Can I just say please, if you're young and watching this, do not take this lightly and please look for red flags in the future. Do not end up like me, 50 years old and finally figuring out how many years I've wasted on narcissists!!! Life is too short to be miserable!!!
I wish I could get my formal self back.. after experiencing this.. I've just struggled in isolation, embarrassment and shame. I've been out for nearly 4 years. I don't know if I could ever really love myself again. I hope for the best.
Hear HEAR! I dealt with female heartbreaks through the manosphere. But finally went NO CONTACT with the family of origin and with the flying monkeys they recruited which included a girlfriend or two in their smear campaign. Nevertheless, this is a very good commentary about situations like ours as well. The same dynamics apply. The whole narc cycle of "idealization, devaluation, discard" is just as applicable to professionals or rotting family situations
Jealousy murdering rage ahs why the frauds are painted as murdering trespassing jealousy rage liars and imposters and stalkers who are ego manic racist Christianity liars
Here is a list of what Narcissists usually do to their targets : - Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke. - When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim. - Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not. - They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right. - Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical. - They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection. - Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target. - They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing). - They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!). - Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything. - Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help. - When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors. - Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them. - They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior. - They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer. - They think they are models to be followed. - They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
@@FromGhettoToGated. same with me, ignored the redflags and still believed he will change. And the result, so many times he broke up with me just because a small issues and back together again. Finally he fully dumped me.
Wow, this was exactly my relationship with my ex in a nutshell. Word for word. It's such a sick feeling. I feel like I'm recovering from an illness, not a break up.
It is an illness . It's narrsasist abuse syndrome. It's a billable medical condition If you seek therapy please be careful as there are not too many professionals that know how to treat this and can traumatize you further. I saw my primary care doctor and was honest and open. She was very supportive and encouraging that this a real condition.
do you know of any books on the correct treatment of this , i wasnt aware the wrong person could traumatise you further. i am a rather introverted aspergic and i have had therapists who have told me to 'just join a group' which is like telling a depressive to just snap out of it.
Key: Don't have any love and compassion for the narcissist - don't care, really don't care - and do not feel quilty for not caring - this is what you need to embrace.
"You're almost perfect....BUT...if you just did XYZ like me, you'd be perfect!"...is what I heard literally from two of those types. One an ex-lover, another a former close friend
@@faithhope7704 As long as you don't MEAN "THANK YOU FOR SHARING" in some secret sarcastic in code speech to other members who are 'cool', legend in THEIR OWN MIND types. But if you do in that exact way, like the band Excel sang, "THE JOKE IS ON YOU!" Only got sober for years because I used "Rational Recovery", the book. Anyhow,, lots of SELF-SUPERIOR nonsense in SOME OF the so-called recovery rooms. Narcissists to a T!! I didn't resist their Ideology because of the members of the group. It was the STUPID BIG BOOK, and then the members THEMSELVES or way too PREACHY( while pretending not to be so) for my tastes
@@AZDC99 I meant what I said actually, im sorry you are so used to backhanded compliments that you feel the need to not only clarify with me, but insult me as well, I find that regressive, however I hope your day gets better! :)
happylife is the and enjoy your In A Pit of myself is the best is a great way for you too and you have to be able for me bhi nahi khate is the way I can understand
4 ปีที่แล้ว +126
"It's not your fault and you are not stupid..." Ahhh thank you
Great.im 61 have no husband or family. My one child is 30 and abusive. Emotionally, Financially, all of it. She moved out and left me with nothing. Just up and left and my social security is not able to cover the bills. I live in a old falling apart house. Some of here chickens she just abandoned here. Her and her new boyfriend won't lift a finger to help. It's been a. Year. And she won't. Help me get a tv out of a box and on the wall. A year it's been in tHe kitchen in my way. I have no stove The electric works but only half the plugs work. So there are Cords all Over. She kept leaving food all over and throwing trash in a pile Next to the outdoor trash. First we got mice. She wouldn't let me use poison or traps because of her dog The house got mice infested They ruined all my clothes in drawers and all the things stored here. I have trouble taking or caring how I look. I used to feel pretty -i can barely take baths. I broke my tailbone and I have constant pain. I either go to the yard and work and get all sweaty and lay here and wish i Could get upstairs to get clean But it's so hard. I'm trying to now She made a disaster of my house. She refused to Work for like TEN years! Now she works and spends all her money on make up and clothes. When I was sick I drove myself to ER. She wouldn't take me or pick me up. Last winter in NH I had no heat for 2 months. At first she finally got me oil but said I had to pay her back but it ran out so the rest of the winter I used 3 electric heaters.The bill for electric is now $2000. The cold months cost $350. A month for all the electric heaters. Also the burner broke. It was 800. When my stimulus i money came it went all to her. (for the oil and burners work. I go to food pantries. I'm totally alone.
During the relationship, I lost weight, I couldn't concentrate, my mood was flattened, my body was inflamed, my back ached, I became isolated. 3 months post discard, it still affects me. I feel shaken to the core and just when I feel like I'm out of the woods, it hits me again. I'm not the same person as I was before. I want myself back.
I feel for you. I just got out of this kind of relationship and I feel totally shattered. I literally fell into depression because of what this person did to me. I'm trying to heal but I keep going back in my mind to what happened. One day I feel strong and say I am moving forward, and the next day it all hits me again. Everything in my life fell apart. My creativity was crushed. My self-worth was crushed. Just everything. I want myself back too but it seems it's a long journey to restore myself and believe again. I just live with this fear right now.
I was only a transitional target for one year and it shattered me. I had agoraphobia and was on edge all the time. I isolated too because no one believed me and felt like I was crazy. It's been 4 years after I left and went no contact. I can tell you that I have been in the same room with her and be ok now. And she doesn't rent space in my head anymore. Just stay away and stay strong and heal . You will be ok. Give time time. All the best
And they isolate you from friends and family or take over your friends by portraying a false image . True evil. You have to live this nightmare to understand. Thanks for your amazing work Meredith.
Yes those abusive therapists are the most unfathomable shock... Especially after years of trust... How dare they use us, and also for money. INSIDIOUS power imbalance!!!!!!! They should lose their licenses.
@@sanramoncali Dont forget about the abusive cops. I made the mistake of calling the cops twice in the last 12 years, and the cop knew I had been strangled from my 911 call. He told me since i had no bruises or cuts (signs of abuse), that they couldn't charge him. Also the cop told me if the fighting continued, (he was beating me), that he would have 2 call DSS. So basically, cops did nothing 2 help me and I was 2 scared 2 call for help for fear they would call DSS if i called 4 help. SMH
Exactly. He, my husband and my mother-in-law have been prohibiting me from visiting my parents and sisters and all my friends. I was left alone over the past 25 years. 😭
4 years ago I discovered this video. I was in deep pain over an abusive relationship. This lovely woman and her insight saved me. I went no contact. This was the beginning of healing and awakening. If you have been guided to this video listen carefully this can save your life.
Why Do they do this...??? What do they gain by having this behavior. Such a waste of energy & time on their part. How do they benefit from treating people like this ?
Yes!! Exactly ....”trained to believe it was normal”, that was just the beginning...it’s a miracle that anyone escapes, breaks free and lives through any of these highly controlling and abusive relationships. To defy the odds and gain the wherewithal & strength to get out and change the course of your life, atleast in my experience anyway. It has almost cost me my life. What’s left of it. But deep inside me, behind the fear, confusion, betrayal, exhaustion, survival, terror, lies on lies, ongoing fear. But then there it was. One day I truly started to listen & understand my own nudges, signals and patterns. Inside me. A voice that had been silenced or ignored for many years. I stopped talking & the endless, communication and my desperate pleas to make sense of a relationship that makes no sense at all. I stopped allowing him to manipulate, lie, deceive and effortlessly hurt me. I started observing. Watching his behavior play out. I’m learning so much in simply observing. I quit asking same questions --w same sad answers. And I quit expecting anything from the man I expected so much for so long. I let it go. I confronted him one last time, and then I let him go, and I finally gave myself the opportunity to grieve the hurt & pain he had caused me. I also grieved & accepted the many ways I hurt myself and became a mere shell in my own life, with my husband/ex partner of 28 years, two grown children and one tiny grandchild. Whom, at the end of this horrendous story, it was my grandson who truly gave me love, hope and acceptance. No one else comforted me, understood, made time to listen or offered any hand or safe night away from the hell I was living. ways I found my tiny flicker of light. My neglected, injured, lonely and hurting soul. That was still somehow there despite all the destruction, chaos, loss and pain. And once I surrendered to my own soul, I vowed I from that day forward --am on a journey to save my life! To honor & recognize me, my dreams I had given up on years ago and am finally learning to value & love me. I’ve dedicated my life to recover from this painful abuse --and pledge to live every day thereafter as a gift handed directly from God! Thank you to this little tucked away corner that allows us to connect and heal our wounds. I’m grateful today.
Yes, yes stomach pain, wieght gain and hair loss.. self esteem went to floor ugh now 1 year out hair growing back, lost all the wieght and now no tummy pain since break up
During 3 years .. She has hit me in the face spit at me .. broke everything in my house .. insulted my family .. Disrespected me ! Broke my car .. and i have forgiven her … bcause i knew she had mental issues .. and was hoping we could find a way .. she left me 2 weeks ago .. bcause .. i wasent listening to her enought .. there was no comunication in our relatiknshipp’… hhahahahhaha … WOOOOWWW JUST cant believe it !!!
Yes, this is the most painful thing. How can my mother not love me, even tho I apolagize everytime she beats me and screams at me....... Oh lord... Please release us from these chains one day. There is nothing I wish for other then sharing love in a safe space. Good luck everyone God is with you
My body totally shut down. I weighed 98 lbs (im5'9) and couldn't even hold a mug right before I was discarded. It was an internal suicide- soul rape. 4 years ago and I'm still so messed up - these people are not human
Jenn T.... Yes they are vampires, they envy you and copy you and take your life away...completely. My partner has strong delusions that are incredibly scary..Luckily for me he lives and works in another state now..Sorry you went threw this.
During my discard, he told me no one would ever love me, that he hated me, that I offered no benefit to the planet, that I was the worst mistake he'd ever made, etc. Many, many cruel things that I never would have said to my worst enemy. I loved him and the man I loved for a year never existed.
My kids are grown and my narc abandoned me and then wanted to come back. I said NO .. I would rather eat grass than live one more minute with him. I love being.on my own.
This was what happened to me: I was a pharmacist of 2 years and I had it all, beautiful, smart, and intelligent. Then I met this guy that I dated who was narcassitic would look at other women in front of me in a very obvious way to hurt my feelings and also talk about how hot other woman were while putting me down. He would furthermore put me down in front of his friends and other people. He even told me one time when I was really drained out of my own energy from him, that my face was depressing and he didn't want to hang out with me if I continued to look like that. It was so hard finally I got out and have been out of the relationship for 1 year and have no communication with him. It's taken me about 6 -7 months to heal and I'm not even fully healed. I've been through pharmacy school and my father passing away, neither of which has been harder than the recovery from this relationship.These people are not human. They deserve to burn in hell.
It sounds to me that your feelings were more involved than his and that happens at times but he was being honest with you and letting you know how he felt you haven't seen him in over a year so therefore since he was honest I would move on with my life and also relationships with narcs there are not honest at all they will lead you on to think that they're in love with you I think this guy that you were seeing he let you know how he felt and a lot of people would appreciate honesty in a relationship and that's what it sounds like he was doing although he shouldn't have embarrassed you and put you down in front of his friends I guess that was a immature whole thing to do there is no guessing to it it was but don't allow this guy to take up space in your head or even give it any more thoughts just take it for what it was and allow yourself to move on you sound like you are a bright intelligent person
Vulnerable narcissism is the worst... you slowly feel like you are disappearing and the narc takes over. You are being made to feel the most unimportant, invisible, ugly person in that person's life. I was incredibly stressed because I couldn't pinpoint... developed Crohn's disease a few months in, which actually was such an honest way my body was telling me this was not a healthy situation.i am a year out of the relationship and the disease had gone since. The body keeps the score.
I hope u feel better now. After I got married 2 years later I developed crohn's disease I was dying and lost my bowels and still didn't understand the abuse because he was so good to me and I was keep saying i am the problem not him 😢 22 years later I have lots of health issues I am at home suffering with lots of pains and couldn't achieve much in life and he discarded me 😢 said he is not in love with me anymore.
Narcissistic abuse is so text book yet so few people seem to know about it. The abuse doesn't just effect you emotionally but it destroys you to the core physically, mentally... Its debilitating. Thank you for posting this.
anyone who has been brought up in an abusive family will easily be sucked into a narcs web because of learned helplessness pathological gullibility naivety lack of self esteem no self worth anyone who doesn't live themselves is at risk. The most important relationship you can have with anyone after the age of 12 is yourself...
This has to be one of the loneliest and frustrating experiences anyone can go through... you try to talk to friends and family but just end up looking insane.. and as if you're obsessed with the person, no ones else seems to see the person for who they are , and on top of that they bash your opinions and ideas making you feel stupid then start playing them off as there own ! i feel fucking empty and used.. and hate myself .i have been pushing people that do actually care for me away i don't know why I'm doing this i don't wanna upset them but its quite frustrating having to make up reasons why I'm so depressed or low energy all the time . ... great video by the way :)
Thats when they win, making you hate yourself. Ive learned thats the outcome of narc abuse. Like a puppy thats been abused ends up as a biting dog. Its just an outcome. So, one way to know youre with a narc, you go from thinking you are a relatively decent person, to believing you are bad, worthless and useless. Im hoping the self hate is really just a need for self forgivenesses in disguise. Narcs ruin people.
As my, then 12 year old, daughter said back in the day: “you can’t explain it Mom...they have to live it.” (My sweet girl.) My own mother took his side, sending Bday and Christmas cards to him and ignoring me for being selfish when I finally left him. Fast forward a few years...I’m a bit vindicated....our 4 kids, though not unscathed, are still in my world, and he can’t remember the name of his only grandchild. It is soul raping.
My church even dumped on me. when I cried out to them they said don’t focus on the problems and their advice was to buy her flowers randomly. The bad thing is her and her daddy are a tag team and her daddy is on staff so he’s friends with all of them. I made the mistake of telling my wife I was going taking this crap to the church, I think her daddy beat me to them. I had a blowout with him once and after listening to him, it was clear they talked about me and my meeting with the other pastors
I was absolutely exhausted towards the end of this abusive relationship. We’ve been separated 10 weeks now and I’m only just starting to feel normal again. Thank you
@@jeannettecrowther9848 My mom did this to me, played on my weaknesses, gaslight, etc now I'm an older male virgin who wishes they weren't born. I'm dead inside anyway.
I can remember sitting in my car sobbing, wishing I was dead - but couldn't figure out why since he worked hard, didn't physically abuse me, etc. I had gotten to the point where I thought my needs weren't important, where I made sure I didn't ask for more than he was willing to give (he gave nothing relationally).
