Please, never take these down. I can see this video is 14 years old and I just saw it for the first time! The entire series so far is incredible. Thank you for your efforts.
@Kylevilhelm 'Just a quick note, in the earlier videos the black character was used as the protaganist, where as in this one it was the blue character.' -Yes, thanks for picking up on that. It was a deliberate switch - flipping the idea that games are 'done to us' by the instigator; viewing the targets as very active participants, looking to get their needs met.
Every single time I visit my grandparents, they sit there in a huff telling me over and over they're "disappointed" in this, that, and the other. Even though they're careful never to make me the direct subject of their disappointment, I'm always given the impression that they're trying to undermine or put pressure on me. Lately I've taken to reacting to this by being as pleasant and relaxed around them as possible, interjecting positivity wherever I can. If I ask myself sincerely why I'm doing this, I come to the conclusion that it isn't, as I first imagined, because I want them to change their behaviour. It's because I want to prove to myself that I can stand apart from it. Knowing this, I can let go of any expectation that change will come about, and instead merely sit comfortably in the knowledge that their digs won't affect me.
***** Mm. Can relate. Pockets of my family have operated with that kind of coded behaviour - including signals about 'disappointment'. As a child, I developed a reflex reaction of wanting to prevent or rectify any disappointment. Like you, I reconsidered this - if someone's disappointed in me, they may have unrealistic expectations, which I don't care to meet. I think, through healthy and appropriate disappointment, valuable learning can come - idealised images can be let go in favour of more realistic ones. Having said that, as I'm sure many of us know, some folks - for example some parents who idealise their children, or vice versa - have an incredibly tough time letting go.
I think its because you want to appear "cool" with it but you are actually not so isnt that the same as the example used in this video to show that one is " reasonable " why not just let ur grandparents know how it makes u feel when they do that and how youd like to be treated instead and if it doesn't happen just keep the distance
@@angel33333333 It works for some people but not others. Review the part about people being reasonable. My mom on a basic level doesn't respect my three brothers' and my autonomy so any time we speak up about anything it gets dismissed despite the fact that we are all between the ages of 25 and 32, maintain our own lives, and are active in our respective communities. This youtube channel also covers infantilization and how reasoning with toxic parents who infantilize their adult children doesn't really pan out because the parent will never truly see their own child as an adult with autonomy.
@@elsagrace3893 alot of things get to me but it critical thought seems to help when I can realize if I'm just running around using my "monkey brain" and instigating or being submissive without reason
Today i decided to drop my gimmick of 'I need people to treat me fairly' and just accept that the other person isn't going to ever respect me enough to do "the right thing". I have decided to stop engaging with them. I already feel relieved. I'm so tired and sad and angry. But, this video has been in my head a lot recently. I really appreciate you making it because I don't know that I would have learned about this as quickly as I have. I have gotten really far because of your hard work. Thank you :)
@slaughtz It can be very difficult to stop doing - these reactions become so automatic, we react before we think. And those reactions are muscular - they've been flexed many times and they're strong. Alternative responses we might want to start using can feel weak and clumsy in comparison, difficult to keep in our consciousness as the old reactions squeeze them down. I think the more the new muscles are flexed, the more they grow, so eventually we're no longer controlled by old auto-reactions.
Curry Chickon so why do you “stay away” from commenting on YT videos? Why do you say it in that way, “stay away”? Is there something that you are trying to avoid?
@@elsagrace3893 I hope TheraminTrees does a special video about the mentality of trolling and why so many of us have the urge to keep doing it even when it's clearly pointless
@@davidk7529 I feel like this has been touched on in this series, and about the need for attention; whether or not the attention is negative does not matter if the supposed troll is able to elicit a response
Damn, this knowledge is gold. I used to feel weird for needing to actually study relationships/social behaviour. But I see that it is extremely important for not staying lost and not being used by someone. It conducts me to reflect on what is going on internally and externally, so that I can take control over my own life. Thank you for the videos!
RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH I love your channel too Richard. Maybe you could do a vid about your favorite channels? I would have appreciated knowing about this one a lot sooner.
Agreed. Much more helpful if I allow the other person's autonomy and don't assume I'm so much smarter or more capable then they are of solving their own problems. I believe many times people don't want someone else's solution's but rather to be seen and heard. That's all. This mindset also keeps me on my side of the street and i don't get hooked into the " i must be Savior "mentality.
I decided that I want to work to drop my gimmick of appearing reasonable to make people see me as better. I watched all of your videos discussing religion as a teen and they helped me deal with being in a strongly religious household. Now I am watching these old ones because your new video was recommended to me. I can’t begin to describe the value that your channel has had in helping me self-reflect and open up opportunities for growth. Thank you.
This is actually very similar to a leason I learned in my mid-20s. "Sometimes as an adult, we need to act like a child." Sometimes you put too much energy into being the mature & stoic person. Then people forget that you are an person.
