Thanks for watching! If you are struggling with vaginismus and would like to follow a structured program, click this link for my Overcoming Vaginismus course: geni.us/0wjwU
I’ve been telling gynecologists “The Pelvic Exam and Sex Both Hurt” for 25 years now. Never, at any time, has anyone suggested anything to help me at ALL. Thank you for the video!!! I’m not crazy!!!
You are definitely not crazy! Can you get to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist? Would be really worth doing as you can definitely make changes that should improve your symptoms. Let me know how you get on 🌸💖
I spoke to a gynecologist and she explained that I just need to practice relaxing those muscles. She said she could tell that they were very tight. That’s probably where I hold all my stress. Your pelvic floor yoga videos are absolutely amazing!
Thank you for the kind feedback 😊🌸 Stress often lands in the pelvis or around the hips. It’s great that you have the support of a gynecologist and know what to work on, that makes such a difference!
My experience with gynecologists was nothing like what you described. One would assume they'd never heard of Vaginismus. I had multiple doctors just attempt to ram the tools in by force. I tried exams around a dozen times over the course of 20 years before someone recommended physical therapy for the pelvic floor. The therapist recommended stretching and dilators. I'm finally on the right track after losing years of my sexual life.
I'm so sorry to hear about these horrible experiences. There are definitely a lot in the medical profession that need some further education around vaginismus, pelvic floor dysfunction, and even just basic human compassion in some cases. I really hope that, with the help of your physio, you can overcome your condition for once and for all 🌸💕
So sorry to hear that! My general practitioner performed my first pap smear after my gynecologist's retirement, before sending me to a urogynecologist. She seemed to know that something was wrong, so I did my best to explain it to her. We assumed it was just because of the rape, but this video reminded me that at the start of puberty I was never able to wear a tampon, for this reason. At age 32 I am just now getting my prescription filled for a pelvic floor specialist. So thankful that my doctor took the time to listen to me and get me on the right path! She's been my doctor since I was an infant, and I've always loved her.
So happy I found this channel! I am 8 months post partum and have not been able to resume sexual activity with my husband. At first, I thought it was me psyching myself out and then I did some research and discovered these videos. Vaginimus really needs to be talked about more often. Didn't even know it was a thing until now.
It’s such an important topic. Secondary vaginismus generally responds well to treatment so make sure to address it. A good pelvic floor physiotherapist can help to release tissues and may suggest dilation exercises. There’s lots of info on my website about vaginismus and this article should also be helpful: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ Good luck, and remember, you are not alone 🌸😊
I've been suffering from this for 8 years now, but nothing you mentioned here was my reason for developing this terrible condition. I have had vaginismus and hypotonic pelvic floor dysfunction due to EMOTIONAL TRAUMA. I researched this greatly, and this is one of the reasons I wish you had mentioned here because this is extremely important that people know this and don't downplay someone's life experience. I am a sensitive person by nature and I had a severe, traumatic life/emotional experiences before I first realized something was very wrong with me down there. I finally was diagnosed with these conditions after seeing 4 gynecologists that couldn't figure out what was wrong.
👋 Thanks for watching! I get a lot of comments every day and at the moment, I am struggling to keep up with answering them all 😅 I will do my best to answer your question in good time. If you would like to ask me a question directly, you can book a short 1:1 zoom coaching call: geni.us/V8rJ 👩🏼💻
Mam after delivery I m suffering ..i feel fear to do sex because it use to burn n even when there is no sex, especially after I get up in morning I feel hot tub inside my vagina ,I m dying
I have observed that women with vaginismus seem to clench their teeth involuntary thus causing contraction. Thus keeping mouth slightly open and breathing out slowly from mouth prevents clenching of teeth and also relaxes the pelvic floor tension.
I've been diagnosed with this. I have been able to have intercourse before n just deal with the pain. But it has gotten worse. I had one gynecologist that just didn't know what the reason for my discomfort so she just brushed it off Then another made it seem like I had a std that didn't have. I gotten tested 3 times in less than a year. Full scale test. Normal. N I had to find answers and my diagnosis myself and treatment myself Now im receiving help but it's been so hard. Like the emotional rollercoaster, anxiety and stress and the cost.
So sorry to hear you’ve had such bad experiences when looking for a diagnosis. Healthcare professionals don’t get enough training on vaginismus, which is shocking given how prevalent it is. Have you found a good specialist now who understands the condition?
Hi! I’ve never been able to put in a tampon. I’m now in my 20s and I’m in a relationship so I wanted to test myself to see if I still have that problem. I tried with a type of dilator and It worked! The first 2 sizes went in gradually all the way and it didn’t hurt at all .. I was SO shocked.. I tried 5 days later and I couldn’t get anything in at all. Like a wall was up and the hole had vanished. It was painful trying to force it .. It’s been 3 months and I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t do it again! 😨 . Can you explain why I’ve reverted back to how I was and how I can fix this 😭 . I feel so worried and disappointed
I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling with this. Fear can be a big driver for the protective response. It's really important to address the fears around penetration and to not give up on overcoming it. I've written an article explaining more about the protective response and some steps you can take to overcome the issue. You can read that here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ Try not to feel worried and disappointed. Your nervous system can't tell the difference between what you think and whats really happening, so fearful thoughts can stand in the way. Keep reminding yourself that your body and relax for penetration, as it did when you earlier tried the dilators, and your body will relax again. You can do it 💕
I had surgery for imperforate hymen when i was 12, i remember that the doctor used to insert in some tools and it hurt so so bad. I used to feel like theres not space for them to go in and thats exactly what I feel when I try to use my fingers now. I'm wondering if it was the hymen surgery that gave me some sort of trauma?
It’s not unusual to have trauma after pelvic surgery, but you can get past it. There are some tips in this article that can be helpful: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
I accidentally discovered your video. I find your content resourceful. I suffer from it as a result of trauma as a child. I gave up of having romantic relationships and marriage and children because I am hopeless. I am 55 now. Two months ago, I did visit my ObGyn and she previously diagnosed me with it. I was so embarrassed and nervous as before. I was crying uncontrollably as before. She was sensitive and recommend that I see a mental health professional. I am trying to find one, but at this point, is it worth it? I am old now. Perhaps God may not want me having sex. If this is the case, I will accept my lot and my loss. I will work on my self esteem and self care as a woman.
Michelle, 55 is not old. I’m not so far from that myself. You still have lots of great years ahead and it should really do whatever you can to work towards overcoming the condition. I have an eight week course on overcoming vaginismus which can help along with physiotherapy and seeing a counsellor. Definitely do something as you can overcome the condition 🌸🙏🏻
@@TheFlowerEmpoweredThank you. 55 is too late for me, but I am willing to help myself overcome this issue, even if I fail. I will seek counseling for my childhood trauma and my religious upbringing. Also I need to find a sex therapist who specializes in this problem. I wonder would CBD Intimacy suppositories help? I did find a brand that makes them. The brand is Foria.
i am so glad my gynecologist knew what was up and didn't attempt an internal investigation. Within 5 secoonds of poking with a cotton swab she was done.
I only see women gynecologists now. I have had this all my adult life. When I was in my 20s and complained of painful sex the gynecologist told me I just hadn't met the right guy yet. In my 50s I was talking about my fibrods and another male gynecologist told me since I wasn't going to have kids just have a hysterectomy . I found me a woman , went to a urologist who finally diagnosed it.
