My husband goes through this as well. He has Asperger’s and gets burned out and needs to check out for a while. It’s why we have a second bedroom for him to have his own controlled environment. It’s ok to take a break and regroup ❤
Yeah, I took a break from school and work, this summer. Granted, I felt bored and lonely, but it took me a month to figure out how to access my resumes online after losing my usbs … only find them a day or few later. I focused on a passion project, read novels, and worked out again.
Hi Paul, welcome back and congratulations on making self discoveries on your journey. I find a lot of your insights useful and interesting. I will equate my current situation with yours... I went well over four years without once taking a break and suddenly, I had to just stop; my brain wouldn't work as normal and I physically couldn't continue, I felt ill or burned out. I am now three months into doing nothing. I am beginning to pick up little personal projects that I have wanted to do for a long time - taking an interest in my own wants and needs. I'm hoping that by doing that I will eventually get back to doing what I should be doing; that is, being of use to society again.
I know that there is huge pressure to be of use to society...that can be very debilitating, try to be of more use to your family and to yourself first...society can go on as it has done up till now...😁 Blessings from Scotland🙏🌠
thanks so much for this. perfect for today - just had another crash, after a gradual overwhelm, when i think i'm doing well and - boom! not agaaaiiiin!!! so frustrating. and can really see how my depression kicks in as part of/in response to burnout now (imagine if i'd known that 40 years ago!!). But always so helpful to hear other people's experience and tips and to know there are lots of us surviving this x
I've been struggling with burnout for almost three years, with fits and starts of believing I'm past it, only to crash again. The problem isn't just time, because I blew through some of my savings to take a few months off, and nothing changed. Part of it might be the quality of that time and how it is spent, more than the amount of time. Sensory overload is huge, so if I'm "resting" in a noisy environment (interruptions from family, ambient electric or road noise, TV on in the background, etc), it doesn't matter how long I try to sleep or do nothing, it won't recharge the battery. Another aspect is that I need to tend to physical wellbeing like hydration, deep breathing (really important to breathe fully and get oxygen), truly restful sleep, exercise, preferably out in nature, a healthy diet, and so on. It's incredibly hard to get all that together, and maintain it, for any good length of time, but I'm at a point that sacrificing it is not an option anymore. Being engaged in a worthwhile passion/activity is of course important, but I'm often in danger of overdoing that as I can fall into hyperfocus patterns where I don't eat or sleep at all and ignore other important aspects of living, throwing me way off balance. So, containing my focus ability without believing that I'm sacrificing my passions is also a hurdle. I've come to the conclusion that what is really needed isn't time off but lifestyle changes so burnout doesn't happen in the first place, and to ensure the bumps in the way to basic well-being aren't so difficult to ride over. (That was touched on a little bit with integrating life-coaching as a compatible endeavor.) For me, it means establishing better and more consistent boundaries with other people, living a less ""fragmented" life that has built up due to constant masking, and letting go of certain ideas about how my life is supposed to look compared to societal expectations and standards. I really like the take on alone time vs. 1 on 1 time vs. group time! The top-down vs. bottom-up approach is also really helpful to hear. Overall, this video provides much to think about. Thank you.
I am noticing that I am at a dangerous point in a burnout that has been building for over a year. I am not in a position to take the time I need and I am really concerned about what this will do to me. In the past my burnouts take a year or more to recover. I had one take two years to recover my energy. My burnout is a result of working two jobs and three side hustles and I am still not making enough to cover my basic needs. I really need to find the time and energy to get an official diagnosis and to apply for permanent disability. I don’t think I am going to have the ability to work anymore but I still need to have food and shelter. I am happy that you got such great time, and I desperately hope I can find a way to recover and to continue to have my basic needs met. Thanks for sharing.
You are helping me survive right now. Major crash and burn, kids are mad and things may never be the same. Understanding helps so much. Thanks. Anxiety hitting in MASSIVE waves.
Hi Paul, thank you so much for your video. I have been trying to explain this problem/process to my psychiatrist(s) for the past 5 years, but I could never put it in words in a way that they would actually understand my situation. It is truly terrible when you seek help from a professional and know they don't understand you, get dismissed as too dependent, stubborn, at fault on the situation or just unwilling to make changes. But worst of all, is knowing that you are actually dependent on this person to further write you off work, because working is not an option at the moment. Another point that is mentioned far too seldom, is the pressure of being a parent. I don't have a chance to take the breaks that I need, because I have to function for my children. In addition I have to battle against the system, to make sure they get the support that they need. (Both are on the Spectrum plus ADHD) And letting them down, just isn't an option.
Try copying and paste Pauls video into an email to your psychiatrists to let them see where you are coming from...I have done something similar and it brought results...😁 Blessings from Scotland💞🌠🙏
Focus on completing the one most important task for that day works for me (most of the time!) Anything else is a bonus. Great advice. Good to see you back, and thanks for highlighting the importance of self care.
The fatigue and brain fog is so similar to what I experience with fibromyalgia. 😩 I LOVE your "top down" idea; the "if I can only accomplish one thing today, what will that be?" Very, very useful!
Yes, it's taken me 2 days to change a lightbulb 💡. That was my job for the day, except the first lightbulb was wrong so it took another day to change it again. I also have fibromyalgia and lupus.
I'm sorry. Have you tried getting your zinc levels tested? There's a dr on YT named Dan Purser who says fibromyalgia in his clinical experience is caused primarily from zinc levels that are so low that copper is getting pulled out of the cells and into the muscles
@@yuppers1 thank you, I take a zinc and copper supplement along with D3, K2 and magnesium. I've had all my levels tested by rheumatology and was very deficient in D3 because with lupus I'm made ill by light so I need to avoid sun light and some artificial lights especially florescent and halogen, 20 second exposure is enough to require steroids.
I haven't ever had the luxury of taking more than the slotted 2 weeks off from work. And with little ones and a sickly husband, well, I just couldn't stop. Kids are now grown ( same amount of stress btw), husband deceased, and can now rest and pace myself. My job now requires that I interact more with humans so...yeah...heading for a crash.
Please.. save yourself. I had a similar situation. My doctor was waiting for 17 years to the day I walked in his office and told him “I’m not participating in the world anymore, I think I’m burned out”. 4 years later.. now. My doctor is afraid I “burned through”, because I’m not getting better at least .. not able to resume going back to work. So.. please don’t go on my path. Take care now!
So good to see you back, Paul. I could tell you are feeling better before you spoke...your face looks more alert but nice and relaxed. Glad to hear about your experience in recovery from burnout. Thanks.
Paul, Im speechless. My journey is So similar to yours (heck, I even had dreadlocks in my early 20's for similar reasons as you had them). I'm late diagnosed autistic and I'm working as a PhD student in science. I've been on 100% sick leave for almost 1 year because of exactly what you mentioned in this video: My battery has gradually been depleted over the years and now it never exceeds 20% before going back on low. But this year I've had the opportunity to try what works for me during my paid sick leave. I come from Sweden but live in Norway. While Norway has a great social system overall, I've been waiting for help from the Habilitation for almost a year because of long wait-lists. And no luck for other help finding strategies despite trying to reach out to doctors and psychologists. They denied me because of their lack in experience with autism...and their default action was just to prescribe more sick leave while waiting for the habilitation to offer me the first appointments. So I had to do the journey all alone which was not easy, and I even slipped back into depression for a while. But I did some experimenting, like you did. I tried resting - this worked in the initial stages of burnout. I tried visiting my family over the summer and did fun activities with them - that helped! I visited new places (in nature) alone and activated my curiosity to explore - this helped! I started making new plans and dreaming of a new future - not with my science carreer as a main goal as it was before, but instead buying an old, traditional cottage home in the countryside and growing food in a garden...with a goal of a calmer job, maybe at a museum - This is what almost helped me the most because it is working towards havinga sustainable goal in the future. Im now test-working with practical, stress-free tasks at the museum where I am employed with all my PhD work on hold. I can handle working about 3-4 hours/day with cataloguing the museum collections - this helps very much, and I learn what works and what doesnt at work. But my available sick-leave time is soon spent and I need to make a plan for life ahead. I likely have to move back to Sweden, not sure about if I can find a suitable job for my capacity. So this is where Im at now, watching your video. I'm wondering if the burnout somehow is a sign that we are not living life as our brains are naturally built to work, as autistics. The symptoms seem somewhat psychosomatic, because when I do things "my way" with full freedom I have much more capacity and can actually rest better. The physical brain fatigue symptoms are very real. Maybe we can't expect to work as other people do? Maybe I cant work 100% at a conventional work place? Your videos Really helps me with new insights and confirming what I have found as well. It feels good to have a kindered soul that goes through something similar. You are the only person with a similar autistic experience to my own that I know of. So...a huge thank you. Love following your journey, and I wish you a year with a fuller battery. Huge props for being resilient, curious and always trying new things for the better of your health and the community!
I saw the dreadlocks & laughed... because I did too! Mine were intentional, though. From 17 to 26. Still miss them sometimes & have dreams that they grew back 😹 I went to school, got a job in my field, the business closed so I did freelance for 10 years. Unfortunately, I'm not good at selling myself so the freelancing was only so-so. 4 years ago, a new job opportunity came up working with cannabis plants & I did something very not like myself & took the chance. Then I had to change companies 4 times in 4 years from failing companies (story of my life...) & just got sick of the constant change. I just really loved being able to care for the plants & not having to interact with so many people in 1 day! Now every time I think about what I might do in the future, it's like my battery just drains to the point where I feel like I need to lay down for a little bit. Not sure why I never thought about working at a museum, but that actually sounds kind of great. And I wish I could just move to the country & grow my own food, sounds like we are kindred souls 😸 I hope everything works out for you & you get your charge back... at least enough to function! I feel like mine has been no more than 20% for months, but finally coming back 🤞🤞🤞 Good luck!!!
You do you! Thats the only way to be. I love being my aspie self, cataloguing the hell out of everything! Want to know how many bottles of shower gel I have? I am a scientist also, and work in compliance, its measuring and rules based, suits me fine and I stay the hell out of people management. It sounds like you are on the right track, its best to focus on today and what that entails and not worry too much beyond next month, as doors tend to present themselves along the way anyway. Museum sounds awesome, dark, quiet, collections, being an expert. Good luck!
@@redfishswimming Big thanks for your input, its great to hear that a likeminded soul found their place so nicely! :) And you are spot on about not to worry too far ahead and wanting things to change and happen -now-. Change will happen because we work towards new goals...but everything can't change at once. I'll keep my eyes open for hidden doors. Thanks, and good luck to you too!
I agree with the lifestyle statement. I can't function like a normie. The 9 to 5 rule doesn't apply to me. I burned out each time I tried. I also dream of a peaceful life in the woods or mountains with nature for company ❤
I am also in Norway...my son has been diagnosed with Asperger at age 8. Since I learn more about it, I start to realize that I am on that side of spektrum too. I never could work as others. Because when I do something I do it 500 % and can be very effective but very fast exhausted. Very difficult in regular job...and as single mother of special child I colapsed very fast. Unable to recharche fully. I agree that system is not very helpful. I try to explain that I love my job and want to work, but can't work fully. The only place I can relax every year is a summercamp for kids with parents in my home country Czechia. Its exactly the blend I need and my son too. There are activities, but we can decide if we join them. Can be alone as there is plenty of Space. Its in the nature, but not far from civilization. Food is there three times a day, so no need to think about anything but what I want and need in the moment. Its the only place I almost dont know about my son as he feels very safe with many adults and kids who are very often also special in some way. I think places like this would be ideal places for burned out people and my dream is to organize one here in Norway...just to find the right place and people.
