How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 พ.ค. 2024
- How To recognize a toxic relationship. That's what I discuss in this video. I give you 10 red flags to recognize a toxic relationship and 4 ways to detox the relationship.
Here is a list of some behaviors that I believe should be considered red flags, that you do NOT ignore or think they’ll just go away with time. They’re also not transient behaviors that you see when someone is going through a bad patch. These are behaviors or attitudes that persist over time regardless of the circumstances.
1. Chronic anger
2. Chronic sarcasm.
3. Disparaging humor.
4. Having a Punitive mindset. o
5. Controlling nature
6. Excessive insecurity
7. Extremely opinionated
8. The Manipulator.
9. Predominate self-centeredness
10. Need to be on the offense.
If you grew up around someone who did some of these things, you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don't like their behavior. Even objectionable behavior can feel familiar and comfortable at some level.
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WATCH NEXT - *Stop The Cycle of Negative Relationships* th-cam.com/video/8EhzjQ0HxI8/w-d-xo.html
Wow what wonderful organization and awareness. Thanks for the share! 🙏🌊🏝⛰
Great Video Thank you
I really appreciate it
I have a family member that takes way to many pictures and I recognize that is manipulative and controlling behavior
I am also taking a counseling session .
5*stars
How do I stop being toxic?
This video is so much appreciated. As I listened to it ,I felt a huge sense of relief in my whole body. I became aware of the different relationships in my life that I was feeling stressed and anxious about, because I was simply accepting these behaviours and taking on the uncomfortable feelings of manipulation into myself.I really love what she said about how we attract things because they’re comfortable, even though we don’t really like the way they feel. I’m going to take the time regularly to tune in and see how I feel. To really honour quietfeels uncomfortable or disrespectful to me, and to draw the lines. Thank you so much for this
The worst part about being in a toxic exchange is the fact that you end up mirroring the toxic person’s behaviour.
Or when both people have toxic behaviors that play off each other. In my case I can be...ahem...confrontational and aggressive, whereas my husband is extremely confrontation avoidant and passive aggressive. So, I confront him, he shuts down, I get even more confrontational because I feel disrespected by him shutting me out, then he becomes passive aggressive for days after. Then I feel guilty and apologize (even though his original behavior is what triggered the confrontation), and the issue gets swept under the rug. Rinse, repeat. 😔
ETA: or, once he goes into passive aggressive mode, it's so unbearable that I just want it to end, so I apologize in order to have some sense of resolution, even though I know his original behavior was unkind and my feelings were valid.
On my way out of such a relationship .my heart goes out to you
When you cut off that toxic person, you can reclaim yourself and become your true self again
@@nnekaruizmontalvo6573 That takes work, though. Remember, wherever you go, there you are. You have to work on the parts of you that made you vulnerable to this type of relationship in the first place, else you will likely find yourself in another.
I have a friend that is now treating me in the same gaslighting way her ex treated her and im so sad about it ...we are not together fyi
#1 clue that you are in a toxic relationship.....The relationship makes you feel bad.
That is so true...simple!
The worst part is, for me, I didn't know WHY. I couldn't put my finger on it. It felt like he was in control of the relationship, where it was going. Four months of this and I had enough.
I’m currently questioning whether my relationship is toxic. Every time I talk to her I get anxiety. I get anxious because it just feels like I’m being suffocated (they want to talk to me constantly) and we’ve agreed to compromise but it still makes me so anxious. I also tend to support her in her mental breakdowns but those breakdowns also weigh on me (it’s hard for me to support her because of the effect it has on my mental state). I genuinely don’t know what to do because I almost want to break up with them because of how stressful it is but also I have promised that I will never break up (she’s very insecure about it). I know this may not be the right place to share but I’m just in such a tough position currently, and I really don’t know what to do. I’m just worried it’s getting too dependent, and that she won’t be able to function on her own without me at some point (which scares me so so much). I almost want to cut it off so that we can both get better but I also am worried that it’s the wrong decision
Facts
@Jawaher _ An update- I broke up with them and am so so much happier. My mental health has improved so much (anxiety is still bad due to school but much better). There are days when I wonder if it was right but I truly feel a lot better than before. I don’t know how they are (they have contacted me a few times) but it truly was the best decision for my own mental health and just health in general. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship (:
I've seperated myself from two toxic relationships today. My mother. And my son's father. We were living under one roof. I know I've made the right move. I want to attract an healthy emotionally intimate relationship. I need a therapist. We need a home. I am chasing stability on so many different levels. Pray for me, y'all.
Try listen closely
You can be helped and you can get things better for yourself and your family 😔.... I know this because my husband who had severe depression made him try killing him self many times. He got better. I got helped by someone and he made my husband feel better within a month
+𝟐𝟑𝟒𝟖𝟎𝟓𝟏𝟐𝟔𝟔𝟐𝟑𝟗
Whzapp him
I'm so happy for you and your family. I will pray for you.
🙏🏾
1. Chronic anger - 1.28
2. Chronic sarcasm - 1.48
3. Disparaging humor - 1.55
4. Punitive mindset - 2.11
5. Controlling nature - 2.47
6. Excessive insecurity - 3.31
7. Extremely opinionated - 3.50
8. Manipulator - 4.01
9. Predominant self-centered - 5.40
10. Need to always be on the offense - 6.19
Thank You So Much Ana Maria for the Summary of the this Toxic Relationship Red Flag tutorial! 🙏 May Good God protects & blessed Ana Maria with Safety , Good Health , Wealth , Wisdom & Inner Happiness! 🌷🌿🌍💖🕊
@@stargazeronesixsevenThank you, the same good wishes for you
🤔 Do they know.
