Guard your heart!! Not sure if y’all have talked about this before, but the Bible tells us to guard our hearts. Not only the physical aspect, but also on an emotional level. I believe there are certain things that should be kept to only your close friends of the same gender and not be shared with someone you’ve only been with for a short while.
The texting thing I really do understand. I had a situation like this with someone who I talked to hours everyday for months on text. Whenever we were in person we barley say anything it was so awkward that we just both went on our phones and I left. I miss nothing from that bc there weren’t any real emotions there. It was not the wright way to bond/ communicate
People can overlook emotional boundaries more than the physical ones. Since I tend to become emotionally attached, I find boundaries like the three you mentioned to be particularly useful.
I think all the boundaries you mentioned in this video should be seriously considered in a relationship and are necessary when living a life for Jesus. Love the topics that you come up with! Keep it up!
I never really thought about the family boundary... but I can see now how that would really be a good one to have. I have a friend who has a really great relationship with her exes parents and still goes to their place a lot, therefore seeing her ex a lot and it is hard for her to pull away from that now.
All I see throughout the video is spongebob's eyes watching me 😂 Great video; even though I've never dated anyone, I feel encouraged having watched this.
Man you are spot on. You explain everything exactly how I think it. I’m 18 years old and am dating, getting ready for marriage. It’s hard to stay pure and we haven’t been perfect but you are a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to stay pure to please God, especially since this has been my biggest struggle/sin my entire teenage years. The Lord has shone me amazing things and has blessed me immensely just in the past year. Also I am wanting to show my younger sister it is possible, even in this world today and with older siblings who haven’t stayed pure themselves. Could Y’all two pray for us? You know how it is! My name is Austin Newman, and can just say Austin’s Gf. I can’t wait until we all get to heaven and get to see the powerful impact from this one prayer. Love yall, see ya in a bit.
Im doing the same thing because when i am in a relationship later on, i want to be prepared in advance so that i can persue an intentional, God centered relationship
"Be wise, be mature." I feel like that summed up this entire video :) I really loved your guys' #2!!! I hadn't though of that one before but it's a good one. Another one that's kind of along the lines of #3 is really REALLY don't let your mind get too crazy and fantasize about how wonderful it would be to be married to this person and have everything already planned out in your mind when you're like only a few weeks into dating...unless you've got it from the Lord that this is the one for you :) 'Cause you'll be crushed if it doesn't work out and you've built your hopes and dreams on this person so quickly from the beginning. Love you guys and keep shining
So much this. I have a friend who does this. By the time he really gets to know the girl and realizes that she is not the one God has for him, he drags the relationship out and tries to make it work anyway. He allows himself to become emotionally attached way too soon and that makes it hard for him to let go even when he knows he should.
I'd love to see you two make a video about couples that have been dating for a year or more and have discussed the idea as couple about the relationship leading to marriage. Definitely could use some help in this area.
I think the hardest boundary for me to get girls to agree with his spiritual boundaries. We're taught so much to not treat relationships like you're practicing for marriage physically (sex, living together, ect), but I think the same applies to your spiritual walk. Sure, I pray with girls I'm dating like I pray with any other brother or sister in Christ, but I won't do Bible study and I won't lead them like I'm already their husband. Until we're married, I have my walk and she has her walk, period. However, the exact opposite is so engrained in girls that they see I'm not feeling them what to believe so they say I'm not enough of a "Christian man" and they leave.
I agree that girls (including myself) are more likely to want to share spiritual things in a relationship, but I love and respect your idea that we should have our separate walks until marriage. Spiritual and emotional boundaries are just as important as physical ones. There have been some guys in my life who I still feel connected to because of spiritual and emotional closeness. I grew up hearing about physical boundaries, but I didn't really know about spiritual boundaries until a couple of months ago. I think it is great that you are keeping that boundary and I would encourage you to keep walking in it. It guards your heart and the hearts of those you date. Someday you will find someone who sees what a Godly person you are and she will appreciate that you kept yourself spiritually pure for her.
for me personally, i think separate walks(even in marriage) are important because people are at different places in their walk with God, and how they interact with God. TL;DR: i agree with you, but i think separate walks are important even in marriage.
Those were good points. What about praying together? Praying together too soon, frequently, and/or about really personal issues could create an accelerated & potentially false intimate bond.
Lupe Torres I think it’s better to go through a tough break up where you were close to the person then to jump in the marriage without really knowing the person
@@hannahmew9194 There's a middle ground. Closeness to the person comes after you've had time to get to know the person and think you may be heading for marriage. Premature intimacy is always a bad idea because it can give you a false sense of closeness and cloud your judgement. Five months into a relationship is way too soon to be doing any of these things with somebody. If he is your fiancé, still use caution but then is the time to get close to him so that you're know the person you're marrying.
I think it is important to hold boundaries before marriage because each person will need to hold boundaries with others *after* marriage. Dating is a time to demonstrate the skill of self-discipline to your potential spouse. Initially, you hold boundaries with each other to build trust. Later, you will hold boundaries with others to keep your marriage exclusive and thriving. I have had to set more boundaries with men after getting married than before, and same for my husband with women. This isn't because we put ourselves out there but rather because we live in a culture full of opportunists that do not respect marriage and commitment. I've been married 15 years, together 17 total. Great video!
All of your points are amazing and filled with wisdom. When we disregard these more subtle boundaries, it becomes easier to cross bigger ones. Great video!!! God bless you guys!!! 💜💜💜
They’re all very valid things to consider when you’re dating someone! Another unusual boundary I heard about recently and thought was really good was not doing a Bible study just the two of you because of how spiritually intimate that is. If you do want to do a Bible study together, do it in a BIG group and try not to discuss it too much when it’s just the two of you.
