Why did you put in that video with the old man at the 4 minute mark?! It’s like you added him in to say what you want to say but you didn’t cause you don’t want to seem like the bad guy. That wasn’t nice of him saying you can’t trust modern women. The playing field with BOTH men and women are F**** in today’s world. You come across as unbiased but then you add in a video like that.
I think he was just showing what information guys are receiving which can be toxic and lend to some of their perceptions and behaviours towards women and about relationships.
@@1trueloveforever agreed. First he says that women shouldn't have a victim mentality and then we get some older guy saying such an ignorant statement as "modern women can't be trusted" which puts all the blame on them. SMH
You're absolutely right! Constantly being on the phone or social media can definitely impact the connection between partners. Both men and women need to be mindful of how much attention they give to their phones and focus more on being present with each other. Balance is key!
1) proving him wrong, 2) driving a larger vehicle with a bigger engine, 3) going around him when hes driving 20 mph under the speed limit, 4) not putting up with childish and irrational behavior, 5) obvious insecurity issues in him. Just a few things about men that they don't like getting called on. Yes, these fit someone i know. Hes got a lot of growing up to do. Thankfully I already found my husband and hes a wonderful one.
Its too much work to "attract" a man. I am too busy earning a living and being independent. I have no.time for all the effort and games. At tlhe end of the day 60% of men would rather make it work with a loose woman than a good one. Ive seen it with my own eyes. Fact
thats rather true and im sure its happened to most of us but thats why standards and boundaries exist. if you have to wait for the exact or close to dream person you should and it’ll be worth it in the end because thats what dating is all about right? removing the wrong weeds and planting in flowers so they can eventually bloom. its all a process of life 🌸
If u were that busy, i think u wont get a need to think about this video, or watch this video. Somewhere in the corner of mind u have the feeling to attract someone. Isnt it true?
Because of unfinished business. Good guys will tend to have bad women and vise versa... It's not bad to be yourself and have your stuff together. But as somebody who had the same mindset until my early thirties, I can say that you probably lie to yourself. Of course, you want a partner but not settle for the minimum and that's a right mindset. But on the other side, if you find a guy you need to let your guards down otherwise you won't ever find the real deal. Should you do it with the first guy who shows interest? Of course not... but to be the total independent woman won't attract a real honest man. And I'm not talking about finance. It's small thinks like... iniciate a date or let him do you a favor or something like that. I guess you had bad experiences and put your walls up... I'm happy married and watch still these dating advices for entertainment and you can still learn new stuff (which really help me back in the day). And funny thing is that I understand them now way better than back in the day. I have met guys who have been the worst but also some who have great qualities but not for me. Men are struggling as we women. My husband had also bad experiences. Girls who only want his money or breaking up because of stupid reasons. We are all at the same boot. Just need to find each other... wish you all the best ❤
I don't envy the young people of today, that's for sure. They follow bad examples and it never occurs to them that a lasting relationship is not about sex. They dump the other person at the first sign of trouble. The basis of a happy relationship is trust, respect for each other, honesty and a lot of 'work' to make it last. I know because my husband and I have been together for 41 years and the love never ends.
@@alenaadamkova7617 Yeah, but pleasure & meaning does not need to contradict with. I could not have any meaningfull relationship or marriage with someone I am not enjoying to be in bed or the sex just simply does not taste! I would feel like I am lying to them, and i would absolutely have to in order to be with them. And who want to be lied too about their attraction? No , absolutely fake idea! You have to love this person and you have to love how he is touching and loving you otherwise you are just being fake und making the other person unhappy.
What a beautiful and inspiring story! Forty-one years of love and commitment is truly something to be proud of. You’re absolutely right-trust, respect, honesty, and effort are the foundations of a lasting relationship. Your example shows that real love is built over time and through hard work.
I am a lady and agree with all your pointers. It takes a woman who is internally healed inside to listen to this without getting triggered. Thanks for a fantastic video.
This guy is gas lighting and blame shifting. I've never been in a relationship, so I've got nothing to heal. Observing how sneaky this dude is doesn't mean I need to heal from anything.
Victim mentality You love male validation Using the past as ammunition Poor choices in friends Toxic femininty Talking nonstop Excessive drinking and partying
@@teresamagnussonHmmm... but why do you react like this? And why healing from a relationship? It needs a healthy, as in based, confident individual to not be triggered...
I’m so glad you resonated with the video! Healing and self-awareness truly allow us to listen and grow without feeling triggered. It’s empowering to embrace these lessons and apply them to our lives. Thank you for sharing your perspective! 💫
i *have* worked on myself a lot - and it is extremely difficult to find men who have done that amount of work too plus are courageous and fun to be with and empathic. plus attraction need to be possible to evolve. these men *are* rare. you are not a woman, you don't experience all the bs and childish behaviour. and yes, i like to have fun and being silly too. but i can't go under my level, i just don't feel attracted by men like that
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I can personally tell you that the more self-aware and mindful you become, the fewer people you’ll be able to align with. However, once you find the right crowd, the connection is better than anything you’ve experienced before
@@SaveTheMessenger Thank you for the reply, Ismael. It is true what you say (even if the way to these right crowds can be rocky sometimes). And i find it is all about chosing the right people and cutting out the wrong ones... For example, i decided to only work for a company that has a higher purpose and is very well rated by the employees. As a result i feel better than i've ever felt in a company before. Good evening to you and everyone reading!
ofc there are good men but i why would i change myself to something im not, for a man? ill lose myself, and i am more important than having a relationship with man. and also, nothing is forever but ill be with myself as long as i live. if i change, thats for myself, but i wont give up precious things about me for something temporary. and a real man will love for the way i am, and if that man doesnt exist ill be fine. not everyone is ment to have a partner.
I don’t think he meant it as changing fundamental things that make yourself “you”, but more about working on yourself to become an enhanced version of yourself. A better you. We all should try to improve over time. And when that happens, that might attract a better man for you (if you choose to be in a relationship).
@@Ella-g6s if you change yourself for a man your only hurting yourself. Anytime you feel you have to change for a man, that is the answer to if this man is right for you. If you proceed with changing yourself it will most likely crumble and then your left lost and picking up the pieces of your heart. You need to go into a relationship so strong and confident in who you are that the guy knows what he is getting and you feel good even if the relationship ends.
I agree that woman break up emotionally long before they cut it off, but that's because we still believe in potential. We still have hope for improvement a bit, but we're exhausted. We still love, and that love is hard to give up. I only know men who monkey-branch, but certainly there are women who do this, too, and I strongly believe there's some form of disorder in them. Personally, I don't have the energy to do any of this. I need time to recover because I would only leave a relationship if some form of abuse or other toxicity was involved that left me drained. I went on the healing journey after an abusive relationship and haven't met a man who meets my level in over six years since, but I honestly also don't put myself out there. People stumble in my life, I like them and make friends with them first... I find that safer to check for reliability and maturity over time.
@@SaraX2024 it’s important to realize that men are notorious for sticking around even if they’ve left in their mind and heart. I’ve seen so many videos of men confessing this because they want to see if they can find someone else first otherwise they will stick around and treat us bad until they find someone they feel is better. I have also experienced this in my own marriage before it ended.
I think he’s saying to not be self-centered. Be everything you would like to have in a man: honesty, kindness, thoughtfulness, generosity, empathy, sympathy, interested in what is happening around you and in the world, enjoying the simple and little things in life. It’s only fair that if you don’t want a man who is self-absorbed don’t be that way yourself.
I experienced this recently with a guy I considered dating. I started being quiet and observant to discover I was a sounding post for him to talk At! Huge turn off! He keeps saying we should start a business yet shoots down my idea’s. I’m the one who owned a business for 20yrs but whatever….No thank you.
As a single woman who is nearly 64 I agree with all 7 and I also think not all men are the same as there r some lovely guys out there who just want to love and be loved just like we do
I completely agree with you! Age doesn’t define the capacity for love or the kind of person someone can be. There are wonderful men out there who genuinely seek a deep, loving connection. It’s about finding someone who values and respects you, no matter the stage of life. Keep your heart open-you deserve love at every age! 💖
1. Victim Mentality 2. You Love Male Validation 3. Using the Past as Ammunition 4. Poor Choices in Friends 5. Toxic Femininity 6. Talking Nonstop 7. Excessive Drinking and Partying ❤ Be sure to watch the entire video. He makes some valid points and offers helpful suggestions. I believe this video can help you in any relationships you have.