#9 is so tricky for me to explain when it's being done
“That’s not you” is a thing said to forcibly make you doubt your resolve, it’s the rolled up newspaper of training you to stop thinking alternatively or for yourself and replace it with their ideals and wishes more and more until you will have to ask permission to think or want anything
@@blesstaylor3499 get out immediately
I left my toxic relationship today
Dark Angel how? I need help. Good for you! 💕
Amen! Good for you!
God bless you ❤️
And I bet you were the toxic 1
c320 Jordan Stfu
Just left a toxic relationship. Find someone whose emotional intelligence matches yours. Know your worth and never settle.
Hey are you doing ok?
@@mahrukhkhan11 I'm okay, thank you :)
@@mahrukhkhan11 what about you?
@@Oshin_Life i am doing well, thank you
@@Oshin_Life what about you ?
Just be alone. It's better that being with a toxic person.
"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
-Charles Bukowski
I ♥️ that quote!!!
They kind of coexist it seems
For me, it's happily, Freedom!! 👏🏽🥳 👏🏽🥳
Charles was spitting fr...
I was about to write CRITICISM when she said "opinionated" and mentioned it after. this is the biggest lesson I learned from my past relationship. if they tend to not shy away from saying things they don't like about how you are, what you do or who you are (and I'm not talking about deal breakers, I'm talking about minor things like them not liking how you phrased something that was intended to soothe them, or not liking how you express joy and excitement etc.). Healthy people aren't in default critic mode! They are focused on lifting you up, not nitpicking whatever it is they don't like about you
Last weekend I proposed to a girlfriend that in 5 five years did to me what you are describing and she said YES. But next day she calls me to day she doesn't feel good about it since I didn't make a speech when I asked her to marry me, since I didn't kneel properly and that I almost put the ring on the wrong hand (I admit this happened because I was very nervous). Now I feel terrible, I feel lost and broken....
@@demiancobos2758 Oh my goodness! really? I cant believe someone would criticize a proposal. And being nervous is cute and wholesome, not improper! I know how you feel, I was in the same place. Trust me when I say it gets better with time. I doesnt seem like it right now, but the pain wont be there forever. You will eventually find new love, better love. I promise you. Hold on. And if you can, only if you can, try to think that you dodged a bullet. That wouldnt, couldnt have been a healthy marriage. Sending prayers and best wishes your way.
Just broke up with my gf, she does that all the time. For example she would ask me if I wanted to play a game with her, I said "yea sure", she gets mad because I was not super enthusiastic about it.....and I would used to actually apologize for it and start to act all excited to play.
I had an ex who would blame me for literally everything that ever went wrong. When he left for a few days, I felt so peaceful and did not miss him at all. That's when I knew it was time to call it quits.
I wish I could quit too.
You can...JUST LEAVE!
Me too, I wish I could just quit. Children!!!
@@elvis2495 communicating leads to the connection you seek. be careful what you wish for. you may just get it.!
@@gretat7200 I think she or he meant they have children... so they cant just quit/leave the relationship. dont think they were calling you a child.
"You're over thinking."
- someone trying to control your thoughts.
Yup. Happened to me.
Oh man oh man. How many times have I heard that from my ex? WHY he's my EX!
HIM: “It’s all in your head”
ME: “Of course, isn’t everything?”
(finally realized how silly is to say that to someone, lol)
Yep this is the line
Yes, when I'm defending myself from this person, she says I'm taking it the wrong way. That's gaslighting!
This video actually helped me realize that I have a few of these toxic habits. I absolutely love my partner, but this video showed me I definitely do not treat them as well as I could. I definitely have some things to work on. Thank you Dr. Marks, I really needed to see this video.
Try listen closely
You can be helped and you can get things better for yourself and your family 😔.... I know this because my husband who had severe depression made him try killing him self many times. He got better. I got helped by someone and he made my husband feel better within a month
+𝟐𝟑𝟒𝟖𝟎𝟓𝟏𝟐𝟔𝟔𝟐𝟑𝟗
Whtzpp him
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Never mess with the passion in a relationship it’s a deal killer
How to end a toxic relationship ?
Run
Don’t look back
Keep running
Run faster
😄
Will do.
But before you do, make sure it's not you
ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE
Lollll 😂
Blame shifting is also very toxic.. someone who'll always find a way to blame you for everything even when they know they're wrong.. it's frustrating really 😫😫
Yes very true.
Omg this is so my boyfriend..
I was friends with a women (with benifits) for 20 years. She was married twice after i met her. Cheated on both her husbands as well as the side men she was seeing. And in the ebd she would always say. "Every man she met has done her wrong". She recently has a baby by a man 20 years younger than herself who was a friend but is now a former friend of her oldest son. We dont talk anymore. And its a huge rock off my shoulders.
Absolutely 💯
Ain’t that the truth
Being a co-dependent people-pleaser leaves one open to toxicity. I know. I lived them. Dr. Marks hit every nail on the head. When one extremely toxic relationship ended up with me in the hospital sick as a dog.. that's when I had to pull up the courage inside of me and say: Enough. I am keeping this disaster going. It's up to me to walk away. We do have to look at what part we play, like Dr. Marks says.
I left for my own peace. Yes people do change with time. His chronic anger 🤬, relentless sarcasm, and controlling nature broke me down in four years. If I stand for myself..he calls me narcissistic, manipulator, blames me for worsening the relationship, demeans me. Omg every single point in this video is so true. I left this toxic relationship and feels so peaceful... I observed that he won't do anything to mend the relationship. There is never a closure.
