I have a better understanding of my own conquering of suicidal ideation after watching this video. I try to explain to other people how I was able to, through years of manipulation, discipline myself away from those comforting thoughts of killing myself and directly face the dilemmas I was anxious about. Even just one small step can start you off, even one little goal. I started with things like mouth hygiene, necessary after mild neglect from depression, and progressed with nightly bike rides. Years later, I'm finishing up a diploma and applying for a dream university program. Discipline with your thoughts is key, though. Obstacles will arise, as always. The difference in facing these obstacles with this switch of mindset is that now your health is an important goal to you. It can be hard to keep as the top priority, but the habit of thought will form if you keep at it long enough. It took me about 2 years to properly readjust. A side benefit - my raging anxiety slowly dwindled with this discipline as well. I now only have regular, old social anxiety instead of a constant soul-sucking impairment.
@@desonmonde4086 That is one of the practices or things you do to break from rumination is to take up a hobby, begin an exercise regime, begin reading a good book, watch a good movie. These distractions can help to break that loop of idealization.
@@desonmonde4086 That as well as a healthy schedule and creative outlets. I also started approaching feelings and unhelpful thoughts from a different perspective. I work towards bettering myself instead of giving into the very luring comfort of "I can just kill myself, none of this really matters."
I have a bad habit of imagining entirely fictitious conflicts with people: a perfect example of 'what if' scenarios. Works me up, makes me angry and accomplishes nothing except wasting time and energy. I think I can avoid those thoughts now. Thank you once again, ThereminTrees. 👍
Reminds me of James Stephanie Sterling literally dressing up in victorian clothing and pretentiously reading comments they've received that are raging, entitled, or smug.
I know a woman that had a interview once. She messed up the guys name. She did not stop (I mean did not stop) talking about it for hours because she was so embarrassed. I had to tell her to stop or she would have kept going. I never knew someone could be so horribly stuck in a thought. It's kinda scary.
th-cam.com/video/ouZrZa5pLXk/w-d-xo.html This video highlights the mechanism of similar behavior I have due to my ADHD. For the people I know like this, its not intentional, but if you are a people pleaser, feeling like you failed to please someone can feel worse when your trauma is rooted in ADHD. Suddenly forgetting a name associates it with all the punishment, abuse, and scorn you felt from forgetting things throughout your life.
Count youself lucky you dont have to deal with this. People dont just suddenly become like this. It's often things happened to them that made them feel insecure and such.
@@RonLarhz Its so bizarre to me. I've been embarrassed. I would think about it a little after and then randomly but to have it be your only thought for days...must be torture.
@@RonLarhz Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@Metonymy1979 Practicals are needed to reduce thought rumination. Change from within. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 10-15 minutes or more. Let thoughts come. Slowly negative thoughts will reduce and relax the mind. Whenever you are free during the day or night sit still for a few minutes and observe your breath. Being still reduces negative thoughts. Make it a habit. Do the above meditation regularly to have a good life. Read about the positive effects of breathing on the brain on google search. Best wishes and prayers. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.PracticalsPracticals
I could never reimburse the value that this channel has offered me. Thank you. So many videos on here have given me the ability to identify and translate many of the emotions and behavioral traits of myself.
Please read! I used to have a serious problem with rumination about embarrassing things I said in conversation. I would go over what I said again and again, and think of all the things I could have said, instead. A joke that no-one laughed at. An opinion poorly expressed. It seems like such a small thing, but it was a big problem for me. What I began to do was watch and listen to other people, and notice when they slipped up in similar ways (which, of course, everyone does). Then, I would pay attention to how much I care about their not-funny joke, or whatever. Of course, I didn't care at all. Why would I? Noticing this made it easier to see that my slip-ups go largely unnoticed, and I'm the only one who's ever worried. Now, what I do in these situations is watch and listen. Allow the conversation to move on, and continue to be a part of wherever it leads. Stay mindful. Stay in the moment. I literally don't have this problem anymore, and haven't done for years
This was what helped me get out of an anxiety rut. Realizing that I was holding myself to a standard higher than what people normally experience. Realizing that it genuinely is not that serious and learning how to properly gauge the seriousness of a situation without being blinded by fear and self loathing really put me on the right track.
What if you’re judgmental of other people’s slip ups though? I know you’ll say “stop being judgmental” or “be more compassionate to yourself”, but if this were easy, nobody would need therapy. What do you say?
Your channel has saved my brain after leaving Jehovah's Witnesses last year. Cognitive dissonance almost gone, still PTSD but less and less affected. Thank you!!!!!!!!
Stay strong. I also left, as soon as I turned 18. A long time ago now but it effected the way I saw the world and the choices I made, I snowballed in the wrong direction for too long. Education and books have been some of the most powerful tools for me. Your brain is amazing and can and will learn the more time and work you put into yourself. Best of luck!💕💖
@@Eddison33 As an ex-JW, in my opinion ex-JW/ex-christian/etc friends are just as important if not more. Having people that can't relate can make you want to shut off from them as they are not properly able to empathize and understand. It's for sure not their fault, but that will be a big gap that should be filled some way.
As someone with aspergers, I find myself stuck with ruminating about things already decades past. They suddenly hurt as if they happened yesterday sometimes, especially when I learn about how things weren't my fault, they were because of my condition or my parents lack of understanding and narcissism. I also find myself rehearsing conversations in my head over, over and over even if I shouldn't expect the topic to come up. It's so hard to relax, my head is constantly chewing on something.
@@RedPintura I find that treating them as solicitors helps; I politely tell them I don't have time to talk right now and to please come back later. It helps me at least put off thinking about it for a time, and for a few intrusive ruminations it has worked to stop them from recurring as frequently
I just want to say, given that youtube is flooded with atheist content that is arrogant, self-congratulatory and obnoxious, it's incredibly refreshing to see a channel as thoughtful, level-headed and actually useful as yours. I love your focus on helping people break free from abusers and the effects of abuse. This is possibly my favourite youtube channel and has been a great help in my life.
I never realized this was a problem for me. My boyfriend was sexually abused by a family member at a young age and since I’m unable to do anything as it was so long ago, I find myself often imagining scenarios of what I’d do if I saw the abuser. I always thought this was helping but it often just makes me angry and upset.
I was sехuаІІу аssаuІtеd by my uncle almost 3 years ago (which was not the only incident; that one just brought back repressed memories of him doing much worse to me when I was younger). the following few weeks consisted of me being constantly paranoid that he might decide to visit my house and that if I tell someone and he finds out he might decide to punish me... paranoid thoughts basically. I would lock doors everywhere just in case, if nobody else was home. I would constantly imagine scenarios where he might arrive and me successfully escaping him and locking the door before he gets to come in. it's been almost 3 years now and still I have similar ruminating thoughts like the previous one. nightmares that are similar to the ruminating thoughts (usually him chasing me or trying to trap me in a room; unlike in my thoughts, I would never get to escape him in my nightmares). it still feels like it happened yesterday. I never realized there was a name for these kind of thoughts until I watched this video.
@@larsswig912 God willl punish those who hurt you. Practicals are needed to reduce thought rumination. Change from within. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 10-15 minutes or more. Let thoughts come. Slowly negative thoughts will reduce and relax the mind. Whenever you are free during the day or night sit still for a few minutes and observe your breath. Being still reduces negative thoughts. Make it a habit. Do the above meditation regularly to have a good life. Read about the positive effects of breathing on the brain on google search. Best wishes and prayers. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.PracticalsPracticals
"Some people find it helpful to speak directly to the thought." I know these are serious videos, but the first thing that popped into my brain when I heard that was "BEGONE THOUGHT!"
Unholy Rat, Practicals are needed to reduce thought rumination. Change from within. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 10-15 minutes or more. Let thoughts come. Slowly negative thoughts will reduce and relax the mind. Whenever you are free during the day or night sit still for a few minutes and observe your breath. Being still reduces negative thoughts. Make it a habit. Do the above meditation regularly to have a good life. Read about the positive effects of breathing on the brain on google search. Best wishes and prayers. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.PracticalsPracticals
What I would give to have a therapist like you for my wife. Suffered seriously some of the most vindictive and prolonged abuse I've ever seen. Starting right from birth when she turned out to not be the son her mother had expected. It's difficult to get her to watch your videos when her traumatic episodes trigger, but I at least know strategies to help her through them, by watching them myself. Your ongoing series on abuse has been a literal lifesaver. Thank you.
@@Unsensitive Just like smoking dispite knowing the damaging effects. Social media and the dependence of gratification it creates is exactly like a drug, but dispite the popularity of smoking has going down after it was found out that it was damaging, mental health seems to be taken a little less seriously than physical health, so it remains popular.
Precise summary of present western society... both left and right. It's even hard to be in the middle, because we always end up talking about how nuts everyone else is. The nonstop grumbling and ranting all around us just accounts for that much of our daily input. .......So, anyone have any fun hobbies they'd like to share!?!?!?
@@davidk7529 i like parkour. Mentaly an phisicaly taxing. We normaly start with 20 minutes of balancing on hand rails. Great way to calm down and focus on the present. Then we practis techniques and in the end some force and endurance workout. I like parkour because i keep pushing my mental and physical boundries. I learned to be confident in my body and action. Team exerciesse help for social trust and conextion where politics doens't matter. It's great to push each other to new heights and see yourself and others grow over time.
Theramin Trees has been invaluable in my starting to recover from a religous childhood. I will forever be in your debt. It was the first set of videos I watched, regarding childhhood indoctrination, and, genuinely, you saved my life. I am 52, not been to church for 35 years and yet was drowning in the legacy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I work with children and teens in a locked psychiatric unit Because of the overt references to religious trauma I am unfortunately unable to use these videos directly when I craft therapeutic groups. Additionally, the framing is for adults rather than children, which makes sense But you always give me new ways to think about things. You're very gifted in conceptualizing and teaching hard to grasp and express psychological topics. I find this very helpful. Personally and professionally.
@@ringinn7880 While TheraminTrees is absolutely on the money, some people might take offense at the suggestion that their deeply held religious beliefs are a cause of their child's trauma. Sharing such "anti-religious" content might put their jobs or even their center at risk. I'm glad to hear they're finding a workaround--some of these beliefs and the mental illnesses they fuel are truly awful
yeah im sure the kids are labeled as crazy rather than seeing how society and their parents shun and shame them into a coma.. i remember how teachers would say i had behavioral problems to my parents like i would get angry too easily so obviously they wanted my parents to get angry at me and hit me to teach me not to behave the way they were ultimately teaching me to behave.. i mean how psychotic do a bunch of adults seriously need to be? and then they vctim blame their kids who are helpless to all the bs they get put through.. our society is one of the sickest abusive cultures probably ever..
A method I was taught to combat negative rumination was to imagine yourself in front of a production line, as quality insurance. Your thoughts are in boxes, clearly labeled, and they are coming from right to left. Your job is to not handle them, look inside, or anything like that- it's merely to see that the packaging is correct, that it's a thought. You send it off to the right, to be put into storage. It definitely takes practice but it's helped me calm down moments of panic or self-defeating mental loops- especially the fact that it takes all the 'butterfly thoughts' and puts them into a straight line. You can see how ridiculous the 'products' are you're checking when they're one-by-one, and send them off to be put in storage with a chuckle.
Without trying to sound overly dramatic, this is the most important video I believe I have ever personally experienced. As a "Roger", this really hit home in a powerful way. Thank you for all you do. All of your videos help so many people.