Forgiveness is a huge key for creating a better future for yourself and others around you. People in general will, at some point, upset, offend, or hurt us. This is where forgiveness is a major key to removing the anger ( even if the anger is justified), resentment and gudge - bearing we have. These negative emotions and feelings only hurt us inside & then will, in turn, hurt others. There are no winners there. In my own experience, choosing as an act of my will, (with sometimes little to no feeling of wanting to forgive because I've been hurt), but deciding to choose to forgive and verbalising it, has brought me freedom from all the negative emotions and has healed relationships, even if the other person does not change or even say sorry. I became free internally, from all the turmoil inside & free from all the built-up anger and resentment. I know sometimes this is a very hard descision, as some things done to us are so very wrong, but we do not need to allow the circumstance to steal yet another day of our peace and lives, by keeping us prisoner to hate, resentment and anger, instead, take back your life, be in control of your happiness and live free by choosing to forgive. I highly recommend it!
Forgiveness it supposed to happen, but having been married for 36 years to a narcissists' ( there is no repentance with a Narcissists' they are "always right" ) until it became physically violent...., When there is no repentance, there will be no healing of a relationship, no matter what the other person does.. Been there and experienced it..
I am a woman from a much different era, and I am so saddened what has become of the male/female dynamic. Please understand it has not always been this way. Know that in the last decade or two, women have picked up social norms that have literally brainwashed them into negative thinking about men. As well it has given women an overly elevated view of themselves. Learn to respect, yourselves and the other sex, give them that unless or until the respect is no longer earned.
Your outlook is very dated and negative toward women. Men have mistreated us horrifically in the past, for thousands of years, in large ways and small, and we have set boundaries. As we should. I am woman centered, not man centered, and I only support women who center women.
@teresamagnusson No, women's behaviour has gone too far. Why should we expect respect if we don't give respect ? That doesn't mean being walked over or badly treated. Be the bigger person, decent behaviour has to start somewhere.
You had better say this! Men bring to much unhappiness to be trying to deep dive to get one locked in🙅🏽 Just forget it and keep making money, drinking water, and keeping a tight 🐱
That’s not true for most of us women! How depressing, and lonely life would be if we really only wanted money. Love, and family is the happiest life❤️🙏🏻
Did you WATCH the video? He didn't refer to physical appearance at all. It was behavior, and honestly about being a decent human being to your partner. Even Lesbians would behoove themselves to follow this advice. What does being "financially independent" have to do anything? Are you suggesting if you're paying your own bills that you can be any kind of inconsiderate self-absorbed B*tch that you want? Am I misunderstanding you? You're drinking the "toxic feminist" kool-aid. Everything this man said are things I would look for in my own GIRL FRIENDS. 👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who ALWAYS blamed the guy (and everyone else) for everything that goes wrong and never considered their own behavior 👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who are constantly trying to get attention (and looking for male attention when you already HAVE a man is massively disrespectful to your man) 👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who constantly use the past as ammunition and never ACTUALLY forgave people 👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who talk bad about my relationship with my man like they have some kind of right to 👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who think trash talking other women and gossiping was an acceptable pass time 👉 And I have ZERO interest in friends who's preferred way to spend a Friday is drinking and partying. I don't drink. I don't "party". Toxic behavior is toxic behavior. And those behaviors aren't "attractive" to ME, and that's just me looking for FRIENDS to spend time with occasionally. Let ALONE someone looking for a life partner they're actually going to be living with! Based on this comment, you might need to reconsider what YOU consider to be acceptable behavior.
I'm my authentic self 💯 of the time. No smoke and mirrors bc it's a waste of time and I'm all about authenticity. No makeup/light makeup/dressed up/comfy clothes. I stand true to myself & have an open mind and heart. I have been celibate and single for almost six years by choice bc I understand I'm not for everyone. My body ya temple and bc I respect myself; the right man will appreciate who I am. I'm healed, but I'm not lonely just bc I'm alone. I understand my energy, time and body; aren't "for" everyone. I'm Imperfectly perfect and I understand that men, are also; imperfectly perfect. My clubbing and drinking days (minimal); are in the distant past. Thank you for your content.
It’s true-when we stop being our own worst critic and start showing up as our best selves, it radiates outward. Confidence and positivity make all the difference!
My ex husband tried to destroy me for hating my beauty, confidence, independence, artistical talents, professional success. I found out he was a covert narcissist and decide to take of me practising sports, dance. My mental healthy and beauty increased and his hate against me too. Then I had to fight to set myself from him and I knew the mask and lies would pop up. I am better without him and trying to heal from traumas. Narcissists never change, so do it for yourself.
I understood the inserted video not as an attack, but as an example of what we as women can come across like when we have this attitude. The difference was us listening to a man say it, which I think gives it even more power for us (men and women alike) to say to ourselves, "Wow, is that really what I sound like? That IS very repelling, I want to work on changing my perspective because I want a relationship with a good man."
I hate when women bash men in general because they are unhappy. I love good men…. They are frigging awesome…. I have never man bashed. But I respect myself enough not to put up with BS from anyone…. Recently married to a wonderful man but I warned him that I wouldn’t put up with BS and he believes me. He won’t either… we have our boundaries mostly set.
I actually watch your videos for maintenance on my marriage. It helps point out what or where I might be lacking and reminds me how my hubby might see things. 37 years of marriage, and yes, we are way more in love now than in the beginning. But I don’t take it for granted.
1:08 what I'm learning along the way is if you get triggered by something then most likely is being brought to the surface so it can be blessed and healed
I believe there are still men who have a beautiful soul out there that are incredibly amazing and knows what they wants. Men who are kind, generous, thoughtful, considerate, loving, sweet, provider, emotionally intelligent, and smart. And I deserve to be with a man who have those characteristics aforementioned. Manifestinggggg ✨️🤞🥰
Yes not news to me - think he’s just trying to make a name for himself really. Influencer type perhaps. Looks too young to be adequately covering everybody IMHO.
Every thing you said is true. We don’t have close friends, if we have an issue we talk to each other.My man is my King and I am his Queen. We can be in the same space in silence with no issues. We respect each other boundaries. Game playing is just a waste of time and energy.Selfish self centred women need to understand that looks fade,therefore they need to learn that a good relationship works when you put each others needs before your own.❤
Wish you were around when I was dating, growing up without a positive male influence, and a mother who picked a toxic crazy kind of love with a man who was an alcoholic and didn’t want children taught me a lot of confusing things that played out when I started dating. I hope those that come to your channel pay close attention, some will, but the ones who need it the most have crossed wires, and see from a very unhealthy perspective, and it’s all about perspective. Thank you!
Thank you Ismael. I really appreciate your YT-videos. Regarding these 7 habits, I feel guilty regarding 1 of them, and that's number 6. I met this amazing man three weeks ago. He asked me out, and we saw each other a couple of times. He even introduced me to his mother! I don't know what happened to me when hanging out with him, because I talked so much when being around him. I talked about private and sensitive things like politics and spirituality (he is not spiritual). I guess I just felt safe with him, and felt that I could trust him, which made me more social and talkative than normally. He even told me that I talk too much twice... He broke up with me the other day... So yes, I've now learnt my lesson to be a better listener and not talk that much with a man!
You usually only talk too much to a man if you're not saying what he wants to hear or appear more intelligent than he is. If hes not spiritual, he's already an idiot because we obviously live in a spiritual world. Men dont like women who are more intellectual and in tuned than they are. Dont believe me, do some more research on them and you will see for yourself.
I love your videos, Ismael. They are highly relevant for high-quality, emotionally mature women. I am 56 and have been single for almost seven years. I decided to take a break from dating and work on myself, trusting then and still trusting that I would attract the right man at the right time when I was doing something I loved. I love myself and my company so much that I'm cool either way, being single for the rest of my life or meeting a wonderful guy. Reading some of the less favourable comments, I notice a lot of resistance. 'Looking for', 'finding,' and 'trying' do not belong in the same sentence as 'relationship,' 'life partner,' 'incredible man,' etc. Those words imply a degree of desperation for an intended outcome. Desperation usually involves compromising values, and once that happens, everything goes downhill. So, in support of Ismael's philosophy, working on having an incredibly loving, nurturing and pleasurable relationship with ourselves is the best investment of our time and energy.
I completely agree with you. When we focus on self-love and growth, the right person will naturally align with us. Desperation never leads to the right outcome-it's all about being whole and happy in our own company first.
I see way more negativity from men about women on social media. Men will make degrading comments about women looks, or call them names like ,she’s a Karen. Maybe women talk more about men to the men in their lives instead. In any case, as usual, men like to blame women for anything & everything instead of taking some responsibility in relating.
Im an INTJ so not sure if ill ever find anyone. Men are intimidated of me and will not approach and i will assume they're all taken. Being independent is very threatening for most guys it seems.