I had an appointment for a IUD insertion not that long ago. It would have been helpful if prior to my appointment I was maybe given information about how to better my chances of a successful insertion and if I had concerns I could delay / reschedule my appointment or make arrangements to be sedated. Yeah, the insertion was not successful. The lady had no feedback, no suggestions aside from just make arrangements to have someone drive me to and from a clinic that can do the insertion under sedation (which still has a chance of failure). As far as I know there is nothing physically wrong. I know I am a walking ball of stress and tension... There is no end to the stress and pressure and the brief moments of triumph, relief and relaxation don't last that long before the next crisis appears. What is the point and purpose of trying to better my mood, of trying to relax, if it can be ripped away from me minutes or hours later? It's an impossible, never ending struggle.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had such a negative experience. It is really important to find a good gynecologist who is aware of vaginismus and other conditions of pelvic floor tension. There is so much you can do to improve pelvic floor tension and it’s really worth pursuing. A good pelvic floor physiotherapist and a good gynecologist will make a huge difference. They will help make your nervous system feel safe which will make insertion of your IUD easier. Have a wee read of this article for some additional tips: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ And most importantly - don’t give up! The very best of your life is yet to come. Surround yourself with people who support and love you, and remember that you are not alone 🌸❤️
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Your optimism is admirable, but let's just say I am a complicated person. I am very certain that my ADHD plays a significant role in contributing to my depression. Even with stimulant medication my brain is still probably under stimulated and bored most of the time. Maybe it's this boredom that drives the "creative" tendencies frequently ascribed to ADHD and why so many get into trouble with drugs. We need more stimulation in order to function like a "normal" person and we may be compelled to drink to numb the boredom or reverse the overstimulation and relax. People who are autistic / autistic spectrum can struggle with something called theory of mind, which is one of multiple reasons why anxiety is probably so common. And of course a long history of having difficulty making yourself understood and being mistreated certainly doesn't help. I was diagnosed by a professional within the past few years, so this is not merely a self diagnosis. I have been thinking about these issues for a long time (I am in my 30's). I strongly suspect both my parents are neurodivergent, my Dad for sure. As best as I can tell, I am ace / asexual, I don't find anyone sexually attractive. My sexual preference is: no. It's not simply that I experience a lack of desire, but fundamentally I don't find myself feeling spontaneously attracted to people and wanting to do sexual acts with said person. It's one thing to negotiate boundaries and communicate mutual understanding when one partner has a much higher / lower sex drive than the other. It's quite a different dynamic when one partner is straight / gay / bisexual and the other is asexual. When one partner is sexually attracted to the other and the asexual person likes them for other reasons, but has trouble comprehending and fulfilling the sexual wants and needs of their partner. Given how nightmarish and problematic it is to navigate a relationship with someone who isn't asexual. I am much better off staying single or trying to form a relationship with someone who is also asexual (unfortunately we are not the easiest people to find and many seem content to be single). As far as I know my hormones are normal based on testing that was done years ago. I have heard that hormone levels are some how different for people with ADHD and it is allegedly common for women with ADHD to have more pronounced mood issues just before the "red tide." And it's this precise reason I wanted an IUD insertion. I tend to be moodier than usual just before my period, which has caused problems for me. I am consistently inconsistent, so it's unlikely I will be able to succeed at taking a pill at the same time everyday. It would be nice if it wasn't so expensive to merely exist, but it is what it is.
omg i used to have this soooo badly, i wouldnt even let my then partner put a finger inside me never mind his thing, tbh i dont have it anymore and i think its bcus to me i was scared of my ex always leaving me and id be ashamed i broke my virginity to him. fast forward to 3 years later, i met this really cool guy, really secure, green flags and we just ended up doing it, i was so shocked on how little it hurt, just proves all this pain was in my head, me telling myself id be a bad person if i did it and my ex left. i trust the new guy a lot, i know he wont just up and leave, or do anything to hurt me which is why i think it worked out lol
I’m so glad you got past it. The nervous system is definitely impacted if you don’t feel comfortable in a relationship, and it can show up as the protective vaginismus response. Happy that you have overcome 😊🌸
I actually am tearing and bleeding…I ripped my scar from my episiotomy which I had 39 years ago…never had any problems until menopause …I’m 67 this year and it’s destroying my marriage…help plz
Do you have secondary vaginismus? Following menopause, pelvic floor exercises can help to reduce tearing and to improve vaginal atrophy. It sounds counterintuitive due to vaginismus being connected to hypertonicity, but recent studies into vaginal atrophy found that pelvic floor strengthening exercises reduce atrophy and help to restore tissue health in the vagina. In one study, they found that the exercises had a better result than estrogen cream (which is another option). It takes a bit of time - but the way to look at it is this: contracting muscles pumps them with blood that brings the fuel and nutrients for repair. Pelvic floor strength training over the course of 6 to 8 weeks can make a big difference (as well as helping to prevent muscle breakdown - sarcopenia). Additionally, you should use plenty of lubrication if you are trying any penetration. this can help to prevent tearing of the scarring. As well as strength training, you can also do some pelvic floor relaxation (lots of videos on this channel) and some gentle active yoga. If you want to follow a more comprehensive program, there are links in the video description to my book and my courses.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered thank you so much for replying to me, it’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one, it’s not in my head…it’s real….I will def try those exercises and I was given estrogen creme to use..but during early menopause I had a nervous breakdown and was also told I had o progesterone levels and over 2000 in estrogen. I was put on natural progesterone pills from mares urine…I got tons better. So am scared todo estrogen…I will give this a try..thx so much for caring and sharing…Patricia
I've recently been diagnosed with vaginimus and have started dilating. I can insert the smallest one in and whilst it isn't painful I can't take it any further and I feel like I'm hitting a wall. Does this last for long?
It really varies from person to person. The fact that you are not feeling any pain is a good signal. When you are hitting the wall, it is likely that you are reaching the deepest layer of pelvic floor muscle. What happens when you try the second size? Are you already doing pelvic floor relaxation, yoga nidra body scanning meditation and some form of therapy in combination with the dilation? The combined approach should really help. The thing with vaginismus is that it is largely driven by your nervous system. Thoughts and movements (and even dilation) are all ways for you to communicate with your nervous system. What you are trying to do is to send it a message of safety so it can begin to let go.
Thanks for your response, I will start meditating and doing more stretches ahead of dilating. I haven't yet plucked up the courage to insert the second size but will do what you recommend and see if that makes a difference. Thanks for your videos and making me feel less anxious about having vaginimus!
Hey thanks your video. I got diagnosed by vaginusmus and once it goe little better. I couldn't conceive so I started my iui treatments and realized my one tube is blocked. Pretty much messed up but always hoping for better days.
One more question - my doctor briefly suggested that dilators might be a way forward if vaginismus is my issue, but said that that would only be appropriate if I was currently sexually active. Isn't the irony obvious? I'm supposed to partner up then seek help? Can I ask for help without being sexually active? The pain and discomfort isn't all about sex, it affects my smear tests and my ability to use a Mooncup etc. Thanks!
This is a great question and your doctor is most definitely incorrect. Sexual activity isn’t the only reason for working in overcome vaginismus. As you rightly point out, smears, gyne exams and using menstruation produce such as tampons or mooncups are all impacted by vaginismus. Dilation is an important tool regardless of your sexual activity.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered You're amazing. Thank you. It is so difficult to feel empowered to ask for help. Gynaecologists understand it's not all about sexual activity, right? My worst nightmare is to see a gynaecologist and for them to say "well you're not sexually active so what's the issue/we can't help you if you can't 'test' things without having sex?" I really haven't had a good experience with medical professionals 🙈
Not all gynecologists are the same, and many know the importance of therapy for vaginismus for you irrelevant of your sexual activity. You may also be referred to a pelvic floor physiotherapist- that can be very helpful and something you should definitely discuss either your doctor. There are so many wonderful and understanding medical professionals so if you find yourself in front of one who is uneducated in the importance of rehabilitation for vaginismus, don’t give up, find another: you will get past this ❤️
@@TheFlowerEmpowered My current GP is the loveliest doctor I've come across for a long time and I'm hopeful he will refer me (this is not his specialism but I don't mind that as long he can refer me to a gynaecologist). So strange that it's considered that someone like me is the least in need of medical help (i.e. single female with no sex life) when I see other people who have successful romantic relationships and families who the medical profession see as fully eligible medical patients (they are, of course, but I am too). I'm made to feel broken, on the scrap heap type of thing! It's so wrong. Whatever is wrong is a big part of the reason I don't have as full a life as I'd like to. So debilitating. I see him again in 1 month so will ask him then for a referral. I can't explain how much these replies have helped me and given me hope. Really grateful to you ❤ First time I have EVER spoken to a medical profession about this with any assertiveness. Big step for me. Thank you!
The fact that my body seems to fear penetration is taking a toll on my relationship and my mental health as well. Is it safe to try dilators and kegels by myself or would you recommend seeing a medical professional first?
I would always recommend getting an official diagnosis from a medical professional or pelvic floor physiotherapist as this will give some clarity. Pelvic floor relaxation exercises and dilation can be practiced while you wait for your appointment, but take it easy on yourself. You can read this article if you haven’t done so already, it goes through some more detail, and you can also find a lot more info on vaginismus on the website: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
This is so sad, I am so very sorry to hear of her suffering. It highlights the importance of bringing awareness to the condition and to making treatment available to everyone, everywhere.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you ❤️. It’s so crazy how little we know about our bodies, especially when we factor in cultural and religion upbringings. Everything I know about my own anatomy has been through videos like yours and random health classes/googles. Things I’ve been too shy to even talk to my doctors about. I’m just learning to speak up and ask questions
I used to go to a gynecologist to get hormonal birth control but now that I’m off of it, I’m of the age that I really do need to go back. However, I’m so afraid of the penetration part because that’s always caused me such pain when trying to use a tampon. So I have yet to go back and it’s been 6 years.