This is all extremely relatable, echoes so much of my life experience. Especially the part about "executive function," a phrase new to me. But the moment you described it, and especially how at times that "part" goes into shutdown (to me it's like a stubborn infant within with crossed arms and a pout refusing to do anything else: no, I'm NOT making a single more decision, not what to make for supper, not when to get a haircut, not what e-mail to answer, NOTHING--and no matter what guilt-trips you try to ply it with about responsibility and urgency and "what will others think?" it doesn't budge). Another side to this, though: in the past 19 months I discovered what it means when extraordinary crisis/catastrophe kicks your "executive function" part into hyperdrive to the exclusion of all else, and I mean ALL else. I'm talking about the war in Ukraine, and without going into details it will sufice to say that it immediately impacted my life and the lives of my nearest and dearest and entailed total life-changes, relocation, loss of home, possessions, work, etc. In short, the "refugee" experience. For me as an American I was relatively "lucky," with freedom, flexibility and options others close to me did not enjoy. But my entire life was consumed for a year or so with being with them, traveling through this together, scrambling to find the way forward. What I found was, virtually everything inside me shut down EXCEPT executive function, 24/7. The best way I can describe it is, you know what the day before a major long-distance trip is like, with all the scrambling to make sure you've packed everything, you've got all your documents, you've made all the arrangements for your absence (stop the mail, unplug appliances, leave instructions for the dogsitter, etc.), check and double-check all your documents, reservations, departure times, etc.? There's no time of course on a day like that for zone-out or special hobbies or a brisk walk "alone" in the mall or a conceptual/creative mental journey, and you know that and that's fine because it's only one day. Imagine a year where every day is that. That's what catastrophe did, kickstarting me into a solid year of adrenalin-drenched scramble at a life-or-death pitch. In the process I lost 30 pounds, naturally. At the "end" of it all (the "end" meaning a relative settling of my loved ones' situations, though of course the war, and trauma, continue), I came barrelling headlong into the worlds-changing discovery of my ASD status, and it could not have come at a better time. It not only made sense of a 65-year-old life on infinitely interfolded layers, but it also was, weirdly, a kind of reward after the year of trauma, a place of sense-making rest and recovery--recovery, as it were, of a whole life up to the trauma of war, a place of restorative reconnoiter that made my whole past somehow new and "fresh," because of meaning that RESOLVES things, and thus, of course, an amazingly new "intelligent" position from which to venture on. It is an internal integration of stratospheric proportions.
You seem very focused on what you are "doing". Has it occurred to you that maybe the answer is to allow yourself to do nothing. There is a joke about meditation, "Don't just do something, sit there." Works for me.
You can just shut your brain off? I’m incapable of this with autism and adhd. Meditation becomes a list making session as my brain starts letting me know what comes next after meditation. Even if I have a task list already I have to prepare myself to transition to the next thing. Meditation is not relaxing for me.
@@raynebowkitten I could speak on this but it might not be helpful at all, and just leave you more opposed to meditation after lol. I wrote a long reply to you then decided not to post it.
I'm happy that this was an effective option for you to recover and heal from burnout caused by working so hard to create your extensive library of impressive videos that help so many autistic individuals (and all the other things you do). I'm grateful for everything. BUT... I hate to write this, but this video made me feel worse. My family and financial situation does not allow me (or 98% of people for that matter...) to take months off to recharge. For years I've fantasized about doing something like this. This is likely a "me" problem, as I should be happy for you instead of comparing your situation to mine and being jealous (I haven't reached that level of maturity yet), but on the other hand my feedback is that you should be mindful of the situation of the general population when describing your experiences on a wide-ranging social platform like TH-cam. Next video idea: How to heal from autistic burnout with $42 in your bank account 😀
How's that victim mentality working out for ya? Nobody can make us feel anything. How we react is very telling of our internal state... if we can look in the mirror when something feels amiss, we can take our power back. Best of luck!
He did say at the end that what works for him won't necessarily work for everyone. For me I couldn't do this due to, ironically, the executive functioning it would take for me to even think about traveling and all those changes, people, new approaches that I need to implement to manage in another place and so on. That's more what bothered me, as this was supposed to be for how to give executive function relief. Then again he did say it's not for everyone, it just sucks that even solutions won't help me with my issue, because the solution would make it worse in this case.
In response to your question, how's that superiority mentality working out for ya? All kidding aside, I recognize that in a perfect world with perfect mental health we shouldn't feel anything except what we allow ourselves to feel, but, especially in a non-neurotypical environment, that is almost never the case. Someone talking about their restful 4-month vacation to people who barely get 1-week vacations is going to get a response. Always. I wish you luck in understanding this. @@almalittle4773
I feel you 100%, I've been able to take a couple months off myself but the long-term problem of being able to avoid burnout while also being successful financially is something I'm still trying to navigate. It's been a little over a year since I graduated from college and it's hard feeling like I don't know how to be a "real adult" that's able to live up to the demands of our modern society. I think some sort of social/political change would benefit a lot of people, but until that happens I'll keep trying to find a sustainable balance as I learn how to work through this stage of my life.
I have ADHD and after 3 years of fighting and recovering from illness some work drama flattened me. I've had 4 months off and start a new job next week. It took two months of sleeping extra before I even started to feel rested. In the subsequent two months I did a lot of similar activities to Paul but top priority was sleep, exercise and diet. I finally feel back to normal and healthier than I have been in years.
I'm in a similar situation, took a couple months to mostly do nothing and then began doing exercise and meditation more frequently and being able to set and achieve goals for myself. I also just started a new job which is going well so far, but I already feel myself not being as motivated or consistent in the gym and wonder if I will end up in burnout again. For the time being, I can pretend that everything is going well, but I'm struggling to find a balance that is sustainable for me. I'm having some uncertainty/anxiety about whether or not I will be able to find a lifestyle that is sustainable for me in the long-term. Do you have any advice on how to avoid burnout in the future or how to find long-term success?
I've got ADHD and don't know either after several break downs how I am supposed to survive 8 hours of work a day for 30 years or more with just 20 vacation days per year xD
@phoxxy2516if you’re suffering from severe insomnia like I was all of July I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make sense. I’m AuDHD and I need my exercise. If I don’t get sufficient exercise, sleep is much harder. I find exercising gives me more energy to work with. I was climbing as usual during that time. Granted, as I climb after work, which requires a lot of thinking and decision-making, there have been times where my executive function crashed, and that’s a solid indicator to go home.
14:46 _This_ is why I find one-on-one conversations stressful but _love_ hanging out in small groups. So much less pressure in small groups to perform.
I feel exactly the same, but I also have ADHD, so maybe it is a little different for me. I relate very much when Paul says about recharging while being part of a social group. I love to enjoy people's company without having to participate ! Instead the 1 to 1 is so much more draining for me. Also when I will have a partner, hopefully one day soon, I would like to have each our own bedrooms. For me, having my own space it is important to be able to fully recharge my batteries. It was lovely meeting you Paul when you were in the UK! I will always have a great memory of you 🤗 thanks !
I have been swimming a couple of times a week for the last couple of months. When I think about it, my favorite part about it is having a specific task to complete Monday, Wednesday, or Friday each week. I don't have a gym buddy or anything, so I don't have to worry about letting anyone down if I don't want to go, and I don't have any external pressures forcing me to go. I know the names of a few of the staff members, but don't feel obligated to hold a conversation with anyone. I simply get to go to and exist in a space with other people, focusing on the little goals I make for myself each week. I have rituals for getting ready for the gym, for how I store my clothing, for how I progress through my workout, for showering and dressing afterwards, and for unpacking my gear when I get home. They're little things that don't matter or register to anyone else, but I look forward to them. I put a lot of thought into developing the habit, and now I have these 40-50 minute windows of time where I don't have to make decisions - I just pick up my bag and follow the path, and just enjoy being in my body. I feel like I hacked adult parallel play.
@HappyHappySundaeI always find myself trying to multitask, despite knowing that multitasking is not really possible. But swimming does not allow any form of multitasking. Could this be part of the magic of swimming?
This is so good. You explain your experience so well that we all can understand and make a use of it. We all experience burnout at some point, and it is good when you share your thoughts about how you found a way to deal with it. I sure will do it your way, like for example choose only one thing that I will do for each day instead of having my brain overflow with a thousand things. Thank you so very much. Ann from Norway
I am happy for you, Paul, really glad you feel better. ❤ And also wanna thank you for putting many of my own struggles into words. 🙏🏻 My journey as a neurodivergent person is still quite new, although I am nearly 50 now. The faster I learn how to implement what I really need into my life, the faster I could live a better life … but it clearly takes time to change and I‘m training to be more patient with myself, the recovery from my last burnout seems to be taking years. Of course it depends on the circumstances in everyones lifes which are clearly different. Still using some of your insights for myself, so thanks again! 😊
I understand the intention is good, but this video is giving strong "Marie Antoinette" vibes... Like who wouldn't love to fly away for a 4 month holiday. But how realistic this really is for people, especially for us on the spectrum? Myself I can hardly afford a city bus card 🤦
No it does not work . We are still tired. Love and appreciate your channel very much ...Thank you for all that you do . 🥰 I do not feel so alone anymore . Thank you ... 🥰
Excellent topic, points you've raised and what you've done! Very helpful. I like the top down approach idea. I've just realised my almost 1.5 years Walkabout journey is recovering from a crazy world and 37+ years of burnout. Good thing I'm doing for myself.
I do think one way to handle autistic burnout though is actually through what we consume . Nurses with burnout were found to have higher cortisol levels and so by giving them omega 3 it helped them recover from burnout quicker then the nurses without it. So if we consume foods that lower cortisol levels it might help manage burnout.
80% is a great result indeed! Glad you took the break and that it worked for you. The duration of time off is very important too, but I find the quality of it is the most important. So a good environment where there's sensory rest space and minimal emotional stress. I mean, it's funny how a lot of the things that help us autistics would actually be quite healthy for the majority of living creatures. There probably won't be a point in time where autism is in vogue lol, but I'm glad you make this content not just accessible to fellow autists, but also to the average person. Missed your content a great deal! Your videos are amazing. I only watch your ASD vids and Ask Dr. Tony Atwood through autismhangout. Just can't relate to any other content on YT so I'm super glad to see you're back. Please remember to hydrate and pace yourself! :D Quality over quantity! Just like life.
You look so much more relaxed! Welcome back. And thank you for what you do on your channel. Perfect timing for this video. I’m going through the same. Always tired, craving alone time (like completely alone in the house, I can’t relax when anyone else is home) difficulty with food and clothing choices, etc. I’ve had blood tests on the advice of my husband, and no, I’m not dying but this exhaustion persists. What I know I really need is a hard recharge of my social battery. I know women on the spectrum have different needs than men. That might explain why my social needs are quite the opposite of what you described. I thrive in one on one conversations where we are discussing an interesting topic. I cringe and want to run away from small to medium sized social gatherings with an intolerable amount of small talk. In fact, nothing exhausts me more. Small talk to me feels like an uncomfortable interrogation and I feel my honest responses accentuate my neurodivergence and make me feel self conscious. When I’m in a group, I feel that people detect that there is something different about me because I’m not participating “normally” and my facial expressions aren’t like everyone else’s. It causes people to interrogate me and dig deeper to see if they can figure me out. I never feel that I have the freedom to hang out on the perimeter of a social gathering and participate when I choose as you have described. The pressure I feel to interact “normally” is very strong. I also have zero ability to filter out background conversations so if someone at a gathering engages me in a private conversation, I cannot focus because the other conversations are interfering with my ability to focus. As a woman, my interactions with other women are usually more exhausting than my interactions with men. I think it’s because interacting with neurotypical women accentuates my social oddness by comparison. I don’t feel as harshly judged by men if my eye contact is weak or if I’m unmasked. Any other women have the same experiences?
A lot of women on the spectrum say they have always felt more comfortable talking to and hanging out with males including myself. As a child I was a Tom boy. There's a feeling that men are not expecting too much of one but it's hard to put ones finger on exactly why this is.
Yes, I much prefer a deep conversation on an interesting topic. Parties will make me crash almost immediately. I can not filter out all of the stimuli, so much noise!!! I relate to much of what you have described.
