Hi Everyone - life is too short. You will need to push yourself to MOVE ON. Trust God that he has better person for you. Pray to God when you feel lonely and sad. We are here on Earth temporary, no one has time to play no contact rule forever. It is a childish game. If a person loves you....he or she will never put you thru this cycle. Please don't try to make it work when your lover cheats on you. Ask yourself this question, do I want to take back a cheater that is considered body used up? Best~
Always good and bad. When lonely, you relive the good memories. What helps me is to actually focus on the bad. On the things you just hated feeling. Hold onto that feeling, of being ignored, not having your needs met, that feeling that you are not good enough. Hold that feeling even if it hurts, and don’t stop. You will associate that person w/ being bad for you (correctly so). Let go of hope that he will treat you the way you asked. Let go of that fantasy and live in the harsh reality for awhile that he just isn’t it. He’s not for you. Don’t desire the scraps.
Good point. When people say there's a reason for the break up, those reason(s) are the negative feelings that you felt after seeing red flags, indicating that this person is not right for you. Trust your gut feelings. You have standards of how you want to be treated and this person didn't meet those standards. He may apologize and change his behaviours to make you feel more loved (in this case, you could consider giving him a 2nd chance). Or, he may decide that he did nothing wrong/he doesn't have to change and leave the relationship (in this case, good riddance). Whatever happens, stick to your standards of how you wish to be treated/respected as an individual and partner in a healthy, loving relationship. You are worth every ounce of love, patience, and understanding that this world can offer. Congratulations if you find the person who can give you all of that. If not, learn to give it to yourself. And it's ok if you messed up the no-contact period. Start over. Let go of the hope that you guys can get back together. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and walk on with your head held high. No shame. No guilt. No regrets. You know you deserve better. ;)
Note to self: it’s okay to miss someone whom you broke up with multiple times. Love is a drug and breakup will give you withdrawals. To combat this, have an even bigger goal: our North Star. Once we have a clear definition of what the North Star relationship is, we will not settle for less by going back to the unhealthy relationship we left behind. Just keep swimming! 🐠
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring her back into my life.
If you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference. How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?
Breakup hurts very badly... It's even more painful when they moved on so quickly! Whenever I feel like going back to him I 'make sure to listen Matthew one more time. You are a great advisor thanks 😊.
I hear ya - vibing! If you have just broken up with someone, it’s ok to take your time - before you jump into another relationship. You’re doing yourself a disservice by getting involved with someone new before you’re really ready to commit to another person. It’s ok to be single, you have to learn to accept the fact that there’s nothing wrong with being single - once you have adopted that mindset, things will really start to turn around for you! Cheers! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Same here. Just started watching a few weeks ago and now he is my go to. All of you(us) who take his advice have progressed in life, love and happiness.
Here it is, guy breaks up with girl, he immediately starts dating someone else, he lives happily ever after with that woman, while you still think about it. My point is never lose time, cause if two people want to be together they will, if one doesn' t want to, then don t cry over it
Really needed this now. I broke up with my bf about 2 months ago and have been feeling full of regret that I made the wrong decision to end it, even though I felt insecure throughout and he always put his needs first and I had to compromise my values to please him. We reconnected the other day since I was feeling hopeless about my future and desperate to see him again...only after a few minutes on the phone reminded me why I dumped him in the first place.....slowly picking up the pieces and finally moving on trying to think of him less and less every day and know there's someone better out there for me.
When I start to regret or reminisce on the past and/or “what could have been”, it helps me to remember what is TRUE. What’s true is (1) the facts of what happened, no assumptions or accusations, just facts (2) the fact of the discrepancies between my North Star and the facts of what happened and (3) after I quickly go through steps 1 and 2, I don’t allow myself to dwell anymore, (*when you focus on facts and truth, you don’t need to think about it further bc you’ve already identified the truth, anything else is drama or an indulgence which I won’t allow bc neither help me, they harm me by allowing me to live in the pain or the past or in the hypothetical fantasy of what could have been*), so I come back to the present and literally narrate what I’m doing to redirect my attention to what is TRUE in the present: “I am standing by the oven watching my eggs boil”, “I am sitting here and breathing”, “I am driving my car”. And doing this over the last six weeks has helped me gather myself and move forward faster than previous breakups where I was gutted for months or, in one case, years. Facts help me correct the drama (let’s be honest, the agony has a kind of sweetness to it, it can be addicting to indulge that drama with myself), and then I have to snap out of it by naming what it true in the present. Hope this helps you, too!
I totally resonated with this. A lack of trust in others tends to allow our sub conscious to sabotage our chances at happiness when maybe it's more about our own lack of self worth. Hence we choose the wrong people to have relationships with over and over again. Finding someone who brings out the best in others is worth nurturing 🤗❤
I’m still crying after 6 months I don’t even think I want to be with him anymore but I still feel so much deep affection for him as a person that I’m still sad
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 I swear I've seen this comment somewhere else before. Please let me know how things are going for you, you sound a lot like myself
Same for me… It’s crazy! My brain knows i need to move on but my heart cannot listen, even if I try to deny my emotions… Cant wait to feel better… dont know if I ever will.
I needed this, I had to put an end to a 4 year relationship after catching him a second time cheating and just lying again after giving him the second chance. I miss the idea I had of him, not the real him. And it sucks even if I did the right thing. My core values are honesty and respect, and this relationship was in the end not validating my core values.
I am going through this same feeling. I miss the idea of him but living with him I would always wonder if he was talking to someone and if I should be loving but I couldn’t because of all the cheating that he did. I now moved out but feeling that he was my world
I agree, I’ve been there, Four year of relationship, just wanted transparency, honesty and respect, cheated on and then she blew all the chances she got and kept lying, hiding , ignoring ! I’m glad I finally was able to end that suffering,
It can also be a problem when you're too trusting and ignore the red flags. That's how I ended up in an abusive relationship with a narcissist for many years. But I hope I'll still be able to give someone the benefit of the doubt...
You should give someone a chance dear, the truth is that the universe is never so unfair, experiences are to teach us where we didn't get it right... If you've been abused... Experience should teach you to see it coming before it gets close, letting go of the past will give you a new life.... Let's get along if you don't mind
Great tips! If you have just broken up with someone, it’s ok to take your time - before you jump into another relationship. You’re doing yourself a disservice by getting involved with someone new before you’re really ready to commit to another person. It’s ok to be single, you have to learn to accept the fact that there’s nothing wrong with being single - once you have adopted that mindset, things will really start to turn around for you! Cheers! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
This whole "seeing the best in people" works only if you're interacting with regular humans who are trustworthy but just sometimes flawed here and there (as we all are). If you're dealing with people on the sociopathy / narcissism / Cluster B spectrum, cynicism tends to be more useful (though you can still have compassion for them, but not at the expense of boundaries or even removing them from your life).
This is true, surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart...then less often, I have to believe that less often in that case would be safer to trust.
Some people on the spectrum are quite upfront and unaffectionate I’m really not sure how we can make the balance between acceptance of their neurological social negative behavior and protecting our boundaries from being invaded whether physical or verbal.. I think it’s time we started speaking and getting real help as the number of people on the spectrum have increased in recent times, and are being diagnosed early in their life,, more awareness is needed,, especially for the person who’s around them
I did this. I trusted someone again after getting over my break up. It didn’t work out, unfortunately, but it was worth trying again. Definitely the lesson is that it will bring the side of me out more. Thank you for this. ❤️🙏
I keep beating myself up because I went back numerous of times o my for it to End the Same every time smh, but I try to tell myself that at least now and I know and enough is enough and I will not return.
@@racheyg1980 you’ll get through it. I’m 7 months out now and I feel good again. It was such extreme emotional pain I even had thoughts of suicide. You will make it ! Trust me.
@@robstone6711 hey bro, how it's going? I recommend you to watch Matthew's videos called "Stop torturing yourself" and "What to do ig your ex moved on too fast". Those helped me a lot. I hope it works for you too.
