I think every person has sign of toxicity. You don't have to be narcisist or psychopath to have toxic behaviour. We all have problems and that is normal thing. The key is to be aware of it and learn to work on it to improve Yourself and be a better person. I'm glad there are people who are aware of themselves. ❤
Agree, but if there’s a pattern of the toxic behaviors and no sign of awareness or care … no care to improve then it’s an issue. If someone is trying to improve then they’re not toxic.
@@april82daisies yes, that's a given, that's why dr was talking about this topic of narcissism & toxic 'people' in the video. the op was trying to retort against the trend that "oh, they're toxic, they're a narc, don't want 1 sliver of this bs in my life" perhaps some of these ppl claim they're empaths, completely write off ppl, publicly cancel those who they dont want. that's fine. jerks exist. but op's saying (if I read it right) every human, even the ppl who cancel ppl from not wanting to deal with their toxic stuff, have toxic traits as well, even if they're working on it. something many forget. some of these traits arent deal breakers, esp if they're trying & private communication on how you dont feel good w how they act, how it harms you, most likely them, is effectively used. we might enlighten them or discover they are trying if the relationship is that close. this can make someone more mindful around you, maybe eventually others. community. sometimes, a wounded person in a positive community, can heal wounds. sometimes, (sometimes, of course) it is actually ok to deal with certain human mess, (not to an exhaustive degree) because all of us have it. (I will say again, that if people physically harm or cross a psychological or any line, of course, that's cause for removing oneself or protecting oneself from them)
@@wanderingintime It all depends on the degree of toxicity. I think what many people in the comments are confusing are flaws with toxic traits. Flaws ARE normal, and sometimes, people will overlook or tolerate flaws, and sometimes they won't. But toxic traits are always hurtful, and I disagree that every person has some kind of toxic trait. One example of a toxic trait is for instance taking revenge on a partner because you're jealous and think they're cheating without proof. Or, you neg your partners and belittle them in public. Or, you manipulate and exploit people. Toxic people are those people who have either so many or such serious flaws, that it takes a psychological, if not physical, toll on the people that communicate or share a space with them. To say that *everybody* is like this, is very invalidating of the *actually* toxic people. And like april82daisies said: anybody who is aware of their flaws and is trying to improve is not toxic.
My toxic trait is trying to solve everything and trying to fix everything right away, and not giving a person enough time to think or process. If I had a bad day, which isn’t common, my energy is off and I needed time but didn’t give a person who I love time.
It took me 58yrs to understand how I attracted toxic people. It's been an eye opener. I identified the part I was playing as well. I then forgave myself and I've moved on. I'm excited about this video and I hope younger folks see it and are able move from toxic people.
I've realized that I was a toxic person but have worked very hard on changing my approach to life. I've never felt that because something good happened to someone that it's negative for me. It's been more about if I worked or did better good things will happen for me as well. That being said having been put down all my life and treated like a burden or that I was never good enough made me look at other people's faults to make myself feel better...never to their face but that toxic behavior was still there. I'm trying to change that and be more empathetic to the fact that idk what's going on in other's lives and have no business passing judgment because I know how hurtful that feels. It's been a long road of self discovery but it's a marathon not a sprint so I try and work on it everyday.
I completely relate to your experience. I was raised by an abusive, alcoholic, racist father who constantly criticized EVERYONE. Our home life was a dictatorship and God help you if you stepped a toe out of line. I was a junkie for several decades trying to cope with that trauma & it nearly killed me. Now, at age 62 I'm clean now for 18 years and I continue to work on myself. I have no room to criticize or judge others and your so right about knowing how that feels. I appreciate your openness and wish you the very best. ❤️
often, individuals with cptsd have more "toxic" traits than those who were raised in more secure attachment styles. I hope we all continue to find more success as we work on rerouting the negative and damaging neural bridges that have damaged our very personality and temperament foundation.
I find it absolving to know that everyone is just imperfect, that everyone's lives are unfair, and that there is no high road to live by. That doesn't make me empathize with all people, but makes me wiser to recognize goodness and rejoice their friendship. Hostility feels like is everwhere though. A lot of ungrateful and dangerous people out there.
I was DEFINITELY the toxic person in the relationship and always burning Bridges I could never understand why. I made it my life mission to understand why and turns out I have autism. I started a TH-cam channel to help others & channel my emotions it's really been helpful
I come from a very traumatic childhood, and on, so I know I could use a ton of help. I've made improvements but not as much as I like. My biggest problem is availability. I can't afford the help and the help that is available to the poor is just really bad in my area Thank you for making these videos.
There is a book about dialectic behavioural therapy, which we used in the clinic I was at. You could look up, if there's a version in your prefered language. The german version costs about 30 bucks and if several professional therapists use it, it must be good ;)
I really believe that awareness is key. Neurodivergant folk do struggle with moods and this can be taken as “toxic” when they are self aware and trying their best
I think I started to show toxic behaviors in my relationship after I got a burnout. I don't really know how to let go of my anger and despair though. My partner is autistic and I took my disappointment in their lack of empathy out on them, even though I know it's not fair to expect them to do things they simply can't. Now I don't know whether to break up with whom I thought was the love of my life for both our sakes or keep trying. I know I'm not myself these past few months and I also kniw that that's no excuse.
Thank you Dr. Marks! I was raised by toxic parents (have every one of the 10 traits listed) and it has taken me years to "undo" this early learning pattern. I have struggled with my relationships and friendships as people have often told me I'm either "mean or narcissistic" when really I am just being who I was taught to be. This video is very helpful to identify the ways I still need to change.
Availability of counseling is problematic. Takes months to get the first appointment. Then it takes months to accomplish progress. Then you have to pay for it. Testing various medications is torture. This my real life experience.
because nobody said it was going to be easy, however it is worthwhile. There's support system - friends, family (if not toxic), who can talk to you about some of the problems, point stuff out etc. Video creators like Dr. Tracey Marks also bring a lot of additional support and help. For my journey, I tried out around 10 different drugs for insomnia, then antidepressants, therapy and continuous improvement (even though sometimes one has to take the step back)
Try the website headway I met my psychiatrist on there and she is awesome and very consistent with appointments . Depending on your insurance will determine how long the approval takes to start but once you start it’s great 😊 research the website hope it helps you like it has helped me
After another “rejection “ I’ve realised I’m quite toxic. Have made an appointment with a therapist. Looking forward to being able to have deeper relationships and understanding. Thanks for this video.
Thank you for this. I sent it to my partner in order to hopefully start a dialogue. I would love to see you expand on how trauma/PTSD play into toxic relationship dynamics.. especially if both people in the relationship have trauma and toxic traits & behaviors. Of course it’s a complicated subject, and certainly beyond the scope of a single video to fully explore, but I’d still be interested to hear your thoughts. You always provide clarity on these issues.
