What's fascinating is we get attracted to narcissists even before they start showing the narcissistic traits. It's like the signature is in their auric fields, like a glowing sign of "LOVE HERE" because of childhood programming - when it fact it actually means "NO love here."
Thank you Ross... Life saving advice for those suffering... And for those in pain and not even realizing the destructive road they are on! I think a lot of relationships have some elements of this behavior!
Such a good interview and always good to refresh our memory of these trues. Setting boundaries and what to expect is empowering and true that we lose 75% of those who we thought were friends. Painful yes, but gaining a life of peace is worth it. Thank you again Ross.
Well it’s a real thing - it’s called love addiction- & also SLAA sex & love addiction, I went for a couple years & it helped me to understand my bipolar narcissistic boyfriend. He didn’t have boundaries AT ALL not even when I was in treatment!! I finally got more help & broke up with him & he took his own life 2 months later He could’ve done it any time throughout the three years that we were together off and on - but decided to give up. It’s sad - no matter what I wouldn’t want this for anyone even if they do treat you bad sometimes 😢
15:25 Hit home for me. I am in recovery and looking for ways to change less healthy habits for more healthy habits. Heard it a thousand times but maybe I am ready to hear it. My daughter is watching too many videos, she is not liking school at the moment, videos are the escape. My son's escape was computer games. I have recently taken up walking whilst listening to podcasts and audiobooks of various counsellors and therapists. I feel I am becoming addicted to it, it is so satisfying!
Excellent short (26 minutes) explanation to problems that could change our lives and those who we are sorrounded with. I believe that if we get to stage 8, self love abundancy will be unstoppable even with diseases or death which by the way are natural, that we'll realize when we arrive to that stage.
😳😩 I’m s total caregiver.. I do that for a living.. and all my life I have attracted narcissists and psychopaths. I am so lonely.. I hate being alone. I just want someone to love me like I love everyone else. Am I asking for too much? Why can’t I find that kind of love?
Debra Anchante , I am also a caregiver , and have been all of my life ! I also attracted these types of people . Never feel that I've had love in return .
I did realiased I was at fault first after my third abusive relationship. After the first one, I didn't even know what a narcissist was. And the second time I met a man that was so totally different in personality (and even the abuse later on since the first one was physical, the second psychological and emotional) I couldn't imagine I would end up in a abusive relationship again. And I did not even know I was abused during the first years. It was later when I found out he had been cheating and lying throughout our whole marriage. And that's when years of emotional suffering started. The third time I do beat myself up for. Because I knew something was of from start. And I knew I didn't really want to be with him. But You described it very well in one of your videos, it was as if I was hypnotised. He did offer alot of help, and "understanding" and I was in desperat need of it then. But I was not myself. Wich I told him. And I never even became myself throughout our relationship. But it was something, just as you call it, like a magnet drawing me to him. I did have a rush of "being in love" for a time. But I knew it would go away. And I don't remember even through that time, I was reallh attracted to him physically. He was certainly not my type in apparence. Not even his personality. But when ever he touched me, and it did not have to be sexually, it was like something magical, I promise. It was something with his touch. Now I wondered if it was some kind of selfhate that pushed me into that relationship. Worst of all the abuse I ever lived through. The first time I encountered real gaslightening and vendictic acts against me, although not straight forward physical. I do love this terminology you are using. It is so accurate.
Absolutely amazing explanation. I'm amazed with the observe don't absorb technique and the fact that settings boundaries doesn't work with pwBPD, and that explanations its a complete loss of time. I got exhausted of hours of hours of explanations and deliberations with my wife for tiny and sometimes ilogical "problems". It was a lost battle from the beginning, I'm divorcing now.
I have made many mistakes, I hold myself accountable for my wrongs and I am determined to recover from my self loathing I am not a good person but I strive everyday to better than I am.
I know I am an incredible woman, loving, nurturing, intelligent, healthy, high quality. If I was a man, I would want a woman like me in my arms. But this didn't happen. I was dumped in the end after a 20 year relationship. I still cry myself to sleep about twice a week. I haven't let any other men use me for sex as I know I deserve better. But I still feel such aching loneliness. I still yearn for a man to love me and to be protective of me, along with all of those other masculine traits. Is my desire to be loved actually a sign of weakness? I have heard all sorts of things which tell me "queens are perfectly satisfied being single", but I don't feel that way at all
Thank you ☺️......I do think the sld needs to know how to spot a narcissist and other predators - I’m going through the painful withdrawals of 2 narcissistic female friendships - a silver lining of the quarantine
The 75 - 80% of narcissists (and their enablers) was spot on for me. It is painful BUT the alternative is not sustainable. Once you get to a certain point in healing from abuse, you reach a point of no return, where loss of "relationships" (not real relationships if not mutual and reasonably healthy) becomes less painful than allowing the abuse.