You should really go. Practice yoga nidra body scanning meditation for a week or two before you go, this will help you with relaxation: th-cam.com/video/58BnvjSc3ck/w-d-xo.html Then for pelvic floor relaxation, try this one and practice it a few times in the week before, and just before you go for your appointment: th-cam.com/video/8ARUuKQ_kJY/w-d-xo.html That should help your pelvic floor relax so that it should be better able to relax for the assessment. Can also help if you want to use tampons or period cups.
There are some links for buying dilators in the video description. Depending on where you are in the world, you may be able to also find them on Amazon or from your healthcare provider.
I’m so glad I came across your channel.. I had a cervical screening today that didn’t go well. The nurse tried to comfort me but instead said really unhelpful things like “there’s no need to cry” “this is nothing compared to childbirth”. It just made me feel even smaller and more incapable. There isn’t nearly enough sensitivity towards this condition. It’s so hard to find people who understand. Thanks for providing comfort to those of us seeking it ❤️🩹
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with insensitivity. It’s really unfortunate that the medical professionals are not usually trained in dealing with vaginismus. Some compassion from your nurse would have gone a long way. Hopefully there will be some reeducation to help them understand the condition so you can have better support going forward. Don’t give up, you can get through this ❤️
I've been diagnosed with Vaginismus and endometriosis. Doctor has advised me to go for Laparoscopy surgery before I think of conceiving via IUI treatment. I am really scared of the surgery. Not sure what to do, feeling helpless :(
Hello and thank you for the vid. I don't have pain with penetration but sometimes and now more frequent I will get pain after intercourse but only around the opening, and the lips.. sometimes like a burning. I always assumed it was because i am sensitive and get over stimulated. I also have not had an O yet.. so there is no release. Just left with so much blood flow to that area. The pain goes away after maybe 15 minutes. I definitely hold my self too tight and have stress in that area. Does this seem like vaginismus or vulvodynia ? thank you so much
This wouldn’t be vaginismus, as vaginismus is a pelvic floor contraction/spasm that prevents penetration, often accompanied by pain. Vulvodynia means pain in the vulva (your vulva is everything you see externally, your vagina is on the inside). So you have pain in your vulva, which could be called vulvodynia, but it’s related to intercourse so it would probably be called Dyspareunia (pain related to intercourse). Regardless of the label that is applied, finding out what’s actually causing it is important. So I have some questions… 1. When it comes to the big O, have you been able to give yourself one through external stimulation? 2. Are you using external stimulation prior to and during interna penetration? 3. Are you using plenty of lubrication during penetration?
I am a teenage daughter who would like to be a mom inthe future and have a family but the fact that every time i try to insert a tampon even smallest size it wont go in and feels like a wall makes me think i might have this condition. My mom told me that when i was born the doctors told her that i was born with an extra amount of skin in the vigina im nit sure if she said hanging skin or not but she asked me if it has grown because she said it was possible it could grow and said i might want it removed when im older with surgery. Any suggestions?
First and foremost, you should go see your doctor. If they are already aware I’d a skin issue, it should be checked. The hymen, which covers the vaginal opening in some women, could be what they are referring to. Please get checked. Good luck and let me know how it goes ❤️
My marriage did not consummate. So, i visited gynecologist she performed 2 finger test it was painful and sent me back. After my divorce again i visited another gynecologist she did the test with speculum it was horribly painful for me and i was yelling. later she said it is inserting means you are fine, did you contract yourself during intercourse? how is it possible, as you said it is involuntary how did i myself...?😢 I wish i knew this before😢 Surely, here is huge lack of knowledge in medical professionals.. unfortunately they all blame women.
You are not contracting yourself. The contractions with vaginismus are involuntary. It is very unfortunate that many medical professionals are not trained to deal with vaginismus. Try to find a doctor who has specific training for vaginismus (you cab ask before you book your appointment), and also read this article for some things you can try in the meantime: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
Have you tried doing some pelvic floor relaxation exercises before dilation? and are you using plenty of lubricant? It can take some time to achieve full dilation, keep trying and you will get there.
I'm diagnosed with vaginusmus today. Is it curable? Is there any cases where it's not treatable and you suggested for some other treatment? If so, what's the next option if it's not treatable. Please help!
Yes, many women find a way through. I have written a short article with some suggestions that you can read here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
How can someone tell the difference between having vaginismus or a [naturally] small vaginal opening? (my doctor has noticed the latter). Sex is painful and so are smear tests. I tried and failed with dilators years ago, though I bought the hard plastic ones, not the silicon ones. Not sure if this is a silly question but is the hymen itself controlled by the nervous system, i.e. does it expand or contract based on how relaxed or nervous we are? Or is that only true for the muscles in the vagina? I can't believe how little I know about my body! Would love to hear back. Thanks.
So the hymen is not controlled by the nervous system, it’s a band of tissue and can be quite thick and hard to break in rare cases. Dilation on its own might not be sufficient for relaxation. Have you seen a gynecologist? They can check if your issue is being caused by an imperforate hymen or vaginismus. Could also be a combination of the two, but important to get a diagnosis from a qualified health professional. You can find quite a lot of info on my website about vaginismus and other pelvic floor issues and this article shares some additional tips that can help once you’ve had a diagnosis: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ Don’t feel bad about not knowing a lot about your body, especially relating to your intimate health. It’s a taboo subject that we are trying to break so the fact that you are actually talking about it and looking for information means that the taboo will eventually be broken. Be brave and empower yourself 😊🌸
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you so much for responding! I haven't seen a gynaecologist but I will ask my doctor to refer me. I can't help but feel that it's the small opening that's the problem as I ease up after something enters (it's the entry point that feels like the issue). I have healthy periods so perhaps it's more likely microperforate hymen (than imperforate) It's so frustrating and life-limiting :( I will ask to be referred. Thank you again, I really appreciate it!
I've recently been diagnosed with vaginismus. It's bizzare to me because i've had multiple children vaginally and i had episiotomies and tore during childbirth. Now I can barely fit a tampon without being in severe pain😢. How is this possible?
I’m so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It’s known as secondary vaginismus which can be a protective response by the nervous system. Have you read this article? theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ A few suggestions in there can be helpful along either way pelvic floor physiotherapy
Whichever you feel most comfortable with. For some that is missionary, for others it’s going on top. It’s easier to relax the pelvic floor in missionary.
I was diagnosed last year at 31 years old. I was a virgin until 28 when I met my boyfriend. We just couldn't have sex and I always said I was broken as I couldnt even bring myself to orgasm. Finally last year I went to a gynaecologist and he said I had vaginismus and I didn't even know what it was. I have a vibrator but I can't afford much else. I am not tight but doing the exercises you have helps. But then there are days my pelvis tenses up so painfully I have to do the exercises to release it. How do I solve this
Do you monitor what’s happening on the days when your pelvis tenses up painfully? Is it stress, or are you doing something different physically? Or is it at a specific time of the month? It can be good to try to identify triggers for the tension. As well as that, regular relaxation exercises should be helpful. Consistency makes the most difference, so practice 6 days per week if you can (10 to 15 mins per day should be sufficient). You can use exercises when you have increased tension if you don’t have time to practice them regularly. Other things you can add to help with vaginismus symptoms - dilation, therapy and some calming meditations. Does that answer your question?
@@TheFlowerEmpowered I have anxiety, autism and OCD. I am on medication for it. Schedule five and my autism is high functioning. So if for about a week I don't do exercises I get a hard spasm and have to do exercises to fix it. But I don't have money for surgery and my boyfriend and I came have intercourse.
It’s likely a nervous system protective response. You could read a little more about this here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
I found your channel because I have a prolapsed pelvic floor and now sometimes it’s difficult to urinate in the morning without forcing my body to push the urine out. I’m concerned because I’m only 42….
Hi, have you spoken to your doctor about getting a pessary fitted? If the prolapse is preventing urination, that’s an indication that the urethra could be kinking a bit. A pessary would add internal support to help remove the kink allowing urine to flow normally. This is a much better option than straining your pee. You can read more about prolapse on my website: theflowerempowered.com See your doctor soon and try not to stress. Living with prolapse doesn’t have to be an ordeal if you manage the symptoms 🌸💕
You can also do urethral splinting, where you use either fingers or a splinting device in the vagina to provide some internal support during urination to prevent straining. This should allow you to pee without straining while you are waiting to get a pessary. Hope this helps 💞
@@TheFlowerEmpowered I have not heard of either of these but I’ll definitely look into it thank you!!!! I’m going to binge watch your channel and see what can help. I try to avoid medical intervention as much as possible. In the states it’s not healthcare but rather wealthcare
I hear you on the wealthcare. I have lots of info on my website and in my book that can give you some guidance, but it would be really important to see a doctor of you are struggling to urinate. Urinary retention is dangerous. A pessary will probably be the best option, and you can work on some Hypopressives and pelvic floor strengthening/relaxation to help relieve your symptoms. Good luck! Also, if you join the community, you can ask questions in there too, and connect with others who are dealing with prolapse.