Yes, they are so clever. They actually abuse in the worst way possible, without any outward evidence...no yelling, no physical aggression, no profanity, etc. The abuse is so subtle and vicious that it slowly destroys you.
Dang. Totally just nailed the whole journey. Took me thousands of dollars of professional help to unwind the head fuckery. I never thought I could be hustled that hard psychically but she found me right out of a terrible divorce. I was shattered and grieving and the perfect target. That initial love bomb shit though. Never ever trust that kids. Also, watch out for somebody that just consumes your time and attention every day. Even if it feels good. It isn't good.
The insane rage is mind boggling and gut wrenching. 0-100 in a matter of seconds over the slightest thing. They are unable to regulate emotions. Its like a little child having a tantrum, its never acceptable, frightening and absolutely ridiculous.
@@bellarose6501 The RAGE OMG! 😭 first time it happened I was shaking and everytime I watched a movie and someone was raging it triggered me so bad I'd go right back to that first time. The terror and absolute fear I felt(. It happened so many times and when I learnt about Narc abuse I started laughing in his face and that enraged him even more. The lack of control over me and inability to manipulate me drove him insane. I'm just glad he never hit me because he needed to keep looking like the good guy out there.
ephesians 6:12 for we fight not against flesh and blood but against principalities against powers and dark forces of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places. The spiritual world is oh so real whether you choose to believe it or not. think about it, we all relate to what she says. all the men/women us women/men have been with have the same traits to the point its scary. I was an unbeliever until i met the father of my son. every thing you say is as if you personally know him. It is an everyday struggle knowing he will always be around because we have a son.
Spot on. Narcissistic abuse takes such a mental and physical toll on you, because sometimes you can't come to terms that it IS abuse. Just because there aren't physical scars doesn't mean there aren't mental scars from someone. I'm a little over one week of choosing to not respond to him... it's been really difficult and after watching this I feel like I have more of an obligation to myself to never respond again.
I suffered this kind of “relationship “ for years, it’s REALLY hard when you have a child with them .... the children suffer worse even when you break away from them
@@JustAmyKay Eventually, the game goes so far that the narcissist isolates their victim from all family/friends/support so they are extremely dependent. Then, they demand that the abused spouse sacrifices their child in exchange for security.
Target are good people. Meeting the narcissist was the best friend that happened to me because my weakness which was empathy for all and anytime is now things of the past. Yes I still have empathy but I now have boundaries and discover that all people are not kind and empathic. So I grow wisely and so happy for my life, I learned to say NO to undeserving people. Please use your bad experience for lessons to RISE.
@@vanity68 I'm 7 years in 4 yrs mask off drinking out all night lies flying monkeys abusing me with her drinking partners she talks to single men in private on fb. I had to hack it to find out I felt bad but no trust and my suspicions where right. But she is focused on me looking at private stuff not what I seen. Wierd. I've been abused I just have to accept it and move on. 👁 I see you now.
Moz m it’s terrible. Truly. I feel for you. Been through it and still going through it. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel lonely. I have no one. Besides my dgtr. But she doesn’t understand the full picture cause she’s just a teen.
I was suicidal and I didn’t understand why I suddenly wasn’t good enough. He was so sweet at times and then verbally and physically abusive out of nowhere and used my past against me..he would say some of the same things I told him my stepdad used to say(I grew up in an abusive home). Thank you so much for this
Wow the same thing happened to me as well. I told him I didn’t have the best relationship with my dad and he used to many things I said when I was vulnerable against me and told me my father doesn’t love me and said shit like “this is why your sister stopped talking to you” he would break my heart so badly using things I said when I was breaking down against me. Sometimes it still gets hard to breathe and I get flashbacks of him yelling at me and hitting me or getting woken up and getting slapped and I just want to bawl. But I know these experiences are going to make me stronger and I know what I should never tolerate ever again. I’m sending you so much love and I’m so sorry an asshole hurt you like this too. May we both heal and find peace and happiness 💛💛
Thats so crazy tho, do yall think they really are that aware? Ive always wondered. They play like they are the victim, but I still have the feeling they know.... In that case, tjey are pure evil!?!? I always made excuses for my narc mother, even tho she NEVER apolagized for beating me or gaslighting
I've told people that a Narcissist Psychopath is really dangerous to have in your life. Often times I get the rolling of eyes from people, like they think I'm being over dramatic.🙄
People don't want to believe it. I don't think unless you've been through it you can grasp how real and how terrible it is. I like it to a movie that starts off as a rom com, becomes a psychological thriller and ends as a horror.
@@JH-td4mnthis is exactly what happen to me. Rom com to hell. Now in separation to divorce. She turned everything off like a switch and actually acts like nothing ever happened like we been friends forever. Wtf. I think i fell into a nest of them fuckers.
Wow! I developed chronic fatigue and and chronic pain and have become basically useless. Unable to work and 2 kids later I have been trapped in a cycle from hell. I can't believe that I ended up here. College degrees in 3 areas and was successful when we met. Its 15 years later and education is key. This video has absolutely brought clarity to me because there's a name for the confusion and madness. Thank you for sharing and the people who comment help me not feel like I'm not alone.
Oh really !!!! You're not alone actually were on the same boat baby ....stay away from narcs and toxic people they have problem for every solution !!!!! Stay away from pessimistic people !!!!
I cried when I watched this video. Its so hard because nothing replaces the connection you have with a narcissist and psycopath and you keep hoping you will find this relationship again but you dont. No one believes me and nobody understands.
Bleepa pal yes , and those people aren’t kind knowing I’m going through a horrible life, is absolutely true, my adult daughters, are super nice, when they need something, as soon they get what they wanted, the gaslighting starts , my life is so empty,👎
The moment you call them out all hell breaks lose, but not necessarily in such a way that you are aware of it. They will often go about their devious plans quietly so that they can totally ambush you later.
+What's Wrong, John? You're right! Sometimes they go into immediate narcissistic rage and other people, probably the ones with more sociopathic tendencies, will retreat and plan their ambush.
What's Wrong, John--I confronted mine and she turned my whole life upside down. Filed for divorce, managed to convince a judge to remove me from the house for HER safety, and now has my 12 year old daughter all alone in her care. 15 years with a woman, and I do not recognize her, and had no idea she was capable of the hateful behavior. We had some ugly fights, and I sent some "questionable" text messages, that were presented in court to show I had an anger problem. I had no clue what was happening. Then I found a website on narcissism, and my life is now being destroyed. Be careful, and protect yourself at all times. These people are extremely dangerous. The "lack of empathy" and the discard phase is something my brain still hasn't been able to process yet. I did not heed the warning I read on several sites about not confronting these people on their condition. Their reaction is a sure sign that you are correct on your diagnosis. Absolutely unreal.
@@jram8555 how are you doing now? I am living this right now. 2 kids plus her 2 kids. She filed and also got an abuse claim on me. I have evidence on her though. she is going down. She F'd up my life. Can't even believe it.
JR AM I feel for you, Luckily no kids with her for me. I was traumatised by her discards and smear campaign. She worked me up so much then left as soon as it was my say. Same, then I would send not nice texts to her . One time I caught her secretly videoing me on her phone doing something questionable which she asked me to do, then she took off. It was all manipulated so when I called her out for being a narcissist she had my messages and recording to start her evil lying smear campaign. I just couldn’t believe it ,then ghosted me and her friends dissed me and everyone we were friends with disliked or avoided me. Pure evil. I knew of 2 of her ex,s they were top blokes apparently when I knew them they were useless druggies. Neither did drugs before they met her, she destroyed them like she tried to destroy me. Unfortunately for her I’d been with another narcissist relationship which I never knew the term then and managed to survive that. 18 months on from last discard breakup researching their personality recovering and know the red flags and very happy these day’s. They get theirs back in the end and our kindred spirits above help us out in many ways. Stay positive and kind and hoping you defeat this evil kind and all works out for you🙏💚
Or, instead of discard, she invades you and (partially) programs you to her needs and wants. You are no longer quite you when that happens; or the actual you is pushed to the side as she works on you.
It is better to be alone than to suffer a fool (or in this case, a narc) for company. The best question that was asked of me (and some folks are not strong enough to handle this question at first) was "what is it in you that keeps you in this relationship". That was the turning point. I understand that being born to a narc or BPD parent is not a choice. I understand that this can have damaging results down the road. Once we realize what has happened, we still need to take control of our lives and work on us. I did not have a narc parent or a BPD parent. So my ability to put myself into the shoes of those people in that situation is severely limited. Having said that, self-work helps everyone. Start taking control. Begin small. For example, I started with simple things such as I will clean my shower. It was just my shower at first. But to write it down and to finish it gave me a sense of accomplishment and control. I know it is small but psychologically, it has a tremendous effect. Kaizen. Little by little you WILL improve. I am not talking out of my a$$. I went through horrible abuse to the point I was hospitalized, I lost my job (I was an award winning scientist), and I became someone I hated. So, yes, I understand. But at some point, I started to take control. This renders the narc powerless. They will try to counter. But keep moving forward. You will see that light.
harlequin75 Life is beautiful on the other side. Still have to pay attention but so easy to see now. I too pretty much lost everything except my house. I am only able to work part time and am behind on all my bills but I have a job in my field with insurance and I am ok with that. I would rather be broke all the time then be with anyone right now especially the narrsasist.
Thank you for your comment. I have been made to feel I am nothing for years, always sprinkled with some kindness of course to keep me self-doubting. I am supposed to be getting our house ready to sell but I just can't seem to accomplish anything. He finally moved out and when he comes to see the kids, I think he's secretly happy I've accomplished nothing so he can feel satisfied that I am all the things he told me I was. I just wish I had my energy back to get it all done. I know when this house is sold and I am really free of him I'll begin to feel like my 'self' again. When I've told him that I've been emotionally abused by him he laughs in my face, he says I was this way when we met, he didn't cause it (I came from an emotionally abusive household; mother allowing stepfather to do so). I always knew something was off and I discovered teenage pornography on his phone a year and a half ago, everything was blown wide open. He is sick on many levels(sex addict as well) and of course he is perfectly fine telling his family and co-workers everything was my fault. At first I wanted to tell everyone the truth about him, now I just want to be free of him. It's been almost twenty years of him treating me like shit, it's all I grew to know, almost like he was my addiction. I am very strong and resilient and I am never ever letting him back in. God bless and I pray anyone who reads this follow their gut and get out as soon as possible. I feel like a fool for staying and believing he was something he wasn't, but I forgive myself now.
MaryLynn the good news is as soon as we are away from the abuse and the abuser and come out of the fight or flight syndrome, which is the amygdala part of the brain, we go back into our hippocampus part of the brain, where we have our creative and higher thoughts, the brain begins to heal. When we are in fight or flight or in our amygdala for an extended period of time, the hippocampus begins to atrophy. This is why healing from narcissistic abuse is a process and not an event. But the good news is, as soon as we are out of that abuse the brain begins to heal!!! Not only can your creativity return but it can overflow. Just as the strike of a small matchstick overcomes total darkness every time no exceptions!!!...so can we overcome the root, the cause and effects of this insidious abuse! We can go free while they continue walking in darkness.
Hi Meredith 🙋🏻♀️we don't know eachother however, this TH-cam video changed my life in 2016. Although I have never had the privilege of meeting you, I would like to thank you as I am truly grateful. Your TH-cam channel and this video in particular were the catalysts to my journey to discovery and living as my authentic self. (My abusers were parental and half siblings from my immediate family.)
They make you doubt who you are, make you doubt your identity. They discard you, never take accountability and want you back. 😢 It’s such a heartbreaking, demoralizing experience. “You are too sensitive, I was joking, you are crazy” I know we all heard that.😢
13 years of a downward spiral. We have an child together. I saw a lawyer last week and now he’s accusing me of betraying him. I’m done with the verbal abuse. I want out.
Me too Amy..me too. I applied for public housing so I can get out. He thinks I wont leave while he sleeps on the couch ignoring me. Fuck this selfish asshole
First he made me feel like a queen. Then he called me crazy. He called me having multiple personalities. He called me oversensitive. He said there won't be anyone accepting me cause I am so crazy. My friend said I used to be a happy personality and have nothing's wrong with me. He liked to blame shifting, gaslighting, silent treatment, and more. I felt sick and migraine all the times, vomiting every morning. He told me maybe I had immune disorder but doctor said nothing. And tons of everything that I could write a book. 5 years, now I have the power. Thank you for all videos like this in TH-cam that made me realize that I have been living with an evil. My sorrow is almost over.I am almost...but still at war.
Let me start by saying I very rarely leave comments. But I just felt compelled to thank you for making this amazing video. Your compassion and caring shows like a beacon of beauty. This video illustrates the stages of abuse to a tee. I finally have a well documented example of what it was like in dealing with my Narc. Normal folks just couldn't understand what I was doing with this person. Well, here's the "Why". I've finally left my abuser after 17 months of extreme highs and lows. It was terribly difficult since my abuser had a doctorate in counseling, Not only that, but she was a professor who taught graduate level counseling. WTF!!!!! I still have to laugh a little when I say that. I should get some kind of honorary degree after handling that level of abuse. Right? This video has got me to the place were I could finally cry some of this out. Its been 2 weeks now and im still really raw and depressed. I was so upset and tense I just couldn't do it. This REALLY helped out immensely. Giving you the biggest virtual hug right now. Thank you....
I'm so happy for you! I was elated at coming into a few answers at a time over time. It probably took me at 2 years before I could say he was a narc for certain. His gaslighting, acting, blame shifting and victim-playing was phenomenal. And the switch of ...
OMG, this is sooo accurate...Please help...The destruction after they discard you can be a path to suicide. You will NEVER experience anything so painful..God have mercy on all their victims. Wish I could talk to someone like this lovely person..
My dad has NPD and looking back now I realize I was “self-harming” in very subliminal ways. I wasn’t doing what is common among self-harming habits like cutting, or scratching... I would disassociate or “zone out” while doing mundane things like watching tv and literally pull my hair out (eyelashes, eyebrows, neck hair)... I would bite all my fingernails till they bled and were throbbing... I would also peel off toenails that weren’t “perfect” and would continue to do it despite the pain. I think that is something the medical/psychology field should consider when identifying/defining “self-harm”... It’s not always clearcut and obvious like a person who is cutting. I have significantly reduced my stress and anxiety since I moved out and away from my narcissist. I am still left with damage that I’m working on to this day. There are certain things that trigger me or give me flashbacks of my dads abuse. It’s really hard recovering from psychological abuse
Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best. The sacred word for God, HU, is on many TH-cam channels. I discovered it when my partner dumped me for my best friend. It lifted me above the emotional pain of living. Over many years I found great protection and love through chanting HU.