I was really touched by this last sentence from Ross book. I've had this feeling that I was done! This last narcissist has destroyed so much in my life. Close relations with family, my social life with friends, my finances, my career, property of mine, even my interestd hobbies and dreams. And the even the thought of ever be in a relationship again was the most far fetched of all (and my feelings are not in for a relationship anyway) I have kind of even been thinking that, this is my punishment, for going in to this last relationship. My hope has been gone. My biggest issue has been the isolation. During my other rekationship they revealed themself at last. But this person has allready manipulated the Police and other authorities. And no one has realky been listening to me or taken me serious. He is doing everything he can to destroy my life, but no one can really believe that a person would do that, just to take revange on an ex partner. And at least not for two years. He told the Police I was paranoid, referring to two occasions when I was at the psychiatric ward. Both time he compelled me. The first time as a "scam" to get money (I agreed, because we were desparate without money, but it did not work out wich I am glad for now) the second time after a friend of mine died. It played him right into his hands. The Police believed him when he said I was paranoid and suicidal. And I just gave up after that. He did send me an email after taunting me to go to the Police. I think it amused him.
Thank you once again Ross for the insightful information. I didn't know your definition of codependency. All the different definitions have really confused me. I have worked hard on my recovery through Alanon, but the knowledge I have gleaned from you is the absolute icing on the cake...
What causes the pathological loneliness? The fact u were ignored by your caregiver ? I for sure am sld... and have been with a covert narcissist for 40 f in years....year and a half awake...and I'm a mess....still with her...as a young person felt lonely...and when I met the narc. ...kinda cool and very weird...man a narc plays with your mind....wow being awake is painful
mreloo i feel the pain in your words. Hang in there and seek help. As you know, there are several very good channels on YT with great resources to aid in your recovery. It’s been 5 months awake for me and I’m here now planning my exit. All the best to you.
Thee "SLD" is getting her needs meet, in the drama triangle, of being a rescuer, called codependent, she is anxious, and feels needed, and so, doesn't want the narc to heal.
Lots of good points here. However, there can be many reasons why people stay in these problematic relationships. Maybe from the outside, it looks like they just don't have enough self-love or self-respect, but there can be complex factors in play. Maybe the "co-dependent" is financially dependent, or has a medical problem and is care-dependent, or their culture frowns on divorce, or trying to leave the partner could expose them to greater physical, emotional or financial abuse, or loss of time with their children in a custody battle. Of course self-love is absolutely worth cultivating, but sometimes people find themselves in tough situations, and are picking the perceived lesser of two evils for the time being.
I cannot find your book named codependency or the other title self love deficit.....? I mean it's not available on Audible. The Human Magnet is along with other titles. All this talk about self love and I can't seem to find any content on how this is achieved or worked on. Only how we are deficient in love and need it. Very interested in an audio book helping with the process if I could ever find one. If Anyone has a recommendation I would very much appreciate it.
Hello Dr.Rosenberg, thank you for all of your life changing content! How often do opposite codp end up together? I feel I just went through this, I do not see her as high on the NDP side of the spectrum. Maybe I'm just in denial 😂
Hey ross, is it possible to be with someone who is also a codependent? I have been dating a girl and she is very co-dependent always asking me what I need or trying to take care of me before I ever ask for anything, she is so selfless, she is exactly like my mother. My dad was a full blow abusive narcissist and my mom is very co-dependent. I grew up with a lot of toxic shame but I have gone to therapy and did more work so I feel I am moving on more of the healthier spectrum. My girlfriend calls me selfish and self-centered sometimes when I express my needs to her, but that's what I learned through therapy was to put myself first. The thing with her is she won't let anyone do anything for her, she felt bad that I bought her a $2 candy bar lol. She is a co-dependent, but also says she was diagnosed BPD, so it's a weird mix she also has an eating disorder. We both talk about having this special connection and now I know what you mean it was this magnetic feel. She is mostly an awesome fun loving person but se isn't getting the help she needs and it's hurting us. Most recently she doesn't' want to have sex because she thinks she is ugly and she so depressed she has no sex drive. And she calls me selfish for pushing sex on her, what should I do?