This video is so healing! It literally caressed my hurt heart. I will watch it often to let the advice settle in. Change requires repetition of new practice, curiosity with believing in the best of people, while you always follow your North Star. Yes. Thank you Matthew. God bless you and your loved ones 🙏💓💫
I broke up with my ex for the second time in April. And we talked twice in a whole 3 months. He told me I have to be ok with being just friends with him. This whole time I thought I was. I finally said I didn’t want to be friends anymore. He said okay. I was kinda waiting for him to respond but no.
I kept going back to my ex gf lots of times just because I didn't know how to let go or be alone, I was treated unfairly and I kept myself with her even tho we would fall apart every 2 weeks. Its heartbreaking how each time hurts the same but I cry less, like my body can't express pain no more or I got used to be left. 1 year and I felt loved but not safe, I lost my emotional stability and myself, I just wish I could've love myself a little bit more, because even now (she just left me again) I cant fully process that she's gone, in my head we' re still fine, even tho she wants me away, I love her with all I have, and I would never harm her the way that she has harm me, love is not something that should hurt so constantly, I need to move on, thanks Matthew, your videos help a lot!
A break up could be called creating wider boundaries instead. You're both 2 units living on the same planet to be recycled into who knows what. You have chosen peace by creating a boundary that is large because that's what's appropriate for the moment. Either you'll see them on the next round of life, or another time this round maybe, but only have space for peaceful relationships and interactions
Im not sure what to do. My partner broke up with me a few months ago, we never got to communicate about what issues he was facing, he didn't open up and have serious talks about it. If we just communicated I'd have given my everything to make him happy. Instead, he kept telling me he loved me until the day he broke up with me, ghosted me and cut all ties to me. It blindsided me, and I can't get over the shock and the sadness of it. He was my best friend, I loved him with my entire being, and then he was just gone, without any attempts at communicating.. he quickly moved on, and I just can't. I try to move forward and my heart sinks.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never been good at relationships, so I'm not sure what to say. It seems so strange, but I don't want you to feel alone or like no one cares.
People are just bouncing from person to person. The threshold of holding up a relationship takes only a matter of months or if not weeks. People view relationships and other people as short video clips they could swipe quickly when boredom sets it. People are people and they do evolve in their mate selection process. I am a sorry witness to this meaningful relationship extinction event.
OK this resonates in a major way with me. At 53 I am going to take your advice and maybe just maybe I will finally find a healthy relationship if I switch my mindset to curiosity vs. all the negative thoughts. Such a tough task if for all these years I have been constantly disappointed in partners but I will admit to not picking the healthiest lads and staying in them way too long. Hopefully now I can control this codependency cycle after taking a break for two years from dating. Time to try again soon in a different way! Thanks for what you do! Cheers!
My morning dose to start my day with ultimate confidence and thanking Mathew....for helping me to get out of a Crazy relationship. Thanks a tonne Mathew you have helped me to become more valuable to myself and I have set my standards high after watching a lot of your videos.
Putting the the past behind. Needing to change the way I think beyond the abusive relationships I’ve gravitated to in the past. Thinking and curiosity and how curiosity can lead us to think differently about how we approach future relationships.
I've tried putting the past behind me and changing my mindset,he just keep on coming back with his pain trying to make me miserable so everything of the best to you
Matthew, I can’t thank you enough for having this platform that I can relate, and guidance on what I am currently going through. I’ve been pray and pray and I came across your channel. Thank you for your calm soothing soul, your energy and the information you share are light.
This were the golden words: if we haven't decided what we want and what are important things in our lives, then we will be always at the mercy of our emotions and we are going to be dragged back.
"beautiful friendships" - yes! Please, can you do a video directed at cultivating deeper, meaningful friendships? I've been watching your videos not for romantic relationship advice, but because I have been looking for useful information about creating and maintaining friendships.
no one will change when you are in a relationship with them.The couple need a big break to realise what is lost and what s the price and change and get a second chance.the changes are made post breakup.
I was on a break up 2 months ago, I was feeling better but then just yesterday I learned my ex said she fell out of love of me that is why she initiated the break up. Because of this it hit me again and I'm on my relapse. I hope it'll be better soon though. 😥🙏
My fiancé of many years ago dumped me without a word and simply stopped answering the phone. It changed the course of my life, led to years of anger, depression, and drinking too much. It set me back in my schooling and career and caused injuries that are still with me today. I eventually became successful and am married. But my fiancé of all those years ago permanently damaged my soul. I don’t know why recently those emotions have come back with a vengeance and I find myself thinking of someone that treated me so horribly. She tore a hole in my heart that will stay with me until the day I die.
Grateful to you for being so thoughtful and generous 💜✨God bless u Matthew...U are such a beautiful blessing... Been in Narc & toxic relationships & it's too hard to get over with it... It's like walking on eggshells everyday 😭
Some People Also Have Disabilities And Other's Don't Take That Into Consideration. Some People Have Ways Of Thinking They Just Can't Change With Physical Help Like Having Health Insurance In Order To Get Into Medication To Help With Mood Swings Health Issues Do Play A Massive Issue Into Relationship Issues As Well.
I thought I was the only one that had this outlook on Trust… this is the reason my first relationship ended. So I’m also making this my “North Star” 🙏🏽
Not just for love relationships, Matthews advice works everywhere. Appreciate how listening to him talk makes me introspect how the human mind works, how to lead a better life :) Thankyou Matthew!
Hearing this one kind of hurt because I am the one that was left because of my behaviors. I wasn’t abusive or anything like that, I just had a few too many bad times involving alcohol and the last time was the straw that broke the camels back. It’s been a little over 2 months since the end of a 3 year relationship and living togetherness and I’m really struggling. It was a very difficult decision for her as she did not simply stop loving me, but felt she needed to leave for her own well being. I miss my partner and best friend. All I have been hoping for is that she still cares about me
Hope things work out for you ,you taking responsibility for your part , I admire you for that ,stay strong things has a way of working out for the best
My perspective about my pain especially emotional pain and frustration has totally changed now, I got liked a girl a lot and when she ignored and rejected I felt hell. But I now think that was just a little pain but it made me stronger and realize that not be at the mercy of emotions and how we feel. I now have a bigger picture for myself I want to earn money support my family and buy car and travel around the world. Great respect to you Matthew from India.
Matthew magically matches with my energy. I was previousy watching an insta post he made over heartbreak. And now, a new video is out. I could not expect better ❤🧿
This video honestly speaks to me so deeply right now... my mindset when it comes to this break-up I initiated a couple months ago has been too up and down, like I can't make up my mind on how to see the situation. When it first happened, I was too hopped up on the negatives... belief is a funny thing. Trying to see the positives without any sort of backhanded or undermining comment from my damaged psyche is difficult. Thank you for vocalizing what I've been struggling to piece together in my own mind. ❤
Why must the solution to heartbreak after a relationship be the prospect of another relationship? Sleep around. Or how about don't date anyone at all, and just enjoy your own company? Stop thinking relationships are the be all end all to happy living.
Do we ever find a perfect partner for us? I feel I've always fallen in love with someone who doesn't value me nd choose me over anything...I took chance with my heart with this nice guy who pampered me nd made me feel loved again... brought me out of depression nd now 2 years later... he's the reason for my depression...worst heartbreak I've ever had...Heart literally aches... I'll never be able to love again... These videos help me when I listen to them nd for a day or two after that nd thereafter I'm back again with my broken heart that aches like hell... How can someone again fall in love? Be sure that Yes he's the one... He's the one who'll choose me always... Stick with me thru all thick nd thin.. Fight for love...nd love me as much I do
The truth is that no one deserves you more than yourself, no matter the experience you had with someone if that person didn't feel same you don't have to put your mind in it.... We are a product of our mind, if you allow yourself to dwell in the past it will hurt you. Learning to let go of the past and believing that the future has better things is wisdom let's get along if you don't mind
Guess what. You are always gonna think about that person for years, or even your whole life. "Getting over" is not about forgetting the person, is about those memories don't affect us the way it does currently (I'm going through a break up, this is my 4th week, and it is the hardest one I have ever experienced). What I'm doing, I know everybody tell you this, is to focus on yourself, working out, hikking, travelling a pla e you never been before, learn piano, surfing, or w/e you ve never tried in your life. It's been hard, I do drawn on my thoughts when I have to focus on work and my degree (stress) but I noticed that this week at least, I didn't have the necessity to cry at least, meaning I'm healing. Anyway, if you focus on the memories thinking that you are getting over him, you will feel frustrated, you are always going to think about that person from time to time. Also, don't be afraid to ask for professional help. It is helping with my situation. Hope you feel better. I'm sending you all 3 a hug from a random person who is going through the same (it hurts like hell).