So crazy this was posted a year ago. I remember watching this when it was posted and it was the start of my journey. My entire life has changed entirely over the last year. With your videos, Psychopath Free, The Betrayal Bond, and lots of hard work, I feel like I'm finally out of the fog. Love love love your videos ❤❤
Just be careful. I thought I was safely out and 20 years later he’s trying to leverage my kids to sneak back in . Saying no hurts them so it’s a real conundrum
The issue for me in waking up, is that now i feel even more hopeless. Now i know there is no hope to get through to the 2 people in my life slowly killing me. My ex husband. still in my life, and my eldest daughter that lives with me. I no longer want her here, but she also has health problems, so throwing her out is not an option. And the government wont give her enough money to move. They do not even give her enough to live on because she lives with family. So thats on me too. I Can not survive anymore. let alone thrive.
i know the feeling 40 years with my covert narsicist Jezebel monster wife and a destroyed body to prove it..unfucking believable... woke up 9 months ago...almost to late...been fighting for my life for 40 years..didn't know i was sleeping with the enemy...or "why" i was fighting for my life all the time... and i wasn't sleeping with her the last 15 years...which helped pushed me to wake up...
I dreamed that a random person came to me and told me to get away, that he will hurt me. I was really young and confused because he was still in the love-bombing stage and I thought that was a crazy dream. But in reality somewhere deep inside, I already knew. I just didn’t want to know because he seemed to be so caring and amazing.
I dreamtbi was being hunted by a family of demons that caught me, enfolded me in an embrace , but my neck, paralyzing me. I knew what it meant but I thought I shouldn’t read into it too much. Huge mistake, it was a warning.
Exactly what I went through for years with my ex. The only way I healed was to cut all ties with him and mutual friends . I deactivated my facebook, blocked everything #'s friends etc. I even told friends not to update me about him either. I do my best to not even talk about him. It's taken about a good 6 months to finally be and feel free to be me and be at peace with life. Your video is more conformation that I wasn't crazy about it all. I'm reflecting now on why I allowed myself to get hooked by a NARCISSIST. My faith in God and who he says I am is what is the TRUTH. May God bless you for encouraging others to realize this horrible demonic abuse
This is such an underrated video, your descriptions are incredibly accurate. Thank you Meredith! I want to add something though, because I'm rather sure the idea of "revenge" or "calling them out" might have occurred to some: many narcissists are not aware of their behaviour, they are not spending time thinking how to put you down (you're not that important). This is not to excuse them, but they are doing it unconsciously, because of the pain they feel; their pain stems from their childhood trauma, when they learnt to manipulate their care givers for survival, much in the same way that you learnt in childhood that your needs are not important. They are jealous that, in their eyes, it looks like you are composed and mastering your emotions (you're pressing them down, leading to depression), and it makes them extremely uncomfortable and brings them huge pain. Another point: it is not your task or duty to help them and I cannot stress this enough. You may try to point it out to them that they need help, but stay away from trying to fixing them. Finally, if you're out from a relationship with a narcissist, know that you've probably taken the biggest step in your life: they've shown you your childhood trauma. It's now your chance to heal your childhood trauma and live life to its full! Peace.
The fact that these so-called Narcs CAREFULLY and INSIDUOUSLY STUDY and KEEP TABS ON THEIR TARGETS BY GETTING AS MUCH INFO from them by PRETENSE and DECEIT, it means these LEECHES KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY INTEND TO DO.
@@stephaniehall6309 Thank you Stephanie. The statement "they are not spending time thinking how to put you down (you're not that important)" is a very dangerous one. I think of this song when thinking of narcissists. There is no them, there is only me. They have no substance and the only form they take is in the form that I as the victim will respond to. If you think these people have a life outside of torturing you, you haven't understood narcissism. th-cam.com/video/VB8iRUqlpZw/w-d-xo.html
You're beautiful and thank you. I'm glad that you kickedyour narcissist to the curb. Mine is 28 of living hell. April 8th I file the eviction paperwork. Such scummy people these narcissist are. I could write a book. She told me that there was no end to her shit many years ago and she wasn't joking.
Nail hit on head. Mine was a victim narc who was incredibly jealous of everything I did. He discarded me over purchasing a rental property. Luckily he was a bf and we had no legal ties. The trash took itself out. He talked kids, marriage “we need to do it before we get to old”. Rush rush rush. Yep. Triangulating junkies just nark’n. He was always complaining about his bosses, co workers, friends.... constant texting all day long. Yes... deliberate chronic and deliberate interruptions all day long. Yes to all of this. The body aches. Sooooo much peace after they leave. The discard after you bring up the tiniest issue you bring up. BOOM! Devalue then DISCARD! Then the Hoover.... GO NO CONTACT FOREVER! Peace be with all the survivors..... GREAT VIDEO MEREDITH! Btw, the devalue cycle starts when they are grooming a new supply. Then, they re idealization starts when they devalue the new supply. It’s a sick mental disorder. They are severely disturbed.
Your compassion and care made me cry. In this last year I have learned I was raised by a narcissistic mother with whom I now have no contact. All my relationships have been with narcissistic males and I had no idea this was happening. In my mid fifties after years of pain and failure I am trying to come to terms with the mess my life has been. I got out of the last relationship only a month ago and the self doubt you talked of resonated so deeply. My family are against me, my friends saw only the charm. I don't think I've ever felt so alone so please,, a big, enormous thank you for what you are doing and how you are able to touch and help.
popsylol you are not alone. I understand; I have your same story. I'm glad you got out and I wish you the best. I know it took a lot of strength to get out;in fact, you moved a mountain. If you can move mountains, what else can you do! Treat yourself good, you are worth it.
Pia Mellody and Pete Walker on codependency are great writers. I only 'woke up' two years ago. It's a long road to recovery, but the recovery is taking place. Alice Miller is also wonderful. Pete Walker has an excellent bibliography in the back of his book cPTSD: from Surviving to Thriving.
popsylol I can relate to you right now. I'm 52, and left 6 weeks ago. My boys want to stay with their dad so, it hard for me. They are teens now and are aware of the physical abuse that happened. I am Co-depend one my husband psychologically dependant, emotionally, and financial. It's been a sick relationship for a long time and feel awful because all 5 of my kids witnessed the abuse. I just found out he was an Altruistic Narcissist.
I couldn't agree more, you basically described my situation as well. I am in my early 50's and just finally figuring out what the hell has been going on all these years. Our family has been torn to shreds & as a result the siblings have next to nil contact after years of being pitted against eachother. I did reach out numerous times via text, email, ph calls to always be met with no response for the most part. I have gone no contact w my NARC mom & co dep dad about 2 months ago. I struggle with the anger & ignorance for not figuring out this info earlier. I have begged for help w therapist, read every book I could find trying to find answers. It is a enormous gift to finally, finally, finally have answers & have hope for a future w/o all this pain. I am fearless in this journey to happiness & wish everyone out there the same! We are all truly survivors!!
It's been hard coming to terms with this but this was exactly the relationship I was in. Not only was I a good supply for him, I was the perfect target because I was empathetic and had never been in a relationship before. I essentially had no boundaries so he was slowly transforming me into what he wanted while he was using, lying to, and cheating on me. I broke no contact a month from our breakup after he pretended to be remorseful for all of 20 minutes and it definitely set me back. It hurts that the only love I've ever had was toxic.
Desiree Kian The same thing happened to me. I can relate to you. He was my first "boyfriend". Looking back now i know that i was never in a relationship. Narcs don't know what real love is. They don't know how to give love. I'm now hoping to get to know real love. I'm a good hearted woman, i didn't deserved that childish disgusting treatment. We deserve real love.
If you are out of the relationship, keep out and never go back. Companionship can be alluring, but don't take the bait. Get as far away as you can. You are fine on your own. Stay strong dear 😘
This happened with me too. I also had a child by the guy, needless to say he wasn't around. There needs to be more info dealing with this specifically-when the narc was your first love. I still have PTSD. Hopefully, you'll have a better recovery.
I ended bvb up homeless in L.A. because of something like this. I now RV around country avoiding all life...All the therapy I had never explained this! Thank you!
I'm 44 and was in a 2 year relationship with a narcissist. I became an alcoholic and cocaine addict. Attempted overdosing twice to end the pain and misery from the mental verbal physical financial sexual abuse. I'm 18 months clean and free and doing much better. Focusing on myself. Watch for the red flags and listen to your intuition
@@deehyatt5173 I pray you find the strength to leave soon. It will not be easy but so worth it. I've been free from him 18 months and still struggle but every day gets better. I learned to love myself and that I never deserved the abuse and I will never settle again. Love and light 🥰
@@gem_ineye76 ~ thank you 🤗🕊 your comment resonated with me.. I never believed someone could be so cruel and evil.. and I’ve never wanted to ‘not exist’. I am experiencing every form of abuse you mentioned and it’s sickening to think so many other people are having this horrible pain💔.. I’m happy that you’ve been freed from the torture. I know once I can get away, that there will be a way to be ‘alive’ again.. at this point I just want the pain to end💔😭😖😣😓 ~ I have beautiful children & grandchildren that I would appreciate being able to actually BE WITH & enjoy .. so I keep reminding myself that’s my goal
Thank you! I needed this message today! First day of no contact! I walked away for ME because the best friend in me told me to! NO MORE tolerating mental abuse! I am better than that!
Tomorrow will be two weeks! I am still hanging in there! Each day that goes by I feel the feeling of hopelessness lifting. I am enjoying the silence and working on myself! I am so glad that I finally put my foot down and said NO MORE to the mental abuse!
Same here I’ve blocked him off everything I can’t take it anymore. Just darkness. A rainy cloud over my head. Telling me my birthmark I love that looks like a heart looks like an “ugly burn”, telling me I’m ugly, a whole, and that my dad doesn’t love me, etc. No more. I can’t let more terrible things enter my heart when I can control it. Sending you so much love and healing and I’m so sorry this happened to you too love 💛🥺🤍🤍💖
@@nicolec8143 Thank you’. Stay strong! We do not deserve to be treated like disrespectful. Your birth mark is not ugly, it’s beautiful! It’s what makes you unique! Every bad thing he says rebuke it, they are all lies! He is wrong for saying those things BUT we cannot stick around and allow them to treat as such because it only gets worse not better. If you went one day without him you can do another until you forget him. There will be someone else that will treat you a lot better. Just use your ex as an example of what you don’t want in a man, that’s what I am going to do when I am ready to date. For now it’s ME time. I am going to repair what he tried to damage. Be well, my dear! You can do this! 🤗 ❤️👍
Yep. I deal with it on a daily basis with my husband and recently I've found myself thinking of divorce more than I think of being happy with him. It's like these verbal daggers constantly being thrown to make me feel as badly as he must. It completely degraded my self esteem and self love and turned me into a shell of who I used to be. No more. Divorce is the finalization of me getting myself back.
Would you do a video on covert narcissism? The extreme passiveness is at times more crazy making than the overt. Neglect:, ignoring, silent treatment, always excuses, taking affection and sex away, all the decisions are placed on you, but it's so all the blame is placed on you if something goes wrong. I feel like I created the whole relationship was in my head, like I was having a relationship with myself.
Yes soon! One of my clients just wrote a book on covert narcs and I wrote the foreword for it. As soon as it’s available online I will make a video on the topic and link her book.
Covert narcs do exactly what you have described. By not giving out much info about themselves, it allows you to project qualities, fill in the blanks with your own mind. If they were up front and open from the beginning, we would have walked, or run!
What you are saying, happened exactly how you said it. 10 yrs. I've been in this cycle to where I couldn't take it anymore. I had thoughts of suicide cuz I wasnt good enough. He lied some much and HURT me so deeply. He was making me feel like I was crazy. BUT, I FINALLY LISTENED to that small still voice inside telling me he doesnt love you, get out. I packed my bags and left and it was the hardest this Ive ever done. IM FREE FROM A MONSTER WHO HIT ME AND ABUSED ME YET TOLD ME HE WOULD NEVER EVER GO OUT ON ME AND COULDNT LIVE LIFE WITHOUT ME. ALL LIES.......IM FREE... THANK YOU! SAVED MY LIFE AND SANITY.
@@RideAcrossTheRiver I'm so sorry to hear this......I believe the law is not always on our side.....I had an abusive stepfather once and the only people who saved my mom and I, unbeknownst to us, was The Mob.
Betting you had a "whoahhhh....what just happened...she's gone...Jesus...oh dear...well..ohhh.......OHHHHH...hang on a minute, there are advantages to her NOT being here....HEY, THIS IS GREAT......3 months down the line from there Gus, i'm guessing you've ordered in pizza...a couple of great films, some beer, some decent friends .....and are all dancing around the rooms in your house to fucking AGADOO......AGA...DO..DO...DOOOOOO!!!!...with some local THAI strippers for entertainment........STILL MISS HER?.....what a change from life with a NARC!!!!! .......have you done the "for's" and "against's" LIST yet..... 1..."SHE'S GONE". 2..."SHE'S GONE". 3..."SHE'S GONE"..........i couldn't get past this one after surviving the discard... ......NOW it's..."OHHHH CHRIST.....i hope i'm not gonna get a "PHONE-CALL HOOVER"....after all, what if one of the THAI STRIPPERS answers it?".... It won't matter...SHE LEFT YOU...you lucky beggar.
Thank you so much. This was my first time tuning into your channel. Your kindness in explaining this subject had such a calming effect on my mind this morning.🪴Through the grace of GOD, I was able to escape a GROUP of narcissist,( a few yrs. ago), whom I unknowingly allowed to abuse me in this manner (for MANY years). I've been around this type of behavior ALL of my life ( as with a majority of victims). The behavior felt normal, even though DEEP down inside of me, even as a child,...I KNEW something was wrong. And here's the kicker; I always thought the something wrong was ME!!! (SMH) Thank you for helping me to continue to heal.🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿
I dropped my sociopath tonight. Enough is enough. He gave me just enough to keep me hanging on. two years I've allowed myself to be financially and emotionally abused and manipulated. I know I'll get we weak and want to see him but I gotta remember I'll never get the love I want and need. it'll be hard at my loneliest moments to stay away. I'm a fairly lonely person, so I gotta stay strong.
+Kencanvan I'm so sorry I just now saw this message! Good job leaving him!! You are strong and brave. I hope you are starting to feel relief and working through the initial layers of healing.
Kencanvan I need help too. I can't get away from him. I'm set on leaving, and then miss him and give in the next day , listen to him scold me and listen to him call me names, and how I'm not good and everything wrong I do and he will bring up things from the past constantly and hold them over my head and ruin an entire day bringing them up out of no where.. I just take it cause I miss him. he's the source to all my pain and happiness. I've stopped being friends with people because of him, I can't believe what I'm doing and I feel like I can't stop myself. I don't know how to get away because I feel like I need him.
Kendra, how are you doing a year out? I am a few weeks out and yes there are days I am so accepting of leaving and it is so clear how emotionally abusive she was to me. Then days where I think about the ex. All of these days I put into practice Meredith's SANA 12-week program. Very curious how you're doing though Kendra!
breath of fresh air to hear someone speak perfect sense after years of being told that it's all in your own head.. all I ever wanted in a relationship was my best friend.. comes at a terrible price if you get that wrong doesn't it..