The more I learn about narcissists and sldd,I am trying to relate it to the fact that I was premature and spent the first three months of my life in an incubator. but I have never seen or heard this mentioned in any videos or books that I've read.
@@humblewonder3260 self love deficiency (and narcissism for that matter) develops from childhood trauma. Obviously spending your first 3 months in an incubator is traumatizing for a child.
Oh! You're talking about protection 😂 I'm interested in helping self identified narcs, in whatever way, to change, and become healed from their trauma. Lol. Yes, so many of my clients are victims, I treat them the same. Responsibility, freedom, meaning, death, anxiety....
Question, I'd like to know how to help someone see that they're Sldd and that they're with a narcissist? It's a dear friend of mine but i don't know how to steer her to facing the issue/ seeking help.
He may have used slightly different terminology and it's the typical cliche of psychodynamic approach, love yourself... Nuturing parent for yourself in order to integrate your inner child. Integration. Most psychologists make up new models to use different jargon for the same approach of the trauma informed way. It's all synthesis, or integration. The best ppl will be Nancy Williams and Kernburg and Kohut.
I confronted a guy today, he said he's fine! At least I managed three sessions. My therapist managed 700 sessions with me, I'm a Counsellor, I'm slowly getting better and more relational. Emotion focused is the key.
I’ve only recently learnt that I fall under the SLD spectrum and I am in a relationship. I’ve been aware of narcissism since I figured out that my ex was one and I got out, but I didn’t see codependency as the reason, I saw that he just knew I was extremely vulnerable (no parents etc) and had empathy……. Excessive giving which I now see as codependency HAHA BUT my point is, that I am in a relationship and I actually struggled at the start because it wasn’t as intense as what one would be with a narcissist because of the dynamic etc. I don’t believe my current partner is narcissistic, infact my current partner has allowed me to feel safe enough to look within to figure out what is essentially ‘wrong’ with me and why I am the way I am. Does this mean that he would be in some way narcissistic? Because I don’t see it, I’m too hyper aware / paranoid and that in itself is causing problems which I’m trying to solve. BUT are you saying that because I have SLD that I would have to be in a relationship with a Narcissist for me to be okay with it? And maybe he’s just extremely good at covering it????? I don’t know, narcissistic abuse makes you feel like you can’t trust yourself, but since learning about codependency now I’m not sure if I can trust my judgement???? But I also don’t want to be paranoid over something that is not true.
I really think I'm an SLD.. But when I look back on my relationships (serious ones), they were not with narcissists.. Is there something I'm missing? In fact I was more of the dominant person (from the outside looking in) in those relationships (between ages 16-23) but I was very dependent on them My Dad is a traumatised autistic and one of my brothers is a narcissist so I know that I've suffered narcissistic abuse.. But being the truth teller with also aspie symptoms in my family made me seek relationships with men who were not like my Father, who were quiet, who I depended on fully and "loved too much" and they really admired me and we would do mostly what I wanted to do. Then something changed after my ex-fiance
Unfortunately, we cannot recommend a specific therapist. When looking for a therapist, Ross suggests to search for someone familiar and experienced with addictions, trauma, family systems, CBT, and has a psychodynamic theory and technique. Hope this helps.
Is it helping that RR describes the psychodynamic approach in his own lingo? Are approaches better with jargon? Or is the best predictor of positive client outcome based on the relationship with the therapist??? Actually! It's based on the rapport!!! Totally REGARDLESS OF APPROACH!!! 😉
Because I like logic. Narcissists hate themselves, right? And hate is the opposite of love, don't you agree? So why do you specifically blame survivors of narcissistic abuse for not loving themselves? Furthermore, if an empath is an energy donor, where does he get his energy from if he doesn't supposedly love himself? Huh? So, isn't this a proof that an empath loves himself, life, and the world? Will the parasite, the energy vampire, choose the one who has a lot of life energy, radiates love and happiness? Will a narcissist choose someone who doesn't love themselves and is depressed with no energy?