I for one am tired of internet dating and all the has verbs that were, most of which are narcissistic. And then you find the nothings of life… sigh… we women are tired of all that! It’s better to read book at night and enjoy that! No one has the energy for hastles anymore..love your posts though!❤
As a married (34 yrs) woman, I can confirm that this man is right. Me and my husband definitely had our rough spots in the relationship and it took some serious counseling, but we BOTH worked on ourselves, and we both got to become way better persons. Now I can honestly say that both my husband and I don’t have to worry about toxic masculinity or femininity anymore.
I really appreciate your feedback. It’s never too late to learn and grow, though. I'm glad the information resonates with you and can hopefully help others avoid similar heartaches. Thank you for watching.
Dear Ismail, I often strongly agree with what you have got to say. I like your choice of words and the respectful tone you use to present controversial topics. You honestly pull off difficult parts with ease. Hats off to you! However, I don't understand why you appended that old man's video. What he said most of it didn't make any sense. I can call him a liar or biased at best. I can support my opinion when I have seen good women being abandoned by men after using all their resources and left alone to raise their children and men going behind whores to say the least!
What I like about you sir is you don't always talk about one side of a relationship I think it helps everybody learn although you're mainly trying to teach the women so they get someone they can respect and love. Thank you
I wonder if you'd consider removing the bell tone from yiur videos. Every time i hear it, I think someone's at my door 😊 Its a bit of a distraction from your wonderfully informative messages. Thank you for all you do to help us!
Spot on! You did very well at the outset to show the male counterpart negative behavior. I heard a great quote this week: "If something costs you your peace, it is too expensive!" As a guy, I always considerg how I can contribute and make a woman's life better. I do not get that impression from most women's online profiles.
Good points. Thank you. The forgiving part I have trouble with though. How about he says, apparently this old mistake is still hurting you. Is still unresolved. Appararently I have not demonstrated to you beyond doubt that I am no longer the person who would do such a thing. I have learned. How about, if she cannot just let it go, he recognises that he has not given her the actual signal that he has learned and transformed. Just letting go of things that hurt, when he gives you reasons for these painful memories of how he has behaved in the past, in the present moment again and again - that would border on doormat-ing. He hurts you, he repeatedly acts in ways that stir these memories up and upset you, and all he has to say is "will you forgive me already, or youre unattractive you know".
Your videos are so helpful for me! I'm a single 31 year old woman and these vids have me reflecting a lot on my nuances and becoming more self aware. Thank you so much Ismael
From Grandma-Your incite is definitely great "how to be a respected lady" advice, & no Im past that "looking" stage yet appreciate your content. Bravo!
Your advice is spot on. As an older woman I am continually taken aback by the negative attitudes toward men by young women who seem to think they are somehow victims of virtually any man in their environment. This nonsense about how authentic women are and how horrible it is that maybe some changes or character development is necessary in order to meet the right man is the dumbest thing women hold dear. We accommodate our female friends and family quite willingly, so why not extend the same attitude towards the opposite sex? This strident woke feminism is the greatest barrier to good and lasting relationships. MEN ARE HUMAN BEINGS TOO! I believe that being open, friendly, accepting, and understanding leads to good relationships in our families and social circles, as well as in romance/love/marriage. Get over yourselves, ladies. And for heaven's sake, develop not only an attitude of tolerance, but a sense of humour!!
Absolutely. You definitely deserve a fulfilling relationship with a mature and wonderful partner. Staying positive and open-minded will lead you to the right connection.
Oh, thank you for sharing these. I'm so glad I have none of these habits. I used to gossip and share some problems with my best friend.. but I think that it came to an end.
very good list, its a good place to work on yourself. Even if you dont meet your dream guy, you would have evolved as a person working on your list. thanks.
This isn't a video about how to get someone, but how to better your life. All these advices help us to become a better version of ourselves, in my opinion
@@yamaha3859 I am not the host of this video but I just wanted to add my 2 cents if you will. I think in order to restore trust you have to look at the persons character who hurt you. You need to know if they are sorry because they love you or if they are sorry because they got caught among other things to begin with at least.
Yes Ismael, you’re right, I AM holding on to the resentment I felt years ago, and NO I can’t let go of it and we have a non existent connection because of my resentment. But I can’t let go of him telling me totally out of the blue on my wedding day that if I have an affair he will kill me and no one will ever find my body, and I can’t get over that when we had sex together for the first time he told me I had “sex like a slut “ even though he was my first boyfriend and I had never slept around (im not THAT sort of girl)..your are right Ismael, I can’t forgive, and am still holding onto resentment as those incidents feel like yesterday even though they were over a decade ago…he wants to start afresh, and he wants me to forget it all…but his in maturity repulses me and I’m planning to leave…he will never grow up and those incidents had too great an affect.
Oh my dear I am sorry you had to go through this. I sincerely hope you consider therapy. You deserve to be happy and harboring resentment may be robbing you of true happiness. You deserve to be happy. Please think about speaking to an unbiased person as Ismael says as this may give you the clarity you need for you to be able to experience true joy in a relationship, if it's meant for you 🙏
Very good video. A major turnoff for me is....nails. I don't like talons or claws.I think they are unsanitary. Short nails with a clearcoat . Less is more ladies.
@michaeldinardo2519❤. You know. I'm. Leslie. And I like having very clean short nails with a clear coat. I hate lon nails. I'm a very feminine woman . And I was wondering if you are single?. Are you. Available. And do you have a cell phone number?❤
I'd say I struggle with number 1 having bipolar disorder and being hospitalized a couple of times, but not because of men and I do keep bringing up what this guy did, at the hospital of all places he's moved on to I think a fiance so it could be time to let that ship sail or just let it go because I have no proof of it, and I'm never going to and I don't want it anymore either him or the proof without him 💔
Not everyone comes into a relationship perfect or willing to be perfect according to a man’s idea of the perfect woman. In the future I see relationships and marriage being a thing of the past. Men will never stop trying to change women into a fantasy woman instead of learning to accept and love a woman just as they are. Men whine they don’t want to be generalized, well women don’t either. As for the talking, men never stop mansplaining not ever!! They talk through movies, over top of a woman speaking. I only get to talk around my husband when he finally takes a breath.
ok.... but what are we talking about? Loving somebody or analyzing a product to buy? I mean, when a person truly loves somebody, this means accepting flaws .. and not only enjoying the good sides... come on, nobody is perfect... of course each of us is trying to get better and become a better person, but we are human! We have flaws, women sometimes talk too much or get anxious, and so what? A man who truly loves a woman will accept the little flaws, the imperfections, the ugly sides.... or else, it's not love in the first place.
I agree. And a woman will accept the little flaws and imperfections in a man as well. It seems like there are many women who demand everything and get upset when the tables are turned. That's not going to work.
I hate to say this, but he's right. My husband (now ex) had best friend bartender who always put his negative 2 cents in where it didn't belong. But because they were friends, it sabotaged our marriage. He'd ask personal questions after his wife left him. He made negative comments (even though he was the best man at the wedding) at the reception. It was obvious he was jealous. But, you can't tell my ex that. He felt since they knew each other so long, that he cared about him. Just wanted the best for him, but what a mess he caused. My husband believes he's happier now with the 10 year younger girl thanks to bartender BFF's suggestions. Yes, the guy's best friend could be RUNNING/RUINING your relationship. Be on the lookout.
@@Gotoworkkk We don't know what went on that marriage so stop assuming. Some men do tend to listen to their friends more than their wives. It sometimes happens as early as the dating stage. And some people just don't like to see others happy if they're not happy so it could well be like she described it. You get vindictive people out there who will go to great lengths to ruin perfectly healthy relationships and get away with it.
The surrounding has soooo much impact on the relationship. If your partner gets told again and again that you’re this and that, you can do whatever you want, they will side with the other person.