Yes I would LOVE to see a video explaining all of that too. Good luck sending the vid and moving in a positive direction together! I think I should send this to my partner now too
I wanted to work on some toxic traits I had with a therapist. But instead of helping me work through them she told me I sound mean. She did ask some helpful questions, but she often said very judgemental things and the calling me mean was the last straw. Ironically the toxic trait I wanted to work on was how judgemental I can be. Luckily I'm able to see my old therapist again and she is wonderful
YES!!! I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and this is spot on!! Figuring out the why and then how to change it is a difference from first order changed to second order change. Second order change is the more long lasting permanent effects of therapy. I would highly recommend finding a therapist who does Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or has a degree specifically in marriage and family therapy if you are looking to help your relationship. ❤ I loved when you said that if they recognize that they are this person they are already a good step in the right direction. This is so true!! Far too many people don’t realize they are that person until it’s too late. ❤ Also- for couples- read (or listen to) the book “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson. Read it WITH your partner!
I'm no professional and to try justify my input would probably take up an entire comments section by itself. All I'll say is I've put in many years work on sorting myself out, with the support of many great people helping me keep my head screwed on enough to do it. So here's some quotes: "Being chronically angry is like you drinking poison and expecting your enemies to die" - unknown, various attributions from Buddhism to Maya Angelou. "Self-interest is completely normal. Ourselves is all we'll ever truly know, and not so well at that. Don't go out of your way to screw over other people. Kindness is completely normal. Humanity are social creatures. Don't let anyone exploit that however. Be kind, but not a doormat" - Me. One inspired by Mark Manson: "Bad things that happen to us in life are caused by any and all of, our own lack of logic, poor decision making, plain bad luck, other people being grotesque, and just life itself. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It is _always_ on us to choose how to deal with it. Fault is assigning blame. Taking responsibility gives you even a little power over most situations." To use totally amateur terminology, as someone who was mild to moderately toxic myself, such people can be persuaded to be better people. The moderate-maximum toxicity range are irretrievable. "At one extreme of the Horseshoe of Morality is being so selfish you damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those you care about, and damage society. The 'opposite' extreme is so selfless you are easily manipulated, damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those you care about and damage society" - The Horseshoe Party UK. That last quote has many applications, but pertinent is the all too common relationships between a high-level Narcissist and someone who likes to believe they're an 'empath'. In my experience some of these so-called 'empaths' are actually more along the lines of Hypersensitive Covert Narcissist. Dark Empaths / Dark Triad personalities. The last 20 years, I have lost count of how many damaged women I've known have behaved in this exact pattern: "Wah wah wah, my boyfriend is crap. Abusive even. I can't leave him though. His parent X did thing Y when he was Z years old. Poor him. I'll cheat on him, lead a gaggle of males on, and then leave them feeling like Incels when they're no longer useful for my ego"
When I saw the notification for this video, I immediately thought, Dr. Marks please tell me if I am the problem. I have entered a deeper state of self-awareness and want to be conscious of how I react in and handle day-to-day situations.
Shouldn't be a big deal, but I think breaking up, even with your therapist, can move these emotions and needs we have. Thanks Dr. Tracy, as always so insightful content!
Thank You Dr. Marks. I am on the receiving end of a toxic relationship, with someone who exhibits most of these negative behaviors and attitudes. I actually feel sorry for this person and wish I could help her but know it would only be turned back at me in the form of seeking revenge just for pointing this out. Since recognizing this behavior and knowing I can only change my own behavior and attitudes I have examined myself. With the help of you and other mental health specialists on youtube have actively sought to change what I recognize as negative traits, attitudes, and behaviors in myself. Ironically the narcissist reinforces my own determination to do life in a mentally positive manner.
I’m so thankful my counselor recommended your channel! What a gold mine! I’m 41 and divorced after 18 years and am really wanting to dig in and be mentally healthy… sometimes I think I’m doing well and other times I see how complicated my psychology/story/behaviors etc. are, and feel discouraged… is there an assessment online somewhere that can give me an idea how I’m doing overall and maybe point me toward areas I need to focus on? Thanks for any recommendations! ❤
I’m so glad you took a lot of pressure off the parents. I’m currently trying to get approval from insurance for treatment. I’ve dealt with depression for over 30 years and anxiety came in not much longer than that. Off and on I seek counseling and try ALL the meds until 1) I’m tired or 2) there’s an off chance something works. Either way, every time I start counseling one of the first 3 questions is, what about your parents? Come on! I am 57 years old… in 30+ years therapists are still leading with this? In my situation it’s both, nature AND nurture. Yeah, it runs in my family so it’s more likely that I have it. That’s as far as it needs to go, at this point. I don’t feel the need to continually belittle my dead parents.
Oh yeah, I recognize need for control and insecurities in myself. There were more, been in therapy for a few years now, helps a hell of a lot. Obsession in self reflection and finding my faults too, probably been harmful as much as helpful to my mental health, but self knowledge has been worth it for me.
Yes I was the toxic one and I ruined my relationship and pushed her away after 11 years of being a checked out stressed out addicted to everything asshole that couldn’t handle his own emotions
Thank you so much for these. I was raised by a parent who was really critical and isolating, and growing past the results of that has been difficult for me; watching your videos is really helpful for me and, hopefully as I grow, the people in my life ❤
I don't consciously feel angry, but I spend a lot of time concerned being generally bad for other people. I don't want to "infect" anybody with my depression. I don't want to jinx people I love with my negative gunk, like I ooze invisible gunk all over everything I touch, places I visit, and people who spend time with me. I stopped socializing, began staying home all the time, eventually a decade passed like that. I often think I shouldn't be around people. My therapist discourages this thinking, like it's just bad self esteem, no such thing as inherently unlucky, but I earnestly feel like there's something deeply wrong with me that I can't put into words. There's this intense urge to get out of everybody's way and to stay out, but the consequences I'd leave behind make me feel guilty when thoughts like that take hold, like a Catch-22 situation. This haunts me most when I'm introduced to anyone I'd like to be friends with; the more I like the person, the more difficult it is to be near them. I've been told this makes me appear snobbishly aloof as if I think I'm too good for everyone, but nothing could be further from the truth! There's no easy solution for this. Alcohol helps for that moment, but the following day comes with heaps of social hangover, and I don't need a physical hangover on top of that. A small dose of Lorazepam helps, but that's also kinda sleepy, so it's not something I want to depend on long term. This comes and goes throughout my life via extremely "noisy" inner dialogue that's more than a little distracting at times. It tends to happen most when I'm tired, so it's usually a signal to reflect on the past week's worth of sleep. It's hard to ignore it today after reaching out to an old friend yesterday that I haven't spoken to in ages. Sometimes this channel is therapy. Thank you!
I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and 7 months and I’m realizing now that I’m the reason my relationship has so many issues such as my lack of communication and feeling as if his compliments are a means to take advantage of me which isn’t the case but I really want to try to get better for him and me
@@nancymosby7369 it was a podcast for working moms giving self-improvement information. I couldn’t stay as interested in that topic as mental health. I also think I missed the interaction that you get on YT. It’s like I was talking into the air. Maybe if I had a co-host I could keep it up
It's unfortunate that the people who need to watch this won't. It's still most likely the person on the receiving end. I was tempted to send this to the toxic person but thought against it. They never see themselves as the bad person.
Question is do You see Yourself in relationships with those people? It is easier to focus on another person when You are not focused on Yourself. Sometimes we attract narcisist and toxic people because we recreate pattern and aren't capable of setting boundries.