You forgot a HUGE one.... Lies. Excessive lying is very toxic in any relationship.
Yes very true. Thanks for adding that.
Excessive lying? Is there really an acceptable level of lying? 😆
@@alexandraki surprise party lies are always acceptable 😂.
@@DrTraceyMarks Is it possible for a couple to work past a major lie, such as lying about going to school when instead he was depressed and struggling alone? He's going to therapy on his own and we're going to couples therapy but I'm unsure if rebuilding trust is possible.
@@ashleyh8352 I think it's possible to get past it but it depends a lot on how you feel about the lie and whether he has liable other things. People can do and say lots of things if they are depressed and struggling. Most people aren't going to want people to know what's going on with them so they may cover a lot of things up. That doesn't make it right but that a different motivation for lying vs. lying just for the thrill deception or lying to take something from you.
I started watching to validate my feelings about a toxic relationship. Turns out I've identified many toxic things I'm doing instead. Lots to think about now. Anger is a hard thing to let go of.
I respect this comment.
Seriously I was too unhappy in the relationship and later realised I was the toxic one.
Jim MoeFoe i feel you. however my problem with my partner is that i dont think i like him as much as i once did anymore. I’m being toxic to semi-intentionally jeopardize the relationship we have.
@@charlottelai2532 in my case what I found out was I was only using her as an escape goat for my depression. Yesterday night, I called her and told her all the positive things about her I was holding on to and today morning she calls me just to hear my voice. What a refresher was that in our relationship!
I'm planning to be less toxic and make my depression not contagious to her.
Good luck to you too, Charlotte.
Brave to own up to our flaws.
All of this is spot on! But when you have a 40 plus year marriage that was good the first 35…..then the accusations, the belittling, the anger, the unwarranted lack of trust, the manipulative controlling ….it gets really hard to separate your lives when there are not only adult children, but grandchildren involved. I don’t know anymore where he ends and I start. .
I married my highschool sweet heart , he’s the only one I have been with ... 16 years now ... everything on this video is him. I wish I wasn’t so naive... now I don’t know how to leave. Your videos are so valuable and I appreciate these videos so much ! It hads opened my eyes. Thank you 🙏
Same but I met my husband when I was 20. He was 30.
you dont have to leave! try to get him to couples therapy with you, he might not even realise he's toxic
my ew was ev in this vid
he insulted me sm too
You cannot change anyone but yourself. Choose yourself first and take action
If therapy doesn't help then prepare self for financial freedom thne leave
I just found out that I’m a toxic person... I’ll try to change
Same😔
Me too....and it kills me.
Or just distance yourself from the pwrson
Love to all of u
This first step to recovery is discovering the the problem and taking ownership. You’re on your way to a better self. Blessings upon you.
I'm determined to fix the toxic inside of myself I'm attracted to toxic people and I'm also noticing that I might be toxic as well the difference is I want to fix it
Excellent Sunny! That's where you start. You start with you. And once you change, you wont be attracted to the toxicity.
look into 'co-dependency' videos esp with ross rosenberg.
Good for you for having that level of self-awareness
don't be a feminist for a start, feminism is a quasi-religious cult of misandry, if you hate and want men, you'll only attract what feminists think men are..real men will run away from you.
trust me on this.
Try to make sure you generally leave others feeling good, unless there is a special specific reason not to. For example if it would mean you couldn't be honest with someone about something important.
People feel the need to feel good. You feel the need to feel good. I recognise how important it is for people to feel good about themselves, so I look for opportunities to give positive feedback. Thats one way to nourish people instead of being toxic. Build up their self esteem & good feelings generally, rather than tearing them down.
Thats what I like to do. When I have made someones day by acknowledging something they have done well or a good quality they have, then I feel good too. It's win win!
For anyone watching this who is scared of the fallout once you start to take action to distance yourself or change your behaviors: Don't hold yourself back from pursuing happiness for fear of someone else's reaction. You cannot control how they respond, but it will more than likely tell you whether or not this is someone you want to keep in your life after all. If they leave you on your journey of growth, that says more about them than it does about you.
“if you grew up around someone who did some of these things, you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don’t like their behavior”
I can relate. My dad was toxic not just to my mom but to me as well. And I always end up being with someone toxic. It’s really hard for me to let go of the relationship because of the memories and because of his optimism for our future despite the situation. And I tend to get excited and fall for the cycle again and again… I really do hope that one day, I’ll have the courage to let it go. For my own sake at least.
hey dearly I'm a living testimony of a great Dr Daniel the relationship restorer only healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for months. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Daniel will put a smile on your face honey within 3days🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
Whats@pp him now 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
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♱2347041271746⏭⏯⏯⏯??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
I feel like my partner is toxic and I’m becoming toxic myself to retaliate. I hate that so much. Cannot wait to start therapy and do better/release myself from this.
I’m going through the same thing with my partner so we’re taking a break I’m working with a therapist to deal with my mental and emotional
Went through the same thing in my last relationship and I'm glad I got out of it. Seeing the worst come out of you is not a fun experience at all. Good luck with repairing yours and/or moving forward.
I start my thearpy next week
The first step is not therapy.
The first step is to leave the relationship. Period.
Then therapy.
@@marcusbrown5578 The only break you need is to create space and detachment from the ex. Therapy is not meant to help manage or be better to accept or work around his/her toxicity. Believe in yourself and sprint.
The lady in the purple shirt dancing!!! LMFAO! The best. Just thank you. The information is also amazing and spot-on. Killing it
your video made me realize how toxic I am being even when I am not intending to be :( I’ve been asking of someone I care about « why why why » of an important decision they made. And I haven’t stopped. It’s something I genuinely didn’t understand their reason behind, but I think at the end of the day I’m asking it only to change their mind. thanks for the clarity.