I agree with everything you said on this one. And I want you to know I ruined my life by asking the wrong people when I was having trouble with my fiance. There were two miserable women with their husbands one was divorced which was my mom and dad newly divorced mind you... I should have never married him I'm still suffering 20 years later I'm working on it though to be willing to fall in love with the right man
I have a simple (not really simple) question... if we are not supposed to use dating apps because they are toxic and we are not supposed to go to bars because you are not going to find substance there, where exactly are we supposed to go and do? I don't live in a huge city with cultural happening going on in the evenings... my choices are stay home on the sofa or go to a bar.... I don't even drink alcohol. I do try to find activities that don't involve bars, but frankly where I live most of the affordable fun stuff at night is at bars... from Drag Shows to karaoke and I even have tried bingo.... still single after 3 years (after being married for 24 years) I've dated, but those men where not really into relationship... they just wanted sex. They held on long enough to get it and then moved on... and those are the best of what's out there. I think after all I have seen, I'm choosing to stay single.... not just men have become toxic, but people in general have become toxic and have forgotten how to talk civilly to each other... I miss the early 1990's when things were easier.... where you could go to a bar and dude wouldn't assume that you are there just to get laid. Would have a conversation with you and you might even go out for coffee afterwards. Now if you don't want to "do the deed", they are not interested... I usually get a guy to leave by saying I'm looking for a relationship with commitment... best man repellant ever... and that is exactly why both sides are miserable. 🖤🖤🖤
How would you consider a man who never notices a positive change in you, like a new haircut, a new outfit? He never says a word and it is strangers who compliment you. He never communicates, he's just silent. And because you bring up talking, silence is gold but sometimes to eat in silence, to sit in silence, to drive in silence is frustrating and drives you mad. Then I talk because he doesn't. So what is right and what is wrong?
LOVE THIS VIDEO, as well as all of your others. Thank you Ismael for all of your help and advice! Greatly appreciated! As someone who, I think, is old enough to be your mother, I have to add, you're sooo cute to look at and listen to...making it even more enjoyable! 😘 Well done working hard on your own continual self-improvement, as you have explained in other videos.
Thank you so much for the kind words and support. I’m really glad the videos have been helpful to you. Self-improvement is a lifelong journey, and it’s great to hear you’re enjoying the content along the way.
I just ended things with a guy because he never stopped talking! So I can relate! And his drinking. So it goes both ways. Among other things. Just not compatible. Doesn't have to be anything more.
I didn't expect this from Ismael.. Girls, be yourself and love yourself, don't change for a man. No man is perfect and you shouldn't be. You will have to get used to their flaws and they will have to get used to yours. I have a friend who likes loud and energetic girls. He will rather get bored if you watch a guide on the Internet and specifically restrain yourself from dialogues.
You can be loud and energetic and still be okay with silence when needed. Also, like some women who like short guys, that's not wrong, but you need to understand those are exceptions. The majority prefer taller guys. Like I said, many guys mentioned that as a turnoff, so I’m just passing along the message.
I know there are wonderful men out there. I have had many as friends and my dad was one. That said ... :) ... men who tell me what is "wrong" with me (inconsistent or I would consider changing) and how I need to please them ... Having a dad I looked up to made it a double edged sword. I wanted to meet a man who "liked" women. My dad liked women, as friends, as themselves, in a purely platonic way. It was disappointing ... My father always said my mom was his best friend and life partner, LONG before "partner" was vogue.
What do to if you were manipulated into a relationship you never wanted in first place but after that the person cheated you?.... If the answer is forget about that, forgive him, do self care, eventually maybe the pain decreases or get used to feel the pain that it feels normal but deep down everyone expects an apology from the person or an karma in front of their eyes.... Is it wrong or right?
I came back to live in my home country of Ireland after my divorce dating has been the most. Traumatic experience of my life I can’t believe that the standard is so low these men think that once I agreed to meet for a date and a causal chat that it’s a relationship most of the time they didn’t even want a chat just sex I’m upset and disgusted even thinking about it there is no respect morals I like men’s company but I’m more than careful to show my friendly nature to men because here in Ireland they take advantage so easily they always seem to have an agenda I’ve lived alone for too long during that time I’ve invested in my personal growth and I’m hopeful th at I will meet a good man for friendship at least thank you for your very informative video
I have a male friend who talks non stop. Incessant babble. He talks so much and so often that most times it's stories I've already heard 8 times, about people I don't know of events and things that happened 20+ yrs ago. It's exhausting and is the main reason I turn him away and limit visits with him. It's boring, dull and tiresome. I've said to him that sometimes it's nice to sit together quietly while watching a movie or whatever, to be able to follow the plot and concentrate but he just starts right back up.
@ ninjacat508. Hi. I'm. Leslie. You know I like to talk a whole lot I am a very outgoing person. And I 😊really would enjoy talking to your talkative friend is there anyway that you could give me his cell phone number so I could talk to him? I really love to talk and I would love and appreciate and need to talk with somebody who loves to talk. I'm very outgoing and I really do enjoy people's company!😊😊😊. Please message me back as soon as you can!. And I would appreciate it very much if you would message me. Thank you. Love. Leslie❤😊❤
Thank you for sharing such beneficial info Plz could you talk about maintaining the spark in the relationship after it gets cold, as the couple become so used to each other
His examples of toxic femininity are off. The things he listed are character flaws and can be found in both genders. To me, toxic femininity is pretending to be helpless and acting girly to the point of ridiculousness, instead of taking an interest in learning how to do things for oneself. Granted, if the toilet overflows and the guy passes the cleanup onto the woman, he isn't any kind of a man. I was married to an alcoholic and he fooled around on me, but I give him credit that he did dirty jobs like that. A woman should pay attention, though, when a man fixes things, so she can learn how to do them herself, in case he isn't around. Maybe on a work trip or the relationship ended. It is actually very fulfilling for a woman to know how to do the harder stuff, so that she isn't helpless.
I listened to this 3x back to back, thanks. I need to work on a gew of these but mostly have them under control. Something on men who keep placeholders would be good to learn on.
I bailed after random bitter man came on and said "a woman will give up on a relationship like that" while snapping fingers and "you can't trust modern women".............this type of broad generalizations undermine your credibility.
I have a friend that's super toxic. She has dated a ridiculous amount of men. 1 thing makes woman ugly to men - outward appearance. She gets guys because she's pretty. Most guy's aren't that deep.
When you said something took you “35 years to figure out “❤Nice to find out your age, I just turned 37. WOW you look sooooo young, like I would think maybe 26…must be your cuban genes 😂
Why did you put in that video with the old man at the 4 minute mark?! It’s like you added him in to say what you want to say but you didn’t cause you don’t want to seem like the bad guy. That wasn’t nice of him saying you can’t trust modern women. The playing field with BOTH men and women are F**** in today’s world. You come across as unbiased but then you add in a video like that.
I want all of you to listen to different perspectives, especially from content that guys consume out there. I think you can learn more that way.
I think he was just showing what information guys are receiving which can be toxic and lend to some of their perceptions and behaviours towards women and about relationships.
@@1trueloveforever agreed. First he says that women shouldn't have a victim mentality and then we get some older guy saying such an ignorant statement as "modern women can't be trusted" which puts all the blame on them. SMH
I agree. Pure misogyny from an Incel. It's not a perspective. It's woman hating from the type of guy I'd NEVER be attracted to.
@@1trueloveforever I hope your right
You forgot always being on your phone talking, texting, or checking social media. This goes for women and men.
You're absolutely right! Constantly being on the phone or social media can definitely impact the connection between partners. Both men and women need to be mindful of how much attention they give to their phones and focus more on being present with each other. Balance is key!
1) proving him wrong, 2) driving a larger vehicle with a bigger engine, 3) going around him when hes driving 20 mph under the speed limit, 4) not putting up with childish and irrational behavior, 5) obvious insecurity issues in him. Just a few things about men that they don't like getting called on. Yes, these fit someone i know. Hes got a lot of growing up to do. Thankfully I already found my husband and hes a wonderful one.
Its too much work to "attract" a man. I am too busy earning a living and being independent. I have no.time for all the effort and games. At tlhe end of the day 60% of men would rather make it work with a loose woman than a good one. Ive seen it with my own eyes. Fact
But have you also seen the other side, which is vice versa. If so, why trust the worst version
thats rather true and im sure its happened to most of us but thats why standards and boundaries exist. if you have to wait for the exact or close to dream person you should and it’ll be worth it in the end because thats what dating is all about right? removing the wrong weeds and planting in flowers so they can eventually bloom. its all a process of life 🌸
If u were that busy, i think u wont get a need to think about this video, or watch this video. Somewhere in the corner of mind u have the feeling to attract someone. Isnt it true?
Because of unfinished business. Good guys will tend to have bad women and vise versa... It's not bad to be yourself and have your stuff together. But as somebody who had the same mindset until my early thirties, I can say that you probably lie to yourself. Of course, you want a partner but not settle for the minimum and that's a right mindset. But on the other side, if you find a guy you need to let your guards down otherwise you won't ever find the real deal. Should you do it with the first guy who shows interest? Of course not... but to be the total independent woman won't attract a real honest man. And I'm not talking about finance. It's small thinks like... iniciate a date or let him do you a favor or something like that. I guess you had bad experiences and put your walls up... I'm happy married and watch still these dating advices for entertainment and you can still learn new stuff (which really help me back in the day). And funny thing is that I understand them now way better than back in the day. I have met guys who have been the worst but also some who have great qualities but not for me. Men are struggling as we women. My husband had also bad experiences. Girls who only want his money or breaking up because of stupid reasons. We are all at the same boot. Just need to find each other... wish you all the best ❤
Oh girl shut up , you sound dumb as a rock. And your whole INDEPENDENCE nonsence will go out the window when your old and alone
I don't envy the young people of today, that's for sure. They follow bad examples and it never occurs to them that a lasting relationship is not about sex. They dump the other person at the first sign of trouble. The basis of a happy relationship is trust, respect for each other, honesty and a lot of 'work' to make it last. I know because my husband and I have been together for 41 years and the love never ends.