@@gido9467wouldn’t it be cool if, in the future, we could get holographic warnings detecting psychological errors and suggesting ways to combat them? Actually, the slightest fault in that system would be prone to misinterpretation and start wars based on the dogmatic assertion of the system’s perfection. Which, come to think of it, kinda sounds like… [COMMUNICATION TERMINATED]
These videos are helpful not only because they give us information on how to navigate tricky situations, but they also also help us understand when and where we need to watch ourselves, because if we’re being truthful, we’ve played these games in every stance as instigators and recipients. Woooo win win situations
This is so hard to stop doing. I've been doing this for years and it's only recently (under two weeks) I became aware of it. I would create stories in my head and try to find someone to 'act' it out with, my end goals in mind, not even caring what they think about it. Thanks for this series, I think it will really help when I've soaked it all in.
I think one of the great things about this series isn't just the help it gives for identifying/dealing with unacceptable or unpleasant behaviors of others but also helping to recognize and shift my own unacceptable games when I unintentionally fall into them. Love the introspection, even if it's a bit uncomfortable sometimes
@Antifides Thanks Antifides. I've found the metaphors TA offers have been invaluable thinking tools in extracting myself from many gamey interactions and relationships in my own personal life, so I thought I'd put them out there.
I never realised how deep this goes. I have noticed this stuff before but never gave it much thought. awesome videos, I think this would be a good start for a self help set of videos.
I'm completely awestruck. You have blown the lid off of a gimmick I'm currently a participant in. This information has given me so much new insight on myself & I will be eternally appreciative for you bringing this to light.
ThermaninTrees, you and your brother's videos are unbelievable, it is almost like a religion to me. I have been attempting to reform my life and actions because of you guys. Thanks you for the enlightening videos; and please, never stop making videos!
Nice! I honestly thought part 2 was a little tough for me to grasp it all, but this one made the previous one make a little more sense. I could notice a few of my gimmicks and games while watching. Interesting.
Thank you so much for taking the time to engage in what many would consider a thankless task; that is, explaining ideas in such a manner as to educate even simpletons like myself. You are awesome, TheraminTrees! :)
Thanks for the videos. I can relate to the information at work. Being a teacher, all the transactions are played out on daily basis by colleagues, parents, students and myself. I now have better insight.
Thanks, this trio has given me some insight on my own behavior. I always thought that I had good reason to be an asshole, but now I realize that there are times it wasn't justified.
I stay away from people who make a competition in whatever comment I make. It's boring. I hope you are not that type because people will avoid you unless they are the competitive type. In that case, things will scale up to no good.
again, a lovely illustration of TA. I find your drawings and visual methods really good, and I agree with calling the people simply A and B as not to further confuse. you really know your stuff mate!
TheraminTrees Can I suggest in future presentations that you put the letters 'A' and 'B' on the people diagrams.? I keep getting lost as to which is which. Thanks. But great talk very interesting
This series is awesome, I have a friend who tries these games and always gets annoyed when I don't put up with it, I never had a name for what she does though, this was quite revealing thanks.
I love these videos. Trying to chip away at my gimmicks, it's an odd feeling when I'm consciously stopping myself from entering the sort of games I usually play. "I must be right" (as in factually correct) and "I need approval"
Will definitely try to consider this in the future. Already had some of these thoughts, but this series really added more structure to understanding them in a way I hadn't considered.
@skiddywinkle Thanks. I wanted to publicise what I think are some very useful TA concepts - not just in therapeutic settings, but in everyday thinking about relationships. To me, the concepts are some of the most accessible to have emerged from the therapy 'industry'.
Loved the series. The "faulty role" friend really ties it together. It's important to realize every person can sometimes exhibit each of 3 P.A.C. mindsets. The faulty friend looks to another person to satisfy his drive to be a child (or Victim "left out") and also a parent (you're dumb for X) If we're not aware of our how we're fulfilling their needs, we'll shift roles to their liking, ultimately causing unhappiness. Solid inspection of the situation can create a stable adult role.
A lot of these concepts revolve around behaviors, including my own, that I've come to deem "suspiciously intractable". The problem is perfectly unsolvable. The help offered by you or by others to you simply won't do. Or the relationship with another person is simply a perfect bind that keeps you stuck letting them get their way. The key word is simple. There's been some oversight. Like maybe that person won't ruin your life if you tell them no. Or maybe that advice you received could work if you try it, or try it again. I've been on both sides of the games at play here and it is not an easy thing to recognize, let alone do something positive about. Thank you for making it a little bit easier.
I cannot believe I have come across this on today of all days. I am going to say "No", even though she said three hours ago, "'I'm putting my foot down." Even though I knew what the right thing to do was, I thought it wasn't an option, because she had 'decided'. You (and you're brother) are doing a grand job. Keep up the good work.
You are incredibly insightful and intelligent. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share your knowledge with us in a respectful and intelligent manner. You truly represent the good side of the internet.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I have watched more than a few videos that "tried" to explain TA, you have done what all the others couldn't , which was keep my interest and help me learn. Fantastic Job!
i think this series has helped me to understand why ive never been able to get along with people, i think ive been unwilling to play games and thus unable to satisfy the needs of others.