Can vaginismus also be a deep pain? I had an ultrasound that pretty much ruled out any underlying problems within the uterus but I've only ever come across information about vaginal pain at the opening, this deep pain just never goes away during sex :/
It's less likely to be deep pain as it's a pelvic floor issue and the pelvic floor muscles are surrounding the entrance and going in a few centimetres. Have you seen the ohnut? That can help if you have deep pain. It just ensures that penetration is not as deep. 10% off Ohnut: geni.us/U7GBT
Yes! Periods still happen when you have vaginismus. The muscles are hypertonic (contracted) but the hole is still there. if your periods stop, it will be for another reason so you should speak with your doctor or gynecologist.
I answer all questions in the community (link in description) and also offer 1:1 coaching if you would prefer to speak to me directly. Link for coaching is also in video description.
Have you seen a gynecologist? Vaginal atrophy can cause some shrinkage of the vaginal passage. Generally HRT can help you limit atrophy and you can use lubricants and dilation to help with maintaining the vaginal passage. It’s important to speak with a gynecologist about this if you haven’t already.
I am still suffering from this condition for 15 yrs now .. And I have spoken to different Medical Practitioner about it...The only thing they could do is to give me an operation down there.
Medical practitioners can offer medicine or surgery. When you have a muscular condition, you need to see physiotherapist. And with vaginismus, it’s also good to see a therapist for the psychological component.
Hi .. I'm suffering from vaginismus. Unable to even put a tampon . I don't have access to a specialist from where I live . Here, doctors are not helping!!! Can you please help me....I mean I do yoga but I found all the exercises I do are strengthing the pelvic floor but I have to do the opposite....please make a step by step video to cure vaginismus please!!!
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you so much....I really loved the point that dilators will train the nervous system to get used to feeling of the external object entering into the vagina....this made me realise that I can practice to relax my body and give myself some time to achieve it......thanks for giving me hope!!!
I’m impressed with your excellent videos, but I may be in the category that expects quick results 😂 I am now ready to discuss my inability to have vaginal sex with my GP, after 10 years of drought between my husband and myself. I won’t go into my history with the NHS gynaecologist being unwilling to help, Dr “pain is normal”, I need to think about what NHS today can offer. I suspect it could be limited to hrt for vaginal dryness in menopause and sympathy while I try the trainers. There is a private physio who does include sexual dysfunction among her referring reasons, and I now know how many possible causes there are for my distress so I could use the session to ask her if she can diagnose me. What would you suggest I ask for?
The best approach is to be very open with the specialist about your history and the issues you are facing, if you do have vaginismus, there are a lot of things you can try. If you read the comments in some of the relaxation videos here in the channel, you will see that some people do get very quick results from consistent pelvic floor relaxation exercises, but it does very much depend on what is the underlying cause. HRT is a great idea if you have menopausal dryness or vaso-motor symptoms. You can read more on vaginismus in this article: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ and you will find info on other pelvic floor issues there too. I’m here if you have more questions after you have a wee read. Let me know how it goes 😊🌸
i used to have this, i think its because i never trusted any man, i always feared if i allowed a man to touch me, he'll leave then id feel so bad about it. until i met my husband. he knew i had vaginismus but still married me. he was the first man ever to treat me so kindly. it took about 3 month to finally cure my vaginismus with him after trying years on my own. i realised that when i felt safe and happy, and didn't fear he''d leave me everything worked out. im 29 now, this all happened last yr when i was 28. i genuinely used to think id be a virgin forever and vaginismus ruined everything.
@@melodylife3655 tbh my husband helped me… to me i have to feel as though a man will stay with me & not leave me, not rush me into anything. my ex was very hasty when it came to bedroom stuff & that scared me, it made my vaginismus worse, but my husband is a very caring loving man. having someone like him really helps
Hey ma'am. I've been feeling a lot of pain during penetration as it my first times, earlier I felt I'm going through this problem but you video really helped me to clear my doubts. Can you please guide me that how can I reduce my pain and discomfort and make the process smooth?
I have a fear that i might have that i have longitudinal vaginal septum problem and second i think having intimate time with a partner won't be easy since i have septum and i once tried to check it with my finger,i didn't even go all the way in but it hurts instead of some pleasure they say😢
Possibly, but you shouldn’t self diagnose. There are other conditions that can cause painful intercourse (dyspareunia). It’s really important to speak with someone about it. I would suggest your gynecologist or a pelvic floor physiotherapist. Good luck 🌸
I have not seen any studies linking vaginismus to birth control. I know many who haven't used birth control that have vaginismus, so it wouldn't necessarily be a driving factor, but you never know!
Hi I was in a 4 year relationship and having g sex was the most painful thing ever. I broke up with the guy, I had sex with a one night stand and I actually enjoyed the sex. I'm in a relationship with a different guy and having sex hurts all over again. Why is that so?
Good question. Not really possible to give an answer as there are many things that could be at play. The nervous system generally gives pain signals as a protective response. It’s important to have a checkup with gynecologist or pelvic floor physiotherapist to rule out any sinister cause to your pain. There can also be substantial size differences between men. Was the one night stand smaller than the others? There could also be a psychological component to the pain (which is common with all pelvic floor dysfunctions). Maybe your nervous system doesn’t feel safe or feels threatened in relationships but the casual one night stand didn’t provoke the same response. So, many things can impact it. You should definitely look into it further. Maybe this article on vaginismus will provide some insights: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
I am not sure if I have vaginismus because I am able to use a menstrual cup and insert upto almost 2 fingers. But the entire 2 fingers isn't going in and hence, Penal penetration isn't happening. How can I handle this?
Are you using plenty of lubricant? Lube can be the difference between it going all the way in and not. It's important to also get checked by a pelvic floor PT or gynecologist as they can verify that there is nothing else preventing penetration. If you are confirmed to be dealing with vaginismus, some dilation therapy combined with pelvic floor exercises and some counselling can help you to achieve PIV.
I went to pelvic therapy and it definitley helped! It took about 8 months because I was VERY tight. I also get hot when my husband and i are intimate and i think that is normal so i always have to have the ac and fan on during it.
Hi I am 25 years old and I have not had intimate penetration I have been in a relationship for four years now but I want to have that special relationship with my partner and I have a question would using dilator ease my first time by practicing on relaxing myself before having intimate penetration
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Thanks for watching! If you are struggling with vaginismus and would like to follow a structured program, click this link for my Overcoming Vaginismus course: geni.us/0wjwU
I’ve been telling gynecologists “The Pelvic Exam and Sex Both Hurt” for 25 years now. Never, at any time, has anyone suggested anything to help me at ALL. Thank you for the video!!! I’m not crazy!!!
You are definitely not crazy! Can you get to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist? Would be really worth doing as you can definitely make changes that should improve your symptoms. Let me know how you get on 🌸💖
I was told to have a baby that doing so normally “ helps these kinda things “ 🙄🙄
I spoke to a gynecologist and she explained that I just need to practice relaxing those muscles. She said she could tell that they were very tight. That’s probably where I hold all my stress. Your pelvic floor yoga videos are absolutely amazing!
Thank you for the kind feedback 😊🌸
Stress often lands in the pelvis or around the hips. It’s great that you have the support of a gynecologist and know what to work on, that makes such a difference!
Hello. Did your doctor physically examine the problem?
@@ankitamalick8626 yes. It was a female gynecologist. She physically examined the problem with my consent
My experience with gynecologists was nothing like what you described. One would assume they'd never heard of Vaginismus. I had multiple doctors just attempt to ram the tools in by force. I tried exams around a dozen times over the course of 20 years before someone recommended physical therapy for the pelvic floor. The therapist recommended stretching and dilators. I'm finally on the right track after losing years of my sexual life.
I'm so sorry to hear about these horrible experiences. There are definitely a lot in the medical profession that need some further education around vaginismus, pelvic floor dysfunction, and even just basic human compassion in some cases.
I really hope that, with the help of your physio, you can overcome your condition for once and for all 🌸💕
So sorry to hear that! My general practitioner performed my first pap smear after my gynecologist's retirement, before sending me to a urogynecologist. She seemed to know that something was wrong, so I did my best to explain it to her. We assumed it was just because of the rape, but this video reminded me that at the start of puberty I was never able to wear a tampon, for this reason. At age 32 I am just now getting my prescription filled for a pelvic floor specialist. So thankful that my doctor took the time to listen to me and get me on the right path! She's been my doctor since I was an infant, and I've always loved her.
