My sister is a therapist and was chatting to her about a difficult meeting I had and she talked me through TA and the drama triangle. Wanted to learn more and this video was really informative and has absolutely shone a light on the situation - it’s taken the emotion out of it and I have a better understanding of the roles we were playing and hopefully I’ll be more aware next time. Many thanks.
@OatSharpener Thanks. TA's metaphors've transformed my relationship into a vastly drama-free zone. I'll admit drama used to feel 'exhilarating' to a degree - that heightened state, with more at stake. But the stuff it blocked - the genuine intimacy, fun, love, laughter - that's since come through shows the thinness of drama like nothing else.
Many years ago TA was the first model that was ever presented to me when I began studying counselling (part of my post-graduate training as a Health Visitor in the UK). It has been probably one of the most useful models I have come across, and I still sing the praises of this concept that so ably simplifies the complex interactions we find ourselves in when trying to communicate. Of course it was only the beginning, but for me a great place to start.
@@johnathanparker2182 I'm a fan of Carl Rogers....The person centred approach. Self actualisation theory and self realisation. A personal journey of discovery with guidance and empathy to explore potentially risky and unsafe territory.
What I like about TA, is that it is a simple enough theory that's accessible to ordinary people who are not formal students of psychology, yet have an interest in relationship dynamics. I'm loving your series on this compelling subject!
I just love this series! I first saw it in a counseling psych class, and it sticks with me. It's so easy to see how we fall into roles and before we know it, the transaction is complete. Awesome explanations!
Holy shit. I really need to get into the habit of reviewing these every six months or so. I really could have used having this stuff fresh in my brain in February. Damn. Would have helped a lot with navigating a recent clusterfuck.
This series is teaching me how much emotion I have involved in everyday transactions between people and how its been holding me back from true understanding and progress
I wish my therapist had explained these clearly. It's so useful to be given all these tools during therapy itself, but I still feel fortunate to have come across someone who was doing TA whilst looking for psychotherapy as I wasn't even aware of the model prior to that. Eric left behind something really beautiful!
I've been watching this channel for months and only just realized this video is twelve years old. I thought it must be a relatively new channel because the info is so currently useful, and the style the videos are done in were obviously ahead of it's time.
Aviel Menter- totally agree! I am writing a sitcom and my immediate thought was this would be perfect for coming up with story conflicts and and analysing present sitcoms. Love it.
@foolnwhat Something I hoped would come through in this video in particular is the value the positive aspects of controlling, nurturing, adapted and free styles of being. If we were Adult all the time, we'd be missing out on so much.
This is an old comment but thank you for this, I was feeling like perhaps those states weren't the best response compared to adult. But yes, everything in a case by case basis, it's more important to be aware, considerate and healthy I guess.
How did you do it? I get put down at work all the time, they seem to hide it behind being "caring", I am the youngest and they act like I can't do things right by default, but I started to see behind it is just that they wanna be more important and belittle me...
Very informative, smooth, and well explained, totally life saver for someone examining in TA with poor lectures and bunch of mixed up slides that made me lost, REALLY THANK YOU! BEST ONE WHO EXPLAINED IT ON YT!
Thanks a million. I needed to see this. My toxic game player used me like this. Desperate problem, what do you think? I gave him my top three definite solutions. He dismissed them all in the manner you mentioned then combed every family member of his, taking each one's advice. When exhausted, he took the advice of friends, co-workers and then even casual acquaintances like strangers. Finally, when it was all over, he tried one of the options I gave. The turn around was immediate. He then said how stupid they all were and how smart he was because his idea which he came up with all on his own was the only one that worked. The other such game he plays goes by he needs ideas in planning a wonder project and my opinions count. I tell him all and he dismisses them off one by one and complain why they'll be no good. Afterwards, he does his own structuring and boasts, despite what outcome. He has to show off his work to everyone, especially me. Now I tell him upfront why I have no ideas he can use but he will not confess to his games. We need to escape these toxic people, else we'll end up insane.
Did you ever think what he actually wanted was for you to listen to him and support him? could it be that Your ego was bruised when he refused to awknowlege you know best?
Great Vid, interesting idea about unplugging. I often contemplate becoming a recluse as it seems the world and the people in it run on games. It seems to be the way to make and keep friendships, by being willing to play anothers games !
@kendrawhisp The video isn't saying these are always the dynamics in a scenario where A constantly rejects B's 'help'. The video is just showing an example of when it is. Let's face it, sometimes B will hit on the solution. Sometimes A will bring B up to speed on what they've already tried. But when it's a constant pattern between two people, the video suggests looking at whether a game's being played.
