I grew up with a mother that screamed and never just had a conversation. I realize that I am starting to do the same thing with my 6 year old when she doesn’t listen to me. I do not want to repeat the cycle. This video is such a big help and I will be watching more from this channel.
My dad used to yell at us too growing up. It was horrible. From insults to hurting us physically. It messed us all up. I have 2 kids now. I love them to death, but sometimes I find myself getting very upset when they don’t listen and I do yell at them. I feel horrible right after. I don’t want to scare or hurt them like my dad did to me. I understand what you mean. I just started watching this video. I’ll continue to work on getting better. I hope you can too.
Good question, Bethany Warner. We have some videos on that: "How To Get Toddler To Stop Hitting" - th-cam.com/video/Uny7obNleVk/w-d-xo.html "How To Stop Siblings From Fighting" - th-cam.com/video/W_FGqTY7pSM/w-d-xo.html "Dealing With Aggressive Behavior In Children" - th-cam.com/video/WwWyT0CnzAk/w-d-xo.html Thank you for watching!
Brilliant. These videos are always so enlightening. Your channel, books, podcasts, and reading books you've mentioned on this channel have totally flipped my paradigm. My subconscious is finally catching on and it's so liberating. Thank you to your staff, family, everyone who's made all these resources possible and available!
Maybe I didn’t get it right because of English is second language only, but to me that sounds like black mailing your kids or at least threaten them with made up „consequences“. Am I wrong and if so, what‘s the difference?
Mama Fox, thank you for watching and trying to understand. In life, the choices we make have positive or negative consequences. As a parent, you want to teach your children about consequences by making them obvious and applicable to their lives. Some choices have natural consequences (for instance, if they don't plug in the tablet, they can't play on it when the battery dies). Other times you will need to provide the consequences. Another word for it is discipline. Children should eventually learn how to discipline themselves, but first must learn it from the parents. As the child gets older, parents can ask self-reflection questions such as "What do you think a good consequence for that would be?" or "How did that make you feel?" Hope this helps!
My 10 years old son still whine, about everything, like internet is lagging, telling him to shower, etc. He doesn’t do that outside. Hearing him whining all day irritate me where I yelled at him to talk normal. How should I handle this? Please help.
For instance if he yels becuese of slow internet do this: ask him to not yel or he's device wil be removed from him its he's chose wat way he goes but after he knows the consequences he Wil pick the right choses so he Wil grow op but remember u don't have to be like yelling and fighting it shows him that he is right and u are wrong just understand that yelling fighting is for nothing but making more problems
Jenny D, we have a couple videos that discuss this: "What To Do When My Child Argues About Everything" - th-cam.com/video/OouZ3EUG4MY/w-d-xo.html "How To Get Your Kid To Stop Screaming" - th-cam.com/video/kc7YmtLLlu0/w-d-xo.html Thank you for watching.
Thank you for the good ideas, AllsWell L. I love that you are giving your son responsibilities that signal he is important to the family. And I'm just saying... we have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist, in case you want him to see some educational, beneficial videos: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html : )
In the lightbulb example it trains children to only consider other people’s wishes when it affects them directly. When we detach from the outcome, children can easily choose the self-destructive choice each time just like one of my students chose. His personality is so strong willed that he chose time outs most of the day instead of healthy behavior when given a clear alternative choice. Thoughts?
Samaira abdi, something you control that doesn't require their cooperation. That can be access to toys, activities, treats, etc. Watch some more videos to get some more information.
Love this! I have been using this strategy of two options on my stubborn three year old, it works and also helps me not to give in to yelling and then feeling awful after. I feel calmer and more in control , am able to use a calm face, voice and body to him and he ends up doing what i needed him to then coming to me after and saying sorry without me asking him to. I then try to use empathy with how he is feeling and say I understand how hard it was for him. I am also using your tip about finding the trigger points where you recognise a bad behaviour is about to start and you are going to start getting wound up so that you can take a moment to step to another room, do the deep breathing, calm down and remember the bad behaviour is not urgent and that its typical for a three year old, I'm the one that has a problem with it. Can I please ask is it ok to 'ignore' certain actions or things they are saying (pretend I haven't heard it) if its clear they are doing it to provoke a reaction, good or bad? Or should I be telling them to stop it? As when I do he will giggle and do it more.