Some others:
Blame shifting, Minimizing, Dismissing, Rationalizing, Deflecting, Lack of ownership (violating your boundaries) and of course constant lying.
Sounds like most blatts
Yes no accountability is a biggie
@@derlkarl9853 lol this is black magic. Stay away from stuff like that
Damn that is so true, I really had seen this last year. Now the damage is done... Hope more people see your comment too.
Gaslighting
2 weeks out of a toxic relationship and I feel free and lighter than I have in years.
Good for you. I just left a toxic woman. i feel free, no more stress, no more walking on egg shells! A great feeling!
All I need to do is pack my things and go…. Why is it so hard
@@leewatson9061 Its hard because you are making it hard on yourself. If you have truly had enough, there is nothing else to think about except getting out of that toxic situation.
@@layback76 how did you manage with feeling of fault? I mean that you're leaving person who need help? I've just realized I'm in toxic relationships and I have to leave, but damn it's fucking hard when you care about person
@@serjmarkelov9915 It is hard because you care about that person. But if they really cared about you, they would not treat you that way. My ex received counseling at one point, but only changed for a short time, but then back to toxic behavior. Its hard to leave someone you care about. But you cannot help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. You can sit her down and have a talk with her about how she treats you and offer her help. If she refuses and doesn't want to change, walk away because life is to short. We all deserve to be with some who makes us happy. A relationship should not be a constant struggle thats not what a healthy relationship is all about.
I’M TIRED OF CRYING, TIRED OF THIS, AND I’M LITERALLY OVER ALL OF IT.
I feel you. I cried enough. One thing I learned is an unclear yes means CLEAR no. 😢😭
Omg!!
"Sometimes people are just flawed individuals"...
I needed to hear that today!!
The older you get the more you realise everyone is so twisted and so many people are actually going through a lot 🙇🏽♂️
....and becoming a hermit in a cabin in the woods by a beautiful lake with copious amounts of chilled drinks, steaks on a barbecue, reading material about how to steer clear of controlling idiots...and nobody JUST POPPING BY...becomes more and more appealing.
I somewhat disagree with this comment because although people can be very toxic and unfriendly it’s also not very wise to spent too much time with self which can easily lead to loneliness. It’s better to have a small circle than a large group of people just like it’s better than having absolutely no circle either
@@BLITZY261 And get a dog or more than one, they will never betray you and their love is unconditional!!
SoSo 1 right ppl suck!! It’s so sad
Truest comment ever
It gave me chills
I dont know how but i feel that deep
When you mirror toxic people's behavior, they get perplexed. It's amazing to watch. They don't know how to process it.
And they act like they have never done anything to receive such treatment
How dare you do what I've been doing for years and years
I wodner what mental health issue they have to be so entitled
But you shouldn't mirror toxicity
@@spilledsoju03 you see I used to think that way too. "Be the better person", "don't stoop to their level", etc. But things got so bad that I had to show I was capable of the same behaviour to scare the abuser. It worked for me because I was left alone for some time which helped clear my mind and plan an escape. Obviously this is not a good long-term solution or if there is a danger of physical abuse. Sometimes they have to get the taste of their own medicine so they think twice before hurting you again.
Rage, chronic sarcasm, important points of change remaining unchanged, blame, controlling nature, ill treatment of others they perceive as lesser same request over and over, they don’t hear, though they listen! A predominant self centeredness. All 🚩! Thank you Dr, familiarity breeds comfortable feelings in distraction. Double messages, I adore you as you are/if you changed X you’d be perfect…. Feeling weird or that things are off, is because they are off. Statements like “your perfect, your exactly like me!” Define your reasons for staying, change your role then observe where your at emotionally at after a healthy change!
Counseling/therapy can help so much if the parties want to be better. This is a dynamic video. Thank you 🙏🏽
I "broke up" with my best friend of 13 years because I finally realized how toxic she was to me. I am such a happier and healthier person without her.
That's wonderful. It's like a weight lifted. 🙂
Same
me too. should have done it the day I met her 30 years ago.
@@vonallen7653 Mgtow saves lives.
I have just done this just 6mths now with my best friend and it is not as hard as I thought it would have been. The punitive mindset disguised as sarcasm lead to lots of hurtful feelings.
I’m the problem. I can’t have my girlfriend suffer because of me, thank you for this video
Its a lot to become aware and admit! Props to u! I hope it all works out
Me too. Didn't realize it till now.
Totally honest...stay strong on the path of recovery.
Same I realized I'm the toxic one
More power to you... it takes great courage to accept one's problems... the next step is rectification.... wish you all the best
This is the best video. My ex had every single one of these 10 red flags. Her extreme mood swings, her constant barrage of degrading comments about me, her total self centeredness was nothing like I've ever experienced. It totally shook my world. And the worst part is that whenever I would get upset or try to talk to her about the way she acts towards me, she would label me as being 'hypersensitive', 'such a little princess', etc. But the kicker was that when I would leave her or break up with her, she would then completely love bomb me, then manipulate me into getting back together with her by lying that she will change her ways, and then the cycle started all over again.
Now, just recently we broke up for good. The very next day she is dating a new man who she was already lining up without me knowing, and 2 days later they were sleeping together. It's been an extremely painful and degrading experience being with this person.
Hello,get help from Dr Wilfred,where they seems no hope.
