Scary personality traits that make narcissists EXTREMELY dangerous
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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After narcissistic abuse. I didn't become heartless, I just learned to use my heart less.
Unless we change our attraction patterns... We'll find a healthly person
Use that empathy you use on others on you as well
AGREED I BECAME VERY COLD
Well said!!! ❤😊🤗
😢
What amazes me is the way narcissists have two perfectly different personalities. One horrible one for you and one congenial and pleasant one for every one else.
Exactly !!! 💗
Or the other way around when they are using you - nice and pleasant to you, while being cruel to other people that you will never know about until after the relationship ends. Then they switch and are nasty to you while they are being nice to the replacement supply. Narcs always live two lives.
Oh yes!
I thought that was normal as my mum was like that. It's no wonder I ended up with a narc husband.
AMEN! My covert narc hub exactly!
Something i've noticed since cutting off or setting helathy boundaries with Ns is that my life is so calm. I come to the end of the workday and sit in my apartment and think "everything is fine. nothing is wrong. you paid your rent and utilities and no one is mad at you and you can do whatever you want to do in your own apartment until bedtime and no one can say anything about it." it's boring and it's lonely but it's calm and still. and that's good.
Good for you. My heart ACHES for all of the wasted years that I will never get back. Hopefully, you are much younger, and will get a second chance at life.
Over time I hope you can remember and develop your own interests and passions.
@@purplesprigs I know, me, too. And, now I'm growing old alone, but it's better than what I had all those decades. You are not alone - there are many of us with you in the same boat. Things can change in an instant, though, and you can experience joy enough to make up for those years. ❤
Boring is the best 🎉
Sounds like a form of mindfulness, and that's proven to be great for stress management 👍
Study breaks down 2 narcissistic dark, harmful traits into subcategories:
1. Lack of empathy -lack of disregard
a. callousness
b. sadism
2. Selfishness -rules do not apply to them
a.vindictiveness
b.narcissistic entitlement
c. deceitfulness
Cold, cool, vindictive, entitled, lying towards their victims whom they view as lesser than them and discard them when done.
My ex is like that.
Yes
My neigbhor is looking like this I avoid him at all cost....
I think it’s Lack of regard
Thanks for writing it out. Small correction:
*”cruel”, not “cool”
Ghosting me is his favorite punishment. He didn't realize he was training me for when he left. I had already been alone for years
Yes living with a narcissist is the loneliest thing one can Indue. ❤
Yeees!!!
And, I would think, even at the time, nice break?
From bs?
Same! And the funny thing is when i told him i wanted a divorce he was “blindsided” even though he had threatened leaving me or kicking me out for years. I even called him out on that and pointed it out and he had no response to it.
❤
When I was a kid, I was afraid of monsters. Now that I'm an adult, I realized people are scarier.
In movies, bad people lose. But in reality, bad people win.
Humans are the monsters. Horrific realization for us. I feel like bad people get away with so much too and live longer than non-evil people. ✌🏼
Exactly, the cruelty of life and humanity
You are funny. That is true. I don't like watching some kind of movies because I think it's teaching me to be a monster
@@jenniferrivera9149💯💯💯
It's a life-changing event, when you realize a person you most love(d) is in all reality - a Monster.
The capacity for cruelty and vindictive behavior is terrifying.
My ex was a sadist of the worst kind. Not physically, but emotionally. He loved to humiliate me and was unbelievable cruel. After my ordeal with him, I went straight to therapy. I was a wreck. Thank God I got out and managed to stay out. Doing much better now and still trying to heal as we speak. We split 3 years ago, so the trauma lingers for a long time 😣
It took me 20 years of divorced time to completely heal!
The abuse is so traumatizing!
Ditto! The biggest problem of all, is that the narcissist has battered and abused their mate for so long that she usually is emotionally controlled so much that she cannot get OUT and away from the Monster!
I’m 9 years to the day after my sadistic narcissistic ex husband discarded me. I’m still struggling. But it’s also other narcissists who come into in my life that compound my pain. Peace be with you. Take care of yourself
My split was almost 3 years ago & it’s almost like everytime I get to where things are finally looking up again for me & I’ve gained back some of my previous strong confident personality again.. he comes crawling back. I have fallen for it a couple times, first thinking he had actually changed, wrong! Then later on thinking I was the one who changed and could handle being strong and setting boundaries that time.. he always turned back into the monster I met during our initial relationship. He never changed. And all I ever accomplished was feeling more & more disappointment in myself for going back to him. Truly feeling disgusted with myself was the lowest point of my life & oddly enough I had put myself there by going back to him. He got worse every time. Ending with him serving years in lockup for assaulting me in a horrific way. So I beg of other women to stay away once they get away from these psychos. You NEVER know how far it will go with them. But you DO know that it’s going to turn sour in some way shape or form. Don’t put yourself in that equation. ❤❤❤
This woman is such a gem to this world!
She’s so so good. She has a true gift for helping us make sense of what’s going on behind the curtain.
Yes she is amazing and has helped me tremendously…I can’t thank her enough!
201 have fun
She really is
She is amazing Smart, beautiful and insight too.
This should be taught in schools. Both teachers and kids should be able to identify symptoms of narcicissm, psychopathy and sociopathy. Oftentimes schools discipline the victims when they act out in self defense, rather than discipline the bullies. A lot of these toxic traits can be identified when the children are still young and schools can offer therapy to address some of them.
I agree. The people in power of these institutions would likely try and sweep it under the carpet, IMO. Likely because a lot of these “D’s” run the show in these institutions. The tide is turning though.
ABSOLUTELY an I believe the system like Cys & DCS need to be VETTED BETTER.. traumatized children having to deal wit these people is UNCOMPREHENSIBLE an disturbing. Especially Montgomery county Pennsylvania
I totally agree with you. Academia falls short in that it does not teach our young the tools to understand real life.
I remember the teacher calling this boy’s parents. We could hear the mother screaming over the phone at the teacher.
I be saying this
Don’t let their cruelty astonish you, and seriously don’t let it surprise you either. The key is to have a shield and not internalize their pathologies as truth.
That’s how I was, then I trusted and opened up regarding a childhood trauma. Got the triggers smacked the crap out of for 9 years and got called paranoid by the police
This was quite the enlightening video. Makes me realize why I am not looking for a relationship in my older years. It's too dangerous!