That us vs the world' is exactly what I got instead... lies, lies and more lies...makes you wonder why the narc can't be bothered to be the genuine article with so much devotion doesn't it.. I think that for me is the worst bit , discovering that my partner was just an Act..
This all happened word for word with my ex. Absolute insanity. When you are raised by a narc you don’t know how to put yourself first. I only left to save my life. Your videos saved me and kept me away. I watched them for months just to keep my mind straight. Thank you 🙏 now I know that when someone makes me feel bad and question myself I LEAVE. I choose self love and self trust. 💖
Expressed so WELL, i feel so validated and MOST IMPORTANTLY I've referred your channel to others in need And those who truly care and Love me. I, like the Many other Survivors have a strong desire and Need to feel Understood so we can All begin the Journey out of "IT". THANK YOU!!
Im 50 yrs old. When i was 24 i met my husband. I stayed for 25 yrs and at the end i was physically sick. The dr told me the amount of arthritis and inflammation i had in my body at age 30 was the amount of a 60 yr old. I just left 2 yrs ago and my body has healed 80% . I will always have back issues. But i have my sanity back and my freedom. It blew my mond when it finally occurred to me what i had been married to for 25 yrs. Im thankful that he and i only have 1 child togerher. ( he got me pregnant on purpose, i know that now) I love myself again and that in itself is a miracle because for so long i hated me and did not know who i was tbh. Thank u for being here and i am so happy that u made it out alive! Love and light
I was abused by my ex-husband narc and looking back, I can't believe what I "allowed" with him. We married quickly and after 3 weeks of marriage I kicked him out permanently because I felt myself going down (as in psychotic breakdown -I knew he was killing me). I should have divorced him right then but I continued to give him chance after chance (from a distance we continued to communicate via phone, text and email). The verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse not only continued but even escalated! After 10 more months I finally had enough and filed divorce on my birthday as a present to myself and finally I'm free of my abuser. This man took EVERYTHING from me...my peace, my well-being, my confidence, my power, my self-respect, my health and I nearly lost my job because of the drama and instability. I have been divorced now for a couple of weeks and have been no-contact for several months. I'm starting to feel better, finally! This man brought me to such a low existence and place, that I became an empty shell of myself that I couldn't even recognize. It's going to take more time to heal and learn to be good to myself, take care of myself and re-learn boundaries and self esteem. Thank you for doing these videos Meredith, you are so spot-on, intelligent, articulate and such a gentle soul. I've been so encouraged and helped, thank you. :)
Yes, I too looked in the mirror and didn't recognise myself. My narcissist ex had taken my inner joy away. That was when I realised I had to leave. I did, it was a scary time and I had to get a court order to keep him away from me, but it's the best thing I ever did. I have never looked back. Wishing you all the best. X
Oh my gosh I wish I would of found you 8 years ago. It is crazy how manipulative they are and how easy they can break down a strong person to almost nothing.
'someone taught you to doubt yourself'! I agree that there was a first person that taught targets to doubt themselves but then other abusers or narcissists pick up on it and make it worse! good people do not exploit people's doubts and insecurities! my mother was the first to cause or teach me to doubt myself and for many years I was exploited by many others including therapists who were some of the most vicious exploiters! just because someone has a PHD does not make them a good person! it can make it easier to exploit others and get away with it! I have learned a lot and changed my life from spiritual teachers and others like yourself who overcame these experiences and reached out and taught others!
I grew up with the same self-doubt programming. I'm sorry you were exploited by therapists on top of that. I'm happy you're working on transforming your life. Big hug!
Yes those abusive doctors and therapists are the most disgusting vile shock. Especially after gaining our fragile trust. How dare they exploit us for their need to be admired by the people they could not otherwise get the attention of. Recklessly cruel discarders and gaslighters, destroying already broken lives who came to them for HELP. How can they remain so blind to the darkness they carry and spew out? On the very people they supposedly took an oath to "do no harm" to. Abuse of their one-way power imbalance. Why don't they ever lose their licenses? Oh yeah, because they're different. They're supposedly better than us, these worthless, entitled, ivy league, rich brats. Despite their degrees, they still won't ever know what it means to bitterly suffer like the rest of us. To actually do work for a living just to get by in the real world, no 6 figure cars parked in our gated estates.
The “dating” phase for me lasted about two weeks. That was it. The after effects and weird encounters lasted months. I see the monster randomly to this day. So creepy!
it took me 6 years to realize , now i am out , i am free again , and i realize how many narcissists is out there poisoning others , i found information and help from an angel posting a similar video like this , keep up the good work , you are a life savior ...
@@ang_ro ~ SO HAPPY FOR YOU 🕊❤️🥰 ~ I am working on a way out ... it’s a little over two years, but the constant abuse has taken its toll on me physically, emotionally and financially💔 . A plan is the ONLY way I can get out safely & sanely
Listen closely,Within one day, you can see it, pay attention to everything..Remember when you feel uneasy with them in the room with you,It’s wake up time..Completely true!! Thank you for sharing this!!
Great video; totally agree! I experienced this in my early 20s, and we had a child. From my experience, I'd say refuse to co-parent with someone this abusive. Don't stop until you can go no further. They will turn your child against you, and involve them in their smear campaigns about you. I wish I had realized this much earlier on - the family court system is corrupt. I've had no contact with who I was ordered to co-parent with in almost two years now - it really is so important. Our 17 year old daughter has gotten to the point where she doesn't want to have contact with him either, but she's gone through too much. Awareness of narcissistic abuse is needed. Family court judges don't seem to be educated enough to make good decisions.
what you're describing is so crazy making that you literally can see the edge from here that if you got close to, there would be no return. and to think they are happy to do this to you is just so unbelievable, to consider it is truly frightening. and then you keep say ing to yourself, but he's also such a great guy
i honestly feel so stupid because even our best of times was the bare minimum and i still miss him. how could i love someone that tells me, “you should be grateful i cheated on you with a prostitute instead of one of your friends.”
It's because you are trauma bonded, it's a medical condition in a way, there are bunch of videos on that subject and how to break it. You can do it, believe me.
Toxic vampire is not a term I use lightly but that's what narcs, sociopaths are.. Mine didn't even try to hide his dominant sadistic side, he took the utmost pleasure in putting me and anyone else in their place.. Sick and twisted is what he is... Glad I got out very early took all the energy I had and near on broke me but I love me more than anyone else so that is what keeps me going.. Have learned a lot..thanks for the video helps a lot 🌹👌🎆
There is a scene in the Matrix movie. Neo : My eyes hurt. Morpheus: You've never used them before. I am so glad that i am experiencing these feelings in a way. It has been 3 months of NC and never responded to her messages. It has been like hell. Still is but everyday passing by i feel like i ve won an olympic gold medal. I am kind of enjoying this pain thinking about the kind of person i will have become. You need this experience. Life has given you a red pill. Enjoy the ride
Oh God Bless you hun!!! I had the worst time surviving my teens at home with my mother so my heart hurts for you!! Try to stay busy and away from home or at the very least schedule your off time opposite of her. Good luck! Seriously...be safe and try to maintain a good attitude although it's hard. It won't last forever!!
These types of videos on TH-cam were not out at the time that I had to endure this. I also had 2 kids I was raising while going through this with a narc. I missed out on completing my degree from the stress. I am okay now but it was horrible back then. I remember the ending....The person said..."okay, you finally got depression now, I accomplished my goal." My problem was that I was second guessing and I didn't leave on time or set enough boundaries. Thank you dearest speaker for this video. It's brilliant, knowledgeable, wise and helpful.
Thabk you!! I was so depressed , felt hopeless , could not function !! All of this video was my boyfriend !! I literally just broke up for good . Thank you !
As I’m watching the video, over and over again, tears are rolling down my cheeks, asking myself those questions. WHY? why did he do that to me? I didn’t deserve it when all I did was to loved and cared for him:( Life can be cruel and unfair with those who least deserve it.😢😢
Can I just say please, if you're young and watching this, do not take this lightly and please look for red flags in the future. Do not end up like me, 50 years old and finally figuring out how many years I've wasted on narcissists!!! Life is too short to be miserable!!!
No kidding Maryann. Sooo true
Yes. And if your environment is so thick with them it is all you can see? Move, just leave asap!
Maryann Spicher True Ma’am!! Getting out asap is lucky!!
Me too
Me too...
Meredith looks a little like 'Doby' in this one. (Harry Potter movie character). 😆
THEY NEED TO TEACH THIS IN SCHOOLS. THEY CAN ROB YOU OF EVERYTHING.
They can and they do.
I know they are so dangerous these Narcs
I wish I could get my formal self back.. after experiencing this.. I've just struggled in isolation, embarrassment and shame.
I've been out for nearly 4 years.
I don't know if I could ever really love myself again. I hope for the best.
I am trying to get approved to give seminars from these here in U. K. after the Pandemie. Please pray if you can, so that I can. Amen
@Gordon Campbell that’s not true - gaslighting and manipulation can successfully happen to anyone.
This behavior is even worse when it's from a parent. Being born into this kind of toxic relationship is pure hell.
Amen
Hear HEAR! I dealt with female heartbreaks through the manosphere. But finally went NO CONTACT with the family of origin and with the flying monkeys they recruited which included a girlfriend or two in their smear campaign.
Nevertheless, this is a very good commentary about situations like ours as well. The same dynamics apply. The whole narc cycle of "idealization, devaluation, discard" is just as applicable to professionals or rotting family situations
I think it’s even worse coming from a partner.
Jealousy murdering rage ahs why the frauds are painted as murdering trespassing jealousy rage liars and imposters and stalkers who are ego manic racist Christianity liars
This video actually saved a life 3 years ago.......mine...... Thank you...
Same 💖
and mine. copy that. 🙏
@@matrescence_motherhood ß00002
saving mine right now!
This video is well done and thank you...AMEN
Here is a list of what Narcissists usually do to their targets :
- Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
- When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
- Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
- They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
- Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
- They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
- Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
- They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
- They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
- Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
- Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
- When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
- Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
- They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
- They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
- They think they are models to be followed.
- They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
Well this is what I've just been through...everything you have mentioned is correct.
This is the info google needs
There explanation of npd is so weak and barely scrath the surface...
5 stars
Nailed it!!
Thank you for your mission to empower
This is an excellent summary. Thanks
When she said "at some point you saw it" we all know we did and probably very early. Let's be honest with ourselves and each other.
@@FromGhettoToGated. same with me, ignored the redflags and still believed he will change. And the result, so many times he broke up with me just because a small issues and back together again. Finally he fully dumped me.
I was in denial.
i had a feeling but ive always been scared of liking someone a lot. so i thought it was just that
True
Yes saw it and ignored it
Wow, this was exactly my relationship with my ex in a nutshell. Word for word. It's such a sick feeling. I feel like I'm recovering from an illness, not a break up.
absolutely. You are speaking my soul
Nikola Turner you wrote what I was thinking. Sad truth.
exactly. it's like I lost something, a bit of myself. they gave and took it all away, like sucking you dry. messing me up for future relationships
It is an illness .
It's narrsasist abuse syndrome.
It's a billable medical condition
If you seek therapy please be careful as there are not too many professionals that know how to treat this and can traumatize you further.
I saw my primary care doctor and was honest and open.
She was very supportive and encouraging that this a real condition.
do you know of any books on the correct treatment of this , i wasnt aware the wrong person could traumatise you further. i am a rather introverted aspergic and i have had therapists who have told me to 'just join a group' which is like telling a depressive to just snap out of it.
Key: Don't have any love and compassion for the narcissist - don't care, really don't care - and do not feel quilty for not caring - this is what you need to embrace.
Reconciliation777 🦋🦋🦋🦋. Yes!!!!!!!!
This is just blind hate
it wont take you any further let me tell you...
@@Vidadrainer they dont care
NO Contact. He makes me sick. He lost all his CHARM.
“They made you feel like your thoughts, feelings, needs, we’re definitely secondary to theirs”
"Someone taught you to doubt yourself"
NArcs demand you doubt yourself, but in their little minds eye, they are PERFECT 😅
"You're almost perfect....BUT...if you just did XYZ like me, you'd be perfect!"...is what I heard literally from two of those types. One an ex-lover, another a former close friend
@@AZDC99 wow 100% I'm shocked at how real this not only for you, but for me thankyou SO much for sharing!
@@faithhope7704 As long as you don't MEAN "THANK YOU FOR SHARING" in some secret sarcastic in code speech to other members who are 'cool', legend in THEIR OWN MIND types. But if you do in that exact way, like the band Excel sang, "THE JOKE IS ON YOU!"
Only got sober for years because I used "Rational Recovery", the book. Anyhow,, lots of SELF-SUPERIOR nonsense in SOME OF the so-called recovery rooms. Narcissists to a T!!
I didn't resist their Ideology because of the members of the group. It was the STUPID BIG BOOK, and then the members THEMSELVES or way too PREACHY( while pretending not to be so) for my tastes
@@AZDC99 I meant what I said actually, im sorry you are so used to backhanded compliments that you feel the need to not only clarify with me, but insult me as well, I find that regressive, however I hope your day gets better! :)
This is exactly what happened ...omfg....I'm not....alone....
Blueberry Marf - Sadly you’re very far from alone in this regard.
Most narcs are coverts
Nope, you are not alone! It happened to me!
Nope. I got so fucked up! Wow!
happylife is the and enjoy your In A Pit of myself is the best is a great way for you too and you have to be able for me bhi nahi khate is the way I can understand
"It's not your fault and you are not stupid..." Ahhh thank you
Great.im 61 have no husband or family. My one child is 30 and abusive. Emotionally, Financially, all of it. She moved out and left me with nothing. Just up and left and my social security is not able to cover the bills. I live in a old falling apart house. Some of here chickens she just abandoned here. Her and her new boyfriend won't lift a finger to help. It's been a. Year. And she won't. Help me get a tv out of a box and on the wall. A year it's been in tHe kitchen in my way. I have no stove
The electric works but only half the plugs work. So there are Cords all Over. She kept leaving food all over and throwing trash in a pile Next to the outdoor trash. First we got mice. She wouldn't let me use poison or traps because of her dog
The house got mice infested They ruined all my clothes in drawers and all the things stored here. I have trouble taking or caring how I look. I used to feel pretty -i can barely take baths. I broke my tailbone and I have constant pain. I either go to the yard and work and get all sweaty and lay here and wish i Could get upstairs to get clean
But it's so hard. I'm trying to now
She made a disaster of my house. She refused to Work for like TEN years! Now she works and spends all her money on make up and clothes. When I was sick I drove myself to ER. She wouldn't take me or pick me up. Last winter in NH I had no heat for 2 months. At first she finally got me oil but said I had to pay her back but it ran out so the rest of the winter I used 3 electric heaters.The bill for electric is now $2000. The cold months cost $350. A month for all the electric heaters. Also the burner broke. It was 800. When my stimulus i money came it went all to her. (for the oil and burners work. I go to food pantries. I'm totally alone.