He will definitely help you he have solutions to all problem
He helped me not quite long and I got my husband who left me over two years ago within 48 hour's
W-hatsap him⏬⏬⏬⏬⏬
Some years back a therapist shocked me into acknowledging a deep truth about my mother. "Donna, when are you going to realize your mother is just superficial?" Yes, it shocked me. But it also liberated me from gallery expectations. Thanks for reminding me.
And, again, listening to you forces me to acknowledge that my ex guy just doesn't want to accept a nine year "relationship" is a relationship at all.
SELF LOVE IS YOUR WEAPON!!! ...BELIEVE YOU ME
FACEY REAL it’s true
Absolutely
yes indeed!
YES
💯💯💯
Anyone who can admit their wrong behaviors and change them has my respect ✊
Don’t do anything to admit or fix it. It’s better to gaslight like others as they win. Doing the right thing has never helped me. Working with a personal coach now. It amazes me how easy people can be brain washed and manipulated. It happens to me and I am super careful with letting people in now! I was floored at the manipulation, lies, gaslighting, and my ex could convince you that your own eyes to see you and it’s really an apple you seen not a banana!!!
P.s. I make a few mistakes and it is highlighted!!!! Someone else can lie manipulate cheat prevent the whole family from doing anything financially but yet somehow it all gets turned on me I’m sure he’s got some kind of evidence that he has framed like the media you know goes with the narrative. Narracist People are so dangerous
People don't change. These characteristics are in them. You have to change by removing yourself from it
@@Finfanpete Some do. We should not work off of the assumption that they will, but some want to and do.
@@sparkstudies1675 well after ten years I think it's safe to say in my case that no they won't ever ever change...OMG the manipulation and guilt this person put on me was like torture but then again everything about them was torture ......stupid me kept falling for their being nice then to turn on me in matter of minutes
You just described my hole relationship with my husband, it killed me a lot and i found myself normalizing these behaviors. A lot have changed in me, i lost myself in him and i just can't identify my needs. Today i have a therapist and i hope i can get my way out of this toxic relationship
10/10 Wow! Your really don't realize how bad it is until you get out.
The technique that helped me was, every time he would say something negative, no matter what it was or why, I would silently say to myself, "I am enough."
Repeating that kept me sane, made me feel stable, and eventually I started to believe it. Those words gave me the strength the escape.
This is not just about spouses, it also applies to friendships.
You're absolutely right.
Yeah. Even a workplace relationship can be toxic. And that can be worse than a toxic friendship because in some cases you have to spend so much time together and it's hard to get out of.
Lady Warrior and siblings, bosses etc. I can so clearly see how my father, ex husband, siblings and former bosses all had these issues in a CHRONIC way. Wish I had watched this video years ago. Unfortunately it took me YEARS to learn these red flags THE HARD WAY!
matthewsbrrful same here!! Now I'm letting go of all toxic people. I understand better now!
And family. Especially relatives.
May I add: No statute of limitations. They can and will drag up anything you have ever done wrong in your life since the day you were born and throw it in your face at any time for any reason.
By the way, your videos are fantastic and I thank you so much for sharing them on TH-cam.😀
Yes, this is my 2nd one!! They're great!
1. Chronic anger - 1:28
2. Chronic sarcasm - 1:48
3. Disparaging humor - 1:55
4. Punitive mindset - 2:11
5. Controlling nature - 2:47
6. Excessive insecurity - 3:31
7. Extremely opinionated - 3:50
8. Manipulator - 4:01
9. Predominant self-centered - 5:40
10. Need to always be on the offense - 6:19
Me, who's been in at least 2 very long lasting toxic relationships and is just now learning what non-toxic relationships are like: oh...so _this_ is what it's like to not be around toxic people. Huh. Very nice
I got out of a toxic relationship today. I still love him so it was really hard... He made me think I was the toxic one and that's why I'm here watching this. I'm glad I got out of the relationship but it hurts.... :(
Stay away from people that aren’t kind to you. Get to know and like yourself. Hang on to your life and create a good one.
Proud of you thatyou stepped out of it!!
I really hit home with this. The relationship felt off so I broke things off. I felt like I was the toxic one and was always apologizing. It hurts that I never processed the abuse until after, even when people were telling me. I was so blinded by wanting to make things work. It hurts, but stay strong and proud. 🥺
no way it's like we are going through the same thing but except I don't love him.
This to shall pass! Time heals most if not all wounds! Prayer's are with you!
i almost cried at the manipulation one because the guy i was talking to would always make me feel bad for saying no. i can't believe i defended him for so long
@@Freedom2FlyDrones Pip, I hope you're doing okay. The fact that you're capable of such remorse and self-reflection tells me you're not as bad of a person you think you are. You have PTSD, allow yourself some grace and forgiveness. Your children need you (even if they're grown). If you truly had problematic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, there are much better ways to address these issues than ending your life. You're worth it. 💛
@@Freedom2FlyDrones Her infidelity is never ever your fault. You cant force anyone to do anything. Do not blame yourself. She could have divorced you or talked it out with you.
I think big chunks of our whole society is geared toward making us feel bad for saying no. I'm sorry that the guy did that to you and glad (it sounds like) you got away from him.
@@Freedom2FlyDrones I hope you got therapy..
@@Freedom2FlyDrones Reread what you said.
You talk about you in almost every sentence, trying to get sympathy, attention, praise for your "mercy" etc.
IMO you are toxic. Try to change. Start thinking about others, e.g. your children. Are you sure your suicide would be good for them? Would you like your father to do it to you?
Your world is all about you and your excuses for hurting others and yourself. This is the problem.
Good luck!
P.S. I do not hear any remorse as others do. Better stay single.