These have been helping me immensely with a friend who loves to play games. I realize now a lot of the problem is that I've been playing too. It's interesting to watch him reduce into a wailing child or insulting parent now that I refuse. Thank you much for posting!
I just spent the last half hour watching your videos on TA. These have been the clearest, most enlightening videos I've seen on TH-cam to this date. I thank you for making them. I can't wait to see the next two, and I hope in your video on "TH-cam games" you discuss games that are played in comments as well as those that are played in videos (as I do not currently make videos). The recent controversy over a debate between DonExodus2 and NephilimFree would be an interesting example to consider.
Can I just have my say that these videos are really brilliant, the voiceover is really music to my ears, because recently I've start to become more aware of games and how you can lock into an abusive relationship where it appears you are both in the adult states but the other 'splits' (which is an interesting word, does it denote a kind of split personality?) and sticks themselves firmly in the parent state and you are forced to submit. Some people are very good at making the split invisible.
I’ve finished this series in the same half hour I started it, and it has definitely opened up a lot of doors for me to understand harmful relationships with my family born from games I’ve felt have been frustratingly untouchable, but with no idea why. Of course, just having watched this, I’ve yet to develop these ideas for a changed outlook, but just knowing the parent-child relationship (especially examining myself as both a child and a secretive parent responding to what has felt like danger on my self-worth and autonomy) at least helps me feel calmer about my situation. The biggest harm about my transactions is that none of them have obvious rebuttals and take advantage of assumptions about success and rewards (mainly the freedom to behave and act human by having choices based on other than fear of future challenges in life) which clouds my judgement and gets things tangled in a mess.
@airandfingers I'm pleased you've found them useful airandfinger, thanks. Yes, the TH-cam Games script looks at games in comments and videos, though I'm not aware of the DonExodus2/NephilimFree debate you mentioned.
A lot to take in and think about yet again! I'm loving this series! The information, and the manner in which you are able to convey the message with clarity, is much appreciated...:-) Bravo on another stellar production! xoxoxo
Wow ... this video gave me some insight into my own behavior 😳. I was busy looking at how others behaviors impact on me when really I need to address my own behavior and what needs I’m trying to meet 🧐. So interesting. Thank you very much 🙏😁
I'm absolutely loving your videos. It can be very enlightening to think about the ideas and applying them to personal relationships. Keep it up i'd say:p
This is one of those videos that makes me stop and think. I used to be an always helpful good friend kind of person..and while now and then I can think of my self in those games...I learned to redefine what they mean to me. A wonderful video as always.
This is my second time through this video. I find it so very articulate and practical--and close to home: I've been traveling with a group of 18-year-old college students and have been seeing these dynamics in heightened extremes. I really like the emphasis on personal responsibility that this TA encourages--what all beneficial behavior stems from, I think.
I appreciate this series to the nth degree. Albeit I am not a fan of the theory itself, as a framework for behavioural strategem it is utilitarian in nature. Thank you for this series.
@papasitoman Thanks Papa! Good luck with the situation you describe here. I liked your point about how time/energy gets freed up. I remember years ago when I went through a period of stopping a lot of games with some people, within a small space of time. There was a sense of having been swimming, not realising the water was shallow enough to stand up in.
Amazing video!!....You explain this SO clearly!!....I can finally see where I have been going wrong all of these years and I recognise myself in so much of this....I will begin to apply this to my interactions with others from today...this has left me feeling very positive about my future....and I'm now going to watch all your other uploads...Thank you soooo much!!!
@DracoTheBlack Thanks Draco. There were so many different games, and so many different examples of gimmicks that I wanted to included - but with the limited time, I hoped the ones that made it in communicated enough about the potential scope.
@zthomasack Thanks. I like Berne's concept of 'gimmicks'. Really helps to make sense of the pitfalls of relying on fixed strategies - 'I must always/never ....'
As someone with HF autism, this short series is an extreme eye-opener and very valuable to me. I've always been blind to games in interactions and never cared much for them. But I realize how important it really is to guard yourself against misuse of them.
@airandfingers Just wanted to thank you for pointing me to the DonExodus2/NephilimFree debate - it was a great game to watch, and I thought DonExodus2 was very wise to record everything and expose it. On the strength of watching that discourse, I felt I had to rework the script to include this game - which, after all, we've seen many times haven't we? So, cheers!
Thank you so much for these videos! I did a psych degree and somehow this concept wasn’t ever covered but it makes a lot of sense, and plus it’s just so fascinating!
Hello again. I regret not ending the other conversation with something other than silence. I was presenting something too ephemeral to truly try and discuss.. so I just stopped. However, I hope you don't hold it against me! I watched these videos one after the other, and I have to admit that looking back on the relationships I have I can make out quite a few games that are being played.. and how I've slowly learned to stop playing them on my own. It is a revelation, to say the least. Thank you.
@ceraline Thanks. It varies. Most of the time, I use TA in my awareness of how I'm relating to a client. Sometimes, if the client seems interested or open to the concepts, I'll offer them as a possible framework - and some clients have really got into the subject. My approach is client-led, so I wouldn't pursue it if there weren't signals from them.