I got diagnosed with this yesterday. Both my obgyns and urologist have been treating it and gave been great with what I need
Great to have a diagnosis! Good luck with treatment, you got this 😊🌸
So happy I found this channel! I am 8 months post partum and have not been able to resume sexual activity with my husband. At first, I thought it was me psyching myself out and then I did some research and discovered these videos. Vaginimus really needs to be talked about more often. Didn't even know it was a thing until now.
It’s such an important topic. Secondary vaginismus generally responds well to treatment so make sure to address it. A good pelvic floor physiotherapist can help to release tissues and may suggest dilation exercises. There’s lots of info on my website about vaginismus and this article should also be helpful: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
Good luck, and remember, you are not alone 🌸😊
I've been suffering from this for 8 years now, but nothing you mentioned here was my reason for developing this terrible condition. I have had vaginismus and hypotonic pelvic floor dysfunction due to EMOTIONAL TRAUMA. I researched this greatly, and this is one of the reasons I wish you had mentioned here because this is extremely important that people know this and don't downplay someone's life experience. I am a sensitive person by nature and I had a severe, traumatic life/emotional experiences before I first realized something was very wrong with me down there. I finally was diagnosed with these conditions after seeing 4 gynecologists that couldn't figure out what was wrong.
Thanks for the feedback. I will make sure to specifically add emotional trauma in my next video on Vaginismus.
She has many exercise videos that work miracles
Hi, can you elaborate or guide to a link to read up more about this?
Hi irina, what is your age???...Will you travel to india ???Because in india treat is there for this issue
@@anuvevo8032 I know you've asked OP but can you tell me more about this specific treatment in India? I'm Indian and I need help regarding this
👋 Thanks for watching! I get a lot of comments every day and at the moment, I am struggling to keep up with answering them all 😅 I will do my best to answer your question in good time. If you would like to ask me a question directly, you can book a short 1:1 zoom coaching call: geni.us/V8rJ 👩🏼💻
Mam after delivery I m suffering ..i feel fear to do sex because it use to burn n even when there is no sex, especially after I get up in morning I feel hot tub inside my vagina ,I m dying
I want answer Pls mam
I have observed that women with vaginismus seem to clench their teeth involuntary thus causing contraction. Thus keeping mouth slightly open and breathing out slowly from mouth prevents clenching of teeth and also relaxes the pelvic floor tension.
Hi can I help you 😮
Your channel has been of great help
I'm so glad to hear that Rachel 😊🌸
I've been diagnosed with this. I have been able to have intercourse before n just deal with the pain. But it has gotten worse. I had one gynecologist that just didn't know what the reason for my discomfort so she just brushed it off
Then another made it seem like I had a std that didn't have. I gotten tested 3 times in less than a year. Full scale test. Normal. N I had to find answers and my diagnosis myself and treatment myself Now im receiving help but it's been so hard. Like the emotional rollercoaster, anxiety and stress and the cost.
So sorry to hear you’ve had such bad experiences when looking for a diagnosis. Healthcare professionals don’t get enough training on vaginismus, which is shocking given how prevalent it is. Have you found a good specialist now who understands the condition?
Hi! I’ve never been able to put in a tampon. I’m now in my 20s and I’m in a relationship so I wanted to test myself to see if I still have that problem. I tried with a type of dilator and It worked! The first 2 sizes went in gradually all the way and it didn’t hurt at all .. I was SO shocked.. I tried 5 days later and I couldn’t get anything in at all. Like a wall was up and the hole had vanished. It was painful trying to force it .. It’s been 3 months and I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t do it again! 😨 . Can you explain why I’ve reverted back to how I was and how I can fix this 😭 . I feel so worried and disappointed
I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling with this. Fear can be a big driver for the protective response. It's really important to address the fears around penetration and to not give up on overcoming it. I've written an article explaining more about the protective response and some steps you can take to overcome the issue. You can read that here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ Try not to feel worried and disappointed. Your nervous system can't tell the difference between what you think and whats really happening, so fearful thoughts can stand in the way. Keep reminding yourself that your body and relax for penetration, as it did when you earlier tried the dilators, and your body will relax again. You can do it 💕
@@TheFlowerEmpowered thank you so so much ! I really appreciate it. I’ll check the link that you’ve sent and try the tips 💕
This was really helpful thank you!
You're so welcome! I'm glad it was helpful 😊🌸
So much great info. Thank you!!
You are so welcome!
I had surgery for imperforate hymen when i was 12, i remember that the doctor used to insert in some tools and it hurt so so bad. I used to feel like theres not space for them to go in and thats exactly what I feel when I try to use my fingers now. I'm wondering if it was the hymen surgery that gave me some sort of trauma?
It’s not unusual to have trauma after pelvic surgery, but you can get past it. There are some tips in this article that can be helpful: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
Thank you sm
I accidentally discovered your video. I find your content resourceful. I suffer from it as a result of trauma as a child. I gave up of having romantic relationships and marriage and children because I am hopeless. I am 55 now. Two months ago, I did visit my ObGyn and she previously diagnosed me with it. I was so embarrassed and nervous as before. I was crying uncontrollably as before. She was sensitive and recommend that I see a mental health professional. I am trying to find one, but at this point, is it worth it? I am old now. Perhaps God may not want me having sex.
If this is the case, I will accept my lot and my loss. I will work on my self esteem and self care as a woman.
Michelle, 55 is not old. I’m not so far from that myself. You still have lots of great years ahead and it should really do whatever you can to work towards overcoming the condition. I have an eight week course on overcoming vaginismus which can help along with physiotherapy and seeing a counsellor. Definitely do something as you can overcome the condition 🌸🙏🏻
@@TheFlowerEmpoweredThank you. 55 is too late for me, but I am willing to help myself overcome this issue, even if I fail.
I will seek counseling for my childhood trauma and my religious upbringing. Also I need to find a sex therapist who specializes in this problem.
I wonder would CBD Intimacy suppositories help? I did find a brand that makes them. The brand is Foria.
i am so glad my gynecologist knew what was up and didn't attempt an internal investigation. Within 5 secoonds of poking with a cotton swab she was done.
I love to hear that gynes are aware of the condition, makes such a difference 👍🏻
I only see women gynecologists now. I have had this all my adult life. When I was in my 20s and complained of painful sex the gynecologist told me I just hadn't met the right guy yet. In my 50s I was talking about my fibrods and another male gynecologist told me since I wasn't going to have kids just have a hysterectomy . I found me a woman , went to a urologist who finally diagnosed it.
That’s terrible! I’m glad that you managed to find a good gynecologist in the end, so sorry that it took so long ❤️
I had an appointment for a IUD insertion not that long ago.
It would have been helpful if prior to my appointment I was maybe given information about how to better my chances of a successful insertion and if I had concerns I could delay / reschedule my appointment or make arrangements to be sedated.
Yeah, the insertion was not successful. The lady had no feedback, no suggestions aside from just make arrangements to have someone drive me to and from a clinic that can do the insertion under sedation (which still has a chance of failure).
As far as I know there is nothing physically wrong.
I know I am a walking ball of stress and tension...
There is no end to the stress and pressure and the brief moments of triumph, relief and relaxation don't last that long before the next crisis appears.
What is the point and purpose of trying to better my mood, of trying to relax, if it can be ripped away from me minutes or hours later?
It's an impossible, never ending struggle.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had such a negative experience. It is really important to find a good gynecologist who is aware of vaginismus and other conditions of pelvic floor tension. There is so much you can do to improve pelvic floor tension and it’s really worth pursuing. A good pelvic floor physiotherapist and a good gynecologist will make a huge difference. They will help make your nervous system feel safe which will make insertion of your IUD easier.
Have a wee read of this article for some additional tips: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
And most importantly - don’t give up! The very best of your life is yet to come. Surround yourself with people who support and love you, and remember that you are not alone 🌸❤️
@@TheFlowerEmpowered
Your optimism is admirable, but let's just say I am a complicated person.
I am very certain that my ADHD plays a significant role in contributing to my depression. Even with stimulant medication my brain is still probably under stimulated and bored most of the time.
Maybe it's this boredom that drives the "creative" tendencies frequently ascribed to ADHD and why so many get into trouble with drugs. We need more stimulation in order to function like a "normal" person and we may be compelled to drink to numb the boredom or reverse the overstimulation and relax.
People who are autistic / autistic spectrum can struggle with something called theory of mind, which is one of multiple reasons why anxiety is probably so common. And of course a long history of having difficulty making yourself understood and being mistreated certainly doesn't help.
I was diagnosed by a professional within the past few years, so this is not merely a self diagnosis. I have been thinking about these issues for a long time (I am in my 30's). I strongly suspect both my parents are neurodivergent, my Dad for sure.