So true. Maybe you could “accidentally” leave it open on the computer? Or maybe send it, and ask them which traits they feel you both have? (That way it doesn’t seem like you are blaming it on them, but that you both can be toxic)? 🤷🏽♀️
Speaking of toxicity in an unrelated way, it would be great if you would do a video on long-term toxicity of psychiatric medications. I was recently diagnosed with stage 3A chronic kidney disease after taking meds for bipolar disorder for 2+ decades. Struggles with weight are also an issue that I feel physicians tend to minimize. Although weight gain might not seem like a big deal compared with the train wreck that was my life without meds, over the long term it has been devastating to my health and self-esteem. (Yes, I exercise and eat right.) Thanks for the hard work that you put into your videos; they are an invaluable source of information.
Thanks for your question. Nice Segway 😊 I have a medication information playlist where I talk about some side effects. But yes I could make a separate video speaking specifically to the long term affects of meds. I’m sorry about your chronic kidney disease. People talk about lithium being under utilized by psychiatrists in favor of the antipsychotics. Yes on paper lithium is a great choice for people with classic bipolar disorder, however it has some serious long-term effects like kidney And thyroid damage. some people will minimize these effects because they believe the benefits outweigh the side effects. But When you’re talking about someone’s body, I just don’t think these issues should be glossed over. So as a result I don’t reach for lithium first. And you’re right about Minimizing the weight gain. I wish we had simpler solutions.
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you for your reply. I will watch your medication information playlist and keep an eye out for a video about long term effects. Lithium seemed like a miracle drug when I started on it, but I wish that my doctors had revisited that decision as time passed.
I had openly ask my psychiatrist. I admitted to her I’m the toxic one. I love him he understands but if he is sad he is hiding it. She also said I can bring him. Hopefully we figure one my proper diagnosis because that can really save my family.
You need to look at the beginning of a relationship too. Energies transfer and sometimes you’re not compatible at all, become mad and start returning that persons energy to them. It’s not necessarily that you’re toxic. The energies don’t mesh and you’re acting like them. You’re a lesson for that person. And they’re a lesson for you. The religious folks are very right about God not wanting us to sleep around, and waiting until marriage because soul ties are very very real and this can have you looking like the toxic one.
Very insightful! I think my problem is that I recognize these traits in my ex but if I dig deep enough in myself, I could also find them in me as well. I can’t help but see the both sides of the picture and usually feel like that’s why I might be the right one in the argument, but what if I’m exhibiting that attitude due to some idealized image of my self? Currently my ex is in a tougher emotional space than I am, and it makes me think whether I caused a really big damage by starting this relationship in the first place?
Another thought: growing up I would always hear my mom’s perspective and my grandma’s perspective on the fight they would have. It makes sense why that’s automatic for me!
Sad to realize you were the hurt little traumatized kid a year after you broke up. Somehow I was blind, defensive, and nothing was left in my memory untill I started peaking it up mow Fml Trying to work on it for the next one, hoping i can manage it and love like this someday again
Thank you for the examples for the therapies. The first one im doing theough shadow work ( inner child work ) with journaling which changed some attitudes. Not giving up. Gonna dig deeper And if I find it too hard doing it like that - go to a therapy Thank you for the video
Dr Tracey, I'm hoping you see this question and thanks in advance... I'm living with bipolar and have struggled with bed wetting(sudden onset was teen years) it's been a decade now and no urologists I've seen can explain this, they say nothing is wrong so we tried sleep training which did not work until my psychiatrist gave me Imipramine which worked but its no longer available in southafrica and none of the ways we've tried over the last 18months, what do you suggest we can do because it's affecting my quality of life as I'm in my 20s
Truly wish better for you. Hoping that your question gets answered. Ask yourself privately was there any molestation at an early age or a motor vehicle accident?
Hi Tapiwa. I’m sorry you’re still struggling with this. Imipramine is an antidepressant that has anticholinergic properties. Anticholinergic medications can make you retain urine (or not leak). Your doctor can find another anticholinergic drug for you - some are designed to address incontinence. Benadryl (diphenhydramine) is an over the counter anti-histamine drug that is also anticholinergic. People who take more than 50mg can get very dry mouth and have trouble completely emptying their bladder.
@@DrTraceyMarks Dr from your experience with patients living with mental condition can it play a role or explain something like this? It's confusing how I never had a bedwetting problem as a child until my High-school years but I'm hopeful to finding a long-term solution I will talk to my psychiatrist about these drugs because I'm currently on Vesicare 10mg which they use for children but is not effective... Thanks for your educational videos, you helped me cope and understand my diagnosis better and this year I did not have a major episode
@@tapiwashendelane518 That was so heartfelt and beautiful, thank you. I am praying for you in earnest in this moment. Be proud of your enduring heart and spirit. God bless.🫶🏾
I'm feeling that I'm the one is toxic in our relationship but it starts with his actions towards me and at the end I feel like I'm the stupid one. He let me do seriously dangerous things. I can't control my temper and it's ruining our relationship.
Issues with being toxic and flying monkey conformity of it in pride is another thing. Some really need help leaving the toxic and caring to leave it. The extreme of toxic is abuse, rape, and murder.
So...I'm in this toxic relationship. He's a pretty good communicator when he's sober but God help me when he's had too much to drink. If I say one wrong thing all of a sudden I don't care about him. I'm not on his side. And then he can get pretty nasty with his words and start yelling which he usuallyexcusesaway and he never apologizes. I usually just hang up on him or shut my phone off so I don't hear his texts coming through. It's like he gets off on starting an argument and I just don't have time for that. I don't want my day or evening ruined because he is in a shit mood. Just so much drama. I can handle a normal amount but his goes over the top when he's drunk.
The narcissist word is thrown around way to much. I just left a marriage where my ex wife would always say I have narcissistic tracts. I did my research and went to therapy. And our therapist focused more on her then me. I did have my flaws and was trying my bestie to correct my behaviors. Like blowing up during disagreement, or running away from arguments. Our therapist told us that it was better if we separated. It wasn't safe to be around each other.
I am just asking why there are therapies which focus on analyzing childhood? We need to focus on changing present behaviours, not our childhood and blaming parents? Why psychotherapists don't tell you which kind of therapy you will get and how to use it and go straightforward to analyze childhood asking questions about events you can't remember because you were very young when they happened (for example, questions about first day at nursery school, preschool education - it happened around when i was about 5 years old but i don't remember when my preschool ages started and how :( )? It is unimportant for changing my present behavior. Isn't it?
Present behavior a lot of the time has its roots from what we learned, were exposed to, and experienced from childhood. Especially between the ages 0-5 and 0-8 it’s called the formative years.
I feel like am very toxic with my boyfriend when it comes to woman like I don’t know how to control it and I think it’s getting out of control because it’s not that I am not insecure I just don’t want him to look or talk to a woman because I just get a weird feeling so I think that’s pulling us apart and I don’t know how to be relaxed or care less I try to trust him but I always get those thoughts and always end up telling him but it always create an argument. 😔
I started having toxic traits when I was cheated on by my 1st spouse with escorts and random women half my age, yeah women barely in their 20s, makes me wonder if my ex was a pedo. This traumatized me so much that its affecting my current relationship. Ive developed such an ego that i will never be gaslit again, and always needing re assurance etc. It is tiring. Its an ego, yet i feel depleted and ask myself why am i so weak?