During the relationship, I lost weight, I couldn't concentrate, my mood was flattened, my body was inflamed, my back ached, I became isolated. 3 months post discard, it still affects me. I feel shaken to the core and just when I feel like I'm out of the woods, it hits me again. I'm not the same person as I was before. I want myself back.
I feel for you. I just got out of this kind of relationship and I feel totally shattered. I literally fell into depression because of what this person did to me. I'm trying to heal but I keep going back in my mind to what happened. One day I feel strong and say I am moving forward, and the next day it all hits me again. Everything in my life fell apart. My creativity was crushed. My self-worth was crushed. Just everything. I want myself back too but it seems it's a long journey to restore myself and believe again. I just live with this fear right now.
I hear you. Keep hope alive. I found healing in prayer
I was only a transitional target for one year and it shattered me. I had agoraphobia and was on edge all the time. I isolated too because no one believed me and felt like I was crazy. It's been 4 years after I left and went no contact. I can tell you that I have been in the same room with her and be ok now. And she doesn't rent space in my head anymore. Just stay away and stay strong and heal . You will be ok. Give time time. All the best
Exactly same thing happened to me, its almost a year now but, I'm still suffering.
I know dude... I'm in the same boat. I even had a coworker notice and say they wanted the old, happy me back. :l
And they isolate you from friends and family or take over your friends by portraying a false image . True evil. You have to live this nightmare to understand. Thanks for your amazing work Meredith.
Aicha S WoW!!! So True
Yes those abusive therapists are the most unfathomable shock... Especially after years of trust... How dare they use us, and also for money. INSIDIOUS power imbalance!!!!!!! They should lose their licenses.
@@sanramoncali Dont forget about the abusive cops. I made the mistake of calling the cops twice in the last 12 years, and the cop knew I had been strangled from my 911 call. He told me since i had no bruises or cuts (signs of abuse), that they couldn't charge him. Also the cop told me if the fighting continued, (he was beating me), that he would have 2 call DSS. So basically, cops did nothing 2 help me and I was 2 scared 2 call for help for fear they would call DSS if i called 4 help. SMH
Exactly. He, my husband and my mother-in-law have been prohibiting me from visiting my parents and sisters and all my friends. I was left alone over the past 25 years. 😭
You are so right. I can personally attest to what you stated here.
4 years ago I discovered this video. I was in deep pain over an abusive relationship. This lovely woman and her insight saved me. I went no contact. This was the beginning of healing and awakening. If you have been guided to this video listen carefully this can save your life.
it save mine now I am healing
"...trained to believe it was normal". Wow. You nailed it.
Why Do they do this...??? What do they gain by having this behavior. Such a waste of energy & time on their part. How do they benefit from treating people like this ?
Some people use the dislike utton for portraying the 'emotion' they are feeling whilst watching a video.
suzy schwandt they hate themselves to the core. So they make you feel worthless to make them feel better about themselves.
Yes!! Exactly ....”trained to believe it was normal”, that was just the beginning...it’s a miracle that anyone escapes, breaks free and lives through any of these highly controlling and abusive relationships. To defy the odds and gain the wherewithal & strength to get out and change the course of your life, atleast in my experience anyway. It has almost cost me my life. What’s left of it. But deep inside me, behind the fear, confusion, betrayal, exhaustion, survival, terror, lies on lies, ongoing fear. But then there it was. One day I truly started to listen & understand my own nudges, signals and patterns. Inside me. A voice that had been silenced or ignored for many years. I stopped talking & the endless, communication and my desperate pleas to make sense of a relationship that makes no sense at all. I stopped allowing him to manipulate, lie, deceive and effortlessly hurt me. I started observing. Watching his behavior play out. I’m learning so much in simply observing. I quit asking same questions --w same sad answers. And I quit expecting anything from the man I expected so much for so long. I let it go. I confronted him one last time, and then I let him go, and I finally gave myself the opportunity to grieve the hurt & pain he had caused me. I also grieved & accepted the many ways I hurt myself and became a mere shell in my own life, with my husband/ex partner of 28 years, two grown children and one tiny grandchild. Whom, at the end of this horrendous story, it was my grandson who truly gave me love, hope and acceptance. No one else comforted me, understood, made time to listen or offered any hand or safe night away from the hell I was living. ways I found my tiny flicker of light. My neglected, injured, lonely and hurting soul. That was still somehow there despite all the destruction, chaos, loss and pain. And once I surrendered to my own soul, I vowed I from that day forward --am on a journey to save my life! To honor & recognize me, my dreams I had given up on years ago and am finally learning to value & love me. I’ve dedicated my life to recover from this painful abuse --and pledge to live every day thereafter as a gift handed directly from God! Thank you to this little tucked away corner that allows us to connect and heal our wounds. I’m grateful today.
@@jorjabennett2382 brings tears for your loss, but joy to your healing s....
Yes, yes stomach pain, wieght gain and hair loss.. self esteem went to floor ugh now 1 year out hair growing back, lost all the wieght and now no tummy pain since break up
Yes my hair started falling out in blobs!
My hair was falling out as well
Me... ditto. I used to have such a weird symptoms my friend thought my husband was poisoning me. I guess he was in effect.
Same!! Omg
sunny clouds oh wow I’m going through this now! Especially weight gain and stomach cramps😫
Essentially you go from perfect to useless when the narcissist decides they want control
And that's all in few seconds
YES. THEY LOVEBOMB YOU IN THE BEGINNING, THEN TURN TO TOTALLY DEVALUING YOU BEFORE DISCARDING YOU WITHOUT WARNING.
During 3 years .. She has hit me in the face spit at me .. broke everything in my house .. insulted my family .. Disrespected me ! Broke my car .. and i have forgiven her … bcause i knew she had mental issues .. and was hoping we could find a way .. she left me 2 weeks ago .. bcause .. i wasent listening to her enought .. there was no comunication in our relatiknshipp’… hhahahahhaha … WOOOOWWW JUST cant believe it !!!
It's like a dealing with a demonic toddler
"but my love can change him..." - Yeah, since childhood I`ve been believing I can turn a demon into an angel. I`m so stupid...
Monica Paunescu You were Never stupid - you trusted and loved people who didn’t deserve your love and trust!
You aren’t stupid 😢🤗
You’re not stupid. These demons have been practicing their wicked behavior their whole life and they are professionals.
You aren't stupid you are too empathetic that's how you got trapped.
Yes, this is the most painful thing. How can my mother not love me, even tho I apolagize everytime she beats me and screams at me....... Oh lord... Please release us from these chains one day. There is nothing I wish for other then sharing love in a safe space. Good luck everyone God is with you
My body totally shut down. I weighed 98 lbs (im5'9) and couldn't even hold a mug right before I was discarded. It was an internal suicide- soul rape. 4 years ago and I'm still so messed up - these people are not human
Jenn Teichman so you were trying to get away by dying instead of just leaving. Shows how messed up your thinking had become. :/
cuddlesanddaisy - no I wasn't trying to kill myself - my body was failing from the toxicity and stress.
Jenn Teichman glad you are on this side of all of that. Hang in there.
Jenn Teichman OMG you are stunningly beautiful!! You can have anyone you want!! His loss. Hope you're doing better.
Jenn T.... Yes they are vampires, they envy you and copy you and take your life away...completely. My partner has strong delusions that are incredibly scary..Luckily for me he lives and works in another state now..Sorry you went threw this.
During my discard, he told me no one would ever love me, that he hated me, that I offered no benefit to the planet, that I was the worst mistake he'd ever made, etc. Many, many cruel things that I never would have said to my worst enemy. I loved him and the man I loved for a year never existed.
He is wrong. You're beautiful and a very lovely person. I'm happy you're on this planet, you make up for all the jerks here.
I have it being said now.. just want him to leave. At least I know why I always feel empty and alone. Once they are gone, it gets so much easier
Don't take it personally, he was talking about himself,
Projection!
My kids are grown and my narc abandoned me and then wanted to come back. I said NO .. I would rather eat grass than live one more minute with him. I love being.on my own.
I only heard "No one will ever love you" from one person. Ironically, from the most unlovable person I ever dated. PROJECTION IS THY NAME!
This was what happened to me: I was a pharmacist of 2 years and I had it all, beautiful, smart, and intelligent. Then I met this guy that I dated who was narcassitic would look at other women in front of me in a very obvious way to hurt my feelings and also talk about how hot other woman were while putting me down. He would furthermore put me down in front of his friends and other people. He even told me one time when I was really drained out of my own energy from him, that my face was depressing and he didn't want to hang out with me if I continued to look like that. It was so hard finally I got out and have been out of the relationship for 1 year and have no communication with him. It's taken me about 6 -7 months to heal and I'm not even fully healed. I've been through pharmacy school and my father passing away, neither of which has been harder than the recovery from this relationship.These people are not human. They deserve to burn in hell.
Hhj88 K we should be able to take them to court, they need their asses kicked. They purposely do this
Exactly ! They deserve to burn in hell!!!
It sounds to me that your feelings were more involved than his and that happens at times but he was being honest with you and letting you know how he felt you haven't seen him in over a year so therefore since he was honest I would move on with my life and also relationships with narcs there are not honest at all they will lead you on to think that they're in love with you I think this guy that you were seeing he let you know how he felt and a lot of people would appreciate honesty in a relationship and that's what it sounds like he was doing although he shouldn't have embarrassed you and put you down in front of his friends I guess that was a immature whole thing to do there is no guessing to it it was but don't allow this guy to take up space in your head or even give it any more thoughts just take it for what it was and allow yourself to move on you sound like you are a bright intelligent person
Annie Williams Wtf
Annie Williams punctuation. Use it. And what on earth?
Vulnerable narcissism is the worst... you slowly feel like you are disappearing and the narc takes over. You are being made to feel the most unimportant, invisible, ugly person in that person's life. I was incredibly stressed because I couldn't pinpoint... developed Crohn's disease a few months in, which actually was such an honest way my body was telling me this was not a healthy situation.i am a year out of the relationship and the disease had gone since. The body keeps the score.
I hope u feel better now.
After I got married 2 years later I developed crohn's disease I was dying and lost my bowels and still didn't understand the abuse because he was so good to me and I was keep saying i am the problem not him 😢 22 years later I have lots of health issues I am at home suffering with lots of pains and couldn't achieve much in life and he discarded me 😢 said he is not in love with me anymore.
Narcissistic abuse is so text book yet so few people seem to know about it. The abuse doesn't just effect you emotionally but it destroys you to the core physically, mentally... Its debilitating. Thank you for posting this.
anyone who has been brought up in an abusive family will easily be sucked into a narcs web because of
learned helplessness
pathological gullibility
naivety
lack of self esteem
no self worth
anyone who doesn't live themselves is at risk. The most important relationship you can have with anyone after the age of 12 is yourself...
Exactly! It's learned from the person in the family .
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera sadly you are right 😓😥
Pathological gullibility...that is me. Wtf is with that.
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera yes, yes, yes!!!!🦋🦋
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera exactly. 😳❤️ you nailed it!
This has to be one of the loneliest and frustrating experiences anyone can go through... you try to talk to friends and family but just end up looking insane.. and as if you're obsessed with the person, no ones else seems to see the person for who they are , and on top of that they bash your opinions and ideas making you feel stupid then start playing them off as there own ! i feel fucking empty and used.. and hate myself .i have been pushing people that do actually care for me away i don't know why I'm doing this i don't wanna upset them but its quite frustrating having to make up reasons why I'm so depressed or low energy all the time . ... great video by the way :)
❤️I feel ya❤️
james murray
No one believes me either...
I believe you and understand 100
Thats when they win, making you hate yourself. Ive learned thats the outcome of narc abuse. Like a puppy thats been abused ends up as a biting dog. Its just an outcome. So, one way to know youre with a narc, you go from thinking you are a relatively decent person, to believing you are bad, worthless and useless. Im hoping the self hate is really just a need for self forgivenesses in disguise. Narcs ruin people.
As my, then 12 year old, daughter said back in the day: “you can’t explain it Mom...they have to live it.” (My sweet girl.)
My own mother took his side, sending Bday and Christmas cards to him and ignoring me for being selfish when I finally left him. Fast forward a few years...I’m a bit vindicated....our 4 kids, though not unscathed, are still in my world, and he can’t remember the name of his only grandchild. It is soul raping.
My church even dumped on me. when I cried out to them they said don’t focus on the problems and their advice was to buy her flowers randomly. The bad thing is her and her daddy are a tag team and her daddy is on staff so he’s friends with all of them. I made the mistake of telling my wife I was going taking this crap to the church, I think her daddy beat me to them. I had a blowout with him once and after listening to him, it was clear they talked about me and my meeting with the other pastors
I was absolutely exhausted towards the end of this abusive relationship. We’ve been separated 10 weeks now and I’m only just starting to feel normal again. Thank you
Keep it up bro, this is my 2nd week.
I’ve been separated for over 2 years and I’m just starting to feel normal! It takes a lot to get over.
Yessssss keep up the great work. I myself are 75 days no contact
Congrats Mark..im trying to do the ESCAPE from this 14 months of drainingggggg period with a NARC..
@@niajuita7424 thanks! It’s been a year for me now and things are a lot better. You just have to rip the bandaid off and push forward. All the best
13 years later and I’m still too terrified to date again after going through this. I can never trust that it won’t happen again
JB same........
@@jeannettecrowther9848 My mom did this to me, played on my weaknesses, gaslight, etc now I'm an older male virgin who wishes they weren't born. I'm dead inside anyway.
@@alb12345672 hang on. it gets better
Its quite easy. As soon as the abuse starts you exit.
JB I’m very naive, I believe, them ! , I’ll going to write my biography!!!
I can remember sitting in my car sobbing, wishing I was dead - but couldn't figure out why since he worked hard, didn't physically abuse me, etc. I had gotten to the point where I thought my needs weren't important, where I made sure I didn't ask for more than he was willing to give (he gave nothing relationally).
This where I am right now :(
bee tee How are you doing now? 💕💓
I had same experience include the car
That happened to me as well. So glad now that its all over. For me. He is still trying. They never stop. Hope you get well with time. Cut him off.
Yes, they are so clever. They actually abuse in the worst way possible, without any outward evidence...no yelling, no physical aggression, no profanity, etc. The abuse is so subtle and vicious that it slowly destroys you.
Dang. Totally just nailed the whole journey. Took me thousands of dollars of professional help to unwind the head fuckery. I never thought I could be hustled that hard psychically but she found me right out of a terrible divorce. I was shattered and grieving and the perfect target. That initial love bomb shit though. Never ever trust that kids. Also, watch out for somebody that just consumes your time and attention every day. Even if it feels good. It isn't good.
When he raged with name calling I was like “wtf?” Then he turned it into that’s your perception.
I wish I ran at the first signs..
Trust your gut.