Are you an empath whom narcissists target? I keep thinking I don't want a relationship now as I grow old alone. However, I really would like someone I could love without reservation, so I've tentatively changed my mind. I do hope a good person finds you.
I am in the same boat @ 65 ❤️🩹 although I met the last narcissist in a normal place & was introduced to him by someone I already knew so I thought he was trustworthy now I would be super cautious about anyone I meet… plz don’t use dating sites since they aren’t safe & many fake profiles are out there!
😂😂😂I can relate!
Like going to the dump and looking for the least disgusting thing.
I can relate to that too, yeah.
I am only 3 weeks in to no contact and watch a couple videos each day to reinforce that closure is impossible and that any grief I’m feeling is small compared to my relief. Thank you ❤ hugs to everyone
Same here 🙁
@@meinemeinung1506 stay strong, we’ve got this ❤️
❤ sending love and strength. It becomes easier after each cut off.
❤
You are not alone. 🧡
The five traits of D perfectly describe my ex, who almost destroyed me before I got away. Getting information to the public about psychological abuse and how dangerous these people are is an urgent matter of public health and safety. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
They were always there, only there was no name for it. Thank you Dr. for all you have done to educate and help heal.
100% true. I’m a victim of decades of abuse that began as psychological abuse and evolved into physical abuse. I’m having a really hard time getting through this. I just got away. 2 1/2 months no contact w a malignant narcissist father who I once adored. The abuse was clever. It was disguised. He was highly manipulative and knew how far he could go. He was careful not to go too far. Slowly, he brainwashed and indoctrinated me. Horrible man. He stole my dreams and expected me to always take care of him first. He was more important than me. He stole my potential and didn’t think twice about doing it. It’s been a really difficult path and I wish I had more support. Dr Ramani is amazing. What she does is of dire importance. We do need to educate people.
Shame is law don't want to know about these pieces of shit, they get away with their evil crap.
They are able to hide themselves so well! Rarely do they slip up and end up in hot water!
Exactly, the D and "dark empath" can be added to the long list of my narc husband.
Such a painful waste of life when reality shows it’s ugly face. I shared twenty years with a complete stranger, what a shocking experience that was so sudden and intense trying to comprehend this tragic loss of the person he portrayed himself to be. I trusted him completely, he was a real pro. He never showed his evil until he was exposed, and exploded into a complete stranger I had never met before and was now my worst enemy. Absolutely devastating when trying to overcome the loss, while he was using my weaknesses to bring me down and hurt me as much as possible.
I heard that he said “He learns people’s weaknesses to use against them if they ever hurt him” what a tragic ending that he shoved in my face whenever possible. No Contact is the only way I survived after he had my break’s disconnected. They are very dangerous, cold-hearted people that destroy your life with such pleasure and just walk away.
I suspect there were many red flags and acts of abuse you chose to ignore and rationalize away during those 20 years, though.
@@vaska1999 Oh, victim blaming, how charming. Quite a lot of people were raised badly and have no way of knowing that abusive behavior is wrong because that's all they know.
You don't choose to ignore what you lack the knowledge to identify.
@@vaska1999haha how naive and self righteous of you. Things only become red flags in hindsight Einstein
@@jenster29 Things are called red flags (it's a metaphor, genius) precisely because they're easy to notice and act accordingly.
My narcissist takes time and care to make my favorite food instead of saying I’m sorry. I’ve always accepted it. Not anymore. Dr Ramani woke me up. With shame you win the game. That’s her motto. By accepting the food, I feel shame for thinking she was bad. Not anymore. I woke up. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Exactly! You can't accept anything from a narcissist; they will use it as 'good-will' leverage against you.
@vladimirofsvalbard9477 so that is what that was...now i get it clearly...that's what would confuse me sometimes...i guess a part of me still wanted to believe it was out of love...even though i knew it was because he was setting me up for something smh 🤦🏽♀️
Doesn't matter how much someone does for me, if they can't connect on a emotional level we don't have a relationship.
As a community, let's spread awareness. We'll get through this everyone.
I truly, truly hope so...for future generations. I lost a whole lot to one VERY DARK, dangerous parent, believing and falling to his lies. With awareness, others may not needlessly suffer such tremendous loss. I feel like I've failed...monumentally. Although I know it isn't true, people don't understand what these people are capable of. I am viewed as a failure. I feel like a failure. With the light of awareness, the road ahead can be brighter for others.
🔥🙏🏼🔥🙏🏼🔥🙏🏼🔥🙏🏼🔥
@@erinward2983 you are not a failure! You didn’t get to choose your parents. You’re here watching these videos. You have clarity and some understanding that people who exhibit those traits aren’t healthy people and you’ve managed to pull yourself out of the darkness. Your past does not define who you are now. Use that same light of awareness. You got this 💪🏾❤️
Can I talk to you by email please? At least few of us need to talk
@@SuprEmpth Thank you 😊. This means a lot to me.
I've had to really stop myself from caring too much for these people anymore. I don't want my compassion to be wasted on them anymore.
AMEN
It is hard when it's your mother.
@@rhondamarlow8377 it certainly is. 😔
Same here. I’m now helping another friend of mine who is going through narcissistic abuse from someone else. He was so caring and always worried about his abuser’s feelings. I’m so glad I got out of it.
@@accesstotheredcarpet Good for you for getting out and even better for your helping your friend!! ❤️ 💙 💜
UNDERSTANDING HOW I ended up in this type of relationship is key in healing from it. Thank you!
Just when I get away from a regular narcissist, the dark sadistic narcissist neighbor moves in and went out of her way to make friends with me just to try and destroy me. You didn't mention jealousy but this person has all the traits and is totally vindictive and gets joy out of making other people miserable. She has one friend here and nobody likes her. I have to stop being nice to everyone.
Then acts the victim? Try hats normal for them
Yes, I grew up with a malignant dark Empath. People think they know someone who's s kind, caring and giving but they have no idea how cruel and punishing they can be in private. I can't tell anyone. Very few know the truth. People would judge me to be the liar.
That really is the hard part 😕 That we're not believed by other people when we tell them how we're mistreated
Noone would ever believe me if I told them how my mother treated me. She was an extrovert who made everyone feel like the most important person in the room. And she hated my guts. She slandered me to the point noone in our extended family has anything to do with me. She stole everything you can take from a person. And everyone loved her.