I really enjoy the learning with these presentations. I feel that they are the clearest and most effortlessly descriptive help guides on the site. Thank you very much TheraminTrees Clint
I really like this one best. It's helped me realize how I get myself caught up in these games in my own personal life. And now I realize sometimes I'm the one starting games and I don't really want to subject people I love to things that are such a waste of our time, life's short enough. But I've been really analyzing my own behavior lately and am learning much more about what's going on below the surface here. Really appreciate this whole series, Thanks!!!
Theramin... Each of these videos are eye opening for me in MANY relationships. From casual acquaintances, to my relationship with my parents and significant others, even to my peers, elders, and teachers. Thank you.
It's videos like this which endear me to the internet so much. I love listening to, and reading the thoughts of people more experienced than I. To have such an accessible forum for this at my fingertips makes me ecstatic I live in the era I do. I also feel i should continually thank you for your impeccable delivery of raw, beautiful knowledge. It's the least I can do.
It seems like a lot of thought has been put into how the information in the videos is presented. The branching out of information presented is handled elegantly. It makes the flow of the video easy to follow. Well done!
You have put together a really good way of teaching TA. I hope you won't mind if I say one or two things about the content. The difficulty with this teaching on ego states is that the Structural Parent and Child ego states are past. Current thinking is that Adult is Integrating Adult. This is where we integrate the best from our parents and significant others or where from our own childhood. The Integrating Adult is here and now. Therefore if we are here and now we will be in a mindful place and can decide how to act and what behaviour we need to take. When we are not mindful we can move into a regressed state and this is unhelpful for effective communication. Some people call the model which has Critical and Nurturing etc. as behaviours the Functional Model because this is how we function. We (Mountain Associates) have developed the OK Modes model which is based on the OK Corral. This clearly delineates the Structural Ego State model from the Functional Model as ours replaces the latter. In the old model of Functional Ego state it was unclear why, when Parent and Child are historical, we would want to go into those to deal with communication? We only do this if we are in script. When in Integrating Adult we are able to deal in the here and now and act appropriately. We cannot actually tell if someone is in Structural Parent or Child unless we do four types of diagnosis and we often don't have contract for this. In the work place it's not very appropriate to ask someone if this is how they did it as a child or how their parents did it! Therefore using the OK Modes model is more appropriate as we only work on two assessments: social and behavioural. For further explanation of the OK Modes model just go to our website and look under TA - though these are text descriptions and not excellently presented teaches like these.
awesome video. One of the hardest things I find is to figure out that indicator when a game is starting (which is when I think it is the easiest to stop it). They can sneak into conversations very easily, and you find yourself at the end wondering how you got there. Great series. I look forward to more!
Its been a wild ride figuring out how to be a basic human, let alone be a good one. This is helping me understand exactly what I don't understand and how to comprehend it to ask.
P-P is complementary - you can see in conspiratorial conversations like: A: 'What is this rotten country coming to??' B: 'I know - shockin ain't it!' Transactions are crossed when A's ego state is aiming at a different ego state to the one B is in, eg: A: P aiming at C B: P
Can't tell you how much this has helped me. Thank you so much for putting these videos up. Plus it's no hardship to listen to such a lovely voice ;-) Thanks again.
Very well done. It`s interesting how by spending a bit of time working on yourself you can see your own faults and those in others as well. BUT the important thing is to realize that we all have issues and no to take it so personally; often times they aren`t doing it on purpose and don`t even realize what they are doing. That is what helps me. Another great video. Cheers! Papa
@CounsellingResource Thank you. I think TA has some incredibly valuable thinking tools to offer - even when I'm not using TA terms explicitly with clients, it informs my relationship dynamic/responses hugely.
First, excellent series. I find it very educational and engaging. Second, having seen several of your other videos, particularly some of your rebuttals, it seems that you owe much of your approach to these discussions to TA. Or at least it seems that way as you explain it. Thank you for sharing this lecture and helping us to consider how to improve our communication, persuasive abilities and interactions. TH-cam needs this instruction sorely.
I know this is an old vid, but I just discovered this channel and am devouring every video. It informs so many things I knew parts of with new knowledge and makes them more easily understood and conveyed, but also informs me of many things I hadn't heard of. Great all around. For example, in his Infantilization vid (I saw that and his attacking ideas vids first before diving in), both my girlfriend and I saw things that our parents had done/still do, her far more than I. But at the same time he mentioned "parentalization", but only in passing. Thinking about what that might mean, it occurred to me that she also does sometimes get thrust into the parent role, either because hers are too incompetent or unwilling to do adult things that need to be done, especially in their finances. I was confused at first how they could infantilize and parentalize at the same time...until I started watching his TA vids, and understanding the switching between ego states (at least that's what I assume is happening, please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm still learning). And now the 2nd vid above is showing me more on that, in a scary way. Not only do I think her mother switches between ego states, thus explaining the variations in behavior, but he showed how both sides can be used in a positive or negative way...and I think her mother uses the negative way of both sides of both parent and child. The worst way to handle a situation is usually what happens, and I'm beginning to understand why more deeply than just "She's a narcissist". Thanks for your easily understandable explanations, and keep up the great work.