I needed this in my life. I have ADHD which exacerbates these problems and everyone will tell you that you need to stop thinking about the things that you cannot change but almost no one lays out the tools that can be used to accomplish this. I can distract myself all day but eventually these thoughts come back until confronted. There are a lot of things that I need to say to my abusers that I've never had the ability to say because it makes problems worse. I'm never allowed to speak my mind if I have something negative to say to my family. I can always put these thoughts down on paper, though. I've found that writing these thoughts down is a wonderful way to trap them in the paper so they no longer run around in my head so much. It's a stone upon which I can rest and collect my thoughts and come to some closure that I can't get from talking to my family. This is such a wonderful video and I am eternally grateful to you for creating it. Thank you
Omg that's why am here I have adhd too and it has messed up most of my relation ships, now am always overthinking stuff when I meet new people because am scared of messing up or talking too much... It's a mess
@@Jomabra4No actually it doesn’t. Saying that is insensitive, having a condition that hinders your ability to communicate/connect with people is hell. That doesn’t mean it’s an excuse, that means it’s a perpetual hindrance. Autistic and ADHD folks are prime candidates for trauma/mental illness
@CrystalRose1111 No, I don't think it's insensitive. A lot of people get diagnosed with a mental health issue (for me it was bipolar disorder, non agoraphobia anxiety, C-PTSD) and make it their whole personality without putting the work in to change what they can. I was diagnosed a long time ago and played victim or used it as an excuse to do nothing. Yes, I have those illnesses but I am not defined by those illnesses. It takes a lot of work to recognize behavior patterns and work around them.
These videos are so thick with revelations in my understanding I end up having to rewind and watch them multiple times. Even so, I just want to thank you, your videos have been a crucial part in turning around my life. I went through a cycle of Depression and Cronic Loneliness for 7 years, the entire time I thought it was just my failings and struggles in my mentality. However, your videos helped me realize that while my parents hadn't been intentionally malicious, their own mental health problems and my empathy for making those around me happy had destroyed me. My father's temper tantrums when things didn't go his way made interactions a minefield and failing to avoid them resulting in anger being directed at me that I could never handle. On my Mother's side, her moods and subtle manipulations to make sure things went how she wanted them to, resulted in me constantly guessing to understand what she wanted from me. As a result, I am always thinking about everything I saw and all the ways it could be interpreted in order to avoid these landmines, a life trapped inside my head and so exhausting that I avoiding everyone altogether. They are finally apart now and both much better because of it and me not being constantly in contact now that I'm almost 19. I was on the brink of suicide when I made the most dangerous deal of my life with myself, If things didn't improve I'd do it. This gave all of me a reason to fight to improve. Since then the old me has been slowly dismantled and I've carefully been constructing a new me for 3 years now, your videos have helped me avoid these traps and build a strong foundation of who I want to be and how I believe I need to think and behave to be that person. While everything hasn't gone smoothly and over a decade self-isolating tendencies have left massive social deficiencies, things have definitely gotten better for me and in no small part thanks to your guidance. From the bottom of who I am, thank you Link. I wish you the best in this world because, without you, I probably would still be stuck in that cycle of pain or gone.
Thank you for sharing your struggles, that is an important part of being free of these horrible aspects of life, that usually are supressed by the same individuals that make us feel that way. The biggest thing that they need to teach a child, is to how one should defend himself against their influence. Which is to only way to make yourself whole - finally get that sense of self, not being reliant of anyones opinions to live a life. Most people think they are good and wont do that to their kids, but somehow almost everyone get sucked in in that vortex of abuse. I think it's because parent/child relationship is partly artificial, because your child is not a part of self, and instilling some kind of affection or love to have some sort of control in rarely possible or people just dont bother, so the only thing that remains is abuse.
Right?! I watch a little and my mind runs off on a tangent and I have to rewatch the video 😂. I experienced some of what you described. You said you are 19?. If you are you have grabbed a hold of this rotten problem and drug it into the light and identified it. And much sooner than my old ass. You are making great strides early in life and I wish you the best. I too have struggled with suicide and I wish you well on that painful journey but you are strong and you will prevail.
I stand with you. I turned 19 recently and for the past nearly 3 years I've been stuck in abusive religious rumination. Such horrible concepts of hell have wheighed on me in such an inexplicavle way when I was 16. I though "how could it be that reality is ACTUALLY like this." Because of that, I basically challenged God in my head, digging into very complex philosophy and theology that made my head spin, way too much for my age. It put such emotional strain on me, trying to appease God while slowly losing faith as I was fighting to keep it. The only rest I could get was during sleep. All this by myself, telling absolutely nobody because I feared I might send others to hell if I didn't share God's message properly and instead denied him. At the same time, my father who I believe shows multiple narcissistic traits, constantly was the source of argument in the house. I have finally freed myself of ideology and am dealing with intense after effects. They are slowly improving, but it has left me failing my classes and unlikely to graduate this year. One thing I can say that I'm grateful for, through all that, is for my reinforced reasoning, vocabulary understanding and philosophical knowledge, and revelations about myself. I wish you the best and want you to know that I feel you, especially through such a developmental stage. 💜
Thank you. I am a chronic ruminator due to trauma and abuse and you have helped enormously. As an aside I am so glad you mentioned religious abuse and it’s twisted and skewed focus on “thought crime” and it’s goal of instilling anxiety and terror. Well said!!
Julie, Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. This could be life transforming. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@shyaaammeneen63 thank you 🙏 I will try this. I’m sure you are right as I did begin such a daily practice and I felt better but I was not disciplined to keep going. I will try again
This is one those videos that makes me cry tears of joy. Why? It feels like an understanding person offering concrete solutions to the very problem that I have had since the teacher, who almost drowned me and the one, who nearly made me leave school without graduation.
As soon as this video began, I found myself losing focus and wandering down the mental path to my usual unwanted ruminations. I had to stop, go back, and start several times again. I'll soon be 65, and I've been bothered by a legion of old ghosts pretty much all of my life. Great video. Thank you.
I used to do this with my bullies in high school - I actually remember telling myself "think it over and over to have a better comeback for next time" but of course it never worked, and you explained so thoroughly why. I still do it with family arguments now, and shaking myself out of this "rage spiral" is super difficult. I was told about the 5,4,3,2,1 technique, where I name 5 things I see, 4 things I hear, 3 things I feel, 2 smells and 1 thing I'm grateful for, and I recommend it, but trying remember the technique when you catch yourself in the middle of the spiral is the hard part.
I used to do pretty much the same. At first it was fun, but after just a couple minutes of that, it just becomes draining. I'm glad that I learn to move on from those memories.
Thank you for your channel. My brother and I are products of religious trauma and abuse. He introduced me to your channel and it helps us both. Much gratitude! Most if not all of the mental health practitioners in our area are religious and offer the same abuse and garbage as a cure.
Try to find a secular therapist that could really help you. Don't be afraid to ask the question before hand : Are you bringing religion into therapy? And if the answer is yes run away from this 'therapist'
I have found that this is far harder than people make it out to be. The process of observing when rumination arises and dismissing it results in willpower fatigue. While the thoughts are constant, your ability to dismiss them is finite. I assume the answer is finding activities that you look forward to/excite you/reenergize you so that willpower can be restored. Its just incredibly challenging when I feel like I struggle to get through every day, finding the time/motivation/energy to socialize or even just take care of myself is an afterthought that I struggle to make time for. Lets say your rumination is regarding people not liking you. You can assure yourself that this person didn't respond because they were busy/sick/their phone died/they forgot but this assurance ultimately requires a belief that the assurance is true which requires at least some instances where it is true. The issue becomes if your life is going through one of those challenging phases, then you may lose faith that the assurance is true which makes it ineffective.
I think a good strategy at that point might be something less ambitious, not so much arguing against but rather accepting that such an outcome is possible, and move on to consider the bestcourse of action to improve in that moment. In the situación you mention, this might look like ackowledging they may not like you as much as you want them to and maybe taking a nap because you are stressed and not thinking clearly. I have found my ruminations get longer when I try to solve things in the heat of the moment, but the fact is my state of mind is just not right to acknowledge a viable solution even if I come up with one, so it's more about coming yo terms with the way you feel un the short term first and how to approach that.
Perhaps try approaching it from a different angle - so what if people don't like you? Are they even thinking about you? What helped me immensely is realizing how little I even think about other people. If I don't like someone as a person, more often than not it's because they remind me of something I don't like about myself, not because they are unlikable. If someone does something I don't like, I remind myself that it's because of issues they're dealing with unrelated to me and it doesn't make them a bad person. Some people are very judgemental and negative, some people are very lax and detached. Everyone views you through the lens of their own experience as a human brain in a body, and you will never ever have control over what they think of you because you can't control the minds of others. This put me at great peace once I started to believe it and I care much less about what others think of me now. All you can do is be yourself because you're the only one you can control! Attaching the idea of 'liking' to yourself is no more helpful than a leaf on the ground worrying if you think it's pretty. It doesn't matter!
For me it helps to figure out, _why_ my brain is holding on to certain thoughtloops/fantasies. I keep arguing in my brain with my parents, _because_ I want them to understand me. But I will never get the understanding, so my brain is eternally occupied with running against this wall. Once I started accepting that I will always have these imperfect parents who are ignorant to my feelings and will never change, I was better able to look towards other things. Nowadays I have an answer once my brain starts fighting with my parents: I interrupt the argument in my brain and think "They will never understand, but I keep fighting because I deserve understanding. But I will never get it from these people, even if I fight. But I have X and Y in my life who do understand me, and most importantly, I do understand myself" It also helps to avoid triggers (I only to my parents about mundane things). And it's fine to sometimes slip up. Don't beat yourself up for falling into these loops again and again. That drains you even more. It's fine, and it will get better, if you take small steps.
Not going to go into detail with my own traumas, but I'm just here to say that the record skipping effect is such a beautiful artistic choice for this subject.
This video couldn't have come at a better time, thank you. I've spent the last year stuck in anger after being cheated on, stuck in a constant cycle of "what if" and "if only I had done x" and "I should have known" and "if I ever see her again I'll say x", which left me sick and trapped in my head. I've only recently started to do the work to break the rabbit hole thoughts. You put into words what I've been feeling for a long time. Thank you
Thank you for this video. Negative rumination is a dangerous gateway mindset to a variety of debilitating mental states. The distinction between abstract and concrete rumination is a useful way to consider if thoughts are going to be productive/welcome or not. Very thought provoking and useful content. No doubt this has helped a lot of people - a public service really!
I was the victim of an extremely violent crime a few years ago. I continue to obsess over the memories and the "what if." I work with a therapist 3 days a week and listen to this channel regularly and cannot express my gratitude enough for it. Your channel has helped me to make sense of it all and has allowed me strength to push through the horrible flashbacks and nightmares. You are helping people more than you could ever know. Thank you.
I really resonated with Roger's experience, and I appreciate the defamiliarization. It highlighted its destructive absurdity, and how many religions affect their members the same way as emotional abuse. For decades I lived in paralysing fear, martyring myself trying to pursue perfection and 'earn' forgiveness. But perfection is unattainable, and the goalposts keep moving. One day I just accepted I would never meet that standard. 'Que sera sera'. Instead I chose to follow a personal code of compassion and minimising harm, so I could know SOME peace meeting MY standards. In hindsight, I was 'outcome independent' - I accepted my suffering was not in my power to change, so I decided to do what I believed was moral for its own sake. My emotional wellness unexpectedly improved significantly. Pursuing 'goodness' in self-actualisation is FAR more healing than PERFORMING 'goodness' out of fear. It also was far more positive for those around me. It showed the philosophy was inherently self-defeating, and retroactively let me give myself the forgiveness I was never going to get externally. I couldn't rationalise my emotions out of it, but one day I had evidence it wasn't rational at all. Spirituality can invite self-reflection and may still offer us good things, but the one I grew up in didn't. Thank you both for the recontextualization, and also for providing actual closed captions.