Yeah I didnt although I knew it was wrong, traumabonding to strong to breakup... But now Im free!!
The insane rage is mind boggling and gut wrenching. 0-100 in a matter of seconds over the slightest thing. They are unable to regulate emotions. Its like a little child having a tantrum, its never acceptable, frightening and absolutely ridiculous.
Absolutely. Trust your gut.
@@bellarose6501 The RAGE OMG! 😭 first time it happened I was shaking and everytime I watched a movie and someone was raging it triggered me so bad I'd go right back to that first time. The terror and absolute fear I felt(.
It happened so many times and when I learnt about Narc abuse I started laughing in his face and that enraged him even more. The lack of control over me and inability to manipulate me drove him insane. I'm just glad he never hit me because he needed to keep looking like the good guy out there.
ephesians 6:12 for we fight not against flesh and blood but against principalities against powers and dark forces of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places.
The spiritual world is oh so real whether you choose to believe it or not. think about it, we all relate to what she says. all the men/women us women/men have been with have the same traits to the point its scary. I was an unbeliever until i met the father of my son. every thing you say is as if you personally know him. It is an everyday struggle knowing he will always be around because we have a son.
Jessica Rico I Am going through the same thing. Take care 💯
keep telling yourself that so you can feel better about this shitty world.
Spot on. Narcissistic abuse takes such a mental and physical toll on you, because sometimes you can't come to terms that it IS abuse. Just because there aren't physical scars doesn't mean there aren't mental scars from someone. I'm a little over one week of choosing to not respond to him... it's been really difficult and after watching this I feel like I have more of an obligation to myself to never respond again.
I suffered this kind of “relationship “ for years, it’s REALLY hard when you have a child with them .... the children suffer worse even when you break away from them
Same with me. I'm sorry anyone has to ever go through this--especially with a child.
How so?
nobody cares ... and it's mostly your own faults but you're blaming others
@@JustAmyKay Eventually, the game goes so far that the narcissist isolates their victim from all family/friends/support so they are extremely dependent. Then, they demand that the abused spouse sacrifices their child in exchange for security.
Never will I get involved with people like that again. Waste of time and absolutely disgusting. Glad I have found this video. Thank you.
I am so scared to get into another relationship!! I need serious recovery!!
They even pretend to be of value to your time with their cheap flattery. God they are so unnecessary.
First time he upset me I gave him the look and he said what's wrong with a smile on his face. RED Flag
Ugh same. My brother pointed out that our mom does this. When something bad happens to us, she gets positively gleeful.
I think most targets are generally good people but they need to be strong good people
Facts I have grown into one
Target are good people. Meeting the narcissist was the best friend that happened to me because my weakness which was empathy for all and anytime is now things of the past. Yes I still have empathy but I now have boundaries and discover that all people are not kind and empathic. So I grow wisely and so happy for my life, I learned to say NO to undeserving people. Please use your bad experience for lessons to RISE.
Yes my abusers have always said that “your so strong” 🤦♀️ yep... correct
Two words: Martial Arts. Instant confidence boost, like day 1.
Yeah, we fall for them because we care so much about the welfare of other people.
I literally had a breakdown listening to you, this is exactly my experience and nobody in my circle understands. It completely f'ed me up!!!
Roxanne Richer - I understand x1000
Roxanne R. Me too. I was crying my eyes out. This is me. 100%
@@vanity68 I'm 7 years in 4 yrs mask off drinking out all night lies flying monkeys abusing me with her drinking partners she talks to single men in private on fb. I had to hack it to find out I felt bad but no trust and my suspicions where right. But she is focused on me looking at private stuff not what I seen. Wierd. I've been abused I just have to accept it and move on. 👁 I see you now.
Moz m it’s terrible. Truly. I feel for you. Been through it and still going through it. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel lonely. I have no one. Besides my dgtr. But she doesn’t understand the full picture cause she’s just a teen.
@@vanity68 there is light. light always beats the dark. chin up be strong. tomorow is a new day.
I was suicidal and I didn’t understand why I suddenly wasn’t good enough. He was so sweet at times and then verbally and physically abusive out of nowhere and used my past against me..he would say some of the same things I told him my stepdad used to say(I grew up in an abusive home). Thank you so much for this
Wow the same thing happened to me as well. I told him I didn’t have the best relationship with my dad and he used to many things I said when I was vulnerable against me and told me my father doesn’t love me and said shit like “this is why your sister stopped talking to you” he would break my heart so badly using things I said when I was breaking down against me. Sometimes it still gets hard to breathe and I get flashbacks of him yelling at me and hitting me or getting woken up and getting slapped and I just want to bawl. But I know these experiences are going to make me stronger and I know what I should never tolerate ever again. I’m sending you so much love and I’m so sorry an asshole hurt you like this too. May we both heal and find peace and happiness 💛💛
I felt that way to you but when he discarded me I feel like I gain my freedom back, I feel I want to live my normal life again.
I guess 57 narcs watched this video & disliked it
hahaha your so right!!! they hate getting found out
152 now!
157 now & they know who they are!
Nunya Dayumbisnazz lmao yup!!
Thats so crazy tho, do yall think they really are that aware? Ive always wondered. They play like they are the victim, but I still have the feeling they know.... In that case, tjey are pure evil!?!? I always made excuses for my narc mother, even tho she NEVER apolagized for beating me or gaslighting
I've told people that a Narcissist Psychopath is really dangerous to have in your life. Often times I get the rolling of eyes from people, like they think I'm being over dramatic.🙄
People don't want to believe it. I don't think unless you've been through it you can grasp how real and how terrible it is. I like it to a movie that starts off as a rom com, becomes a psychological thriller and ends as a horror.
@@JH-td4mnthis is exactly what happen to me. Rom com to hell. Now in separation to divorce. She turned everything off like a switch and actually acts like nothing ever happened like we been friends forever. Wtf. I think i fell into a nest of them fuckers.
@@JH-td4mn Well said!
Wow! I developed chronic fatigue and and chronic pain and have become basically useless. Unable to work and 2 kids later I have been trapped in a cycle from hell. I can't believe that I ended up here. College degrees in 3 areas and was successful when we met. Its 15 years later and education is key. This video has absolutely brought clarity to me because there's a name for the confusion and madness. Thank you for sharing and the people who comment help me not feel like I'm not alone.
Oh really !!!! You're not alone actually were on the same boat baby ....stay away from narcs and toxic people they have problem for every solution !!!!! Stay away from pessimistic people !!!!
I cried when I watched this video. Its so hard because nothing replaces the connection you have with a narcissist and psycopath and you keep hoping you will find this relationship again but you dont. No one believes me and nobody understands.
Bleepa pal I definitely believe you & I definitely understand
I believe you. Lots of love and courage to you..
Christ understands....he restored me.
You make perfect sense. If you've been there, you know!
Bleepa pal yes , and those people aren’t kind knowing I’m going through a horrible life, is absolutely true, my adult daughters, are super nice, when they need something, as soon they get what they wanted, the gaslighting starts , my life is so empty,👎
The moment you call them out all hell breaks lose, but not necessarily in such a way that you are aware of it. They will often go about their devious plans quietly so that they can totally ambush you later.
+What's Wrong, John? You're right! Sometimes they go into immediate narcissistic rage and other people, probably the ones with more sociopathic tendencies, will retreat and plan their ambush.
What's Wrong, John--I confronted mine and she turned my whole life upside down. Filed for divorce, managed to convince a judge to remove me from the house for HER safety, and now has my 12 year old daughter all alone in her care. 15 years with a woman, and I do not recognize her, and had no idea she was capable of the hateful behavior. We had some ugly fights, and I sent some "questionable" text messages, that were presented in court to show I had an anger problem. I had no clue what was happening. Then I found a website on narcissism, and my life is now being destroyed. Be careful, and protect yourself at all times. These people are extremely dangerous. The "lack of empathy" and the discard phase is something my brain still hasn't been able to process yet. I did not heed the warning I read on several sites about not confronting these people on their condition. Their reaction is a sure sign that you are correct on your diagnosis. Absolutely unreal.
@@jram8555 how are you doing now? I am living this right now. 2 kids plus her 2 kids. She filed and also got an abuse claim on me. I have evidence on her though. she is going down. She F'd up my life. Can't even believe it.
JR AM I feel for you, Luckily no kids with her for me. I was traumatised by her discards and smear campaign. She worked me up so much then left as soon as it was my say. Same, then I would send not nice texts to her . One time I caught her secretly videoing me on her phone doing something questionable which she asked me to do, then she took off. It was all manipulated so when I called her out for being a narcissist she had my messages and recording to start her evil lying smear campaign. I just couldn’t believe it ,then ghosted me and her friends dissed me and everyone we were friends with disliked or avoided me. Pure evil. I knew of 2 of her ex,s they were top blokes apparently when I knew them they were useless druggies. Neither did drugs before they met her, she destroyed them like she tried to destroy me.
Unfortunately for her I’d been with another narcissist relationship which I never knew the term then and managed to survive that.
18 months on from last discard breakup researching their personality recovering and know the red flags and very happy these day’s.
They get theirs back in the end and our kindred spirits above help us out in many ways. Stay positive and kind and hoping you defeat this evil kind and all works out for you🙏💚
Yep. Happened to me twice. These monsters use the legal system.....(Abuse of Litigation) to retaliate against you for exposing them!
The love bombing stage, makes you feel like a man. Then the discard comes.......the despair and self doubt.
Or, instead of discard, she invades you and (partially) programs you to her needs and wants. You are no longer quite you when that happens; or the actual you is pushed to the side as she works on you.
It is better to be alone than to suffer a fool (or in this case, a narc) for company. The best question that was asked of me (and some folks are not strong enough to handle this question at first) was "what is it in you that keeps you in this relationship". That was the turning point.
I understand that being born to a narc or BPD parent is not a choice. I understand that this can have damaging results down the road. Once we realize what has happened, we still need to take control of our lives and work on us. I did not have a narc parent or a BPD parent. So my ability to put myself into the shoes of those people in that situation is severely limited. Having said that, self-work helps everyone.
Start taking control. Begin small. For example, I started with simple things such as I will clean my shower. It was just my shower at first. But to write it down and to finish it gave me a sense of accomplishment and control. I know it is small but psychologically, it has a tremendous effect. Kaizen. Little by little you WILL improve.
I am not talking out of my a$$. I went through horrible abuse to the point I was hospitalized, I lost my job (I was an award winning scientist), and I became someone I hated. So, yes, I understand. But at some point, I started to take control. This renders the narc powerless. They will try to counter. But keep moving forward. You will see that light.
This abuse is life changing.
I have read recently that narc abuse causes brain damage to the frontal lobe.
I am beginning to think that is real.
harlequin75 Life is beautiful on the other side.
Still have to pay attention but so easy to see now.
I too pretty much lost everything except my house.
I am only able to work part time and am behind on all my bills but I have a job in my field with insurance and I am ok with that.
I would rather be broke all the time then be with anyone right now especially the narrsasist.
harlequin75 One of the best comments I have read. Thanks.
Thank you for your comment. I have been made to feel I am nothing for years, always sprinkled with some kindness of course to keep me self-doubting. I am supposed to be getting our house ready to sell but I just can't seem to accomplish anything. He finally moved out and when he comes to see the kids, I think he's secretly happy I've accomplished nothing so he can feel satisfied that I am all the things he told me I was. I just wish I had my energy back to get it all done. I know when this house is sold and I am really free of him I'll begin to feel like my 'self' again. When I've told him that I've been emotionally abused by him he laughs in my face, he says I was this way when we met, he didn't cause it (I came from an emotionally abusive household; mother allowing stepfather to do so). I always knew something was off and I discovered teenage pornography on his phone a year and a half ago, everything was blown wide open. He is sick on many levels(sex addict as well) and of course he is perfectly fine telling his family and co-workers everything was my fault. At first I wanted to tell everyone the truth about him, now I just want to be free of him. It's been almost twenty years of him treating me like shit, it's all I grew to know, almost like he was my addiction. I am very strong and resilient and I am never ever letting him back in. God bless and I pray anyone who reads this follow their gut and get out as soon as possible. I feel like a fool for staying and believing he was something he wasn't, but I forgive myself now.
MaryLynn the good news is as soon as we are away from the abuse and the abuser and come out of the fight or flight syndrome, which is the amygdala part of the brain, we go back into our hippocampus part of the brain, where we have our creative and higher thoughts, the brain begins to heal. When we are in fight or flight or in our amygdala for an extended period of time, the hippocampus begins to atrophy. This is why healing from narcissistic abuse is a process and not an event. But the good news is, as soon as we are out of that abuse the brain begins to heal!!! Not only can your creativity return but it can overflow. Just as the strike of a small matchstick overcomes total darkness every time no exceptions!!!...so can we overcome the root, the cause and effects of this insidious abuse! We can go free while they continue walking in darkness.
Hi Meredith 🙋🏻♀️we don't know eachother however, this TH-cam video changed my life in 2016. Although I have never had the privilege of meeting you, I would like to thank you as I am truly grateful. Your TH-cam channel and this video in particular were the catalysts to my journey to discovery and living as my authentic self. (My abusers were parental and half siblings from my immediate family.)
They make you doubt who you are, make you doubt your identity. They discard you, never take accountability and want you back. 😢 It’s such a heartbreaking, demoralizing experience. “You are too sensitive, I was joking, you are crazy” I know we all heard that.😢
13 years of a downward spiral. We have an child together. I saw a lawyer last week and now he’s accusing me of betraying him. I’m done with the verbal abuse. I want out.
Good for you! 👍
Me too Amy..me too. I applied for public housing so I can get out. He thinks I wont leave while he sleeps on the couch ignoring me. Fuck this selfish asshole
Me 13 year of why can't I be good enth
First he made me feel like a queen. Then he called me crazy. He called me having multiple personalities. He called me oversensitive. He said there won't be anyone accepting me cause I am so crazy. My friend said I used to be a happy personality and have nothing's wrong with me. He liked to blame shifting, gaslighting, silent treatment, and more. I felt sick and migraine all the times, vomiting every morning. He told me maybe I had immune disorder but doctor said nothing. And tons of everything that I could write a book. 5 years, now I have the power. Thank you for all videos like this in TH-cam that made me realize that I have been living with an evil. My sorrow is almost over.I am almost...but still at war.
Me too..trying to do the ESCAPE nowwwww from this 14 months of draininggggg period..ohhh god
I hope you're doing better now ❤️
Let me start by saying I very rarely leave comments. But I just felt compelled to thank you for making this amazing video. Your compassion and caring shows like a beacon of beauty. This video illustrates the stages of abuse to a tee. I finally have a well documented example of what it was like in dealing with my Narc. Normal folks just couldn't understand what I was doing with this person. Well, here's the "Why".
I've finally left my abuser after 17 months of extreme highs and lows. It was terribly difficult since my abuser had a doctorate in counseling, Not only that, but she was a professor who taught graduate level counseling. WTF!!!!! I still have to laugh a little when I say that. I should get some kind of honorary degree after handling that level of abuse. Right?