(Asperger's 36 male here.) It's so hard for me to imagine being away from home would help solve the problem you describe (you mentioned multiple countries far away from your home). It's never been easy for me to be away from home. While I enjoy seeing new things during the holidays, I don't like being away. Everything is different! Very high tension levels. I thought solo travelling would help, so I could totally do my own things, but it just made me feel more lonely. I'm not sure if I want to travel again anytime soon. I'm also suffering from extreme tiredness for the first time alive and I have NO idea why. Not able to work, I'm in a bad space. My savings are rapidly decreasing. I'm happy during about half of the hours of the day though. But I can't go on like this, not keeping up with my own tasks and simultaneously needing + wanting to get back to a paid job.
I feel like you could use an assistant. I'm going through something similar. I picked up wood working. It's very relaxing to know, that the only thing waiting for you is dead plant material.
Hi! I found this video amazing in its clarity of such a confusing process of burnout (I.e. how did the burnout develop, how do I set up my life to prevent this next time, how do I recover now?) I would be very interested in a group where you lead us through the practical steps of how to come up with our own system to prevent burnout. I think you presented your experience so clearly that I almost had to remind myself that none of these conclusions you came to were obvious- it took real awareness and TIME. I’d love a group so I could be guided through how to do this. Learning one’s own way system to prevent burnout is a skill that will pay for itself a million times over. So, Paul, what do you think about a group around this?
I feel I am going through autistic burnout….. I am not sure what to do about it. It’s hard to explain to my family and friends about it. I feel like they dismiss it…
Perhaps explain that you are so overwhelmed that you can't think (but they will not understand because they are not autistic, it is just the way it is - just like white people will never be able to understand what it is to be black in America). Then start, perhaps with a friend, to make a schedule of tasks, very simple tasks that need to be done, when/how often they need to be done (i.e. put your "executive function" on paper). Make sure you are taking lots of quality vitamins and minerals (vitamin B's are excellent for calming your head), cut down (or better yet cut out) sugar and caffeine ( both of which cause blood sugar spikes and drops). And eliminate - JUST FOR THE MOMENT - tasks which are unnecessary to your physical survival. this should give you as much time as you can have, to rest.
One thing that I do might sound a bit crazy to some. I have a bunk bed and sleep and relax on the top bunk. My family and friends are my cats and my dog. And as much as I love them, I can't allow myself to be available to them at all times. Yet I (and they) can't stand to be seperated by closed doors. The bunk bed allows my fur-family and I to be in the same room while I am simply out of reach. The dog is in her pen literally feet from me. I can hear her snore and, if I wish, I can lean over the edge of the bed to say hi. And my cats are free to move about the apartment, near me or off in the living room or kitchen having fun. It's not uncommon for my cats to check in with a mew and for me to say hi back. But no one can actually get to me to demand anything at all. I do miss having my cats sleeping with me on a normal bed. But that's simply not a luxury that I can allow anymore. Anyway, this is one way that I've learned to survive. In a lot of ways, I find that it works pretty well.
My career is driving me into the ground (healthcare provider). I hardly have the energy to do the things I enjoy anymore. My wife and I are working on my exit strategy. I will be strictly per diem in the next 6 months.
So glad to hear that your break helped - thanks for sharing the strategies that work for you. I’m off on a very short Camino in a week or so (addicted to walking), and then the next week start the diagnosis journey. Your channel has been a big help to me as burnout pushed me into my ASD awareness journey. Thank you
I came to the exact same top down approach after being pushed to a new burnout limit. It was literally all I could do, and the realization that its enough is what has helped me. There are too many variables to keep track of right now so I can abandon everything except maybe 3 things and one of those being something that adds value / builds my future.
I live in the United States. I am burned out and the only way to get out of burnout would be walking away from my life that I worked so hard to set up. Everything is so expensive now. I live in Florida and we lead the US in inflation. There's truly no hope. I'm so tired and so over it all. I'm keep going because other people depend on me. I wouldn't mind being a mortality figure in some horrible event.
Also in the US - I think many people feel this way about how things are going, autism challenges or not. We've got to find a way forward, and I think part of that is bucking convention and living a simpler life that makes more sense to us, and not being afraid of making that change, as it is a sunk cost fallacy to believe we must keep on the same path when we know it isn't working anymore.
It’s good to see you back. I find it very hard to arrange to have zero requirements because I feel huge guilt and self-hatred if I do. I have to be progressing for any sense of self-worth. I have always been like this, even as a child. Any advice on how to do nothing would be appreciated!
I found myself being too self critical in the past, with feeling like you mentioned. One thing I've found helpful is to step outside of yourself for a moment, and think about some other person that you care deeply about. If you saw that person was dealing with burnout, but they confided in you that they felt guilty and worthless doing nothing, how would you treat them? (Assuming you chose some caring and understanding words for this other person) Take the advice you would give them and internalize it and apply it to yourself.. I'm more forgiving and caring to others than I am for myself, especially when I am working.
I have found 1 game on my phone that helps. It involves untangling ropes. It can feel like doing next to nothing. And yet I justify it by thinking that it is keeping active, and possibly improving, my spacial relations and problem solving skills. I think a lot of people use sudoku or crossword puzzles as pertty much the same thing.
Curious, did burnout make school hard / impossible for you guys? By the time I graduated high school I was just too burnt out to do college. My course work was very easy but after a semester I was just done. I even dual enrolled my last year of HS which actually helped my burnout because it was less time spent at school even though the courses were more challenging.
This is such a good question. Burnout made attending college/university impossible for me, even with accommodations. I discovered that I do best with online/distance/correspondence learning and was able to learn better than going in person. I also got into a career that offers lots of professional development with continuing education - certifications, webinars, conferences, and short courses. I found that breaking up learning into short "spurts" over a longer period of time is more manageable and productive for my learning style. I hope you find something that works for you!
I am doing uni and relaxing after it feels impossible, especially that I am an extrovert, so I spend most of the time either focusing on the lectures and labs or talking with people. After uni I do self-care by doing something simple and repetitve like playing osu! or league of legends that is mostly stimming (repetetive clicking to the rhythm of music or orbwalking/kiting in a rhythm) or when I am on the brink of exploding I go cycling with music, if not that then I just stim in any other way. I can't imagine doing uni+work at the same time. also I spend my holidays purely resting. The important thing to realize for me was that resting is just being productive full stop.
Do you have any advice on how to recover when we cannot reach this no requirement situation? How to recharge our battery with dependent kids and no one to keep them for more than 1/2 hours outside of school?
Very clear analysis Paul, thanks for that. I have been at 30% for quite some time now, and will go into hibernation for a few months at the start of next year, cutting back on work and travel etc...I'm 45, and understanding what works for me is thankfully getting easier, still great to have your insight.
Thank you for this. It's a good feeling when someone else can share something Important and sometimes difficult to tell others about themself that is just like me. It is good to hear. 🙂 Thank you.
This video is gold. I have to get in touch with my friend group again and do something with them. I have plenty of alone time, but I'm mostly stuck at home, so that's the first thing I will try to fix. Thank you mind blown. I will try the other stuff in here as well, because I'm super stuck for a month now
Thank you! This is very valuable and useful info. I am coming out of a short but deep burn out that I was afraid of not recovering. You came to confirm how to take care of me. Congrats! 👏🏽👏🏽
Wasn’t too long for me at all. Your experiences, even with the details resonated with me. I’ve been diagnosed as having mild ADD (not hyperactive), but now I wonder.
So much of this video resonates with me deep down in my core. I had to smile at the last part where you talked about coaching because I coach juvenile offenders. The intense focus on an individual, and then the relief of the post session time off has been extremely satisfying and relaxing. As usual, thank you for shedding a light.
Just wrote some stuff. Now a break. Newly dx F now age 59 ASD. My burnout has been going on for almost 2 years but heavily for a year w fractured arm, rotator cuff injury, afib, Covid infection, reactivated EBV/CFS LC. The diagnosis of autism came after and at tail end of the last things mentioned here. I’m still so tired and my brain does not work right. Feel so broken in so many ways. God help me and all of us 💞💙💞💙🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I would be curious to hear about how aspergers impacted your childhood. What was your interaction with immediate family (parents, siblings) as compared to adulthood. How were your school experience and peer relationships?
This seems like a sound strategy, but I also think it works well for you because of two key factors: you're extroverted and you have ASD without having ADHD. Introverted people will need to manage their social time differently for recharging, and ADHD means "brain shutdown" isn't possible. I do like the top-down approach idea. I think I sometimes get into too much of a maintenance/firefighting mode.
This was pretty helpful for me. I have done some of the things you brought up kind of instinctively to avoid past burnout without really knowing why. At work, I would say, I have between 2-4 real hours of productivity in me. The rest of the day, if I don't have a physical task to do, I more or less dial everything down. In the past, I really tried to show up for the full 8 hours or more, and I wasn't able to maintain it. Before seeing this, I always felt extremely guilty about how I need to work. But now, I understand it's probably my way of avoiding having to take a year off work like I had to before once.
Your video resonated with me as if you were pulling the thoughts straight from my head (but more concise). Thanks for the content, and glad to see you're back 🙂
Paul, thankyou for such a substantial check-in - I'm just watching it for a second time as there were some really good points.. I really relate to the experience of the gradual burnout - I think I've experienced that one and the sudden crash type. Although, looking back, I don't know whether it only seemed like a sudden crash on the outside because I'd been pretty good at hiding things. I've learnt the biggest difficulty for me is lots of small tasks too, especially making small decisions. I particularly relate when you said about reading emails, but then not having the energy to respond to them! It's very frustrating. I used to think this was just what I was like all the time, but since starting to recover from autistic burnout I am realising it IS the burnout - it's not my personality, or a lack of interest, skill, or willpower. It is burnout, and an indication of my own executive function needs. "I need time without the pressure to recover" - heck yes! Is that a bit like you're less likely to sleep if you're trying too hard to go to sleep? Sounds funny, but I've started saying Be Well Soon, instead of Get Well Soon. It kind of sounds less demanding.. 😅 I don't know whether that's related.. Yes - taking more time than you think you need does seem to be very good advice, if you can afford it. For me, I think my equivalent of forgetting what day it was, was to forget what time of day or night it was - to not even look at a clock. I just worked to my natural rhythm for a while - and discovered I ended up working much better to a nocturnal routine. This was a breakthrough strategy for me. We can learn a lot from having that time to let go. But I also agree, when things are too free and open, I don't have the sense of purpose and ambition that can really help too.. It's really interesting to see the evolution of recovery like that. I love how you trialed some very different modes of activity & rest over the 4 months. Returning with 80% battery is really good! (Is it even possible to reach 100%? I guess maybe the important thing is sustainability? It seems 100% would be very difficult to sustain.. hmm..) Balancing intense focus with unfocused time is such a great strategy, I'm going to try that. I also really like the Top Down Approach. As ever, really value your insights. Good to have you back 🙂 .
This is one of the reasons why being employed is so difficult 😢 Also trying to support yourself financially when you're in burnout. I have learned to go into my 'flow' every day but it's been a fight to get Flexi time that fits with my brain, I can only work p/t for this reason. I also run my own business p/t which is much more rewarding 😊 Thankyou for your invaluable content. Julie
12:30 What this list includes I actually experienced last year. The result was feeling almost like I had no symptoms whatsoever. This benefit lasted for two months. Perhaps there's something to this? 🙂 17:30 Could it be that short term little tasks cost just as much mental reserves as large long term tasks? (The "limited spoons" analogy) So that doing a lot of little tasks in one day burns through our mental resilience quicker than just focusing on the one big thing longer, without distraction? And THEN take a break, rather than keep pushing to do more because there's still time left in the day?