As best as I can tell, I am ace / asexual, I don't find anyone sexually attractive. My sexual preference is: no. It's not simply that I experience a lack of desire, but fundamentally I don't find myself feeling spontaneously attracted to people and wanting to do sexual acts with said person.
It's one thing to negotiate boundaries and communicate mutual understanding when one partner has a much higher / lower sex drive than the other.
It's quite a different dynamic when one partner is straight / gay / bisexual and the other is asexual. When one partner is sexually attracted to the other and the asexual person likes them for other reasons, but has trouble comprehending and fulfilling the sexual wants and needs of their partner.
Given how nightmarish and problematic it is to navigate a relationship with someone who isn't asexual. I am much better off staying single or trying to form a relationship with someone who is also asexual (unfortunately we are not the easiest people to find and many seem content to be single).
As far as I know my hormones are normal based on testing that was done years ago.
I have heard that hormone levels are some how different for people with ADHD and it is allegedly common for women with ADHD to have more pronounced mood issues just before the "red tide."
And it's this precise reason I wanted an IUD insertion. I tend to be moodier than usual just before my period, which has caused problems for me. I am consistently inconsistent, so it's unlikely I will be able to succeed at taking a pill at the same time everyday.
It would be nice if it wasn't so expensive to merely exist, but it is what it is.
omg i used to have this soooo badly, i wouldnt even let my then partner put a finger inside me never mind his thing, tbh i dont have it anymore and i think its bcus to me i was scared of my ex always leaving me and id be ashamed i broke my virginity to him.
fast forward to 3 years later, i met this really cool guy, really secure, green flags and we just ended up doing it, i was so shocked on how little it hurt, just proves all this pain was in my head, me telling myself id be a bad person if i did it and my ex left.
i trust the new guy a lot, i know he wont just up and leave, or do anything to hurt me which is why i think it worked out lol
I’m so glad you got past it. The nervous system is definitely impacted if you don’t feel comfortable in a relationship, and it can show up as the protective vaginismus response. Happy that you have overcome 😊🌸
I actually am tearing and bleeding…I ripped my scar from my episiotomy which I had 39 years ago…never had any problems until menopause …I’m 67 this year and it’s destroying my marriage…help plz
Do you have secondary vaginismus? Following menopause, pelvic floor exercises can help to reduce tearing and to improve vaginal atrophy. It sounds counterintuitive due to vaginismus being connected to hypertonicity, but recent studies into vaginal atrophy found that pelvic floor strengthening exercises reduce atrophy and help to restore tissue health in the vagina. In one study, they found that the exercises had a better result than estrogen cream (which is another option).
It takes a bit of time - but the way to look at it is this: contracting muscles pumps them with blood that brings the fuel and nutrients for repair. Pelvic floor strength training over the course of 6 to 8 weeks can make a big difference (as well as helping to prevent muscle breakdown - sarcopenia). Additionally, you should use plenty of lubrication if you are trying any penetration. this can help to prevent tearing of the scarring. As well as strength training, you can also do some pelvic floor relaxation (lots of videos on this channel) and some gentle active yoga.
If you want to follow a more comprehensive program, there are links in the video description to my book and my courses.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered thank you so much for replying to me, it’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one, it’s not in my head…it’s real….I will def try those exercises and I was given estrogen creme to use..but during early menopause I had a nervous breakdown and was also told I had o progesterone levels and over 2000 in estrogen. I was put on natural progesterone pills from mares urine…I got tons better. So am scared todo estrogen…I will give this a try..thx so much for caring and sharing…Patricia
I've recently been diagnosed with vaginimus and have started dilating. I can insert the smallest one in and whilst it isn't painful I can't take it any further and I feel like I'm hitting a wall. Does this last for long?
It really varies from person to person. The fact that you are not feeling any pain is a good signal. When you are hitting the wall, it is likely that you are reaching the deepest layer of pelvic floor muscle. What happens when you try the second size?
Are you already doing pelvic floor relaxation, yoga nidra body scanning meditation and some form of therapy in combination with the dilation? The combined approach should really help.
The thing with vaginismus is that it is largely driven by your nervous system. Thoughts and movements (and even dilation) are all ways for you to communicate with your nervous system. What you are trying to do is to send it a message of safety so it can begin to let go.
Thanks for your response, I will start meditating and doing more stretches ahead of dilating. I haven't yet plucked up the courage to insert the second size but will do what you recommend and see if that makes a difference. Thanks for your videos and making me feel less anxious about having vaginimus!
Hi can I help you 😮
Hey thanks your video. I got diagnosed by vaginusmus and once it goe little better. I couldn't conceive so I started my iui treatments and realized my one tube is blocked. Pretty much messed up but always hoping for better days.
I'm sorry to hear about the blocked tube. Hopefully the other one can serve it's purpose for you. I wish you luck and hope for a speedy conception 🌸💖
@@TheFlowerEmpowered nothing after 4 iui. Taking a break n back to focusing on relaxing.
I'm from tamilnadu... Which hospital did u take for iui.. i too facing vaginismus
One more question - my doctor briefly suggested that dilators might be a way forward if vaginismus is my issue, but said that that would only be appropriate if I was currently sexually active. Isn't the irony obvious? I'm supposed to partner up then seek help? Can I ask for help without being sexually active? The pain and discomfort isn't all about sex, it affects my smear tests and my ability to use a Mooncup etc. Thanks!
This is a great question and your doctor is most definitely incorrect. Sexual activity isn’t the only reason for working in overcome vaginismus. As you rightly point out, smears, gyne exams and using menstruation produce such as tampons or mooncups are all impacted by vaginismus. Dilation is an important tool regardless of your sexual activity.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered You're amazing. Thank you. It is so difficult to feel empowered to ask for help. Gynaecologists understand it's not all about sexual activity, right? My worst nightmare is to see a gynaecologist and for them to say "well you're not sexually active so what's the issue/we can't help you if you can't 'test' things without having sex?" I really haven't had a good experience with medical professionals 🙈
Not all gynecologists are the same, and many know the importance of therapy for vaginismus for you irrelevant of your sexual activity. You may also be referred to a pelvic floor physiotherapist- that can be very helpful and something you should definitely discuss either your doctor. There are so many wonderful and understanding medical professionals so if you find yourself in front of one who is uneducated in the importance of rehabilitation for vaginismus, don’t give up, find another: you will get past this ❤️
@@TheFlowerEmpowered My current GP is the loveliest doctor I've come across for a long time and I'm hopeful he will refer me (this is not his specialism but I don't mind that as long he can refer me to a gynaecologist). So strange that it's considered that someone like me is the least in need of medical help (i.e. single female with no sex life) when I see other people who have successful romantic relationships and families who the medical profession see as fully eligible medical patients (they are, of course, but I am too). I'm made to feel broken, on the scrap heap type of thing! It's so wrong. Whatever is wrong is a big part of the reason I don't have as full a life as I'd like to. So debilitating. I see him again in 1 month so will ask him then for a referral. I can't explain how much these replies have helped me and given me hope. Really grateful to you ❤ First time I have EVER spoken to a medical profession about this with any assertiveness. Big step for me. Thank you!
The fact that my body seems to fear penetration is taking a toll on my relationship and my mental health as well. Is it safe to try dilators and kegels by myself or would you recommend seeing a medical professional first?
I would always recommend getting an official diagnosis from a medical professional or pelvic floor physiotherapist as this will give some clarity. Pelvic floor relaxation exercises and dilation can be practiced while you wait for your appointment, but take it easy on yourself. You can read this article if you haven’t done so already, it goes through some more detail, and you can also find a lot more info on vaginismus on the website: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
My grandmas vaginismus led her to using a catheter until she died due to untreated UTIs in Africa
This is so sad, I am so very sorry to hear of her suffering. It highlights the importance of bringing awareness to the condition and to making treatment available to everyone, everywhere.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you ❤️. It’s so crazy how little we know about our bodies, especially when we factor in cultural and religion upbringings. Everything I know about my own anatomy has been through videos like yours and random health classes/googles. Things I’ve been too shy to even talk to my doctors about. I’m just learning to speak up and ask questions
I used to go to a gynecologist to get hormonal birth control but now that I’m off of it, I’m of the age that I really do need to go back. However, I’m so afraid of the penetration part because that’s always caused me such pain when trying to use a tampon. So I have yet to go back and it’s been 6 years.
You should really go. Practice yoga nidra body scanning meditation for a week or two before you go, this will help you with relaxation: th-cam.com/video/58BnvjSc3ck/w-d-xo.html
Then for pelvic floor relaxation, try this one and practice it a few times in the week before, and just before you go for your appointment: th-cam.com/video/8ARUuKQ_kJY/w-d-xo.html That should help your pelvic floor relax so that it should be better able to relax for the assessment. Can also help if you want to use tampons or period cups.