Devon Bear, I am so happy to hear that you have found success with implementing tips from the videos. That is awesome - thank you for letting me know. To answer your question, we have to be careful about ignoring. We need to give our children plenty of attention for them to know that we sincerely love them. I would say if they are looking for a good reaction, it's probably best to give it - even if it is brief. If they want a "bad" reaction, that is up to you to determine when it is appropriate to ignore. Perhaps instead of saying "stop it," you can ask them to tell you over lunch or dinner, or another time when you are going to be with the child anyway like at bedtime.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ah ok thankyou so much for the reply. So respond well when he is looking for a good reaction eg praise and if he is doing the bad action he knows is bad eg screaming, throwing things, jumping on sofa, saying things eg 'mummy is stupid' then determine if small enough to ignore and if not then to discuss it later and talk about why he shouldn't have done/said it?
@@devonbear4979 Yes, except perhaps the throwing things - we don't want him to hurt anyone and and want to minimize destroying property. When a child is in this mindset, they aren't listening to you anyway. Make sure to use consequences as a way to enforce the rules.
Dr. Paul, thank you for this wonderful video. If you could help with how to deal with reacting when we get angry on the spot so we can come up with the options. When I get frustrated and realize I shouldn't be yelling I have a hard time with coming up with alternatives to give to my child. Thank you.
World Running Network, we have several videos supporting parents in their desire to not yell. Don't know if you've seen these 2, but if you haven't I highly recommend them: "How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling" - th-cam.com/video/kHvm1J9HVLo/w-d-xo.html "How To Stay CALM When You Feel Like YELLING" - th-cam.com/video/cp4Jw19YDO4/w-d-xo.html We also have the "How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | Five-Day Challenge" playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html As for coming up with alternatives, it's best to come up with those beforehand as much as you can so you don't have to think on the spot if you're in flight or fight mode. Make a list of things your child controls (their behavior, language, chores, schoolwork, etc.) and make another list to the right of that of things that you control (preferred food, screen time, access to things, etc.). I explain it in more detail in some other videos as well. You can search "Live On Purpose TV" + consequences (or discipline). Here are a couple: "Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - th-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/w-d-xo.html "How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - th-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/w-d-xo.html Honored to be on your positive parenting team!
I'm really glad to have found your channel. So far it has helped me immensely in being a better mother and aunt. I was really struggling in not losing my cool whenever I help my mother with the children (my niece and 2 nephews) that she has custody of as well as my own two. I don't like yelling (and I felt like a garbage human whenever I have spanked in the past) and your videos have helped me to refocus my frustration into the love I have for all five children. You are amazing and I hope you continue to spread your positive messages and teach others like me that we don't have to parent that way. Thank you so much!!
Every problem I have is because of my overthinking! I like watching these videos! I really appreciate that the videos are based on improving parenting skills, to help people become better parents 💜
What can I do? Often, I'm screaming before I know it. He talks back, argues, lies and lies about the arguing and lying. It's several times a day, somedays it seems constant. I yell at least once a day, and lately it much more, I'm worn down.
I agree with your analysis but not your solution. I don't think creating a culture of passive aggressive vindictiveness is really going to create a desirable outcome in the long term. Encouraging parents to create problems for their kids as a way to teach them a lesson for causing you a problem just ain't it, man.
I keep raging at my boys, they’re 6, twins. They are sweet to each other sometimes but other times they are so cruel, they end up screaming at each other running through the house. Punching each other, calling each other names. It gets to a point I just explode! I hate when I do that. I need to do something about it. Your video is the first I’ve watched to get help. Thanks!
Thank you, Assan Tootkay. I understand the difficulty, but you can do it. Other parents have said that they are getting better. No one expects you to be perfect. I hope you keep watching the videos as reminders. We have lots more on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html , as well as our “How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | Five-Day Challenge” playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html . Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV!
Ownership of the problem and way of thinking really resonates with me. The issues in your examples revolve around control over children’s behavior. With children it seams like training behavior by providing them options with a carrot and stick approach. Pushing a problem onto them is kind of like using a stick. I know this video is about children, but My question is, how does this apply to a spouse? You can’t take away your spouses phone or take away the lightbulbs. But it seams like thinking and problem ownership are still key elements to stop yelling.
