, improve our lives through knowledge.
I have been learning via these channels for about 4 years now. I certainly don’t consider myself a Dr. however, I do consider myself knowledgeable on this topic now. I recognize the people in my life that fit all the criteria for narcissism. I realized why I married one.
So I say this, “I’m no proctologist but I know an a$$hole when I see one.
I have so much more to learn and it’s more about myself n how to become narc proof.
I’m grateful for your channel and the expertise you share with us. You’re helping us all. 💯👍🏽🙏🏽🌎
You mean the angry red-faced guy with no neck driving a hi-rise monster big wheel jeep on the beach with certain flags off the back might be a bit of a sassyhole. Saw that yesterday....chilling.
Tallulah, You expressed this so well. I think you would definitely qualify as a proctologist according to the statement you made :) We medical professionals should stick together lol.
@TallulahBelle3276
Wow what a great,perceptive comment. One of the best I've ever read on these channels. I'm a novice compared to you. It's only been a year but Dr Ramani is the best. Dr Les Carter (Surviving Narcissm) is also really good. I learnt enough to enable me to escape a 45year relationship 3 months ago. I am learning bit by bit what I was actually dealing with all this time. First that his presentation was NPD (he ticked all the boxes) but then some things didn't quite fit. Then another DrRamani video showed me that his traits were those of Vulnerable NPD then a Dr Carter video showed me that he had Malignant NPD and that not all of these traits manifest themselves all of the time or at the same time. There are also overlapping traits with Borderline Personality Disorder and NPD is often mis-diagnosed as BPD because of this. It is a truly complex disorder and I'm sure even Dr Ramani would admit that we still don't know everything.
As the saying goes "Knowledge is power."
LOL! Had to read that twice, Bahahaaa!!! Don't have to be a proctologist!!! Well said☺, needed a laugh! Thank you! I've lived in the midst of a family where the main one is always one step ahead, in his words-" spreading the word". He's so good at crafting the narrative, hoodwinked a lot of people. I have learned more and more about what he's really been up to behind the scenes. The pre emptive strike.
While therapy and mental health are certainly important, this issue (the discernment of evil) gets clouded in the academic realm. A small child is able to discern the bully on the playground. A small child is able to perceive when someone is evil and dangerous. But with all these therapeutic labels and the assumption of basic goodness, we aren't allowed to talk about evil anymore, without sounding ignorant or somehow too "subjective." Abusers are evil. The nature of that evil is complex. But it's always aimed in one common direction - against the truth, for the purpose of squashing or silencing the life force in another. Coercion, subjugation, control, domination, silencing, denials, deception, manipulations, blame-shifting, gaslighting, all these things are designed to enslave victims in the abusive environment. That's what evil does. I wish that we could just name it for what it is, instead of playing these semantic games.
We could if our entire system wasn't under the control of psychopaths.
@@reesedaniel5835 when you get into the depth of the pain, when the trauma comes roaring to the surface, there is no question in the feelings that the abuser is evil. It's the most obvious foundational thing, that these harms are evil, that this is morally heinous. And yet, it's like still, even in therapeutic settings its just not nice to admit those truths. "Now now, let's not go too far..." says the therapist who is himself afraid to admit the existence of evil or afraid of the depth of his client's rage and pain. I think that therapists and anyone else who works in this field of support ought to bring that kind of moral weight to it. To name the evil as evil. And to condemn it fully.
^ “it’s not nice”
Bullseye…..
Ak polovich,
You are not wrong !
But in society in general, we need to call it something so it can be fixed. All that behavior turns into a pathology. And if the pathological can't change, then that is a diagnosis.
They are just plain untreated, and un changed Pathologicals!
It took me so long to figure out what the heck was going on in my marriage. I was being groomed & I didn’t realize! He was mostly quiet but basically it was the lack of care, attention, time throughout the years while saying “I love you”, I don’t have to show it. In the meantime he spends all his vacations & money with his buds, and will still argue that he does no such thing. I’ve spent 40 years alone, essentially.