Welcome to the channel. There is a video that will be very helpful: th-cam.com/video/uAFMLiMBrTY/w-d-xo.html and Ross's video seminar: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/healing-the-inner-trauma-child
I don't see any narcissistic tendencies in the people that I am drawn to. I am just drawn to everyone that appears to love me unconditionally. They in no way take advantage of me, or disrespect me, or appear to be self-centered. They simply love me the way I am and that feels like my drug.
What's fascinating is we get attracted to narcissists even before they start showing the narcissistic traits. It's like the signature is in their auric fields, like a glowing sign of "LOVE HERE" because of childhood programming - when it fact it actually means "NO love here."
Thank you Ross... Life saving advice for those suffering... And for those in pain and not even realizing the destructive road they are on! I think a lot of relationships have some elements of this behavior!
You are welcome Anne-Marie!
You are a Good Man thank you 🙏❤️ we need to self love without self sacrifice ! ! ! !
Such a good interview and always good to refresh our memory of these trues. Setting boundaries and what to expect is empowering and true that we lose 75% of those who we thought were friends. Painful yes, but gaining a life of peace is worth it. Thank you again Ross.
So ready to move on with my life and leave the past behind .
OMG. I have said for years I was addicted to someone and that I need a 12 step program to get out/ over this relationship.
Well it’s a real thing - it’s called love addiction- & also SLAA sex & love addiction, I went for a couple years & it helped me to understand my bipolar narcissistic boyfriend. He didn’t have boundaries AT ALL not even when I was in treatment!! I finally got more help & broke up with him & he took his own life 2 months later
He could’ve done it any time throughout the three years that we were together off and on - but decided to give up. It’s sad - no matter what I wouldn’t want this for anyone even if they do treat you bad sometimes 😢
15:25 Hit home for me. I am in recovery and looking for ways to change less healthy habits for more healthy habits. Heard it a thousand times but maybe I am ready to hear it. My daughter is watching too many videos, she is not liking school at the moment, videos are the escape. My son's escape was computer games. I have recently taken up walking whilst listening to podcasts and audiobooks of various counsellors and therapists. I feel I am becoming addicted to it, it is so satisfying!
It's perfect word self love deficiency. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
This describes me. Thank u for discovering this huge advancement in mental health.
Excellent short (26 minutes) explanation to problems that could change our lives and those who we are sorrounded with. I believe that if we get to stage 8, self love abundancy will be unstoppable even with diseases or death which by the way are natural, that we'll realize when we arrive to that stage.
Wow .. love your ending ... I am now with a trauma specialist now ... can't wait to be a wholesome person
Thanks for sharing Jackie. Keep up the good work!
😳😩 I’m s total caregiver.. I do that for a living.. and all my life I have attracted narcissists and psychopaths. I am so lonely.. I hate being alone. I just want someone to love me like I love everyone else. Am I asking for too much? Why can’t I find that kind of love?
Debra Anchante , I am also a caregiver , and have been all of my life ! I also attracted these types of people . Never feel that I've had love in return .
Melinda Pelham why does it have to be that way?
Omg totally me as Well ... And so broken that i find myself affraid i have become a narcissist myself 😭😭
Me too Debra. It’s awful. But recognizing it is a start and hopefully we’ll both be a path to healing. No more suffering.
just throwing some points in here for you. what about your standards? boundaries? self-worth? beliefs?
OMG!..."self love deficient people are other focused, and narcissitic are self focused."
I did realiased I was at fault first after my third abusive relationship. After the first one, I didn't even know what a narcissist was. And the second time I met a man that was so totally different in personality (and even the abuse later on since the first one was physical, the second psychological and emotional) I couldn't imagine I would end up in a abusive relationship again. And I did not even know I was abused during the first years. It was later when I found out he had been cheating and lying throughout our whole marriage. And that's when years of emotional suffering started. The third time I do beat myself up for. Because I knew something was of from start. And I knew I didn't really want to be with him. But You described it very well in one of your videos, it was as if I was hypnotised. He did offer alot of help, and "understanding" and I was in desperat need of it then. But I was not myself. Wich I told him. And I never even became myself throughout our relationship. But it was something, just as you call it, like a magnet drawing me to him. I did have a rush of "being in love" for a time. But I knew it would go away. And I don't remember even through that time, I was reallh attracted to him physically. He was certainly not my type in apparence. Not even his personality. But when ever he touched me, and it did not have to be sexually, it was like something magical, I promise. It was something with his touch. Now I wondered if it was some kind of selfhate that pushed me into that relationship. Worst of all the abuse I ever lived through. The first time I encountered real gaslightening and vendictic acts against me, although not straight forward physical. I do love this terminology you are using. It is so accurate.