Logan Finlay, you can have discussions about the end that you both want. You can model a different way. You can show how to be effective without yelling.
Hi, I really needed to see this! I've been struggling so much with my oldest child. She doesn't actually do anything bad/wrong, but we seem to clash all the time & i find I'm almost talking to her like I'm a moody teenager! 🤦♀️ I don't know how to break the cycle 🤷♀️ i feel I'm harder on my daughter (7) than my son (5) any tips greatly recieved 😊
Glad I could be there when you needed it, Laura Meilandt-Jessen. : ) When talking to your daughter, remember that you love her, remember that whatever she is going through is just a stage, it's not who she "is". Here are a few videos I thought of for you: "Positive Communication With Your Child" - th-cam.com/video/Zy1Q2uMycCg/w-d-xo.html "What To Do When My Child Argues About Everything" - th-cam.com/video/OouZ3EUG4MY/w-d-xo.html "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen" - th-cam.com/video/wGydJK67pTs/w-d-xo.html Thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV!
I have a 12 year old who continuously lets our cat out when told not to and no amount of yelling works. He always says "Its my cat". I finally decided that if he were to do it again I would board the cat up at our vet and he would be responsible to bringing the cat home, ie he would need to pay the nightly fee ($28). I also told him that the next time he told me that it is his cat that I would be more than happy to show him all the invoices we have paid for the cat over the past 3 years and he can reimburse us. Its been 3 days since he has let the cat out....
I've been using this strategy but I still get angry and yell when I tell them what the consequence will be if they don't do what I'm expecting them to do and they start having a tantrum or a meltdown. I can't stand them crying for such reasons. It makes me angry.
Lonna27, I hear you. It's not easy to change old ways - it takes lots of practice, and even then you will still make mistakes because you are human. You said a few things I want to address: 1. Expectations - this is the biggest reason parents get frustrated (and consequently yell), because the children don't meet their expectations. I explain this further in the video "How To Enjoy Your Children More" - th-cam.com/video/PNA7fmmqxoE/w-d-xo.html 2. If you have consequences already planned out for common misbehaviors (like not listening or disobeying) then you can relax a bit more knowing what you're going to do in those situations. You can also remind your children what the consequence is for their actions and allow them a few moments to make a better choice. Here are a couple videos that give ideas for consequences: "Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - th-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/w-d-xo.html "How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - th-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/w-d-xo.html 3. You mentioned tantrums. We have several videos on this subject, so if you search "Live On Purpose tantrum," you can hopefully gather some good information there. Here is one to get you started: "What To Do When Your Child Throws A Temper Tantrum" - th-cam.com/video/PiINOqZ6cYk/w-d-xo.html Lastly, be patient with yourself as you try new strategies. We have more videos to support you on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Thank you sooo much Dr. Paul and your team for taking the time to reply to my comment and provide me with a list of videos to get me started! I really appreciate it. I will definitely check them out.
The more I think about it the more I realise that this method is only beneficial for the parent. What if our kid only chooses the option we control over and over again and then stops trying. Before we know it we have a kid that may have bigger issues.
I truly enjoy watching these videos. I sooo wish this would work with our dogs’ behavioral issues. Dog trainer for both is out of the budget so the search for solutions continues.
My issue is that my daughter drags her feet at every step in our morning routine. It causes us to be late. Ive tried an earlier bedtime, waking up earlier, having everything ready to go in the morning, and none of it has made a positive difference. The 2 possibilities are we get through the morning and out the door on time and all make it to our places on time, or we dont get out the door on time and are late, and i get fired!!!
david mundy, there is an organization for substitute teachers called STEDI, look them up, they have a newsletter and classes for substitutes. You can try to work with admin and at some schools with a tougher population, they have an admin person come to the room at the beginning of class to make sure you can get attendance and get the class settled, then they leave.
What about the children 4 and 7 years old "painting" bedsheets, comforter, wall, countertop, toilet, carpet, dolls, your favorite and expense purse with blue/glitter nail polish? Well if yelling is not an option, then I can only cry. Unfortunately, this technique does not apply to this case, I don't see transfer the ownership to fix that problem, because It cannot be fixed.