Haha, I was thinking exactly that. I get so ridiculously excited, and then keep watching the new ones. It reminds me of when I was a child and bought a weekly comic then read it over and over until it fell to pieces.
I've always found the mindfulness thing actively makes my OCD worse, more thinking about thoughts is the last thing I need, yet so many sources seem convinced that it's 100% effective for everyone and if it doesn't help it's a discipline issue. The other strategies have all worked much better for me. It's nice to see multiple methods all listed out this way, like tools that might be more or less effective depending on the case, so many other writers would have just given one or two and then called it a day.
I really encourage you to try mindfulness meditation again at some point - the point of being "present" is to be disaffected by your thoughts. to "observe" them doesn't mean to think about them or engage with them, it's to acknowledge that they exist, they occur, and to just let them be *without* engaging them. I personally find it difficult as hell, so when I'm out of practice I will focus on my breath, sometimes counting each breath like (in 1 out 1, in 2 out 2). Focusing on not losing count is enough to keep me "present". I do lose count, and when I do I just start over or resume wherever I thought I was without feeling bad or like a failure, because I'm choosing to be kind to myself so I end up practicing that as well. I think people say it's a "discipline" issue but what they should really say is that it's about practice. I feel like the word "practice" loses it's meaning when discussing meditation because people hear "the practice of meditation" but I mean practice in a more fundamental way: doing something a lot of times in order to improve. Mindfulness meditation is extremely difficult without any practice just like running a marathon would be. Helps to start really small and build, when I haven't done it in a while I will only try to for 3-5m at a time, working my way up to 10 and finally 30. I find I can't spare much more than 30m to sit in quiet stillness on any given day, but when I get to that point I honestly want to sit in quiet stillness for hours.
@@yearofthehex With all due respect, you're just repeating the same things any guide to mindfulness meditation will tell you. I spent a good chunk of time practicing at it with professional guidance and still never felt like my overall state was improving, I think because traditional quiet relaxation techniques don't do much to reduce anxiety for me. Mostly at the end my heart was still racing and I felt like I'd wasted half an hour of my life. Focusing on activities- going for a jog or scrubbing the dishes or playing a high-octane game- both interrupts whatever loop I'm stuck in and gives my adrenaline an outlet, so I wind down more afterwards and returning to the thoughts holds less appeal. I found The Body Keeps The Score a really helpful read on that front, it was my first encounter with the idea that doing more "arousing" activities can actually result in less overall arousal once you finish. Anyway I certainly believe you that you find it helpful, and I'm sure it works for many people! I am in fact Clinically Weird about such things. But mental health isn't one size fits all and there are other options out there, which is exactly why I wrote the original comment.
@@0h0ur10 I identify a lot with what you're saying, I really enjoy 2 hour bike rides because the sensory experience is enough to distract my subconscious & allow me to "zone out".
@@yearofthehexwhile we are on the topic of mindfulness and meditation etc …. I hope we can agree that relaxed and peaceful state of mind is different to “zoning out”. I have a feeling that you may not mean it in such avoidant way, but did feel the need to mention it:)
@@ADHD_zenMeditation for me has always just been quieting my mind and accessing my subconscious. It’s like this in between state of being awake and asleep
Thank you so much for such an insightful video! I've been struggling with repetitive thoughts lately after moving out of an abusive household and going no contact, and this actually helped me a lot! Made me realize that the key to healing is to stop dwelling on past fights and and abuse, accept that it happened, and start building something new in your life, no matter how tempting it is to spend all your time feeling rightfully angry and hurt. In the end, people that hurt you so much literally do not deserve so much attention, and it's better to fill your life with healthy things that bring you comfort, and you will move on before you even realize it
what when after the awarness of having to build a healthy life for you gives you more anxieties bc you dont know how to do it, feeling overwhelmed and not fit the task so you over think and then fall back on distracting your mind again?
I wanna thank you for making this video. I recently fell away from Chrisitanity, now being caught in a constant feedback loop of thoughts on death and mortality. I realize now that this rumination of fearing death has used up all my energy.
Obsessive-compulsive rumination is my existence. I frequently get stuck in patterns that I refer to as "thought loops." I can't escape them unless I find a way out. For example, I'll feel the need to contemplate an idea repetitively until I feel I've reached some level of understanding it, or can accurately imagine myself in a certain position, or what have you.
Ugh I do that, I write out a paragraph and edit it. Sometimes doing dozens of drafts, making sure each part is where it needs to be beginning middle end and conclusion. Sounds stupid, but I find that writing it out at least helps it to be finished at some point. It can get pretty scattered doing 45 drafts in your head.
Don't know if you would see this by now but, I just wanted to let you know that your videos have been a great source of help, insight and solace for me. I hope you and your loved ones are well and safe. And do take your time, those who appreciate you will still be here💙
While I know these videos are not to replace a relationship with a therapist…I’m uh, in between mental health professionals right now, and these videos have really helped me not just to get by, but to begin to rebuild myself for many months now. Thank you very much for your highly replayable content, sir.
Therapist only allow you to fix yourself through asking you questions. If you already ask yourself those questions you're on the right path. Never lose curiosity of how healthy we can become.
My psychology class professor introduced me to your channel when she showed us your video on conformity that you made a while ago. I can say with certainty that choosing to watch your videos were one of the best desicions I ever made.
There was a very dark time in my life when I discovered this channel and I honestly believe it played a part not only in preventing me from killing myself, but even given me the tools to actually have good days
Wow, I've noticed your visual style has really morphed into something quite different and visually pleasing. It still looks like it was made by the same person, which I think is really cool.
this is one of the most important lessons i took away from therapy. being mindful of your own inner goings on. it helped me to catch myself early before spiraling into a depressive episode, enabling me to counter-act in time, but also to get to the bottom of "why am i feeling the way i feel right now". besides that, overthinking has cost me so much sleep and relaxation in the past. it's exhausting. learning how to handle these things improved my quality of life.
I hope so to! Be sure to watch as many of the other videos on the channel as you feel are relevant, if you haven't already. They have been a game changer for me in learning to live with my own thoughts and take control, since I have no one around that can provide the slightest support in that regard. I wish you all the best in your life 😊
I've been struggling with rumination so hard, rumination has made my self criticism over exaggerated and apparently gave me some sort of anxiety that makes me feel like i cant breathe.
Catto, Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. This could be life transforming. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
I could say "You have no idea how much these videos have helped me" but you probably do know how much they help people, hence why you keep making them. I could just read the literature and say "ok, I'll stop the bad kind of ruminating." But the visual representations are so much more helpful. Your channel is truly underrated. Keep up the fine work.
I've been struck with the f*cking hammer of knowledge, I can't believe you've basically solved my trauma. You are ASMR, a teacher and a therapist at the same time.
Of all the videos you've made, this one I think speaks to me the most. While I've been fortunate to have not been abused, apart from the odd teacher and rare awkward family moment, I have a very bad issue with rumination and unwanted thoughts. It comes in so many forms, sometimes when I'm in a good mood I'll suddenly remember a time I humiliated myself and it will just destroy whatever good mood I was in. Other times I'll be doing just fine, then some scary fact will creep up into my head and boom, existential dread. This can last from hours to actual weeks. Judgmental thoughts are a big one, the negative thoughts trying to push their way in is an all too accurate metaphor, though in my case they more like bash and break the door down before having to be thrown back out. I think one of the largest reasons I feel trapped in my thoughts is that it feels inescapable, from how people talk in real life, to what's said or joked about online, to the content online, it feels like no matter where I go, the only thing I can do is think on it. And having little else to do and being told that there's nothing that can be done is just exacerbating it. I'll have to remember this video in the future. I may have said this before and others have said it before better, but thank you, I needed this.
this channel has helped me out through my depression and continues to help me become a better person. I found myself putting your videos on repeat just to try to really absorb the contents of them. through this and adjusting my behaviors, I've become a more stable person and im continuing to work on my flaws. my next steps are to go to a psychologist because I simply want to make sure im staying on the right path. i just want you to know i hope you never stop putting out these well put together high quality videos. Thank you so much!
love the "handcuffing yourself to something then running away from it" analogy. I am really bad at dispelling negative thoughts/emotions and this was kind of eye opening as to why
You are braver than you realize you took the step that many don’t, you broke out for yourself. Please read the Power Of Now, a very good book full of practical nuggets, which I believe will help as another stepping stone.
Me too a 5 years married to ex-wife Quiet BPD and I escaped and ruminated for months but I turned it into something to learn from and I moved on finally I understand the pain being in the marriage and the pain when your out
So much of this video felt aimed directly at me. It broke me down. I’ve spent more than half my life fighting a seemingly endless battle against these dark, horrible and relentless thoughts. Your videos have inspired me to schedule my first appointment with a professional. I hope I can start to utilize the things you mentioned here. I’m incredibly grateful to have found this channel. I can only imagine the change you’ve inspired in others. Thank you.
This sounds familiar. I often have moments where bad or embarrassing memories come back to haunt me. They're like bugs that keep buzzing around you and just won't leave you be.
Dionette, Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. This could be life transforming. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@Waltham1892 And a more neutral version of that would be? My inner child behaves in ways I wouldn't choose? That I don't understand the motivation behind? Self-reflection is a lot of work
@@Waltham1892 Feel better? lol if not, then smashing your bed with a pillow until you're tired can really help blow the clogs out of the emotional system
I lost my mum to cancer in January. I'm only 24, and I have no clue if I'm coping or not. I miss her. Edit: Thank you for the support everyone; it has helped on the low days to give me the courage I need. I'm still trying to take it day by day, but I'm now making progress towards finishing my masters degree again. I know I will have bad days again, but I think I'll be okay, even if I slip every once in a while.
It's natural to miss a loved one for many months. I lost both my great grandmother and great aunt last year, and I still have days now where I grieve my losses. It isn't every day like it was for the first little bit, but it still happens. Just don't let grief control your life, and don't shut out all your emotions either. If you feel like it's getting out of hand, you should consult a professional. I'm sorry for your loss, internet stranger, but I hope you'll be alright.
Am sorry for your loss. Please know that the relationship ..and emotional connection with her will live within you ... in your thoughts and memories.. she must have been a special person.
2:50 I think the term for this, from the point of veiw of the person horrified, is Daymares, not fantasies. A daymare is an unpleasant version of a daydream. I coined the term but I think this term could help lots of people!
I could never put into words how much this channel has helped me. This is what I’ve been dealing with for years? Now I think I have some tools I can use to combat it.
This channel has helped me so much. Yesterday I made the mistake of going and talking to my religious/narcissistic/abusive parents and have felt retraumatized all over again. Fears I had finally debunked were all alive again, even got bad dreams about them. Mindfulness, concrete rumination, and dismissing thoughts is what I need.