I just feel like I’m so toxic in my relationship with my partner and I feel so much guilt for snapping at her and saying things that are hurtful. Sometimes I question wether or not I say these things and a part of me intentionally tries to hurt her
Sarcasm can be toxic by itself. Whether you label your relationship toxic or not is irrelevant. What matters is how that relationship makes both of you feel and if it's healthy
Nick: Are you sarcastic about your partner, or sarcastic about others WITH your partner? Huge difference. If you speak to your partner about themselves in a sarcastic tone, that is aggressive, and you are indeed behaving in a toxic manner. Disparaging remarks and eye-rolling from a partner are two signs that you are either not long for this relationship or your relationship is unhealthy. Being two sarcastic people commenting on others might work out really well.
I wasn't toxic until i moved into a house i bought with a single mom with 2 kids who hated me while she was still in contact with the ex husbad who wanted to kill me. Is that why i was toxic?
I've been a toxic person and I'm not proud about it. But I think we should focus on what being a toxic person REALLY means...or, in other words, myths and truths about toxicity in human behaviour.........I think being a toxic person doesn't have to do only just with being someone that these signs (in the video) can describe. It's mostly about which people has your anger, bad behaviour, etc to do with. Some kinds of bad feelings and actions against someone, are beginning from truly warm, kind, good feelings about some other person or something...good feelings that are caused with pain, because of that one person or situation who's the "victim" of the bad behaviour.
Hello Dr Tracy Marks This past weeks or so I've been seeing bugs in the corner of my eye, when there wasn't anything. I'd be doing my things and suddenly turn around because I saw a spider on the wall, or a fly passing, but there was nothing there. And this happens multiple times a day. I've been taking lamotrigine and paroxetine this past year, but I'm slowly decreasing paroxetine. Could those "visions" be med related? Or maybe something more eye or neuro related ? Thank you very much if you read this, of course I'm discussing this with my Dr as well
I am cover toxic person as an adult 32...I have deep hatred and deep anger to the world and society and I do Muay Thai as well for 4 years....This is why I am not in a relationship in the first place...Because when I am in a relationship I will hurt this person badly and manipulate her and hurt her for my own pleasure gain...This is why I am an introvert and avoiding people as much as I can. At least I take responsibility for my actions to be not in a relationship and hurt people.....I have only 1 friend, brother, parents I care about, feel empathy, compassion, remorse but out of this circle I don't give a rat ass about anyone else, it doesn't come from my heart. I was like this when I was 20 but my behavior become way worse how older I become, My character just changed .....Sometimes I want to beat people for fun I have this urge to kick people for fun but I can control it....I am also negative all the time....If they're toxic they should take responsibility like me and avoid people as much as they can...Yeah I am miserable and have deep hatred and anger and nothing makes me happy, a true confession from a cover toxic guy who don't smile who look like a robot and look intimidated...Besides, therapists are biggest con it's doesn't work at all. You can't change me, it's who I am and I am fine with it. I give you 10k euro's if you can change me Dr. Tracey Marks but I know you can't at all because none of them did it made me way worse....Have a nice day....
Hi doc! I've recently found your channel and I find it very helpful and interesting. In many of your videos you mention that we can join your email list and visit your blog. However, I'm not able to subscribe to your blog as I'm redirected to a webpage that says that I don't have permission to see it, and I can't seem to be able to join your email list neither. Are these resources not available anymore? I'd really love to join. Thank you for your amazing job and knowledge.♥️
This is a question not related to this video. Have you heard of chronophobia? Is this an actual disorder? I feel like it's something that I have been going through in the last couple of years.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” - Someone, probably not Sigmund Freud. I would add: "Before you diagnose yourself with anything you, be careful you're not in fact surrounded by assholes or fools who constantly bicker about things even after you have apologized to them."
I think ppl who struggle with ADHD and then developed ODD are more likely to be the toxic part of a relationship and thats heartbreaking cuz they might never realize that abt themselves unless they’re diagnosed and a professional made them feel heard and understood.
I doubt that's that relevant, more likely it's patterns taken from home plus really low self-esteem. In my opinion, every state out of homeostasis (neglect of exercise, sleep, not eating properly, not socializing enough, unresolved trauma, substance abuse, etc.) is more of an indicator than ADHD/ODD.
"Depressed and bitter" maybe if I wasn't those things I wouldn't have to worry so much about being bad in a relarionship. It's currently so bad inside me that I fear I can't and maybe shouldn't avoid these behaviors at all cost.
Guys, I'm trying to find a video of Tracey Marks where she talked about talking to yourself like stand up comedy. I would really appreciate it if you guys can find it for me. Thxxx
I think every person has sign of toxicity. You don't have to be narcisist or psychopath to have toxic behaviour. We all have problems and that is normal thing. The key is to be aware of it and learn to work on it to improve Yourself and be a better person. I'm glad there are people who are aware of themselves. ❤
Agree, but if there’s a pattern of the toxic behaviors and no sign of awareness or care … no care to improve then it’s an issue. If someone is trying to improve then they’re not toxic.
@@april82daisies yes, that's a given, that's why dr was talking about this topic of narcissism & toxic 'people' in the video. the op was trying to retort against the trend that "oh, they're toxic, they're a narc, don't want 1 sliver of this bs in my life" perhaps some of these ppl claim they're empaths, completely write off ppl, publicly cancel those who they dont want. that's fine. jerks exist. but op's saying (if I read it right) every human, even the ppl who cancel ppl from not wanting to deal with their toxic stuff, have toxic traits as well, even if they're working on it. something many forget. some of these traits arent deal breakers, esp if they're trying & private communication on how you dont feel good w how they act, how it harms you, most likely them, is effectively used. we might enlighten them or discover they are trying if the relationship is that close. this can make someone more mindful around you, maybe eventually others. community. sometimes, a wounded person in a positive community, can heal wounds. sometimes, (sometimes, of course) it is actually ok to deal with certain human mess, (not to an exhaustive degree) because all of us have it. (I will say again, that if people physically harm or cross a psychological or any line, of course, that's cause for removing oneself or protecting oneself from them)
@@wanderingintime I fully agree with that
Speak for yourself, nutcase.
@@wanderingintime It all depends on the degree of toxicity. I think what many people in the comments are confusing are flaws with toxic traits.
Flaws ARE normal, and sometimes, people will overlook or tolerate flaws, and sometimes they won't. But toxic traits are always hurtful, and I disagree that every person has some kind of toxic trait. One example of a toxic trait is for instance taking revenge on a partner because you're jealous and think they're cheating without proof. Or, you neg your partners and belittle them in public. Or, you manipulate and exploit people.
Toxic people are those people who have either so many or such serious flaws, that it takes a psychological, if not physical, toll on the people that communicate or share a space with them. To say that *everybody* is like this, is very invalidating of the *actually* toxic people.
And like april82daisies said: anybody who is aware of their flaws and is trying to improve is not toxic.
My toxic trait is trying to solve everything and trying to fix everything right away, and not giving a person enough time to think or process. If I had a bad day, which isn’t common, my energy is off and I needed time but didn’t give a person who I love time.
same :,)
It took me 58yrs to understand how I attracted toxic people. It's been an eye opener. I identified the part I was playing as well. I then forgave myself and I've moved on. I'm excited about this video and I hope younger folks see it and are able move from toxic people.