Have you tried to let them clean it by themselves? Even if don't manage to clean it they start experiencing the consequences of their action. Next time they might think again...
Mey Rodrigues Kelly, that sounds like a very frustrating situation, and admittedly would be hard to not yell or cry. I still believe it's possible, though - if the parent has been practicing for a while. My heart goes out to you. The way to transfer ownership might be to help them clean it up on all possible surfaces. Since it would require nail polish remover, you would need to be there helping them. I would also give additional consequences. We have several videos on discipline if you want some ideas. Here are 2: "How To Stay CALM When You Feel Like YELLING" - th-cam.com/video/cp4Jw19YDO4/w-d-xo.html "7 Ways To Discipline Your Child" - th-cam.com/video/G3nu1QfOUqE/w-d-xo.html We have much more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html I hope you stay a while. : )
P. Offereins oh yes I did It and also, I asked them the favorite stuff animals, now is mine. Of course, it has not the same efficiency as the video suggested, but at least they had some consequences. Thank you for your support.
Live On Purpose TV yes, is very frustrating, and I usually don’t scream, yelling at them, I’m more a talking kind of person, it is my personality. But with that situation, it was a huge surprise, I felt angry. Definitely I’ll watch these videos. Thank you for your work.
Sounds really convincing! I'll recommend my wife. She often suffers from parenting our kids, especially when she teaches her homework. Our daughter often complains about homework which is difficult, and she says that she wants to give up. So, I suggest alternatives next time when she faces it. It's time to prepare for the alternatives. It's my job. Thanks a lot, Dr Paul!
Awesome video. My husband needs to hear this. Thank you. He blames everyone why he's yelling. It's sad because parents should be a good example. Control anger instead of letting anger control you, right? Bible teaches the importance of self control.
I grew up with a mother that screamed and never just had a conversation. I realize that I am starting to do the same thing with my 6 year old when she doesn’t listen to me. I do not want to repeat the cycle. This video is such a big help and I will be watching more from this channel.
Natosha Barthalow, I love it! Glad you are making the change now.
My dad used to yell at us too growing up. It was horrible. From insults to hurting us physically. It messed us all up. I have 2 kids now. I love them to death, but sometimes I find myself getting very upset when they don’t listen and I do yell at them. I feel horrible right after. I don’t want to scare or hurt them like my dad did to me. I understand what you mean. I just started watching this video. I’ll continue to work on getting better. I hope you can too.
Shifting perspectives is so powerful and so underrated..
Leyda Leon, I agree. When the shift happens, so many possibilities open up.
This can be applied beyond children and families; in the work place for example
If you are yelling at work that may be a problem👀🤔.
Good idea, Michelle Hackett.
What about in a work place in the class room . Currently experiencing this in our child and need resources to bring it to the principle.
What about toddlers hitting/snatching toys from each other? 3.5 and 2 years ild
Good question, Bethany Warner. We have some videos on that:
"How To Get Toddler To Stop Hitting" - th-cam.com/video/Uny7obNleVk/w-d-xo.html
"How To Stop Siblings From Fighting" - th-cam.com/video/W_FGqTY7pSM/w-d-xo.html
"Dealing With Aggressive Behavior In Children" - th-cam.com/video/WwWyT0CnzAk/w-d-xo.html
Thank you for watching!
Thank you for this video!! Because I have tried everything
You are welcome, Melissa Acers. Honored to be on your team!
Brilliant. These videos are always so enlightening. Your channel, books, podcasts, and reading books you've mentioned on this channel have totally flipped my paradigm. My subconscious is finally catching on and it's so liberating. Thank you to your staff, family, everyone who's made all these resources possible and available!
I am very honored by your comment, Becky S. Thank you for being so supportive!
I I'm always amazed that your video of the day is exactly what I needed. Thank you as always!!!
Aw, thank you Adventures of Smooch Pooch and Emily Wallace! So honored to be on your team.
Maybe I didn’t get it right because of English is second language only, but to me that sounds like black mailing your kids or at least threaten them with made up „consequences“. Am I wrong and if so, what‘s the difference?