My narcissistic brother accused both my parents narcissistic. He did it so well I was questioning them both. After I followed this channel I could see that both my parents weren't narcissistic, on the other hand he was. He also accused my oldest brother a narcissist because he prioritized his wife and 2 sons. My oldest brother had always been helpful towards my family but when my narcissistic brother asked him for money (for my parents, he claimed) but never showed any accountability, I can understand why my oldest brother refused to transfer him almost monthly.
Yes!! I hate when I see other therapists on TH-cam not understanding this. Thank you, Dr Ramani!
I think there are more undiagnosed than mainstream gives data for. Therapists biggest job is pwNPD.
I loved narcissistic behavior is always the banana in the smoothie; it always sticks out. For sure!!! Oh goodness!
I don’t have to diagnose, if they have a handful of the characteristics that’s enough for me to stay away! If I get curious enough to bother I ask them about their childhood and if they go totally off and tell how horrible it was then I run far away.......
I was just thinking about this yesterday "not all jerks are narcissistic, but all narcissists are jerks." I live with a narcissist. He is horrible. The public temper tantrums can be the worst, but the constant blame shifting is hard to take too. He thinks nothing is wrong with him, he thinks everyone in his life is a jerk, and he has to put up with us even though he's so much smarter than the rest of us, etc, etc. I can go on forever regarding his narcissistic personality. While it's helped me having a name for why he behaves this way, and it's given me tools to cope and deal with him, it's true that abuse is abuse, no matter the label. These videos have helped so much. I was drowning in sorrow, even though I had always known it wasn't me. I didn't have self blame, because I knew the problem was with him, not me. But I had no coping skills to help me. Now I do. I can't leave right now, but at least I manage with your help.
I told my ex he has some narcissistic behaviors. He lost it said I was calling him names!
Correct. We need to avoid the n word all together. It only stirs the wasp nest.
My former ex was enraged I went to a domestic violence center and was worried more about his reputation than what he did to me to go to a DV center to begin with.
I'm so glad I'm far away from that person.
@@theforensicbadass glad you escaped
@@Richard-vq7ud thank you brother. 5 years strong no contact.
@@theforensicbadass we are in this together. Almost 2 years nc for me with demonic brother.
If somehow I’m dragged to a party I will definitely be the one helping with the dishes!
It was a sad day to realize my ex husband fiit 9 traits of NPD. That meant that he never loved me and our 15 year marriage was a Con. He had secrets and bertayed my trust the whole time.
I felt sad when I reeealized I'd been raised by a covert NPD. I felt like my whole life I've been doing both sides of our relationship? If that makes sense? Anyway my whole brain needs rewiring and I'm 53. You need to take time to grieve the loss of that 15 years. I'm looking into grief counseling because when this started to come out I've felt so much overwhelming sadness and rage. I'm going through all five stages praying to get to radical acceptance. Good luck to you. :D
Same. I didn't really accept it until I realized my parents wanted to groom my kids to some of the abuse and manipulation that I have had my whole life. I'm 51 years old. It wasn't until my 13-year-old son said to me, "Mom, can't you see Grandma's manipulating you?" that I decided it had to end. Now. They will not compete with my kids for my attention and care.
Today nice people are called assholes, in the bizzarro world that narcissists have created.
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Isaiah 5:20
Black and White Thinking decribes them Best
Their inability to see the Grey 🩶 in life
Dr Ramani 🦅 my Champion 🏆
🦅🏆😎
Actually, that describes Borderline Personality Disorder very well, and I find their own thinking to often epitomize that. Narcissists as well, but if you want a one-line-line phrase that sums up narcissists it's admiration-seekers, not black-and-white thinkers.
A narcissist will completely flip their values if someone they "admire" has a difference of opinion, whereas a borderline will often (not always) classify them as evil.
@@le_th_ insightful perspective thank you, I try to Overstand the overlapping Traits with Borderline/Narcissists and appreciate Your Clarification
@@dextermorganbloodspattersp6382 "Overstand" is not really a word. I cringe every time I see it.
@reesedaniel5835 let's explore why that expression would make you Cringe 🕵️
I'm getting pretty good at this Synology Stuff
😁😁
When you’re lived with one for 30 years you know more than someone who learned about it for a few hours at a lecture, probably from someone else who learned about it the same way, like learning a language from a non-native speaker.