How did you identify?
^
I've realized that I was a toxic person but have worked very hard on changing my approach to life. I've never felt that because something good happened to someone that it's negative for me. It's been more about if I worked or did better good things will happen for me as well. That being said having been put down all my life and treated like a burden or that I was never good enough made me look at other people's faults to make myself feel better...never to their face but that toxic behavior was still there. I'm trying to change that and be more empathetic to the fact that idk what's going on in other's lives and have no business passing judgment because I know how hurtful that feels. It's been a long road of self discovery but it's a marathon not a sprint so I try and work on it everyday.
I completely relate to your experience. I was raised by an abusive, alcoholic, racist father who constantly criticized EVERYONE. Our home life was a dictatorship and God help you if you stepped a toe out of line. I was a junkie for several decades trying to cope with that trauma & it nearly killed me. Now, at age 62 I'm clean now for 18 years and I continue to work on myself. I have no room to criticize or judge others and your so right about knowing how that feels. I appreciate your openness and wish you the very best. ❤️
often, individuals with cptsd have more "toxic" traits than those who were raised in more secure attachment styles. I hope we all continue to find more success as we work on rerouting the negative and damaging neural bridges that have damaged our very personality and temperament foundation.
I find it absolving to know that everyone is just imperfect, that everyone's lives are unfair, and that there is no high road to live by. That doesn't make me empathize with all people, but makes me wiser to recognize goodness and rejoice their friendship. Hostility feels like is everwhere though. A lot of ungrateful and dangerous people out there.
I was DEFINITELY the toxic person in the relationship and always burning Bridges I could never understand why. I made it my life mission to understand why and turns out I have autism. I started a TH-cam channel to help others & channel my emotions it's really been helpful
Wow… I’ve thought many times that I have Autism for similar reasons 🙈
Thanks for mentioning this I subbed to your channel too
Hi, but after finding that out were you able to make big changes to your life and be in a healthy relationship?
Now i am facing
I come from a very traumatic childhood, and on, so I know I could use a ton of help. I've made improvements but not as much as I like. My biggest problem is availability. I can't afford the help and the help that is available to the poor is just really bad in my area Thank you for making these videos.
I recognise your situation. And applaud you for your strength and self awareness. You're a warrior Sir. Good day ✌🧡🖖
@@UncleBuZ that's so kind of you to say. May you have a good day as well.✌️💛
There is a book about dialectic behavioural therapy, which we used in the clinic I was at. You could look up, if there's a version in your prefered language. The german version costs about 30 bucks and if several professional therapists use it, it must be good ;)
@@cappuchino_creations thank you for the suggestion. I will look into that.
I really believe that awareness is key. Neurodivergant folk do struggle with moods and this can be taken as “toxic” when they are self aware and trying their best
Yes!
I think I started to show toxic behaviors in my relationship after I got a burnout. I don't really know how to let go of my anger and despair though. My partner is autistic and I took my disappointment in their lack of empathy out on them, even though I know it's not fair to expect them to do things they simply can't. Now I don't know whether to break up with whom I thought was the love of my life for both our sakes or keep trying. I know I'm not myself these past few months and I also kniw that that's no excuse.
Thank you Dr. Marks! I was raised by toxic parents (have every one of the 10 traits listed) and it has taken me years to "undo" this early learning pattern. I have struggled with my relationships and friendships as people have often told me I'm either "mean or narcissistic" when really I am just being who I was taught to be. This video is very helpful to identify the ways I still need to change.
I love how this video gets less views because it’s so difficult to almost impossible to take accountability as being narcissistic or toxic.
Availability of counseling is problematic. Takes months to get the first appointment. Then it takes months to accomplish progress. Then you have to pay for it. Testing various medications is torture. This my real life experience.
Ditto
Not to mention its hard finding a good therapist is difficult . Some don’t have the necessary training or lived experiences to help an individual
because nobody said it was going to be easy, however it is worthwhile. There's support system - friends, family (if not toxic), who can talk to you about some of the problems, point stuff out etc. Video creators like Dr. Tracey Marks also bring a lot of additional support and help. For my journey, I tried out around 10 different drugs for insomnia, then antidepressants, therapy and continuous improvement (even though sometimes one has to take the step back)
Try the website headway I met my psychiatrist on there and she is awesome and very consistent with appointments . Depending on your insurance will determine how long the approval takes to start but once you start it’s great 😊 research the website hope it helps you like it has helped me
After another “rejection “ I’ve realised I’m quite toxic. Have made an appointment with a therapist. Looking forward to being able to have deeper relationships and understanding. Thanks for this video.
Dr. Tracy is absolutely brilliant. You can really tell she loves what she does. Exceptional.
Thank you for this. I sent it to my partner in order to hopefully start a dialogue. I would love to see you expand on how trauma/PTSD play into toxic relationship dynamics.. especially if both people in the relationship have trauma and toxic traits & behaviors.
Of course it’s a complicated subject, and certainly beyond the scope of a single video to fully explore, but I’d still be interested to hear your thoughts. You always provide clarity on these issues.
Yes I would LOVE to see a video explaining all of that too. Good luck sending the vid and moving in a positive direction together! I think I should send this to my partner now too
I wanted to work on some toxic traits I had with a therapist. But instead of helping me work through them she told me I sound mean. She did ask some helpful questions, but she often said very judgemental things and the calling me mean was the last straw. Ironically the toxic trait I wanted to work on was how judgemental I can be. Luckily I'm able to see my old therapist again and she is wonderful
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Same thing happened to me. Glad you got thru it ❤
YES!!! I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and this is spot on!! Figuring out the why and then how to change it is a difference from first order changed to second order change. Second order change is the more long lasting permanent effects of therapy. I would highly recommend finding a therapist who does Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or has a degree specifically in marriage and family therapy if you are looking to help your relationship. ❤ I loved when you said that if they recognize that they are this person they are already a good step in the right direction. This is so true!! Far too many people don’t realize they are that person until it’s too late. ❤
Also- for couples- read (or listen to) the book “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson. Read it WITH your partner!
Thanks a lot Alessandra for you comment and suggestions. They are very helpful! 👍🏽😊
I'm no professional and to try justify my input would probably take up an entire comments section by itself. All I'll say is I've put in many years work on sorting myself out, with the support of many great people helping me keep my head screwed on enough to do it. So here's some quotes:
"Being chronically angry is like you drinking poison and expecting your enemies to die" - unknown, various attributions from Buddhism to Maya Angelou.
"Self-interest is completely normal. Ourselves is all we'll ever truly know, and not so well at that. Don't go out of your way to screw over other people. Kindness is completely normal. Humanity are social creatures. Don't let anyone exploit that however. Be kind, but not a doormat" - Me.
One inspired by Mark Manson: "Bad things that happen to us in life are caused by any and all of, our own lack of logic, poor decision making, plain bad luck, other people being grotesque, and just life itself. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It is _always_ on us to choose how to deal with it. Fault is assigning blame. Taking responsibility gives you even a little power over most situations."
To use totally amateur terminology, as someone who was mild to moderately toxic myself, such people can be persuaded to be better people. The moderate-maximum toxicity range are irretrievable.
"At one extreme of the Horseshoe of Morality is being so selfish you damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those you care about, and damage society.