@@danae-rain3019 it's mind blowing and a private Hell to live in. I read a story about a guy who's father was a HS guidance counselor everyone loved but when he went home and drank he berated his son. And no one could understand how his son could possibly become a no good alcoholic.
No, don't worry, if they have shit on you, you can bet your ass 100% that it hurts and shits on others. Trust me. I have lived to experience other family members and other people have told me they see through the abusers and get the creeps from them. I have been told they are not liked let alone loved. And the abusers have been referred to truthfully in similar derogatory yet truthful terms. They have also been told to pack up and leave while visiting my grieving aunt's home. In fact, they were thrown out by her good friends and neighbours. Of course the creepy relatives sided with my creepy mother and brother and ganged up on my widowed aunt. So yes, other people see through them and your abusers have definitely unjustifiably abused and harmed others and will continue to do so. Abusers only get worse, mire devious and escalate their abuse. If they quit abusing one person, it's because it, they have targeted another victim.
@@elizabethandiosa4579 of all the types of Narcissist, the Dark Empath is very focused on facade management. A LOT of people thought my older sister was a kind, caring giving saint. And she did do a lot of kind and nice things but I was her main Target till I moved away.
Dr Ramani, God bless you. I was drowning in an ocean of raging familial narcissistic abuse. My situation felt so hopeless. I was so low at one point, I was even contemplating suicide. All just to end the pain that my father's narcissistic abuse was causing. Your videos break down the reality of narcissism and have given me a completely new outlook on everything. So empowering!! My depression was increasingly lifted the more of your video series I watched. The more I learned, the more freedom I gained. Your ability to break down the reality of narcissistic relationships is invaluable. Thank you for sending a life boat to get us out of these dark waters we were drowning in. The more I've learned from you, the more I realized I could break free. Which is what i did. You've given me abundant hope in what seemed a completely hopeless cycle. I am now free. Thank you. 💕
Your hope is amazing and I really needed to read this right now and try to hang on to some kind of hope when I don't see any good in sight. Thank you for sharing 💖 .
Amen beautifully said. Keep looking up, it does get easier to bear 🙏
Glad that you are doing, and feeling better. Dr. Ramani has helped a lot of people I know.
🤗 💜
I agree. These videos are the richest resource, offering an abundance of information and insight. She teaches us how to navigate through the pain and despair of narcissistic abuse and take our power back. I too was lost in a sea of familial narcissistic abuse. I was contemplating suicide as well. I couldn’t see any hope or light anymore. When I found these videos, they opened my eyes. Dr. Ramani fiercely confronts this matter, speaking truth. She taught me how to navigate through the chaotic mess the narcissist tried to create. I held tight to my reality like she said to do and that’s what got me through. I had less than a handful of supports and I was able to understand my situation for what it truly was. I didn’t feel alone anymore. She gave me strength and perspective. She’s been my source of inspiration and hope. You said this beautifully.
I dealt with a covert narcissist who also seem to have dark empathy. I actually saw the mask slip which was very scary. He has a handsome face and his face actually shapeshifted into something distorted and his eyes changed color. I didn’t even know what I was looking at. I figured out later through my research on these channels what just happened and who I was dealing with! 18 months No Contact! Never again!
Meanness, arrogance, know it all-always correct, cheating, lack of intimacy.
I think the most dangerous of them are jealousy/envy. Envious and jealous people will destroy careers,reputation, and lives. Scary! I stay away from people at the first indication of jealous behavior. I think their vindictive behaviors comes from jealousy and envy ?
You are correct. wise to be aware, set boundaries and protect your heart. Some of these envious types are ambitious, Machiavellian and destroyers who will not abide the presence of a kind hearted hiree, for example.
@@KaarinaKimdaly It kind of blows my mind but I am struggling to accept it: kind heartedness can be envied and a target for envy. But now I recall a story I read about this a long time ago called "Billy Budd." He was a young man working on a British ship, good looking and kind. The older men set him up to be destroyed because of envy. Anyway, it has happened to me.
Remember it like this: Fear Rage Envy then Revenge & Denial is the sum of a narcissist’s emotional range… rinse & repeat that pattern as long as you interact with a person with the character disorder no matter how it’s defined
I learned since a kid to be scared of envy. They will try to destroy you. It can be triggered by anything, you're getting attention when sick, or good grades, or you're younger or thinner - envious people are quick to envy and God help you if you're targeted. I look back on life and see trusted friends or relatives gave me bad advice ON PURPOSE! Sigh.
When I accepted the relationship would never work I changed the locks on my house, installed security cameras, threw away anything in my kitchen that was already opened and changed my will. I think I had been reading about the dark triad of personality at the time and he fitted the profile exactly. Better to be safe than sorry.
Been there, done that… I had to get a restraining order as well because of damage he wouldn’t admit to doing when in a jealous delusional rage
Amen; congratulations, you saved yourself a lot of grief. Blessings
We are afraid my narcissistic brother will poison us
My sister in law (and I suspect, my brother, too) is a massive narcissist and my 9 year old nephew, her golden child, is already on his way to being just like his mom. His favorite thing is taking advantage of people by using his "cuteness" which my brother and sister in law fully encourage. He will straight up tell you to your face that he likes using his cuteness on people because it makes them buy him things. My brother and sister-in-law take advantage of every person and every situation they encounter, and their kids are already practicing the same thing.
not sure that situation is necessarily narcissistic, they sound like dumb people with a pretty dumb child, Life and everyday karma will sort them out in short order I suspect. Narcissism has a level of malice in it that those folks don't sound smart enough to have in their tool kit to be honest.
They're actively turning him into a young monster. O
He is on the best way of becoming a callboy afterwards …
I've noted that often that super friendly person that's open with everyone and rushes around to meet everyone often has turned out to be the most menacing and troublesome people I've met... They draw people in easily and seem very talented at pretending to be easy going and loving when it turns out the opposite is true and they manipulate with ease... and often are the ones that stir the pot endlessly
That!
100%
My ex said something to our kids that shook me to the core, "It doesn't matter what you do as long as people around you think you are a good person." Nothing that came out later on that he did after that surprised me as the persona he presented crumbled.
Devastating, but it is exactly what a narcissist believes and practices.