@AnDr3W91 'Are there more videos about this?' -Yes, this is the second part of a series. I've not heard of 'Fable'. But then my gaming essentially extends to 3 Super Mario Wii titles - although the orchestral score for that game is spectacular. The music in this video is an original piece that appears in full in another video called 'Transactional Analysis series music'.
I think I'm going to not watch any more of your series until it's all done. Watching one then waiting a week for the next one to come out is torture. I'm loving the series so far. After watching this video, I've realized that this is the kind of thing you don't think about until it happens, then a light goes on and you suddenly realize you're playing a game with someone.
@nemo3590 The first two are a reworking of the old three with some new emphases, and I wanted to extend the series to include some comment on online gaming and the TA of religion.
It’s really useful to have things I kind of hashed out by myself over a long time clarified like this. Also interesting to recognize the life positions of a lot of people I’m close with suddenly and realize ways that makes sense of what seems like sudden and confusing personality changes… like people in an arrogant position tend to stick to their guns, people in a futile position will always wind up on the victim side even if it means going hard in the opposite direction of previous stances they held, people in a depressive position like me may change positions a lot to conform with the latest information they’ve gained but only after grappling with it and usually fail to apply it to themselves. I’m OK, You’re OK position is a more balanced state of being since the few people I see who are there, are open to change but never dramatically, and aren’t prone to self-destructive behaviors as a result of compliance.
@TheraminTrees It went very well. Later she told me that she had been struggling all day the urge to justify her claims of helplessness, but that she had been unwilling to. By calling her on her child state, and openly asking her to relate in an adult state, I save her and I both from acting out a useless game that would only have enforced her unrealistic world view. The idea of TA has helped me to start bringing out a set of reflexive thoughts to the conscious level.
@ChaoticSupernova I kind of structured the series on the hoof as I was filling in the video description to the trailer - just started writing the tltes for TA videos I hadn't done but wanted to do. The first three were planned, then two extra. But people'll be bloody sick of TA if I go on after that! ;8)
I read the book 'I'm OK you're OK' in my early teenage and it did a good job in helping me, important to note is that I did not have access to therapy and this book was the closest.Now after listening to these videos, probably under the current state of being, I'm receiving the concept differently and would want to say that seeing a therapist is crucial to those considering self-help...
TheraminTrees - as an atheist do you find watching the TV Show Lucifer a comedy riot act, or just plain stupid. Oh, and I bet the psychiatrists of America must have complained bitterly over Lucifer's sexual liaisons with Dr. Linda Martin (Rachael Harris), his psychotherapist - not that I believed any would. :)
@tinySpectacle 'TA also seems like it might be a good way to reveal the psychology of characters in fiction.' -Hey Lo ;8) I thought I'd replied to this! I wanted to say I can completely see the value to literature that you highlight - a way of analysing characters/interactions from the readers' point of view, as well as constructing them from the writers' side. As you say, especially with the split gamey stuff and those juicy ulterior motives.
@kendrawhisp 'if i asked someone to help me, and they said well what do you think you should do, id say i dont have a scoobies, what do you think' -And I'd say, 'I don't know'. If you wanted my help, I'd expect you to give me at least some input on what you'd already tried, etc. Without that I'm in danger of wasting my time going through a ton of Yes, buts.
I had an interaction with someone who, when they seemed to be giving up on trying to defend their claim, gave me an "I'm sure you're a real smart fella (but)" sort of line. Nevermind that we were probably in some game in the discussion already, but that line made me aware of that slippery feel that I think you were talking about.
This is so fascinating: Personally it hits me like a moment of good literature, making me reassess, see things in a new and inspiring way. TA also seems like it might be a good way to reveal the psychology of characters in fiction. I can see these ideas wandering into a lecture to help students understand characters' interactions and, thus, overall themes. Especially with the "games" idea, my mind is a buzz with stories where characters use these interactions. Very cool stuff.
@Hythloday71 'It seems to be the way to make and keep friendships, by being willing to play anothers games!' -I think there's a lot of truth to that. And it would be interesting to see correlations between particular games and particular people who play them in one's life. TA's transformed some personal relationships that where previously destructive. But also led to a lot of unplugging from intractable game-playing.