Mama Fox, thank you for watching and trying to understand. In life, the choices we make have positive or negative consequences. As a parent, you want to teach your children about consequences by making them obvious and applicable to their lives. Some choices have natural consequences (for instance, if they don't plug in the tablet, they can't play on it when the battery dies). Other times you will need to provide the consequences. Another word for it is discipline. Children should eventually learn how to discipline themselves, but first must learn it from the parents. As the child gets older, parents can ask self-reflection questions such as "What do you think a good consequence for that would be?" or "How did that make you feel?" Hope this helps!
My 10 years old son still whine, about everything, like internet is lagging, telling him to shower, etc. He doesn’t do that outside. Hearing him whining all day irritate me where I yelled at him to talk normal. How should I handle this? Please help.
For instance if he yels becuese of slow internet do this: ask him to not yel or he's device wil be removed from him its he's chose wat way he goes but after he knows the consequences he Wil pick the right choses so he Wil grow op but remember u don't have to be like yelling and fighting it shows him that he is right and u are wrong just understand that yelling fighting is for nothing but making more problems
Jenny D, we have a couple videos that discuss this:
"What To Do When My Child Argues About Everything" - th-cam.com/video/OouZ3EUG4MY/w-d-xo.html
"How To Get Your Kid To Stop Screaming" - th-cam.com/video/kc7YmtLLlu0/w-d-xo.html
Thank you for watching.
Thank you for the good ideas, AllsWell L. I love that you are giving your son responsibilities that signal he is important to the family. And I'm just saying... we have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist, in case you want him to see some educational, beneficial videos: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html : )
Enginegamer69, so true about how yelling makes more problems. Thank you for commenting.
In the lightbulb example it trains children to only consider other people’s wishes when it affects them directly.
When we detach from the outcome, children can easily choose the self-destructive choice each time just like one of my students chose. His personality is so strong willed that he chose time outs most of the day instead of healthy behavior when given a clear alternative choice.
Thoughts?
For this child I might try a positive discipline approach. Reward for the good behavior that gets focused on.
This is a great way of shifting the perspective on it!!
Thank you, Janet Spiteri!
Thank you 😊.from a mom w 14 year old twin daughters 💖
charlotte white, hang in there. You are the mom your children need.
But how can I negotiate with a toddler and 6 year old who doesn’t have electronic there is nothing I can think about to give them as second option
Samaira abdi, something you control that doesn't require their cooperation. That can be access to toys, activities, treats, etc. Watch some more videos to get some more information.
Love this suggestion
Razak Malekan, thank you.
Okay now give me a video on how to get your toddler to eat their food. 😂
AK, we have one! Search it on the playlist.
Love this! I have been using this strategy of two options on my stubborn three year old, it works and also helps me not to give in to yelling and then feeling awful after. I feel calmer and more in control , am able to use a calm face, voice and body to him and he ends up doing what i needed him to then coming to me after and saying sorry without me asking him to. I then try to use empathy with how he is feeling and say I understand how hard it was for him. I am also using your tip about finding the trigger points where you recognise a bad behaviour is about to start and you are going to start getting wound up so that you can take a moment to step to another room, do the deep breathing, calm down and remember the bad behaviour is not urgent and that its typical for a three year old, I'm the one that has a problem with it. Can I please ask is it ok to 'ignore' certain actions or things they are saying (pretend I haven't heard it) if its clear they are doing it to provoke a reaction, good or bad? Or should I be telling them to stop it? As when I do he will giggle and do it more.
Devon Bear, I am so happy to hear that you have found success with implementing tips from the videos. That is awesome - thank you for letting me know. To answer your question, we have to be careful about ignoring. We need to give our children plenty of attention for them to know that we sincerely love them. I would say if they are looking for a good reaction, it's probably best to give it - even if it is brief. If they want a "bad" reaction, that is up to you to determine when it is appropriate to ignore. Perhaps instead of saying "stop it," you can ask them to tell you over lunch or dinner, or another time when you are going to be with the child anyway like at bedtime.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ah ok thankyou so much for the reply. So respond well when he is looking for a good reaction eg praise and if he is doing the bad action he knows is bad eg screaming, throwing things, jumping on sofa, saying things eg 'mummy is stupid' then determine if small enough to ignore and if not then to discuss it later and talk about why he shouldn't have done/said it?