Damnnnnn
Sounds like something they would teach at Mason's Lodge
@@alenagoddess2400 funny you said that. The narc in my life is a 32° mason. Uses his mason ring to recruit flying monkeys and people to lie and cover up for him.
@@dawnrobbins5877sad that Masons believe in this. Truth has ways of coming out, no matter how much men think lies and magical mental manipulation words can rewrite the world to their ends.
This was very interesting. I can never settle on what my son’s wife is. Early on I just thought she was a narcissist. But after hearing your descriptions, she may have ALL of the D traits and also traits of the dark empath. I have always thought she was falsely nice to my son until they married. Then BANG ❗️. One day later she is a monster. And, continues to be unbelievably cruel and dangerous. So dangerous my son moved out because he thought she’d murder him in his sleep. She banished him to the basement before he finally left, where he locked the door so he could get some sleep. I could go on and on. Now we all realize how dangerous she is. Fortunately he moved across the country to get away from her.
😢
The marriage alters after that walk down the plank because she got what she wanted. The chase is always more fun...for her. Thank God, he got away. Support him.never,never let her back.
OMG, your poor son. Yes, he shouldn't be alone with her.
Hallelujah!
I know of an extremely EVIL narcissist. A while back I commented how every other sentence they said was a lie. Their reaction was jaw-dropping, they replied, “It’s a really important trait to be a good liar.”😳😳
Good God! 😮
I only started knowing what narcissist are really all about this past June. At first I read something about a energy vampire, and then Dr. Ramani started popping up. I've been watching her TH-cam videos ever since. Even though it made me sick to face the truth is way much more important!
Their personality traits are no longer a danger to me. I eliminate these people from my life, and I don't look back. When I'm done with then, I'm done.
“The dark empath may very well be the proverbial wolf in sheep‘s clothing.” Mind. Blown. 🤯
I have a lifetime experience with ppl these traits but two in particular were the most sadistic ppl I know. I was with a malignant narcissist for 16 years that nearly destroyed me. I was trafficked by a guy who I'm pretty sure was a straight psychopath for 3 years. Wrapping my head around the cruelty is impossible still. Even with the work I've done with a psychologist. I have a whole team that check on me 3 days a week. It's exhausting being left to do all the healing. It's a full-time job almost. But it's worth it. I just thank God I survived. At least I have hope today. That's what matters most. When hope is gone it feels like everything is coming to an end.
It makes me emotional still, just remembering how my mom treated me, and knowing now that there was a name for it. I cannot even start to determine what names to put on it, but she was terrifying, histrionic, deceptive, cold, calculating, vindictive, cruel, and heartless. Of course in front of others she pretended to be so charming, but she was so dangerous to me and never stopped damaging me and my reputation.
Children are innocent and how do we know about dark traits and psychology?
I survived by not saying much, hide important things that hold meaning to you.
Make your life boring, no freinds, no social life, not hobbies
And it was hard, but I survived with some sanity intact. Started recovering in my 30s recognizing that it was narc. Spath I had as parent.
We must be sisters ..Really
I hope you have found help since and experienced healing? There are good people in the world too it can be so hard to believe that at times I know but educating ourselves and healing our wounds is vital.
@@thurston4morsame here. Sadly, my oldest daughter have that trait due to dad is also a narcissistic.
My guesses:1. Cruelty to others for ego enhancement/ to feel "larger"; 2. An appearance of empathy and social niceties that exist only on the surface, as tools of manipulation; 3. A complete refusal to see or take any responsibility for the harm they do; 3. Default gaslighting and blame-shifting as a mode of operating; 4. No ability to see others as anything but an extension of their needs; 5. Contempt and repulsion for emotions, especially tenderness, kindness, love.
My personal note: they represent human evil.
(Now that I've listened to you your description of the five traits, YES!! I described a "regular" narcissist; you've described a dark one.)
You've got it! That's what it is 😮
We must spread the word. I am just learning about this Personality Disorder. I had no idea this existed. They are very dangerous!
Isn’t it crazy?
Now you look back and think about certain behaviors you’ve seen from relatives or people you once knew or know that always had you questioning why they’re so cruel, harsh, selfish, entitled(the list is endless)…. You finally can match a word with their actions and you know now how to respond…D.E.E.P.: Don't defend. Don't engage. Don't explain. Don't personalize. Dr. Ramani herself. ❤️💪🏾
Can be treated this disorder or you avoid these people ..how you do it if they re in your family
@@SuprEmpth I just wrote "DEEP" on my hand.
They hide in plain sight...chameleon
Thank you so much for this amazing video, Dr Ramani ❤almost 3 months into no contact and I can promise you all, it really does get better with time, self-care and having the space to grieve. Their sadism is simply horrific: "I just want to see the fear in your eyes when you realise you can't get away"; "I want to emotionally, mentally and physically destroy you"; "I want to ruin you for every other man". Still nowhere near completely healed and sadly still ruminating, but the intrusive thoughts reduce, the nightmares subside, and the flashbacks become less intense as you process everything in your own time. So much love and peace to you all - we'll get through this and their words, faces and all memory of them will disappear. ❤
What lovley words of inspiration.im 3 weeks in.Its hard but I'm not going back.There is nothing to go back to x
It’s been 6 months and I feel halfway there. I love coming home to my cats, walking my dog, taking care of myself and my loyal trusted friends. Yeah I’m lonely sometimes and I have some barbed wire around me. That’s fine for now. I’m more discerning now because of Dr. Ramani
Take whatever time you need to heal.
One thing is when you realize these people really exist in these worst forms - its scary. When I heard a person say "I surprised myself at how far I had stretched myself" - talking about being ok with doing away with someone. That was scary. Its a slippery slope going from being selfish - to doing anything to get what you want - but It does exist !
Dr. Ramani, you have saved my life. Your videos have brought such a profound change in my understanding of people, I cannot thank you enough. God has sent you on earth so you can help people like me through your videos. Great job you are doing. I just hope you read this. God bless you ma'am.
Ditto, here!! Thanks for the comment, and Thanks, Dr. Ramani!
Amen.
Yes! 👏👏❤️❤️
She saved mine as well. I think she's fulfilled a mission here on earth for sure. That may sound silly, and we all have different belief systems. She is a gift. She saw me through my darkest days. I started each day with coffee, watching her videos, taking notes. Her guidance kept me as sane as possible. I was able to understand when I was being gaslit. I knew when he wanted me to react and speak out of anger, but I didn't. I'm not sure where I'd be without this rich resource. She has a wealth of knowledge. I just love her.