We dearly miss you, theramin! I took my first stab in the process of gray rocking my narcissist in January, with repeated small backslides on my part, but doing better in the last few months. It's very much like kicking a cigarette habit! Your content is a balm for my guilt and is, as ever, sincerely helping me to keep it together on these rough days. I love growing with your channel and being able to appreciate different nuances and truisms of your content even more as I try to internalize what you're teaching and make it part of my daily praxis. I hope you and your loved ones are in good health and situation and that you're taking as thoughtful, compassionate care of yourself as you have of your many grateful listeners. We'll be here, so be well!
In the process of watching the vid. I'm only a few seconds in and seeing you talk about narcissism and guilt problems got me all excited because that's legit my issue rn 😂 hopefully I can get some good advice from the vid 😊
If it's any consolation, these feelings where the mind races with millions of possibilities go with age. Instead, a narrower focus becomes more common.
I recommend turning off all social media notifications. If you suffer from this sort of anxiety, social media only makes the problem worse with its constant notifications cutting into your thoughts and keeping you without peace.
I do that way too often. I am unfortunately heavily affected by negative events or conversations. Rethinking and rehearsing. I've learned to leave most of those events behind me and telling myself that i forgave them. But that rethinking demon inside of me is tough as nails. Very interesting topic once again. Glad someone can articulate my inner problems as clear as you do 🤝🏻
This video came at the exact moment, I've been ruminating for the last few days without being conscious of it. Now that I can reflect on it from the outside, it's not so much of a big deal. Thank you so much Thereamintrees.
I have been following your channel for a long while. For the last seven months, I have obsessed over something. I don't want to give it more power so I'm not even going to name it here. Yesterday, I commit to the choice to give it up, and now, here you are, with this video full of tools to carry this decision through. Extremely helpful.
As a person who unfortunately can't afford the help I likely need, your vids are the next best bet. You care, and it shows, and yes, I'm well aware it's not me personally, but you care enough to make genuine helping advice, even if it is for a wide audience. I got into your channel while working in a particularly abusive environment. The religious stuff I never had to quite deal with, but the narcissism was thick and thorough in my home life, and realizing that truly helped. It was your early foray into general abuse and what it looks like that truly got me to pick my ass up and get out of there. Like with all of your videos, I wish I had heard it years ago. This one is no exception as it's been years of running the "What If" game over hundreds and thousands of interactions. I spiral into horrific downturns whenever I try to deal with the actual issues, and it's caused anxiety to the point where I can't hold down a job. Which turns into thoughts of worthlessness and failure, which spiral into worse territory as everything else tumbled down around me. Sigh, if you read these comments... I'd appreciate your thoughts on escaping a point where there is so much stress internal and external that I go catatonic and end up staring at a wall for hours on end. I know the problem is mine, and it's a repeat pattern too, but I'm starting to dread the point of stress where I shut off. I ruminate too, but what is it when I just go *dead* in my head?
Sounds like disassociation when you brain feels dead. For me taking very small walks and exercise helped me expel the stress I was feeling in my body. It doesn’t have to be too much as in that state everything feels like too much. Little bits everyday to clear my mind helped a lot. Reward yourself and take care of you, you deserve it. Good luck to you!
This is just what I needed. The idea to treat repetitive negative, unhelpful thoughts (rumination) like when somebody shows up to your house, uninvited, and you send them away metaphorically saying "not today, I didn't invite you here." Is a perfect approach. Especially for someone like me who really doesn't appreciate uninvited guests at all.
Thank you Theramin for these videos, they always help me to widen my view of the world and also think more logically and critically about things. I've not personally had any abusive relationships yet, but that also might be thanks to seeing the red flags further away with the help of your knowledge. I also like thinking about basically anything and these videos are a great way to think about the world around me and how people interact. Thank you so much!
As a counsellor and a person struggling with GAD, your videos inspire me both personally and professionally. Your attention to modern peer-reviewed methodology put into clear, personal and understandable terms is magical. Competency, humanity and clarity can be lacking in our profession at times (surprisingly, and not surprisingly), so it is always a breath of fresh air to see your perspective on things. I wish you nothing but the greatest success for this channel. You are helping others more than you realise. ❤️
I’ve been doing this for about 3 years with my childhood, every mistake I can remember I’ve made and social interactions I often think of another version of myself or my life to escape, and i feel like a prisoner in my own mind
I've come to find that music, at least for me promotes abstract ruminations. Instead of going through exact thoughts systematically my mind would wander and pull in different situations from the past. Recently I've become much better at thinking through stuff, partly to you, partly to my own reflections. thank you theramintrees!
This is really helpful, thank you very much. I never realized this was what I did in my recovery, and now I can easily explain it to others. As always thank you so much for these videos, your help has been an incredibly helpful part of my recovery from abuse and has helped me become a better person.
This is my favorite music peice you've written so far. What you discuss is emotionally explained within the song so brilliantly. You have an incredible talent to capture that spiritually soothing feeling one might expect to find in a religious experience, and somehow, paradoxically, in an entirely grounded way. I probably write these overly sincere comments on your videos too often, but I can't stress enough how inspirational I've found your work to be and feel compelled to express it.
you have the most beautiful mind forged by difficult experience, I am so glad you can share this knowledge and also sad that you had to go through what you had to go through. You are awesome :) and i know i don't know you but I care for amazing souls like yours. I hope you are blessed beyond your imagination
As someone who suffers from recurring fears of hell when my anxiety spikes, this couldn’t have been more helpful. Thank you. Logically I know it’s just an illusion but the fear that it gives me is very real so I need to pants that thought for what it really is: absolute horseshit
You've probably helped me overcome the negative abstract thoughts that could have ruin my relationship with my husband. I am truly grateful to have found this. Thank you!
This was uploaded on the evening I moved out and left my abusive relationship behind me. I was on the cusp of unproductive rumination, now I can proceed to grieve armed with knowledge on how to make it productive. Thank you. ❤️
Your content is a little gem in this dark period. Not only giving raw data but also context, examples and solutions. Thx for your time, effort and though, healthy food for the mind.
This channel is so unimaginably valuable. Just thinking about a world where these resources don't exist, and how unlikely it is that stuff like this is created makes me wanna cry.
This is a video I needed to listen to, and I’m quite glad I found it. I wander around all the time, constantly having imaginary conversations with myself in either the mirror or walking in a pointless loop. Something unknown in me wakes up and I start having intrusive thoughts about past trauma, which eventually turns into a conversation while pacing. I re-enact things, often reimagining them with an outcome that favours me, or I’ll have violent fantasies about brutally strangling those who have transgressed me. Seeing the life leave their eyes in my head brings me great horror, but admittedly, also a sense of relief. The brutality of it is the catharsis of it all, and even though I would never kill a person in reality, my thoughts do not often align with who I am. I’ve lived my entire life struggling for power, and when you had described the actions of the characters in this video, my attention was immediately captured. They say that labels are dangerous, but finally putting a marker on something that I felt I only did helps immensely. I’ve talked to myself ever since I was a child, so being in that space is like being home. However, home is starting to feel like a prison because it just never ends. The intensity of the intrusion is so great that I lost a bunch of weight I couldn’t afford to lose following not eating as a result of a recent, intense bout of depression. There is still a lot that needs to be fixed, and even though I fall down a lot, I’m no quitter. Despite being at my lowest moment, there’s always something burning in me that wants to stay alive, like I have unfinished business. I’ll only be 22 in a couple months, so there’s still a lot of life to be had, life free from the constant fear of being monitored and corrected as well as terrified of who will take advantage of me next.
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I have a better understanding of my own conquering of suicidal ideation after watching this video. I try to explain to other people how I was able to, through years of manipulation, discipline myself away from those comforting thoughts of killing myself and directly face the dilemmas I was anxious about. Even just one small step can start you off, even one little goal. I started with things like mouth hygiene, necessary after mild neglect from depression, and progressed with nightly bike rides. Years later, I'm finishing up a diploma and applying for a dream university program. Discipline with your thoughts is key, though. Obstacles will arise, as always. The difference in facing these obstacles with this switch of mindset is that now your health is an important goal to you. It can be hard to keep as the top priority, but the habit of thought will form if you keep at it long enough. It took me about 2 years to properly readjust. A side benefit - my raging anxiety slowly dwindled with this discipline as well. I now only have regular, old social anxiety instead of a constant soul-sucking impairment.
Thank you so much for sharing!. Very nice to hear that you try to help others. Seems to be so many people seek suicide as a way out.
Would you say distraction/occupying your mind with other things helped you stop rumination?
@@desonmonde4086 That is one of the practices or things you do to break from rumination is to take up a hobby, begin an exercise regime, begin reading a good book, watch a good movie. These distractions can help to break that loop of idealization.
@@desonmonde4086 That as well as a healthy schedule and creative outlets. I also started approaching feelings and unhelpful thoughts from a different perspective. I work towards bettering myself instead of giving into the very luring comfort of "I can just kill myself, none of this really matters."
@@GreasyBaconMan I see. Thanks for this. I will try to follow this advice.
I have a bad habit of imagining entirely fictitious conflicts with people: a perfect example of 'what if' scenarios.
Works me up, makes me angry and accomplishes nothing except wasting time and energy.
I think I can avoid those thoughts now. Thank you once again, ThereminTrees. 👍
I do that. Arguments with potential employers and coworkers, strangers on the street... completely fictional. Drives me crazy.
-i bet you're infp-
Grow up.
@@letsreadtextbook1687 personality tests are garbage please actually engage with yourself and others
I agree. I VERY SELDOM entertain thoughts about "what if" these days. I am already 58 I do not have time to waste.
Just gotta say that reading abusive messages aloud like they're Shakespearean tragedies is absolutely brilliant.
Pretty hilarious. And creative way to reframe & protect oneself from the abuse.
😂😂
Reminds me of James Stephanie Sterling literally dressing up in victorian clothing and pretentiously reading comments they've received that are raging, entitled, or smug.
@@Powersd451 Today in #FuckKonami News
Like the Act-technique of saying your thoughts out loud very quick, singing, or in the voice of Donald Duck 😊
I know a woman that had a interview once. She messed up the guys name. She did not stop (I mean did not stop) talking about it for hours because she was so embarrassed. I had to tell her to stop or she would have kept going. I never knew someone could be so horribly stuck in a thought. It's kinda scary.
th-cam.com/video/ouZrZa5pLXk/w-d-xo.html
This video highlights the mechanism of similar behavior I have due to my ADHD.
For the people I know like this, its not intentional, but if you are a people pleaser, feeling like you failed to please someone can feel worse when your trauma is rooted in ADHD.
Suddenly forgetting a name associates it with all the punishment, abuse, and scorn you felt from forgetting things throughout your life.
Count youself lucky you dont have to deal with this. People dont just suddenly become like this. It's often things happened to them that made them feel insecure and such.
@@RonLarhz Its so bizarre to me. I've been embarrassed. I would think about it a little after and then randomly but to have it be your only thought for days...must be torture.
@@RonLarhz Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@Metonymy1979 Practicals are needed to reduce thought rumination. Change from within. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 10-15 minutes or more. Let thoughts come. Slowly negative thoughts will reduce and relax the mind. Whenever you are free during the day or night sit still for a few minutes and observe your breath. Being still reduces negative thoughts. Make it a habit. Do the above meditation regularly to have a good life. Read about the positive effects of breathing on the brain on google search. Best wishes and prayers. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.PracticalsPracticals
I could never reimburse the value that this channel has offered me. Thank you. So many videos on here have given me the ability to identify and translate many of the emotions and behavioral traits of myself.
@@skypilotace you are right. The whole channel should be printed and pressed to a book and placed on top of the other book.