@AnzaBrush 'Are there problem sets somewhere, to test my understanding of TA?' -Hello Anza. Thanks for your message. Hmm. None that I'm aware of. Though it does seem to be the type of subject that generates all kinds of resources. In TA Google searches in my time I've come across slide shows and all sorts. ;8)
@ZebaSzp Absolutely - another kind of Switch! In theory any combination of V, P and R Switches are possible. Like A rescuing B, feeling sorry for them going to all that fruitless effort: 'Aw .... well, you tried.'
1of2 This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I was explaining exactly this but with a good cop bad cop variable injected into the game. The owner of the Lab was tryn to instill fear as a strict abusive parent & the Lab foreskin was the parent that was tryn to help us out of "our invintory lab supply Problem". The owner was "So upset,Angry & disapointed that he could not talk to us in person" & could only write a Hate filled letter . I told my co-workers that nothing was at stake except.....
Ye, I can see that analogy. And I guess a further analogy with that movie comes in the idea of being caught in a dream within a dream - so that one should be wary of escaping one game only to find oneself in another.
@FilthyIcon Thanks Filthy. ;8) I do want to keep a fairly steady momentum with the series. Next episode'll have a slightly bigger gap before uploading due to time factors this coming week.
@bunnygotfree Thanks bunnygotfree. It's funny you should mention narcissistic traits. I've just been dealing with a narcissist of unexpected proportions - proportions that only fully revealed themselves when all other alternatives were unsuccessful and it came time to unplug. It was like a psychotic break. I think narcissists are a minefield of games - exacerbated by their denial of flaws/responsibility. I wish you well!
@spanky1113 Thanks Spanky. I often think a kind of mist descends around games - we've played them so many times, but still feel so surprised that things went that way again.
Interesting ideas!! I'll have to pay more attention now to these types of games and use the tools you have given to deal with them! :-) I'm enjoying this series! I'll be checking back often so I don't miss it! xoxoxoxo
Man....i've been in so many arguements and fights because i understood what was going on and i remained in the Adult state. Didn't know this entire proccess had a name. It can be really tiring seeing right through this while the other party keeps leeching energy. Either that or my autism doesn't care about other people's emotional well being.
@porrophagus It could get immobilising couldn't it - the potential for endless analysis. Speaking personally, I've found it's come naturally with experience/practice. Like juggling - especially like juggling with two significantly different weights, where at the start the heavy one gets more attention. Eventually, with practice, the body finds its equilibrium. I've found the same to be true of information processing when it comes to juggling acting and observing.
It’s 2021 and I’m still watching this series regularly.
Me too. 2022.
@@dmrenterprizes4101 That's awesome.
@@dmrenterprizes4101 Located in South Florida?
@@Frankienoname0 No. Kingston, Jamaica.
It’s 2023 and I just found this incredible information!
My sister is a therapist and was chatting to her about a difficult meeting I had and she talked me through TA and the drama triangle. Wanted to learn more and this video was really informative and has absolutely shone a light on the situation - it’s taken the emotion out of it and I have a better understanding of the roles we were playing and hopefully I’ll be more aware next time. Many thanks.
Great to hear! Good luck!
@@TheraminTrees is this slide deck available? It would be a wonderful resource to have
This video series isn't just to identity these problems with other people, it is also to help one reflect on how they interact with people in general.
I need a lot of reflection for sure.
@OatSharpener Thanks. TA's metaphors've transformed my relationship into a vastly drama-free zone. I'll admit drama used to feel 'exhilarating' to a degree - that heightened state, with more at stake. But the stuff it blocked - the genuine intimacy, fun, love, laughter - that's since come through shows the thinness of drama like nothing else.
This may prove to be among the most valuable series on TH-cam.
10/10
Many years ago TA was the first model that was ever presented to me when I began studying counselling (part of my post-graduate training as a Health Visitor in the UK). It has been probably one of the most useful models I have come
across, and I still sing the praises of this concept that so ably simplifies the complex interactions we find ourselves in when trying to communicate. Of course it was only the beginning, but for me a great place to start.
Are there any other models you liked?
@@johnathanparker2182 I'm a fan of Carl Rogers....The person centred approach. Self actualisation theory and self realisation. A personal journey of discovery with guidance and empathy to explore potentially risky and unsafe territory.
@@viviencounsellmitchell7466 Uff, seems interesting. Thanks for the reply!
What I like about TA, is that it is a simple enough theory that's accessible to ordinary people who are not formal students of psychology, yet have an interest in relationship dynamics. I'm loving your series on this compelling subject!
I watch these about once every six months so I don't lose hold of what I've learned.
It's the new year. Time to watch all of these again
I feel the same about self-compassion. It "slips" a bit a the year goes by so every January I refresh
Yea some us need to stay mindfull because the harmed child in us is strong
I just love this series! I first saw it in a counseling psych class, and it sticks with me. It's so easy to see how we fall into roles and before we know it, the transaction is complete. Awesome explanations!