Finding Dr.Ramani's videos while I was stuck with my ex husband during the pandemic truly saved my life! I escaped last October, and every day I watch her videos to make sure I never forget why I left. These people never get better, their ultimate goal is to destroy you. Never let yourself forget that!
The last and final narccist, had high spectrum, "D." His mask was the other side of the coin. He was so good at fooling people, that everyone thought he was a good Christian man.
Women saw who he was behind closed doors, and they didn't dare say anything against him, they were afraid of him, because they realized how sadistic and vindictive he was.
So, I was a horrible crazy person that he was trying to, "Help."
This new study on, "D" is absolutely spot on, and explains a hell of a lot!
That’s why the #metoo movement was so powerful. If a group of you came together it’s hard to silence a party of many vs one
I so understand. Lay minister in the Anglican church. Fake. Fraud. Passive aggressive covert narcissist. 14 years insane marriage. Happy joyous and free since June 2017
Perfect description of a communal narcissist.
Yeah, but the negative on the me too movement is that we guys who are experiencing the same thing and have the same fear that the women have, aren't really taking seriously. I read that somewhere and I couldn't agree more. For the longest time. I just ignored it and thought that was what I was supposed to do to help her get better. Now I'm just questioning everything as if it was actually sincere or just manipulative
Hello Dr Ramani, I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor and I just wanted to reach out to thank you for providing people like me with many useful tips and insights about the dynamics at play within these types of relationships. It has been extremely beneficial for me.
Doctor Ramani, I just want to thank you for your content. You don't know how important you were to overcome a narcissistic relationship, which I supposed I inherited from a narcissistic mother. Now, with this new sense of self, I walk towards getting my Ph.D. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The D side😮 it can also stand for Destructive, Despicable and Demonic.
It made me a little naucious, but had to listen...thank you so much for this! ❤
🎯🎯🎯 I DEFINITELY BELIEVE They're DEMONIC!!! There's A Spiritual Warfare Going On And This WICKED BEHAVIOR IS DEMONIC!!! #NOT OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!!
Demons are part of your personal religious worldview, not everyone's. By calling something demonic you are erroneously placing your personal religious opinion on a researched practice that affects people of many different religions, or no religion at all. This can cause harm, because people think a psychological problem needs a religious solution. People have died because they were given exorcisms when they needed medical care.
Absolutely demonic. Regardless of what anyone says.
Did you mean NAUSEOUS?
Add deranged and depraved. 😢
"It takes a fair amount of energy to be an a****le" Best sentence of this month for me😂😅😂
WOOF, realizing my ex wasn’t just narcissistic, but a Dark Empath. I was SO confused how he could go from paying SO much attention to my feelings and needs to completely discarding me. I KNOW I’d seen empathy in them! But it was just bait. Thank you for your work, it helps so friggin much understanding why these people cause so much damage
Living with and or among someone who hurts you because they believe they can and feel entitled to do so can make you feel all alone. You're not alone!
It's never too late to learn about these destructive people. It's helped me get things in perspective and be more aware, especially with new relationships.
Thank you Dr. Ramini. ❤
Omg, help. 😅 the narcissist in my life has completely gone insane. I cut off all contact and they are forcing gifts on me as well as trying to guilt trip me back into being friends with them with forced interactions. This is an exact quote from our last forced conversation.
“I don’t want you think you are a bad person and no one likes you. I don’t want you to think you have no friends.”
I was actually doing quite well until they needle nosed themselves into my personal space. Please just GO AWAY! JFC
You will know when you have fully healed when you can read a comment like that & roar with laughter (& shake your head with incredulity). X
@@LL-jt1xt the narcissist is gone and things have been quiet but good lord. 🙄😮💨
You can block this person and stop getting enmeshed in that nonsense.
@@vaska1999 They are a family member so blocking out your life can be kind of difficult.
You speak right to me.
I am struggling with many issues on top of having a malignant narcissistic mother after spending 16 years +++ dealing with my ex husband who is narcissistic as well.
You make me feel sane again!!!
Thank you and God bless you!!!
I was on the verge of thinking some of my narassistic family were psycopaths - but now I do understand that I was just expereincing cross over symptoms and that some of them, maybe all, are malignant. this is so helpful thank you
I feel depersonalized because of the narcissistic abuse. I have never experienced depersonalization before the narcissistic abuse. I feel as I have regressed to being an infant. Tje smallest task requires a lot of effort from me. I still can not believe this happened to me. 😕
You are in a good place…regenerating, in the chrysalis… keep incorporating the healthy thinking of Dr. Ramani. Don’t sublimate the pain. It is part of who you are along with the healing part. Also, consider looking at the thinking tools practiced by Recovery, International. Your comment helped me. Keep offering them.
@@jeffolson2276 You're welcome. I have maintained my boundaries for almost a year because the disordered person in my life loved destroying my boundaries. He is giving me the silent treatment, like I don't exist for as long as I have started setting firm boundaries. I said NO to everything he demanded so he decided to treat me as if I'm dead. Just when one thinks they can not get even more depraved, they come up with more ways to lash out.
I hope you will find a way to leave and cut them off. You need to get away for your well-being. I was trapped, too, and never thought I had the wherewithal to leave, but I did finally. I left the children, whom he treated well, but I saw them often. For the sake of the kids, I gave up the house, the cars, and more, and moved to a small apartment down the canyon on the same street. What a relief!
My dark empath, malignant narc is a well known social media influencer whose whole brand is about being kind, helpful and compassionate. They have millions of people saying how much they love them and how helpful they are. Behind the scenes they talked down about everyone, purposfully set people up to fail/humiliate, was exetremely aggersive and are also sexual predators. They would do what you described the dark empath doing, sit there and take info to use against you later. I always knew something was off but could never place it. These videos helped me so much understand just what I was dealing with and even dealing with the enablers around them. And the realization of this person being evil and how you described it, was exactly my response. Dr Ramani, thank you for these life saving videos.
Did we know the same social media influencers? This is exactly my experience. I would love to reach out to compare notes. Thank you.
@@jnwest2029 most likely not the same one since these types of predators have similar patterns. I'm so sorry you had to endure that though. I'm glad you escaped them.❤️🩹
Who are they?