@TheReasonWhyGuy 'The need to feel smart. I have an incredibly annoying tendency to assume that anytime I don't feel smart, I'm stupid' -This is a really interesting comment TRWG. For me, there's something in it about how the 'need' for one thing can bring its opposite into sharper, aversive focus - like the broad continuum between the two things gets flattened into a more binary feel.
Over time, I have learned that I should try to give concrete advice only in a situation where it is explicitly asked on a specific topic. More often than not, when people say they are looking for help, or that they are feeling bad or anxious about something, giving advice will yield no positive results. Most problems are something people know how to deal with themselves, but are unable to because of some emotional reason, or they are already set on a plan of action but are looking for comfort or validation. Usually it is more constructive to ask a range of questions instead, to gauge the true motives that underlie the interaction.
Great, insightful video, Link. Piers found it particularly interesting. He's doing a starter course on psychology with the OU, so I'm being bombarded with questions on my opinions on a wide range of 'mind games' that we all play :-)
Thanks so much for creating and posting your [insert any positive adj. here!!] videos. They are not only informative and helpful, but create a desire to know more. I have been doing a lot of introspection, and your videos have put me on the right track. Truly appreciate your professional, approachable approach (hmm... just notice an alliteration in my phrase - it was not intention, I assure you) HT
@TheraminTrees Yep... though for some odd reasons, sometimes I try to play down my being smart as just normal, and not smart. I don't know if I really am trying to do that, or if I'm fishing for a disagreement, or if I'm trying to seem more humble... On a side note, I have a huge weakness, because I very quickly jump to my parent ego state, I need to give other people more credit, and assume they can handle it. Thanks for posting these videos, since it's helped me become more introspective :).
Alfredo Rafael Habersham Pabon Cheers! There is a TA4 video - and a TA5. But they come under different titles. The fourth video in the series is called 'TH-cam games' and the fifth is 'religion - the bad parent'.
wonderful series TT - Thank you and a great reminder of much of the stuff I knew when I was much younger...It's funny how much actually helpful stuff we forget!
Went to a Scepticamp yesterday, and asked a social science prof if he knew Theramintrees Videos. I think he must have then thought I was a Sci major. Great Vids.
@Theramintrees Very nice illistration. This is something I have not thought about before until now. I will attempt to identify these games and game-causing attributes of myself in order to avoid these games in the future. This may be very helpful for me because I have recognized that I have one of those "I must show I am superior" complexes. I really enjoy listening to the psychological analyses of human action. Keep up the good work! Regards, zthomasack
@MartialSkeptic 'It's actually a very close cousin of Scientology' -No, it 'actually' isn't. Your comment is a completely empty smear. If you don't get anything out of the ideas, you're free not to use them - but don't make false claims.
Please, never take these down. I can see this video is 14 years old and I just saw it for the first time! The entire series so far is incredible. Thank you for your efforts.
@Kylevilhelm 'Just a quick note, in the earlier videos the black character was used as the protaganist, where as in this one it was the blue character.'
-Yes, thanks for picking up on that. It was a deliberate switch - flipping the idea that games are 'done to us' by the instigator; viewing the targets as very active participants, looking to get their needs met.
Every single time I visit my grandparents, they sit there in a huff telling me over and over they're "disappointed" in this, that, and the other. Even though they're careful never to make me the direct subject of their disappointment, I'm always given the impression that they're trying to undermine or put pressure on me. Lately I've taken to reacting to this by being as pleasant and relaxed around them as possible, interjecting positivity wherever I can. If I ask myself sincerely why I'm doing this, I come to the conclusion that it isn't, as I first imagined, because I want them to change their behaviour. It's because I want to prove to myself that I can stand apart from it. Knowing this, I can let go of any expectation that change will come about, and instead merely sit comfortably in the knowledge that their digs won't affect me.
***** Mm. Can relate. Pockets of my family have operated with that kind of coded behaviour - including signals about 'disappointment'. As a child, I developed a reflex reaction of wanting to prevent or rectify any disappointment. Like you, I reconsidered this - if someone's disappointed in me, they may have unrealistic expectations, which I don't care to meet. I think, through healthy and appropriate disappointment, valuable learning can come - idealised images can be let go in favour of more realistic ones. Having said that, as I'm sure many of us know, some folks - for example some parents who idealise their children, or vice versa - have an incredibly tough time letting go.
Sounds to me like it does get to you. 🤷🏻♀️ still
I think its because you want to appear "cool" with it but you are actually not so isnt that the same as the example used in this video to show that one is " reasonable "
why not just let ur grandparents know how it makes u feel when they do that and how youd like to be treated instead and if it doesn't happen just keep the distance
@@angel33333333
It works for some people but not others. Review the part about people being reasonable. My mom on a basic level doesn't respect my three brothers' and my autonomy so any time we speak up about anything it gets dismissed despite the fact that we are all between the ages of 25 and 32, maintain our own lives, and are active in our respective communities.