@susananavarrete2801 you believe it was a good thing, but the reality tells you that it really wasn't. Your thoughts should go around thst fact to start letting go.
After being hurt multiple times it is so difficult to look at people positively. In the back of your mind you're still wondering, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I want nothing to do with my ex but I'll always care for her. Hell I still love every girl I have ever loved going back to the 4th grade. That connection doesn't just break or turn off because things run their course. Never go back though, although it is wild how hooking up with an ex can bring you right back to dormant emotions.
Absolutely Matthew, that aspiration is so useful to open up to so many other people. Your advise always so useful thanks 🙏 ♥️and currently going through this and i just want to focus on myself and my goals . ♥️🙌🏽
Thank you Matthew. Im very devastated when my 8years relationship over. He broke up with me, blocked my number, social media, etc. I cried for almost 2 weeks now. I know that the way he handled every problem was not the things that i wanted from a relationship. He never said sorry, ever. I kept compromised his attitude over and over again. Even my close friend said that its a red flag. Listening to this, makes me feel i have my own values for relationship, and i just need to find someone who understand that.
Like My Ex For Example Her Mom Allowed Her To Get Hurt On Certain Levels By Her Step Dad Just For A Place To Live There For She Feared Her Mom And Allowed Her Mom To Wreck Our Relationship And Not Allowed Us To Grow. So Now I Am Stuck With $1,000's Of Debt Because Of It.
I don't even respect him anymore but still love him and it is frustrating.i know I can't go back there but want too. It's ridiculous fighting with myself
What's the use of no contact ? If a person have to stay away from you for so long in other to know your worth, whats going to happen when he stays with you everyday in marriage? While suicide is like a permanent solution for a temporal problem in life, games are like temporal solution for a permanent problem in our love life . You should feel relaxed and safe , not all this exhausting tactics and play. It is so heavy, gonna weigh you down like lead
I feel so different inside since being discarded .. Just cant get over how the woman I loved flipped very quickly and turned ice cold .. dumped me by text after a 4 yr relationship.. and didn’t want to discuss or work at it
It helps when the other person stops talking with you. We can’t remain friends with someone we must let go , lust and trust on a level that goes no where.
I agree with this to a certain extent. But I think trust should and will take time. I don’t think it’s productive to go into a relationship trusting someone wholeheartedly because that’s how people get hurt. Do someone’s actions match their words? Does our intuition tell us that we can be safe around this person? I think continually seeing the best in someone is sometimes what keeps someone in an abusive relationship. I do however agree that having some level of trust is important to building connection and that’s where I need to improve.
My intuition has never failed me yet. When I get to know someone, I can read through all the BS and know they are lying without any proof. It’s a gift and a curse because I seem to attract all the wrong women. When my gut feeling is telling me something is wrong, there is definitely something wrong. I’m so sick of dating liars and shady women
My partner left me after 18 years when I got diagnosed with breast cancer, and today he walked past me with a new girl friend. He lives two doors away. I'd of expected him to have more respect than parading her around.
This is nonsense. Have you ever been with a narcissistic person that would manipulate you? They take take take and they do it sometimes covertly. Some people are terrible. And you cannot expect the best for them to manifest.
Logically thinking without emotion I would never date my ex again or anyone like him remotely, but attachments are a total bitch LOL. I didn’t care nor love myself at all, hence why I even entertained such an abusive person wholeheartedly. They say we accept what we did in childhood…well thank god for therapy because I will NEVER date a man who lays a hand on me or has such frightening anger issues and lack of empathy or effort again. Wasn’t as bad as my childhood but was escalating badly by the day. Should have left over a year ago but I really did love him with every fiber of my being and gave up everything to make him feel comfortable and happy…lost myself entirely. Now working on me harder than ever. So hard though. I don’t know why or how I still miss him this painfully after all of the hurt. Some days are easier than others, surely.
Damn where was this in my last relationship????? It explains so much that I was doing wrong…….. but she is gone….. have to let her go and use what I learn for the right relationship for me……. Also striving to be the best man for me that I can be!!!
I am not upset or mad any more because I'm moving on and I am so happy because I met somebody at the beach and he is really nice and we went for a walk and talk about himself and his family and our relationship and he ask me the same questions.
I spent years trying to build a deep connection with my other half. She wanted a functional, formal relationship. I tried to meet her halfway but she wasn't interested in anything other than formality. We separated a few weeks ago and I'm crushed.
Bro your case is much better, with mine i thought i was going mad...she does all sorts of evil things to me, she finds fault in everything i do, she wrongs me but finds à way to blame me for it, insults me, curses me, threatens how i wont find à better job and live à good life without her, says how something bad is gonna happen to me...says she regrets having kids with me... ..then the next morning she is on her knees begging for forgiveness....she has been doing this to me for so many times...i always wanted to walk out but was worried about my children....for 6yrs bro....i walked out last month and i am not going back to that crazy woman....she calls everytime that she wants me back, you like wtf ! i was your problem now am gone you want me back....I almost thought i was going mad
What does it mean when a guy says that “I don’t know what I want and uses this as an excuse to break up”? Is it possible that a guy can be consistent for like a year and suddenly after a small fight decides to call off the relationship? Can a lonely guy use a girl just for the company or just to get away with loneliness for that long ? How to spot red flags in a situation like this?
My perfect boyfriend of 2 years finished his bachelor's degree, founded his own company, found a new part time job to support his way to being self employed, bought an apartment with the help of his parents........ And BROKE UP WITH ME WITHIN A DAY 😂😂 the reason? He doesn't know. He is unhappy and doesn't want any responsibility towards me, my dogs, potential future children... He was consistent for TWOOOO YEARS. 😂😂😂😂
Quit from such relationships and have self-respect of not looking back and in future don't give him even a single chance to play any game with you. Just leave 😊
@@olgacherkasova3522 You're so kind for asking, Olga. Thank you. I'm doing well. I gave myself time to process and grief the potential future I could have had with him. Then I focused on myself. Went more consistent to the gym, told my boss at work to give me different responsibilities (not quite a promotion but almost), I focused on my university (I started a 2nd bachelor's degree at 29 years old and am still in the process of completing it), I renovated my apartment a little bit here and there. To sum it up... I kept myself busy and tried to focus on myself and my goals. My ex wanted us to remain friendly but I told him I need time to heal with no contact. I realized at the end how immature he really was (he is 5 years younger than me) and I forgave him for not knowing in his 20ies what he really wants in life. Sometimes people can't evaluate their feelings and behaviors so they can't give us a definite answer why they left the relationship. All you can do it accept they don't want to participate in a life together - no matter the reason - and move on.
@@JaZmine147 wow. Yeah, I understand. How much time did you give yourself to grieve? It's exactly a week since we broke up and... Yeah, still feel shitty ngl... Although I started the conversation in the moment, saying that I'm ready to work he was the one telling he needs to be alone at this stage of life and he isn't ready for a relationship... And it's vice versa, I'm the 6 years younger one... So yeah... Just have no energy to do things the only pleasure I have now is sleeping, because that's the only moment I'm not worried about anything... About him :( Glad it worked out for you in the end and you got your life together!
My ex fiance broke up with me in January but we still see each other pretty much every week.. It hurts but I'm having a hard time cutting it off. He's one the closest people in my life. I'm crushed. He's also dating again.