@@shelliemathews1043 I'm not outting them because it isn't safe for me too. Most victims rarely benefit from outting their abusers and suffer more harm for doing so.
@@shelliemathews1043Bentinho Massaro or Teal Swan 😂
From what I understand, Machiavellians try to keep their targets around as long as they can,slowly bleeding them like a leech.
Narcissists want what they want now,with no regard for the person/people they are using,bleeding off anything they can get as quickly as they can get it.
Dr Ramani your clear dive into the nature of these personalities leaves me both educated and depressed as I regurgitate my own history. I went from a university professor with 2 education certifications, awards, and a curriculum development position a community volunteer, to a felon after a D ĺied to police. The ordeal cost me my reputation, half my retirement, and 3 pets who died wo medical care. Friends and family avoided me. I felt something was off, some strange energy but couldn't explain this personality to anyone listening until I was owed money and lawyered up. The knives came out.
I love my life but struggle trusting anyone.
The dark empath element helps make the confusion fit for me. How he could use things he knew I liked to suck me back in when I detached too much. It was like breadcrumbs of love so I didn’t catch on to the disdain underneath. When all his lies started to unravel he completely dropped the mask. There has been no kindness since.
So true! They are master manipulators and easily learn how to hurt, deceive and destroy.
Leave the mongrel won't change life's too short.
I hope you are far away from that thing. A couple of the professionals on YT, self-aware narcissists themselves, say there's very little human left in these people. I try to think of them and my ex as nothing but meat bags of symptomatology.
The idea of talking about these D traits in more depth is brilliant, it’s not about the “why” but about “what.”
Good one I heard and find true, "narcissists eat your emotions". I've experienced this - a narc says something outrageous that elicits a desired emotion from you. They design it. Now I imagine them eating my emotion. It helped me not play the game and exit before this was possible.
My ex definitely believed i was beneath him, i also felt he enjoyed hurting me and playing games.
I'm happy you got out, m ex Narcissist husband was the same way.
It is refreshing to hear you explain the parallels between narcissism and politicians…I thought I was the only person who thought that.
I can confirm you're not the only one who thinks that. I find it very worrying ✌
Let us watch this year's US election cycle for examples.
@@terrym5786 installation cycle is more like it
😂😂😂😂polyticks 😂😂😂
They all are. We need to take over, they are destroying everything for their needs/gains/advantages. We are more than them! It would be just a population, rising up. All of it. Together. Yelling enough!
Hearing an on point description of my mother in sadistic-dominant and being a narcissist is scary. It’s what I’ve been trying to describe to people but couldn’t find the words. Thank you.
Me too😮😢it's been a nightmare and it has gotten worse
I have a narcissistic sister. All I can say to everyone that is dealing with this is (if you can) get as far away and stay away from them as you can. Don’t talk to them, answer them, acknowledge their presents. This is what helped me and my other 3 siblings heal and be happier. I know it’s not possible for a lot of people but for those than can just avoid them like the plague!
Me too. Even my bff as a kid who understood my mother and helped me try to explain to the world, (in response to the "What happened to --her-- ??"), didn't understand. The depth of it, the sadistic, dominance-focused, intentionally breaking & humiliating, abuse & its reckless, painful, confusing, subtle destruction.
Especially from a mother. And moreso if that mother was your only family member. (like mine, my father died.) Very grateful for your effective and ACCURATE words!! You ARE definitely a gem!! Bless you for helping us all! It's badly needed. :) 💗
Also a clear description of my mother and sister. I blocked her and my sister several decades ago, and I have no regrets other than wishing I’d done it sooner.
Thanks Dr. Ramani for the excellent descriptions. 🩵
@@libbylandscape3560 Good for you, libby!
This. The D stuff. Now I know why my brother discarded our blind elderly mother claiming he was saving her (from me). His entire life is one lie after another. Watching her die a miserable death, while he took most of her possessions and money, resulted in my dissociative ptsd. 6 years no contact with my family, as if my entire life was just a dog and pony show. I am building a new life based on honesty and integrity. Every day is a struggle. I am about to file criminal complaint felonies regarding his estate theft. I am afraid for my life though.
This happened to me! My brother and sister had been planning it a long time. My mother died 2-1/2 weeks after they got her out of my care. They weren't planning on her dying so soon though, after a 2,000 mile trip by ground to my sister so they could get guardianship. They'd have taken EVERYTHING if she lived longer. All the laws were working in their favor, in the favor of criminals. It was an eye opener.
I was in a relationship for almost 10 years with a Dark Empath. This discussion absolutely described him to a “T”, especially the fake empathy at the beginning of the relationship to lure me in and the outgoing personality, egotistical, manipulative and the my way or the highway. I left 3 years ago but he still inserts himself in my life by going to the same AA meetings I go to. I use the “yellow rock” approach. This really helps me to not feel so stupid for not recognizing this before.
stay strong don’t get pulled back in or it will be reruns of the first go round. I know married over 50 yrs to one, I knew there was something off with him but there was no words that fit his actions now I know. Left him but could not escape him and his “friends” strange things kept happening: he cut the air cond. lines on my vehicle, took air out of my tires again and again, knew I was going to a Family Reunion thank God I took my dog with me but he put holes in transmission of my lines of my vehicle it was a 2 hr trip each way there and home, he intentionally did these things as I caught him on security cameras I put up he still lied but then he would retaliate again if I showed him what he did. It was no win. I took care of him when he was diagnosed with alzheimers for 5 yrs he is now in a very nice and clean Assisted Living Facility and he doesn’t appreciate it. It is now peace and quiet at home for my dogs and me. Thank you God for giving me time to think, breathe and figure out who I who I was yrs ago. Dr. Ramani please keep getting your videos out here so people know WHAT AND WHO they are dealing with……sick & evil personalities.
The father of my child has dark empath trait. He cares for you. He helps eveyone he can but he will hurt you along the way. You will be blindsided by his behavior and you wont believe he did anything. He will offer you help again after he hurt you so he can get hurt you a little bit more . Very scary. This is worst than a narcissistic person.
Yes
Blindsided, oh yeah! The cognitive empathy, the manipulation, the I want to help you and so etimes they do. Then when you really need them, they don't give a damn. It's sickly sweet and it's not real. Empathy isn't a switch you can turn on and off but for them that's exactly what they do
Same with my parent
Hare got nothing on him.