@@devonbear4979 Yes, except perhaps the throwing things - we don't want him to hurt anyone and and want to minimize destroying property. When a child is in this mindset, they aren't listening to you anyway. Make sure to use consequences as a way to enforce the rules.
@@LiveOnPurposeTVgreat, i will make sure i follow that, thankyou so much for your help!
Thank you. I'm going through the same thing with my 3 year old with autism.
Dr. Paul, thank you for this wonderful video. If you could help with how to deal with reacting when we get angry on the spot so we can come up with the options. When I get frustrated and realize I shouldn't be yelling I have a hard time with coming up with alternatives to give to my child. Thank you.
World Running Network, we have several videos supporting parents in their desire to not yell. Don't know if you've seen these 2, but if you haven't I highly recommend them:
"How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling" - th-cam.com/video/kHvm1J9HVLo/w-d-xo.html
"How To Stay CALM When You Feel Like YELLING" - th-cam.com/video/cp4Jw19YDO4/w-d-xo.html
We also have the "How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | Five-Day Challenge" playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html
As for coming up with alternatives, it's best to come up with those beforehand as much as you can so you don't have to think on the spot if you're in flight or fight mode. Make a list of things your child controls (their behavior, language, chores, schoolwork, etc.) and make another list to the right of that of things that you control (preferred food, screen time, access to things, etc.). I explain it in more detail in some other videos as well. You can search "Live On Purpose TV" + consequences (or discipline). Here are a couple:
"Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - th-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/w-d-xo.html
"How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - th-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/w-d-xo.html
Honored to be on your positive parenting team!
I'm really glad to have found your channel. So far it has helped me immensely in being a better mother and aunt. I was really struggling in not losing my cool whenever I help my mother with the children (my niece and 2 nephews) that she has custody of as well as my own two. I don't like yelling (and I felt like a garbage human whenever I have spanked in the past) and your videos have helped me to refocus my frustration into the love I have for all five children. You are amazing and I hope you continue to spread your positive messages and teach others like me that we don't have to parent that way. Thank you so much!!
I'm so honored to be on your team, Megan Nalli!
Your channel is a blessing for me and I'm sure a lot of parents. God bless you sir!
I appreciate that! AkaRuby, I have loved interacting with the TH-cam audience.
thank you I learn alot from you
My pleasure!
Good ideas. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
Every problem I have is because of my overthinking! I like watching these videos! I really appreciate that the videos are based on improving parenting skills, to help people become better parents 💜
I'm so glad! We are here for you.
You’re the best you make me feel better mom of three boys. 😊 🙏
roman Antiraga, honored to be on your team.
I feel like you are family ! You know it all !!! Much blessings ...
Aw, thanks Yelena Farias! We are family - the Live On Purpose family!
What can I do? Often, I'm screaming before I know it. He talks back, argues, lies and lies about the arguing and lying. It's several times a day, somedays it seems constant. I yell at least once a day, and lately it much more, I'm worn down.
Natalie Stuckless, don't yell, it wears you out. Come up with a plan for consequences.
I agree with your analysis but not your solution. I don't think creating a culture of passive aggressive vindictiveness is really going to create a desirable outcome in the long term. Encouraging parents to create problems for their kids as a way to teach them a lesson for causing you a problem just ain't it, man.
That is one way to look at it. Thank you for watching.
I keep raging at my boys, they’re 6, twins. They are sweet to each other sometimes but other times they are so cruel, they end up screaming at each other running through the house. Punching each other, calling each other names. It gets to a point I just explode! I hate when I do that. I need to do something about it. Your video is the first I’ve watched to get help. Thanks!
Glad we can be a resource to you. We have lots of videos to get you going.
Dr. Paul, very helpful video, but very difficult to apply, but I will must try, Inshallaha.
Thank you, Assan Tootkay. I understand the difficulty, but you can do it. Other parents have said that they are getting better. No one expects you to be perfect. I hope you keep watching the videos as reminders. We have lots more on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html , as well as our “How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | Five-Day Challenge” playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html . Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV!