The 'opposite' extreme is so selfless you are easily manipulated, damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those you care about and damage society" - The Horseshoe Party UK.
That last quote has many applications, but pertinent is the all too common relationships between a high-level Narcissist and someone who likes to believe they're an 'empath'. In my experience some of these so-called 'empaths' are actually more along the lines of Hypersensitive Covert Narcissist. Dark Empaths / Dark Triad personalities.
The last 20 years, I have lost count of how many damaged women I've known have behaved in this exact pattern:
"Wah wah wah, my boyfriend is crap. Abusive even. I can't leave him though. His parent X did thing Y when he was Z years old. Poor him. I'll cheat on him, lead a gaggle of males on, and then leave them feeling like Incels when they're no longer useful for my ego"
How about dealing with a breakup?
When I saw the notification for this video, I immediately thought, Dr. Marks please tell me if I am the problem. I have entered a deeper state of self-awareness and want to be conscious of how I react in and handle day-to-day situations.
The fact that you want self-aware says a lot already. You’re on your way. Keep going 😊👍🏽
Shouldn't be a big deal, but I think breaking up, even with your therapist, can move these emotions and needs we have. Thanks Dr. Tracy, as always so insightful content!
You’re welcome and thank you for your comment.
Thank You Dr. Marks. I am on the receiving end of a toxic relationship, with someone who exhibits most of these negative behaviors and attitudes. I actually feel sorry for this person and wish I could help her but know it would only be turned back at me in the form of seeking revenge just for pointing this out. Since recognizing this behavior and knowing I can only change my own behavior and attitudes I have examined myself. With the help of you and other mental health specialists on youtube have actively sought to change what I recognize as negative traits, attitudes, and behaviors in myself. Ironically the narcissist reinforces my own determination to do life in a mentally positive manner.
I’m so thankful my counselor recommended your channel! What a gold mine! I’m 41 and divorced after 18 years and am really wanting to dig in and be mentally healthy… sometimes I think I’m doing well and other times I see how complicated my psychology/story/behaviors etc. are, and feel discouraged… is there an assessment online somewhere that can give me an idea how I’m doing overall and maybe point me toward areas I need to focus on? Thanks for any recommendations! ❤
I Hope you’ll feel better and make it through ♥️
I’m so glad you took a lot of pressure off the parents. I’m currently trying to get approval from insurance for treatment. I’ve dealt with depression for over 30 years and anxiety came in not much longer than that. Off and on I seek counseling and try ALL the meds until 1) I’m tired or 2) there’s an off chance something works. Either way, every time I start counseling one of the first 3 questions is, what about your parents? Come on! I am 57 years old… in 30+ years therapists are still leading with this? In my situation it’s both, nature AND nurture. Yeah, it runs in my family so it’s more likely that I have it. That’s as far as it needs to go, at this point. I don’t feel the need to continually belittle my dead parents.
Looking in the mirror and listening to your video asking myself if I have toxic tendencies.thank u Dr. Marks👏🏾
“…a normal response to being around idiots.” Haha!
Oh yeah, I recognize need for control and insecurities in myself. There were more, been in therapy for a few years now, helps a hell of a lot. Obsession in self reflection and finding my faults too, probably been harmful as much as helpful to my mental health, but self knowledge has been worth it for me.
Going to show this to my 16 year old so she can recognize dusty & toxic folk.
Thanks Doc!
Yes I was the toxic one and I ruined my relationship and pushed her away after 11 years of being a checked out stressed out addicted to everything asshole that couldn’t handle his own emotions
Thank you so much for these. I was raised by a parent who was really critical and isolating, and growing past the results of that has been difficult for me; watching your videos is really helpful for me and, hopefully as I grow, the people in my life ❤
I don't consciously feel angry, but I spend a lot of time concerned being generally bad for other people. I don't want to "infect" anybody with my depression. I don't want to jinx people I love with my negative gunk, like I ooze invisible gunk all over everything I touch, places I visit, and people who spend time with me. I stopped socializing, began staying home all the time, eventually a decade passed like that. I often think I shouldn't be around people.
My therapist discourages this thinking, like it's just bad self esteem, no such thing as inherently unlucky, but I earnestly feel like there's something deeply wrong with me that I can't put into words. There's this intense urge to get out of everybody's way and to stay out, but the consequences I'd leave behind make me feel guilty when thoughts like that take hold, like a Catch-22 situation. This haunts me most when I'm introduced to anyone I'd like to be friends with; the more I like the person, the more difficult it is to be near them.
I've been told this makes me appear snobbishly aloof as if I think I'm too good for everyone, but nothing could be further from the truth!
There's no easy solution for this. Alcohol helps for that moment, but the following day comes with heaps of social hangover, and I don't need a physical hangover on top of that. A small dose of Lorazepam helps, but that's also kinda sleepy, so it's not something I want to depend on long term. This comes and goes throughout my life via extremely "noisy" inner dialogue that's more than a little distracting at times. It tends to happen most when I'm tired, so it's usually a signal to reflect on the past week's worth of sleep.
It's hard to ignore it today after reaching out to an old friend yesterday that I haven't spoken to in ages.
Sometimes this channel is therapy. Thank you!
"The more I like the person the harder it is to be around them"
OOF- that's me. Lol
I never ask myself "am i the asshole?" because i already know I am, lol
Really helpful! It’s a tough path to recovery but it is possible.
Another awesome video! Definitely helped me to recognize some toxic behaviors.
You’re welcome! 😊👍🏽
THIS VIDEO IS INCREDIBLE
I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and 7 months and I’m realizing now that I’m the reason my relationship has so many issues such as my lack of communication and feeling as if his compliments are a means to take advantage of me which isn’t the case but I really want to try to get better for him and me
I’m getting my masters in counseling, this is good both professionally and personally. 😊
The past is an awesome way to see your bad behaviors to learn from them. The insight is great and helps alot in changing poor habits
Lady!! You are great.. I love the way you teach and how I can relate and be aware in order to keep improving my self…. Thank you very much
Dr. Tracy You should have a podcast 😊
LOL! I used to have one before TH-cam. I moved to video and never went back
@@DrTraceyMarks why is that if u don’t mind me asking?
@@nancymosby7369 it was a podcast for working moms giving self-improvement information. I couldn’t stay as interested in that topic as mental health. I also think I missed the interaction that you get on YT. It’s like I was talking into the air. Maybe if I had a co-host I could keep it up
@@DrTraceyMarks Got it! Ur content is always spot on ur my personal therapist in my head! 😊
You're so good at this doctor
Thanks so much I really appreciate that 😊
Being direct is so hard even when you know the therapist will be understanding.
Thanks for helping us become better people each day ❤
It's unfortunate that the people who need to watch this won't. It's still most likely the person on the receiving end. I was tempted to send this to the toxic person but thought against it. They never see themselves as the bad person.
I thought of doing the same thing, your not alone. Thanks for sharing 😊
Question is do You see Yourself in relationships with those people? It is easier to focus on another person when You are not focused on Yourself. Sometimes we attract narcisist and toxic people because we recreate pattern and aren't capable of setting boundries.
this is good for nearly-sane people to reinforce the good and maybe look to eliminate our own natural toxic behaviors.