Because some seek pleasure as the culture says to them
some seek meaning.
@@alenaadamkova7617 Absolutely!
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I'm in a wrong generation. I'm 35 yrs old and single because I'm looking for a true connection and love like my parents.
@@alenaadamkova7617 Yeah, but pleasure & meaning does not need to contradict with. I could not have any meaningfull relationship or marriage with someone I am not enjoying to be in bed or the sex just simply does not taste! I would feel like I am lying to them, and i would absolutely have to in order to be with them. And who want to be lied too about their attraction? No , absolutely fake idea! You have to love this person and you have to love how he is touching and loving you otherwise you are just being fake und making the other person unhappy.
What a beautiful and inspiring story! Forty-one years of love and commitment is truly something to be proud of. You’re absolutely right-trust, respect, honesty, and effort are the foundations of a lasting relationship. Your example shows that real love is built over time and through hard work.
I am a lady and agree with all your pointers. It takes a woman who is internally healed inside to listen to this without getting triggered. Thanks for a fantastic video.
This guy is gas lighting and blame shifting. I've never been in a relationship, so I've got nothing to heal. Observing how sneaky this dude is doesn't mean I need to heal from anything.
Victim mentality
You love male validation
Using the past as ammunition
Poor choices in friends
Toxic femininty
Talking nonstop
Excessive drinking and partying
@@teresamagnussonHmmm... but why do you react like this? And why healing from a relationship? It needs a healthy, as in based, confident individual to not be triggered...
I’m so glad you resonated with the video! Healing and self-awareness truly allow us to listen and grow without feeling triggered. It’s empowering to embrace these lessons and apply them to our lives. Thank you for sharing your perspective! 💫
Number 1 habit that makes men unattractive to women: telling them how they should act and look.
Guess what? We don't care anymore. Like Popeye, we are what we are.
i *have* worked on myself a lot - and it is extremely difficult to find men who have done that amount of work too plus are courageous and fun to be with and empathic. plus attraction need to be possible to evolve.
these men *are* rare. you are not a woman, you don't experience all the bs and childish behaviour.
and yes, i like to have fun and being silly too. but i can't go under my level, i just don't feel attracted by men like that
Word!
THIS! most modern men are scum, yet they rely on us women to do all the emotional work.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I can personally tell you that the more self-aware and mindful you become, the fewer people you’ll be able to align with. However, once you find the right crowd, the connection is better than anything you’ve experienced before
@@SaveTheMessenger that would be amazing to find those kind of people
@@SaveTheMessenger Thank you for the reply, Ismael. It is true what you say (even if the way to these right crowds can be rocky sometimes). And i find it is all about chosing the right people and cutting out the wrong ones... For example, i decided to only work for a company that has a higher purpose and is very well rated by the employees. As a result i feel better than i've ever felt in a company before.
Good evening to you and everyone reading!
ofc there are good men but i why would i change myself to something im not, for a man? ill lose myself, and i am more important than having a relationship with man. and also, nothing is forever but ill be with myself as long as i live. if i change, thats for myself, but i wont give up precious things about me for something temporary. and a real man will love for the way i am, and if that man doesnt exist ill be fine. not everyone is ment to have a partner.
Exactly!! 👏👏👏
I don’t think he meant it as changing fundamental things that make yourself “you”, but more about working on yourself to become an enhanced version of yourself. A better you. We all should try to improve over time. And when that happens, that might attract a better man for you (if you choose to be in a relationship).
@@Ella-g6s if you change yourself for a man your only hurting yourself. Anytime you feel you have to change for a man, that is the answer to if this man is right for you. If you proceed with changing yourself it will most likely crumble and then your left lost and picking up the pieces of your heart. You need to go into a relationship so strong and confident in who you are that the guy knows what he is getting and you feel good even if the relationship ends.
i changed myself into better in order to attract a relationship and it worked. I did it for both me and my future partner.
@@jennalavena im glad it worked for you but that was not what i was talking about.
I agree that woman break up emotionally long before they cut it off, but that's because we still believe in potential. We still have hope for improvement a bit, but we're exhausted. We still love, and that love is hard to give up. I only know men who monkey-branch, but certainly there are women who do this, too, and I strongly believe there's some form of disorder in them. Personally, I don't have the energy to do any of this. I need time to recover because I would only leave a relationship if some form of abuse or other toxicity was involved that left me drained. I went on the healing journey after an abusive relationship and haven't met a man who meets my level in over six years since, but I honestly also don't put myself out there. People stumble in my life, I like them and make friends with them first... I find that safer to check for reliability and maturity over time.
@@SaraX2024 it’s important to realize that men are notorious for sticking around even if they’ve left in their mind and heart. I’ve seen so many videos of men confessing this because they want to see if they can find someone else first otherwise they will stick around and treat us bad until they find someone they feel is better. I have also experienced this in my own marriage before it ended.
have to be friends first, totally nonnegotiable
@@dmoody-hs7zj i agree i think women can leave whenever they want I've never thought it out in advance. Men are the clingers
Ah, usually it’s because we ar3 afraid to tell the man it’s over, especially if we live with them.
I think he’s saying to not be self-centered. Be everything you would like to have in a man: honesty, kindness, thoughtfulness, generosity, empathy, sympathy, interested in what is happening around you and in the world, enjoying the simple and little things in life. It’s only fair that if you don’t want a man who is self-absorbed don’t be that way yourself.
Oh my ex also used to talk non stop, its like he was afraid of 5 secs of quiet. It was a turnoff indeed
I experienced this recently with a guy I considered dating. I started being quiet and observant to discover I was a sounding post for him to talk At! Huge turn off! He keeps saying we should start a business yet shoots down my idea’s. I’m the one who owned a business for 20yrs but whatever….No thank you.
As a single woman who is nearly 64 I agree with all 7 and I also think not all men are the same as there r some lovely guys out there who just want to love and be loved just like we do
I completely agree with you! Age doesn’t define the capacity for love or the kind of person someone can be. There are wonderful men out there who genuinely seek a deep, loving connection. It’s about finding someone who values and respects you, no matter the stage of life. Keep your heart open-you deserve love at every age! 💖
1. Victim Mentality
2. You Love Male Validation
3. Using the Past as Ammunition
4. Poor Choices in Friends
5. Toxic Femininity
6. Talking Nonstop
7. Excessive Drinking and Partying
❤ Be sure to watch the entire video. He makes some valid points and offers helpful suggestions. I believe this video can help you in any relationships you have.
Forgiveness is a huge key for creating a better future for yourself and others around you. People in general will, at some point, upset, offend, or hurt us. This is where forgiveness is a major key to removing the anger ( even if the anger is justified), resentment and gudge - bearing we have. These negative emotions and feelings only hurt us inside & then will, in turn, hurt others. There are no winners there. In my own experience, choosing as an act of my will, (with sometimes little to no feeling of wanting to forgive because I've been hurt), but deciding to choose to forgive and verbalising it, has brought me freedom from all the negative emotions and has healed relationships, even if the other person does not change or even say sorry. I became free internally, from all the turmoil inside & free from all the built-up anger and resentment. I know sometimes this is a very hard descision, as some things done to us are so very wrong, but we do not need to allow the circumstance to steal yet another day of our peace and lives, by keeping us prisoner to hate, resentment and anger, instead, take back your life, be in control of your happiness and live free by choosing to forgive. I highly recommend it!
Thank you for leaving such an insightful comment. I hope others get to read it.
Forgiveness it supposed to happen, but having been married for 36 years to a narcissists' ( there is no repentance with a Narcissists' they are "always right" ) until it became physically violent...., When there is no repentance, there will be no healing of a relationship, no matter what the other person does.. Been there and experienced it..
I am a woman from a much different era, and I am so saddened what has become of the male/female dynamic. Please understand it has not always been this way. Know that in the last decade or two, women have picked up social norms that have literally brainwashed them into negative thinking about men. As well it has given women an overly elevated view of themselves. Learn to respect, yourselves and the other sex, give them that unless or until the respect is no longer earned.