1. Chronic anger
2. Chronic sarcasm
3. Disparaging humor
4. Punitive mindset
5. Controlling nature
6. Excessive insecurity
7. Extremely opinionated
8. Manipulation (guilt)
9. Selfcenteredness
10. Always on the offense
I wasted 19 years with a abusive, narcissist, negative, gaslighting and toxic husband, I feel that every time I stayed I enabled him to treat me like that over and over again. wish I had left long ago but it's all good, thank you God for helping me take this step of staying away.
Also, always playing the victim card can be extremely toxic.
Yes I agree.
@@PraveenSriram no
Being the victim takes so much energy. It’s not like I can do something to make people change. Walking away is sometimes the answer
Walking away is the only answer but the issue is you have to make sure they don't come after you
My ex-girlfriend is a master manipulator. She has most, if not all, of the traits you mentioned too. Her mother is the same. Thanks for confirming that I wasn't wrong for leaving her.
She still, 5 weeks on, won't accept my decision to leave and tries to contact me constantly to manipulate me (using identical language as in your video to the point that it's laughable) to go back to her.
She is the definition of toxic and I'm surprised her previous relationship lasted 16 years. I feel sorry for that guy. Luckily I got out in less than a year, relatively unscathed, and learnt a valuable life lesson.
I left a toxic relationship with my son's father YEARS ago. I'm much much happier with my new man! 🥰 He's not psycho aggressive like the last one!
You could be toxic for attracting your baby dad. Get therapy and don't reck your new relationship.
@@jagaroo No I'm fine. I've already learned what I needed to learn from that relationship. What not to do and what not to accept. I have a new bf and we have been going strong with no problems for almost 4 years now. Vive l'amour! :)
@@Marsha_Ann then your on the right path
My ex used to say that I made him feel small whenever I accomplished something. As if I should make myself small to make him feel better about himself.
I knew when I married my husband twenty years ago I would have to dumb myself down to be with him. And he’s never loved me. Sad and sick waste of my life. I do have my daughter though.
My mom use to tell me I thought I was better than everyone else whenever I wanted to accomplish anything or did.
I think the only relationship I have that's NOT toxic is the one I have with my Dog! Great info, thanks!
You're welcome Jen! 🙂
Ah ..could that be because your dog gives you unconditional love and you reciprocate in kind ? Dogs love you no matter what mood your in , whether you took out the trash or not ..if you fart loudly and laugh at yourself .
Dogs are amazing
I am so thinking of getting a cat instead.
You definately read my mind! So true! Animals don't stab you in the back like people do! I have a closer relationship with my dog also for that very reason ❤️🐾
this is the realest thing
I’m watching this because my friend is going through a hard relationship right now and I suspect that his current relationship with his lover is toxic but I’m not a 100% sure. This helped me and my friend a lot, thank you for helping us see.
someone said toxic relationship is more worst than alone.
I totally agree with that
I left my toxic relationship of 10 years a few days ago, he was most all of these things. I'm watching these videos to validate myself because I still feel guilty for leaving.
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem ❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
Don't feel guilty. He became a habit. Seek your posse of human angels and they will strengthen you. You cannot do this alone. All the best to you.
It's even harder when you have children with them. Being toxic is like a cancer that affect the whole family. Find ways to distract yourself, when you find yourself thinking or missing the toxic person. Best of luck 🙏❤
I just realised I was the toxic one in my relationships. Thank you for helping me see this. I have much to improve. Thank you very much for your video
I'm so glad you have more insight now. Insight is the beginning of change.
Awesome and good for you for realizing this and being able to admit it
Thank you Skye and Dr. Tracey. Appreciate your comments. Dr.Tracey, are there any steps you recommend I take to cleanse myself of these traits?
Stellios Theo
Seems like most of us need to change
Same problem here but I couldn’t see it before or just wouldn’t admit to it.
Your comment let me know I’m not the only one
Anthony Greaves ..Glad I shed some light on it for you Anthony. If we are to improve ourselves, we need to take some serious action, otherwise we could fall back into that habit
Thanks Dr. Tracey… I didn’t even realize how normalized toxic behavior can become… especially if you grow up surrounded by them
I think that a lot of these behaviors are learned. A lot of “toxic” traits are considered signs of “assertiveness”, “meeting one’s needs”, and “standing one’s ground”. Some of these traits can also be developed as survival skills when growing up in an abusive or toxic environment. I definitely relate to being angry, being sarcastic, making disparaging jokes, and having a punitive mindset. But it’s also useful to distinguish when such behaviors are used in a defensive or retaliatory manner. I’m a loner by nature and prefer to keep to myself. However, I will become quite vicious in response to perceived injustices or other attacks.
I walked out on my toxic (mental and emotional abusive) relationship last week. Stay safe everyone. You all deserve to love yourself and not be hated for doing so. ❤️
I had one for a month and it felt like eternity today I finally ended it and caught a breather for once.
Happy for you.. God bless
❤️❤️
Watched this video thinking of my partner then I realized my traits have become toxic as a result to protect myself. I don’t want to become what broke me.
Protect from what?
Uhh so real. Props to you for recognizing your side. Most people can’t
Ugh... that’s the worst part
Yeah, it's sad because hurt people hurt people (often with the very thing that hurt them sadly), but now u can be intentional about being healthy.. ❤
Same
I was surprised that the Doctor didn't mention that most of these toxic behaviors are characteristic of a Narcissist.
Other thing is that toxic people quite often manage to conceal their true selves from their partner until they've got them trapped in some fashion. Until very recently, a woman who was married to a toxic was pretty much on her own, since so many in authority considered that it was the woman's responsibility to hold the relationship together. 💜
My dad does every single thing you listed. Right now we are barely talking and I haven't seen him in 9 months cause of what he did this time. And to put the cherry on top he made me feel like it was all my fault when I did nothing wrong
I believe I am somewhat toxic, after watching this clip. I really love my fiance and after a pretty serious episode where I hurt her emotionally, I have begun taking steps to become a better man for her, God willing.