Emily Lane I honestly don’t see that as a problem because it is a easy way to get to know someone and I’ve noticed I get more out of Bible studies when I do it with people
mEw 333 I’m not saying don’t to Bible studies with others (I think it’s an extremely valuable thing to do) I’m just saying don’t do a Bible study with JUST you and the person you’re dating. Do it in a group with people you’re both close to.
@@emilymatthea4298 That sounds like a cult tactic to help reinforce indoctrination. The reasoning for that is because if you are in a large group of people, any individual is less likely to question anything that is read, while if it is just between you and your partner, you are probably more likely going to bring up questions (as you would be in a situation that you would feel much more comfortable to do so) that may shake your faith.
wow! I really wish someone told me these when I was in high school!! Because back in hs when me and my ex broke up his parents had a massive attachment on me. It would give me false hope for years after things ended because of the parents. But I'm so thankful I got out of that.
This video distracted me and helped me overcome a sudden, unexpected rush of sexual desire. With the holy spirit I can put my sin to death. Thanks guys.
I won't be alone in a private setting with a man I'm not married to. I would work in a house garage of a couple friend of mine with my friend's husband. The door was always open, kids were constantly in & out of there, things like that. But still, when they were going through their divorce, he told her I had hit on him. She didn't believe him, because she knew me and knew I would never do that, but the idea that someone could say something like that was a real eye opener for me. If I'm not alone with someone I'm not married to, it makes it harder for misconceptions to occur and misinformation to start.
These are all SOO RELEVANT to what I am going through in my relationship right now, and I’m definitely guilty of a few of them. This is my first time being in an abstinent relationship, and it’s sometimes difficult to navigate the waters confidently when I’m not always sure where the boundaries should be. Even those small interactions matter. Thanks guys!
Not sure about the boundaries of getting too close to the family. For me, I really wanna know about the family of the person who I'm dating because the family will tell me, both verbally and non-verbally, a lot about that person.
Hey Paul and Morgan! I will say, I usually watch your videos about boundaries and I find them to be a little extreme, but I thought the advice in this video was spot-on. Something I would add is actually not to think/talk about marriage too much too soon. It seems counter-intuitive if you're coming from the position that the purpose of dating is marriage, but I've found it's true. Think/pray about if you're enjoying spending time with that person right now, and that will LEAD you to knowing if that's the person you should marry. Otherwise you might wind up heartbroken when you've been dating someone for two weeks and you thought he was the one and says he just wants to be friends... not that that's happened to me or anything...
These boundaries are ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE AND NECESSARY, especially for someone like me who genuinely lacks emotional boundaries in the beginning of dating relationships. I'm going to need lots of help from Jesus, I'm preparing to put myself out there and date, it's absolutely terrifying. Pray for me y'all 🙏
As a Christian, I think these boundaries are a bit unnecessary. There's really only one boundary you need in a relationship: don't do anything the other person doesn't consent to. Respect their previously established boundaries. Don't do anything that makes them uncomfortable. And inform them on your personal boundaries. Everything else is pretty much relative. Relationships are based off of respect, trust and love and if there aren't those three things in a relationship, then it will not work. God would want you to do what makes you the most happy as you are his child. He put you on Earth for a reason. Respect yourself first before anything else ❤️
Hi Paul and Morgan! I absolutely agree with these boundaries. Me and the person I am in a relationship with, have actually been keeping these boundaries since we started dating. We both set out standards and we have enough respect for eachother and for Jesus Christ to not talk about unnecessary things and to not get personal in text messages. We have been avoiding personal conversations over the phone and I can honestly say that it improves respect for one another and it makes our real conversations more personal and special (like saying "Happy Birthday!" in person). Boundaries are very important to stay clear of temptations that could destroy a beautiful relationship. Have a nice day!
These are such good points!! Especially with how relevant texting is now. I love how you both talk about texting boundaries because that is stuff that our parent's generation can't really give advice on because they haven't experienced it themselves.
A boundary I have chosen for myself is not to say” I love u “until marriage because those are really big and intament words and when I say I want to really mean it and to only say those words to only one man. I don’t want to give a part of me away to someone that I am not married to
I love how Christians make entire videos on things you CANT do in dating. It’d be nice to see more on what you CAN do. Cause sometimes it feels like Christians have no fun whatsoever in their dating life. 🙁 This is coming from a Christian btw.
I love you guys so much, y’all have helped me guide myself into staying pure and staying Christ-centered in my relationship. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
i think these are all really good. I have failed on all 3 of thr boundaries, especially the last one. I thought the last one was maybe good to talk about because I have heard to talk about certain things before you get engaged, but I realize that unless you are engaged, and make a commitment, it is not good to talk about because of the bonding it creates. Also, the family one is hard. Especially when the guy is great, but you have doubts whether your lives will fit well together. My boyfriend lives far away and when he visits, he stays at our house, but as a result, my parents get attached to him. When I have doubts, my mother is not very helpful but gets upset.
Risspamplemoose really appreciate this comment. Sadly sometimes we have to learn the hard way. I know I did 🤦🏻♀️. Totally understand him having to stay at your house. But that’s hard too. 🙏🏼😕💜
Thank you guys!! Those are so so wise!! Sometimes we know what is right, but we make excuses and tell us, that talking about things like that is good, or the relationship would be far less exciting if we wouldn't text that much. By you guys talking about it, it makes it easier to be conscious about it and to be accountable to it. THANK YOU!! Another one for me is that I won't tell a guy that I like him or appreciate him (above what I do with regular friends) to not tie emotional bonds (that can be like emotional nerves in a tooth that aren't meant to ever be broken and exposed) & That I will first watch him and get to know him from a distance, praying about it, because there's so many ways you can get to know someone without dating...