Your outlook is very dated and negative toward women. Men have mistreated us horrifically in the past, for thousands of years, in large ways and small, and we have set boundaries. As we should. I am woman centered, not man centered, and I only support women who center women.
Your negativity toward women is unfortunate.
@teresamagnusson I'm a woman and the behaviour of a lot of women now is what is unfortunate !
@@ghound-md5eyOh no, women's behavior these days is exactly what's needed. Ladies, keep it going.
@teresamagnusson No, women's behaviour has gone too far.
Why should we expect respect if we don't give respect ?
That doesn't mean being walked over or badly treated.
Be the bigger person, decent behaviour has to start somewhere.
I don't think women who are financially independent care what men consider attractive anymore. It's a different time.
You had better say this! Men bring to much unhappiness to be trying to deep dive to get one locked in🙅🏽 Just forget it and keep making money, drinking water, and keeping a tight 🐱
That’s not true for most of us women! How depressing, and lonely life would be if we really only wanted money. Love, and family is the happiest life❤️🙏🏻
@ChrisJohns-xr8iv I agree, but what does being attractive have to do with that equation
@@ChrisJohns-xr8iv😂😂😂😂 over 60 women have lived a life, including marriages, etc. Most women have gotten over the need for a man!
Did you WATCH the video? He didn't refer to physical appearance at all. It was behavior, and honestly about being a decent human being to your partner. Even Lesbians would behoove themselves to follow this advice. What does being "financially independent" have to do anything? Are you suggesting if you're paying your own bills that you can be any kind of inconsiderate self-absorbed B*tch that you want? Am I misunderstanding you? You're drinking the "toxic feminist" kool-aid. Everything this man said are things I would look for in my own GIRL FRIENDS.
👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who ALWAYS blamed the guy (and everyone else) for everything that goes wrong and never considered their own behavior
👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who are constantly trying to get attention (and looking for male attention when you already HAVE a man is massively disrespectful to your man)
👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who constantly use the past as ammunition and never ACTUALLY forgave people
👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who talk bad about my relationship with my man like they have some kind of right to
👉 I wouldn't put up with friends who think trash talking other women and gossiping was an acceptable pass time
👉 And I have ZERO interest in friends who's preferred way to spend a Friday is drinking and partying. I don't drink. I don't "party".
Toxic behavior is toxic behavior. And those behaviors aren't "attractive" to ME, and that's just me looking for FRIENDS to spend time with occasionally. Let ALONE someone looking for a life partner they're actually going to be living with!
Based on this comment, you might need to reconsider what YOU consider to be acceptable behavior.
I'm my authentic self 💯 of the time. No smoke and mirrors bc it's a waste of time and I'm all about authenticity. No makeup/light makeup/dressed up/comfy clothes. I stand true to myself & have an open mind and heart. I have been celibate and single for almost six years by choice bc I understand I'm not for everyone. My body ya temple and bc I respect myself; the right man will appreciate who I am. I'm healed, but I'm not lonely just bc I'm alone. I understand my energy, time and body; aren't "for" everyone. I'm Imperfectly perfect and I understand that men, are also; imperfectly perfect. My clubbing and drinking days (minimal); are in the distant past. Thank you for your content.
It’s true-when we stop being our own worst critic and start showing up as our best selves, it radiates outward. Confidence and positivity make all the difference!
My ex husband tried to destroy me for hating my beauty, confidence, independence, artistical talents, professional success. I found out he was a covert narcissist and decide to take of me practising sports, dance. My mental healthy and beauty increased and his hate against me too. Then I had to fight to set myself from him and I knew the mask and lies would pop up. I am better without him and trying to heal from traumas. Narcissists never change, so do it for yourself.
I understood the inserted video not as an attack, but as an example of what we as women can come across like when we have this attitude. The difference was us listening to a man say it, which I think gives it even more power for us (men and women alike) to say to ourselves, "Wow, is that really what I sound like? That IS very repelling, I want to work on changing my perspective because I want a relationship with a good man."
I hate when women bash men in general because they are unhappy. I love good men…. They are frigging awesome…. I have never man bashed. But I respect myself enough not to put up with BS from anyone…. Recently married to a wonderful man but I warned him that I wouldn’t put up with BS and he believes me. He won’t either… we have our boundaries mostly set.
I actually watch your videos for maintenance on my marriage. It helps point out what or where I might be lacking and reminds me how my hubby might see things. 37 years of marriage, and yes, we are way more in love now than in the beginning. But I don’t take it for granted.
1:08 what I'm learning along the way is if you get triggered by something then most likely is being brought to the surface so it can be blessed and healed
I believe there are still men who have a beautiful soul out there that are incredibly amazing and knows what they wants. Men who are kind, generous, thoughtful, considerate, loving, sweet, provider, emotionally intelligent, and smart. And I deserve to be with a man who have those characteristics aforementioned. Manifestinggggg ✨️🤞🥰
These same things are unattractive in men too. Pretty universal.
Yes not news to me - think he’s just trying to make a name for himself really. Influencer type perhaps. Looks too young to be adequately covering everybody IMHO.
Every thing you said is true. We don’t have close friends, if we have an issue we talk to each other.My man is my King and I am his Queen. We can be in the same space in silence with no issues. We respect each other boundaries. Game playing is just a waste of time and energy.Selfish self centred women need to understand that looks fade,therefore they need to learn that a good relationship works when you put each others needs before your own.❤
Wish you were around when I was dating, growing up without a positive male influence, and a mother who picked a toxic crazy kind of love with a man who was an alcoholic and didn’t want children taught me a lot of confusing things that played out when I started dating. I hope those that come to your channel pay close attention, some will, but the ones who need it the most have crossed wires, and see from a very unhealthy perspective, and it’s all about perspective. Thank you!
Thank you Ismael. I really appreciate your YT-videos. Regarding these 7 habits, I feel guilty regarding 1 of them, and that's number 6. I met this amazing man three weeks ago. He asked me out, and we saw each other a couple of times. He even introduced me to his mother! I don't know what happened to me when hanging out with him, because I talked so much when being around him. I talked about private and sensitive things like politics and spirituality (he is not spiritual). I guess I just felt safe with him, and felt that I could trust him, which made me more social and talkative than normally. He even told me that I talk too much twice... He broke up with me the other day... So yes, I've now learnt my lesson to be a better listener and not talk that much with a man!
You usually only talk too much to a man if you're not saying what he wants to hear or appear more intelligent than he is. If hes not spiritual, he's already an idiot because we obviously live in a spiritual world. Men dont like women who are more intellectual and in tuned than they are. Dont believe me, do some more research on them and you will see for yourself.
I love your videos, Ismael. They are highly relevant for high-quality, emotionally mature women.
I am 56 and have been single for almost seven years. I decided to take a break from dating and work on myself, trusting then and still trusting that I would attract the right man at the right time when I was doing something I loved.
I love myself and my company so much that I'm cool either way, being single for the rest of my life or meeting a wonderful guy.
Reading some of the less favourable comments, I notice a lot of resistance. 'Looking for', 'finding,' and 'trying' do not belong in the same sentence as 'relationship,' 'life partner,' 'incredible man,' etc. Those words imply a degree of desperation for an intended outcome. Desperation usually involves compromising values, and once that happens, everything goes downhill.
So, in support of Ismael's philosophy, working on having an incredibly loving, nurturing and pleasurable relationship with ourselves is the best investment of our time and energy.
I completely agree with you. When we focus on self-love and growth, the right person will naturally align with us. Desperation never leads to the right outcome-it's all about being whole and happy in our own company first.
Everyone is different, every relationship is different, and men need to feel needed, valued, respected, the provider
I see way more negativity from men about women on social media. Men will make degrading comments about women looks, or call them names like ,she’s a Karen. Maybe women talk more about men to the men in their lives instead. In any case, as usual, men like to blame women for anything & everything instead of taking some responsibility in relating.
Im an INTJ so not sure if ill ever find anyone. Men are intimidated of me and will not approach and i will assume they're all taken. Being independent is very threatening for most guys it seems.
I for one am tired of internet dating and all the has verbs that were, most of which are narcissistic. And then you find the nothings of life… sigh… we women are tired of all that! It’s better to read book at night and enjoy that! No one has the energy for hastles anymore..love your posts though!❤
Reading books is definitely soothing.
As a married (34 yrs) woman, I can confirm that this man is right. Me and my husband definitely had our rough spots in the relationship and it took some serious counseling, but we BOTH worked on ourselves, and we both got to become way better persons. Now I can honestly say that both my husband and I don’t have to worry about toxic masculinity or femininity anymore.