'Which brings us to the topic of trauma: perhaps the defining health threat of the 21st century. We live in a world in which trauma is endemic but rarely understood. All around us: millions of people silently suffering on their own, often unable to explain bizarre changes that traumatic experiences seem to have caused in their bodies. When people discuss what they feel post-trauma, they often describe it with an air of mystery. As if their experiences are unique and unexplainable (or perhaps unscientific) phenomena: I left my own body. Floated above it and looked down at somebody else who looked like me. Ask a trauma survivor to recount their experience and how it changed them. Rather than a cohesive story, you’re likely to hear them recount an abstract collage of visceral feelings and sensations. For trauma survivors, memories are often encoded in body parts or sensory experiences that light up and shut down in ways that feel new and foreign. Flashes of sights and sounds and colors amid a complex patchwork of memories and feelings and dissociative out-of body experiences. A body and brain wired into a new existence. A car horn resonates as a brain-crushing din. It’s like there’s a selective megaphone in my ear. Some sounds fade into the background. Others overwhelm and consume me and turn me into a rabid monster that I don’t recognize. It can come from sexual assault or surviving a war. From one awful experience, years of torment and abuse, or a parade of small daily stressors that slowly eat away at us. But what makes trauma trauma is that it changes us in ways that are new and frightening and rarely understood. And because these changes are largely invisible, they are often left to gnaw away at our insides over time. An unseen shadow that many live with and either accept as normal or dismiss as abnormal. Everything I thought of as me was gone. I’m not sure who this person is anymore. To most people, trauma remains a misunderstood metamorphosis-and one that is often taboo to talk about. It’s a strange trip, and mere words are often not enough. Sounds sound different. Tastes taste different. Things that once excited or caused joy are experienced through a muted fog. Breathing and digestion and countless other bodily processes shift in their function. Nobody understands just how abstract it all is. Like it isn’t even real. Trauma is often treated (or dismissed) as a purely psychological issue that is literally all in our heads. But trauma is not merely a psychological phenomenon-it’s also a physiological one. What we mean by that: The impact of trauma is not isolated to our brains, but stretches through our nervous system to virtually every part of our body, changing how our senses sense, how our organs operate, and just about every aspect of our physical and mental health. In other words: Trauma changes our bodies, in addition to our brains.' Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us I forgive you. Please forgive me.
This was amazing. I really like how you structure your videos leading with a question, statement or header and then providing the info. Thank you for sharing. I love your self awareness and insights. It gives me lots to think about for myself. I'm so glad that your break worked to recharge you! Take good care!
Hi mate, thankyou for all your information. I have a question re burnout leading to wanting an assesment. I am 47, diagnosed adhd 4 years ago and had to strruggle big time to get "some" treatement. This has lead to identification of asd symptoms. I am experiencing the same "blocks", and in between, I have lost everything - wife, house, finances, even children for 6 months - and now my job. Burnout is overwhelming and the lack of ability to talk to this with my employer because of lack of diagnosis is ensuring that I have and will loose the lot. I am not in a good place, and simply dont know how to affect change. I have contacted all the places in aus for help, and just feel like I have nothing left. I cant resolve my issues, and dont want to be like this infront of my children - I am being damaged by the system and I cant do this to my kids. I need help by diagnosis, but even this I cant afford, and NDIS assesment would be even longer. I am stuck, and I cant be effective at any work - I am just absolutely at the bottom. Do you know of any way to force this issue and get move forward in a way to bridge this "time and finance" based gap? I just lack the executive function to continually research and try. I cant do it anymore - its been 4 years. I dont know how to get help. cheers, Ed
Yep. All of this. Had 9 months off this year and completely back to myself - realised I can never go back to endless Teams calls which burn me out really quickly. Biggest recovery aid has been learning about philosophical Daoism and incorporating some of the ideas into my thinking. Still not got around the whole alien planet thing - but better able to understand and deal with it.
You have just perfectly described how I felt burned out 3 weeks ago and for probably the last 3 years. How every little decision seems to have 15 implications hanging off it and I can't process how to get it done. The decline to almost zero energy and everything exhausted me. My recovery included going on a womens retreat which was amazing and I realise that it had that mix of getting out of the house, being around people, being close to nature and doing something whilst not being on the hook for being productive. My insight on the being around people part is that I am being accepted for me and my contribution which is vitally important to healing, whereas being alone is soothing but lacks that sense of belonging and acceptance.
Wow. Yeah... sounds about right. I do want to do something that matters & be part of something, but I'm in a new town & don't really know anyone. It's hard to make the first step at anything. I'm 40 & it's always kind of been that way. Good to hear you're feeling better, my 3+ month dip feels like it's finally lifting. I had to focus on getting back on my healthy food only diet, but getting out of the house & being around some but not too many people sounds like what I need to finish this annoying lack of daily energy.
I've been in autistic burnout for a long time, and ironically these kind of videos never helped me. I say this as someone who does have extreme privilege in being able to turn away from obligations/responsibilities. What actually helped me the most was indulging my "autistic tendencies" instead of suppressing them. So unlike you, I would use that time to be completely alone, maybe 1-2 social interactions, and indulge my special interests as much as possible. I'd make sure I was free to stim and be completely myself. Sorry to say this because I usually love your content, but this came off as a neurotypical guide to addressing burnout. Vacations, weddings, seeing all these people, sounds like an absolute nightmare and not restful at all. Also the people in the comments saying "you must be rich" no we're actually disabled and don't have a choice. It's either stopping everything or slowly dying. I know what I'd choose. It also means we're poorer than we would be if we could actually function. So that's pretty much ableist and capitalist as hell. A better use of that energy would be to make sure that people have access to disability when they need it and not make life for us so difficult, instead of attacking an actual advocate who is trying to make things better for us.
Thank you. I started watching your vids about 3 years ago and I just got my diagnosis today at 44 years old. If it wasn’t for the TH-cam autism community, I would have never figured it out.
Love this from Chomsky: Human beings are born to inquire and create under their own initiative. Any work that a person does under outside pressure is inhumane. If a person creates something beautiful under outside orders (i.e. Vatican frescos by Michelangelo under pressure by the Pope or The Godfather film by Francis Coppola under pressure by its producers), we may admire what he does but detest what he is. That is classical liberal thought. It was driven by concepts of human dignities which are seriously infringed by the structure of business operations. Even if the guys that run it are “nice guys.” You can’t be a nice guy in certain positions because the institution is not nice.
I suffered M.E (chronic fatigue? For 15 years - i had an extremely stessful life ar that time -, im wondering now if it was autistic burnout and if it was, how maby other people with M E. are really just suffering burnout because the modern world is too noisy, busy and has many demands of us
I’m really chuffed that it’s worked for you Paul, I suffer from burnout quite regularly so I’ll definitely keep in mind what you had to say, the top down strategy is something I’ll try and implement in my own life so thankyou for that 😊
Hi Paul. Please could you tell me of i have been so bad and evil.I feel bad. I have just told my partner I can't cope and it's the end. I am hurting badly, he wants no communication and it's three weeks now. He says he doesn't want communication with no one. The thing that hurts is he is on Facebook liking females pictures with love hearts and staying on line but never responding to me. I haven't spoken for three days as he said he wanted to be left alone and he will come back. I just lost it over him being on line on Facebook and liking a girls pic yesterday, that I thought he was in a relationship with before we started dating me as she was always kn touch and he also lied abiut this at the time too. Have I blew this all up. Some one help 😢 also...he hasnt replied everythjng i thiught i said. What will be going theough his head. I reallt don't want to hurt him but this isny fait to me either. I dknt want to sound childish 😢
Thanks for the update Paul. Have been actively utilizing your burnout strats for about 6 months now, and have been experiencing genuine;y positive results. Just switching off and forgetting what day of the week it was took some getting used to, but am glad that I did it. Adjusting to life as a person on the spectrum is a chore on the best of days, but the addition of long-term burnout was making the changes nearly impossible to adapt to. So thanks again for being open about your journey, and providing insight/information on how to navigate these spectrum disorder pitfalls. Speaking for myself, your content is a godsend. Cheers dude. 😉
Just curious, is it sadness depression or just exhausted depression? I've been "depressed" but not sad for 3+ months & only finally feeling the exhaustion lifting.
One question re the top down approach - what dou you do about feeding yourself then? I don't know hiw to implement that but that approach makes a lot of sense esp the point that what is overwhelming is the sheer number of tasks and thinga you have to think of
I cried watching this video, I’ve been feeling super burnt out for almost a year now but couldn’t quite find what the issue was. My dad thought I might be depressed, but I think burnt out is a better way to describe it. Although I feel like I won’t have time to recover, I’m 13 years old and still attending school (well, i end up only going two days every other week or something because of energy lack), I won’t have the time to recover until I’m an adult or after 9th grade maybe. I had trouble explaining to my parents what I was feeling but this video helped me because I relate a lot. I still have no idea what to do though, I’m currently on a one-week fall break but I definetly don’t think that’s enough time for me to feel okay again… :( (Also, I don’t have autism, but I relate to the video and honestly I’m a little suspicious because I have quite many autistic traits.. I’ve always been told I’m such a well behaved girl so I never even questioned it nor did my parents, but now that I look into it- mmmmayyybeeee……….)
Thanks for sharing your journey with us all. Would you be able to do a video about how you manage your finances so that you are able to take long breaks and work shorter hours?
For me it is not only brain fog and all the thoughts to go through but every thought is so loud and wants to be the first to be solved. 😢 sometimes I only sleep and eat on the weekends but it helps not much.
I long ago gave up on cooking for myself at all. (Unless instant mashed potatoes count.) Instead I have a collection of foods that provide nutrition without my having to do anything but eat it. Like cottage cheese for protein. Maybe rice pudding for carbs if I'm feeling really down. Or frozen fruit that I've put in the refrigerator to thaw the night before if I have enough forethought for that. And so on. I can open the refrigerator or cupboard and just grab my go to at the time. I'll admit that recently I've been using chocolate milk and almost nothing else. Not that I'm suggesting any of these items as being healthy choices. But they are how I have been coping with feeding myself while having zero energy to cook.
@@cherylyoke4872 Awesome! We're not alone! Also, thanks for the reminder that I have applesauce in my cupboard. 😋 The precooked frozen shrimp is a brilliant suggestion, too. I wonder if microwavable fish patties would work as well.
My husband goes through this as well. He has Asperger’s and gets burned out and needs to check out for a while. It’s why we have a second bedroom for him to have his own controlled environment. It’s ok to take a break and regroup ❤
That was actually a very comforting comment. I'm the reason we have 2 bedrooms and I'm well aware of the patience it takes to watch a burnout.
Yeah, I took a break from school and work, this summer. Granted, I felt bored and lonely, but it took me a month to figure out how to access my resumes online after losing my usbs … only find them a day or few later. I focused on a passion project, read novels, and worked out again.
That’s such a loving beautiful thing 💚💚💚🦖
Such wonderful understanding 😢
damn, lucky guy has someone who understands.
Hi Paul, welcome back and congratulations on making self discoveries on your journey. I find a lot of your insights useful and interesting. I will equate my current situation with yours...
I went well over four years without once taking a break and suddenly, I had to just stop; my brain wouldn't work as normal and I physically couldn't continue, I felt ill or burned out. I am now three months into doing nothing. I am beginning to pick up little personal projects that I have wanted to do for a long time - taking an interest in my own wants and needs. I'm hoping that by doing that I will eventually get back to doing what I should be doing; that is, being of use to society again.
I know that there is huge pressure to be of use to society...that can be very debilitating, try to be of more use to your family and to yourself first...society can go on as it has done up till now...😁
Blessings from Scotland🙏🌠
thanks so much for this. perfect for today - just had another crash, after a gradual overwhelm, when i think i'm doing well and - boom! not agaaaiiiin!!! so frustrating. and can really see how my depression kicks in as part of/in response to burnout now (imagine if i'd known that 40 years ago!!). But always so helpful to hear other people's experience and tips and to know there are lots of us surviving this x
I've been struggling with burnout for almost three years, with fits and starts of believing I'm past it, only to crash again. The problem isn't just time, because I blew through some of my savings to take a few months off, and nothing changed.