@@jessah3947 you need to go no contact immediately. He is only doing this to keep you stringing in. He is dating? Mine did the same thing giving me mixed messages. You need to value love yourself I know it’s so hard! He is so selfish to do this to you, if I can save one girl from the two years of hell I went through I will. We were engaged 4 years
@@jessah3947 I agree with Renee :( im so sorry jess. It was so hard for me to cut off contact too. It feels devaluing when they string you along and especially if he has a new person already. Matthew once said to not cheapen yourself and what you also had with that person, by letting them get their fix that its either all or nothing. I am one week into my break up and I deleted him off all socials, got rid of my social apps on my phone in the process. I literally only have TH-cam and TikTok, video social media. I can say its been so helpful. It is absolutely nooo contact and getting rid of any of his access to me so that when I return it will be when I am pretty much healed and its just a plus for them to understand the consequences of their choice. I promise you no contact will be the best thing for you. Don't let him not let you value yourself, do not betray yourself. Like Renee, I am also behind you. We can do this.
My name is Leslie from NY. Your content has helped me tremendously to understand relationships & behavior. I recently left a 14yr relationship/6yr marriage. Can you please explain gaslighting & cheating? I left my husband because his behavior was off…wasn’t communicating..constantly crying..claiming he was depressed. He denied there was someone else every time I confronted him to only find out after he was having an affair & has continued that relationship..still denying it..still calling me his soulmate. I dont know which version of him to grief & process of this person.PLEASE HELP
You did the right thing. You didnt deserve what he did to you. His sadness and crying is something he has to deal with on his own. You reap what you sow. He will see and experience the gravity of his actions when you find the right person for yourself. Keep your chin up high and dont look back to people like him. Cause once they get away with something like that, they're likely to do it again- and that is very damaging to the other partner involved.
This hurts because I think this is what my partner felt about me before they split with me. I would give anything to show them that I am not the person I was when we split up. Now I’m stuck here alone missing them so deeply. Knowing they are curious about moving on. Improving their life and getting fit. I messed up and now I bitterly miss them so much. My blindness got the better of me and now I’m experiencing the effects. I’ll love her forever and now it seems she’ll never be with the fully realised me.
Year and a half since my ex cheated and walked out on me. I cannot get over him, I just want him to come home. Wish I could forget him for good. He was so toxic, a full blown narcissist
I am sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time. I too had been cheated on in my previous relationship. In addition to this there were many issues that drove us apart and ultimately ended the relationship (it turned very toxic). After the break up I have taken 2 years to get to know myself and learn self love. This journey has paid off because now I am in a new relationship and I am able to let my partner know about the difficulties I face, which we both can work through them together. The best advice I can give you is to take some time to focus on you. Get to know yourself, learn how to love yourself, and develop self awareness. It will help you out in the long run. You are an amazing person and I hope that you will take the necessary steps to find just how amazing you are. I wish you the best of luck to you.
@@Mandycapetown you are very welcome. I am glad I was able to help and pass on my knowledge to you. Although it will be tough at first you are embarking on an amazing journey. Years from now you will be glad that you taken the time to focus on you.
Using the term cold turkey is one I haven’t heard in relationship advice. I know cold turkey as a smoker, an addict, alcoholic, ect… so for me that worked explaining.
Women, if you are loyal, faithful, and truthful, please comment down below because I’m losing hope. Every woman I meet either flirts with other guys, entertains them through texts/social media, lies about things with other men. It’s exhausting. I give 100% in my relationships and I don’t even look at other women because I just want the one I have. Sometimes I think I’m too loyal and good hearted for these modern times.
Found out I was pregnant, he went on vacation, waited him to come back cuz I didn't want to ruin his vacation, the exact same day I took pregnancy test and it was positive that's when I found out he was meeting other girl on his vacation, he was ignoring me, I called him out he decided to break up, called me crazy, I had abortion, I had surgery, I had trauma with almost the same issues and now I'm going through it again. It's been a month and I'm stuck. I can't seem to find a reason to continue living when I found out he already meeting someone new. He didn't see me when he knows I was pregnant. I felt like I was thrown away like a trash. I went to therapy and diagnosed with depression and he called me sick person for calling him out on his behavior. And I feel like I just want to give up, I can't keep continue feeling like this and I'm stuck
Matthew, you say if you go looking for things then you will always find something but that’s not something I can be ok with. Why can people just be loyal, faithful, and truthful in a relationship? I never give my partner anything to be jealous or insecure about so it’s possible but it’s extremely hard to find someone as loyal as I am.
I don't know but I think the topic of this video should've been "how to see better in people" or "how to believe in good" or anything sort of, and I love that of course, just didn't answer so how to get over your ex, especially if the ex wasn't that bad, but we both weren't for each other, maybe actually it was me who was more toxic. We broke up, and my soul is broken to thousand peaces.
What is I was the only one to believe in him and trust him but the whole time he is supporting his ex emotionally behind my back and whole lot more. I feel when I follow my intuition people always show their true colors. Devastated.
Excellent video by Matthew once again - this is such an important topic to talk about in relationships! What do people watching this find the most important advice or information Matthew gives on this video?
Because of long distance, i didnt realize my ex was having another relationship for two years. Propose both of us to get married. Not only broke me, he broke another girl as well. My 10 years relationship ended. It was 6 months ago. And I'm still trying to move on. One step at a time. It is so hard
Omg... hope everything is goin better... i just broke up month ago and still feel the pain as it was day one.. it was 4 yrs relationship, and you said yours were 10 yrs.. 😢
Hi Everyone - life is too short. You will need to push yourself to MOVE ON. Trust God that he has better person for you. Pray to God when you feel lonely and sad. We are here on Earth temporary, no one has time to play no contact rule forever. It is a childish game. If a person loves you....he or she will never put you thru this cycle. Please don't try to make it work when your lover cheats on you. Ask yourself this question, do I want to take back a cheater that is considered body used up? Best~
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Thanks so much dear
Pray during your good and bad times
Life is actually too long lol
❤
Always good and bad. When lonely, you relive the good memories. What helps me is to actually focus on the bad. On the things you just hated feeling. Hold onto that feeling, of being ignored, not having your needs met, that feeling that you are not good enough. Hold that feeling even if it hurts, and don’t stop. You will associate that person w/ being bad for you (correctly so).
Let go of hope that he will treat you the way you asked. Let go of that fantasy and live in the harsh reality for awhile that he just isn’t it. He’s not for you. Don’t desire the scraps.
Your advice is ten times better than the video lol
Good point. When people say there's a reason for the break up, those reason(s) are the negative feelings that you felt after seeing red flags, indicating that this person is not right for you. Trust your gut feelings. You have standards of how you want to be treated and this person didn't meet those standards. He may apologize and change his behaviours to make you feel more loved (in this case, you could consider giving him a 2nd chance). Or, he may decide that he did nothing wrong/he doesn't have to change and leave the relationship (in this case, good riddance). Whatever happens, stick to your standards of how you wish to be treated/respected as an individual and partner in a healthy, loving relationship. You are worth every ounce of love, patience, and understanding that this world can offer. Congratulations if you find the person who can give you all of that. If not, learn to give it to yourself. And it's ok if you messed up the no-contact period. Start over. Let go of the hope that you guys can get back together. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and walk on with your head held high. No shame. No guilt. No regrets. You know you deserve better. ;)
Thank you
❤
Or she
Note to self: it’s okay to miss someone whom you broke up with multiple times. Love is a drug and breakup will give you withdrawals. To combat this, have an even bigger goal: our North Star. Once we have a clear definition of what the North Star relationship is, we will not settle for less by going back to the unhealthy relationship we left behind. Just keep swimming! 🐠
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring her back into my life.
If you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference. How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he's an incredible spiritual counselor known for helping restore relationships.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I'm genuinely impressed.
I feel you, i feel you!
Breakup hurts very badly... It's even more painful when they moved on so quickly! Whenever I feel like going back to him I 'make sure to listen Matthew one more time. You are a great advisor thanks 😊.