Ross, this could very well be the best video that summarizes your beliefs and incredible work.
Glad you think so. Thank you. 🙏
Love that in your face definition. It really makes me see the truth. Thanks. Also, I just love ur choice of glasses!!
Absolutely amazing explanation. I'm amazed with the observe don't absorb technique and the fact that settings boundaries doesn't work with pwBPD, and that explanations its a complete loss of time. I got exhausted of hours of hours of explanations and deliberations with my wife for tiny and sometimes ilogical "problems". It was a lost battle from the beginning, I'm divorcing now.
I have made many mistakes, I hold myself accountable for my wrongs and I am determined to recover from my self loathing I am not a good person but I strive everyday to better than I am.
This guy is awesome! Very insightful, especially in my situation.
Thank you Timothy. Glad it was helpful!
I know I am an incredible woman, loving, nurturing, intelligent, healthy, high quality. If I was a man, I would want a woman like me in my arms.
But this didn't happen. I was dumped in the end after a 20 year relationship.
I still cry myself to sleep about twice a week. I haven't let any other men use me for sex as I know I deserve better.
But I still feel such aching loneliness. I still yearn for a man to love me and to be protective of me, along with all of those other masculine traits.
Is my desire to be loved actually a sign of weakness? I have heard all sorts of things which tell me "queens are perfectly satisfied being single", but I don't feel that way at all
Thank you ☺️......I do think the sld needs to know how to spot a narcissist and other predators - I’m going through the painful withdrawals of 2 narcissistic female friendships - a silver lining of the quarantine
The amazing Ross Rosenberg 💯💯💯
The 75 - 80% of narcissists (and their enablers) was spot on for me. It is painful BUT the alternative is not sustainable. Once you get to a certain point in healing from abuse, you reach a point of no return, where loss of "relationships" (not real relationships if not mutual and reasonably healthy) becomes less painful than allowing the abuse.
Hi Ross, I first found you on TH-cam in a older video with Lisa A Romano. I love this term Self Love Deficit Disorder, so right on. ❤️
Thank you for identifying what has been plaguing my life. I have been working on finding out .
thank you for the great work 🌹😭😭😭 you are a blessing
I was really touched by this last sentence from Ross book. I've had this feeling that I was done! This last narcissist has destroyed so much in my life. Close relations with family, my social life with friends, my finances, my career, property of mine, even my interestd hobbies and dreams. And the even the thought of ever be in a relationship again was the most far fetched of all (and my feelings are not in for a relationship anyway) I have kind of even been thinking that, this is my punishment, for going in to this last relationship. My hope has been gone. My biggest issue has been the isolation. During my other rekationship they revealed themself at last. But this person has allready manipulated the Police and other authorities. And no one has realky been listening to me or taken me serious. He is doing everything he can to destroy my life, but no one can really believe that a person would do that, just to take revange on an ex partner. And at least not for two years. He told the Police I was paranoid, referring to two occasions when I was at the psychiatric ward. Both time he compelled me. The first time as a "scam" to get money (I agreed, because we were desparate without money, but it did not work out wich I am glad for now) the second time after a friend of mine died. It played him right into his hands. The Police believed him when he said I was paranoid and suicidal. And I just gave up after that. He did send me an email after taunting me to go to the Police. I think it amused him.
Thank you once again Ross for the insightful information. I didn't know your definition of codependency. All the different definitions have really confused me. I have worked hard on my recovery through Alanon, but the knowledge I have gleaned from you is the absolute icing on the cake...
You are very welcome Rosalind
What causes the pathological loneliness? The fact u were ignored by your caregiver ? I for sure am sld... and have been with a covert narcissist for 40 f in years....year and a half awake...and I'm a mess....still with her...as a young person felt lonely...and when I met the narc. ...kinda cool and very weird...man a narc plays with your mind....wow being awake is painful
mreloo i feel the pain in your words. Hang in there and seek help. As you know, there are several very good channels on YT with great resources to aid in your recovery. It’s been 5 months awake for me and I’m here now planning my exit. All the best to you.