Part of it might be the quality of that time and how it is spent, more than the amount of time. Sensory overload is huge, so if I'm "resting" in a noisy environment (interruptions from family, ambient electric or road noise, TV on in the background, etc), it doesn't matter how long I try to sleep or do nothing, it won't recharge the battery. Another aspect is that I need to tend to physical wellbeing like hydration, deep breathing (really important to breathe fully and get oxygen), truly restful sleep, exercise, preferably out in nature, a healthy diet, and so on. It's incredibly hard to get all that together, and maintain it, for any good length of time, but I'm at a point that sacrificing it is not an option anymore.
Being engaged in a worthwhile passion/activity is of course important, but I'm often in danger of overdoing that as I can fall into hyperfocus patterns where I don't eat or sleep at all and ignore other important aspects of living, throwing me way off balance. So, containing my focus ability without believing that I'm sacrificing my passions is also a hurdle.
I've come to the conclusion that what is really needed isn't time off but lifestyle changes so burnout doesn't happen in the first place, and to ensure the bumps in the way to basic well-being aren't so difficult to ride over. (That was touched on a little bit with integrating life-coaching as a compatible endeavor.) For me, it means establishing better and more consistent boundaries with other people, living a less ""fragmented" life that has built up due to constant masking, and letting go of certain ideas about how my life is supposed to look compared to societal expectations and standards.
I really like the take on alone time vs. 1 on 1 time vs. group time! The top-down vs. bottom-up approach is also really helpful to hear. Overall, this video provides much to think about. Thank you.
I am noticing that I am at a dangerous point in a burnout that has been building for over a year. I am not in a position to take the time I need and I am really concerned about what this will do to me. In the past my burnouts take a year or more to recover. I had one take two years to recover my energy. My burnout is a result of working two jobs and three side hustles and I am still not making enough to cover my basic needs. I really need to find the time and energy to get an official diagnosis and to apply for permanent disability. I don’t think I am
going to have the ability to work anymore but I still need to have food and shelter. I am happy that you got such great time, and I desperately hope I can find a way to recover and to continue to have my basic needs met. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome back thanks for the update. I’m having a down autism day and this video came to me as a gift from the universe
You are helping me survive right now. Major crash and burn, kids are mad and things may never be the same. Understanding helps so much. Thanks. Anxiety hitting in MASSIVE waves.
Yep, long term relationship just ended, starting to make sense of my life too. I hope you're doing better since it's been 3 months. Good luck fam
Hi Paul, thank you so much for your video. I have been trying to explain this problem/process to my psychiatrist(s) for the past 5 years, but I could never put it in words in a way that they would actually understand my situation. It is truly terrible when you seek help from a professional and know they don't understand you, get dismissed as too dependent, stubborn, at fault on the situation or just unwilling to make changes. But worst of all, is knowing that you are actually dependent on this person to further write you off work, because working is not an option at the moment.
Another point that is mentioned far too seldom, is the pressure of being a parent. I don't have a chance to take the breaks that I need, because I have to function for my children.
In addition I have to battle against the system, to make sure they get the support that they need. (Both are on the Spectrum plus ADHD)
And letting them down, just isn't an option.
Try copying and paste Pauls video into an email to your psychiatrists to let them see where you are coming from...I have done something similar and it brought results...😁
Blessings from Scotland💞🌠🙏
Focus on completing the one most important task for that day works for me (most of the time!) Anything else is a bonus. Great advice. Good to see you back, and thanks for highlighting the importance of self care.
The fatigue and brain fog is so similar to what I experience with fibromyalgia. 😩
I LOVE your "top down" idea; the "if I can only accomplish one thing today, what will that be?" Very, very useful!
Yes, it's taken me 2 days to change a lightbulb 💡. That was my job for the day, except the first lightbulb was wrong so it took another day to change it again. I also have fibromyalgia and lupus.
I'm sorry. Have you tried getting your zinc levels tested? There's a dr on YT named Dan Purser who says fibromyalgia in his clinical experience is caused primarily from zinc levels that are so low that copper is getting pulled out of the cells and into the muscles
@@yuppers1 thank you, I take a zinc and copper supplement along with D3, K2 and magnesium. I've had all my levels tested by rheumatology and was very deficient in D3 because with lupus I'm made ill by light so I need to avoid sun light and some artificial lights especially florescent and halogen, 20 second exposure is enough to require steroids.
I haven't ever had the luxury of taking more than the slotted 2 weeks off from work. And with little ones and a sickly husband, well, I just couldn't stop. Kids are now grown ( same amount of stress btw), husband deceased, and can now rest and pace myself. My job now requires that I interact more with humans so...yeah...heading for a crash.
Please.. save yourself. I had a similar situation. My doctor was waiting for 17 years to the day I walked in his office and told him “I’m not participating in the world anymore, I think I’m burned out”. 4 years later.. now. My doctor is afraid I “burned through”, because I’m not getting better at least .. not able to resume going back to work.
So.. please don’t go on my path. Take care now!
So good to see you back, Paul. I could tell you are feeling better before you spoke...your face looks more alert but nice and relaxed. Glad to hear about your experience in recovery from burnout. Thanks.
Paul, Im speechless. My journey is So similar to yours (heck, I even had dreadlocks in my early 20's for similar reasons as you had them).
I'm late diagnosed autistic and I'm working as a PhD student in science. I've been on 100% sick leave for almost 1 year because of exactly what you mentioned in this video: My battery has gradually been depleted over the years and now it never exceeds 20% before going back on low.
But this year I've had the opportunity to try what works for me during my paid sick leave. I come from Sweden but live in Norway. While Norway has a great social system overall, I've been waiting for help from the Habilitation for almost a year because of long wait-lists. And no luck for other help finding strategies despite trying to reach out to doctors and psychologists. They denied me because of their lack in experience with autism...and their default action was just to prescribe more sick leave while waiting for the habilitation to offer me the first appointments.
So I had to do the journey all alone which was not easy, and I even slipped back into depression for a while. But I did some experimenting, like you did.
I tried resting - this worked in the initial stages of burnout. I tried visiting my family over the summer and did fun activities with them - that helped! I visited new places (in nature) alone and activated my curiosity to explore - this helped! I started making new plans and dreaming of a new future - not with my science carreer as a main goal as it was before, but instead buying an old, traditional cottage home in the countryside and growing food in a garden...with a goal of a calmer job, maybe at a museum - This is what almost helped me the most because it is working towards havinga sustainable goal in the future.
Im now test-working with practical, stress-free tasks at the museum where I am employed with all my PhD work on hold. I can handle working about 3-4 hours/day with cataloguing the museum collections - this helps very much, and I learn what works and what doesnt at work. But my available sick-leave time is soon spent and I need to make a plan for life ahead. I likely have to move back to Sweden, not sure about if I can find a suitable job for my capacity.
So this is where Im at now, watching your video. I'm wondering if the burnout somehow is a sign that we are not living life as our brains are naturally built to work, as autistics.
The symptoms seem somewhat psychosomatic, because when I do things "my way" with full freedom I have much more capacity and can actually rest better. The physical brain fatigue symptoms are very real. Maybe we can't expect to work as other people do? Maybe I cant work 100% at a conventional work place? Your videos Really helps me with new insights and confirming what I have found as well. It feels good to have a kindered soul that goes through something similar. You are the only person with a similar autistic experience to my own that I know of.
So...a huge thank you. Love following your journey, and I wish you a year with a fuller battery. Huge props for being resilient, curious and always trying new things for the better of your health and the community!
I saw the dreadlocks & laughed... because I did too! Mine were intentional, though. From 17 to 26. Still miss them sometimes & have dreams that they grew back 😹 I went to school, got a job in my field, the business closed so I did freelance for 10 years. Unfortunately, I'm not good at selling myself so the freelancing was only so-so. 4 years ago, a new job opportunity came up working with cannabis plants & I did something very not like myself & took the chance. Then I had to change companies 4 times in 4 years from failing companies (story of my life...) & just got sick of the constant change. I just really loved being able to care for the plants & not having to interact with so many people in 1 day! Now every time I think about what I might do in the future, it's like my battery just drains to the point where I feel like I need to lay down for a little bit.
Not sure why I never thought about working at a museum, but that actually sounds kind of great. And I wish I could just move to the country & grow my own food, sounds like we are kindred souls 😸 I hope everything works out for you & you get your charge back... at least enough to function! I feel like mine has been no more than 20% for months, but finally coming back 🤞🤞🤞 Good luck!!!
You do you! Thats the only way to be. I love being my aspie self, cataloguing the hell out of everything! Want to know how many bottles of shower gel I have? I am a scientist also, and work in compliance, its measuring and rules based, suits me fine and I stay the hell out of people management. It sounds like you are on the right track, its best to focus on today and what that entails and not worry too much beyond next month, as doors tend to present themselves along the way anyway. Museum sounds awesome, dark, quiet, collections, being an expert. Good luck!
@@redfishswimming Big thanks for your input, its great to hear that a likeminded soul found their place so nicely! :) And you are spot on about not to worry too far ahead and wanting things to change and happen -now-. Change will happen because we work towards new goals...but everything can't change at once. I'll keep my eyes open for hidden doors. Thanks, and good luck to you too!
I agree with the lifestyle statement. I can't function like a normie. The 9 to 5 rule doesn't apply to me. I burned out each time I tried. I also dream of a peaceful life in the woods or mountains with nature for company ❤
I am also in Norway...my son has been diagnosed with Asperger at age 8. Since I learn more about it, I start to realize that I am on that side of spektrum too. I never could work as others. Because when I do something I do it 500 % and can be very effective but very fast exhausted. Very difficult in regular job...and as single mother of special child I colapsed very fast. Unable to recharche fully. I agree that system is not very helpful. I try to explain that I love my job and want to work, but can't work fully.
The only place I can relax every year is a summercamp for kids with parents in my home country Czechia. Its exactly the blend I need and my son too. There are activities, but we can decide if we join them. Can be alone as there is plenty of Space. Its in the nature, but not far from civilization. Food is there three times a day, so no need to think about anything but what I want and need in the moment. Its the only place I almost dont know about my son as he feels very safe with many adults and kids who are very often also special in some way. I think places like this would be ideal places for burned out people and my dream is to organize one here in Norway...just to find the right place and people.
I'm just starting to come out of a 3 month burnout period. I was taking 2 naps a day. Im adhd and autistic. Great video. Really helpful.
Yes.
And.
Yes😊
This is all extremely relatable, echoes so much of my life experience. Especially the part about "executive function," a phrase new to me. But the moment you described it, and especially how at times that "part" goes into shutdown (to me it's like a stubborn infant within with crossed arms and a pout refusing to do anything else: no, I'm NOT making a single more decision, not what to make for supper, not when to get a haircut, not what e-mail to answer, NOTHING--and no matter what guilt-trips you try to ply it with about responsibility and urgency and "what will others think?" it doesn't budge). Another side to this, though: in the past 19 months I discovered what it means when extraordinary crisis/catastrophe kicks your "executive function" part into hyperdrive to the exclusion of all else, and I mean ALL else. I'm talking about the war in Ukraine, and without going into details it will sufice to say that it immediately impacted my life and the lives of my nearest and dearest and entailed total life-changes, relocation, loss of home, possessions, work, etc. In short, the "refugee" experience. For me as an American I was relatively "lucky," with freedom, flexibility and options others close to me did not enjoy. But my entire life was consumed for a year or so with being with them, traveling through this together, scrambling to find the way forward. What I found was, virtually everything inside me shut down EXCEPT executive function, 24/7. The best way I can describe it is, you know what the day before a major long-distance trip is like, with all the scrambling to make sure you've packed everything, you've got all your documents, you've made all the arrangements for your absence (stop the mail, unplug appliances, leave instructions for the dogsitter, etc.), check and double-check all your documents, reservations, departure times, etc.? There's no time of course on a day like that for zone-out or special hobbies or a brisk walk "alone" in the mall or a conceptual/creative mental journey, and you know that and that's fine because it's only one day. Imagine a year where every day is that. That's what catastrophe did, kickstarting me into a solid year of adrenalin-drenched scramble at a life-or-death pitch. In the process I lost 30 pounds, naturally. At the "end" of it all (the "end" meaning a relative settling of my loved ones' situations, though of course the war, and trauma, continue), I came barrelling headlong into the worlds-changing discovery of my ASD status, and it could not have come at a better time. It not only made sense of a 65-year-old life on infinitely interfolded layers, but it also was, weirdly, a kind of reward after the year of trauma, a place of sense-making rest and recovery--recovery, as it were, of a whole life up to the trauma of war, a place of restorative reconnoiter that made my whole past somehow new and "fresh," because of meaning that RESOLVES things, and thus, of course, an amazingly new "intelligent" position from which to venture on. It is an internal integration of stratospheric proportions.