Paul & Morgan, you guys have helped me more than you know. I recently went through a breakup and it's been a lot to process. It was not super serious and not very long but it had a lot of value to me. I have a really close relationship with the Lord and I have been praying through everything, but your experience, honest opinions, and encouragement deeply spoke to me before I was dating, during the relationship, and especially now after. Thank you for being willing to let the Lord speak through you and for being a wonderful example of what a Godly couple looks like :)
First, you guys seriously have the best youtube intros ever😂 Um, I think you both covered this very well honestly. My dad is a pastor actually, so have been able to build a good foundation off of the things that he has taught me through the years. Now, obviously everyone is different. But I personally believe, that saving your self for the right one is something that you will be glad you did in the long run. Because it creates a very special moment between you and that perfect person when God brings you together.
This video was soooo good!! The texting point is so true and is something our culture definitely views as completely normal. Another thing that I would say is that words are very emotionally binding. Matthew 10 talks about being wise as serpents and harmless as doves:) Even something as simple as saying “You’re beautiful” can make it harder for some one to get through a break up, I’ve talked to girls who have struggled because their boyfriend had just some compliments that we’re just a little too intimate:) Love you guys!! Thanks for inspiring me!!:)🐥🐥🐥🐥
Avoiding tempting situations, or anything that may actually be fine but might be taken by others to be very bad. I judge certain places (like a bedroom) to be more dangerous than others, and act accordingly. (Ex- Not shutting the door when it’s just the two of you in a room.) You may have no problem and it would be fine, but does her family know that? Her friends? And do you know yourself that well? Better to avoid the potentially tempting situation altogether.
The first two I can get around, the third one seems repressive. I understand what they’re trying to say, but lack of communication of any kind (especially when it comes to expectations, sexual or otherwise) is rarely, or ever good.
Dear Paul and Morgan I appreciate what you are trying to do if you are trying to save people heart break and a string of relationships that are unhealthy. However there is nothing more heartbreaking than a an unhealthy marriage where there is not good communication, and the woman does not equal say over boundaries; what can and cannot happen in all areas. If someone is of the opinion that hugging means not being able to control themselves before marriage, what would that be like after marriage? Believe me having a life time to resolve these issues does not make them go away. It can be a life time of pain. I am more interested in how a person is now, how they have dealt with what ever issues life has thrown at them. They are not impure or gross because that have previously been intimate with someone else. They are likely to be more understanding of how a relationship works and how they work, also better able to communicate. You do not have finite amount of love to give, you cant give it away like prices of pie or used chewing gum.
*These were really thought out & so helpful! Wow! Love this advice & now can pass it along to others! This can definitely help with purity & guarding the heart!* 💛
My mom not hated both my ex and my husband when we were dating but she really struggled and I think it was jealousy. She and my dad pretty much chased off my ex boyfriend and now say that he was so great and they loved him and say he was probably better for me in some ways than my husband and love that him and I are friends now. 🤦♀️ and now that I'm pregnant they finally have accepted my husband and say they loved him all along and had no problem with him. Yeah let's just say we didn't have issues of people being to close. Now I am SUPER close to my husbands family in fact was friends with his mom who is/was my mentor before him and I were together and times in our dating relationship we felt we might need to call things off I always found myself factoring his mom into my decision.
These are rich in wisdom! Much appreciate the word of exhortation. One that stuck out to me is the one about not getting too close to the family. And it's insane that you specifically brought up the mama becoming buddies with the potential dude. This happened last year after I ended a relationship. My mom was sad because she sees this guy as a son, which is sweet and all. But yeah... sometimes the tie just needs to be cut... and it hurts, really bad. But in the end, Gods plan is better and I'm trusting for a bright future. Love y'all and your videos!
I have a question 🙋♂️. The boundaries mentioned did both of you value them while in dating relationships before both of you dated ? Are these boundaries that you implemented as a result of experience in dating?
You guys mentioned not getting too close to the family early on in the dating relationship. What would you suggest for if one of the people has abusive parents and they're hesitant to tell the other, but the other really wants to meet these abusive parents (who act all amazing and awesome out in public)?
All of those boundaries were good. I personally have crossed all of those at one point without even thinking. For sure boundaries i will keep in the future. Thanks Paul and Morgan!
This is just wrong. There is nothing wrong with being romantic. There is nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to them. These boundaries are excessive, unnecessary, and legalistic.
I've falling to those three things and they aren't good to be in. Thank you for bringing this up!!! Cuz falling in those boundaries really can get someone emotionally messed up. And God's still working on me to heal from my wrong choices of breaking those boundaries, and GREAT SINGING❤️🙏🏻😍
Always blessed with your Vlogs P&M ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I am trying to encourage my bestfriend to watch your videos now because I am really learning so much from your topics 😍 and I can really feel that your messages are not just plain words but words that are guided by the Holy Spirit to help a lot of young people 😍 God knows how grateful I am for finding your channel 😍❤️ God Bless you more and praying that someday I can also support you guys in my own little way. I am all the way from the Philippines 😅😅 I always enjoy watching you guys 😅❤️ please please please continue on spreading God's word ❤️ You guys are being used by God to bless His people 😍❤️🤗
I believe that boundaries should be personal between a couple. For example, my man and I we do kiss when we meet, but we don't meet in private. In public we don't feel aroused by hugging or kissing. We are at a stage where we are very certain about each other and want to work together towards marriage. Sometimes an "adult joke" is made (for example this afternoon, we were on the phone calling each other, I was preparing lunch, and he had to go to the bathroom, at one point I said: "Yeey, the eggs are boiling!" and he was like: "no they are not, I checked two seconds ago" and we both cracked with laughter, it was a bit on the edge but after that we directly changed subject) but we don't make those kind of jokes all the time and if a joke is "to much" and makes the other uncomfortable we'll tell each other. I think transparency about boundaries is important. But don't keep hanging on the subject to long! Talk about it, then change the subject. The family one actually is a good one. I have been in the past in a toxic relationship. And one of the reasons why it was really hard to break free and I even was hesitating after he cheated was because I was to close with them. His sister tried to convince me to stay and forgive him. She was like a sister to me too. It was so hard, because not only did I leave a cheating fiancé, I left a whole family. My own family isn't really close and with him for the first time I felt like I really had a family, I never had brothers or sisters but his sisters felt like they were mine too, so I felt like I was breaking with my own family. It hurt so badly. It's good to have a good relationship with the family of the person you are together with. But you're not in the family as long as there's no ring on it. When there's a ring on it, go ahead and bond, you're now one big happy family. But always reserve some before that time.