So true. Maybe you could “accidentally” leave it open on the computer? Or maybe send it, and ask them which traits they feel you both have? (That way it doesn’t seem like you are blaming it on them, but that you both can be toxic)? 🤷🏽♀️
@@hellgavampenstein9906 ok.
Speaking of toxicity in an unrelated way, it would be great if you would do a video on long-term toxicity of psychiatric medications. I was recently diagnosed with stage 3A chronic kidney disease after taking meds for bipolar disorder for 2+ decades. Struggles with weight are also an issue that I feel physicians tend to minimize. Although weight gain might not seem like a big deal compared with the train wreck that was my life without meds, over the long term it has been devastating to my health and self-esteem. (Yes, I exercise and eat right.) Thanks for the hard work that you put into your videos; they are an invaluable source of information.
Thanks for your question. Nice Segway 😊 I have a medication information playlist where I talk about some side effects. But yes I could make a separate video speaking specifically to the long term affects of meds. I’m sorry about your chronic kidney disease. People talk about lithium being under utilized by psychiatrists in favor of the antipsychotics. Yes on paper lithium is a great choice for people with classic bipolar disorder, however it has some serious long-term effects like kidney And thyroid damage. some people will minimize these effects because they believe the benefits outweigh the side effects. But When you’re talking about someone’s body, I just don’t think these issues should be glossed over. So as a result I don’t reach for lithium first. And you’re right about Minimizing the weight gain. I wish we had simpler solutions.
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you for your reply. I will watch your medication information playlist and keep an eye out for a video about long term effects. Lithium seemed like a miracle drug when I started on it, but I wish that my doctors had revisited that decision as time passed.
I had openly ask my psychiatrist. I admitted to her I’m the toxic one. I love him he understands but if he is sad he is hiding it. She also said I can bring him. Hopefully we figure one my proper diagnosis because that can really save my family.
LOVED IT!!!!!! Thank you so much for the insight, you are the best!!!!!!
Thanks a lot I’m glad you liked it! ❤️😊
You need to look at the beginning of a relationship too. Energies transfer and sometimes you’re not compatible at all, become mad and start returning that persons energy to them. It’s not necessarily that you’re toxic. The energies don’t mesh and you’re acting like them. You’re a lesson for that person. And they’re a lesson for you. The religious folks are very right about God not wanting us to sleep around, and waiting until marriage because soul ties are very very real and this can have you looking like the toxic one.
Change starts with insight❤❤
The universe has a way!!! This 9: the answer I have been looking for.
Thank you for all the work you’ve done Doctor.
Now i know i need help. Thank you for this video. I check off every number exept 3.
Sure Wish YOU were in My Area, Ocala, Florida. Your Excellant!! Very Imformentive!! Need a Doctor Like YOU!!!
HI♡. Somehow, I can't find the links on my learning videos. It may be a malware cause. Big thanks, Dr. Marks for all you say . So very valuable♡
Thank you Dr. Tracey. Great!
You’re welcome!
appreciate your content
Very insightful! I think my problem is that I recognize these traits in my ex but if I dig deep enough in myself, I could also find them in me as well. I can’t help but see the both sides of the picture and usually feel like that’s why I might be the right one in the argument, but what if I’m exhibiting that attitude due to some idealized image of my self? Currently my ex is in a tougher emotional space than I am, and it makes me think whether I caused a really big damage by starting this relationship in the first place?
Another thought: growing up I would always hear my mom’s perspective and my grandma’s perspective on the fight they would have. It makes sense why that’s automatic for me!
I am facing it from day 1 of my relationship now it's been 6yrs till now i was not aware now i am started working on it hope this helps❤
Thanks for all the helpful videos Professor
Thank you i need this badly ❤
Most definitely...🙋
Thank you!
You’re welcome. Thanks for watching
Thanks for your videos!
Sad to realize you were the hurt little traumatized kid a year after you broke up.
Somehow I was blind, defensive, and nothing was left in my memory untill I started peaking it up mow
Fml
Trying to work on it for the next one, hoping i can manage it and love like this someday again
Thank you for the examples for the therapies.
The first one im doing theough shadow work ( inner child work ) with journaling which changed some attitudes.
Not giving up. Gonna dig deeper
And if I find it too hard doing it like that - go to a therapy
Thank you for the video
Wow, mind blown. Very informative
I’m so glad Teri, thanks. 😊
I love you Dr Tracy 💖✨
Thank you for this. Thank you.
You’re so welcome!
True toxic people will never see this video before is to late
Dr Tracey, I'm hoping you see this question and thanks in advance...
I'm living with bipolar and have struggled with bed wetting(sudden onset was teen years) it's been a decade now and no urologists I've seen can explain this, they say nothing is wrong so we tried sleep training which did not work until my psychiatrist gave me Imipramine which worked but its no longer available in southafrica and none of the ways we've tried over the last 18months, what do you suggest we can do because it's affecting my quality of life as I'm in my 20s
Truly wish better for you. Hoping that your question gets answered. Ask yourself privately was there any molestation at an early age or a motor vehicle accident?
Hi Tapiwa. I’m sorry you’re still struggling with this. Imipramine is an antidepressant that has anticholinergic properties. Anticholinergic medications can make you retain urine (or not leak). Your doctor can find another anticholinergic drug for you - some are designed to address incontinence. Benadryl (diphenhydramine) is an over the counter anti-histamine drug that is also anticholinergic. People who take more than 50mg can get very dry mouth and have trouble completely emptying their bladder.
@@DrTraceyMarks Dr from your experience with patients living with mental condition can it play a role or explain something like this? It's confusing how I never had a bedwetting problem as a child until my High-school years but I'm hopeful to finding a long-term solution
I will talk to my psychiatrist about these drugs because I'm currently on Vesicare 10mg which they use for children but is not effective... Thanks for your educational videos, you helped me cope and understand my diagnosis better and this year I did not have a major episode
@@ColdDiva yes there was molestation at around 5years... the bedwetting only started about 7yrs after the incident... do you suspect it plays a role?
@@tapiwashendelane518 That was so heartfelt and beautiful, thank you. I am praying for you in earnest in this moment. Be proud of your enduring heart and spirit. God bless.🫶🏾
Im definitely working on my own toxicity.
I'm feeling that I'm the one is toxic in our relationship but it starts with his actions towards me and at the end I feel like I'm the stupid one. He let me do seriously dangerous things. I can't control my temper and it's ruining our relationship.
I'm all of those but want to change
Issues with being toxic and flying monkey conformity of it in pride is another thing. Some really need help leaving the toxic and caring to leave it. The extreme of toxic is abuse, rape, and murder.
So...I'm in this toxic relationship. He's a pretty good communicator when he's sober but God help me when he's had too much to drink. If I say one wrong thing all of a sudden I don't care about him. I'm not on his side. And then he can get pretty nasty with his words and start yelling which he usuallyexcusesaway and he never apologizes. I usually just hang up on him or shut my phone off so I don't hear his texts coming through. It's like he gets off on starting an argument and I just don't have time for that. I don't want my day or evening ruined because he is in a shit mood. Just so much drama. I can handle a normal amount but his goes over the top when he's drunk.
Wow. I need to think.