I’m sure $500 buck would help him.
@@skypilotace I second the motion. Yes, young people need to be able to identify toxic thinking in its many forms.
Same. This channel has changed my life
Often you can't pay it back, you can only pay it forward.
Please read!
I used to have a serious problem with rumination about embarrassing things I said in conversation. I would go over what I said again and again, and think of all the things I could have said, instead. A joke that no-one laughed at. An opinion poorly expressed. It seems like such a small thing, but it was a big problem for me. What I began to do was watch and listen to other people, and notice when they slipped up in similar ways (which, of course, everyone does). Then, I would pay attention to how much I care about their not-funny joke, or whatever. Of course, I didn't care at all. Why would I? Noticing this made it easier to see that my slip-ups go largely unnoticed, and I'm the only one who's ever worried.
Now, what I do in these situations is watch and listen. Allow the conversation to move on, and continue to be a part of wherever it leads. Stay mindful. Stay in the moment.
I literally don't have this problem anymore, and haven't done for years
This was what helped me get out of an anxiety rut. Realizing that I was holding myself to a standard higher than what people normally experience. Realizing that it genuinely is not that serious and learning how to properly gauge the seriousness of a situation without being blinded by fear and self loathing really put me on the right track.
Thank you so much for this!!
This absolutely helps. I remember doing the same thing around my senior year of highschool
What if you’re judgmental of other people’s slip ups though? I know you’ll say “stop being judgmental” or “be more compassionate to yourself”, but if this were easy, nobody would need therapy. What do you say?
@@ABC-jq7ve I don't know, I'm not a therapist. I'm just sharing my experience
Your channel has saved my brain after leaving Jehovah's Witnesses last year. Cognitive dissonance almost gone, still PTSD but less and less affected. Thank you!!!!!!!!
❤️ congratulations on getting out!
Keep it up! Hope you have non-JW friends to support you
Stay strong. I also left, as soon as I turned 18. A long time ago now but it effected the way I saw the world and the choices I made, I snowballed in the wrong direction for too long. Education and books have been some of the most powerful tools for me. Your brain is amazing and can and will learn the more time and work you put into yourself. Best of luck!💕💖
@@Eddison33 As an ex-JW, in my opinion ex-JW/ex-christian/etc friends are just as important if not more. Having people that can't relate can make you want to shut off from them as they are not properly able to empathize and understand. It's for sure not their fault, but that will be a big gap that should be filled some way.
Nice work! I've been religion free for 12 years now, I'm still recovering from it, it never fully goes away, but it does get better. Good luck!
As someone with aspergers, I find myself stuck with ruminating about things already decades past. They suddenly hurt as if they happened yesterday sometimes, especially when I learn about how things weren't my fault, they were because of my condition or my parents lack of understanding and narcissism.
I also find myself rehearsing conversations in my head over, over and over even if I shouldn't expect the topic to come up.
It's so hard to relax, my head is constantly chewing on something.
Same here... I just want to be myself and rest for a while. But it feels like I never can.
This was 9 months ago, have you found any way to calm those thoughts given your condition? I’d like to know :(
Same, didn't know it was an autism thing!
My brain has teeth, fangs and venom.
@@RedPintura I find that treating them as solicitors helps; I politely tell them I don't have time to talk right now and to please come back later. It helps me at least put off thinking about it for a time, and for a few intrusive ruminations it has worked to stop them from recurring as frequently
You are a real treasure to this community, we're so glad to have you here for how much you've done for each one of us.
Hear hear!!!
Ditto!!!
Agreed, absolutely! Please keep on your excellent efforts. Thank you so very much, Theramin Tree.Take care and keep well and safe.
We love your work
@@mosecollins5072 think you
I just want to say, given that youtube is flooded with atheist content that is arrogant, self-congratulatory and obnoxious, it's incredibly refreshing to see a channel as thoughtful, level-headed and actually useful as yours. I love your focus on helping people break free from abusers and the effects of abuse. This is possibly my favourite youtube channel and has been a great help in my life.
Thank you. I'm glad the channel has been of help to you.
Really? There is thousands of times more religious content on YT than atheist. Most of them very smug too.
There hasn’t been an influx of atheist content on TH-cam in a very, very long time
@@sdFreerey No not much at all.
There’s more brainwashed Christianity motivational videos telling me how to be with “god” as a way to cure ocd than atheist videos 🤣
I never realized this was a problem for me. My boyfriend was sexually abused by a family member at a young age and since I’m unable to do anything as it was so long ago, I find myself often imagining scenarios of what I’d do if I saw the abuser. I always thought this was helping but it often just makes me angry and upset.
I was sехuаІІу аssаuІtеd by my uncle almost 3 years ago (which was not the only incident; that one just brought back repressed memories of him doing much worse to me when I was younger). the following few weeks consisted of me being constantly paranoid that he might decide to visit my house and that if I tell someone and he finds out he might decide to punish me... paranoid thoughts basically. I would lock doors everywhere just in case, if nobody else was home. I would constantly imagine scenarios where he might arrive and me successfully escaping him and locking the door before he gets to come in.
it's been almost 3 years now and still I have similar ruminating thoughts like the previous one. nightmares that are similar to the ruminating thoughts (usually him chasing me or trying to trap me in a room; unlike in my thoughts, I would never get to escape him in my nightmares). it still feels like it happened yesterday.
I never realized there was a name for these kind of thoughts until I watched this video.
I’m sorry
@@larsswig912 I'm sorry that happened. Hope this video can start the process of healing for you.
That is messed up, hope your bf is doing fine
@@larsswig912 God willl punish those who hurt you. Practicals are needed to reduce thought rumination. Change from within. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 10-15 minutes or more. Let thoughts come. Slowly negative thoughts will reduce and relax the mind. Whenever you are free during the day or night sit still for a few minutes and observe your breath. Being still reduces negative thoughts. Make it a habit. Do the above meditation regularly to have a good life. Read about the positive effects of breathing on the brain on google search. Best wishes and prayers. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.PracticalsPracticals
"Some people find it helpful to speak directly to the thought."
I know these are serious videos, but the first thing that popped into my brain when I heard that was "BEGONE THOUGHT!"
Hahahahaha I’m gonna use that next time I catch myself ruminating!
LMAO
I'm glad I'm not the only one X'D
I'm gonna use that. My current coping mechanism is picturing a pink bear whenever I catch myself ruminating
@@085665372 That's cute and great. Stealing it.
i suffer from an anxiety disorder and im plagued by memories of terrible experiences. thanks for making this video and helping me
You might have c-ptsd.
@@attheranch873 what's that?
@@Makkis Complex post-traumatic stress disorder
me too. It's torture. I'm suicidal often.
Unholy Rat, Practicals are needed to reduce thought rumination. Change from within. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 10-15 minutes or more. Let thoughts come. Slowly negative thoughts will reduce and relax the mind. Whenever you are free during the day or night sit still for a few minutes and observe your breath. Being still reduces negative thoughts. Make it a habit. Do the above meditation regularly to have a good life. Read about the positive effects of breathing on the brain on google search. Best wishes and prayers. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.PracticalsPracticals
What I would give to have a therapist like you for my wife.
Suffered seriously some of the most vindictive and prolonged abuse I've ever seen. Starting right from birth when she turned out to not be the son her mother had expected.
It's difficult to get her to watch your videos when her traumatic episodes trigger, but I at least know strategies to help her through them, by watching them myself.
Your ongoing series on abuse has been a literal lifesaver. Thank you.
And some, the opposite.
What a great partner you are. Thank you for being there for her.
"He was focused purely on hunting for grievances to create his dramas."
Social media has entered the chat.
Yep CHL - you know something's wrong when people award themselves their own oscars.
I'm surprised the number of people who are still on social media, considering how damaging it can be to ones life and mental state..
It's a bad drug.
@@Unsensitive
Just like smoking dispite knowing the damaging effects.
Social media and the dependence of gratification it creates is exactly like a drug, but dispite the popularity of smoking has going down after it was found out that it was damaging, mental health seems to be taken a little less seriously than physical health, so it remains popular.
Precise summary of present western society... both left and right.
It's even hard to be in the middle, because we always end up talking about how nuts everyone else is. The nonstop grumbling and ranting all around us just accounts for that much of our daily input.
.......So, anyone have any fun hobbies they'd like to share!?!?!?
@@davidk7529 i like parkour. Mentaly an phisicaly taxing. We normaly start with 20 minutes of balancing on hand rails. Great way to calm down and focus on the present. Then we practis techniques and in the end some force and endurance workout. I like parkour because i keep pushing my mental and physical boundries. I learned to be confident in my body and action. Team exerciesse help for social trust and conextion where politics doens't matter. It's great to push each other to new heights and see yourself and others grow over time.
Theramin Trees has been invaluable in my starting to recover from a religous childhood. I will forever be in your debt. It was the first set of videos I watched, regarding childhhood indoctrination, and, genuinely, you saved my life. I am 52, not been to church for 35 years and yet was drowning in the legacy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
That's uplifting to hear. Thanks Ruth.
I work with children and teens in a locked psychiatric unit
Because of the overt references to religious trauma I am unfortunately unable to use these videos directly when I craft therapeutic groups. Additionally, the framing is for adults rather than children, which makes sense
But you always give me new ways to think about things. You're very gifted in conceptualizing and teaching hard to grasp and express psychological topics. I find this very helpful. Personally and professionally.
Thanks for telling us about you and what you do in a professional context.
While not a mental health worker, I too think them magnificently helpful and wonderful and face the same dilemma.
Why does overt references to religious trauma make them hard to use?
@@ringinn7880 While TheraminTrees is absolutely on the money, some people might take offense at the suggestion that their deeply held religious beliefs are a cause of their child's trauma. Sharing such "anti-religious" content might put their jobs or even their center at risk.
I'm glad to hear they're finding a workaround--some of these beliefs and the mental illnesses they fuel are truly awful
yeah im sure the kids are labeled as crazy rather than seeing how society and their parents shun and shame them into a coma.. i remember how teachers would say i had behavioral problems to my parents like i would get angry too easily so obviously they wanted my parents to get angry at me and hit me to teach me not to behave the way they were ultimately teaching me to behave.. i mean how psychotic do a bunch of adults seriously need to be? and then they vctim blame their kids who are helpless to all the bs they get put through.. our society is one of the sickest abusive cultures probably ever..
A method I was taught to combat negative rumination was to imagine yourself in front of a production line, as quality insurance. Your thoughts are in boxes, clearly labeled, and they are coming from right to left. Your job is to not handle them, look inside, or anything like that- it's merely to see that the packaging is correct, that it's a thought. You send it off to the right, to be put into storage.
It definitely takes practice but it's helped me calm down moments of panic or self-defeating mental loops- especially the fact that it takes all the 'butterfly thoughts' and puts them into a straight line. You can see how ridiculous the 'products' are you're checking when they're one-by-one, and send them off to be put in storage with a chuckle.
That sounds a great visualisation.
Without trying to sound overly dramatic, this is the most important video I believe I have ever personally experienced. As a "Roger", this really hit home in a powerful way. Thank you for all you do. All of your videos help so many people.