This is SO GOOD! I think going too deep too fast and even sharing too deep of things about your walk with God or experiences too fast is so important... I agree with these 100%
Great video guys.....I am for laying everything out on the table but it all comes down to timing. You have to be intentional but at the same time pure and guard your heart. Its a balance thing. Lean toward oversharing more than under sharing. Wouldn't want to court a young lady for a few months then find out something that could potentially be a deal breaker. Feel like I wasted time.
Hey everyone if you wouldn't say something to a persons' face don't text it to them! Lol, that's a rule that i live by. Also i agree with what you both said about sending pictures because maybe laying in bed in your nightgown and taking a shot and sending it to someone could send the wrong message. Maybe to you you're just being playful, but to the guy he could possibly be in a different head space when he sees it and think that you're ready for something more when you really aren't. I thought these were all wonderful things to keep in mind when dating. Super late on leaving a comment, but i've missed about seven videos so i'm catching up! :)
Yoyoyo! We’re curious what you thought about these 3 boundaries? Also, please add another one that would help the P&M Fam!
Your amazing , thank you for another video
Guard your heart!! Not sure if y’all have talked about this before, but the Bible tells us to guard our hearts. Not only the physical aspect, but also on an emotional level. I believe there are certain things that should be kept to only your close friends of the same gender and not be shared with someone you’ve only been with for a short while.
@@noellecross2255 yh
The texting thing I really do understand. I had a situation like this with someone who I talked to hours everyday for months on text. Whenever we were in person we barley say anything it was so awkward that we just both went on our phones and I left. I miss nothing from that bc there weren’t any real emotions there. It was not the wright way to bond/ communicate
Fresh haircut Paul?
People can overlook emotional boundaries more than the physical ones. Since I tend to become emotionally attached, I find boundaries like the three you mentioned to be particularly useful.
megalopolis2015 so true. Thank you so much! 💜
My captions are always on and at the beginning of the video, it said “The Pollen Bargain show”
Oh my gosh I’m dying😂😂😂😂
L. Lol I sometimes have captions on because I put the video at like 1.5 to 2 times speed
L. 😂😂
HAHAH
Hahahaha you gott me crackin'😅😅😅
I think all the boundaries you mentioned in this video should be seriously considered in a relationship and are necessary when living a life for Jesus. Love the topics that you come up with! Keep it up!
Thanks Abe!
These aren’t just Christian boundaries.. but very solid dating boundaries in general. Good vid!
Josh Weatherly agreed! 😊 thank you!
I never really thought about the family boundary... but I can see now how that would really be a good one to have. I have a friend who has a really great relationship with her exes parents and still goes to their place a lot, therefore seeing her ex a lot and it is hard for her to pull away from that now.
Mara Bruyere 😊😊
All I see throughout the video is spongebob's eyes watching me 😂
Great video; even though I've never dated anyone, I feel encouraged having watched this.
Chicken Nuggets hahaha yesss 😂
Omg I’ve been laughing at his eyes peeking over the screen for the last couple minutes 😂😂
How does a chicken nugget start dating?
@@chriscardoso Maybe that's the problem 😄
Btw your videography is awesome
I noticed that too 😅😅😅😅😅
Man you are spot on. You explain everything exactly how I think it. I’m 18 years old and am dating, getting ready for marriage. It’s hard to stay pure and we haven’t been perfect but you are a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to stay pure to please God, especially since this has been my biggest struggle/sin my entire teenage years. The Lord has shone me amazing things and has blessed me immensely just in the past year. Also I am wanting to show my younger sister it is possible, even in this world today and with older siblings who haven’t stayed pure themselves. Could Y’all two pray for us? You know how it is! My name is Austin Newman, and can just say Austin’s Gf. I can’t wait until we all get to heaven and get to see the powerful impact from this one prayer. Love yall, see ya in a bit.
Why am I watching these videos? I’m 100% single
Coz that can change at any moment ;)
And this is actually the TIME to get to understand all these so that you can apply it when you find that special someone
Im doing the same thing because when i am in a relationship later on, i want to be prepared in advance so that i can persue an intentional, God centered relationship
Needed this last year guys😩 but God helped me out of my situation. God is good🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Kayleen Madasamy oof 🤦🏻♀️ sometimes we have to learn the hard way. So glad God brought you out of all of that. 💜
"Be wise, be mature." I feel like that summed up this entire video :) I really loved your guys' #2!!! I hadn't though of that one before but it's a good one. Another one that's kind of along the lines of #3 is really REALLY don't let your mind get too crazy and fantasize about how wonderful it would be to be married to this person and have everything already planned out in your mind when you're like only a few weeks into dating...unless you've got it from the Lord that this is the one for you :) 'Cause you'll be crushed if it doesn't work out and you've built your hopes and dreams on this person so quickly from the beginning. Love you guys and keep shining
So much this. I have a friend who does this. By the time he really gets to know the girl and realizes that she is not the one God has for him, he drags the relationship out and tries to make it work anyway. He allows himself to become emotionally attached way too soon and that makes it hard for him to let go even when he knows he should.