Yeeees😊
You seem very focused on what you are "doing". Has it occurred to you that maybe the answer is to allow yourself to do nothing. There is a joke about meditation, "Don't just do something, sit there." Works for me.
You can just shut your brain off? I’m incapable of this with autism and adhd. Meditation becomes a list making session as my brain starts letting me know what comes next after meditation. Even if I have a task list already I have to prepare myself to transition to the next thing. Meditation is not relaxing for me.
@@raynebowkitten I could speak on this but it might not be helpful at all, and just leave you more opposed to meditation after lol. I wrote a long reply to you then decided not to post it.
I'm happy that this was an effective option for you to recover and heal from burnout caused by working so hard to create your extensive library of impressive videos that help so many autistic individuals (and all the other things you do). I'm grateful for everything.
BUT... I hate to write this, but this video made me feel worse. My family and financial situation does not allow me (or 98% of people for that matter...) to take months off to recharge. For years I've fantasized about doing something like this.
This is likely a "me" problem, as I should be happy for you instead of comparing your situation to mine and being jealous (I haven't reached that level of maturity yet), but on the other hand my feedback is that you should be mindful of the situation of the general population when describing your experiences on a wide-ranging social platform like TH-cam.
Next video idea: How to heal from autistic burnout with $42 in your bank account 😀
Totally identify and agree. The video is very good and explicative but unrealistic for the vast majority of the population 😢
How's that victim mentality working out for ya? Nobody can make us feel anything. How we react is very telling of our internal state... if we can look in the mirror when something feels amiss, we can take our power back. Best of luck!
He did say at the end that what works for him won't necessarily work for everyone. For me I couldn't do this due to, ironically, the executive functioning it would take for me to even think about traveling and all those changes, people, new approaches that I need to implement to manage in another place and so on. That's more what bothered me, as this was supposed to be for how to give executive function relief. Then again he did say it's not for everyone, it just sucks that even solutions won't help me with my issue, because the solution would make it worse in this case.
In response to your question, how's that superiority mentality working out for ya? All kidding aside, I recognize that in a perfect world with perfect mental health we shouldn't feel anything except what we allow ourselves to feel, but, especially in a non-neurotypical environment, that is almost never the case.
Someone talking about their restful 4-month vacation to people who barely get 1-week vacations is going to get a response. Always. I wish you luck in understanding this. @@almalittle4773
I feel you 100%, I've been able to take a couple months off myself but the long-term problem of being able to avoid burnout while also being successful financially is something I'm still trying to navigate. It's been a little over a year since I graduated from college and it's hard feeling like I don't know how to be a "real adult" that's able to live up to the demands of our modern society. I think some sort of social/political change would benefit a lot of people, but until that happens I'll keep trying to find a sustainable balance as I learn how to work through this stage of my life.
I have ADHD and after 3 years of fighting and recovering from illness some work drama flattened me. I've had 4 months off and start a new job next week. It took two months of sleeping extra before I even started to feel rested. In the subsequent two months I did a lot of similar activities to Paul but top priority was sleep, exercise and diet. I finally feel back to normal and healthier than I have been in years.
May I ask your age?
There is a relevant reason regarding my own autistim why I ask.
I'm in a similar situation, took a couple months to mostly do nothing and then began doing exercise and meditation more frequently and being able to set and achieve goals for myself. I also just started a new job which is going well so far, but I already feel myself not being as motivated or consistent in the gym and wonder if I will end up in burnout again. For the time being, I can pretend that everything is going well, but I'm struggling to find a balance that is sustainable for me. I'm having some uncertainty/anxiety about whether or not I will be able to find a lifestyle that is sustainable for me in the long-term. Do you have any advice on how to avoid burnout in the future or how to find long-term success?
I've got ADHD and don't know either after several break downs how I am supposed to survive 8 hours of work a day for 30 years or more with just 20 vacation days per year xD
@phoxxy2516if you’re suffering from severe insomnia like I was all of July I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make sense.
I’m AuDHD and I need my exercise. If I don’t get sufficient exercise, sleep is much harder.
I find exercising gives me more energy to work with.
I was climbing as usual during that time.
Granted, as I climb after work, which requires a lot of thinking and decision-making, there have been times where my executive function crashed, and that’s a solid indicator to go home.
I'm considering hiking the Appalachian trail this summer, thanks for the encouragement.
14:46 _This_ is why I find one-on-one conversations stressful but _love_ hanging out in small groups. So much less pressure in small groups to perform.
Okay.... I work for a large uncaring corporation and have 3 kids and a wife to support. I don't think taking a break works in the real world.
Welcome back, Paul! I'm glad to hear you feel better❤
I feel exactly the same, but I also have ADHD, so maybe it is a little different for me. I relate very much when Paul says about recharging while being part of a social group. I love to enjoy people's company without having to participate ! Instead the 1 to 1 is so much more draining for me. Also when I will have a partner, hopefully one day soon, I would like to have each our own bedrooms. For me, having my own space it is important to be able to fully recharge my batteries. It was lovely meeting you Paul when you were in the UK! I will always have a great memory of you 🤗 thanks !
I have been swimming a couple of times a week for the last couple of months. When I think about it, my favorite part about it is having a specific task to complete Monday, Wednesday, or Friday each week. I don't have a gym buddy or anything, so I don't have to worry about letting anyone down if I don't want to go, and I don't have any external pressures forcing me to go. I know the names of a few of the staff members, but don't feel obligated to hold a conversation with anyone. I simply get to go to and exist in a space with other people, focusing on the little goals I make for myself each week. I have rituals for getting ready for the gym, for how I store my clothing, for how I progress through my workout, for showering and dressing afterwards, and for unpacking my gear when I get home. They're little things that don't matter or register to anyone else, but I look forward to them. I put a lot of thought into developing the habit, and now I have these 40-50 minute windows of time where I don't have to make decisions - I just pick up my bag and follow the path, and just enjoy being in my body. I feel like I hacked adult parallel play.
@HappyHappySundaeI always find myself trying to multitask, despite knowing that multitasking is not really possible. But swimming does not allow any form of multitasking. Could this be part of the magic of swimming?
@AustismFromTheInside Hi 👋 I’m glad you are back and I hope you are doing well 🙏
This is so good. You explain your experience so well that we all can understand and make a use of it. We all experience burnout at some point, and it is good when you share your thoughts about how you found a way to deal with it. I sure will do it your way, like for example choose only one thing that I will do for each day instead of having my brain overflow with a thousand things. Thank you so very much. Ann from Norway
I am happy for you, Paul, really glad you feel better. ❤
And also wanna thank you for putting many of my own struggles into words. 🙏🏻
My journey as a neurodivergent person is still quite new, although I am nearly 50 now. The faster I learn how to implement what I really need into my life, the faster I could live a better life … but it clearly takes time to change and I‘m training to be more patient with myself, the recovery from my last burnout seems to be taking years. Of course it depends on the circumstances in everyones lifes which are clearly different. Still using some of your insights for myself, so thanks again! 😊
Thank you for your comment. It helps me not feel so alone.
I understand the intention is good, but this video is giving strong "Marie Antoinette" vibes... Like who wouldn't love to fly away for a 4 month holiday. But how realistic this really is for people, especially for us on the spectrum? Myself I can hardly afford a city bus card 🤦
No it does not work . We are still tired. Love and appreciate your channel very much ...Thank you for all that you do . 🥰 I do not feel so alone anymore . Thank you ... 🥰
Excellent topic, points you've raised and what you've done! Very helpful. I like the top down approach idea. I've just realised my almost 1.5 years Walkabout journey is recovering from a crazy world and 37+ years of burnout. Good thing I'm doing for myself.
I do think one way to handle autistic burnout though is actually through what we consume . Nurses with burnout were found to have higher cortisol levels and so by giving them omega 3 it helped them recover from burnout quicker then the nurses without it. So if we consume foods that lower cortisol levels it might help manage burnout.
Nurses are overworked and underpaid. It's the whole profession that's drained
@@myosotismalva Oh yeah its why they probably studied with nurses. Most jobs in the healthcare industry suck ass my friends is a caretaker and oof.
80% is a great result indeed! Glad you took the break and that it worked for you. The duration of time off is very important too, but I find the quality of it is the most important. So a good environment where there's sensory rest space and minimal emotional stress. I mean, it's funny how a lot of the things that help us autistics would actually be quite healthy for the majority of living creatures. There probably won't be a point in time where autism is in vogue lol, but I'm glad you make this content not just accessible to fellow autists, but also to the average person. Missed your content a great deal! Your videos are amazing. I only watch your ASD vids and Ask Dr. Tony Atwood through autismhangout. Just can't relate to any other content on YT so I'm super glad to see you're back. Please remember to hydrate and pace yourself! :D Quality over quantity! Just like life.
Your burnout description is so good.
You look so much more relaxed! Welcome back. And thank you for what you do on your channel. Perfect timing for this video. I’m going through the same. Always tired, craving alone time (like completely alone in the house, I can’t relax when anyone else is home) difficulty with food and clothing choices, etc. I’ve had blood tests on the advice of my husband, and no, I’m not dying but this exhaustion persists. What I know I really need is a hard recharge of my social battery. I know women on the spectrum have different needs than men. That might explain why my social needs are quite the opposite of what you described. I thrive in one on one conversations where we are discussing an interesting topic. I cringe and want to run away from small to medium sized social gatherings with an intolerable amount of small talk. In fact, nothing exhausts me more. Small talk to me feels like an uncomfortable interrogation and I feel my honest responses accentuate my neurodivergence and make me feel self conscious. When I’m in a group, I feel that people detect that there is something different about me because I’m not participating “normally” and my facial expressions aren’t like everyone else’s. It causes people to interrogate me and dig deeper to see if they can figure me out. I never feel that I have the freedom to hang out on the perimeter of a social gathering and participate when I choose as you have described. The pressure I feel to interact “normally” is very strong. I also have zero ability to filter out background conversations so if someone at a gathering engages me in a private conversation, I cannot focus because the other conversations are interfering with my ability to focus. As a woman, my interactions with other women are usually more exhausting than my interactions with men. I think it’s because interacting with neurotypical women accentuates my social oddness by comparison. I don’t feel as harshly judged by men if my eye contact is weak or if I’m unmasked. Any other women have the same experiences?
A lot of women on the spectrum say they have always felt more comfortable talking to and hanging out with males including myself. As a child I was a Tom boy. There's a feeling that men are not expecting too much of one but it's hard to put ones finger on exactly why this is.
Yes, I much prefer a deep conversation on an interesting topic. Parties will make me crash almost immediately. I can not filter out all of the stimuli, so much noise!!! I relate to much of what you have described.