Exactly!!!I remember reading an article where a psychologist actually ADMITTED that most victims of real full-blown narcissists actually CAN reliably identify people with NPD.Mental health professionals usually say this stuff likely as a disclaimer to avoid potential law suits &/or losing their licenses.It's IMPORTANT for victims to recognize if the person they live with has full-blown NPD though because you need to be ESPECIALLY careful around full-blown narcissists due to the severe dysfunction.
Thank you for this Dr. Ramani. All I know is that I do not feel comfortable around these people and I have peace since removing myself from their presence and abuse. It often feels like a diagnosis allows for enabling more poor behavior, so I just choose to know and understand the truth about people and make my own decisions on who I choose to have relationships with and those I choose not to have relationships with.
For me personally... Understanding my father matches the criteria for NPD extremely well has allowed me to finally make sense of my childhood & to not feel anger about it,It also drives home why it's important to stay away.
I once went to a psychiatrist when I was 15 and she spoke with me for 20 minutes before telling me that she “knew what I had.” She then diagnosed me with bipolar disorder with no additional information or treatment options. Then she suggested my mom (who was with me) had it too! Not only was it unprofessional, it was a misdiagnosis! I had OCD and the any type of bipolar medication would have made my condition worse.
Happy you were finally properly diagnosed. Best wishes to you! You’ve got this, stay strong! 🥰
So a person doesn't have a personality disorder unless they themselves admit to having a problem that affects their ability to function? And a raging lunatic who destroys their children but, since they project everything outwards, thinks they are not the problem, does not have a personality disorder? What do they have, then?
It's maddening because they do so much damage and they get away with it almost always. I think we are mostly here learning to protect ourselves, and to create a path for healing the damage they've caused. There is no justice with a narc and that is a difficult thing to take.
@@cinemaocd1752 Occasionally abusers are brought down through the legal system. Harvey Weinstein comes to mind
Another less well known popularly but very interesting case is. Dr. Wilson, now deceased, who formed the Constance Bultman Wilson Center, which was operating in Faribault, Minnesota decades ago. It was a residential high school for mentally ill students. Angie Dickinson and Burt Bacharach sent their daughter there.
Dr. Wilson was a very cerebrally intelligent
fellow who graduated from Shattuck prep school in Faribault and became a psychiatrist and surgeon. He purchased the site for his center at the top of 14th Street hill in Faribault when the school for younger boys, called St. James, closed. They were bot run by the Episcopal church, pricey residential schools for privileged people.
I was raised in Faribault and I made a friend in the late 1970's in AA who had been kicked out of Shattuck and enrolled at the Wilson Center. This friend, F.M., was a highly intelligent bipolar guy and he told me stories about illegal activities being perpetrated upon the residents there at private parties. Through the efforts of my friend and other victimized vulnerable students and over several years, with the help also of some aware and responsible employees of the Wilson Center, a sort of justice came through. Dr. Wilson lost his license to practice medicine in Minnesota.
While I never personally met Dr. Wilson,
I attended an annual Dana Farnsworth lecture which featured the late Bruno Bettelheim.
F.M.'s alarming stories were true. They involved abuses sexwise via drugs, et c.
of underaged vulnerable students who had been entrusted by their protectors to pay to live there for their education and help.
You can read the legal case online.
Dr. Wilson pulled up stakes and moved to California to continue 'working'. I was astonished when I read online recently his obituary. sheer puffery. No mention was made of his losing the right to practice medicine in Minnesota due to his criminal abuses of student's. His obituary makes him sound like the second coming of Jesus.
In the laudatory guestbook in memory of him one writer noted that Dr. Wilson really knew how to throw a party!
Really. . . I was gobsmacked.
Burt and Angie's daughter later committed suicide.
I am not a medical professional, but I firmly believe that this much lauded man,
was a psychopath. Period.
They aren’t going to admit it. Don’t even waste your vocal chords. You could show them a diagram accompanied with a video and they would still flat out tell you you’re lying, victim shame you or better yet, dismiss you totally. There is a certain disconnect with these ppl. It’s manipulation AT ALL TIMES AND IN ALL FORMS!!! Constant confusion that doesn’t stop…ever. That’s the difference
right?! the premise that someone has to acknowledge that they have a problem in order to diagnosis them with a personality disorder feels profoundly flawed.
