When to Use ‘Soft’ No Contact
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ม.ค. 2025
- What is ‘soft’ no contact and when would you use it? Love Advice discusses how and when to utilize this polite but firm method of discontinuing contact: #softnocontact #nocontact #communicationhacks #boundaries #datingadvice #exes
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Susan Winter is a leading relationship expert and love coach who has helped over 5,000 people find, and keep, love. She’s a bestselling author (Older Women/Younger Men, Allowing Magnificence, and Breakup Triage) specializing in evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. Susan writes, speaks and coaches on dating issues, relationship challenges, and personal empowerment.
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I have used this phrase before. I think it works well..."We both know I need to get over you. It would be great if you'd let me try."
I'm having trouble deciphering the behavior of aomeone I was dating for 2 months. We had genuine communication, mutual interest and a lot of fun, and i started to let my gaurd down more and shared some recent family grief I've been going through. I kept it secret for a while not wanting to burden him, but when I finally shared, he was caring and supportive, would check up on me, even ask me if i wanted to talk... he felt emotionally present in ways I'm not used to with men. To me that was a big sign of his caring for me which helped me trust him. Now he is pulling away and im debating soft contact or no contact... but I'm so baffled. I thought someone wouldn't be so supportive and make a point to talk to me about serious stuff (over the course of 2.5 months) if they didn’t care for me. I didn't expect or ask that of him, he continuously offered... why put in that time? Am I reading that wrong?
I’m in this same situation right now
I had a relationship 3 year ago, and we really liked each other and complimented each other even to the beginning of this year. But she doesn’t move forward with me as in planning to meet, dates etc. I’ve backed off but then I get text saying Not sure why you suddenly stop texting but hope your ok. Its because I wanted a relationship with her and just know she can’t be interested just wants a text buddy I think. I don’t respond these days. Love from me 🇬🇧 to you Susan.
Thank you for the advice. Helpful video in some parts for me.
Glad to hear it!
I way way to trusting and way to gullible. Sad. Results of “my extremely hopeful but false” choices. Sad Consequences we’re a lot of wasted time and energy not based on facts, just hoping it will please happen??? Sad
I’m sorry to hear that, Debra! Everything that happens can be used as a learning experience. Things will turn around
Hey Susan .... I'm having lot of trouble with a girl .....I keep contacting a girl I love when I know she doesn't want a relationship with me .....and I'm not able to let go her .
This person continues to be a nuisance, always needing (or looking for) rides, care of other churchgoers, to and from church - when there’s even a family member just down the road who surely could do this some of the time. Also, this person insists on being part of the praise team, of which I am a member, but always turns up late for practice (probably because the free ride, currently a fellow churchgoer who is at least in their seventies, can’t get there any sooner). I find it thoroughly irksome.
I had to do the “soft” no-contact with someone a few years ago. I was as nice as pie but firm about where I stood, that I didn’t want a relationship with this person.
I had known this person many years ago. We “dated” and at one point I helped them out of a financial predicament. The next thing you know, that person didn’t want to see me anymore, so I left.
This person turned up out of the blue one day at church. I was perplexed but tried not to worry about it and hoped they were just visiting the church for a few Sundays; but no, they were making plans to become a member. Along the way, they wanted to chat me up and even verbalized that they not only wanted to be friends but a bit more than that. That’s when I tried the “soft” no-contact approach and I didn’t discourage them from making other friends there but I made it clear, so I thought, that it wasn’t going to be with me. They seemed a bit deflated, of course, but I thought that was the end of the issue.
Within 48 hours this person was what I call “cyberstalking” me on my Fb page - not saying or doing anything ugly but “dogging” my latest entries with emoji responses, a stream of them in succession. I was so upset by this intrusive behavior that I had tell a good friend what was going on. My friend advised to “block” this person and so I did.
The following Sunday at church, they tried to reengage me in conversation. This time, my gut told me to deliver a “hard” no-contact message, which was, “Stay away from me! Do you understand? Stay away from me!” After trying to tell me to “have a nice day,” as a rejoinder, they went off into another room and had a blubber about it to someone. I ended up clueing in the pastor about what had been going on.
This person comes across as subdued, even polite, but is needy and doesn’t seem to mind using other people to get their needs met; and when that doesn’t always work out, they find ways/words to make you sorry for them/ to make you feel bad (guilty) about something that didn’t work out. I see them as passive-aggressive and continue to steer clear from any involvement with them.
I hate the way he attended your church where you cannot ask him to leave. It effectively is treating you as a captive audience. Extremely intrusive and manipulative.
Fantastic video, one of your best, thank you.