Ownership of the problem and way of thinking really resonates with me.
The issues in your examples revolve around control over children’s behavior. With children it seams like training behavior by providing them options with a carrot and stick approach. Pushing a problem onto them is kind of like using a stick.
I know this video is about children, but My question is, how does this apply to a spouse? You can’t take away your spouses phone or take away the lightbulbs. But it seams like thinking and problem ownership are still key elements to stop yelling.
Logan Finlay, you can have discussions about the end that you both want. You can model a different way. You can show how to be effective without yelling.
Hi, I really needed to see this! I've been struggling so much with my oldest child. She doesn't actually do anything bad/wrong, but we seem to clash all the time & i find I'm almost talking to her like I'm a moody teenager! 🤦♀️ I don't know how to break the cycle 🤷♀️ i feel I'm harder on my daughter (7) than my son (5) any tips greatly recieved 😊
Glad I could be there when you needed it, Laura Meilandt-Jessen. : ) When talking to your daughter, remember that you love her, remember that whatever she is going through is just a stage, it's not who she "is". Here are a few videos I thought of for you:
"Positive Communication With Your Child" - th-cam.com/video/Zy1Q2uMycCg/w-d-xo.html
"What To Do When My Child Argues About Everything" - th-cam.com/video/OouZ3EUG4MY/w-d-xo.html
"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen" - th-cam.com/video/wGydJK67pTs/w-d-xo.html
Thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV!
I have a 12 year old who continuously lets our cat out when told not to and no amount of yelling works. He always says "Its my cat". I finally decided that if he were to do it again I would board the cat up at our vet and he would be responsible to bringing the cat home, ie he would need to pay the nightly fee ($28). I also told him that the next time he told me that it is his cat that I would be more than happy to show him all the invoices we have paid for the cat over the past 3 years and he can reimburse us. Its been 3 days since he has let the cat out....
Karim Zaafran, sounds like it worked. Good for you.
Thank you Paul I really appreciate this video, I really appreciate you guys being on my team!
Our pleasure!
This video is mind opening ! I had little hope but this sounds like a powerful approach . Thank you 🙏
You're so welcome!
I'm watching my grand and it's so difficult now that I'm older.
flippymom, I hope the video is helpful.
I've been using this strategy but I still get angry and yell when I tell them what the consequence will be if they don't do what I'm expecting them to do and they start having a tantrum or a meltdown. I can't stand them crying for such reasons. It makes me angry.
Lonna27, I hear you. It's not easy to change old ways - it takes lots of practice, and even then you will still make mistakes because you are human. You said a few things I want to address: 1. Expectations - this is the biggest reason parents get frustrated (and consequently yell), because the children don't meet their expectations. I explain this further in the video "How To Enjoy Your Children More" - th-cam.com/video/PNA7fmmqxoE/w-d-xo.html
2. If you have consequences already planned out for common misbehaviors (like not listening or disobeying) then you can relax a bit more knowing what you're going to do in those situations. You can also remind your children what the consequence is for their actions and allow them a few moments to make a better choice. Here are a couple videos that give ideas for consequences:
"Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - th-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/w-d-xo.html
"How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - th-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/w-d-xo.html
3. You mentioned tantrums. We have several videos on this subject, so if you search "Live On Purpose tantrum," you can hopefully gather some good information there. Here is one to get you started: "What To Do When Your Child Throws A Temper Tantrum" - th-cam.com/video/PiINOqZ6cYk/w-d-xo.html
Lastly, be patient with yourself as you try new strategies. We have more videos to support you on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Thank you sooo much Dr. Paul and your team for taking the time to reply to my comment and provide me with a list of videos to get me started! I really appreciate it.
I will definitely check them out.
The more I think about it the more I realise that this method is only beneficial for the parent. What if our kid only chooses the option we control over and over again and then stops trying. Before we know it we have a kid that may have bigger issues.
Dominika Giszczynska, they might need motivation to choose something else. You might want to consider some coaching to help sort the situation.
Amazing. Really good stuff. Thank you.
So glad you liked it, William Matthews! Thanks for watching.
I truly enjoy watching these videos. I sooo wish this would work with our dogs’ behavioral issues. Dog trainer for both is out of the budget so the search for solutions continues.