I'd love to see you two make a video about couples that have been dating for a year or more and have discussed the idea as couple about the relationship leading to marriage. Definitely could use some help in this area.
L xylgygcoprlxvhjo vxpcxohvgllucxxlxlxxxx on p
I think the hardest boundary for me to get girls to agree with his spiritual boundaries. We're taught so much to not treat relationships like you're practicing for marriage physically (sex, living together, ect), but I think the same applies to your spiritual walk. Sure, I pray with girls I'm dating like I pray with any other brother or sister in Christ, but I won't do Bible study and I won't lead them like I'm already their husband. Until we're married, I have my walk and she has her walk, period. However, the exact opposite is so engrained in girls that they see I'm not feeling them what to believe so they say I'm not enough of a "Christian man" and they leave.
Never thought about it like this but I think you are onto something my friend
I agree that girls (including myself) are more likely to want to share spiritual things in a relationship, but I love and respect your idea that we should have our separate walks until marriage. Spiritual and emotional boundaries are just as important as physical ones. There have been some guys in my life who I still feel connected to because of spiritual and emotional closeness. I grew up hearing about physical boundaries, but I didn't really know about spiritual boundaries until a couple of months ago. I think it is great that you are keeping that boundary and I would encourage you to keep walking in it. It guards your heart and the hearts of those you date. Someday you will find someone who sees what a Godly person you are and she will appreciate that you kept yourself spiritually pure for her.
Derek Douglas I like the way you think. You’ll find a chick eventually that understands, shares and respects those same boundaries.
Derek Douglas,
The right girl for you will understand and respect the principle behind what you are doing. Keep following Jesus!! ☺️
for me personally, i think separate walks(even in marriage) are important because people are at different places in their walk with God, and how they interact with God.
TL;DR: i agree with you, but i think separate walks are important even in marriage.
Morgan's eyebrows are on fleek. 👍
Number one is sooo true. Hubby and I created a boundary to not be out after 10:30p when we were courting. It really helped us.
Morgan gets prettier every time I see her. Why? 😍
Paul tooo
Those were good points. What about praying together? Praying together too soon, frequently, and/or about really personal issues could create an accelerated & potentially false intimate bond.
Dang Its crazy that yall are at 80k! I've been following since u were under 10k, and it's super cool to see what God has done with ur channel!
Katie Asselborn that’s so cool! Thank you for sticking with us!❤️
Here I am with only 17 subscribers
Perfect conversation. Single for 12 yrs. Dated a guy for 5 mnths and did all of these things. Too much intimacy too fast, healing is tough. Learning!!
Lupe Torres I think it’s better to go through a tough break up where you were close to the person then to jump in the marriage without really knowing the person
@@hannahmew9194 There's a middle ground. Closeness to the person comes after you've had time to get to know the person and think you may be heading for marriage. Premature intimacy is always a bad idea because it can give you a false sense of closeness and cloud your judgement. Five months into a relationship is way too soon to be doing any of these things with somebody. If he is your fiancé, still use caution but then is the time to get close to him so that you're know the person you're marrying.
I think it is important to hold boundaries before marriage because each person will need to hold boundaries with others *after* marriage. Dating is a time to demonstrate the skill of self-discipline to your potential spouse. Initially, you hold boundaries with each other to build trust. Later, you will hold boundaries with others to keep your marriage exclusive and thriving. I have had to set more boundaries with men after getting married than before, and same for my husband with women. This isn't because we put ourselves out there but rather because we live in a culture full of opportunists that do not respect marriage and commitment. I've been married 15 years, together 17 total. Great video!
All of your points are amazing and filled with wisdom. When we disregard these more subtle boundaries, it becomes easier to cross bigger ones. Great video!!! God bless you guys!!! 💜💜💜
What I think about these boundaries are that they're totally necessary. I've thought of those as legitimate boundaries.
I would argue that it is very very important to talk about sex and expectations before making the decision to marry someone
They’re all very valid things to consider when you’re dating someone! Another unusual boundary I heard about recently and thought was really good was not doing a Bible study just the two of you because of how spiritually intimate that is. If you do want to do a Bible study together, do it in a BIG group and try not to discuss it too much when it’s just the two of you.
Emily Lane wow that’s a really interesting one!
Emily Lane I honestly don’t see that as a problem because it is a easy way to get to know someone and I’ve noticed I get more out of Bible studies when I do it with people
mEw 333 I’m not saying don’t to Bible studies with others (I think it’s an extremely valuable thing to do) I’m just saying don’t do a Bible study with JUST you and the person you’re dating. Do it in a group with people you’re both close to.
I don't understand this. I disagree. I think it's okay to study the Bible with someone you are dating lol
@@emilymatthea4298 That sounds like a cult tactic to help reinforce indoctrination. The reasoning for that is because if you are in a large group of people, any individual is less likely to question anything that is read, while if it is just between you and your partner, you are probably more likely going to bring up questions (as you would be in a situation that you would feel much more comfortable to do so) that may shake your faith.
wow! I really wish someone told me these when I was in high school!! Because back in hs when me and my ex broke up his parents had a massive attachment on me. It would give me false hope for years after things ended because of the parents. But I'm so thankful I got out of that.
Emily Ozuna that’s good u got out of it and ik it may be Harv but don’t let people pressure u into staying in a relationship
This video distracted me and helped me overcome a sudden, unexpected rush of sexual desire. With the holy spirit I can put my sin to death. Thanks guys.