This youtube channel also covers infantilization and how reasoning with toxic parents who infantilize their adult children doesn't really pan out because the parent will never truly see their own child as an adult with autonomy.
@@elsagrace3893 alot of things get to me but it critical thought seems to help when I can realize if I'm just running around using my "monkey brain" and instigating or being submissive without reason
Today i decided to drop my gimmick of 'I need people to treat me fairly' and just accept that the other person isn't going to ever respect me enough to do "the right thing". I have decided to stop engaging with them. I already feel relieved. I'm so tired and sad and angry. But, this video has been in my head a lot recently. I really appreciate you making it because I don't know that I would have learned about this as quickly as I have. I have gotten really far because of your hard work. Thank you :)
good luck and stay strong! i know we’ll never meet or anything like that but i know very well how hard that is!
@slaughtz It can be very difficult to stop doing - these reactions become so automatic, we react before we think. And those reactions are muscular - they've been flexed many times and they're strong. Alternative responses we might want to start using can feel weak and clumsy in comparison, difficult to keep in our consciousness as the old reactions squeeze them down. I think the more the new muscles are flexed, the more they grow, so eventually we're no longer controlled by old auto-reactions.
I usually really stay away from commenting on YT videos… outstanding series. Amazing job! Thanks for sharing.
Curry Chickon Cheers!
Curry Chickon so why do you “stay away” from commenting on YT videos? Why do you say it in that way, “stay away”? Is there something that you are trying to avoid?
@@elsagrace3893 I hope TheraminTrees does a special video about the mentality of trolling and why so many of us have the urge to keep doing it even when it's clearly pointless
@@davidk7529 I feel like this has been touched on in this series, and about the need for attention; whether or not the attention is negative does not matter if the supposed troll is able to elicit a response
@@elsagrace3893 this person is probably referring o arguments and back/forths people can sometimes get into on this site.
Damn, this knowledge is gold. I used to feel weird for needing to actually study relationships/social behaviour. But I see that it is extremely important for not staying lost and not being used by someone. It conducts me to reflect on what is going on internally and externally, so that I can take control over my own life. Thank you for the videos!
It’s been 10years and I still come back to these videos. Each time with a little better understanding of myself and the games around me.
Same but eight years lol
I love the use of the adjective "gamey" to label some vague words with multiple possible meanings like "helpful".
Hi Richard, love your channel!
RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH I love your channel too Richard. Maybe you could do a vid about your favorite channels? I would have appreciated knowing about this one a lot sooner.
Agreed. Much more helpful if I allow the other person's autonomy and don't assume I'm so much smarter or more capable then they are of solving their own problems. I believe many times people don't want someone else's solution's but rather to be seen and heard. That's all.
This mindset also keeps me on my side of the street and i don't get hooked into the " i must be Savior "mentality.
@@iamdragon5914 100%. You see this dynamic in marriage a lot.
You helped me deal with a narc in my life that was keeping me from being independent. Glad to see your comments on some of the videos I watch. :)
I decided that I want to work to drop my gimmick of appearing reasonable to make people see me as better. I watched all of your videos discussing religion as a teen and they helped me deal with being in a strongly religious household. Now I am watching these old ones because your new video was recommended to me. I can’t begin to describe the value that your channel has had in helping me self-reflect and open up opportunities for growth. Thank you.
This is actually very similar to a leason I learned in my mid-20s.
"Sometimes as an adult, we need to act like a child." Sometimes you put too much energy into being the mature & stoic person. Then people forget that you are an person.
yes!
correction: "a person" not "an person"
@@MichaelEhrmantraut12 “WARNING: INCOMING GAME”
@@gido9467 lmao!
@@gido9467wouldn’t it be cool if, in the future, we could get holographic warnings detecting psychological errors and suggesting ways to combat them?
Actually, the slightest fault in that system would be prone to misinterpretation and start wars based on the dogmatic assertion of the system’s perfection. Which, come to think of it, kinda sounds like… [COMMUNICATION TERMINATED]
These videos are helpful not only because they give us information on how to navigate tricky situations, but they also also help us understand when and where we need to watch ourselves, because if we’re being truthful, we’ve played these games in every stance as instigators and recipients.
Woooo win win situations
This is so hard to stop doing. I've been doing this for years and it's only recently (under two weeks) I became aware of it. I would create stories in my head and try to find someone to 'act' it out with, my end goals in mind, not even caring what they think about it. Thanks for this series, I think it will really help when I've soaked it all in.
I think one of the great things about this series isn't just the help it gives for identifying/dealing with unacceptable or unpleasant behaviors of others but also helping to recognize and shift my own unacceptable games when I unintentionally fall into them. Love the introspection, even if it's a bit uncomfortable sometimes
@Antifides Thanks Antifides. I've found the metaphors TA offers have been invaluable thinking tools in extracting myself from many gamey interactions and relationships in my own personal life, so I thought I'd put them out there.
I never realised how deep this goes. I have noticed this stuff before but never gave it much thought. awesome videos, I think this would be a good start for a self help set of videos.