I needed this in my life. I have ADHD which exacerbates these problems and everyone will tell you that you need to stop thinking about the things that you cannot change but almost no one lays out the tools that can be used to accomplish this. I can distract myself all day but eventually these thoughts come back until confronted. There are a lot of things that I need to say to my abusers that I've never had the ability to say because it makes problems worse. I'm never allowed to speak my mind if I have something negative to say to my family. I can always put these thoughts down on paper, though. I've found that writing these thoughts down is a wonderful way to trap them in the paper so they no longer run around in my head so much. It's a stone upon which I can rest and collect my thoughts and come to some closure that I can't get from talking to my family. This is such a wonderful video and I am eternally grateful to you for creating it. Thank you
Omg that's why am here I have adhd too and it has messed up most of my relation ships, now am always overthinking stuff when I meet new people because am scared of messing up or talking too much... It's a mess
Nice
hey, u should also try nedicine, i have adhd too, check up on a doctor to know whay can help
@@Jomabra4No actually it doesn’t. Saying that is insensitive, having a condition that hinders your ability to communicate/connect with people is hell. That doesn’t mean it’s an excuse, that means it’s a perpetual hindrance. Autistic and ADHD folks are prime candidates for trauma/mental illness
@CrystalRose1111 No, I don't think it's insensitive. A lot of people get diagnosed with a mental health issue (for me it was bipolar disorder, non agoraphobia anxiety, C-PTSD) and make it their whole personality without putting the work in to change what they can. I was diagnosed a long time ago and played victim or used it as an excuse to do nothing. Yes, I have those illnesses but I am not defined by those illnesses. It takes a lot of work to recognize behavior patterns and work around them.
These videos are so thick with revelations in my understanding I end up having to rewind and watch them multiple times.
Even so, I just want to thank you, your videos have been a crucial part in turning around my life. I went through a cycle of Depression and Cronic Loneliness for 7 years, the entire time I thought it was just my failings and struggles in my mentality. However, your videos helped me realize that while my parents hadn't been intentionally malicious, their own mental health problems and my empathy for making those around me happy had destroyed me. My father's temper tantrums when things didn't go his way made interactions a minefield and failing to avoid them resulting in anger being directed at me that I could never handle. On my Mother's side, her moods and subtle manipulations to make sure things went how she wanted them to, resulted in me constantly guessing to understand what she wanted from me. As a result, I am always thinking about everything I saw and all the ways it could be interpreted in order to avoid these landmines, a life trapped inside my head and so exhausting that I avoiding everyone altogether. They are finally apart now and both much better because of it and me not being constantly in contact now that I'm almost 19.
I was on the brink of suicide when I made the most dangerous deal of my life with myself, If things didn't improve I'd do it. This gave all of me a reason to fight to improve. Since then the old me has been slowly dismantled and I've carefully been constructing a new me for 3 years now, your videos have helped me avoid these traps and build a strong foundation of who I want to be and how I believe I need to think and behave to be that person. While everything hasn't gone smoothly and over a decade self-isolating tendencies have left massive social deficiencies, things have definitely gotten better for me and in no small part thanks to your guidance.
From the bottom of who I am, thank you Link. I wish you the best in this world because, without you, I probably would still be stuck in that cycle of pain or gone.
Thank you for sharing your struggles, that is an important part of being free of these horrible aspects of life, that usually are supressed by the same individuals that make us feel that way. The biggest thing that they need to teach a child, is to how one should defend himself against their influence. Which is to only way to make yourself whole - finally get that sense of self, not being reliant of anyones opinions to live a life. Most people think they are good and wont do that to their kids, but somehow almost everyone get sucked in in that vortex of abuse. I think it's because parent/child relationship is partly artificial, because your child is not a part of self, and instilling some kind of affection or love to have some sort of control in rarely possible or people just dont bother, so the only thing that remains is abuse.
Right?! I watch a little and my mind runs off on a tangent and I have to rewatch the video 😂. I experienced some of what you described. You said you are 19?. If you are you have grabbed a hold of this rotten problem and drug it into the light and identified it. And much sooner than my old ass. You are making great strides early in life and I wish you the best. I too have struggled with suicide and I wish you well on that painful journey but you are strong and you will prevail.
I stand with you. I turned 19 recently and for the past nearly 3 years I've been stuck in abusive religious rumination. Such horrible concepts of hell have wheighed on me in such an inexplicavle way when I was 16. I though "how could it be that reality is ACTUALLY like this." Because of that, I basically challenged God in my head, digging into very complex philosophy and theology that made my head spin, way too much for my age. It put such emotional strain on me, trying to appease God while slowly losing faith as I was fighting to keep it. The only rest I could get was during sleep. All this by myself, telling absolutely nobody because I feared I might send others to hell if I didn't share God's message properly and instead denied him. At the same time, my father who I believe shows multiple narcissistic traits, constantly was the source of argument in the house. I have finally freed myself of ideology and am dealing with intense after effects. They are slowly improving, but it has left me failing my classes and unlikely to graduate this year. One thing I can say that I'm grateful for, through all that, is for my reinforced reasoning, vocabulary understanding and philosophical knowledge, and revelations about myself. I wish you the best and want you to know that I feel you, especially through such a developmental stage. 💜
Rumination?
Wow this sounds just like how I grew up. Wishing you well on your journey, we got this! 🙏
Thank you. I am a chronic ruminator due to trauma and abuse and you have helped enormously. As an aside I am so glad you mentioned religious abuse and it’s twisted and skewed focus on “thought crime” and it’s goal
of instilling anxiety and terror. Well said!!
Julie, Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. This could be life transforming. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@shyaaammeneen63 thank you 🙏 I will try this. I’m sure you are right as I did begin such a daily practice and I felt better but I was not disciplined to keep going. I will try again
@@juliehumphreys6888 Best wishes. God has given us life to be happy but we have to put in an effort.
This is one those videos that makes me cry tears of joy. Why? It feels like an understanding person offering concrete solutions to the very problem that I have had since the teacher, who almost drowned me and the one, who nearly made me leave school without graduation.
If you're comfortable sharing these stories I would love to hear them. If not then feel free to ignore this comment 👍
As soon as this video began, I found myself losing focus and wandering down the mental path to my usual unwanted ruminations. I had to stop, go back, and start several times again. I'll soon be 65, and I've been bothered by a legion of old ghosts pretty much all of my life. Great video. Thank you.
This channel is a hidden gem engraved in platinum
Swaddled in silk on a bed of rose petals. It would almost be a spiritual experience, if it wasn't all so well-connected to reality.
NICELY TOLD YE OLD GOOD SNAKE XD
You lot have some real writing chops.
I used to do this with my bullies in high school - I actually remember telling myself "think it over and over to have a better comeback for next time" but of course it never worked, and you explained so thoroughly why. I still do it with family arguments now, and shaking myself out of this "rage spiral" is super difficult.
I was told about the 5,4,3,2,1 technique, where I name 5 things I see, 4 things I hear, 3 things I feel, 2 smells and 1 thing I'm grateful for, and I recommend it, but trying remember the technique when you catch yourself in the middle of the spiral is the hard part.
I used to do pretty much the same. At first it was fun, but after just a couple minutes of that, it just becomes draining. I'm glad that I learn to move on from those memories.
Thank you for your channel. My brother and I are products of religious trauma and abuse. He introduced me to your channel and it helps us both. Much gratitude! Most if not all of the mental health practitioners in our area are religious and offer the same abuse and garbage as a cure.
Try to find a secular therapist that could really help you. Don't be afraid to ask the question before hand : Are you bringing religion into therapy? And if the answer is yes run away from this 'therapist'
Ah, $alvation comes in soooo many packages, especially After religion, where the real Religion starts.
@@Nancy20012 a therapist can be religious and still be helpful, the only problem is when they use 'god' to help people.
@@thatromanfella8377 which is exactly what the tern secular means in this context
The abuse referred to given as cure makes things much worse for it only serves to add more shame and guilt!
I have found that this is far harder than people make it out to be. The process of observing when rumination arises and dismissing it results in willpower fatigue. While the thoughts are constant, your ability to dismiss them is finite. I assume the answer is finding activities that you look forward to/excite you/reenergize you so that willpower can be restored. Its just incredibly challenging when I feel like I struggle to get through every day, finding the time/motivation/energy to socialize or even just take care of myself is an afterthought that I struggle to make time for.
Lets say your rumination is regarding people not liking you. You can assure yourself that this person didn't respond because they were busy/sick/their phone died/they forgot but this assurance ultimately requires a belief that the assurance is true which requires at least some instances where it is true. The issue becomes if your life is going through one of those challenging phases, then you may lose faith that the assurance is true which makes it ineffective.
I think a good strategy at that point might be something less ambitious, not so much arguing against but rather accepting that such an outcome is possible, and move on to consider the bestcourse of action to improve in that moment. In the situación you mention, this might look like ackowledging they may not like you as much as you want them to and maybe taking a nap because you are stressed and not thinking clearly.
I have found my ruminations get longer when I try to solve things in the heat of the moment, but the fact is my state of mind is just not right to acknowledge a viable solution even if I come up with one, so it's more about coming yo terms with the way you feel un the short term first and how to approach that.
Perhaps try approaching it from a different angle - so what if people don't like you? Are they even thinking about you? What helped me immensely is realizing how little I even think about other people. If I don't like someone as a person, more often than not it's because they remind me of something I don't like about myself, not because they are unlikable. If someone does something I don't like, I remind myself that it's because of issues they're dealing with unrelated to me and it doesn't make them a bad person.
Some people are very judgemental and negative, some people are very lax and detached. Everyone views you through the lens of their own experience as a human brain in a body, and you will never ever have control over what they think of you because you can't control the minds of others. This put me at great peace once I started to believe it and I care much less about what others think of me now. All you can do is be yourself because you're the only one you can control! Attaching the idea of 'liking' to yourself is no more helpful than a leaf on the ground worrying if you think it's pretty. It doesn't matter!
For me it helps to figure out, _why_ my brain is holding on to certain thoughtloops/fantasies. I keep arguing in my brain with my parents, _because_ I want them to understand me. But I will never get the understanding, so my brain is eternally occupied with running against this wall. Once I started accepting that I will always have these imperfect parents who are ignorant to my feelings and will never change, I was better able to look towards other things. Nowadays I have an answer once my brain starts fighting with my parents: I interrupt the argument in my brain and think "They will never understand, but I keep fighting because I deserve understanding. But I will never get it from these people, even if I fight. But I have X and Y in my life who do understand me, and most importantly, I do understand myself"
It also helps to avoid triggers (I only to my parents about mundane things).
And it's fine to sometimes slip up. Don't beat yourself up for falling into these loops again and again. That drains you even more. It's fine, and it will get better, if you take small steps.
@@ritac9769love this!
We don't have the will power but we can access it thru outside energies
The music in this is painfully perfect
And the repetition part was so good with the theme
Not going to go into detail with my own traumas, but I'm just here to say that the record skipping effect is such a beautiful artistic choice for this subject.
This video couldn't have come at a better time, thank you. I've spent the last year stuck in anger after being cheated on, stuck in a constant cycle of "what if" and "if only I had done x" and "I should have known" and "if I ever see her again I'll say x", which left me sick and trapped in my head. I've only recently started to do the work to break the rabbit hole thoughts. You put into words what I've been feeling for a long time. Thank you
Thank you for this video.
Negative rumination is a dangerous gateway mindset to a variety of debilitating mental states. The distinction between abstract and concrete rumination is a useful way to consider if thoughts are going to be productive/welcome or not.
Very thought provoking and useful content. No doubt this has helped a lot of people - a public service really!
Thank you - glad you found the studies useful!
"He would trade anxiety for depression." Uff, that describes my teen years perfectly :(
“There’s no positive equivalent for thought heroism”... This video is entirely a banger.