He was religious and believed moral perfection
Many notable people had respect for him.
Nobody like him, he was admired.
But behind scenes ‘dark abuse’ manipulation He would love to talk with you, asking you your plans, anything, but later use it to manipulate and destroy you.
Send you down the ladder of self deprecation, depression, paranoia
It was toxic the behaviours I and my family dealt with
The after his passing found out the second life he had.. yep
And unspeakable crimes commited
Off the record- Having left a situation like that over fifteen years ago when I hear of narcissism it reminds me to use absolute caution with strangers and to be extremely safe when out in public
My older sister is a malignant narcissist. Abusive, controlling, sadistic. She's also Machiavellian is her ability to see the ling game and worked towards it. She's managed to turn family against me, making truly insane claims about herself, her role in our family, as well as claiming my son sees her as his mother (he's not seen nor heard from her in over 5 years, so you get a sense of the level of confidence she has in manipulating people into not coming to me to verify the lies she's told about me and my family. As a result of this work that's taken place for over 20 years now, I no longer have relationships with some cherished family. Some have passed thinking I'm the horrible one, not her. She took my positive attributes and claimed them as being her own. She counts on people's silence. I only just found out the truth in the last few years myself. She is, in my opinion, the epitome of evil. Her adopted daughter agrees, having been horribly abused by this woman too. There is, i hope, a special place in he'll for such people where they must experience all the hurt and trauma they have inflicted on others.
I have followed you for a long time now. I am certainly considerably older than you are. My observations suggest to me that even narcissist personality traits can be dormant or mild in younger people but greatly enhanced and exaggerated by military traing as wel as several common medications in later life. Please address this topic in future videos. Spouses and other family members need to know the warning signs and how to safely disengage from dangerous relationships. Sometimes a very safe and wonderful family member enters a world of no turning back for everyone and no amount of love will fix it. Your videos can help many.
Describes my ex perfectly. He was so 'D' that he even tried to get his blind, dying mother's Meals on Wheels canceled.
Yup they will do anything to make your life a living hell, and don't care who else is hurt in the process, especially if they know they can get away with it. What they are best at is creating plausible excuses that make logical sense.
this is the video on the 'dark' personality disorders Ive been looking for for years, more please
You described my ex to a T. He claims to have empathy and actually was able to show his "good side" for long periods of time. It really is scary how people like that exist. He was a great salesman too and an extrovert (everyone lkes them). The dark empath really is dangerous. I feel conned out of the last 13 years of my life 😢
Ghosting is the scariest. It keeps you frightened waiting for the shoe to drop. Not knowing what day or time. Causing great stress & anxiety. Making it so you trust less & less.
🤯 I’m going to have to watch this numerous times. I have definitely lived this life for 30 years with my husband (my logic tells me this). I can see parts of everything you say in him, especially the dark empath yet I still sit here telling myself “you’re reading too much into this, you’re being overly dramatic and overthinking everything.” This is so complicated!
Trust your intuition, and don't let him cloud it. It will happen many Times over find your voice within his voice. It's there you forgot bc he made you forget.
I asked myself if I had children would I allow them to be subjected to this man I was married to. I answered NO!. So I asked myself why are you subjecting yourself to this man.
Going no contact motivated to protect children is v much a good choice
I still struggle to fully accept how evil my parents, long dead, were to me. There were some good moments when they did "the right thing," but it was probably for public show, not for love of me.
@@madelinemsg7115 public private and secret faces yes typical to this scenario hard to prove crazy making behaviour x
Wow I can't believe what you just said my ex boyfriend was a sadistic person. My ex did exact same thing. He would try to intimidate and charge me like a bull, cruelty, financial ABUSE. Reactive ABUSE. HE WAS A MALIGNANT NARCISSIST AND A MONSTER! He did just that he used people to get what he wanted
These dangerous psychopaths also murder their victims and their friends, pets and members of their family. They belong in prison for life.
They also cause a lot of suicides.
I am at a loss as to how little society knows about this devastating mental condition. I spent 3 decades surrounding 12 Step programs, trying to fit a square pegs into round holes. No one in the rooms talk ANYTHING about narcissism. After 2 decades I narrowed it down to shunning. OK. Took another decade after mother-in-law died (I never met) and step daughter described her as a malignant. Turns out my family of origin on mother's side are all on the spectrum. I was too, until I became scapegoated 30 years ago. As a consequence, 20 years ago I married a closet narcisisst. 4 DUIs, child endangerment, shoplifting X5, leaving scene of an accident, yep...
Yes, I was recently talking to a friend who I find really smart and well informed and with a deep understanding of psychology who really had never heard of NPD other than the most obvious cases like our 45th president...
After narcissistic abuse, I didn't become heartless, I just learned to use my heart less. yeah, but don't allow them for you to get to that point. You know who you are just be more choosy to who you share that with. British Columbia has experienced significant and numerous fires, I hope my fellow people find hope and peace in the courage as you navigate your way.
yes, you’re right that’s the way my husband treat me like I’m less than a human being married to him 17 years and he miss treated me belittle me took all my money control me control my money he put credit cards in my name without my permission you he got it disrespect me, and he tore me apart he gutted me out, left me, hollow empty like I’m nothing.
thank you it hurts so bad I can’t even begin to describe. It feels like death.
Then morn it because it is a sort of death.
@@norabrown394 Oh, no. I'm sorry. I wish you peace and a good life. I'll be thinking about you. (((HUGS))) ~ Renee
This Woman Is So On Point! Thank you, it is so hard and takes a lot of time to get over these relationships. And they can leave a lot of scars.
Dr. Ramani, thank you for all that you do and the videos you make. I’m about to be a psychiatric nurse practitioner and it took me a very long time to realize how I am myself have been impacted by narcissism. I started by trying to figure out why I keep getting involved with really cruel and scary people with undeniably narcissistic traits. I have finally realized that my parents are both narcissists. It took 32 years of being abused and considered as the scapegoat, but your videos have helped me get a better understanding of what has actually been going on. I was never able to understand why everybody around me seemed like they were truly narcissistic. I oftentimes still wonder if maybe i am too sensitive or if I am overreacting. So thank you so very much, we love you! ❤
You sound like you might be a Highly Sensitive Person. Narcissists are drawn to your light.