This video has got me to the place were I could finally cry some of this out. Its been 2 weeks now and im still really raw and depressed. I was so upset and tense I just couldn't do it. This REALLY helped out immensely. Giving you the biggest virtual hug right now. Thank you....
Jeff Brothers /Hang in there one day at a time.
Jeff Brothers - the narc that is altruistic and a pillar of the community. One of the worst
Jeff Brothers I too had a spouse that had a degree in counseling. I'm out of the relationship. Thank God! Thank you for your comment.
I'm so happy for you! I was elated at coming into a few answers at a time over time. It probably took me at 2 years before I could say he was a narc for certain. His gaslighting, acting, blame shifting and victim-playing was phenomenal. And the switch of ...
Jeff Brothers god bless you... keep healing!!
OMG, this is sooo accurate...Please help...The destruction after they discard you can be a path to suicide. You will NEVER experience anything so painful..God have mercy on all their victims. Wish I could talk to someone like this lovely person..
My dad has NPD and looking back now I realize I was “self-harming” in very subliminal ways. I wasn’t doing what is common among self-harming habits like cutting, or scratching... I would disassociate or “zone out” while doing mundane things like watching tv and literally pull my hair out (eyelashes, eyebrows, neck hair)... I would bite all my fingernails till they bled and were throbbing... I would also peel off toenails that weren’t “perfect” and would continue to do it despite the pain. I think that is something the medical/psychology field should consider when identifying/defining “self-harm”... It’s not always clearcut and obvious like a person who is cutting. I have significantly reduced my stress and anxiety since I moved out and away from my narcissist. I am still left with damage that I’m working on to this day. There are certain things that trigger me or give me flashbacks of my dads abuse. It’s really hard recovering from psychological abuse
KY So sorry you've been through this and I do hope you continue to heal.
Wish I could give you a hug. Sending strength and positive thoughts your way.
Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best. The sacred word for God, HU, is on many TH-cam channels. I discovered it when my partner dumped me for my best friend. It lifted me above the emotional pain of living. Over many years I found great protection and love through chanting HU.
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve had to endure. Sending you tons of love & hugs ❤️
I bite my nails too. I also had a traumatic childhood.
So crazy this was posted a year ago. I remember watching this when it was posted and it was the start of my journey. My entire life has changed entirely over the last year. With your videos, Psychopath Free, The Betrayal Bond, and lots of hard work, I feel like I'm finally out of the fog. Love love love your videos ❤❤
Anna Clark Good job!
Me too . Sept. 2019
Just be careful. I thought I was safely out and 20 years later he’s trying to leverage my kids to sneak back in . Saying no hurts them so it’s a real conundrum
Saw this at 111 likes 🤍🤍🤍so glad you have healed love
Am free too. Needed 3 years.
holy shit, pardon my french, but i feel like neo waking up from the matrix for the first time lol. just wow .
The issue for me in waking up, is that now i feel even more hopeless. Now i know there is no hope to get through to the 2 people in my life slowly killing me. My ex husband. still in my life, and my eldest daughter that lives with me. I no longer want her here, but she also has health problems, so throwing her out is not an option. And the government wont give her enough money to move. They do not even give her enough to live on because she lives with family. So thats on me too. I Can not survive anymore. let alone thrive.
i know the feeling 40 years with my covert narsicist Jezebel monster wife and a destroyed body to prove it..unfucking believable... woke up 9 months ago...almost to late...been fighting for my life for 40 years..didn't know i was sleeping with the enemy...or "why" i was fighting for my life all the time... and i wasn't sleeping with her the last 15 years...which helped pushed me to wake up...
PS listen to your dreams too, looking back, the weird dreams I had were telling me the truth of things going on, and future intents of the situation.
Wish I had thought about that. I constantly had dream about snakes chasing me and trying to bite me.
me too
So true’
I dreamed that a random person came to me and told me to get away, that he will hurt me. I was really young and confused because he was still in the love-bombing stage and I thought that was a crazy dream.
But in reality somewhere deep inside, I already knew. I just didn’t want to know because he seemed to be so caring and amazing.
I dreamtbi was being hunted by a family of demons that caught me, enfolded me in an embrace , but my neck, paralyzing me. I knew what it meant but I thought I shouldn’t read into it too much. Huge mistake, it was a warning.
Exactly what I went through for years with my ex. The only way I healed was to cut all ties with him and mutual friends . I deactivated my facebook, blocked everything #'s friends etc. I even told friends not to update me about him either. I do my best to not even talk about him. It's taken about a good 6 months to finally be and feel free to be me and be at peace with life. Your video is more conformation that I wasn't crazy about it all. I'm reflecting now on why I allowed myself to get hooked by a NARCISSIST.
My faith in God and who he says I am is what is the TRUTH. May God bless you for encouraging others to realize this horrible demonic abuse
Great work!! Big hug to you.
Inner Integration
kimberly paulsen , break contact with anyone associated with him forever, to many triggers , you will have setbacks in your recovery
kimberly paulsen - well done and because of the Trauma Bonding a higher power is very vital
Good for you. I did the same thing. They hoover when they get bored of their supply.
This is such an underrated video, your descriptions are incredibly accurate. Thank you Meredith!
I want to add something though, because I'm rather sure the idea of "revenge" or "calling them out" might have occurred to some: many narcissists are not aware of their behaviour, they are not spending time thinking how to put you down (you're not that important). This is not to excuse them, but they are doing it unconsciously, because of the pain they feel; their pain stems from their childhood trauma, when they learnt to manipulate their care givers for survival, much in the same way that you learnt in childhood that your needs are not important. They are jealous that, in their eyes, it looks like you are composed and mastering your emotions (you're pressing them down, leading to depression), and it makes them extremely uncomfortable and brings them huge pain.
Another point: it is not your task or duty to help them and I cannot stress this enough. You may try to point it out to them that they need help, but stay away from trying to fixing them.
Finally, if you're out from a relationship with a narcissist, know that you've probably taken the biggest step in your life: they've shown you your childhood trauma. It's now your chance to heal your childhood trauma and live life to its full! Peace.
Some are
They know exactly what they are doing, don’t let them fool you . They not only know, they don’t care . They are truly sick demonic evil
The fact that these so-called Narcs CAREFULLY and INSIDUOUSLY STUDY and KEEP TABS ON THEIR TARGETS BY GETTING AS MUCH INFO from them by PRETENSE and DECEIT, it means these LEECHES KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY INTEND TO DO.
@@stephaniehall6309 Thank you Stephanie.
The statement "they are not spending time thinking how to put you down (you're not that important)" is a very dangerous one.
I think of this song when thinking of narcissists. There is no them, there is only me. They have no substance and the only form they take is in the form that I as the victim will respond to. If you think these people have a life outside of torturing you, you haven't understood narcissism.
th-cam.com/video/VB8iRUqlpZw/w-d-xo.html
i actually was stuck in my bed because of that type of a relationship, i felt so horrible about life and my self.
You're beautiful and thank you. I'm glad that you kickedyour narcissist to the curb. Mine is 28 of living hell. April 8th I file the eviction paperwork. Such scummy people these narcissist are. I could write a book. She told me that there was no end to her shit many years ago and she wasn't joking.
Nail hit on head. Mine was a victim narc who was incredibly jealous of everything I did. He discarded me over purchasing a rental property. Luckily he was a bf and we had no legal ties. The trash took itself out. He talked kids, marriage “we need to do it before we get to old”. Rush rush rush. Yep. Triangulating junkies just nark’n. He was always complaining about his bosses, co workers, friends.... constant texting all day long. Yes... deliberate chronic and deliberate interruptions all day long. Yes to all of this. The body aches. Sooooo much peace after they leave. The discard after you bring up the tiniest issue you bring up. BOOM! Devalue then DISCARD! Then the Hoover.... GO NO CONTACT FOREVER! Peace be with all the survivors..... GREAT VIDEO MEREDITH! Btw, the devalue cycle starts when they are grooming a new supply. Then, they re idealization starts when they devalue the new supply. It’s a sick mental disorder. They are severely disturbed.
Your compassion and care made me cry. In this last year I have learned I was raised by a narcissistic mother with whom I now have no contact. All my relationships have been with narcissistic males and I had no idea this was happening. In my mid fifties after years of pain and failure I am trying to come to terms with the mess my life has been. I got out of the last relationship only a month ago and the self doubt you talked of resonated so deeply. My family are against me, my friends saw only the charm. I don't think I've ever felt so alone so please,, a big, enormous thank you for what you are doing and how you are able to touch and help.
M
popsylol
you are not alone. I understand; I have your same story. I'm glad you got out and I wish you the best. I know it took a lot of strength to get out;in fact, you moved a mountain. If you can move mountains, what else can you do! Treat yourself good, you are worth it.
Pia Mellody and Pete Walker on codependency are great writers. I only 'woke up' two years ago. It's a long road to recovery, but the recovery is taking place. Alice Miller is also wonderful. Pete Walker has an excellent bibliography in the back of his book cPTSD: from Surviving to Thriving.
popsylol I can relate to you right now. I'm 52, and left 6 weeks ago. My boys want to stay with their dad so, it hard for me. They are teens now and are aware of the physical abuse that happened. I am Co-depend one my husband psychologically dependant, emotionally, and financial. It's been a sick relationship for a long time and feel awful because all 5 of my kids witnessed the abuse.
I just found out he was an Altruistic Narcissist.
I couldn't agree more, you basically described my situation as well. I am in my early 50's and just finally figuring out what the hell has been going on all these years. Our family has been torn to shreds & as a result the siblings have next to nil contact after years of being pitted against eachother. I did reach out numerous times via text, email, ph calls to always be met with no response for the most part. I have gone no contact w my NARC mom & co dep dad about 2 months ago. I struggle with the anger & ignorance for not figuring out this info earlier. I have begged for help w therapist, read every book I could find trying to find answers. It is a enormous gift to finally, finally, finally have answers & have hope for a future w/o all this pain. I am fearless in this journey to happiness & wish everyone out there the same! We are all truly survivors!!
These videos are how I identified what happened after almost 20 years. It took six months of learning to leave. I'm on day seven out. Thank you.
bethgalactica c how are you doing?
Wow ! Great strength!
It's been hard coming to terms with this but this was exactly the relationship I was in. Not only was I a good supply for him, I was the perfect target because I was empathetic and had never been in a relationship before. I essentially had no boundaries so he was slowly transforming me into what he wanted while he was using, lying to, and cheating on me. I broke no contact a month from our breakup after he pretended to be remorseful for all of 20 minutes and it definitely set me back. It hurts that the only love I've ever had was toxic.
Desiree Jones. Ah, don't feel so bad, you are definately not alone in this experience.
Desiree Kian The same thing happened to me. I can relate to you. He was my first "boyfriend". Looking back now i know that i was never in a relationship. Narcs don't know what real love is. They don't know how to give love. I'm now hoping to get to know real love. I'm a good hearted woman, i didn't deserved that childish disgusting treatment. We deserve real love.
If you are out of the relationship, keep out and never go back. Companionship can be alluring, but don't take the bait. Get as far away as you can. You are fine on your own. Stay strong dear 😘
This happened with me too. I also had a child by the guy, needless to say he wasn't around. There needs to be more info dealing with this specifically-when the narc was your first love. I still have PTSD. Hopefully, you'll have a better recovery.
Desiree Kian - You’ve learned about “Trauma Bonding” right?
If you stay in this long enough you will start to question your own perceptions and then they got you.
I ended bvb up homeless in L.A. because of something like this. I now RV around country avoiding all life...All the therapy I had never explained this! Thank you!
I'm seriously considering doing this. How much does an RV cost? Is it hard to do this? Do you have land to park it on? That is seriously so awesome.
I'm 44 and was in a 2 year relationship with a narcissist. I became an alcoholic and cocaine addict. Attempted overdosing twice to end the pain and misery from the mental verbal physical financial sexual abuse.
I'm 18 months clean and free and doing much better. Focusing on myself.
Watch for the red flags and listen to your intuition
I’m so glad you got out.. I’m working on that now. Everyday is pure torture
@@deehyatt5173 I pray you find the strength to leave soon. It will not be easy but so worth it. I've been free from him 18 months and still struggle but every day gets better. I learned to love myself and that I never deserved the abuse and I will never settle again. Love and light 🥰
@@gem_ineye76 ~ thank you 🤗🕊 your comment resonated with me.. I never believed someone could be so cruel and evil.. and I’ve never wanted to ‘not exist’. I am experiencing every form of abuse you mentioned and it’s sickening to think so many other people are having this horrible pain💔..
I’m happy that you’ve been freed from the torture. I know once I can get away, that there will be a way to be ‘alive’ again.. at this point I just want the pain to end💔😭😖😣😓 ~ I have beautiful children & grandchildren that I would appreciate being able to actually BE WITH & enjoy .. so I keep reminding myself that’s my goal
❤️😞
Thank you! I needed this message today! First day of no contact! I walked away for ME because the best friend in me told me to! NO MORE tolerating mental abuse! I am better than that!
Tomorrow will be two weeks! I am still hanging in there! Each day that goes by I feel the feeling of hopelessness lifting. I am enjoying the silence and working on myself! I am so glad that I finally put my foot down and said NO MORE to the mental abuse!
Same here I’ve blocked him off everything I can’t take it anymore. Just darkness. A rainy cloud over my head. Telling me my birthmark I love that looks like a heart looks like an “ugly burn”, telling me I’m ugly, a whole, and that my dad doesn’t love me, etc. No more. I can’t let more terrible things enter my heart when I can control it. Sending you so much love and healing and I’m so sorry this happened to you too love 💛🥺🤍🤍💖
@@nicolec8143 Thank you’. Stay strong! We do not deserve to be treated like disrespectful. Your birth mark is not ugly, it’s beautiful! It’s what makes you unique! Every bad thing he says rebuke it, they are all lies! He is wrong for saying those things BUT we cannot stick around and allow them to treat as such because it only gets worse not better. If you went one day without him you can do another until you forget him. There will be someone else that will treat you a lot better. Just use your ex as an example of what you don’t want in a man, that’s what I am going to do when I am ready to date. For now it’s ME time. I am going to repair what he tried to damage. Be well, my dear! You can do this! 🤗 ❤️👍
Yep. I deal with it on a daily basis with my husband and recently I've found myself thinking of divorce more than I think of being happy with him. It's like these verbal daggers constantly being thrown to make me feel as badly as he must. It completely degraded my self esteem and self love and turned me into a shell of who I used to be. No more. Divorce is the finalization of me getting myself back.
Would you do a video on covert narcissism? The extreme passiveness is at times more crazy making than the overt. Neglect:, ignoring, silent treatment, always excuses, taking affection and sex away, all the decisions are placed on you, but it's so all the blame is placed on you if something goes wrong. I feel like I created the whole relationship was in my head, like I was having a relationship with myself.