I was the victim of an extremely violent crime a few years ago. I continue to obsess over the memories and the "what if." I work with a therapist 3 days a week and listen to this channel regularly and cannot express my gratitude enough for it. Your channel has helped me to make sense of it all and has allowed me strength to push through the horrible flashbacks and nightmares. You are helping people more than you could ever know. Thank you.
I'm glad you're pushing through your experience. Peace and strength.
EMDR is a therapeutic modality that has helped many people with severe trauma & PTSD immensely.
Hang in there. Keep taking care of yourself.
We will all find out we are smarter than we thought.
I really resonated with Roger's experience, and I appreciate the defamiliarization. It highlighted its destructive absurdity, and how many religions affect their members the same way as emotional abuse.
For decades I lived in paralysing fear, martyring myself trying to pursue perfection and 'earn' forgiveness. But perfection is unattainable, and the goalposts keep moving. One day I just accepted I would never meet that standard. 'Que sera sera'.
Instead I chose to follow a personal code of compassion and minimising harm, so I could know SOME peace meeting MY standards. In hindsight, I was 'outcome independent' - I accepted my suffering was not in my power to change, so I decided to do what I believed was moral for its own sake.
My emotional wellness unexpectedly improved significantly. Pursuing 'goodness' in self-actualisation is FAR more healing than PERFORMING 'goodness' out of fear. It also was far more positive for those around me. It showed the philosophy was inherently self-defeating, and retroactively let me give myself the forgiveness I was never going to get externally.
I couldn't rationalise my emotions out of it, but one day I had evidence it wasn't rational at all.
Spirituality can invite self-reflection and may still offer us good things, but the one I grew up in didn't.
Thank you both for the recontextualization, and also for providing actual closed captions.
I haven't been this early in forever. Theramintrees uploading a video is like Christmas.
Haha, I was thinking exactly that. I get so ridiculously excited, and then keep watching the new ones. It reminds me of when I was a child and bought a weekly comic then read it over and over until it fell to pieces.
I've always found the mindfulness thing actively makes my OCD worse, more thinking about thoughts is the last thing I need, yet so many sources seem convinced that it's 100% effective for everyone and if it doesn't help it's a discipline issue. The other strategies have all worked much better for me. It's nice to see multiple methods all listed out this way, like tools that might be more or less effective depending on the case, so many other writers would have just given one or two and then called it a day.
I really encourage you to try mindfulness meditation again at some point - the point of being "present" is to be disaffected by your thoughts. to "observe" them doesn't mean to think about them or engage with them, it's to acknowledge that they exist, they occur, and to just let them be *without* engaging them. I personally find it difficult as hell, so when I'm out of practice I will focus on my breath, sometimes counting each breath like (in 1 out 1, in 2 out 2). Focusing on not losing count is enough to keep me "present". I do lose count, and when I do I just start over or resume wherever I thought I was without feeling bad or like a failure, because I'm choosing to be kind to myself so I end up practicing that as well.
I think people say it's a "discipline" issue but what they should really say is that it's about practice. I feel like the word "practice" loses it's meaning when discussing meditation because people hear "the practice of meditation" but I mean practice in a more fundamental way: doing something a lot of times in order to improve. Mindfulness meditation is extremely difficult without any practice just like running a marathon would be. Helps to start really small and build, when I haven't done it in a while I will only try to for 3-5m at a time, working my way up to 10 and finally 30. I find I can't spare much more than 30m to sit in quiet stillness on any given day, but when I get to that point I honestly want to sit in quiet stillness for hours.
@@yearofthehex With all due respect, you're just repeating the same things any guide to mindfulness meditation will tell you. I spent a good chunk of time practicing at it with professional guidance and still never felt like my overall state was improving, I think because traditional quiet relaxation techniques don't do much to reduce anxiety for me. Mostly at the end my heart was still racing and I felt like I'd wasted half an hour of my life. Focusing on activities- going for a jog or scrubbing the dishes or playing a high-octane game- both interrupts whatever loop I'm stuck in and gives my adrenaline an outlet, so I wind down more afterwards and returning to the thoughts holds less appeal. I found The Body Keeps The Score a really helpful read on that front, it was my first encounter with the idea that doing more "arousing" activities can actually result in less overall arousal once you finish.
Anyway I certainly believe you that you find it helpful, and I'm sure it works for many people! I am in fact Clinically Weird about such things. But mental health isn't one size fits all and there are other options out there, which is exactly why I wrote the original comment.
@@0h0ur10 I identify a lot with what you're saying, I really enjoy 2 hour bike rides because the sensory experience is enough to distract my subconscious & allow me to "zone out".
@@yearofthehexwhile we are on the topic of mindfulness and meditation etc …. I hope we can agree that relaxed and peaceful state of mind is different to “zoning out”. I have a feeling that you may not mean it in such avoidant way, but did feel the need to mention it:)
@@ADHD_zenMeditation for me has always just been quieting my mind and accessing my subconscious. It’s like this in between state of being awake and asleep
Thank you so much for such an insightful video! I've been struggling with repetitive thoughts lately after moving out of an abusive household and going no contact, and this actually helped me a lot! Made me realize that the key to healing is to stop dwelling on past fights and and abuse, accept that it happened, and start building something new in your life, no matter how tempting it is to spend all your time feeling rightfully angry and hurt. In the end, people that hurt you so much literally do not deserve so much attention, and it's better to fill your life with healthy things that bring you comfort, and you will move on before you even realize it
Beautifully said.
what when after the awarness of having to build a healthy life for you gives you more anxieties bc you dont know how to do it, feeling overwhelmed and not fit the task so you over think and then fall back on distracting your mind again?
I wanna thank you for making this video. I recently fell away from Chrisitanity, now being caught in a constant feedback loop of thoughts on death and mortality. I realize now that this rumination of fearing death has used up all my energy.
Obsessive-compulsive rumination is my existence. I frequently get stuck in patterns that I refer to as "thought loops." I can't escape them unless I find a way out. For example, I'll feel the need to contemplate an idea repetitively until I feel I've reached some level of understanding it, or can accurately imagine myself in a certain position, or what have you.
Ugh I do that, I write out a paragraph and edit it. Sometimes doing dozens of drafts, making sure each part is where it needs to be beginning middle end and conclusion. Sounds stupid, but I find that writing it out at least helps it to be finished at some point. It can get pretty scattered doing 45 drafts in your head.
@@jeweltorkelson i feel for you, dude
Don't know if you would see this by now but, I just wanted to let you know that your videos have been a great source of help, insight and solace for me. I hope you and your loved ones are well and safe. And do take your time, those who appreciate you will still be here💙
This is by far one of the best psychology channels I've seen on TH-cam.
While I know these videos are not to replace a relationship with a therapist…I’m uh, in between mental health professionals right now, and these videos have really helped me not just to get by, but to begin to rebuild myself for many months now.
Thank you very much for your highly replayable content, sir.
Therapist only allow you to fix yourself through asking you questions. If you already ask yourself those questions you're on the right path. Never lose curiosity of how healthy we can become.
My psychology class professor introduced me to your channel when she showed us your video on conformity that you made a while ago. I can say with certainty that choosing to watch your videos were one of the best desicions I ever made.
I'm thrilled to hear of this being shared in such a class.
There was a very dark time in my life when I discovered this channel and I honestly believe it played a part not only in preventing me from killing myself, but even given me the tools to actually have good days
Wow, I've noticed your visual style has really morphed into something quite different and visually pleasing. It still looks like it was made by the same person, which I think is really cool.
this is one of the most important lessons i took away from therapy. being mindful of your own inner goings on. it helped me to catch myself early before spiraling into a depressive episode, enabling me to counter-act in time, but also to get to the bottom of "why am i feeling the way i feel right now". besides that, overthinking has cost me so much sleep and relaxation in the past. it's exhausting. learning how to handle these things improved my quality of life.
I truly hope that this will be a tool to help reclaim my life and get back to engaging with loved ones because I'm tired of feeling suffocated.
I wish and hope you will find peace in you
Thank you so much @@timetoreason181
I hope so to! Be sure to watch as many of the other videos on the channel as you feel are relevant, if you haven't already.
They have been a game changer for me in learning to live with my own thoughts and take control, since I have no one around that can provide the slightest support in that regard.
I wish you all the best in your life 😊
Hang in there
TheraminTrees has literally saved my life.
This channel is gold
Platinum
I've been struggling with rumination so hard, rumination has made my self criticism over exaggerated and apparently gave me some sort of anxiety that makes me feel like i cant breathe.
Catto, Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. This could be life transforming. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
I could say "You have no idea how much these videos have helped me" but you probably do know how much they help people, hence why you keep making them. I could just read the literature and say "ok, I'll stop the bad kind of ruminating." But the visual representations are so much more helpful. Your channel is truly underrated. Keep up the fine work.
I've been struck with the f*cking hammer of knowledge, I can't believe you've basically solved my trauma. You are ASMR, a teacher and a therapist at the same time.
This could not have come at a better time
That bit about your thoughts not being who you are.... that was very powerful.
I love all the little details you add, like how the father lives in thespian city
Maybe it's to anonymously acknowledge the people who contributed relevant accounts of their experiences?
@@davidk7529 a Thespian is someone who partakes in dramatic theatre.
Of all the videos you've made, this one I think speaks to me the most. While I've been fortunate to have not been abused, apart from the odd teacher and rare awkward family moment, I have a very bad issue with rumination and unwanted thoughts. It comes in so many forms, sometimes when I'm in a good mood I'll suddenly remember a time I humiliated myself and it will just destroy whatever good mood I was in. Other times I'll be doing just fine, then some scary fact will creep up into my head and boom, existential dread. This can last from hours to actual weeks. Judgmental thoughts are a big one, the negative thoughts trying to push their way in is an all too accurate metaphor, though in my case they more like bash and break the door down before having to be thrown back out. I think one of the largest reasons I feel trapped in my thoughts is that it feels inescapable, from how people talk in real life, to what's said or joked about online, to the content online, it feels like no matter where I go, the only thing I can do is think on it. And having little else to do and being told that there's nothing that can be done is just exacerbating it. I'll have to remember this video in the future. I may have said this before and others have said it before better, but thank you, I needed this.
this channel has helped me out through my depression and continues to help me become a better person. I found myself putting your videos on repeat just to try to really absorb the contents of them. through this and adjusting my behaviors, I've become a more stable person and im continuing to work on my flaws. my next steps are to go to a psychologist because I simply want to make sure im staying on the right path. i just want you to know i hope you never stop putting out these well put together high quality videos.
Thank you so much!
Really glad they've helped!
love the "handcuffing yourself to something then running away from it" analogy. I am really bad at dispelling negative thoughts/emotions and this was kind of eye opening as to why
Took me over two years to stop obsessing after divorcing a narcissist. Even now thoughts creep in if I am idle for too long.
You are braver than you realize you took the step that many don’t, you broke out for yourself. Please read the Power Of Now, a very good book full of practical nuggets, which I believe will help as another stepping stone.
Nothing but respect and love for you!!! Dealing with narcissists is messed up
Me too a 5 years married to ex-wife Quiet BPD and I escaped and ruminated for months but I turned it into something to learn from and I moved on finally I understand the pain being in the marriage and the pain when your out
So much of this video felt aimed directly at me. It broke me down. I’ve spent more than half my life fighting a seemingly endless battle against these dark, horrible and relentless thoughts. Your videos have inspired me to schedule my first appointment with a professional. I hope I can start to utilize the things you mentioned here.