@@imperfectillustration6261 thank you..and same to you!
I wanna send this video to my sisters, my friends and even my dad (the sld, I won't because he would show it to mum).
Also I specialize in narc, they need relational skills and emotion focused therapy.
Victims need internal locus of control, or, confidence...
Thee "SLD" is getting her needs meet, in the drama triangle, of being a rescuer, called codependent, she is anxious, and feels needed, and so, doesn't want the narc to heal.
After 2 days no contact I felt like I couldn't breathe I felt like I was dying omg it was so hard
Lots of good points here. However, there can be many reasons why people stay in these problematic relationships. Maybe from the outside, it looks like they just don't have enough self-love or self-respect, but there can be complex factors in play. Maybe the "co-dependent" is financially dependent, or has a medical problem and is care-dependent, or their culture frowns on divorce, or trying to leave the partner could expose them to greater physical, emotional or financial abuse, or loss of time with their children in a custody battle.
Of course self-love is absolutely worth cultivating, but sometimes people find themselves in tough situations, and are picking the perceived lesser of two evils for the time being.
I cannot find your book named codependency or the other title self love deficit.....? I mean it's not available on Audible. The Human Magnet is along with other titles.
All this talk about self love and I can't seem to find any content on how this is achieved or worked on. Only how we are deficient in love and need it.
Very interested in an audio book helping with the process if I could ever find one.
If Anyone has a recommendation I would very much appreciate it.
Wow his smile is amazing!
Are the 5 categories 3:23 discussed here or elsewhere? I'm still watching
Hi Jennifer, this video may be helpful: th-cam.com/video/Dz6TBTvvAvE/w-d-xo.html. Thanks for watching!
Hello Dr.Rosenberg, thank you for all of your life changing content!
How often do opposite codp end up together? I feel I just went through this, I do not see her as high on the NDP side of the spectrum. Maybe I'm just in denial 😂
Ohhh I know I was addicted to my boyfriend- my drug was him
It’s love addiction 😢💔
Hey ross, is it possible to be with someone who is also a codependent? I have been dating a girl and she is very co-dependent always asking me what I need or trying to take care of me before I ever ask for anything, she is so selfless, she is exactly like my mother. My dad was a full blow abusive narcissist and my mom is very co-dependent. I grew up with a lot of toxic shame but I have gone to therapy and did more work so I feel I am moving on more of the healthier spectrum. My girlfriend calls me selfish and self-centered sometimes when I express my needs to her, but that's what I learned through therapy was to put myself first. The thing with her is she won't let anyone do anything for her, she felt bad that I bought her a $2 candy bar lol.
She is a co-dependent, but also says she was diagnosed BPD, so it's a weird mix she also has an eating disorder. We both talk about having this special connection and now I know what you mean it was this magnetic feel. She is mostly an awesome fun loving person but se isn't getting the help she needs and it's hurting us. Most recently she doesn't' want to have sex because she thinks she is ugly and she so depressed she has no sex drive. And she calls me selfish for pushing sex on her, what should I do?
Serious question. Is it possible to switch roles in the dance as you go from partner to partner? Kind of in a bipolar type of way?
The more I learn about narcissists and sldd,I am trying to relate it to the fact that I was premature and spent the first three months of my life in an incubator. but I have never seen or heard this mentioned in any videos or books that I've read.
What would that have to do with anything?
@@humblewonder3260 self love deficiency (and narcissism for that matter) develops from childhood trauma. Obviously spending your first 3 months in an incubator is traumatizing for a child.
Do you think a child who were bullied a lot can also develop SLDD? Also sexually abused children? Do they suffer SLDD?
Oh! You're talking about protection 😂
I'm interested in helping self identified narcs, in whatever way, to change, and become healed from their trauma. Lol. Yes, so many of my clients are victims, I treat them the same. Responsibility, freedom, meaning, death, anxiety....
Question, I'd like to know how to help someone see that they're Sldd and that they're with a narcissist? It's a dear friend of mine but i don't know how to steer her to facing the issue/ seeking help.
He may have used slightly different terminology and it's the typical cliche of psychodynamic approach, love yourself...
Nuturing parent for yourself in order to integrate your inner child. Integration.
Most psychologists make up new models to use different jargon for the same approach of the trauma informed way.