This is helpful and I see mistakes I am making in your list that I must attend too. Thanks
I love watching your videos. Wish I was 30 yrs younger seeing this information. Probably would have saved me from all my heartache. Great stuff.
I really appreciate your feedback. It’s never too late to learn and grow, though. I'm glad the information resonates with you and can hopefully help others avoid similar heartaches. Thank you for watching.
💯 😝
But hey, at least we grow and learn from our own experiences!
Dear Ismail, I often strongly agree with what you have got to say. I like your choice of words and the respectful tone you use to present controversial topics. You honestly pull off difficult parts with ease. Hats off to you! However, I don't understand why you appended that old man's video. What he said most of it didn't make any sense. I can call him a liar or biased at best. I can support my opinion when I have seen good women being abandoned by men after using all their resources and left alone to raise their children and men going behind whores to say the least!
What I like about you sir is you don't always talk about one side of a relationship I think it helps everybody learn although you're mainly trying to teach the women so they get someone they can respect and love. Thank you
I know that there are wonderful loyal men out there & I'm working on myself to attract an amazing loyal man into my life! 😉
❤
I wonder if you'd consider removing the bell tone from yiur videos. Every time i hear it, I think someone's at my door 😊 Its a bit of a distraction from your wonderfully informative messages. Thank you for all you do to help us!
Spot on! You did very well at the outset to show the male counterpart negative behavior. I heard a great quote this week: "If something costs you your peace, it is too expensive!" As a guy, I always considerg how I can contribute and make a woman's life better. I do not get that impression from most women's online profiles.
Thank you. I'm glad the point resonated with you.
Good points. Thank you.
The forgiving part I have trouble with though.
How about he says, apparently this old mistake is still hurting you. Is still unresolved. Appararently I have not demonstrated to you beyond doubt that I am no longer the person who would do such a thing. I have learned.
How about, if she cannot just let it go, he recognises that he has not given her the actual signal that he has learned and transformed.
Just letting go of things that hurt, when he gives you reasons for these painful memories of how he has behaved in the past, in the present moment again and again - that would border on doormat-ing.
He hurts you, he repeatedly acts in ways that stir these memories up and upset you, and all he has to say is "will you forgive me already, or youre unattractive you know".
I agree, forgiveness needs real change behind it. Actions speak louder-don't settle for less than you deserve.
Your videos are so helpful for me! I'm a single 31 year old woman and these vids have me reflecting a lot on my nuances and becoming more self aware. Thank you so much Ismael
Thank you for your kind words.
From Grandma-Your incite is definitely great "how to be a respected lady" advice, & no Im past that "looking" stage yet appreciate your content. Bravo!
Your advice is spot on. As an older woman I am continually taken aback by the negative attitudes toward men by young women who seem to think they are somehow victims of virtually any man in their environment. This nonsense about how authentic women are and how horrible it is that maybe some changes or character development is necessary in order to meet the right man is the dumbest thing women hold dear. We accommodate our female friends and family quite willingly, so why not extend the same attitude towards the opposite sex? This strident woke feminism is the greatest barrier to good and lasting relationships. MEN ARE HUMAN BEINGS TOO! I believe that being open, friendly, accepting, and understanding leads to good relationships in our families and social circles, as well as in romance/love/marriage. Get over yourselves, ladies. And for heaven's sake, develop not only an attitude of tolerance, but a sense of humour!!
I believe that there are amazing and wonderful men out there and i deserve to be with a mature man 😊
Absolutely. You definitely deserve a fulfilling relationship with a mature and wonderful partner. Staying positive and open-minded will lead you to the right connection.
I agree with all 7 points, #4 is a key to a deeper relationship with anybody.
Oh, thank you for sharing these. I'm so glad I have none of these habits. I used to gossip and share some problems with my best friend.. but I think that it came to an end.
very good list, its a good place to work on yourself. Even if you dont meet your dream guy, you would have evolved as a person working on your list. thanks.
This isn't a video about how to get someone, but how to better your life. All these advices help us to become a better version of ourselves, in my opinion
Thank you. I truly appreciate comments like yours.
Hey. I came up with an idea. PLs make a video about ways to restore trust and if it is possible or not
Noted. Thanks for the suggestion.
@@SaveTheMessenger welcome
@@yamaha3859 I am not the host of this video but I just wanted to add my 2 cents if you will. I think in order to restore trust you have to look at the persons character who hurt you. You need to know if they are sorry because they love you or if they are sorry because they got caught among other things to begin with at least.
@@dmoody-hs7zj thank you
Wow, Ismael you were talking some sense into me need to work on 1 and 3. I thought I was healed you scratched some scabs off thank you
New knowledge unlocked ✅
Yes Ismael, you’re right, I AM holding on to the resentment I felt years ago, and NO I can’t let go of it and we have a non existent connection because of my resentment. But I can’t let go of him telling me totally out of the blue on my wedding day that if I have an affair he will kill me and no one will ever find my body, and I can’t get over that when we had sex together for the first time he told me I had “sex like a slut “ even though he was my first boyfriend and I had never slept around (im not THAT sort of girl)..your are right Ismael, I can’t forgive, and am still holding onto resentment as those incidents feel like yesterday even though they were over a decade ago…he wants to start afresh, and he wants me to forget it all…but his in maturity repulses me and I’m planning to leave…he will never grow up and those incidents had too great an affect.
Oh my dear I am sorry you had to go through this. I sincerely hope you consider therapy. You deserve to be happy and harboring resentment may be robbing you of true happiness. You deserve to be happy. Please think about speaking to an unbiased person as Ismael says as this may give you the clarity you need for you to be able to experience true joy in a relationship, if it's meant for you 🙏
Good for you…. God be with you and make sure you are safe. 🌺🙏🌺
@@lynneakalynno thank u
@@WorstDruidEU thank u
@@chelseaananda2831 thank u
Your last tip was so sincere for a woman's life
Very good video. A major turnoff for me is....nails. I don't like talons or claws.I think they are unsanitary. Short nails with a clearcoat . Less is more ladies.
@ michaeldinardo2519❤
@michaeldinardo2519❤. You know. I'm. Leslie. And I like having very clean short nails with a clear coat. I hate lon nails. I'm a very feminine woman . And I was wondering if you are single?. Are you. Available. And do you have a cell phone number?❤
I'd say I struggle with number 1 having bipolar disorder and being hospitalized a couple of times, but not because of men and I do keep bringing up what this guy did, at the hospital of all places he's moved on to I think a fiance so it could be time to let that ship sail or just let it go because I have no proof of it, and I'm never going to and I don't want it anymore either him or the proof without him 💔
Not everyone comes into a relationship perfect or willing to be perfect according to a man’s idea of the perfect woman. In the future I see relationships and marriage being a thing of the past. Men will never stop trying to change women into a fantasy woman instead of learning to accept and love a woman just as they are. Men whine they don’t want to be generalized, well women don’t either. As for the talking, men never stop mansplaining not ever!! They talk through movies, over top of a woman speaking. I only get to talk around my husband when he finally takes a breath.
ok.... but what are we talking about? Loving somebody or analyzing a product to buy? I mean, when a person truly loves somebody, this means accepting flaws .. and not only enjoying the good sides... come on, nobody is perfect... of course each of us is trying to get better and become a better person, but we are human! We have flaws, women sometimes talk too much or get anxious, and so what? A man who truly loves a woman will accept the little flaws, the imperfections, the ugly sides.... or else, it's not love in the first place.
I agree. And a woman will accept the little flaws and imperfections in a man as well. It seems like there are many women who demand everything and get upset when the tables are turned. That's not going to work.
I hate to say this, but he's right. My husband (now ex) had best friend bartender who always put his negative 2 cents in where it didn't belong. But because they were friends, it sabotaged our marriage. He'd ask personal questions after his wife left him. He made negative comments (even though he was the best man at the wedding) at the reception. It was obvious he was jealous. But, you can't tell my ex that. He felt since they knew each other so long, that he cared about him. Just wanted the best for him, but what a mess he caused. My husband believes he's happier now with the 10 year younger girl thanks to bartender BFF's suggestions. Yes, the guy's best friend could be RUNNING/RUINING your relationship. Be on the lookout.
Your husband is probably happy now. You sound like you’re not taking any accountability for your failed marriage. Stop blaming the bartender.
@@Gotoworkkk We don't know what went on that marriage so stop assuming. Some men do tend to listen to their friends more than their wives. It sometimes happens as early as the dating stage. And some people just don't like to see others happy if they're not happy so it could well be like she described it. You get vindictive people out there who will go to great lengths to ruin perfectly healthy relationships and get away with it.
The surrounding has soooo much impact on the relationship. If your partner gets told again and again that you’re this and that, you can do whatever you want, they will side with the other person.