This is true because it hurts our ego.
mine moved into a new relationship like a week after we broke up, she was toxic af tho
I love how everytime I need a wakeup call I start watching mathhew's vids 😅❤️
That‘s so me 😂
I hear ya - vibing!
If you have just broken up with someone, it’s ok to take your time - before you jump into another relationship.
You’re doing yourself a disservice by getting involved with someone new before you’re really ready to commit to another person.
It’s ok to be single, you have to learn to accept the fact that there’s nothing wrong with being single - once you have adopted that mindset, things will really start to turn around for you! Cheers!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
yes, same here!!😄
Same. He is much better than my therapist lol
Same here. Just started watching a few weeks ago and now he is my go to. All of you(us) who take his advice have progressed in life, love and happiness.
Here it is, guy breaks up with girl, he immediately starts dating someone else, he lives happily ever after with that woman, while you still think about it. My point is never lose time, cause if two people want to be together they will, if one doesn' t want to, then don t cry over it
Really needed this now. I broke up with my bf about 2 months ago and have been feeling full of regret that I made the wrong decision to end it, even though I felt insecure throughout and he always put his needs first and I had to compromise my values to please him. We reconnected the other day since I was feeling hopeless about my future and desperate to see him again...only after a few minutes on the phone reminded me why I dumped him in the first place.....slowly picking up the pieces and finally moving on trying to think of him less and less every day and know there's someone better out there for me.
You got this bubblegum! Try your best to not reminisce
I'm in this stage.
When I start to regret or reminisce on the past and/or “what could have been”, it helps me to remember what is TRUE. What’s true is (1) the facts of what happened, no assumptions or accusations, just facts (2) the fact of the discrepancies between my North Star and the facts of what happened and (3) after I quickly go through steps 1 and 2, I don’t allow myself to dwell anymore, (*when you focus on facts and truth, you don’t need to think about it further bc you’ve already identified the truth, anything else is drama or an indulgence which I won’t allow bc neither help me, they harm me by allowing me to live in the pain or the past or in the hypothetical fantasy of what could have been*), so I come back to the present and literally narrate what I’m doing to redirect my attention to what is TRUE in the present: “I am standing by the oven watching my eggs boil”, “I am sitting here and breathing”, “I am driving my car”. And doing this over the last six weeks has helped me gather myself and move forward faster than previous breakups where I was gutted for months or, in one case, years. Facts help me correct the drama (let’s be honest, the agony has a kind of sweetness to it, it can be addicting to indulge that drama with myself), and then I have to snap out of it by naming what it true in the present. Hope this helps you, too!
@@Kewkumber Thank you!!! :)
How are you now
I totally resonated with this. A lack of trust in others tends to allow our sub conscious to sabotage our chances at happiness when maybe it's more about our own lack of self worth. Hence we choose the wrong people to have relationships with over and over again. Finding someone who brings out the best in others is worth nurturing 🤗❤
Ahaa! I can completely relate this. However, I'm hopeful that my best is yet to come.
I’m still crying after 6 months
I don’t even think I want to be with him anymore but I still feel so much deep affection for him as a person that I’m still sad
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 I swear I've seen this comment somewhere else before. Please let me know how things are going for you, you sound a lot like myself
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 One day at a time is good! What's the difference between that and ego?
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 Does it get any easier? Please tell me it does. Is anything else helping you move on?
It's been 10 years for me
Same for me… It’s crazy! My brain knows i need to move on but my heart cannot listen, even if I try to deny my emotions… Cant wait to feel better… dont know if I ever will.
I needed this, I had to put an end to a 4 year relationship after catching him a second time cheating and just lying again after giving him the second chance. I miss the idea I had of him, not the real him. And it sucks even if I did the right thing. My core values are honesty and respect, and this relationship was in the end not validating my core values.
I am going through this same feeling. I miss the idea of him but living with him I would always wonder if he was talking to someone and if I should be loving but I couldn’t because of all the cheating that he did. I now moved out but feeling that he was my world
Dang, I was lied to over 5x. I still accepted her back. But I'm dumb.
I agree, I’ve been there, Four year of relationship, just wanted transparency, honesty and respect, cheated on and then she blew all the chances she got and kept lying, hiding , ignoring ! I’m glad I finally was able to end that suffering,
Me too. After 3months now, I hear she pregnant but he was mean to me so that helps a little but it's like wow 5th child after 3 months lol
It can also be a problem when you're too trusting and ignore the red flags. That's how I ended up in an abusive relationship with a narcissist for many years. But I hope I'll still be able to give someone the benefit of the doubt...
You should give someone a chance dear, the truth is that the universe is never so unfair, experiences are to teach us where we didn't get it right... If you've been abused... Experience should teach you to see it coming before it gets close, letting go of the past will give you a new life.... Let's get along if you don't mind
How I wish I could get a chance with you but I know you won't
Great tips! If you have just broken up with someone, it’s ok to take your time - before you jump into another relationship.
You’re doing yourself a disservice by getting involved with someone new before you’re really ready to commit to another person.
It’s ok to be single, you have to learn to accept the fact that there’s nothing wrong with being single - once you have adopted that mindset, things will really start to turn around for you! Cheers!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
This whole "seeing the best in people" works only if you're interacting with regular humans who are trustworthy but just sometimes flawed here and there (as we all are). If you're dealing with people on the sociopathy / narcissism / Cluster B spectrum, cynicism tends to be more useful (though you can still have compassion for them, but not at the expense of boundaries or even removing them from your life).
amen!
Yep. I’ve had to work on the opposite. The building of mutual trust instead of just trusting and see what happens. More boundaries please
@@JP-lw4js Yup, same.
This is true, surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart...then less often, I have to believe that less often in that case would be safer to trust.
Some people on the spectrum are quite upfront and unaffectionate I’m really not sure how we can make the balance between acceptance of their neurological social negative behavior and protecting our boundaries from being invaded whether physical or verbal.. I think it’s time we started speaking and getting real help as the number of people on the spectrum have increased in recent times, and are being diagnosed early in their life,, more awareness is needed,, especially for the person who’s around them
I did this. I trusted someone again after getting over my break up. It didn’t work out, unfortunately, but it was worth trying again. Definitely the lesson is that it will bring the side of me out more. Thank you for this. ❤️🙏
That gives me some hope. Thank you.
Exactly, it’s a life lesson for all, hit me once shame on you, hit me twice shame on me!
I keep beating myself up because I went back numerous of times o my for it to End the Same every time smh, but I try to tell myself that at least now and I know and enough is enough and I will not return.
@@Ask4Alli me,
except that it fails every single time because i legitimately find a new reason
Been 6.5 months since my gf of 5.5 years left me, I finally feel normal again. Was in the pitts of hell that whole time.
I’m feeling that right now, so hard
@@racheyg1980 you’ll get through it. I’m 7 months out now and I feel good again. It was such extreme emotional pain I even had thoughts of suicide. You will make it ! Trust me.
@@racheyg1980 th-cam.com/video/qtr21LqHKcs/w-d-xo.html
It’s been 3 months for me. Struggling terribly, ruminating on a daily basis and don’t know where this ride ends
@@robstone6711 hey bro, how it's going? I recommend you to watch Matthew's videos called "Stop torturing yourself" and "What to do ig your ex moved on too fast". Those helped me a lot. I hope it works for you too.
This video is so healing! It literally caressed my hurt heart. I will watch it often to let the advice settle in. Change requires repetition of new practice, curiosity with believing in the best of people, while you always follow your North Star. Yes. Thank you Matthew. God bless you and your loved ones 🙏💓💫
I broke up with my ex for the second time in April. And we talked twice in a whole 3 months. He told me I have to be ok with being just friends with him. This whole time I thought I was. I finally said I didn’t want to be friends anymore. He said okay. I was kinda waiting for him to respond but no.