I'm completely awestruck.
You have blown the lid off of a gimmick I'm currently a participant in. This information has given me so much new insight on myself & I will be eternally appreciative for you bringing this to light.
ThermaninTrees, you and your brother's videos are unbelievable, it is almost like a religion to me. I have been attempting to reform my life and actions because of you guys. Thanks you for the enlightening videos; and please, never stop making videos!
These videos are so much fun. It's introspection at a level that I've never been to before and it's most certainly enlightening.
The most understated and professional voice I've ever been emotionally provoked by. This video has so much power.
Thanks - glad you enjoyed it.
Nice! I honestly thought part 2 was a little tough for me to grasp it all, but this one made the previous one make a little more sense. I could notice a few of my gimmicks and games while watching. Interesting.
Thank you so much for taking the time to engage in what many would consider a thankless task; that is, explaining ideas in such a manner as to educate even simpletons like myself.
You are awesome, TheraminTrees! :)
Thanks for the videos. I can relate to the information at work. Being a teacher, all the transactions are played out on daily basis by colleagues, parents, students and myself. I now have better insight.
Thanks, this trio has given me some insight on my own behavior. I always thought that I had good reason to be an asshole, but now I realize that there are times it wasn't justified.
I stay away from people who make a competition in whatever comment I make. It's boring. I hope you are not that type because people will avoid you unless they are the competitive type. In that case, things will scale up to no good.
@@Lyrielonwind Good on you, but what does that have to do with me?
again, a lovely illustration of TA. I find your drawings and visual methods really good, and I agree with calling the people simply A and B as not to further confuse. you really know your stuff mate!
TheraminTrees Can I suggest in future presentations that you put the letters 'A' and 'B' on the people diagrams.? I keep getting lost as to which is which. Thanks. But great talk very interesting
agree.
A is on the left, B on the right. Consistently.
Agree. A little bit more effort on the presentation style will help a lot more people to understand the complex topic.
Hm yes that would make it easier to follow the narration in real time.
A is always the one who starts the game.
This series is awesome, I have a friend who tries these games and always gets annoyed when I don't put up with it, I never had a name for what she does though, this was quite revealing thanks.
I love these videos. Trying to chip away at my gimmicks, it's an odd feeling when I'm consciously stopping myself from entering the sort of games I usually play.
"I must be right" (as in factually correct) and "I need approval"
I'll be damned. This is SO powerful. I'm so happy to have found out about T.A It makes so much sense.
Will definitely try to consider this in the future. Already had some of these thoughts, but this series really added more structure to understanding them in a way I hadn't considered.
@skiddywinkle Thanks. I wanted to publicise what I think are some very useful TA concepts - not just in therapeutic settings, but in everyday thinking about relationships. To me, the concepts are some of the most accessible to have emerged from the therapy 'industry'.
Loved the series. The "faulty role" friend really ties it together. It's important to realize every person can sometimes exhibit each of 3 P.A.C. mindsets. The faulty friend looks to another person to satisfy his drive to be a child (or Victim "left out") and also a parent (you're dumb for X)
If we're not aware of our how we're fulfilling their needs, we'll shift roles to their liking, ultimately causing unhappiness. Solid inspection of the situation can create a stable adult role.
5:27 holy shit you just exposed me so hard I feel like 32 years of life has been summed into 10 seconds of a TH-cam video. Holy shit.
I've always loved transactional analysis but I think this particular video might just change my life. Thank you.
This is an incredible explanation of how psychological abuse happens, and how to handle it effectively in various situations🙂
A lot of these concepts revolve around behaviors, including my own, that I've come to deem "suspiciously intractable". The problem is perfectly unsolvable. The help offered by you or by others to you simply won't do. Or the relationship with another person is simply a perfect bind that keeps you stuck letting them get their way. The key word is simple. There's been some oversight. Like maybe that person won't ruin your life if you tell them no. Or maybe that advice you received could work if you try it, or try it again.
I've been on both sides of the games at play here and it is not an easy thing to recognize, let alone do something positive about. Thank you for making it a little bit easier.
I cannot believe I have come across this on today of all days. I am going to say "No", even though she said three hours ago, "'I'm putting my foot down." Even though I knew what the right thing to do was, I thought it wasn't an option, because she had 'decided'.
You (and you're brother) are doing a grand job. Keep up the good work.
Thank you again for these videos. I just identified my first gimmick in myself: "I must be humble."
Thanks so much for this series. You've explained things so clearly.
You are incredibly insightful and intelligent. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share your knowledge with us in a respectful and intelligent manner. You truly represent the good side of the internet.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I have watched more than a few videos that "tried" to explain TA, you have done what all the others couldn't , which was keep my interest and help me learn. Fantastic Job!
That's great to hear - thank you!
Never knew what this was called, I have sensed it in dealing with people but this is an eye opener, thnx.
i think this series has helped me to understand why ive never been able to get along with people, i think ive been unwilling to play games and thus unable to satisfy the needs of others.