I don't know how I can thank you enough for this content. I remember hearing you say in an interview that you believe nothing you do is good enough. Even though I can't convince you, you helped me save myself so much! Thanks for the clarity! You are a treasure! :)
I think the biggest problem with this is that there is a line which is considered normal. Anything that deviates from that line is disordered. People like to think they fall on that normal line more than they actually do.
Love! Love! Love, your brilliant channel. Thank you for providing healing to those who suffered abuse from Narcissists.
There's definitely ➕s to dropping NPD from the DSM...But they're going to have to REALLY clarify the criteria for general personality disorder very carefully if it becomes a big ☔ though because the LAST thing we need is for victims to mistakenly normalize what a full-blown narcissist really is because it is severe dysfunction that causes significant harm & they don't recover.My main concern is the potential for people to begin to normalize it... People that actually do match the criteria for NPD should (NEVER) be treated as being part of the realm of normality.
Thank you for the clarification regarding the narcissistic personality. There are too many misconceptions about what defines a narcissistic personality. The bottom line is the perpetual pattern of varying degrees of abusive behavior that narcissists will exhibit on top of a whole playbook of other personality traits that can be considered red flags. 💜🕊🐬🙏🏻
Abusiveness. That seems like the consistent issue with these folks.
The way I see it, if you have lived your entire life with narcissistic individuals, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to identify them as such, once you do, you have a lifetime of experience. EVERY single wound they inflicted was felt and stored away, and once all that hurt moves from the subconscious to the conscious, you see the behaviour patterns so clearly.
Isn't that part of what narcissism is, though? Their behavior isn't harming them, it's harming others. Of course they wouldn't say their behavior harms them or they see a problem with it.
right because whatever is wrong, (in their mind) it's never their fault
Great one as always. As most NPD's don't go to get diagnosed because of the denial of the disorder itself. Only victims or those closest really know. Ugh. It's frustrating ! 🙄😑😉
So, if they do not have a personality disorder, they can be described as just plain evil?
This is what you do do u call them jackass then move on
Just Grade A, A HOLES! That is what we called them back in the day.
👍
Imagine you have been struck by a car and you have broken ribs and a concussion and you are laying unconscious..
Before being struck you saw the driver, recognized him, saw him looking straight at you with a mean smirk just before he hit's you !
But while you were unconscious he moved your body to the middle of the road he then called the cops and tells them YOU out of nowhere jumped in front of his car !
Later in the hospital when you wake up, everyone is asking you why YOU jumped in front of his car !
No one believes you when you say you didn't !
No one believes you when you say he drove towards you !
He was tested for alcohol and tested clear !
No one believes you because they can't see why he would do something like that with out a motive !
He looks sane and is charming !
But you on the other hand are acting weird and all "paranoid" YOU need treatments !
How dare you jump in front of this respected and charming person !
How dare you accuse him of this insanely bad behavior !
Well put. I get it. So demonic.
I guess they are the selfish, liars and abusive jerks in our society.
And don't forget that they usually play the "poor pitiful victim" as well.
It’s goes a bit deeper than that unfortunately
My ex was court ordered to take part in weekly counseling sessions with a licensed therapist, for one year. Around 7-8 months into it, I received not one, but two letters from the mental health professionals that had been working with him, and they had determined that he has actual NPD. So much so, that they were concerned his volatile behavior, with the severity of his NPD, would have a very negative effect on myself and our young child. They cautioned me about continuing any further contact with him unless he was going to continue seeing a psychiatrist for his disorder. Made up my mind immediately to go ‘no contact’ with him. I knew something was wrong with him, but that was the confirmation I needed to get away and stay away.
i feel like a better word than narcissist could be predator, it's further away from medical diagnoses and centers abuse.
also like you said it is a spectrum and we all can exibit predatory/manipulative behavior in the same way as predators have the potential to heal if they ever want to.
i do think ultimately predatory behavior is rooted in trauma and is upheld by an oppressive and hierarchical society.
great video, thanks!