Leave him. You deserve better. I went through same
End contact, delete number, heal yourself before you date again, and forget about him
I kept going back to my ex gf lots of times just because I didn't know how to let go or be alone, I was treated unfairly and I kept myself with her even tho we would fall apart every 2 weeks. Its heartbreaking how each time hurts the same but I cry less, like my body can't express pain no more or I got used to be left. 1 year and I felt loved but not safe, I lost my emotional stability and myself, I just wish I could've love myself a little bit more, because even now (she just left me again) I cant fully process that she's gone, in my head we' re still fine, even tho she wants me away, I love her with all I have, and I would never harm her the way that she has harm me, love is not something that should hurt so constantly, I need to move on, thanks Matthew, your videos help a lot!
every time i think of him, i play a video of yours and it always helps me refocus. thank you matthew
A break up could be called creating wider boundaries instead. You're both 2 units living on the same planet to be recycled into who knows what. You have chosen peace by creating a boundary that is large because that's what's appropriate for the moment. Either you'll see them on the next round of life, or another time this round maybe, but only have space for peaceful relationships and interactions
Whoa, never thought about it like that. That helps alot. Thanks for sharing.
Im not sure what to do. My partner broke up with me a few months ago, we never got to communicate about what issues he was facing, he didn't open up and have serious talks about it. If we just communicated I'd have given my everything to make him happy. Instead, he kept telling me he loved me until the day he broke up with me, ghosted me and cut all ties to me. It blindsided me, and I can't get over the shock and the sadness of it. He was my best friend, I loved him with my entire being, and then he was just gone, without any attempts at communicating.. he quickly moved on, and I just can't. I try to move forward and my heart sinks.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never been good at relationships, so I'm not sure what to say. It seems so strange, but I don't want you to feel alone or like no one cares.
@@heathern4052 thankyou
@@gypseytoo I hope I can find something better. Love to you too
Be yourself and move on
@@heathern4052you going through the same issues too ??
People are just bouncing from person to person. The threshold of holding up a relationship takes only a matter of months or if not weeks. People view relationships and other people as short video clips they could swipe quickly when boredom sets it. People are people and they do evolve in their mate selection process. I am a sorry witness to this meaningful relationship extinction event.
OK this resonates in a major way with me. At 53 I am going to take your advice and maybe just maybe I will finally find a healthy relationship if I switch my mindset to curiosity vs. all the negative thoughts. Such a tough task if for all these years I have been constantly disappointed in partners but I will admit to not picking the healthiest lads and staying in them way too long. Hopefully now I can control this codependency cycle after taking a break for two years from dating. Time to try again soon in a different way! Thanks for what you do! Cheers!
My morning dose to start my day with ultimate confidence and thanking Mathew....for helping me to get out of a Crazy relationship.
Thanks a tonne Mathew you have helped me to become more valuable to myself and I have set my standards high after watching a lot of your videos.
Great for you
Putting the the past behind. Needing to change the way I think beyond the abusive relationships I’ve gravitated to in the past. Thinking and curiosity and how curiosity can lead us to think differently about how we approach future relationships.
I've tried putting the past behind me and changing my mindset,he just keep on coming back with his pain trying to make me miserable so everything of the best to you
Matthew, I can’t thank you enough for having this platform that I can relate, and guidance on what I am currently going through. I’ve been pray and pray and I came across your channel. Thank you for your calm soothing soul, your energy and the information you share are light.
Broken relationships = car rentals: move forward, move forward, don’t look back, move forward! Be driven by Purpose!! Mitigate the emotions.
This were the golden words: if we haven't decided what we want and what are important things in our lives, then we will be always at the mercy of our emotions and we are going to be dragged back.
"beautiful friendships" - yes! Please, can you do a video directed at cultivating deeper, meaningful friendships? I've been watching your videos not for romantic relationship advice, but because I have been looking for useful information about creating and maintaining friendships.
I think most of what he shares can be applied in those areas as well. I hope that this helps
no one will change when you are in a relationship with them.The couple need a big break to realise what is lost and what s the price and change and get a second chance.the changes are made post breakup.
I was on a break up 2 months ago, I was feeling better but then just yesterday I learned my ex said she fell out of love of me that is why she initiated the break up. Because of this it hit me again and I'm on my relapse. I hope it'll be better soon though. 😥🙏
People give their best to those, who are the worst to them. That’s how trauma works, it’s not a story one tells themselves.
My fiancé of many years ago dumped me without a word and simply stopped answering the phone. It changed the course of my life, led to years of anger, depression, and drinking too much. It set me back in my schooling and career and caused injuries that are still with me today. I eventually became successful and am married. But my fiancé of all those years ago permanently damaged my soul. I don’t know why recently those emotions have come back with a vengeance and I find myself thinking of someone that treated me so horribly. She tore a hole in my heart that will stay with me until the day I die.
I am crying. So touching. So beautiful
Grateful to you for being so thoughtful and generous 💜✨God bless u Matthew...U are such a beautiful blessing... Been in Narc & toxic relationships & it's too hard to get over with it... It's like walking on eggshells everyday 😭
Some People Also Have Disabilities And Other's Don't Take That Into Consideration. Some People Have Ways Of Thinking They Just Can't Change With Physical Help Like Having Health Insurance In Order To Get Into Medication To Help With Mood Swings Health Issues Do Play A Massive Issue Into Relationship Issues As Well.
I thought I was the only one that had this outlook on Trust… this is the reason my first relationship ended. So I’m also making this my “North Star” 🙏🏽
Not just for love relationships, Matthews advice works everywhere. Appreciate how listening to him talk makes me introspect how the human mind works, how to lead a better life :) Thankyou Matthew!
Hearing this one kind of hurt because I am the one that was left because of my behaviors. I wasn’t abusive or anything like that, I just had a few too many bad times involving alcohol and the last time was the straw that broke the camels back. It’s been a little over 2 months since the end of a 3 year relationship and living togetherness and I’m really struggling. It was a very difficult decision for her as she did not simply stop loving me, but felt she needed to leave for her own well being. I miss my partner and best friend. All I have been hoping for is that she still cares about me
Hope things work out for you ,you taking responsibility for your part , I admire you for that ,stay strong things has a way of working out for the best
My perspective about my pain especially emotional pain and frustration has totally changed now, I got liked a girl a lot and when she ignored and rejected I felt hell. But I now think that was just a little pain but it made me stronger and realize that not be at the mercy of emotions and how we feel. I now have a bigger picture for myself I want to earn money support my family and buy car and travel around the world. Great respect to you Matthew from India.
Matthew magically matches with my energy. I was previousy watching an insta post he made over heartbreak. And now, a new video is out. I could not expect better ❤🧿
This video honestly speaks to me so deeply right now... my mindset when it comes to this break-up I initiated a couple months ago has been too up and down, like I can't make up my mind on how to see the situation. When it first happened, I was too hopped up on the negatives... belief is a funny thing. Trying to see the positives without any sort of backhanded or undermining comment from my damaged psyche is difficult. Thank you for vocalizing what I've been struggling to piece together in my own mind. ❤
I can totally relate to this. But I chose to choose myself....Break up sucks..but I've been happier being out of it.
Why must the solution to heartbreak after a relationship be the prospect of another relationship? Sleep around. Or how about don't date anyone at all, and just enjoy your own company? Stop thinking relationships are the be all end all to happy living.
Do we ever find a perfect partner for us?
I feel I've always fallen in love with someone who doesn't value me nd choose me over anything...I took chance with my heart with this nice guy who pampered me nd made me feel loved again... brought me out of depression nd now 2 years later... he's the reason for my depression...worst heartbreak I've ever had...Heart literally aches...
I'll never be able to love again...
These videos help me when I listen to them nd for a day or two after that nd thereafter I'm back again with my broken heart that aches like hell...
How can someone again fall in love?
Be sure that Yes he's the one...
He's the one who'll choose me always...
Stick with me thru all thick nd thin..
Fight for love...nd love me as much I do
Curiosity is an experiment. Look for the good. You’ve got to love this. My new quote of the day. Thanks.