These have been helping me immensely with a friend who loves to play games. I realize now a lot of the problem is that I've been playing too. It's interesting to watch him reduce into a wailing child or insulting parent now that I refuse. Thank you much for posting!
I just spent the last half hour watching your videos on TA. These have been the clearest, most enlightening videos I've seen on TH-cam to this date. I thank you for making them. I can't wait to see the next two, and I hope in your video on "TH-cam games" you discuss games that are played in comments as well as those that are played in videos (as I do not currently make videos). The recent controversy over a debate between DonExodus2 and NephilimFree would be an interesting example to consider.
These videos on TA have been very helpful to me. Thank you very much indeed.
Can I just have my say that these videos are really brilliant, the voiceover is really music to my ears, because recently I've start to become more aware of games and how you can lock into an abusive relationship where it appears you are both in the adult states but the other 'splits' (which is an interesting word, does it denote a kind of split personality?) and sticks themselves firmly in the parent state and you are forced to submit. Some people are very good at making the split invisible.
Great video.. It gives great understanding of TA for my students, when they have read the theory and watches your videos :-) :-) :-)
That's great to hear - glad the videos helped.
I’ve finished this series in the same half hour I started it, and it has definitely opened up a lot of doors for me to understand harmful relationships with my family born from games I’ve felt have been frustratingly untouchable, but with no idea why.
Of course, just having watched this, I’ve yet to develop these ideas for a changed outlook, but just knowing the parent-child relationship (especially examining myself as both a child and a secretive parent responding to what has felt like danger on my self-worth and autonomy) at least helps me feel calmer about my situation. The biggest harm about my transactions is that none of them have obvious rebuttals and take advantage of assumptions about success and rewards (mainly the freedom to behave and act human by having choices based on other than fear of future challenges in life) which clouds my judgement and gets things tangled in a mess.
these series are addictive!
@airandfingers I'm pleased you've found them useful airandfinger, thanks. Yes, the TH-cam Games script looks at games in comments and videos, though I'm not aware of the DonExodus2/NephilimFree debate you mentioned.
A lot to take in and think about yet again! I'm loving this series! The information, and the manner in which you are able to convey the message with clarity, is much appreciated...:-) Bravo on another stellar production! xoxoxo
Wow ... this video gave me some insight into my own behavior 😳. I was busy looking at how others behaviors impact on me when really I need to address my own behavior and what needs I’m trying to meet 🧐. So interesting. Thank you very much 🙏😁
I'm absolutely loving your videos. It can be very enlightening to think about the ideas and applying them to personal relationships. Keep it up i'd say:p
This is one of those videos that makes me stop and think. I used to be an always helpful good friend kind of person..and while now and then I can think of my self in those games...I learned to redefine what they mean to me. A wonderful video as always.
@wearealltubes 'like a ravening, motile midden of memories'
-Sheer poetry!
A fantastic video. Well paced, nice clean visuals. Just the right amount of input. More more more!
This is my second time through this video. I find it so very articulate and practical--and close to home: I've been traveling with a group of 18-year-old college students and have been seeing these dynamics in heightened extremes. I really like the emphasis on personal responsibility that this TA encourages--what all beneficial behavior stems from, I think.
I appreciate this series to the nth degree. Albeit I am not a fan of the theory itself, as a framework for behavioural strategem it is utilitarian in nature.
Thank you for this series.
@papasitoman Thanks Papa! Good luck with the situation you describe here. I liked your point about how time/energy gets freed up. I remember years ago when I went through a period of stopping a lot of games with some people, within a small space of time. There was a sense of having been swimming, not realising the water was shallow enough to stand up in.
Amazing video!!....You explain this SO clearly!!....I can finally see where I have been going wrong all of these years and I recognise myself in so much of this....I will begin to apply this to my interactions with others from today...this has left me feeling very positive about my future....and I'm now going to watch all your other uploads...Thank you soooo much!!!
Great explanation! I'm an argentinian psychology student and those 3 videos helped me a lot. Thanks!
Very interesting video series. It has given me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time to make them!
@DracoTheBlack Thanks Draco. There were so many different games, and so many different examples of gimmicks that I wanted to included - but with the limited time, I hoped the ones that made it in communicated enough about the potential scope.
@zthomasack Thanks. I like Berne's concept of 'gimmicks'. Really helps to make sense of the pitfalls of relying on fixed strategies - 'I must always/never ....'
Absoloutly brilliant Theraman. Thank you, these are really helping.
Thanks.
As someone with HF autism, this short series is an extreme eye-opener and very valuable to me. I've always been blind to games in interactions and never cared much for them. But I realize how important it really is to guard yourself against misuse of them.
thank you so much for this information. I've always wanted to study psychology and now I have amazing, easy to understand material like this.
Just watched all three episodes again, such a useful and inspiring series Theramin!
@airandfingers Just wanted to thank you for pointing me to the DonExodus2/NephilimFree debate - it was a great game to watch, and I thought DonExodus2 was very wise to record everything and expose it. On the strength of watching that discourse, I felt I had to rework the script to include this game - which, after all, we've seen many times haven't we? So, cheers!