Thks for the information. So helpful. Whr can we buy dialators.
There are some links for buying dilators in the video description. Depending on where you are in the world, you may be able to also find them on Amazon or from your healthcare provider.
I’m so glad I came across your channel.. I had a cervical screening today that didn’t go well. The nurse tried to comfort me but instead said really unhelpful things like “there’s no need to cry” “this is nothing compared to childbirth”. It just made me feel even smaller and more incapable. There isn’t nearly enough sensitivity towards this condition. It’s so hard to find people who understand. Thanks for providing comfort to those of us seeking it ❤️🩹
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with insensitivity. It’s really unfortunate that the medical professionals are not usually trained in dealing with vaginismus. Some compassion from your nurse would have gone a long way. Hopefully there will be some reeducation to help them understand the condition so you can have better support going forward. Don’t give up, you can get through this ❤️
I've been diagnosed with Vaginismus and endometriosis. Doctor has advised me to go for Laparoscopy surgery before I think of conceiving via IUI treatment. I am really scared of the surgery. Not sure what to do, feeling helpless :(
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. Is the laparoscopy for scar tissue removal?
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Doctor said it's a Chocolate cyst. Is it scar tissue?
No, it’s a cyst. I am sure you will feel better once it’s been removed. Try not to worry about the surgery ❤️
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you. I'm bit relieved now.
Hello and thank you for the vid. I don't have pain with penetration but sometimes and now more frequent I will get pain after intercourse but only around the opening, and the lips.. sometimes like a burning. I always assumed it was because i am sensitive and get over stimulated. I also have not had an O yet.. so there is no release. Just left with so much blood flow to that area. The pain goes away after maybe 15 minutes. I definitely hold my self too tight and have stress in that area. Does this seem like vaginismus or vulvodynia ? thank you so much
This wouldn’t be vaginismus, as vaginismus is a pelvic floor contraction/spasm that prevents penetration, often accompanied by pain.
Vulvodynia means pain in the vulva (your vulva is everything you see externally, your vagina is on the inside). So you have pain in your vulva, which could be called vulvodynia, but it’s related to intercourse so it would probably be called Dyspareunia (pain related to intercourse).
Regardless of the label that is applied, finding out what’s actually causing it is important. So I have some questions…
1. When it comes to the big O, have you been able to give yourself one through external stimulation?
2. Are you using external stimulation prior to and during interna penetration?
3. Are you using plenty of lubrication during penetration?
I am a teenage daughter who would like to be a mom inthe future and have a family but the fact that every time i try to insert a tampon even smallest size it wont go in and feels like a wall makes me think i might have this condition. My mom told me that when i was born the doctors told her that i was born with an extra amount of skin in the vigina im nit sure if she said hanging skin or not but she asked me if it has grown because she said it was possible it could grow and said i might want it removed when im older with surgery. Any suggestions?
First and foremost, you should go see your doctor. If they are already aware I’d a skin issue, it should be checked. The hymen, which covers the vaginal opening in some women, could be what they are referring to. Please get checked. Good luck and let me know how it goes ❤️
My marriage did not consummate. So, i visited gynecologist she performed 2 finger test it was painful and sent me back. After my divorce again i visited another gynecologist she did the test with speculum it was horribly painful for me and i was yelling. later she said it is inserting means you are fine, did you contract yourself during intercourse? how is it possible, as you said it is involuntary how did i myself...?😢
I wish i knew this before😢
Surely, here is huge lack of knowledge in medical professionals.. unfortunately they all blame women.
You are not contracting yourself. The contractions with vaginismus are involuntary. It is very unfortunate that many medical professionals are not trained to deal with vaginismus. Try to find a doctor who has specific training for vaginismus (you cab ask before you book your appointment), and also read this article for some things you can try in the meantime: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
I am using my third dilator and it doesn't go full.. how long it should go
Have you tried doing some pelvic floor relaxation exercises before dilation? and are you using plenty of lubricant? It can take some time to achieve full dilation, keep trying and you will get there.
8-10
I'm diagnosed with vaginusmus today. Is it curable? Is there any cases where it's not treatable and you suggested for some other treatment? If so, what's the next option if it's not treatable. Please help!
Yes, many women find a way through. I have written a short article with some suggestions that you can read here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
How can someone tell the difference between having vaginismus or a [naturally] small vaginal opening? (my doctor has noticed the latter). Sex is painful and so are smear tests. I tried and failed with dilators years ago, though I bought the hard plastic ones, not the silicon ones. Not sure if this is a silly question but is the hymen itself controlled by the nervous system, i.e. does it expand or contract based on how relaxed or nervous we are? Or is that only true for the muscles in the vagina? I can't believe how little I know about my body! Would love to hear back. Thanks.
So the hymen is not controlled by the nervous system, it’s a band of tissue and can be quite thick and hard to break in rare cases. Dilation on its own might not be sufficient for relaxation. Have you seen a gynecologist? They can check if your issue is being caused by an imperforate hymen or vaginismus. Could also be a combination of the two, but important to get a diagnosis from a qualified health professional.
You can find quite a lot of info on my website about vaginismus and other pelvic floor issues and this article shares some additional tips that can help once you’ve had a diagnosis: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
Don’t feel bad about not knowing a lot about your body, especially relating to your intimate health. It’s a taboo subject that we are trying to break so the fact that you are actually talking about it and looking for information means that the taboo will eventually be broken. Be brave and empower yourself 😊🌸
Just to add, if the issue is an imperforate hymen, a small surgery will resolve the issue 👍🏻
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you so much for responding! I haven't seen a gynaecologist but I will ask my doctor to refer me. I can't help but feel that it's the small opening that's the problem as I ease up after something enters (it's the entry point that feels like the issue). I have healthy periods so perhaps it's more likely microperforate hymen (than imperforate) It's so frustrating and life-limiting :( I will ask to be referred. Thank you again, I really appreciate it!
Thats a great idea. Good luck and let me know how you get on 😊🌸
I've recently been diagnosed with vaginismus. It's bizzare to me because i've had multiple children vaginally and i had episiotomies and tore during childbirth. Now I can barely fit a tampon without being in severe pain😢. How is this possible?
I’m so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It’s known as secondary vaginismus which can be a protective response by the nervous system. Have you read this article? theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/ A few suggestions in there can be helpful along either way pelvic floor physiotherapy
Thank you very much for the videos, it means a lot to us. 😊😊
What sex pose would you recommend for beginners?
Whichever you feel most comfortable with. For some that is missionary, for others it’s going on top. It’s easier to relax the pelvic floor in missionary.
@The Flower Empowered for me it's opposite. Missionary physically hurts. Also it's so boring.
Good mam.. Pls how to strengthen pelvic muscule for men?
For strengthening the pelvic floor, you can start with this: th-cam.com/video/rGwxlWQt-S4/w-d-xo.html
It works for both men and women.
I was diagnosed last year at 31 years old. I was a virgin until 28 when I met my boyfriend. We just couldn't have sex and I always said I was broken as I couldnt even bring myself to orgasm. Finally last year I went to a gynaecologist and he said I had vaginismus and I didn't even know what it was. I have a vibrator but I can't afford much else. I am not tight but doing the exercises you have helps. But then there are days my pelvis tenses up so painfully I have to do the exercises to release it. How do I solve this
Do you monitor what’s happening on the days when your pelvis tenses up painfully? Is it stress, or are you doing something different physically? Or is it at a specific time of the month? It can be good to try to identify triggers for the tension.
As well as that, regular relaxation exercises should be helpful. Consistency makes the most difference, so practice 6 days per week if you can (10 to 15 mins per day should be sufficient). You can use exercises when you have increased tension if you don’t have time to practice them regularly.
Other things you can add to help with vaginismus symptoms - dilation, therapy and some calming meditations.
Does that answer your question?
@@TheFlowerEmpowered I have anxiety, autism and OCD. I am on medication for it. Schedule five and my autism is high functioning. So if for about a week I don't do exercises I get a hard spasm and have to do exercises to fix it. But I don't have money for surgery and my boyfriend and I came have intercourse.
I use menstural cup and it doesn’t hurt .. and I never had painful sex but with this one guy I don’t know y but my muscles contract
It’s likely a nervous system protective response. You could read a little more about this here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
I m a gynecologist u can coordinate with me regarding this
Need your help
How can I help?
I found your channel because I have a prolapsed pelvic floor and now sometimes it’s difficult to urinate in the morning without forcing my body to push the urine out. I’m concerned because I’m only 42….