The narcissist word is thrown around way to much. I just left a marriage where my ex wife would always say I have narcissistic tracts. I did my research and went to therapy. And our therapist focused more on her then me. I did have my flaws and was trying my bestie to correct my behaviors. Like blowing up during disagreement, or running away from arguments. Our therapist told us that it was better if we separated. It wasn't safe to be around each other.
I am just asking why there are therapies which focus on analyzing childhood? We need to focus on changing present behaviours, not our childhood and blaming parents? Why psychotherapists don't tell you which kind of therapy you will get and how to use it and go straightforward to analyze childhood asking questions about events you can't remember because you were very young when they happened (for example, questions about first day at nursery school, preschool education - it happened around when i was about 5 years old but i don't remember when my preschool ages started and how :( )? It is unimportant for changing my present behavior. Isn't it?
Present behavior a lot of the time has its roots from what we learned, were exposed to, and experienced from childhood. Especially between the ages 0-5 and 0-8 it’s called the formative years.
These are helpful tips.
I feel like am very toxic with my boyfriend when it comes to woman like I don’t know how to control it and I think it’s getting out of control because it’s not that I am not insecure I just don’t want him to look or talk to a woman because I just get a weird feeling so I think that’s pulling us apart and I don’t know how to be relaxed or care less I try to trust him but I always get those thoughts and always end up telling him but it always create an argument. 😔
I started having toxic traits when I was cheated on by my 1st spouse with escorts and random women half my age, yeah women barely in their 20s, makes me wonder if my ex was a pedo. This traumatized me so much that its affecting my current relationship. Ive developed such an ego that i will never be gaslit again, and always needing re assurance etc. It is tiring. Its an ego, yet i feel depleted and ask myself why am i so weak?
How do you know if your therapist is really a bad fit for you though? What if it's just your brain trying to escape the discomfort of actual change?
I just feel like I’m so toxic in my relationship with my partner and I feel so much guilt for snapping at her and saying things that are hurtful. Sometimes I question wether or not I say these things and a part of me intentionally tries to hurt her
If my partner and I are often sarcastic with each other but don't have any of the other signs, is that toxic?
Sarcasm can be toxic by itself. Whether you label your relationship toxic or not is irrelevant. What matters is how that relationship makes both of you feel and if it's healthy
Nick: Are you sarcastic about your partner, or sarcastic about others WITH your partner? Huge difference. If you speak to your partner about themselves in a sarcastic tone, that is aggressive, and you are indeed behaving in a toxic manner. Disparaging remarks and eye-rolling from a partner are two signs that you are either not long for this relationship or your relationship is unhealthy. Being two sarcastic people commenting on others might work out really well.
Love this videos ♥️
Thank you!
I wasn't toxic until i moved into a house i bought with a single mom with 2 kids who hated me while she was still in contact with the ex husbad who wanted to kill me. Is that why i was toxic?
Good morning Doc!
Hi Queen. It’s evening now but thanks for watching this early 😊
What if you'r insecure about something and therefore need reasureance about that thing?
you can't be the toxic one in your relationship if you don't have a relationship !!😂😂😂😂
You can be a toxic friend, sibling, neighbor, and coworker.
I am in a toxic relationship with myself.
I've been a toxic person and I'm not proud about it. But I think we should focus on what being a toxic person REALLY means...or, in other words, myths and truths about toxicity in human behaviour.........I think being a toxic person doesn't have to do only just with being someone that these signs (in the video) can describe. It's mostly about which people has your anger, bad behaviour, etc to do with. Some kinds of bad feelings and actions against someone, are beginning from truly warm, kind, good feelings about some other person or something...good feelings that are caused with pain, because of that one person or situation who's the "victim" of the bad behaviour.
Hello Dr Tracy Marks
This past weeks or so I've been seeing bugs in the corner of my eye, when there wasn't anything. I'd be doing my things and suddenly turn around because I saw a spider on the wall, or a fly passing, but there was nothing there. And this happens multiple times a day.
I've been taking lamotrigine and paroxetine this past year, but I'm slowly decreasing paroxetine.
Could those "visions" be med related? Or maybe something more eye or neuro related ?
Thank you very much if you read this, of course I'm discussing this with my Dr as well
Im a medical student with bipolar 2 .please tell me about best mood stabilizer that don't affect memory and cognition
There isn’t one best one. What works well for one may not work well for another person especially when it comes to side effects
I am cover toxic person as an adult 32...I have deep hatred and deep anger to the world and society and I do Muay Thai as well for 4 years....This is why I am not in a relationship in the first place...Because when I am in a relationship I will hurt this person badly and manipulate her and hurt her for my own pleasure gain...This is why I am an introvert and avoiding people as much as I can. At least I take responsibility for my actions to be not in a relationship and hurt people.....I have only 1 friend, brother, parents I care about, feel empathy, compassion, remorse but out of this circle I don't give a rat ass about anyone else, it doesn't come from my heart. I was like this when I was 20 but my behavior become way worse how older I become, My character just changed .....Sometimes I want to beat people for fun I have this urge to kick people for fun but I can control it....I am also negative all the time....If they're toxic they should take responsibility like me and avoid people as much as they can...Yeah I am miserable and have deep hatred and anger and nothing makes me happy, a true confession from a cover toxic guy who don't smile who look like a robot and look intimidated...Besides, therapists are biggest con it's doesn't work at all. You can't change me, it's who I am and I am fine with it. I give you 10k euro's if you can change me Dr. Tracey Marks but I know you can't at all because none of them did it made me way worse....Have a nice day....
Hi doc! I've recently found your channel and I find it very helpful and interesting. In many of your videos you mention that we can join your email list and visit your blog. However, I'm not able to subscribe to your blog as I'm redirected to a webpage that says that I don't have permission to see it, and I can't seem to be able to join your email list neither. Are these resources not available anymore? I'd really love to join. Thank you for your amazing job and knowledge.♥️
love you Traceyy
CBT is like repotting a root bound ficus, worth it though
I love that analogy! 😊
This is a question not related to this video. Have you heard of chronophobia? Is this an actual disorder? I feel like it's something that I have been going through in the last couple of years.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” - Someone, probably not Sigmund Freud.
I would add: "Before you diagnose yourself with anything you, be careful you're not in fact surrounded by assholes or fools who constantly bicker about things even after you have apologized to them."
I think ppl who struggle with ADHD and then developed ODD are more likely to be the toxic part of a relationship and thats heartbreaking cuz they might never realize that abt themselves unless they’re diagnosed and a professional made them feel heard and understood.
I doubt that's that relevant, more likely it's patterns taken from home plus really low self-esteem. In my opinion, every state out of homeostasis (neglect of exercise, sleep, not eating properly, not socializing enough, unresolved trauma, substance abuse, etc.) is more of an indicator than ADHD/ODD.
I wanna stop being negative
"Depressed and bitter" maybe if I wasn't those things I wouldn't have to worry so much about being bad in a relarionship. It's currently so bad inside me that I fear I can't and maybe shouldn't avoid these behaviors at all cost.
I see 7 of these signs in my 9 year son is he toxic or he is just a child because I am kind of worried in addition he is jealous of his siblings🤔
Guys, I'm trying to find a video of Tracey Marks where she talked about talking to yourself like stand up comedy. I would really appreciate it if you guys can find it for me. Thxxx
7,9 and 10🎉