Its been 8 months and i still think about him every day. I just want to forget him forever
1.5 years… same here… everyday. Don’t want to forget though, I thought we had a good thing. He thought otherwise I guess 🤷🏻♀️
The truth is that no one deserves you more than yourself, no matter the experience you had with someone if that person didn't feel same you don't have to put your mind in it.... We are a product of our mind, if you allow yourself to dwell in the past it will hurt you. Learning to let go of the past and believing that the future has better things is wisdom let's get along if you don't mind
7 months here... it's so frustrating!! 😭😭
Guess what. You are always gonna think about that person for years, or even your whole life. "Getting over" is not about forgetting the person, is about those memories don't affect us the way it does currently (I'm going through a break up, this is my 4th week, and it is the hardest one I have ever experienced).
What I'm doing, I know everybody tell you this, is to focus on yourself, working out, hikking, travelling a pla e you never been before, learn piano, surfing, or w/e you ve never tried in your life. It's been hard, I do drawn on my thoughts when I have to focus on work and my degree (stress) but I noticed that this week at least, I didn't have the necessity to cry at least, meaning I'm healing.
Anyway, if you focus on the memories thinking that you are getting over him, you will feel frustrated, you are always going to think about that person from time to time. Also, don't be afraid to ask for professional help. It is helping with my situation. Hope you feel better. I'm sending you all 3 a hug from a random person who is going through the same (it hurts like hell).
@susananavarrete2801 you believe it was a good thing, but the reality tells you that it really wasn't. Your thoughts should go around thst fact to start letting go.
After being hurt multiple times it is so difficult to look at people positively. In the back of your mind you're still wondering, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Yes💯 Say it out once, observe, be ready to let go. Max three chances
So hurts, but we need to move on. He didn't deserve real love anyway🥺😢 thanks Mr. Hussey
Your timing is impeccable 🧡
I want nothing to do with my ex but I'll always care for her. Hell I still love every girl I have ever loved going back to the 4th grade. That connection doesn't just break or turn off because things run their course. Never go back though, although it is wild how hooking up with an ex can bring you right back to dormant emotions.
Absolutely Matthew, that aspiration is so useful to open up to so many other people. Your advise always so useful thanks 🙏 ♥️and currently going through this and i just want to focus on myself and my goals . ♥️🙌🏽
Thank you Matthew.
Im very devastated when my 8years relationship over. He broke up with me, blocked my number, social media, etc. I cried for almost 2 weeks now. I know that the way he handled every problem was not the things that i wanted from a relationship. He never said sorry, ever. I kept compromised his attitude over and over again. Even my close friend said that its a red flag. Listening to this, makes me feel i have my own values for relationship, and i just need to find someone who understand that.
Like My Ex For Example Her Mom Allowed Her To Get Hurt On Certain Levels By Her Step Dad Just For A Place To Live There For She Feared Her Mom And Allowed Her Mom To Wreck Our Relationship And Not Allowed Us To Grow. So Now I Am Stuck With $1,000's Of Debt Because Of It.
I don't even respect him anymore but still love him and it is frustrating.i know I can't go back there but want too. It's ridiculous fighting with myself
What's the use of no contact ? If a person have to stay away from you for so long in other to know your worth, whats going to happen when he stays with you everyday in marriage? While suicide is like a permanent solution for a temporal problem in life, games are like temporal solution for a permanent problem in our love life . You should feel relaxed and safe , not all this exhausting tactics and play. It is so heavy, gonna weigh you down like lead
I feel so different inside since being discarded .. Just cant get over how the woman I loved flipped very quickly and turned ice cold .. dumped me by text after a 4 yr relationship.. and didn’t want to discuss or work at it
That’s really really bad bro and very Shocking!
It helps when the other person stops talking with you.
We can’t remain friends with someone we must let go , lust and trust on a level that goes no where.
I agree with this to a certain extent. But I think trust should and will take time. I don’t think it’s productive to go into a relationship trusting someone wholeheartedly because that’s how people get hurt. Do someone’s actions match their words? Does our intuition tell us that we can be safe around this person? I think continually seeing the best in someone is sometimes what keeps someone in an abusive relationship.
I do however agree that having some level of trust is important to building connection and that’s where I need to improve.
My intuition has never failed me yet. When I get to know someone, I can read through all the BS and know they are lying without any proof. It’s a gift and a curse because I seem to attract all the wrong women. When my gut feeling is telling me something is wrong, there is definitely something wrong. I’m so sick of dating liars and shady women
Amazing content you always share practical knowledge that is very necessary to be happy.
Thanks brother.
Love from INDIA.
Such clarity - thanks for these videos. XO
Thank you, you have confirmed and made clearer what I've been thinking for a while ❤
My partner left me after 18 years when I got diagnosed with breast cancer, and today he walked past me with a new girl friend. He lives two doors away. I'd of expected him to have more respect than parading her around.
Thanks so much for all your help. You are a wise person and have helped me immensely.
Thank you and thank you again. ❤
THE BEST wake up call ever! ⭐️
This is nonsense. Have you ever been with a narcissistic person that would manipulate you? They take take take and they do it sometimes covertly. Some people are terrible. And you cannot expect the best for them to manifest.
Logically thinking without emotion I would never date my ex again or anyone like him remotely, but attachments are a total bitch LOL. I didn’t care nor love myself at all, hence why I even entertained such an abusive person wholeheartedly. They say we accept what we did in childhood…well thank god for therapy because I will NEVER date a man who lays a hand on me or has such frightening anger issues and lack of empathy or effort again. Wasn’t as bad as my childhood but was escalating badly by the day. Should have left over a year ago but I really did love him with every fiber of my being and gave up everything to make him feel comfortable and happy…lost myself entirely. Now working on me harder than ever. So hard though. I don’t know why or how I still miss him this painfully after all of the hurt. Some days are easier than others, surely.
Damn where was this in my last relationship????? It explains so much that I was doing wrong…….. but she is gone….. have to let her go and use what I learn for the right relationship for me……. Also striving to be the best man for me that I can be!!!
I am not upset or mad any more because I'm moving on and I am so happy because I met somebody at the beach and he is really nice and we went for a walk and talk about himself and his family and our relationship and he ask me the same questions.
Thanks Matt....the clear way you tell us stuff really helps
I spent years trying to build a deep connection with my other half. She wanted a functional, formal relationship. I tried to meet her halfway but she wasn't interested in anything other than formality. We separated a few weeks ago and I'm crushed.
Chin up...get fit, build your frame, make yourself the best version of yourself and don't rely on anyone else to make you happy
@@rogerward3390 I'm trying bro but really scared about the future
I tried so hard
Bro your case is much better, with mine i thought i was going mad...she does all sorts of evil things to me, she finds fault in everything i do, she wrongs me but finds à way to blame me for it, insults me, curses me, threatens how i wont find à better job and live à good life without her, says how something bad is gonna happen to me...says she regrets having kids with me... ..then the next morning she is on her knees begging for forgiveness....she has been doing this to me for so many times...i always wanted to walk out but was worried about my children....for 6yrs bro....i walked out last month and i am not going back to that crazy woman....she calls everytime that she wants me back, you like wtf ! i was your problem now am gone you want me back....I almost thought i was going mad
What does it mean when a guy says that “I don’t know what I want and uses this as an excuse to break up”? Is it possible that a guy can be consistent for like a year and suddenly after a small fight decides to call off the relationship? Can a lonely guy use a girl just for the company or just to get away with loneliness for that long ? How to spot red flags in a situation like this?
My perfect boyfriend of 2 years finished his bachelor's degree, founded his own company, found a new part time job to support his way to being self employed, bought an apartment with the help of his parents........ And BROKE UP WITH ME WITHIN A DAY 😂😂 the reason? He doesn't know. He is unhappy and doesn't want any responsibility towards me, my dogs, potential future children... He was consistent for TWOOOO YEARS. 😂😂😂😂
Quit from such relationships and have self-respect of not looking back and in future don't give him even a single chance to play any game with you. Just leave 😊
@@JaZmine147 how do you feel now?