Holy shit.
I really need to get into the habit of reviewing these every six months or so.
I really could have used having this stuff fresh in my brain in February. Damn.
Would have helped a lot with navigating a recent clusterfuck.
Clusterfuck???
Apparently, I don’t get out much often...
Boy do I know the feeling.
Not only can I relate, but whew - the comments thus far shockingly revealing, given the context of the video.
(Yes, I know mine is as well.)
This series is teaching me how much emotion I have involved in everyday transactions between people and how its been holding me back from true understanding and progress
I wish my therapist had explained these clearly. It's so useful to be given all these tools during therapy itself, but I still feel fortunate to have come across someone who was doing TA whilst looking for psychotherapy as I wasn't even aware of the model prior to that. Eric left behind something really beautiful!
just found this channel on my recommended what a gem
A complex subject , beatifully presented - especially the persecutor/victim /rescuer ever-changing positions within a destructive relationship
I've been watching this channel for months and only just realized this video is twelve years old. I thought it must be a relatively new channel because the info is so currently useful, and the style the videos are done in were obviously ahead of it's time.
Aviel Menter- totally agree! I am writing a sitcom and my immediate thought was this would be perfect for coming up with story conflicts and and analysing present sitcoms. Love it.
@foolnwhat Something I hoped would come through in this video in particular is the value the positive aspects of controlling, nurturing, adapted and free styles of being. If we were Adult all the time, we'd be missing out on so much.
This is an old comment but thank you for this, I was feeling like perhaps those states weren't the best response compared to adult. But yes, everything in a case by case basis, it's more important to be aware, considerate and healthy I guess.
This definitely helped me some time ago when I had to stand up to harassment at work
Let me guess, a woman?
How did you do it? I get put down at work all the time, they seem to hide it behind being "caring", I am the youngest and they act like I can't do things right by default, but I started to see behind it is just that they wanna be more important and belittle me...
Tell us more Michael:
@@pianogram7280 I think it's best to stick calling abusers abusers. This isn't gendered problem. Abusers are the real problem, not their gender.
Thank you so much for your videos sir. They help me more than you can imagine.
Very informative, smooth, and well explained, totally life saver for someone examining in TA with poor lectures and bunch of mixed up slides that made me lost, REALLY THANK YOU! BEST ONE WHO EXPLAINED IT ON YT!
Thanks a million. I needed to see this. My toxic game player used me like this. Desperate problem, what do you think? I gave him my top three definite solutions. He dismissed them all in the manner you mentioned then combed every family member of his, taking each one's advice. When exhausted, he took the advice of friends, co-workers and then even casual acquaintances like strangers. Finally, when it was all over, he tried one of the options I gave. The turn around was immediate. He then said how stupid they all were and how smart he was because his idea which he came up with all on his own was the only one that worked.
The other such game he plays goes by he needs ideas in planning a wonder project and my opinions count. I tell him all and he dismisses them off one by one and complain why they'll be no good. Afterwards, he does his own structuring and boasts, despite what outcome. He has to show off his work to everyone, especially me. Now I tell him upfront why I have no ideas he can use but he will not confess to his games. We need to escape these toxic people, else we'll end up insane.
+Meena Ali Very liberating when you identify a draining game and stop playing it, isn't it.
Indeed!
Alia Meen ï
Did you ever think what he actually wanted was for you to listen to him and support him? could it be that Your ego was bruised when he refused to awknowlege you know best?
Yep! That's just another game within a game.
Great Vid, interesting idea about unplugging. I often contemplate becoming a recluse as it seems the world and the people in it run on games. It seems to be the way to make and keep friendships, by being willing to play anothers games !
@kendrawhisp The video isn't saying these are always the dynamics in a scenario where A constantly rejects B's 'help'. The video is just showing an example of when it is. Let's face it, sometimes B will hit on the solution. Sometimes A will bring B up to speed on what they've already tried. But when it's a constant pattern between two people, the video suggests looking at whether a game's being played.
why vedio is not in english
Wow this is so interesting!!
Your videos are like therapy for me. I'm addicted. Please keep learning and imparting your knowledge!!!!! It is desperately needed.
I really enjoy the learning with these presentations. I feel that they are the clearest and most effortlessly descriptive help guides on the site. Thank you very much TheraminTrees
Clint
I really like this one best. It's helped me realize how I get myself caught up in these games in my own personal life. And now I realize sometimes I'm the one starting games and I don't really want to subject people I love to things that are such a waste of our time, life's short enough. But I've been really analyzing my own behavior lately and am learning much more about what's going on below the surface here. Really appreciate this whole series, Thanks!!!
This channel is such a gem.