Joel Nenadovich praise God!! 🙏🏼
I won't be alone in a private setting with a man I'm not married to. I would work in a house garage of a couple friend of mine with my friend's husband. The door was always open, kids were constantly in & out of there, things like that. But still, when they were going through their divorce, he told her I had hit on him. She didn't believe him, because she knew me and knew I would never do that, but the idea that someone could say something like that was a real eye opener for me. If I'm not alone with someone I'm not married to, it makes it harder for misconceptions to occur and misinformation to start.
These are all SOO RELEVANT to what I am going through in my relationship right now, and I’m definitely guilty of a few of them. This is my first time being in an abstinent relationship, and it’s sometimes difficult to navigate the waters confidently when I’m not always sure where the boundaries should be. Even those small interactions matter. Thanks guys!
This isn't unusual. This is the truth. Preach preach. Preach the truth!
Thank you❤️
Not sure about the boundaries of getting too close to the family. For me, I really wanna know about the family of the person who I'm dating because the family will tell me, both verbally and non-verbally, a lot about that person.
This is familiar with Asian tradition, It is a big deal when you're going to meet parents. But you need to get close to them after marry.
Hey Paul and Morgan! I will say, I usually watch your videos about boundaries and I find them to be a little extreme, but I thought the advice in this video was spot-on. Something I would add is actually not to think/talk about marriage too much too soon. It seems counter-intuitive if you're coming from the position that the purpose of dating is marriage, but I've found it's true. Think/pray about if you're enjoying spending time with that person right now, and that will LEAD you to knowing if that's the person you should marry. Otherwise you might wind up heartbroken when you've been dating someone for two weeks and you thought he was the one and says he just wants to be friends... not that that's happened to me or anything...
Family boundaries are legit. My sisters bf loves us too much when I don't think they belong together.
Sonic Shoes yikes! That’s no good 🙊
This is wonderful advise and it is really overlooked. Thanks for the great video, as always. You guys are awesome!
The singing in the end is so good! I love all the boundaries you talked about, thanks guys
😊🙏
All I can see is Spongebob peeking up at me with a creepy smile 😂😂
But on a more serious note, this is actually really great advice! I've never really thought of the first two before :)
These boundaries are ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE AND NECESSARY, especially for someone like me who genuinely lacks emotional boundaries in the beginning of dating relationships. I'm going to need lots of help from Jesus, I'm preparing to put myself out there and date, it's absolutely terrifying. Pray for me y'all 🙏
As a Christian, I think these boundaries are a bit unnecessary. There's really only one boundary you need in a relationship: don't do anything the other person doesn't consent to. Respect their previously established boundaries. Don't do anything that makes them uncomfortable. And inform them on your personal boundaries. Everything else is pretty much relative. Relationships are based off of respect, trust and love and if there aren't those three things in a relationship, then it will not work. God would want you to do what makes you the most happy as you are his child. He put you on Earth for a reason. Respect yourself first before anything else ❤️
Amen 🙏🏻 “NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT”
yayyy swiped right up when notification came on
Nevianette Batista woop woop!
All of these were very good! I would say these need to be talked about more, especially the texting one! :)
Girl of Grace thank you! 😊
Hi Paul and Morgan!
I absolutely agree with these boundaries. Me and the person I am in a relationship with, have actually been keeping these boundaries since we started dating. We both set out standards and we have enough respect for eachother and for Jesus Christ to not talk about unnecessary things and to not get personal in text messages. We have been avoiding personal conversations over the phone and I can honestly say that it improves respect for one another and it makes our real conversations more personal and special (like saying "Happy Birthday!" in person). Boundaries are very important to stay clear of temptations that could destroy a beautiful relationship.
Have a nice day!
These are such good points!! Especially with how relevant texting is now. I love how you both talk about texting boundaries because that is stuff that our parent's generation can't really give advice on because they haven't experienced it themselves.
As always, thanks for the great godly wisdom both of you share! May God bless you both through this ministry.
Benjamen Drummond praise God thank you!
I love you guys and I'm so excited about this vid!!
Emmy Spelman yay❤️😊
A boundary I have chosen for myself is not to say” I love u “until marriage because those are really big and intament words and when I say I want to really mean it and to only say those words to only one man. I don’t want to give a part of me away to someone that I am not married to
brianna Mendoza really cool! Thank you for sharing that. We definitely think those three words have been used a LOT. Very soon in a relationship.
_Pistachiomustachio_ yes of course. I meant not saying it to someone I am talking to or dating
I love how Christians make entire videos on things you CANT do in dating. It’d be nice to see more on what you CAN do. Cause sometimes it feels like Christians have no fun whatsoever in their dating life. 🙁
This is coming from a Christian btw.
I love you guys so much, y’all have helped me guide myself into staying pure and staying Christ-centered in my relationship. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
I’m not a Christian but love your video. The recommendations are good for couples regardless of religion
Thanks for watching :)
The family boundary is legit! Definitely something to keep in mind in a new relationship, not worth learning the hard way. P and M for the win!
Brooke Ashley amen! Thank you so much 😄💜
OMG the first two happened to me!!! 😂Such good points. 🙌😊Thanks, P&M! Also, I like your spongebob shirt, Paul! (:
Brianna 😄😄🙌
i think these are all really good. I have failed on all 3 of thr boundaries, especially the last one. I thought the last one was maybe good to talk about because I have heard to talk about certain things before you get engaged, but I realize that unless you are engaged, and make a commitment, it is not good to talk about because of the bonding it creates. Also, the family one is hard. Especially when the guy is great, but you have doubts whether your lives will fit well together. My boyfriend lives far away and when he visits, he stays at our house, but as a result, my parents get attached to him. When I have doubts, my mother is not very helpful but gets upset.