There are books and videos to look at.
My issue is that my daughter drags her feet at every step in our morning routine. It causes us to be late.
Ive tried an earlier bedtime, waking up earlier, having everything ready to go in the morning, and none of it has made a positive difference.
The 2 possibilities are we get through the morning and out the door on time and all make it to our places on time, or we dont get out the door on time and are late, and i get fired!!!
I don't know what the specific are, but kids generally do better with a routine. Good luck.
Love this guy
I already feel sorry for the parents that is following Ur advise!!!
Thank you for watching.
God bless you, that is very helpful
You are very welcome.
I’m so great full that I realize this, putting it to use is not easy for me.
It is not easy, but it is worth it.
The link only goes to: kids.th-cam.com/users/tredirect. 😕
Which link are you looking for Patti?
Substitute teacher looking for tips to deal with kids in schools.
david mundy, there is an organization for substitute teachers called STEDI, look them up, they have a newsletter and classes for substitutes. You can try to work with admin and at some schools with a tougher population, they have an admin person come to the room at the beginning of class to make sure you can get attendance and get the class settled, then they leave.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks. I already know about that organization. They are helpful with some issues.
This is so accurate. Everyone should hear this.
Kim Tran, thank you! Please share away.
I just want to be the mother my kids deserve.
You are.
I have tried the detaching ! It works!
Yes, it does.
What about the children 4 and 7 years old "painting" bedsheets, comforter, wall, countertop, toilet, carpet, dolls, your favorite and expense purse with blue/glitter nail polish? Well if yelling is not an option, then I can only cry. Unfortunately, this technique does not apply to this case, I don't see transfer the ownership to fix that problem, because It cannot be fixed.
Have you tried to let them clean it by themselves? Even if don't manage to clean it they start experiencing the consequences of their action. Next time they might think again...
Mey Rodrigues Kelly, that sounds like a very frustrating situation, and admittedly would be hard to not yell or cry. I still believe it's possible, though - if the parent has been practicing for a while. My heart goes out to you. The way to transfer ownership might be to help them clean it up on all possible surfaces. Since it would require nail polish remover, you would need to be there helping them. I would also give additional consequences. We have several videos on discipline if you want some ideas. Here are 2:
"How To Stay CALM When You Feel Like YELLING" - th-cam.com/video/cp4Jw19YDO4/w-d-xo.html
"7 Ways To Discipline Your Child" - th-cam.com/video/G3nu1QfOUqE/w-d-xo.html
We have much more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html I hope you stay a while. : )
P. Offereins oh yes I did It and also, I asked them the favorite stuff animals, now is mine. Of course, it has not the same efficiency as the video suggested, but at least they had some consequences. Thank you for your support.
Live On Purpose TV yes, is very frustrating, and I usually don’t scream, yelling at them, I’m more a talking kind of person, it is my personality. But with that situation, it was a huge surprise, I felt angry. Definitely I’ll watch these videos. Thank you for your work.
Sounds really convincing!
I'll recommend my wife. She often suffers from parenting our kids, especially when she teaches her homework.
Our daughter often complains about homework which is difficult, and she says that she wants to give up.
So, I suggest alternatives next time when she faces it.
It's time to prepare for the alternatives. It's my job.
Thanks a lot, Dr Paul!
You are welcome, Akifumi Inoue. Glad the video gave you some good ideas. Thanks for watching.
Thank you for this, this is applicable to a lot situations at home, work and in life.
It's great that you can apply the principles in every day life, P GS. Honored to have you on the channel.
Thank you so much. From Portugal that help me a lot
Glad it helped! Aziza Oubibi, Portugal is beautiful.
Powerful, best strategy ever.
Thank you, Contact Nadine. Honored to be on your team.
Thanks
You are welcome, Meirele. Thank you for watching.
first
Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV, Josef Lazar!
Awesome video. My husband needs to hear this. Thank you. He blames everyone why he's yelling. It's sad because parents should be a good example. Control anger instead of letting anger control you, right? Bible teaches the importance of self control.
I agree, Virgie Mata. The only thing we can control is ourselves and when we are out of control, nothing is going to change.