I’m glad you’re saying it again… I’m newly experienced so just started learning
I studied maladaptive behaviors in classes.I found the textbook the other day.I believe you are correct in your discussion. Your my new professor in this new world 😊
Thank you, Dr Ramani. I now know why my stepfather behaved the way he did and still does. At least now i can plan for the future to buffer the damage as best i can . I can also correct the unhealthy habits and behaviour in myself now i have the gift of awareness. I look forward to a future of peace and prosperity for myself because i deserve it. As do all. 🎉🕉️🙏
Got it✏️
✔️“Narcissist *ic* Personality Style”
✔️”Narcissist *ic* Person”
✔️”Narcissist *ic* Behavior Pattern”
✔️“Antagonistic Personality Style”
✔️”Disagreeable Personality Style”
❌ “Narcissist”
❌ “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”
God bless you Dr. Ramani 😢 so glad I came across this channel so long ago. I needed this refresher. Out of town right now visiting family, and your content has kept me sane and grounded amidst the flying monkeys
Thank you for making this, it's so important! Too many say that old line 'if they've not been diagnosed' etc. It's very frustrating to a victim's real experience.
And I say: "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's a frikking DUCK!"😁😆
I feel like calling someone, to them, a narcissist would seem like faceless name-calling. I simply tell them they’re manipulative and abusive.
I am dumbfounded by the correctness of your description of my friend of 40 years. Over that time I saw all the behaviors you describe in you videos , to the letter, precisely, exactly, amazing how accurately you describe my friend over the years of experience with them. Don't change a thing , you have it, you are correct , it is as if you are reading out loud a script to a play and they are acting it over 40 years. I am bewildered! What to do now. They did the "provoke and degrade" as they discarded me, then the smearing and silent treatment. Unbelievable exactly as you describe! You are more correct than anything I have ever experienced! Congratulations on doing something good for mankind with this education. You made a contribution!
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for the bipolar example! I am diagnosed bipolar and I showed symptoms of grandiosity in my last manic episode... I've been terrified that I might "secretly" be a narcissist but I feel much better now!
Hi Dr Ramani, this video really was an eye-opener for me! I had the bad habit of calling someone a “narcissist” because they acted selfishly or in an entitled way from time to time. Funny thing is my partner is really sweet with me, but on one occasion, she was a bit selfish - so I called her out on being a “narcissist”. She called me out on this, and ever since, I avoid being an “armchair psychologist”. I also had a phase when I called my mom a narcissist for being strict with me when I did stupid stuff… although she always was a loving mother and put us first before her. Although I’m ashamed of this, I’m thankful to have found your channel and to understand what “narcissism” actually is thanks to it!
I think the misunderstanding comes from the fact that when someone is a psychopath, they have psychopathy. When someone is a schizophrenic, they have schizophrenia. When someone is a narcissist… they have narcissism, but not NPD! I've noticed that when we talk about mental health, the way we use certain terms varies. For instance, when we say someone is a narcissist, we usually mean they show traits of narcissism, not necessarily that they have NPD. However, when terms like “psychopath” or “schizophrenic” are used, they usually imply the actual mental health disorders.
Perhaps this is because narcissistic traits are more commonly seen in everyday behavior, whereas psychopathy and schizophrenia are seen as more severe and less common? This issue is likely exacerbated by the media (such as, as you perfectly phrased it, TikTok). Narcissism, being less stigmatised and more relatable, is often used more casually, while terms for other personality disorders are usually more closely tied to their clinical meanings and thus carry more stigma. Just my two cents! 😁
My mom even says that since I'm in therapy that my therapist would advise me to respect my dad since I'm really setting boundaries and not communicating to him, which is why I believe both of my parents are narcissists. My mother even advised me to exercise patience, saying, "We all have defects." This is like instructing me to put up with more abuse from them, and I find that offensive. Their toxicity is the reason I rarely, if ever, react, even to their views, which I find completely nonsensical. And your videos are a huge aid in my recovery. Thus, many thanks for that.