I respect all that you shared in this video, thank you!
I really appreciate the priceless effort u put in those videos !! Finger crossed from Morocco
Thank you! I guess I’m on the right track.
Talking non-stop is a sign of neglect, i.e., a person has never been listened to in his childhood.
Are you a single man❤?. Or a married man?. I am a single woman looking for a single man to talk to.❤
@@leslieiris7093 No, I am a single woman.
I'am a woman, and it was myself who fucked up the relationship,
I agree with everything you said on this one. And I want you to know I ruined my life by asking the wrong people when I was having trouble with my fiance. There were two miserable women with their husbands one was divorced which was my mom and dad newly divorced mind you... I should have never married him I'm still suffering 20 years later I'm working on it though to be willing to fall in love with the right man
I have a simple (not really simple) question... if we are not supposed to use dating apps because they are toxic and we are not supposed to go to bars because you are not going to find substance there, where exactly are we supposed to go and do? I don't live in a huge city with cultural happening going on in the evenings... my choices are stay home on the sofa or go to a bar.... I don't even drink alcohol. I do try to find activities that don't involve bars, but frankly where I live most of the affordable fun stuff at night is at bars... from Drag Shows to karaoke and I even have tried bingo.... still single after 3 years (after being married for 24 years) I've dated, but those men where not really into relationship... they just wanted sex. They held on long enough to get it and then moved on... and those are the best of what's out there. I think after all I have seen, I'm choosing to stay single.... not just men have become toxic, but people in general have become toxic and have forgotten how to talk civilly to each other... I miss the early 1990's when things were easier.... where you could go to a bar and dude wouldn't assume that you are there just to get laid. Would have a conversation with you and you might even go out for coffee afterwards. Now if you don't want to "do the deed", they are not interested... I usually get a guy to leave by saying I'm looking for a relationship with commitment... best man repellant ever... and that is exactly why both sides are miserable. 🖤🖤🖤
Good advise. Thanks
How would you consider a man who never notices a positive change in you, like a new haircut, a new outfit? He never says a word and it is strangers who compliment you. He never communicates, he's just silent. And because you bring up talking, silence is gold but sometimes to eat in silence, to sit in silence, to drive in silence is frustrating and drives you mad. Then I talk because he doesn't. So what is right and what is wrong?
I know there are great men out there and one of them is looking for me.
LOVE THIS VIDEO, as well as all of your others. Thank you Ismael for all of your help and advice! Greatly appreciated! As someone who, I think, is old enough to be your mother, I have to add, you're sooo cute to look at and listen to...making it even more enjoyable! 😘 Well done working hard on your own continual self-improvement, as you have explained in other videos.
Thank you so much for the kind words and support. I’m really glad the videos have been helpful to you. Self-improvement is a lifelong journey, and it’s great to hear you’re enjoying the content along the way.
I just ended things with a guy because he never stopped talking! So I can relate! And his drinking. So it goes both ways. Among other things. Just not compatible. Doesn't have to be anything more.
I didn't expect this from Ismael.. Girls, be yourself and love yourself, don't change for a man. No man is perfect and you shouldn't be. You will have to get used to their flaws and they will have to get used to yours. I have a friend who likes loud and energetic girls. He will rather get bored if you watch a guide on the Internet and specifically restrain yourself from dialogues.
You can be loud and energetic and still be okay with silence when needed. Also, like some women who like short guys, that's not wrong, but you need to understand those are exceptions. The majority prefer taller guys. Like I said, many guys mentioned that as a turnoff, so I’m just passing along the message.
Fantastic explanation 👌👌
I know there are wonderful men out there. I have had many as friends and my dad was one. That said ... :) ... men who tell me what is "wrong" with me (inconsistent or I would consider changing) and how I need to please them ... Having a dad I looked up to made it a double edged sword. I wanted to meet a man who "liked" women. My dad liked women, as friends, as themselves, in a purely platonic way. It was disappointing ... My father always said my mom was his best friend and life partner, LONG before "partner" was vogue.
Very helpful!
what the fuck, brutally honest, i like it😂😂😂I like the most number 4 ,6, and 7 with those i very agree, thanks for your time and lovely video, big hug
“Birds of a feather”. If the friends are bad, even one close one-and this is extremely true for men too-do not get in a relationship with that person.
What do to if you were manipulated into a relationship you never wanted in first place but after that the person cheated you?.... If the answer is forget about that, forgive him, do self care, eventually maybe the pain decreases or get used to feel the pain that it feels normal but deep down everyone expects an apology from the person or an karma in front of their eyes.... Is it wrong or right?
Thank you! 🙏
If you NEED a life or relationship coach , you are beyond help. Exactly what qualifies someone to be a " coach"
I know where I haven't kept it together enough and didn't give on the level I wanted to recieve! Thanks for the advice!!
Great topic, thanks for sharing. 👍🏼
I came back to live in my home country of Ireland after my divorce dating has been the most. Traumatic experience of my life I can’t believe that the standard is so low these men think that once I agreed to meet for a date and a causal chat that it’s a relationship most of the time they didn’t even want a chat just sex I’m upset and disgusted even thinking about it there is no respect morals I like men’s company but I’m more than careful to show my friendly nature to men because here in Ireland they take advantage so easily they always seem to have an agenda I’ve lived alone for too long during that time I’ve invested in my personal growth and I’m hopeful th at I will meet a good man for friendship at least thank you for your very informative video
I am very curious about the male perspective, and like how you formulate and present it! Great content :)
I have a male friend who talks non stop. Incessant babble. He talks so much and so often that most times it's stories I've already heard 8 times, about people I don't know of events and things that happened 20+ yrs ago. It's exhausting and is the main reason I turn him away and limit visits with him. It's boring, dull and tiresome. I've said to him that sometimes it's nice to sit together quietly while watching a movie or whatever, to be able to follow the plot and concentrate but he just starts right back up.
@ ninjacat508. Hi. I'm. Leslie. You know I like to talk a whole lot I am a very outgoing person. And I 😊really would enjoy talking to your talkative friend is there anyway that you could give me his cell phone number so I could talk to him? I really love to talk and I would love and appreciate and need to talk with somebody who loves to talk. I'm very outgoing and I really do enjoy people's company!😊😊😊. Please message me back as soon as you can!. And I would appreciate it very much if you would message me. Thank you. Love. Leslie❤😊❤
Hi Ismael
Thank you - I am learning a lot ❤ Thank you
Love from Denmark👍🤗🤗
Thank you for sharing such beneficial info
Plz could you talk about maintaining the spark in the relationship after it gets cold, as the couple become so used to each other
His examples of toxic femininity are off. The things he listed are character flaws and can be found in both genders. To me, toxic femininity is pretending to be helpless and acting girly to the point of ridiculousness, instead of taking an interest in learning how to do things for oneself. Granted, if the toilet overflows and the guy passes the cleanup onto the woman, he isn't any kind of a man. I was married to an alcoholic and he fooled around on me, but I give him credit that he did dirty jobs like that. A woman should pay attention, though, when a man fixes things, so she can learn how to do them herself, in case he isn't around. Maybe on a work trip or the relationship ended. It is actually very fulfilling for a woman to know how to do the harder stuff, so that she isn't helpless.
I listened to this 3x back to back, thanks. I need to work on a gew of these but mostly have them under control.
Something on men who keep placeholders would be good to learn on.
3x??
Is that even available??
Glad you found it helpful. It’s great that you’re already working on these.
Wow! its irony, that I do not have any of these toxic signs but still i'm single 😮
Who cares if he finds a woman attractive....or not.
I find these are so chauvinistic it's not funny.
Be yourself, if he doesn't like it , move on.
I have been single for 10 years, without hook-ups. I know I have failed in relationships.
I bailed after random bitter man came on and said "a woman will give up on a relationship like that" while snapping fingers and "you can't trust modern women".............this type of broad generalizations undermine your credibility.
I have a friend that's super toxic. She has dated a ridiculous amount of men. 1 thing makes woman ugly to men - outward appearance. She gets guys because she's pretty. Most guy's aren't that deep.
Lol, i am in my 60"s and find your tips about men excellent. Thank you.
I'm so glad to hear that.
Ty 4 this important info 🙏
1:55... I'm going to have to marinate on this one🧐🤯❤ thank you so much!
Let it marinate, but don’t let it pickle.
When you said something took you “35 years to figure out “❤Nice to find out your age, I just turned 37. WOW you look sooooo young, like I would think maybe 26…must be your cuban genes 😂
Thank you so much. Age is just a number, and it’s great to connect with others on this journey of growth.
Smart ! Thank you from France .