No, not God willing. God won't fix you. Only you can fix you.
It's important to remember that therapy and god and outside forces can't fix someone that isn't ACTIVELY changing themselves.
How is it going, are you making any progress?
@@OriginalCreatorSama EXACTLY, THATS THE RIGHT ANSWER!!
Would you mind telling us how it’s going?
@@seDrakonkill things have been improving, back in Feb my fiancé and I married. Her love for me enables my trauma to heal, and slowly better my behavioural patterns. My toxicity didn’t just come from nowhere, sadly I had a very bad childhood, where I was raised in a toxic environment which in turn turned me to be toxic myself. I realised I needed help many years ago, did therapy in different periods of my life, but I never gave up on myself. It is true I can only fix myself, yes it’s true but it wouldn’t happen without help. My mental health was shattered as a child. I was innocent and I was punished for being a child, no one should go through that. I picked up the pieces all by myself. It’s more complex than you may understand but slowly I’ll get to the point in which I will be able to say. I have made it through notwithstanding all the hardships I had to face.
How do I feel when I’m away from them? GREAT
What do I miss about them? NOTHING
Time to move on I suppose.
SWS same 😩 harsh reality to face.
hahaha
SWS my problem is I want to move on but feel guilt tripped - told I’m selfish for leaving.
@@pdxflowergirl9386 yea what above me said^ they are being the selfish one by trying to manipulate you to stay. I get it leaving can be hard.
Amen!!
What a revelation you’ve confirmed - I’m the guy riding in on a white horse to rescue damsel’s lost in their own distress- did it for my mother and every successive relationship - not rescued one … ever! Nice to know it’s change the pattern time - thank you so much for your words of wisdom
The extremely opinionated and judgmental is what I’ve dealt with and they continue to repeat certain opinions and turn into manipulator. I naturally minimized my interactions because it becomes too Much
Girl in the purple was busting a move.
I had to rewind.
😂😂
Lol
Shaking that funky chicken 💃🐓
I love you tube 😂😂
My boyfriend of 10years actually has driven me insane.I hate the blaming me,that's the worst.I was watching this while he was in the room,I cud feel the tension and his face screwed up and he walked out the room.I actually left him and went to a friends for 2weeks,he love bombed me back.Stupid me hey?And after about 8 days he went back to his old self.This is the cycle.I actually have thoughts of ringing his neck,lol I'm planning to leave him Asap.i have a flat I'm going to run away to,I'm leaving him for good.I need to be free.Wish me luck people 😓
Good luck! Stay strong
Good luck!
Blessins ❣️ Go and grow!
I can keep you accountable
@@teddyboy9116 Your lucky! It could of been way longer. Once you know you go.
This is so great, thank you. Not enough videos/information/people focus enough on what your own contribution to that toxic dynamic is! "We usually stay in toxic relationships for a reason, even if it's a twisted reason".. That really resonated
Thank YOU for publishing such incredible content! I am no longer in the partner relationship. . . that slowly sunk into being toxic. Incredibly helpful messages in evaluating relationships. 🙏🏼
That girl in the purple is actual footage of me wearing whatever I want after leaving my toxic ex
Grace g,you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
And the happy dance? That was legendary.
Good for you
Grace g,You deserve better cause you are beautiful!🌹🌷🌷🌺
Yes. The freedom! 😄
I cried listening to this...i felt like for once i just needed someone to talk to me...not just me myself facing the problems and coming up with solutions. Feels so good to be understood
Awww how are you now love?
Same 😭😭😭
Thank you for this. All tips here are very true. I was once in a relationship where my partner repeatedly pushed me to do stuff I already said no to. I later realised that these things she asked weren't really about me but her own comfort/wants. This I suppose is another form of manipulation, where someone suggests something you should both do but in essence it's what they really want regardless of what you want. Sincerity is both of you coming to an agreement jointly or respectfully agreeing to disagree without letting it harm your relationship.
I appreciate your examples of the red flags. There are hundreds of videos with the flags but without examples. You helped to make the flags more clear. You’re a great teacher. I can tell you really care. Thank you for all you do.
I dated someone who I believe has border personality disorder. We eventually ended the relationship because she realized she would get angry with me very easily. I also felt like I was walking on egg shells with her. If I communicated something with her it was taken so hard. I loved her so much and didn't want to end it over that. But now that I haven't been with her for 7 months I feel a sense of relief. I don't have to deal with the walking on egg shells. I am still very much in love with her...
Am done with this toxic relationship thing. The worst part is that u end up forgetting about urself 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️. This is so bloodsucking!
Facts
I have studied this for 20 years and this is the easiest, most well explained video on how to recognize these traits. You have made a huge impact with this video and I hope you can see that as a life well spent. That is certainly a success in my book, thank you :)
This is SO GOOD!! I think every young person starting to date should watch this so they can recognize both if they’re inflicting this abuse or accepting this abuse ♥️ Good good video!
I realized I had a toxic friendship. So glad it’s done. I felt like the weight has been lifted as soon as we stopped talking!
She’s a very gifted therapist. Spot on! I know from personal experience she is correct.