So what I have learned is that I just need to be rich enough to take 4 months off work. thank you for this insight
(Asperger's 36 male here.) It's so hard for me to imagine being away from home would help solve the problem you describe (you mentioned multiple countries far away from your home). It's never been easy for me to be away from home. While I enjoy seeing new things during the holidays, I don't like being away. Everything is different! Very high tension levels. I thought solo travelling would help, so I could totally do my own things, but it just made me feel more lonely. I'm not sure if I want to travel again anytime soon. I'm also suffering from extreme tiredness for the first time alive and I have NO idea why. Not able to work, I'm in a bad space. My savings are rapidly decreasing. I'm happy during about half of the hours of the day though. But I can't go on like this, not keeping up with my own tasks and simultaneously needing + wanting to get back to a paid job.
I try to reduce life to the bare minimum but it’s hard to plan due to variables
I feel like you could use an assistant.
I'm going through something similar. I picked up wood working. It's very relaxing to know, that the only thing waiting for you is dead plant material.
You look super well - thank you for all you do :)
This is the best explanation of burnout I’ve heard
Hi! I found this video amazing in its clarity of such a confusing process of burnout (I.e. how did the burnout develop, how do I set up my life to prevent this next time, how do I recover now?) I would be very interested in a group where you lead us through the practical steps of how to come up with our own system to prevent burnout. I think you presented your experience so clearly that I almost had to remind myself that none of these conclusions you came to were obvious- it took real awareness and TIME. I’d love a group so I could be guided through how to do this. Learning one’s own way system to prevent burnout is a skill that will pay for itself a million times over. So, Paul, what do you think about a group around this?
I feel I am going through autistic burnout….. I am not sure what to do about it. It’s hard to explain to my family and friends about it. I feel like they dismiss it…
Perhaps explain that you are so overwhelmed that you can't think (but they will not understand because they are not autistic, it is just the way it is - just like white people will never be able to understand what it is to be black in America). Then start, perhaps with a friend, to make a schedule of tasks, very simple tasks that need to be done, when/how often they need to be done (i.e. put your "executive function" on paper). Make sure you are taking lots of quality vitamins and minerals (vitamin B's are excellent for calming your head), cut down (or better yet cut out) sugar and caffeine ( both of which cause blood sugar spikes and drops). And eliminate - JUST FOR THE MOMENT - tasks which are unnecessary to your physical survival. this should give you as much time as you can have, to rest.
I’m sorry. Set boundaries and advocate for yourself gently. They don’t have to get it, just need to support you. ☺️
Tonight I am cooking myself a chickpea curry 🍛 😋
One thing that I do might sound a bit crazy to some. I have a bunk bed and sleep and relax on the top bunk. My family and friends are my cats and my dog. And as much as I love them, I can't allow myself to be available to them at all times. Yet I (and they) can't stand to be seperated by closed doors. The bunk bed allows my fur-family and I to be in the same room while I am simply out of reach. The dog is in her pen literally feet from me. I can hear her snore and, if I wish, I can lean over the edge of the bed to say hi. And my cats are free to move about the apartment, near me or off in the living room or kitchen having fun. It's not uncommon for my cats to check in with a mew and for me to say hi back. But no one can actually get to me to demand anything at all. I do miss having my cats sleeping with me on a normal bed. But that's simply not a luxury that I can allow anymore.
Anyway, this is one way that I've learned to survive. In a lot of ways, I find that it works pretty well.
My career is driving me into the ground (healthcare provider). I hardly have the energy to do the things I enjoy anymore. My wife and I are working on my exit strategy. I will be strictly per diem in the next 6 months.
So glad to hear that your break helped - thanks for sharing the strategies that work for you. I’m off on a very short Camino in a week or so (addicted to walking), and then the next week start the diagnosis journey. Your channel has been a big help to me as burnout pushed me into my ASD awareness journey. Thank you
I came to the exact same top down approach after being pushed to a new burnout limit. It was literally all I could do, and the realization that its enough is what has helped me. There are too many variables to keep track of right now so I can abandon everything except maybe 3 things and one of those being something that adds value / builds my future.
I live in the United States. I am burned out and the only way to get out of burnout would be walking away from my life that I worked so hard to set up. Everything is so expensive now. I live in Florida and we lead the US in inflation. There's truly no hope. I'm so tired and so over it all. I'm keep going because other people depend on me. I wouldn't mind being a mortality figure in some horrible event.
Also in the US - I think many people feel this way about how things are going, autism challenges or not. We've got to find a way forward, and I think part of that is bucking convention and living a simpler life that makes more sense to us, and not being afraid of making that change, as it is a sunk cost fallacy to believe we must keep on the same path when we know it isn't working anymore.
It’s good to see you back. I find it very hard to arrange to have zero requirements because I feel huge guilt and self-hatred if I do. I have to be progressing for any sense of self-worth. I have always been like this, even as a child. Any advice on how to do nothing would be appreciated!
I found myself being too self critical in the past, with feeling like you mentioned. One thing I've found helpful is to step outside of yourself for a moment, and think about some other person that you care deeply about. If you saw that person was dealing with burnout, but they confided in you that they felt guilty and worthless doing nothing, how would you treat them? (Assuming you chose some caring and understanding words for this other person) Take the advice you would give them and internalize it and apply it to yourself.. I'm more forgiving and caring to others than I am for myself, especially when I am working.
@@zach.... Thank you. I feel I should have thought of that! It's a really helpful strategy - I will try it.
I have found 1 game on my phone that helps. It involves untangling ropes. It can feel like doing next to nothing. And yet I justify it by thinking that it is keeping active, and possibly improving, my spacial relations and problem solving skills. I think a lot of people use sudoku or crossword puzzles as pertty much the same thing.
Curious, did burnout make school hard / impossible for you guys? By the time I graduated high school I was just too burnt out to do college. My course work was very easy but after a semester I was just done. I even dual enrolled my last year of HS which actually helped my burnout because it was less time spent at school even though the courses were more challenging.
This is such a good question. Burnout made attending college/university impossible for me, even with accommodations. I discovered that I do best with online/distance/correspondence learning and was able to learn better than going in person. I also got into a career that offers lots of professional development with continuing education - certifications, webinars, conferences, and short courses. I found that breaking up learning into short "spurts" over a longer period of time is more manageable and productive for my learning style. I hope you find something that works for you!
I am doing uni and relaxing after it feels impossible, especially that I am an extrovert, so I spend most of the time either focusing on the lectures and labs or talking with people. After uni I do self-care by doing something simple and repetitve like playing osu! or league of legends that is mostly stimming (repetetive clicking to the rhythm of music or orbwalking/kiting in a rhythm) or when I am on the brink of exploding I go cycling with music, if not that then I just stim in any other way. I can't imagine doing uni+work at the same time. also I spend my holidays purely resting. The important thing to realize for me was that resting is just being productive full stop.
I'm in Uni and no, burnouts have damaged my performance but I haven't had a story like yours thankfully.
Do you have any advice on how to recover when we cannot reach this no requirement situation?
How to recharge our battery with dependent kids and no one to keep them for more than 1/2 hours outside of school?
Very clear analysis Paul, thanks for that. I have been at 30% for quite some time now, and will go into hibernation for a few months at the start of next year, cutting back on work and travel etc...I'm 45, and understanding what works for me is thankfully getting easier, still great to have your insight.
seeing your face pop up again in my youtube feed today was a bright moment. thank you for everything you do
You could never go on too long ❤
I normally experience autistic burnout during the winter season
Thank you for this. It's a good feeling when someone else can share something Important and sometimes difficult to tell others about themself that is just like me. It is good to hear. 🙂 Thank you.
I’m glad to see you back and looking way more relaxed😊
This video is gold. I have to get in touch with my friend group again and do something with them. I have plenty of alone time, but I'm mostly stuck at home, so that's the first thing I will try to fix. Thank you mind blown. I will try the other stuff in here as well, because I'm super stuck for a month now
What a journey it's been. You definitely look relaxed and focused! Looking forward to getting back to weekly videos 😊
Thank you! This is very valuable and useful info. I am coming out of a short but deep burn out that I was afraid of not recovering. You came to confirm how to take care of me. Congrats! 👏🏽👏🏽
Wasn’t too long for me at all. Your experiences, even with the details resonated with me. I’ve been diagnosed as having mild ADD (not hyperactive), but now I wonder.
So much of this video resonates with me deep down in my core. I had to smile at the last part where you talked about coaching because I coach juvenile offenders. The intense focus on an individual, and then the relief of the post session time off has been extremely satisfying and relaxing. As usual, thank you for shedding a light.
Just wrote some stuff. Now a break. Newly dx F now age 59 ASD. My burnout has been going on for almost 2 years but heavily for a year w fractured arm, rotator cuff injury, afib, Covid infection, reactivated EBV/CFS LC. The diagnosis of autism came after and at tail end of the last things mentioned here. I’m still so tired and my brain does not work right. Feel so broken in so many ways. God help me and all of us 💞💙💞💙🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I would be curious to hear about how aspergers impacted your childhood. What was your interaction with immediate family (parents, siblings) as compared to adulthood. How were your school experience and peer relationships?
This seems like a sound strategy, but I also think it works well for you because of two key factors: you're extroverted and you have ASD without having ADHD. Introverted people will need to manage their social time differently for recharging, and ADHD means "brain shutdown" isn't possible.
I do like the top-down approach idea. I think I sometimes get into too much of a maintenance/firefighting mode.
This was pretty helpful for me. I have done some of the things you brought up kind of instinctively to avoid past burnout without really knowing why. At work, I would say, I have between 2-4 real hours of productivity in me. The rest of the day, if I don't have a physical task to do, I more or less dial everything down. In the past, I really tried to show up for the full 8 hours or more, and I wasn't able to maintain it. Before seeing this, I always felt extremely guilty about how I need to work. But now, I understand it's probably my way of avoiding having to take a year off work like I had to before once.
Your video resonated with me as if you were pulling the thoughts straight from my head (but more concise). Thanks for the content, and glad to see you're back 🙂
Paul, thankyou for such a substantial check-in - I'm just watching it for a second time as there were some really good points..
I really relate to the experience of the gradual burnout - I think I've experienced that one and the sudden crash type. Although, looking back, I don't know whether it only seemed like a sudden crash on the outside because I'd been pretty good at hiding things.
I've learnt the biggest difficulty for me is lots of small tasks too, especially making small decisions. I particularly relate when you said about reading emails, but then not having the energy to respond to them! It's very frustrating. I used to think this was just what I was like all the time, but since starting to recover from autistic burnout I am realising it IS the burnout - it's not my personality, or a lack of interest, skill, or willpower. It is burnout, and an indication of my own executive function needs.
"I need time without the pressure to recover" - heck yes! Is that a bit like you're less likely to sleep if you're trying too hard to go to sleep? Sounds funny, but I've started saying Be Well Soon, instead of Get Well Soon. It kind of sounds less demanding.. 😅 I don't know whether that's related..
Yes - taking more time than you think you need does seem to be very good advice, if you can afford it. For me, I think my equivalent of forgetting what day it was, was to forget what time of day or night it was - to not even look at a clock. I just worked to my natural rhythm for a while - and discovered I ended up working much better to a nocturnal routine. This was a breakthrough strategy for me. We can learn a lot from having that time to let go. But I also agree, when things are too free and open, I don't have the sense of purpose and ambition that can really help too.. It's really interesting to see the evolution of recovery like that.
I love how you trialed some very different modes of activity & rest over the 4 months. Returning with 80% battery is really good! (Is it even possible to reach 100%? I guess maybe the important thing is sustainability? It seems 100% would be very difficult to sustain.. hmm..)
Balancing intense focus with unfocused time is such a great strategy, I'm going to try that. I also really like the Top Down Approach.
As ever, really value your insights. Good to have you back 🙂 .
Glad youre feeling more refreshed. It takes a proper focus and effort to relax in deep enjoyable & meaningful way. Take care.
This is one of the reasons why being employed is so difficult 😢 Also trying to support yourself financially when you're in burnout. I have learned to go into my 'flow' every day but it's been a fight to get Flexi time that fits with my brain, I can only work p/t for this reason. I also run my own business p/t which is much more rewarding 😊 Thankyou for your invaluable content. Julie
12:30
What this list includes I actually experienced last year.