Hi, have you spoken to your doctor about getting a pessary fitted? If the prolapse is preventing urination, that’s an indication that the urethra could be kinking a bit. A pessary would add internal support to help remove the kink allowing urine to flow normally. This is a much better option than straining your pee. You can read more about prolapse on my website: theflowerempowered.com See your doctor soon and try not to stress. Living with prolapse doesn’t have to be an ordeal if you manage the symptoms 🌸💕
You can also do urethral splinting, where you use either fingers or a splinting device in the vagina to provide some internal support during urination to prevent straining. This should allow you to pee without straining while you are waiting to get a pessary. Hope this helps 💞
@@TheFlowerEmpowered I have not heard of either of these but I’ll definitely look into it thank you!!!! I’m going to binge watch your channel and see what can help. I try to avoid medical intervention as much as possible. In the states it’s not healthcare but rather wealthcare
I hear you on the wealthcare. I have lots of info on my website and in my book that can give you some guidance, but it would be really important to see a doctor of you are struggling to urinate. Urinary retention is dangerous. A pessary will probably be the best option, and you can work on some Hypopressives and pelvic floor strengthening/relaxation to help relieve your symptoms. Good luck!
Also, if you join the community, you can ask questions in there too, and connect with others who are dealing with prolapse.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered you’re amazing thank you!!!
Can vaginismus also be a deep pain? I had an ultrasound that pretty much ruled out any underlying problems within the uterus but I've only ever come across information about vaginal pain at the opening, this deep pain just never goes away during sex :/
It's less likely to be deep pain as it's a pelvic floor issue and the pelvic floor muscles are surrounding the entrance and going in a few centimetres. Have you seen the ohnut? That can help if you have deep pain. It just ensures that penetration is not as deep. 10% off Ohnut: geni.us/U7GBT
Hi can I help you 😮
Can you have this condition and get your period?
Yes! Periods still happen when you have vaginismus. The muscles are hypertonic (contracted) but the hole is still there. if your periods stop, it will be for another reason so you should speak with your doctor or gynecologist.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered thank you! 💞
I'm also victim of vaginismus..but I'm Psychologist too... Here is lack of information in gynecologist. Can you guide me directly...?
I answer all questions in the community (link in description) and also offer 1:1 coaching if you would prefer to speak to me directly. Link for coaching is also in video description.
Can I help you to
Ii am 70 started having pain after menopause nor 3 years there is no penetration 2 years later
Have you seen a gynecologist? Vaginal atrophy can cause some shrinkage of the vaginal passage. Generally HRT can help you limit atrophy and you can use lubricants and dilation to help with maintaining the vaginal passage. It’s important to speak with a gynecologist about this if you haven’t already.
I am still suffering from this condition for 15 yrs now ..
And I have spoken to different Medical Practitioner about it...The only thing they could do is to give me an operation down there.
Medical practitioners can offer medicine or surgery. When you have a muscular condition, you need to see physiotherapist. And with vaginismus, it’s also good to see a therapist for the psychological component.
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thanks
Hi ..
I'm suffering from vaginismus. Unable to even put a tampon . I don't have access to a specialist from where I live . Here, doctors are not helping!!! Can you please help me....I mean I do yoga but I found all the exercises I do are strengthing the pelvic floor but I have to do the opposite....please make a step by step video to cure vaginismus please!!!
Hi, I have written an article with some suggestions that can help: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
@@TheFlowerEmpowered Thank you so much....I really loved the point that dilators will train the nervous system to get used to feeling of the external object entering into the vagina....this made me realise that I can practice to relax my body and give myself some time to achieve it......thanks for giving me hope!!!
I’m impressed with your excellent videos, but I may be in the category that expects quick results 😂
I am now ready to discuss my inability to have vaginal sex with my GP, after 10 years of drought between my husband and myself.
I won’t go into my history with the NHS gynaecologist being unwilling to help, Dr “pain is normal”, I need to think about what NHS today can offer. I suspect it could be limited to hrt for vaginal dryness in menopause and sympathy while I try the trainers.
There is a private physio who does include sexual dysfunction among her referring reasons, and I now know how many possible causes there are for my distress so I could use the session to ask her if she can diagnose me. What would you suggest I ask for?
The best approach is to be very open with the specialist about your history and the issues you are facing, if you do have vaginismus, there are a lot of things you can try. If you read the comments in some of the relaxation videos here in the channel, you will see that some people do get very quick results from consistent pelvic floor relaxation exercises, but it does very much depend on what is the underlying cause. HRT is a great idea if you have menopausal dryness or vaso-motor symptoms.
You can read more on vaginismus in this article: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
and you will find info on other pelvic floor issues there too.
I’m here if you have more questions after you have a wee read. Let me know how it goes 😊🌸
i used to have this, i think its because i never trusted any man, i always feared if i allowed a man to touch me, he'll leave then id feel so bad about it. until i met my husband. he knew i had vaginismus but still married me. he was the first man ever to treat me so kindly. it took about 3 month to finally cure my vaginismus with him after trying years on my own. i realised that when i felt safe and happy, and didn't fear he''d leave me everything worked out. im 29 now, this all happened last yr when i was 28. i genuinely used to think id be a virgin forever and vaginismus ruined everything.
I’m so glad to hear you have gotten past it and thank you so much for sharing your story here. That will give hope to those still suffering 🌸
How did you fix it?
@@melodylife3655 tbh my husband helped me… to me i have to feel as though a man will stay with me & not leave me, not rush me into anything.
my ex was very hasty when it came to bedroom stuff & that scared me, it made my vaginismus worse, but my husband is a very caring loving man. having someone like him really helps
Hey ma'am. I've been feeling a lot of pain during penetration as it my first times, earlier I felt I'm going through this problem but you video really helped me to clear my doubts. Can you please guide me that how can I reduce my pain and discomfort and make the process smooth?
I've written an article with some suggestions, did you see it?
You can read it here: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
Hi can I help 😮
I have a fear that i might have that i have longitudinal vaginal septum problem and second i think having intimate time with a partner won't be easy since i have septum and i once tried to check it with my finger,i didn't even go all the way in but it hurts instead of some pleasure they say😢
Have you been to see the gynecologist?
I find intercourse v painful. I could conceive quiet easily ..but I still find penetrative sex extremely painful do I have vaginusmus.
Possibly, but you shouldn’t self diagnose. There are other conditions that can cause painful intercourse (dyspareunia). It’s really important to speak with someone about it. I would suggest your gynecologist or a pelvic floor physiotherapist. Good luck 🌸
I m a gynecologist u can coordinate with me regarding this
@@gmnomi hi where ru frm plz reply me
Can birth control cause vaginismus
I have not seen any studies linking vaginismus to birth control. I know many who haven't used birth control that have vaginismus, so it wouldn't necessarily be a driving factor, but you never know!
Hi
I was in a 4 year relationship and having g sex was the most painful thing ever. I broke up with the guy, I had sex with a one night stand and I actually enjoyed the sex. I'm in a relationship with a different guy and having sex hurts all over again. Why is that so?
Good question. Not really possible to give an answer as there are many things that could be at play.
The nervous system generally gives pain signals as a protective response. It’s important to have a checkup with gynecologist or pelvic floor physiotherapist to rule out any sinister cause to your pain.
There can also be substantial size differences between men. Was the one night stand smaller than the others?
There could also be a psychological component to the pain (which is common with all pelvic floor dysfunctions). Maybe your nervous system doesn’t feel safe or feels threatened in relationships but the casual one night stand didn’t provoke the same response.
So, many things can impact it. You should definitely look into it further. Maybe this article on vaginismus will provide some insights: theflowerempowered.com/2020/12/17/5-steps-to-overcome-vaginismus/
I am not sure if I have vaginismus because I am able to use a menstrual cup and insert upto almost 2 fingers. But the entire 2 fingers isn't going in and hence, Penal penetration isn't happening. How can I handle this?
Are you using plenty of lubricant? Lube can be the difference between it going all the way in and not. It's important to also get checked by a pelvic floor PT or gynecologist as they can verify that there is nothing else preventing penetration. If you are confirmed to be dealing with vaginismus, some dilation therapy combined with pelvic floor exercises and some counselling can help you to achieve PIV.
I went to pelvic therapy and it definitley helped! It took about 8 months because I was VERY tight. I also get hot when my husband and i are intimate and i think that is normal so i always have to have the ac and fan on during it.
Using a fan to keep things cool is a great idea!
Hi I am 25 years old and I have not had intimate penetration I have been in a relationship for four years now but I want to have that special relationship with my partner and I have a question would using dilator ease my first time by practicing on relaxing myself before having intimate penetration
It can help. The first times are generally not the most comfortable but things should improve with time
Please mem Hindi speaking
I will try!