I made one of the worst mistakes in my life by ignoring and trying to be okay with with a toxic girl I was with and did everything for,now I’m just a fucked up and damaged person 😓
This resonates for me specifically what you said about not having an intimate relationship with parents. It's like my mom and I can talk about all kinds of stuff under the sun yet when it comes to her being supportive or even acknowledging my chronic pain she is damn near dismissive and says rude stuff ...as per usual and yet I'm the one with the issue. Makes it challenging to connect or want to.
I also find myself living with my ex and it's very toxic. Literally everything you mentioned happens, specifically the gift given. I received something the other day and it did not feel good. Sigh! I'm grateful for this video specifically as well as your others. I no longer feel Its all in my head and I'm tripping.
She is so good at explaining this stuff..very informative video
Thank you Nina🙂
Friendships can be toxic also. Great video. I wish i found this video years ago.
Thanks Robert!
2018 upload ;D
I know folks that want therapy but wont get it cause of money...and the lousy therapists are the only affordable ones..sometimes when ya get soo many opions on rekationships..even tho the the general ideas are the same..ypure scared ro say the wrong thing for fear of vad reaction
Once we apply these to everyday life. We will notice who’s actually authentic or fake. The world becomes different and the amount of friends we have becomes much smaller. Being in these relationships, we begin to understand why individuals do the certain things they do. When someone has low self esteem, they have different pathways they can take. A pathway of creating healthy behaviors that don’t include revenge or self admiration from others. Or the other, where the egotistical self becomes involved with paranoia and selfish behaviors. In the end we have a choice. You’re either honest with yourself and others, or you just assume that everyone has to agree with you. We are responsible for our behaviors and actions, spite the circumstances. Being afraid of being hurt physically, it’s way different than being hurt mentally. Sometimes when you’re honest, it’s better than being hurtful with actions. So if we don’t get an answer, we should walk away, forgive and move on without them.
Decades ago even
Wish I would have had the courage to dig deeper into your channel earlier, Dr. Marks. After watching this video I’ve come to understand that I was the problem. I only wish I knew to what extent I was the problem sooner. I’ve gone ahead and lost everyone already. Thank you for enlightening me and so many others. Bless you and may you continue to be able to do your work.
I'm living with someone who's doing everything on this list. My roommate. I feel like either I'm becoming more aware of her behavior and becoming more intolerant or her behavior may be getting worse. When I answer her back, she expect me to DROP IT! I don't like how I feel about myself when I'm around her. She doesn't respect my feelings and my boundaries. She also makes me feel silly or foolish because I don't feel and think the way she does. I'm an introvert, she's an extrovert. In so tired and drained. I want to move out eventually. I'm feeling anxiety and she doesn't care.
This is my father 110% and was me as well until just barely over half a year ago. I was severely toxic in all of the ways listed in this video and more. Proudly, I became extremely self aware and self reflective, got some professional help, stayed with non-toxic family, and have changed my life nearly 180 degrees. Thanks to channels like this one this was possible. Change is hard, and rare, but I promise it is totally doable if you really put in the work.
Oh that’s awesome. Thank you so much for sharing this. This can give hope to others.
What to do if its your child and u have a deep motherly conscience keeping u down? After all she takes after her father
@Jarod Russell thank you so much! That gives me hope for my fianc'e. I've been so upset, because I really love him, and I don't want to let him go. I hope this is possible for him!
Jarod Russell WHAT A BLESSING AMEN
Jarod Russell that’s great but you moved away. I can tell you, it’s easy to do like that. If you had to become dependent on him again don’t be surprised if all your hard work and change wears off quick.
Didn't think I was in a toxic relationship until I saw this... holy sh*t. Every shoe fits...
Think logically of what you're saying just cuz you hear someone say something that doesn't mean it's happening to you
@@myjimmytoraw2953 unless this list parallels their experience, at which point it might be a good idea to seek a professional opinion to be sure. Were you Mgtow before you read about it on the internet?
Oh yes... when she turns the silent treatment on just because you wanted to talk about how she hurt you.
Thank you, Tracey. Timely information & tools for me in dealing with my family.
I have a really serious toxic relationship with one friend that after watching this video i truly believe he is not my friend. Thank you for opening my eyes.
10 Red Flags of a Toxic Relationship
Chronic Anger
Sarcasm
Disparaging humor
Punitive mindset
Controlling nature
Excessive insecurity
Opinionated
Manipulator
Self-centeredness
On the offense
4 ways to Detox a Relationship
Take a break from interactions w/ the person
Create emotional distance
Look at your contribution
See a Professional
You nailed it again everything so true and helpful
Thank you!!
@@barbaramalbroux5358 she just copied the points of the video lol, still helpful though! I like reading along with the video.
My husband checks all of the above
Any affordable / reputable psychitrists or psychology therapists out there?
A big one for me was, my partner keeping tallies on how many “favors” he has done for me… 😑
sounds like he is not the type that want to give as much as he can to make you happy, he sounds like do stuff and expect submission from you :(
I feel like this is me. I didn’t start out this way. I became angry and unreasonable by not having boundaries, needs not being met and just needing to be clear with myself. When we lack things within ourselves we look outside of ourselves. I just could not take it any more so I ended the engagement. I constantly repeated myself explained myself it was exhausting and tiring. Books and therapy didn’t help. It Just became a war zone and in the end HE was upset that I “gave up”. I was blamed for most everything, even though I didn’t make him happy I made him feel criticized, not heard, seen. I Love him but I don’t miss him. I think that he’s a really good person and I want him to be happy with the person that’s best suited for him. Happy people make the world an amazing place.I just didn’t wanna do that to myself anymore so I chose better for myself. Thanks for reading. Great video
Thanks Dr. Tracey for this so helpful to see all the aspects of a toxic relationship! Love your videos, your so great, mental health education is so important! 🧡