Ah, all 5 traits are exactly 💯 how ex narcissist lives. Nightmare for 15 years! Sadistic! Vindictive! Entitled! Dismissive! DARKNESS
Omg, my sister is a dark empath. I'm terrified of her. Thank you for this video. I've been trying to figure out what the missing piece is with her as in learning about narcissist personality style etc. Wow. Lightbulb moment. 😳
I was married to a narcissist who had these 5 traits and I thank God every day that I got out of my marriage with my life.
Yes--all of the above make excellent sense, and thank you! I especially appreciated your comment that we can describe the "what" even if we cannot describe the "why." Letting go of the need to know the "why" is so important. When we do that, we can let go of our sense of being guilty, being part of the narcissist's problem, and we can deal with the "what" in a constructive way. As an empathetic person, I feel horrible when "my" narcissist is angry, yelling, crying, demonizing me, lying, self-aggrandising in obviously invented ways, using nebulous authorities to bolster an inflated sense of importance, such as "everybody says I am a great lady." I feel horrible because I empathize with the hurt behind the anger, and the insecurity and hunger behind the lies. However, "my" narcissist cannot be helped by my empathy or my empathetic response. Now that I see this, it is still difficult to shut off the empathy and the guilt over not being all that "my" narcissist requires, but I am working on it and hope to reach a state of serenity, even while protecting myself. I watched your "back to the good old days" video, too. I don't think "my" narcissist was happy, even back in the days before I clued in. I could never, ever please this person, and nothing was ever enough. For the narcissist, the change in life satisfaction, following my awakening, seems to be quite small. For me, it is huge. The greatest happiness for the greatest number, and pleasure in life for those who are capable of being pleased! That's me, not her!
This is such a great comment. I think since I realized my mother is a narcissist I right away started asking why and centering on her pain, trauma etc. from childhood or from her other relationships. That was just playing further into the trap. ...Thank you. I'm at the start of my journey and I think Dr. Ramani and your comment have saved me some extra pain....
Thanks for shining light into the abyss.
This a wonderful take on this personality confusing disorder. The biggest thing that confused me was the darkness I saw and then the vulnerability mixed with it. Anyways, so much needed info here !! Thank you DrR.
@@attilakohbor3360 My ex's eyes turned dark, and he had a happy, smug smile before he harmed me. It's weird and frightening.
Great share - relationship is seen typical out there & not ok!
I’ve become disgusted with my own narc brother, fr bff he now talk trash and crap about them, burned bridge yet those wonderful people
were the only ones helped him in hi darkest days.
Such a great insight and words to give a name to what lots of us that’s lived through so called relationships with the narc and still alive and sane!!!! Thank you Dr Ramani
Thank you for validating the danger that I lived through. Can’t explain it clearly enough for people to realize how dangerous this person can be.
Love your elegant explanation of D. I paused the video to give my 5 factor guess: Entitlement, laziness, seeking for ego stroking, self right always, no examination of self or world around self. LYING, Bingo
Can we do a deep dive on "Contempt"? It took me forever to get that, and I am always realizing how important and integral it is... Thank you!!!❤❤👍👍❤
Contempt freezes any relationship development from mutual respect instead to subjugation.
@@steveOCalley Amen to that insight.
@@steveOCalley that's a good analysis. Never thought of it that way. My mother uses contempt and disdain regularly. Then expects me to be close to her. It's impossible to be close with someone willing to devalue you when they feel like it. As daft as it sounds up u til couple of years ago I didn't realise that's what she was doing. Instead I just felt shamed for a thought word or behaviour. Truly rotten way to treat people. I call it putting people down. Very childish behaviour and communicates nothing positive but it does help them gain control
My ex only shows contempt toward me. I need to grey rock him away. The problem is I depend on him for so much, especially since we moved to Mexico, and our houses are 10 minutes apart.
Machiavelli's The Prince was my favorite book as a teen. As an adult, looking back, I think I was trying to figure out how to force my dad to always be nice to me instead of only being nice to me when in other's view.
Turns out you can't just turn empathy off. Machiavelli makes no mention of doing so but the lessons he imparts basically require you either have no empathy already or be able to turn it off.
After many years of dealing with various narcissists in my life I had the horrible opportunity of then dealing with an dark empath. This meeting has really destroyed my life.
I was raised by one. My advice: tell them NOTHING. They will use every bit of info/emotion etc they get to hurt you. If you can break away, please try.
Finally dark
cognitive empath highly intelligent and extremely extroverted make sense!!
They direct their empathy toward people that they choose to get validated.
Once you get their game you are useless to them!!
Thank you
Lack of empathy, selfishness, entitlement, sedestic, Grandeous
I am 3 weeks into no contact. I have 4 children with him and after 17years of marriage I got sober (from alcohol) 1 yr and 2 months ago, and the healthier I have become and setting boundaries for myself just did not work for him. I couldn’t handle the verbal abuse and rage especially in front of the kids anymore. Now I am just being harassed financially by unsure finances and him having legal paperwork thrown my way…but I prefer that over the way that it was any day!
I love that you stay current! Because we are all navigating this!! Everyone needs some ammo to fight the fight.
Dr Ramani your videos are helping me so much! I am currently in the middle of divorcing a narcissist, and it’s a rough ride. I wish I had known more about narcissistic personalities sooner. It would’ve save me a lot of heartache. The past few years have been hell …Thanks to your videos however, I’m going to be OK. I am slowly learning to heal. Thank you again for all that you do.!
Yes, yes! Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Currently under attack from a "D" personality. I came very close to filing a protective order, but quickly realized that it would just exacerbate the situation, so I am in the process of fleeing. Thank you for your invaluable "safe space" for me to express my experience and validate my experience with such applicable content while I try to continue to endure.
Do both. Flee and get a protective order. The latter will help you when he violates it, and lend credence if you go to court. Don't play any games - establish No Contact Forever; if he wants to talk to you he must talk to your lawyer. This worked to protect me while I went through a horrible divorce where he tried to hurt me in any and all ways possible. It can be very difficult to shed these malignant control freaks.
The 5 treats are: lack of empathy, grandiosity, no capable to process criticism or failure, compulsive lying, lack of ethics and moral principles.
Im so grateful Dr Ramani and her team are keeping this channel going. Thank you so much.