Thanks for these videos. Really brought to my attention some of the destructive behaviors I had been exhibiting. Gonna focus hard to change it.
This will help me so much to deal with problems and stress from work teams in school. Thank you!
Theramin... Each of these videos are eye opening for me in MANY relationships. From casual acquaintances, to my relationship with my parents and significant others, even to my peers, elders, and teachers.
Thank you.
It's videos like this which endear me to the internet so much. I love listening to, and reading the thoughts of people more experienced than I. To have such an accessible forum for this at my fingertips makes me ecstatic I live in the era I do.
I also feel i should continually thank you for your impeccable delivery of raw, beautiful knowledge. It's the least I can do.
It seems like a lot of thought has been put into how the information in the videos is presented. The branching out of information presented is handled elegantly. It makes the flow of the video easy to follow. Well done!
You have put together a really good way of teaching TA. I hope you won't mind if I say one or two things about the content.
The difficulty with this teaching on ego states is that the Structural Parent and Child ego states are past. Current thinking is that Adult is Integrating Adult. This is where we integrate the best from our parents and significant others or where from our own childhood. The Integrating Adult is here and now. Therefore if we are here and now we will be in a mindful place and can decide how to act and what behaviour we need to take. When we are not mindful we can move into a regressed state and this is unhelpful for effective communication.
Some people call the model which has Critical and Nurturing etc. as behaviours the Functional Model because this is how we function. We (Mountain Associates) have developed the OK Modes model which is based on the OK Corral. This clearly delineates the Structural Ego State model from the Functional Model as ours replaces the latter. In the old model of Functional Ego state it was unclear why, when Parent and Child are historical, we would want to go into those to deal with communication? We only do this if we are in script. When in Integrating Adult we are able to deal in the here and now and act appropriately.
We cannot actually tell if someone is in Structural Parent or Child unless we do four types of diagnosis and we often don't have contract for this. In the work place it's not very appropriate to ask someone if this is how they did it as a child or how their parents did it! Therefore using the OK Modes model is more appropriate as we only work on two assessments: social and behavioural.
For further explanation of the OK Modes model just go to our website and look under TA - though these are text descriptions and not excellently presented teaches like these.
awesome video. One of the hardest things I find is to figure out that indicator when a game is starting (which is when I think it is the easiest to stop it). They can sneak into conversations very easily, and you find yourself at the end wondering how you got there.
Great series. I look forward to more!
Its been a wild ride figuring out how to be a basic human, let alone be a good one. This is helping me understand exactly what I don't understand and how to comprehend it to ask.
Hows the journey going?
P-P is complementary - you can see in conspiratorial conversations like:
A: 'What is this rotten country coming to??'
B: 'I know - shockin ain't it!'
Transactions are crossed when A's ego state is aiming at a different ego state to the one B is in, eg:
A: P aiming at C
B: P
Can't tell you how much this has helped me. Thank you so much for putting these videos up. Plus it's no hardship to listen to such a lovely voice ;-) Thanks again.
Very well done. It`s interesting how by spending a bit of time working on yourself you can see your own faults and those in others as well. BUT the important thing is to realize that we all have issues and no to take it so personally; often times they aren`t doing it on purpose and don`t even realize what they are doing.
That is what helps me. Another great video.
Cheers!
Papa
These videos are so amazing. Very well packaged and informative. I can't stop watching them
This has helped me realise a few things about myself, thank you.
@CounsellingResource Thank you. I think TA has some incredibly valuable thinking tools to offer - even when I'm not using TA terms explicitly with clients, it informs my relationship dynamic/responses hugely.
First, excellent series. I find it very educational and engaging. Second, having seen several of your other videos, particularly some of your rebuttals, it seems that you owe much of your approach to these discussions to TA. Or at least it seems that way as you explain it. Thank you for sharing this lecture and helping us to consider how to improve our communication, persuasive abilities and interactions. TH-cam needs this instruction sorely.
I've read "Games People Play." Your structuring of explaining ego states and games have made my reading easier.
I know this is an old vid, but I just discovered this channel and am devouring every video. It informs so many things I knew parts of with new knowledge and makes them more easily understood and conveyed, but also informs me of many things I hadn't heard of. Great all around.
For example, in his Infantilization vid (I saw that and his attacking ideas vids first before diving in), both my girlfriend and I saw things that our parents had done/still do, her far more than I. But at the same time he mentioned "parentalization", but only in passing. Thinking about what that might mean, it occurred to me that she also does sometimes get thrust into the parent role, either because hers are too incompetent or unwilling to do adult things that need to be done, especially in their finances. I was confused at first how they could infantilize and parentalize at the same time...until I started watching his TA vids, and understanding the switching between ego states (at least that's what I assume is happening, please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm still learning). And now the 2nd vid above is showing me more on that, in a scary way. Not only do I think her mother switches between ego states, thus explaining the variations in behavior, but he showed how both sides can be used in a positive or negative way...and I think her mother uses the negative way of both sides of both parent and child. The worst way to handle a situation is usually what happens, and I'm beginning to understand why more deeply than just "She's a narcissist".