Yes soon! One of my clients just wrote a book on covert narcs and I wrote the foreword for it. As soon as it’s available online I will make a video on the topic and link her book.
Yes please, I would love to read this book if it is available.
Covert narcs do exactly what you have described. By not giving out much info about themselves, it allows you to project qualities, fill in the blanks with your own mind. If they were up front and open from the beginning, we would have walked, or run!
Yes thank you
Very good description of a sad love story....
What you are saying, happened exactly how you said it. 10 yrs. I've been in this cycle to where I couldn't take it anymore. I had thoughts of suicide cuz I wasnt good enough. He lied some much and HURT me so deeply. He was making me feel like I was crazy. BUT, I FINALLY LISTENED to that small still voice inside telling me he doesnt love you, get out. I packed my bags and left and it was the hardest this Ive ever done. IM FREE FROM A MONSTER WHO HIT ME AND ABUSED ME YET TOLD ME HE WOULD NEVER EVER GO OUT ON ME AND COULDNT LIVE LIFE WITHOUT ME. ALL LIES.......IM FREE...
THANK YOU! SAVED MY LIFE AND SANITY.
judy singleton,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
“They’ll get you totally and utterly alone” . Yep .
That's how I feel right now after suffering yesterday's revenge attack from the narc I had cut off from contact for months.
@@RideAcrossTheRiver Yes, that's what they do. Once mine would not talk to me for 4 months.
@@RideAcrossTheRiver I'm so sorry to hear this......I believe the law is not always on our side.....I had an abusive stepfather once and the only people who saved my mom and I, unbeknownst to us, was The Mob.
I am so glad my ex wife left me. She was doing this all the time.
Betting you had a "whoahhhh....what just happened...she's gone...Jesus...oh dear...well..ohhh.......OHHHHH...hang on a minute, there are advantages to her NOT being here....HEY, THIS IS GREAT......3 months down the line from there Gus, i'm guessing you've ordered in pizza...a couple of great films, some beer, some decent friends .....and are all dancing around the rooms in your house to fucking AGADOO......AGA...DO..DO...DOOOOOO!!!!...with some local THAI strippers for entertainment........STILL MISS HER?.....what a change from life with a NARC!!!!!
.......have you done the "for's" and "against's" LIST yet.....
1..."SHE'S GONE".
2..."SHE'S GONE".
3..."SHE'S GONE"..........i couldn't get past this one after surviving the discard...
......NOW it's..."OHHHH CHRIST.....i hope i'm not gonna get a "PHONE-CALL HOOVER"....after all, what if one of the THAI STRIPPERS answers it?"....
It won't matter...SHE LEFT YOU...you lucky beggar.
@@sonicfoxxmusic4281 😂
@@sonicfoxxmusic4281 How about a relatively simple, but extremely loud, along with arms in the air: I'M FREE!!! 😀
Thank you so much. This was my first time tuning into your channel. Your kindness in explaining this subject had such a calming effect on my mind this morning.🪴Through the grace of GOD, I was able to escape a GROUP of narcissist,( a few yrs. ago), whom I unknowingly allowed to abuse me in this manner (for MANY years). I've been around this type of behavior ALL of my life ( as with a majority of victims). The behavior felt normal, even though DEEP down inside of me, even as a child,...I KNEW something was wrong. And here's the kicker; I always thought the something wrong was ME!!! (SMH) Thank you for helping me to continue to heal.🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿
I dropped my sociopath tonight. Enough is enough. He gave me just enough to keep me hanging on. two years I've allowed myself to be financially and emotionally abused and manipulated. I know I'll get we weak and want to see him but I gotta remember I'll never get the love I want and need. it'll be hard at my loneliest moments to stay away. I'm a fairly lonely person, so I gotta stay strong.
+Kencanvan I'm so sorry I just now saw this message! Good job leaving him!! You are strong and brave. I hope you are starting to feel relief and working through the initial layers of healing.
Kencanvan I need help too. I can't get away from him. I'm set on leaving, and then miss him and give in the next day , listen to him scold me and listen to him call me names, and how I'm not good and everything wrong I do and he will bring up things from the past constantly and hold them over my head and ruin an entire day bringing them up out of no where.. I just take it cause I miss him. he's the source to all my pain and happiness. I've stopped being friends with people because of him, I can't believe what I'm doing and I feel like I can't stop myself. I don't know how to get away because I feel like I need him.
Kendra, how are you doing a year out? I am a few weeks out and yes there are days I am so accepting of leaving and it is so clear how emotionally abusive she was to me. Then days where I think about the ex. All of these days I put into practice Meredith's SANA 12-week program. Very curious how you're doing though Kendra!
breath of fresh air to hear someone speak perfect sense after years of being told that it's all in your own head.. all I ever wanted in a relationship was my best friend.. comes at a terrible price if you get that wrong doesn't it..
Yes and be careful with manipulators who present the "us vs. the world" illusion when they sense that you're craving having someone on your team.
That us vs the world' is exactly what I got instead... lies, lies and more lies...makes you wonder why the narc can't be bothered to be the genuine article with so much devotion doesn't it.. I think that for me is the worst bit , discovering that my partner was just an Act..
This all happened word for word with my ex. Absolute insanity. When you are raised by a narc you don’t know how to put yourself first. I only left to save my life. Your videos saved me and kept me away. I watched them for months just to keep my mind straight. Thank you 🙏 now I know that when someone makes me feel bad and question myself I LEAVE. I choose self love and self trust. 💖
Congrats..im trying to do the ESCAPE from this 14 months drainingggggg period with the NARC..
Expressed so WELL, i feel so validated and MOST IMPORTANTLY I've referred your channel to others in need And those who truly care and Love me. I, like the Many other Survivors have a strong desire and Need to feel Understood so we can All begin the Journey out of "IT". THANK YOU!!
"From victim to thriving.." 😀
Im 50 yrs old. When i was 24 i met my husband. I stayed for 25 yrs and at the end i was physically sick. The dr told me the amount of arthritis and inflammation i had in my body at age 30 was the amount of a 60 yr old. I just left 2 yrs ago and my body has healed 80% . I will always have back issues. But i have my sanity back and my freedom. It blew my mond when it finally occurred to me what i had been married to for 25 yrs. Im thankful that he and i only have 1 child togerher. ( he got me pregnant on purpose, i know that now)
I love myself again and that in itself is a miracle because for so long i hated me and did not know who i was tbh. Thank u for being here and i am so happy that u made it out alive! Love and light
Me too....
Why did you say he got you pregnant on purpose? I’m scared :( my ex was a narcissist and he always mentioned having a baby 😰like is it to trap you?
I was abused by my ex-husband narc and looking back, I can't believe what I "allowed" with him. We married quickly and after 3 weeks of marriage I kicked him out permanently because I felt myself going down (as in psychotic breakdown -I knew he was killing me). I should have divorced him right then but I continued to give him chance after chance (from a distance we continued to communicate via phone, text and email). The verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse not only continued but even escalated! After 10 more months I finally had enough and filed divorce on my birthday as a present to myself and finally I'm free of my abuser. This man took EVERYTHING from me...my peace, my well-being, my confidence, my power, my self-respect, my health and I nearly lost my job because of the drama and instability. I have been divorced now for a couple of weeks and have been no-contact for several months. I'm starting to feel better, finally! This man brought me to such a low existence and place, that I became an empty shell of myself that I couldn't even recognize. It's going to take more time to heal and learn to be good to myself, take care of myself and re-learn boundaries and self esteem. Thank you for doing these videos Meredith, you are so spot-on, intelligent, articulate and such a gentle soul. I've been so encouraged and helped, thank you. :)
His Daughter - Hope you’re feeling world’s better today.
Yes, I too looked in the mirror and didn't recognise myself. My narcissist ex had taken my inner joy away. That was when I realised I had to leave. I did, it was a scary time and I had to get a court order to keep him away from me, but it's the best thing I ever did. I have never looked back. Wishing you all the best. X
spent 38 years with an abusive narc, he never hit me, but it was hell, my whole youth stolen while he cheated from day one and never stopped.
Oh my gosh I wish I would of found you 8 years ago. It is crazy how manipulative they are and how easy they can break down a strong person to almost nothing.
I can feel you really talking to me in this one, Meredith. You have described my upbringing and I feel less alone in it.
'someone taught you to doubt yourself'! I agree that there was a first person that taught targets to doubt themselves but then other abusers or narcissists pick up on it and make it worse! good people do not exploit people's doubts and insecurities! my mother was the first to cause or teach me to doubt myself and for many years I was exploited by many others including therapists who were some of the most vicious exploiters! just because someone has a PHD does not make them a good person! it can make it easier to exploit others and get away with it! I have learned a lot and changed my life from spiritual teachers and others like yourself who overcame these experiences and reached out and taught others!
I grew up with the same self-doubt programming. I'm sorry you were exploited by therapists on top of that. I'm happy you're working on transforming your life. Big hug!
Drew Norton One comment in response to what you said of which I just by coincidence wrote above prior to reading your statement. AGREED!
Yes those abusive doctors and therapists are the most disgusting vile shock. Especially after gaining our fragile trust. How dare they exploit us for their need to be admired by the people they could not otherwise get the attention of.
Recklessly cruel discarders and gaslighters, destroying already broken lives who came to them for HELP.
How can they remain so blind to the darkness they carry and spew out? On the very people they supposedly took an oath to "do no harm" to.
Abuse of their one-way power imbalance. Why don't they ever lose their licenses? Oh yeah, because they're different. They're supposedly better than us, these worthless, entitled, ivy league, rich brats. Despite their degrees, they still won't ever know what it means to bitterly suffer like the rest of us. To actually do work for a living just to get by in the real world, no 6 figure cars parked in our gated estates.
The “dating” phase for me lasted about two weeks. That was it. The after effects and weird encounters lasted months. I see the monster randomly to this day. So creepy!
it took me 6 years to realize , now i am out , i am free again , and i realize how many narcissists is out there poisoning others , i found information and help from an angel posting a similar video like this , keep up the good work , you are a life savior ...
Oh. My. Goodness. You just described my life with my husband exactly. I absolutely need to find my way out.
Angela Rotolo - One step at a time but make that first step.
Ang Ro hi. Make a secret plan. Only you can know! I did it and you can too. Happy now!
Hopefully you were able to get out 🕊
@@deehyatt5173 I did. I divorced him last year and I'm free now. 🤗
@@ang_ro ~ SO HAPPY FOR YOU 🕊❤️🥰 ~ I am working on a way out ... it’s a little over two years, but the constant abuse has taken its toll on me physically, emotionally and financially💔 . A plan is the ONLY way I can get out safely & sanely
Listen closely,Within one day, you can see it, pay attention to everything..Remember when you feel uneasy with them in the room with you,It’s wake up time..Completely true!! Thank you for sharing this!!
Often I can see it in the first sentence or paragraph. Sometimes it does take a few conversations, especially if they aren't explicitly obvious.
Great video; totally agree! I experienced this in my early 20s, and we had a child. From my experience, I'd say refuse to co-parent with someone this abusive. Don't stop until you can go no further. They will turn your child against you, and involve them in their smear campaigns about you. I wish I had realized this much earlier on - the family court system is corrupt. I've had no contact with who I was ordered to co-parent with in almost two years now - it really is so important. Our 17 year old daughter has gotten to the point where she doesn't want to have contact with him either, but she's gone through too much. Awareness of narcissistic abuse is needed. Family court judges don't seem to be educated enough to make good decisions.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm learning more and more about how messed up the system is regarding these matters. You are strong!
what you're describing is so crazy making that you literally can see the edge from here that if you got close to, there would be no return. and to think they are happy to do this to you is just so unbelievable, to consider it is truly frightening. and then you keep say ing to yourself, but he's also such a great guy
i honestly feel so stupid because even our best of times was the bare minimum and i still miss him. how could i love someone that tells me, “you should be grateful i cheated on you with a prostitute instead of one of your friends.”
True sickins
Thank you
It's because you are trauma bonded, it's a medical condition in a way, there are bunch of videos on that subject and how to break it. You can do it, believe me.
I was told “I don’t love you and I’m not sure I ever will” I should have left then but I was so enmeshed at that point.
Toxic vampire is not a term I use lightly but that's what narcs, sociopaths are.. Mine didn't even try to hide his dominant sadistic side, he took the utmost pleasure in putting me and anyone else in their place.. Sick and twisted is what he is... Glad I got out very early took all the energy I had and near on broke me but I love me more than anyone else so that is what keeps me going.. Have learned a lot..thanks for the video helps a lot 🌹👌🎆
this is so right on the mark, I can't believe what I'm hearing. i mean, you can't make this stuff up. its totally irrational but yet predictable
U R A TRUTH TELLER MEREDITH
There is a scene in the Matrix movie.
Neo : My eyes hurt.
Morpheus: You've never used them before.
I am so glad that i am experiencing these feelings in a way. It has been 3 months of NC and never responded to her messages. It has been like hell. Still is but everyday passing by i feel like i ve won an olympic gold medal. I am kind of enjoying this pain thinking about the kind of person i will have become. You need this experience. Life has given you a red pill. Enjoy the ride
Tarkan Yilmaz - I’m coming up on one month NC so appreciate your comment very much- ty
I am a 17 year old living with my narcissistic mother and this video helped me so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Oh God Bless you hun!!! I had the worst time surviving my teens at home with my mother so my heart hurts for you!! Try to stay busy and away from home or at the very least schedule your off time opposite of her. Good luck! Seriously...be safe and try to maintain a good attitude although it's hard. It won't last forever!!
Yes honey, stay strong. Get yourself in tradeschool get a career and get out.
These types of videos on TH-cam were not out at the time that I had to endure this. I also had 2 kids I was raising while going through this with a narc. I missed out on completing my degree from the stress. I am okay now but it was horrible back then. I remember the ending....The person said..."okay, you finally got depression now, I accomplished my goal." My problem was that I was second guessing and I didn't leave on time or set enough boundaries. Thank you dearest speaker for this video. It's brilliant, knowledgeable, wise and helpful.
Same for me. I also had a trauma bond. HAD. I am over it and he better not ever try to contact me again.
This is describing the whole Johnny Depp Amber Heard drama. She is the narcissist, he is the emphath who fell into her trap.
True, I feel sorry for Johnny Depp.
No. She is BPD and he is a covert narc. They are both bad people.
Don’t fall for the act
Thabk you!! I was so depressed , felt hopeless , could not function !! All of this video was my boyfriend !! I literally just broke up for good . Thank you !
As I’m watching the video, over and over again, tears are rolling down my cheeks, asking myself those questions. WHY? why did he do that to me? I didn’t deserve it when all I did was to loved and cared for him:( Life can be cruel and unfair with those who least deserve it.😢😢
I hope you're doing better. Stay strong, stay focused, love and be loved, live a simple life. Use good judgement.
@@emiliogonzales5399 Thanks Emilio:)))