Twenty plus years ago I worked as a nurse in a mental hospital/prison. I never saw the word narcissism/narcissistic/narcissist in any clients chart. Lots of personality disorders. What I observed in the "mentally ill" across the board was that everything was about themself. Two exceptions stand out in my mind. A young woman with borderline personality disorder "diagnosis". She actually displayed a concern for other people. And my safety as an employee in a potentially dangerous work place. And an older patient with schizophrenia who actually protected me from another patient. Most interesting nursing job I ever had. Somewhat dangerous, very heartbreaking. I learned to love the unlovely.😢
If it weren't for Dr. Ramani and others, uI would still be unknowingly struggling in those narc relationships with no boundaries. My life is so much better now
I've been a grateful learner with you for a number of years but I still appreciate these videos of reminder ❤
My life has been changed FOR THE BETTER thanks to your channel! Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for explaining and RE-explaining all things narcissistic 😊💛
Doctor you are really invaluable when it comes to this topic. I've noticed alot of narc abuse shorts & channels popping up that get my side-eye lately. I appreciate you reeling us back to what is fact based. Thank you 💯 🌼
You saved me a year ago.
now I am thriving.
thank you so much
there's no way in hell my brother could get a diagnosis, lol, that would mean admitting everbody else isn't actually the problem, and we all know that's not gonna happen.
Me too. I hope you find healing and self love. My son has ASD and he's so hard on himself. I think he's been mirroring my C-ptsd for a while. You aren't alone in this scary world. Hugs to you. @@jn1211
Thank you Dr. Ramani for the insight. Yes, abuse is abuse. I'm thankful I finally saw it. I'm older now but at least I am free. My mom never found her way out before she died 😢
Prayers 🙏 I am grateful for Dr. Ramani sharing psychology information with us on TH-cam 💖. I found her videos on surviving narcissistic abuse on TH-cam 2015 when psychologists gave me no answers or help!! Good luck trying to find real trauma therapists who want to work with you!! Thank God for TH-cam and Dr. Ramani videos that most people can understand!! Looking forward to hearing Dr. Ramani's new book!!! Dr. Ramani's educational videos helped me on my journey of healing and helped me save my own life!!! I also learned how to set strong effective boundaries without having to explain myself or accept guilt trips!!! Thank you Dr. Ramani !!! I share and post your life saving videos from TH-cam like a farmer planting seeds for crops!!!
Reply to @camarorules1:. my experiences parallel what you write pretty much precisely. My mother, I think, after enduring the psychological abuses of my father for many years whilst raising five children they had AND being his business partner, working her butt off every day of her life.
She tried to protect and nurture her children.
However, she was isolated in the home and the family home was built to be the place of business. I will believe until the day I die that he killed her via his invalidation s and his selfish domineering narcissistic ways.
My mother suffered terribly but would not
speak about it. We were all dominated by a very unbalanced man. We were intentionally put into a state of fear as children by the omnipresent misogynistic dad. My poor mother subconsciously saw no way out, save to get cancer and die quickly at the relatively young age of 62 in
1994. She was trapped. It, I shudder when I think of it. She was isolated and her spirit
slowly smothered via my father's narcissism.
It is my fervent hope and prayer that today young people will learn about narcissism early in life via educational channels such as Dr. Durvasula's, Les Carter's, Jim Brillon's and be able to avoid narcissistic toxic relationships, protect themselves and grow spiritually.
Realistically, it is most important that Dr. Durvasula has pointed out that this is a societal problem; the false values promoted in our society have dire consequences to our society.
The best cure is prevention, and unless--until?-- people wake up to the valid values of sanatana dharma, this society will
continue to deteriorate through lack of insight, selfishness, lack of compassion and kindness, and force of denial and the mechanization of habit, putting attention and energy into wrong attitudes and acts.
May the aforementioned persons of good intent and wisdom be successful in their
works of good will. So very many people, and society suffer unnecessarily due to
the manifestations of egotism in subcardial
dehumanizing people who lack insight.
We love you! Thank you for ALL your help. I really don't think I could have made through this past year with out YOUR help and the videos.
Wow thank you for the clarification. I usually say to someones actions or behaviors, "that's a narcissistic trait." I base my thought on the treatment I see or that I myself am personally dealing with. I am no Psychologist or Doctor and boy do I also get told that when I bring up some abuse or mistreatment a person is doing to me. I love how you explained it. I always tell people if you met my ex-spouse he is nice and very laid back. You don't see his bad side until you upset him. I think the worst is hearing for years from his lips about others at his job that he'd get them back when they least expect it, even if it takes years...and basically that's how he treated me too. I thought his selfishness would go away as the children got older and to meet the children's needs, however it never did. He is a 57 year old very selfish man. He is 4 years older than me.