@@olgacherkasova3522 You're so kind for asking, Olga. Thank you. I'm doing well. I gave myself time to process and grief the potential future I could have had with him. Then I focused on myself. Went more consistent to the gym, told my boss at work to give me different responsibilities (not quite a promotion but almost), I focused on my university (I started a 2nd bachelor's degree at 29 years old and am still in the process of completing it), I renovated my apartment a little bit here and there. To sum it up... I kept myself busy and tried to focus on myself and my goals. My ex wanted us to remain friendly but I told him I need time to heal with no contact. I realized at the end how immature he really was (he is 5 years younger than me) and I forgave him for not knowing in his 20ies what he really wants in life. Sometimes people can't evaluate their feelings and behaviors so they can't give us a definite answer why they left the relationship. All you can do it accept they don't want to participate in a life together - no matter the reason - and move on.
@@JaZmine147 wow. Yeah, I understand. How much time did you give yourself to grieve? It's exactly a week since we broke up and... Yeah, still feel shitty ngl... Although I started the conversation in the moment, saying that I'm ready to work he was the one telling he needs to be alone at this stage of life and he isn't ready for a relationship... And it's vice versa, I'm the 6 years younger one... So yeah... Just have no energy to do things the only pleasure I have now is sleeping, because that's the only moment I'm not worried about anything... About him :(
Glad it worked out for you in the end and you got your life together!
Thank you Matthew I needed to see this video ❤️
My ex fiance broke up with me in January but we still see each other pretty much every week.. It hurts but I'm having a hard time cutting it off. He's one the closest people in my life. I'm crushed. He's also dating again.
@@reneesimmons1890 idk how, its hard. he wants to be friends
@@jessah3947 you need to go no contact immediately. He is only doing this to keep you stringing in. He is dating? Mine did the same thing giving me mixed messages. You need to value love yourself I know it’s so hard! He is so selfish to do this to you, if I can save one girl from the two years of hell I went through I will. We were engaged 4 years
@Renee Simmons we were together for six years and engaged for half a year. what's the point of stringing me along at this point
@@jessah3947 it’s hurting your self worth he does not deserve you in his life if you want him back and he knows this!
@@jessah3947 I agree with Renee :( im so sorry jess. It was so hard for me to cut off contact too. It feels devaluing when they string you along and especially if he has a new person already. Matthew once said to not cheapen yourself and what you also had with that person, by letting them get their fix that its either all or nothing. I am one week into my break up and I deleted him off all socials, got rid of my social apps on my phone in the process. I literally only have TH-cam and TikTok, video social media. I can say its been so helpful. It is absolutely nooo contact and getting rid of any of his access to me so that when I return it will be when I am pretty much healed and its just a plus for them to understand the consequences of their choice. I promise you no contact will be the best thing for you. Don't let him not let you value yourself, do not betray yourself. Like Renee, I am also behind you. We can do this.
It was an amazing perspective that you show us, it gives me a new lens to understand what I truly want.
My name is Leslie from NY. Your content has helped me tremendously to understand relationships & behavior. I recently left a 14yr relationship/6yr marriage. Can you please explain gaslighting & cheating? I left my husband because his behavior was off…wasn’t communicating..constantly crying..claiming he was depressed. He denied there was someone else every time I confronted him to only find out after he was having an affair & has continued that relationship..still denying it..still calling me his soulmate. I dont know which version of him to grief & process of this person.PLEASE HELP
Lol my ex did this
You did the right thing. You didnt deserve what he did to you. His sadness and crying is something he has to deal with on his own. You reap what you sow. He will see and experience the gravity of his actions when you find the right person for yourself. Keep your chin up high and dont look back to people like him. Cause once they get away with something like that, they're likely to do it again- and that is very damaging to the other partner involved.
@@TheJesusAlejandra No crying allowed!
You don't want her back, you want how she made you feel back.
Thank you so much. Your advice has been more helpful to me than anyone else’s
Thanks for all the helpful videos Matthew!
This hurts because I think this is what my partner felt about me before they split with me. I would give anything to show them that I am not the person I was when we split up. Now I’m stuck here alone missing them so deeply. Knowing they are curious about moving on. Improving their life and getting fit.
I messed up and now I bitterly miss them so much. My blindness got the better of me and now I’m experiencing the effects. I’ll love her forever and now it seems she’ll never be with the fully realised me.
It's not that easy after a breakup not even easy to move on cause your mind is just gonna stress you .
Thank u, I love you Matthew, u always make me feel better!
This is BRILLIANT!!! Thank you!!
Year and a half since my ex cheated and walked out on me. I cannot get over him, I just want him to come home. Wish I could forget him for good. He was so toxic, a full blown narcissist
I am sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time. I too had been cheated on in my previous relationship. In addition to this there were many issues that drove us apart and ultimately ended the relationship (it turned very toxic). After the break up I have taken 2 years to get to know myself and learn self love. This journey has paid off because now I am in a new relationship and I am able to let my partner know about the difficulties I face, which we both can work through them together. The best advice I can give you is to take some time to focus on you. Get to know yourself, learn how to love yourself, and develop self awareness. It will help you out in the long run. You are an amazing person and I hope that you will take the necessary steps to find just how amazing you are. I wish you the best of luck to you.
@@brainybunny13 thank you so so much ❤️
@@Mandycapetown you are very welcome. I am glad I was able to help and pass on my knowledge to you. Although it will be tough at first you are embarking on an amazing journey. Years from now you will be glad that you taken the time to focus on you.
@@Mandycapetown a few harsh facts, he doesn't care about you and you need to move tf on
....hard truths but truth all the same
Using the term cold turkey is one I haven’t heard in relationship advice. I know cold turkey as a smoker, an addict, alcoholic, ect… so for me that worked explaining.
Women, if you are loyal, faithful, and truthful, please comment down below because I’m losing hope. Every woman I meet either flirts with other guys, entertains them through texts/social media, lies about things with other men. It’s exhausting. I give 100% in my relationships and I don’t even look at other women because I just want the one I have. Sometimes I think I’m too loyal and good hearted for these modern times.
Found out I was pregnant, he went on vacation, waited him to come back cuz I didn't want to ruin his vacation, the exact same day I took pregnancy test and it was positive that's when I found out he was meeting other girl on his vacation, he was ignoring me, I called him out he decided to break up, called me crazy, I had abortion, I had surgery, I had trauma with almost the same issues and now I'm going through it again. It's been a month and I'm stuck. I can't seem to find a reason to continue living when I found out he already meeting someone new. He didn't see me when he knows I was pregnant. I felt like I was thrown away like a trash. I went to therapy and diagnosed with depression and he called me sick person for calling him out on his behavior. And I feel like I just want to give up, I can't keep continue feeling like this and I'm stuck
I wish this came out months ago when I needed it
I love this. Thank you Matthew!
This video is so spot on💗
Matthew, you say if you go looking for things then you will always find something but that’s not something I can be ok with. Why can people just be loyal, faithful, and truthful in a relationship? I never give my partner anything to be jealous or insecure about so it’s possible but it’s extremely hard to find someone as loyal as I am.
I don't know but I think the topic of this video should've been "how to see better in people" or "how to believe in good" or anything sort of, and I love that of course, just didn't answer so how to get over your ex, especially if the ex wasn't that bad, but we both weren't for each other, maybe actually it was me who was more toxic. We broke up, and my soul is broken to thousand peaces.
I feel guilty that I trusted him anymore over again
What is I was the only one to believe in him and trust him but the whole time he is supporting his ex emotionally behind my back and whole lot more. I feel when I follow my intuition people always show their true colors. Devastated.
Excellent video by Matthew once again - this is such an important topic to talk about in relationships! What do people watching this find the most important advice or information Matthew gives on this video?
Because of long distance, i didnt realize my ex was having another relationship for two years. Propose both of us to get married.
Not only broke me, he broke another girl as well.
My 10 years relationship ended. It was 6 months ago. And I'm still trying to move on. One step at a time. It is so hard
Omg... hope everything is goin better... i just broke up month ago and still feel the pain as it was day one.. it was 4 yrs relationship, and you said yours were 10 yrs.. 😢
Good stuff bc I have the same problem you had or have worked on
I just want my man back I feel so sad