Thanks for your easily understandable explanations, and keep up the great work.
This whole video is brilliant. Information I wish I'd known a long time ago
@pumkinpi2 Isn't that fascinating - and so open and aware of her to share that. Wow. Fantastic!
@AnDr3W91 'Are there more videos about this?'
-Yes, this is the second part of a series. I've not heard of 'Fable'. But then my gaming essentially extends to 3 Super Mario Wii titles - although the orchestral score for that game is spectacular. The music in this video is an original piece that appears in full in another video called 'Transactional Analysis series music'.
@Kabitu1 I did a degree in psychology along with several years of postgrad courses - about to start another 2-year course in September.
Awesome, insightful well explained videos, you should do this full time!
Absolutely love these videos. Trying to understand human behavior can often be exhausting. This explains it so simply. Thank you 🙏😁
I think I'm going to not watch any more of your series until it's all done. Watching one then waiting a week for the next one to come out is torture. I'm loving the series so far. After watching this video, I've realized that this is the kind of thing you don't think about until it happens, then a light goes on and you suddenly realize you're playing a game with someone.
Theramin Trees, you are AWESOME!!! I won't miss a video of yours. Keep up the good work. Please post the third video quickly :)
It is funny, I was just in the act of responding to a friend's invitation to play "rescue me, I'm helpless." Thank you for your timely post.
Everybody should watch this video and think about themselves... Thank you, Theramintrees!
Excellent series of videos on Transactional Analysis.
I recommend them to my students
@nemo3590 The first two are a reworking of the old three with some new emphases, and I wanted to extend the series to include some comment on online gaming and the TA of religion.
Link, again, you've made another EXCELLENT video. I've never heard of TA before, but find this incredibly fascinating. Great job.
It’s really useful to have things I kind of hashed out by myself over a long time clarified like this. Also interesting to recognize the life positions of a lot of people I’m close with suddenly and realize ways that makes sense of what seems like sudden and confusing personality changes… like people in an arrogant position tend to stick to their guns, people in a futile position will always wind up on the victim side even if it means going hard in the opposite direction of previous stances they held, people in a depressive position like me may change positions a lot to conform with the latest information they’ve gained but only after grappling with it and usually fail to apply it to themselves. I’m OK, You’re OK position is a more balanced state of being since the few people I see who are there, are open to change but never dramatically, and aren’t prone to self-destructive behaviors as a result of compliance.
Thank You Theramin, These are not only interesting but incredibly helpful.
@TheraminTrees It went very well. Later she told me that she had been struggling all day the urge to justify her claims of helplessness, but that she had been unwilling to. By calling her on her child state, and openly asking her to relate in an adult state, I save her and I both from acting out a useless game that would only have enforced her unrealistic world view.
The idea of TA has helped me to start bringing out a set of reflexive thoughts to the conscious level.
@ChaoticSupernova I kind of structured the series on the hoof as I was filling in the video description to the trailer - just started writing the tltes for TA videos I hadn't done but wanted to do. The first three were planned, then two extra. But people'll be bloody sick of TA if I go on after that! ;8)
I read the book 'I'm OK you're OK' in my early teenage and it did a good job in helping me, important to note is that I did not have access to therapy and this book was the closest.Now after listening to these videos, probably under the current state of being, I'm receiving the concept differently and would want to say that seeing a therapist is crucial to those considering self-help...
I need this video years ago. But now is good too. Thank you, very informative.
@LucidCatnap Thanks. And yes, I have a degree in psychology and anthropology.
TheraminTrees - as an atheist do you find watching the TV Show Lucifer a comedy riot act, or just plain stupid. Oh, and I bet the psychiatrists of America must have complained bitterly over Lucifer's sexual liaisons with Dr. Linda Martin (Rachael Harris), his psychotherapist - not that I believed any would. :)
'What font was used?'
-In this series, the font was PMN Caecilia.
It's 2024 and I'm so glad I found this channel
Thank you so much for making these videos. I can already see how they might help me in my work environment.
@tinySpectacle 'TA also seems like it might be a good way to reveal the psychology of characters in fiction.'
-Hey Lo ;8) I thought I'd replied to this! I wanted to say I can completely see the value to literature that you highlight - a way of analysing characters/interactions from the readers' point of view, as well as constructing them from the writers' side. As you say, especially with the split gamey stuff and those juicy ulterior motives.
Thanks. I'd recommend 'TA Today' in the video description - very clearly written.