Risspamplemoose really appreciate this comment. Sadly sometimes we have to learn the hard way. I know I did 🤦🏻♀️. Totally understand him having to stay at your house. But that’s hard too. 🙏🏼😕💜
i just sung along with the biggest smile on my face while driving the highway! lol love when u upload
Thank you guys!! Those are so so wise!! Sometimes we know what is right, but we make excuses and tell us, that talking about things like that is good, or the relationship would be far less exciting if we wouldn't text that much. By you guys talking about it, it makes it easier to be conscious about it and to be accountable to it.
THANK YOU!!
Another one for me is that I won't tell a guy that I like him or appreciate him (above what I do with regular friends) to not tie emotional bonds (that can be like emotional nerves in a tooth that aren't meant to ever be broken and exposed)
&
That I will first watch him and get to know him from a distance, praying about it, because there's so many ways you can get to know someone without dating...
Paul & Morgan, you guys have helped me more than you know. I recently went through a breakup and it's been a lot to process. It was not super serious and not very long but it had a lot of value to me. I have a really close relationship with the Lord and I have been praying through everything, but your experience, honest opinions, and encouragement deeply spoke to me before I was dating, during the relationship, and especially now after. Thank you for being willing to let the Lord speak through you and for being a wonderful example of what a Godly couple looks like :)
First, you guys seriously have the best youtube intros ever😂
Um, I think you both covered this very well honestly.
My dad is a pastor actually, so have been able to build a good foundation off of the things that he has taught me through the years.
Now, obviously everyone is different. But I personally believe, that saving your self for the right one is something that you will be glad you did in the long run. Because it creates a very special moment between you and that perfect person when God brings you together.
Micah J Farmer if u believe everyone should have a common goal it is good that you understand that people need to different steps to get there
This video was soooo good!! The texting point is so true and is something our culture definitely views as completely normal.
Another thing that I would say is that words are very emotionally binding. Matthew 10 talks about being wise as serpents and harmless as doves:) Even something as simple as saying “You’re beautiful” can make it harder for some one to get through a break up, I’ve talked to girls who have struggled because their boyfriend had just some compliments that we’re just a little too intimate:)
Love you guys!! Thanks for inspiring me!!:)🐥🐥🐥🐥
I keep on looking at that SpongeBob sweater 🤣😂
All of them are from Holy Spirit. Makes perfect sense❤️🙏✝️
❤️
Avoiding tempting situations, or anything that may actually be fine but might be taken by others to be very bad. I judge certain places (like a bedroom) to be more dangerous than others, and act accordingly. (Ex- Not shutting the door when it’s just the two of you in a room.) You may have no problem and it would be fine, but does her family know that? Her friends? And do you know yourself that well? Better to avoid the potentially tempting situation altogether.
We Love You! Great information and tips! ❤️💜😚
Shawtieluv333 thank you!
The first two I can get around, the third one seems repressive. I understand what they’re trying to say, but lack of communication of any kind (especially when it comes to expectations, sexual or otherwise) is rarely, or ever good.
Paul- I say this in the most loving way: either shape up the beard or shave it all off🤪it’s goin a little wild😭LOVED THE VIDEO GUYS
Rebecca Thomas hahaha it’s definitely getting wild. We can only pray he finds time to fix it up. 😂🙏🏼💁🏻♀️😛
-Morgan
Felt the same way.. It's a little shaggy.. Loved the video though
Your youtube channel has grown so quick.. wow im so happy for you guys
The familly thing is real as a sister I've been through this and was so disappointed but that was really for our good.
I rewound the last part of this video more then ten time because of Morgan’s singing😵🔥🙌🏾
😊❤️
Thank you so much, Paul and Morgan! Your channel has been a huge blessing to me! Keep up the good and faithful work!
Josephine Postma praise God! Thank you so much 💜
You’re totally right! I never thought about it
Hi! I think you guys made great points.
Please make a video on right time to get into a relationship...
I genuinely didn't consider the family boundary but I now understand that it's a good idea to do that! So thank you!
Dear Paul and Morgan I appreciate what you are trying to do if you are trying to save people heart break
and a string of relationships that are unhealthy. However there is nothing more heartbreaking than a an unhealthy marriage where there is not good communication, and the woman does not equal say over boundaries; what can and cannot happen in all areas. If someone is of the opinion that hugging means not being able to control themselves before marriage, what would that be like after marriage? Believe me having a life time to resolve these issues does not make them go away. It can be a life time of pain. I am more interested in how a person is now, how they have dealt with what ever issues life has thrown at them. They are not impure or gross because that have previously been intimate with someone else. They are likely to be more understanding of how a relationship works and how they work, also better able to communicate.
You do not have finite amount of love to give, you cant give it away like prices of pie or used chewing gum.
I'm sharing this with my youth pastor.
mwdickens whoop!
*These were really thought out & so helpful! Wow! Love this advice & now can pass it along to others! This can definitely help with purity & guarding the heart!* 💛
I love listening to you guys :)
Natalie Roby Aww we’re glad❤️
Natalie Roby
Heya didn’t know you like Paul and Morgan too!!
You guys rock! Keep #speakingtheTruth !!!
My mom not hated both my ex and my husband when we were dating but she really struggled and I think it was jealousy. She and my dad pretty much chased off my ex boyfriend and now say that he was so great and they loved him and say he was probably better for me in some ways than my husband and love that him and I are friends now. 🤦♀️ and now that I'm pregnant they finally have accepted my husband and say they loved him all along and had no problem with him. Yeah let's just say we didn't have issues of people being to close. Now I am SUPER close to my husbands family in fact was friends with his mom who is/was my mentor before him and I were together and times in our dating relationship we felt we might need to call things off I always found myself factoring his mom into my decision.
The third one is SO important for me omg. That’s been a gateway to uhhh not pure situations so that boundary is awesome!