It's all synthesis, or integration.
The best ppl will be Nancy Williams and Kernburg and Kohut.
I confronted a guy today, he said he's fine! At least I managed three sessions. My therapist managed 700 sessions with me, I'm a Counsellor, I'm slowly getting better and more relational. Emotion focused is the key.
I’ve only recently learnt that I fall under the SLD spectrum and I am in a relationship. I’ve been aware of narcissism since I figured out that my ex was one and I got out, but I didn’t see codependency as the reason, I saw that he just knew I was extremely vulnerable (no parents etc) and had empathy……. Excessive giving which I now see as codependency HAHA BUT my point is, that I am in a relationship and I actually struggled at the start because it wasn’t as intense as what one would be with a narcissist because of the dynamic etc. I don’t believe my current partner is narcissistic, infact my current partner has allowed me to feel safe enough to look within to figure out what is essentially ‘wrong’ with me and why I am the way I am. Does this mean that he would be in some way narcissistic? Because I don’t see it, I’m too hyper aware / paranoid and that in itself is causing problems which I’m trying to solve. BUT are you saying that because I have SLD that I would have to be in a relationship with a Narcissist for me to be okay with it? And maybe he’s just extremely good at covering it????? I don’t know, narcissistic abuse makes you feel like you can’t trust yourself, but since learning about codependency now I’m not sure if I can trust my judgement???? But I also don’t want to be paranoid over something that is not true.
I really think I'm an SLD.. But when I look back on my relationships (serious ones), they were not with narcissists..
Is there something I'm missing? In fact I was more of the dominant person (from the outside looking in) in those relationships (between ages 16-23) but I was very dependent on them
My Dad is a traumatised autistic and one of my brothers is a narcissist so I know that I've suffered narcissistic abuse.. But being the truth teller with also aspie symptoms in my family made me seek relationships with men who were not like my Father, who were quiet, who I depended on fully and "loved too much" and they really admired me and we would do mostly what I wanted to do. Then something changed after my ex-fiance
Where are therapists in Nova Scotia??
Unfortunately, we cannot recommend a specific therapist. When looking for a therapist, Ross suggests to search for someone familiar and experienced with addictions, trauma, family systems, CBT, and has a psychodynamic theory and technique. Hope this helps.
Amazing insight
Glad you think so!
Is it helping that RR describes the psychodynamic approach in his own lingo? Are approaches better with jargon? Or is the best predictor of positive client outcome based on the relationship with the therapist???
Actually! It's based on the rapport!!!
Totally REGARDLESS OF APPROACH!!! 😉
Ive been destroyed by a breakup.. What will help? Hypnosis?
Maybe the answer is in the statement "how I love everyone else!" Do you do it on yourself first?
What do you mean by "when you set boundaries you will loose 75% of the friends?"
Hi Christin. This video may be helpful: th-cam.com/video/A_Vz8uEYmHY/w-d-xo.html
So what's it called when yur partner or yourself , starts to feel smothered, an pestered and naged? What's that called?
I'm watching you.
Thanks
I also have been harassed and stalked gangstalked to be exact any advice?
Because I like logic. Narcissists hate themselves, right? And hate is the opposite of love, don't you agree? So why do you specifically blame survivors of narcissistic abuse for not loving themselves? Furthermore, if an empath is an energy donor, where does he get his energy from if he doesn't supposedly love himself? Huh? So, isn't this a proof that an empath loves himself, life, and the world? Will the parasite, the energy vampire, choose the one who has a lot of life energy, radiates love and happiness? Will a narcissist choose someone who doesn't love themselves and is depressed with no energy?
Super
Im new to this-(tryin to deal with childhood issues) anyone recommend some good books
Welcome to the channel. There is a video that will be very helpful: th-cam.com/video/uAFMLiMBrTY/w-d-xo.html and Ross's video seminar: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/healing-the-inner-trauma-child
Love not labels
Profound!!! mAhalo Aloha
Thanks for listening. 🙏
I hope you help, no one escaped normal human defences to survive. No fault, just let's not pathologize the ppl?
Has anyone heard of gangstalking?
I don't see any narcissistic tendencies in the people that I am drawn to. I am just drawn to everyone that appears to love me unconditionally. They in no way take advantage of me, or disrespect me, or appear to be self-centered. They simply love me the way I am and that feels like my drug.
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