@kendrawhisp 'if i asked someone to help me, and they said well what do you think you should do, id say i dont have a scoobies, what do you think'
-And I'd say, 'I don't know'. If you wanted my help, I'd expect you to give me at least some input on what you'd already tried, etc. Without that I'm in danger of wasting my time going through a ton of Yes, buts.
I had an interaction with someone who, when they seemed to be giving up on trying to defend their claim, gave me an "I'm sure you're a real smart fella (but)" sort of line. Nevermind that we were probably in some game in the discussion already, but that line made me aware of that slippery feel that I think you were talking about.
@Paxmax Thanks Paxmax
This is so fascinating: Personally it hits me like a moment of good literature, making me reassess, see things in a new and inspiring way.
TA also seems like it might be a good way to reveal the psychology of characters in fiction. I can see these ideas wandering into a lecture to help students understand characters' interactions and, thus, overall themes. Especially with the "games" idea, my mind is a buzz with stories where characters use these interactions. Very cool stuff.
right out of my mouth... at 2 a.m. in the morning!
@Hythloday71 'It seems to be the way to make and keep friendships, by being willing to play anothers games!'
-I think there's a lot of truth to that. And it would be interesting to see correlations between particular games and particular people who play them in one's life. TA's transformed some personal relationships that where previously destructive. But also led to a lot of unplugging from intractable game-playing.
Enjoying the TA series, cannot wait for the next video.
Thank you great upload for everyone.
Berne's books are among the most helpful self-help books I've ever read. Thank you for refreshing my memories on this vital concept.
What books are there
This is absolutely superb. Thank you
@AnzaBrush 'Are there problem sets somewhere, to test my understanding of TA?'
-Hello Anza. Thanks for your message. Hmm. None that I'm aware of. Though it does seem to be the type of subject that generates all kinds of resources. In TA Google searches in my time I've come across slide shows and all sorts. ;8)
@MrWisePete Thanks MrWise!
@bandreification 'One interpretation that works some of the time.'
-This isn't clear. What one interpretation?
@ZebaSzp Absolutely - another kind of Switch! In theory any combination of V, P and R Switches are possible. Like A rescuing B, feeling sorry for them going to all that fruitless effort: 'Aw .... well, you tried.'
Food for thought - seriously well done.
This is great. I'm really enjoying this series.
These videos are fantastic, thank you!!
1of2 This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I was explaining exactly this but with a good cop bad cop variable injected into the game. The owner of the Lab was tryn to instill fear as a strict abusive parent & the Lab foreskin was the parent that was tryn to help us out of "our invintory lab supply Problem". The owner was "So upset,Angry & disapointed that he could not talk to us in person" & could only write a Hate filled letter . I told my co-workers that nothing was at stake except.....
Watched it twice, as there is sooo much great stuff in there!
Thank you for sharing. great video. Helped me all the way to Turkey!
Ye, I can see that analogy. And I guess a further analogy with that movie comes in the idea of being caught in a dream within a dream - so that one should be wary of escaping one game only to find oneself in another.
@FilthyIcon Thanks Filthy. ;8) I do want to keep a fairly steady momentum with the series. Next episode'll have a slightly bigger gap before uploading due to time factors this coming week.
@bunnygotfree Thanks bunnygotfree. It's funny you should mention narcissistic traits. I've just been dealing with a narcissist of unexpected proportions - proportions that only fully revealed themselves when all other alternatives were unsuccessful and it came time to unplug. It was like a psychotic break. I think narcissists are a minefield of games - exacerbated by their denial of flaws/responsibility. I wish you well!
@spanky1113 Thanks Spanky. I often think a kind of mist descends around games - we've played them so many times, but still feel so surprised that things went that way again.
I really like the triangle visual you had in this vedio. really easy to understand
@Perroquet51 I agree. What say we ditch the TA and line up the dirty martinins, or what have you ;8)
This is a really good series
Thanks for contributing.
Interesting ideas!! I'll have to pay more attention now to these types of games and use the tools you have given to deal with them! :-) I'm enjoying this series! I'll be checking back often so I don't miss it! xoxoxoxo
Man....i've been in so many arguements and fights because i understood what was going on and i remained in the Adult state. Didn't know this entire proccess had a name.
It can be really tiring seeing right through this while the other party keeps leeching energy.
Either that or my autism doesn't care about other people's emotional well being.
@porrophagus It could get immobilising couldn't it - the potential for endless analysis. Speaking personally, I've found it's come naturally with experience/practice. Like juggling - especially like juggling with two significantly different weights, where at the start the heavy one gets more attention. Eventually, with practice, the body finds its equilibrium. I've found the same to be true of information processing when it comes to juggling acting and observing.