These are rich in wisdom! Much appreciate the word of exhortation. One that stuck out to me is the one about not getting too close to the family. And it's insane that you specifically brought up the mama becoming buddies with the potential dude. This happened last year after I ended a relationship. My mom was sad because she sees this guy as a son, which is sweet and all. But yeah... sometimes the tie just needs to be cut... and it hurts, really bad. But in the end, Gods plan is better and I'm trusting for a bright future. Love y'all and your videos!
Kennadi Nicole we love you back! Thank you for your comment. 💜
Absolutely agree with all three of these. Very well timed too as I just got into a relationship with my boyfriend! Xx
Meg Dunn awesome!
If you’re going to decide to have strict boundaries please don’t jump into marriage too early just to get rid of those boundaries
Meg Dunn. Agreed
I'd say a boundary is not deciding to get married after 4 months 🤷♀️
Morgan, you look so pretty!! As always, actually haha
Caroline 😊❤️❤️
I have a question 🙋♂️. The boundaries mentioned did both of you value them while in dating relationships before both of you dated ?
Are these boundaries that you implemented as a result of experience in dating?
Thank you guys for sharing this! No Christian married couple I've ever met has regretted setting boundaries, and most wish they'd been more strict.
You guys mentioned not getting too close to the family early on in the dating relationship. What would you suggest for if one of the people has abusive parents and they're hesitant to tell the other, but the other really wants to meet these abusive parents (who act all amazing and awesome out in public)?
And I’d rather be safe than sorry... this video is greatly needed✝️
I love these points guys!
Boundaries are so important for healthy relationship and friendships! 🙌🏽🎉
All of those boundaries were good. I personally have crossed all of those at one point without even thinking. For sure boundaries i will keep in the future. Thanks Paul and Morgan!
Barbara Carey same girl! It’s hard. But yes, keep them for the future! 💜
This is just wrong. There is nothing wrong with being romantic. There is nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to them. These boundaries are excessive, unnecessary, and legalistic.
This is so wise! Ive never heard 2 and 3 before. Thanks for sharing!! God bless y'all!
I've falling to those three things and they aren't good to be in. Thank you for bringing this up!!! Cuz falling in those boundaries really can get someone emotionally messed up. And God's still working on me to heal from my wrong choices of breaking those boundaries, and GREAT SINGING❤️🙏🏻😍
Always blessed with your Vlogs P&M ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I am trying to encourage my bestfriend to watch your videos now because I am really learning so much from your topics 😍 and I can really feel that your messages are not just plain words but words that are guided by the Holy Spirit to help a lot of young people 😍 God knows how grateful I am for finding your channel 😍❤️ God Bless you more and praying that someday I can also support you guys in my own little way. I am all the way from the Philippines 😅😅 I always enjoy watching you guys 😅❤️ please please please continue on spreading God's word ❤️ You guys are being used by God to bless His people 😍❤️🤗
The third one really should be common, I was surprised to learn that it wasn't.
I believe that boundaries should be personal between a couple. For example, my man and I we do kiss when we meet, but we don't meet in private. In public we don't feel aroused by hugging or kissing. We are at a stage where we are very certain about each other and want to work together towards marriage. Sometimes an "adult joke" is made (for example this afternoon, we were on the phone calling each other, I was preparing lunch, and he had to go to the bathroom, at one point I said: "Yeey, the eggs are boiling!" and he was like: "no they are not, I checked two seconds ago" and we both cracked with laughter, it was a bit on the edge but after that we directly changed subject) but we don't make those kind of jokes all the time and if a joke is "to much" and makes the other uncomfortable we'll tell each other. I think transparency about boundaries is important. But don't keep hanging on the subject to long! Talk about it, then change the subject.
The family one actually is a good one. I have been in the past in a toxic relationship. And one of the reasons why it was really hard to break free and I even was hesitating after he cheated was because I was to close with them. His sister tried to convince me to stay and forgive him. She was like a sister to me too. It was so hard, because not only did I leave a cheating fiancé, I left a whole family. My own family isn't really close and with him for the first time I felt like I really had a family, I never had brothers or sisters but his sisters felt like they were mine too, so I felt like I was breaking with my own family. It hurt so badly. It's good to have a good relationship with the family of the person you are together with. But you're not in the family as long as there's no ring on it. When there's a ring on it, go ahead and bond, you're now one big happy family. But always reserve some before that time.
This is SO GOOD! I think going too deep too fast and even sharing too deep of things about your walk with God or experiences too fast is so important... I agree with these 100%
Great video guys.....I am for laying everything out on the table but it all comes down to timing. You have to be intentional but at the same time pure and guard your heart. Its a balance thing. Lean toward oversharing more than under sharing. Wouldn't want to court a young lady for a few months then find out something that could potentially be a deal breaker. Feel like I wasted time.
Kevin B we definitely get that! Thanks for your comment, Kevin. You rock! 😊
Also sending particular messages are usually causing a stumbling block for your brother or sister
Great video! And you have an amazing voice!!
Hey everyone if you wouldn't say something to a persons' face don't text it to them! Lol, that's a rule that i live by. Also i agree with what you both said about sending pictures because maybe laying in bed in your nightgown and taking a shot and sending it to someone could send the wrong message. Maybe to you you're just being playful, but to the guy he could possibly be in a different head space when he sees it and think that you're ready for something more when you really aren't. I thought these were all wonderful things to keep in mind when dating. Super late on leaving a comment, but i've missed about seven videos so i'm catching up! :)
morgan 3:41-3:45 cracked me up sooo much!! had to rewind a couple of times. (: good video guys
stillmikaela haha yass! 😄🙌🏼 thank you!
Hehe Morgan's face at 3:45 has me dead😂