Thank you so much for these videos! I did a psych degree and somehow this concept wasn’t ever covered but it makes a lot of sense, and plus it’s just so fascinating!
In yet another instance that proves the awesomeness and endless opportunities of the internet, I'll have to do alot of thinking about these videos.
@Gaythoven Thanks Gaythovan! Just sharing ideas I've found so useful in my own life.
these videos are so good thank you!
I find this remarkably intriguing.
Hello again. I regret not ending the other conversation with something other than silence. I was presenting something too ephemeral to truly try and discuss.. so I just stopped. However, I hope you don't hold it against me! I watched these videos one after the other, and I have to admit that looking back on the relationships I have I can make out quite a few games that are being played.. and how I've slowly learned to stop playing them on my own. It is a revelation, to say the least. Thank you.
My tutor said about checking these video's out. Very helpful and easy to understand. So thank you, I'll be looking out for more!
+Rachel Bibby Glad you found them useful. Cheers.
@XionXi Thanks - I'm glad you found it useful. I think TA offers some fascinating perspectives/solutions.
Insightful and much needed! Thank you for this series
@ceraline Thanks. It varies. Most of the time, I use TA in my awareness of how I'm relating to a client. Sometimes, if the client seems interested or open to the concepts, I'll offer them as a possible framework - and some clients have really got into the subject. My approach is client-led, so I wouldn't pursue it if there weren't signals from them.
@Zeuts85 'Could you please record them with a bit higher volume?'
-Sure - I'll look into that.
@TheReasonWhyGuy 'The need to feel smart. I have an incredibly annoying tendency to assume that anytime I don't feel smart, I'm stupid'
-This is a really interesting comment TRWG. For me, there's something in it about how the 'need' for one thing can bring its opposite into sharper, aversive focus - like the broad continuum between the two things gets flattened into a more binary feel.
Over time, I have learned that I should try to give concrete advice only in a situation where it is explicitly asked on a specific topic. More often than not, when people say they are looking for help, or that they are feeling bad or anxious about something, giving advice will yield no positive results. Most problems are something people know how to deal with themselves, but are unable to because of some emotional reason, or they are already set on a plan of action but are looking for comfort or validation. Usually it is more constructive to ask a range of questions instead, to gauge the true motives that underlie the interaction.
Great, insightful video, Link. Piers found it particularly interesting. He's doing a starter course on psychology with the OU, so I'm being bombarded with questions on my opinions on a wide range of 'mind games' that we all play :-)
Could have done with this talk when I was a young person :) Awesome thanks so much!
love your channel!
Please do more of these! They're amazing!
What a fantastic series of videos!!
This is mind blowing on a small scale.
Can't get enough of this. More please!!!
Thanks so much for creating and posting your [insert any positive adj. here!!] videos. They are not only informative and helpful, but create a desire to know more. I have been doing a lot of introspection, and your videos have put me on the right track.
Truly appreciate your professional, approachable approach (hmm... just notice an alliteration in my phrase - it was not intention, I assure you)
HT
@TheraminTrees Yep... though for some odd reasons, sometimes I try to play down my being smart as just normal, and not smart. I don't know if I really am trying to do that, or if I'm fishing for a disagreement, or if I'm trying to seem more humble...
On a side note, I have a huge weakness, because I very quickly jump to my parent ego state, I need to give other people more credit, and assume they can handle it.
Thanks for posting these videos, since it's helped me become more introspective :).
@ChaoticSupernova 'Finally!!'
-You wouldn't *believe* the swathe of obstacles that plagued this one .....
This is such an AWESOME WORK! :D THANK YOU!!!! Can we have a "Transactional Analysis 4" video !?
Alfredo Rafael Habersham Pabon Cheers! There is a TA4 video - and a TA5. But they come under different titles. The fourth video in the series is called 'TH-cam games' and the fifth is 'religion - the bad parent'.
wonderful series TT - Thank you and a great reminder of much of the stuff I knew when I was much younger...It's funny how much actually helpful stuff we forget!
Wow! Great insight! Thanks for recording it
@mikeyfbi 'i'd donate to see more videos more often.'
-That's a very kind compliment mikeyfbi.
Went to a Scepticamp yesterday, and asked a social science prof if he knew Theramintrees Videos. I think he must have then thought I was a Sci major.
Great Vids.
@Theramintrees Very nice illistration. This is something I have not thought about before until now. I will attempt to identify these games and game-causing attributes of myself in order to avoid these games in the future. This may be very helpful for me because I have recognized that I have one of those "I must show I am superior" complexes.
I really enjoy listening to the psychological analyses of human action. Keep up the good work!
Regards,
zthomasack
It's neat learning the underlying reasons behind interaction. Thank you for presenting these videos.
@MartialSkeptic 'It's actually a very close cousin of Scientology'
-No, it 'actually' isn't. Your comment is a completely empty smear. If you don't get anything out of the ideas, you're free not to use them - but don't make false claims.