I’m incredibly grateful to have found this channel. I can only imagine the change you’ve inspired in others. Thank you.
This sounds familiar. I often have moments where bad or embarrassing memories come back to haunt me. They're like bugs that keep buzzing around you and just won't leave you be.
Dionette, Only if negative thoughts affect your health you have to visit a psychologist. . Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without anxiety-stress sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. This could be life transforming. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
My internal narrative is so negative I'm getting a restraining order against myself.
Sometimes the journey to self-love is best started as a journey to self-neutrality first.
@@BliffleSplick Easy for you to say. My inner child has behavior issues.
@@Waltham1892 And a more neutral version of that would be?
My inner child behaves in ways I wouldn't choose? That I don't understand the motivation behind?
Self-reflection is a lot of work
@@BliffleSplick DON'T GO TELLING ME HOW TO RAISE MY INNER CHILD!!!
@@Waltham1892 Feel better? lol if not, then smashing your bed with a pillow until you're tired can really help blow the clogs out of the emotional system
I lost my mum to cancer in January. I'm only 24, and I have no clue if I'm coping or not. I miss her.
Edit: Thank you for the support everyone; it has helped on the low days to give me the courage I need. I'm still trying to take it day by day, but I'm now making progress towards finishing my masters degree again. I know I will have bad days again, but I think I'll be okay, even if I slip every once in a while.
It's natural to miss a loved one for many months. I lost both my great grandmother and great aunt last year, and I still have days now where I grieve my losses. It isn't every day like it was for the first little bit, but it still happens.
Just don't let grief control your life, and don't shut out all your emotions either. If you feel like it's getting out of hand, you should consult a professional. I'm sorry for your loss, internet stranger, but I hope you'll be alright.
It'll be okay man. Let it hurt, it's only way to heal. Her body might be gone, but her influence/essence can live through you
Am sorry for your loss. Please know that the relationship ..and emotional connection with her will live within you ... in your thoughts and memories.. she must have been a special person.
I’m sorry for your loss
So sorry to read this. Take care of yourself.
Random 4am video that might have saved your life vol 1 : this frigging. How awesome that this work found me. It gave me so much peace. Thank you.
Thank you TheraminTrees. I'm a terrible ruminator and really appreciate your insight. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
2:50 I think the term for this, from the point of veiw of the person horrified, is Daymares, not fantasies.
A daymare is an unpleasant version of a daydream. I coined the term but I think this term could help lots of people!
I could never put into words how much this channel has helped me. This is what I’ve been dealing with for years? Now I think I have some tools I can use to combat it.
Someone who ruminates and has maladaptive Daydreaming, this video is extremely helpful
everytime you release a video i feel my toolbox of self maintenance get just a little heavier. cheers man!
This channel has helped me so much. Yesterday I made the mistake of going and talking to my religious/narcissistic/abusive parents and have felt retraumatized all over again. Fears I had finally debunked were all alive again, even got bad dreams about them. Mindfulness, concrete rumination, and dismissing thoughts is what I need.
You're as amazing as always, TheraminTrees. Time to binge.
We dearly miss you, theramin!
I took my first stab in the process of gray rocking my narcissist in January, with repeated small backslides on my part, but doing better in the last few months. It's very much like kicking a cigarette habit! Your content is a balm for my guilt and is, as ever, sincerely helping me to keep it together on these rough days. I love growing with your channel and being able to appreciate different nuances and truisms of your content even more as I try to internalize what you're teaching and make it part of my daily praxis.
I hope you and your loved ones are in good health and situation and that you're taking as thoughtful, compassionate care of yourself as you have of your many grateful listeners.
We'll be here, so be well!
In the process of watching the vid. I'm only a few seconds in and seeing you talk about narcissism and guilt problems got me all excited because that's legit my issue rn 😂 hopefully I can get some good advice from the vid 😊
My mind is always racing and I feel like I'm always on high alert.
This channel is the perfect replacement for all the currently popular social media ❤
I hope you can find peace of mind.
If it's any consolation, these feelings where the mind races with millions of possibilities go with age.
Instead, a narrower focus becomes more common.
I recommend turning off all social media notifications. If you suffer from this sort of anxiety, social media only makes the problem worse with its constant notifications cutting into your thoughts and keeping you without peace.
I do that way too often. I am unfortunately heavily affected by negative events or conversations. Rethinking and rehearsing.
I've learned to leave most of those events behind me and telling myself that i forgave them. But that rethinking demon inside of me is tough as nails.
Very interesting topic once again. Glad someone can articulate my inner problems as clear as you do 🤝🏻
This video came at the exact moment, I've been ruminating for the last few days without being conscious of it.
Now that I can reflect on it from the outside, it's not so much of a big deal.
Thank you so much Thereamintrees.
i feel like millions of people need to watch your videos
I have been following your channel for a long while. For the last seven months, I have obsessed over something. I don't want to give it more power so I'm not even going to name it here. Yesterday, I commit to the choice to give it up, and now, here you are, with this video full of tools to carry this decision through. Extremely helpful.
Don't know how to express my gratitude for what you're doing. These contents should be taught in schools. This is pure gold. Thank you so much!
I'm actually going to have to rewatch this later when I'm not ruminating. Can't concentrate on this.
Good luck, I wish you the best! c:
one of the few therapy-centered videos to truly take me out of a panic state…. bravo.
Glad it helped!
As a person who unfortunately can't afford the help I likely need, your vids are the next best bet. You care, and it shows, and yes, I'm well aware it's not me personally, but you care enough to make genuine helping advice, even if it is for a wide audience.
I got into your channel while working in a particularly abusive environment. The religious stuff I never had to quite deal with, but the narcissism was thick and thorough in my home life, and realizing that truly helped. It was your early foray into general abuse and what it looks like that truly got me to pick my ass up and get out of there.
Like with all of your videos, I wish I had heard it years ago. This one is no exception as it's been years of running the "What If" game over hundreds and thousands of interactions. I spiral into horrific downturns whenever I try to deal with the actual issues, and it's caused anxiety to the point where I can't hold down a job. Which turns into thoughts of worthlessness and failure, which spiral into worse territory as everything else tumbled down around me.
Sigh, if you read these comments... I'd appreciate your thoughts on escaping a point where there is so much stress internal and external that I go catatonic and end up staring at a wall for hours on end. I know the problem is mine, and it's a repeat pattern too, but I'm starting to dread the point of stress where I shut off.
I ruminate too, but what is it when I just go *dead* in my head?
Sounds like disassociation when you brain feels dead. For me taking very small walks and exercise helped me expel the stress I was feeling in my body. It doesn’t have to be too much as in that state everything feels like too much. Little bits everyday to clear my mind helped a lot. Reward yourself and take care of you, you deserve it. Good luck to you!
This is just what I needed. The idea to treat repetitive negative, unhelpful thoughts (rumination) like when somebody shows up to your house, uninvited, and you send them away metaphorically saying "not today, I didn't invite you here." Is a perfect approach.
Especially for someone like me who really doesn't appreciate uninvited guests at all.
Thank you Theramin for these videos, they always help me to widen my view of the world and also think more logically and critically about things. I've not personally had any abusive relationships yet, but that also might be thanks to seeing the red flags further away with the help of your knowledge. I also like thinking about basically anything and these videos are a great way to think about the world around me and how people interact. Thank you so much!
As a counsellor and a person struggling with GAD, your videos inspire me both personally and professionally. Your attention to modern peer-reviewed methodology put into clear, personal and understandable terms is magical. Competency, humanity and clarity can be lacking in our profession at times (surprisingly, and not surprisingly), so it is always a breath of fresh air to see your perspective on things. I wish you nothing but the greatest success for this channel. You are helping others more than you realise. ❤️
I’ve been doing this for about 3 years with my childhood, every mistake I can remember I’ve made and social interactions I often think of another version of myself or my life to escape, and i feel like a prisoner in my own mind
I've come to find that music, at least for me promotes abstract ruminations. Instead of going through exact thoughts systematically my mind would wander and pull in different situations from the past.
Recently I've become much better at thinking through stuff, partly to you, partly to my own reflections.
thank you theramintrees!
This is really helpful, thank you very much. I never realized this was what I did in my recovery, and now I can easily explain it to others.
As always thank you so much for these videos, your help has been an incredibly helpful part of my recovery from abuse and has helped me become a better person.
Please never stop making content, it’s helped me significantly and judging from other comments many others
I come to this video every now and then. It helps me a lot
This is my favorite music peice you've written so far. What you discuss is emotionally explained within the song so brilliantly. You have an incredible talent to capture that spiritually soothing feeling one might expect to find in a religious experience, and somehow, paradoxically, in an entirely grounded way. I probably write these overly sincere comments on your videos too often, but I can't stress enough how inspirational I've found your work to be and feel compelled to express it.
Thank you Minnow :8)
you have the most beautiful mind forged by difficult experience, I am so glad you can share this knowledge and also sad that you had to go through what you had to go through. You are awesome :) and i know i don't know you but I care for amazing souls like yours. I hope you are blessed beyond your imagination
As someone who suffers from recurring fears of hell when my anxiety spikes, this couldn’t have been more helpful. Thank you. Logically I know it’s just an illusion but the fear that it gives me is very real so I need to pants that thought for what it really is: absolute horseshit
I really hope Hell is BS it terrifies me
You've probably helped me overcome the negative abstract thoughts that could have ruin my relationship with my husband. I am truly grateful to have found this. Thank you!
This is the TH-cam algorithm actually doing good for me, not sure what I watched to make it recommend it. Loved the video!
This was uploaded on the evening I moved out and left my abusive relationship behind me. I was on the cusp of unproductive rumination, now I can proceed to grieve armed with knowledge on how to make it productive. Thank you. ❤️
Your content is a little gem in this dark period. Not only giving raw data but also context, examples and solutions. Thx for your time, effort and though, healthy food for the mind.
This channel is so unimaginably valuable. Just thinking about a world where these resources don't exist, and how unlikely it is that stuff like this is created makes me wanna cry.
This is a video I needed to listen to, and I’m quite glad I found it. I wander around all the time, constantly having imaginary conversations with myself in either the mirror or walking in a pointless loop.
Something unknown in me wakes up and I start having intrusive thoughts about past trauma, which eventually turns into a conversation while pacing. I re-enact things, often reimagining them with an outcome that favours me, or I’ll have violent fantasies about brutally strangling those who have transgressed me. Seeing the life leave their eyes in my head brings me great horror, but admittedly, also a sense of relief. The brutality of it is the catharsis of it all, and even though I would never kill a person in reality, my thoughts do not often align with who I am.
I’ve lived my entire life struggling for power, and when you had described the actions of the characters in this video, my attention was immediately captured. They say that labels are dangerous, but finally putting a marker on something that I felt I only did helps immensely.
I’ve talked to myself ever since I was a child, so being in that space is like being home. However, home is starting to feel like a prison because it just never ends. The intensity of the intrusion is so great that I lost a bunch of weight I couldn’t afford to lose following not eating as a result of a recent, intense bout of depression.
There is still a lot that needs to be fixed, and even though I fall down a lot, I’m no quitter. Despite being at my lowest moment, there’s always something burning in me that wants to stay alive, like I have unfinished business. I’ll only be 22 in a couple months, so there’s still a lot of life to be had, life free from the constant fear of being monitored and corrected as well as terrified of who will take advantage of me next.