Wow this reminds me so much of my ex... He never had a single issue or problem with me or how I treated him UNTIL I'd bring up an issue I was having with him or how he was treating me! Then, omg! He'd pull out this proverbial stack of offences I'd apparently committed months, if not years ago, that he just stuffed in his back pocket for exactly these moments, when he needed to deflect attention from himself, and then poof! Whatever he'd done was forgotten, and I'd be defending myself about something I didn't even remember, assuming it even happened at all! They're very cunning and manipulative, and being with him was exhausting!
Love the old school Professor Ramani
Thank you Doctor Ramani. Very insightful, and clearly explained. We are complex beings. It's all wonderful but abuse is abuse, and we can protect ourselves from it. 🍎
I agree that there is a lot of misinformation about narcissism and I am so thankful for your channel Dr. Ramani.
The narc I currently know, my neighbor, let her mask fly off in rage, after blame-shifting, after a few weeks of devaluing statements, after idealizing me. She was really worried when her provider was going to have her talk to a therapist to go along with her antidepressant. I think she was worried the therapist would notice she's a narc. I am neurodivergent (AuDHD), I take meds to help me. It's my nervous system set up differently than neuro-typical's. I've been thinking...what if narcissist is lacking in a brain chemical? I wish the narcs could be fixed with a pill...because I've glanced into their eyes and seen their soul and I don't think they are unlovable ...in fact, I've loved many narcissist's, even though I could see their flaws.
Saying Narcs have an "illness" and should be given a pass is just like saying sexual offenders or serial killers have an illness and should be given a pass. It doesn't matter what trauma made you (an empath or a psychopath). YOU HAD A CHOICE!!! We all had a choice. "We" (the victims of narcissistic abuse) did not choose to cause pain, torture, gaslight, destroy others. Narcs are consciously choosing it every minute they spend with their victims. Not anyone else! Only their victims. If they can pick and choose who they torture, then it's a CHOICE. One dictated by their conscience (as in "their conscious mind"); not an illness they can't control. Had I understood this earlier, I would have saved myself decades of abuse.
From my perspective, most survivors, lifers, or people in Narcissist relationships of any kind, are not going to just loosely lob out "like, OMG, my boyfriend is such a Narcissist" while sipping on a cocktail to a group of people @ a restaurant like it's juicy gossip...which is the trendy thing these days.
The last person who casually used the word “narcissist “ around me got their ass handed to them. She didn’t know WHAT she was talking about and I let her know it too.
Narcissistic abuse can run very deep and be very complex, that’s why it’s so hurtful. I can’t stand the term being used so loosely.
If you lived with a narcissist, you wouldn’t be allowed to go out drinking cocktails with your friends.
Love this woman ❤ her advices are so on point and objective
Thank you Sis 4 Breaking it down !!! ❤ 🕊 MuchLove !!!
Thank you for this video! It’s great to have the reminders. ❤
After spending the last almost 18 years in a "marriage bound" relationship (and knowing her even longer than that), she ticks ALL the boxes of a covert, CONSISTENTLY. When I first met her, she even seemed to lean more towards overt, but her supply has drastically reduced since then, and she's as vulnerable as they come. I only "got it" a little over a year ago, and have been going through all the stages and wavering between wanting to work it out and wanting to kick her to the curb. Simply asking her to move out went completely disregarded (her hoard would have to go too), so I doubled her stupid-low rent and got her to contribute to the household expenses. This, combined with seeing my own therapist and learning to set boundaries and say 'no', while watching these videos, is helping me a lot, but my emotional and physical health are still suffering. Anyway, not to be a Debbie Downer 😉, because folks like Dr. Ramani have taught and helped me accept so much about this $hituation. 🙏🙏🙏 If she doesn't mind me quoting one of my other favorite narc-sperts, "Let the healing begin, and continue." Blessings.
Thank you again for putting out this content. And a book! ❤❤