The result was feeling almost like I had no symptoms whatsoever.
This benefit lasted for two months.
Perhaps there's something to this? 🙂
17:30
Could it be that short term little tasks cost just as much mental reserves
as large long term tasks?
(The "limited spoons" analogy)
So that doing a lot of little tasks in one day
burns through our mental resilience quicker
than just focusing on the one big thing longer,
without distraction?
And THEN take a break,
rather than keep pushing to do more
because there's still time left in the day?
'Which brings us to the topic of trauma: perhaps the defining health threat of the 21st century.
We live in a world in which trauma is endemic but rarely understood. All around us: millions of people silently suffering on their own, often unable to explain bizarre changes that traumatic experiences seem to have caused in their bodies.
When people discuss what they feel post-trauma, they often describe it with an air of mystery. As if their experiences are unique and unexplainable (or perhaps unscientific) phenomena:
I left my own body. Floated above it and looked down at somebody else who looked like me.
Ask a trauma survivor to recount their experience and how it changed them.
Rather than a cohesive story, you’re likely to hear them recount an abstract collage of visceral feelings and sensations. For trauma survivors, memories are often encoded in body parts or sensory experiences that light up and shut down in ways that feel new and foreign. Flashes of sights and sounds and colors amid a complex patchwork of memories and feelings and dissociative out-of body experiences. A body and brain wired into a new existence.
A car horn resonates as a brain-crushing din. It’s like there’s a selective megaphone in my ear. Some sounds fade into the background. Others overwhelm and consume me and turn me into a rabid monster that I don’t recognize.
It can come from sexual assault or surviving a war. From one awful experience, years of torment and abuse, or a parade of small daily stressors that slowly eat away at us. But what makes trauma trauma is that it changes us in ways that are new and frightening and rarely understood. And because these changes are largely invisible, they are often left to gnaw away at our insides over time. An unseen shadow that many live with and either accept as normal or dismiss as abnormal.
Everything I thought of as me was gone. I’m not sure who this person is anymore.
To most people, trauma remains a misunderstood metamorphosis-and one that is often taboo to talk about. It’s a strange trip, and mere words are often not enough. Sounds sound different. Tastes taste different. Things that once excited or caused joy are experienced through a muted fog. Breathing and digestion and countless other bodily processes shift in their function.
Nobody understands just how abstract it all is. Like it isn’t even real.
Trauma is often treated (or dismissed) as a purely psychological issue that is literally all in our heads. But trauma is not merely a psychological phenomenon-it’s also a physiological one.
What we mean by that: The impact of trauma is not isolated to our brains, but stretches through our nervous system to virtually every part of our body, changing how our senses sense, how our organs operate, and just about every aspect of our physical and mental health.
In other words: Trauma changes our bodies, in addition to our brains.'
Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us
I forgive you.
Please forgive me.
Thank you. This actually helped me understand a lot of what I do during periods of my own burnout(s).
Rest looks good on you. You look marvelous! 😊
This was amazing. I really like how you structure your videos leading with a question, statement or header and then providing the info. Thank you for sharing. I love your self awareness and insights. It gives me lots to think about for myself. I'm so glad that your break worked to recharge you! Take good care!
Its not espacially a problem for anyone who runs his own business online. Its a problem for anyone. I know this situation very well.
Hi mate, thankyou for all your information. I have a question re burnout leading to wanting an assesment. I am 47, diagnosed adhd 4 years ago and had to strruggle big time to get "some" treatement. This has lead to identification of asd symptoms. I am experiencing the same "blocks", and in between, I have lost everything - wife, house, finances, even children for 6 months - and now my job. Burnout is overwhelming and the lack of ability to talk to this with my employer because of lack of diagnosis is ensuring that I have and will loose the lot. I am not in a good place, and simply dont know how to affect change. I have contacted all the places in aus for help, and just feel like I have nothing left. I cant resolve my issues, and dont want to be like this infront of my children - I am being damaged by the system and I cant do this to my kids. I need help by diagnosis, but even this I cant afford, and NDIS assesment would be even longer. I am stuck, and I cant be effective at any work - I am just absolutely at the bottom. Do you know of any way to force this issue and get move forward in a way to bridge this "time and finance" based gap? I just lack the executive function to continually research and try. I cant do it anymore - its been 4 years. I dont know how to get help. cheers, Ed
Amazing insights, including a few I might take action on. Thankyou for sharing!
Yep. All of this. Had 9 months off this year and completely back to myself - realised I can never go back to endless Teams calls which burn me out really quickly. Biggest recovery aid has been learning about philosophical Daoism and incorporating some of the ideas into my thinking. Still not got around the whole alien planet thing - but better able to understand and deal with it.
You have just perfectly described how I felt burned out 3 weeks ago and for probably the last 3 years. How every little decision seems to have 15 implications hanging off it and I can't process how to get it done. The decline to almost zero energy and everything exhausted me. My recovery included going on a womens retreat which was amazing and I realise that it had that mix of getting out of the house, being around people, being close to nature and doing something whilst not being on the hook for being productive. My insight on the being around people part is that I am being accepted for me and my contribution which is vitally important to healing, whereas being alone is soothing but lacks that sense of belonging and acceptance.
Wow. Yeah... sounds about right. I do want to do something that matters & be part of something, but I'm in a new town & don't really know anyone. It's hard to make the first step at anything. I'm 40 & it's always kind of been that way. Good to hear you're feeling better, my 3+ month dip feels like it's finally lifting. I had to focus on getting back on my healthy food only diet, but getting out of the house & being around some but not too many people sounds like what I need to finish this annoying lack of daily energy.
I've been in autistic burnout for a long time, and ironically these kind of videos never helped me. I say this as someone who does have extreme privilege in being able to turn away from obligations/responsibilities.
What actually helped me the most was indulging my "autistic tendencies" instead of suppressing them. So unlike you, I would use that time to be completely alone, maybe 1-2 social interactions, and indulge my special interests as much as possible. I'd make sure I was free to stim and be completely myself.
Sorry to say this because I usually love your content, but this came off as a neurotypical guide to addressing burnout. Vacations, weddings, seeing all these people, sounds like an absolute nightmare and not restful at all.
Also the people in the comments saying "you must be rich" no we're actually disabled and don't have a choice. It's either stopping everything or slowly dying. I know what I'd choose. It also means we're poorer than we would be if we could actually function. So that's pretty much ableist and capitalist as hell.
A better use of that energy would be to make sure that people have access to disability when they need it and not make life for us so difficult, instead of attacking an actual advocate who is trying to make things better for us.
Thank you. I started watching your vids about 3 years ago and I just got my diagnosis today at 44 years old. If it wasn’t for the TH-cam autism community, I would have never figured it out.
Love this from Chomsky: Human beings are born to inquire and create under their own initiative. Any work that a person does under outside pressure is inhumane. If a person creates something beautiful under outside orders (i.e. Vatican frescos by Michelangelo under pressure by the Pope or The Godfather film by Francis Coppola under pressure by its producers), we may admire what he does but detest what he is. That is classical liberal thought. It was driven by concepts of human dignities which are seriously infringed by the structure of business operations. Even if the guys that run it are “nice guys.” You can’t be a nice guy in certain positions because the institution is not nice.
I suffered M.E (chronic fatigue? For 15 years - i had an extremely stessful life ar that time -, im wondering now if it was autistic burnout and if it was, how maby other people with M E. are really just suffering burnout because the modern world is too noisy, busy and has many demands of us
That’s what I did today, 1 thing. Worked out fairly well..
I’m really chuffed that it’s worked for you Paul, I suffer from burnout quite regularly so I’ll definitely keep in mind what you had to say, the top down strategy is something I’ll try and implement in my own life so thankyou for that 😊
Hi Paul. Please could you tell me of i have been so bad and evil.I feel bad. I have just told my partner I can't cope and it's the end. I am hurting badly, he wants no communication and it's three weeks now. He says he doesn't want communication with no one. The thing that hurts is he is on Facebook liking females pictures with love hearts and staying on line but never responding to me. I haven't spoken for three days as he said he wanted to be left alone and he will come back. I just lost it over him being on line on Facebook and liking a girls pic yesterday, that I thought he was in a relationship with before we started dating me as she was always kn touch and he also lied abiut this at the time too. Have I blew this all up. Some one help 😢 also...he hasnt replied everythjng i thiught i said. What will be going theough his head. I reallt don't want to hurt him but this isny fait to me either. I dknt want to sound childish 😢
Stop reading my mind! Oh, wait, this is a video. Ooooh, so that’s what burnout is.
Thanks for the update Paul. Have been actively utilizing your burnout strats for about 6 months now, and have been experiencing genuine;y positive results. Just switching off and forgetting what day of the week it was took some getting used to, but am glad that I did it. Adjusting to life as a person on the spectrum is a chore on the best of days, but the addition of long-term burnout was making the changes nearly impossible to adapt to.
So thanks again for being open about your journey, and providing insight/information on how to navigate these spectrum disorder pitfalls. Speaking for myself, your content is a godsend.
Cheers dude. 😉
Yeah, you basically described what I've been going through; just add depression to help fuel that fire. thank you for sharing!
Just curious, is it sadness depression or just exhausted depression? I've been "depressed" but not sad for 3+ months & only finally feeling the exhaustion lifting.
One question re the top down approach - what dou you do about feeding yourself then?
I don't know hiw to implement that but that approach makes a lot of sense esp the point that what is overwhelming is the sheer number of tasks and thinga you have to think of
I cried watching this video, I’ve been feeling super burnt out for almost a year now but couldn’t quite find what the issue was. My dad thought I might be depressed, but I think burnt out is a better way to describe it. Although I feel like I won’t have time to recover, I’m 13 years old and still attending school (well, i end up only going two days every other week or something because of energy lack), I won’t have the time to recover until I’m an adult or after 9th grade maybe. I had trouble explaining to my parents what I was feeling but this video helped me because I relate a lot. I still have no idea what to do though, I’m currently on a one-week fall break but I definetly don’t think that’s enough time for me to feel okay again… :(
(Also, I don’t have autism, but I relate to the video and honestly I’m a little suspicious because I have quite many autistic traits.. I’ve always been told I’m such a well behaved girl so I never even questioned it nor did my parents, but now that I look into it- mmmmayyybeeee……….)
Thanks for sharing your journey with us all. Would you be able to do a video about how you manage your finances so that you are able to take long breaks and work shorter hours?
For me it is not only brain fog and all the thoughts to go through but every thought is so loud and wants to be the first to be solved. 😢 sometimes I only sleep and eat on the weekends but it helps not much.
Excellent video! Thank you so much!
u keep hitting mic, sounds like an earthquake plz dont do that
Your face looks so rested and your body looks so much more relaxed🙂
Thank you for laying all that out 👍.
I wonder if a walk in nature will help when you feel burn out? Oh! You did!
I long ago gave up on cooking for myself at all. (Unless instant mashed potatoes count.) Instead I have a collection of foods that provide nutrition without my having to do anything but eat it. Like cottage cheese for protein. Maybe rice pudding for carbs if I'm feeling really down. Or frozen fruit that I've put in the refrigerator to thaw the night before if I have enough forethought for that. And so on. I can open the refrigerator or cupboard and just grab my go to at the time. I'll admit that recently I've been using chocolate milk and almost nothing else. Not that I'm suggesting any of these items as being healthy choices. But they are how I have been coping with feeding myself while having zero energy to cook.
Sounds like me…cottage cheese with apple sauce is my go to…instant mashed potatoes also, precooked shrimp thawing in the refrigerator.😊
@@cherylyoke4872 Awesome! We're not alone! Also, thanks for the reminder that I have applesauce in my cupboard. 😋 The precooked frozen shrimp is a brilliant suggestion, too. I wonder if microwavable fish patties would work as well.